Skin Deep: The Dance - Chapter 6 free porn video

Chapter 6 School Dance In the shower, Michelle allowed the water to wash the despair away just a little. The warmth and pulse of the water had always been her friend. She had always considered herself to be a lucky woman with more than her fair share of good to compensate for a life lost. Now this thing had come back and she remembered the anguish and torture of what it had been like to become trapped, to be held so firmly in place as to be completely helpless and at the mercy of that which held you. This morning she had seen that desperation manifest itself in her child to a degree that she had never thought possible. That child, it seemed, would rather take her own life than live in the trap Michelle herself had decided was better than the alternative the child had sought. Michelle had always assumed that her inability to kill herself had been programmed into the SKIN and was now a part of the psyche of the woman she had grown to become. But she wondered now, why would someone program such a physiological failsafe into her body if the wearer were assumed to be a volunteer? Such a mental dead man switch was not necessary in that case. The designers had no idea that the person that would finally wind up inside that particular SKIN would have been a young man with every reason to live his own life. Nor would they have anticipated that same young man getting trapped with in it, being forced to live out his years as the woman they had designed. No, she realized that if she had wanted to she could have ended it so many years ago, quite easily and quickly. It was that she lacked the courage to do it herself. More than that she lacked to courage to allow someone else to do it. She recalled the slimy man from the Easton side of the harbor that afternoon. The electronics specialist who had tried to negotiate sex to have her patch code transmitter repaired...to have the algorithmic anomaly bypassed so she could be Mike Vello again. It had been her last hope. She felt she would be willing to do anything to free herself from the prison of her female body, the life of torture she was living next to the man she wanted and needed so badly. But she had convinced herself that she must deny because it was not natural, not right and not fair that Gary had gone back and she was stuck, consigned to a life sentence in a body that she didn't want. How she had become very afraid that this man would in fact end her suffering but not the way she had planned. In the end, she had fled. Leaving behind her money, and taking with her the damaged patch code transmitter that would forever remain useless. She fled, unwilling to die, not wanting to be murdered. She was stuck. William, probably sensing the same desperation was unafraid to take matters into his or her hands and finish this thing. The events of the afternoon were a sure sign they would not see any such transmitter, if one even existed and based on what William was told, there had only been a straw to grasp to in the first place that was such a device for his SKIN. But one had to have hope, so Gary and Michelle had planted that seed in the child's mind. They fertilized it with a ton and a half of bullshit and the idea of freedom grew right where they planted it. They had given their child, daughter... admit it to yourself; she's just like you. Like mother like son! Michelle lamented. Yes, she had to admit now that William was most likely their daughter now. She did it hatefully and with and understanding with herself that she would never accept the child as her real daughter. A shudder coursed through her. She was doing exactly what she knew her own mother would have done if she had tried to go home after her own accident. But it was impossible to thing of the child otherwise. She hated herself for her prejudice. She of all people should know that this child was the same child she had given life to. She had coaxed Gary into that understanding and now she was being the greatest hypocrite of all. "Stop it... Just stop it!" she cried, her head against the tiled wall of the shower. Sobs racked her body as she let the tension of not only the morning flow out of her like the shower water flowed over her but also as she came to grips with the realization that her selfishness with the perceived loss of her son was inescapable. She shuddered and trembled and held herself as if to protect her body from an assault. How could she feel with way about her own child? She could admit that she loved the child; that she wanted to help the child even that would protect that child with her life if necessary. But when it came to dancing her mind around the idea that it was William in there, she ran smack into a cold, hard, ninety foot high brick wall. That child was NOT William. Is that how you feel about yourself? Do you really think that you're no longer Mike Vello? You are you know. You are as much Mike as you are Michelle. The voice was not hers. "Shut up! I'm not listening to this any more!" she whimpered. "I'm confused." Much was left behind. You must reclaim it. The puzzle is incomplete. The voice in her head said softly, almost lovingly. "Why? Why do we have to go through this again?" The King will die, long live the Queen... Michelle shuddered at the thought. Long live the Queen sounded more like a curse than a prayer. The thought of her youthful appearance struck her. Long live the Queen... Long live the Queen... Long live the Queen... the voice trailed out of existence and all at once, out of her memory. Michelle became aware that she had been weeping. Why? She tried to recall but could not clearly remember. She had been upset. Of course she had been. It had been a day of stupid stunts, narrow escapes, great disappointments and very nearly an attempted suicide. What was not to be upset about? Still, the idea that there was something else there wouldn't leave her. The thought that some half- remembered something was still there gnawed at her but it would not come full into the light. By the time she had cleaned and dried, the memory and the feeling that something unremembered was still withstanding was gone and she was strangely almost at peace. Somehow the depression that had gripped her all afternoon as she pondered a solution to a problem that had no obvious solution was gone; hardly remembered. She dried, grabbed her robe and tossed it around her shoulders and went to brush her hair out. The light from the VID shown down the hall and under the door of the master bedroom, it wasn't noticeable until Michelle tuned down the lights as she did each night after exiting the to keep the peepers from peeping in. She loved the view of the city from her bedroom and thought that dimming the glass was such a pity that she simply refused to do it. Now, with the lights lowered she saw the light from the living room she naturally wanted to see whom it was that Gary was talking to. She pulled on her satin robe, opened the door and moved soundlessly down the hall. The hall ran along one wall of the large open area that had served as their original living quarters. The rest of the room was undivided but clearly delineated by living room, dining area and kitchen. Gary was in the living room portion of both hands leaning on the control panel of the VID, arms stiff, head down. He didn't see his wife enter the room. "Gary?" His head flew up with a surprise. "Michelle? What are you doing here? I thought you were taking a shower." "Yes, I'm clean now so I stopped. Who are you talking to?" "Is that your lovely wife I've heard so much about?" a voice from the VID asked. "Err... Yes, but she's ... not presentable." Michelle's eyebrows went up at the comment and Gary shot her his Not right now look that caused her to back off for just a sec. "I understand completely. The question is however, do you?" said the voice. It sounded menacing but trying the whole time to be soothing but firm. "I want to be sure Mr. Shipley, so allow me to summarize for you." Michelle detected a slight Eastern European accent to the voice, faint as if the owner of the voice had been nationalized for quite sometime. Gary said, "Please do." Gary said somberly Mr. Michales began, emphasizing the import highlights for Gary, "The party you enquired about is was being observed by his supervising team for suspicious behavior within our organization. Due to an unfortunate error, the party in charge of following him to his home lost him. He appears to have found out about our observation and fled with his daughter. It is my strong recommendation that you forget pressing any charges of molestation on your niece's behalf and leave this case to the professionals. I can assure you the crimes he is suspected of within our organization will warrant a very severe punishment in our justice system." Out of sight Michelle was trembling her hand covering her mouth. They knew! It was all she could think about. How much do they know? Did they see William enter or leave or worse both? "Is that clear Mr. Shipley?" "Yes, crystal clear." Nothing could be clearer. They didn't know about William. They did know about Jay however. If the agents crawling all over his home wasn't convincing enough, this man on the other end of the VID transmission was painfully clear. Don't fuck around here my friend. I'm sorry about the little girl but there are worse things to worry about. So the question was now, how far could he push this and keep his family safe? Gary calculated that it wouldn't be very far. If he let too much out of the bag now, he knew that Michales would pick up on it. The man was smart and powerful and Gary had to remember something else too; he may have been sympathetic but be was not a friend. "Thank you for calling Mr. Michales. Will you please keep me updated?" "I'm afraid that would not be wise. I'll say this just once Mr. Shipley, you don't want to be associated with this situation. Act like you don't know him." The VID went dead and the snow from the display was reflected on Gary's skin. "How much do they know?" Michelle whispered. Gary only moaned. "Don't do this to me please, you know how I panic. Please tell me." Gary cradled his forehead in one hand massaged the skin as one might kneed dough. "Nothing about William as far as I can tell." "And what can you tell?" He raised his head and looked at his wife dead in the eyes, his hands still mounted firmly on the VIDs control panel as for support. "Well, I can pretty much assure that if they knew about William there wouldn't have been a VID transmission. It most likely would have been a face to face and heart to heart. They want us out of it Michelle. They just erected an one thousand foot brick wall in front of us. That's it there will be no Jason" Michelle said sarcastically, "And now you're going to say that we have to cover William's tracks." Gary hung his head again. "Oh no. I'm right aren't I?" Michelle called out and burst into tears. "Not again. Not my son." Gary went to his wife and took her in his arms. It killed him to see her sad. So much so that all pain and anger he might have felt himself was replaced by the need to try to make things right. And if not right then the best I can make them. She buried her face in his chest, her favorite hiding place, wrapped her arms around him and tried to draw her body into his, to become one creature and hide behind his strength. She was calmer this way; she could think and Gary didn't seem to mind her weakness. She hadn't always been this way. Gary had quietly allowed her to find her own answers when this had first happened to them; to her, all the while running the show behind the scenes, never expecting but always hoping Michelle would find him again. He had been in charge that whole time, and it felt good to her to let him be that way. She wanted it; it was a comforting thing to have his strength to rely on. So she leaned on him now. But the guilt of having been spoiled, of whining and demanding that he fix this or she'd pitch another tantrum was weighing on her hard. "Michelle," he whispered. "I know you're upset my darling. I am too; but for William's sake we need to get the turbines spinning. We need to push a plan forward on getting her into the database... a few days ago." She nodded, her face still buried in his chest. Gary was surprised by her quick agreement, but not entirely so. They had been through this before. "OK, we agree. I'll get Charlie Wiser up and get him to push in an entry tonight. A card should be to us within the hour from the Federal Conciliate downtown. Michelle," he lifted her face to his. "are we ready for this?" She shook her head and the stopped and nodded with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen. Even the knowledge that Michelle had been forced to face that she herself had never be able to go back to her previous life had ever elicited this kind of look. He thought he understood this look. It truly felt as if his son was dying before his very eyes. His heart was racked with pain and he head howled with anger. He wanted Jason's head on a stick and would have ripped him in half himself had he been there. To show this to Michelle, however, would have been bad for her. She needed him now more than ever and he would not let down the love of his life with his petty and selfish displays of anger and self-righteousness. "Before that can happen, we need some genetic material." Michelle knew exactly what kind of genetic material he spoke of was blood or hair. Genteck computers stored it like older crime systems used to store fingerprint almost one hundred and fifty years ago. They could develop genetic profiles, reconstruct 'hololikenesses' that could not be tampered with and encode ID cards with a DNA sequencing that was used to make transactions of all sorts from groceries and dry cleaning to starting a your encoded HOV and your finances. More importantly it gave the government access to where you were at a moment's notice whenever you used your ID. It made you a real person, no longer living on the fringe of society and scrambling for the handouts and discards from mainstream shareholders. "I'll get..." started Gary but Michelle was up and in front of him before he could get past her. "N..." She choked. Michelle swallowed hard and tried again to speak "No..." "Honey..." he was afraid she was putting things off, stalling. She shook her head and pressed the fingers of her right hand to her husband's lips. "No. Once again in a pinch I've not been acting like a team player. I want back on the team coach." "I can do this Michelle." "There's never been any question in my mind about that Gary. Please, I don't want to simply watch as you do everything. I need to help, just like before. Please?" "You're right." He said nodding. "You need to be an equal partner in this and the truth be known; I could use the help. Thank you." He bent to kiss his wife's forehead but she tilted her head back a bit and met him full force with her lips. They parted this brief engagement, "We have to be up beat, as up beat as we can be anyway. This is the way and the only way for now. But I want her to understand we're not giving up; we're just diverting for now. Until the coast is clear, right?" Michelle confirmed. "That sounds like a perfect plan to me." He said and smiled. Michelle was able to get hair from a hairbrush she had used to brush out William's long blond hair this morning. Identifying this hair was easy it was the exact opposite hue of Michelle's own hair. "I don't have to tell him right now do I?" she asked in a timid voice that was almost a whine. "No, I don't think we should. It would only make this more painful. This has to happen. When people start digging it would be best if he has an identification that can be backed up. So even if he argues, we still have to do this. Do you think you can go through with it when he's crying and pleading with you not to do this to him?" Michelle nodded her head but her eyes, blue orbs that seemed to fill her whole face, had gone to horror. There were puddles of water pooling up at the bases of the lids. Her resolve to do what she hated but knew had to be done threatened to collapse. Gary gently squeezed her for reassurance, his as much as hers. "Then we're in agreement." Gary put the hair into the "Cruncher" and activated the request from the text-based facility of the VID. There would be someone there to deliver the encrypted message to the Senator in his name. Senator Wiser would know what to do and would it without asking questions. The Card with the encoded information would be authorized, encoded by their VID and produced by their 'Card Burner' in just about an hour. Gary read over the information once, twice and then after a deep sigh, touched the send key on the screen and the message vanished out into cyber space. On the other side of the screen, Michelle moaned a weak and painful moan. -*- In the early hours of the morning, nearly 3:00am, in the offices of Police Services across town, a uniformed administrative employee was delivering a report disk to the office of Detective Marion Callahan when the Services VID sprang to life. There was a small flag in the corner. It was an alert that a man named Shipley had made a request of some sort. Curious, the girl bent and launched the report with a touch of her finger. Subject Shipley, Gary Alan Alert Modification Request to Citizen Registry Source St Louis Bureau of Citizen Registry Request Addition of personnel - Wright, Bethany Sara Relationship Niece DNA Sample Hair End Transmission!!! Below that was a choice of buttons; Save local, Inherit, Disregard. Save would have put the information into electronic memory for review later. Inherit would have added this information to the Shipley Family file. It would also have flagged this change each time the file was open until the information was reviewed by Detective Callahan. Disregard dismissed and deleted the information from review all together. The administrative aid meant to press the button that said Inherit. Her finger accidentally grazed the edge of the 'Disregard' button and the entire flag was dropped. Mary Ann Somerset finished her work quickly and dashed out of the dark office hoping that she had not deleted information that was crucial to an investigation. -*- The girl sat silently on the bed in what was once her room. The world seemed such an alien place to her now. It's not that the familiar material possessions were out of place from her previous perceived reality. In fact in respect to that, the world was still a very familiar place. The depression that gripped her stemmed from the fact that her parents had been thus far, unable to change what had happened to her, she was still trapped in this girl's body with no end in sight. The weekend had come and gone and she was still a she. She had been in a staring contest with that girl all evening. She stared now at the large mirror and the image of the person in it. That girl glared back as if to say, I'm not going anywhere. I'm out now and you're not getting back into the bottle. "Screw you!" The girl on the bed told the reflection and with precision timing, the reflection told William to do exactly the same damn thing. Her mind was still reeling on how horribly wrong things had suddenly gone. I'm gone! There is no trace of William Shipley here at all. There was a knock at the door. "Yeah." She called out. The door opened subtly and Michelle cautiously stuck her head in. She saw the child, smiled but when no smile was returned, Michelle faltered in her resolve. "Hi hon." The girl on the bed just stared back and said nothing. "Talk to me." Michelle pleaded. "Nice weather we're having." The said with a broad false smile. Michelle let herself into the room and closed the door behind her. The girl just watched her as she did. Then suddenly spoke. "I assume you're here to give me so good news." It was a flat and hateful statement. The voice of this girl here brought back memories of how alien she had sounded to herself at first and Michelle wondered what thoughts were going through the child's tortured mind. "No, I don't have any good news." Michelle admitted. "Good, I was worried that something had happened to change this incredible streak of good fortune I've been experiencing lately." "William." "Don't Mom." William said quietly in that same innocent voice with her head hung and hands folded in her lap. I'm not even him any more. Hell Mom, I'm not even A him any more. Look at me for Christ's sake. You can't begin to imagine how awful this is for me." Michelle wanted so badly to share with him that yes, she indeed did know. She understood the desperation and fear. She knew what it was like to feel that you were lost behind an unfamiliar face and foreign sex. She understood the differences between a man and a woman better than most people ever would. She knew what it was like to say goodbye to one life and have to settle for another in midstream. She also knew that her new life had offered so much more from what seemed at the time to be an empty existence, although she had nothing to really measure it by at the time of her accident. She had gone from bad to ecstasy. But it had taken time to accept the love and devotion offered by Gary and his family. William was coming from a loving family. It might very well be impossible for him to settle with this for any length of time. William had come from an existence that had been so much better than Mike Vello's. Now she was about to propose to him what was certainly going to seem like closing and locking a door on that life. The words she had shared with Gary seemed to ring hollow in her ears now. She knew that the idea of this being temporary was just so much smoke and mirrors. She knew it be cause it felt that way. But there was no recoiling from it. The deed had been done. All they lacked was the official entry code to add someone officially to the census database in the Federal Capital in St. Louis. They got that special approval much as Karen Shipley had for Michelle, as a political favor. It happened all the time. In fact, it was a most desirable thing to be a citizen and held in the database. It was getting back out that was nearly impossible. And one could not simply disappear these days. Not without a body or proof of death. If this went on much longer then William would have to be declared dead. Then he could never come back. The government would launch a fraudulent death investigation. Couple with what would amount to a duel disappearance of a girl that they had added to the database; it wouldn't take a genius to figure it out. No, in order to bring William back they would have to extract Beth from not only the census database but all other databases that the federal database shared information with; literally millions all over the regulated globe. As long as she existed in one she could not be allowed to vanish. Michelle could feel her child's prison sentence held tightly in her left palm, a small chip on a card that officially made Beth Wright a real and permanent member of this society. If by some twist of fate all of this had been a mistake, if Jay Fenton showed up and announced that they had only gone away for the weekend then no matter what William would have to stay gone. This girl's presence and entry to the database then subsequent removal would be almost as hard to explain as what she was tasked with explaining now if not impossible. Michelle started to speak and then bent her head to and stared at her shoes. "Honey, we, I... your Father and I have come to the conclusion that ..." Concern crossed Beth's beautiful young face and Michelle felt cold. William had been betrayed. Beth could feel it. Beth did not understand the depths of the betrayal but the thought that it had been her parents that were at the heart of it caused her to feel sick to her stomach. She searched her Mother's body language for clues and saw the small pink poly-card sticking out of her Mother's small hand. "Wha... what's that?" she asked, the fear in her voice was obvious. "Mom!" She demanded and her Mother could not look at her, could not or would not it meant the same thing. Oh how Michelle wished she had let Gary do this now. She had insisted that she had a better perspective on this and would manage to communicate this to the child somehow. But now she was lost in a turbulent sea of emotions. "MOM!" The girl leapt up and snatched the card from her Mother's hand. There was a small digital image of the person she was trapped inside. She scanned through the digital information her heart racing. "Does Dad know you did this?" "William." "Undo this Mother!" "We..." "Mother! Please! Don't do this to me. Do you know what you've done?" The girl looked from the Identichip card back to her mother in an expression of utter disbelief. "You've made me a real person. Oh God Mom!" The girl terrified face stared pleadingly into that of her Mothers searching for some sign that this was not really happening. Say April fools you bitch! Those eyes seemed to say to Michelle and she fell apart. One thing was certain. She felt she had just murdered her own son. "This is a joke right? Please tell me this is all just a really bad joke." She stomped around the room in panicked and exaggerated steps as if venting her anger and fear would cancel out the card she held in her hand, that it would somehow undo this most irreversible deed. "It's..." Michelle started with an explanation but was quickly shut down by William. "MOM!" Screamed the girl. "You did NOT put me in the census; for God sake! I'm stuck like this now? You'll never get me out of there. God-damn it." The girl raced from the room as she did she threw the card at her mother in a painful acknowledgment of deceit and betrayal and began screaming for her father. Michelle bent and picked up the digital ID. There might be some hope of getting her out of there but Beth was right, it felt to Michelle that Beth was going to be around for while, and this time it was by her hand. Upstairs she could hear the girl starting with her father and she was remembering what it was like to realize that you weren't going back; Michelle raced down the stairs to help restrain Beth if necessary. When she got to the to where her daughter and husband stood; Beth was upset but calmer than Michelle had anticipated her being. "Why?" Gary was standing his arms around the girl. She was sobbing into his chest. Michelle was once again struck by the differences. This could be a good thing. Beth had her family she could turn to for comfort where Michelle; at the time, had her best friend. Michelle could clearly remember during the bad days of her own confinement wanting to be held, wanting to be comforted but in an attempt to hold on to her masculine side until she could free herself of the body she was in she remained withdrawn and distant. It hadn't lasted long. Her resistance eroded her resolve. It made the person she had become stronger and when the floodgates opened there was no holding back. She had fallen hopelessly in love with Gary. No matter how she had tried to deny it or push it away she failed at every turn. She had become hopelessly female and now she could see those same traits spilling out of her former son. Michelle went to where the two stood. "I'm sorry." She said. Beth looked up from where she was crying on her Father shirt. Two wet spots where her eyes had been clearly visible. She sniffled and turned with a renewed flood and threw her arms around her mother. "I'm sorry too, for a lot of things. But I guess I'm most sorry for myself right now. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." "You're entitled; and I'll make this promise to you. If there is a way to reverse this, we'll spend every last penny we have to do just that. Beth laughed a gooey, tear-choked laugh into her mother's sleeve. "What's so funny?" "Somehow Mom, it just doesn't feel like this girl is going anywhere soon." Michelle shivered. She understood the feeling all too well. It had felt as if fate had been decided and weighed in someone else's favor. Michelle stroked the child's back. There she could feel the strap of the bra the child wore and would be forced to continue to wear for what Michelle believed to be the rest of her life. Michelle wanted to scream, to cry out in anguish, to hit some one or something; but none of that would help her son now. Now, they all had to get used to the idea that in his place there would be, as William had put it, this girl. Michelle knew it was still her son and they would love her just as much as they had William. Her grief was for the boy that had wanted to become a professional baseball player, a husband, a father and perhaps one day President. In his place was this girl. It was Gary that broke the silence. With a heavy sigh, Gary said. "I guess we should start to talk about the details of what we're going to have to start doing. -*- There were not many details to go over. Sleep was at a premium before the evening was over. Shelly wanted to know why William wasn't home. Then she wanted to talk to him after it was explained he was in Germany. She was finally lulled to sleep with the assurance that William would write and the letter would be read to her. Kit had made several calls after receiving a citation from Police Services that Gary assured he would pay and he also assured he would buy Kit a new HOV as well; stating, "It's the very least I can do buddy. Thanks for everything." "No problem. You owe me nothing. You can pay for the ticket, the HOV is OK, I just wanted to check in and make sure every thing was OK." Kit said "As much as possible." Gary replied back. "I guess I shouldn't ask is that right?" Kit inquired. "Nothing gets past you does it?" Gary said in a quiet voice. Kit only nodded and then said before going back to his post in the kitchen, "Frank and I are ready, when you need us we are ready." "You've spoken with Frank about this." Gary questioned. "No, Only about my unfortunate accident today if you get my drift." Kit said slyly. "Thanks pal. I hope you will not be needed again. It's too much risk." Gary said. "Anything for the Princess." Kit offered. "If it were only that easy." Gary said and disconnected leaving Kit watching a field of VID snow and more questions than he could have formulated on his own. As for Beth, there was not much to say. She was to be reintroduced into school; the procedures for getting a child in were easy. Made so for the very reason of getting people on the "fringe" to enter the census and become a part of society, or traceable. Schools, however, had only so much space. William would be withdrawn on the premise that he had taken a shot to travel to Europe sooner rather than later. Given that, Gary had brought his niece out from the FST for a safer life and one that offered an education. -*- "Mom... Mom! Would you please wait?" The young girl pleaded as she tried to keep up in pumps and a skirt. Things she had never worn before. She stumbled clumsily, regained her footing and found she was further behind her Mother than before. "Why won't you wait for me?" she demanded. Her skirt was flouncing around her legs making her feel terribly exposed. When she concentrated on holding her skirt flat against her legs she no longer focused on her balance and she would stumble again. "Because you'll only manage to talk me out of this." Michelle said without losing a step in her stride. She was terribly upset, as was Beth. The sound of the shoes of both women clicked on the old asphalt-tiled floor and echoed off the blue tiled walls of the old section of the school building's main hall. Michelle tried to concentrate on this sound and not thinking about the fact that she felt they were rushing William into this. They had agreed that no more slips of the tongue. She had to be called Beth from now on. Not only in public but also in the home. Whenever she was addressed, she would be called Beth. Erin had been called in to the family meeting after Shelly was asleep and Erin was only too happy to cooperate. "You just love what's happened to me don't you." Beth snapped at a grinning Erin. "No... No I don't', but the phrase "poetic justice", does come to mind!" Erin replied in a chipper, light voice that only served to infuriate Beth. The night had ended in a depressing crying session. Panic-stricken that she was going to have to continue attending school; Beth broke down. She begged not to be forced to do this. Why couldn't she just hide here, in the house? Beth understood however that in the current atmosphere of today's society, she could not hide forever. She would be driven insane by cabin fever or be seen by a guest to the house or waking past an activated VID. The most convincing argument was that she was now a citizen. If that were the case, why was she not then in school? Michelle had been able to get a couple of Erin's old plaid school uniform skirts to fit nicely after she took in the waist. She provided the girl with a couple plain white blouses and a pair of shoes. The pieces fell together almost as if they had been put there for them years before. Michelle stood and looked at the girl dressed in her school uniform. "You look nice." "I hate this." she said pulling on the hem of the skirt trying to give it length. "Leave it alone Beth!" Michelle scolded. "I feel naked." Beth complained. Michelle could understand the feeling. She remembered that well the first night she had worn a skirt. Curiously, it had been a skirt much like this one. "You'll get used to it in no time." Michelle had told her. Michelle shook her head clearing the memory and concentrated on the clicking of their shoes echoing off the walls. You can't think about all this. You're just feeling sorry for yourself. Michelle knew it was true. She was reliving her pain and fear through her son's experience. That was unfair to both of them. Beth's experience was involuntary and completely different than her own. "Please Mom. These shoes hurt my toes. Slow down." Beth quietly pleaded. In the HOV, Beth's anxiety once again climbed to unknown heights. She began to hyperventilate, her skin began to pale and Michelle thought she might faint. She beseeched her mother to turn the vehicle around, to postpone this until tomorrow. Michelle knew however, that if she did that she would give in the next day and the next, and Beth's fear would grow exponentially with each day. It would grow until she and they were caught. Michelle assured Beth that once she got this over with the rest would come naturally for her. Right! Beth thought as she glared at her mother. You were born like this. The registration had to be done in person. Explanations would have to be made why William was out. Since little or no valid information came out of FST badlands, he could effectively claim a family member not wanting their daughter growing up in such an environment had sent her East to be raised in America. Until such a time as Oregon, Montana, the Dakotas and Washington could be reclaimed from Canada. The claim was that this girl had been successfully smuggled out of Canada. Since diplomatic connections with that country had been severed years ago, there would be no questions. This request would allow William, who was sixty 'work credit hours' away from graduating, to leave early for his summer trip to Germany and allow Beth his slot and a guaranteed slot for next year. William finish his sixty 'work credit hours' by completing a forty-page paper on his travels in Europe. If it were submitted prior to the start of his first college semester, he could continue his educational career without interruption, or he could choose to take a year off by the rules of the Federal College Accreditation Board. So William had left over the weekend. Gary, who was left-handed just like William, had signed the withdrawal request papers and the promise to submit his thesis on European Safe Zones in one year and then return for college. Michelle would take this paper, Beth and her new ID and fill the empty slot. Gary had wanted to go. The story was a thin one and Gary worried that if it fell through, then his wife and child were at great risk to be arrested on the spot. Gary had, however, relented to his wife's request for greater responsibility in this problem. "There has to be a good guy in all of this Gary. I'm already playing the part of the bad guy here. Let's not change roles now. Let her be mad at me. I know what I'm dealing with where her feelings are concerned." Gary had also agreed with that. The damage to the relationship of the two women could be repaired later. Now Michelle struggled to keep up an emotion-free front. She didn't want the girl to see the grief in her eyes, the emotion in her face. Beth could not know what turmoil was going on behind Michelle's eyes. It was hard enough to look at that face since they, Michelle and Gary, had made the executive decision to incorporate Beth in to mainstream life to avoid undue suspicion thereby buying them enough time to extricate William from his female shell. To do so now, to show weakness to the child when she was clearly in such a desperate state, would have been to admit that neither of them had much faith in a quick return for William. That kind of validation, Beth didn't need right now. So Michelle walked on. At last the girl did catch up but it was hard for her. Her feet hurt, she was not used to the elevated heels. Her toes felt as if they were pinched in to the toes of the shoes. The hose she wore felt funny; they were hot and tight against her skin. She couldn't understand why she had to wear all this stuff. Now she was being thrust back in to school, her school... no his school and she didn't want to. She wanted to hide. Thankfully there were few people in the hall, faces she recognized but couldn't put a name to, no one she knew... yet! The sound of her and her mother's shoes clicked and clacked and echoed off the tiled walls and lockers in the hall. She never remembered having this much trouble keeping up with her mother before. She considered that perhaps it was more than just shoes but also the length of her legs. Beth had come to realize that she was now on an almost even keel with her mom and couldn't remember the last time she hadn't looked down at her when they spoke. She could no longer just out-step her. "Mom, I'm scared. Can't we do this tomorrow?" The apprehension she had felt as they drove up to the school was now turning into sick, strangling fear. Beth had started to gag involuntarily and was afraid she might retch. She brought her hand up to her mouth suddenly sure she was going to flash and she began looking around for a restroom. Michelle pulled up next to Beth and was trying to relax the child by massaging her shoulders when the child bolted away. "Beth?" she cried out toward her. But the girl was gone, racing for a pair of doors (one marked "Men" and the other marked "Women".) "Uh oh!" Michelle said distractedly as she took off after her daughter. The distance between the two widened and Michelle was impressed at just how fast the girl could run. She supposed Beth's nerves had gotten the best of her. She watched as Beth brought up her other hand, and to her horror, she used it to force open the door to the men's room. The door crashed open and Beth disappeared inside. "OK Miss smarty pants, what now?" Michelle thought. She stood in front of the door uncertain of what to do next. From inside she could hear whoops and hollers from the boys who were inside. Michelle knew the kind of boys that could be found in the men's room after class had started and from the teasing and cajoling she decided that it was going to be worth any explanation necessary if she invaded that inner sanctum. She pushed the door open and stepped inside. She was immediately assaulted by the smell of smoke mixed with the smell of urine and disinfectant. The air was hazy like that over the city on hot summer days. Along one wall to her right and out sight of the door stood a line of urinals. Michelle couldn't remember the last time she had seen one. The condition of these made her grateful she hadn't. They were overflowing with cigarette butts, toilet paper, cups and other artifacts that couldn't be clearly and quickly identified with out closer inspection. A task she had no intention of performing. Several had leaking plumbing and slowly dribbled a steady stream of fluid down the wall on to the floor toward a drain in the middle of the floor. She wrinkled her nose at the sights and smells and pressed on. Around one stall was a group of rough looking young men clad in their Catholic school uniforms, pressed blue slacks and starched white shirts. But even the uniforms could not cover up the obvious fact that these boys were...punks! Their hair was mussed up and shirttails hung out of their pants. Under the wall of the stall Michelle could see the legs of her daughter kneeling in front of the bowl of the commode inside. "Boozing it up too early girl!" one boy shouted and the other laughed at the truly lame attempt at humor. "Power Puke!" cried another. "Don't take this one to any of your parties Bob..." and the boy punched the alleged Bob in the shoulder and Bob flashed a huge grin back at his friend. "Excuse me." Michelle said as she pushed her way past the boys. "Wow!" one of the boys exclaimed. Another one breathed out "Whew!" Ignoring them as she now did everyone that had exclamations when they first saw her, she pushed past them and into the stall. It smelled horrible in there. Along with the native odors there was now the pungent smell of acid and partially digested food. Michelle wanted to flee, but instead she knelt beside her daughter, gently and constantly rubbing her back. "It's OK, baby... let it out" she whispered soothingly. "You shouldn't let her drink so much, lady." Michelle looked up to see all of the young men laughing and nodding in approval at the young man's verbal rank on her child. "Do the world a favor when you're old enough little boy... don't breed. Although I'm sure there won't be many women that would allow you to anyway- so what I am worried about?" She turned her attention back to her daughter amidst a hail of "Screw you lady!" and hysterical laughter from the other punks. "Mom..." croaked Beth, "Make them go away." And then she returned to another volley of vomiting. "I can't dear, we're in the boy's bathroom." "So, I..." Beth started to say then realized this room was now off limits to her. "Oh God..." she groaned. "Get me out of here, please." Michelle helped her to her feet and the boys who were still standing around had moved out of the way and allowed the two women to pass. Only one stood half in half out of the way of the pair but did nothing to prevent their leaving. Instead he stared balefully at Michelle who walked past him with out flinching. It was a nervous moment for her. The boy was much larger than she was and obviously stronger. Although she could probably have held her own long enough for help to arrive, if the boy had wanted he could have hurt her or worse, hurt Beth. As they left she could hear the boys start talking about them again. "Man, the blonde was smokin'." "You like puking women? Man you are some kind of sick sewer rat." That was worthy of a renewed gale of laughter from the group. "I'd poke the other one any fucking day. She was unbelievable. Did you see her?" Michelle shivered at the vulgarity. She could remember at time as someone else when she had hung out in places like this and talked like that about girls she hadn't even known. "What a bitch!!" cried someone and the door swung shut to the sounds of more laughter. Michelle led Beth to the adjacent door, pushed it open and walked in to the more familiar surroundings of the girl's restroom. Here the room smelled much cleaner and although the smell of smoke hung in the air just as it did in the men's room the smell of urine was decidedly absent. In it's place were the sickly sweet smells of too many different types perfume that mingled with the smoke, but anything was better than what awaited people next door. Beth was stable now, she went to the sink and drew some water and splashed it on her face. She stood there with her head hung over the sink and stared down in to the basin. Michelle looked on worriedly but allowed Beth the room to think. "I can't do this Mom." Beth said, breaking the silence. "Honey." Michelle started in a sympathetic tone, but Beth cut her off. "No! I can't do this. I can't come to this place and pretend like nothing's happening when people are going to treat me like those boys just did!" she said, angrily pointing in the direction of the other bathroom. Michelle looked beneath the stalls to see if feet could be seen before the conversation went much further, and to her relief the room appeared to be empty. "Life's going to be just a little different for a while, that's all." Michelle walked over to the girl and tried to comfort her but Beth stepped away from her. "A little different?" exclaimed the girl, surprised at the how light her mother seemed to be making her plight. Beth grabbed the hem of the skirt she was zipped into and tugged on it and shouted. "Does this look like it's just a little different to you? Why couldn't I have at least worn pants, Mom?" "I know what the dress code at this school is Beth. Your father and I pay for you to go here so it becomes our job to know these things. Girls must wear skirts or dresses not shorter than two inches above the knee. Girls are not to wear slacks. Next question." "Oohhhhhhhhh" she cried in frustration. "Mother... I'm NOT a girl!" "For now dear, yes you are." As much as it pained her to say, she had to get the ball rolling. They couldn't just stay here in the bathroom until the next class rotation. "It's time to check in, Beth." Her mother said. "But... But... I'm sick... you saw that! You have to take me home Mom. I can't stay at school when I'm sick." "You're not sick. That was nerves. Nice try though baby." she said while moving to Beth's side, "If we don't do this today then we have to do this tomorrow. You also have to remember that I'm Aunt Michelle or just Michelle if you want- but you have to remember." Michelle tried to act casual about it all as she began to primp Beth by smoothing out her uniform for her, straightening her skirt while the younger girl watched in horror. She was going to have to go through with this. Beth cut her off, "Don't baby me. It's written all over you face. I'm not stupid you know. If registration in the damned database wasn't bad enough... she paused to soak in the reality her mother had just conveyed to her, "You're trying to avoid saying what's so painfully obvious." Before Michelle could formulate an explanation for why this had to happen this way, Beth spoke. "Fine!" she spat, "Fine, let's get this over with before I change my mind. If I have to live my life out like this then I'd better start getting used to being a freak!" Michelle grabbed her daughter by the arm and pulled her back gently to face her. "You are not a freak!" The Aunt Michelle pseudonym didn't hold water with Beth, and Michelle didn't feel that arguing over such a small issue was worth her time right now. "Yes I am, Mother. I'm a regular sideshow attraction; and so are you!" Michelle was aghast. She was so surprised by the accusation she was didn't know what to say. Her daughter continued with the venom of hatred for herself. "Why else would those boys have treated me like that? If that's what the world is like for women, then I'd rather be dead! Mom." "Don't..." "Don't what Mom? Don't say things like that? What kind of life do I have to look forward to like this? "It's not forever." Michelle croaked weakly (because she didn't believe the words.). "Then why put me in the database as Beth? Why enroll me in school? Why make me wear this foolish shit?" "Watch your..." "No Mother, I won't watch my language. Who's listening? You're not! You're not hearing one damned thing I'm saying. I'm a freaking guy Mom, and I'll tell you something else; I'm forgetting what it feels like to be a guy. This fucking body I'm in has some sort of control over how I feel! You can't possibly understand how strange I'm starting to feel. Reality is slipping away Mom." Please GOD, show me a way to let her know that I understand. Michelle wished, but no sign from the heavens broke upon her. "You think that a guy can just ease on into life as a girl, Mom? Being a guy is all I know. It's all I want; and now that I see how you girls have to live, I want my life back even more." "I know how you must feel but..." Michelle started "How could you possibly know how I feel?" Beth spat at her mother. "... BUT, feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to change anything. Your father and I are working on the problem. The best thing you can do to help is not draw attention to yourself by acting strangely or behaving as if you were out of your element. Think about how much harder it's going to be for you to get free of this problem with your father or I or both in jail for contraband use." The girl's eyes got very large at the idea of her parents in jail with her fate also sealed sort-of. Realizing her tantrum had been cut short she sulked. Her self-righteous indignation deflated, she pouted, "I'm doing this under protest! I just want to make that clear." she insisted. "Duly noted." her mother acknowledged. She stopped just a second to straighten her daughter's skirt and then smooth out the wrinkles one last time. "OK, OK... let's go before I lose my nerve again." "That's my girl." her mom said, with out thinking twice about it. "Mom!" Beth complained. "Oh... sorry hon. All I meant was..." Michelle stammered. "Never mind, Mom. Let's go." Beth moved off with set determination like a prisoner being led to the gallows. She trudged along practically dragging her feet. Michelle caught up with her just outside the bathroom and put her arm around the girl's waist. She looked over at Beth and smiled. That waive of familiarity rushed over her again. The idea that I have my daughter back seemed so right to her. She had seen this girl playing as a youngster in ... in... Russia! It seemed so real, this girl and her some time before, on a visit home. Beth turned her head and saw the loving face taking her in and smiled back. Her mother was so lovely. She could still remember being a little girl making pastries with her and playing with her mother's makeup. She wanted to be just like her mother as she was growing up she still did. What girl wouldn't want to be? But she had gotten her father's blonde hair, not her mother's wonderfully lovely auburn color. She had thought about dying it but ... ... they lived in ... Where? Not here that was for sure. It was someplace else. The thought was confusing to Beth. "What's happening?" she thought and was suddenly frightened. Michelle shook her head to clear away the intruding thoughts. Russia indeed! She had never even been to Russia before. She almost laughed out loud at the thought, but she could almost feel the cool breezes off the Baltic Sea in spring. She could smell the wild flowers as they came in to bloom over all the hillsides. Why after twenty years of happiness does all this have to happen to us? First this thing with William and now I'm going perfectly insane. Beth seemed to be very distant and distraught. "Beth? Pssst! Helloooo?" Beth's eyes fluttered for a sec and then cleared. "What?" she said, clearly in a grouchy mood. "Nothing, you looked kind of glassed over that's all. You OK?" Michelle asked and touched Beth on the shoulder "Dandy!" she groused. "OK, OK, forget I asked." Michelle waived off the subject. Michelle forgot the daydream very quickly. Outside the doors of the administrative office, Beth made one more plea not to be "fed to the lions." Michelle's heart bled for her. She wanted to wrap her up and shield her from what Michelle knew she had to face, if not today then tomorrow. Postponing would only make things harder. Harder to jump into the fray later if they could not release their son. Harder to adjust to being female because she had been sheltered and promised that wouldn't happen. And although Michelle would never say it audibly, she believed it would make it harder to answer to what was in all likelihood her permanent identity. Because of her past experience she would believe it when she saw it! More than anything else she wanted to tell her, now daughter, that yes, she did understand. She understood every feeling, every sensation. She knew what it was like to feel like things were missing off of you or that alien things were now sprouting off of you in great numbers. The thoughts in your head weren't so different that you couldn't possibly understand how, as a male, you had ever had the ideas you once entertained. Everything was specific in their differences and yet so vague and abstract that you couldn't define it. Because you could no longer remember exactly what you had felt or thought or said when you were that other person. All you knew was that everything was, different. Michelle wanted to tell Beth that she had been there and that it does get much better, given the time. But then she had someone deeply in love with her right along too. Michelle had been close to telling her two or three times just as an attempt to help ease the pain. But there would have been an element missing from Beth's experience that Michelle had in hers and it wouldn't be fair of her to compare the two. It wouldn't be fair for Beth because Michelle had absolutely no intention of opening that Pandora's Box in front of her daughter. She still had hopes of retrieving her son; however thin those hopes may be, they were her only grip on sanity right now; the only thing that kept her moving in a positive light and attitude. If Beth was led to believe that there was solace in the arms of some boy... if out of desperation and loneliness she decided to allow herself to be swayed...if in the confusion of her transformation she didn't stop and think but rather yielded to the moment and the unimaginable happened...so many ifs!. Michelle shuddered at the thought, then she would be she forever. No going back after that... that's for sure. Don't tell me, I'll tell you. Roger that good buddy, ten four. Yep, the weather is CAVOK and you're cleared for landing. No, she couldn't tell her. She had to be strong. "Don't you think that 'fed to the lions' is a bit harsh?" Michelle asked. "You saw those guys back there-they sure looked like lions to me." "They didn't really do anything. Besides if they had, all you needed to do was throw up on them that would done the trick." "Ugh!" Beth grimaced. "Come on hon, let's get this over with." Beth sighed and now it was Michelle's turn to grimace. She dug around in her purse and found a few breath mints. "No offense, but you'll want these." Beth looked at the mints in her Mother's hand, took them and popped on in her mouth. "Thanks", she said around the breath mint. "You don't have any tranquilizers in there do you?" "Let's go young lady." And with that Beth rolled her eyes and went in the office to begin her journey as Beth Wright, niece to Gary. -*- "Where's Billy boy Randy?" came a shout from the back of the class. "Dunno! He wasn't on the corner this morning when I came by to pick him up." "He's ditching!" shouted someone else. "Jocks don't ditch! They actually like this place." That spawned whoops and laughter through the class. "All right ... settle down. I'm sure Mr. Shipley can handle himself. As for the rest of you, you all belong to me for the next..." Mr. Lynden looked at his watch, "one hour and ten you belong to me. You know the drill, get out your paper and start taking notes." this was followed by groans and coughing and the rattle of paper, which was at a premium but Mr. Lynden insisted that it be done his way. So instead of receiving notes on a chip as was done in most classes or in others allowing them to be dictated in to HANDVID's, Mr. Lynden wrote out miles of notes on the chalkboards he had installed at his own expense and then made the students copy the notes by hand. Ninety percent of a student's grade at the end of the year was decided on the completeness and quality of the notes. You could actually pass the class with a high B even if you refused to take any of the tests if you only copied the notes and kept track of them from quarter to quarter. It was the easiest class to pass and the hardest to execute. William, the history freak, had been the only one in all the classes that seemed to enjoy the exercise. The class was sullenly quite and usually stayed that way until the bell rang; but today there was an exception, a disturbance outside the open passage way to his classroom got Mister Lynden's attention and that in turn got everyone else's. Then a knock on the partition! When everyone looked up from their writing, they all saw the principal of the school. Behind him was a girl and when Randall James Benton saw her he thought he was going to have a stroke. His pulse rate went sky high, so high in fact he felt light-headed. When he came down off the natural high of adrenaline several hours later he suffered from a headache until he fell asleep that night. His view of her was still blocked by Lynden and Joles the principal; but he could see enough to know that she was beautiful. At last the conference at the passageway ended and Mr. Lynden walked in with a girl that had the most beautiful face he had ever seen. She was angelic. She seemed to be enveloped in that soft warm glow you often see in older VIDs, 'soft focus', Randy thought it was called but couldn't remember for sure. In fact until this moment he had always considered his best friend's mother to be gorgeous beyond words. He even had a bit of a crush on her. This girl reminded him of that type of outwardly beauty. In fact, when he concentrated he could see a faint resemblance to Mrs. Shipley in the high cheekbones and the shape of the deep blue eyes that he could see even from his seat on the other side of the room. Randy became aware that he was gawking. He had the sense that his mouth was hanging open he absently snapped it shut. There was no noise in the room. Everything was completely silent as the class watched Mr. Lynden walking the girl forward to the front of the room to face the class. "Ladies and gentlemen" Mr. Lynden began, "It seems we have a couple of changes to your rotation. First, it seems that Master Shipley has decided, given his advanced academic status, to leave us all and travel Europe for a year." Everyone turned and looked at Randy. With a confused look on his face all Randy could return was a shrug and a look that suggested, 'Hey he's only my best friend. What the hell should do know?' Mr. Lynden continued. "Given this event, the Shipley's have brought William's cousin out from Oregon to fill his vacant slot. So I want you all welcome her to America. This is Beth Wright! Say hello class." The boys in the class all spoke up with whoops and catcalls the girls were mostly silent. There was an undercurrent on both sides of the gender spectrum. For the guys it was hope, and for the girls there was disgust, that sense that the competition had just heated up. Lynden tuned to Beth, "Now you... no leading the boys on in my class young lady." Beth blushed and wished she could hide under a rock. Lead the boys on? Yuck! He could have gone all fucking year without saying that. Now, you..." he surveyed the class and found Williams old desk vacant. " ...can sit next to Squire Benton. Beth lifted her eyes for just a second to plot a course to her seat; her old seat... his seat, and then cast them to the floor again. "Go on young lady." Mr. Lynden prompted and Beth started to move toward the study unit. She glanced left, right and just slightly a head of her. The faces she saw were all friends of hers. No, not my friends, his friends! I want out! I have to get this freak costume off somehow. Now the faces, although recognized for who they were seemed to look different to her. The girls that had all looked at William with sparks of desire for the sports hero he had been now seemed hateful and full of baleful distrust. In each she could almost see the basics of a sinister plan in the works. Behind the eyes she could almost read the words, Go away! You're not wanted here. From Stephanie Mathers. Stay away from what's mine! Carla Rose, You so much look at my boyfriend and I'll kill you! The boys were somehow worse. Each one she had hung out with after a game or on a date someplace. With each of these guys she had traded stories of which one of these girls was the best lay, or who wanted who as though they had been cheap toys without need for respect or regard for their feelings. Now, suddenly she was among their ilk. She was not just fair game but true game. She was no longer the hunter, but had become the hunted. It was the reason she now had to sit to pee. It was that attitude that had gotten her in so much trouble. Now she was going to be chased as William had chased all the others. The thought scared her beyond reason. The eyes on the faces of these boys told her much. She had never seen such depraved looks before. Each male face had her walking down the aisle nude or in her underwear. She could imagine worse but her mind stopped them at her underwear. She wanted to wrap a thick flannel blanket around her body and protect it from view. The length of the aisle between the study units seemed miserably long and with each glaring eye or frozen, gawking male face she was made more and more aware of just how alien her body felt to her. How off-balance she felt. She was painfully aware of a jiggling vibration on her chest and pulled her books tight to her bosom to prevent it from creeping in on her concentration. She sat in the seat and tried desperately to pull her skirt beyond her knees. She fidgeted and squirmed until she was as comfortable as she could get with all the eyes of the class on her. It would have helped some if her first class has been with a teacher