Skin Deep III - Chapter 4 - The Daughter, The Book And The Mother free porn video

Chapter 4 The Daughter, The Book And The Mother The Daughter Inside, there had been a brief and tearful reunion between Arron and his parents. After which Randy and Arron had a somewhat lengthy and heated conversation about Arron's siblings and how they had not felt obliged to join the family for Erin's passing but how they had responded to the news their father had proposed the possibility of remaining in The States afterward. For Beth's benefit, this argument took place out of range of the rest of the family's ear and resolved nothing. It only served to widen an already deep rift between Arron and his other siblings. Michelle did not allow Gary much latitude to wander far from her. She clung to him desperately seeking the shelter of his calming influence as a diversion from the ever present knowledge that her "baby" was gone forever. Even with Gary to distract her, she found herself wandering short distances frequently when that distraction threatened to fail or conversation turned to remind her that her reality had shifted. Cleaning dishes by hand, fetching food for her family to nibble on, drinks or whatever else she felt they might want kept her busy between sitting with her husband and avoiding reality when conversation turned and threatened to force her to face it. There were still the reminders that there was something else running just below the surface of what they were all doing here. The incident in the airport, that 'gas attack' for lack of a better description, had done nothing but remind her of the visions she had been shone back in her bedroom during the first attack as Gary slept peacefully just paces away. Like her previous attack, this time there had been more that Michelle had never made mention of. There had been raucous sounds of multitudes screaming and shouting in confusion or pain, that no one else seemed to hear. Michelle had been able to smell the coppery, acrid odor of fear hanging heavy in the air. This had done much to confuse the lines between the here and now and some other place and time she felt lie ahead. Whatever that fate was, she feared it more than anything she had ever experienced in her life to this point. But how would I know that? How could I possibly know that? Michelle asked herself. There were no answers for that question. She understood one thing perfectly well though, it was coming, and it was coming for her. Just coming back here had set the wheels of the great machine in motion. It was a megalithic monster, belching black smoke, whirling and clanking with evil mechanized intent, bearing down on them now. If she closed her eyes, she could almost see it in perfect clarity. It was at one of these moments that Michelle felt she could not hide her emotions from those sitting about, remembering Erin and chatting somberly but longingly about the woman they had all known. She excused herself quietly and made a subtle but desperate dash for the kitchen. There she stood trembling, propping herself up on the counter with her hands, elbows locked and eyes shut trying to calm herself against irrational fear. "Nothing is going to happen... Nothing is going to happen..." she chanted in a whisper to herself. "Nothing! Just calm down... you're acting like a fool." But the fear wouldn't leave her. The certainty that she was racing at break neck speed to the end of her life would not go. Oddly, she found she was not afraid for her self. The idea of her death held little concern for her. If she were to die, her faith told her that she had done the best she could as a person. That she was who and where God had intended her to be. She would go on, in one form or another... as her God saw fit. But Gary... Randy... Beth and Shelly, the others, what about them, what would be the future for them? She tried to push the memory of those visions from her head, deny them validity or authenticity. Then a memory did sneak in. One she could have sworn had never happened except for the familiar environment in which it staged it self. She stood naked in a small corner office at the back of a warehouse, seeing for the first time the girl she had become. She could taste the bile in her throat as fear rose in her mind at the realization that her worst fears about getting involved in this had started to come true. She had been changed into a female... But she wasn't alone in this version of the memory. She felt she knew that someone was with her, someone familiar. Then she heard herself say... "Will I remember this part, I mean, you and me?" And a familiar voice answer... "No. You need to live your life as if it were the first time you were seeing it," Michelle whispered to herself, "Erin?" "Oh Sweetheart..." Someone behind her said. She jumped in surprise and saw. when she turned that it was Gary. She was in her old kitchen, grieving for her daughter. None of that had happened. See you silly stupid girl... you're so upset you're just making things up now! Gary came to her and enfolded her in his arms. "You were thinking of her. You shouldn't be alone out here you know. Come on back in with us, please." She paused before answering, thinking about this new/old memory that had never taken place. She was distressed about this because she could not clearly say that it had not happened this way. She knew what she remembered, what she had dictated in her journal for Gary, but now, she was no longer confident that she had remembered it accurately. What if... "I think I want to go to bed instead Gary." She pulled away slightly so she could look into his eyes. "Would that disappoint you?" Gary shook is head and smiled softly, "No, of course not. Would you like me to come up with you?" "You stay," she said, placing her hand on her husband's chest and gently rubbing him, luxuriating in the pleasure of touching him. "I know you have a lot to catch-up on." "So do you... Shelly is on pins and needles out there, waiting to see if you're going to do something like cast her out of the family or something like that." "Oh, she is not..." Michelle argued. Gary said, "Maybe not that, but, she's nervous. She's afraid you hate her for leaving without saying a word." "That was so long ago, and she was the one that wanted to get away from me, remember. I'm sure that if..." Gary cut Michelle off, "I know she's seen things from a much different perspective in all that time, yes. But Michelle, she never got the chance to explain, or find out if you ever found it in your heart to really forgive her." "We haven't lived in a complete vacuum Gary, you spoke to her on plenty of occasions before we left. She didn't want to talk to me..." "She was afraid that what she'd done couldn't be undone, not by her anyway," Gary told her. You need to talk to her." "What makes you think for a second she wants to hear anything from me?" Michelle almost added, She's the one that thinks I'm a freak, do you remember that? She managed to bite back the acidic comment and let it die unspoken. Revisiting this issue now was only causing her heart to break further. "She's been staring at you all night with hope in her eyes. She wants to say something but she doesn't know how to start it. Take her with you when you go upstairs, talk to her." Michelle patted Gary's chest gently, "How bout this, I'll tell everyone I'm going to bed. If she wants to, then she can come up and I'll talk to her. But I won't do this until she's ready and comfortable with it. I don't think I could take being ambushed by that again. Not now Gary, not after today." Gary nodded and said nothing. "Okay then..." She kissed him gently, the sights and sounds and memories of things past that hadn't happened were gone and forgotten in the distraction of his love for her. They were so lost that Michelle didn't even know to be grateful for it. Shelly sat, her hands folded in her lap except when manipulating her glass for grateful gulp of liquid tranquilizer, otherwise known as Jack Daniels neat. The leaving part was over. Something else had begun however and Shelly didn't know what to dread more, loosing Erin, or facing her mother. She didn't know when or if her sins from the past would be brought to bear on her. Her impulse was to wait until the funeral was over to beg for the forgiveness she so desperately needed from her mother. To wait until the Erin part of this reunion was concluded. The only doubt left was did she have that sort of time to wait? There were no stated plans for departure. She did not know if the plan was for everyone to resume their lives as they had been prior to Erin's death. If so, everyone would be leaving as soon as the funeral was over. Her opportunity to say what she had to say to her mother might be lost forever. Understanding that her mother was probably not ready to talk about anything at this point felt like a smoke screen to Shelly. Something plausible she could use to hide behind until it was too late. That way she could avoid the whole issue and make herself believe the opportunity had never presented itself. The fact was that even after all this time; she dreaded accounting for her actions. Her father returned from the kitchen where he had gone to see how her mother was getting along. Michelle followed. It broke Shelly's heart to see her mother taken down so by the events of the last few hours. She knew that if Michelle had been allowed to be with her, this would not be nearly as much of a shock to her, but rather, a relief. "You sure you don't want me to go up with you," Gary asked once more in ear shot of everyone? Shelly thought to herself, This is my chance... and stood to ask if she couldn't accompany her mother up and see her to bed. "No sweetheart, I'll be fine." Without warning however, Beth stood as well. "I'll go up with you Mom," she bent and kissed Randy on the cheek, "Don't be too long, Okay?" "Okay," Randy smiled, "Love you." "I love you too," Beth said and then slipped an arm into her mother's arm and said, "You must be exhausted, I know I am." As Beth dragged Michelle off, Michelle turned to Gary with a confused look and shrugged as she was led away. Shelly dejectedly watched as her one clear and present opportunity slipped away from her. She sat with a long face and took a sip from her glass. "You're worn out too, huh?" Randy asked Shelly. Shelly offered a tired smile but said nothing. Randy lifted his eyebrows in response, stood and politely excused himself. Before leaving, he bent and kissed Shelly on the cheek. "It'll come Shell, Beth didn't know. She's been away for a while too." "I know Honey, thanks," Shell offered, a bit surprised that she was that transparent. "Night Dad... good seeing you again, in spite of... you know." Gary embraced Randy and said, "Good seeing you again son. Sleep well." Randy departed, mounting the stairs, "Night Shell." "Good night Randy," she said softly. Gary grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels and a tumbler and flopped down in an oversized white lounge chair. It had been some time since he had anything stronger than wine, over sixty years in fact, tonight however, he felt his brain needed the brake from the whirlwind that was consuming it. He was neither sullen nor self-pitying. He poured a generous portion of the smelly, brown liquid into his glass and settled back to build up the courage to drink it. Then, Shelly was at his side, a glass in her hand, "Buy a lady a drink?" she asked. Gary reached beside him where he had tucked the bottle of whiskey and poured, "Say when..." The glass was over half full when she finally said, "When." She moved to the chair adjacent to her father's, sat and downed the whiskey in one fluid gulp. Gary watched with surprise and concern as the glass emptied. "Don't look so surprised," she chastised him. "I'm free, single and well over 21. Besides, you're not the only one that needs a drink tonight." Gary tipped his glass in salute to her statement and chuckled. He downed his own glass, afterward, he sputtered and gagged and coughed in protest to the heat that scorched his gullet. Shelly snickered to herself as she watched her young father's eyes water over and he gasped for air. "You don't drink much do you?" she asked. "Noooo." Gary rasped, in a horse voice then coughed again. Shelly sat and waited for her father to recover. Once he seemed more in control of himself she gestured for another glass. Gary reached over with the bottle and refilled her glass and his, tucked the bottle away in its hiding place beside him in the cushion of the chair and sat back. Shelly also sat back and tried to find a jumping off point on which a comfortable conversation could start. She deiced to start with the subject causing the greatest amount of stress right now. "How's Mom?" "Depends on what you mean by that," said her father as he studied the brown alcohol as it cascaded in sheets down the side of his glass. "I think you know what I mean Daddy." "Yeah, I guess I do..." Shelly drew in a deep breath, "She hates me, doesn't she? That's why it's taking you so long to tell me." "No Shell, you're mother loves you. She loves all her girls more than she would ever be able to tell you. That won't ever change." "But..." Shelly said and waited "But nothing, she loves you." Gary said downing his two fingers of whiskey. "This thing is resolved as far as she's concerned Shell. She understands better than anyone how hard that kind of thing is to take. She didn't have an easy time of her self when it happened to her. She knows you're uncomfortable..." "But I'm not," Shelly insisted, paused then said, "Well, maybe I am, but not for the reasons everyone might think. I just want to tell Mom what I was thinking and that I was wrong. But I'm afraid." Gary now eyed his daughter, "Afraid, of what Shell?" "That I hurt her too bad to be forgiven." Gary chuckled, "You're mother is not capable of holding a grudge against her child, any of her children. Did you listen to any of the stories Beth and Randy told tonight?" Shelly nodded reluctantly, "Erin used to say the most horrible things to your mother about her position with me at the restaurant. Called her a waitress and things like that." Gary waived a dismissive hand in the air that was clearly lubricated by whiskey, "You were too young to remember that..." Shelly bowed her head slightly, "She told me about that millions of times Dad. She felt awful about it." "No she didn't." Gary said. "She felt awful that she didn't see things for what they really were. Erin always spoke her mind. Your mother understood that Erin didn't see the big picture. And she also knew that there was no way for Erin to see that except on her own, in her own time." "Then why didn't she say something about that to me tonight?" Shelly sounded distressed. "Because my dear sweet child," Gary said leaning over to pour Shelly another drink, "She's afraid too. The only way she knows how to show you that you didn't scar her for life is to act as if you didn't hurt her feelings. For the most part, that's really what she feels too." "Daddy, are you suggesting that I didn't hurt her? That what I thought then didn't matter to her?" "Oh good God," Gary said exasperated. "You know better than that Shell. What you think about your mother matters very much to her. She's done the very best she could think to do by all of you. But she also knows that you are the captain of your life. If you choose to think of your mother badly for whatever reason, then that has to be your choice." "Yeah but..." "But!" Gary said cutting Shelly off, "Your mother didn't believe that you really hated her because of an event that was out of her control. She has a much higher opinion of you than that." Gary seemed to think about that for a moment, then added, "And if you did, there wasn't much she could do about that either." There was a few minutes of silence between them, then Shelly asked, "And what about you?" "You know me, I did my best to comfort you and your mother through that, when emotional times got rough. It was hard since you were both convinced that you didn't want to talk to each other. I knew you'd both figure out a way to put your pride aside and talk it out." Shelly finished her drink, "Only we didn't, did we?' "No," Gary admitted. "you didn't." With that, Gary finished off his drink in a single gulp and poured another. They sat in silence once more, until Shelly said, "Now there's this thing..." speaking of her sister's death. "This isn't your fault," Gary said. "This... is my fault." "I know what you're both going through, there's no reason to feel guilty," Shelly blurted out. "Who says I feel guilty," Gary asked having a hard time concealing the truth. "It's written all over your face Daddy. It's in the way you hold yourself upright. I've seen it since you arrived." "What would you have of me then Shelly? What should I feel?" Shelly held out her glass and Gary refilled it while she considered how to answer, "Well, whatever I'm going to say will sound trite. It'll sound trite because the things you and Mom have to remember about this are really very simple. I'd be grateful that the two of you have had so much time to together. When this thing started between the two of you, you were young and scared, without much direction. Mom suddenly found herself with no way home and yet, you made sure she was safe. You've made that your primary job your whole life Daddy. You don't think she feels that?" "I don't know any more Shelly. Further, it's not important how I feel about what your mother feels. It's important that I be able to do something that fulfills her needs and desires. It's still possible to pull a house down one nail at a time. You don't notice that the whole damn thing has been pulled apart for a while. Then you find out its not livable any more only after it's too late to put back what was holding it together." "See, that's what I'm talking about. You've blamed yourself for everything bad that's ever happened. When the whole time you have always been about her..." "I've always loved you kids too..." Shelly held up her hand, "Kids grow up, they move away. They want to have lives of their own. Parents will never always be about their children. I think somewhere deep down inside you knew that and you didn't let that overshadow your relationship with Mom. Mom's and Dad's, they raise their kids and then afterward they're supposed to go back to being all about each other. Sometimes, they just don't know how to do that. You didn't let children force you or Mom to forget how to be in love with each other. And Daddy, you have done such a beautiful job of being there for Mom, of protecting her, of making her feel loved and needed. You're just too God damn self-critical to see that you have been her knight in shining amour since she became..." Gary grunted and Shelly knew that he was not buying the truth. There was probably nothing she could say that would erase the image from his mind of his distressed wife through the last 15 hours of mourning the loss of her their first born child. Nor could she do anything to disconnect his self-perceived complicity in fact that he had never done enough to reunite her family for her. Shelly knocked back the three fingers of booze her father had poured for her. She took a burning breath and said, "No one blames you for anything, not me or any of the kids, Erin never blamed you Daddy. In fact she held you up as the ideal husband. She was so happy that Mom had you to look over her and care for her. We never really understood what Mom was like before... No one ever really talked about it. We understood that it made Mom feel uncomfortable. As far as we were concerned, even after reading that journal, she was just Mom." It was these truths Shelly felt her mother that she worried Michelle would never really honestly accept from Shelly. "The Michelle Shipley we grew up knowing was always a little fragile. Erin used to think of her as a china doll. You were the perfect keeper for that doll Daddy. If you hadn't have been there for her, if anything had happened to you Mom would never have survived with her mind intact. If this thing had gone down in any other way, she would have become a mental basket case. One of the things I think we all understood was that you were her sanity. Shelly paused, then continued, "She always tried to be so strong for you. That what she felt had to be to be of any value to you. What she really wanted was for you to hold her and show her that she didn't need to validate herself in your eyes, because she couldn't. She just wanted to be in your arms, her head resting on your chest. It's funny sometimes to remember some of the things that happened around here when you were there, doing everything you could do to make her feel like she was the only woman in the entire world. "That's the thing Shell. I never really felt like I was trying. It seemed easy to put her at peace and maybe that's the thing. Without feeling like I expended any real energy to making her happy, I guess I never really felt like I tried very hard. Shelly responded, "That's exactly what I'm talking about Daddy. Sometimes we were the unexpected benefactors of that casually intense effort too." She paused briefly, when her father seemed to only wait for her to start, she said, "Okay then. Do you remember the time Mom loaned me that pink suit for that job interview." Gary drew a smirk across the left side of his face. Shelly smiled in response. "You do, good." "When the interview was finished, I thought I'd just go home and change. But you know, when I got home, that suit looked so good on me... Well, you know I was always trying to emulate Mom somehow. When I got home, I tried to imagine what it was like to be married to a rich and powerful man like you." Gary snorted at the notion of her description of him, "I wanted to know so badly what it was like to be so much in love the way Mom was. I just kept the suit on and pretended to be her. I wish I could have seen my own face when you came home early and crept up behind me and put your hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'." Gary was beginning to blush, but still he chuckled good naturedly, remembering how much she had looked like Michelle. Shelly was laughing again, this time at her own remembrance of the events. "You...you..." "Yeah, in retrospect that was sorta funny, but you have to remember, I was the butt of that particular joke." "Oh Daddy," Shelly said gasping for breath, "I wish you could have seen the look on your face when Mom walked through that door." Shelly pressed her legs together, the effects of a stressful afternoon and a few shots of Jack Daniels making themselves known to her bladder. "You could have told me she was standing there, you know," Gary scolded. "I was going to tell you it was me. Then I decided to see if you'd recognize me. It was only for a minute but then, when we started dancing, you were acting all romantic and I was afraid to tell you. All I could think of was how embarrassed you'd be. I tried desperately to think of a way out of that situation without embarrassing you, but I didn't want you to try to do something like kiss me either. I started to panic. How could I have known that Mom would walk in? Even with all that, it was so hard to keep a straight face. I thought I was going to burst out laughing at any moment. On top of everything else, it was really a beautiful complement, I remember thinking, 'He really thinks I'm Mom!'" Shelly howled. "You know, I still don't know how long your mother stood there and watched us dancing before I dipped you. What an awful feeling. I just remember seeing a pair of legs on the other side of the room, that one foot tapping on the floor. When I followed the legs up and saw your mother standing there at the top of them. Well, there you were hanging upside down looking at me. I guess I was in shock for a second, I still can't imagine what your mother was really thinking at that moment." Gary shook his head smiling at the memory. "I remember looking back, my head upside down. When I saw her there, Oh shit Daddy. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. The confused look on your face was priceless. I remember watching you lift your head ever so slowly to see who was standing there. Then you looked at me, and then back at Mom. You just kept looking back and forth over and over. I think I still have a knot on the back of my head from when you dropped me on the carpet..." Gary openly laughed at the mental image. Shelly suddenly leapt off the chair where she sat and pressing her legs together as best she could and hobbled for the bathroom. When Shelly returned, the magic of the past had settled down and the reality of the present had once more become the dominate theme of the moment. Gary's head was propped up in one hand, a fresh glass of whiskey clutched tightly in the other. Watching him, she could tell that he was still upset. Most of his turmoil was probably about Erin and Mom, but there was a posture he held that made shelly think of a rabbit preparing to bolt. There was something else going on behind his eyes that he wasn't letting show, expect in the most subtle and unconscious mannerisms. Shelly came around behind her father and gently massaged his shoulders. "I don't want to sound na?ve here; I know everyone is upset about Erin. But that thing in the kitchen wasn't just about Erin was it?" "Hell Shelly, I don't know. I can't help but feel a little out of place here. I wish I could impress upon you how hard what we did was, not just for me, but your mother, your sister too. If I had the choice to make again, I don't think I'd do it the same way. I was just so scared that something would happen to them. I just wanted to..." To her surprise, her father... this strong and decisive man she had grown to idolize over the years, and come to envy a bit, began to cry. "Daddy, are you Okay?" Gary waived his hand, indicating he was fine. Shelly however didn't buy it. She tried to draw him out, "Were you scared?" She didn't have to explain, Gary understood the context of her question all too well. "Yes Shell, I was scared, but not for the reason you might think, not for myself. But who would believe that? We could have continued here in Rouston for a while longer I suppose, before we had to drop out of sight. I could have passed myself off as the old Gary Shipley for a while. I still looked like I was in my late thirties after I recovered from that bullet wound. You're mother however, without her makeup; she looked like a school girl. It was getting harder and harder for her to look her age. We knew that the same thing was going to happen to Beth. It wasn't until Randy didn't age and I began to regress that we decided that we didn't have any more time. And still we stayed for a full seventeen years after that business with that Michaels fellow. " "Funny, I don't remember that," Shelly said, amused. "You were young, by the time you were old enough to notice, the wrinkles were beginning to fade and the grey was gone completely." Gary leaned in close to his daughter, "Shell, I was forty years old when this happened to me. I was on the boarder of middle age and old age." "You're mother kept trying to hide the fact that she wasn't aging, she'd had to practice at actually aging herself a bit, just enough you know, that people wouldn't really notice. But it was getting harder to look her age. That's hard to mask, and even harder to reproduce. By the time we left, she was fifty-seven years old Shell. She had to be careful she didn't slip." Her father pulled his fingers harshly through his hair, "That alone would have been enough to catch someone's attention. They would have come for her at some point. I had to make sure that didn't happen." Shelly sat and listened to a story she had never heard before. They had only remained at home for about four years after her 18th birthday. Much of what they had planned had been planned out of ear shot of the others for safety's sake. Fueled by alcohol and fatigue, Gary continued to spill his guts, "When we left, none of us were ready to do it. We were even less ready to sever ties with you and Erin and the kids. Now that she's back here, I wonder just how much of that conditioning has to do with what just happened. We figured we had to do it all at once rather than one here and one there. That would have only risked further separation and brought us all under scrutiny. Then we asked ourselves, if we do leave separately then how long is long enough before we can reunite? None of us could answer that question. Your mother was paralyzed with fear over being alone..." There was a long pause and Shelly felt he was not finished so she sat, continuing to rub his shoulders tenderly. "Besides, I could not have let her go out there alone and unprotected. I don't know, but I think she may fear being alone more than anything else in the world." Gary was crying again. Shelly did her best to soothe him. She began to understand in part what the biggest motivation in all this might have been. He had never left her. Not once, not willingly anyway. There had been that one time, but that was when he had no control over death. She recalled her mother's diary. Shelly had read it a day after her 18th birthday. The complete truth had been revealed to her in that simple journal. As upsetting as it had been to read, she had understood one glaringly beautiful concept. He loved her more than his own life. He would never leave her, not even in death, he would never leave her. Shelly loved her father beyond words for that one simple act. It was that idea that had helped her recover from the shock of their dark secret. "That was a long time ago Daddy." "Long time ago..." echoed Gary. Another tear slipped from his eye. He quickly downed his drink and poured another one. Shelly was a little alarmed, "Hey, that's strong stuff for someone who's used to only wine. You might want to take it easy." Gary smiled a quick, false smile while returning the vacuum cap to the bottle. "I guess I worded that wrong," Shelly admitted. Shelly felt horrible. Shelly understood now that this was as much about the fear of the unknown as it was grief. Now he was trying to dull what he saw as a situation of blame rather than a stunning success of bravery and stealth. He saw being here as a risk to everyone. If something happened to any of them now, he would feel personally responsible for all of it. Shelly reached over and took her father's hand where it lay on the arm rest, "Daddy, there is no blame here. Nothing is going to happen now." "Oh, I know that sweetheart," His genuine look of understanding was his trademark and his most effective tool. He could make you believe almost anything with that look. Her mother had once told her that she might not be the woman she was today had it not been for that look. At the time Shelly had not completely understood. Now, she felt her mother had not realized the complete truth of the statement. "Daddy, that means you can't blame yourself either. That sort of blame is for other people, not you. As much as you think it will help absolve you of any blame you think you have, it won't. There isn't anything you've done wrong." Gary looked up at her with an honest questioning look on his face and Shelly huffed, "You're doing it again." "What?" Gary asked surprised. "That look..." "What look?" "You know what look." Gary was silent; he could not keep the pretext up any longer. "You do know. Now stop it. If you're hurt by something that was said then we need to know, because no one would have said anything to deliberately hurt you." "And I understand that," he turned again from his spot in the chair and looked over his shoulder at her, "Really Muffin, I do." So that's how he does it! Shelly thought, He turns the facts of a conversation into his own truth. A phrase played through her head, I swear to tell my truth, my whole truth and nothing but my truth... And that's it isn't it. No one will ever lift this stone from his heart. It's just too big and heavy. Gary focused intensely on his daughter, "It's not for you to feel bad over. These are my mistakes. I'm the only one that has to live with that knowledge." "That's not fair Daddy." "Shell, everything that's happening here is a result of things I could have tried to change and chose not to because it was the easiest, safest route. But I never tested that theory. Not once did I try to find a better way, a way that might have included you and your sister, if only for a day. That's no one's fault but my own. That is what I believe your mother is probably feeling, though she would never tell me that, I have a hunch she's wondering what I could have done differently." "Fault, where is the fault in all this? Erin got old Daddy, really old. How is that your fault?" "That part may or may not be my fault. You're mother has already assumed way too much responsibility for that. My indictment comes from keeping our family apart, too far apart for us to have been included in your life, Erin's life or those of your children for far too long." Gary's face broke up and he buried it in his open hand pretending to massage his temples with his thumb and forefinger. His pain broke Shelly's heart. She crawled onto the floor next to his chair trying to stave off tears of her own and knelt beside him. "Daddy?" she whispered. She gently rubbed his back as she spoke, "Mom isn't really mad at you for this. She's just mad that Erin's gone. Like we all are, and I imagine, if what you say is true then, she's scared for me. I'm not getting any younger," she said glumly and wished right away that she hadn't said it. Gary didn't look at her when he answered; his head remained turned from her face. "I know that Muffin." "No, you're upset because you think that you're right to feel the way you do. That you're the indirect cause of all this pain; and I have to tell you something Daddy. That's simply not true. We're in pain because we miss Erin. I don't think you'd miss her any less even if you'd been able to have lunch with her every afternoon of the last 150 years. You don't have to be with a person to have them with you. I know that you and Mom were with her every day of her life, as she was with you and Mom. That's just the way this family is." Shelly stood, pushing back hard against the tears behind her eyes, "Nothing I can say will make you see that. But you need to know that we all feel that way, even the kids Dad... Erin and I were lucky to have you as parents and not to have gone through what Mom, and you and Beth and Randy had to go through. We could have done anything we wanted for the most part without suspicion. We had our children, raised them, lived where we wanted to, went where we wanted to and didn't HAVE to hide. We were both very grateful for that Daddy." Gary growled deep in his throat, clearing his voice and getting a grip on the sadness that wanted to overtake him. "You're right about one thing Muffin," he admitted turning to her with a pained smile, "That is exactly the way this family is. It's also why I've decided to put an end to this." Shelly looked confused, she couldn't tell if the whiskey was getting to her or her father but either way she found she didn't understand what her father was talking about. "End this, an end to what Daddy?" "Running, hiding, skulking around like criminals the way we've been doing. Always afraid of our shadows, torturing your mother the way I have been." "It wasn't you... that's what I've..." "Shelly," Gary stood and took his youngest daughter by the shoulders. "try to see this from the chair I'm sitting in. I know what you're trying to get me to understand," his face was gentle and kind as he spoke. "but there's more to it that just you see from your perspective." Looking at him like this, up at his face she saw the face of the man she could remember as a little girl, so soft and full of love. For a moment she felt she was a little girl again, staring up into those bright blue eyes that never wavered from your face when he was speaking. They locked you in and held you there. He was the only man she had ever known that truly looked you in the eye when he spoke. It didn't matter if you were man or woman, horribly disfigured or beautifully distracting, once her father locked eyes with you, they stayed there until the conversation was done. They did not roam around your exterior sizing you up. He was focused on what was being discussed. You couldn't help staying focused when his gaze was on you. "I carry this burden because I was given it to carry. Your mother and your sister wanted us to make these decisions but the reality is that Randy and I could not have made them if they had not been agreed to by everyone. But it was my arguments that convinced everyone that what I wanted us to do was necessary. Your mother trusted me because I've been reasonably lucky with her safety from day one, and you know what I'm talking about here." Shelly nodded. "So yes, the stone is mine to carry for two reasons. The first, these were my ideas. Second, it would be unfair for me to shrug off the responsibility on someone else or on circumstance and blame that for a situation they or it had no hand in creating. Do you understand now what I'm talking about?" Again Shelly nodded. She hurt for her father and the weight he must have been carrying around all these long years. They had kept a very low key after leaving New Orleans. They all felt that those last days in Louisiana had probably been pushed to some unseen boundary. Even then, there had been rumors about how much the couple that owned Jennifer's reminded people of a certain couple that had once owned The Redfish. These were after all, only rumors that people in the food service community had been sharing of the similarities that Marshall and Jennifer shared with a couple that had once lived and died in Pennsylvania. Not the least of these coincidents was the fact they also just happened to own the same restaurant chain of the people they were beginning to remind so many people of. Rumors, but dangerous ones and the tone of the conversation Gary was having with his daughter about this responsibility would be a very different one if either of them understood just how close they had really been to being caught. They slipped away from New Orleans after that, selling their interests in to a phantom company owned entirely by a group of silent partners who just happened to be the heirs of the Shipley estate. They moved west after the Statehood Repatriation Act and settled down there for almost forty years. After that, people seemed to forget about the Shipley's. It seemed her parents would be able, in time to come home and be with their family. Then the media focus on Erin and to a lesser degree Shelly, had started dooming their return home and contact with their family. It must have seemed the weight of the world had been on his shoulders at times in the struggle to keep his wife safe and his children from scrutiny from so far way. Now he was suggesting that he throw all those precautions to the wind. The idea of having her family back together should have made Shelly feel elated. This was the realization of a silent dream. Now that it was out there as a possibility, Shelly wasn't so sure she wanted the wish to come true. She felt like a character out of that awful story, The Monkey's Paw. She half expected Herbert White himself to begin pounding on the front door with his dead, machine mangled fist, demanding to be let in. Shelly quietly scolded herself, awash in guilt at her self-perceived betrayal of her parents. So that's how it happens. You wish for something impossible and when you get it, you find out why it's impossible to have. It kills someone you love and then you feel guilty, even if you weren't the one that killed them. The fact was that she did want her parents' home again felt selfish. She wanted to share those things she could no longer share with them, growing with their grandchildren, sharing the precious moments that most children share between their own children and those who raised these new parents. She wanted their joy, their approval and most of all, their love. To think of them as some sort of abomination that should be turned away at the door, to even allow thoughts like that hurt and shamed her. Now her own ghosts came back to haunt her. These ghosts were demons she had been unable to keep in their graves. She had tried to exercise them with wooden stakes of logic and cloves of rationality. But every now and then they escaped their tombs, like now, and plagued her with memories of her own selfishness. Is this what Daddy goes through? Probably something a lot like it, some deep fried guilt perhaps served with an extra portion of blame. She tried to distract herself, but she couldn't stop the memory. Shelly's mind turned helplessly back to the evening of her eighteenth birthday. Before that, everything had been blissfully normal, in her way of thinking at least. In her world at that time there had been no immortals or Extended Life Syndrome or legendary dead rock icons. There had only been her mother and father, her two sisters and tragically a dead brother who she remembered faintly. There were friends, boyfriends, high school and in the fall (in just a little more than a month in fact), there would be college. This was to be her coming of age. That time in life when responsibility became tantamount to survival but also the license to make your life your own. It meant a million opportunities each with a thousand possibilities Excitement hung heavy before her everywhere she went. That night was to be the celebration of that time having come round at last. A tradition between father and daughter that she had waited for what seemed nearly her entire life. Then, without warning, there had been the book. In just a few hours, everything she thought she had known about her world had changed. The book told her things she had never wanted to know. It spoke of conspiracy, lies and moral depravity. Even worse, in Shelly's mind, everyone knew about the book, everyone, even her sisters. It was the worst betrayal she could have imagined at the time. The Book Seventeen years, 364 days, 7 hours and 16 minutes and 6/10 seconds old, not that she was counting. When Shelly woke on the morning of July 7th, her mind rapidly counted off all the things still left to do in a rapidly closing window of opportunity. "Let's see, my cleaning, I'll have to have my gown packed and ready. I want to make sure I see Chris at lunch. I want to call Vanessa and gloat one more time about going to Miami. Did I put in for time off at work? Hummm. I can't remember. I should probably call them... Shelly had made mental notes hoping she would forget nothing, while her mind also played out an evening that had not happened yet. She would have to be back here by 1:00 p.m. for the two hour HOV flight to Miami with her father. There, she would be wined and dined and danced to death. Maybe later, a midnight walk along South Beach with a man that, when younger, she swore she would marry one day. Oh how bitter the disappointment when she had learned that little girls couldn't marry their father's. This last date, one more chance to be Daddy's little Princess, and at the same time, show the man she admired so deeply, would have to make up for that childhood disappointment. It would also have to be the last selfish moment she would take with this man. After the news that she would never marry her father, she had grown to understand; subtly at first, them explicitly that another would come to claim her. For the last year and a half, that 'other' had been Chris Lions. But she would not marry Chris. She was coming to understand that she didn't feel strongly enough to commit her self and her life to him. She loved him and she thought she had loved him with all her heart and soul. She had even given to him her virginity. But as time with Chris passed, she slowly began to understand that infatuation, once confronted sometimes dwindles to simple fondness. That is not enough to sustain the fires of the heart. She suspected he was tiring of her company as well. She doubted he would ever say anything about it. He would wait until she went away to college, find another and then, simply no longer be there. For now, that was alright. There would be no heart breaking goodbyes or reflections to face. One day, they would simply not be there for each other. She was not worried about being alone, or finding a mate. There were some things girls simply knew about themselves that gave them confidence beyond their years. Shelly wore her mother's face, an exact likeness of it. They were in fact, mirror images of each other from their heads to their toes. The likeness was startling. Some years before, her mother had agreed to do an interview in New, New York and Shelly had gone with her to see what it was like to be on a VID studio during the digital broadcast of a live show. When they arrived, Michelle had excused herself to go to the ladies room before getting prepped for the show. When the previous guest had not materialized for their segment, studio techs had grabbed Shelly, escorted her in a bums rush to a seat in the middle of the stage and began to apply anti-shine make up to her face. "Wait," she had protested! "I think you've made a" *POOF* She had been cut of by a large soft powder puff to the face. Shelly had coughed and choked on powder for several seconds. "Someone want to bring Mrs. Shipley some water," some one had called out? "I'm terribly sorry Michelle, I thought you were ready. It won't happen again." "I'm MISS Shipley..." Shelly had tried to argue, but someone forced a glass of water to her lips and then tilted her head back to drink. No one was listening to her. "Okay, we're on in 10..." Shelly had looked around wildly for a second. She had only the vaguest knowledge of broadcasting, but she understood what the count down meant. "7..." 'Oh my God! They think I'm Mom... They think I'm Mom and they're going to put me on a coast to coast broadcast!' "5..." "NO," Shelly declared, jumping up off the interviewee stool. "I'm not my Mother..." she had cried. She tore the short makeup bib from around her neck." "Michelle it will be Okay..." someone tried to console her. "I'm not Michelle. My name is Shelly, I'm her daughter," Shelly had insisted furiously. She wadded up the bib she had pulled from her neck and threw as thought it were a 100 mile an hour fastball at the director and goose-stepped in an utter rage stage left. "COMERCIAL BREAK" came several heated calls from behind her. As Shelly stormed out, she passed her mother, just exiting the washroom. "Shelly," her mother had said; looking confused as Shelly had tried to race past her. "What's wrong?" Shelly turned, took a formidable, indignant teenage girl stance, her fists balled up at her sides and pointed past Michelle to the set and declared angrily, "They tried to put me on the VID!" The tears that came as she ran back to their HOV were those of a humiliated child, put on the spot with no way to resolve the situation except for acting demonstratively. Later, after set techs had ribbed her a little, Shelly had finally been consoled by her mother on the way home. She understood that was simply the shock for Shelly of being put on a rather large spot with no visible way off it. Once that light goes on, you're either ready or foolish. Michelle had plenty of foolish moments before. It could be intimidating, even if you were used to it. It was this sort if thing she lived with all the time. It was also her personal guarantee that she would find a loving mate. She knew she was pretty, because her mother was pretty. Granted, there had been times when she had wanted her own face. As she neared 18, she knew that a different face was an impossibility. This was not only her mother's face, but her face as well. One thing confounded her, however. Beth also seemed to share their faces. Not nearly as exact a likeness as she and her mother shared but the resemblance was striking never the less. If Beth had been adopted, then how could she resemble their Mother so closely? There had never seemed a good time to talk about it. Shelly loved Beth and would not have knowingly hurt her older sister for anything in the world. Beth was as much her sister as Erin was. Beth had been raising her own family now for better than a decade. There was no point to the question now. She was a Shipley; that was all the answer she was ever going to need. Looking back at it now, the landscape was full of explosive clues. She had simply not been clever enough to see them hiding in plain sight. On that last night, before she threw her family out with the evening trash, she had been too caught up in the Royal Heritage of tradition. Erin had been the first. Originally, she and her boyfriend at the time, a slime-ball named Nicholas were going to be sent by her father to Toronto for a concert. Erin instead dumped Nicholas and asked that her father take her to Toronto instead. Shelly had been only six at the time but remembered how Nick had gotten so mad at Erin for dumping him. Shelly had been glad because when Nick was at their house, all he ever did was trip her on the hardwood floor her and make her cry. Shelly had learned a new word from Erin a week later, but she had to promise that she would never say it out loud or in front of Mom or Dad. Shelly had promised. The word was 'Asshole' and Erin had told her that it was what nick was. She didn't know what it meant, but it sure sounded like Nick. Beth had wanted to go to Washington. Again, her father had offered to send her with Randy. Randy however, insisted that they have some father, daughter time together. Randy had offered to bring baby Arron over to visit and he and her mother had wound up watching a basketball game together... boring! Now it was her turn. She had already hinted that she wanted to go to South Beach in Miami Key. There he would take her for drinks, dinner and a show at the Jackie Gleason Theater. Afterward a bit of dancing if she so chose. Her mother would take her shopping the next day as her part of her gift, and after that, it was back to a normal life. Only that's not the way it had worked out. At the time, it had been only her mother and father and herself living in the flat. Beth had long since moved out and was living a few miles away with Randy and their 11 year old son, Arron. Her oldest sister had also gotten her own place some time before and was busy planning her own wedding. When she came down that morning, she learned that her father had already left for the majority of the day, which she found odd. Michelle assured her that he would return in time for their trip. Shelly had found her mother alone in the kitchen. Michelle had offered Shelly a cup of hand brewed coffee (the only kind her mother would drink) then slipped a kiss onto her cheek and a whispered birthday wish. Her mother's mood had been instantly suspect. Her mother was a morning person, revoltingly so. There was nothing more sickening than seeing her in the kitchen, making breakfast for everyone, humming some song like she was Snow White or something when you were tired, unmotivated and wanting to just get through your first cup of coffee quietly. On birthdays, or holidays, she was almost twice as unpleasantly pleasant. She was not the Mom Shelly had expected today. Michelle was not the kind of woman who could easily hide what she was feeling. Something that both Shelly and Beth also had in common, so it was easy for them to recognize in their Mother when something was bothering her. Shelly had no doubt that there was something bothering her mom. "What's wrong Mom," Shelly asked, not really expecting the truth but thinking, nothing ventured... Michelle smiled a weary and pained smiled. It was a smile that spoke volumes on the subject of worry. As expected however, her mother only answered, "It's nothing; I just think I'm over tired, that's all." "Oookaaaaaay," Shelly replied, not believing her for a moment. "Now how about tellin' me what's really bothering you." Michelle set her cup down and breathed an exhausted, ragged breath. "Could it really be that bad Mom?" "Your father has called a family meeting for tonight." Shelly's heart sunk into the pit of her stomach for a moment at the news. "Both your sister's are coming. I tried to talk him out of this Baby, I really did. Afterward, if you still feel like going out with him, then you can decide whether or not to go then." Shelly felt as if she might cry. Then she noticed that her mother looked the way Shelly felt. As if she might cry. "What could be so bad," Shelly asked, her concern deepening. "You're not pregnant are you?" "Do you have to go in to work this morning? I don't believe your father will return until later tonight," Michelle commented, trying to end this line of questioning tactfully. Now Shelly had become concerned, "He's gone for the day? Mom, please tell me what's going on here. I'm starting to get scared. This was the night Daddy was going to take me out... like Erin... Hell, Beth even got a night out. I'm his own daughter... Now if it's bad enough for him to have to cancel, then it's probably important enough for me to know why." "Baby," Michelle said tenderly. She drew up close to her daughter and took her shoulders in her soft hands and drew her close in an informal hug, "he's just gone to retrieve something from the cabin. He'll be back. God help us all, he'll be back and with that...thing." Shelly was now even more confused, "What thing?" "You'll see it when you get home, Shell. If I tried to explain it, I think I'd just mess it up. You know how I am with that sort of thing." Michelle tried to offer her daughter an innocent smile but it resulted in more of a grimace than any smile Shelly had ever seen. "No Mom, I don't know because you're not saying anything I can use here..." Shelly had been intensely worried by that point. Not about her birthday, but as she said, she understood how much it meant to her father to have a rite of passage for each of them. If something had happened to change that, it had to be serious. "Wait, please Mom. You can't just shove me out the door without giving me some sort of clue. Are you sick? Is it Daddy?" But that was what Michelle was really trying to do, hustle her out the door. Finally, Shelly turned and stood firm, "No Mom, I'm not going until you give me some sort of idea why I shouldn't worry. You're scaring the shi... crap out of me," she half pleaded, half demanded. With sorrow in her eyes and pity in her heart for the girl before her, her youngest, she gently kissed Shelly on the cheek and said, "No one is dying, none of us are sick and we're not going broke either. Most of what you know or believe you know will still be right here after tonight, including your family, and that means all of us. You're safe, your sisters are safe and your father and I are safe. It's time that we share a few things with you, about us... and I'm worried how you're going to take it, that's all. It wouldn't be fair to say anything without the others here. That's why we have to wait." Shelly felt a huge weight lifted from her. If that was it, then there was nothing to worry about. As she turned to take care of her tasks for the day, she caught her mother wipe the corner of her eye. Shelly had turned back, "Mom, you promise me you're Okay, that you're not sick or something." Michelle swallowed hard, hard enough that Shelly could see the muscles in her throat flex with the effort. "I'm fine Shell. We'll all be fine, I know it." Shell stepped off the landing and into the bright summer morning. She was distressed at her mother's behavior. Her mother was a strong woman. Just about the strongest woman she'd ever known, in spite of what Erin thought of their mother. Yet, there were those rare times when she seemed so fragile, that she might actually break in half. At those times, only her father could comfort her, make her whole again. Shelly couldn't help but turn and look back over her shoulder at the closed door of the flat she had grown up in. Like her mother, Shelly had a strong religious faith and she took a moment to say a small prayer that her mother would be Okay. She had almost turned around and gone back in. She wished she had now. She might have taken it better if she'd been able to coax the truth from her mother that morning. Things might have been different. There was after all, nothing her mother could tell her about their family that would make her think any less of them. It wasn't like her mother was really a criminal or something like that, right? But her mother seemed to believe that might at least be true. So what could this haunting secret be? Shelly had boarded the RPTD public transportation HOV (known jokingly as RIPPED for eight transportation workers that had been caught drinking on the job). Shelly felt certain that her mother's melancholy behavior was simply a product of her desire to see Shelly treated with the same traditional flare her two sisters had been treated with. She had always been a flexible person and able to go with the plan wherever the plan took her. Shelly never knew it, but Michelle had watched her from the landing and prayed, just as Shelly herself was praying at that very moment, Please God, don't let my baby hate me tomorrow. Shelly had drinks that afternoon with Chris and some friends from School. They were the first drinks she had legally been able to buy in her life. The freedom of it was exhilarating, and her friends all seemed so happy for her, that conversation was a free and slippery as a greased cog wheel. She lost track and wound up drinking a little too much for too long. It was almost eight o'clock when she finally remembered she needed to be home for some dark and secret thing. Shelly begged a ride home and was back at home at 8:15 p.m. She entered the house from the ground floor, dashed up the stairs, tripping slightly only once, and shouting at the top of her lungs, "I'm sorry, I'm soooo sorry. I lost track of time and when I..." When she reached the top of the landing however, she was greeted by the somber faces of all her family, with the exception of Randy and Erin's fianc?, Steven. Shelly had gotten the distinct impression she had just walked in on an intervention. "I only had a few drinks..." Shelly said, defending her actions, "I didn't fly, Chris gave me a lift home, I swear." "Relax Sweetheart," her father greeted her as he moved from the dinning area to where his daughter stood. He bent and placed a kiss on her cheek, Gary could sense her relief as her muscles relaxed with his tender touch. "Happy 18th." Shelly replied with a smile, "Thank you Daddy." "This isn't what I had planned," Gary offered sadly. "It's Okay, I've had a good day," Shelly said not wanting to show any disappointment to her father. "That's kind, thank you Muffin." Trying to change the subject before he felt too keenly, the weight of his own guilt, Shelly began, "Mom said..." then she noticed that Gary was holding an old, leather bound book. "What's that?" Gary looked down at the book, "It's something I think you should read." Shelly looked down at the book and then to the faces around the room watching her. Her mother seemed on the edge of a nervous breakdown. She shook uncontrollably as she sat, unable to meet Shelly's gaze. "Alright," Shelly agreed warily. Why hadn't he answered out right about the book, Shell had wondered? What was the mystery about some old book? "Both your sister's have read it, so have Randy and Steven. I've read it... I think it's your turn." Gary extended the book to Shelly and suddenly, she didn't want it. There was something in there that they wanted her to know and yet, none of them had ever come to tell her about this dusty old book. This must have been what her father had gone to retrieve. Why keep it there? Too many questions... That's never a good thing, don't take it. It's poison! If you take that book and read it, there will be no going back to the way the world is right now, at least, not without a lobotomy. Shelly did not reach for it. Still her father held it out for her to take. Shelly stalled, "You want me to read it now?" Her father confirmed, "That is sort of the idea Baby." Shelly laughed at the idea. Surely he didn't want her to sit right down and read the book in front of everyone, did he? "Right now," she asked? "Right here, on the couch, with everyone watching?" She gestured around the room with her eyes. "I think that would probably be best," her father again confirmed. He held the book out further. Shelly saw there would be no avoiding it, so she took the book. It lay heavy in her hands, like a dead thing. It even smelled musty and old the way old papers smelled when they got wet and began to rot. Only this book was not rotting. She flipped through the pages briefly, seeing of there were perhaps illustrations that might give her a clue to the books intent. The pages were all dry and well protected from time, unlike the cover which was cracked from dry rot. She turned to her mother who had been sitting silently with everyone else, content to let Gary do all the explaining. "Have you read this," Shelly asked with bright piercing green eyes fixed on her mother's. "No," Michelle answered quietly. "I didn't have to." "Why not," Shelly asked slowly, suspiciously? "Because I wrote it, Shelly. I know what's between those pages better than almost anyone, except your father maybe." Michelle averted her eyes and stared down into her lap where Shelly had seen she was ringing her hands. Then her mother added, "Well, I guess I didn't actually write it, I suppose I dictated it..." Intrigued and confused, Shelly had opened the cover and read the first page. Her eyes fell upon the first real coherent statement on the page, Okay, let's try this. Shelly read silently, "I was born Michael William Vello on November 15th, in the year 2062. Therefore, by easy addition, that means I'm 20 years old, or at least I have seen twenty years pass in my short lifetime. Ten months ago, when this whole thing started, I was still nineteen and a freshman in college." Shelly scanned the pages for a moment, confused. How could her mother have dictated this? From the context of the first statement, this was a book about her mother's half brother. "This can't be right, it's about your brother..." Shelly said. Something however told her that the book did not lie. Shelly was now trembling almost as badly as her mother. Michelle was now weeping lightly, an occasional tear running away down her face. Michelle had turned her face up to her daughter and saw the confused, pained look there in her eyes and said, "No Sweetie, it's about me. I don't have a brother." "What," Shelly asked in a tone almost too small to hear? Shelly had looked around the room, but now, no one would meet her gaze, not even her father with that intense, captivating style of his. "Someone please tell me what this is all about," Shelly pleaded, now more afraid than ever to read any more. "Shelly..." Gary offered, trying to soothe his daugh