Lavinia free porn video

Lavinia by CtrlAltDelete LAV. "O, Tamora, be call'd a gentle queen, And with thine own hands kill me in this place! [...] T' is present death I beg; and one thing more That womanhood denies my tongue to tell: O, Keep me from worse than killing lust, And tumble me into some loathsome pit, Where never man's eye may behold my body! Do this, and be a charitable murderer." from Titus Andronicus by William Shakespeare In Titus Andronicus, one reads of two men who commit the most horrible act. Lavinia, the daughter of Titus, is raped by the two brothers of one who was slaughtered under the orders of Titus. The two men do far more than violate the girl. They cut off her hands and remove her tongue. As it is written, the act is performed out of the sight of the audience, one only encounters the result of her trauma. To imagine what it is to have been Lavinia; to imagine that kind of torture as produced by two men who do nothing to hide their evil is to dream of a fate worse than death. Lavinia survived the attack. A bloodied, shocked Lavinia lasts days watching her father's destruction trapped in a helpless body. Lavinia's story is a sad one, although she does see her tormentor's end. For Lavinia, justice is served. For most of us however, our tormentors are never found, and never punished. We don't die as Lavinia did, relieved of her suffering by the loving hands of her own father. We remain. It is difficult to explain how exactly I am still alive. I still have my hands and was never "raped" as Lavinia was, but I still compare my experience to hers. I should have died of shock; I wish to Christ I had. I came close many times immediately after and some times even now when I wake from my bed. There is no one to release me from this. I only hope that by chronicling my story on these pages I can somehow psychologically advance myself at least one level above insanity. I have been unable to make myself useful in the months since, so I read. I read Shakespeare, Coleridge, Wordsworth, Drake, Frost, whatever I can find in the volumes of the small library in this institution; so I must admit I have not written in quite a while. If my narrative seems sloppy or out of place I apologize. Please understand that even now, I am in a state that should not even enable me to write or do the simplest task. They think I am a lunatic, and I can imagine why. I scream, uncontrollably for hours, it seems; usually in the mornings. I ramble on about forests and cloaks and torture. I can't look into mirrors, I can't dress - I'm sorry. You see what I mean. I hope sincerely that someone will read this other than for purposes of starring into an ill mind for curiosity. I hope someone reads this and believes me; for god's sake I don't even believe myself. I should have said what Lavinia had said. Death would be better. --- Samuel Fox February 9th My name is Samuel Frederick Fox. I live in a house in the north of Ontario. I was born December 20th, 35 years ago. I have lived there for about three years. Before that, as a school teacher, I lived in Vermont, and before that Pennsylvania, where I was born. My mother was Gloria Ann Fox, formerly Gloria Ann Housel; my father was Frederick Matthew Fox. This record is of my experience in October of last year in the wood behind my home (to the north). I swear by the grace of god every word is true to the best of my memory. I live far enough in seclusion that I have to prepare for winter fairly early each year. It is 50 miles to the nearest town at which I am able to buy supplies. I purchased supplies in late September and began to restock the woodshed upon my return. The wood immediately around my house does help to buffer the house from the winds during the winter storms; I try to cut evenly throughout the forest a little way to the south. My house faces south, as does the road. There is a lake just to the north of my home which is fed by several streams. This provides fish during the spring and summer and makes sort of a trail north when the streams dry up somewhat. It was such a dry season early October. No snow as of yet but not much rain either. The leaves on the deciduous trees had already changed color and many leaves had fallen already, making the ground thick with fodder. October was cold, gray and dry. I decided to camp north one last time before the winter took over. I brought 100 rounds and my rifle, a few extra layers of dry clothes and my two dogs. I decided not to camp too far out just in case we came across deer and succeeded in killing one. We left early morning on October 12th. I walked about a half a day to the west of the house before setting up camp on a large, mossy area surrounded by conifers by the second of six streams to feed the lake. We did not encounter any deer that day or during the night. More strangely, we did not encounter any wildlife. No squirrels, birds, insects, or anything. Other than the dogs barking at night occasionally, it was extremely quiet. The next day I decided to try for the cabin to the north. This cabin had been abandoned by whatever trapper had built it years ago. I only knew it was there from exploring the area a bit when I first moved in. The cabin was about a day and a half's journey. On the way the dogs became skittish. They would run off deep into the woods ahead of me, barking like they did when bears get close to the house. Somehow, this was different. I could hear them bark as they would run forward and instead of yelping or growling as though they were fighting something, they would whimper, and then return. Nothing changed, there was no sign of bears or much of anything. The dogs and I arrived at the cabin late that night. They went in first and chased out a family of raccoons that found their way in. One of the dogs, Buck, caught one and ate it. I laid blankets down over the cot-board inside and had the dogs sleep next to me. The weather was gray but pleasant enough to stay for a few more days. During the night, I woke up to find the dogs growling at the door. I couldn't hear rustling or fodder breaking outside so I thought perhaps a bear was further out into the wood. But then the air became extremely cold. Bitter cold. It didn't affect the dogs, but I tried to layer my clothes as blankets around me. I called to the dogs to come sleep up on the bed with me, for warmth. Eventually I fell back asleep. The dogs never stopped staring at the door. When I woke I noticed it was warm. Not summer warm, but still around what it was the day before. The chill I felt that night was cold enough to crack a window, but nothing outside had evidence of a frost. I chopped some wood for our stay at the cabin and found a few of the sideboards were loose, so I decided to repair them while I was there. I also thought that if a few of the holes in the cabin were fixed, it would make the nights more bearable. As I pegged the boards I had made to the side of the cabin, several geese flew over. One of the dogs started barking at them, and I was sort of relieved to see some signs of life. If everything else is hibernating already, the weather will probably turn for the worse. This was a good sign. The strange thing is, they were flying the wrong way. They were high in the air and flying north. The rest of that day was uneventful. I made a fire and found another stream. No fish, but some crayfish were under the rocks, which were fine enough. I let the fire burn down to coals that night before I finally went in the cabin to sleep. I brought the dogs inside again for the night. It was this night when it happened. I didn't fall asleep that night. I tried to drift off but the cold and boredom kept my mind going. A large branch broke what sounded like fifty meters or so from the cabin to the south. The dogs perked their ears up and waited. More rustling, more sticks breaking, getting louder coming toward the cabin. The dogs stood up and began to growl. Buck started jumping on the door and scratching at it with his paws. I would tell him to come and he would whimper back to the bed, head still focused on the door. After about five minutes of this, nothing; silence. The dogs breath was the only thing I could hear. Then their mouths snapped shut and it was complete quiet. They were listening as well. What sounded like whispering was coming from just beyond the door, by the fire pit. I grabbed my rifle and waited. The dogs began to growl once again. The latch on the door turned and I stood up with my gun aimed, ready for whoever it was to come inside. The door opened, and the wind blew all the leaves on the floor of the cabin around. No one was there. The door was wide open, but the source of the whispering wasn't staring back at us. I was completely still, scared out of my wits. I knew I heard something. What kind of person opens a door and then hides from view? We stood for a second or two before Lucy, the smaller of the two dogs ran barking out of the cabin into the woods. Buck stayed behind, looking at me and the open door, wanting to run out as well. Then I heard Lucy bark, fight a bit, and then start whimpering, loudly, as if hurt. I put on my boots quickly, grabbed my coat and rifle and went outside. I stood for a moment to hear which direction she had gone. The yelping was moving, fast; faster, it seemed, than Lucy herself could run. It began out in front of me, to the south, and moved first west and then north. I could hear it getting fainter and fainter. It didn't sound like a bear swiped at her, something else happened. I closed the door behind me and started walking in the direction of the sounds. I was semi-running at times with Buck on my heels. It's difficult to run in the woods, and its especially difficult to run at night without a torch. I came close to tripping over roots embedded in the forest fodder more than once. We could still hear her yelping in pain when came across the clearing. I had been back here twice since I moved in and I never came across a clearing. This was more than just a break in the woods I could have missed, this was a field; an aged field with long grass that appeared as though it had been here for years. On the far east of the field, at its center was a fire. The flames illuminated the trees lining the clearing, creating dark, towering shadows on the woods from the branches closest to the fire. I could the crackling wood from my position on the hill. I walked a little higher up to see who was camped here, and what happened to my dog. At the hill's summit was a patch of brush by the tree line I could hide behind. I squatted there and looked. I saw people. People in dark cloaks with hoods around a tall fire. There had to be 40 or 50 people lingering around the fire. On the opposite side was what appeared to be a podium, on a makeshift stage. A large, flat circle made of wood stood upright behind the podium. Someone got up on the stage to speak. She spoke too low for me to understand. All the people in the cloaks sat down in the grass and listened. She reached down and someone handed her a dog. It was Lucy. She was barking and struggling, trying to get away. From where I was sitting in the brush it looked as though this cult was going to sacrifice her somehow. I wasn't about to charge down there with my gun, there were too many people. I'm sorry, Lucy. The woman held the dog above her head and put her down onto the podium. The dog became calm. She wasn't barking anymore. The woman did something next I couldn't really see. She put some kind of red cloth or blanket or something over the dog and put her hands on top, saying something. I heard a loud bark and more yelping. The dog, wrapped in the blanket, couldn't see anything, and fell off the podium and onto the stage. I could hear laughter from the crowd of people. The yelping was loud, the dog was obviously terrified. Something was happening to her underneath that blanket. She sounded like she was in pain. All one could see was a lump underneath the blanket move around the stage lazily, stumbling over the layers of cloth. Then, the lump was still. It looked as though Lucy had stood up underneath the blanket onto her hind legs, but- its hard to explain. The position was off somehow. The lump under the blanket moved and grew. The woman on stage carefully got closer to it, and grabbed the red cloth slowly. A swan stumbled out from under the cloth. Lucy was gone. The swan squawked and spread its wings a bit. The crowd applauded. I thought it was some clever magic trick. I wanted my dog back. The swan took off from the stage and flew towards me. It landed a few feet from me squawking and making noise. It seemed as though it was pointing at me with its beak, accusing me of something. I knew I would be found out if this bird kept it up. I turned to hide further back in the woods but two figures in cloaks were already behind me, practically on top of me. They walked quickly as I stumbled for my gun. One motioned at the gun and said "put it down." "No way in hell" I said. "Very well" she said simply. They gestured for me to come forward. I brought the gun. I wanted my dog back. I didn't care if I was going to spoil their magic show and ruin the trick for them, I was determined to have them show me where Lucy was. I walked in front of the two figures who found me. As I got closer, I realized the field was much bigger than I first thought. I also realized there were many more people here, just out of sight in the woods. They had probably seen me before I even saw the fire. The woman in the cloak came down off stage and approached me. "Where's my dog?" I asked. She looked as though she didn't know what I was talking about for a moment, and then said "Oh the dog. I didn't know she belonged to you." "What did you do with her?" I asked again. "She flew away." The crowd sat down around me. I felt very much like the center of attention. "Look, I don't care if your doing magic tricks, or whatever, just take me behind the stage so I can get her and go." "She flew away" she said again. My gun was forced from my arms from someone behind me. I put my hands in the air. "Give me back my rifle, I'll just go. I don't want any problems" I said. "It's too late for that" she said. I felt a blunt force in my head and neck for a moment, and blacked out as I fell. --- When I awoke, I found my hands were tied behind my back. I was sitting in the grass in front of the crowd. The woman was on stage saying something. I noticed they were preparing something with the large wooden disk on stage. They were feeding leather straps through the holes. I focused on the straps, somehow I knew they were for me. "And so, my followers, you understand what we must do. No one can know about our existence. It could lead to consequences that sisters in the recent past have had to endure." Someone in the crowd behind me stood and spoke. "I don't want my house burned as much as you but we do not take lives." she said. Others voiced agreement. "We do when we must to survive. We do not know this man. Bring him up here." Someone sitting behind me lifted up on my tied hands, forcing me to stand. My hand held down my coat as I tried to stand and I fell over. I stumbled up and walked to the stage, my own gun being jabbed into my back. I was terrified. The woman removed her hood revealing a pleasant face with a stern look. "Put him on the wall." The person behind me complied, presumably handing the gun to someone else, and removing the ropes from my hands. They turned me around to face the crowd and backed me up against the wooden disk. I was right. The straps were for me. They grabbed my arm to put it into the leather strap but they were struggling with it, as though it didn't fit. "His coat and shirt" they said. "The arms will slip out of the straps." I tried to pull my hands away to run but they slammed me back into the wall. They were much stronger than I thought. "Very well. Strip him. Completely. It's better that way." I tired again to struggle but it was hopeless. Someone cracked me in the head with my rifle and I stopped struggling. I put my hands in the air. A woman with a knife walked over to me, looking me over. She grabbed my shirt and cut it down the front. My coat and shirts fell to the ground. The air was hot against my skin from the fire a few meters in front of me. She cut a line down the side of my pants through my underwear. She did the same to the other side. My pants fell to the stage, leaving me nude. I walked awkwardly back to the disk, feeling every eye from the woods to the field observing my nudity. They strapped my arms and legs apart like an "X." I felt stretched and horrified. What if they used that same knife to cut me? I think I may have had an erection. It was difficult to tell because of the position, but the possibility added to my humiliation. Strapped onto the wall I was up in the air. I could feel my full weight supported by the straps, the ground a foot or so beneath my feet. "You are saying we shall not kill him? You are telling me to spare this man's life?" The crowd spoke among themselves softly. Someone stood up. "Don't kill him. Change him." "He is not prepared for that, you understand. If we change this man, it will be permanent. He does not know how to prepare his body. He will remain in what form we give him for the rest of his life." They spoke to each other calmly. I was hearing them decide my life. "He would die. He does not know how to live as a bird or wolf, he wouldn't even have the ability to stand without becoming disoriented. We have seen that before. One of the human world cannot be changed. He wouldn't last a day." "Then we must kill him anyway. Why waste the time? We have business to conduct." "But we cannot take life." I had no thoughts on what they were talking about. I only remember trying to loosen the straps somehow and listen for someone to catch me. The straps were so tight I must have looked ridiculous writhing on the wall trying to get loose. Two people of the crowd stood up and walked up to the stage. The looked at me and whispered something into ear of the leader. She looked at me, back at them, and smiled. "We have a solution" she said. Everyone sat back down. The woman walked over to me and motioned over to someone standing behind the stage. I heard the sound of wood grinding against metal. The disk was moving. It was being raised further into the air. The woman's head was level to my naval now. I tried to look down at her but the straps were so tight I could only look straight forward, over the fire, and into the blackness of the forest at the end of the clearing. She touched my leg with her hand and ran her fingers up to my groin. It hurt from being stretched out in two different directions by the straps on my legs. She touched my penis softly and moved her nails around its tip. I became erect quickly. She continued with her hand to my stomach, and laid her hand flat against me. I felt strange. It was as though the fire had gotten a little cooler somehow. She looked back into the crowd. "Yes?" She asked. I did not hear an answer, nor could I see the people. She removed her hand from my stomach and touched my penis again. She moved deeper back towards my groin and scrotum, but it felt strange. My skin was- bare. I was hairless. Her hands fondled my naked genitals revealing to me how smooth my skin was. Her hands continued down my left leg and the smoothness continued with it. Somehow- my body hair was gone. "You've had your fun, let me go now!" I screamed, horrified at the thought as to what happened. I was going to look like a weakling, a young boy without body or pubic hair, or worse. "I'm afraid we're going to have to silence you now" she said. And with that she put her hand on my foot and squeezed gently. It felt so odd not to have hair on the top of my feet. What I noticed then was terrifying. My throat became warm and seemed to tighten. The warmth dissipated into the back of my neck. I tired to speak, but silence greeted me. I panicked. I tried to struggle. I tried to fight them off but the straps held tight. "Don't worry" she said to me loud enough for the crowd to hear her. "We will fix that soon." Her hand squeezed my foot tighter, and my head began to itch. I felt the weight of my hair extend down to my shoulders. She asked the crowd again "Yes?" Someone one spoke. "Faster. We must begin our business." "Very well" she said. I heard her footsteps approach the front of the stage, pause, and return to me. I heard the sound of cloth being waved, like a flag, and then saw the red blanket fly down in front of my eyes and over my body. It was draped over the entire disk. I felt a hand touch my leg from the other side of the cloth. It pressed hard into my thigh, and then released. The cloth was cool against my skin and blocked the heat from the fire. I now felt the full effects of this woman's actions. My arms, chest, legs, and genitals all had no hair. I could only dwell on this for a moment before it happened. Suddenly I felt very frightened, as though something was coming after me, or a doctor was about to do something painful to me. I felt the need to urinate come over me very strongly, all at once. I felt the humiliation of what it would be to soil myself under this blanket in front of this crowd. I felt ashamed. The feeling went away, and was replaced by warmth. Starting in my genitals and spreading over my body very slowly. My mind shot images of Lucy and the swan. I was changing. I struggled. The warmth grew stronger. Faster. When it reached my neck I felt a release of sorts. I screamed. I moved my hands and feet trying to get out from this spell taking over my body and turning me into some bird. My screams only made me try harder. I felt the cloth move on my body and took the opportunity. I grasped it with my hands and pulled as hard as I could. It fell down over my body and onto the stage. The warmth did not go away. It took over everything, rippling around my body in waves. I didn't know what was happening. The waves grew faster and more focused. The straps loosened a little but not enough to escape. The straps seemed to move up on my arms and down my legs, stretching me. "Move them!" The woman said quietly and the straps moved back into place. I was screaming. The waves stopped abruptly. I tried to move my head and body but it was still as tight as ever. "She's not finished" the woman said. The sounds of rumbling came from behind me once more and the disk lowered down to the stage. I was just above her eye level. I knew from before I was almost to the ground from here. If I could only reach it I could get away! "The rest of the way, please" she said. The rumbling returned and the disk continued to drop. It must have been lowered another two feet. I was now looking up at the woman, and she was looking down at me. My feet were just touching the stage. I didn't know what they did. I knew something had happened. I knew I was so very much shorter than this woman for some reason. I was looking up at her! Oh Jesus! What did they do to me? She bent down to my level, and looked into my eyes. "She's wondering what happened to her height" she said loudly. She whispered into my ear. "Four Feet, Ten Inches." I began to hyperventilate. I breathed so quickly it felt like the oxygen wouldn't reach my lungs. "I told you he wouldn't be prepared! He's going to die." someone said. "Very well. We'll let her rest before we let her know" she turned and said. I was thinking the worst. I thought they had transformed me into a bird or some animal. I tired moving a little for clues as to what happened to me as she spoke with the others. Every time I would think about the possibility I would panic. What if I had been transformed into a bird? I would be eaten in a day! I would have feathers and a beak. Oh god. And who was the ?She' that she spoke of? Was their some other witch there I didn't see? Does transforming things tire her? Could I use this to escape? I tired myself out in this way. Their meeting went on for hours. I couldn't hear anything they were saying. They moved to the far side of the fire so I couldn't ease-drop. Eventually, she came back, as did the crowd. They wanted to see whatever it was she was going to reveal to me. I was scared to death. The anticipation was destroying my state of mind. I remember her walking onto the stage and being reminded again of how short I now was as she got closer, and seemingly bigger. "Are you ready?" I tried nodding ?yes.' She put her hand near the side of my head and grabbed some hair. She pulled it forward so I could see. I was still human! I had hair. I was shorter. They must have turned me into a child, I thought. But then she moved her hand down my neck. It felt strange. She placed her finger underneath my chin and ran it down my throat. It felt so incredibly different. I grew frightened. "Stop it!" I said. My voice. My voice had changed! What did they do with my voice? "What did you do to m -" but I stopped. I couldn't quite figure out what it sounded like. "It gets better" she said, lifting her finger off of my throat. She placed her hand on my stomach, as she had done before, and lifted it enough away from my body so only her fingernails touched my skin. I could only look forward. I was frozen as she moved her hand down towards my groin. Why would she place her hand there again? What has she done to me? Oh God! Every thought pushed itself through my head. She has made me a child, and given me a child's penis! Oh Jesus! But it was worse than I could have thought. So much worse. As her hand moved down further, so slow in such an evil way, she brought her other hand along my right leg moving up to meet her other hand. There was nothing there. Oh God! Jesus Christ! Oh God! What has she done? I struggled hard and writhed and screamed. She stroked the inside of my groin. Her fingers brushed against a spot of sensitivity like nothing I had ever felt. I was a girl. She transformed me into a girl. I collapsed in the leather straps. I felt so weak. They released the leather straps and I fell down to the stage. Someone in a cloak caught me. "Dress her" I stood up groggily covering my empty crotch with my hands, keeping my thighs together. The red blanket on the stage was lifted up to reveal my clothes. They were slowly changing as I had. Someone behind me lifted my arms into the air. My head drooped forward. I saw two small mounds of flesh on my chest. They cupped a bra around them and strapped it in the back. I felt so wrong and different. Everyone with their hands on my body, inspecting it and dressing it. They lifted me in the air and put my legs into a pair of underwear. Panties. As it stretched around my stomach, I knew again the extent of the absence of my genitalia. I began to cry. They finished dressing me in a one-piece blue dress that went down just above my knees. I had white socks and simply black shoes. They tied my hair back and presented me to the crowd. "This is what happens to those who trespass into our secrets!" They cheered. Through the tears in my eyes I saw the crowd, each one, disappear into the night. They didn't fly off as I expected, they only vanished. All but the leader. "You. This is forever, do you understand?" I was sobbing. I couldn't answer. All I said was "Oh Jesus. Oh God. What's going on? Jesus!" over again and again. I was panicking. I was terrified. "You can tell who you like. You know. No one will believe you, little girl." And then she vanished. The fire was gone. There was no charcoal or embers left. Only the cold night air and the dark forest. I stood sobbing not knowing what to do, in a short sleeve dress and flat bottom shoes, about 40 miles from my house. And I was now a girl. What in God's name happened to me? Why me? Why should I be punished? Why this?! I screamed and cried. I sniffled a bit, starring at the dark woods in front of me, made to look more dark by contrast of the light grass of the field. The quiet welcomed me inside. I began to walk. The sounds of the forest returned. Crickets, birds, frogs, and somewhere out there, Buck was running around trying to find me. I walked back in the general direction of where I thought the cabin could be. Each step made my legs brush together enough to remind me this wasn't a dream. I remember the trip back to the cabin vividly. The moon was gone. I was frightened. I was unsure of my abilities to fight off anything that came at me. Most of all, I was afraid that they were here. I thought they might be just beyond my sight in the woods, waiting to come for me. I walked for hours. A thick fog rolled into the valleys of the wood. I was exhausted. I didn't see anything familiar and I knew I walked far enough to pass the cabin by several miles. The fog made it more difficult. I couldn't see into the ravines. My shoes made me fall more than once. Each time I felt sorry for myself just a little more. I grew numb to the fact I was now a girl. I just walked as though nothing happened; that is, until the inevitable. I had to urinate. The need made me think about it, which made me want to put it off more. I wanted to deny what was going on, anyone can understand that. I didn't want to make myself even more vulnerable to the figures in the night. I wanted to be able to see. So I waited. I found the stream that I hoped would lead me back to the cabin. The need became unbearable. Just before sunup I decided to try. It was awkward and embarrassing even though I was alone. I didn't know how to even position myself. I pulled my panties down around my ankles and after a quick thought took them off completely and set them aside. I squatted down trying to keep my legs apart. I realized my position and reached around my back to lift my dress up. I kept it up with my teeth. I almost fell over. The rush of urine came out what seemed to be everywhere. I felt the warmth on my leg and moved a bit more. When I was done I was still wet. I had not expected this. I put my panties back on, stood up, and lowered my skirt. I felt the change all over again. I was now gross, and uncomfortable, and I had never felt more ashamed. The stream went around bends and through cliffs I had not seen before. My shoes kept slipping around the rocks of the stream. Miserable, I trudged on. I came across the cabin at last just before nightfall of this day. I knew there would be dry clothes and blankets there for me, and a bed for sleep. For the first time, there was a glimmer of hope for me when I saw that cabin. I went inside and found exactly what I'd expect. Everything was just as I had left it. I lifted the dress over my head and threw it to the floor. I picked up one of the shirts I had used for a blanket and put it on. It kept slipping off my shoulders, and it was so stiff I couldn't get my hands though the long arms. The underwear made me feel even like less of a man now that there was nothing there to support, so I just took them off after trying and used them to wipe myself. The pants were almost comical if I wasn't so humiliated by trying on my own clothes in this ridiculous way. I gave up, and resigned myself back to the dress and panties. I climbed underneath the covers on the cot-board and stared at the door. It was open a crack. It was almost dark outside and I could just make out the trees beyond the cabin. I was to frightened to get up and close it, but to scared to go to sleep or let my guard down with it open. I got out of bed slowly, and got closer to the door. I almost tripped on some rounds left over from my rifle, making a little more noise than I wanted. I took a few more steps toward the door latch, just barely touching with my hands. The door flew open, knocking me back into the bed. A large dog stood in my path, growling. "Buck!" I said, quickly realizing what it was. "Buck! Come here boy!" but I stopped at the horror of hearing my voice. Buck stood his ground, growling ferociously. I knew he didn't know who I was. I reached down slowly to grab my shoes. As I picked them up he barked. I jumped. Buck never frightened me before, but now I was small enough for him to hurt me; and I knew it. I ran out the door and Buck gave chase. I was in my socks with my shoes in my hands but I wasn't going to stop. Buck ran as far as the south boundary of the stream by the cabin and barked at me from there. I looked back. I saw a ferocious dog in between me and a warm bed. I looked down at my feet. The white socks I had on were muddy and uncomfortable now, thanks to Buck. So, watching him from a distance, I sat down on a stump and took them off. Another revelation to me was how small my feet were. Once I got the first sock over past my toes, I noticed a sick addition to my change: my toenails were painted red. I put on my shoes to cover them, and walked south. I must have collapsed around 15 miles from the cabin, which meant I had at least another 20 miles to go yet, and I was lost. The clouds were darker this morning, and I woke with leaves stuck to my skin from sleeping on the forest floor. I awoke and brushed myself off. I tried to use my fingers to brush the fodder from my hair, but there were still pieces of twigs in when I gave up. I walked on, south, I thought, but in truth I wasn't paying attention. My hands continually rested on my thighs, brushing up against my groin. As horrified as I was, it was a fascinating and new feeling. I hated myself for my curiosity. I defecated after a few hours of hiking, which proved to be more than emotionally destructive. I wiped myself with one of my socks and threw it aside. The rain came around dusk, and saturated my clothes. I shivered and cried to myself softly as I walked. I only wanted to sleep. I was ready to resign myself as a girl for life if only I could get some comfort. The rain broke in time for sunset. The sun shone on my skin in hues of orange and yellow, making the red leaves still on the oaks of the forest shine like fire. It was then I realized my mistake. I was walking towards the sun. I was going west. Oh God. I had been walking all day! This would never end! I was going to die in these woods like this! Oh Jesus! I began to run. I ran as fast as I could for almost two hours. I ran and tripped onto a flat, hard surface. It was a road. I sat on its side and waited for someone to come by. I don't remember much of this night. I remember rocking back in forth. That comforted me for some reason. When I would stop, it seemed too much like anticipating an attack. So I slept. I awoke to flashing lights in my eyes. The sound of a radio muffled by mild distance and layers of glass and metal. A police car was parked just a few feet from my head. A large man was bent down over me. "Are you okay? Can you hear me miss?" I reached up and hugged him. I didn't have to walk anymore. It was going to be okay. An ambulance was called to the town 30 miles to the south of where he picked me up. I later found out I had walked over 40 miles in the wrong direction. The ambulance took me to a hospital, but I didn't answer any of their questions about my name or address. At the hospital, I was given drugs that made me sleep the most wonderful, deep sleep I had ever experienced. I drifted away as they cleaned off my bruised and dirty body. I know I dreamed that night but I can't remember my dream. I truly wish I had never woke up. When I did, I had forgotten everything. The drugs make you feel strange and I attributed my body's oddness to the drugs. But why was I at a hospital? Perhaps an accident. I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I reached underneath my gown to find nothing. Everything flew back into my brain. I screamed. Nurses and doctors came in and held me down to the bed. I supposed this reminded me of the act itself. I only got worse. They sedated me, I think. And waited. Another doctor came by later that day to speak with me. I told him everything. I told him about the cabin, my dogs, the woods, the field, the crowd, everything. He listened and took notes. They let me leave the hospital. This doctor checked me out. As we were driving, I gave instructions on how to get back to my house. I told him how we could find the cabin and asked how we could track down the people that did this. He passed the road to my house. I noticed, and I asked briefly, but then I understood. We were going to another hospital. One for people like me. One where people who believe crazy things go. He brought me here. I fell back into my seat and starred out the window at the passing trees. He spoke into a tape recorder like I wasn't even there. "Jane Doe, aged about 14-15; Around 5 feet, 2 inches" "Four Feet Ten Inches" I said, thinking of the woman. "What? What did you say, Sam?" he asked, but I was already lost in the memory of that night once again. I would be kicking and screaming by the time we would get to the hospital. He continued. "Calls herself ?Samuel' or ?Sam.' Highly evolved dementia of unknown origin, possible a neurological disorder, perhaps from exposure, suggest further research and medication, hospitalization." I remembered the words she said before she vanished, leaving me stranded in the dark: "No one will believe you, little girl." Dear God. She was right.