Makeover
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My Makeover free porn video
This is a work of reality! It is autobiographical and
written on feelings and observations gathered by me!
My Makeover
By Lisa Elizabeth
Being transgendered is a rather ill defined thing. This
topic covers a wide range of people and interests. You have
the people that dress up one time and are quite happy. Then
at the other end of the spectrum are those with an undying
burning desire to become the gender they were not born. A
lot of people fall somewhere in between those two extremes.
I am one of them.
Like many others, I started dressing at an early age. Six
or seven I think. Back in those olden days, before
pantyhose! Of course, everything was way too big on me then
and there wasn't anyone to play 'dress up' with so it
didn't happen often.
About the age of nine though, I had grown to where I was
close enough to my Mom's size that things fit a little
better. That's when I discovered panties, girdles,
stockings, bras, dresses, wigs, hats and heels. Sounds like
a lot? Not for a lady in 1963. Pretty much required items
to look your best! I had the use of all of them, as long as
Mom and Dad were out somewhere.
I would baby-sit my little sister on Saturday mornings
while Dad was working and Mom went to the beauty shop and
grocery shopping. This gave me a once a week chance to
explore and have fun for three or four hours, as long as I
could get my sister to take a nap!
When I progressed into my later teen years, I started to
ask 'WHY'. Why do I like to dress? Why do I have a need to
dress? I had noticed that there were times when the desire
to dress as a girl was constantly on my mind. No matter
what I did, those thoughts remained. I figured something
must not be quite right when in college, I wondered what I
would look like in my date's outfit! Fortunately, I lived
in an apartment and could satisfy the urge when it
presented itself.
Eventually, I married. Coming out to my wife was a very
hard thing to do. Here we are, newlyweds, and living in our
first home. Married only a few months when the urge to
dress returned! It took a lot of talking. A lot of crying.
A lot of reassuring. That was just what my wife did for me!
I had to calm her fears too! Eventually we reached a sort
of agreement. I dressed when the urge got bad; otherwise, I
put everything away. This arrangement sounds pretty
familiar to some of you readers.
During all of this, that nagging question always ran
through my mind... WHY??? The old adage goes... If I only
knew why, I could fix it! That was to become a goal for me
later in life.
Kids, advancing careers, travelling jobs, all came and
went. The urge to dress remained. When the urge would hit
me, it was truly an obsession! As time would pass, the
desire to dress would increase. Eventually becoming the
predominant thought that passed through my mind during the
day. Unless I was extremely busy designing or trouble
shooting something I thought about going home and slowly
sliding on a pair of panties, then pantyhose, hooking a bra
and filling the cups, finally putting on a dress and heels.
This was strange, because a great sense of relief would
occur at this point of the transformation. The makeup and
wig were not ALWAYS needed to satisfy the obsession!
Life continues and careers change. As those of you that
attended my 'author's chat' know, I now own my own
business. This brings on a myriad of responsibilities and
pressures that I never knew about before. Those pressures
seemed to be the trigger for increased frequency of wanting
to dress. I spent many a lunch hour going home to dress,
just so I could concentrate on building my business in the
afternoon. I must tell you, that is not a comfortable way
to live.
About my third year in business, I hired a consulting firm
to help me improve my business. They introduced me to L.
Ron Hubbard technology for business growth. For those of
you in business, it works quite well! A side offshoot of
this was that I reheard about 'Dianetics'. I had read the
book in college and had always thought it would be neat to
try. I now had a chance to do just that!
I went through a preliminary screening and was asked, in
private, what topic I would like to cover. Being scared out
of my mind someone would find out I crossdressed, I covered
topics related to my business. After a few sessions and
getting comfortable with what all was happening, I saw the
results of what I was doing. I learned things about myself
that were preventing me from building my business, and just
like I had thought... When I knew why... I was able to fix
it!
Eventually I went into a session in the middle of an urge
to dress. I decided then and there, I wanted to know WHY!
So when I was asked what topic I would like to cover, I
said 'crossdressing and why I do it'.
Probably one of the hardest things I ever did. The only
response was 'Okay! Let's get started!'
After many hours and lots of self-introspection and yes,
peeling things away 'like an onion'; I came face to face
with the 'WHY'. (Insert dramatic music here) (Hey! Lady!
Don't go in there! Can't you hear the music?) When you get
to that point in looking at your own life, you really want
to get it over with. It is a long hard road and you become
very weary travelling it. Yet, it is scary to think that
what comes next, altered your life so-o-o dramatically!
For me the big bad WHY was established at the age of six.
It was also in the language and emotional context of a six-
year-old, scared, very upset, little boy. My paternal
father had abandoned our family when I was six. He had run
off with the lady downstairs, who left two little girls
with their father. The final big thought was "If I were a
little girl, this wouldn't be happening to me." Pretty
heavy words for a six-year-old. Also a very large burden
for someone forty years old! I realized this was the root
of my obsession, the WHY that drove me to dress in
stressful situations. After all, 'If I were a girl, this
wouldn't be happening to me!' It was as if someone lifted a
two thousand-pound weight from my shoulders! I left that
session elated over finding out the 'WHY'. After a while,
when you find there is no desire to dress, the thought
becomes; 'WHY is there no desire to dress??'
I have now lived the last nine years without the desire to
dress! Everything I read, everyone I talk to says that just
can't be. There is no cure! Learn to accept it! But it is
true! No more obsessions, no using lunch hour to run off
and dress, actually saying my wife looks lovely in a dress
and not wondering what it would look like on me! This was
ALL new, and something I had dreamed of for a very long
time.
I have continued to stay in touch with the TG community. My
writing has become a way of expression. My first story was
written as a way to free myself from those left over items
inside me. I publish under a pen name, chosen from my
character in that story. My fem self never had a name when
I dressed with regularity. So for me, the last nine years
have been very different, without an urge to dress! In a
way, that brings up a whole list of other questions!
Is the urge REALLY gone? What happens if I DO try on a pair
of pantyhose? A bra? A dress? Will the desire to crossdress
return with a vengeance? Or is the urge really gone and all
those feminine items are 'just clothes'? All these
questions have run around in my mind for a few years. I
finally decided I needed to know!
I started talking to my wife, about a year ago, about what
I had been thinking and what I felt I needed to do. In my
own mind, I needed to face my own demon, so to speak. In a
controlled environment, do a complete transformation and
see what happens. Quite a large and very scary task when
you consider all the emotional baggage I thought I was done
with.
We talked and agreed that if it was something I needed to
do, I should do it. I was originally going to do it over
the Christmas holiday. Take one extra day off and go to a
boutique that specialized in doing such things. The place I
chose? Transformations by Rori in the Chicago area. I had
gathered information via the Internet about the services
offered and just what I could expect when I arrived for the
'makeover'. They currently have a message board and a
chatroom so you can ask questions about how things are done
and other girl's experiences there.
Those plans changed when I had a chance to go to the
Chicago area earlier than planned. A last minute mailing
informed me of a continuing education seminar to be held in
early December. I had chatted and left messages and knew
what to expect. I then set the appointment for a Thursday
afternoon, after my sessions were done for the day.
The next ten days were nerve wracking. I had talked to one
of the girls that frequent Rori's message board, named
Janet. She is a very nice person and willing to go out of
her way to help a so-called 'newbie' to the 'transformation
experience'. I asked if she could come and provide moral
support and maybe go to dinner afterward. She accepted the
offer so I would get to meet someone I had been talking
with at the appointment.
I did go out and buy panties and hose beforehand. Lingerie
of that nature are not items that can be rented. I then
spent the rest of the time wondering what would happen. I
was very scared, but determined to go through with the
makeover. It was rather distracting, so I threw myself into
work and writing in order to keep myself busy.
The day of the makeover arrived. I attended my seminar and
when it ended for the day I returned to my room and changed
into the panties and pantyhose I had bought. Then did as
close a shave as possible and moisturized my face. With the
change in water, some of you know, you can look like you
tried to commit 'Hari-Kari' when you shave. I am no
exception! Lots of little red raised areas formed from the
close shave. My thought was 'Oh S***! This is going to make
the makeover harder to do'!
A check of the clock said I had to run or be late, so no
more procrastinating, out the door I went. The drive was
only about ten minutes to the store, a very short ten
minutes when there is a mix of fear and excitement warring
inside you.
I arrived on time for my appointment and was met by Rori. I
must tell you that she tries very hard to put everyone at
ease right from the start. Janet was also there as she
promised to be along with Stephanie and Lynn. After all the
introductions and a little small talk, we got started on
the makeover. I had decided to rent whatever I needed, as I
did not intend on going out dressed that night. It was not
the purpose of the makeover.
Rori sized me up. She has a good eye for that. And then in
looking through the racks of clothes she asked what I
wanted to look like. I wasn't sure what image I wanted to
portray so Rori suggested an evening gown and jacket in my
favourite colour. She picked out a deep blue sheath dress
with a matching jacket. Along with a bra and a pair of
breast prosthetics, I was ready to change clothes.
While I changed she found a pair of pumps with a two-inch
heel for me to wear and prepared the makeup area for me.
This was the first time I had dressed in nine years! The
dressing went fine. I remembered how to put on a bra, then
remembered to adjust the straps so the prosthetics sat over
my own breast tissue properly. I slipped on the dress and
the jacket and checked the mirror. Not bad from the neck
down! Need to lose a couple of pounds, but ok.
Let me take a moment to tell you about the feelings
involved here. Nine years earlier the sliding on of
pantyhose, the hooking of a bra and the slipping into a
dress were all very sensual moments. My skin would actually
tingle when I dressed. This time? None of that! I stood in
the dressing area looking in the mirror. I had just dressed
myself as a woman and the only feeling was relief that I
had remembered how! No tingles, no sensual sliding of the
garments, I just got dressed!
When I left the dressing room Rori had the heels for me and
let me walk around the shop for a moment to get used to
them again. Walking in heels for the first time in nine
years took a little getting used to. Then we moved over to
her makeup station and the real work began.
Rori started with a beard cover. Then a foundation. She
then spent a long time on my eyes, she said she was going
to go a bit more dramatic, evening makeup, since I was in a
long gown. Eye shadows were blended, eyeliner and mascara,
all were applied and the transformation took place in the
mirror in front of me. She used some concealer to add
highlights and to shape my face into a more feminine image.
When she did my lips, I was really surprised! I have no
lower lip to speak of, I mean I had to be asleep when God
passed out lower lips, there just isn't a lot there. When
Rori was done, I had a lower lip! Not only that she added a
little bit of a highlight to the middle and it gave me a
'pouty' look!
Rori said we were ready for hair now. She suggested staying
a brunette, if I had wanted to try blonde she would redo my
makeup to match, but felt brunette would be better. She
reached up, took a shoulder blade length wig off a head,
and placed it on me. She played with it for a minute and
then I played with it for a few minutes while she helped
another customer. It just didn't look right. I looked at
all the wigs and a shorter style caught my eye. I took the
head and held it next to me, it looked like it might be
better. When Rori returned I asked about the shorter wig.
She knew exactly which one and when we changed wigs, I
looked much better. This one is a little long on top but
short on the sides and just a little flip up of hair at the
collar. I see a lot of women with similar styles everyday,
so it is a current style.
A little fluffing and a little repositioning of the bangs
and 'Voila!' Lisa Elizabeth was in the mirror. The only
things added were a pair of blue and gold earrings and I
was ready for my debut.
It was nice to look in the mirror and see a nice looking
woman looking back. Not 'gorgeous' or 'stunning' but a
pretty lady was there. I was surprised that I could look at
my 'girl' self and evaluate my appearance without the
fantasy drifting into that evaluation. I had never been
able to do that before.
Janet, Lynn and I had been chatting the whole time, Janet
was full of praise for how nice I looked, and Lynn felt the
shorter wig was a better choice too. Both were encouraging
me to go out dressed that night. I declined; repeating that
going out dressed was not the reason for the makeover
today. I was also way overdressed to be out for dinner with
them. Now, if Janet had worn a tux...
I had also arranged for pictures to be taken of me after
the makeover. Rori took out her digital camera, stuck in a
new floppy disc and we proceeded to pose around the shop
for the ten pictures that the disc will hold. I have those
pictures stored. They are a lasting reminder of that
evening.
After a while of talking and visiting Rori mentioned, it
was time for her to close the store. I stated that I had
better change and remove all the makeup so we could let her
go home. She looked at me and I thought she was going to
cry. Rori asked one more time if I was positive I didn't
want to go out dressed as Lisa. I assured her that it was
okay and that I would consider doing that at a future date.
The tear down was very straightforward. Remove the wig, use
makeup remover on the eye makeup, soap and water for the
base and beard cover. What took over an hour to put
together was undone in ten to fifteen minutes. Changing
back into my 'guy' clothes went just as quick. Soon all was
put away and returned and I was ready to go to dinner with
two new friends, Janet and Lynn. Stephanie had somewhere
else to be and couldn't stay for dinner.
The rest of the evening was a casual dinner at a place
called Wellington's. It is a very good restaurant that is
CD friendly. The three of us had good food, good
conversation and made two new friends each. We have even
managed to stay in touch through e-mail and message boards.
So what happened in the aftermath of this little
experiment? I have waited for a little over a month to see
what would happen. I have gone through the year end
stresses of my business along with the added stresses of
the holiday season. The result is there still has not been
a desire to crossdress!
I asked myself, just what does all this mean? I gave myself
some questions and some answers.
Knowing that the obsession to dress did not come back means
to me that I truly have faced my own personal demon and I
have won! Will I ever crossdress again? I don't know! I
can't say 'never' and I can't say 'yes' with certainty.
Will I have another 'Makeover'? Again, I really don't know.
Will I ever go out as Lisa? Again, I have no need to do
that but you never know what the future will bring.
I have been asked to be a 'Matron of Honour' for a friend's
re-marriage ceremony. It however, is in the very early
stages, so I don't know yet! If it does come to pass, then
the answer to all the questions above is yes.
The parts of the transformation that would normally have
been seen through an emotionally charged mind were seen
with calm and clarity for the first time. There is no
'thrill' to dressing; they truly are 'just clothes'. There
was curiosity in watching Rori work her artistry on my
face. There was a critical look at the final product when I
realized that the hairstyle was wrong and decided on a
different wig. The pictures? They are a reminder to me that
I did do this and came out of it a more confident person.
The biggest change to me is that I now know that
crossdressing is no longer an obsession. It is no longer
the tail that wags the dog. I now control it! I no longer
fear it! That is a giant change in the way my life goes. It
is what I was looking for, when years ago, I first asked
'WHY'.
For the past nine years, those questions were in the back
of my mind. What would happen if...? Now I know what will
happen. If I decide to have a makeover and go out some
night, it is because I want to do it, not because I have a
need to do it. I have also seen over the past nine years
that my yin and yang have come together and made me the
whole person I should have been all along. I don't need to
dress as a girl to be nurturing or to cry or clean the
house, etc., etc... Prior to that, it was like I was male
when dressed male and female when dressed female. Now it is
all integrated, sort of like a 'Jane Thompson' student,
only it took me twenty-eight years instead of six to nine
months.
I am still learning more about me every day. I still have
long talks with my wife. I am still the Dad that can fix
most anything my children can break! I honestly want to
learn more about myself, it just seems that the more I
know, the more questions I ask. Guess that is just part of
who I am.
All told, I feel this was a very important step for me. It
was nice to know that I look somewhat like my Mom did
twenty years ago. I should have expected that, after all I
am her child. It was wonderful to know that I didn't
experience the 'Oh My God!!! I'm Beautiful!!' syndrome when
Rori was done working her magic. Instead, I saw a nice
looking woman in the mirror. Someone who could go out if
she wanted to.
It was more an 'Oh My God!! I need to lose some weight!'
type thing. The yin part was talking pretty loudly at that
point. I had started to do that before the makeover, a
four-month illness had caused a large weight gain, so I was
already trying to get that added poundage off. The holidays
stopped the diet but now I have resumed that long hard road
to thinness...well... less weight anyway!
So the makeover was a success! I can say that with
confidence. I would also recommend Transformations to
anyone in the Chicago area or who is going to be visiting
there some time. I had a very enjoyable experience with a
wonderful group of people. It was a very comfortable
experience and no one pressured me to do things or to dress
any way that would have caused discomfort.
The way I achieved this stage in my life is not the route
for everyone. I travelled a road that worked for me. I also
made sure that every step of the way; it was what I wanted
to do, not what someone else thought I should do. To me
that is important. I need to make sure that the path I
travel has been chosen by me. Call me a control freak, you
would probably be right! That may be why I asked that first
question 'WHY' so long ago. I really didn't feel in control
of my life during that time. Now I have much more control,
and THAT is a good thing!
Fin
Brandy
- 23.01.2022
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