Gillian
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GILLIAN
By Lorna E. Black
Chapter 1 - REDUNDANCY
It had now been a year since I was made redundant from my job
along with many others were forced to go our separate ways at
that time. What had become of my former colleagues, I didn't
know, and for that matter, I didn't really want to know because
these days, I had made a new life for myself.
For my part, I had decided on a complete career change, using my
hobby to make a living and with some successes in the past, I
could now make a fairly good living as a freelance writer,
writing short stories and articles. Over that year, other things
had changed as well as my career. My marriage had collapsed and I
was now in the process of divorce, which actually suited me. The
one other big change that had happened to me is that my
appearance had also changed considerably over the period. So, all
in all, many changes had just occurred in my life.
Perhaps being made redundant from my job gave me the impetus to
allow these changes to happen. With these changes, to be honest,
I had now become a bit of a recluse. There was no great need to
go out since most of my days were spent in front of the word
processor, which had become the mainstay of my new career.
However, the time had come when I needed to go outside and rejoin
the real world. Because I had not really left my flat for quite
some time, I was beginning to get fed up with my own company.
When I first started living on my own, after my wife and I
separated, I used to go out quite regularly, but this was mainly
for shopping for essentials and things to get my new life up and
running.
Now, the only times I seem to venture out are for my appointments
to see my doctor. I don't even need to go out to the supermarket;
I can do all my shopping on line. The thought did cross my mind,
if I went out, what would be the likelihood of bumping into any
of my old work colleagues? This is something that, frankly, I
dreaded but decided the chances of this sort of meeting would be
fairly remote, and anyway even if I did happen to see someone I
knew from the past, it would be highly unlikely that they would
recognise me.
I had to put these thoughts behind me because it was time to face
the world and anyway I had just received a cheque from my
publisher for my latest submission so, I felt the need to
celebrate a little and indulge in some retail therapy. It was
around nine o'clock in the morning, I left my flat, with a degree
of apprehension, and got into my car to drive the short distance
to a city centre multi-storey car-park to which I often went in
my previous life, while I was still at my last job. The car park
was fairly quiet when I arrived; even so, I was still nervous
when I got out of the car. Taking a few deep breaths, I got out
of the car, locked the car and slowly made my way to the shops,
stopping only to buy a newspaper at a kiosk on the way.
In the past, I used to do a similar thing and often go into one
particular department store, which had a coffee shop and have
breakfast. These feelings of nostalgia came back to me and I
thought, 'Why not, it's been a long time since I did something
like this. It's definitely time that I got back to normal.' Into
the store I went and made my way straight to the coffee shop, the
coffee shop I had been in many times in the past.
It was the manageress who served me, a person I had also seen
many times behind that counter. We were never on anything more
than a nodding acquaintance and as this was the first time I had
been here in nearly a year. I think she possibly recognised me,
but not so much as a, 'Hello, nice to see you,' sort of thing,
but more of a double take. However she served me with my food and
coffee, took my money but I could sense she was staring, still
not believing what she was seeing. I suppose I would have to get
used to people that I was acquainted with, staring at me. The
only other remedy to stop this was to move to another town, but
for many reasons, this was not an option.
To carry on with my story, I took my tray to a vacant table, sat
down opened my newspaper and started on my breakfast. This
certainly took me back to that time when I used to come into this
store. Being completely absorbed in a world of me own, I didn't
see anyone approach me but, I suddenly became aware of someone
standing in front of my table, I looked up and immediately
recognised the person standing there. It was Gillian, a woman I
used to work with. We were both made redundant about the same
time.
Chapter 2 - REMINISCENCES
Now Gillian is someone, I suppose, I always had affection for,
actually a bit more than that. We actually had a short fling just
before we went our separate ways. However in those days, although
she was single, I was married. There is also a reasonable age gap
between us, some fifteen years. She is tall, around five feet ten
inches and very slim. I could say it was actually a case of her
seducing me, but when lust takes over from logic, who can say who
is really responsible. She would come down from her office with
paperwork I needed and always stood as close that physical
contact took place.
On one occasion I was standing by my desk with my hands gripping
the edge of the desk when Gillian came up to me so that her legs
came in contact with the back of my hand. Yes, I could feel
suspenders rubbing against my hand through the material of her
skirt. She sensed this and moved so that my hand rubbed up and
down on her suspenders. Actually I never really took her to be a
stockings and suspenders type of woman; she always struck me the
type who dressed fairly plainly including underwear and always
wore tights. But there it was, Gillian was wearing stockings and
suspenders and she made sure I knew it. Whether she had put them
on for my benefit, I never knew then. We looked at each other and
we both knew exactly what we were both wanting.
I said to her, "I need to go up stairs to the stock room to get
something."
She replied, "I'll help you, if you like?"
"Thank you, that would be nice." So I took the keys I needed from
my desk and we both went up in the lift to the appropriate place.
I unlocked and opened the door.
Gillian went in ahead of me and said, "Lock the door will you."
I turned, put the key in the lock and locked the door, then
turned again to face Gillian to see that she had taken off her
skirt. She was in the process of taking off her blouse to leave
herself standing there in a lacy bra, French knickers, suspender
belt and lace topped stockings all in black. I was in no position
to resist. I went over to her; she took hold of the belt of my
trousers, unfastened it, undid the top button of my trousers,
pulled down the zipper and let them fall to my ankles. I was now
in that awkward state, trying to be cool, but desperate to take
her, but my trousers were round my ankles made me look and feel
slightly ridiculous.
I managed to slip off my shoes and get my trousers off, by
hopping from foot to foot but before I knew it her hand was
inside my underpants. In a flash they were down at my ankles as
well, Gillian was on her knees and my cock was in her mouth. This
was bliss. She sucked and as soon as she sensed I was about to
come, she stopped, stood up and said, "Not yet."
Not yet indeed, she had other plans. Now it was my turn to go on
my knees as instructed by Gillian pulling down her panties on my
way down. I was greeted with the wonderful sight of her fanny
surrounded by a luxuriant bush of blonde hair. She opened her
legs slightly and said in a soft tone, "You know what to do." Let
me put it this way, we were in that stock room for about an hour
and I, for one, received an education that day.
Chapter 3 - TO THE PRESENT
Well that was then, but now we were back in the present. She
spoke, "It is you isn't it?"
Well, the last thing I wanted at this time was to meet up with
old work colleagues, let alone former lovers, so I thought if I
could give the impression that I did not recognise her, then she
might realise it was a case of mistaken identity. So I replied,
"Do I know you?"
"Of course you do. We used to work together."
"Did we?"
"Oh yes, and a bit more. I recognised you and anyway, as soon as
you opened your mouth, just then, that really confirmed it."
"I think you must be mistaking me for someone else?"
"I don't think so." Gillian had recognised me and it seemed she
was not going to take no for an answer, however I thought I would
persist.
"How can you be so sure?"
"I'm sure."
"Are you sure you don't have me mixed up with someone else?"
"I don't think so. May I sit down?"
"If you like."
Gillian went on, "It is really nice to see you again and I like
the way you've changed, it really suits you. Honestly, I would
never have thought you would have turned out the way you are, but
I suppose thinking back, perhaps the signs were there."
It now appeared that there was no way that I could put Gillian
off, as she seemed to have no intentions of going. I thought I'm
going to have to admit that I knew her. So I said, "What do you
mean the way I've changed?"
Gillian replied, "Put it this way what do call yourself these
days. I'm sure it's not Lawrence?"
"Correct."
"Is It Laura or Lauren perhaps?"
"No, actually it's Alison."
"That's nice."
"Is it?"
"Yes it is, and it suits you."
Of course, what Gillian was seeing was not the man in his
forties, she once knew and seduced but a woman of about the same
age. Yes, the way I was now presenting myself to the world was
indeed female. Instead of shirts and trousers, these days it was
dresses, skirts and blouses and today, and on this day in
particular, I was wearing a red business suit with a straight
skirt coming to just above the knee. Under my jacket, I wore a
fairly plain white silk blouse and under my skirt, a full white
slip, white bra, white French knickers with matching suspender
belt and black lace top stockings. The shoes I wore were black
court shoes with a two-inch heel. As far as my head was
concerned, I wore an auburn wig and my face was fully made up
finished off with drop pearl earrings in my pierced ears. My
final accessories were a black leather shoulder bag and some very
expensive perfume.
Gillian continued, "Look, can we talk? But not here."
"Why?"
"Well, for one thing I'm fascinated and for another, when we
worked together we did have something together."
"Yes we did. I'm sure you wouldn't want to have anything to do
with me now?"
Gillian didn't answer this question, instead she said, "Why don't
we go to my flat, where we can be comfortable?"
"What, now?"
"No, not just at this moment. I actually came to do some
shopping, what about you?"
"Yes, I did as well."
"So, what do you say, shall we go together?"
"If you like." Believe it or not, at this moment, I felt
relieved, I actually felt reasonably happy and for some peculiar
reason, secure. Perhaps it was the fact, because I was with
another woman, I had this reassurance of strength in numbers. For
the first time since I had started my new life, it would seem
that I had found someone who didn't want to condemn. We left that
coffee shop together, I noticed the manageress giving me one of
those funny looks again. I just smiled back.
Gillian asked, "Where do you want to go shopping?"
I replied that I had just been paid and I needed some new
clothes. The first place we went was, never actually getting out
the department store we were in, was the lingerie department
where I had said to Gillian that I had needed a few things. She
was really fascinated by this, wondering what sort of things I
liked to wear. She noticed, of course, that my preference was for
frilly, lacy underwear and seeing this said, "Is this the sort of
things you really like to wear?"
"Yes, all the time."
"Lacy, frilly things?"
"Yes."
"And, let me guess, I suppose you wear stockings and suspenders
as well?"
"All the time, well most of the time."
"Why?"
"Because I like to."
"Did you wear things like this when you were a man?"
"When I could."
"Why?"
"It's a long story. Can I tell you later?"
"Yes, I would like that."
"But you also wear things like me because I've seen you. What
about the time in the stock room?"
"That wasn't for my benefit, that was for your benefit. I like my
underwear to be plain and simple. I would also wear trousers all
the time as outerwear, but I can't in my present job."
"So, apart from dressing for my benefit, you never wear things
like this?"
"No, never. Actually I tell a lie, because at one time, a few
years ago, and although I never actually bought things like that,
my mother used to, thinking I needed things like these to try to
get a man. I only ever wore one or two items once. In fact I
think I still have all that stuff in a box somewhere."
"You really don't know what you're missing."
"Don't I? I think it's all a matter of preference."
"If you say so. I like to wear this sort of stuff. Oh, and as a
matter of interest, did you ever get that man, apart from me?"
"No, but that's another story. I may tell you later. Anyway
thinking back, when you saw me dressed like that, were you
thinking instead of just stripping me of these things, you really
would have liked to wear them yourself. Am I right?"
I chose to ignore that particular question as we continued our
shopping. Gillian said she would like to purchase some other
things, from another counter, so I made my choices, took them to
the till and paid for them just as Gillian returned. We spent the
rest of that morning in various shops, looking, browsing and
occasionally buying. I felt better and better as the day
progressed. With our shopping over, we both walked back to the
car park to get my car, it was now early afternoon and as Gillian
had come into the town centre by bus; we set off for Gillian's
flat in my car.
She gave directions and we arrived after about fifteen minutes.
Getting out of the car, laden with our purchases, Gillian said,
as she unlocked her front door, "Welcome to my humble abode."
Chapter 4 - QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS
Gillian beckoned me to sit down as she sat down opposite me. She
certainly did not beat about the bush when it came to asking
about myself. It was straight in with, "Are you going through a
sex change or are you just dressing as a woman?"
"I'm going through a sex change."
"Why?"
"It's something I have needed to do for a very long time."
"How long?"
"Since I was very small."
"So what's been going through your mind?"
"I felt that I should have been born a girl."
"And did you try to do anything about it?"
"Well, yes, I used to dress in some of my sister's clothes
whenever I could. To me, it actually felt normal. This went on
for quite some time, that was, until I was caught."
"So what happened then?"
"I got the hiding of my life from my father. From that day on, I
was told never even to think that way again. I never really got
on with my father after that."
"What about your mother?"
"I got the impression that she really couldn't care less about
it. She never actually said anything much about the whole thing,
and she never once said I was wrong. She did say, though, if I
had been born a girl then I would have been called Alison
Elizabeth, thus my name now."
"I see. I was wondering why you were now calling yourself Alison.
So I take it from all that, you were really confused about your
parent's attitude?"
"I certainly was."
"And did you manage to dress in girl's clothes again?"
"Oh yes, I had to. I became much more secretive and even managed
to get my own set of girl's clothes and could dress in other
places apart from home. As time went on, these clothes changed to
women's clothes."
"Did you do anything else?"
"I always remember going to bed and praying to wake up as a girl
the next morning."
"You said earlier that you wore female things even up to a year
ago?"
"I've worn female clothes whenever I could for as long as I can
remember."
"How did your wife take it?"
"She never knew until fairly recently. That's why we are getting
divorced."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not."
"So I take it, your wife could never come to terms with your
secret longings?"
"Exactly."
"Tell me more."
"About what?"
"Well about your wife finding out?"
"Why?"
"Well I would like to try to understand what she thought?"
"Again, why?"
"For a start, I know how I feel seeing you as you are now. I was
just interested how your wife felt."
"How do you feel then?"
"I think it's nice. I think it's nice because, you've at last
found, your true self and it shows."
"Do you?"
"Absolutely. So are you going to tell me how your wife felt?"
"All right then."
"Go on."
"It all happened one Saturday when she had decided to visit some
of her relatives. She knew that I would likely be bored and
suggested she go on her own. This of course suited me down to the
ground, because as soon as she was out the house, I was up into
the loft to fetch my suitcase full of women's clothes. I stripped
myself completely naked, not looking at myself in the mirror
until I had a bra, panties and my wig on. This was my ritual of
making the change from man to woman. Anyway, I was completely
dressed and was just applying some finishing touches to my make-
up when, in she walked saying that the particular relative was
not at home. This was all before she saw me."
"Then what?"
"Well, as soon as I heard my wife returning, it was a case of
trying to hide and get the clothes off at the same time which
turned out to be impossible, of course. She caught me in the
act."
"And?"
"When she saw me she looked absolutely horrified, ran into the
lounge and burst into tears. What could I do? All I could think
of at that moment was to get out of these female clothes and back
into my male clothes and try and talk to her. Well this, of
course, proved extremely difficult. When, eventually, she calmed
a little, the only sort of reply I managed to get from her, was,
'Why?' and 'You're a queer aren't you?' and things like that."
"Well, are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Queer, homosexual, call it what ever you like?"
"Certainly not."
"So you're not interested in men, then?"
"No, I never have been."
"So why are you going through a sex change then?"
"Like I said, because I have to."
"Then, if you decided to form a relationship in the future, a
sexual relationship say, then it would likely be with a woman and
not a man?"
"I never really thought about it until now, so in a word, I
suppose yes. Why are you so interested?"
"Put it this way, do you see evidence of any man around here?"
"No. Are you saying you don't have a man friend, at the moment?"
"That's right, actually I never have. In fact I'm not in any kind
of
relationship at the moment"
"You wouldn't be trying to tell me that you prefer women to men?"
"I am."
"So, are you a lesbian then?"
"Yes, just like yourself."
"I suppose I must be."
"But what about the time you seduced me?"
"I don't know, perhaps I was looking for something in my own
sexuality or maybe I was seeing something in you I needed."
Chapter 5 - DEEPER AND DEEPER
"So how far have you got with your sex change? Are you a complete
woman yet?"
"What do you mean, complete?"
"You know, down below?"
"Not quite yet. I still have to have the surgery."
"So how far have you got?"
"I'm on hormone treatment at the moment and my breasts are
growing?"
"May I see?"
"Pardon."
"May I see your breasts?"
"You're being a bit forward, aren't you?"
"Come on, we've been friends a long time."
"Yes, but not like this."
"I know, but there's nothing like renewing old friendships."
"Do you want to renew our friendship, then?"
"Yes."
"I would have thought you might have regarded me as a bit of a
freak."
"Certainly not."
"Then you want us to be friends?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Put it this way, I think you need a friend and I need a friend
as well."
"True, I do need a friend. But what about yourself, I would have
thought you would have plenty of friends of your own?"
"Not the kind I'm really looking for."
"What do you mean?"
"Let's wait and see, shall we."
"You intrigue me."
"So, are you going to let me see your breasts or not?"
What could I do, this was an invitation I felt I just could not
turn down so I unbuttoned my jacket and took it off. My blouse
followed this and I was left standing there in my slip and skirt.
Gillian suggested that I take off my skirt, to make things
easier. This I did, so now I was left standing there in my slip.
Gillian eased the straps of my slip off my shoulders and it fell
to the floor to leave me now standing there in just my bra,
French knickers, suspender belt and stockings. She could now see
the extent to which I had become a woman, because apart from my
breasts filling the bra I was wearing, my waist measurements had
slimmed, giving me what I had always wanted, a female figure.
Gillian looked at me intently, in particular, my breasts. She
walked round looking at what seemed to be every inch of my body.
"May I touch them?" Gillian asked.
"If you like."
And that's just what she did, rather gingerly at first, until she
actually cupped them with her hands. "Can I take your bra off,
please?"
"If you like."
"Before I knew it, my bra had been unclipped and she was easing
it off down my arms. I now stood there even more naked, because
all I was now wearing was my French knickers, suspender belt and
stockings. This certainly had been a strange day, from me
venturing out into the world again, thinking I would meet no one
and probably return home feeling dejected, to actually meeting an
old friend who on the face of it was willing to accept me for
what I was. Even more, it looked like there might even be
something more developing with this friendship.
My new and beloved breasts were now free and Gillian was the
first person to see them apart from my doctor. She looked and she
touched very carefully. Bending over, thinking that she was
wanting a better view. She kissed each one in turn. This took me
by surprise and I said, "What are you doing?"
Gillian straightened herself and instead of replying, she put her
arms around me and gave me a kiss on the mouth. But this was no
ordinary kiss, this was deep and passionate. I found that I was
in no position to resist. What was happening to me? Had I just
landed into a relationship with a woman, a woman I had affection
for in the past? It was certainly beginning to look that way.
When we broke from our kiss, Gillian gave me a deep hug and said,
"Welcome. Welcome to the world of womanhood.'
The End
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