EMPATHY
By Vickie Tern
Prologue
Darla is an absolute darling when she wants to be. I wish I could
be half the woman she is but I know I can't, I don't have it in me.
Or anywhere near as adorable, though there I do try. She came by
her charm easily while growing up, while I've had to learn mine
only very recently. But she's a wonderful teacher. She could see
my potential all along, I'm a natural, that's what she says. I
tell her that natural or not I do love what I am now and I owe it
all to her. It feels so cuddly now, being me, and it used to feel
so heavy yet so empty.
We're still married and we still share our lives, which is what I'd
hoped for from the beginning, and I'm grateful for that, though
nowadays she goes her own way as she chooses, independent, a free
woman, fully liberated. I've learned to respect that. In fact I
like it, though I'm myself more a homebody. I like that too.
Only a few months ago, no way! Then I was the strong partner in
our marriage and she was the soft, compliant one, eager to please.
I thought she was, anyway. I knew all the answers and made all the
decisions, and she seemed to admire me for it. When she made a
mistake I'd chastise her gently, then reward her remorse with a
kiss. She was all mine then, my very own Darla, my sweet Darla!
She lived for me.
She tried to become the world's most perfect housewife, as if it
were possible. Every night when I got home from work she'd be
waiting in the living room, already changed from her office gear
into the most provocative clothes she owned, the thinnest sun dress
or the tightest jeans, sometimes lounging around in only the
expensive lingerie I loved to buy her even before we could really
afford it. She'd be curled up on the couch reading some frivolous
romance novel, already in the mood. She'd look up as I came in,
and her radiant smile would nearly knock me down as she put her
face up to be kissed. She was usually eager to explain the aromas
suffusing the house, what subtle herbs and spices steeped in what
dish would be tonight's special dinner delectation.
I'd been reared by a father mostly away and a mother who worked,
and never felt really sure of myself, but I compensated by never
showing it. Act confident and people assume you are. I did, and
they did, and that in turn gave me confidence enough to believe I
was never wrong. Even so, I never really felt I deserved Darla,
though she always begged to differ. Her job -- she tells me now --
was strengthening my certitude and encouraging me to take good care
of her by pampering me. Her cooking was part of it. We never ate
the same dish twice, and whatever it was, was fabulous, yet she
always seemed worried about what I'd think. I'd tell her from the
bottom of my heart that every dinner was wonderful because it was
created by her very own dainty hands, and then I'd kiss each of
them, burying my face in her cool palms, her fingertips curling up
to touch my cheeks. As if I were eating out of her hand. She
liked that. She still does.
No matter how often she heard me praise her she'd smile and shake
her head in disbelief, then finally toss her long blonde hair back
behind her ears and like a child throw her arms around my neck and
cover my face with kisses, in sheer gratitude that I loved and
appreciated her no matter what. That certainly boosted my sense of
self-importance! I'd start kissing her back, and as often as not
we'd end up nibbling and gobbling each other, all thoughts of
dinner set aside. "You're the man of the house," she'd say. "Now
be the man I need!" So I'd be that, as best as I could.
Yes, I absolutely adored her! And I still do. Though not the same
way.
In those days she'd seem shy whenever we began making love, and
that especially helped me feel bold. Her hands would reach toward
mine tentatively as I unbuttoned her blouse and reached to unhook
her bra, as if despite her desires and the fact that we were
married she should be trying to stop me from violating her modesty.
Early in our relationship she asked me to lick her down below
before we did anything else, in that nursery school voice she
always used when she felt embarrassed. So I'd always begun by
exposing, then kissing her most tender, private place, her little
nubbin, giving it a few gentle licks. She couldn't reciprocate by
sucking me off -- she'd just didn't seem able to take that thing
into her mouth. So I never proposed a sixty-nine,
But my tongue in her cunt was more than enough reward. I'd sit her
down and spread her legs and lean my face forward into her crotch,
and she'd lean back and let out a little whine, sometimes a sob,
whether of anticipation or of reluctant submission I could never be
sure. She'd stroke my hair as if an obedient puppy's, and sure
enough, I'd begin to lick her. Bliss! Then her pussy would begin
to writhe and thrust against my face, sliding up and down my nose
and mouth and tongue until I was covered with her juices and there
was no stopping either of us.
I should say, there was no stopping Darla. It was strange, but
once aroused my Darla became another person. Her legs spread wide
and as she warmed up she'd wrap them tight around my neck and nudge
her pelvis at my face over and over, and maybe before I burrowed
into her I'd glimpse her head lolling back as if she were a
princess waiting to be amused. Then once I'd suckled her pussy and
maybe her breasts, once her face was flushed and her eyes were
closed, her expression tense and her teeth clenched, once her hand
had lowered to my swollen, joyous tumescence and begun to tug it
toward her sopping slit, she was transformed. Altogether.
She became insatiable, devouring. All modest reserve was forgotten
as she tugged and thrust and ground and pushed my hands, and cock
deeper into the service of her pleasure, over and over, grunting
and shrieking, her hips writhing voluptuously as if demanding my
whole body's penetration into her. Wave after wave of orgasmic
tension and shuddering would pass through her, then rise higher
still as if never high enough. She was a woman possessed,
obsessive, demanding to be satisfied utterly all at once. Her
pussy became a gaping mouth voraciously attempting to swallow my
cock, balls, thumbs, fingers, fist, anything that came near it.
All of me if it could.
I'd try to satisfy her. I'd certainly try! She'd scream out,
furious for more, no matter how hard or deep I slammed myself into
her, or with what, until finally she'd fall back exhausted and
sobbing, I couldn't tell whether from all those racking orgasms or
from desperate frustration. I have to confess it, I'd feel
terribly inadequate every time that happened. Which was nearly
always.
Afterward she was always ashamed that she'd lost control. As her
breathing slowed and my prick softened inside her and my cum began
to leak out she'd return to a more demure demeanor. As if
embarrassed by her own frenzy, she'd ask if I'd very much minded
that she'd been shouting "More!" and "Deeper!" at me with such
ferocity, as if no matter what I hadn't performed fast or
strenuously enough to meet her needs. I'd reassure her by kissing
her on both eyelids -- they were always closed after we'd made
love, dedicated to preserving her body's afterglow. She'd open
them and stare into mine with a thoughtful gravity I found utterly
ravishing. So serious, as if pondering some impossible problem I'd
posed her! Her face so childlike at such moments, yet somehow so
adult! I'd ask her what she was thinking. She'd only smile
sweetly and shake her head. And kiss me gently. After we fucked,
her thoughts were her own.
It might be that then we'd go back down to dine on her marvelous
cooking and tell each other about the day's activities. She'd prop
me up with extravagant praise of everything I did or didn't do, and
she'd ask my advice about different pending management decisions,
and she'd nod appreciatively when I'd tell her what I thought.
After dinner I'd settle in and read tax advisories or cases I'd
bring home -- I was always a little behind and trying to catch up
-- and she'd return to her Harlequin, or her Danielle Steele,
whichever, or we'd watch a family sitcom together if the lead
couple seemed cute and happy. Then once snug in bed we'd make love
yet again, and she'd take charge again despite herself, until we
were both spent. Or maybe we'd just cuddle.
We were the happiest couple I knew. Married for six years and
settled into standard household routines in our upscale suburb, no
children planned for a few more years, utterly devoted to each
other. Darla had been an only child, raised by a doting father who
never remarried after her mother died in an accident but instead
devoted himself to her every desire, and now he too was gone.
Darla's friend Karen sometimes told her that he wasn't so much gone
as replaced by me, and Darla would smile sweetly and reply "Well,
in some ways," whatever that meant. We had no family, either of
us, only each other. My nearest relative was a half-sister who
lived a thousand miles away. We'd rarely visit.
Our friends always called Darla my "child bride" even though we're
about the same age, and she'd never discourage that impression.
Other husbands envied me her apparent single-minded devotion to my
happiness. Whatever my opinions, in anyone else's presence they
were hers too. Wives especially, and some of the women where she
worked, would chide her for seeming too submissive and deferential
in my presence, as if she were a shadow of me with no apparent
substance of her own. A doormat, even. "He's OK, but he's not
your equal in lots of ways," I overheard her friend Becky tell her
once, "In lots of ways he doesn't deserve you. Yet you make
yourself small whenever you're near him." I didn't hear what Darla
answered, but Becky then said, "Well, that makes some sense. But
it does give him the odd notion that he's in charge."
Well, I was! Karen once took me aside and told me that if I really
loved her I would let her go, liberate her, give her up, insist
that she fly with her own wings and become her own complete person.
That I'd insist she speak her own mind, do things her way, not
defer to me as she does. And I'd at least help with the housework
-- did I know she turned down major job opportunities because she
felt she had to cater to me? "Given what she does and what you
do," Karen said, "You should be the housewife!"
I replied that loving is caring and marriage is commitment and
partnership, that Darla was no way suppressed, she was free to do
whatever she chose, and that what she chose was to live with me and
maintain our home and please me. That we both liked it that way.
Karen thought what I'd described was sexist patriarchal
conditioning -- she used words like that -- not free choice, and
that if I wouldn't help Darla she would. I told her she was
welcome to try -- Darla did have her own mind and made her own
decisions.
I certainly didn't tell her that I couldn't bear to part from
Darla. I needed her support and love as much as she seemed to need
mine. I never told that even to Darla, it seemed somehow unmanly,
shameful. I preferred to think of myself as her sturdy oak and
Darla as my clinging vine.
Darla did in fact have her own life and career. Twice she'd been
promoted for her innovations and her managerial efficiency at the
HMO where both she and Karen were both high-powered Health Systems
Administrators. At work she was a thoroughgoing professional,
exacting in knowledge of procedures, easy to work with but
scrupulously demanding, lavish with praise but intolerant of error,
quick to foresee problems and recommend effective action. Strong,
able, and decisive. I was as proud of her career as I was of my
own. I'd tell her I had no idea how she managed to keep everything
going at the office and yet also at home. Sometimes, she confessed
to me, she didn't either.
Because at home she was always my docile kitten, all purring and
pink satin ribbons, and I was the center of her world. No matter
how uncertain of myself I might be elsewhere, at home with her I
was a King ruling over one gorgeous, adoring subject. Sort of like
her father, maybe. Until a few months ago.
First Week -- Friday
One evening a few months ago I came home early from our weekly TGIF
office bash, eager as always to get close to Darla after a full day
of dealing with tensions at work. This time I was a little
annoyed. I'd asked my secretary Michelle to interrupt her tete a
tete with a handsome new Law Associate to pull files I wanted to
review for two complicated pending cases. She'd glanced at me and
said "This weekend? Not a chance. Don't even think of it. Don't
worry, they'll be here Monday." Then she returned to her young man
as if I weren't there.
Her insolence startled me and I was still irked by it, still
puzzled what to do about it, when I arrived home and found that for
once the living room was empty. No Darla. No delicious aromas
from the kitchen. Worry pushed all other thoughts out of my head.
My Darla wasn't upstairs either. I called out her name! Silence.
I glanced out an upstairs window.
There she was, thank God! But she was wandering randomly it seemed
along the floral walk in our back garden, leaning over now and then
to pick flowers for our dinner table I supposed, then
absent-mindedly breaking their stems or snapping off their heads,
one after another. Plainly, disturbed by her thoughts! This
troubled me. My Darla should never feel disturbed by her thoughts!
I came down and stepped out through a slider and just stood there
watching this ritual for a minute or so. "Bad day at the office?"
I asked her suddenly. She looked up, her mind still altogether
elsewhere, for a moment at a loss who had spoken to her! Then she
just looked at me uneasily, her head angled. She'd burnt dinner?
No problem, we'd go out or order in, whatever! Whatever it was, I
held out my arms to invite her into them and comfort her. I liked
imagining I was a safe harbor to preserve her from all of life's
tempests.
She came slowly toward me as if she shouldn't. Darla is about my
size, but she could disappear altogether into my arms when I hugged
her. She wanted me to think I was her whole world, she once
explained to me when I'd surrounded her with my embrace. "You mean
I'm not?" I asked her, half-joking. She just smiled. It was hard
not to think of her as a child -- she encouraged it so I'd feel
more grown up. She told me so once.
But this time she didn't come running into my arms for the big hug
that would make everything all right again. She just stood there
clutching a few zinnias by their thin stems, staring at me as if I
were a stranger. She opened her mouth and then closed it again.
Obviously she was reluctant to say something I might not like.
"Let's go into the living room, sweetie," I said in my kindest,
most coaxing manner. "And then you'll tell me all about it."
"No, Nicholas," she said. I was dumbfounded. So formal! She
always called me "Nickie," or "honey" or "snuggle bear," cute
diminutives like that -- she once said that even calling me
"darling" sometimes made her feel too grown up, too much claiming
to be my equal. But now she was distancing herself! Why?
She saw bewilderment in my face, and added, "I don't want to shake
your world, Nick, but now finally it's unavoidable. I need to
stand my ground right here. Because if we go into the living room
I just might start playing the little girl again, because I always
do, because that's where you're sweet to me and that's how I want
it and you expect it. Then afterward it wouldn't seem right for me
to stand firm and say things that could hurt you. So I've got to
say them right here."
"All right," I said. I already felt hurt. Was I the problem,
somehow? I was worried. "Here's where we'll talk. But can I
fetch us some wine first? And can we sit while you tell me what
mean thing is bothering you."
"You sit, Nick. I'll stand when I say this. But I'd love some
wine, thank you." She then produced a wry grin. "When you hear
what I've got to say you'll probably want something stronger, so
why not get yourself one right now?"
"Wine is fine, honey," I said in as soothing a voice as I could
muster. "I want what you want!"
And as I turned to go inside to open the bottle I'd set chilling
that morning, I heard her say out loud to the flowers and the
shrubs and the air, "Well, we'll see!"
When I came out again I handed her a glass and sat down. Darla
just looked at me for a moment, as if I were someone at work she'd
been told to downsize. Regretfully. Then suddenly she gathered
herself up and became much more brisk, more decisive. She set her
wine down untouched.
"Last year," she began, "Karen took a course at the Women's Center
downtown that changed her life. Roger's life too. Their marriage
was unsatisfactory and they were near a divorce then, you know?
You hadn't known? Well, they were. But now they're very
different, practically inseparable. Roger even quit his job, he
works with us at the HMO now. Not really with us, for us, he's
entry level as a filing clerk. That keeps his mind clear for the
other things she wants him to be thinking about. He sees a lot of
Karen in the course of the day -- she gives him his orders, he
reports back to her, and so forth, and that's saved their marriage.
You didn't know?"
I shook my head. I didn't. Roger had been an arrogant,
tough-minded MBA on his firm's fast track. And now content to be
a filing clerk? Karen's doing, obviously. But how was a mystery!
She paused, and took a breath.
Then continued. "Well, Becky signed up for the same course this
year. She hopes for a similar result with Jason." She paused
again. Then added crisply, "I've signed up too. I should have
consulted you first so you'd feel more involved right off, maybe,
because it's a serious commitment for both of us. But I finally
decided it wasn't necessary, it's what I want to do, so I know
you'll want me to do it, and that you'll be glad to help me." Her
voice ended on an upward inflection, as if she were not quite sure,
but then she added firmly, "You will help me, honey, because I want
you to. We both know it." And her gray eyes looked at me
steadily.
"Of course, dear," I said. I took a sip of wine and realized that
for the first time I didn't feel we were cordially chatting, me
eliciting information from Darla so I could make decisions for her.
Instead I felt like a client being informed he's been
plea-bargained into serving time, like it or not. If Karen was
behind this, I was suspicious. "And what kind of course is this
that you think will change your life the way it changed Karen's?"
Somehow my patronizing tone nettled her. She ignored the words and
addressed instead the way they sounded. Not my wife but the HMO's
efficient executive administrator replied sharply. "I don't just
'think' it, Nicholas, I've no doubt whatever that it will change
our lives. OUR lives. It's called 'Assertion and Empathy
Training.' It starts tonight, and I'll be going in to the Center
for a training session every Friday night from now on, for a few
months anyhow, maybe less, maybe longer, depending on results. We
set our own goals. Sometimes it takes only a month. We may be
lucky."
I suddenly felt relieved. If Darla wanted to spend her Friday
evenings doing Assertive Empathy Training, or Primal Screaming, or
Aroma Therapy, or whatever this year's women's fad, that was fine.
Sure. "That's just fine, Darla!" I said, hoping my enthusiasm
didn't sound too forced. "I do hope the course does everything you
wish. I'll miss being with you all those Friday evenings of
course. But I'm sure we can make it up over the weekend. Just how
am I involved?"
Darla suddenly sat down at the patio table and picked up her wine
glass. Her eyes were still leveled at me and she ignored my
question. Instead, she asked in an even tone of voice, "Then you
approve? You'll cooperate?"
"Why of course I will!" I said egregiously. Then too late, the
lawyer in me woke up. "Cooperate how?" I asked.
Now Darla turned evasive, even a little girlish. "I'm so relieved!
You've just made me so happy!" she burst out. "I'll take you at
your word, sweetheart! Good!" She took a tentative sip, still
staring at me. "I've been so worried that you might not agree. I
really don't want to leave you."
Leave me? I suddenly felt frightened. What was this?
She didn't seem to notice. She sipped her wine again and looked
into the glass approvingly, then her eyes turned to focus again on
mine. Emphatically but impersonally, as if she were behind her
desk and orienting a new member of her staff. "Here's how you're
involved, honey. First, the course runs weekly with no breaks,
that's how it gets results. So our winter holiday down south may
need to be postponed -- and if we do go, it'll be quite different
from our usual winter holiday." She shifted her hips in the chair
and glanced down again with a slight smile, then back up at me.
"Certainly for you. Very much so."
"That's no hardship, Darla," I said, beginning to worry about just
how intrusive this was going to be. "Not if this thing means that
much to you."
"It does," Darla said, then without missing a beat, "Secondly, each
Friday night there's a training and discussion session at the
Women's Center for the facilitators, that's us, all the wives and
girlfriends who are doing the course. Saturdays and Sundays we
apply what we've learned, that's our homework I guess you'd call
it. Some things we keep going during the week. So it isn't just
Friday evenings. We're busy with it all weekend. Or more."
This was beginning to look like a lost Fall and Winter. My wife
loaded with homework every weekend? I wondered what I'd be doing
while she was busy. There weren't that many games on the tube. I
supposed I'd read, or visit with the guys. Becky's husband Jason
would also be at loose ends, and I hadn't seen Roger for nearly a
year. Catch up more casework maybe?
"Darla," I asked a little plaintively. "Won't we be doing anything
together while this course is filling up all your free time?"
Now Darla just looked at me. Then suddenly she stood again, and I
realized that she hadn't changed into something more comfortable
when she'd arrived home -- she was still dressed in her power
outfit, a business suit, jacket and skirt and blouse, with a
flowing scarf at the neck that somehow asserted her femininity
without implying weakness. "Nick, you don't understand yet, do
you? By "we" I don't mean just me and the other women in the
course. I mean me and you. You're the person I'll be training,
you'll be the one developing empathy. We'll be together
practically every moment every weekend, and it's advisable during
the week too. Except for Friday evenings when I'm at the Women's
Center. And except when you're doing your exercises. There're a
lot of them, mostly writing, and some lab work in a manner of
speaking, some field exercises I guess you'd call them. Real life
tests. I give you projects and assignments and leave you alone to
do them, and you write them up, and then I judge what you've done
and we discuss them. Maybe you do them again. Now and then you do
something on your own."
I was bewildered. I just stared up at her.
She looked back down at me, and a faint smile turned up the corners
of her mouth. "Think about it, sweetie. I learn how to be more
assertive with you. I haven't been, not at all, you'll have to
grant that. You learn to be much more sensitive and understanding
about how I think and feel, you learn to share in whatever I'm
thinking and feeling, that's what empathy is. Sympathy is what you
feel for a person while keeping your distance, but empathy is what
you feel as if you are that person, that's what the course
stresses. You'll write out how you feel about some things, and
then how you imagine I feel about them, about all sorts of things.
I read what you've written and correct your misimpressions. Then
I give you more assignments. This course is designed to raise our
consciousness of each other, mainly yours of me. It will change
our relationship. We'll both be very different when it's over, I'm
sure. I think better. I hope so. Some relationships don't
survive it, of course. We'll see about us!"
Even more frightening! "What's wrong with our relationship now?"
I asked in a small voice, wishing this whole conversation were
somewhere else between two other people.
"That's the first lesson, Nick. Tonight's. I could tell you, but
it's better if you find out for yourself. I'm off soon for my
first session, and tomorrow morning you'll begin yours, and then
we'll both know. That's how the course works."
This was not my sweet Darla. Things somehow had already begun to
change.
She glanced at her watch, then looked at me gratefully, more like
my old Darla. "I'm so glad you've agreed to do this, Nick. I
really am. It shows there's still hope for us."
Again I was silent, just staring at her. Hope? What was she
talking about? Were things that bad? I'd thought they were
perfect! She reached over and picked up her wine glass again, now
quite relaxed, and sipped again at her wine. "Are you sure you
don't want something stronger to drink?," she asked me. "A stiff
one will do you good!" She smiled to herself as she heard the
innuendo in what she'd said. Until this moment she'd have blushed.
But now she only added, "Though if this works out you'll have
plenty. Oh, while you're in the house, phone for a pizza, or we'll
have nothing to eat before I have to go."
Then she actually dismissed me with her eyes! As if I were some
errant staff member just called to account in her office! She
turned away and headed down the path to gather flowers again. But
this time all concentration, her mind composed, now not in the
slightest distracted. When the pizza arrived we ate it mostly in
silence. I asked her about problems at work, and she declined to
describe any. So I told her about Michelle's insubordination, and
she commented only, "I don't wonder."
Near midnight she came home from her first session looking
self-assured, confident, at ease with herself. Her body seemed
somehow less soft, strengthened in some odd way, even wiry.
Without a word she handed me a single sheet with my first writing
assignment typed on it. It said I was to write for three hours
describing as sensitively as I could some one extremely intimate
experience we'd shared, a sexual experience, first from my point of
view, then from what I imagined was her point of view.
Not too bad. Darla had mentioned there'd be writing, and I had no
problem with that. That's what lawyers mostly do. I'm always
arguing something or other for someone or other. I'm used to
adopting other people's points of view and anticipating their
arguments. In the morning I'd write, and in the afternoon we'd
discuss whatever I wrote, and she'd reveal to me maybe for the
first time how she'd really felt during that intimate experience,
whatever I thought she was feeling. No harm in that. She paused
and looked at me, waiting for a response.
She was so charming, this newly assertive Darla, that I couldn't
really object. Remembering some one intimate moment with Darla
would be fun, a little like writing pornography for her eyes only.
So I kissed her on the tip of her nose and told her I'd be happy to
do it, first thing tomorrow, though I didn't see how it would take
up the whole weekend. She didn't respond. So I took her hand and
started to lead her upstairs to bed.
She immediately withdrew her hand from mine but then accompanied me
up the stairs anyhow. "This is one of the things we discussed
tonight," she said. "From now on, if we go to bed together, it's
only because I want it. You don't lead me. On Fridays there'll be
no sex, because that would take the edge off your Saturday morning
assignments. I want you to feel wanting on Saturdays, hard up,
especially anxious to please me. That way you'll concentrate
better on your assignments. Sundays too. There may be sex of some
sort on some weekends as a reward, or as part of the learning
experience. And that's what we'll call it, 'sex,' because that's
what it is. You can love someone but have sex with someone else,
they're different. Love is how we feel about each other, maybe,
and sex is what we do with each other. Or don't do, except maybe
certain limited kinds I'll allow you. Maybe."
Bummer! For maybe months? Was that why last year Karen's husband
Roger pulled out of our monthly poker game, and we hadn't seen him
since? Quit his job too, all in order dance attendance on Karen?
He was that hard up?
"We should have Karen and Roger over," I said. "And find out how
they dealt with these assignments and things."
"Don't worry Nick, we will, but not soon! After you've shaped up."
Her tone was peculiar, partly agreeable and reassuring, yet also
partly resolute, as if she were telling me there'd better be no
argument about it. I glanced at her, but her face looked composed
enough.
We undressed for bed, and as I changed into my pajamas she slipped
off her skirt, blouse, and jacket and hung them away. I'd seen her
do this hundreds of times, thousands, but this time there was
something different in the way it affected me! In how she carried
her body? A certain poised ease, an unconcern with what I thought
of her? I simply couldn't look away. As she reached into her
closet, her slip twisted into tight folds across her figure, and
her ripe breasts thrust above her waist and the melons of her tush
curved down below. She was still wearing the stiletto heels she
always wore with that business suit, no doubt for height and
authority. Her instep still arched arrogantly, like a ballerina's.
I held my breath and just watched.
She bent far forward and crossed her arms and pinched the hem of
her slip with each hand, then lifted it high over her head. Then
she paused for a moment as if daydreaming. I looked on in awe.
Just stunning, my wife, my sweet goddess! There she was now,
almost naked, her creamy white breasts spilling their abundance out
of her delicate lilac-lace bra, her matching lilac lace panties and
satin garter-belt clasping and caressing her sweet ass, those
globes I'd grasped so often when plunging myself into her. And
below were her long legs, tubes of sheer, shining black nylon
tipped finally by those high, thin heels.
"Wow!" I said without thinking. I don't think I'd ever seen her
looking so provocative!
She glanced over and saw me staring worshipfully at her, my pajama
pants now poked far out by an enormous boner, and she looked quite
pleased. "That's how I want you, honey," was all she said. She
sounded smug as she reached down to detach her garters and unroll
those black nylon encasements from her legs. "And that's how it'll
be until you earn the right to ease yourself." She grinned at me
now. "Oh, yes, I forgot to mention, you're not to touch yourself
without my permission. No masturbating from now on, not for the
rest of the course. A horny erection is a girl's best ally when a
man needs to change his ways. Our discussion leader told us to
think of a cock as a kind of dog leash a man leaves hanging down
there for us to use. 'If it's hard,' she said, 'a single jerk on
it brings him to heel, ready to sit up and beg.'" She grinned.
"Abstinence will be good for you, sweetheart. You'll appreciate me
more."
"I appreciate you plenty now, Darla," I said devoutly.
Still strangely spellbound by her new self-assurance, I was
entranced as she reached behind her, elbows like small wings on
either side of her torso, bent forward, and unhooked her bra, and
then I watched fascinated as her heavy breasts swung free, their
nipples engorged. My lips involuntarily pursed and my cock began
to throb. I wanted her so desperately at that moment! My lawyer's
mind reached for arguments. "When I can't make love to you, Darla
honey, aren't you unfairly deprived? We're equal partners in bed,
aren't we?"
"Oh, I've got no problems like yours, honey," she said, glancing
again at that outcropping on my groin. It lurched as she spoke.
"And in fact, we aren't equal. I'm sure you've noticed how I
always take charge when we're ... having sex? That's my real
nature. It's subdued most of the time, so you won't feel
threatened. But now it needs to become dominant." Now she was
altogether nude, and I could only stare! She was so luscious!
"I've felt apologetic about it I suppose because I was raised to
believe that women should submit to men's desires. Well, from now
on I'll have sex when I want it, only then, and how I want it, and
there'll be no apologies. I will be satisfied." She paused.
"I'll have it. We'll have it when you deserve it. I do hope you
will."
She reached high up over her head again, and as her breasts rose up
I caught my breath again. A dainty nightgown fluttered down over
her beautiful head and shoulders, its pink lacy edges cascading
over her breasts to pause just past her neatly trimmed blonde bush.
Her labia were really swollen. I guess she was really getting off
on this power trip of hers.
"With that prick of yours poking out the way it is, honey," she
said in a kindly voice, "you'd better sleep on your back tonight.
I don't want you humping the mattress until you've turned in
several acceptable assignments."
I tried again. "Darla, we both suffer if I don't turn in
acceptable assignments, don't we?" I said. "This isn't fair, to
you I mean, is it?"
I was so overwrought from watching that naked ass tossing itself
under the hem of her nightie that my prick nearly went ballistic.
A wet spot started where I throbbed against my pajamas.
"Oh, I can take care of myself," she replied. "I learned tonight.
It's our opening exercise each Friday, a kind of pledge of
allegiance to ourselves. We get pointers on how to improve our
techniques. I just use my pussy muscles. Watch, no hands and no
man!"
She stood still, facing me, areolas dark shadows behind those
enormous jutting nipples. I'd never realized her breasts were so
huge on that body! They held her nightie at least six inches away
from her body as it descended in free fall from those outcropped
nipple tips down to her crotch level. I sat down on the bed.
Maybe my stiff pole would recede into my lap if I sat? It didn't.
Maybe it would be less noticeable? It wasn't.
Then Darla closed her eyes and began to sway her hips gently,
barely rotating her pelvis into a restrained bump-and-grind. The
movement was too inconspicuous to be bawdy but too obvious to be
casual or any way genteel. A satisfied smile gradually spread
across her face as she concentrated on her feelings. A seductive
sensation seemed to be rising out of her loins. Her face grew
intent, then pained. Her undulations intensified. Then suddenly
she cried out "Ahhh! Ahhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhhhhh!" and she
seemed to catch her breath, and then sag, just slightly, as if
spent. Then as she recovered her breath and opened her eyes again,
she saw me watching her closely, my face concerned.
"No, honey," she said, still breathing rapidly, "It isn't as good
as with you inside me." She stopped for a second, then added,
"No, I shouldn't say that any more -- it gives you a false sense of
entitlement. What I mean is, it isn't as good as when a man's
stiff prick is inside me. Like that one you've got. Or bigger."
She smiled at how that sounded, and straightened her shoulders,
then smiled again when she saw the consternation on my face. But
she continued as if there were nothing wrong, "Or a really long,
thick dildo, something solid I can clamp down on." Then she added,
"No, not as good, but it'll do!"
I was still shocked, but she paid no attention. Her thoughts began
drifting. "I'd always wondered about Beth," she mused, "a girl I
knew in high school, not too bright, I'd always wondered what she
was doing in Math class, wriggling slightly and moaning. This, I
guess. It's wonderful, really! No hands, and barely detectable.
I can do it for myself any time, even during staff meetings!"
She looked directly at me. "But you're not to do anything for your
self, nothing at all! You need to be eager to please me any time
for the next few months. That pretty penis of yours is off limits
to your hands unless I say otherwise! And to the mattress. And to
any doors or walls or cushions or knotholes or stray dogs in heat
that may take your fancy when you get really hard up! Understood?"
I looked down at that stiff rod in my lap, still fully erect. So
near and yet so far. Would I want to cheat when she wasn't
watching me? Could she tell, somehow? I nodded.
"They told us that the men in our lives will cheat and can't be
trusted. So they gave us each one of these things to use on them.
Bring that thing over here, would you please?"
I did eagerly, and stood expectant in front of her. She slipped
something that looked like an thick elastic sock over my hard on,
and tightened a plastic clip at its base.
"There! That's part of a chastity device. They want us to install
one now and leave it on until the course is done. But I'll use
only this liner part, and leave it on you only for tonight, and
I'll cut it off you tomorrow morning. Just so you'll know I can,
that I'm serious. I want voluntary compliance, self-discipline,
conformity from within, nothing compelled. If I don't get it we'll
both regret it, Nick, because that moment, we're finished as a
couple. This tells you that you don't play with yourself, and you
don't cum, unless I say so. Am I clear?"
"Yes," I said hastily. Clear enough! Then to take my mind off my
imprisoned boner I asked Darla, "What's that plug for, on this
device?"
"It's an electric connection for a controller, to shock your penis
if it should get an erection. I don't want that for you. I like
the idea that you're hard up."
I had nothing to say to that. After I moment I asked her dryly,
"What else did they teach you tonight, besides how to have sex
without me and how to deprive me of sex without you? I thought
this was 'Assertive Empathy Training.'"
"Oh, it is! It teaches us to assert ourselves against oppressive
patriarchies! That's you. How to empower ourselves. How husbands
are the main obstacles to our own self-realization. That's why
this course is mostly how to re-train you to understand and accept
the new me. That's where the empathy comes in. It applies to all
the men in our lives. I even told everyone about my father."
"What about your father? Isn't he beyond re-training now?"
A glance told me she didn't appreciate my irony. "After Mom died
he really spoiled me. I was the one girl left in his life, and I
learned quickly that I could get anything I wanted from him by
continuing to play the little girl. So I did. The way I've done
with you. It's a kind of blackmail."
"Blackmail? You mean you'd threaten a tantrum if you didn't get
what you wanted?"
"No, I mean he'd blackmail me that way. Emotionally. The way you
do. By making me feel guilty if I declare what I want directly.
By threatening to withhold affection if I stop playing your dear
little girl, if I should move toward assuming my own proper
prerogatives."
We'd never used words like "threatening" or "prerogatives" with
each other! And I'd never done that! I'd never threatened
anything! My Darla had fallen into the toils of Women's Libbers!
Maybe even man-hating lesbians? I realized I'd better watch my
step, or I really might lose her altogether, the way she was
talking. That thought was terrifying! I loved her! She was my
darling, my life! There'd be no disagreements!
So all I responded was, "So you yielded to your father's blackmail?
He always seemed mild and undemanding enough to me."
"Oh, yes. That's how he became after I learned how to deal with
him directly. The way I'll be dealing with you. By asserting
myself firmly, I pretty much got him willing to agree to anything,
and I really tested him!" She smiled to herself, reminiscing. "He
needed me way more than I needed him. He got to be dependent on
me. I learned how to use that need to my own advantage."
She smiled at me and tossed her head, almost disdainfully, it
seemed. "We talked about it tonight. Men feel fulfilled when
they're submissive to women. They deny it, and they bury it under
all those macho attitudes and postures, but it's there. Being a
"gentleman" and serving women, helping them with their coats and
opening doors and being of service to them, that's what they love.
Their mothers inculcate it, and they're hard-wired by evolution to
be that way, to protect and serve all the girls and women in their
lives. I finally learned to do with my Dad what my Mom once did.
Instead of wheedling and coaxing him, I ordered him to do things.
And I humiliated him when he didn't, the way Mom did when she was
alive. He was used to it. He ended up grateful, much happier,
when I let him wait on me hand and foot."
She suddenly stopped and looked closely at me, to see if she'd said
too much. I'd heard, but I wasn't listening that carefully -- my
cock was still throbbing inside its thick package.
"Let's go to bed," she said finally. "Just lie on your back. You
can put one hand on my hip if you need to feel consoled, but just
this one night."
I lay next to her. At first she turned away from me and wriggled
her hip into the mattress to get comfortable, then her breathing
grew deep and regular. I stared at the ceiling and at the mound my
encased prick pushed up under the blanket, wishing this whole thing
were over so we could get back to the way things were. I put my
hand gently on Darla's hip and realized that it was tensing,
rotating ever so slightly again, and that her breathing was getting
more ragged. Then she sighed "Ahhhhh! Aaaahhhhhhhh!" a few times
and stretched herself luxuriously, cat-like. Then she fell asleep.
My cock throbbed as I too fell asleep.
First Week -- Saturday
In the morning when I woke up I was still rigid. As I often did
every Saturday when I got up first, I fixed Darla's breakfast and
brought it to her in bed. She opened her eyes and saw the tray
straight away and then my cock underneath jutting toward her like
a hot dog in a bun, and she looked amused. I set the tray down,
and she reached into a bedside drawer, took up a pair of manicure
scissors, snipped off the plastic band, removed the chastity sock
and tossed it to one side, and then said, "I think you'll remember
now." As if I could forget!
After breakfast I settled into my study and turned on the computer
and decided that the intimate moment I would write about was the
first time we'd made real love together -- had sex together, she'd
want me to say now -- just about when we'd decided not to date
anyone else and to start going steady. That was the first time
we'd let desire sweep us past all the preliminaries, all the
kissing and necking and fingering and making out, the first time
we'd wrapped ourselves around each other naked and screwed each
other silly. I remembered that it was as wonderful for her as it
was for me, the culmination of months of waiting, our first
complete act of love and trust, the moment when our most urgent
desires were finally realized. It had yielded for her the same
glowing certainty I felt afterward, that we were marvelously
compatible physically as well as all the other ways, that we were
soulmates, meant for each other. I'd never felt as close to anyone
before then. My first moment inside her was so sweet, I could
still feel it! She was so tight I could scarcely move once I'd
inserted myself. I'd lain on top of her and pushed and thrust
myself into her and filled my mouth with her astonishing breasts.
Then ....
I typed steadily for three hours while elsewhere in the house Darla
was doing her Saturday morning stretch-Yoga and chatting cheerfully
on the phone. Then I printed out.
After lunch Darla asked me to clear away the dishes while she
carried the pages into the living room and read them carefully,
saying nothing until she'd finished the last page. Then she set
them down and called me in, motioned for me to come toward her, to
sit on the floor opposite her easy chair -- usually my easy chair,
the seat of household authority, she'd taken it over. That was
odd, but I did it. This was her game, after all. I later found
that was where she wanted me whenever I was waiting for her to come
home from her Friday sessions and whenever we needed to talk,
especially when I hadn't done well.
"What you remember may be what you actually felt," she began. "But
it's clear you had no idea what I was feeling. And you still have
no idea."
"No?" I looked at her. Here she was, perched in the chair where
we'd made glorious love together as recently as three days ago.
Darla looked so cute, and her face was so solemn! But I tried to
listen to her. Then as my heart fell I couldn't help but listen.
She laid it out in a quiet voice, gaining confidence as she spoke.
My essay was altogether lacking in empathy or understanding. I was
mistaken about how she felt about sex back then. She'd done it
with me only because I'd repeatedly insisted, because I'd always
turned bitter every time she refused to give me that last full
measure of devotion. She wasn't a prude -- she'd once lived
briefly with an earlier boyfriend -- but she'd known almost
immediately that with me it was a different kind of relationship,
serious. She'd really wanted to wait until we were married and
belonged to each other. It was old-fashioned of her, but she
didn't want it to seem like one more casual fling, that was how she
felt. She'd yielded to me against her will, to some extent again
and again ever since then. She always felt somehow that though she
belonged to me, I belonged to my desires, not to her. That may be
why even in the deepest throes of sex she always felt unsatisfied.
That could be one reason why she always cried out for more no
matter how strenuously I was cramming myself at her. That's why
now she needed to change our relationship.
Then she told me that when I'd first pushed myself into her she
wasn't ready, not quite in the mood, and I'd hurt her. That when
she'd bitten her lower lip that night it wasn't passion, as I'd
assumed in my smug pride, it was to keep from crying out in pain.
She'd asked me to lick her pussy every time we had sex since then
not because she craved oral sex, not then, but to be sure I'd never
enter her again when she wasn't already wet.
Moreover, there was something pressing, urgent about the way I made
love, as if I was trying to prove something that I doubted deep
down. She'd wondered about it -- maybe I was proving to myself
that I wasn't gay? Maybe there was that side of me too, and in all
honesty I should acknowledge it? She'd noticed that any time gay
sex came up as a topic, or she'd tell me about a gay couple we both
knew, I seemed to block off in my mind any thought of what their
sex might be like. Was I afraid to consider such ideas? She
enjoyed sex with a man, so my inability to imagine it probably
closed me off utterly from understanding how and why she enjoyed
it.
Or was it that in my heart I simply doubted that I was man enough
for her? She'd decided yes, because it explained my overeager
lovemaking, and she'd since devoted much effort to supporting my
sense of sufficiency. Yes, she knew about how my parents hadn't
been there to build self-confidence in me when young, but it was
well past time I grew up! If I wasn't man enough for her, that was
not something to deny but something to acknowledge and deal with.
She'd thought of calling off our engagement a few times before we
were married, because I was so insensitive to her physical needs.
She'd hint at them, difficult as it was for her to speak of such
intimate matters, but I'd never really listen. She'd married me as
planned because she didn't want to disappoint her girlfriends,
those who cared for her and knew how she felt, especially her
would-be bridesmaids. "He's just clueless, like most guys, " one
had told her. "Play the sweet goody goody, the way he expects,
probably needs." That's what she'd done, as with her father while
growing up, and now she felt trapped in the role. "You can always
change him afterward, the way you changed your father," another had
advised. And that's what she was now doing. Finally.
It didn't sound too good to me. What did this mean? While we were
dating I'd noticed that her father most of the time was a wraith in
shirtsleeves who watched TV or sat at the dinner table, said
little, asked for nothing, and was never consulted. I couldn't
connect him with the hearty man in his wedding photo, arm wrapped
around a smiling bride, a self-confident former all star athlete.
Once, when we'd wanted the sitting room to ourselves, Darla had
told him it was his bed-time, and without a word he'd gone
upstairs. I'd wondered then if like many daughters, Darla would
expect her husband to be like her father. But it didn't seem so,
nor did it worry me. I knew I'd never end up like him. Too much
pride, I'd never allow it.
Though not when she told me all these things. I felt crushed.
Humiliated. Somehow found out. I apologized. I told her I wished
I'd known how she really felt. That I was a brute, self-centered
and conceited. I told her that I really did love her, with all my
heart. That I wanted to make a new beginning.
She said she knew that. She told me that not *whether* I loved her
but *how* I loved her was the issue. She was willing to begin
again. But it would have to be her way this time. It was not
going to be easy for me.
Then she then set the first condition for our ongoing relationship,
that for now it was only a relationship, not a marriage, not an
institution to reinforce my patriarchal domination of her. All
bets and assumptions were off. We were living together on her
sufferance.
The second was that on weekends she was in sole charge. We were
not equal partners, as I'd imagined while I was lording it over
her. We weren't partners at all. To stay reminded of this, on
weekends I would no longer call her "Darla" nor any of the many pet
names I had for her, but "Miss Darla" or "ma'am," which she told me
was the only respectful way a man like me should address the woman
of the house. She didn't want me feeling too familiar or intimate
or casually comfortable in her presence. Especially if I needed
correcting or chastising.
"Darla," I objected....
She glared at me. Then said emphatically, "I think we'll extend
that requirement. You'll speak properly to me even on weekdays, so
you won't ever forget the courtesy you owe me. You can call me
'Darla' or any endearment you choose when there are others present.
I may not answer to that name, but you can use it. Otherwise I am
'ma'am' or 'Miss Darla' to you from now on. I am reclaiming my
status as a single woman. We are not married. You no longer have
claims on me as a husband!"
I was appalled! Was she dissolving six years of happy -- I'd
thought they were happy -- married intimacy, just by adding a
single syllable to her name? Apparently so. All I could do was
stare!
"Now rewrite this three hours of male crowing. This time from my
point of view as I've explained it. I want to see how close you
can come to thinking what I think, feeling what I feel. Put
yourself in my place and tell the story again." She handed me the
sheaf of papers and I took it.
Later that afternoon I gave her a new account in which I imagined
myself in Darla's situation, even in her body. How she felt when
my own body approached hers and consummated our relationship.
Scared and annoyed and also maybe trapped by her need to indulge
me. Despite everything turned on by the sex despite how she felt
about me, really craving it, I couldn't leave that out. And
dissatisfied there too. Darla read the new essay expressionlessly,
glanced once at me, and said nothing. I suppose that was
something, anyhow.
I was even less happy that night when 'Miss Darla' moved me out of
our bedroom into the guest bedroom. I objected, but she simply
said, "Did I say I wanted a new beginning, Nicholas, or did you say
it? Of course if you want it to end right here...."
I hurriedly assured her I didn't, and she seemed to relent for a
moment. She walked with me from our bed to the doorway of our
bedroom, ours no longer, and as I stepped out into the hall I
couldn't help it, I turned back to look for a moment at that room,
that bed we'd shared for six years, mine too until just a few
minutes ago. I was near tears.
She saw, and the old Darla almost came to the surface. She placed
a hand on my cheek. "Poor baby," she said sympathetically. "I
know. We have a long way to go, but it'll be better for us in the
end. For both of us. You'll see."
Then she stepped back and said, "Remember to sleep on your back and
to keep your hands where they belong." And she closed the door in
my face.
First Week -- Sunday
The next morning she told me to write down how I'd felt about my
first night alone, and how I thought she felt. I wrote that I was
lonely and missed her terribly, and that she probably felt
luxuriously free of my condescending attitudes toward her and
regretful that she had to do it, and I brought it to her. She
looked up once while reading and said, "No, pitying, not
regretful." Then handing it back she said, "I especially want you
to write down any rebellious thoughts you may have during this
process. If you don't and I find you've had any, that's the moment
you move out of the house, or I do." She then told me to empty my
things from the closet and bureau in her bedroom and bring them
into my new bedroom. She needed the space and the privacy. She
didn't ever want me in there uninvited. I did. What else could I
do?
That afternoon Darla changed from jeans into a dress and went out
without saying a word to me about where she was going or when she'd
be back. This had never happened before, and I was a little
concerned. She feels no way accountable to me for her movements
any more, I supposed. My mind wandered into worst cases. What if
she got into an accident? Or was abducted?
Worse still, what if she'd gone out to meet a man? Someone else?
My imagination took hold. What if it was one of those young guys
in her office who are always trying their luck with any of the
attractive women they run into? What would I do if she were to
leave the house some afternoon looking cool and well-dressed, like
now, and not return until early the next morning looking flushed
and mussed? What could I do? Give up trying to preserve our
marriage? Our former marriage? Could I still care for such a
sexually liberated Darla? Could I share her? Would I want to?
Would I have to leave her if she took up with other men? Or seemed
to take up with them? What if it turned out that despite
suspicious-looking behavior on her part, what she had actually done
was irreproachable? What if it turned out that my fears and
reproaches were irrelevant? Were we still married as far as
fidelity went? Did I own her?
These questions were so distressing I had to push them aside.
Darla returned a few hours later looking flushed and mussed, her
arms filled with groceries I'd noticed we needed, commenting on
extraordinary crowds and long lines at the supermarket. She seemed
casual enough. But why had she changed to a dress to go grocery
shopping? Was that amusement I saw in her eyes when she saw the
worry in mine? Did she change only in order to worry me?
When the groceries were put away she came into the living room and
unexpectedly leaned over and turned off the game I was watching on
TV. I looked up at her, wondering if she was angry at me, or
vindictive, or playful, or what? She looked back down at me, and
then smiled, and slowly, with both hands, she hiked up her skirt.
I saw she wasn't wearing panties. There was her beautiful bush,
fully exposed. Looking straight down at me the whole time, she
backed over to her easy chair and sat down and leaned back and then
spread her legs wide apart.
"C'mere baby," she said. "Come put your head in my lap!"
I knelt in front of her and looked for her lap. There was none,
only her two thighs spread wide apart. I understood.
So I dove into her, and only seconds later I was licking her
delicate pussy lips while her writhing wiped its liquor all over my
face. Her arms braced across the back of the couch, her breasts
were thrust forward, and her hips twisting obscenely to spread it
all over my nose and mouth and chin. After a week of no fucking,
she was incredibly juicy. She came almost at once, and immediately
started building toward a second climax. She called out "Oh? Ah?
Ah! Ahhhhh!" as if they were questions and affirmations in rising
crescendo as my tongue flicked her clit, her cries panting closer
and closer together. Then came a piercing scream, unforgettable,
often her ultimate orgasmic declaration, a long-drawn out cry that
was actually a little frightening. Her legs clamped down hard on
my head and pulled my face tight into her cunt. I could feel all
that slick, wet membrane fluttering, pulsing, squeezing slippery
juices into my nose and eyes and mouth, and only as the throbbing
waned did her legs relax and allow me to draw a deep breath!
I seized her around the waist and began to haul myself up onto her,
ready now at last to sink my neglected and aggrieved, iron-hard
cock deep into that soaked pit, one hand fumbling to maneuver it
out though my fly -- never mind trying to get my pants down. "NO!"
she said, still gasping to catch her breath. "No, Nick, stay on
your knees! This is for MY pleasure! Your pleasure is in giving
me pleasure!"
I was astonished and appalled! "Darla!" I began to plead. "Miss
Darla!" I remembered to add quickly.
"That's better!" she said. "Now take your hand away from that
thing down there! That's it! I know your poor balls are aching,
and I do feel sorry for them, but there will be no relief for them
this week!
She pushed me back down with both arms and then continued, her
voice kindly, "We'll have just one kind of sex at a time! No more
trying for everything and not getting enough of anything! Your
face felt very good in there, what you just did. So do it again!"
So I sank back down. She lolled back, this time at her ease, and
again I sank to my knees and planted my nose where it could nuzzle
her clit, and pushed my tongue into that drenched cavern just
below. It took a long time before she resumed rotating and pushing
her crotch into my face while I slurped and lapped and sucked and
gasped and smooched her. Finally she came again with a loud,
languorous, full-bodied sigh, her thighs again wrapped tight around
my neck. Then she relaxed again.
This time I felt defeated. My neck and my jaw ached, and I'm sure
I looked a little mournful when I looked up at her to see if she
was through for now. She had her eyes closed while she again
recovered her breath.
When she opened them, she said, "Aw, you poor dear! Don't look so
sad, Nick! You have every reason to feel proud. You did well.
That was very good! I should rent you out, you're so good at this!
Now just sit back while I go clean myself up, Or better, why don't
you see if you can fix us something nice for dinner. Oh yes, don't
wipe your face. I want to see it looking nice and shiny like that
for a while longer, to remind me where it's been. And I want you
to enjoy the aroma. To get used to it, so you'll miss it when it
isn't there. Your face between my legs should come eventually feel
like where you belong. Like home."
I did as she requested. I laid out a light Sunday supper with my
face and hair still soaked and sticky, and as we ate she now and
then looked across at me with a little girl's delight. She felt
playful. "I bet you're wondering why I put on a dress just to go
the supermarket, and just when it was that I took off my panties.
Aren't you?"
I just looked uneasy, the way I felt, and said nothing.
"Did you think I tasted the same as I always do?"
She was teasing me. I'd wondered. As my tongue had dipped into
the slick liquids coating her cunt, and my lips sucked them, I'd
brought intense, rapt concentration to that first moment of
contact, its viscosity and flavor, seeking familiarity, dreading an
encounter with something strange. Dreading the moment when it
would already be too late, another man's cum was now already in my
mouth, rolling across my tongue, telling me that I was a cuckold
for certain and an involuntary cocksucker at one remove. The
moment when undeniable evidence was coating my mouth and despite
myself I was savoring its flavor and its feel. When my mouth would
fill with the sperm another man had left inside my wife when he
made her his own, and my choices were reduced to two: swallow or
spit. She knew I'd been excruciatingly uncertain as my tongue had
reached toward her vulva.
But I'd immediately determined with no doubt whatever that she
tasted the same as always. That familiar musky, faintly fishy,
flowery Darla taste. There was no difference. She knew that too.
Then why was she teasing me? Because she was telling me she might
not always taste the same? That the man she lived with might one
day taste ... another man's sperm? She was making it clear, if she
wanted to fuck others, she would, and she wouldn't hesitate to have
me lick them out of her afterward. It would give her satisfaction
to know that's what I was doing, whether I knew it or not.
Had I already have done so some time in the past? Was I absolutely
sure I hadn't? I hadn't really paid attention to her flavors --
her pussy musk always overwhelmed my ability to discriminate. Now
I'd have to become a connoisseur.
"You feel happy whenever I'm happy, whatever the reasons, don't you
Nick? You're happy simply because I'm happy. So you want me to be
happy, however. Isn't that true? Isn't that's what love is."
I was right. She was preparing me for ... for what? For the day
she comes home sexually satisfied by someone else, singing about
her new-found happiness? But it was true. That's what love is.
"Yes ma'am," I said.
"Well, this has been a very productive first session. I'm pleased,
so you can be too. If you want you may wipe that delicious gravy
off your face now, but then suck on the napkin. Always remember
that my pleasure is precious, and remember to enjoy pleasing me.
Then you'll feel privileged when I allow you to go down on me."
She watched me wipe my cheeks and chin and then nibble the napkin,
savoring her new found power and my willingness to bow before it.
She smiled encouragingly, and I smiled back my gratitude. I guess
I did feel less depressed, just looking at her. I did feel pleased
that my darling Darla was so pleased with me. My Miss Darla, I
mean.
And that was only the first weekend.
Second Week -- Monday
Driving to my office early on Monday, I remembered how my secretary
Michelle had refused to get me the case files to take home, and I
wondered how to reprimand her even though, as it turned out, she'd
been right -- I'd have had no time to read them. Then when I
arrived at the office there they were on my desk, each key entry
already tagged and indexed for fast reference -- I scarcely needed
to review them at all. Then all day Michelle excelled at
everything -- she was all diligent efficiency and smiles, and
seemed to do whatever I asked with a faint indulgent affection. My
but she must have made out well over the weekend with that
Associate, I was thinking to myself. Good loving does that. Good
sex, I mean.
So I let it pass. I had enough to cope with as it was, what with
no sex for days and days now, and no prospect of it for who knows
how long, and my wife turning loose, persuaded she was no longer my
wife. I was painfully horny, and my cock rose and fell whenever
any secretary within sight stretched her arms and pushed her chest
out and yawned before returning to her typing. But there was
nothing I could do about it. Not without breaking my word to
Darla, and that I didn't dare! I loved Darla and I cared about our
marriage, and I'd go some distance to preserve it through this
strange, distracted time of her life. And of mine.
Second Week -- Friday
Work all week was incredibly crushed, and Accounting demanded my
hourly logs and billings for their monthly summaries. I took the
figures home to