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In Hiding By Jillian Having testified against what turned out to be a key member of an International Terrorist organization, I was whisked away from the trial by agents of the CIA and taken to a safe house on the outskirts of Washington DC. After cooling my heels for two days, although I was well fed, I was getting rather antsy and had been told nothing about my possible future the entire time. I had been promised protection, of course, even before I knew who and what I was to testify against, but not in detail. Late in the afternoon of the second day I was joined by a somewhat dowdy-looking middle aged lady who had apparently also given testimony in the Government's case against these people. By this time, after two days of just sitting here with only a couple of agents to talk with, I had a fair idea of just how tight the security was around this place. Two agents inside at all times, at least ten more in houses around this one and an unknown number in parked or moving vehicles that were always in the neighborhood. No one had told me a damn thing but I had figured this out by the constant radio traffic and the number of different voices I could discern. Well, about mid-morning of the third day an older man came to the safe house to meet with me and the lady whose name I had learned was Ruth something-or-other. He told us we were soon to be taken to another destination where we'd be told the details of how they were going to hide and protect us. He also said he could tell us no more than this because although this house is safe, the agents weren't authorized to have this information. He said we were to be taken out to Andrews AFB where we'd be put on a plane that would take us where we needed to go. And that was it, all the information we were given to this point. In keeping with this, Ruth and I were soon in separate vehicles on our way to Andrews AFB via different routes, I assume to further confuse any potential followers. Little did I know at this time that it would be the last time I'd see the light of day or feel it's warmth on my skin for a little under a month. We're soon inside a totally blacked out Lear Jet whose windows are non- existent; again I can but presume this is so we'll not have any clue where we're being taken. When we get to our destination about five flight hours later, we're herded into a cargo van for an additional three-hour drive over what have to be some of the worst roads in the world. Finally the rough ride comes to an end inside what appears to be a rather cavernous enclosure of some sort, obviously man-made. We're then shepherded into a golf cart and down a long tunnel to sort of conference room where we're met by two guys and a lady all wearing lab coats who are already seated on one side on an expensive-looking table. As soon as our escorts have left the room, one of the men does something to a console in front of him and I hear the door lock behind me. Then the lady speaks saying "All right, this room is now secure so we can speak. Here's is what we're going to do to provide the both of with life-long protection from those you testified against. We're going to completely change your identities in such a way as to effectively make it impossible for them to ever locate, let alone identify, either of you. I'll let Dr. Phillips explain how. Dr. Phillips?" "Using a totally unknown science, unknown outside of this facility at least, we're going to not only change your identities, but your ages and genders." Huh? I think to myself. what the hell is he talking about? That's impossible! "Without going into all the details, this science became known to us shortly after the UFO crash at Roswell, NM back in the late 50's. Effectively, it works like this: using your own DNA patterns, we make changes to effect the results we're seeking, as Dr. Andrews said earlier. In addition, through the employment of hypno-therapy and sleep tapes, we implant all the necessary information you will need to assume your new roles in life, complete with a new life history you can call upon." "No surgery as it's thought of today is used, rather what we call nanosurgery which is the new science I speak of. We already have samples of your DNA to work with but we will need to conduct some interviews with you before we will begin the process. The reason for the interviews is to establish, as closely as is genetically possible, the kind of person you would prefer being, both physically and emotionally. To that end, we will now show you each to what will be your rooms for the duration of your stay with us. There, we'll hold your initial interviews." As might be expected from any normal red-blooded American male who has just been told he was going to be turned into a girl, I was in shock and remained speechless the entire ride to what would be my rooms. The door from the hallway is unlocked for me and the keys given to me, then I'm left alone to explore my little four room suite. Bathroom, Bedroom, Kitchenette and a Living Room are all I have available but I guess it's going to have to suffice even though the dcor sucks, typical GI issue. Not much is available in the way of personal stuff, either, just some shampoo, soap, towels, toothbrush, etc. A small amount of food is stocked in the little kitchen and some soft drinks, all diet - yuck. Just when I'm about to sit down to wait for whatever will happen next, there's a knock on my door. Walking over to it, I open it to find the woman from the conference room, Dr. Andrews I think is her name, standing outside in the hall. "Are you here to do my interview?" I question her. "Yes, I am. May I come in please?" Smacking myself mentally for forgetting my manners, I stand to the side and motion for her to come in saying, "Please." We sit down across from each other at my little kitchen table after I've asked if she'd like a can of pop, which she accepted. "Okay, let's get right to it." She says. "I know you're in something of a stage of shock right now, I sure would be. So let's get a few things out of the way first. Number one, this procedure is totally painless and free of any manner of discomfort. Number two, being female isn't all that bad, trust me. Number three, I know very little of the technical aspects of the procedure itself, so don't ask. I am a Psychiatrist and an MD. My role in this is to help you select from within the range of possibilities, what will become your physical appearance and to help in your adjustment to them. In addition, I'm available to answers any questions you may have, now or during the time you'll spend here, about what being a woman is all about, medically or emotionally. Okay so far?" I just nod my head yes, unable to think of a single thing to say or question to ask of her. so far. "Okay, then let me tell you how we've derived these physical ranges for you to choose from. We used your genetic samples to do a test exchange of your XY genes to XX, then we examined them to determine the parameters within which you can choose. From these parameters, and within them, we will now help you select what will become your new physical appearance." Using computerized projections on the laptop computer she brought with her, we go over every single little choice I had available to me, in excruciating detail. This is more than a little bit embarrassing for me, too, as you might imagine. how often does a guy ever sit down with a woman to discuss the most intimate details of the female body, after all? And I mean every detail, from the color of my hair all the way down to the smallest detail of what will be my vaginal area. Breast size and shape, the size of their areola and nipples, how wide will my hips be. my waistline? The size and shape of my hands and fingers, how prominent will my cheekbones be. how full or thin will be my lips? The color of my eyes, the size and shape of my feet, my legs. everything is gone over and decided, some with her guidance and approval, some without it. For instance, she advised against my choice of D cup breasts, arguing their weight could cause me problems over time. In that she had what I would guess to be B-Cups, I think it was just jealousy that brought her to advise I chose a smaller size. All in all, it took us about two hours to go over everything and for me to make my decisions, then she left. By this time it's nearly Midnight so I decide to take a quick shower and hit the sack, I'm whipped. Early the following morning, I'm awakened by a knock on my door and as soon as I've thrown my clothes on and let her in, I start a pot of coffee before I use the bathroom and brush my teeth as well as comb my hair. Then I rejoin her and over coffee she explains to me what will be my regime for the next couple of days. "Today, as soon as we're done here, we'll go down to the lab where they'll take you measurements, height and weight, to determine the last specs for your initial nanosurgery injection. This will be a part of your daily regime until your change is completed. Next we'll go to the hypno-therapy lab for your first treatment there and after that, lunch. Basically, the afternoons and evenings will be free to you most days, to do with as you choose. Today, I'll show you some of the facilities we have here for you, and the staff, to enjoy and make use of." And thus it was that that very morning I began my journey to a new and very feminine life. About 30 minutes or so after they took my height and weight, I got my initial injection. To say it was an emotional experience would be a major understatement, my hands and knees were shaking like leaves in a strong wind. My heart was racing wildly on its way into my throat. Scared? You bet I was. I didn't want this in the first place, I liked being a man, always had. But I also knew it had to be done if I was to survive the people who would most definitely be looking to kill me. I remember nothing of the first hypno-therapy session I took, as I expected, nor did I notice any difference afterwards, not yet at least. I'll not go into a lot of specific details of the actual physical changes I went through, only a few of the highlights, concentrating instead on the emotional and thought process changes I experienced during the three week transition I underwent. By the second session in the hypno lab, I began to sense subtle changes in my view of things around me and of myself. Dr. Andrews began to lose her feminine appeal to me first of all. Instead, I found myself paying attention to what she was wearing and how she looked in it. her cosmetics and perfume, for example. I was given two jump suits to wear all the time now, rather elastic in fit and a pale gray in color. Toward the end of the first week, I became aware of the first physical change to my body when, during a shower, I found my testicles had somehow disappeared, probably up and inside of me. I wasn't at all displeased by this discovery, somewhat surprisingly, rather I simply thought of it as being a necessary stage of reformation I must go through. Emotionally I was kind of glad to be rid of them, now thinking of them as having been unnecessary appendages that would only be in my way. Midway through my second week, I had begun to develop breasts and this was something that, by now, I found myself wanting. My emotions were by this point, definitely more feminine than masculine and I had begun to look upon my penis with disdain and unnecessary. I was now far more interested in reading all the women's magazines I could get my hands on that I was anything else, so anxious was I to learn all I could of fashion and makeup. Now don't misunderstand me here, I was fully aware of what was happening to me, both physically and emotionally, I just didn't care about being a guy anymore. I actually wanted to be a girl. By the weekend of week two, my facial features were obviously those of a mature young woman, say 20 to 24 years old. My hair is a very light brown and had grown to past shoulder length with just a slight wave in it. My hands are much more delicate and lady-like with long nails that really need attention. I find myself wishing for pierced ears so I can start wearing earrings of the sort Dr. Andrews wears. Thus, when Monday afternoon rolls around and over lunch with Dr. Andrews she suggests we make my first visit to a beauty salon for my first makeover, I'm thrilled to accept her suggestion. Three hours later, after my hair's been washed, styled and permed, my ears pierced and my nails done, I leave the salon feeling very much better about myself. The two bags filled with cosmetics and hair care stuff I'm carrying really do wonders in helping me feel at home with myself, too. Two days later, I take yet another major step in the acceptance of my new role in life when Dr. Andrews takes me shopping for new clothes. Yes, they have complete shops here inside this complex, everything from shoes to lingerie. By the end of my third week, my transformation is nearly complete with but a final filling out of my figure left to occur. The clothing I had bought earlier this week had been loose fitting then but now were more like a glove as I filled out more and more. I've had to sit down to pee for almost four days and what had been my penis for forty five years had reshaped itself into what is now my clitoris. What were my scrotal sacs are now my inner and outer labia. I might also mention here that as I had wanted to be the case, I have almost no pubic hair to speak of, just a few stray strands of very light brown soft curls. My breasts, on the other hand, are almost fully developed now, twin mounds of womanflesh that proudly protrude from my narrow chest and which are both pleasingly tipped with large, dark, reddish-brown aerobe and thick, prominent nipples. Their weight, although considerable, is more than welcome as is the constant jiggling they do with every movement I make. Their droop is perfect for their size, too and I love them for their beauty and presence on this, my new body. My ass is a bit larger than I had thought it would seem, but well within my idea of attractiveness. It sure as hell feels funny to sit on though, so much more padding than I had been used to. My legs are long and quite shapely, my feet small and well arched. I've discovered one other advantage to my lack of external plumbing, the ease with which I can now cross my legs. All my gestures and mannerisms are by this time, decidedly feminine and I've almost gotten used to having these long nails I have to contend with now. Even walking in high-heels seems natural now, after a week or so spent getting used to them after my feet had assumed their current size. I think the hardest things I had to do was learn how to put on hose without ripping them to shreds with these nails and figuring the easiest way to put on my bra with these big boobs of mine I now must contend with. All in all and almost amazingly, I think I'm going to really like being a woman, much to my initial consternation and thought otherwise. Saturday Morning of week three, Dr. Andrews comes knocking at my door again, once more waking me up from a sound sleep. Throwing a pair of shorts and a tee-top on, I go to the door and let her in. I didn't bother with a bra only because I don't really need one since my babies can stand alone when the occasion requires. Making a pot of coffee and then using the bathroom, I rejoin her at the kitchen table where I see she's brought me a few things. Ahh good, my new ID's and stuff. "Rea, here are your new ID's and I'm going to now tell you about the new life you're soon to assume. You're to be a Computer Specialist just as you were before but not at your old job, of course. You'll work in the Pentagon as a Cyber Encryption specialist with an apartment in Georgetown. The word will be that you're a transfer from the CIA so as few questions will be asked as possible and which you answer as you might expect with the usual "need-to-know" response. You're cleared to carry a weapon at all times due to your work so before you leave here, we'll issue you whatever you find is best suited to you. Your license is Federal, of course, so you'll carry it when you leave. When you do leave here, it will be through a different doorway and you'll join the tag end of a tour group, traveling with them back to the hotel where they're staying and your bags will be in this room," handing me a room key. "You're to remain with the tour until it ends, picking up this car in the airport parking lot (she shows me a picture of it and gives me the keys to it and my new apartment), and taking it to your new apartment where you'll have the rest of the week and the weekend to settle in before reporting for work at the start of the next week. A package will be delivered to your apartment on Saturday morning that will contain your work badges and parking slot assignment at the Pentagon. You'll find additional clothes and personal needs items already at your apartment so there is nothing you'll really need to get. You'll be watched for your own safety for the next couple of months but you're expected to take care of yourself and provide for your won personal safety in so far as possible. Do you have any questions? No? Good. You'd best get ready to leave now and I suggest you wear jeans and comfortable shoes, as you'll join the tour about halfway through. We'll see to it all your things here are waiting for you in your room at the hotel. As soon as you're dressed and ready to leave, call me at my office number and I'll come get you." Well, that's that I guess. Time for me to go face the real world now. Heading for the bathroom, I undress and step into the shower to begin the process of getting ready. Once I'm all nice and clean, I get out and pat myself dry before going out into the bedroom totally naked to start getting dressed and putting my makeup on. Standing for a moment to look at my reflection in the mirror above the dresser in which I can see myself from about the waist up, I can't help but think of what I used to look like compared to how I appear now, such a tremendous difference! Picking up a scrunchie from the dresser top, I pull my long hair back into a ponytail and using the scrunchie to hold it there, begin putting on my makeup. A light coat of moisturizing foundation first, of course, then I go to work on my eyes. Eyeliner, eye color, mascara and then finishing it off by using a eyebrow pencil. Some blush goes on next to highlight my high cheekbones, the lip liner and finally a pretty shade of lipstick. Let's see. yeah, that's good. Next some cologne on all the strategic pulse points and I'm ready to get dressed. Since this is to be my debut, if you will, in the real world, I think I'll wear that pretty set of white satin lace lingerie I've been saving, thong panties and the matching Miracle bra, not that I need it. A pair of nude knee high hose and white tennis shoes to go with my jeans and a pretty pink peasant blouse should look good to complete my outfit. Let's see how it looks now. Oh yeah, very nice. Sexy and yet somewhat demure, just the effect I wanted. Making sure I have everything I'll need in my purse; ID, keys, lipstick and so on, I pick up the phone and call Dr. Andrews to let her know I'm ready to go. She gets here in about ten minutes, accompanied by two other young women who she explains are here to pack my things and get them to the Hotel for me. I leave them to their work and join Dr. Andrews in the golf cart she drove to get here, and we're off the area from where I'll leave this place. "Rea, two people will drop off the tour at which time you and the person who was Ruth step in to take their places. We'll wait until the rest of the group goes around a corner at which time you two will pop out to take their places, understood?" Agreeing that I do, she says "And do not give any indication you and the other person you'll be with are anything but two strangers taking the tour at the same time. At least not right away. if you to happen to strike up a conversation later on, that's up to the both of you." Assuring her I understand the reasoning behind this precaution, we arrive soon after at what is to be the departure point. Two of the three people who are there ahead of Dr. Andrews and me, I recognize. the third one is a stranger however. Then it dawns on me, the good-looking guy has to be Ruth, or least he used to be her. When we've joined with them after climbing out of the golf cart, one of the Doctors reminds us to act as strangers when we join the tour group, for our continued safety. Moments later, the door is opened and we step outside into a sort of small room that joins a passage, walking freely. I was only able to catch a quick glimpse of the two people whose places we took in the tour but from this brief glimpse I can say they did bear a reasonable resemblance to the two of us. As soon as I round the corner I find myself so close to the group that I almost run into an older lady ahead of me. In finishing the tour and listening to the guide, I find out where we are, at least right now. the complex under the Greenbriar Hotel in West Virginia that used to be the secret safe place for the President and his people in case of a nuclear attack back in the days of the Cold War. Interesting to find out they're still using a part of it for such things as what I just went through, secret stuff. It takes maybe a half-hour to finish the tour and then we have some time to browse through the usual and customary gift shop before boarding the bus back to the Hotel. Less than a week afterwards, I'm about to spend my first night in my very femininely decorated new apartment in the Georgetown area nearby Washington, DC. I got in just after noon and have just finished unpacking my two bags and put everything away. Now, after having checked the place for any manner of video or audio bugs I might find, and having found none, I feel sufficiently alone to have the privacy I need to fully relax. First on my list of things to do is to get out of these clothes and into something more conformable, my skin. Then I want to take the time to take a really good look at the new me, from head to toe. I've wanted to do this since I got this new body but waited until I was alone as I am now. Making sure all my drapes are pulled and the apartment door is locked, I return to my new bedroom to undress. Kicking off my heels at the same time I'm unzipping my skirt, I hang the skirt up and start unbuttoning my satin blouse, which I toss in the hamper to be washed at later time. Next I pull off the camisole I've been wearing along with the half-slip, both of which follow my blouse into the hamper. Reaching behind me I undo my bra and toss it in too, then I peel my pantyhose down and off, quickly followed by the pink hipster bikini panties. Yes, now this feels good. Okay, girl, now let's go take a good looksee at the new you. Gazing at my reflection in the full-length mirror beside my dresser, I can't help but be very pleased with what I see. I look to be the age on my new ID's all right, 25, but it's still hard to accept that I'm only 5'4" tall now. And what a figure they've given me. wow! I'm sure as hell glad I didn't take that Doc's advice about my breast size and opted instead for these nice D-cup boobs, they go so well with the rest of me. I'm also very pleased with the size and coloration my areola and the prominence of my nipples, as well as their size. They're thick and protrude maybe 3/8 of an inch or so from the flesh around them. My shoulders are nice and slender, wide by proportionately so for a woman. Slender arms and hands with long, narrow fingers that are tipped with perfect nails I've polished with a pretty shade of bright red. My torso is also slim and tapers down to a nice, narrow waistline before I swell out around the hips. There lie my hips and nice, tight ass with firm cheeks and just the right amount of feminine jiggle to drive men nuts. Being almost devoid of pubic hair, I can easily see my pussy lips at the juncture of my legs. Speaking of which, mine are very, very shapely and nicely turned, smooth and soft looking since I just shaved them last night. Looking down toward my feet, between my breasts, I see they're also fairly pretty, if you consider feet attractive. Back up to my face, I already know I'm very pretty and have already looked closely here at my full lips, high cheek bones and vivid green eyes, my face surrounded with light brown hair with just a tinge of natural red to it, hair that falls to my shoulder blades in length. All in all, I think I've become one hell of a good- looking young woman with a fantastically shaped body. Especially these tits, cupping my hands under them in a form of narcissistic admiration. Gorgeous looking, built like the proverbial Brick Shithouse, and tiny. I'm going to have fun teasing the guys that's for sure. Turning sideways to see my profile reflected in the mirror, I'm again pleased with the size and shape of my breasts. High upon my chest with very little droop, their soft, gentle and obviously feminine curves are more than slightly enticing. Lower, below my waistline and in back, the shape and fullness of my behind is obviously female and also nearly perfect. My legs are gorgeous, well shaped and just muscular enough to be very pretty. Now for one last inspection. picking up a hand mirror from the dresser, I sit down on the edge of the bed where I part my legs. Oh yeah. nice. very, very nice. A prominent clitoral shaft and puffy outer labia with inner labia that just barely protrude from between them combine to make up the appearance of my pretty little pussy. Other than the few stray pubic hairs, I can see every aspect of it, too, just like I wanted and I can shave them quite easily, too. Using the fingers of my left hand, I part my pussy lips slightly, hoping to locate the various parts of me that are new in form or substance, such as my urethral opening and the opening into my vaginal canal. I've never been a great fan of "spread shots", girls posing while holding their pussies open as I am now, but I'm doing it for a different reason and besides, it's my pussy and not someone else's that I'm looking at. Since the tour left quite early this morning for our return to DC, I skipped my usual morning shower. think I'll go take a bath now that I'm undressed and home. Nosing around in my new bathroom, I find several different large bottles of bath oils and such as well as about anything a girl might want or need to care for herself, including tampons. Okay, Rea honey, time to pamper yourself. Let's see. a new disposable razor, pumice stone for my elbows, Rose scented bath oil, a shower cap to keep my hair dry. anything else? Nothing that I can think of so I start the tub filling and add a generous amount of bath oil. Stepping into the tub when it's about half filled, I unconsciously point my toes in the process and noticing this, I can't help but giggle softly to myself. Laying in the tub fully immersed, I look down to the twin mounds of my breasts where they rise above the water, thinking how I had never imagined in my wildest dreams I would have these things protruding out from my chest. Nor, when raising one leg out of the water - toes pointed - did I ever imagine I my legs would look like this. While I never had the first thought of being a girl, let alone the desire to be one, it's not all that bad being young, pretty and female. I must admit I like the clothes I can wear now. And I dearly love how sexy and sensual they make me feel, too. To keep everything on the same schedule, I shave my legs and under my arms again so that when I do my pussy, they'll all be shaved at the same time and thus it'll be easier for me to maintain them. Then I wash myself carefully, using the pumice stone on my elbows and feet before getting up to sit of the inside edge of the tub. Here, I shave that last part of me, my pussy, before getting out and patting myself dry. Standing at the sink, I use makeup remover pads then wash my face thoroughly, let my hair down so it falls loosely around my face and shoulders apply fresh deodorant and brush my teeth, all before returning to the bedroom to put something on to lounge around in for awhile. Picking a short nightie from the drawer first, I drop it on over my head and when I see it falls to mid-thigh, opt to forgo the matching panties for now. I'm still quite impressed with feel of these frilly, satiny materials girls wear, especially against my soft, smooth skin, it's just such a wonderfully delicious sensation. so sexy and so very sensual. I'm discovering that there a few advantages to being a woman, in areas I'd never given a passing thought to before such as this one, the sensations available to them that men simply have no opportunity to experience. Time will tell, I would venture to say, what some of the others are. Maybe I should start making a list. if only to look back on when and if the time comes that I can return to the body of my birth. Who know, I may not want to, but I doubt it. The passage of a couple of additional weeks flies by quickly and I'm about to begin my new job in the Pentagon tomorrow morning, Monday. Of course, my security clearance was carried over albeit to cover my new identity and I've spent the past couple of weeks practicing my typing until these longer fingernails seem almost natural and typing with them has become almost natural to me. I think the only problem I might encounter will be based on the fact that my first menstrual cycle started yesterday. Through the hypno-training I received while I was tucked away for this change I've undergone provided me with all the knowledge I'll need to deal with it, it's still the first time I've had one. I'm fortunate in that I've not had any really bad cramps yet, and no bloating, either. Just the mess of it all is the only aspect I have to deal with. I'm going to take a bath tonight so I'll not have to shower in the morning but I'll still have to get up earlier than I used to to go to work, if only for the additional time it will take for me to get ready now. I'm going to give myself an extra hour until I know for sure if it's takes that long. If not, I'll adjust accordingly. I'm going to lay out tonight what I plan to wear tomorrow, too, right down to my lingerie. I thought at first of wearing the sexiest things I have but have since changed my mind somewhat. While a garter belt and stockings look and feel sexy, plain pantyhose are more comfortable if I have to wear them for a long time. The same comfort factor applies to the length of the skirt I'm going to wear. short is sexy but impractical while a long, soft skirt is more modest and can be equally sexy. So with both factors taken into consideration, what I've decided to wear is a pair of lace-top thigh high hose under a mid-calf length flowing crepe skirt. The main reason for the style of hose is they'll be far easier to deal with when I have to use the ladies room but another reason is simple; the feel of the slip I'm going to wear under the skirt as it rests against the skin of my nearly bare ass. You see the bra and panty set I'm going to wear is an off-white, sheer lace demi-cup bra with see-through cups and matching thong bikini panties. And yes, I'm also going to wear a camisole. I'm going to wear my hair down, too, only because I just had it done yesterday and I really love how it turned out. Soft and straight until it reaches my shoulders where it's styled in soft, loose waves just as it is around my face. a very pretty and feminine look, even if I do say so myself, and easy to care for as well. With the right makeup, this hairstyle and nice clothes, even I have to admit I'm something of a knockout. A couple of months later, I read in the paper that the trial's started for the terrorists I'd testified against before the grand jury and even though I couldn't possibly be called to testify now, I started carrying the handgun I'd been issued in my purse, just in case. I had a special Federal permit to carry it even here in Washington and inside the Pentagon where few people are allowed to go armed, let alone have the deadly force authorization I'd also been issued. Although, because my job before all this began required me to be well-versed and skilled in self- defense, this new body required some re-training to help me adjust to it's changed center of balance, limitations and advantages which is exactly how I'd spent the last couple of weeks. I'd learned, among other things, how to turn my strength loss into an advantage and how to use the tools women have at their disposal like their nails and high-heeled shoes. Where I had carried a .45 cal automatic before the change, I now used a .40 cal. S&W and I've spent several hours getting used to the differences between them. I had to, the .45 is too big a gun for the smaller hands I have now and it has way too much recoil for me to be even a decent shot with it. I've made some friends among the other girls I work with and around, cocktail friends that is, if you know what I mean. the kind you have drinks and maybe dinner with after work. It's been enlightening to say the least, too. Being around men is kind of threatening at times, the way they look at me, my breasts and so on, other girls are a different matter all together, though. No looks or leers and a lot of laughs and giggles instead. But the conversations can tend toward tedious at times. Tedious but quite a revelation at the same time as I've discovered there is one discussion subject girls share with men and which neither of them could know; sex, but with a difference. Guys talk about the girls they'd like to have sex with while girls talk about the sex they have had, comparing men as lovers and companions while griping about all their shortcomings in both categories. No, that's not a play on words, sorry. The rest of the time, when we're not talking about sex and men, we discuss clothes, the movies we've seen recently, shopping, makeup, and so on. Plus the married girls talk a lot about their kids, too. In the beginning, having drinks with the girls after work was something I had to do to maintain my cover but over time, I've come to kind of enjoy it. I woke up with a slight hangover this morning, five of us went out for dinner a movie and then a few too many drinks afterward last night and I didn't get home and in bed until almost two this morning. As soon as this headache goes away, I have to clean my apartment, it's a mess. Sitting at my kitchen table, drinking coffee and hoping the headache will go away quickly, I start thinking about the trial and well how it's going for the Government, it appears those guys are going to spend a long time behind bars at Leavenworth. Assuming they are convicted and put away, I'll have a decision to make not long after their sentencing, do I go back to my old life as a CIA agent or do I stay who and where I am now? I'll continue to make what I did before, money-wise, of course so it boils down to two questions as I see it; one, do I want to go back to being an agent and two, do I want to go back to being a guy? This job is a lot safer and that's obvious. So what it really boils down to is do I like this job and do I want to keep working at what I'm doing now, which of course means I'll have to remain in this body in order to keep it. Part of this particular dilemma involves sex, too. You see, for reasons that are obvious, I've refrained from having sex so far, with a man especially. I didn't dare take a chance getting pregnant, after all, since that would have meant this was a permanent thing. Secondly, I didn't dare risk the entanglement of entering into an affair with someone. If I do choose to stay female, that decision will render these hesitancies moot, of course. So I guess it will all boil down to which life-style and state of being I prefer, male or female, assuming those guys are put away for a long time, of course. So that's the quandary I'm going to have to come face-to face with in the near further. what to do and which sex do I choose to spend the rest of my life being? Both have their advantages and dis-advantages, of course, their pros and cons, so to speak. Maybe I should try to list them all as I see them since I've having walked in both worlds now? Getting up to walk over to the counter to get a pad and pen, I sit back down after refilling my coffee cup before I begin. Since I've not been a girl for all that long, I think I'll also draw on some of the things the girls have said over drinks, too. MEN Pros: Cons: Stronger Have to shave every day Take less time to get dressed Stink when we sweat Can go barechested Have to pay for everything on dates Cheaper clothes Crotch is physically vulnerable if hit. Don't have to wear makeup WOMEN Pros: Cons: Feeling soft and sensual Clothes and alterations cost more Having breasts The cost of makeup, etc. that girls need Having an empty crotc Hair Salon costs Feeling pretty Feeling of vulnerability Clothes and their feel Having to wear hose all the time Companionship with other girls Monthly periods Bubble-baths In thinking back to when I was still a man, and then comparing those times to how I feel now as a woman, I find it's still hard to choose between the two. Clothes didn't matter to me nearly as much when I was a man as they do now. I think it's really going to boil down to two aspects; one, the clothes and how they feel and two, the bodily differences between the sexes and which I enjoy the most. I do so love wearing the clothes, though, even when my bra's too tight and I can't wait to get home so I can take it off. Yeah, I can't really go bare-chested any more, at least not in public but I do so enjoy having the twin reasons why not, too. Yes, it's taken me some time to even begin to be used to having them and yes, they do seem to get in the way at times like when I forget and start to roll over onto my stomach in bed. All in all and with as many aspects in mind as I can think of off-hand, I do think I like wearing women's clothing more than I did men's. I simply like how they feel and how they make me feel. Now, to paraphrase that old Sophie Tucker quotation of some years back, "I've been male and I've been female, female is better." And I think I'd have to agree with the paraphrase, too. Oh sure, there's that monthly mess we have to deal with but putting that aside as both a necessity and a small price to pay, I think I like being a girl more than I would going back to being a guy. Sure, not all people in my position might agree with me, some men are probably far more suited to being men for any number of reasons, psychological and otherwise. But I think the years I spent as a rough and tumble, sometimes undercover CIA agent is something I've had my fill of and to have the chance now, after having tried it for almost five months so far, I think I'll opt for living the rest of my life as a woman. Overall, It's a bit easier to do what I do now at work, and it's sure as hell a lot safer, too. It's also a softer, gentler way of life being a girl, too, sort of like being retired. Now that I've reached a decision and will tell them when it's time, maybe I'll start to date some too. Who knows, I've found myself looking at some of the guys I work with and I may just decide to sleep with one of them, or more. That little vibrator Kathy gave me for my birthday has aroused my curiosity about the real thing. The End