Catharsis
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Catharsis free porn video
Disclaimer/notes: the Eternalverse was created by Princess Akemi and
has been used with permission. Prior knowledge of the Eternalverse
would help understand, but isn't needed, I hope. This story is
dedicated to Akemi and Eri, without whom I would wouldn't be the person
I am today.
Catharsis, an Eternalverse story
#How dare you...#
The words cut through the dead air like a gunshot, cold and hard and
echoing against the insides of my skull. My own voice. It was a sound I
was used to, that cold little voice in the back of my mind telling me
what I should be doing and why I was the lowest creature on the face of
the universe. After all, animals don't know they're doing wrong, but I
do and yet still I do it.
#How dare you even think that you're worthy to even talk to her?#
The voice still echoed as I forced it down. It sat there, still
murmuring, as I came back to the here and now - the Venue. A dive of a
club, but it was our dive.
#Not yours, how could you fit in?#
I knew some of the faces, but I was never here unless someone dragged
me in kicking and screaming, like tonight. Al and Mouse were already
having a blast; they always did, but not me. The music was decent, but
the crowd was like death. Without a haze of alcohol there was no
disguising the place, packed from black-matt wall to wall with
psychotic metallers and punks, black-clad losers who took it all too
seriously and 16-year olds who thought Marilyn Manson and zits were
worth angsting over. So I stood there, propping up the bar and hoping
that the building burned down or the others wanted to leave, I wasn't
feeling picky.
Into this came the most gorgeous Goth girl I had ever seen, perfect
alabaster skin and impossibly-black hair with huge, expressive
twilight-violet eyes, all wrapped up in seamless black latex. The lack
of sleep was finally getting to me; people like that just didn't come
here, Hell, I was surprised someone like that even existed and and yet
I could have sworn I had seen her somewhere before.
#It's the light, no-one's that good.#
And then she came over to talk to me.
#Not you - the bar. Everyone normal here drinks...not you; see how
happy your principles have made you.#
The rest of the club were either too caught up in the music or tripping
over their own feet to get to her and she cut a swathe straight to me.
The world moved in slow motion, blurring to a stop with her smile.
Everything seemed unreal, like a drawing. I could swear I saw the
lines.
The words froze in my throat with that smile and the low murmur of
laughter spread through the club, echoing through every corner of the
world. I felt every pair of eyes on me, every pair in the world but her
and I prayed for the ground to swallow me up then just so it would end.
That moment stretched on into eternity and I must have screamed, for
the world shattered like glass, falling around me like brilliant stars.
Everything was gone. No sight, no sound, no smell, no touch, I hung the
void, alone with my thoughts.
#What would you have said? Perhaps you'd ask her about dice-rolling
techniques or the merits of point-based versus level-based systems?
You're a pathetic little man...#
I tried to reply, but no words came and the voice continued, explaining
in intricate detail why everything in my life was my fault before I
finally found my voice.
*Let me speak, please...*
#Why? So you can try and justify it to yourself?#
*... Yes. I was just going to say hello to her. Nothing like that, I'm
not that bad.*
#No? Then tell me exactly how many friends you have, that you talk to
about anything else?#
*...*
#You and your little obsessions, you're pathetic. Are you even capable
of holding a normal conversation with someone?#
*I speak to plenty of people at work.*
#That's a normal conversation is it? Saying 'May I Help You?' then
ignoring them?#
*I don't ignore them...*
#No? Tell me the last time you actually helped someone yourself?#
*... That's not fair, we don't act on cases...*
#How is it not fair? You're supposed to be a Helpline, dammit! How can
you be that when you just pass the buck on to someone else and pat
yourself on the back for a job well done?#
*... It's not my job!*
#Is that what you're going to hide behind? These people need help, not
some moron on a phone who can's tell them anything new and just fobs
them off with a phone number that doesn't work!#
*I try and get them through if I can. If there's no-one there, what am
I supposed to do? I try and get them back in contact, one way or
another, but what else can I do? I'm not trained to do the case
officers' jobs!*
#Is that the best you can do? You...#
~Shut up! Stop being so damned unreasonable!~ Another voice cut through
the void, silencing the cold tones of the voice. The silence left
behind was deafening.
*Hello? ... who's there?*
Silence. The void was still for a moment more.
#Let's move on...#
*What?* The voice almost sounded cowed for a moment.
#You're still pathetic. Why are you even in that dead-end job, anyway?
You should be using what your parents spent so much to put you through
university to learn. After 6 years, you should have done better than
that...#
*...*
#SIX YEARS! I mean, how stupid are you?#
I could hear echoes of my father's voice there and I could feel the
disappointment he must feel in me. He'd never said it, but he must have
felt it...
~You were very good to come back and get what you did after what
happened...~ The other voice again, like silk, quietly speaking into my
ear this time. I felt a presence with me, warm and close and
understanding and I could swear the void just smiled at me somehow.
*I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I'm not going to answer
phones for the rest of my life, just long enough to get the money I
need to get the training I need.* The warmth of the other presence
strengthened my resolve. I was not losing this twisted little game,
whatever it was, to myself.
#And when will that be?#
I felt my throat tighten again. The voice knew just the questions to
crumble my resolve.
#Well? You've been there long enough to have got the money together, if
you were willing to try and actually work.#
*Things aren't that easy, there're other bills to pay too and things
come up that I didn't expect. I'm working on it!*
The void's smile seemed to broaden. I'd say I was going crazy, but in
the middle of a dream of arguing with yourself, smiling nothingness was
a minor problem.
~Good. Now keep him on the defensive. You aren't as bad as he thinks.~
The other voice again, this time I felt the touch of breath in my ear
and snapped round to look right into the gentlest, most beautiful pair
of ruby-red eyes I've ever seen.
The voice was growing louder; I could hear the anger, my anger, growing
in the tone. #You are! You're a selfish little man who doesn't care a
whit for the rest of the world.#
I knew this argument all too well. Too long thinking alone always came
around to this sooner or later.
~Don't listen to him. Remember!~
I tried to, flickering images of my friends and myself. In each of the
memories, a ghostly-pale Goth girl with shining scarlet eyes pointed to
something kind I had all-but forgotten.
#But why do you do these things? For yourself. You listen to their woes
and say all the right things to make them go away. You're nice because
it's expected of you, because you feel good for doing it. You're a
selfish little man and nothing will ever change that.# The voice
sounded triumphant. Here was where it always won.
The ghost-girl spoke to me as he watched, gloating at my impending
defeat. She gently chided me for thinking that, as if I was a child and
the void itself seemed to smile reassuringly down on us as she spoke.
~Good and evil are in the intentions and your intentions have always
were pure.~
She started through a litany of deeds, explaining each one and with
each one the voice seemed to whimper and shrink a little. At the end
she grinned at me lopsidedly and hugged me close.
~You're a good person, ye just tend to over analyse. Good is good, evil
is evil, but we're all human.~
#No! Listen to me! LISTEN TO MEEEEEE!!!# The voice was a pale little
man standing high above us in the void and waving a megaphone
frantically. We glared at it, the ghost-pale girl and I, our eyes
blazing scarlet.
~No. I don't need to hear you any more~. With a wave of one pale hand,
the voice vanished into the void, who was still smiling down at me with
her violet eyes. As I met her smile, she gathered me into her arms and
I found true sleep.
...
I could still feel the smile on my lips and the warmth about me as I
opened my eyes. Looking at me as I sat up were my two gothic angels,
the twilight-eyed void's arms wrapped about the ghost-pale girl. I
could feel the tears in my eyes as I thanked whatever goddesses were
listening that this was real, that they were real. I had so much to
thank them for, so much I could not repay, but perhaps I could start...
Turning in her arms, I kissed my love, my creator, my saviour, my
Arivida on the lips with every ounce of love I could bear. Somewhere
along the way, the mirror was knocked aside, but 7 years bad luck is a
speck to eternity.
Nadene
- 11.07.2021
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