Child's Play
By Kelly Davidson
Part I
When I was eleven years old I was friends with a little girl
named Lisa who lived across the street. We were about the same
age and in general, liked the same things. In fact, she was a
tomboy who dressed pretty much like the other boys in our
neighborhood. But every once in a while her mother (who looked
like Jill Taylor from the show, "Tool Time") would make her wear
a dress. I used to admire Lisa clothes and wish I could try them
on. There was a red dress in particular that caught my eye. I
would spend hours dreaming of playing dress-up with Lisa and
trying on her clothes. But Lisa was more into doing boy things
than playing dress-up or house, so I knew my dream would never
happen. Or would it?
One day I learned that Lisa and her parents were leaving for an
overnight trip to visit her grandparents. Her father was looking
for a new job in another city so they could be closer to them.
This meant the house would be empty for an entire day; all I had
to do was find a way in. I decided then and there that I was
going to enter their house while they were gone and try on some
of Lisa's clothes. A plan formed in my mind and I put it into
action. The night before they left, I went over to play with Lisa
and made sure one of the basement windows was unlocked.
The next morning I woke up in time to see Lisa getting into the
car and watching it drive away. As soon as the car turned the
corner the excitement inside me started to build. Today was the
day I would get the chance to try on some girl's clothes. Oh, I
had worn some of my mother's stuff before but everything was
always too big. Now I was going to wear something in "MY" size.
I wanted to leave right then, but two fears held me up. First, I
was afraid if I left too early my Mom would get suspicious and
watch to see where I was going. Second, I was concerned that
Lisa's family may come right back. Despite my enthusiasm, I
somehow waited until 9 a.m. before making my move.
After telling my mother I was going out to play, I calmly trotted
over to Lisa's backyard. Making sure no one was looking; I slid
behind a bush that hid the unlocked window. I sat there for
moment, wondering if anyone had noticed the window was unlocked
and had re-locked it. But when I pushed on the window it opened
right up.
I slid myself into the basement and locked the window behind me.
The house was quiet and spooky and for the first time I felt
guilty about what I was doing. True, I wasn't planning to steal
or damage anything, still I knew what I was doing was wrong.
Despite my guilt, the excitement of trying on some of Lisa's
clothes over came what I was feeling. Cautiously, I walked
upstairs while carefully checking to make sure no one else was
home. Convinced I was alone, I walked into Lisa's room.
It was your typical girl's room except there were more boy's toys
lying about than girl's toys. I stood in front of the closet for
30 full seconds just thinking, 'This had been so easy.' I
couldn't believe that something so forbidding and beyond my
wildest dreams was about to come true.
I grabbed the knob and slowly opened up the closet door in
anticipation. There hanging in front of me were a number of
pretty dresses, some that I had never seen Lisa wear before. I
was like a kid in a candy store; I didn't know which one to try
on first. Then I spotted the red dress I liked so much. It was a
simple dress, with white bows on the sleeves, and just long
enough to cover my thighs. I reached out and grabbed it off the
hanger.
Holding it up in front of me, I stood in front of the mirror
trying to see how it would look. I hadn't even tried anything on
and yet I couldn't remember a happier day in my life. I felt so
soft and feminine in my hands and I had to try it on.
But just as I was getting ready to take off my shirt I heard
someone asked, "So Jeff, did you find anything in 'YOUR' size?"
I turned to see Mrs. Smith standing in the doorway with an amused
look on her face. No doubt she had seen the whole thing however,
I quickly put the dress behind my back in a poor attempt to hide
it.
"Mrs. Smith," I shouted out. "What are you doing here?"
Without changing her expression she replied, "I decided to stay
home and get caught up on my needlework. Lisa decided that she
would rather visit her grandparents while her father looked for a
job than stay here with me. Now, the ten thousand dollar question
is, what are you doing here young man?"
I didn't know what to say. Even though I had been caught red-
handed I wasn't about to admit the real reason for being there. I
did some quick thinking and blurted out, "I couldn't find my
baseball this morning and thought maybe I had left it over here
last night."
"Humm, I see." She smiled even more. "And what's that behind your
back?"
"Nothing." I answered nervously. I clutched the dress tighter;
hoping this would cause it to disappear.
She walked over to where I was standing and bent down. "Look's
like something to me. Come on now Jeff, let go of it. Let me see
what it is."
She pulled the dress out of my hands that were behind my back and
held it up in front of me. "This doesn't look like a baseball to
me," she said with a big grin. "What were you planning to do with
Lisa's dress?"
"Well, you see," I stuttered, trying to think up a good story, "I
knocked it off the hanger by accident and it fell to the floor.
So I... picked it up... and was checking to make sure it wasn't
dirty before I put it back."
It might have been a good story if I had been able to tell it
convincingly. Unfortunately, Mrs. Smith saw right through it.
"I see," she replied getting down on her knees and holding the
dress up right to me. "Nope, it looks clean to me. I like this
dress. Lisa looks real cute in it. You know, I hadn't realized it
before but you and Lisa are about the same size. I bet you could
wear this dress if you wanted to."
The words made me freeze. Had I really heard her right? Was she
implying it was all right with her if I tried it on? Or was she
waiting to see how I would reply before yelling at me for
breaking into her house? I stood there not know what to say. Mrs.
Smith had always been a nice lady to me but then; I had never
been in trouble with her before.
Sensing my fear, Mrs. Smith smiled softly and in a low voice
said, "Don't worry Jeff, I'm not going to tell anyone what
happened. I know you're a nice kid." She paused for a moment to
stare at me then she spoke the words I had dreamed of hearing.
"And if you want, I could dress you up as my 'little' girl."
A cold chill of excitement ran down my spine. Had I really heard
her right? Was she being sincere or was this a trap?
Still afraid to show my true feelings, I played her last comment
off as a joke. Giving her a weak smile I replied, "Well, I guess
that would depend on what you made me wear?"
"What do you mean?" she asked mischievously.
"You heard the saying... your mother dresses you funny." I
responded, trying to sound humorous while hiding my excitement.
She smiled sweetly and said, "Why, I would dress you in the most
beautiful dress, with ribbons and bows... and frilly panties...
lace anklets and black paten leather shoes. Wouldn't you look
just adorable? You'd be the ultimate in femininity... for a
little girl, I mean."
My mind went numb. I wanted to scream out, 'Yes, yes. I'll do
it!' but was afraid of what she would do if I sounded too eager.
After all, my parents could never accept my desire to dress up.
With years of living in fear under my belt it was hard to believe
someone was willing to let me live out my dream and not judge me
for it. I tried to find the words but couldn't. Finally she
spoke.
"There are a few rules we need to get worked out. First, we can't
tell anyone about what we do today. It'll be our little secret.
"Second, you'll spend the day here until it's time to go home for
supper. I'll call your Mom to let her know where you are so she
won't worry.
"Third, your name will be... let's see, how about Susanna Marie
Smith. I've always wanted another little girl so I could give her
that name. You on the other hand will refer to me as mommy.
"Finally, you will have to act like a good little girl. That
means listening and doing what I tell you to do even if you don't
want to. Are we clear on these rules?"
I nodded out a "yes" and tried to appear more relaxed. I didn't
realize it but the last rule would come back to haunt me later.
"Now, would you like to see the outfit I have in mind?" she asked
pleasantly.
I nodded silently and for the first time began to wonder what I
had gotten myself into. She smiled, got up off her knees, and
took my hand.
"Okay, come with me dear." I was beginning to believe that Mrs.
Smith was looking forward to this just as much as I was.
Part II
She led me down the hallway into a spare bedroom. "I got this
outfit so Lisa could compete in the Little Miss's contest at the
local fair next month. But being such a tomboy, I had to fight
with her just to try it on. 'It was too girlish', as she called
it, to wear for any period of time outside the contest. What do
you think?"
Mrs. Smith pulled from the closet one of the prettiest dresses I
had ever seen. It was light pink and made out of a silky material
with white lace and bows attached all over it. The dress had a
white, lacy collar garnisheed with small, white bows. The
shoulders of the sleeves were widely puffed out but came together
midway down the arm and ended at the elbows. On the ends of the
sleeves were little white bows and lace.
From the collar down to where the skirt began the dress had a
light, flower pattern on it. The skirt of the dress was actually
two skirts, the lower being just a plain, pink color made out of
the silky material. The top skirt covered the bottom skirt
completely and was made out of a semi-transparent, silky pink
lace with the same flower design as on the top part of the dress.
At the hem of the skirt small, feminine bows were fixed to it.
Around the waist was a wide, white ribbon that was tied into a
big bow in the back.
"You'll need this to get the skirt to spread out," Mrs. Smith
said as she grabbed a lacy petticoat from the closet. "I think
the rest of the stuff we can find in Lisa's room. Let's go back
there and get you dressed."
She pushed the petticoat into my arms and carefully picked up the
hanger that held the dress. I followed her back down the hallway
into Lisa's room carrying the pile of silk and lace in my hands
that would soon be on my body. My mind was going into overload
with happiness and excitement. After hanging the dress on the
back of the door, Mrs. Smith opened up a dresser drawer.
"Lets see, you'll need underwear," as she threw an unopened
package onto the bed. "Would you look at this, it's never been
open. Lisa wouldn't even try them on. Or the socks!" as she
tossed another unopened package on the bed.
Next she walked over to the closet and pulled out a pair of
shinny, black shoes and a robe. She placed the shoes on the bed
and handed me the robe.
"Here, take off your clothes and put this on."
I did as she said, putting the robe on before taking off my pants
and underwear. Mrs. Smith picked up the pile of clothes and told
me she would be right back. She left the room and a moment later
re-appeared with a long, blonde wig.
"Bet you didn't know your mother was a blonde at one time," she
said with a smile. "Okay, I think we're ready to start."
As we sat on the bed she explained what everything was and in
what order I needed to put them on. She was very comforting in
her words, as if she were deliberately making sure she didn't say
anything that might embarrass me. She also had a blissful smile
on her face as if she were enjoying the moment.
Once this was done Mrs. Smith looked at me for a moment and said,
"If you need help with something just let me know. In the
meantime I'm going to call your Mom, just to let her know where
you are, and get dressed myself. Take all the time you need
Honey, alright." With those parting words she got up and left,
closing the door behind her.
I rushed to the door and opened it slightly so I could hear her
conversation with my mother. It turned out my Mom was going
shopping that afternoon and was hoping Mrs. Smith could watch me
while she was gone. Talk about good luck. After Mrs. Smith hung
up the phone I closed the door and turned to the job at hand.
First I open up the package of new underwear that was lying on
the bed. They were white and silky with ruffles attached to the
outside all around. I carefully stepped into them and pulled them
up. A cool wave of excitement ran throughout my body causing me
to shiver slightly. The panties were much silkier then anything I
had tried on before.
Next I opened up the package containing the socks. Like the
underwear, they were also white and had three rows of lace trim
near the top. I slid them over my feet, passed my ankles, and all
the way up to my knees. They felt so soft and warm on me.
After the socks came the hard part of putting on the petticoat.
It was made out of a smooth, nylon material with white, flower
lace attached at the edges. There were three layers of soft, lacy
ruffles that caused the petticoat to flare out on it's own. I had
never seen, let alone wore anything that had so many ruffles
attached to it. It took me a moment just to find the place where
I needed to put my head through and then I started battling all
the lacy ruffles to get it over my body. With one final big pull,
I was able to slip it into place. The ruffles on the petticoat
were thick and I enjoyed the touch of them rustling around my
legs. I was tempted to look at myself in the mirror but held off.
Next I picked up the dress and removed it from the hanger. It
felt so cool and silky in my hands, which were shaking with
excitement. I tried to stare at all the details; the lace, the
ribbons, the bows, but it was too much to take in. The dress was
absolutely beautiful! It was prettier then I could have ever
dreamed up. Another cool wave of excitement went down my spine,
causing my body to shiver.
I carefully placed the dress over my head and pull it down just
as Mrs. Smith had told me to do. Then I lifted up the skirt and
started spreading it out over the petticoat. From my angle, the
dress just covered the petticoat.
As I began smoothing out the dress over the petticoat, I noticed
that pressing down on the dress was like I was pushing down on a
bunch of soft pillows. As soon as I stopped pressing down, the
dress and petticoat would pop right back out again. I did this a
few more times to try and capture the experience in my memory.
There was a knock at the door and Mrs. Smith asked, "How are you
doing in there?"
"I'm almost dressed," I replied.
I lifted the wig off the fake head and put it on, being careful
and doing it exactly the way Mrs. Smith had shown me. The wig was
made of long, straight hair that went all the way down to my
waist with a sight curl in the front.
The last thing I did was slipped my feet into the shoes. They
were shinny and black but a bit tight. I had to fight with the
buckle before they went on.
After all this was done, I made my way to the mirror. What I saw
shocked me. While I wasn't perfect, I looked better then I ever
dreamed I could. Staring back at me was this cute, little girl in
a pretty, pink party dress.
"This can't be me," I kept repeating to myself in a daze and yet
it I knew it was.
There was another knock on the door. "Hurry up, I want to see how
you look." There was excitement in her voice that I hadn't heard
before.
Perhaps it was her excitement that made me nervous, or maybe that
this would be the first time someone would see me dressed up.
Whatever the reason, I didn't want Mrs. Smith to walk in and see
me standing in the middle of the room dressed like this. So I
went inside the closet and closed the door before calling out
that I was ready.
I heard the bedroom door open and then a concerned voice ask,
"Susan, where are you?"
"In the closet." I replied nervously.
"Why are you hiding in there?" The voice got louder as Mrs. Smith
walked up to the door.
"I... I wanted to surprise you. Are you sure you want to see me?"
I asked. "Really, really sure? Because if you're not, then don't
open up the door."
"Yes I want to see you." Her voice became softer and
understanding. "Look, I'm not going to laugh at you, I promise.
In fact, I know we're going to have a great time if you trust me.
Now, I'm going to open up the door on the count of three. One -
Two - Three."
I took a deep breath and braced myself for the worse. I realized
there was no turning back now. For better or worse, my decision
had been made.
Part 3
The light from the room suddenly came shinning in on me. I slowly
looked up and saw Mrs. Smith standing there with big smile on her
face. I had feared the worse but her face told me she wasn't
upset or grossed out by what she saw. In fact, it was the
opposite; she looked totally happy. Not only did Mrs. Smith want
me to be her little girl, I think she actually believed it.
"Oh Susan!" she squealed with delight. "You look soooo adorable.
Your sister didn't looked nearly as good in this dress as you do.
Come out of that closet so I can get a better look at you." She
grabbed my hand and pulled me into the middle of the room. "Oh
my, what a pretty little girl you are."
"I couldn't get the dress zipped up all the way, Mrs. Smith."
"Mommy," she reminded me, "remember? And that's okay, I'll do it
for you sugar. I just can't believe how good you look in this
dress; it's perfect on you. However, we're going to have to do
something about this petticoat, it's a little low." She knelt
down and had me lift up part of my dress while she made some
adjustments to it.
"Lower your dress now," she told me. "Okay, that looks much
better."
Moving my hair to one side she zipped up my dress and
straightened out the collar and some bows.
"There are still a few things we need to take care of to complete
this outfit," she said. "Come with me child so I can make you
pretty."
Mrs. Smith took my hand and led me out of the bedroom. The shoes
I was wearing were tight and petticoat rustled against my legs,
which caused the skirt to sway back and forth as I moved. It was
a struggle for me to walk in this outfit. Somehow I managed to
make it into to her bedroom without falling over.
"Sit down in the chair at the makeup table," she commanded.
Easier said then done. Everytime I tried to sit down I ended up
with a pile of ruffles to fight with. Mrs. Smith watched my
struggle with amusement.
"Here, try sitting down this way," which she then showed me.
Her way ended up working better then mine and I was able to sit
without having my dress sticking up. The chair I sat down on
already had a soft cushion but all the ruffles from the petticoat
made me feel like I was sitting on a couple of fluffy pillows.
The makeup table was huge and meant for serious business. It had
three, large mirrors and six sets of drawers (three on each
side). The two side mirrors were placed at a 45-degree angle,
which allowed me to see what I looked like from both sides. On
the table were several smaller mirrors, numerous bottles of
perfume, lipstick, hairbrushes, other bottles of makeup, and some
jewelry.
Mrs. Smith picked up a brush and started bushing my hair, working
on the front curl to make it more noticeable. When this was done,
she laid the brush down and pulled from one of the drawers a big,
white bow. With great care she attached it to the back of my
head. The ribbons from the bow almost ran down to the end of my
hair.
From another drawer she pulled out a pair of white, lace gloves
and told me to put them on. The ends of the gloves went up to my
elbows. Mrs. Smith explained that they had been her mothers and
was glad to see one of her girls would enjoy wearing them.
From still another drawer she pulled out a white, pearl necklace.
Placing it around my neck, the necklace hung just above the
collar of my dress. I had never thought of trying on my mother's
jewelry before and seeing the necklace had me spell-bound.
"Okay, we need to add some makeup to give you the right effect,"
she stated while picking up a bottle off the table. "I need you
to sit very still while I put this on, so don't move."
Over the next half hour she applied blush, eye shadow and liner,
pink lipstick, nail polish and finally, some of the sweetest-
smelling perfume I had ever smelled in my life, even to this day.
When she was all done Mrs. Smith stood back and looked at me with
pride.
"Oh Susan, you look so beautiful." There was a lot emotion in her
voice. "You're a living doll in that dress. I can't wait to show
you off." She got down on her knees and gave me a big hug. "We'll
going to have so much fun today, just you and me. Girl fun that
is."
"Mommy, what do you mean you can't wait to show me off?" I asked
nervously.
"Did I say that?" she said with a sly smile. "Sorry, I didn't
mean too. Wishful thinking I guess. Anyway young lady, we have
work to do. It's one thing to look like a little girl, it's quite
another to act like one. The contest is next month and you have a
lot to learn. I'll make you a promise; if you work hard this
morning I'll take it easy on you for the afternoon. Agree?"
Before I had a chance to answer she took my hand and led me into
the living room. Over the next couple of hours I was taught how
to sit, walk and act like a proper little girl. Mrs. Smith was
teaching me all the things I would need to know to compete in the
contest next month.
In fact she made the comment, "With your looks, poise, and that
dress; you're going to be contender Susanna. Now give me a
smile," she said as I posed for a picture, sitting in a chair
with my legs bent sideways, hands together resting on the skirt
of my dress and my hair flowing down over my shoulders. I became
a lot more relaxed when I saw my mother get into her car and
drive away.
I continued to relearn how to do things as a girl until about
noon when Mrs. Smith looked at the clock and said, "Let's stop
now and have lunch."
I agreed but instead of heading to the kitchen she led me back to
her bedroom. Going to her closet, she pulled out a white blouse
and handed it to me.
"Here, put this on over your dress so you don't get food on it,"
she said.
A new wave of excitement came over me. It was one thing to be
wearing Lisa's clothes, now I was trying on Mrs. Smith stuff. I
was hoping she would hand me a skirt or something else to wear
but instead we walked back to the kitchen. From the side of the
refrigerator she pulled out a fancy apron and placed it over me.
"There, I think that should be okay. We don't want to get
anything on that pretty dress of yours, now do we? So, what shall
we fix for lunch?" We decided on some grill cheese sandwiches
that I helped make.
After we ate and cleaned up the dishes, I removed the blouse
(with much reluctance) and handed it back to Mrs. Smith.
"We need to freshen up your makeup but that can wait a while,"
she remarked to me. "Since you worked so hard this morning, I'm
going to let you play while I do some needle work."
The news made me happy. True, I was living out a dream and so far
it had been more than I could have hoped for. But I had grown
tired of the routine of relearning to walk, sit, and talk like a
little girl just so I could impress a judge in a contest that I
would never be in. In fact, not only was I tired; I had become
bored with this make-believe game we were playing. While I still
liked the idea of dressing up and even acting as a little girl,
the things Mrs. Smith made me do hadn't been as much fun as I
thought they would be. Realities of real life never live up to
your dreams.
Then there was my age. If I had been older the situation would've
been different. But at eleven years old, my attention span wasn't
that long. The little kid inside me had had enough and he wanted
to go outside to run and play with his friends.
"Can I go outside and play?" I asked, thinking I could change
back into my boy clothes and go to the park. My friends would be
starting a baseball game about this time.
"I'm afraid not, Susan." Mrs. Smith replied. "I don't want you to
get your dress dirty and I'm not ready for you to take it off
yet." The reply took me back a little; I hadn't been prepared for
that answer.
"But I really want to go outside." I began to whine. "Please,
can't I change and go outside. I need to get some fresh air and
stretch my legs."
"Sorry Susan, I need you to keep that dress on for a little while
longer." Then she gave a sly grin and added, "I guess if want, we
could go for a walk in the park. Would that help?"
"In this?" I responded, holding out the hem of my skirt to her.
"My friends would laugh at me."
"No they wouldn't Susan. In fact, I bet your friends would fight
over each other just to sit next to such a pretty little girl on
the swing. I know the dress is a little bit more fancy than what
most girls wear, but I don't think they would make fun of you
because of it."
Clearly Mrs. Smith wasn't thinking straight or she didn't
understand the situation. Had she forgotten who I really was?
"But I'm not really a little girl, that's the problem," I
replied.
Oh really?" Mrs. Smith walked me over to the mirror and said,
"Look at yourself Susanna. You're beautiful and completely
feminine. Nobody could ever tell there was a boy underneath all
that silk and lace."
I looked at the person in the mirror and realized she was right.
It wasn't a boy wearing a dress that I saw; it was little girl in
a lacy, pink outfit with white bows and ribbons. She had long,
blonde hair that flowed down to her waist and a big, white bow
that hung on the back of her head. The shinny black shoes, the
white gloves, even the ruffles that peaked out from underneath my
dress every now and then all helped to make me into the illusion
of being a little girl.
"You just need to believe that the person in the mirror is really
who it appears to be," she whispered softly in my ear. "If it
helps, I believe you're the prettiest little girl a mother could
ever have."
Mrs. Smith wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tightly.
"I've enjoyed myself this morning. How about you; have you
enjoyed yourself?"
I nodded my head and gazed at her happy face in the mirror
staring over my shoulder. For the first time in my life, I was in
love. I didn't want Mrs. Smith to stop hugging me and I would've
done anything to make her happy. She was much different than my
mother, who I could never seem to please. Mrs. Smith accepted me
for who I was and didn't expect me to be someone I wasn't. I knew
she wouldn't yell at me for getting a B+ on a math test instead
of an A+. She would've been happy just knowing I had tried my
best. I also loved the way Mrs. Smith smelled and how she
dressed. The clothes she wore, usually skirts or dresses, were
always so much more pretty and stylish than other women her age.
She was everything a man, in my case an 11-year-old, could want.
How could I refuse her request?
"So, do you want to go outside for a walk or stay inside and
play?" she asked.
Playing inside wasn't my first choice but it wasn't the worse
thing that could've happened. True, I couldn't go outside and
play baseball like I wanted but Lisa had a number of great toys I
didn't have, and most of time she hogged them whenever we played
together. Now I could have them all to myself without having to
share. I guessed playing in the house one afternoon wouldn't kill
me. In fact, the more I thought about it, the better the idea
sounded. I could play with some neat toys and still remain
dressed.
"I guess I would rather stay inside Mommy. Do you think it would
be okay if I got out Lisa's race car set?"
"Actually, I had something else in mind for you to play with,"
she said while taking my hand and leading me down the hallway.
For so reason I didn't like the way she had said that.
Part Four
Mrs. Smith led me back into the spare bedroom and open up the
closet door. From it she pulled out a large baby doll with long,
dark hair. It was wearing a diaper, rubber pants, and a fancy
dress. Mrs. Smith also pulled out a box that contained extra
dresses, diapers and other accessories. It turned out that the
doll was one of those types where you fed it and it would then
wet itself. It hardly looked used.
"Here, this should be fun to play with," Mrs. Smith said with
excitement as she thrust the doll into my arms. "Now you can be a
mommy just like me".
While I had always liked the idea of dressing up and even acting
like a little girl, I never held any interest in playing with
dolls. In fact, I was embarrassed to even be holding it in front
of her.
"A doll?" I said in a shocked voice. "Can't I play with something
else? I mean, you don't expect me to play with an old doll, do
you?"
"Why Susan, this just isn't any kind of doll. This is the type of
doll that all little girls dream of playing with." She stopped
for a moment to give me a huge big smile and added, "Do you know
what the best part is? She's all yours, no one else's." I took
little comfort in the last statement.
"But, but, I don't even know how to play with a doll. What am I
suppose to do with it?" I asked in a confused tone, hoping this
would get me off the hook.
"Well, first you give her a name," she replied while gently
patting me on the back. "Then you can feed and change her. Let's
see, after that you can read her a book; I bet she'll like that.
Then you can give her a bath and make sure she's all clean and
dry. And finally, you can dress her in a nightie and rock her to
sleep. Of course, you'll need to sing to her." she added with a
small, sweet smile.
"Me, sing to a doll?" I protested. "I can't do that, I just
can't."
"Sure you can." she replied lovingly. "Susan, you're going to
find that this is a lot of fun if you give it a chance. I used to
spend hours playing with my baby-dolls and they couldn't do half
the things that this one does. You're a very lucky girl to have
such a nice baby!"
I didn't feel that lucky, not one darn bit. I didn't want to hurt
Mrs. Smith feelings but there was no way I intended to play with
this doll.
"I really don't think I can do this very well," I told her.
"Maybe we should try something else."
"Now Susan," her voice becoming a tad stern that made me take
notice, "remember our deal here? You agreed to be a good girl and
do as I say if I dressed you up in the prettiest outfit Lisa
owned. I've kept my part of the bargain so far, haven't I? Now
it's your turn to listen to me."
Then her voice became sweet and encouraging again. "Trust me
sugar, you're going to enjoy yourself. Just give it a try, you'll
see. I know you'll make a great mommy."
I didn't have much choice. Mrs. Smith grabbed my hand and pulled
me towards the living room with the box of stuff in tow.
"Come on baby, you can play in the living room while I work on
this quilt. And if you're a good girl, maybe I'll teach you how
to sew later on."
I took a place on the couch while Mrs. Smith sat in a rocker
close by. After a few minutes of me just sitting there holding
the doll under one arm, Mrs. Smith asked, "What did you decide to
call your baby Susan?"
I felt my cheeks turn red. It was embarrassing enough to be
holding the doll, now I had to name it.
"I don't know?" I muttered, hoping she would take the hint and
let me play with something else. But Mrs. Smith wasn't about to
give up so fast.
"Come on Susanna, give this a try. It would make me very happy if
you did. Remember our rules, be a good girl now."
I thought about it and sighed. "Okay, how about... Sally. Do you
like that name mommy?"
"Sally is a very pretty name for your baby, Susan. But hold her
closer with both hands; she's not going to bite. And talk to her
and let her know how much you love her."
I was totally embarrassed but realized there was no way out of
this. Trying to make the best of the situation, I lifted the doll
up to my chest and started talking to it softly as any little
girl would. Next I took out a bottle and began feeding my new,
unwanted baby-doll, while silently cursing the person who had
designed it. Mrs. Smith on the other hand just smiled contently
from her rocker as she worked on her quilt.
Time began to drag, as every minute seemed like an hour.
'How long would she make me do this? I wondered. 'Not the whole
afternoon?' I hoped. Perhaps once I did everything she had asked
me to do I could play with something else.
After feeding the doll it's bottle, I checked the diaper and sure
enough, it was wet. Instead of changing it, I pulled out the toy
bathtub and filled it with water. Mrs. Smith got me a washcloth
and soap to use and allowed me to take off my gloves and put on
her apron.
It was hard work washing the doll on my knees while wearing this
fancy, Sunday school outfit. The ruffles from the petticoat
didn't cooperate and dress wasn't made for kneeing. Somehow I
managed to soap and rinse off the doll without getting my dress
dirty or wet.
After drying off the doll, I faced the next hurtle of putting a
new diaper on her. The problem was, I had never changed a diaper
before and didn't know what to do. In fact, these were real store
bought pampers that you would buy for newborn infants.
I hated to ask but, "Mommy, I don't know how to do this. Can you
help me?"
"Sure I can honey. Here, let me show you how it's done." Mrs.
Smith laid the doll on the table and taught me what to do.
"Okay, you give it a try," she replied while handing the doll
back to me. I followed her directions and managed to get the doll
diapered and dressed in another outfit.
"Your baby looks tired Susan." Mrs. Smith said. "I think you need
to give her a bottle and make her take a nap. Here, take my chair
so you can rock and sing her to sleep."
Mrs. Smith moved her stuff to another chair and gently forced me
into the rocker. I gave up trying to keep my dress down (from all
the ruffles) and worked on holding the doll up while feeding it a
bottle. Slowly I started to rock in the chair, hoping this would
end soon.
"Come on dear." Mrs. Smith encouraged. "Sing to your baby. Let me
hear your sweet voice honey."
I gritted my teeth and softly started to hum, then sing, "Rock-a-
by-baby" to the doll. After my third repeat of the song, Mrs.
Smith couldn't take it anymore.
"Oh Susan," she said, her voice filled with pleasure. "You're so
adorable sitting there. I just have to get a picture of this".
She grabbed her camera and took a few shots of me sitting there.
I, on the other hand, kept squeezing the bottle and trying to get
the doll to drink faster. The sooner the bottle was done, the
sooner I could lay the doll down and be done with it. After what
seemed like an eternity, the bottle was finally empty of it's
contents. I laid the doll on the couch and told Mrs. Smith that
Sally was asleep. Of course I knew the diaper was wet, but I was
hoping Mrs. Smith would forget so I wouldn't have to change her
again.
"Oh, you can't leave your baby sleeping on the couch like that
honey". An idea popped into her head. "Wait a minute, I'll be
right back."
I heard her go into the basement and move some stuff around. A
moment later she came back up the stairs dragging something
behind her.
"I thought it had been thrown away, but it wasn't." she said with
great joy. "It used to be mine but I'm giving it to you. What do
you think?"
It was an old baby buggy that had seen better days. The handle
was rusty, the wheels were loose, and entire thing was filthy.
Mrs. Smith got out a wet towel and started to clean up the dirt.
"It's old but still in good shape honey. At least this way you
can take your baby with you without having to carry her around
all the time."
After a few minute of cleaning the buggy looked a lot better.
Mrs. Smith tied a few ribbons to the outside of it and gave me an
old baby blanket to lay the doll. I placed my new baby-doll into
the buggy and covered her with the blanket. Then Mrs. Smith had
me push the baby buggy around the room while she watched with
delight.
"Oh Susan, you look so sweet doing that. If only we had time to
go to the park, you could push your baby around on some of the
paths they have there."
My mind went back to the park. I imagine pushing the baby buggy
down a path dress like I was. Being dressed this way was bad
enough, but pushing a baby buggy with my doll in it, the image
caused me to shiver with fright.
"Can I change now?" I asked politely.
Mrs. Smith looked at the clock and said," No honey, I need you to
wear this outfit a little while longer. In fact, I think it's
time we freshen up your makeup dear."
She got up and led me back to her bedroom again. This time, Mrs.
Smith seemed to put more care into making sure my hair and makeup
was just right. I didn't know the reason but was about to find
out.
We went back into the living room where Mrs. Smith made me repeat
some of the things she had taught me that morning. I was drilled
on the proper way to walk, talk and sit like a young lady. When
this was done Mrs. Smith got down on her knees and started fixing
the bows and ribbons on my dress so everything was just right.
'Why all the fuss,' I wondered. 'Was she planning to take more
pictures?' Little did I realize that for the next hour I was
about to play the ultimate game of make-believe!
Part Five
It started when there was a knock on the door. I panicked,
thinking maybe my mother had come back early. But as I tried to
leave Mrs. Smith grabbed and firmly held me in place.
"Stay right here," she told me softly. "Everything's all right, I
was expecting guests at this time. It's my surprise for you."
"I can't stay here. Look at ME!" I protested as my body began
shaking with fear. Was I ready for this? There was another knock
at the door.
"Susanna, I don't have time to argue about this." In an even more
comforting voice she said, "Look honey, you look perfect; no one
will suspect a thing. Just do the things you learn and enjoy
being a little girl. You'll love this experience, I promise. Now,
take a deep breath and relax. Everything will be alright."
Mrs. Smith let go of my arms and walked backwards towards the
door while keeping her eyes on me. "Just relax, you'll do fine."
She pointed her finger at me to stay before turning to open the
door.
"Are you Mrs. Smith?" someone asked.
Yes, I am. Hi. You must be from the committee. I'm glad you could
make it. Please, come in and call me Linda."
Three ladies entered into the house. Two were in their late
thirty's and the other couldn't have been more then twenty.
"Thank you Linda. You have a lovely house," one of the older
ladies said as she looked around the living room and spied me.
"Oh my, and who is this lovely princess?" All three ladies looked
over to where I was standing nervously.
"This is my 10 year old daughter, Susanna," Mrs. Smith proudly
announced.
"What a pretty dress!" the first lady commented. "She's adorable
Linda." I stood there, too afraid to move.
"We were working on her outfit for the 'Little Misses' contest at
the state fair next month. We're hoping to win this year."
"Well I don't see how she can lose," the second older lady
replied. "She's as cute as a button. And that dress, oh, I just
have to get a better look at it. Do you mind Susanna?"
Before I had a chance to reply, all three ladies were touching my
dress, straightening bows, and smoothing out my skirt with their
hands.
"I remember wearing dresses like this when I was younger," the
first older lady said. "They use to make me feel so pretty. Do
you like wearing dresses like this Susanna?"
I shyly shook my head but Mrs. Smith commanded, "Speak up dear,
just like I taught you."
"Yes ma'am." I replied. Thank goodness I hadn't hit puberty and
could still make my voice sound softer than it was.
"And you're so polite too. Linda, you have raised a fine young
lady here. Does she have any other surprises?"
'Only one,' I thought but kept quiet.
Mrs. Smith just looked at me and grinned. "Nope, none that I know
of."
"Well I have a daughter who's 13 and I have to fight with her
just to wear a skirt to church," the first lady continued. "She
won't even look at 'a dress' when we go to the store."
"Your lucky," replied the second older lady. "My daughter is 17
and refuses to even put on a skirt. In fact, she wore a pants
suit to her prom. Can you believe that? She has a closet full of
some of the prettiest skirts and dresses that I made for her but
she refuses to wear them. Maybe I should give them to Susanna,"
she said with a smile.
"I hate to say this," she added, "but last month my daughter got
her hair cut real short. Because of the way she dresses, she
looks like a boy now. And when I ask her to wear a dress she
refuses. Her reason is that her other friends dress this way and
she doesn't want to break fashion. How about you, Mary? Any
thoughts?"
The younger women spoke for the first time. "I used to love
dressing up as a princess when I was a little girl. I would go
out as one every Halloween. My dream is to dress my child as a
princess all the time, even if it's a 'boy'. Everyone, including
Mrs. Smith, broke out in laughter. "Don't worry Susanna, he could
never be as pretty as you."
"Well, you are very pretty in that dress. I bet you're going to
hate taking it off," the first lady commented. It's nice to see a
little girl who is not ashamed to be... a girl. And such a pretty
one." I felt my cheeks starting to turn red from all this
attention.
"Today, too many girls want to dress and look like boys." she
added. "It's nice to meet young ladies like yourself who don't
mine dressing up in pretty outfits. It lets us, the older
generation; know that in the future there will still be young
ladies who won't mine acting and dressing as such. Your the hope
for our future womanhood." (Now that was an interesting thought.)
Despite being embarrassed, I realize she had given me a
compliment. Maybe I could get away with this.
"Yes ma'am, and thank you," as I held out my skirt and curtsied,
just as Mrs. Smith had taught me. The three ladies giggled with
pleasure while Mrs. Smith beamed with at me with pride.
"Well, I figure we could work on my application over here," Mrs.
Smith said, pointing to the chairs in one corner of the living
room. "Have a seat while I get some coffee and snacks. Susanna,
be a good girl and help your mother, okay."
"Okay mommy," I said as I walked behind her into the kitchen. The
minute we went around the corner Mrs. Smith turned and gave me a
giant hug.
"You were fantastic back there," her voice filled with pride. "I
couldn't be prouder of you, especially when you curtsy to them.
That was perfect. You're a very good learner, Susan." One of her
hands went down and patted me on the bottom. "I'm proud you're my
daughter. I want you to always be my little girl."
That was all I wanted to hear. All my life I had been looking for
someone to accept and make me feel wanted. I never did seem to
fit in at home. No matter what I did, it never seemed to be good
enough. I prayed to God, while she was holding on to me, to make
it so. I wanted to be her little girl for life.
"I love you mommy," and I did. The words were real, not
rehearsed.
She smiled back and said, "Well, we have guests we have to take
care of. Come on, let's get busy." She stood up and walked over
to the counter.
Even though I had passed with flying colors, being around those
other women was a nerve-racking experience. I had a number of
fears about being caught, and they were still dancing in my head.
'What would happen if these ladies found out who I really was?
Would the police be called in? Would my parents find out?' I
really didn't want to find out the answers to these questions.
What I really wanted to do was to play it safe and stay in the
kitchen or hide out in Lisa's bedroom until they left. But Mrs.
Smith had other plans for me.
She handed me a plate of cookies. "Here, take these and serve
them to our guest please." Seeing the fear in my eyes she added,
"you're doing great Susanna, keep up the good work."
She turned me around so I faced the entrance to the living room
and whispered in my ear, "Take a deep breath - relax." She gave a
slight push on my back to start me walking towards the living
room.
I carried the cookies out to where the three ladies were sitting
at. Each of them gave me a pleasant smile and thanked me for
being so helpful. A minute later Mrs. Smith followed with a tea
tray. The three ladies introduce themselves to us and Mrs. Smith
took a seat next to one of them, leaving me standing there.
"Baby doll, why don't you go play with Sally while we talk." Mrs.
Smith motioned to the doll that was lying in the buggy.
"Okay," I replied obediently.
I picked the doll up and headed for the hallway but only got a
few feet before I heard Mrs. Smith say, "Excuse me for a moment.
Susan dear, where are you going?"
"I was going to my room to play so I wouldn't disturb you."
"That's very nice of you honey but I want you to play in here
where I can keep on eye on you. That dress cost us a lot of money
and I don't want to see you get it dirty, okay. You can play on
the couch with Sally, just don't try to give her a bath." Mrs.
Smith then went back to her guests.
'What an embarrassing situation,' I thought as I sat down on the
couch and stared at the ladies on the other side of the room. But
what else could I do. If I left the room Mrs. Smith would only
drag me back in and, she would be mad. I didn't want that to
happen. And, I couldn't just sit here; I was suppose to be a
little girl and just sitting was not what a 10-year girl would
do. No, if I wanted these ladies to think I was a little girl
then I had to act like one. So, what would a little girl do in
this situation? I knew the answer even before I started thinking
it out. There was only one thing I could do to keep up this
masquerade. I was trapped and I knew it. Mrs. Smith looked over
and gave me the eye to start playing.
I laid the doll on the coffee table and changed it's diaper. This
caught the attention of all three ladies, who seemed more
interested in what I was doing them what Mrs. Smith was talking
about. From the box I pulled out a pretty dress and carefully
pull it over the dolls head. To keep up the appearance, I kept
smiling and talking to my doll. After she was dressed, I brushed
its long, dark hair with a pink baby brush.
Once done, I sat the doll on my lap and read the book, 'The
little red caboose' to her. Mrs. Smith continued to talk while
the three ladies took their turn checking to see what I was
doing.
The longer I played with the doll the more embarrassed I became.
While I would have given my front teeth to stop what I was doing,
I realized that the more attention I gave the doll the more
convinced these ladies would believe that I was just another
little girl. So I forced myself to play the part happier, more
joyfully, more serious then any little girl could.
I read the doll a couple of other books before I couldn't take it
anymore. Grabbing the bottle, I proceeded to feed my baby while
talking softly to her. By now I was feeling totally foolish but
knew this was the only way to keep up my cover. Every now and
then one of the ladies would look up and give me an approving
glance.
Ten minutes later the bottle was done and the doll's diaper was
wet again. While I worked on changing the diaper, I listened to
what was going on. Mrs. Smith was trying to get a grant from
these ladies for a special quilt she wanted to make. It seemed
like she had been talking for hours, going over her plans.
'When was this meeting going to end?' I asked myself.
After changing the doll's diaper, I started looking through the
box for something to dress her in. I came across a frilly, pink
nightgown with lace all over it. With great care, I dressed the
doll in it.
Then a horrible thought struck me. There wasn't anything left to
do but sing my doll to sleep, something I was dreading. I felt
foolish enough playing with this doll but having to sing to it in
front of strangers, it was more then I could stand. I just
couldn't bring myself to doing it. Instead, I held the doll in my
lap hoping no one would take noticed.
After a few minutes of explaining her quilt to the ladies,
someone else started talking and Mrs. Smith looked over at me.
Our eyes locked and in an instant, I had read her mind. She made
a motion to continue with what I was doing or else.
With great resistance, I lifted the doll up and snuggled it
against my chest. I began swinging my arms back and forth and
softly sang a lullaby to the baby doll. The ladies in the group
looked over and stared at me with admiration. I could read their
minds; each of them dreamed of having a little girl like myself
who they could dress up in pretty clothes and watch as she played
with her dolls. I could tell Mrs. Smith was thrilled with my
performance as she struggled to continue.
After what seemed like forever, the meeting finally broke up. I
continued to rock the doll as the three ladies stood and walked
over to me.
"That's a very pretty baby you have Susanna," one of them said.
"What's her name?"
"Sally," I replied shyly. I didn't want to get into a discussion
about my doll.
"I can see that you take really good care of her," she continued
to ramble, almost as if she believe it was a really person.
Then it dawned on me; I had done such a good job of acting in
front of her that she actually believed I thought it was 'a real
baby'. In fact, from the smiles on all three ladies faces, I
could see that they all believed this was true. These ladies must
have thought I was a little baby or something. I held onto the
doll even tighter, part out of embarrassment and part of fear of
blowing my cover.
"Oh yes, she is a good mother to Sally," Mrs. Smith agreed,
adding on to my woes. "In fact, she plays with Sally most of the
day. She is a fine mommy."
"How old is your baby Susanna?" one of the older ladies asked. I
just stood there, too embarrassed to say anything.
"Go on and tell her honey," Mrs. Smith coaxed.
"Six months," I said, clutching the doll even tighter.
"Look how tightly she holds onto her doll." one of the older
ladies whispered to the others. "Don't worry Susanna, we are not
going to take your baby away." All three laugh as if this was
quite funny while I loosened my death-grip on the doll.
"Well, she is a very pretty baby, and you're a very nice little
girl Susanna. It was a pleasure meeting both Sally and you," she
said with a smile as she patted me on the shoulder.
The three ladies said their good-byes and headed out the door.
Mrs. Smith turned after they left and gave me a big smile."
"Come here you little angel!" Mrs. Smith said while holding out
her arms to me. She gave me a big hug and lifted me slightly off
the ground.
"You were perfect," she said in a joyful manner. "Those women
envied me for having such a sweet, pretty little girl. I'm sorry
I didn't warn you but I didn't want to you to be nervous before
hand. Now, aren't you glad I didn't?"
I had to admit I was glad she hadn't told me ahead of time. If
she had, I would've been a nervous wreak before they had gotten
here. It is a memory I treasure today and I'm glad it happened. I
would do it again if I had the chance.
Mrs. Smith stopped hugging me and said, "I guess now you can
change into another outfit, unless you would like to play some
more. In fact, I was thinking we could do something together.
Would you like that?"
The excitement of the outfit had worn off but I still wasn't
ready to exchange this dress for another. Besides, the thought of
doing something with Mrs. Smith sounded much more exciting. Being
around her was a wonderful experience and I wanted to do as much
as I could with her.
"I would love to do something with you mommy, what do you have in
mind? Anything you want."
"Anything?" Mrs. Smith smiled while grabbing my hand. "Come along
with me then sweetie, I have another surprise for you."
She led me into the spare bedroom again and told me to sit on the
bed. Then she reached down and pulled out a box from underneath
the bed.
"You're going to love this baby doll."
Part Six
Mrs. Smith opened up the box and to my horror, started pulling
from it more dolls. Only these weren't just dolls, they were
Barbie dolls that she had gotten for Lisa who refused to play
with them.
"This is going to be fun." she squealed. "I've been dying to play
dolls with one of my girls for a long time. We can dress them up
and pretend to go shopping and do all kinds of things. Doesn't
that sound wonderful?"
I looked into her happy face and realized there was no way I
could say 'No' to her. So we sat on the bed and dressed the dolls
up like they were going to a party. Then I drove them around the
room in a Barbie car and when they got to the party we sat them
in chairs and pretended like they were talking about dresses,
makeup, and other things girls talk about. We even had them dance
with a Ken doll.
This was the first and only time I enjoyed playing with a doll. I
mean, I really had a good time and ended up getting into the
game. This couldn't have happened if it hadn't been for Mrs.
Smith, who seemed to really be enjoying herself. During that hour
we bonded just like mothers and daughters do under similar
circumstances. It was an extremely special experience where I
felt completely like her little girl. I was thinking,
experiencing and enjoying my new role as her daughter.
After playing for a while Mrs. Smith said, "You must be
uncomfortable in that dress Susan. Let's get you out of that
dress and see how you look in some of your sisters other
outfits." I agreed and we walked back into Lisa's room.
The rest of the outfits were uneventful compared to the first
dress I wore except that I did look good in most of them. In
fact, I could have gone outside wearing any of them and everyone
would have taken me for a little girl.
First I tried on a short pink dress with puff sleeves. Mrs. Smith
had me take off the petticoat and gave me one of Lisa's pink
slips to wear. Next I tried on a blue flower dress, which we both
thought made me looked pretty. Mrs. Smith told me Lisa didn't
like the dress and wouldn't even try it on.
There were a couple of skirt/blouse outfits that I changed into
as well but I didn't look nearly as good in them as I did in the
dresses. Finally I tried on the red dress with the white ribbons,
which I (and Mrs. Smith) liked so much. It looked as if it was
meant for me. Mrs. Smith thought I looked so good that she took a
few pictures of me wearing it.
Up to this point it had been a pretty good day but there was one
thing I was a little disappointed about. Mrs. Smith was a sharp
dresser and I always admired the pretty dresses or sharp skirt
and blouse outfits she wore. Today however, she had put on a pair
of black pants and a white blouse. I guess she had done this in
her haste to get back to me. I was a little disappointed she
hadn't taken time to put on a dress or skirt and finally, I
gathered up the courage to say something about it.
"Mommy, wouldn't you like to wear something different so we can
both be dressed up?"
Mrs. Smith looked at me with her big blues eyes. "Why baby-doll,
would you like me to wear something different than what I have
on? Why didn't you tell me before? I guess I could if you want."
She disappeared into her bedroom and a few minutes later re-
appeared wearing the same blouse but with a flowered skirt that
came down to her knees.
"How's this?" she asked while twirling around. "Does it meet with
your approval?"
I had another outfit in mind (her wedding dress) but didn't want
to push my luck and nodded an approval. She was a prettiest woman
in the world, no matter what she wore.
"Your clothes are so pretty," I told her. "I wish I could wear
them."
Mrs. Smith giggled. "Why that can be arranged. I guess you have
time to play 'dress up' if you like." Before I had a chance to
answer she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bedroom.
"Let's see, what would you like to wear? Do you want me to pick
something out for you or do you want to do it?" I told her to
pick something out and she started shifting through her closet.
"Here are some things." She pulled out several dresses and laid
them on the bed. "You can pick out whatever you want to try on.
Now, let me get some other items for you."
She walked over to her dresser and pulled out a blue slip, white
bra and pair of dark pantyhose. She smiled as she laid them on
the bed in front of me.
"Here you go baby-doll. Now, you can put these on over your dress
or I can leave and you can change into them. What would you like
me to do?"
I decided to change into her clothes but told Mrs. Smith it was
all right for her to stay if she turned around while I got
dressed. My hands were shaking with anticipation as I picked up
the bra. Knowing that Mrs. Smith had worn this same bra under her
clothes made it that much more exciting. It felt so soft and
smooth in my hands as I placed it over my chest. I grabbed some
socks and stuffed them into it to give me a figure more like what
Mrs. Smith had.
Next I picked up the full slip that was lacy and felt so silky.
As I slid it on my body a cold chill ran down my spine and I
shivered with excitement. The slip was too big on me of course
and while it didn't come close to Mrs. Smith's knees when she
wore it, it ended up going all the way down to my feet. Putting
on a pair of pantyhose was also a new experience but somehow I
managed to do it without getting a run in them.
From the pile of clothes I selected a blue and white flowered
dress with a broad white collar and belt around the waist. I
didn't even bother unzipping it, as I was able to pull it right
over my head. Mrs. Smith looked so stylish in this outfit and I
dreamed it would have the same effect on me. I told her I was
ready and she could turn around.
"Oh Susan!" Mrs. Smith said with a giggle. "You look so cute in
my dress." She held one hand to her mouth and giggled again.
"Take a look at yourself in the mirror honey."
I would 'love to say' I looked as pretty and snappy as Mrs. Smith
did in the outfit. The truth is, I looked more like a clown or
better yet, a little girl playing dress up in her mother's
clothes than the young lady I hoped I would see. But I didn't
care; I was wearing the clothes of the women I was in love with.
Everything was perfect.
Everything that is except for the outfit I wanted her to wear.
Time was growing short and I became more determine to see her in
it. However, instead of asking her directly, I came up with a
plan. Pointing to her wedding picture on the dresser I asked, "Is
that you in that picture Mommy?"
"Why yes it is baby."
"That dress looks so beautiful on you. To bad you don't still
have it around so I could see it." She grinned and I could see
she got the hint.
"Why thank you very much honey. Actually, I have it here in the
closet. Would you like to see it?"
I nodded yes and she pulled out a large white box from the top of
the closet. Carefully she open it up and pulled from it a long,
white wedding dress. The pictures didn't do it justice.
"Hold it up on you Mommy."
She did and I began to picture her wearing it. Now all I had to
do was figure out what to say that would make her want to try it
on. Just as I was getting ready to say something she spoke.
"You don't have to ask sugar, I know what you have in mind."
"You do?" I said a little surprised.
"Yes, I do." she grinned. "I can take a hint. And it's fine with
me baby, you can try it on."
"Um, well um, what about you?" This was not what I had in mind
although the idea didn't seem that bad to me.
"Well, I don't mind baby doll as long as you don't mind standing
there in front of me in your slip." Her smile got real big.
"You'll have to take off the dress you have on before you can get
into my wedding gown you know."
I didn't argue with her, I was thrilled with idea of trying the
wedding gown on. I stepped out of the dress I was wearing and
before I even had a chance to think about what was going on Mrs.
Smith slid the wedding dress over my head. Suddenly I became lost
in a sea of white silk.
"Put your arms in the sleeve baby." Mrs. Smith commanded. I found
them and positioned my hands inside.
"Good, here we go." All of a sudden my head popped out and I
could see again. Mrs. Smith grabbed my hair and dropped it over
the back of the dress.
"Not bad sugar, not bad. Let's try the veil now." She pulled the
veil out of another box and positioned it onto my head.
"One more thing, let's put on some red lipstick to highlight your
lips." She applied it with care and stood back to look at me
"Oh my," she giggled happily. "My little baby is a bride! And so
cute too. Try walking down the hallway Susan to the rhythm of
this song. Dum - dum - dumdum, dum - dum - dumdum."
I walked slowly down the hallway toward the living room as she
hummed the theme to the wedding march. The dress was big and
heavy to walk in, with most of it lying on the floor. I scooped
up the skirt of the dress with both hands but even than a good
portion of the dress still dragged on the floor making it
difficult to walk.
"I guess you'll need a few more years to grow into it," she said
with a smile while checking her watch. "It's getting late, but I
have one more outfit for you to try on before you take a bath."
She walked over to the makeup table and from the bottom drawer
pulled out a silky, white nightgown with a matching lacy robe.
Mrs. Smith stared at me for a moment and her voice got real
serious.
"With every wedding there is a wedding night Susan. It's a
special time that you always remember. Here, take this." She
handed me the nightgown. "This is my favorite nightie sugar. It
was the first one I wore after I was married. It's very special
to me and now I want you to put it on. Are you okay with that?" I
nodded my head, not fully understanding what she was trying to
tell me.
Mrs. Smith unzipped the wedding gown and I stepped out of it.
Then she turned around as I took off her slip and pantyhose and
put the nightgown and robe on. After I was done she turned around
and a new look appeared in her eyes. It was a strange look, one
that took me back a little.
"I have a surprise that I'm going to give you," she said. "I know
you are going to like it."
You mean? No, not sex. She was after all old enough to be my
mother although that wouldn't have mattered, if I knew what sex
was. Remember, back in my days I would've been too young to know
about stuff like that. She was referring to another form of
pleasure although sometimes I wonder if she had thoughts of
something more. Her actions towards me later on indicated that
she felt guilty about something. Was it because she had enjoyed
dressing me up as a little girl or something else? I will never
know.
Mrs. Smith led me over to her bed and pulled back the sheets.
"Lay down baby." I did as I was told and she pulled the sheets
back over me.
"Okay baby,