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This is the first part of a trilogy set in a world that is slightly different from the one we know today. Where will it all end? Cecile lives each day hoping that times will change. Until then... 'Life is what you make it' even if each day is a little crazier than the day before. Hear the Drip By Annie Firewire (c)2002 I could hear the drip, drip, drip of the drainpipe next to my window as the morning rain sent its comforting echoes into my room. I'd become so used to hearing that bloody drainpipe and all the sounds it was capable of making, that I could usually tell what sort of day it was going to be by its pace and rhythm. A rumbling gurgling sound meant it was probably just a shower that would pass and pretty soon the sun would be out again. A cascading torrent usually meant it was going to be hot and steamy all day, in between even more deluges. A steady gentle drip meant it was probably best to turn over and sleep a little longer as the day outside wasn't going to improve very much. My moods seemed to sync themselves to it... Who needs an astrologer when you've got your own private mood forecaster? And today? Well, today didn't seem much different to me. Some claustrophobic morning rain, then the sun would push its face through into a warm afternoon. Ah well, I hear the country needs it. Can't say I feel the same. I rolled over and dragged my nightdress back from its tortured state into some sort of comfort zone around my legs, instead of up around my tits... Owwwe... my breasts were still sore from that stupid bra last night... Why did I even wear a nightdress to bed? I must have been very out of it... can't remember now, Oh that's right, Daniel came home with me last night, but... Oh yeah, he had to go back to his wife. Mmm very boring... I didn't like being his 'madam', but there are so many people who need the money and the world has become even more dominated by control freaks since the wars and since 'The Changes' began. I help those people - the only way I can. This is the only way people like me can keep the funds flowing... In the end it will all come out. In the end they'll have to own up to who they are inside, like so many have already. For some, that might be too much to bear, but for people like Daniel, who'd care? --- The door to my room opened ever so gently. "Excuse me Madam, sorry to disturb you, but Mr. Biltworth wants to know if tonight at 'la Semison' is still ok?" Cinti asked. "Oh really, Cinti - not now, I don't care. Say perhaps. He gets off on being stood up anyway... now leave me alone! And stop calling me Madam! Ok? How many times have I told you that, Cinti? Ever since you arrived here... I'm not your bloody madam, now let me sleep..." I grumbled in my usual morning voice. "Of course Miss Cecile, I have made some breakfast for you. Will you be needing anything else? Can I open the curtains? Zee rain has almost stopped now and it's going to be a lovely day outside." Frustrated, I repeated for what must have been the tenth time, "It's Cecile, Cinti. Not Madam Cecile, not Miss Cecile... just Cecile. It's my name and this is my house... Ok? Cecile? I only ever let men call me Madam." I paused and turned back to her. "What do you mean the rain has stopped... what time is it? "It will soon be 11:00" "11 o'clock? Oh merde!" I mumbled as I threw myself out of bed. "Oh no! I'm supposed to meet Richard at noon - isn't his car coming for me at 11:30 or something?" "Yes miss, I am running your bath now, there are some messages on the kitchen table for you and the coffee is brewing." "Oh, thanks sweetie... you're a gem. But next time, wake me up earlier." For some reason, I was always running late for something. I could never work it out, no matter what I tried to do. The fact that my life was so fractured into so many different parts didn't help. If I didn't have Cinti to help me, it would be impossible. Ever since she came along things began to improve. And all this time, I thought I was helping her out of her own life problems! I dragged my slippers out from under the bed and headed for the bathroom. My mind began to turn to the rest of the day as I stepped into its steaming pond. I hate rushing to get up, a bath should be savoured, a woman's skin needs to absorb the richness of the oils and fragrances like a finely brewed cup of tea. AaHmmm... How delicious... I stretched out to enjoy the bath and let my mind wander a little... Just as I was about to drift off to sleep again, the room began to rattle slightly and the lights dimmed jarring me out of my semi steamed dream state. "What the f***?" Then I realised it was just one of those new hydro magnetic buses passing by. Ever since the great terrorist attacks at the turn of the century and the oil supplies dwindling after the wars, the authorities had been trying almost every alternative transport they could. This one worked pretty well, but seemed to suck in every bit of electricity and magnetism in its path. Well, at least water was more abundant than ever since the climate changes... there are some very smart people out there who only show themselves during a crisis. It was only then I realised the bus always goes past at 10 am, not 11 am. Ah... Cinti had done it to me again! She'd deliberately told me it was nearly 11 o'clock just so I'd have enough time to get up without being in a bad mood for the rest of the day! God, she's even more precious than gold to me. That cute little body and innocent face hid a real wealth of care and understanding. "Ahh...umm, Cecile?" Cinti asked, trying very hard not to slip in a 'madam' or a 'miss' as she came into the bathroom. "What would you like to wear today? Would you like me to choose some things for you, Miss?" she asked, somehow not being able to avoid slipping in a quick 'Miss' as if saying it at the end of her question softened its impact. "Oh thanks, 'Miss' Cinti. Yes please." I paused for a moment to clear my throat, "Ahhmm, I'm going to Richard's office then we're going over to the Southside to one of those arty restaurants and then the galleries, then... well, you know, his apartment. What do you think - the blue pencil skirt?" "Oh arty? No. I think black... it will suit the office and black is always 'in' in the art world." "Ok... black it is... Richard likes me in black too. Thanks Cinti" The truth is ever since Cinti came into my life, I'd almost stopped choosing my own clothes. She had much better taste than me and she always seemed to know what I should wear, what looked best on me and how I should look for all the different sorts of things I had to go to. Until I started living this crazy life, I hardly even owned a skirt, let alone anything really feminine. Jeans, jeans and jeans and if in doubt buy another pair of jeans was my motto! Cinti added as an afterthought, "Oh, that reminds me, your friend Helen from the women's cooperative rang, to ask if you would submit some of your new work to their exhibition. She said she will be there this afternoon and she wants to talk to you about it" "Ok, thanks, I'll call her later." I tried to get a mental grasp on all I had to do. "Oh shit, I need some serious studio time... So many things get in the way." Cinti started to walk away, but turned back one more time. "And that nice Japanese girl, Amy Komori rang too. You know, the crazy looking musician. She's playing at the 'Dudetube' this week and wants to know if you can come and see her one night." "Oh yeah... Amy! Great, I'd love too - she's so funky! You really like her too, don't you Cinti? I can tell!" I said with a knowing wink. "Well, yes... Cecile. *Smile* She reminds me of my cousin, Nadi. Remember the one that died after the war? She asked hopefully, "Can I come with you to see her play?" "Oui, Oui... Bien s?r, I'd love you to come, but don't you dare call me Miss or Madam in front of her, ok? I'm sure Amy wouldn't like it either." I looked at her with a mock frown, "You could learn a lot from her Cinti." "You maybe right, Miss" Cinti replied with that glazed look young women have when their desires have been stirred. --- After my bath, I ambled back into my room to find my entire outfit for the day sweetly arranged on my bed. It was like living in a 5 star hotel. Since she arrived, Cinti made me feel like a princess and even though I still wasn't used to it, there was something about the way she cared for me that made it very easy to accept. I felt that I needed her support to help me play all the different games that my life demanded from me. Sometimes the psychic power surges inside me would threaten to tear apart all the things that had become my responsibility to keep in place. Cinti knew when I needed to be my real self again - when I needed to go back to my torn jeans, tee shirts and boots. To absorb myself in my private world of imagination, painting, drawing and creating. She always knew when to enthuse me and give me the strength to use these strange new powers from the changes. I loved her for it. Her love and care was better than any man I'd ever been with. After dressing, doing my hair and makeup, I checked myself again in the mirror. Front on, side on, from the back... Ahh... yes... excellent... Cinti had done it again. Richard was going to wet himself when he saw me! God, I like turning men on, its so easy! Makes me horny every time when I see that trembling look of desire in their eyes. Richard loves deep red lipstick, black stockings and pumps... usually on himself though. But I was sure it would put him in the 'right' mood. I looked like a modern day version of Lauren Bacall and the comfort of this cute black dress was enough to make up for the imminent trauma to my feet from wearing these bloody heels for the next few hours. I clicked my way uneasily into the kitchen for some breakfast and to wait for Richard's car to arrive. What would the world be like without coffee? I mean you can keep all the designer drugs that are around these days as far as I'm concerned, but if they ever made coffee illegal - Shit, I'd be busted every day! "There is some email waiting for you, Cecile. By the way, would you like me to bring in some fruit for you? ... You have to eat too you know, you can't live on coffee," Cinti said in a motherly tone, so strange coming out of such a sweet young sexy body. "Yes, Cinti, thanks... and while I'm out this afternoon, can you check the bank account today? I need to know if Sean Biltworth has deposited the money. He's always so slow and I'm sure he does it to piss me off so I'll treat him like shit for a while. He is a strange man... don't know how his wife puts up with it... probably because he's so obnoxiously rich," I muttered to myself as I savoured my coffee. "But if it's the bitch he wants, it's the bitch he'll get... just so long as he pays what he should for it," I added. "Yes, Cecile, I will make sure of it. Do you want me to cancel your appointment with him tonight if it's not there?" I stopped in mid-gulp and waved my hand at her, "Oh No! If its not there, just pay Marco to put on his wildest outfit and send him around in my place this evening! That'll freak him out completely! Especially at that sexist up itself rich men's club! They'll throw him out with Marco! Hahha ha!" I giggled at the thought of my very hairy Italian drag queen friend showing up in my place... Marco would adore it! He loves embarrassing straight men; he's made an art form of it. "Cecile! Marco and Mr. Biltworth! Together at 'la Semison'! You make me laugh!" said Cinti covering her mouth to stifle a laugh. --- I looked at my watch then ambled into the study to check my mail. In amongst the other emails was one from my friend Madi who was still fighting for survival in the remains of the Indo-Chinese territories. It read... "All my friends, we need your help again fast. The water pumps and solar cells have been smashed by the storms. The antibiotics are finished and the secret police are arresting anyone who has gone through the changes. If you admit it, you're as good as dead. Send money and your thoughts to us. For those with political connections, we need you to use them... Now... anyway you can. Use your powers, please! Love Madi" It was a chilling letter and it brought back the reality of the world around me. It made me aware of why it was so important for me to keep on going with this crazy life. All I wanted to do was go back to my previous life as an artist. My thoughts raged inside me, "I have so much I need to explore creatively. I'm sick of all these games with people from the old eras and I'm tired of protecting middle class women from themselves, their limited bullshit views and their husband's kinky desires. I want out of it; it weighs me down like a stone. Why should I care if they all drive each other mad? Their power-obsessed attitudes have been driving the rest of us mad for centuries. Fuck them! Fuck them! Look what they've done to the world! When are they going to face the changes too? When?" --- Shortly after, the videophone beeped and Cinti came in to let me know Richard's car had arrived. "Cecile...The car is waiting... and Mr. Biltworth rang again to ask what you would like him to wear tonight, huhmm... you know, under his clothes," she said with a smirk. "Oh god... do I really care? Look, send Madi 50,000 now, then ring Sean Biltworth back and tell him to deposit an extra 25,000. If he doesn't like it, tell him he can screw himself instead and I'll ring his pretentious wife. I'm sick of him anyway, screwed up little sissy," I said as I walked towards the door. "If he wants humiliation, I'll give it to him all right. I know..." I said turning again to Cinti, "Tell him... oh, just hand me the phone. "Sean, you want me to tell you what to wear? Well, how's this - wear your new pink stockings and corset set. Oh, and pull it tight till it squeezes the air out of you, I want to see the discomfort on that pretty little face of yours! Another thing, make sure you relieve yourself before dinner and then wear the tightest panties you can find. I don't want to see any trace of your dick pushing out of your trousers or I'll chop the bloody thing off. Hear me?" I wasn't going to let him get a word in edge-wise. "Oh, and another thing, wear some clear lip-gloss, clear nail polish and some perfume on your wrists... That'll get you going! Should be worth the extra 25,000 don't you think? Gotta fly," I said and turned off the phone. I handed it to Cinti and said, "Send that money to Madi first thing, Cinti. I'll call you later from Richard's place. Bye honey," I said as I kissed her sweetly on both cheeks. --- We're lucky to have a canopy over the entrance to our apartment. City rain is a curse for most people these days. All the fine dust blown up by the HM buses and other dirty propulsion devices is simply washed down again from the buildings every morning with the rain. Keeping your hair or clothes away from the acids and oxides in the watery sludge has become an industry in itself. In the rain, most people wear the same long cover all tunics over their clothes. If you forget to bring your own with you or when the tunics start to rot from the acid, you simply trade them in on a new one at the many tunic dispensers. They've become quite a fashion or creative statement and give everyone walking in the rain a sort of unigender look. There are light filmy ones for the summer and heavier ones for the cool time. The only real color in the city buildings is from the 'daily cleaned' neon signs, everything else has been reduced to a monotonous grey, much like a town wrapped in volcanic dust. Most city events take place undercover. I raced out of the apartment and outside into the greasy day. I did my best to avoid the puddles of muddy city rain splashing on my heels, before easing myself into the back of Richard's limo. As we sped through the city traffic, I leaned back into the soft white leather upholstery and thought about the day ahead. I like Richard. Of all my clients and charges, he's getting close to being my favourite. He's a real man, caring and gentle with women, strong and reliable with men. If you didn't know about his kinks, you wouldn't ever guess, and in any case they were so mild and easy to deal with, it really surprised me that he couldn't find a wife who would like it in him. His last wife screwed him to the wall when she found out. Funny thing was I kind of liked her until I found out how she'd used his interests to get what she wanted. What a bitch she turned out to be! An international barrister and financier, Richard is a very powerful man and chief dick at one of the largest law firms in the country. They even advise governments on future policy directions. He is one of the feathers in our cap. It also doesn't hurt that he's extremely good looking, highly intelligent and a very nice person. Richard has soft sandy hair and blue eyes, he dresses superbly and I love the way his muscular frame moves inside his tailored suits... makes me want to tear off his clothes and molest him! For all his maleness, and a very cute rear end, he also had quite a feminine face, soft, not hard and scratched from years of shaving. Oh, and the other thing I like about him is his smell, unlike so many men he knows how much after shave to wear, his is always subtle and expensive, not overpowering like most men. I hate that, makes a lot of men smell like a walking urinal! But Richard has a misty masculine grace, very charming and enticing. Yeah, you could even say I have quite a crush on him. Sean Biltworth however is a different kettle of fish. Born with money - and a very serious amount of it. He runs that very well known software corporation that overtook Microsoft years ago. Sean doesn't really have many redeeming features. He is rather boring to look at - not ugly, but very ordinary indeed. He's obsessed with his own possessions and all of his obsessions too! He has everything anyone could ever want and he's always been like that. He's a successful male in everything he ever does and everyone around him knows it. You can't really dislike him, or like him. He's pleasant, but usually reserved and secretive at the same time. I've heard he has a foul temper, but I've never ever seen it. He's only ever comfortable once he knows he is paying for you. The only fracture in his superior achievement focused armour is his need to be controlled by a woman... and even then, it's only as long as he is paying her to do it. Strange, eh? Well, ever since the 'changes' began more and more people are going to extremes. The people I deal with in my little world are very, very mild in comparison. There are a lot of things I just don't do, no matter what honey, no matter with who! An outsider may think I'm cruel or mean to him, but... it's want he wants, what he seems to need. Shortly, the limo pulled up behind one of the taxi's waiting to get in under the canopy at Richard's office. I wasn't going to move until the limo was completely covered - not with these clothes on! I checked my makeup and smoothed my dress while we waited. We were sitting just outside the canopy and water from a broken spout was dripping directly onto the limo roof making a sickening deep trundling sound. It seemed to set off an echo in my moods. I quite suddenly became afraid; I felt an urgent chill inside me... I knew something was about to happen, but I couldn't tell what... but I sure could feel it. I wanted to get out of there fast! "Driver! Can't you just move in next to that cab?" I said, pointing to a clear space alongside the line of cars. "Ah sorry Ma'm, I have to wait till the porter lets me in. You know, he new rules and all," he replied with an air of frustration in his voice. "Oh merde! Fuck the rules, I've got to get inside, we HAVE to move away from this spot NOW! Do you hear me! JUST DO IT!" I could see that I spooked him so I quietly added, "It's my responsibility, ok?" "Ok, Ma'm you're the boss." The limo lurched to the side of the cabs and pulled up under the canopy. The porter immediately came running over waving his hands and started yelling at the poor driver. I quickly gathered my things, thanked the driver, opened the door and leapt from the limo. This brought me face to face with the irate Porter. "If you've got a problem, kindly direct that attitude and your foul mouth at me instead of the driver... if you dare!" I challenged him. His expression changed in a flash, "Oh... Pardon me, Miss Merron, I didn't know it was you, can I see you in?" "That's alright... Umm, its Peter isn't it? It's my fault. Why the long delay Peter?" I asked, as we entered the lobby and walked towards the lifts. "They're re-doing the exterior CPS treatment for the buildings in this street tomorrow, so a lot of people are moving stuff over to the Northside office for a week and the workmen are still preparing the building," he replied, in a friendly, but slightly formal manner. "God, it never stops, does it?" I remarked, showing my frustration. "No Ma'm... it certainly does not. Do you want me to call Mr. MacPherson's office for you, to let them know you're on your way up?" "No thanks Peter, I always like to see Virginia's face sour when I arrive in her territory! It ages her yet another year," I laughed. "Hah humm... Yes, she's a force to be reckoned with Ma'm," he said knowingly. In case anyone could hear, he quickly added, "She does have a nice side too, just doesn't like too many people knowing about it." "Ah, you're a kind man Peter and a very loyal employee. You take care of yourself now, won't you?" I said as I slipped him a banknote. "Yes Ma'm I'll try to do that too. It's always a real pleasure to see you here. I mean that Miss Merron, a real pleasure," he replied with a large warm smile as the elevator door swung open and I walked in. Peter is an attractive man with grey sideburns, gentle grey blue eyes and a perfectly groomed matching grey moustache. He looked very sexy in his beautifully tailored uniform and everything about him was crisp and sharp. I love those knee length jackets with a high collar. I have one just like it in black although I wear it mainly as a dress with stockings and heels instead of creased trousers and flat shoes. Ah well, to each his own. Just after the door closed and the elevator started to accelerate, I felt a small whirring pain inside me followed by a slight shudder that seemed to come from the building. It left me with the same feeling as before. When the elevator came to a stop and opened its doors on Richard's floor, I was glad to see that everything looked normal. I walked down the hall to Richard's reception room. Natalie, his receptionist, was sitting behind the counter looking as young, sexy and immaculate as ever. Her makeup must take her ages to do every morning; she always looked superb. "Hi Natalie, How's things?" I asked as I walked in. "Oh, Ms Merron. I'm fantastic, how are you?" she said with a smile. "You look stunning Cecile, love that dress," she added. "It's got a sort of 1930's look to it. It's just divine," she gushed with her usual aplomb, but with Natalie, you could tell she really meant it. "Oh thanks, honey, its another one of Cinti's purchases. I don't even know where she finds them. I love it too, thanks." I returned the compliment, "And you're looking completely gorgeous as usual. You'll have to show me how you do that with your eye shadow, it's very cool, Natalie." "Thanks Cecile, I'd love too. Richard has just finished with his clients, he should be out very shortly," she said as the phone rang. "So, you mean I don't have to go through the 'Ice Maiden' first?" I giggled. Natalie laughed with me. "Well, if Richard's quick enough you both might avoid the pleasure!" she replied with a grin. Almost at that same moment, Virginia strode into the reception area. She was uncanny! At first she didn't even look my way as she headed straight towards Natalie and the counter. Finally she bothered to look over and focus on me, reluctantly acknowledging my presence. I was standing at the counter 3 feet from Natalie, but anyone on the wrong side of the counter wasn't worth her royal gaze, which was for lowly secretaries. Such a corporate snob! "Oh... Cecile. I didn't know you were here. Nobody told me you were coming today," she said in her usual sharp, cold manner. Not even a smile or even a simple hello! "Why, Virginia, Hello... I'm very well, thanks," I said with the most insincere smile that I could muster. "Yes I guess that must be true, I mean, that no one told you. Probably didn't want to get you too over excited, Virginia." I looked at her with mock concern, "Are you well? You're looking a little tired, dear." "Tired, what do you mean? I feel perfectly well thank you, though I think a few more earlier nights might help your complexion, Cecile... and perhaps a little less drinking too," she said in a condescending tone. "You know how it dries your skin. I know an excellent self-help book for dieting. It's called 'What goes down should stay there!' It's written by some new age creative type - much like you, Cecile," she added in her usual biting way. But what mostly pissed me off about her was the way she would always laugh and smile after she'd dumped her sarcastic crap on you. It was the only time the fucking bitch ever smiled! And it was a horrible sight I can assure you. "Yeah, yeah Virginia, I've heard it all before from you. You're even starting to repeat your..." Just as I was about to complete my bitchy barb, there was a loud explosion outside and the whole building shook. Although there hadn't been any more of those for many years, we all fell instantly to the floor fearing another terrorist attack. As the alarms blared throughout the building, Richard came running out of his office, went straight over to the window and looked out to the street below. "It's alright everyone, it looks like another car fuel tank has exploded, God I wish they'd sort out those hydrogen problems. The building isn't on fire, just the car." He turned back to face us, "Natalie, make an announcement on the intercom, "Cautionary evacuation by the rear exits only, security plan 'Yellow'. Call security and ask them to report to me immediately. The rest of you leave now, quietly and calmly please, there is no need to rush. It's just a precaution" Richard looked over to me. "Oh Cecile, I was just on my way... shit, now I'll have to stay here till we sort this out. Why don't you catch a cab over to my place and I'll bring some food with me and meet you there?" "Oh, no, Richard, thanks, but you're gonna be here all afternoon sorting this mess out. Look, I'll go and get myself something to eat. Call me on my cell phone when you're free... if it takes too long," I walked over to him and quietly said, " We'll make it another time ok? I've got a lot to do myself, honey." It was only then I looked around to see Virginia still sitting on the floor looking as a white as a ghost. Natalie was busy on the intercom, so I went over and tried to help Virginia up. She was groggy but still managed to spit out, "No thank you, Cecile, I am perfectly alright and I can do without your sort of help too" "Oh great... and fuck you too! You're such a nasty old crow Virginia... I've had enough of you! Sheesh!" With that I grabbed my bag from the table and headed for the exits. I called as I strode out of the reception doors, "How you put up with that Richard, I really don't know... call me when you're free ok? I'm outa here! Bye Natalie..." I couldn't wait to leave. That bitch! She made my blood boil. She was everything I hated about straight, corporate women. Up themselves with no possible reason to be except blind disinterest in anything outside themselves. Arghhh!! "Fuck them - fuck them all!" I cursed inside me. --- It was only as I calmed down a little that I began to slow down and look out of the windows as I walked past them. To my complete amazement, the cab that exploded was the one sitting in front of the limo I was in before. If we'd stayed there, both the driver and myself would have been caught in the blast. My knees suddenly felt weak and I had to stop and lean up against the wall. I felt like I was going to faint. Just as I was about collapse, Natalie came running down the hall looking for me. "Cecile... Cecile, are you alright, what's the matter?" Natalie asked as she came close to support me. "Don't worry about Virginia, she always pays for her venom. Richard is extremely pissed off with her, he sent me to find you and apologize for him, he just can't leave at the moment," she added. "Oh no, Natalie, its not Virginia, she can rot in her own hell... it's the explosion..." I told her about my near miss with the cars below. She was almost as shocked as me. After a few moments, I regained my composure. Natalie insisted on helping me to the elevator and all the way down to the Bellevue road exit. When I tried to refuse, saying she was needed back on the reception desk, she told me Richard had made Virginia sit at the reception desk in her place. We both howled with laughter at the thought of Virginia sitting there taking calls! "Yeah and the longer I take helping you downstairs, the longer she has to sit in my chair!" Natalie giggled. She's such a fun person. Far too good-looking and far too smart to be working just as receptionist, even in such a prestigious company. I bet Richard paid her well, she deserved every bit of it. We said our goodbyes at the bottom of lift and I headed out through the loading bay. Fortunately, the sun was shining and the rainy clouds had cleared enough for me to walk outside without risking oxide stains on my dress. God, what a start to the day! I had just known it was going to be one of those sorts of days. All my plans were in a mess. If I saw Richard now, I would be running too late to meet up with Helen and if I saw her, I would end up being too late to make my appointment with Sean. Shit! And I was hungry! Then I realised I wasn't too far from Gayzoolis, a caf?? and live theatre just a block away that belonged to some friends. I could get something to eat there, collect my thoughts and make a few calls. I rushed off down the road trying to miss the remaining puddles with my heels. One big splash was usually enough to completely ruin a pair of hose. I turned the last corner, walked past the pot plants and in through the glass doors. The caf?? wasn't too full and Shannon saw me as soon as I walked in. I negotiated my way over to her through the rich smells of food and the chatter of people. "Hey, Cecile! Great to see you babe... decided to come down and mix it with the weirdos, eh?" she said as she came over and gave me a huge hug with her largish arms. "Ohhmm... hi, Shannon! How's things? You're as lively as ever, honey! By the way, how's Charlie?" I asked as I returned her hug with a big kiss on her beautifully made up, but slightly scratchy face. "Ah, the darling is working away in her temple. So sweet. I wouldn't dare go into the kitchen without asking first! No, she's fine, she'll be much happier when she knows you're here, Cecile." She looked flustered for a moment before saying, "Where are my manners, come and sit over here with me for a while... I haven't seen you for weeks." As we walked over to a table, she asked, "So how are you? What brings you in?" "Well, circumstance really and a bad start to the day..." I replied, but Shannon interrupted... "Well isn't that always the way, Sugar! No one ever means to come here! It just sort of happens! Like magic really! If you don't watch out, you'll find yourself at Gayzoolis!" she laughed. I laughed with her - it felt good. "No, sorry, you know what I mean... you were close and I was hungry," I replied. I told her about my experience at Richard's office. "That sort of thing always happens to you Cecile, I'm not surprised at all! You just can't help yourself can you? Wherever you go, explosions and chaos to the status quo follow in your gorgeous wake!" she giggled. "Oh, Shannon... I don't mean too, really... I don't! ... It's lovely to see you, you always make me feel good," I said with a smile, feeling her energy lifting me up again. "That's because I like you so much! You've always been so good to Charlie and me, we remember our friends Cecile. This caf?? wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you and Helen and the others," she replied, squeezing my hand and looking directly into my eyes. Charlie and Shannon are quite well known icons in the local Bi, Gay and TG community. Their caf?? is a well-known focus for a lot of T* people, including straight heteros wanting to let their hair down a little! They'd faced quite an onslaught from religious fanatics a few years ago, like a lot of the gay community and they nearly went broke. So, Helen and I got some funds together from our group to prop them up for awhile. Now things are really firing again for them. I love them both like family. "Thanks sweetie, its never an effort when you're helping a friend, it's a joy. I mean that." I replied with feeling. Shannon leaned over the table and kissed me again. We sat back and enjoyed the moment between us. --- "Johnny!" Shannon called out to one of the waiters nearby, "bring us a seafood salad and two cups of coffee. Oh, and tell Charlie that Cecile is here." For some reason, the smell of food reminded me of Virginia's comments. "Shannon, you don't think I'm... looking a little pale and drawn do you? " I asked, before trying to explain... "Virginia said..." "Pale and drawn, eh?" Shannon laughed. "Sounds like she was describing a corpse, but certainly not you honey." She giggled again, "You look as sexy and beautiful as you always do... and your butt doesn't look too big in that dress either!" she cackled back at me. "Shannon! ... Ok, ok, I get the hint; it's just that, well... I don't know, I feel like I'm getting older sometimes... and maybe I should try to sleep a little more regularly and not stay out so late." "God, I better move you to the old peoples section, in case you throw a stroke on me or something. Really Cecile!" she chided, "You're not even thirty yet! Wait till you get to the grand old age of be 31 like me, then you'll have something to worry about!" she said rolling her eyes. "You're priceless. Sometimes I'd kill to have your looks at any age. Don't let people like Virginia search for your soft spot, that's the only thing they know how to do." "Yeah, ok, so I'm vain and I have a big ego. Just so long as my face looks alright and my butt really does look ok, I'll be happy... and no one tells me I'm an empty headed bimbo obsessed with her looks either!" I laughed poking fun at my self. "God, you have such a crazy opinion of yourself Cecile, just chill babe, you're hot to trot and only a fool would cross you." Just then Charlie arrived with the waiter and the food. "Cecile! Cecile! Ah, my friend, my friend! Let me give you a big hug darling," Charlie demanded with affection. We hugged and held each other. "Hi ya, Charlie! So great to see you, sweetheart!" I'd known Charlie since we met at college. I was doing Art and she was doing a part time catering course. We were the same age and she was my first real gay relationship. We'd remained close friends ever since. She's always been slightly masculine, but more muscular than anything. She's very good looking with a great body - She loves working out and that kind of thing. Has a hairstyle a little like KD Lang... but she couldn't sing to save her life! Until she met Shannon, she was totally gay, but Shannon is her first TG relationship. It was a surprise to everyone, including their families! They've been together for several years now... they even have a child - a beautiful little girl called Sabine. Shannon is definitely the woman in the relationship, but mostly they're more like sisters. It suits them anyway. Since "The Changes", there's been a lot of gender swapping and interplay. Little by little, more and more people are living the way they feel inside. "So let me look at you, Cecile," Charlie said taking my shoulders and giving me the once over. "Mmm, not eating enough as usual... drinking too much? And probably doing too many drugs... Johnny!" she called out again. "Go and bring Cecile a bowl of the chicken soup and some whole meal bread. You can't just have a salad, Cecile. Food and eating is part of life too," she said in her strong but gentle way. "Oh now you've done it, Charlie... I've just been telling her how great she looks! Subtle as brick you are sometimes," Shannon laughed. "Yeah, yeah an' all... but she's our friend, I can tell her that... everyone else runs around being so nice to her, but she knows I'll always tell her the truth and she always tells me the truth too," Charlie replied. Shannon turned to me again, "And I meant it Cecile, you look fine... just maybe a bit, a little, tired, that's all" Charlie was right; I'd listen to anything she told me. She was like a sister to me ... well, maybe a big brother even. If she said I needed to eat more, I'd do it, I'd sit there and eat every mouthful and she's about the only person I know that I'd do that for... Just 'cos I know how honest she is and how much she cared. Shortly, the soup and bread arrived. We all sat down at the table again. I suddenly felt like I was on trial for anorexia, I'm not even thin. Well, I don't think so. What are you going to do when you're sitting in your friend's restaurant, eating their food, with the two of them sitting opposite, watching if you do or you don't? You're going to eat it aren't you? As much as you can possibly fit in! "Yeah, yeah Charlie... ok, ok, I'll eat!" I replied to Charlie, before turning to Shannon. "So you think I look a bit 'tired' do you Shannon? That wasn't what you said before!" I muttered as lifted the spoon to my mouth. Charlie just laughed and kicked me gently under the table. "Oh... thanks very much Cecile! After all my compliments too," Shannon laughed. "Just eat your soup dear, it'll make you look even sweeter than you did before!" she laughed again with a slight sneer. "Don't know that it could make your butt any cuter though!" Shannon finished, poking her tongue out and giggling at me. We talked, as I ate, as they watched, spoon after spoon, shrimp after tomato, until finally the plates were sort of cleared. Only then did Charlie stand up and excuse herself to go back to the kitchen. "See, now that wasn't too bad was it Cecile? And that glow in your face is back already honey" "No Charlie, it was delicious thank you, I'm sure it'll make me just as strong as you... When I grow up! Umm...I just feel a bit sick now from all that food, that's all. Do all your customers feel like that after eating here?" I laughed. "Very funny... come here, Yoooou..." Charlie laughed as she pulled me from my seat and we embraced. Our embrace was ended too soon when my cell started ringing. Charlie pulled away and waved to me as she mouthed... "Love you, take care," and walked back to the kitchen. I answered the call. "Hi Cecile, where are you?" "Hi, Richard, I'm at Gayzoolis, what's happening? Are you free now?" "Oh Gayzoolis... Umm Yes, I'm free, can I meet you somewhere?" "Well, yes... you can meet me here, that's where I am." "Ah, No, I'd prefer not to come to Gayzoolis, if you don't mind" "Why the hell not Richard? It's just a Caf?? for gods sake" "Look, I don't want to be difficult, could you walk back up to the office or just to the square at the top of Bellevue road. I just don't want to be seen at Gayzoolis. You know, it's a professional thing." "You mean you don't want to be seen here, or you don't want to be seen here, with me? Guilt by association is it? For fuck's sake Richard, you really surprise me." He got defensive. "No, No, Cecile, don't take it the wrong way. It's just that a few of my clients go to Gayzoolis sometimes and they don't know about me, and that's the way I'd like to keep it." "Oh shit, Richard, you mean they're like you, you know it, but they don't know you know it... AND they don't know about you, so you don't want them to know in case they think that you're like them too? Gee, Richard, that's a very well thought out, enlightened and free thinking attitude... Don't worry about it; I'll get a cab to your place. I wouldn't dream of queering your pitch!" "Oh, look Cecile, it's not like that, and I've just got things I have to protect, responsibilities." "Yeah, like your money, your social life and your potential new wife... but then they're all pretty much the same thing to you anyway... aren't they My sweet, little sugerpuff?" "Ohww... Don't say that on the phone Cecile, please... this isn't the place to talk about it, if you can get a cab, that's fine, be here in 15 minutes." "Yeah, Yeah... OK, just make sure you're ready sweet cakes; this hasn't been one of my favourite appointments. So far it's taken up most of my day. Richard, you know what that means... don't you?" Click... I killed the call. "Johnny, can you call me a cab please?" I asked the waiter before looking over to Shannon "Can you believe that? He doesn't want to pick me up from here, 'cos it might queer his pitch with some of his clients who are already queer!" "Oh... he's like that, is he? Don't be too hard on him, Cecile. It's still not that easy for some people... we have a lot of customers we need to protect who prefer to come in here through..." "Don't tell me... they prefer coming through the 'rear entrance'?" At first, I said it angrily, but the look on Shannon's face made me burst into a giggle. "Well, I was going to say, through the 'back door', but yours is even better." "I should think so too, Shannon!" I said as I wiggled my butt a little. We both cracked up and fell into each other's arms laughing. Where Charlie was always slightly serious and very ordered in her thinking, Shannon was apt to burst into fits of giggles over nothing, like me. I'd known her even longer than Charlie. She was at the same school, but was a few years ahead of me. She came to my aid one time when some hormonal jerks were giving me a hard time. Shannon came right up to the main offender in the little group of ape boys, grabbed him by the balls and squeezed for all her worth all the while yelling in his ear, "How does that feel you fucking Neanderthal?" Then she grabbed me by the other hand and we ran for our lives. The next day they ganged up on her, but she pulled out a fake gun, pointed it directly towards their balls and told them to run for their lives before she blew them away! They had a strange 'respect' for her after that; they left me and her alone ever after. She was so crazy - even then... half boy half girl. Spent most of her time on drugs or being suspended for pissing off some straight authoritarian type. The discipline thing just wasn't ever in her though. She'd happily show up in a girl's uniform just to piss off a teacher who had it in for him. Her acceptance of her own personal changes, though not easy by a long shot, brought her something of the inner peace she craved and was a guiding light to a lot of other TG males. It was through me that Charlie and Shannon became friends. Johnny came back to tell me the cab was waiting... Shannon walked out with me, gently holding my arm. "Now, you take care of yourself Cecile, and don't leave it so long before visiting again... Oh, that reminds me, we're having a full moon party at the end of the month - it'll be a riot. You'll come won't you? Say yes, or I'll ring you up and hassle you every day!" "Yes, Shannon, of course I'll come and you can ring me anytime anyway, we don't talk enough these days, gotta stay in touch more... Ah, and I've got some more of my work being shown soon too. I'll send you an invite." "Yeah... excellent, might even be able to afford to buy one this time! See ya babe," as we hugged tightly. "Bye Sweetie, thanks for the meal... ... bient?t, Shannon." We parted with a wave as I entered the taxi and sped off towards Richard's place. --- To be honest, Richard's thing was unusual in that I didn't even see it as a kink. I often wondered why even needed to pay someone to do it with him. I actually enjoyed being with him so much that I sent all the money he paid straight to our causes and didn't keep any of it myself. I didn't want to keep it. In fact, the only thing that annoyed me about his thing was that he felt the need to pay me. Richard maintained an apartment in the CBD just for our meetings. It's very beautiful, expensive, and very feminine. I would meet him there and we'd talk... like close friends do over a drink or two. Often he would be very highly-strung and aggro about his work or his clients or some government official. I was one of the few people he could safely do that with. So, just when he was being most assertive and tense I would suggest something like this, "You're looking very tense Ricki dear, wouldn't you like to get out of those things and slip into something pretty" Just saying this to him would be enough to make him horny and sort of feminine as well. Usually, I would then slip my panties down and toss them over to him. Saying, "Why don't you try these on honey, you know how much I like you in them" This was the start of our little feminine get together. Richard would almost go weak at the knees and sort of silent. It was such a change to his normal attitude and demeanour. He is a strong man with a vibrant male charisma. Not macho, but self assured and very attractive. However, the moment I would ask him to slip into my panties his whole attitude would change to his 'alter' ego. A soft almost silent feminine creature would emerge and do what ever 'she' was asked of. I thought it was rather a sexist and stereotypical view of femaleness, but that was his version of femininity I guess. The rest varied quite a bit depending on what I could imagine he might like to do. It always had to come from me, that was the key. Somehow, this seemed to relieve him of taking responsibility for his feelings. We'd come up with a lot of variations on the theme over time, but mostly it went something like this... "Why don't you go into the bathroom and slip on my panties and the robe, then meet me in the bedroom, sweetie" Richard, or 'Ricki' as 'she' liked to be called, would disappear into the bathroom and often masturbate with my things while I would go into the bedroom and choose some women's clothes from the wardrobe for her to wear. Ricki had a large collection of clothes to choose from and although they tended to be quite straight, mostly they were very ordinary day-to-day clothes. No outrageous gowns or miles of lace and frills, just the same sort of clothes that most 'well to do' women of his age might wear. Though he did have an inevitable fascination with expensive lingerie. When he reappeared, I would help him change. 'She' loved this, I'd tell her how cute she looked - and she did too, in her own way. Once Ricki was dressed, I would go into the bathroom and remove all my makeup. Meanwhile, Ricki would choose some things for me to wear. When she returned, she would help me out of my things and then I'd let her dress me in the clothes she'd chosen. Funny thing was, Ricki had very good taste, a little too straight for me, but she had a better eye than me over what looked good on my body. It was like two girls playing together... or in another way, like I was lending her my body to play with. Once I was dressed in her choice of clothes I'd sit by the beautiful dressing table and Ricki would brush my hair and do my makeup again. I'd taught her over the time just how I liked it done (I had to otherwise I would have ended up looking like a drag queen!). She'd then do her own and I'd help her. All the while, we would talk about all sorts of things. Mostly, Ricki would listen to me babble on and just comment occasionally. It was such a change to Richard's usual dominant behaviour. You know how lawyers talk over the top of you? Or always think their view is the most persuasive and well thought out? Annoys the hell out me, they just sound like used car salesman trying to sell you a point of view instead of a car... and they intend to charge you just for opening their arrogant mouths! As if you need a law degree in order to have an opinion worth listening too. The game would usually finish with me laying on the bed and inviting Ricki to come and lay beside me. She'd come over, stroke my hair and kiss me softly. I'd kiss her back and gently fondle her through her skirt. This was usually enough to make her cum and she'd moan like any women having an orgasm... and? There was no 'and' that was it! That's all, no real sex, even though it would really turn me on sometimes. That was Ricki's thing - she wanted it that way. There was something about the purity of it that she needed. I'd usually go and change again, touch up my makeup to make sure I still looked ok and then leave Rickie on her own all dressed up. Who knows what she did when I left. The thing that really bugged me about being with Ricki was that it was, so natural. I'd do that with anyone I loved or cared about. It was gentle sensual fun. So why the need to hide it and to pay someone to do it? Richard really liked me too. In another life we'd probably be lovers... but when it came down to it, Richard was so hung up on looking the part for his job, that the only way he could possibly allow himself to let go was if he was paying for it and he remained in control of when and how it happened. Oh, and that it remained an unutterable secret! Shit! You either have it in you or you don't! That was exactly what put me off. But... well, I still liked him as a man or as a woman. Just wish he knew that inside. --- He's such a nice person. He even used to fantasise about showing up to work dressed as Ricki... Fuck! The world would be a better place if he did! Instead he was quite prepared to pretend to be the very thing he hated most, just so long as his beloved professional image was never tarnished... But most of my clients were like that. Sheesh! Can't they to believe in themselves enough to let the rest of us be free! They want the money and the power more than they want their own inner freedom. Then they complain that nobody understands them. You have to understand and accept yourself first! --- Anyway, after this session with Richard, I asked him to make an extra payment to my account. I was still pissed off about the hassle with Virginia and the fact that Richard wouldn't pick me up from Gayzoolis... and we needed the money. We needed it just as badly as my 'clients' needed to play their secret games. So there's the rub, I help them play the game I despise, just so some people who are drowning from their power hungry shit can have a brief moment of reprieve. Call it a compromise? I don't know what you'd call it... I'd just prefer that everyone was happy, that no ones pleasure was the cause of another's pain... but then what do I know, I'm not a lawyer or a politician or a rich pricks child, I'm just an artist who can't make a living being herself, so I have to be someone else's 'self' for awhile. Don't most of us do that? They call it life; I just call it as I see it, try to be myself and try helping where I can. The afternoon sun had settled into a warm steady glow through the hazy grey city mists. Richard's limo was waiting as usual to take me to where ever I wanted to go. I told the driver to head for the dockland district so I could meet up with Helen at the gallery. I always felt strange after being with Richard. Like I was irrelevant to his pleasure, just a bit player in his own obsessions. I wished it wasn't like that. I knew how much he cared about me - he'd shown it so many times before. But with him, I wanted to feel more than that. With the others - well, to be honest I couldn't give a damn; I didn't feel anything other than it was just a job. They meant so little to me personally that I didn't need their affections or worth, but with Richard... mmmm well, I care about him, I like him. When I thought of what Shannon had been through to be true to herself... The pain, the abuse, and the fear... it made me angry. Why couldn't Richard face himself in his own world? Why couldn't he advance his own cause Fear of being himself? Why? I like him, so does everyone else. Virginia was his greatest ally, that's why she hated me so much. I was everything she hated, a threat to the established order where women 'controlled' men from behind the scenes. I wanted Richard to be free of that sort of bullshit. Strange thing was that Richard sort of looked like Virginia when he was dressed up I'd never tell him that though... or Virginia! Actually, he looked better than her. Before long, we arrived at the gallery and I climbed the wooden steps up to Helen's studio. --- "Helen? You here, honey?" I called out into the musty, sun streaked room. "Hi ya, Ceci! I'm over here washing my brushes," Helen called from behind the side screen. "Hi Helen! How's things?" I said as I put my things down onto a chair and walked towards her. "Fantastic, just finished the piece I've been working on for the last three weeks. Oh babe, I'm so pleased with it. Ceci, come and have a look," Helen beckoned with a grin from ear to ear. Helen is my dearest girlfriend; we've known each other since childhood. We know each other so well it can hurt sometimes. She knows my moods better than I do, and I do the same with her. She has mysterious, deep brown eyes and long, almost black hair. Part Indian, she's one of the most beautiful women I know. She's lithe and sensuous, moves like a dream and dresses like a gypsy. She's a very foxy lady indeed. We hugged and walked over to her painting. It was a picture of woman sitting beside a mountain stream; her beautiful gown formed a part of the stream and the stream gradually spread out to encompass the entire landscape. The look in her eyes was haunting, serene and all embracing. To me the difference between a good painting and a bad one can often be put down to one thing, 'Charisma'. Some have it and some don't, this one did and I was immediately pleased for her, pleased by it and yes... a little jealous of her too. I like my style, but this was definitely one of her best works. She was justifiably thrilled. We talked a little and enjoyed each other's company. I told her about my experience at Richard's office, seeing Shannon, and then meeting Richard. As usual, Helen caught the mood in my eye. "Ok Ceci, so tell me what's up?" "I'm fine, Helen" "Come on... Ceci, you know, all that energy of yours is running at about half pace today... and you have that look" "What look?" "Ahmmm the one that says, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling mad, but mostly I feel blue." "Hahha... There's no hiding from you Helen! I don't know, its just well, you know your painting is so good and I haven't even had a chance to do anything, and tonight I've got to go out with Sean Biltworth, and I don't want too. And, well, you know how Richard is... I'm just a little tired of it all, I guess" "Oh come on Ceci, admit it, you're falling in love again with Richard aren't you?" "No, NO, of course I'm not. We've been through that before, Helen. I like him a lot, but he's just a client, that's all, just a client" "When are you going to learn, Ceci? You do this all the time; you let yourself fall in love with them. No matter how much you like him or how much you think he likes you. He is a client and he will always love his obsession more than he loves you... and you want to be his wife? You think he's really any different to Sean Biltworth? You might like his thing more... but it's his thing, and he pays you to do it with him. Does that sound anything like love or even respect?" "No - I mean yes, he does respect me. I think he does anyway. I just wish he was more like Shannon and could stand up for himself and then others like him would do it too and soon the whole issue would fade away." "Cecile! Really! Richard is nothing like Shannon. Shannon knows who she is and why. Richard doesn't want to know, he wants his corporate life more than he wants to wear a bloody dress! And what's wrong with that? It's how he gets relief from his life; he doesn't want to become it... or it to become him! Why do you think he has that screwed up cow Virginia protecting him? Has he ever even looked like offering you the job?" "But it shouldn't be like that, Helen... if you want to wear a dress or be treated like a girl, then you must be part girl. Why else do it? I hate the way he refused to pick me up from Gayzoolis or have anything to do with Shannon's place. Shannon spends so much time caring for TG people, she's such a strong loving person," I said as I wiped a tear away. "You still don't get it, Ceci," said Helen as she offered a tissue. "Shannon cares because Shannon knows what its like to carry a pretense in your life, to live in fear of being 'found out'. But Shannon is not like Richard, or Sean, or any of the others. Shannon is like us - she's a woman. To Richard and Sean, it's just a sex game and if truth were known, most of them hate it in themselves... almost as much as they dislike women. That's their way of putting us - and it - in a box. You think they are going to like the people who help them express it? Really? Think about it, Cecile... I don't want to see you hurt again. Be a strong bitch, honey! Remember, all you're dealing with is the neurotic effects from the death throes of the male hierarchy. You know that "The Changes" are already here and the pace is getting faster every day." They're all going to have to 'come out' one day and live as their real selves, whether they want to or not! "Yeah, Helen, I feel it too, like the echoes from water dripping down every drainpipe in the city, seeping and vibrating everything in its path. Everything seems the same, but each day something is a little more 'out of place' or absurd. I just want Richard to feel it too. To know that a better world is forming for all of us, that the future is where he's going and the past is only the road he chose to get here... that all he needs to do is let it be" "That's very idealistic Ceci, too idealistic for me... Look, I like Richard too, he's a great guy and if he meets "The Change" in time, he'll be a shining knight for the new world... what ever that might be. But Richard doesn't need to recognise his inner femininity, he's already done that in his own way and he expresses it with you. What Richard needs to do is give up his power hungry, control fetish. He's already lost a wife and family because of it. He still thinks that he can change things by playing with the big boys... and hide everything else in a box. He can't, they'll screw him the way they screw each other... and the more he tries to play their game the more likely he is to be found out and exposed for his real self..." She knew she was getting to me so she continued, "Ceci, you don't even know what he does in his apartment when you leave him, do you? He may have a male gigolo come around to screw him up his arse or whip him silly... and who else's business is it? Not yours or mine. But DON'T fall in love with someone who hasn't accepted "The Changes". You're the one who'll be hurt. He could replace you tomorrow. You know he could. You know he will when he gets sick of you... sick of brushing your hair or wearing your clothes, wanting to be you. What happens when he starts wanting to be a different image in his head? What happens to you?" "Yeah, Yeah, you're such a hard bitch sometimes Helen, but its true. I forget why we started all this sometimes. It's good to be reminded," I said, shaken, but with my resolve intact. "That's right honey, we need to be around to help each other, to create, to support, to care and to nurture. The days of fighting sword with sword or fire with fire are gone. Two wrongs don't make a right. If men need it and we can give it to them, why not? It's up to them how they use it, how they deal with it or express it. We need the money... they've achieved possession of almost all of it and yet some of them still feel a need to pay for being themselves! As if that lets them off their own personal hooks... but that's the deal. Love of femininity? No, love doesn't have anything to do with it. If you're going to love someone, Ceci, make sure its someone who loves and cares about you at least as much as he does himself." "You know, that picture of yours is more like a picture of your mind... I'm really envious of how you keep things together... and very glad I have a friend like you" I replied as we embraced. --- Just then a male voice called out from the side entrance. "Hey Helen, what's happening dude, you hangin' here?" "Hey Gerri, come in honey, I'm over here with Ceci..." Helen called out to him. "Cool, Hey, Ceci, Oh wow, you're all dressed up, like very straight too, wooh... sexy though" "Far out, Gerri! You look excellent honey" I replied. Gerri came over and hugged us both. Gerri is a young punk artist who used the studio downstairs. He's very 'out there', but he's really intelligent and a deep thinker. He's such a babe! Dreadlocks and all. We had a special sort of relationship. Ok, we were occasional lovers - he's one of the many things Helen and I have shared. Gerri spent his time alternating between his artwork and being an environmental and political activist. He was just the person I needed to see to remind me of how at least some males had already embraced their own changes. He called himself a bi-gendered punk, but really I don't think there was a category for him, he invented his own. He often wore dresses or skirts, but never to look like a woman or anything except himself, they were just his clothes. He was wearing a very cute, short kilt today although he'd often wear jeans and boots under a dress. He'd even wear mascara and eyeliner on a half-shaven face! His favorite term for himself was 'I'm just a gender fucker, babe'" "So did you get the new canvases, Gerri?" Helen asked. "Yeah all done Hel. Traded one of my paintings for them down at Michener Street. You know that lot... took one look at my latest stuff and decided they could flog a couple to some up itself 'too cool' advertising agency... you know, to make 'em seem cred! Hey, I don't care; at least I can keep painting. They're in the van - you want me to bring up yours?" "Yeah, thanks Gerri, I've some money for you too, got any spare canvas for Ceci?" "Yeah, of course man! ... But how are you going to get 'em to your place Ceci? Can't be carrying around canvas with those pretty clothes... want me to bring 'em over?" off