The Golden Gloom - SLAG free porn video

SLAG Part ONE What a slut! I couldn't believe some of the kids they got here at the foster home and here was another one of the slag variety, sitting on the chair I reserved for my visitors on the far side of my desk, as much flesh revealed as possible of her still developing teenage body. In yet again for causing trouble. Bitch. I looked to heaven. It was very bad form for a social worker to have opinions like that of the kids - they were all from difficult backgrounds - but sometimes it was hard not to. I had been working at Compton Villa foster home for three years now. We took in teenagers who found it hard to fit in elsewhere - kids with behavioural problems who bounced out into foster families and then bounced right back again. Over and over - most of them had been here as long as she had; some of them longer. Sometimes there were reasons beyond the kids' control that they couldn't stay with a family. Often though, it was because of unruly behaviour. The foster parents had enough and sent them back where they came from. It was tragic. If anything, the rejections hurt the kids inside so much that it accelerated their unsociable behaviour. Ah well. They weren't all that bad. I had done a lot in my time to help them and despite the weight of it dragging on my limbs sometimes and making me forget, I'd succeeded more times than not. It was such a shame that a lot of the girls they got in got it in their heads that the way to get along - be "in" with people - was to flaunt their sexuality. For some of the worst cases, sex was just another bartering system for them. Cigarettes, money, even drugs: anything from a hand job up to full blown sex could be given in trade. Like I did with every girl, I prayed a silent prayer that I could help her come around. Her name was Tamzin Barton. She watched me sullenly, arms and legs crossed, about as closed as posture as she could be in. I flicked the first few pages of her file again, scanning her history then made eye contact and tried my best to give her a reassuring smile. "So, what I want to say Tamzin," I said, "is that I'd like you to see the next few weeks and months as a fresh start. A clean slate. If there are parts of your personality that you're not too fond off - maybe parts that have brought you trouble in the past - then you can just forget about them." She stared blankly at me. "Every day is fresh with no mistakes. Why don't you have a go at being a little nicer to the people around you, hmmm?" Tamzin flicked her eyes up and down my outfit, obviously disapproving but said nothing. I frowned. "Look, pop back up to your room, alright?" I said. "We'll meet again in a few days and have another chat." She got up and headed for the door without any other prompting. I started to say, "It's nice to talk to you," but she was gone. It didn't look good for me bringing her round but I'd do my best. It irritated how easy Tamzin had it and how she didn't take full advantage of that. Or maybe she did. I slipped her file back into its slot in the cabinet. Tamzin and the other girls like her took everything given to them without thanks or a smile. She did what she wanted and then got to blame everyone else for the bad side of her personality. So she got told off from time to time. There was nothing we could really do to punish her, the law what it was now. All she had to do was keep her trap shut and stare sullenly and she'd get away with it in the end. I had a full-length mirror attached to the back of one of the cupboard doors. I liked the way I looked. Always had. But Tamzin's scornful gaze had touched a nerve all the same. It went all the way back to my own school years when the other kids had taunted me about my clothes. I was wearing a brown skirt and blouse. It was a gypsy look, smart enough to maintain my air of authority but still very casual. It looked good on me. At thirty, my figure was still very nice and I thought I looked fine. On the other hand I did sort of envy her and her ilk. I never had the daring to dress like that when I was a teenager and it had always been something I regretted in a way. Obviously I hated that kind of slutty girl but at the same time I had wished I could... It was stupid. I stuck my tongue out at myself and smiled then I closed the cupboard door. The room darkened for a moment. It was dusk outside. The lighting dimmed, becoming more golden. Then it reverted to normal. I returned to my desk. Then I frowned. I was sure I'd put Tamzin's file back in the drawer but there it was back in the centre of the otherwise clear desk. It was closed, the buff cover blank, paperclips visible at the top. I snatched it up and went to put it back. Then I frowned again. It wasn't Tamzin's file. This one was new. I creased it and flipped it open. The photo was of a girl I didn't recognise. The name on the front form said Jenna Jones. Sixteen. She looked skinny by my standards, long brown hair and pouty lips. Her clothes weren't a far cry from Tamzin's, strapless top clinging to her boobs and no doubt a short skirt and heels out of view off the picture. It was odd because I was aware of all newcomers long before it got to the file stage and I'd never heard of her. This file shouldn't have existed. I flicked through it, scanning through her history. There had been a whole series of foster parents. This was supposed to be her third home. Incidents of shoplifting, prostitution and various accusations she'd made of rape, probably brought on by her promiscuous behaviour. On record for a lot of disturbances. She'd been kicked out of her last place because of "deeply unruly behaviour and personality clashes with several members of staff." Sometimes kids were moved for that reason, hoping a fresh start would get them back on the straight and narrow. It didn't explain what it was doing here though. I dropped it back onto the desk with a slap. The front sheet with the photo cracked into view. Jenna Jones. "Never heard of her," I murmured. I paced a little, trying to work it out. Maybe Bill, my assistant, the man who did easily as much work as I did running the place, had put it in here and I just hadn't noticed. That had to be it. I sat in the visitor's chair in front of the desk and reached over to turn the file round so I could see the picture again. Her make-up was bohemian - dark risqu? colours. She looked like a real tramp. She looked like she was trying to seduce whoever took the photo. I'd never been into make-up in a big way. The colours I chose were there to be subtle and enhance my natural looks. I sometimes wished... I sometimes wished I could be as bold as this girl obviously was. The lights dimmed again, turning a rosy golden colour. I looked at the lamp until it came back up to full strength then back at the file. This time I didn't frown. My eyes opened wide with surprise. My fingernails were painted dark red. I crooked my hand and looked at them closely. I looked at the other hand. They were both the same! I definitely hadn't painted them. Something odd was going on. I felt drowsy. I sat back in the little chair. It wasn't built for grown-ups and I had to squeeze my bum into the space. Had I painted them that colour this morning? I was sure I hadn't but what other explanation could there be? I felt so confused then as I looked at them again the colour faded. It didn't make sense. Perhaps I was just tired Life was just so difficult sometimes. I looked at the picture of Jenna Jones again, whoever she was. She had it easy. I imagined what it would be like to be her, coming in here for my initial interview with... myself, hearing the platitudes and advice about being nice THIS TIME and thinking about how I was just going to do whatever I damn well wanted. The lights dimmed again. It had to be some problem with the power. I peered up at the light. It grew darker this time than the other times. As the light grew again I caught a peripheral glimpse of a shadow at the other side of the desk and looked down, startled. A dark figure, like a shadow crossed in front of the window, moving slowly. I heard a muffled woman's voice. Then both faded completely. What was this? Was it a ghost? I stayed frozen to my seat. The lights lowered again and the dark figure returned, this time moving left to right. I stared at it. This time the features were clearer, the voice louder. It was definitely a woman, dressed in a long skirt and a blouse. It was still difficult to make out what she was saying. "...welcome here... part... a big family... one of us..." She faded again and I jumped to my feet. The lights came back up to full. The figure was gone completely. I squinted. No. It was still there. Almost invisible. It stopped and leaned against the desk. The lights fluctuated, dropping and this time I saw her clearly enough to recognise her face. It was me! The spirit looked straight at me and said, "Sit down please. I'm talking." I did what I was told but felt a burst of anger that came from nowhere. Irrationally and despite the horror of the situation, I thought, Why should I do what she tells me? The phantom's body was still only shadow tracing but the clothes were recognisable as mine too. Her face, smudged in swirling darkness glared at me sternly then smiled. "We want you to get on here Jenna," she said, "and if you're a pleasant girl then we'll be pleasant to you." My mouth dropped open. I looked down. I had pale arms and legs, a strapless top and a mini skirt. My bare legs were crossed, high heels on my feet. They were suddenly slim. My nails were varnished red. I looked at the photo in the file on the desk. That was suddenly what I looked like! I screamed and got up, pushing the chair over. Instantly, the strange golden illumination vanished and the main lights came back on. The spirit double had gone too. I looked down at my body, holding my palms up for inspection. The teenage body had gone. I was me again. But what did it mean? I flexed my fingers. Nothing was strange at all. No nail varnish. No mini-skirt. I went to the cupboard with the mirror and opened it. It was my face looking back at me. I sighed, relieved, realising I must have dreamed it. Then it clicked that something was different about my reflection. I was wearing dark red lipstick. It had been faint pink before. And there were hoop earrings hanging from my ears. Part TWO I stared at the hoop earrings and dark red lipstick in the cupboard mirror. I had DEFINITELY not put them on myself. Behind me, the room was back to normal. Nothing wrong with it at all. I didn't understand. Was it some kind of hallucination? But I fingered the earrings. That didn't explain these. I had changed into a teenage girl for a moment and I had been spoken to by an apparition that looked and sounded like me. It was as though I had BECOME a new girl arriving at the foster home. That girl. I picked up Jenna Jones' folder off the desk. I had definitely become her. I peered closer at the picture now, more fully absorbing what this mysterious girl looked like this time. She was slim but her skin was still soft and a little fleshy. Her body's development hadn't finished yet but puberty had left her with full breasts and very feminine curves. Her strapless top showed her midriff off. Like the rest of her, it was smoothly curved. I had been her. I huffed. None of it was explainable. Even the file had appeared from nowhere and with the other things that had happened, I was starting to believe that it really had appeared. It hadn't been here earlier. I went to the mirror again and looked at the hoop earrings. They looked odd on my face. I wasn't used to them. If I wore earrings at all they were generally small and compact. I didn't go in for bright colours or gaudy effects. My mother had drilled a fear of looking too slutty into me and it affected me even now. She'd been dead for eight years and she was still trying to restrict what I did - even from beyond the grave. I resented it. I looked at them, at the lipstick. Did they make me look that bad? No. Not that bad. But they did make me look trashy. My mum had been right. It irritated me that I should be so limited by what I wanted to wear. I went to take one off. Then the mirror darkened as the light leached out of the room and my image changed. My face dropped lower in the mirror. My shoulders and arms paled as the blouse there faded into bare skin. My cheeks narrowed. I dropped my hand away and stared at myself and the changes reversed. I returned to my normal self. This time the lipstick and earrings disappeared too. I staggered away from the mirror and looked down at myself. Normal. There was no way I imagined it that time. No way. I reached for the phone. I didn't know who I was going to call but... I set the receiver back. Each time I changed I was thinking about how nice it would be to be one of those girls - those cheap slutty tramps with no ties and no responsibilities, flaunting their sexy young- Stop. The room darkened as I ran through my head what made them worthy of my jealousy. Very slowly, I shrank down again, my arms narrowing in front of me and becoming bare again. I started to hear the muffled spirit voice and I panicked. I put the thoughts out of my head and instantly returned to myself. My pulse was spurting. My cheeks and forehead were hot. This was amazing! I could change my form, just by thinking about it! I went to the window. Outside on the pavement Tamzin Barton was sitting, bare knees close to her face, chunky heels resting on the edge of the road, arms wrapped round her ankles, a cigarette in her mouth. She was talking to one of the boys. Jimmy. Jimmy was tall and very muscular even though the meat hadn't built up on him since his growth spurt. It was a warm evening and he had his top off. He had a cigarette too, hanging from two fingers on his right arm as it draped over Tamzin's shoulder. On his bicep was a tattoo of a dragon. I found myself staring at it as its contours shifted when Jimmy moved his arm. I wished it were me out there with him... The room darkened but I snapped out of it before any real change occurred. I walked away from the window and dropped into the visitor's chair. I puffed out my cheeks and then released the air with a little "Whoo." What on earth was I thinking? This whole thing was creeping me out. I shouldn't be lusting after teenage boys no matter how sexy they were. Wait a minute. Where did that thought come from? And I shouldn't be wishing I were some slutty teenage girl. I ran my fingers back through my hair. Could I really change my body, just by thinking about it? I chewed my lip. What if I gave it another go? It couldn't hurt. Or could it? The picture in the file of Jenna Jones looked back at me. I closed my eyes. I pictured in my mind what it felt like to wear her strapless top. The light coming through my eyelids dimmed and I felt a constriction around my chest. I didn't open my eyes but I held my breath. Then I thought about the short skirt. There was a slight fluttering as my long skirt fluttered up my legs and tightened round my hips. The high heels. The skin on the tops of my feet cooled as my bulky flats morphed into them. I opened my eyes. My hands were smaller. Without even feeling it, my entire body had changed again. I was Jenna Jones. I looked round the office. My eyes were young eyes suddenly. I could see everything, even in the golden gloom, in a much sharper clarity. This was amazing! I was really her. I touched my new smaller breast gingerly then squeezed the smooth flesh above my knees. It was real! The muffled voice of the spirit me made its way into my perception. I looked toward the window. The pacing silhouette emerged from the shadows, moving one way then the other. Her words couldn't be heard at first but they became slowly clearer. I got scared suddenly. What if she became real too? I would be Jenna Jones and this spirit would be me. I almost broke out of my trance and wished myself back to normal but I didn't. I got distracted by Jenna's slim fingers and perfectly painted nails. My fingers. My nails. Then there was a rush like high speed wind. I looked back up at the phantom. The darkness sloughed off it, revealing my own face and clothes. The gloom in the room vanished. The figure looked exactly like me. She stared at me with cold eyes. "Well?" she said. I stared at her. The magic was gone from the room. I didn't feel drowsy anymore. She was taller and wider than me. I felt exactly like a teenage girl. I couldn't find any words. "Are you going to try to be nice here at Compton Villa?" she asked. "I suppose," I replied. I hadn't meant them to but the words came out pointed and sullen. "Good," she said. It was spooky to watch her, like watching a film of yourself but a thousand times worse. "Well let's get you settled in then Jenna, hmmm? Then you can meet the other kids." I gaped at her. She was serious. What had I gotten myself into? Part THREE I had never worn stiletto heels before in my life, but I got up and stood in them without a problem. I could not BELIEVE what was happening to me but at a wider, more pervading level, everything seemed perfectly normal. I was Jenna Jones, trashy little teenage girl-without-a-family, wearing slutty clothes that revealed as much flesh as they could. Being led to the door by a woman that looked and talked exactly like the person I'd woken up that morning as: Mary Beljer. This skinny little body felt natural on me, even though I knew that every sensation was a phase shift to the right from what I was used to. The fake Beljer guided me with a hand on my back. "You're going to be very happy here Jenna," she said, her voice attempting to be sincere and caring but coming across as false and distant. I knew that was how I always spoke to the kids but until now, seeing it from the other side, I had not realised how fake it had sounded. It irritated me, the way she spoke and before I could stop myself, I snapped, "Could you BE more patronising, you old bag?" The smile dropped off her mouth which looked really funny and she frowned at me. Like that was supposed to scare me. "Come on Jenna," she said, "we all have to get along." She reached past me to the door and I panicked suddenly. However real this felt, however confident I was, I couldn't walk out there dressed like this. The other members of staff would see me and however realistic this disguise felt to me, surely someone would be able to see through it. Even if they didn't, how could I walk around pretending to be one of the girls here? I didn't have a chance to think though. Beljer pushed me through into the hall. There was a suitcase on the floor and Bill, my assistant was standing over it. He was a stocky man with thick brown hair and a goatee. When he saw us he moved across, holding out his hand for me to shake. His eyes slithered down the naked parts of my body and lingered on my bare legs. I smiled inside that the old lech was under my thumb already before a second thought came, startled that I could think such a thing. "Hello there!" said Bill, "You must be Jenna! It's great to have you on board!" "This isn't a ship," I said, "It's a house." The smile faltered on his face and faltered even more when I didn't take his hand. That made me smile inside too. I couldn't understand why I was thinking this way suddenly. It was as though my mind had changed along with my body. Bill's eyes flicked to Beljer's then back to mine. "I'll er... Let me show you to your room." "Lead the way." *** I had been at Compton Villa for a long time. In that time I had climbed the stairs innumerable times. But everything felt like new. Walking up there in my heels, with Bill toting my suitcase behind, eyes never straying from my bare calves, I felt like I was seeing it all for the first time. This was still terrifying but at the same time, the scared part of me was very small and insignificant. I felt cocky and perhaps a little irritated. If there was any fear it was directed more along the lines of worry that I would fit in to this place - that the other girls wouldn't be bitches - that there were some horny guys around. My God, what was I thinking? At the top of the stairs, Bill guided me into a room on the right. It was very bare. The bed was basic. Graffiti littered parts of the wall. The plaster was scarred with chunks of Blu Tac. "This is going to be your room while you're here," said Bill, "Sorry it couldn't be nicer. We're hoping to do a bit of decorating in the near future." I smiled a shallow smile. "It's better than the shithole I came from. Are you going to show me round?" I kicked the door closed with the side of my foot. "Er... Well." I touched Bill's chest. He backed up, stopping abruptly at the wall. "Listen Jenna, there are rules here..." "I know you've been looking at me. I know you want me." "You've got the wrong idea I think," he said, face flushing. He tried to pull round me but I wrapped one arm round his neck. "Where you going stud?" He pulled away firmly. "Look Jenna, that kind of behaviour is not going to be tolerated here." "What kind of behaviour? I was just getting acquainted with you." He stammered. Another internal smile. "I'll leave you to settle in now. Alright?" He opened the door. "Sure thing fatso," I said. I didn't look at him. He mumbled something and went out, closing the door after him. *** All alone finally, I looked round at my dingy surroundings. This was my room. It was where I was going to live for the next few months, until I got kicked out at least. Wait a minute. I had to gather my thoughts. This Jenna Jones persona was taking over! I was thinking exactly like a slutty teenage piece of trash would. I had to get control or I was going to forget myself! I stilled my thoughts. I took some deep breaths. I concentrated on being myself again, on being Mary Beljer. The room didn't darken. Nothing happened! Panic came again,. That this time I wouldn't be able to ever become my real self. I tried again, starting to hyperventilate. To transform into Jenna I had imagined how good it would be to be her. I tried the same thing in reverse. I thought about the respect I had and the security of being Mary Beljer. I thought about the money in my bank account and the piece of mind I had. The room started to darken. It was working. The air became slow and honeyed. I looked down at my hands. The sleeves of my blouse faded into view. The forearms became chubbier. I wrinkled my nose. The arms looked nicer when they were slim. Suddenly, the blouse disappeared and my arms became slim again. The room lightened. That was better. I looked much better now. But no! That was wrong! I had to put those thoughts out of my head! I was happy with the way I looked as Beljer... as Mary. I wanted to be a mature woman. I liked my conservative dress sense and the sense of sedate style it gave me. The blouse faded back into view. My breasts inflated. My hair darkened. I was getting taller. It was working! Then a knock sounded at the door. The surprise of it disrupted my train of thoughts and the golden darkness vanished as though it had never been there. I snapped back to being Jenna. The door started to open. I stepped away from it in fear. I needed time alone to change back! I was afraid that if too much time passed I'd lose myself to being Jenna! Whoever was at the door now was going to keep me away from doing that! And then I'd be trapped! Part FOUR "Who the fuck are you?" I said. "Tamzin," said the girl who barged in and sat on the bed. "I'm new too." Her name and face rang a bell but it took me a moment to recognise her as Tamzin Barton, the girl, as Beljer, I'd just admitted to the house. She was about my age, dressed in a tight-fitting black vest top-with-a- sheen that pumped her cleavage into soft pillows. Her hair was black and straight, her forehead pale, her arms round, her make-up dark. She sneered and pulled out a pack of fags. "Want one?" I looked down at the bent cigarette poking out of the packet and for maybe half a second I started to say, "No thank you. I don't smoke." Then I pulled it out and stuck it into my mouth. "Fuck yeah. I'm desperate. You got a light?" "Course." Tamzin got out a lighter from the back pocket of her jeans and passed it me. I lit up like a pro, inhaling hard, blowing out, then inhaling again. "Ta." "What do you think of this place?" asked Tamzin. "Shit so far but anything's a step up from home. Me old man was a real fucker." "Was it Beljer that talked to you when you got here?" Mary Beljer. That was me. What was happening to my mind? "Beljer? Yeah. What a bitch. Like someone stuck a fence post up her arse." I took another long drag of my ciggy and doubled it into a sigh. "That fat fuck Bill brought me up here though. What a sad piece of lard he is." "The guy with the goatee?" "That's him. Practically tried to rip my clothes off when I got up here. Probably heard you coming." She shrugged. "Wanna come outside? There's a guy here called Jimmy. He's pretty cool. I've just been out there talking to him." She started for the door and I went to go with her but I paused. I had been planning to do something before she came in and it had slipped my mind what it was. I looked down at my cigarette. It looked out of place in my slim hand but I couldn't think why. There was definitely something I was planning to do. "Hurry up," said Tamzin, "Jimmy's talking about going down the offie and getting some beers in and I don't want to miss it." "Okay," I replied, "I fancy getting pissed tonight." I flicked some ash on the floor, dragged the last bit of smoke out of my fag I could then ground it into the carpet with my toe. Part FIVE As soon as I emerged onto the darkening street I knew that something was horribly wrong but I couldn't place what it was. Something to do with the cool air on my exposed arms and legs, on my shoulders and midriff, with the constriction of the high heels on my feet. Nothing about what I was doing felt right. But I couldn't work out why not. My new friend Tamzin was disappearing out of sight round the gateway onto the pavement. I tapped after her, not wanting to be left behind, putting my momentary confusion out of mind. Course I was going to feel funny. I'd only just moved in here. It was all new. Out on the street, Tamzin was standing next to a tall muscular guy who had to be Jimmy. He looked gorgeous. It was a shame she seemed to have gotten to him first. He looked strong enough to pick me up with one hand. He grinned at me as I approached, eyes sliding over the exposed parts of my body - first my tits, then my legs, my midriff; back to my tits and then to my face. I smiled back at him and tilted my head to the side, thinking how good it was to be me. Who cared if my dad was a piece of trash and my mum were a whore. I had the looks to get along in life and I didn't mind flaunting them to get what I wanted. I thought about Beljer, the repressed bitch who ran this place. She didn't have the looks and she sure as hell didn't flaunt anything. I'd have felt sorry for her if I didn't hate her already. But thinking about her... It made me feel strange. I got that feeling again as though I'd forgotten something important. Something about Beljer. That frumpy cow. It was on the tip of my tongue, but- Jimmy put his arm round my shoulders. He was gorgeous. This close to him I could smell him on several different levels. There was his aftershave - raw and potent - but underneath that was his raw animal smell. It really turned me on. Tamzin was looking put out over Jimmy's shoulder. I liked her but I was going to have to see what I could do about getting her out my way so I could get to this guy. He was to die for and I hadn't had a good fucking in ages. Not a good one. *** Jimmy, Tamzin and me got to the offie. Me and Tamzin no way looked eighteen so we stayed out of sight giggling while Jimmy went in to get the liquor. It was so funny. I couldn't wait to get pissed. Maybe Tamzin'd fall over and go to sleep somewhere and leave me and Jimmy to get on with it. I had to hope. When Jimmy came out he had a big bottle of vodka in a plastic carrier bag. He leched me again as he approached the corner where we were waiting then put his arms round both our necks. "You two girls are gorgeous. I'm looking forward to getting you alone somewhere." We both laughed. This was great. It was cool to be in with these guys so quick. Some of the people where I'd come from had been real dicks. We walked down to the high street and sat on a bench, watching the people go by. If any of them looked funny we shouted stuff at them. It was classic watching them scurry off frightened, the stupid twats. Jimmy kept grabbing rubbish out of the top of the bin and tossing it at them. It was kind of gross but fucking funny when it clonked some old biddy on the back of the head. The faces they pulled! A couple of guys didn't like it and started coming on all tough but Jimmy smacked the first one in the nose and his friend ran off. It was hilarious! I didn't have a care in the world. Whatever that niggling feeling I'd had earlier, it was gone now. Then I saw a girl coming toward us and it came right back. I didn't recognise her. She had thick mousy brown hair that hung forward, obscuring her face and dowdy clothes that covered up every spare inch of flesh on her body. Her hands were shoved into her pockets. Her head was lowered as though she were frightened to look at anyone. I grinned at Jimmy. He'd seen her too. She should be frightened, I thought. As she got closer the feeling that I was forgetting something intensified. The more I looked at her, the stronger it got but I couldn't work out what it was or why I was feeling it. It was distracting and it was really pissing me off. "Hey," said Tamzin, "I know her. That's Beljer's daughter! Susan. She comes round the home sometimes. She's a snooty bitch - thinks she's better than the likes of us." "She is better," I snapped. Jimmy and Tamzin looked at me. I stared back at them. I hadn't meant to say that. It just blurted out and my voice had sounded funny too. Deeper. Older sounding. "What's with you?" said Jimmy. "I dunno. I just... I feel kind of funny." "Let's crucify the bitch," said Tamzin and got up off the bench. Jimmy followed her, grabbing another handful of trash. I made to go after them but I couldn't move for a minute. The street lamps dimmed. I felt odd. The yellow light that was coming from the lamps shifted into a golden glow. I got to my feet. "Hey, come here," shouted Tamzin, moving across toward Jane Beljer, "We want to talk to you." The girl lowered her head further and hurried to get past them but Jimmy jogged to cut her off. She was going to be in trouble but for some reason I wasn't finding it funny like the other times. I found it frightening. I wanted to protect her - to stop them doing it - but I had no idea why. I reached out my arm in front of me but I found it hard to walk forward. The lights were getting dimmer and dimmer in the street but nobody was noticing. I looked down at my slim arm and little hand, brightly painted nails, moving in slow motion now. Everything was slowing down. Then suddenly my arm thickened, the flesh becoming chubbier and a blouse sleeve faded into view. I was terrified. And then suddenly, in a huge rush of light, everything came back to me. I remembered who I was! I was Mary Beljer, middle-aged social worker, and manager of Compton Villa and that was my daughter! *** Jimmy and Tamzin were steps away from reaching Susan. Jimmy had a pile of rubbish in his hands, lifted over his head, ready to bring down on top of my daughter. The slowing effects of the Golden Gloom slipped off my body as I started to run forward. The street lights flashed back up to full. "Stop right there Jimmy!" I shouted. Tamzin froze at the sound of my voice. Jimmy span on his heel, his eyes gaping and released the rubbish in his hands in shock. It tumbled down over his own head and he squirmed, crying out. I suppressed a grim smile and grabbed his arm. "Come here young man. You too Tamzin. You're in a lot of trouble." Susan clapped her hands and laughed. "You've been drinking, haven't you?" I said. "What about it?" said Jimmy sullenly. "I'll tell you what about it," I snapped, "You're under age." I started to pull him away from Susan, back toward the home, but now Susan was safe I started to think about what had happened again. I looked round. There was no sign of Jenna Jones. "Are you here with anyone else?" I asked. "No," said Tamzin. Jimmy shrugged. "I thought I saw Jenna Jones," I said. "Who?" said Tamzin. I frowned. "Jenna Jones." "Never heard of her." Did this make any sense? It didn't seem to. I had become that teenage girl - spent the evening as her, but now they didn't seem to even know that she existed. I needed to sit down and think about this but I really didn't have time now. "Are you all right?" I asked Susan. "Yeah. I'm fine." "I'll see you at home then," I said, "Bye." I winked at her. Then I hustled Jimmy and Tamzin back toward the Compton Villas, determined to somehow work out what was happening to me as soon as I got the chance. Part SIX As it turned out, I didn't have any time to think about the strange things that had happened to me. Because when I got back to Compton Villa the police were on the phone. *** My assistant Bill drove me to the hospital. I couldn't see through the tears. He tried to talk to me while we were driving but I couldn't hear him over my coughing sobs and I wouldn't have listened to a word of it. I couldn't think. I couldn't talk. I'd never felt like this. Never never never. I had prayed that this day would never come. Now it had I didn't know how to react. How could this have happened to me? How could this have happened to my daughter? *** I didn't go home after the hospital. I went back to work. The house was quiet. Everyone seemed to be asleep. It was well after midnight so that wasn't surprising. In my office I called my ex-husband. He answered half-asleep. I told him as briefly, as I could, what had happened. My voice sounded empty to my ears as though there were no emotion left inside me at all - not even grief. He asked questions. Made accusations. Why had I let Susan walk home by herself? What was she doing at that end of town? Hadn't I taught her how to cross the road carefully? We ended up shouting. I slammed the phone down on him and then I crumpled to the floor and wept. *** Two weeks later I came back into work. My home was a dead, empty place now, as quiet as it would be at the bottom of the ocean. I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to escape. Bill met me at the door but his face told me how bad I looked when it dropped. He talked rapidly, spluttering, trying to reassure me that everything had been taken care of in my absence but I didn't listen. I didn't care. I hadn't returned so that I could work. I'd returned because I couldn't stand to be me anymore. I wanted to get away from my life and never go back. I wanted to become Jenna Jones again, except this time, forget all about my past as Mary Beljer. It had almost happened before. I had almost lost myself. It was Susan that pulled me back. Now though, that wasn't going to happen. Susan couldn't pull me back this time because she wasn't here anymore. I'd tried it at home - tried to make myself change - but it hadn't worked. I had tried until my knuckles were white and my throat was raw. My only hope was that here, at the place where it happened before, it would happen again. I shut the door to my office in Bill's face and walked over to the desk. Bill had obviously been in here since I'd left but nothing seemed disturbed really. I went round to my side of the desk and had one last look around. This had been my office for a long time. I had dedicated my life to doing good here, no matter how unappreciated I might have been. I would have stayed here until I retired. But that wasn't going to happen now. It was over. Feeling very weary, I walked round to the visitor's chair and sat down. This was where it started. All I had to do now was imagine what it would be like to be Jenna Jones again and let the magic take me away from this pain. I pictured Jenna Jones' face in my mind. Slim but soft and tender. Eyes clear of doubt or fear or worry. No troubles to bind her or crush her heart. I closed my eyes and imagines what it would be like to be here again, to have no responsibilities. No one to care about. No one to lose. Her long slender legs would stretch out from her short skirt, down to the high heels. Her only interests were having easy fun and getting laid. She had no aspirations or dreams of a good job. She thought nothing of studying to do well at school or college. She'd dropped out half way through her exams. And I was going to be her again. I was going to be her and stay her and never look back. Never never never look back. *** I opened my eyes. The desk lamp was still on. It was undimmed. No golden gloom had descended. I hadn't changed at all. I was still myself: Mary Beljer. Dull, frumpy, Mary Beljer, the woman whose life was over. I didn't even know I was crying until my shoulders started to shudder. *** I pushed open the door to the bedroom that had been mine when I was Jenna. It was empty now. There was no suitcase on the bed, no sign at all that my time as Jenna had ever existed. I sighed from the bottom of my soul. I had to admit that I knew nothing about this magic - how it worked or what would make it work again. It had rewritten reality while it occurred to create this new person - Jenna Jones and I had become her. While her, my original persona had still existed but I had no longer been in it. Then when the transformation ended and I turned back, all trace of Jenna Jones had vanished as though she never existed. But thinking it out like that didn't go any way to help me. I was still trapped as Mary Beljer with no hope of ever escaping. Fuck me, I needed a fag. There was an open pack on the bed that I hadn't noticed when I came in. I sat down and reached for them, then stopped, shaking my head. I didn't smoke. And there definitely hadn't been a packet there when I came in. And the words that had entered my head? I didn't talk like that. Oh my God. She did. The overhead light flickered. The bulb dimmed. I smile broke out on my face - a wave of absolute relief. It was working again somehow! It was gong to happen! I looked down at my body. I was still myself. But that was going to change. The cigarette packet was open. Beside it was a cheap lighter that had only just appeared. My hand shook as I reached out for it. As I made contact with a cigarette the light dimmed further, turning golden brown and my finger nails shimmered into a vibrant red colour. The fingers themselves slimmed, my hand losing all the tan and coarseness of age. I was wearing a short sleeved blouse and my exposed forearm became slimmer too. I started to pull the cigarette out of the pack. Then I stopped. The light in the little room grew marginally. The changes to my arm slowed down and then stopped. Was this what I wanted? Was it what I really wanted? If I became Jenna Jones again then I would forget myself. I'd become her body and soul - a trampy little teenage slag with no prospects and no responsibility. I'd never be able to become Mary Beljer again because this time there would be no Susan to call me back. I would lose myself completely. But that meant I would forget my pain too and I so wanted that. I wanted to let go of that pain forever and escape into a place that would leave me careless and free of it for the rest of my life. I reached for the cigarette again and this time slid it completely out of the pack. As I moved it through the air toward my lips my arm changed completely. The blouse vanished to be replaced by Jenna's slutty boob tube. I popped the fag in my mouth and flicked one bare leg over the other. I was wearing heels now again and a short skirt. My limbs and torso were young and slim. My face was a teenage girl's face. I flicked the lighter and held it to the end of my ciggy, inhaling then blowing it out. Then I shook out my hair down my back. I took another long drag and blew it out over my head and I felt such profound relief. I was Jenna Jones again and this time I would remain her forever. In the corner of the room by the door I heard a muffled sound. In the golden gloom I started to make out the silhouetted shape of a woman's body. The shape grew more and more distinct, the noises coming from it assuming more and more the aspect of speech. I smiled, still myself for the moment, because I realised I was free now. I was free from my pain. I knew who this growing figure was and it was she who would have to carry my pain for me now. I didn't want it anymore. I knew that I had only moments before I would start to forget myself but I realised I was happy and I hoped that somehow, eventually, the new Mary Beljer would be too.