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After many people had emailed me regarding the big mountain man, Kodiak, wanting to know more about him and to read his story, I sat down and over the course of the past year, and I put his story to word. 'Kodiak' is a continuation of my earlier story entitled 'The Homestead'. Although it is a stand-alone story, it does have several references to the earlier one. If you have read 'The Homestead', this is written using the same timeline of that earlier story. It takes place just after young Samantha leaves the mountain. Kodiak By Anon Allsop Chapter 1 The short beady-eyed man reached back under the decking of the porch and dragged me out. "Let go of me, you asshole!" I hissed and swung at him. He pulled me up onto the steps and with a firm grasp of my hair and hauled me inside his saloon. As we passed the bartender, he spoke as though it was any other day, "Snuff out the candle that this street rat had lit under my porch, I don't want this little shit causing a fire!" Forcibly, I was thrown into a small room, knocking over a single chair. Behind me I heard the door slam shut and lock, with a very audible click. I slowly raised up into a sitting position, then gradually came to my feet. The room was very dark, but for the single shaft of light emanating from beneath the door. I quickly crossed the distance, grabbed the knob, and tried to open it, but the door was locked and tightly closed. I pounded the surface with the flat of my hand, "Open this up and let me out of here!" I shouted. Again I banged against the door and shouted, "You can't keep me in here, I didn't do anything wrong!" Suddenly, a sharp rap sounded from the opposite side of the door. "Shut your mouth or I'll have to come in there and beat the shit out of you!" The voice sounded rough, like he meant business. "Come on, let me out! I'll make it worth your while! I don't have much money, but I can make a trade!" I lied, in a futile attempt to try and get them to open the door. "Nice try, kid." I heard him laugh. "You can pay me later, after the boss is done with you!" I stepped back and frowned, "What the heck is that supposed to mean?" I muttered to myself. I began to look around the room, soft light was eking out from a thin crack just under the door. It appeared that it could be a long room, because after about ten feet, the light gradually gave way to inky blackness, which engulfed the entire back half. I sighed and felt along the wall to see if anything was beyond my view, but only cool plaster met my touch. I sadly returned to the chair, and raised it back up, taking a seat as I waited for my captor to return. ****** I felt the draft long before I could actually see anyone enter; a quick glance toward where the door had been, indicated that it was well into the evening. In front of me stood three silhouettes: two appeared to be very large, one was much smaller. I felt something fall near my feet, and it was soft to the touch. Suddenly, the shorter one of them became illuminated by a single match. The light glowed against the face...a face I was able to recognize. It was that of the beady-eyed man. He touched the flame to a fancy kerosene lantern, which proceeded to brighten up the room considerably. "Put it on!" he growled. I looked down, before me was a pile of women's clothing! I toed it with my foot and watched as a corset rolled down from the top of the pile. "Go to hell!" I snapped back, standing in defiance. "I said to put it on!" he glared, pointing toward the clothing. "And I said..." Suddenly I saw spots before my eyes. I spun backward and fell across the chair from the ringing slap upon my face. Both the chair and I fell into a heap. Once again I sat up, quickly scrambling to my feet. I stood the chair back up and put it between the thugs and myself. The little man sneered, "I guess you'll have to dress him, boys." I slowly pulled the chair backward and held it out like a weapon. "Stay away from me or I'll...I'll..." "You'll what," one burly man spat, twisting the chair from my grasp. In only seconds the struggle was over. One had me pinned and the other was forcibly jerking my jeans from my legs. A huge hand held my throat as the other grasped the front of my shirt, and in the blink of an eye, it was torn from off my back. Within moments, I stood before the three entirely naked. "If you know what's good for you, you'll put those clothes on." "Eat shit...and die!" I hissed, panting and out of breath. The little man scowled and only snapped his fingers. The last thing I remembered was a huge fist being quickly driven toward my chin. ****** As I came to, I was laying face down on the wooden floor. I could feel someone's knee pressing into my side, hands quickly gathering the material and fastening buttons down the length of my back. It only took a second or two for my wits to return, quickly scrambling to my feet and away from them. My sudden movement surprised them all as I retreated into a dark corner. I looked down, I was wearing a sunny calico dress that billowed outward from my corset tapered waist, and uncomfortable women's shoes that buttoned up over my ankle! I winced, something was obstructing my throat and making it hard to swallow. My hand touched a string of a bonnet that was tied and knotted just under my chin so tightly that I would have to cut it to remove the damn thing! I glared at them both; they each quietly stood, then returned to stand behind the vile little man with the beady eyes. "Oh...you're the precious one, aren't you?" he said laughing, mocking me for the attire they had trapped me in. "Go to hell!" I growled. "Eventually, but first I have one more thing to do with you." He laughed as he reached for his vest pocket and retrieved a folded cloth. It looked like nothing more than a handkerchief. "First thing I'm going to do when I get out of here, is report you to the sheriff!" I shouted, as he laughed and took a step toward me. I frowned, furtively looking past them to the door. "Why the hell did you dress me up like this?" I growled through gritted teeth, my fists clenched and waiting. From his hand he dangled some sort of necklace, the little medallion on the end looked like an angel or cherub of some type as it spun a slow circle. "Am I supposed to be afraid of that?" "Not in the least..." he smiled, moving closer to me. Suddenly, he swung the chain outward. As it was swinging forward, I held my arms outward to protect myself, but it was a futile gesture. The medallion on the end had slipped over my outstretched forearm and was trapped between the dress sleeve and my cheek. The force with which he had swung it was strong enough that it stung, causing me to quickly touch where the welt was suddenly rising. Tears burned in my eyes as I flipped the chair I was trying to hide behind toward him, and ducked under his outstretched hands. "Grab him!" he shouted, wheeling and racing toward the door to prevent my escape. "He's getting away! Hurry, shut the door!" I gave him a shove and I almost fell, forcing my own small body into the wall from the strength of the push. I reached the door just slightly ahead of him, and was able to drag it closed behind me. Down the hallway I ran and back out through the saloon. Behind me ran my captors close on my heels...literally! I quickly dashed throughout the swinging doors and out into the porch, grabbing the reins of an idle horse. I pulled myself into the saddle just as my captors spilled out of the saloon and into the street. It was not an easy feat, trussed up in a dress as I was. "Don't let her get away!" the short man shouted into the darkness. I slapped the reins hard onto the side of the beast and kicked up dust from the street as I galloped away; behind me I once again heard the man shout. "Don't let her get away! Shoot if you have to!" Two shots barked from behind me, one whistled just past my ear! The sound was high pitched and more like a whine than anything. The second was felt more than heard, and my right shoulder suddenly swung forward almost toppling me from my precarious perch on the saddle. The pain was intense, I could feel myself falling. I knew that if I hit the ground, those men would have me in their clutches once again...with the last ounce of my strength, I looped the reins around the saddle horn and quickly crossed the remainder behind my back, then tightly again to the saddle horn. This effort effectively tied me to the saddle, hopefully aiding me in my escape. A slow black swirl began spiraling before my eyes, and I became very warm as sweat beaded upon my upper lip. I glanced down at my shoulder; blood had begun to seep into the yellow material of the dress top. From my angle, I could see the blackened hole from where the bullet had exited entirely through the front of my shoulder, darkening with blood as it seeped from the wound. I leaned forward and held on for dear life, behind me, I heard a voice shouting. "Taggert! What the hell are you shooting at!" With all the strength I could muster, I kicked at the horse's side, spurring it onward...away from those awful men. Chapter 2 I opened my eyes and glanced around; I was lying at a strange angle and seeing trees slowly moving past. Turning my head slightly, I could see that I was laying on a make-shift travois, one end dragging in the dirt, the other tied to a horse. Somewhere ahead of me, I could hear a person humming softly. I tried to sit up, but the pain forced me quickly down, once again the swirling blackness enveloped me. ****** With hesitation I opened my eyes, and I noticed that I was laying on a long bed inside a cabin. Just to my right, I could see a stairs that led upward into a loft. Through the stairs, I could see part of a kitchen. I slowly swung my head around and looked toward my left. There was a wood pile that spanned a few feet, and beside that stood a great fireplace black with soot. "Morning!" a voice boomed, the sound echoing within the cabin and causing my heart to jump with fright. "Glad to see you're among the living! I wasn't sure whether to marry you or bury you!" My eyes quickly began to search out the voice. He laughed as he rounded the corner, and I saw a great bear of a man. "The name's Kodiak!" His eyes were kind, and his smile let me know that I had nothing to fear from him. He pulled a chair behind him and took a seat in front of me. I tried to take him all in; his massive size looked more mountain than mountain man. I winced and tried to sit up, and he quickly closed the distance between us. "Oh...no...no...no. You need to stay put there, little one, moving around too much might cause the bleeding to start up again!" "Where am I?" I whispered painfully. "In my cabin. On my mountain." He smiled and leaned forward, the gray hairs at his temples and those that peppered his beard gave him a distinguished appearance. "I sure am a lucky cuss! You're the second purdy little thing that has dropped in on me in less than a year...just where the Sam Hill are all you coming from?" "I...I'm from Cold Forks." I rubbed my throat and swallowed. "Some idiot was trying to kill me...had me all trussed up like a girl!" His expression soured. "Makes sense, Cold Forks isn't far from here...but you said, someone was trying to kill you?" He ran a huge hand through his beard, then ended up scratching his shoulder. "That 'idiot' as you called him...did he happen to have a name?" I looked at the ceiling, concentrating on whether I had heard anyone call him by name. "R..right after I was shot...I heard someone yell out...Taggert." Again he frowned and scratched his bushy beard, "That's the same name she gave me..." "She?" I asked. He waved his hand as if he were deep in thought, "The other girl that dropped in here like you did." "Other girl? There's been more than one?" I asked quietly, hoping he could shed some light on what was going on. "Yeah. There was that girl, Samantha...and you." He counted off on his fingers, as he said the name Samantha. He smiled and gave a short twist of his head as if recalling something pleasant. I smiled back. "These clothes. They put them on me...I'm not sure why, but they wanted me in them real bad." I again tried to sit up and he gently pushed me back into the bedding. I continued, "I'm no girl at all. I'm really a boy." "I ain't never seen a boy that was built like you..." he mumbled as he stood. "Oh, by the way...I had to remove your dress so I could care for your wound. I didn't touch anything, so you don't have to worry. No need to get any unwarranted ideas about me." He chuckled a bit and pointed to where he laid the clothing. My eyes were drawn to the corner as I followed his finger. Then he stood and walked back into his kitchen. The clothes he was referring to were laying at the end of the wood pile. There in a heap were the bloodied dress and corset I had been wearing. Intermingled with those items were what appeared to be several petticoats, a blouse and the shoes I had once worn. I smiled, "Those...those aren't mine." His face appeared around the stairs. "They sure as hell aren't mine!" Again he laughed, his voice sounding more like thunder than a laugh. "It took almost an hour for my big fumble-bum fingers to get out the dang knot from your bonnet! It looked expensive so I didn't want to cut the dang thing...I know how women folk are about their bonnets." I looked toward the pile, then to my bandaged shoulder. "Don't worry, you can wear my dead wife's old clothes once you get around...until then, you'll have to stand being almost naked...and hiding under them covers." "Almost naked?" I wondered aloud, slightly lifting the covers and peering under. In an instant, it was as though my entire lung capacity escaped through my throat at the same time, expelling like a shrill horror-filled banshee! I struggled up from the bed and stood as bare as the day I was born, when all of the sudden, the big man came bounding around the corner. His face held a slight grin, seeing me standing there beside the bed. That was until he saw the cloth on my shoulder suddenly grow a deep crimson red. "Shit!" he spat. "You've gone and opened up your wound again." I looked down, my shoulder growing more and more dark as the cloth became soaked with blood. I felt my legs grow weak, the room began to spin, and again I felt myself slumping to the floor. Chapter 3 I heard a noise beside me, gradually causing me to open my eyes. The big man was seated on a stool, gently wiping my forehead with a cloth. "Glad to see you're awake!" I felt my eyes roll back for a moment, then cool water touched my parched lips. "Here, drink up," he said softly. "This water will do you some good." In the instant that I swallowed, my mind returned to wakefulness. I glanced toward him fearfully, then down to my shoulder. It was apparent that he had been taking care of me as there were fresh bandages wound around my chest and over the top of my shoulder. He smiled, then pointed toward the wound. "I figured you weren't too happy knowing that I removed your unmentionables...so, when I bandaged you back up, I made sure to at least cover them." "Them?" I asked aloud, trying to remember just what had happened to me. "Your...your...um...teats!" he stammered. Leaning back and setting the little blue tin cup down. He broke into a smile, "Got to admit, you are sure fine to look at! A very pretty little thing!" I gently touched the white cloth that wrapped around my chest, "I...I don't have..." Under the cloth, I could feel the rounded skin as it curved outward and formed... "A...a breast?" I gasped. "And a mighty fine pair at that!" he smiled as he stood up and walked into the kitchen. The bottom of my stomach began to drop and I began to gently feel my body; he was right...under those covers I was 100% female! "But...but how?" I cried loudly! Kodiak laughed from the kitchen, his voice vibrated the rafters above. "My guess would be to ask your momma...she could probably answer your 'how' question!" "No...no, you don't understand!" I stammered, "I'm not supposed to have...these!" I cried, pressing the swollen flesh upon my chest. He returned to the end of the bed, holding another cup of water. "Sure you are. I'm not a momma, but from what I figure, all girls get them...some sooner than others." He paused as he walked back to the chair. "How old are you anyway?" I gazed with shock at him! How could he be so stupid? How could he not see that I had not always looked like this? I glared at him in frustration, "I'm sixteen, I'll be seventeen in July." "Oh?" he questioned, sitting the cup of cool water next to me. "When in July?" "The eighth," I spat with complete frustration. He laughed again, "Well, I guess a 'happy birthday' is in order for you! The eighth was four days ago, you've been out of it for that long with the fever." He sat down, this time spinning the chair so he could sit on it backwards. "You got a name or do I just call you, 'Hey you'?" "I have a name," I growled. "They call me Loren." "Lauren? That's a pretty name. I like it, the name fits you!" he smiled, his beard growing wider as he did. "Not Lauren...Loren!" I corrected him, deliberately emphasizing the long 'o' sound. "I knew a Lauren once, she was a right pretty thing. Not quite as pretty as my Samantha, but very pretty," he answered, completely ignoring my correction of the name. "She wanted to be called Lora or Laura or something like that. I preferred to just keep it at Lauren." I groaned and closed my eyes, while he continued to wrestle with himself the name of the girl he once knew. Finally after settling his own argument, he returned to the conversation at hand. "So, Lauren, if you can remember where your folks are at the moment, I can take you home as soon as you're able." He leaned forward, resting his elbow on his leg and supporting his chin. I ignored the hopeless mispronunciation of my given name and tried my best to answer, "I don't have any folks. They left me years ago and I haven't seen them for a long, long time." There was an unmistakable sadness in his eyes that I hadn't expected, so I continued, "I've been on my own ever since." "That's probably why Taggert was after you. He runs a saloon and house of 'girls' in Cold Forks. He most likely wanted you for his business, and was trying to make a trollop out of you." He frowned and placed his large foot down onto the floor. "Sorry to hear about your folks and all...but, at least you didn't get pressed into service in his business." "I'd die before I'd work for him!" I clenched my jaw and hissed through my teeth. "You came close to doing just that!" Kodiak said, pointing down at my bandages. "He'd rather see anyone dead than to escape his clutches. My guess is, when that fella goes down...he's going to go down real hard. Being mean has a way of coming back to haunt a fella." I laid back into the pillow and sighed, and tears began to well in my eyes. Raising my arm up, holding my hand out in front of my face was almost too much to stand. "What am I going to do now?" I cried. "I can't live out the rest of my life as a woman!" "It isn't that bad here, you can stay as long as you like." I glared at him, but he smiled and held out his hand, palm up. "I'm not that way. I won't be takin' advantage of any girlie unless she wants to be takin' advantage of." He chuckled as he returned to the kitchen. "I didn't do it with that other little gal, and I won't do it with you...unless of course, you want me to." Did I hear a smile in his voice, or was I imagining it? "Well, that's never going to happen as long as I'm alive!" I hissed again, keeping my voice low and controlled. He returned to the my feet and laughed, patting them with his huge hand. "That's the old ticket, you hold them virtues you have all bottled up inside you real close...or somebody'll be holdin' onto them for you." "There isn't anybody holding anything of mine!" I shouted after him as he walked back into the kitchen. His only response was a soft chuckle, like a low roll of thunder far away in the distance. I remained quiet for a few moments, studying the mountain man through the stringers of the stairs. Thankful for the safety of our distance. He looked truly wild - his hair was crazy and went about every way imaginable. He had a few gray hairs, most were gathered around his temples, giving him a distinguished look if you could get past the craziness of his bushy face. Finally my curiosity got the better of me. "Kodiak?" "What is it, Lauren?" he responded, his voice taking on a softer, gentler tone. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, completely ignoring his misuse of my name once again. Yet I had to ask, something about this giant of a man left me feeling protected and unthreatened. "Has...has a woman ever remained on this mountain for a really long time, and survived?" The need for an answer outweighed what I was sure was going on inside his head. "Why are you asking that?" He peeked through the stair stringers as we spoke, while still standing in the kitchen. "I was just wondering...?" He smiled and gave a short laugh, "My Samantha came up here almost ten years ago with me. She was a hardy soul, just what mountain country like this needs." He came around the corner, near where I was and stopped, "Why? You interested in staying on my mountain? I figured you wouldn't want to hang around an old fart like me." He response angered me, making me feel like lashing back at him! "It's not like I'm interested in sleeping with you! I was just trying to figure out whether I could just stay up here and avoid being around people all together!" "Is that what I'm doing?" He sobered up and pointed a huge finger my way. "You think I'm up here hiding from folks?" I snorted and waved my small hand in the air, "That's not what I meant, I...I was just wondering if I could hide out here for awhile." "I can't be taking care of no girl..." His brows furrowed, giving him an angry appearance. "It wouldn't look..." "Unless of course, if there's something in it for you!" I replied sharply. He glared at me for a while before he responded. "How many times do I have to remind you that I'm not like that?" He turned back to the kitchen but he stopped and came back around to me. "You can stay for as long as you like. But remember this, Lauren, if you stay...you'll be expected to pull your weight." Chapter 4 My shoulder healed slowly, and trying to change my bandages by myself was extremely difficult. Kodiak would offer to help, but I wanted no person other than me to see my female body that was hidden under my bandages...and that was bad enough! The only times that he had helped me were just after I arrived, when he would take me to the privy and wait beside the door. It was uncomfortable with him being there, let alone with my own eyes seeing the 'new me'. I did my business quickly and returned to my hiding place under the covers every single time. Finally, after almost three weeks, I decided that I had enough of being weak. It was more out of my realization that I had been acting like a helpless female that spurred me onto action. After all, I was almost healed and the dressings were more for 'comfort protection' than to actually keep out infection...I had milked out my situation long enough. It was with extreme hesitation that I told Kodiak, I felt well enough to consider myself 'healed'. ****** "I set out some clothing for you." He pointed toward the end of the bed. "It isn't much but it'll do you right nicely." I pulled aside a few of the items, "Don't you have anything that isn't a dress?" He snickered, "Well, you could wear some of my stuff but I doubt it would fit you." He walked around the stairs, "It's all some of my Samantha's old stuff...I can help you dress if you feel you need it." "No, that won't be necessary," I snapped. "It's bad enough that I have to see what I've become...I'd die if anyone else saw it." He smiled and turned back toward the kitchen, "Don't you feel too bad, Lauren; some of us might not mind so much seeing what you're so keen on hiding." I looked around the empty room, then narrowed my eyes at him. "Oh nice, real nice...when you're using the term 'some of us', you mean you, don't you?" I groaned and quickly began to dress in the countless garments. "Does every woman wear all of this stuff?" "Any that amount to a hill of beans," he laughed, trying to keep his head turned so he wouldn't see me dress. I'll have to give him credit for that much; he was a gentleman, even though he was the size of his mountain. I slowly walked around the corner and stood. He glanced up from his knife-sharpening and paused. "Damn!" "What?" I asked, looking to see if I had everything hidden correctly, or that the dress was not on backwards. "What is it?" He scrambled to his feet and pulled out a chair, "Here...uh...take a seat. I'll fetch you a coffee." "I can handle that myself, Kodiak, just show me where I can find everything," I spoke, even though I was already taking his offered chair. "I must be living a sure blessed life, females dropping down on my mountain like blossoms in the spring." His voice was barely above a whisper, but I was positive that I heard everything. "Lauren, how old did you say you was?" He laid down his big knife and rubbed his chin. "I'm seventeen...now." I gave him a curious glance, "Why?" "Aw...nothing." He looked away, then out the window. I could almost see his whiskers moving as if he were talking to himself...either that or if he were ciphering in his head. "Okay, now that you've asked me...how old are you?" My voice was level and calculated, and he slowly looked back toward me. "Right as I can figure, I'm somewhere between 27 and 33 years old. Been on this mountain since...well, since forever. Buried my Samantha up on the hill near where I found you." "You said that Samantha was your wife?" I pried. "She took sick and died...it about killed me to put her in the cold ground." His gaze was distant and sorrowful, and his eyes became glassy as he fought back tears. He nodded and sighed, then he looked back up toward me. "She was my everything. I lived for her and I miss her terribly, but fretting about it can't bring her back." He quickly sat up and ran his hand through his wild hair. "So, how soon you ready for me to take you down the mountain...there's a small town not too far from here." I felt a pang of fear race through my heart. "Oh...no, no, no! I can't go back around people now that this has happened to me! I could never show my face in public!" "What's wrong with your face?" he asked innocently. "Well, it's a female face!" I replied as a matter of fact. "I don't want people thinking that I'm a woman!" He sighed and shook his head, "Back to that again, are we?" I glared at him, "You know very well that I'm not..." "Okay I know, I know," he interrupted. "You can stay here for as long as you like...but I have to tell you this. Winter will be setting on us in a month or so. It comes in real fast when you aren't prepared. If you drag out your stay too long, I won't be able to take you back until spring." I pointed my index finger down hard into the table. "I'm staying whether you like it or not! If you throw me out...I'll find a cave somewhere to stay." He held his hand up. "You know that won't be necessary. I'll take care of you." I stood up quickly, so fast that my chair flew out from behind me. "I'll not have you taking CARE of me like I was some type of china doll! I may be stuck like this, but I don't have to accept it...don't you dare treat me like I'm some...some woman!" "That's not what I meant, damn it!" he growled, his voice was very low and controlled. "I ain't about putting on airs, so I don't expect you to leave me take care of you like you was mine or something. Hell no! You'll pull your weight around here and damn it...you'll start tomorrow when I'm heading out to check my traps." "You go and I'll...I'll do something around here!" I stammered, looking for something that needed done in the safety of the cabin. "Like hell! You want to parade around pretending to act like a man...fine, you can help me check traps like a man! As for cleaning, we'll have all winter to clean! You stay here on my mountain...and you'll work!" We stayed cool toward each other for the rest of the day. Not much was said other than necessary conversations like, "Do you want coffee?" or "You feel like eating anything?" Toward evening, Kodiak walked around to his chair and sat. I had been out to the outhouse, returned and had just taken a seat upon the bed. He was quiet and finally spoke, "Look, Lauren, I ain't the friendliest critter on this mountain. I've not had the pleasure of being around people and sometimes I come off sort of rough." He studied me for several seconds, "What I said earlier..." "Forget it..." I snapped. "If you want to drag me off into the woods and show me your traps...I'll do it." "I ain't going to..." he began. Again I interrupted him. "I'm going! I'll not lie around here like some helpless female!" He stared at me for a few moments before he spoke. "I think you're far from helpless. In fact, I'd bet my life on it." I glared at him coolly, which caused him to smile slowly. "You sure are full of sassafras...I sure do get a kick out of it." "Come over here...I'll give you a kick!" I replied sharply. "I bet you would," he laughed. "We'd better be going to bed...I want to get an early start." "Wake me when you're ready, I'll get myself dressed as fast as I can," I said as I pulled myself under the covers to change out of my clothing, using the safety of the cover to shield myself from his eyes. He laughed again and slowly began climbing up the stairs. "When we return to the house tomorrow night, I want my bed back." "You can have it back any time you want...I can sleep up there right now!" I called back up to him. "No...that's fine...tomorrow will be soon enough. For tonight, enjoy your last evening as a refined and gentle female," he laughed again. Kodiak had a way of making me so angry! "Urrrugh!" I squealed up the stairs at him, and threw my clothing out from under the covers so hard that it made my shoulder ache. "Jackass!" I snapped, drawing the blankets up around my neck. "Good night to you too!" he said laughing, from the loft. I fumed for almost a full hour under those covers until finally I was able to calm down enough to finally sleep. He on the other hand, was asleep almost as soon as he quieted down upstairs...his snoring rumbled overhead. It doesn't pay to go to bed angry, because a person tends to wake up that way as I would soon find out. Being so angry wasn't worth it, if I factored in how my temper was about to change our lives in ways beyond my wildest imagining! Chapter 5 I sat up and swung my feet over the edge of the bedding, holding a blanket to my naked chest. I yawned and scratched my head. "Breakfast is on the table." His voice almost startling me in its suddenness. I glanced up; Kodiak was sitting on his rocker, gradually working his foot into his boot. "I'm heading out to check my traps...still want to tag along?" "You'd take me with you after how I treated you last night?" I asked. "I ain't going to hold that against you! My Samantha used to get after me from time to time. Although she wasn't so dang mean when she did her fussing!" He laughed as he wriggled his foot into his other boot and drew it up by the long tassels. "And when we did, making up was all that much better!" I ignored him while he continued. "If you want to go, I've laid out clothes on the end of the bed for you." He stood up and smiled. "Nothing too frilly, mind you." I glanced toward the end of the bed; true to his word, there lay clothing suitable for outdoors. "But this...this is still...girl's clothing," I whined my frustration. He laughed, it was like someone touched off a cannon right inside the room. "Were you expecting something of mine? Regardless of what you say you were, you're a girl now." Again he laughed loudly, so much so that he was forced to sit back into his rocker to keep from falling. "I'm not that stupid! I know that your stuff won't fit me!" I felt my face redden, growing irritated with his laughter. "Look here, Lauren...I don't care whether you tag along or not! I just offered because of what happened last night. You don't have to go if you don't want to!" He glared at me and then stood, reaching for his hat. "I'll move on outside so you can dress if you're going. You can grab your grub and cart it along with us if you've a mind to." With that, he strode to the door and exited as quickly as was humanly possible...for such a big man. By the time I stepped outside, he stood up from his bench on the chair and began walking. I had to run to catch up, not an easy task when wearing a dress. He glanced quickly to the side as I raced to keep pace. "Looks good on you!" he commented as we walked down a narrow trail. "Still can't help admiring a woman's form when she ain't afraid to dress like one." "I'm only wearing this stuff because I have no choice," I reminded him. "As for being a 'she'...that is entirely out of my hands, thanks to that bastard in Cold Forks!" "I can't complain, it don't make me any difference one way or another." Kodiak turned down another narrow trail, this one heading downhill sharply. "Watch your balance here, 'cause it's mighty steep." Even before he was able to caution me, I was already losing my footing. As I began sliding, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back to my feet. "You okay?" "Yeah...thanks." I pushed my hair back, and gingerly grasped a sapling's trunk for assistance. It frustrated me that he had placed his hands upon my waist; they were huge...while I was so small. Damn this frail feminine form! ****** We continued moving downward for almost a hour, eased left onto a flattened area for several hundred yards and then sharply right again, taking us down at a very steep angle. "There's a creek at the bottom of this drop, just past this line of trees. Slide here any further and you'd probably be taking a dip in the drink." He smiled, showing his white teeth. "Not that I'd mind seeing you take a swim." I wondered to myself about his comment, whether he wanted me to fall in because he would be amused at seeing me soaking wet. Or was it that he was dwelling on the thought of seeing me wet, forced to have to remove my clothing and allow it to dry, putting me in a compromised position? The whole time we walked down that mountainside toward his traps, I thought about both him and me. Here I was, suddenly transformed into a female, alone on this mountain with an adult male. True to his word, he had not tried to make an advance at me, but how long could he hold out a natural reaction to having his way with a smaller, helpless female? How long would he be able to resist the temptation of our proximity? Would I be able to defend myself if he should try? Slowly those thoughts of being forced into God only knows what, began to become replaced with others. It was these other thoughts that disturbed me more than anything else. What would it be like if I had been actually BORN into this body? Under the same conditions, would a female me be attracted to a big mountain of a man like Kodiak? He did have his points - he was quite tall and solidly built. I'm sure that a handsome face lurked somewhere under that crazy looking beard. From time to time he would pause and glance back, making sure that I was still following him. Behind him, from this vantage I could see what his wife must have seen in the big man. He was stunningly well-proportioned, narrow at the hip with powerful legs. I wondered what it was like for her to make love to him? Was he gentle or was he rough? Did he just hammer away at her like a beast of the forest, or did he 'make love' slow and easy? Did he stroke her mind as much as he stroked her insides? "Whew, I'm warm!" I thought aloud. "What?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder for a split second. "Nothing," I replied flatly, ashamed that I had uttered anything at all. Suddenly, without warning I fell to my bottom and began sliding in the leaves and soft earth! Because of the severe angle, I began to pick up speed rapidly! It happened so fast that all I could do was let out a short squealing scream! Kodiak was about ten feet in front of me when I fell; as he heard me, he quickly turned to try and stop my aggressive sliding. I collided into him even before he had time to prepare, and my face struck him solidly in the crotch, collapsing him quickly forward and then backward as I took out his legs. Both of us were careening down the hill, him on his back and me on my bottom. The whole way down I squealed like the girl I had become! He tried in vain to check his fall as he slid, but he was unable to grasp a tree or bush in his journey. Fortunately for us, he was able to cast off his pack as we headed toward the water. He ended up plowing into a shallow spot of the stream, sending a huge wall of water all the way to the other side. As I raced unchecked, I tried to dig my heels into the earth to prevent the embarrassing situation of joining him. My heels finally were able to dig in at the water's edge, thanks to a root which was spanning across the ground. However, my momentum carried me forward until I fell head first behind Kodiak! When I finally stopped, my face was firmly planted in his crotch. While I quickly scrambled to my hands and knees in embarrassment, Kodiak began laughing. His booming laughter echoed throughout the forest that surrounded us. In the situation that I found us in, positioned as we had been, knowing how we arrived at this point, I couldn't see the humor in it at all, and I was very upset! But I said nothing, and I finally climbed to my feet using his knees for support, stood up and folded my arms in the knee-deep water. "You going to get up, or just lay in the water laughing at me!" He sat up, shaking the water from his hair. "I guess I should be asking you if you're all right?" "I'm wet and I'm cold!" I growled, shivering. This comment started him laughing all over again, "Water has that effect on a person!" "So...do we head back up to the cabin?" I asked, looking up the steep hill and the trail toward his home. "We're wet. You're cold, and you would probably never make it up that incline...and if you did, by the time we got back, we'd both be so sick we'd most likely die." "Then what should we do?" I began wading toward the shore, lifting the skirt as best I could; the dress was now heavily soaked with water. Kodiak stood and followed me, helping me climb back onto dry land. "There's a clearing not far from here, we can build us a fire at that place." He climbed back up the incline for a short way, then returned with his pack. "I've got what we need here, we'll have you dry and warm in no time, Lauren." I followed him miserably into the clearing, and together we shivered as we picked up dry branches and twigs for a fire. He unwound the cord from his pack and opened it up. The pack contained a small bow and what looked like a bird's nest. I watched as he began drawing the bow through a stick, vigorously back and forth he went until I saw a tiny spire of smoke rise up. In moments, he transferred a glowing coal into the bowl of the bird nest. Blowing on it for several minutes, it began smoking and leapt into a flame. That nest was placed on the ground where he began adding tiny sticks and twigs. Those twigs quickly took hold and we were able to add larger branches, increasing our fire until it began putting off modest amounts of heat. He placed the contents of the pack beside a log and finished unrolling it until it dawned on me that it was much bigger than I originally thought. The hide, whether it was a bear or buffalo, I was unsure...was huge when spread out. He motioned me over and held up a corner, "Climb in, and take off your clothing." "I will not!" I gasped. "You'll be under the blanket." He shrugged, "Nobody will see your woman parts!" I could feel the breeze picking up, the trees overhead were swaying slightly. The air was like a knife, slicing its way deep into my body. I groaned and slid under the blanket, quickly removing and tossing my clothing in the grass beside us. Each item, he took and hung it near the fire upon a bush, until I no longer had anything to remove. After he knew that I was done, he began to remove his own wet shoes and stockings. My eyes grew wider as his shirt was removed. "What are you doing?" "If you didn't realize it, Lauren, I'm wet and cold too!" He hung his shirt on another bush not far from the fire. "It's okay with you if I'm warm too, isn't it? The last thing either of us needs out here, is for ME to be sick!" My mouth dropped open in shock as he removed his drawers, standing entirely naked. He hung them onto the branches and walked back like he had not a care in the world. His penis was entirely exposed, and open for inspection to my eyes! I turned my head away and felt a shiver race along my spine, through my breasts and deep into my crotch! To say that he was impressive would have been an understatement; I could honestly say beyond a shadow of a doubt...it was entirely in proportion with his large frame. My face grew warm as he began dropping larger logs onto the fire, building it up even more than before. After he was satisfied, he headed over to the hide and crawled under it, beside me entirely naked and before I could protest. "Bet this was the furthest thing from your mind when you woke up this morning?" he laughed. "I know it was the furthest thing from my mind." He stretched out his legs and covered his lap with the hide. I felt my face growing warmer, knowing that here I was, now a naked female...in very close proximity to a naked man! "Well, it could be worse," he added, his voice breaking the stillness of our situation. "How?" I snapped back. "We could both be male," he laughed. "At least this way, it's a comforting thought that at least one of us is a female." "Not by choice," I sighed. "I'd rather be here, in this situation, as the guy." Kodiak smiled, "Well, lucky for me you aren't." I said nothing; my mind however was strangely fixated upon the fact that beneath this hide, we were both entirely nude. I also kept thinking that when a man and a woman were this close and also unclothed...there usually was more involved than just sitting beside one another like we were, trying to stay warm. I almost expected Kodiak to roll over and pin me beneath his great size, taking me and truly making a woman of me. That thought simply terrified me, yet part of it caused a slight thrill in my body as well. That thrill made me aware of my vulnerability to him. If he wanted, he could overpower me in an instant. I trembled and pulled the blanket higher to my chest, trying to block every vestige of my femininity from his male eyes. Under the blanket, I was aware of his hairy legs as they brushed against my smooth skin. It was both frightening and thrilling at the same time, knowing that the organ that could create a dramatic change in my body lay not far from its natural, unprotected opposite. In my mind I imagined it slowly stiffening and straining upward, nothing between him and myself other than thin air. I thought about it being pushed into my own strange opening, pumping my body full of the seed that would create a child. Suddenly, his voice broke through my strange thoughts, "You need any more room...or you just planning on pushing me from under the hide?" I realized as he spoke, that my legs were spreading wider, almost as if I were trying to accommodate an unseen lover! My knee was laying over his large thigh! I quickly pulled it away from his body where our skin had come into contact with each other. "Shit," Kokiak sighed. "What? What is it?" I asked looking around. "Nothing," he whispered, drawing his knees slightly higher. "Stop moving around." "I'm just lying here, minding my own business," I replied, straightening the hide so it continued to cover my body. "Your leg was on mine again," he snapped, highly unusual for him. "Why should that make any difference?" I asked, again pulling the hide back over my exposed thigh. "Are you trying to do that to me on purpose?" he growled. "If you'd tell me what the heck I'm doing...I'll stop it right away!" I shot back, looking him directly in the eye. His eyes wavered only slightly, darting down for a fraction of a second. I glanced downward, and noticed that the soft globes of my breasts were well hidden. But my cleavage was not hidden, and Kodiak shifted uncomfortably because as I pulled the hide higher, I exposed my left thigh once again. "You're killing me!" he sighed again, softly under his breath. "Believe me, I'm not trying on purpose!" I sat as still as possible, it finally dawning upon me as to what I was doing to him. Kodiak was becoming aroused at being so near my naked body. The innocent glimpses of my flesh were causing him great anguish and discomfort. The fact that it was ME that was causing all of this to a huge man was almost powerful in nature. I had all of the control in this current situation, I could drive him crazy and there was nothing he could do about it! Well, unless he physically took control. No, the mental torture was all mine, and it pleased me immensely! I allowed the hide to fall to the inside of my thigh, my smooth leg visible once again to his eyes. From my peripheral vision, I could see him close his eyes and looked away. Acting as if I didn't notice, I left it exposed, his eyes glanced back not once but several times. Deep inside, I was sure that this was having an effect on him. "Can you please cover yourself up?" he asked softly, but with growing irritation in his voice. Inwardly I smiled. "I'm sorry." I reached over and pulled it back to cover my leg, this time allowing the hide to fall, almost exposing my nipples. Beside me, he sucked air through his teeth as he quickly took in this vision. So he wouldn't think I knew of my power over him, I quickly drew it back up to my neck. "The fire's dying down. We need a few more logs thrown on there," I observed, smiling inwardly at his misfortune. "It'll last," he replied. "I don't think so. Most of it is just glowing coals. You probably need a greener log to throw on there...like the one to your right," I added. "If I get out from under this blanket, you're going to see something that will probably scare the hell out of you," he whispered, his low voice was ragged. "I've already seen you naked. Remember when you climbed under here?" I added, "Remember, I was once a guy, so what you have doesn't do anything for me." "Fine," he growled and tossed aside the hide, turning away from me he stood up and walked to the log. Bending down, he gathered it up and tossed it on the coals. "Are our clothes dry yet?" I asked, realizing that he could check while he was out. As he turned, it granted me full view of his front. His caution to me about 'Scaring the hell out of me', came to mind. His penis had to have been close to ten inches in length...and he was right, what I had done did scare the hell out of me! I couldn't pull my eyes from him; its view caused a strange reaction in my own body, so strange that I couldn't understand its meaning. I could feel my nipples suddenly stiffen, and a strange flutter race from them into my own nether region. This wasn't possible...I couldn't become attracted to Kodiak! I was a guy...or at least used to be one! Then it dawned on me: I was stupidly arousing a male twice my size, and acting like the female I had become! No longer could I lay claim to being a guy ever again. "What was I thinking?" I whispered to myself as he turned and walked back to the hide, his stiff penis swinging straight out and upward from his body. "Happy now?" he growled as he crawled back under the hide, uncomfortably trying to adjust himself of his ridged problem. "I...I'm sorry," I stammered, ashamed for causing that reaction to him. "I'm not going to deny it, I find you extremely attractive...but..." he groaned as it pushed the hide upward, letting there be no mistake that he was aroused. "But what?" I asked, completely hidden from the shoulders down under the furry hide. I was afraid of my response to his comment. Why SHOULD I even care what he thought of me? It didn't make sense! "You're just a kid. I'm a good 10 or 15 years older than you...and damn it, you've got me as hard as a pond in January! It's just damned disgusting!" I snapped back, "What the heck is that supposed to mean? You somehow think that just because I'm younger, that I can't be satisfying to an old fart like you?" I tightened my jaw and slugged him as hard as I could on the arm, the motion causing my breasts to sway. "Frankly, I wouldn't let you near me with a ten foot pole. You're the idiot sporting the penis, if it's hard, that's your own damn fault!" "My fault?" he growled, "Quit your damn exposing of yourself and maybe I wouldn't get like this!" He pointed to the bulge in the hide. I leaned back against the log and gave him a dirty glare, "Fine. So it's all my fault, is it?" I pushed down the covers and gave him a good look at my breasts. "There. Now you've seen them, quit fantasizing about them!" "Shit..." he hissed, rolling his eyes away from me. "If you were only a mite older, I'd take you and put you in your place!" "What place is that, Kodiak, right here!" I fumed, grabbing his penis from under the blanket. He quickly looked downward as I held him, both of us too shocked for words! My mind screamed, 'what am I thinking? I'm a young female just past my seventeenth birthday...with an adult male's stiff penis firmly in my grasp!' In an attempt to save face, I gave him a rough stroke, trying to show him that even though I may be small, I still had the power. "Don't!" he exclaimed with a tremble racing through his body. "You don't know what you're doing." To prove my point, I gave him another full stroke. His eyes closed, and I watched his jaw flex slightly. Then, before I knew it, he pushed my hand away. I took it as though I was being attacked and threw myself at him. In our struggle I found myself upon his lap. In his own defense, he grabbed my shoulders and tried to push me back. Our struggle caused his engorged penis to enter my body ever so slightly! We both stopped moving instantly, afraid that any movement, one-way or another, would cause a reaction that neither wanted! "Don't move!" he grimaced. "What the heck are you thinking, Lauren?" "I...I was excited about the power I held over you. I didn't intend for this to happen!" "Get up slowly...carefully," he stammered, sweat beading his brow. "Ri...right." I tried to draw a foot under myself, as I planted the weight, I could feel myself slipping. "Oh, no!" In an instant, my leg went forward causing me to fall backward onto him, forcing his penis deeper into me! "Are you intentionally this accident prone, or does it come to you naturally?" The look on his face was of both shock and amazement. "Don't you dare do anything!" I cried as I cringed, one leg straight out, the other was locked under his hip in an awkward position. Ever since this transformation had happened to me, I've been denying that my body was female. Now there could be no doubt...slowly, under the weight of my own body, I could feel myself sliding down onto Kodiak. Deeper and deeper he penetrated me with his penis, as a result of my stupid feminine lubrication. Down I slid, until I was seated at his penis' powerful base. "Dear God, don't move!" I pleaded. "Tell me about it! I'm buried into you all the damn way, and it's all your fault!" "I'll just pull up. I can do it quickly enough!" I said hopefully. "I'm too near! Don't you dare move!" He winced slightly, as if he was trying to concentrate upon controlling himself. "One move could place both of us in a position that one of us ain't going to be happy being in. So...unless you want a child, DON'T MOVE!" "I don't want to become pregnant...I...I don't want a baby!" I cried, trying to hold myself up upon my one knee. "Maybe if we can hold like this long enough, you'll go down and nothing will happen!" "Easier said than done! It's been years since I've been alone with a female...in this way! You go moving around too much and I won't be able to prevent myself from parking my seed!" He placed his hands upon my elbows, holding me from any further movement. We sat like that for what seemed like hours, like some erotic sculpture in a museum somewhere in France. I could feel his hand slipping, "You're losing your grip!" I whispered, panic-stricken. All at once, his hand fell onto my breast causing him to open his eyes. I fell forward, both hands swung outward beside his head, catching myself only inches from his face. "Just great," I sighed. "You okay?" he asked, his hands now resting upon my breasts, trapping them between our bodies. "You still holding it?" I asked, hopeful that he hadn't expelled into me. "Yeah, maybe you're right...try and quickly get off of me. I'll see if I can hold out that long." He looked overhead, staring into the trees for concentration. As I began working my leg from under him, I felt a strange little quiver in my stomach. It was a pleasurable feeling that seemed to be concentrating between my breasts and groin. Another movement of my leg and it did it again, this time making me gasp. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Hurry up and get off of me!" Again I moved slightly and it was as though all hell broke loose. The feeling raced throughout my body, causing my breath to be crushed from within. I fell forward onto my elbows, my lips forced into Kodiaks. Again the strange feeling coursed through my extremities, maintaining focus deep within my loins. I couldn't even begin to deny what the strange little pulses were doing to me, each one was stronger than the last, growing and building until I could no longer control my strange actions. I began to shake uncontrollably, and the results caused an enormous effect on Kodiak. "Get up! Get up QUICKLY!!" he urged. My hips rotated slightly forward, then returned again. It began as a slight, almost nonexistent movement, then grew with tiny intervals until I found myself rocking slowly, almost uncontrollably upon his penetrating organ. What was causing this reaction of mine? Why could I no longer force myself away from him? I could feel Kodiak's large hands move to my back, as my legs fell to each side of his hips. Faster and faster I felt my hips shift until I was grunting softly in his ear. Panting and trembling I laid my head upon his huge chest. The rocking continued for only a few more seconds, I felt Kodiak's back shake and he began to softly gasp. Even before I realized what was happening, he began to send his seed deeply into my womb! Again and again I felt him expel his life-giving contents into me. Finally, he grew still, only a spasm or two reminding me of what had just happened. "Now we did it," he sighed. I raised myself up slowly, with him still buried deeply inside of me. I didn't want to move, because I was too afraid and confused to climb off. "What were you thinking?" he asked, stunned. I watched my tear fall onto his chest. I wiped it away, "I...I...don't know what came over me!" I cried. "I...was trying to climb off and then...my body just seemed to take over." I carefully removed myself from his chest and sat back down, drawing the hide over my body. "I...I'm so sorry." He sat quietly for several minutes. "Do you realize just how much trouble you could've just gotten me into?" "You?" I gasped. "I could become pregnant from what you just did to me!" "Now wait a cotton picking minute here! If you remember, you went all crazy on me and were the one who initiated all of this into happening!" he scolded. "I was the one who was trying to get you to stop!" "You could have pushed me away!" I shot back. "And have you getting hurt on me! Not on your life!" He folded his arms against his broad chest and glared back. Again we both grew quiet, the minutes slowly rolled by. Finally I spoke without looking up at him, "It...that was my first time you know...as well...anything." Kodiak only grunted his response, I continued. "Maybe we didn't do it right..." He laughed. "Lauren, there are only a few natural ways of doing what we just did...it was right. What happened...happened." "When will we know?" I asked innocently. "Will it be soon?" "Soon enough!" he sighed. "If you become in the family way, we'll probably know in the next few weeks. When my own Ma had my little brother, she put two and two together when she begun missing her monthly cycles. Then, she knew for sure when she was spewing almost each and every morning. That lasted for a few weeks until finally settling down. She didn't really show, but Pappy didn't have a clue until she told him that she was pregnant. Ma knew first, seems like the women folk usually do...so I'd guess you'll know if you're pregnant long before I ever will." "What will happen to me now?" I cried. "I'm not one that cuts and runs at the first sign of trouble! You'll stay until we know for sure one way or another!" He quickly glanced at me then he looked away. "And if I don't get pregnant?" I whispered. "We'll count our blessings and move on." His response was soft and caring. I swallowed hard, "And if I do find out that I'm pregnant?" He sighed deeply, "Same as before...we'll count our blessings and move on." His words were vaguely reassuring. We both grew quiet for several more minutes, each deep in thought as to what had just happened. Finally, Kodiak gave me a nervous smile. "What will we tell everyone if we do find out that you're pregnant?" I shrugged, still in shock with what I had just done. "If...if I am, I don't want the child to know." "Know?" He wondered aloud, "Know whether it was conceived out of wedlock or that the whole blooming thing was some type of bizarre accident!" "I..I guess both..." I stammered. Again he grew quiet for a long period of time, "Well then, if that happens...I guess you'll be staying here on my mountain, but...as my wife." I turned to look at him in complete shock, but he held his hand out as if to prevent my speaking of it further as he continued. "I'm not going to push a kid of mine away and into an orphanage like what had happened to that other gal that ended up here last year! I sure as hell ain't going to dump it off like your folks did you...I ain't never going to let something like that happen to a kid of mine!" Again the silence between us grew deafening. Finally, Kodiak blew his breath out slowly. "I'd be a liar if I said that what just happened between us, was an unpleasant experience for me." Again I looked up at him, "It's true. Accident or not, any guy would give his eye teeth to have a chance at a beauty such as yourself." He swallowed slowly, "Th...thank you...I guess." I caught myself staring intently into the glowing coals of the fire, "I...I think I understand. It was strangely the same for me too." He immediately stared at me, and I could feel his gaze upon my face. "I can't understand what I did, let alone how I did it...but deep down, somewhere inside of me, I found a strange sense of enjoyment from what happened!" He looked down at the hide. "I know I'm a big guy and all, but...uh...please tell me that I didn't hurt you too much." I could feel my face grow warm; I was sure that it was red. "No - nothing happened that was unpleasant." He nodded and rubbed his large hand over his beard. "It isn't going to bug you that you could be stuck with an 'old fart' like me?" I closed my eyes and shook my head, "No...I don't think so, I knew a man in town who was married to a younger girl. Who would have thought that I'd ever be that young girl...damn." I sat quietly for a few minutes. "Does our age difference bug you?" He smiled. "As I said before, most guys my age would give their eye teeth to have a young, pretty wife! Besides, I can shave off my beard to make me look a mite younger. And Lauren, if you and I do get hitched, I promise that I won't do anything unless you want it." I felt like crying, but nodded and whispered, "Thank you, Kodiak." Chapter 6 We returned to the cabin the very next morning; our ordeal had driven much of my 'sass' from my body. What I had been through reminded me that I never really had control at all, even though I had originally thought I held some kind of 'power' over Kodiak. I felt broken, I knew that my spirit had been dealt a major blow. I had been transformed into a woman, and been forced to dress like one. Even the feminine response of my new sex was now something that I possessed, although it was performed like some gooney bird's landing. That was the one thing that I couldn't lay claim to, and I never really wanted to be able to lay a claim to graceful sex with a man. No, I didn't care for that to ever happen to me again as long as I could help it! For more than a month I waited for the other shoe to drop. I kept questioning myself each morning as to whether I felt anything at all. Each time I responded to myself that I felt completely fine. "Maybe I'm not pregnant after all," I told Kodiak. He nodded. "Could be. I'd give it a couple more weeks, though." He was right - I'd better not get my hopes up too much. I imagined that with other women, pregnancies could each be as different as the females that had them. I only knew that I wanted to be neither one...female or pregnant. ****** For a change, I was up early and readying the coffee for Kodiak. There was a December chill in the air as he lumbered down the steep stairs and took my offered cup. "Thanks," he groaned sleepily. "What are you planning on doing today?" I asked as I began kneading the dough I had prepared while the coffee was on. I had decided to just settle in and help; being a woman regulated the chores that had now become mine in our strange relationship. Almost three full months had passed, and I didn't remember having any of the seasonal bleeding that I always thought came with pregnancy. Being a woman was entirely confusing, my bleeding or lack of it, left me feel slightly reassured that I wasn't ill, but still didn't answer the questions I had. Since I seemed to feel healthy enough now, I simply assumed I wasn't with child. I was still too embarrassed about what had happened between us to say anything to Kodiak, and we avoided the issue altogether. Sometimes I wished that there was another woman upon Kodiak's mountain. A seasoned female who I could take my questions to, a woman who could let me know if I was or wasn't pregnant. I cringed, recalling that I had just used the term 'another woman' in my thoughts, almost admitting to myself that I had been changed and was most likely stuck like this forever. I looked down at the floor, sadness filling my thoughts until Kodiak spoke. He yawned and picked at some cornbread from last night. "Well..." he began as he rubbed his smooth face; shaving off his beard had removed several years from him. He had promised he would shave his beard so that he would appear younger...in the event that I did find I was in "the family way". What had possessed him to shave anyway, was beyond me. Yet, I thought to myself that he looked much more handsome, without the wild beard that once grew there. "I'll...uh... be checking my traps. The weather's holding out...but that won't last long, I figure." I smiled, "You won't mind it then, if I don't go along?" He laughed and shook his head. "No, that's fine...it'll be safer that way. I should be back before dark." He slowly stood and downed