If You Get This Message: Part 3 free porn video

If You Get This Message: Part 3 (c) 2002, Deanna Lea The following morning Deanna sprang from her bed with unbridled energy. Franny was caught off guard but managed to dig herself deeper, underneath one of the big pillows. "Franny, we have a lot of work to do, and little time to do it." Franny burrowed deeper in the pillow. After returning from the bathroom Deanna stopped at the full-length mirror on her door and was momentarily transfixed by what she saw. As she gazed at the image staring back at her she saw an image of Deanna from years before, shortly after completing surgery. She saw her present image, one from which she could not hide. And finally there was the image of that person Cupid had sent, still slightly blurred, but all would soon be made known. This was a private moment for Deanna. Images from the past, the present and the future were all coming at the same time. She thought to herself, 'The younger woman, I used to be had firmer breasts, shapelier hips, luscious thighs, softer skin, and a hope of love waiting somewhere down the road.' 'But now what I see standing before me is a middle-aged woman. She is different, and yet the same. She is older, but she is still all woman.' "I am obviously over weight," She thought after critical examination. Deanna softly touched her breasts, reflecting that in another time, they would have been worthy of songs from the bards of old. But now they showed signs of middle aged sagging. She slowly brushed her brownish-blond hair, along with it's ever increasing strands of gray that still falls off her shoulders with grace and dignity. Time had given her wider hips, butt and thighs. A full crop of pubic hair covered that territory which defines her as a woman. Then she saw images of a tall, handsome, red haired man standing next to her in the reflection of the mirror. There were telling things about the image. It was clear about who he was, but still remaining slightly blurred, were the secrets known only by the red haired man from St. Louis. All of this deep searching of her very innermost thoughts brought Deanna back to the question that had haunted her from their first meeting. 'What was it that Dean Kramer saw in me?' She spoke aloud to herself. But before Deanna was able to answer that particular question, the phone rang. There she boldly stood, naked, unafraid of the world and half admiring who and what she was, while the other half was irritated that this moment of introspection was interrupted. After the third ring she picked up the receiver. "Hello!" She said, her irritation reflected in her voice. She did not intend to sound rude, but by her tone, it was clear, she had other things on her mind. That was, until she realized who was on the other end of the line. "Hi Deanna." Instantly Deanna felt her entire body flush with embarrassment, as she realized, God, it's him and I don't have any clothes on. "I just wanted to call and say hi! I'm leaving for Boston in an hour, but before I left, I wanted to hear your voice, one more time." "You are so sweet," she whispered through a shy smile. "How long will you be there?" "Maybe three or four days, I'm not sure, just yet." With her little girl cutesy voice, she asked, "So, they don't have phones in Boston?" Dean's quick response was, "They've just finished laying the cable, and hope to be up and running in about a month." Deanna suggested, "Maybe we could try smoke signals." Sharing a few moments of laughter was good for both of them. Then Deanna asked the question that was burning deep inside her. The question had been held back by fear, but was now released by her need to know. "Are you still coming to Oregon the following week?" She asked. "Absolutely," he said. And instantly, Deanna could feel the agonizing tension holding her being replaced by relief and anticipation. "Look," Dean said, "I need to finish packing if I intend to catch this flight." Then he rang off by saying, "I sure am glad I got a chance to hear your voice. I'll see you real soon." Deanna started to say something, but only followed with an, "Okay," which was then followed by silence. Meanwhile in St. Louis Dean stood naked and shaken. When he looked in the full-length mirror he saw blurred but visual images of years long gone. For the time being Dean saw an adult who had come to the complete truth of who he was, but this would be broken by his self doubt as he stared at what stood before him at that very moment. I'm not tall enough to play basketball for the Chicago Bulls, he thought. But he was tall enough, strong enough, and athletic enough to play league soccer every Saturday for the last six years. 'So what,' He thought to himself as he placed the phone back on the table. 'Who cares that there are bits of silver showing up in my hair? So what if I have small crops of silver layered with the red on my chest and legs. And so what if there are visible signs of a spare tire appearing? Most guys my age have spare tires.' And so what if he was taking a step, so filled with fears and trepidation that it made him shake in his shoes. "Damn it," he said to himself, "I want her, and by God, I'm going to get her." His confidence was momentarily higher then the highest mountain but he soon slid aimlessly to the bottom of the mountain, by asking himself. "I wonder what Deanna sees in me?" For Deanna, the week passed like a steady stream of coins going through a slot machine. Before long, it all came to an end. Before she knew it, it was Friday afternoon, and she was about to go out the door when, as usual, the damn phone rang again. "Hi Deanna, how are you?" It was Dean. "I'm fine, how are you?" She answered, her voice a bit guarded. She certainly was not ready for another disappointment. "Are you in town now?" she asked. Without hesitation he answered, "Yes, that's why I'm calling. Listen, my rental car won't be available till later this evening and they're willing to deliver it to the motel where I'm staying. I know it's a big imposition, but... is there any chance I could get you to pick me up at the airport, then drop me off at the motel?" Looking at her watch, seeing it was 3:30pm. She said, "How about if I pick you up in half an hour?" The drive from the campus to the airport usually takes about twenty minutes. Today, she pulled up to the terminal gate in just under six and a half minutes. In that short period of time Deanna experienced, heart palpitations, perspiration pouring from her forehead, chills down her spine, and a stomach that turned and churned in a million directions. At that point, her only question was, "Am I getting cold feet?" She flipped the trunk latch release and when it opened they walked to the back of the car, they stood on the sidewalk, and for the first time Deanna noticed that Dean was just slightly taller then her. Deanna was comforted by his gorgeous smile. Her nerves were put to rest when she also noted that he had little beads of sweat falling from his forehead. Forget that, it was like one of those summer showers. He was soaking wet, and had a nervous twitch in his left eye. 'Good' she thought, 'He's nervous too.' At that moment you could say Dean was very impulsive. But at the same time Deanna received extra points for her immediate responsiveness. He reached down, pulled her to him, and planted a wonderful and very wet kiss on her lips. 'God!' she thought, 'What have I been missing all these years?' Dean looked at the twinkle in her eyes as she was driving off and said, "I've wanted to do that from the day we met, and it was everything I ever hoped for." When he said those words, she was blushing like crazy, and he was smiling like he'd just single-handedly conquered the world. After that greeting the small talk they had was just what Deanna needed to keep her car on the road. She asked, "How are the kids?" He asked, "How was the pledge drive?" She asked, "How was your flight?" He asked, "How is Franny?" She drove him to the motel. When he was checked into his room, Dean said, "Before we do anything else, I want to take a shower, and clean up a bit." Deanna said, "That's fine, I'll just sit here and read 'Guideposts,' while you shower." When Dean came out from the shower he had on slacks but no shirt. She was overcome with joy to see this man standing in front of her with a chest full of delicious red hair. He didn't realize how close he came from her running her fingers through that hair on his massive chest. When they looked at each other they both grinned with the realization that they were both blushing like crazy. For some reason, at this point, those mirrored images returned and she saw him again standing next to her in the mirror. Deanna also remembered the blur that kept the image from being totally clear and at the same time she remembered how wonderful it was to be in his arms at the airport. Deanna basked in the comfort and security of his strong arms as she was wrapped close to his body. She recalled his manly presence, strong heart, compassionate smile and his visible pleasure about being with her. In all those images there was one thing she could not remember, and it was bothering her. He finished dressing and they left for a nice dinner at Zell's, one of her favorite spots down near the Willamette River. Ancient firs and pines shade the small intimate restaurant. Although small, it is an excellent place to dine. By the time they had arrived there were only two other people in the place. Dean and Deanna took a quiet nook overlooking the river. It was a warm and inviting early spring evening as they sat under the awning. Dean started the conversation by saying that he appreciated her picking him up and hoped it hadn't caused a problem at work. She assured him that she was happy to help, and no, there was no problem at work. From the beginning it seemed they had so much in common. He attended Southern Illinois University for two years. Deanna attended Portland State University for two years. He was raised in a family of radio broadcasters. His grandfather built a radio station near Springfield, Illinois. When grandpa died, his father took it over, and ran it until a larger company bought him out. Dean started out like everyone else. He did the menial and mundane jobs of taking out the trash, sweeping the floor, and pulling news stories off the AP and UPI wires. Then he was promoted to writing, producing, and eventually having a daily show on the air. As Deanna listened she remembered her own past and realized that she started exactly the same way. As the past moved to the present, Dean went on to say that he is one of the three friends that started a little software company over twenty years ago. For a long time he held an upper management position that required a lot of long hours away from his wife and children. Dean said he has two kids grown up and living away from home. He also said they virtually have no contact with him. About fifteen years ago the stress of job, family, and other things took a big toll on his life, and he stepped down from his position as Vice President and took a year off. On his return, he took a position as customer service manager with the same company. This allowed him to retain his benefits, which also included stock options, and a very healthy retirement. He was divorced, and had lost custody of the kids. He was left alone. Deanna was divorced and had two kids. Her ex had custody and she never saw them either. She had lived alone for nearly twenty years. Dean shared a big house with his sister and her husband and two nieces. The two nieces care for "Larry," "Moe," and "Curly" while he's out of town. The house is not far from the Mississippi River, but it is in a secluded enough setting that you don't realize your minutes from a big city. Anna Lisa, Dean's sister, found the house right after she and her husband, Jason, were married. The house is actually a duplex with a four-car garage in the middle. You can get to each house through the garage with entrances on each side. They each have the privacy they want, yet at the same time, like the idea of having someone close by. The whole idea made perfect sense to Dean. He helped with the down payment, and in another five years the house will be completely paid for. Dean's father and Anna Lisa are Dean's only family, and for Dean family is everything. Dean also stated that his dad lives on a small piece of property up near Springfield and he visits him a couple times a year. Can you believe he had pictures of everything with him? Dean showed pictures of the house, the 'kids', his sister, her husband, and his two redheaded nieces. It was Deanna's turn next. "My life is really simple, I have a small two-bedroom house at the base of the south hills of Eugene. It's not fancy, but it is mine. The only extravagance I allow myself is during the spring and summer I pay someone to keep the front and back lawns mowed and trimmed. I keep a garden and have a nice covered patio in the back. I've owned the house for eighteen years, another four and it'll be paid for." She said. "I've spent most of my life in radio broadcasting. My parents owned a station on the Oregon Coast. I cut my teeth as a kid, reading news, writing advertising copy, helping with production, and I used to go to the transmitter site help with maintenance." Deanna continued, "The trouble was, work was almost gone along the Oregon coast. Entire families had been put out of the logging business and new restrictions on the fishing industry had caused a total downturn economically and emotionally. And there were no new industries springing up in small towns anywhere." Although she did add, recently fishing has started coming back, but very slowly. Deanna told Dean about her marriage and that they were only married for three years. Just long enough to have two children. The hardest part of her past came reeling back in torrents as she told Dean that the ex won custody of the children and that she never sees them. And as old memories were relived she became lost in that gray area between truth and non-truth by omission. Deanna carefully chose her words, wanting to be selective about what she would share with Dean. It was almost the way it happened but for now it was all he needed to know. Somehow as Deanna sat there listening to Dean, she had the impression that there were lines of omission from his history that Dean was secreting. She wondered to herself what those omissions could be. For all the mixing of past and present, Deanna felt at ease being with Dean. After about an hour of good food and great conversation, he reached across the table and touched her hand. 'Here we go, again!' was the only thing flying through her mind as she felt the sheer comfort of his hand. It was safe, warm, secure, all the things she had longed for all those years. By this time she began feeling those rushes of excitement and arousal. Deanna squirmed a little and knew that this could be leading to something special. She was pleasured by this moment but wasn't sure if she was ready for what lie ahead. In order to bring a minor sense of reality to this time Deanna asked him what he thought he'd like to do for the weekend. Dean said that since he didn't have to see the client until Monday, he'd like to visit the Oregon Coast. That was all he had to say! Deanna said. "If you'd like, I have a friend that owns a cottage half way between Florence, and Reedsport, I'm sure she'll be glad to let us use it." Deanna explained to Dean that, "Karen is a good friend, and if she's not using it herself, she loves to make it available to her valley friends that want a few nights on the coast. Besides that, she has everything we'll need. A wonderful wood stove, complete kitchen and bath, with sheets, pillows, blankets, all the bedding we'll need." "Bbb... bedding too," Dean stammered. "Wouldn't it be better if we got a couple of motel rooms?" She ignored his nervous response, and said, "If you'd like I could give her a call to see if she's using it this weekend. I've done this before, when I wanted to get away for awhile." Dean, realizing he was in a losing proposition pulled out his cell phone and said, "Give her a call." After dinner they walked for a while, it was cool, but comfortable. Dean could see she was a bit chilled and offered her his coat as he promptly placed it over her shoulders. Morning couldn't come too fast for Deanna but there she was knocking on his motel room door. She felt like a kid again. Wearing blue jeans with a light blue v-neck top, a blue sun visor on her head, and blue roll down socks and Birkies on her feet. Deanna was indeed ready for their trip to the coast. Dean, on the other hand, was wearing his blue jeans, tennis shoes, St. Louis Cardinal's T-shirt, cap and red blazer. They would drive from Eugene to Florence, stop at Karen's for the key, then head south to the cottage. Crossing the coast Range that separates the valley from the Ocean is a beautiful drive. You rise to about 3500 feet in elevation then descend to sea level. From start to finish, you see mountains, many older then time, forests filled with old growth trees waiting to be cut and newly planted trees waiting to take their turn for future industry. Steams rushing down the mountainsides and joining to become rivers running their course to the waiting arms of the Pacific Ocean. The drive, which is no more than an hour and a half, turned out to be a gorgeous weather-wise day. The sun shining, temperatures reaching the low 70's and not a single cloud could be found to mar the majestic blue sky. Dean's rental car happened to be a convertible, so naturally, they dropped the top. As they drove the highway to the coast, Deanna explained to Dean that the cottage is set on a bluff that overlooks the ocean and offers tons of privacy. She went on to say It has all the modern conveniences like water, electricity, bedding, everything. Just imagine. She said, "The Ocean is on one side and Silt Coos Lake on the other." She explained that Silt Coos Lake is half way between two coast towns on historic Highway 101. The lake itself is quite small and attracts fishermen and hunters during the season, but otherwise, private and unconquered. As they were driving down the highway approaching Florence they were overlooking the famous Oregon sand dunes. She told Dean how the dunes could change with the wind. One moment they rose up to the sky and the next they were deep cavernous valleys. Deanna suggested to Dean that they would need to stop at the store in Florence for food, and other necessities. Deanna hinted, "If you're interested we could rent a dune buggy for a little excitement." His sideways glance of, "not this weekend" is all she needed to see. Her giggling retort was... "Chicken!" After stopping at the grocery, they went to Karen's shop along Bay Street. It's a delightful little shop filled with knick-knacks, and all kinds of neat things for your garden or kitchen. The name of her store is "Dahlia's Secret Garden" Karen has two employees working for her. Rose, a wonderful woman from England that weaves stories and poetry for each of her customers and Lily a throwback to the days of Haight-Asbury. Lily is a free spirit who comes and goes just like the coming and going of the tide. They all hugged, and Deanna introduced them to Dean who was fidgeting and nervous, being in a shop filled with women. It was not something he was accustomed to. Karen handed Deanna the key and assured her that the cottage was well stocked with blankets, sheets, and other bedding items. After they were on the road again, Deanna mentioned to Dean that she thought it was quite poetic that Karen hired two friends, one named Rose, and the other named Lily, to work in "Dahlia's Secret Garden." They were each amused. As they got closer to the cottage there appeared to be a look of concern on Dean's face. Deanna had a hard time figuring out what it might be but when they entered the cottage his apprehensions turned from concern to delight as he saw two single beds, waiting to be made. When she noticed his reaction Deanna started getting a hint but didn't let on to what she thought. After the car was unpacked and they were settled in, Deanna said, "While I start putting things in order in here, would you mind wandering around outside to find some good kindling for the wood-stove." "Love to." was his response, Then he set out to perform his 'Paul Bunyon' like duties of picking up twigs and branches. Meanwhile Deanna discovered that there were six or seven big logs that could burn for a long time but the kindling would still be needed to help get the fire started. It had been about a year since she was there last and noticed a few changes. The windows now had some lovely curtains, which were sorely needed. Another new item was the television with a VCR on top, and a few movies to choose from. In the small kitchen she noticed a new stove and refrigerator, and on top of the counter was a new, but small microwave oven. "It seems we have all the modern convenience of home, including two beds." She said aloud to no one in particular. Then she started to put away the things they had picked up at the grocery store. They had bought coffee, two steaks, potatoes for baking, and some yummy chocolate ice cream for dessert. For breakfast they bought eggs, bacon, bread for toast, and frozen hash browns. The plan was to leave for Eugene after breakfast. Dean had been gone about thirty minutes when she heard a hard rap on the door that seemed to be accompanied by muffled grumbles and mumbles. Deanna opened the door to find Dean standing in front of her with what had to be six armloads of kindling in his two arms. She told him that it would have been okay to make a couple of trips. But, in that typical "guy" kind of way, he shrugged it off saying he was fine. When she looked out the door to see a trail of branches and twigs that he had collected, then dropped on his way back to the cabin. She just smiled and said, "It's okay. If we need more, I know where to find some." The cottage had one big room with the beds, couch, TV and an attached kitchen. There was a bathroom to the rear, which had a toilet, sink and shower. Another thing added to the cottage from her last trip was a huge couch that was directly in front of the television. And that's where she found Dean. "Hey, couch potato!" She yelled. "How about helping me with dinner?" but when Deanna looked again she found him fast asleep and decided to let him rest and they could do dinner later. What Deanna did next was risky but she also figured, at that point she had nothing to lose. She moved one of the chairs from the small dining table to the couch in front of Dean, raised his feet up to the chair, removed his shoes, and found a blanket. He looked so peaceful lying there. Deanna wanted to share that moment with him so she pulled the blanket over both of them and snuggling in close, felt the touch of his hand in hers. Safe from the world, and totally at peace, they both napped. At that moment in time Deanna would have been more than willing to "freeze frame" herself there forever. The next thing she knew, there was a rustling sound from the kitchen, as she looked around, there he was fixing dinner. "Hey, couch potato, want to help?" He said as she moved from under the blanket. "You went out like a light, and when I finished my nap, I didn't want to disturb you so I just let you sleep." The wood-stove was warming the cottage. The steaks were on the grill, and the baked potatoes were in the oven. The salad was prepared and chilling in the refrigerator, the coffee perking and soon she discovered the only thing Dean left for her to do was, set the table. After a quick trip to the bathroom to wash the sleep from her eyes, and brush her hair. She returned, refreshed and ready to help. As she watched him move about the kitchen, first one way, then the other, Deanna quickly deduced that he was no stranger to the art of cooking. She joked with him, saying, "Someday you're going to make someone a great wife." And then giggled. Dean visibly blushed but only said, "You have to remember, good things come in all kinds of packages." Deanna thought, 'that was a cute thing to say, but also somewhat curious'. Dinner was wonderful. It was filled with good food and great conversation. The more they talked the more they peeled things away from their lives. It was like peeling an onion. The more they peeled, the more they uncovered. Mostly it was an understanding that they had so many things in common and learning how much more they had in common was still to be discovered. While they were eating Ice Cream, and sipping coffee, Dean asked, "How did you feel snuggled up next to me?" Deanna said three words "Connected, Safe, and Comfortable." That brought a smile to his face and Dean said that he had felt much the same, with one difference. "I felt like I never wanted it to end." The girl in Deanna simply gushed. As beautiful a day as it had been, a storm blew in quickly that evening as it often does on the Oregon coast. The sun had set, and it was dark. She told Dean he was in for a wonderful experience as the thunder and lightning filled the sky and shattered the ocean's horizon with a wonderful light show. They could see through their binoculars as a string of ships were making there way north, possibly to Seattle, Alaska, or even further north to Russia. The storm lasted for about two hours and provided them with a wonderful display of the mighty Pacific Ocean moving in and out along the shore, lapping its salty lips on the waiting beach of rocks, sand and stone. Dean was in awe of the light show they had been provided. He asked Deanna if she'd like some coffee but she declined, saying that she'd had her fill for one day. Then he said that there were some things he'd like to talk about, that is, if she was up for some conversation. Her immediate thought was 'Am I ever!' but what she said was, "I'd love some conversation." As she thought could this be the answer to the questions she had been asking herself?" At first they sat on the couch with a blanket pulled up around them as Dean started by saying "I can't explain the feelings I've experienced about how much you have changed my life." Then he said," Look, there are things about my life that I haven't told you. These feelings I have for you are running so deep, that I want to tell you everything. But I am so afraid of losing you as quickly as I've found you." Then after a deep breath, he continued, "One thing I've learned over the years is that secrets don't work." "Dean," Deanna soothingly offered, "I don't know what's troubling you, but let me assure you that whatever it is you are safe with me." Then she put her hand in his to show her support. After a moments pause, Dean stood up, went to his jacket and pulled more pictures from his wallet. The light in the kitchen was better than on the couch so we sat at the small dining room table. Slowly, one by one, he pulled out pictures and with each one he said, "This is me at 5 years. Here I am at 12 years. This one was taken when I was 15 years. This is me at 18 years, and this one is me last year at the company picnic." At five years he was dressed as a girl, wearing a pretty pink summer dress with curls in his hair, black patent sandals, and yellow socks with ruffles around the top. Most apparent was the expression on his/her face. The gaze in his eyes showed bewilderment, confusion, and the look of one that knew instinctively that they were in the wrong place. "I'll take you up on that coffee now," Deanna suggested. At twelve, Dean was wearing bib overall's given to him by his Uncle and a plaid black and orange man's shirt. The picture showed no sign of any thing more than a bunch of guys getting their picture taken. Dean's red hair was cut short and his John Deere cap was flipped back on his head. His work boots indicated he'd helped in the fields that summer. His cousins standing behind him were kidding around like boys that age often do. Dean had two pictures at age fifteen on display. The first was quite appalling. It showed a girl in a dress and she looked more like an ugly guy in drag. Dean told her, "That picture was taken at my Mom's funeral." Beyond the ordeal of being in a dress and the sadness of the day, he also looked lost and forlorn. Dean went on to say, "I walked like a lumberjack back then." Still remembering those days he continued, "I could not do anything in a dainty way. I was clumsy and certainly out of my element when it came to being a dutiful daughter or sister to my family." In contrast to the first picture, the second picture was taken six months later and Deanna saw a young man wearing blue jeans, Stetson hat, cowboy boots, and a white shirt with a string tie. Dean said, "For the first time in my life I felt good about myself, and wasn't afraid to display those feelings." He continued, "What you see in that picture is what I would someday become." "By the time I was eighteen, I was wearing male clothing almost 100% of the time. Remember that during that period the androgynous look was in vogue. I was just starting college and living a pretty liberal lifestyle and I shared an apartment with some lesbian friends off campus. They were quite supportive of my lifestyle." Finally Deanna looked at the picture from last years company picnic. It showed a man who was totally at peace with himself and reflected no shadows from the past. It showed a man content and satisfied just to be one of the guys playing softball at a picnic. Deanna looked at him and said, "Wow! This is a lot to have sink in." As she tried to mask her surprise while showing support for what he had just revealed. Deanna assured him that she knew it took an awful lot for him to "out" himself this early in their relationship. At the same time she measured her responses. She was not at all sure how many cards she was ready to show. Deanna asked Dean a number of questions such as, "Does your family know? What really happened to your marriage? Do they know at work? What all have you done to alter your body?" Those were among the chief questions but she ended up asking him the big one, "Why did you tell me?" Dean started answering the questions slowly, "My Dad knew from the time my Mom died, and today he considers me his son. My sister and her husband know, the girls will know when they need to." Before answering the next question he pulled out yet another picture. "This is a picture on my wedding day." Standing next to Dean was a tall good looking-guy, apparently he was the only happy person in the picture. "His name is Joe and he's living in Chicago now. I've heard that he's married to a woman that makes him very happy. My children live in Chicago too and I've been told that they want nothing to do with me." Dean said that he met Joe while at Southern Illinois and for a short time thought that marrying Joe would solve all the problems. Sadly that was a bad idea. Dean continued, "Tim and Gerri are the only two people at work that know anything about my past. They are the two people that started the company with me. And by the way, they've been totally supportive through this whole thing." "During the last year of my marriage I started seeing a therapist. She helped me on my way to understanding the issues of Transsexuality for a female to male and by the time my ex and I separated I had started a regimen of hormone replacement treatment. The treatment consisted primarily of heavy dosages of testosterone. That helped with facial and body hair. And it changed my voice slightly. It also moved body fat from my hips and thighs to other areas. Then I went through the process of removing my breasts, and enlarging my clitoris. After being divorced for one year I looked more masculine then my ex-husband." Only the last and hardest question, "Why did you tell me?" Once again he started slowly then built up steam to the point that Deanna just snuggled in and listened. "The day we met, I felt like somehow we were connected from something in the past. I'm not sure what it could have been, but I was certain it was something. Other than my family, and close friends, I've never told a soul except for you. I don't know if you have known someone who has gone through this same thing, or if it's just your ability to put people at ease, I don't know what it was but I just felt safe in telling you." Then he changed directions and said, "Look the last thing I want to do is chase you out of my life, and so, I need to know where I now stand." At that point Deanna wasn't sure if she should feel proud that he had included her in that close circle of people, or whether she had done something to reveal her own true past. At any rate she remained closed mouth about how she felt. Almost to the point of not wanting to say anything. It was really late and she told him that she needed to go to bed and that they could talk more about it in the morning. With her head spinning, Deanna thought to herself, 'At least now I know a little more about how Jan Morris came up with the fitting title to her book "Conundrum" from many years ago'. A plan started working it's way through Deanna and for now she would just let it lie there waiting for the right moment. Dean was in bed first. He was wearing his St. Louis Rams jogging pants and matching top. After he was under the covers of his bed, and sure he was fast asleep, Deanna went back into the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and put on her warm and fuzzy pajamas. Then she quietly slid past the empty bed to where Dean was sleeping. His back was to her as she slipped under the covers and slowly moved herself close to his warm body. She reached across his body to where his arms were resting close to his chest and placed one hand on his. Dean slipped one hand over hers making a sandwich. All Deanna said at that moment was, "This is the only place on earth that I want to be right now." Slowly turning on his back, Dean turned his head to hers and smiled. He knew now that there was nothing to fear. Do you remember what it was like the first time you explored your sexuality? That was what it was like for Dean and Deanna. They had lain there for a good hour before he turned his head and gently kissed her. But unlike their other kisses this one was filled with passion, lust, and desires that neither of them had explored in their entire lifetimes. That night she did run her fingers through his massive chest and was beginning to feel the joys of those tingling sensations that ran the course of her body. He slipped his fingers inside her pajamas to caress her breast and suddenly, delightfully, all of her dormant senses were awakened. As he gently ran his fingers across her chest, at first circling and then reaching to kiss and caress, she felt her nipples hardened. Deanna's low sensual moans brought her to heights of pleasure experienced for the first time. Then they kissed some more. After an evening like that Deanna didn't remember if they fell asleep or just entered a love trance. But she was up first. She showered, and put on a pair of her University of Oregon jogging pants and matching top. She still needed to start jogging in them, but they are so comfy, she mostly wore them around the house. Dean was still sleeping so Deanna started the coffee, mixed the batter for pancakes and fried the bacon. By that time the smell of fresh brewed coffee, bacon frying on the grill, and the promise of a sunny new day caused Dean to stir and she yelled out once again with, "Hey couch potato, are you going to sleep all day?" By the time he'd showered and shaved, breakfast was ready. Conversation was friendly and upbeat, but certainly didn't reach the level of the previous night. Another curious thought, as yet, Deanna still couldn't tell him where he stood. 'What's the problem here?' She thought. But it wouldn't take long. Relying on her feminine intuition, Deanna knew by the end of breakfast how she would handle the situation. But she wasn't ready to tell Dean just yet. They had the car packed and were ready to leave by 10 am but Dean wanted a picture of Deanna standing by the doorway to the cottage. Dahlia's Secret Garden was open and when Deanna walked up to give the key to Karen it was easy to see by the glow on her face, and the blush on Dean's cheeks that this had been a wonderful weekend. Dean took a picture of Karen. He also took a picture of Rose and a picture of Lily. Then he took a picture of Deanna with all three of them and another picture of her with just Karen. As a matter of fact, every place they stopped Dean took pictures, pictures, and more pictures. Dean said he needed proof to show his nieces that there really is a place called Oregon. It could be that he just likes to take pictures. On the drive back to Eugene she asked Dean if he needed to do anything special for his meeting with the client in the morning. "No," he said, "I'm just doing a training session for a new traffic manager." "Great," she said. He saw the twinkle in her eye. "Let's stop by the motel, pick up your stuff, and you stay with me tonight." She told him. "I have some leftover roast beef we could make sandwiches. I have all the other stuff too so there's no need to stop at the store. Anyway, she said, we need to finish our conversation." When they got to Deanna's there was first a brief introduction to Franny, and a tour of the house, then they sat down to a light supper of roast beef sandwiches, chips, and ice tea, and by his appetite, it was just what Dean wanted. Dessert was next so she suggested, "Let's head for the patio, and we can have strawberry shortcake and more ice tea." After making themselves comfortable on the patio, She told Dean, "I'd be lying if I said I'm not feeling something special for you. But honestly, with what you've revealed it has given me so much to think about." She stumbled along not exactly sure how she'd reply except to say, "You've made it quite clear that you don't like secrets, I agree, neither do I." At which point she stood up and said, "Don't move, I'll be right back." When she returned after a few minutes he was smiling, and wondering which secrets Deanna would reveal. "This is a photo album of my entire life," She said, "You'll find photos of me from birth to age twenty-four, sit here and tell me what you see." Dean sat there and discovered the secrets of her life. First as an infant, dressed in pink, with a caption that said "Darren." Then at age five, a kid with glasses and one hand covering his privates. Deanna said, "I think that's when I started realizing I wasn't like other boys. Next was age thirteen. Slightly chubby, but looking cute standing with some friends, with hands on hips waiting impatiently for the picture to be taken. At nineteen, in college came next. All dressed for a Halloween party in a very pretty lavender top with lace around the collar and sleeves and wearing a lavender skirt and sandals that buckled at her ankles. Her blond hair was long, but the lavender ribbons set off her hair in such a way that made her feel so very feminine. In the caption of the picture it was written "The Lavender Lady from Lovers Lane". At age twenty was a wedding picture of Deanna standing next to her now ex-wife, cutting the wedding cake. "No one saw the raging storms that were going on inside." Deanna said. "I don't have to tell you how old I am, but this picture was taken at last years Christmas party." Dean didn't say a word. "So, any questions?" She asked. "No, I mean yes, a lot of 'em." Dean said "This is your big chance, so go ahead." His questions were along the same hers had been the day before. "Who knows?" "Phyllis, her husband, and a few close friends." Deanna went on to say, "My parents are dead. My children don't want to have anything to do with me, and my ex-wife hasn't spoken to me since I started transitioning right after our divorce." "Describe what your transitioning was like." "Well, first came the hormone treatment, electrolysis, therapy, and after living full time as a woman for over a year, I was approved for SRS." Next she described how her penis had been inverted to create a clitoris, how her vagina was formed, and all the things that brought her to the person that sat before him that evening. Dean asked, "Did you suspect that I was something different than I appeared to be?" "There were a few hints but I didn't know for sure until last night." "Like what?" He asked. Deanna softly started by saying, "For one thing, when I picked you up at the airport, and you held me in your arms to kiss me, I didn't feel that bulging hardness that most men would have experienced in a clench that close." Then she said, "Last night you were so afraid that by sleeping in the same bed with me, I'd discover your secret." Then she poked him in the ribs and said, "Guess that's not an issue anymore, is it?" "Are you sorry that things ended up this way?" "SORRY?" She yelled, "How could I possibly be sorry? You came into my life, I don't know why. Frankly, I'm not interested in knowing why, I'm just thankful you're here." By then tears had started flowing from Deanna's eyes and he reached across the table, handing her a tissue. Gaining composure, she continued by saying, "I haven't been out looking for a man, nor have I thought about a man being a part of my life, but here you are. And the funny thing about it is, now that you're here, I don't want you to leave." By that time Deans eyes were watery and they knew that this weekend would just be the beginning of great things to come. With all that being said, they both echoed in unison. "So, now what do we do?" "Did you ever think that one day you would fall in love with someone that had experienced the same journey as you?" Deanna asked. Dean sat there, quiet for a moment then said, "That thought never entered my mind. Don't ask me why?" "Neither did I," Deanna said, quietly following suit. "But, the one thing I never did, in all those years, was close the doors to the possibility of love." Later that night as they lay in bed, luxuriating in their closeness, they took up where the previous night had left off. This time, the exploration went deeper, the touches bringing about great waves of pleasure, they both agreed that from this point on they would go as far, as deep, and passionately as two people could ever go. That was one year ago, and now their lives have changed dramatically. Deanna flew to St. Louis to meet Dean's family. Needless to say it couldn't have been better. Dean and Deanna bought a small radio station on the Oregon coast, and like two kids in the candy story of love they can't wait for the day to end. And finally, for any of you that get this message, please don't ever close the door to the possibility to love. And please remember Cupid is ready to shoot his arrow of love directly to your heart I guess you'd have to say, they both got the message. "If You Get This Message" (c) 2002 Deanna Lea