Irony
- 2 years ago
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The Irony free porn video
Stupid, pointless, but just something that came to me last night and I
don't know about anyone else but I found it funny. Enjoy!
SRU: The Irony
By Gina R
Business was slow in the old "Spells R Us" store.
The old wizard sat at his desk, looking the epitome of boredom. His head
was tilted slightly to the left, resting heavily against his left hand.
His drooping eyes were facing to look at his right hand which was in the
air, with it's connecting elbow on the surface of the desk. Between his
fingers, the wizard was twiddling a pen.
I say twiddling, but this normally consists of moving one's fingers,
resulting in the rhythmic motion of the pen to spin around each finger.
The wizard's fingers instead remained motionless as the pen moved freely
of its own will around the man's fingers. Movement without touch. The
most elementary form of magic, with the possible exception of mind
reading, or "thought-perception" as it was called by those who had
introduced the wizard to during his first lesson on his way to becoming
who he now was. Why do people have to complicate matters by using more
impressive sounding words than are necessary.
It was a nice pen, the old man thought to himself. An executive pen, like
you would expect any business to have, with the company name on it and a
business number to call. Not that he received a great deal of calls. He
didn't really hand these out to many people.
The wizard suddenly realized that he was amusing himself with thoughts of
a mere pen.
"I really need something to do..." he stated aloud but yet to no-one in
particular. The only one in earshot was his wolf companion who lay curled
up on a tradition dog basket with a rug strewn about inside. The wolf
however, had had it's eyes closed for hours now, in deep sleep.
The wizard clenched his right fist around the pen in his hand, releasing
the "projected-force" spell on it. Damn those word-obsessed magic
teachers. Taking aim, he threw the pen towards the wolf, only succeeding
in striking it on its side below the beast's head.
"Damn." He frowned in frustration.
The wizard held out his right hand once more, palm facing to where the
pen had landed a short distance from the basket in which his pet lay. The
pen then rose, returning to the wizard, who clenched his fist around the
pen to take a second shot at the wolf.
"Yes!" he exclaimed in triumph as the pen hit his target square on the
nose. Triumph turned to further frustration as the animal did not even
stir from its prolonged resting period. This caused the wizard to smile a
little, the first for a long time, as he realized he had unwittingly
found himself thinking in the same excessive word-use manner of his
teachers. Ah, the irony.
Giving up on the attempt at waking the unwilling wolf, he turned to look
straight ahead of himself at the empty aisles before of him. Empty in
terms of customers rather than items, he thought his stock was good at
the moment.
Of course, he could just 'encourage' some customers into his store, but
this required suitable candidates and whenever he searched the mall
outside he could not find anyone of sufficient interest. "Same old"
seemed to sum up the potential customers to him today.
As the old man stared as he thought he could even see tumbleweed bouncing
across the store from the start of aisle 1 and making its way in front of
his own desk. Then he suddenly realized that it he was not imagining
things, the tumbleweed was real, it was there, being carried by an
unheard or unfelt wind. He then realized that he had set that tumbleweed,
much like the same circumstances that one would set an alarm clock. It
was set to remind him from the last customer in the shop, to make an
appearance several hours later. It was to remind the old wizard to either
sort out some customers or at least just get off his backside and do
something, anything!
"Right, that's it." The wizard lifted himself with some effort from his
seat. "If there's no fun customers to take advantage of today then I'm
going to have some fun of my own."
He looked again at the still sleeping wolf a few feet from his desk.
"Lazy mutt."
He walked to the basket and booted it, jolting around its contents. In an
instinctive reaching, the wolf woke and immediately snapped his jaws in
the direction of the wizard. The old man was ready for this though, and
backed off just in time. Sitting up the wolf glared at his attempted
victim.
"One of these days you're going to lose a limb," the wolf threatened him.
"Well, you sleep too much anyway. I'm gonna have a bit of fun on my own I
think. Any ideas?"
"You've been meaning to try out that new wand of yours. You know, the one
that works in connection with your crystal ball."
"Good idea. I'd forgotten about that. How long have I been meaning to
test that out now?" the wizard pondered.
"At least three years now. It was the last time you went on holiday, was
it not?"
"Ah, yes. I've been meaning to have another holiday."
The wizard then proceeded to rummage around in the bottom drawer of his
desk. An unknowing onlooker would have been shocked to as the entire
right arm of the wizard disappeared down into the depths of the drawer.
Unsuccessful in finding the wand, he lowered his head and left arm into
the huge pit that was his desk drawer, leaving only the lower half of his
body outside. Finally, and with a grin of triumph on his face, he emerged
with a typical, unoriginally plain looking wand that could easily have
come from a kid's "my first magic kit" set.
"For such an expensive wand, they could have at least made it look a bit
more fancy than that," the wolf commented with a raised eyebrow.
"If it works then that's all that matters."
The old wizard reflected on the description given to him when he
purchased it. It only had a five-year warrantee so it was a good thing he
was reminded about it in case it did not work properly. The wand was to
be used with his crystal ball, which he kept in a back room of his store.
Conjuring an image of anyone he wished in the ball, the wand would then
release an energy wave through the crystal ball, surrounding the victim.
The wand then changes the person into the female version of themselves,
as they would have been if of the other gender.
As he made his way into the backroom containing his crystal ball with his
wolf companion following closely at his heels in anticipation, the wizard
contemplated who his chosen victim should be. He smiled as he realized
who the obvious choice was. A young man in his early twenties, Mark had
bought a potion to help make him better looking as he had never had any
luck with getting dates. Of course, being from the SRU shop this potion
would have made him attractive to the wrong gender he was looking for.
Unfortunately he had dropped the conical flask containing the mixture,
losing it.
"He's going to get that change now!" The wizard snickered quietly,
telling the wolf his plan. If there was one thing that really annoyed him
it was when his products get wasted.
Standing in front of the crystal ball that was placed on an ornately
designed circular table, the wizard focused his thought to produce the
image of Mark, sending these thought to the ball in front of him. The
ball began to glow in the centre, while the mist around the outside
swirled around the sphere, eventually dispersing, revealing the image of
Mark, as he was at that instance. He was presently walking along a busy
street in the centre of a town. Lots of people around to see his change.
"Oh well, can't be helped." The wizard raised the wand and pointed it at
the image in the crystal ball, as the energy was released through his
hand to the wand, and he could feel it being released towards the ball.
As the wizard watched, he saw a light purple-coloured haze appear at the
spot where the energy was concentrated, just a couple of centimetres
above the surface of the ball. A look of horror appeared on the face of
the wizard, as he was hit by the thought of what had happened around the
same time as the energy hit him, having rebounded off of the haze and
surrounding the wizard's body.
"The damn protective shield is still on!!!" the wizard yelled out as his
body and clothes shifted around him, reforming. The old man felt himself
shrinking, and new weight appearing in unexpected places.
The wolf clocked on to what was happening and turned his head sharply to
look at the wizard to observe what had happened, only to find the change
complete. From his low centre of gravity he had to start at the feet of
the wizard and raised his gaze to look at the rest of him.
Starting from the tiny feet, contained in odd looking shoes as if from
the forties or fifties, the lower part of his legs were contained in a
horrible shade of grey tinged pantyhose. Most of the legs were covered by
a long, woollen, dark green skirt. The wolf's eyes raised further to show
a fat torso contained in a woolly jumper, with was large enough to
contain the flab at the sides, and a very droopy pair of breasts, hanging
low from the wizard's chest. A look at the head showed a podgy face with
drooping skin and wrinkles with huge round glasses over squinting eyes.
The hair was fairly short, completely white and curly.
The wizard was an old woman!!!
She could not have been taller than five feet, and looked nearly at
death's door. Whereas an old male wizard of many hundreds of years old
can maintain a look of intelligence and dignity, a woman that old
appeared to be older than time itself, hunched over and a walking stick
had appeared in each quivering hand to balance the old lady.
The wolf suddenly collapsed onto the ground rolling around in hysterical
laughter! The wand changes the target into the female version of the
person they are at the time and, with the crystal ball's protective
shield on, the energy released from the wand had rebounded onto the
wizard, producing the awful sight that the wolf had seen.
"Stop that now!" the old woman yelled at the wolf, still trying to steady
herself on the new sticks taking her weight.
"I think the antidote is at the back of the store," she muttered to
herself.
"Good luck, you'll be lucky to reach there in a few days, at that pace!"
the wolf managed to say in between fits of laughter, as he watched the
woman take several minutes just to turn around in order to leave the
backroom.
Eventually the old lady reached the doorway, leaving behind the still
laughing wolf who she thought she heard saying between laughs something
along the lines of: "Ah, the irony!"
The End!
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! Well, it made me laugh anyway. This
is different from anything I've done before, so please tell me what you
thought! Thank you!
Kaidence
- 02.05.2022
- 8
- 0
