By the Personnel Book Chapter 3
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By The (Personnel) Book free porn video
By the (Personnel) Book
If the job market had been bigger, or I had been a little larger, life
would have been entirely different. At least I like to think so.
I had just joined SPS, which was short for Specialized Personnel
Services. It was a progressive, female-owned firm that provided high-
level temporary professional services, and business was booming. CEO
Valerie Stinson explained my role on my first morning at work.
"If you look around, you'll notice that you're the only non-female in
our firm. Congratulations! You'll enjoy your work days surrounded by
beautiful women, and I can assure you that you'll play a vital role in
keeping our customers satisfied. I'll have to be honest, though, and
tell you that you're on the payroll not because you were the best
qualified, but because some of our clients have policies that forbid
their doing business with a firm that discriminates for any reason. As
long as we were 100 percent female, we couldn't convince them we met
their requirements. But with you on the payroll, we can. You don't mind,
do you?"
"No ma'am," I said. "The pay is good, the benefits are good, and as you
said, the scenery is as good as it gets!"
Valerie chucked. "I thought you'd see it that way. Now, about the work.
You'll be our customer satisfaction manager. We almost never lose a
customer, and I'm going to depend on you to make sure we don't. Our
policy is that the customer is always right, and we do whatever it takes
to keep them satisfied. I don't ever want you to say 'no' to a
customer," she said.
"You can count on me!" I said enthusiastically.
She took me down the hall and introduced me to Ellen, an impeccably
dressed, tall redhead who was in charge of operations. As Valerie
returned to her suite, the clicking of her stiletto heels echoed through
the hall.
"Well," said Ellen. "Our first male. I can't tell you how pleased I am
that we can now tell our customers' bean counters that we're no longer
exclusively female. It'll make a big difference right off the bat. So,
I'm sure you have some questions."
I squirmed uncomfortably. "Actually, before we get too deep into the
work, I wonder if you could point me toward the men's room," I said.
Ellen paused thoughtfully. "You know, we've never had a male employee,
so we don't have a men's room."
"Not even for male customers?"
"We do have one for customers, but it's a strict rule that it's for
customers only. Employees are forbidden to use it. Let me check with
Personnel to see if they're willing to make an exception." She dialed
four digits and waited a moment.
"Lynn, you know we have a new employee ? right, the male. Since we don't
have an employee men's room, can we make an exception and give him
access to the customer restroom?" She listened thoughtfully. "I was
afraid of that. So what can we do?"
More listening.
"Okay, we'll just have to make it work. See you later!"
Ellen turned back to me. "Lynn had anticipated this little problem, and
she'd already discussed it with Valerie. I'm afraid we can't make an
exception. You'll have to use the employees' ladies room."
"Are you sure your female employees won't mind?" I asked.
"Lynn's taking care of that right now," she said. At that precise
moment, a voice came over the PA system:
"Hello ladies. I'm delighted to report that we have a new employee.
Please welcome me in welcoming Pat Davis to our company. Pat will be our
new customer satisfaction person, so whenever you have a customer with
special needs, please call Pat. Now, we may have one slight adjustment
to make, in that Pat is a he-Pat, not a she-Pat. Since Pat will be using
our restroom, I am counting on all of you to work things out so that
this arrangement is comfortable for everybody. I'm certain Pat will be
happy to make whatever accommodations you need in order to make it work
out, and I'm sure everyone else will do the same. Be assured that Pat
will fully comply with all of our personnel policies to the letter to
ensure a smooth and harmonious workplace," she said.
Ellen listened another moment to see if there was more. There wasn't.
"Well, I guess that takes care of that. Come with me and I'll show you
the restroom and introduce you to anyone who's in there now."
A few steps around the corner and we were inside an unusually luxurious
restroom, with six stools lined up in front of a huge vanity. In front
of each stool was an ornate oval mirror surrounded with small bulbs.
A40ish woman was applying lipstick, and another was freshening her
blush. Ellen introduced them as Madge and Cindy.
"Hi Patti, we just heard the announcement. We're delighted to have you
in our company!" said Madge, giving me a gentle hug.
"Me too!" said Cindy. "So, you like our little getaway room?"
"It's not really what I'm used to," I said with a smile, "but I can
adapt."
Ellen cleared her throat.
"Well, we all heard Lynn. Is there anything special Pat needs to know
about using the facilities?" she asked.
"Well," said Cindy. "I'm assuming she won't be trying to stand up. We're
pretty picky about keeping things clean. You don't mind, do you Patti?"
I decided to write off the "she" reference to habit, but corrected her
on the name. "Actually, I go by Pat."
"Aw, I like Patti a lot better, and it'd be more comfortable for me,"
said Cindy. "You don't mind, do you, sweetie?"
Before I could answer, Lynn's voice came over the loudspeaker again.
"Pardon me for interrupting your work again, but I was just thinking. Up
until now, we've always been able to refer to our employee body as
'ladies' or 'girls,' and I don't see a need to change that just for one
employee. If she doesn't mind, I don't think it'll be necessary to say
'he or she' all the time. I'm sure she won't mind!"
The speaker went silent, and we all remained silent for a moment.
"Well, I don't think she'll mind going by Patti," said Ellen. "You girls
enjoy getting to know each other!"
At this point, I didn't know what was most uncomfortable ? my throbbing
bladder or the implications of the announcement.
"So, would you girls excuse me a minute? I'm really about to pop!"
"Sure. We'll wait on you, sweetie," said Madge. "Remember, no standing!"
Pulling my trousers down, I noted that I had a raging hard-on, which
made it difficult to pee. When I finally emerged and went to wash my
hands, Madge and Cindy were waiting, just as they'd promised.
"Wow, that took awhile! You feel better now?" asked Madge.
"Much!" I said. "Well, I'll see you around the office."
"What's the hurry?" asked Cindy. "We're both on break, and you haven't
technically started work yet. Let's get to know each other." As she
spoke, Madge was on her cell phone.
"Great. We'll do that!" said Madge, closing her phone. "There, it's all
set. Lynn's asked us to show you the ropes and get you acquainted with
our corporate culture. Your assimilation is in our hands!" she said,
prompting a laugh from all of us.
"Speaking of hands," said Cindy, "one of the benefits of working here is
that they really want us all to be at our best, so we have a contract
with a day spa, and we all have an allowance for free services. If you
don't mind my saying so, your nails need a little work. What say I make
you an appointment to get you off to a good start?"
"They do men?"
"They do nails. You have nails. It's free. C'mon, Patti! It'll show
everybody you're really committed to making this work," said Cindy.
Madge was on the phone again, evidently making me a nail appointment.
"Yes, the name is Patti Davis. She's our EEO token. Right. So, when can
you take her? Great. I'll tell her!" She closed the phone again. "You're
on the book for lunchtime tomorrow. We're allowed time off for salon
visits, so it won't be a problem," said Madge.
"Great," I said, nervously. "Meanwhile, I'd probably better get in there
and report for work."
"Sure. Wait a sec ? Didn't Lynn say in her announcement that Patti would
comply with all our personnel policies?" said Madge.
"To the letter is what I heard," said Cindy.
"I sure will," I said.
"Well, being an all-female company, we have a policy that all employees
must wear appropriate makeup at all times when on the job," said Cindy.
"Well, I'm sure that part won't apply to me," I said nervously.
Once again, Madge was on the cell phone. "We were helping Patti get
oriented and a question came up. When you said she'll follow our
personnel policies to the letter, did that include the dress code? OK.
Yes, I think that's a good idea. Compromise is a good thing sometimes,"
she said.
For the third time she snapped her phone closed. "Lynn says she hasn't
thought that one through, but to make sure we're not just flaunting the
rules, we should at least do Patti's lips before she reports."
"Do my lips?"
"Yep. I assume you don't have makeup of your own yet."
"Uh, no, never picked up the habit."
"I can help with that," said Cindy. "I keep some extras just in case I
have a mood change, and I can do you for now." She rummaged through her
purse and pulled out a lavender pouch. "They like us to use what's
called a three-product lip ? lip liner, lipstick and gloss. I keep them
in little sets to keep up with them. You can wear my coral set." She
pulled out the pencil, which appeared to be a brownish orange. She began
drawing a line around my mouth with it. "The liner keeps everything
neat. I like to use something darker to get a cleaner line. The lipstick
fills in, of course, and the gloss is a little pinker to really make
them pop. Beautiful!"
She turned my stool around to face the mirror. I looked like a man with
succulent, coral, shiny lips.
"Keep this for now, and freshen up each time you're in here. That'll put
you at least in enough compliance that they'll know you're trying. Maybe
tomorrow we'll get a ruling on the rest," said Madge.
"Well, time to get back to work," said Cindy. "You know the way back to
Ellen's office? Here, I'll take you!" When we arrived, she escorted me
into Ellen's office. "Here's your new girl, boss!"
"Well, how about that. That's really one hot lip! Did you help her with
it?"
"Yep. Do you think it's too much?"
"Not for me. Lynn called me and told me about the personnel policy
situation. They could eventually relax the rules or come up with a male
dress policy, but for now, she says we're going to have to bring her
into compliance with the rules as they exist," said Ellen. "So let's
make sure we have a current version of them. Patti, would you run over
to Personnel and get a copy of the employee handbook? You need one
anyway."
"Sure," I said, relieved to at least know for myself what these rules
were. I found my way back to Personnel and asked Lynn for a copy. She
looked up and smiled. "Very pretty," she said. "I'm afraid you're not
quite there, but I hope you don't mind playing by the rules. Here's your
handbook. The dress code is on page 32. Go ahead and read it and see if
you have any questions."
I turned and found the section:
Dress Code: Because of the importance of maintaining our image, all
employees will be neatly dressed and groomed at all times. Nails must
always be neatly manicured and polished, legs shaved, and appropriate
makeup in place. Skirt and blouse may be substituted for a dress at the
supervisor's discretion. Hosiery and heels of 2" to 4" should be worn at
all times.
After a very long moment, I broke the silence.
"This was obviously written for an all-female company. I'm male."
"You're an employee, and you signed an employment contract committing
you to adhere to company policies. You may get a little latitude, but
not much," said Lynn.
"How much is a little?"
"Let's just take it one step at a time. For now, I think you need to go
ahead and keep your spa appointment, but let's get something done with
your hair while you're there," said Lynn. "Here. I'll arrange it."
She dialed the phone.
"Beth, Lynn here. I think our new employee, Patti, is going to need a
little more than a manicure. She has shoulder length hair, but it's just
tied back in a ponytail. Can we get her a more professional look? Maybe
some color? Great. No, whatever you think is going to be fine with me.
Fine, she'll be there at noon tomorrow. We'll give her the afternoon
off."
Turning back to me, Lynn said, "OK, you're all set. For now, report back
to Ellen, and she'll get you settled into your desk."
Ellen got me seated in a desk in the front of her office. On the front
of the desk was a sign that read:
Customer Satisfaction Manager
"Sure hope nobody reads that wrong," I thought to myself as I began
organizing my desk. Just then, an impeccably dressed gentleman walked
in. After their meeting, Ellen introduced him as Fritz, whose company
employed a dozen or so of our people at any given time.
"Patti here is our new customer satisfaction manager. If there's
anything you need that we're not providing you, let her know. Anything
at all."
"Delicious lips," he said on his way out.
Ellen winked.
And at last, the day was over.
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