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If you wish to comment on this or any other of my stories, please feel free to do so. I love to receive feedback. Please email me at [email protected] © Susan Brown 1999-07-18 The Change By Susan Brown I knew it was going to be my lucky night. I saw her through the smoke, strobe lights and heaving bodies of the Disco floor. She was sitting alone. Just like a cherry waiting to be picked. She was gorgeous. Tall, slim, blond hair and a face, ooh that face, straight out of a beauty magazine. My date had blown me out. Just because I suggested going back to her place for some fun. Ah well easy cum easy go. This chick was a hundred times better than the tart that dumped me. I'm an expert on women. The ones that I go out with all want the same as me sex without ties. I give them a good night, you know wham bam thank you Mam, and then on to the next conquest. I didn't want to be tied down. I wanted to be a free agent, spreading my horny seed wherever I want. OK some tried to get serious but I never gave my address or any phone number, it saved complications. Anyway, there she was sitting there just waiting for a lay, and I was going to be it. I pushed my way through the crowds over to her table and said 'Fancy a dance?' She looked me up and down and then said ' No thanks, I'm waiting for a friend.' She obviously needed glasses or something. How could she resist me! 'Been waiting for him long?' I asked. She looked at her watch, 'about 30 minutes' 'He's not going to turn up, how about I get you a drink and if he comes, I'll disappear. OK?' She looked at me again from the top of my blond hair to the tip of my toes, sighed and said, 'OK you can buy me one drink, but if Danny shows up, you must promise to go.' She still didn't seem that enthusiastic, but I had a way with girls and I soon had her laughing, drinking and dancing - I told you that I'm good. The evening passed away pleasantly As usual, she was putty in my hands, after I had given her enough drinks and whispered enough sweet nothings in her delicate little ear. It was about 2 in the morning after having a nice smoochy dance that she said 'I'm getting tired, honey. I need to go home, can you take me?' I didn't need a second invitation. I got a taxi and we were soon outside her house. It was a very quiet area with houses well spread out. They were expensive, she was obviously well off, to live here. I paid the taxi driver and she unlocked the door and went in, with me close behind. I didn't want any 'thanks for the nice evening and goodbye' scenarios. The place was expensive and tastefully decorated. She took me into a large room with books lining the walls, deep armchairs dotted around and a cheerful fireplace with logs burning and crackling. 'You have a great place here, honey'. I said looking around. 'Yes, it was Moms' house, I inherited it when she died. What would you like to drink?' Whisky and soda please honey. Where's your bedroom?' I can be very direct when I'm feeling horny and my prick was dancing a samba downstairs. 'She laughed and said, 'later sweaty, later.' She went over to the bar in the corner and mixed two drinks. I sat on the sofa and she the came over and handed me my drink. 'There you are honey, I hope it's OK'. I took a sip and could feel the liquor sliding gently into my stomach. 'mm,' I said. 'Great Scotch'. She looked at me with obvious passion in her eyes and said, 'Drink up quickly honey, I can't wait to have you.' I didn't need a second invitation, so I gulped my drink down and in no time she was leading me to her bedroom. I must have drunk it a bit too quickly because I was feeling a bit light headed, but in no time we was on her king sized bed with black satin sheets, kissing and groping at each other like there was no tomorrow. 'Take your clothes off honey while I go to the bathroom'. She said. I wasted no time getting undressed, although I still felt the effects of the drink. I lay down on the cool satin sheets and started yawning. I couldn't stay awake. My eyes started to close. I was feeling very tired and relaxed. I heard a sound. She was coming back into the room. I tried lifting my head but couldn't. She stood over me, looking down. She seemed fuzzy around the edges. I couldn't focus my eyes. I kept on wanting to close them. 'Are you sleepy honey, never mind, we can wait until tomorrow. We have plenty of time.' I saw her smile such a sweet smile as I finally fell into oblivion and knew no more. Chapter 2 I woke up slowly, not realising where I was. My eyes opened reluctantly and I saw that it was still night-time and the room was lit by a lamp over in the corner. I went to get up and found, to my horror that my arms and legs were chained to the bed and my chest was strapped as well! A clear liquid was suspended in a bag on a hook above the bed and the tube came down, went under a bandage and into my left arm. I could feel the needle in me but it wasn't hurting. I was confused. Was I ill? Is that why I passed out? Why was I chained to the bed? I raised my head and looked down my body I seemed to be wearing some sort of white satin nightdress and nothing else. I also had the most enormous hard on that I had ever felt. My prick was rock hard and throbbing under the diaphanous satin material. Just then she walked in, wearing a Doctors white coat and nothing else. 'Hello honey, feeling better.' 'What the fuck is going on!' 'Don't worry honey, I'm a doctor, you are safe with me. You haven't been well but you are going to get better.' 'What's wrong with me.' 'All in good time honey,' She walked over to me reached above me picked up a thermometer and put it in my mouth. She then checked the drip and took the thermometer out. 'That's fine Honey, you are getting a long OK.' 'Please tell me what's wrong with me.' She looked at me thoughtfully and then said, 'well honey, you have been ill and while you were under I took a few tests. It appears that you have far to many male hormones in you and this makes you aggressive and unstable. Men who are like that are a danger to society and to themselves. As a matter of interest, you went out with my Sister a while back, her name is Sharon, remember?' I shook my head, confused at what she was saying and what the hell was going on. 'Of course, you never ask their names do you. You don't even know mine. It's Phillipa. Nice name isn't it. I know yours of course from your wallet. Paul Roberts, boring name, isn't it. I know I think I'll call you Paula, now that's a nice name don't you think? Paula Roberts, nice ring to it. 'It's a girls name,' I said, 'my name is Paul not Paula.' 'Never mind that now, Paula, you will get used to it. Now one of the things we need to do is get rid of some of those nasty male hormones to make you more stable and nice. The drip you can see above you contains a nice mixture to make you horny. This will help rid you of as much semen as possible so that we can go on to the next stage of the treatment.' I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I flipped, I screamed and shouted until my throat was sore. All the time she stood there smiling. In the end I quietened down, I was still feeling groggy from the drugs she obviously had given me. It was no good. I was chained to that damned bed until she thought fit to release me. 'Feeling better now honey? OK you just lie there and I'll help you get rid of that semen. Once your levels have gone down enough we can get you started on the hormone treatment. With that she took of her doctors' coat and got on to the bed. She lifted up my nightdress and grabbed hold of my cock. She then slipped a lubricated tube with wires on my engorged member and pressed a button on the side of the bed. Suddenly I felt a strong sucking feeling. I felt as if my cock was being sucked out of my body. I had an immediate orgasm, which wracked my body. It was the strongest one that I had ever had and it went on and on and on until I screamed with pleasure and pain. Suddenly the sucking stopped. I went limp and my cock shrank to nothing. I was panting with the orgasmic effort of it all. 'There, don't you feel better honey?' I nodded my head as I didn't have the strength to speak. 'Lets see if we can get a little bit more to cum out. Its better out than in you know!' She undid the strap around my middle. I didn't have the strength to move. She then took off the chains around my ankles. My legs were like lead. I felt as weak as a kitten. In fact a weak kitten could have beaten me up and I would have just done nothing to stop it. I was knackered. Phillipa got off the bed and took something out from under it. It was a butt plug, an enormous pink one with ridges all the way down it. It had a button on the end and a switch. My eyes were staring out of my head when I saw this huge thing. 'No, you can't. Have pity on me!' I struggled but could hardly move. 'Don't thresh about Paula, you can't go anywhere I have control over your body through your drip. You feel weak but you have enhanced feelings of pain and pleasure. It's wonderful what drugs are available now, don't you think? You need to find your inner self and fully explore your needs and desires. I am here to help you and make you a better person. Now if you don't be good I will gag you. Do you want that?' I shook my head I couldn't speak. I just started shaking uncontrollably as she lifted, opened my legs and pushed the now lubricated butt plug in slowly, as far as it would go. I gasped with pain, my eyes watered and I started to struggle, but I was too weak. She did something that I couldn't see to the but plug and it started to shake move and vibrate in me. I could feel every movement and it hurt! I screamed but Paula took no notice she carried on, trying to get me to cum again. She started to stroke my legs and groin. She then licked around my sore tool until, unbelievably it started to get big again. It was so sore but it got bigger and bigger. I couldn't contain myself. The pain from my butt was unbelievable. 'Phillipa honey, just relax, if your tense it will hurt. I tried to relax but it was so hard. In the end I did let my buttock muscles relax, and hey, it felt better. I relaxed more and then the strangest thing happened although it was sore I began to enjoy the strange thing inside of me. Is this what it's like for a girl? Paula was busy whilst all this was going on .She stuck her lips around my cock and sucked in. Suddenly my back arched and I came in her mouth. She drank my cum greedily and then when she had enough of that, she stuck the tube back on it and it sucked all of my depleted cum out. My body arched again and again the orgasm was even harder this time. Wave upon wave of shear pain and pleasure washed over me until I blacked out after the most intense orgasm I had ever encountered. Chapter 3 When I woke up, I could see daylight through the curtains. I was still in bed but with the covers over me. The satin was nice on my body as I gradually awoke from my sex-induced sleep. I was worn out and so weak that I couldn't move. 'Hello sleepy head, how do you feel?' 'Tired'. 'That's normal Phillipa said. You will be pleased to know that your treatment has continued while you were asleep. Would you like to see what we have done for you?' I nodded reluctantly. My heart was beating faster and I started to sweat. What had this evil bitch done now to compound my misery! She pulled down the sheet that was covering me and I saw that I was now wearing a pink nightie with bows on. But that didn't attract my attention so much but the bumps underneath! I had breasts! Not very big but definitely female breasts. She pulled up my nightie so that I could see what she had done. 'Aren't they pretty? I used nice silicon implants and they suit your nice slim figure. Don't you think?' I looked at the breasts and saw also that my body that had been shaved of hair. I couldn't understand why she was doing all this to me. I was weak so very weak and I started to cry. I never cry, it's not manly but I cried the tears of the weak and oppressed. I sobbed at the injustice of being turned into this woman's plaything and not having any control over my body. I was still chained by my hands so that I could not move. I saw that a tube had been put into my penis, so that I even had the indignity of having my bladder controlled for me. 'Oh honey you're upset. I can't have that. I want you to be happy, Just lie here for a while and listen to this tape. You might feel a bit sleepy, that's OK don't fight it. I will see you later'. She slipped some earphone on me did something to my drip bag and left the room. I couldn't help myself. My eyes felt heavy and I was so sleepy. I heard through the earphones some peaceful classical music and then a woman's voice, I'm sure it was Phillipa's. It kept repeating the same things over and over. 'I want to be a girl. I need to be girl. I feel like a girl. I am a girl. Men are bad. Men can hurt me. I hate men. I want to be girl. I will be a girl. I like Phillipa, I love Phillipa, She is wonderful, She is helping me.' Over and over until I drifted into sleep, dreaming of being a girl despite myself. I woke up with a blinding headache and a sore throat. My nipples ached and I felt like death warmed up. 'Hello sleepyhead, how are you today?' 'Sick,' I croaked out in a strangely high pitched voice. 'You will feel better soon honey. Do you like your new voice? It sounds a bit rough at the moment, but it will get better shortly'. She messed about with my temperature and blood pressure, putting the details down on a board. I knew that she had been messing about with my body. But I didn't mind, Phillipa was my friend she would help me get better. I noticed that I didn't have chains on me anymore and I stretched as much as I could with the drip still in my arm. 'I know I can trust you now Paula, so I have taken all your restraints off. Here drink this, it will make your sore throat go away.' I drank the pink liquid and immediately felt better. I said 'Thank you,' My voice was a girls! I gasped 'What have you done Phillipa?' We have been able to change your voice and also get rid of that lumpy adams apple. Do you like your voice, I think it sounds sweet. I have also taken the liberty of making your face a bit more feminine. I have removed all your unwanted hair shaped your eyebrows and made your lips more sensual. You are now getting to look like the nice girl you want to be.' I heard all of this in a daze. I felt like I two different people in the same body. One part of me hated what was happening but another part was thrilled at the thought of being a woman. I was confused and couldn't understand what was happening. I started to cry I truthfully don't know if it was tears of happiness or pain. Phillipa cuddled me and caressed me until I stopped crying. She was really nice and it was comforting to know that she was there to help me. 'Feel better honey?' 'Yes Phillipa, but why do I feel so tired all the time?' 'Its because your body is changing and going through a metamorphosis. You are like a caterpillar, which will very soon change into a butterfly, but until that happens, you will need all the sleep you can get. She plumped up my pillows and lay my head down saying, 'now I am going to put your headphones on again, they will help you sleep,' good night honey'. She kissed me and left the room, turning off the light as she went. I could here the music coming from my headphones and then the lovely voice of Phillipa as she said ''I want to be a girl. I need to be girl. I feel like a girl. I am a girl. Men are bad. Men can hurt me. I hate men. I want to be girl. I will be a girl. I like Phillipa, I love Phillipa, She is wonderful, She is helping me???..' Chapter 4 'Wake up Honey,' Phillipa was shaking me gently. I opened my eyes to see the lovely face lying beside me and smiling at me. 'How do you feel?' 'Great,' I said happily. It was nice to have her in bed with me. She was wearing a see through nightie, that left nothing to the imagination and she looked sexy and lovely. I did feel great, I don't know how long I had been asleep but I knew that I felt better, much better. I looked down at my body eager to see what had been done to me while I was asleep. I was wearing a pink satin baby doll nightie with matching panties. The shape of my body was definitely feminine I curved where a woman curved. My legs were shapely and completely free of hair. The only thing that didn't look right was the bulge where my cock and balls were. I frowned. 'What's wrong Honey?' said Phillipa anxiously. I pointed to my manhood, a reminder of all the things I now detested. 'Its OK honey, with all the hormones that you have had, it's not much use for anything now. Just say the word and I will make sure it goes away forever. It has to be your decision. I won't get rid of it without your permission. Once you have had the operation, there is no turning back.' I suddenly felt confused and disorientated. 'But don't decide now, let's have some breakfast. She got up and then helped me to get up as well. I was very shaky. She unhooked my drip and took the needle out. 'You won't need this anymore, just some pills to help maintain what you have already achieved.' She took me by the hand and led me into the dining room where food was already on the table. I loved the weight of my breasts as they gently moved as I walked. The sensual feeling of my nightdress against my smooth hairless body was a revelation. I found that I was very hungry and I ate ravenously with Phillipa looking on with an amused look on her face. Once I had finished, Phillipa said, 'Well Paula, I think you now need to see what a woman does to get herself pretty. Would you like to put on some clothes?' 'Yes please.' She walked me into another bedroom. It was taken up with rack upon rack of clothes in all the colours of the rainbow. The opposite wall was just a huge mirror from floor to ceiling. There were two deep chairs and in the middle of the room, a big circular bed covered with satin and lace. 'Now lets see what will be nice for you. First things first, lets have a shower. We took our nighties' off and walked over to a door that opened into a sumptuous marble bathroom, with a plunge bath and shower. Phillipa led me over to the shower and we got in together. She turned on the shower and we felt the lovely warm water cascading down our bodies. I loved the closeness of Phillipa, I saw the wonderful shape of her body, her lovely wet face, her pert little breasts and lovely crack with a nice covering of blond hair. I touched her breast and felt it harden immediately. I stroked her butt and loved the feeling. I could not do anything about it because my cock was almost non existent. I wanted her but had nothing. She groaned and I got upset because I wanted to show how much I loved her but couldn't do anything about it! 'I want you Phillipa but I can't have you.' 'Wait there honey.' With that she left the shower and then cam back in a few moments. She had a long white dildo. She strapped it on me and it stuck out in front of me. Now I could give pleasure to my Phillipa. But she also brought in a vibrator for me! I guided the head of the dildo into Phillipa's warm juicy crack. She shuddered while I did this grabbed me close and the as I opened my legs she put the vibrator into my butt hole. She switched it on and we then within seconds we were riding on wave upon wave of unbridled passion. The warm water was still flowing over us, increasing our sensuality and we hit peaks of passion previously unknown to me. My prick was still small and weak but I orgasmed again and again in time with my darling Phillipa. Small drips of cum fell off the end of my shrivelled penis onto the wet floor and was washed away. We had our tongues down each other's throats and we explored every erotic region as we kept reaching hights of ecstasy. We finally finished and dried each other off. We put our nighties' back on and lay in complete exhaustion on the big round bed. I must have fallen asleep because when I awoke Phillipa was gone. There was a note on the pillow. Paula, Honey, I have had to go out for a wile. I will be back soon, why don't you try on some clothes and makeup? Love Phillipa. Chapter 5 I got up, still feeling warm and happy from our wonderful lovemaking. My rear end was a bit sore but I didn't mind as it reminded me of our lovemaking. I walked over to the closets and looked at all the fantastic clothes in there. I didn't think about leaving. I know I could have left if I wanted, but I no longer needed to leave. I wasn't Paul anymore. He seemed like a bad dream to me now. I loved being Paula and I wanted to be her forever. I also loved Phillipa with a passion never experienced before. I decided to see what I could find in the way of panties and bras. I walked over to a chest of drawers and opened them up. There were panties, bras, slips, tights, stockings and suspenders. Everything a girl could dream of in all shapes and colours. I found a pretty black satin bra, panties and garter set, which I put on hurriedly. They fitted like they were made for me. I loved the sensual feeling of the satin and lace as the lingerie hugged the contours of my body. The bra supported the weight of my breasts and felt luxurious. I then found some sheer nylons, also black, which I slid up my hairless, smooth legs. I attached them to the lacy garters, my hands trembling with excitement. I looked and felt great and very sexy. I then went over to the dressing table where there were lots of different makeup to help make me beautiful before I put a dress on. I had often watched girls put on makeup, it fascinated me how a face could change with just a few strokes of lipstick and other things. I found some foundation and dabbed it on. I then smoothed it over my face, not forgetting my neck. I then put on some mascara. My eyelashes looked lovely and thick. Then it was time for the eyeliner. This made my eyes look big and innocent. I brushed some bronzing powder over my face and then I carefully applied the lipstick and then finished it of with some shiny lip-gloss. I got that wrong a couple of times and started over, but in the end I got the luscious full lipped affect that I wanted and was stunned at the change in my face. I was beautiful! I picked up a bottle of nail varnish that was exactly the same shade as the lip- gloss and I carefully put it on. I had to be careful, as my hands were still a bit shaky, however once I had finished and cleaned up the small amount that had strayed onto my fingers. Once dried the overall effect was just what I wanted. A classic look of a glamorous young woman. I wanted to smell nice as well as look nice, so I picked up a bottle of perfume and dabbed it behind my ears and on my wrists. I don't know how long I had been at Phillipa's house, time had no meaning for me now, but my hair was now down to my shoulders and looked very soft and feminine. I brushed my hair so that it shone. It looked beautiful. I went over to the closet and picked out several dresses that I thought might suit me. I tried them all on, but kept coming back to a little black number that looked great. I put it on and I thought that it was the best thing I had ever worn. The only problem was that I had a bulge in the front that spoiled the line of the dress. It was my scrotum. I was beginning to hate that growth. I wished that I could be rid of it. Just then Phillipa came in. I turned round and she gasped as she said, 'Paula, is that you?' 'Yes darling, what do you think?' 'You look stunning!' She came over and gave me a big hug and a kiss. 'I didn't recognise you. I didn't think you could look so beautiful. Turn around so that I can see all of you.' I did a twirl, squealing with delight as I did so. 'Oh Paula, you look like a real girl now. How do you feel?' 'Like a million dollars,' I laughed, 'but I have one problem, look.' I pointed to the bulge between my legs. 'Hang on a minute,' said Phillipa who went over to a drawer and pulled out a wide belt with straps on it. Lift your dress up and open your legs Honey.' I did as I was told. She put the belt on me, it was tight and was wide enough to cover my scrotum and tiny penis. She put the straps under my groin and unattached it to the back. I pulled down my dress and smoothed it down over my now shapely thighs. Any sign of my manhood had now disappeared. It felt a bit uncomfortable but it looked great. I would do anything now to be a girl. Phillipa brought over some shoes with a 3-inch heel. 'Try these on Honey.' I slid my stockinged feet in the black shiny shoes. They fitted like a glove. 'Now try walking in them.' I stood up and tried to walk I nearly lost my balance, but darling Phillipa was there to help me. After a few minutes, I could walk by myself. I had to walk with a slight sway in my hips and once I got the hang of it I thought that it was the most natural way to walk. After walking about for 10 minutes my calves began to ache. Phillipa saw this and changed my shoes for ones with a lower heal. They were more comfortable but not so sexy! Phillipa gave me a gold bangle bracelet some rings and a lovely gold chain with a heart locket and helped me put them on. She also had some earrings for me, but my ears hadn't been pierced ears yet. 'Would you like me to do it for you?' 'I would love to wear those pretty earrings,' I said enthusiastically. 'Lets have some lunch, and I'll do it after for you' said Phillipa. We went into the kitchen where I found that a salad had been prepared and was waiting for us. We ate in companionable silence. It was nice to be with a girl who I didn't need to make conversation with. Just being with each other was the only thing I wanted. No small talk was necessary. Also I was getting used to my new body. The way I could feel the soft clingyness of my lovely clothes. The sight of my nail varnished hands and the soft silky caress of the sheer stockings all made me feel very feminine. Paul was a long way away now. I didn't want him back. 'What are you thinking Honey?' said Phillipa. 'Oh, how I was when I was Paul. What a shit he was. I can't imagine being him anymore. I feel that I am a new person.' We finished our meal and went into another room. 'This is my surgery,' said Phillipa, 'I don't use it much any more because I have a new one in the town centre.' She walked over to a cabinet took out an appliance that looked a bit like a staple gun. 'Come and sit over here Honey and I'll do your ears.' I sat in the deep leather chair, as Phillipa sprayed something cold on my left earlobe. My ear went numb and Phillipa put the piercer against it and I heard a snap sound and felt a little pick of pain. It went away quickly and in no time Phillipa repeated the procedure on the other ear. I looked in a mirror and saw to diamond gold studs in my ears. I was getting more and more like a woman and I loved it. Just then I yawned, I was feeling very tired after all that had happened to me. Phillipa saw that I needed to rest so she led me back to the bedroom with the large circular bed and helped me get undressed. She also helped me take off my makeup. I didn't want to take it off but Phillipa said that you should never go to bed with makeup on if you can help it. I chose a long pink satin night-dress and as it slid over my smooth shoulders, I felt so lovely and like a real woman. I was now so tired that Phillipa had to help me get into bed. She leant over me and kissed me on the forehead. 'Have some sleep now Honey. I need to go to work. I'll just put these earphones on, you can listen to the music. It will help you sleep. When I get back I'll wake you up.' As she walked to the door, I was going to say something but couldn't think. I was just too tired. I listened to the soothing music and then I heard Phillipa soothing voice. I listened for a bit, but I was tired I fell into a deep sleep. Chapter 6 I awoke to a feeling of deep happiness. Phillipa was in bed with me and was naked. She was kissing me all over, getting me aroused. What a way to get woken up! I started to return her kisses and we entwined ourselves in a lover's embrace. She had put a two-headed strap on dildo one end she put in her crack and then she asked me to turn over. I gladly went onto my stomach and I felt the cool dildo enter the moist crack of my butt. She pushed it in and out, in and out getting faster and faster. I was getting hotter and hotter until I orgasmed like never before. I thought the last time was like being in heaven, but this time it was so intense, that I screamed with pleasure. My body was racked in wave after wave of ecstatic and erotic sensations. It had never been like this as a man. It was mind numbing. My whole body was affected and I couldn't get enough of it. Phillipa to was having orgasms like there was no tomorrow. It was a toss up who was making more noise! After what seemed like a century we stopped for a rest. We lay together, hot and sweaty and loving. We were panting as if we had run a marathon. We had I suppose - a sexual marathon! In spite off all the things that had happened to me, I still felt that there was something missing. I couldn't tie it down. I felt a void in me that I couldn't get rid of. Something was wrong. I looked at my body it was lovely. I knew my face was now a girl's face. I could walk down the road and no one would think I wasn't a woman. I turned over and as I did I felt my balls and penis. Now nearly disappearing in my body. It was weak useless and of no use to me in my new life. I wanted to cut it off get rid of it like you would rid an unwanted growth. I turned back to Phillipa and said gently, 'are you awake?' 'Yes honey,' 'How can I get rid of what left of my manhood?' Phillipa sat up and said, 'you know what you are saying, don't you? You are asking me to get rid of the only thing left that makes you a man. Once it's gone you can't have it back.' 'I know, but I'm so happy being a girl and I want to be one forever, not a hairy man with no manners and an attitude of a pig. Please, please do it for me!' 'OK Honey if that's what you really want. I'll do it for you. You must not eat for 24 Hours so it will be OK to do it about this time tomorrow, I wont be a minute' She got up and went out, coming back with a glass of clear blue liquid. 'Drink this Honey, you need to get as much rest as possible.' I drank down the sweet liquid and lay back on the bed. My eyes closed suddenly and I felt myself drift off to the sound of the classical music. Chapter 7 I woke up gradually, coming out of a very deep sleep. I felt dizzy and a bit sick. I didn't want to open my eyes because I could see a strong light through my eyelids. I lifted my hand up to my eyes as I cracked them open a fraction. They were gummy and sticky so I rubbed them until I was able to open them without hurting. At first I didn't know where I was. I knew I was in bed, that was obvious, but for the life of me I couldn't remember where I was. I shut my eyes and tried to think. Then it came to me. I was in Phillipa's house. I must be in the bedroom. I opened my eyes and looked around for my darling Phillipa. Something was wrong, this wasn't Phillipa's bedroom. This was my own bedroom in my apartment. I tensed up. What the hell was going on here. I sat bolt upright and screamed. I had terrible pains from my scrotum. I immediately pulled the sheet of me and saw what she had done. I looked down and saw that I was wearing a pale blue nightie. There was no bulge in my groin. I lifted up the night-dress slowly and saw that my prick and scrotum were gone! She had made me into a woman. The pain intensified as I tensed up it was so painful that I blacked out. When I came to again, they pain was just a nagging throb. I tried to get up but it made me dizzy again so I lay back down and turned over. I heard the crinkle of paper from under the pillow and saw it was a letter with Paul written on the envelope. I sat up carefully so and opened the letter. It said Hello Paul, Recognise where you are? Yes back home in that brothel you call home. You may be wondering why you are there and where I am. Well here's a little story. Once upon a time there was a nice young virgin girl. She went to a disco in the centre of town with her elder Sister. It was a big noisy disco with lots of people. The girl got separated from her Sister somehow and she met up with a man. The man tried it on with her and she got sucked in, He took her to bed in some seedy motel room. He then had sex with her. The next morning he was gone. He made her pregnant and he never knew it. She tried to find the man, to let him know what was going on, but she only had a name and a description. The man had vanished. Seven months later she went into premature labour. There were complications and she died together with the unborn infant. That was 2 years ago. Since then the elder sister tried to find that man. She had an investigator find him and let her know about what he was like and his movements. It took a while but she had plenty of money. It was worth it. The man was finally tracked down and she made first contact with him in a disco that he often frequented, looking for easy sex. Well you know the rest Paul. You were the slime ball and I was the Sister. I decided to put you in a position whereby I would have complete power over you. I used drugs sex and tapes over a couple of months to condition you into wanting to be a girl. I made you love me as you loved no other. I wanted you to be a woman who would be the subject of men's desires. I wanted you to feel the pain and suffering of male abuse. To be raped and humiliated and treated as just a sex object. Finally, you begged me to remove your manhood. I did it so you could not turn back into the animal you used to be. You have been kept under sedation until most of the healing has been completed. I did not want you to go through the pain that you were once willing to give others. I have compassion even if you don't. I have more mercy than you do. I am a woman and I am normally gentle and kind. Being a doctor, I save lives, not ruin them. So after your final operation I decided to just return you to your home and leave you to make your own way in the world as a female. Perhaps you will rise to the occasion. Perhaps you will sink into the gutter. Only you can decide which it is to be. I have put the name, address and phone number of a Doctor on the back of this letter. She will help you with your postoperative treatment. In the interim, the blue pills on the bedside cabinet are painkillers and the white ones are hormones. You should take them. I have also left you some things in a case for you to use or not. It's up to you. Phillipa. PS Don't try to find me I have moved. Chapter 8 I lay on the bed not moving. I tried to cry but the tears would not come. I didn't know the girl I had made pregnant. I didn't know that she died with the baby. I just didn't! I looked back on my life and saw that I was just a selfish bastard. Taking girls for my own pleasure not knowing or caring that I might leave a trail of destruction behind me. I went through every emotion, anger, remorse, fear, pain until finally I accepted the fact that I was now no longer Paul, a lecherous bastard with no thought of anyone but himself, but a woman. A women with finer feelings, the ability to love and be loved. A woman with compassion. I couldn't change the past but I can make a go of the future and that is what I decided to do. I took some painkillers and hormones. I then rang the Doctor who evidently was expecting a call. I made an appointment for an hour's time. I got up shakily and went for a shower. I washed Paul out of my body under that shower and I was cleaner in body and mind when I came out. I went to the toilet, it was very painful but the pain was nothing to my feelings of remorse for the dead girl and the baby that I would never see. I found the case in the bedroom. I opened it and saw that it was full of women's clothes, makeup, shoes and a small case with some jewellery in it. I took everything out and found some things to throw on. I had no thought of looking sexy or glamorous, I just got dressed in a silk blouse, knee length frock and tights. I put on some shoes with low heels and distractedly put on some makeup. After brushing my hair I looked presentable. I went to see the doctor, who examined me minutely gave me some more pills and something to keep my new vagina open and lubricated with. I asked her if she knew Phillipa, she said that she did and she would not tell me where she was. I made arrangements to visit every week and left. I walked to the park and sat on a bench. A man walked by and said, 'Hi sweetie, want some fun?' I ignored him and he luckily went away. I sat there for ages, trying to decide what to do with my life. I was Paula now. I couldn't go back to the office as Paula. I had to get another job I suppose. My savings would soon run out without a decent job. Then my mind returned to Phillipa. I knew that my love for her was artificial and manipulated, but I still loved her. I could understand her anger towards me and I had to accept that I would never see her again. I walked down to the riverside. I was now depressed more than ever. All the promises I had made to myself to make a go of my life evaporated. I saw me for what I was. A murderer of a young girl and unborn baby. The same man who I saw before came up to me and said 'what's wrong sweetie you look upset.' 'Please leave me alone.' He put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'is that a nice way to speak to someone who's trying to help you?' He twisted me around, put his hand over my mouth and pushed me into some thick bushes. I struggled as hard as I could but I was still weak and couldn't put up much of a struggle. He roughly pulled open my blouse and ripped off my bra, exposing my breasts. He then opened my legs and pulled my panties down. 'If you scream or say a word I will kill you bitch.' I was so frightened I just nodded. He pulled his trousers around is ankles and lay heavily on top of me. I waited for the pain of his entering me when suddenly the bushes were being pushed aside and another man flew at my attacker. I didn't think, I just got up and ran as fast as I could to get away. I ran and ran until I was out of breath. I cried bitterly, feeling dirty from the violation of my body. Depression and despair rose like a black tide in me. There was a bridge over the river. I watched the water rushing past under the bridge and out to the sea. Someone had tried to rape me. A man was able to treat me like a piece of meat. Was that like me when I was Paul? I had never raped anyone in my life but I had done nothing to be proud about in my dealings with women. I knew that I would never get over my guilt as long as I lived. I had ruined too many lives for that. I saw that the only way of ridding myself of this torment was to end it all. Without thinking I took my shoes off, climbed over the low rail of the bridge and jumped. The water was icy cold and I gasped as I hit, drawing in the salty water to my lungs I went deeper and deeper and finally, thankfully knew no more. Chapter 9 I woke up and was promptly and violently sick. A nurse was standing over me with a dish, making sure that I didn't puke on the nice clean hospital floor. 'About time you woke up dear, said the elderly nurse kindly. 'How do you feel,' 'Like I want to die.' 'Don't be silly, a young girl like you with all your life before you? Now lie down again and I'll call the Doctor.' She left me alone in that cheerless hospital room, with me wearing a paper nightie and nothing else. The antiseptic smell of hospitals always made me sick and I heaved up some more water into the dish. I lay back exhausted from my efforts and was sorry that someone had fished me out of the river before I died. I didn't want to be here, I wanted it to be over. No more pain or sorrow. Next time I would make sure no one was around. I fell asleep again. 'Wake up Paula,' My eyes snapped open at the sound of that familiar voice. It was Phillipa! She was smiling at me. Why and what the hell was she doing here? 'How are you feeling Honey?' 'Confused, why are you here?' 'I work here sometimes. I was here when they brought you in here yesterday. Why did you try to kill yourself?' 'You know why more than anyone.' 'Tell me, I want to hear it from your own lips.' I told her tearfully about the guilt that I had for what I had done. The fact that I felt worthless and not deserving of life when I had been responsible for the taking of other lives. I rambled on about how I was no longer interested in living and how sorry I was when I woke up in the hospital. Phillipa smiled at me, held my hand and said, 'that is what I wanted to hear. You are sorry for what has happened . I believe in forgiveness. At first when I had you in my house and was drugging you and changing you into a woman, I just wanted revenge. I saw you as a loud mouthed, self opinionated pig with no thought for anyone but yourself. Gradually in spite of myself I saw changes in you which I liked. I fought against it and repressed my softer feelings. Once I completed your transformation to girlhood I had intended to dump you in the street without a stitch of clothing but I relented and returned you to your own home. I then felt guilty, I saw you for what you are now. A vulnerable girl, a bit like my sister really, unable to cope in a man's world. I had you followed by my private detective and it was he who saved your life. He was following you at a distance and he didn't see the man until it was too late. He rushed in as soon as he could and by the time he had the man secured, you had gone. He ran along the riverbank and saw you jump in. He was only just in time to save your life.' I listened to all of this, not knowing how to feel. I was confused and didn't know what to say. 'Listen Paula, I know that we have both suffered in this. I also know that you are not all to blame for what happened to my Sister. I took her to the disco and I lost her. So we must both share some of the responsibility I found my voice and said, 'Phillipa, you know that I love you. I know you will say that it's the drugs and the tapes that have made me love you but I haven't had them for a while now and I still love you.' Phillipa looked at me, tears welling in her eyes. 'Paula, I have to think about this. My feelings are all confused. I believe I love you to. Especially after what's happened. I thought that I could forget you when I left you in your house, but ever since I haven't been able to get you out of my mind. When I saw you asleep after you were brought to the hospital, I had feelings that I thought I would ever have again. I can't forget the past .I don't even know how I feel about myself let alone you. There are things about me that you don't know about. You may change your mind about me when you know all of my secrets.' She stopped and wiped her tears away. 'Look Paula, we can't talk here. You are OK to leave now. Can we meet somewhere neutral, like a restaurant or something, tonight?' 'Yes, Phillipa I would like that, do you know The Bistro?' 'Yes, it's quiet there during the week, shall we meet at about 8 o'clock?' I nodded, not daring to say anything else, in case she changed her mind. With that Phillipa left quickly. I found my clothes in a cupboard, they had been dried and cleaned for me. The nurse called me a cab and in no time I was home. I didn't expect to ever see my home again, it's surprising how things happen. I had 3 hours before my meeting with Phillipa. I knew more than anything else in my life that this date was going to be my only chance to make things better for both Phillipa and me did. I was determined to look my best and I started, right that minute to do myself justice. I had no more thoughts of suicide I had just needed to make myself as attractive as possible for my Phillipa. Chapter 10 I got undressed and had a bubble bath. Washing all the hospital out of my skin. I relaxed in the luxury of the scented foam. I then washed my hair and added some conditioner. I felt and smelt nice and clean. After carefully drying my fine blond hair, I put on a see through negligee and went over to the clothes that had been left by Phillipa. There were 7 dresses, a number of skirts and blouses some underwear, shoes and a pale blue jacket. I found it difficult to decide what to wear that would please Phillipa. I took off the negligee, letting slide off my body and fall to the ground. I didn't bother with bra and panties yet, I just tried all of the clothes using various combinations for different effect. I kept coming back to a cream silk dress that went down to mid calf. It flowed as I moved and felt very sexy. It had a high neck with lace trim. It set my face off to the best advantage. I took the dress off and put on a cream lace bra. I still marvelled at the feel of my breasts, and the comfort and support of the fine bra. I then found some French satin knickers the same colour as the bra. I slipped them up my smooth legs and loved the sensual feel of them. I put on my negligee again and went over to the table to put some makeup on. Luckily, Phillipa had provided me with plenty of choice. I stared with the foundation cream and smoothed it over my face and neck. Once that was done I concentrated on my eyes. I used pale pink eye shadow on my lids. I then carefully used the eyeliner to accentuate the look of my blue eyes. Next I put on some Max Factor mascara, being careful not to put on too much. The overall effect was to make my eyes look wide and innocent. I then picked up some pink blusher and dabbed it on each cheek. I carefully blended it in to give me a slightly blushed look. Once I was happy with the look I was trying to achieve, I concentrated on my lips. I found some pink lip liner and I carefully traced the shape of my lips, going slightly outside the line of the lips to give myself a fuller look. I then carefully put on some pink lipstick and used a tissue to get rid of the excess. Finally I brushed on some lip-gloss to finish. As a final touch, I brushed some bronze powder lightly over my face to give me that light tanned look. Although I was still a novice at putting on makeup, I think I did a fairly good job. And even though I say it myself, I looked very pretty and was pleased with the results. I still had an hour to go before I left, and I spent the time painting my nails pink to match my lip-gloss. When I was happy with the results, I took off my negligee and put on a silk slip marvelling at the cool smoothness as it fell over my unresisting skin. Finally I slipped on my lovely cream dress. It looked and felt wonderful, flowing over my body as I moved and I felt like a million dollars! I then placed my heart necklace around my neck, put on a few rings and a bracelet and was nearly done. I put my shoes on as I heard the doorbell. It was the taxi and it was time to go. 'Won't be a minute,' I shouted as I looked at myself in the full-length mirror. I could not have done better than this if I had tried for a million years, I looked like a young beautiful woman that would not have looked out of place on the front of a magazine. If I were still Paul, I would have done anything to take this beauty out. I picked up my jacket, put it on and walked out for my meeting with Phillipa, my heart pounding with a strange combination of anxiety and anticipation over what was to come. Chapter 11 The restaurant was quiet as I was led over to a quiet table in the corner. Phillipa wasn't there yet, I was a bit early on purpose as I wanted to compose myself. My heart was beating so loudly that I was sure that others would hear it. I was glad that I had put on some deodorant, as I had started to perspire. I laughed at myself then, thinking that while Paul would sweat, Paula perspires. Just then I saw Phillipa being brought to my table. 'Hello Paul said Phillipa rather nervously. 'Hello Phillipa, you look lovely,' 'So do you, your beautiful!' Phillipa looked stunning in a red satin, Chinese style dress with a split up the side. She sat down as the waiter came over to ask for our order. We didn't want to be disturbed so just asked for the house special and a bottle of white wine. We said very little while we ate our meal. It was an unspoken agreement that we would finish before we spoke of more important things. Finally, when the table had been cleared, we were able to discuss our future. 'Phillipa, I do love you. I know that it is hard to believe but despite all that has happened, I love you and want to be with you forever.' I looked at Phillipa as she struggled to tell me what she thought. My heart was doing handstands and my hands were trembling. Would she reject me? I think if she did, I don't think that I would want to live anymore and I would finish the job I started in the river a short while ago. 'Paula, when you hear about me, you may want to change your mind about me, no don't interrupt, I want to tell you now while I still have the courage. I was born Phillip Ross. I was not a normal kid. I didn't like playing with boys, only girls. From an early age, I started to wear my Mom's clothes when she wasn't around. I love the feminine look even when I was 10 I knew that I should have been a girl. I was a girl trapped in a boy's body. My Mom caught me wearing her clothes when I was 13. My Dad had left us, so she couldn't turn to him for help. She was upset hurt and shouted at me never to do it again. I tried to explain but she wouldn't listen.. It's like a drug if you feel that you are a girl and you only feel happy wearing girls clothes and doing what they do, no end of rows with parents can change you.' She sipped her coffee and then continued. 'When I was 16 and my Sister was 14 my Mom had to go and visit a sick relative. She took my Sister with her and left the house in my hands. You can guess what happened, I spent three of the happiest days of my life putting on all of my Moms clothes, wearing them around the house and going to bed wearing her nightdresses. I put on make up, found an old wig that she used to wear, padded her bras with stockings, everything to make me look a girl. I loved it I revelled in it and never wanted it to end. I went to bed one night wearing a long, flowing, pink satin night-dress, full makeup and the wig. It felt so comfortable, so right, so me. I went to sleep dreaming of being a girl. Next morning I woke up to see Mom sitting at the end of the bed looking at me! I didn't say anything, I just burst into tears. I had been caught out and my Mom would never forgive me for this. The next thing I knew she was cuddling me and holding me tight. She told me that everything would be OK. When I quietened down a bit she told me that when she caught me last time, she had asked advice from our Doctor. He passed her on to a support group for TV's and TG's. She had learned a lot from them about many kids who go through a dressing phase and grow out of it. Some kids don't though and they need special care and attention. Mom had guessed that I was still dressing and had noticed that the clothes in her drawers were not exactly as she had left them. To cut a very long story short, Mom agreed that I could wear girls' clothes as long as I did it in the house. My sister was told and accepted it without a problem. When I was 18 I had a sex change and went to med. School. The rest you know.' She looked down at her coffee, not looking at me, obviously wondering at my reaction to her news. I was so relieved, so this was her secret! I took her hand and said, 'Don't be guilty or ashamed of the past, you are a girl now and not a boy. I have done so much in my life to make me ashamed, what you have done is to follow your natural destiny of being a girl. You are now a woman, a beautiful woman. You have given me the same gift, for which I am eternally grateful. I was so unhappy as a man, drifting from town to town, never holding down a job, leaving a string of unhappy women behind me. I still love you and I want you to be with me forever. I cannot live without you. Please, please don't reject me.' Phillipa looked up at me, her eyes still moist, smiled and said simply, 'I love you.' Chapter 12 We decided to go back to her place and in no time at all we were in bed together. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. I was still a bit sore from my operation, so we could not do quite as much as we wanted, but we made up for it in other ways. We showered each other with kisses. She strapped on the double-headed dildo and she inserted its lubricated end into my warm butt. We rode each other to exhaustion. All our pent up fears and worries went away as we made love repeatedly. I moved in permanently with Phillipa and got a new job in a firm of accountants. Three months past and then Phillipa said that I was finally over my operation. We had talked about what permanent arrangements we would make. We both wanted to show each other how we were in love. 'Lets get married,' I said suddenly over the breakfast table. 'What a great idea.' We contacted a few TG groups and one suggested a small chapel in the middle of the countryside that was TV and TG friendly. We spoke to the Pastor, who said he would be happy to marry us. It was bad luck to see each other in our wedding dresses so I bought mine in one shop whilst Phillipa used another. I went back to my house the night before the wedding so that we could prepare ourselves for the coming day. I had everything ready for the big day and couldn't wait for it. The alarm rang at 7.00am and I was up and showering before 7.05. I had my breakfast, in my nightie with a friend of ours, Julie, another TS who was staying to help me get ready. I then got myself prepared for my big day. I know that Phillipa also had a TS friend staying with her, Sharon so I had no worries about Phillipa. The wedding was at 12.00 and the car was picking up Julie and me at 11.00. I had no time to loose. I was to wear a lovely classic full length white silk and satin bridal gown with lace trimming. I had a fine long veil as well. I could not wait to put them on. However, first Sharon put my hair up. She then helped to put on my favourite makeup of foundation blusher, eye shadow, eyeliner and mascara. She made sure my lips were just the right shape and colour before finishing off with the lip-gloss, which was just the right shade of pink. Of course she painted my nails the matching colour and the overall effect was exactly right for a blushing bride. I put on a white silk bra and the briefest of white satin panties, I slipped up the sheer white stockings, loving the way the hugged my legs, and attached them to my white lacy suspenders. It was now time for me to put on my lovely dress. Julie helped me to step into the cool silk dress. It slid over my shoulders and was done up at the back by many little diamond buttons. The dress was gathered at the waist and fanned out over my legs. It had several layers of petticoat to make the dress fuller. I stepped into my white shoes and then finally Julie helped me to place the veil over my face. The veil was held on by a diamond tiara, a present from Phillipa. I was now ready. I looked in the mirror through my veil and saw a princess and that princess was me! The cars arrived at the chapel at the same time. Phillipa and I saw each other at the chapel door. She was wearing white silk wedding dress with a net overlay covered in white silk flowers. A tiara that I had given her a few days before, held on her veil. She looked so beautiful that it was all I could do to prevent myself from crying and ruining my makeup. We walked don the isle arm in arm to the sound of the wedding march. Sharon and Julie, our brides maids dressed in pink satin and both looking gorgeous, followed behind holding our trains. I loved the swish of the dress against my body and the light touch of the veil against my face. This was the true feeling of womanhood that I had waited for and I was more feminine than I had ever felt before. A few minutes later we were married, promising each other to stay faithful until death us do part. We lifted our veils and kissed each other fully on the lips. I could taste Phillipa's lipstick as we French kissed in front of the whole congregation. We reluctantly stopped after a few seconds, but looking into Phillipa's eyes, I could see that she was feeling as randy as me! Our friends threw confetti over us as we ran to the white Rolls Royce, taking us to our honeymoon hotel. We arrived at the hotel and waited for all our guests to arrive. We both welcomed them as they arrived and we then had a wonderful time being kissed and complimented on our dresses and how lucky we were to have found each other. The next few hours went very quickly, The meal, speeches, dancing and drink, many happy faces and everyone having a good time. Eventually after saying goodbye to everyone. We went up to the penthouse bridal suite. It was lovely, all pink and white, flowers everywhere and a bottle of champagne waiting for us. The bed was huge soft and covered in satin. It was a bed made for love and we wasted no time in testing it out. We kissed and cuddled each other standing by the bed. We then slowly undressed each other. We took of each other's veil and tiara. Then I turned around as Phillipa slowly undid my dress from the back. It fell to the floor and I stepped out of it. Turning back to her I returned the favour. Her dress slipped off of her lovely shoulders. We were now getting so excited that we puled off our bras, panties, suspender belts and stockings as quickly as possible and then we were naked. We lay on the bed, Phillipa was on top of me and she kissed, cuddled and caressed me. I was trembling because I knew that in a few moments I would have my new vagina penetrated and I was going to loose my virginity. We had decided that it would be on our wedding night that this would happen and now it had arrived, I started to worry that it might hurt me. Phillipa went over to her case and took out a strap on double dildo, two vibrators .and some lubricating lotion. I helped her lubricate the dildo and vibrators. I then watched as she inserted on end of the dildo into her crack. 'Lift up your bottom Honey.' I did as I was told and she carefully inserted the vibrator into my anus. She put 2 pillows under my bottom with a small gap to accommodate that base of the vibrator 'Now lie on your back, and open your legs Darling, I promise I won't hurt you, I want you to remember the pleasure of this always.' I lay back carefully onto the pillows , making sure not to dislodge the vibrator and opened my legs I would trust my dear Phillipa with my life . She then pushed the other vibrator into her anal passage, shuddering with pleasure as she did it She carefully put the head of the dildo into my new crack and pushed it deep inside of me. The feeling was of a smooth cool feeling filling me up inside. I shuddered,not with pain but pleasure. She reached down and switched on her vibrator and then did the same for me. I nearly came straight away but controlled myself as much as I could under the circumstances. She started to push the dildo in and out in and out slowly at first but as she got excited, she went faster and faster. My new vagina relaxed and stretched to accommodate the dildo and I felt myself starting to cum on. The vibrations that I was feeling from my anus combined with the fantastic stimulation I was getting from my vagina all made me nearly black out with shear ecstasy. I had never felt like this before. It was so different. Suddenly I climaxed, my body went into multiple spasms. I screamed with joy and pleasure as I came again and again. Phillipa's orgasm's coincided with mine and we were writhing in ecstasy and screaming with pleasure for many minutes. My body arched for the final time. We finally lay in each other's arms. Phillipa was so exhausted she fell asleep almost immediately. I lay awake for a few minutes thinking about my life and where I was now. I had found happiness where I didn't deserve it, with a girl that loved me enough to want to spend the rest of her life with me. I had had sex that many people never even dreamed of. I was contented and in the arms of my only true love. I was never a lucky man, but yes, now I am the luckiest woman in the world and I intend to make my marriage to Phillipa the happiest ever. THE END. © Susan Brown 1999-07-18