The Joke's On Juliette free porn video

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The Joke's on Juliette By Juliette Lima Prologue: For all the recipients of reviews that were thought to be too harsh or too picky Comes a tale about Juliette who put her self in straights far too sticky. Enjoy the tale of hubris and pride humbled See how the snobbish reviewer bumbled The writer who deemed all others so-so Slips and fall into a dainties inferno. Part One ? The lady of the house departs "I'll only be gone for a week," Marla said, "so don't go tearing up rugs or knocking down walls remodeling while I'm gone." "Safe bet, I'm going to get those articles rewritten and select the pictures for each." I replied. "Oh Dianne called, she has a party on Wednesday for Ted's birthday, she wanted me to bake cookies and a cake, but I'm away, so I volunteered your services, the ingredients are all together on the back counter. It'll be an inside joke, Dianne says Ted has bet her he'll never "get his cookies" from a man" so getting cookies baked by Jerry will win the bet for her." "What was the bet Ted made?" "He told Dianne she could spank him in front of the crowd if she could ever prove he had ever 'gotten his cookies' from a man, so since you can do the baking as well as I can, it'll be a hoot to see him all flustered and red faced." "If Dianne gets him over her lap for his fortieth birthday his face won't be all that's red." "Well she's hired a company called "Covert Video" so there will be a DVD burned of the event for everyone to enjoy." I had to chuckle at the joke being set up and was glad Marla would be out of town, since my birthday was the same as Ted's and didn't want her getting any ideas. After all I would be fifty and knew darn good and well that Marla could cause more than the DVD to be burned. I kept my silence about the simultaneous birthdays as we drove to Marla's sister's house, where she met with her twin sister Maureen and their Mother, for the weeklong trip to their great-aunt's ninetieth birthday. I was pleased to be staying home as the six-hour drive to Norton Virginia with the in-laws was not my idea of a pleasure voyage. Loading the minivan with Marla's bags I kissed her good bye and after seeing them off, went to gather what I needed for my week alone. Part Two ? A new splendid lady comes to call With my wife away and the house all to myself I knew I could indulge in my secret pastime, crossdressing. I had done so off and on for the thirty plus years of marriage, Marla had seen me dress up for parties and such, but I was sure she had no idea I would often spend entire days in dresses and lingerie doing my writing and proofing of articles. I also would spend days "en femme" visiting crossdressing and transgendered fiction websites. I often would give reviews, some good but when I felt it necessary I had no compunction about telling some of the inept just how far from the mark they fell. I noticed several lesser authors had a coterie of followers that would in turn rip into my review. Well tough if you rebuke a wise man you will be thanked, a wise-ass will carp about you. I was not however in the mood to bother with such now; I wanted to augment my wardrobe, so off to a consignment shop I went. In Richmond's west end live the well to do and moneyed and the matrons dispose of designer clothes at several shops. I entered my favorite and headed for the larger sizes. Lo and behold the environment was packed, two very stylish dresses and a pink satin maid's uniform, complete with crinolines just smothered in lace. Using my trusty reel measuring tape, I checked the dimensions and bought all three. With my treasures in hand I headed to the local specialty lingerie store where I purchased fishnet thigh high stockings and both pink and white lace trimmed panties to wear under the uniform. I made one more stop at a shoe store where a pair of pink five-inch ankle strap pumps joined the haul. Now outfitted in splendid fashion, I hurried home to try on my acquisitions. Since I had the house to myself I hung the new outfits on a door rack out in the open in the laundry room and rushed to gather my existing lingerie. I checked all the existing items and was pleased to see my pink satin corset, matched the new maids uniform. When I had showered and shaved all over I donned the corset, slipped the stockings up my legs, slipped on the satin panties and was transported by the feel of my tucked in penis caressed by the soft fabric. After applying makeup, most expertly, I put on my auburn wig and stepped into the crinolines, thrilling to the soft kiss of the lace on my exposed thighs. Finally I slipped the satin maid's uniform on and sat to buckle the pink pumps to my ankles. Now in the most confining and hobbling of out fits I made my way to my computer and signed on to see if any new fiction had been posted and was up to my standards. While browsing the run of the mill stuff that I found, the phone rang. Dianne was calling me about the cookies, we chatted for several minutes and she surprised me by suggesting she stop by in just a few minutes. I asked her for more time than that as the place was a wreck; but she kept me on the line chatting and soon I heard a knock on my back door. I told Dianne I had to see who was at the door and she said, "Oh Marla gave me a key I'll let my self in." Before I can say anything I hear the door open and Dianne steps into the little office by the back door. Still holding the phone to my ear I look at Dianne and try to compose myself. "Wow you look really cute, what's your name sweetie? Oh are you posting on the web, are you Juliette Lima? I've had you trash one of my stories. Yep, the same email and everything. You're the snit that criticized my unreal situations and obtuse logic. Well looks like you've got a lot of 'splaining to do lil lady!" "Please Dianne I'm sorry if you took things the wrong way, I didn't know it was you. Please don't tell Marla, I'll do anything." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew I had made a huge mistake. "Anything I want?" Dianne murmured. "I want a French maid for tomorrow night and all day beforehand and I want you to show me the rest of your outfits, so I can pick your clothes for the shopping tonight." "You'll keep my secret?" "No one will know it's you unless you show your ass and give yourself away." "Thank you Dianne I'll do everything you ask and you'll have a great party, a real smash." "Let's go see what else you own; the pink uniform is really submissive looking but not quite right for a girl's night out for shopping." With that said we went to the laundry room where my new dresses hung, along with more normal lingerie and foundation garments. Dianne demanded I strip off every stitch and neatly hang and store the uniform and all the underwear. She also had me hand wash the panties in the laundry sink and still nude had me hang them on the line strung in the laundry room. She selected a coral pink bra and panty set, with matching slip, white thigh topper stockings and the new coral pink dress and a matching pair of shoes, with four-inch heels. As I finished dressing she picked up my wallet from the dresser and removed my driver's license and credit cards, placing them in the small clutch purse I had on hand. I heard her chuckle and then my blood froze when she said, "Tomorrow is your birthday too, Julie, how about that? I think I'll have two men to spank, at my party and you will be fifty, how red do you think your behind will be? Now come on, let's see how generous you are the nicer you are to me, the gentler I'll be to you." Part Three ? Juliette gets mauled at the mall Knowing I had truly stepped in a huge steaming pile, I stayed quiet and meekly went to the largest mall in the area. Dianne parked, as far from the entrance as possible, so I had to walk as far as possible in the heels. Since she had on her crosstraining shoes she moved at a horrific pace leaving me to try and keep up. As we neared the mall I begged her to please slow up and she responded by pulling her cell phone out and pointing it at me, then showing me the picture she had taken, "Maybe Marla would like a little message? You think?" "Please Miss Dianne I can only go so fast in these heels." "I remember going to the opera with you and Marla last month, you and Ted almost left both of us in the parking lot, so you better keep up, or the only way to your home will be shanks mare if you don't shut up and walk. Now if I hear one more objection I'll yank your wig off and leave you to get home with no money, or ID. And I have the only key to your house around these parts also." In abject agony I struggled to stay with her as we visited Victoria' Secret, for her special gift. Then on to a craft store where I bought two oak paddles, nearly crying when Dianne told the clerk there was a husband spanking party and these were the gifts for the "guests with agony of d'seat". For several hours I was led around, finally we arrived back at Dianne's car and drove to an adult party goods story, which sold all manner of sex toys and lingerie. Inside I was led to a display of penis chastities and I watched in horror as Dianne picked up a small metal tube with severe curve in it and a steel split ring that plugged in to the lock on the tube. She handed it to me and told me to ask the clerk to help install the device. I choked out her request and the tall blonde clerk, had us follow her to the back room, where my panties were downed and with a loop of string my penis was slid into the tube and the split ring locked around the base and into the tube. Dianne then produced a padded envelope and had me address it to Marla, at our home, with a red felt- tip marker. She added her address as a return address, put generous postage on it and on the way home added to my horror by mailing it at a drop box... Once at Dianne's home I was made to letter the paddle's neatly, with "Juliette's first paddle" and "Mistress Marla's Husband Trainer". She told me, "If you are good only the first one will be used, but if you foul up, Marla will be given the other one and the video of you being spanked." With that she drove me home and let me in to my house, as she left she told me, "I kept the keys to your car and your license, so you can't run away. And you have a lot of cookies to bake so keep at it until midnight then sleep a little but be ready to leave for my house at eight AM tomorrow, wear your other new dress, you'll change into the uniform just before the party." I baked from seven to eleven thirty and made a gross each of chocolate chip, sugar and oatmeal cookies, which I placed in tins. At midnight I undressed and dropped into bed, in my slip and panties. All night I had recurring nightmares of being paraded about in just my panties and being paddled, every dream caused an erection that woke me in pain as the chastity squeezed me mercilessly. All too soon my alarm sounded and I began my servitude anew. Part Four ? Dianne fiddles and Juliette burns At eight sharp Dianne walked in and marched me out the door laden with my clothing and the tins of cookies. Once at her home I was put to cleaning, followed by hanging decorations and arranging furniture in her recreation room, so there was one straight back armless chair at the top of a circle of twelve more. Dianne's large screen TV sat at the opposite end of the circle from the large chair and she took delight in showing me a preview of my unknowing performance. At six I attended Dianne in her bath and when she was properly attired in a black riding habit, I was sent to shower and change into the maid's attire. Dianne took the corset laces from me and tightened them until I could scarcely breathe. Once satisfied with my stays she helped me into the uniform and before sending me to greet her guests, had me bend over and wrote on my panty seat. "As promised you will have a safe secret as long as you don't show your ass tonight." "But you said I was going to be spanked." "Oops, guess that secret will come out when you go over your spanker's lap and your skirts go up." "You planned this all along." "Well no you stepped into the trap set by your spanker and her sponsor. Now go tend the door and remember to curtsey, oh beware of the cheval mirror in the foyer, your panty seat shows when you curtsey." "Who is my spanker? And who sponsored her?" "Not now Julie, get your pantied little butt into the foyer and greet everyone politely." For the next hour women arrived in pairs, dressed in the same out fit as Dianne, skintight black riding pants, knee high riding boots, a black bolero jacket and black silk stock. And like Dianne everyone had the same severe bun hairstyle and wore a simple black domino mask. At the last a lone woman arrived wearing the same style of clothing and mask, but all of her clothing was white. I curtseyed to greet her and heard my wife speak. "Surprise Jerry, I hope you enjoy your birthday party." I was stunned to see her and when her mother and sisters reentered the foyer, they put their arms around me and led me into the room Dianne had set up for the party. I was made to kneel beside Marla's chair while we all watched the DVD of my fall into humiliation. After the show ended, I was sent to distribute refreshments and after all had "gotten their cookies" Marla called me to her side and pulled me over her lap. Her mother grasped my wrists, while her sisters each held an ankle. With Dianne holding the camera, Marla raised my skirts revealing my panties and the words: "Pantied for fifty, sure is nifty". As the assembled party counted fifty swats crashed into my bottom. At the count of fifty I relaxed and suddenly a last swap crashed into my sore butt and everyone shouted, "And one to grow on." I was subjected to one more degradation, crawling to each woman to kiss her toe, with encouragement from my mother-in-law who held a paddle. The last event was the presentation of a large block of ice, which had a key deep in its middle. Marla loaded the ice block and me in the car and drove us home. "Honey for your birthday I thought I'd have sex with you like we've never done it before." With that she took me to our recreation room and placed me face down on a barstool, "Wait here while I go change and get something to sooth the burning bottom and but this is where it won't make a mess melting." With that she left me to cool down, with my skirts pulled up and panties pulled down. After some while Marla returned and pulling on two straps quickly pinioned my legs and arms to the barstool and proceeded to apply something cold to my anus. "I was all prepared to let you do me anally, but since you like being the girl, I'll give you the experience instead." Soon she was plunging in and out of me and I could tell she had a massive orgasm. When she recovered she led me to our room. Allowed me out of my uniform and lingerie. And after dressing me in a pink babydoll nightie took me to bed. I awoke the next morning and dressed in men's clothing and went to the kitchen to prepare Marla's breakfast. While the breakfast cooked I looked for the block of ice or the sink of water and the key. Carrying the tray back to the bedroom I asked Marla where she had put the block of ice. "Oh it's in the freezer, that way it won't make a mess melting. You know that hasp and lock that you put on the freezer is really strong, all you have to do is find where I hid the key. Now go put your lingerie through the laundry, Dianne is coming over with the rest of the DVD tonight, we'll want drinks and light refreshments. I know make us some of those feta cheese pastries and little spinach pies that go so good with drinks, maybe some of that champagne punch would be nice. Go on don't just stand there get going." EPILOGUE: And so our quarry finds too late That self-absorption seals his fate He sought the satin, frills and lace And found the lowly servant's place Good fortune smiles from above His better half is filled with love Through low service he wins freedom Taught loving in bondage by his new domme

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The rest of the winter, starting right after New Year's Day, the weather turned unseasonably cold. The deep muddy ruts had formed when there was a thaw and then froze up again. They were so deep Pa could let go of the steering wheel and the old truck seemed to steer itself. Although the county commissioners had decided to grade the road smooth in the springtime there was little to be done when it was so cold like it was right then. Even though it was the middle of the week we had little we...

2 years ago
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Absinthe 2 The Absinthe of Malice

Absinthe 2: The Absinthe of Malice By Morpheus The flight from Seattle to Boston had been extremely long and uncomfortable, even with the two hour delay in Chicago where I got to stretch my legs and change flights. My book had given me something to do during the countless hours in the air, though admittedly, Collin had been my largest savior from boredom. The two of us had ended up talking for over half the flight, and by the time we finally landed, I was even starting to consider...

2 years ago
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Thelma and Me Summer of 65 part 2

After tea on the Friday evening Thelma stopped me as I was going into upstairs to my room. Her eyes looked wild and her breathing was heavy. “I’m going to a party,” She said in a low voice, “do you want to watch me getting undressed?” I nodded like a puppet. “Wait in my room…I’ll be up in five minutes.” I skipped up the stairs two at a time! I nervously let myself into my sister’s bedroom. I’d been in many times before – borrowing her dirty knickers and stuff to use...

4 years ago
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ETHELS DISCOMFORT 4

Harry and Rob sat in the local pub in their usual spot in the corner by themselves. They were having a discussion about what to do with Ethel. Rob has been adamant that he wants to hang Ethel by her ankles and butcher her. Harry strongly disagrees with him. Harry is convinced that if he talks to Ethel he can persuade her not to go to the authorities and they will be able to use her the same way the other men. Rob agrees to try Harry's way first but he says" if she wants to argue I'm going to...

3 years ago
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ETHELS DISCOMFORT 3

kEthel sat with her tits nailed to the work table. Her tits were swollen to twice their normal size from the beating they had received from Harry and Rob and the axe handle. Ethel sobbed both from the pain and the feeling of despair and hopelessness. She knew she would not be able to sweet talk the men into letting her go without anymore abuse. Harry and Rob arrived and again Ethel begged and pleaded with them to let her go. The men laughed and told her they still had a few more things they...

1 year ago
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Thelma and her brother

Note : This story is completely fictional!In nineteen forty six Thelma Lou Anderson was married with three kids. Linda was the oldest. She was sixteen. Guy and George was ten and Guy seven. Thelma owned a beauty shop in Kansas City. She suspected her husband Lawerance was cheating on her again. She followed him one day when he thought she was at work and saw him go into a house. A woman opened the door and he went in. That was all the proof she needed. She went home and packed her suitcase and...

Incest
4 years ago
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CONTEST PoetryJokes Category

Dear Authors, We hope you’re doing well. ISS would like to invite you to participate in a competition in the ‘Poetry/Jokes category.’ The contest: 1)The contest will run from 05 February 2023 to 19 February 2023. 2)The content can have any number of jokes or poetry, but it should be adult/xxx jokes/poetry. 3) It should be a minimum of 1000 words of content. 4) There shouldn’t be any sort of plagiarism. The entire work should be original and not be published anywhere on the internet...

1 year ago
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Thelma and me Summer of 65 part 1

Thelma was 22 and like all of the young women at that time was still living at home with me and our parents in rural Kent; even though she had a good job in local Department Store. I was 15 and had just left school. The summer of 1965 was particularly fine so it wasn’t uncommon for me to sit around our secluded garden reading a Detective novel when my parents were at work. The difference today was that Thelma was on the first day of her annual holidays and had joined me wearing a very...

3 years ago
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ETHELS DISCOMFORT 2

Ethel hung by her wrists while Harry and Rob left to get some rest. She nodded off from time to time but the fog of her mind cleared she realized that other than when they punched her she actually enjoyed the way they that fucked her so hard and so brutally. She enjoyed the helpless feeling as they ravaged her body. She believed that she could talk to the two men and they would release her without too much more abuse. She was wrong.As Harry and Rob drove back out to the warehouse they talked...

3 years ago
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Ethel

Ethel hated her name. She was born during the tenure of I Love Lucy. The beloved Ethel Mertz from the television show was the bane of the real life Ethel's existence. There were the jokes about her having to marry Fred. There was only one Fred in her high school class. He wasn't her type; not even if he was the last man on earth. Ethel was every bit the epitome of her name. At five feet even her looks, dress and vocabulary mimicked the character she despised. Although she fought to break the...

3 years ago
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Ethel 1921

Ethel's Pa was telling a story. "A man comes into the garage wanting a new horn for his Dodge. The old bulb was torn. Well, we have horns; but they don't fit his brackets..." "What did he want with a horn?" Ma asked. "Dodge cars don't need them. They have 'Dodge, Brothers' written clearly on the front." "Oh, Nellie," Pa said, but -- at least -- he dropped the story. Ethel couldn't decide which was worse, Ma's jokes or Pa's stories. Pa was fascinated by anything mechanical,...

3 years ago
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Katherines Style

Damn Katherine and her classy fashion sense... Once again my Mother-in-law had a new skirt suit which would work for brunch, mother-of-the-bride or some other fancy occasion, it was simply lovely. Tonight was one of those other occasions. The suit was perfect for the work awards dinner that my wife Veronica has dragged me too. Katherine, on the other hand, who was looking just so, was all too happy to attend. Katherine's suit is simply irresistible to me. The color, the style,...

2 years ago
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Gunther The Reindeer Handler Does Candy Claus

Let me say right up front that Gunther was definitely not a young man.I knew he had been around the Santa operation at the North Pole long before I arrived with my bright ideas for cost reduction. I was called in to promote increased toy production by the easily distracted Elves. Those little imps preferred being silly rather than busy little workers focused on their quotas like dedicated employees. As a small-sized human male, I was able to relate easily to the female Elves because they liked...

Fantasy & Sci-Fi
2 years ago
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Absinthe Seduction

from my supernatural~romantic novel set in Regency England from the diary of Betsy Corning, Darlington, England, September 1815 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am undone! I have given into temptation and trod the left-hand path. I did not tarry there long, I yet have a semblance of a conscience. But little good will it do me – I will be punished for it sooner or later. But oh, should any ladies read this, perhaps you, at least, will understand what provocation I had endured and grant me some...

3 years ago
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EstherChapter 3

When we entered the dining salon, all conversation stopped. I had changed from my travel clothes earlier, but was still in black. Esther was in a peach colored evening gown. As I said before, she was ravishing. Martha and Hatty walked behind us in their evening gowns. It was plain that everyone wondered who this girl was with the Royal Executioner and the Guild Master for companions. Certainly most of the apprentices and the other Guild members had not met, or been introduced to Esther. None...

2 years ago
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EstherChapter 2

“Are the statements, that the Lord Executioner made, true?” the Village Chief demanded sternly. “Yes, Un ... Uncle,” the young man finally answered very quietly. “A week in the stocks,” the Village Chief pronounced, “and the same for those two friends of yours.” The Village Chief then turned to me to apologize. “I am sorry I doubted you, Lord Executioner. It would appear that I need to pay closer attention to what is going on with the workers in the fields.” “An excellent idea,” I replied,...

1 year ago
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Theresas Deportment

"Language Theresa!" "But Mrs. Bradshaw, I only said..." "Hush Theresa, I will not have such rude vernacular spoken in my boarding house! Also, kindly remove your elbows from the tabletop. More over, the fork was placed on the left side of your plate for a specific reason." Theresa blushed as she looked around at the other five girls, some of them putting on airs. "I never ate before with my left hand Mrs. Bradshaw." "You are a student now in the most prestigious Ladies College in...

2 years ago
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Esther III

Esther III ? by: TamarainRubber Even though we knew we were going to be late for Lisa's party, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. For the next hour or so we grabbed each other like wild cats in heat. Her breasts heaving and her lungs gasping for oxygen, Esther still found the energy to warn me not to cum. At some point she did pull my cock out from behind my rubber bloomers and shoved every inch into her mouth. The clothes she had dressed me in only made me harder and,...

3 years ago
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Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 58

What I want in a Man, Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked...

3 years ago
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Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 274

This explains why friends forward jokes. I’ve never thought of it this way before. A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a...

3 years ago
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Katherines Style Part Two

The next day I was in full Katherine mode from the moment I unlocked her door. I greeted Sunshine just like Katherine did, using the same tone of voice and gestures. Of course Sunshine reacted just she would with her female owner. As soon as I took her for a short walk and fed her, I went straight to my bedroom, well after the prior day I felt so much more comfortable there, I wanted it to be my bedroom. I took a shower and shaved everything again. I didn't know how I was going to...

1 year ago
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Esther IV

Hope you like Esther's latest installment! ESTHER FOUR By TamarainRubber I obediently followed Esther down the long narrow hallway that led into an enormous room filled with the sounds of clinking glasses, soft whispers and a bevy of leather-clad women and men dolled up as maids, rubber babies, and crossdressing sluts like me. Strangely enough (and very much to my pleasure), there was little if any evidence of the S&M parties I had only read about, but never...

2 years ago
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Katherines Style Part 3

The front door opened and again Frank came in, a little less dramatically than the day before but no less intimidating to me as I felt timid and weak dressed in my mother-in-laws things. Frank was half expecting me to be dressed as my normal slouchy male self, ready to put a stop to all this, but he was happy when he saw I didn't have the fortitude to do that. He actually smiled at me, "There's my little wife. That dress looks nice on you." I smiled back not knowing what to do, it...

3 years ago
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Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder

Caroline dumped her books so loudly on the table that it caused Mike to look up momentarily from his laptop.“Hi, Caroline, I take it the tutorial didn’t go so well?”Caroline slumped onto the chair opposite him.“The pompous bitch basically told me to start again.”“Look I know nothing about art, I don’t even know what I like, but I do know that you know your stuff. Why don’t I get you a drink and we can talk about something else.”As Mike placed the two pints of beer down on the table, Caroline...

Fantasy & Sci-Fi
2 years ago
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Hindi sex jokes 8211 Gande chutkule

August mahine ko humor se start karte he! Aaj aap ke lie mast 10 Hindi sex jokes add kiye he hamne aap ki pasandida site ISS par! To abhi ye desi sexy chutkule padhe aur unhe dosto ke sath bhi share kare.   1) Ek din mummy kitchen me khana bana rahi thi tab uski beti kamre me aai. Aur usne maa ko pucha, mummy bache kaise aate he? Maa ne ek minute soch ke bola, dear mummy aur papa ko pyar hua. Aur fir dono ki shadi hui. Dono ne night me kamre me pyar kiya., kiss kiya aur chudai ki. Ladki abhi...

2 years ago
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Jokes and GigglesChapter 803

For the Politically INCORRECT!! The “M” word ... by Jeff Foxworthy. Have you ever wondered why it’s OK to make jokes about Catholics, Jews, Christians, the Pope, the Irish, the Italians, the Polish, the Hungarians, the Chinese, the French (including French Canadians), the elderly, bad golfers, men/women, blacks/whites, Republicans/Democrats etc, but its insensitive to make jokes about the Muslims? Well, it’s time to level the playing field and be politically incorrect, by including our...

2 years ago
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Jokes and GigglesChapter 883

A GREAT HUNT Shot my first turkey yesterday! Scared the shit outta everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome! Getting’ old is so much fun ... Remember: Don’t make old people mad! We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off. These are compliments of Pat W Wayyyyy back at the dawn of T.V. A man walked into an agent’s office for an audition, as he had a strong desire to be an actor. He acted, he sang, he danced, he told jokes, and did...

1 year ago
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Jokes and GigglesChapter 226

These are compliments of Mikey Very Punny... I tried to catch some fog ... I mist. When chemists die they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. A soldier that survived salt spray, mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian restaurant but I never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about...

2 years ago
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Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 151

These are compliments of Fmwarmac ‎ Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?” Brunette: “I don’t know.” Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!” Yo momma is so fat when she went to KFC the cashier asked, “What size bucket?” and yo momma said, “The one on the roof.” Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the “CALL” button. Yo momma’s so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50...

4 years ago
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Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 170

Another short one from joevsr: Short One! Jokes about pole vaulters, don’t go over very well!! This group is compliments of a Friend of J & G. Jokes The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff”. “Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked. “I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other wanker using my stuff”. She...

3 years ago
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Jokes and Giggles Part TwoChapter 215

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room...

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