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Tabloid TV By Brian [email protected] Don't you just love the supermarket tabloids? Aliens, ghosts, Elvis?they all come to life under the guise of a legitimate newspaper. But what about gender bending? It seems to me that that's an area the yellow press is negligent in reporting. Here are a few sample articles to fill in this section of underreported news: * * * * * * Woman serves cheating husband estrogen and then realizes he's been faithful! NEW YORK ?When Tiffany Hendrix suspected her husband of being unfaithful, she didn't get mad?she got even. "John and I got married on a whim in Vegas last month," explains the 28-year-old blonde. "We didn't know each other that well, but I for one was determined to make the marriage work. I thought everything was going great until I found that strange bra under our bed. Our marital bed! I thought he was cheating on me. I just snapped." At first Tiffany planned to confront her unfaithful husband, but then had second thoughts. "I knew by having a confrontation I'd be treating the symptom, not the problem. I decided to fix it so he couldn't fool around any more." With the help of a pharmacist friend, Tiffany managed to switch the allergy medicine of her husband, John Hendrix, with estrogen pills. "I thought that would make him impotent," she sheepishly relates. "Hey, I was only trying to save my marriage." The pills did make the 27-year-old husband impotent, but had other effects as well. "I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on," said John. "My muscles wasted away, my skin got all soft and smooth, and I stopped shaving. Normally Tiffany and I would make love several times a day, but my sex drive just vanished. When I measured my chest and realized I now had a bigger cup size than my wife, I knew something was seriously wrong. Since my hay fever was killing me, I suspected the pills." "When John confronted me about the hormones, I had to confess," continues Tiffany. "But when I told him my reasons for medicating him, he was stunned." It turns out that the bra belonged to John's sister, who had visited John several months before he met Tiffany. "I guess we both learned a lesson," relates John. "Tiffany learned not to jump to conclusions, and I learned to dust under the bed more often!" The strangest thing about this tale, however, is John's reaction to his wife's admittedly bizarre actions. "When I realized my mistake, I was horrified, and thought John was going to leave me for sure. But he just laughed and kissed me, relieved to know that it was my love for him that drove me to my actions." "Tiffany is a lovely woman, she just gets overly excited sometimes," laughs John. "Now that I know why my body changed like this, it's actually improved our relationship. My wife knows that I have to be faithful to her, not many women would be interested in me like this!" Most people would be inclined to agree. John no longer resembles the man he once was. After months on estrogen, John could easily have been mistaken for Tiffany's sister. "John and I are so much closer now," says an elated Tiffany. "We share clothes, do each other's makeup, and stay up all night talking girl talk." John concurs. "It's been a bit of an adjustment, but I'm rather enjoying being a wife to my wife. We had to move of course, now all our new friends call me Joan. I still think my wife is a bit jealous, though. I have longer legs and a bigger chest!" Tiffany playfully hugs her husband, whose dress matches her own. "Well, one thing's for sure. Thanks to that mix-up, our marriage is fifty times better. How many wives are married to someone who can give them advice on their hairstyle? How many husbands can search through their wife's wardrobe to find a skirt to wear? We owe it all to that silly bra!" And where is the brassiere that caused all this commotion? "I'm wearing it," states 'Joan.' "Of course, if I keep up on this estrogen, I'm going to have to give it up; it's only a B cup." * * * * * * Que bonita! Male college student returns from spring break in Mexico as a woman! SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA?When Marty Palmer told his friends that his upcoming trip to Mexico would be a life-changing experience, they didn't realize just how serious he was. When he returned from his trip two weeks later, he was now a she! "All my life I'd been trying to be a macho man," says Palmer, 20. "My parents, friends, and family all expected me to grow up to be the typical American male. It wasn't until I was in my late teens that I realized why I felt so uncomfortable in that role." After searching the Internet for some explanation as to why he felt unmasculine, Marty stumbled upon a page for a sex change clinic. He was stunned at the way the doctors could take an ordinary man and transform him into a sexy young woman. "For the first time in my life I realized that being a man wasn't necessarily my only option. The more I thought about it, the more I knew that becoming Maria was the best course of action." Unfortunately for Palmer, sex change operations require the consent of a psychiatrist, years of therapy, and thousands of dollars. Not to be deterred, Palmer returned to the Internet. "Eventually I stumbled upon the address of a doctor in Tijuana who would perform the surgery, no questions asked. Spring break was coming up, so I simply told everyone that I felt like taking a rambling vacation south of the border. No one suspected my real agenda." The Mexican doctors worked wonders on Palmer. In a matter of days he had chucked his male organs for those of a woman. Breast implants, a tummy tuck, and a nose job helped complete his transition. "Recovery took a little longer than expected and I had to miss some school; other than that, things turned out wonderfully. When I walked out of that clinic in a skirt and heels, I felt like for the first time in my life I was the real me." Palmer's parents were understandably shaken when they realized that their son was now their daughter. "My parents practically hit the ceiling when the realized what I had done, and I can't say I blame them. I probably should have warned them beforehand, but it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission." Palmer's parents initially insisted that the new girl in their lives not the leave house and for her to undergo therapy. "Things were rough at first," says the redheaded young woman. "I guess mom and dad were hoping there was a way to change things. Luckily, my psychologist convinced them that what was done was done, and they should learn to accept me." As for Maria's old friends, they could hardly keep their jaws from scraping the floor the first time they saw her new look. "I was checking out this babe at the pool," says Scott Sterling, a classmate of Maria's. "All of a sudden I realize that that's Marty in that bikini! Wow, no wonder he'd been keeping himself out of sight recently." "Marty was always a sensitive type," says Sharon Clerix, an ex- girlfriend of Palmer's. "He always knew how I felt. Now I can see why. Marty was a good guy, but I know that Maria and I are going to be great friends." Maria continues her studies and plans to graduate in a year. "Having my sex changed was the best thing that I've ever done. Mom and Dad are finally coming around; for my birthday this year, Mom got me the cutest dress." As for her personal life, Maria is adjusting. "I hope to be someone's wife one day, but for now I'm just enjoying having guys interested in me. It's an interesting experience, playing basketball with a guy one year and dating him the next!" * * * * * * Bone-headed magician turns male audience member into a woman and can't restore him! ATLANTIC CITY, NEW JERSEY?Evan Saunders had always been a fan of stage magic, so he jumped at the chance to see a magic show for his 17th birthday. But his joy quickly turned to panic when he was selected to help with a trick?and ended up being transformed into lovely woman! "I can't begin to tell you how bad I feel about this," says magician Leondardo McCullen, 30. "I've done this trick a thousand times! The volunteer steps into the magic booth, I turn it around, say the magic words, and he's transformed into a lovely young woman. But this time something went very wrong." "Evan always love magic shows," says Jessica Reasus, Saunders' girlfriend. "I bought us tickets so we could celebrate his birthday doing something he enjoyed. He was ecstatic when the magician chose him to assist with an illusion. Only it was more than an illusion." According to various audience members, Saunders stepped into the booth, there was a puff of smoke, and a young, blonde woman stepped out in his place. "She looked terribly stunned, frightened even," says one spectator. "She certainly did a good job of pretending to be a young man who'd suddenly been turned into a babe." After the applause died down, McCullen instructed the woman to return to the booth, so he could restore her. But much to the delight of the audience, the trick didn't work in reverse. "It was hilarious," says another witness. "The magician looked like he was about to panic, and the girl?well, you really would have thought she really did have a man's mind, the way she kept screaming and threatening the poor illusionist! Eventually they brought the curtain down. That was the funniest encore I've ever seen at any show." To Evan Saunders, however, it was anything but funny. "Look that that bastard did to me!" says Saunders. "I used to be tall and strong, now I'm a blonde woman with a big chest!" Saunders has found it understandably difficult to adjust to the unexpected change of gender. "I've had to change schools and enroll as a girl for my senior year. Jessica made me go out and buy all new clothes. It's winter now, so I can still wear sweaters and jeans, but what will happen when summer rolls around? I'll have to buy a bikini or something if I want to go to the beach!" Saunder's girlfriend concurs. "Poor Evan has just been beside himself?well, herself. I've had to help him?er, her a lot. It's not like you can become a woman over night. Well, mentally at least." Saunders has been living as a girl for over three months now, and shows no sign of changing back. "The life I once knew is over," says Evan, who registered for school under the name 'Yvonne.' "Thank God Jessica stood behind me. She swears she'll always be with me. Hell, at least this way we can be college roommates. And living in an all-girls dorm won't be that bad," she adds with a sly grin. Saunder's parents have threatened to sue McCullen for millions, but the magician is unfazed. "The law doesn't apply to the magical world," he jovially admits. "There's no way they can prove that woman ever was their son. My advice is that they all just learn to accept what happened and move on." This paper has learned that Saunders wasn't the first person to undergo an irreversible change at the hands of the incompetent sorcerer. In 1990, a French man sued McCullen, claiming that he had vanished his wife and never returned her. In 1994, a Detroit family tried to have McCullen arrested, claiming that a rabbit they produced was none other than their 25- year-old daughter, Anna. And in 1997, McCullen faced a lawsuit from a Jenny Hollerback, who demonstrated that during an act, Saunders had sawn her in half, and left her that way. The results of that suit are still pending. * * * * * * Man lives as the wife of his best friend for four years, in order to save money on housing! BANGOR, MAINE?Dale Cummings was just a normal college freshman, worried about how he was going to afford four years of undergraduate work. His best friend, Gabe Thorne, came up with an unusual solution: the two would register together?as husband and wife! "It wasn't as crazy as it sounds," says Thorne. "Dale and I were best buds, and when we realized we'd be going to school together, we knew we'd end up as roommates. The thing was, even the crappiest dorm on campus cost a heck of a lot of money. The only place that we could even halfway afford was the married student complex. Of course, as neither of us had a wife, that presented a bit of a problem." "When Gabe asked me to be his wife, naturally I assumed he was joking," says Cummings. "But he was serious. He said if I filled out my application forms as if we were a married couple, then we could get a serious break on housing. I had to pose as the wife, since I had an androgynous name." Soon the two men were living in one of the biggest, cheapest, and cleanest apartments on campus. "I always figured if anyone asked, I could pass Dale off as my brother-in-law or something," relates Thorne. "But apparently it wasn't as simple as that." The couple found the first fly in the ointment when they were summoned before the campus-housing advisor. Apparently someone had noticed that a couple of guys were living alone in a couples-only unit, and lodged a complaint. "We were ready to panic," recalls Cummings. "If they found out what we had done, then we could both have been kicked out of school. The only thing we could think to do was dress me up like a woman and hope that no one suspected anything." With the help of some female friends, Dale was quickly gotten up in feminine attire. A new hairstyle, makeup, and fake breasts helped complete the picture. "When we appeared before the advisor, Dale was scared as hell," remembers Thorne. "He kept pulling at his skirt and touching up his makeup. But by the end of the interview, the advisor was ready to apologize to us for bothering us. He honestly believed Dale was my wife!" Of course, once the female Dale had been displayed to the public, there was no going back. "We had been lucky up till that time," says Thorne. "But if someone else complained, they'd give us a serious looking- over. I had to insist that Dale dress like a woman, 24/7. Even when we were home alone, he had to be in a dress; you never know who might come over." "It was hard as first," says the gender-bending psychology major. "I had to make all new friends, register for all new classes, and ditch all my male clothes. But that wasn't even the worst part." The worst part was learning how to dress like, and behave as, a female. Dale was forced to purchase a new wardrobe, take makeup lessons, and get his ears pierced. He had to give up baseball, and instead take weekly trips to the beauty salon. By the end of his freshman year, he had gone from college man to coed cutie. "Obviously, we had to use more than clothes and makeup," relates Cindy McCain, a friend of the phony couple. "Luckily, I was able to smuggle some estrogen out of the lab where I work. By the time swimsuit season rolled around, we could fit Date into a bikini top!" "Dale took his feminization like a real trooper," chuckles Thorne. "At first, all he did was complain. But after a few months, all he'd ever wanted to do was go shopping or hang out with his girlfriends. I was shocked, but was glad to see he hadn't been traumatized." "I wasn't the only one who needed to adjust," adds Cummings. "It took me a while to bring Gabe into line as well. If I had to act like his wife, then he had to act like my husband. No more late nights out with the boys, no more leaving me at home alone, and no more skirt chasing! Eventually I persuaded him that he needed to spend his free time with his young bride." The two are now college seniors. They have been living together for almost four years and plan to graduate soon. When asked about their plans for the future, neither one had any doubts. "I've spent four years of my life living with Gabe, and I can't picture my life without him. I plan to continue building a home with him and giving him the kind of life he deserves." Thorne concurs. "I've got a real good job offer, so hopefully Dale won't have to work. We'll just settle down somewhere and enjoy being together. Of course, Dale has been pressuring me to get married for real. Hell, we've been pretending for almost four years, so I actually look forward to making it official!" * * * * * * Man takes over his sister's job?at a strip club! LAS VEGAS, NV?When patrons of the 'Everything Goes' topless club admire the figure of a young dancer named Annie McGrew, they have no idea the secret her tiny panties and hourglass figure conceal. Annie, in fact, is a man! "It all started innocently enough," states Annie, whose real name is Andy. "My sister Tanya used to work here. She'd make thousands of dollars a month. When she quit to get married, she jokingly offered to allow me to replace her." "The whole thing was supposed to be a joke," says Andy's sister, June. "Andy was so embarrassed when I suggested he do a striptease, I just knew I had to get him up on the stage. Little did I know things would turn out so lucrative for him." In order for no one to suspect her brother's true gender, June had to use liberal amounts of depilatory, not to mention prosthetics. "It took her all day, but finally she had me looking more or less like an actual woman. I was wearing tight pants and a halter top, so that I showed of plenty of flesh, but nothing unusual would stick out." Annie turned out to be a big hit. "Every guy in the place had his eyes glued to the stage," says June. "At first he was nervous as hell, but after a while, he really warmed up to the idea of erotically dancing for all those men. He even took his shirt off. Of course he kept his back to the audience at that point. By the time he left, he must have had over two hundred dollars stuffed down his pants." "It was a heck of a night," says Andy. "But I never thought I'd do it again. It was only when the manager offered me that huge contract that I considered actually taking the job full time." Andy's sister was shocked, but as there was so much money at stake, she agreed to help him. Together, they bought Andy a whole new wardrobe, and commenced practicing dance moves. Of course, Andy still lacked a couple of things that all topless dancers require. "Getting breast implants was a bit of a drastic step," admits the well- rounded young man. "But I figured that I'd be making so much money, I could afford to have them removed at a later date." Soon Andy had found a doctor who managed to make Andy look more like Annie. "At first I thought the breasts would be enough to make my brother look like a woman," says June. "But the doctor told us otherwise. Before we knew what was happening, Andy had undergone several major surgeries, and was taking female hormones to boot! You'd never guess he was still, technically, a man." Soon 'Annie' was performing every weekend. As the roomful of men would hoot and holler, the 1young man would slowly remove everything but his panties, revealing a curvaceous figure that any young lady would be proud of. The manager even had to hire extra security to enforce the bar's 'hands off' policy. When asked how he is adapting to his new life as a showgirl, Andy is evasive. "It all started off as a joke, you know. I never thought I'd end up looking like my own twin sister! I'll probably get out of this line of work by the end of the year. I've had a job offer as a runway model, maybe I'll give that a shot." June agrees with her brother's decision. "With a figure like his, he's wasting his talents as a stripper. Besides," she pouts, "when he first became a dancer, I didn't expect him to be more popular than I was!" * * * * * * Wife hypnotizes her husband into thinking he is a woman?and keeps him that way! ONTARIO, CANADA?After hypno-therapist Marie du Bouis realized that she couldn't convince her husband to stop drinking and staying out to all hours, she decided to change his mind?permanently! Rather than become a nagging wife, she decided to let her husband know how she felt, simply by hypnotizing him into thinking he was a housewife! "I love Michael more than anything," says the 31-year-old hypno- therapist. "But I couldn't control him. During the ten years we've been married, I can't remember him ever coming home straight from work. Instead, he'd go straight to the bars and not stagger home until three am. I felt terribly ignored." The couple tried marriage counseling, but it didn't go over to well. "Michael would always insist that every man had the right to unwind after a long day's work, and I had no right to expect him to sit at home every evening. I began to worry I was going to loose him." That's when Marie du Bouis had her brainstorm. Instead of badgering her husband into treating her with respect, she would hypnotize him! "I know it sounds like a crazy notion, but I though he might be more open-minded in a trance. Soon I had him in a deep sleep, ready to listen to whatever I told him." What Marie told him was to try to look at thing from her point of view, to try to think how a housewife would react to her situation. "Thing didn't exactly go as I planned," admits Marie. "I only expected him to try to imagine how I felt. But when he came out of the trance, he thought he was me, or at least a woman very much like me!" Marie's husband now thought he was a young wife, and only wanted to please his spouse. He spent an entire weekend cleaning, washing, and spending more quality time with his wife than he had in years. "It was like getting to know my husband all over again. We talked for hours. It was so good to have a companion again. I knew things would improve. Still, there was just one fly in the ointment: Michael now thought he was Michelle." During his first week under hypnosis, Michael began talking in a higher register. He started shaving his legs, and trying on his wife's makeup. He insisted on waxing his face, rather than shaving. "I thought it was funny at first," states Marie. "He must have tried on every dress I own. I figured that come Monday I'd have to bring him back to earth. But when the time came, I just couldn't do it. I got along with Michelle much better than I ever did with Michael." When the time came for Michael to return to work, Marie instead went out and bought her husband a female wardrobe of his own. She then spent the day dressing him up like a woman, and capped off her experiment by treating her husband to a trip to the beauty parlor. "I taught him how to put on makeup, do his hair, and walk in high heels. He was awkward at first, but in time he learned how to handle himself. After I removed his beard with a home electrolysis kit, it was almost impossible to tell he was a man. Still, I began giving him doses of estrogen, just to make sure." The du Bouis have since moved to another town. Marie has had her husband's name legally changed to Michelle and gotten him a job as a perfume saleslady at the local department store. "Michelle hasn't thought of herself as a man in over half a year. And when she goes out on the town, it's a night out with our female friends and me. She makes a wonderful companion." While Marie refused to allow her husband-turned-wife to be interviewed, she did show several photos. "As you can see, Michelle has taken to her new life rather well. She refuses to wear flats and threw a hissy fit the other day when I suggested she wear slacks instead of a skirt. But I can't complain. Though more men hit on her than me, she's always stayed faithful." When asked what their plans for the future were, Marie was confident. "I can't very well bring Michael back now," she replied, "he'd be furious. No, I think Michelle is here to stay. She's been complaining about being flat chested for some time now. I think I'll get her a breast augmentation for Christmas. And if she continues to enjoy womanhood as much as she does now, well, I know a surgeon who can make her the real thing!" * * * * * * Male college student grows breasts after volunteering for a medical experiment! CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTES--When Fred Marcos agreed to take $50 for trying out an experimental drug, he never thought becoming a she- male would be one of the side effects. "I can't begin to tell you how angry I am," said the twenty-year-old sophomore, who until recently was your typical young, male college student. "But just look at me!' Mr. Marcos deserves a second look. You'd hardly think of him as a man now, with his silky skin, well rounded figure, and C cup breasts. His long hair, tied in a ponytail, accentuates his femininity. "They said all I'd have to do was take this new drug for a couple of weeks and they'd give me fifty dollars. They said there'd be side effects, but I never expected anything like this!" To further demonstrate, Marcos displays several pictures of himself. He is wearing nothing but boxer shorts, and a bikini top. "I'm about a C cup now," he says, embarrassed. The pictures drive home the point he makes. He now has a woman's body. His breasts, long legs, and hourglass figure would be the envy of any young co-ed. "At first I thought I was just gaining weight. You know, the sophomore spare and all that. But look at me! My muscles are gone, I have to wear a bra, and my voice sounds like my sister's!" This is true. When this reporter spoke to him over the phone, he assumed he was talking to a female. The campus hospital, which performed the experiment, declined to comment on the occurrence. One doctor, speaking under the condition of anonymity, stated that Mr. Marco's results were most atypical. "We obviously never expected anything like this. It's regrettable, but he did sign a release form, so we are in the clear." Marco's lawyers agree. "They did tell me there could be side effects," admits the feminized man as he plays with his tight sweater. "I signed the release, I can't sue." When asked about his plans for the future, Mr. Marco is evasive. "I've had to ditch my male life! My clothes don't fit, I had to go out and buy a closet full of dresses just to have something to wear! No one thinks I'm a man anymore; I have to use the lady's room. Guys whistle at me, people call me Miss. I don't know what to do. I stopped taking the drug weeks ago and I still don't need to shave. Everyone thinks I'm a girl now and I can't prove otherwise." But every cloud has a silver lining. Since we've gone to press, Marco has agreed to a large out of court settlement with the makers of the pill. It turns out that it is perfectly safe for women to use and will be on the market early next year. They've already got an eager spokeswoman for the product: Mr. Marcos. Marcos, who has since changed his name to Freda, will be appearing in television commercials with the slogan 'And if it can make a man look this sexy, think what it can do for you!' "Freda's been a real good sport about all this," said the CEO of the drug company. "We hope to be working with her for years to come." * * * * * * Whoops! Man goes into hospital for prostate surgery?and comes out a woman! SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA?When Brian Costilla checked into the hospital to undergo routine prostate surgery, he never expected that he would leave the operating room as a woman! It all started last year when doctors discovered a small growth on Costilla's prostate. Assured that the surgery would be brief and the recovery rapid, the 32-year-old office manager consented to the procedure. Complications arose when his chart with confused with that of another man?who was in the hospital to undergo a sex change operation! "I can't begin to tell you how sick I am about all this," says Dr. Maxwell Schneider, who performed the surgery. "As near as we can tell, the Mr. Costillo's chart was switched with that of a transsexual patient, on whom I was scheduled to perform a gender change. When they rolled Mr. Costillo into surgery, I was informed that he was there for the sex change." During the six-hour surgery, Dr. Schneider proceeded to change Costillo's genitalia into those of a woman. He also performed breast implants, which gave his patient a C-cup chest, and a tummy tuck, which gave his stomach a decidedly female curviness. To make matters worse, Costillo had been injected with large doses of female hormones prior to surgery. "When I woke up, I knew something was wrong," recalls Brian Costillo. "Why had my chest been bandaged? When the doctors informed me that I was now no longer a man, I hit the roof!" "In the entire history of the hospital, nothing like this has ever happened," states Dr. Larry Moore, hospital chief of staff. "Luckily, we were able to settle out of court, rather than subject both parties to the humiliation of a lawsuit." While the money softened his vengeance against the hospital, Brian wondered what he, now a she, would do with her newfound femininity. "The money enabled me to quit my job, but I didn't know what to do with myself. I ended up spending all my time by myself at home. The doctors told me the genital surgery was irreversible, and that I couldn't have the implants removed until the scars from the original surgery had healed. I just couldn't face the world anymore." Costillo's fortunes began to change when she received a visit from an ex-coworker, Molly Lider. "It wasn't like Brian just to drop out of sight," says Lider. "But when he quit with no explanation, we all were worried. Finally, I decided to go over to his place to see what was wrong." At first, Costillo refused to even see her former friend. But she was persistent. Finally, she explained to Molly that she was no longer the man she once knew. "Obviously, I was shocked," says Lider. "Here was a guy I had worked with for years, and even dated briefly, now telling me he had been accidentally changed into one of the girls. Obviously it was a devastating experience. I talked to the other women at the office and we decided we had to help." The following week, Lider led a party of ten female coworkers to Costilla's house. They informed the male-turned-female that they were there to help her adjust to her new life. "I guess I was too shocked to resist," says Brian. "Before I knew what was happening, they had stripped me down and were trying all kinds of dresses and blouses on me. They gave me makeup lessons, and taught me how to act like a lady. By the end of the day, everyone was calling me Brenda, and treating me like I had always been their girlfriend." After a week of training, Brian, now Brenda, felt confident enough to join her friends at ladies night at the local bar. "I was scared to death at first, but after about a half hour I felt totally natural. It was then I knew I'd be in skirts for the rest of my life." "Obviously, Brian never would have become Brenda on his own," laughs Lider. "But since we can't change what's happened, we're helping her come to grips with things. She's had her name legally changed. She's even talking about having facial surgery to make her features more feminine. I'm sure she knows a cosmetic surgeon or two who owes her a favor!" "Getting an accidental sex change wasn't a dream come true," says the slender brunette, "but my friends have shown me it doesn't have to be a nightmare. I'm starting a new life, and it's not a bad one. A friend has even asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding next month, and I'm actually looking forward to dressing up in a fancy gown. As for dancing with a groomsman?well, I'll worry about that when the time comes!" * * * * * * New skin cream softens the skin of a male market researcher?and everything else! DETROIT, MICHIGAN?Blame it on the animal rights activists. When cosmetic researcher Allen Christy was forced to stop testing new products on animals, he turned to the most convenient thing: himself. But like most experiments, Christy found that there are usually unexpected side effects. "It all started innocently enough," states Dr. Christy, 33. "I had come out with a revolutionary new skin cream, one that could make a woman's skin feel smooth. Since animal testing is a big no-no now, I figured, what the heck, I'd use it on myself. That way I wouldn't have to pay any volunteers. Besides, what's the worst that could happen with a skin product? Dr. Christy soon found out, when he began experiencing very unusual results. "At first I thought I had really hit the jackpot. The calluses on my hands disappeared, I began to sweat less, and my skin seemed to glow. After I had concluded that it was safe for human use, I continued to use it after every shower." But as time wore on, Dr. Christy began to notice some effects that he would have just as soon done without. His skin grew softer, he began to lose his body hair, and his body fat began to redistribute oddly. "One day I was looking at my reflection in the mirror, and realized that I had been going through puberty again?backwards! I looked like a preadolescent boy! Soft skin, no body hair, no muscle tone?I never expected the cream to have such dramatic results." Chagrinned at the turn things had taken, Dr. Christy returned to the lab, and did a complete analysis of the cream's ingredients. He was shocked to learn that he had inadvertently included an estrogen-based chemical in the product. For over a month he had been rubbing female hormones all over his body. "I was horrified. That product was due to be shipped out in a few weeks. I obviously couldn't allow that, think of the lawsuits! I immediately went to the CEO of the company and explained to him what had happened." If Allen was expecting to get fired, he was in for a shock when his bosses asked him to continue using the product. "They had produced over a million units and weren't prepared to take the losses. So instead they insisted that I continue to use the cream, to see if there might be another use." Allen balked at first, but the corporation offered him financial compensation, which he describes as 'more than adequate.' For the next several months, Dr. Christy charted his transformation into the opposite sex like a detached scientist: how soft his skin got, how curvy his hips were, and how big his breasts grew. "It's embarrassing, but yes, you might say that I 'blossomed' rather amazingly. I ended up spending a good deal of my bonus on a new wardrobe." Several months after Allen's experiment, the product was released. While it could no longer be used as a skin cream, doctors found that it was a godsend for women who had lost their ovaries to cancer or other disease. "Ovaries produce estrogen in women," states Dr. Lionel Ampre, an associate of Dr. Christy's. "When a woman loses them, she begins to experience a decline in her female characteristics. Happily, Dr. Christy was able to help them overcome this with his new product." Doctors around the world have been clamoring for the amazing new products. "Not only endocrinologists," states Hal Jamison, CEO of Allen's company. "Doctors in the field of gender identity have also expressed an interest, for obvious reasons." As for Dr. Christy, he is making a considerable killing as a lecturer and product spokesperson. "People are often skeptical of the claims of drug companies. But one look at me in my bikini, and no one doubts about the product's potency!" When asked if he ever plans to discontinue using the product, Dr. Allen Christy, who now refers to himself as Dr. Christy Allen, was evasive. "I'm making more money than I ever have, I've just gotten a promotion, and I've got appearances scheduled throughout the New Year. I guess I should think about it, but after all the cream has done for me, it would almost seem ungrateful!" * * * * * * Doctors to man: have a sex change or die! WASHINGTON, D.C.?In what is being described as one of the most unusual medical procedures this decade, a 20-year-old man, known only as Ken S., underwent gender reassignment surgery?for health reasons alone! "Tens of thousands of transsexuals undergo sex change surgery every year," reports Dr. Hazziz Patel, who performed the surgery. "But this case is unique in that the young man in question had no desire to be a woman. The gender reassignment surgery was the only way to save his health." Ken sought out Dr. Patel early last year, when chronic soreness and pain in his groinal area began to alarm him. "It was my unpleasant duty to inform him that he had advanced cancer of the testicles and prostate," relates Dr. Patel. "I would have to remove his testicles and part of his penis as soon as possible. If he would not consent to the surgery, the cancer would have spread, leaving him dead within a year." According to Ken's sister Patty, he took the whole thing horribly. "It was such horrible news. Surgery like that would leave him as an impotent eunuch. The week after he got the news, I honestly feared he would take his own life. That's when I consulted his doctor, to see if there was some sort of alternative." "Ken's sister was not being an alarmist," continues Patel. "He had taken the news much worse than I had hoped for. I worried that if we were to go through with the surgery then he might lapse into chronic depression, or worse. Therefore, on his next visit, I suggested a radical course of action." The radical course of action was, to put if frankly, to convert Ken into a woman. Dr. Patel would perform the necessary surgery, but instead of leaving him with mutilated male genitalia, the brilliant surgeon would create an artificial vagina. Ken would become Kim, a female. "At first he balked at the idea," says Patty. "But as time wore on, he began to see the intelligence of such a decision. He would still be able to have sex, urinate normally, and live a happy live. Eventually, he consented." Rather than live as a she-male, Ken elected to become a woman completely. "I figured my life as Ken was now over," says Ken, now Kim. "If I was going to have a vagina, I figured I at least should look like I should have one." Along with the sex change, Kim had breast implants, lip enhancement, and a tummy tuck. She began taking estrogen to accentuate her newfound femininity. Today Kim, who is complete remission, works as a secretary in a downtown office. "No one suspects a thing," replies the lovely brunette, whose daily wardrobe now includes skirts, lingerie, and high heels. "It wasn't easy to start over like this, but I think I'm adjusting. It's certainly not the path I would have chosen for myself, but I'd rather be a complete woman than half a man." And what is Kim's life like outside of work? "I'm still getting used to it. It takes me about an hour longer to get ready in the morning, and it still rattles me being called 'Miss', not to mention every guy I know seems to want to ask me out. At first I'd turn them down, but now I rather enjoy being taken out. Just because I'm now a woman doesn't mean I have no sex drive!" Note: Dr. Patel would like to warn all male readership that a monthly testicular self-examination is the best way to prevent this type of cancer. * * * * * * Man shocked when his bride turns out to be a man! SANTA ANNA, CALIFORNIA?When Michael St. Jermaine finally married his dream girl, he had no idea she was harboring an alarming secret: 'she' was actually a man! "I don't know how I could have fallen for it," says the disgusted banker, 29. "When I first met Jennifer, I thought she was the most gorgeous thing on the planet! We dated for over a year, I never once suspected that she was actually a perverted guy in a dress." This bizarre relationship started a year ago on Halloween. "I crashed this party in me neighborhood," explains St. Jermaine. "Everyone was in costume. When I saw that beautiful redhead dressed like a harem girl, I immediately started talking to her." Jennifer whose real name is Jason Strauss explains his unusual outfit. "When I went to that party dressed as a girl, it was a Halloween costume, nothing more. I thought it would get a few laughs; I honestly never planned to dress as a woman again. But then, I met Mike. He obviously thought I was a real woman, so I decided to play along. But the more we talked, the more I grew to like him. When he asked me out, I said yes." When the bedazzled bachelor went to pick up his date, he had no idea what he was getting into. "Jennifer, or whatever her name is, was everything I wanted in a woman, tall, muscular, and athletic. She was fun to talk to and had a great sense of humor. I had no idea she was nothing but a lying transvestite." Jennifer/Jason disagrees. "I wasn't trying to hurt him. I just thought it would be fun to see what it's like to experience a date from the woman's point of view. I have a friend who runs a beauty salon. She helped me get ready. After a couple of hours of makeup training, it was hard to tell I wasn't a real woman." Michael apparently agreed. "After that first date I couldn't get my mind off of her. After about a week together, I knew she was the one I planned to marry. God, what an idiot I was." Says the cross-dressing cutie: "Every time we'd go out, I planned to tell him the truth. But then, he'd so something so charming that I couldn't stop thinking about what a wonderful guy he was. I had never dated a guy before, but after several months of flowers, romantic dinners, and late-night kisses, I knew I enjoyed being Michael's girl much more than being anyone else's man." "The thing that sickens me the most," grumbles St. Jermaine, "is how Jennifer let me kiss her like that. I'm ashamed to say, we did get rather close on more than one occasion. When I think how I touched her, how she touched me, I want to vomit." "When Michael asked me to marry him, I felt like the happiest woman on earth. Thanks to my relationship with him, I hadn't been out of dresses for over a year. I guess I foolishly thought he'd still love me, even after he found out my secret." The truth came out, of course, on their honeymoon. "Jennifer never let me go past first base when we were dating. I thought she was just an old fashioned girl, but it turns out she wasn't a girl at all. When I tried to get her into bed on our wedding night, she had to tell me her secret. She's lucky I didn't deck her. I walked out, and I'm just going to try to forget last year." 'Jennifer' is more hopeful. "I know he hates me now, but I still love him. He's changed my life, and I pray that someday he'll be able to forget about how I deceived him and remember how much he loves me. Until that day, I'll be here, waiting for him." FLASH! Shortly before we go to press, we have learned that Michael and Jennifer have affected what appears to be reconciliation. It would seem that Michael's love for his bride was deeper than his anger over the deception. "After Michael found out the truth, he went to pieces," states Michael's brother, Roy. "He quit his job, stopped leaving the house, and started drinking, a lot. At first I thought he was disgusted with himself, but in time I realized he was still pining away for Jennifer. I finally told him, 'Dude, you still love her. She could have fooled me. She could have fooled anyone. If you still feel that strongly for her, then go get her! People would understand." Strangely enough, things seem to be working out. Michael and Jennifer have moved in together. As for the legality of their union, Jennifer would only comment "I know I can't legally be Mike's wife now. But I don't want to be a man again, so I'm going to check into the hospital for a bit. When I come out, there won't be any problems." Well, with an understanding husband like that, it's hard to imagine this couple experiencing any difficulties. * * * * * * Injury turns macho high school football player into a cheerleader! ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI?When sixteen-year-old Carl Andrews broke his back, he realized that his days of playing football for his high school were over. What young athlete did not realize, however, was that he would soon be back on the field?as a cheerleader! "Carl was a first string quarterback," related St. Francis High School football coach, Dick Waterman. "He had a full scholarship to state, the girls loved him, his future was rosy. Then, after the game against Union West, it all came to an end." A freak gridiron accident left Andrews with a broken spine and the prospect of spending eight months in traction. "Poor Carl was devastated," says his girlfriend, Peggy LaMaur, currently a senior at Andrews' school. "When the doctors told him that he could risk permanent paralysis if he ever played again?well, I honestly think he felt his life was over. I'd visit him in the hospital every day, and he'd just lie there, staring at the ceiling. He wouldn't eat. He went from 190lbs. to about 100 in a few months. The doctors started discussing placing him in a psychiatric facility, his depression was that bad. Football was his life, you see. Once that was taken away from him, he felt he had lost everything. I knew I had to do something." "I was a mess, I admit it," says Andrews, now eighteen. "I won't even deny that I thought of suicide at times. I guess that's when Peggy told me her crazy plan, I was willing to listen." Peggy's crazy plan was to have Carl join her on the cheerleading squad. "It wasn't as far-out as you might think," says Peggy. "There were already two boys on the squad. I thought if Carl couldn't play football, he could at least be part of the game. The problem was that the male cheerleaders had to do a lot of physical feats: throwing the girls up in the air, carrying them on their shoulders, flips, that sort of thing. It was about as stressful as playing the actual game." "But Peggy wasn't about to let me off that easily," continues Andrews. "She told me since I couldn't be a male cheerleader, maybe I could be a pom-pom girl, like her. She even brought her uniform by for me to try on. I knew that I had lost so much weight that I could fit into it, but I refused." But the combination of Peggy's insistence and Carl's desire to be on the field once more proved too much. Soon Carl was wearing Peggy's cheerleader's shirt and skirt. "I was surprised how well he turned out. With a little padding and a new haircut, you honestly couldn't tell!" Carl was released from the hospital shortly after chucking his jock strap for pom-poms. Peggy wasted no time in inviting Andrews to participate in the bi-weekly cheerleading practice. "I was real nervous at first, I thought the whole squad would laugh at me. But Peggy had told girls why I was doing this, and they were all real supportive. By the end of practice that day, I honestly felt like one of the team. I actually was excited about attending next week's practice." By the time Andrews returned to school, he had earned a berth on the cheerleading squad. "Carl was sensational," gushes Peggy. "He was timid at first, but by the halftime show he was 'rah rahing' and dancing with the rest of us. He was a great football player, but he's an outstanding pommer." It wasn't long before Carl's classmates realized who the new brunette cheerleader was. "At first I was pretty shocked," says Tim Portman, one of Andrews' former teammates. "I mean I know he was upset, but this was kind of extreme. Still, it was great to have him back on the field. He really seems to enjoy what he was doing out there, and that's what counts." Carl's mother couldn't agree more. "When Carl told me what he and Peggy were planning, naturally I was concerned. But he looked so lovely out there, I honestly couldn't tell him no when he asked me to sign the cheerleading permission form." Carl, who now goes by 'Carol,' has lost all signs of his former depression. "At first I felt like a freak, but after a few games, I just realized I was a young person doing what I enjoy. I'm helping out the team, getting plenty of exercise, and spending a lot more time with Peggy." Of course it hasn't been totally easy for Andrews to go from jock to cheerleader. "I've had him on a real strict diet," says Peggy. "He's also had to have a bit of electrolysis to keep his beard from developing. We're both going to be on the squad at State next year, I expect him to look the part." How does 'Carol' feel about the future? "Excited and nervous. I hear the uniforms there are really skimpy. Peggy promised to get me a boob job for my birthday, maybe that will help me fit in." Comments? [email protected]