The Diver
This story was based on an idea by Debbie Cybill and written over a few
weeks from September to November 2000. This story covers transgender
issues and should not be read by minors. If there any comments or
errors spotted in the story then please feel free to email me at
[email protected]. Nothing in this story should be construed to be
factual and all characters are fictional and not based on any person
dead or alive. Copyright 2000 by Elaine.
Synopsis
A mine explodes and changes the life of a young Marine forever. This is
the story of that change and it's not as you might think. It contains a
great deal of factual information on the Small Boat Service, a highly
efficient part of the British Armed Forces.
Chapter 1 - Explosion
It was a dark moonless night as the 6 sections, each of eight men,
transferred quietly and efficiently from the amphibian support craft HMS
Bullfinch to the deck of HMS Sabre, a high-speed patrol boat.
Nearly 50 men of the Special Boat Service were starting a dangerous
mission to get behind the Iraqi positions in Kuwait before the start of
Operation Desert Storm. First they had to clear the mine infested
waters that surrounded the Kuwait coastline and for that they would
transfer again to 6 small Zodiacs. The captain of Sabre expertly
brought them as close as he dared for the final approach to the hostile
coastline.
In command was a tough Marine called Sergeant Brighton from Yorkshire,
who fired out his orders quietly and efficiently in the dim light.
Immediately on his signal five divers from each Zodiac quietly
submerged, leaving three in each inflatable as boat-handler, stand-by
diver and dive-master.
As expected the descending divers found the sandy bottom at 25 metres
with each group of five men taking up a vee formation. With one brave,
or possibly foolish man at the point, they all began to swim slowly
towards the shore in the inky black waters. Above them the men in the
Zodiacs paddled along following the line of bubbles as they came to the
surface.
Luckily the bottom was relatively flat as they slowly inched along in
the rich salty waters.
Suddenly a great explosion sent up a fountain of water off the starboard
bow of the port Zodiac. The boat-minder, Joe Spencer, immediately
started the engine and then circled slowly around the still foaming
water. A body floated to the surface face down, still covered in its
black diving suit.
The dive-master, Ed Stewart signalled Spencer to turn the boat to port
while, without being asked, the stand-by diver, Bill Truro, dropped
overboard and swam as fast as he could for the bleeding body. Between
them the three men, pulled the lifeless diver back on board the Zodiac.
As Spencer slowly turned the Zodiac to get back in formation, three more
divers surfaced near to the position of the explosion.
"Derek's still fucking alive," cried Stewart to Spencer as he searched
for vital signs of life and hovered over the prone body.
"He's been damned unlucky," responded Spencer, who could see the blood
oozing out of the man's suit near his waist. "He's caught some shrapnel
in his stomach and this doesn't look good."
The three other divers climbed into the Zodiac with minimal assistance.
Spencer circled for five minutes more, searching in vain for the fifth
member of the diving team, assisted by the Iraqi searchlights looking
for the cause of the explosion. There was some sporadic firing up the
coast and the yellow tracer could be seen hitting the water a few
hundred yards away.
"There's no fucking sign of him," said a desperate Spencer, becoming
sadly aware that the man on point had caught the full force of the mine
and there was nothing left to pick up. "We'd better head back for the
Sabre before the Corp here dies on us."
No longer worried about any secrecy, because the explosion had put paid
to that, the Zodiac set off at 40 knots towards the approaching Sabre.
Stewart picked up the radio and hailed the Sabre, "Sabre this Z1, we
need an immediate air evacuation back to Invincible. Corporal
Carruthers is very badly hurt."
"The chopper's on its way," said the radio operator on Sabre. "Don't
try to transfer him to us, the chopper will pick him up straight from
the Zodiac."
Carruthers drifted in and out of consciousness, clutching the wound that
seemed to be draining his life force away. He was in pain and drifted
out of consciousness as the helicopter winched him up into the air.
He didn't remember much as they gently carried him across the flight
deck of Invincible towards the waiting surgeon who would save his life.
He didn't hear the Harrier jump jets refuelling and taking off on raids
on Southern Iraq.
Chapter 2 - A brave young man
Growing up in a leafy Manchester suburb, Derek Carruthers had always
been academically bright at school. He was studious because being small
and frail, he had always been hopeless at games such as rugby and
soccer. In consequence he was always being ridiculed and tormented as
the bigger boys tried to show that he was a bit of a wimp. He was
always a bit of a rebel, preferring to have long hair and in hindsight
that probably made the taunting worse.
It didn't take him long to realise that their taunts were having a
negative effect on his confidence and he really needed to show that he
did possess some skills that they didn't have. While he might not have
been good enough on the rough and tumble of the sports field, his love
of swimming did enable him to shine. Over his final years at school he
won many swimming and diving board medals in inter-school championships.
It might sound corny, but he was nicknamed The Fish by some of his
classmates.
When his dad paid for some scuba diving lessons Derek realised that he
wanted to make a career out of his love of the water. His goal was to
get a job in the North Sea as a diver, earning thousands of pounds a
week.
That was the main reason why Derek had enlisted with the Royal Marines.
Maybe it was because he had to prove his manhood in one of the toughest
regiments in the World, if not to those bullies at school, but to
himself. Hopefully after a few years in the Marines he'd have the
skills and training he needed that would enable him to get a job earning
big money in oil exploration.
"But Dad, they'll train me in diving and swimming," he told his
surprised father on why he'd signed for the Marines, instead of going to
work in the local council offices over the summer as they'd agreed.
"Derek, you're university material, you can achieve good money in
industry," he replied exasperated as he failed to convince him. Derek
knew his father was wasting his breath, because like his mum, once his
mind was made up that was it, and his father just caved in.
While most of the other guys in senior school paired off with the girls,
he'd never had a regular girlfriend. He'd always felt shy and clumsy
around them and the girls that seemed to take an interest in him never
received any encouragement. For some reason Derek genuinely seemed to
prefer the company of other young men or at least those like him that
seemed to thrive on adversity. However he never considered himself to
be gay and those boys that had made advances were instantly repulsed
too.
Just three months after passing all eight of his O level school
examinations, Derek was sitting in a Royal Marines bus heading for his
basic training at Lypstone Barracks, wondering whether he was going to
fail or endure to prove his manhood.
To his surprise he soon found himself adapting to the raw life of a
recruit. Instead of confronting problems head on, Derek used his head
to tackle them with a bit of thought. Unlike the past the drill staff
were always on the look out for recruits who could show some initiative,
rather than just brute strength and ignorance.
He suddenly found out that being small and light was an unexpected
advantage in unarmed combat and he was able to throw guys twice his
weight with ease, once he learned the essentials. When Derek learned
that he could do that, his confidence soared and increased daily.
Within weeks he feared none of the other recruits and it didn't take him
long to naturally take charge on training assignments. Derek would end
up telling all the bigger guys how to overcome obstacles and hazards.
The drill staff noticed it first of course and he was able to finish
basic training with top marks, much to his dad's surprise.
His final interview with Captain Morrison of the Marines training
programme gave him further cause for optimism.
"When I first saw you Carruthers, I thought you'd be lucky to survive a
few days and you'd be going home to your Mummy's apron strings," he said
almost sarcastically as Derek stood at ease. "However I'm pleased to
say that you've proved me wrong and all my Drill Sergeants too."
"Thank you sir," Derek said smiling as he was handed his certificate for
being top recruit. His Royal Marine cap badge would be handed out a few
days later at the passing out parade.
"Have you thought about what you'd like to do?" Morrison asked with a
typical public school accent.
"I've always been interested in diving and swimming sir," he replied
enthusiastically, "so something in that area would be good."
Morrison looked at his training records. "So I see," he remarked
leafing through them, "top marks in the pool, have you thought about the
SBS, Carruthers? They could use a man like you."
"I've never even heard of them, sir. What are they?" Derek asked
wondering.
"I'm surprised you've never heard of the SBS. Don't they teach you
anything nowadays in school?" Morrison asked sharply, but there was no
menace in his question.
"No sir," Derek replied honestly, wishing his nose would stop being
itchy as he stood with his legs apart and his hands behind his back at
ease.
"The SBS is short for the Special Boat Service," Morrison proudly
explained.
"I'm sorry sir, that still means nothing to me," Derek replied.
"Well let me explain," said Morrison. "The SBS was formed during the
Second World War to attack enemy shipping and coastlines. They used
specially trained men versed in underwater diving and combat. Of course
then it was staffed jointly by the Marines and the Navy, but nowadays
it's mainly just us Marines," he explained. Seeing some recognition and
interest on Derek's face, he continued. "The public hears a lot about
the SAS, but our lads in the SBS are a much tougher group. They do all
the interesting and tough jobs."
"Such as?" Derek asked, knowing a sir on the end wasn't needed.
Morrison was in a different world, he could tell.
"Well, in 1943 Colonel Blondie Hasler led 9 men in five two-man kayaks
thirty miles up a river in France, mostly underwater, and sank nine
German warships with magnetic limpet mines. Hasler and only one of his
men escaped unhurt overland, through enemy territory to Spain," Morrison
explained and then continued, "In the fifties another squad recaptured a
large supertanker, hijacked by 20 armed terrorists in the North Sea."
Derek stood and listened to Morrison recount several more stories of
bravery in actions all over the world. They all had a lot in common,
unarmed and armed combat combined with diving skills in difficult
situations. That made his mind up
"How do I get into the SBS, sir?" Derek asked seriously.
"I can get you an interview to the next selection panel," Morrison said
proudly, "another 18 months of good service you'd qualify."
"How could I qualify?" Derek asked, "I'm not exactly big and strong."
"Well, recruits for the SBS should be small and compact just like you,"
Morrison explained and then continued, "Big men just don't make the
grade. All potential SBS recruits have to pass out from basic training
in the top ten per cent and in the top five per cent in knife and
unarmed combat. You qualify on all counts, Carruthers."
"Thank you sir," Derek said and then asked, "How does the SBS training
compare to what I've just done sir?" He was internally pleased that he
might go forward for SBS training. Morrison smiled and then sat back as
Derek stood before him in his best uniform itching and sweat trickling
down his face.
"You don't get any extra pay, if that's what you're thinking," Morrison
said quickly, dispelling any ideas of sudden riches that might be earned
in defence of Queen and country in such an elite fighting force. "But-"
"But sir?" Derek asked.
"But you can expect more rapid promotion, and you'll work with a great
bunch of guys," Morrison continued with a glint in his eye. "Of course
it's more dangerous than in the Marines, but then you don't get any
guard duty at any embassies or other square bashing ceremonials either."
Then Morrison added what Derek wanted to hear, "You do have extra
training, in all manner of boats, diving, airborne assault and handling
all kinds of special weapons, including mines and explosives."
That made his mind up. "When I'm able, I'd like to join the SBS sir."
"You sure you want to, Carruthers?"
'Stupid question,' Derek thought as he said, "Yes sir."
"Very well, I'll make the recommendation on your record. All you have
to do is get through the next 18 months in her majesty's service.
Attention. Dismissed," Morrison barked, saluting as Derek was marched
out by two happy and it seemed quite proud Drill Sergeants.
With that goal in mind, Derek applied himself at first as a Commando
based at Arbroath in Scotland where he gained his lance corporal's
stripe.
After another long 9 months in the ranks of the Marines at Portsmouth,
Derek eventually joined the fourth squadron of the SBS in Poole, a small
coastal town in Southern England. Quickly Derek showed his promise when
he received a second stripe to reach the rank of corporal in the space
of just 2 years of service, just before Operation Desert Storm started
against the Iraqi invaders of Kuwait.
The Royal Marines, along with the Americans, were scheduled to make a
diversionary landing on the beaches just south of Kuwait City, while the
main coalition forces pushed into Iraq from Saudi Arabia. As part of
the attack the SBS were to go in and clear any mines before the main
assault craft entered the coastal waters. When Jim touched that mine,
Derek nearly bought the farm too.
Chapter 3 - Recovery
"He's not really fit to answer any questions yet," whispered the
Surgeon, who had operated on Derek for several hours on board the
biggest warship in the Royal Navy. "He won't remember much about what
happened anyway and probably for the previous 24 hours, if my experience
is any guide."
"Is he conscious yet?" Asked Captain MacTaggart softly. MacTaggart was
Derek's Commanding Officer.
"Yes, but he's still a little deaf from the blast and you may find it
difficult to question him. His speech is slurred because he also lost
some teeth and his lips were gashed," explained the man, who had just
saved Derek's life, "and please don't tire him too much."
"I'll only speak to him for a few minutes if that's OK? I wouldn't want
to do anything that'll delay his recovery or harm him in any way," said
MacTaggart, "does he need to know what's happened to him?"
"No, but I suppose he'll need to know sooner or later what's happened,
remember please keep it short, he needs rest," the Surgeon continued.
The two men stood by the bottom of his bed talking and Derek, sensing
something, opened a groggy eye. He'd half expected to see the nurse who
had just made up his bed in preparation for the CO's visit. He had no
idea how long it had been since that night off the coast of Kuwait.
When he saw it was MacTaggart, Derek almost jumped to attention in bed,
but only lisped out, "Corporal Carruthers, 7843796, sir."
"Well, Sergeant, you certainly seem to have caught quite a package,"
MacTaggart mouthed slowly so Derek understood. "You'll soon be at home
after another week here at the NATO base in Saudi."
Derek nodded and then his mouth dropped as he asked, "Sergeant sir?"
"Didn't anybody tell you? We've given you an extra stripe,
congratulations Sergeant."
"Thank you, sir," said Derek, who tried to salute, but his arm was tied
to the side of the bed to hold the saline drip tube going into it.
"Do you remember anything about the blast Sergeant?" MacTaggart asked,
sitting down beside Derek's bed and carefully placing his cap on Derek's
bedside locker.
Derek shook his head and tried hard to remain conscious. As his eyes
flickered back towards sleep, Derek could see the surgeon looking at his
Commanding Officer (CO) with concern.
"Has anyone told you what happened to you?" Asked MacTaggart with a
little more urgency.
Derek just shook his head no again.
"I thought not. I hope you can remember that you were clearing mines
along the Kuwait coast-line, in about 20 metres of water," MacTaggart
explained. "As far as we can make out, Private Bottomley triggered one
somehow and the poor chap died instantly."
A tear dropped down Derek's eye as that was explained in such a matter
of fact way. Jim was his best mate in the unit and he was going to miss
him. Come to that, so would Jim's family.
"When the mine detonated, you must have been about 20 metres or less
away. Johnston on the other side of Bottomley seems to have been
lagging behind, out of line, so he suffered very little damage, only
slight deafness."
"What happened to me, sir?" Derek lisped, spitting out saliva between
the huge gap in his front teeth.
"The blast tore you mouthpiece off and that took your top two teeth with
it I'm afraid. Your ear-drums were blown out and that's why you're
still rather deaf, though they're healing nicely now and it shouldn't
give you any future trouble," MacTaggart answered.
"Why do I hurt so much?" Derek asked.
"You were twisted into a pretzel, tearing ligaments in all your joints.
You should recover from that, though, but it will no doubt cause some
serious arthritis in old age," the surgeon answered, but Derek despite
his tiredness could sense they were holding something back.
"How did I survive, sir, without my mask and mouthpiece?" Derek asked
curious to know the answer.
"Ironically it was the shrapnel from the mine that saved you. It seems
that one piece cut your weight belt, and entered your stomach. With
your lead weight gone, you just floated up to the surface unconscious,
bleeding from your stomach wound. How you escaped without the bends is
beyond me," MacTaggart said.
"I was lucky, sir," Derek said suddenly believing it. "I'm lucky to be
alive."
"Now there was one other major wound," MacTaggart said suddenly as he
changed tone and tensed up.
"Where sir?"
His mouth opened but nothing came out, so he coughed to clear his
throat. "I'm afraid you were hit by another piece of shrapnel," said
MacTaggart who licked his lips nervously and then hesitated a moment.
"It passed, umh it passed between your legs, umh but high up."
At first Derek didn't understand what MacTaggart was trying to tell him,
had he lost a leg, so he stuttered out, "I don't feel any pain, was I
badly wounded in the leg sir?"
"No Sergeant, the shrapnel went between your legs, I'm afraid you've
lost your manhood," MacTaggart said rushing on.
"Completely?" Derek asked, feeling numb rather than shocked; he was
surprised that he didn't feel any pain down there.
MacTaggart looked over at the window in an uncomfortable manner. He
avoided a direct answer and then replied, "I'm sure the surgeons and
physicians will be able to do something to help you."
"It doesn't matter, sir. I'm still alive," Derek said, slipping back
into sleep rather than face the reality of the situation. He would
leave that for another day.
"I'll let you rest now, but I'll come back with some of the men and see
you when you're a little stronger." With that MacTaggart stepped
backwards and spoke to the surgeon as Derek drifted off to sleep,
strangely tranquil despite his dreadful injuries.
Early the next day Derek was just coming to terms with what had happened
for the first time, when MacTaggart and Sergeant Brighton appeared
suddenly at his bedside. Derek was already awake and feeling a little
sore, but he was quite comfortable. The nurses had been looking after
him, but now and then he could see them whispering in his direction in
the corridor outside.
"Do you feel like telling me what you remember of the incident now,
Sergeant?" MacTaggart asked looking down at him.
"I'm sorry sir, I don't remember anything after I left for the mission,
sir," Derek replied truthfully.
"Can you tell me what you do remember about the mission?" MacTaggart
asked.
"Six sections were to go in Zodiacs to a line four kilometres off the
coast sir. Then we would begin our sweep, to open up a clear channel as
close in as we could go." Derek felt reasonably happy that he could
recall that much.
"How deep did you expect the water to be?" asked MacTaggart.
Derek thought it was strange that MacTaggart should quiz him over
something that was common knowledge.
"About 25 metres, I remember you telling us during the briefing sir,"
Derek replied.
"Good. Go on."
"You also said that we should be as quiet as possible, though we
wouldn't expect any opposition," he replied, suddenly remembering part
of his briefing.
"And did you meet any opposition?"
"I don't know, sir, I just don't remember. I do remember working out
our gas mixture, but I don't remember actually filling the gas bottles."
"What gas mixture did you plan on using, Derek?" Brighton asked joining
in the questioning.
"Since our maximum depth was supposed to be 25 metres, I planned for 30
metres, to allow a margin of safety. That's three atmospheres gauge,
four absolute."
"Quite right," smiled Brighton, because he had taught Derek all that.
"Allowing for two atmospheres partial pressure of oxygen at a total
pressure of four atmospheres, that meant we could use a mixture of 50
per cent oxygen, 50 per cent nitrogen. I could get that by mixing air
and oxygen in a ratio of three to five," Derek continued, happy at least
that he had remembered that part.
"You don't seem to have suffered in your calculating ability. That's
quite right, but you don't remember filling the bottles with that gas
mixture?" asked MacTaggart.
"No, sir, I don't," Derek replied.
"Would you have had the bends, coming up from 20 metres after half an
hour using that gas mixture, do you think?" asked MacTaggart, who seemed
to be quizzing Derek harder than normal for some reason.
"No sir, because part of my calculation in using that mixture was to
avoid any risk of the bends. That might happen if we had to abort in
the face of enemy action, and to avoid any decompression at the end of
the operation," Derek said confidently.
"Good man! Now how did you dispose your section below water?"
"I left privates Spencer, Truro and Stewart as boat crew, and took down
with me Bottomley, Johnston, Smith and Lance Corporal Pick. Bottomley
was on point duty and Johnston and I were next. Smith and Pick were to
swim outer flank. I don't know if that's how it worked out, though,
sir."
"Did you swim in line abreast?" asked Brighton.
"I don't know how we actually swam, but I had planned to swim in a vee
with Bottomley leading. The men were to keep visual contact, but spread
out as far as possible."
"Why weren't you on point?" asked Brighton.
"I should have been on point, but Bottomley was in the right place and
we were beginning to fall behind," replied Derek, who shivered suddenly
realising that he should have died instead of Bottomley.
"You planned it well and what you say is corroborated by the others.
Johnston, your opposite on the right flank, beyond Bottomley, was a
little out of position, and that's what probably saved him," commented
Brighton.
"How do you feel now?" asked MacTaggart, suddenly showing concern when
Derek moved and winced with a stab of pain in his stomach.
"A little better today, sir. It's easier to concentrate on what you're
saying. I guess I've got a one way ticket back to blighty now, sir."
"You certainly did, and we'll get you back to blighty as soon as you're
fit to travel, but you'll have several more months in hospital back
there."
"I won't be discharged from the service, will I, sir?" Derek asked
anxiously. He knew that he would get back in action again after he
healed up.
"I shouldn't think so, but you might be invalided out of the SBS into
the regular Marines," MacTaggart said and that left Derek feeling
deflated.
"I shouldn't like that, sir," Derek replied with tears welling up in his
eyes.
"Cheer up Derek, I'm sure it won't come to that," said Brighton, but
Derek could see it in his eyes that his active service career in the SBS
was almost over.
Chapter 4 - Back to blighty
Derek was air-lifted from Saudi back to Pompey (as the Marines call
their base in the UK at Portsmouth) and transferred to a naval hospital.
His ears healed quickly and with a little surgery on his ear-drums his
hearing was fully restored. Fortunately there was no serious damage to
the inner and middle ear.
His stomach wounds looked worse than they seemed at first. His thick
diving suit and weight belt had absorbed much of the energy from the
shrapnel and he was quickly stitched up, leaving a 5" scar just below
his navel. Although all his leg joints suffered, the orthopaedic
surgeon concentrated on his right knee only. Though the cartilage and
ligaments were torn, he felt that they would heal better with
physiotherapy alone, rather than with surgery. In thirty years time the
surgeon told Derek that he might have severe arthritis. Derek carried a
small scar on his right knee where the surgeon had entered to repair his
cruciate ligament.
A few days after his return to the UK an ophthalmic surgeon examined his
eyes and his observations had Derek more scared than any other thing
that had happened.
"You seem to have escaped damage to the retina and optic nerve, but you
have cavitation bubbles in each of your lenses," he said, looking
through his viewer into Derek's eyes.
"What does that mean?" Derek asked and then added, "In simple layman's
language."
"The mine explosion has caused bubbles to form in the lenses of both
your eyes, just like the cavitation pits you see on the blades of high-
speed boat propellers. They're caused by bubbles."
"What will that do to my vision?" Derek asked, concerned that there
wasn't much call for blind North Sea divers.
"Oh there will be no effect for many years," he said, "but ultimately
the lenses will start to crystallise, and then you'll start to go
blind."
"Blind? Oh God no," Derek cried, "I don't think I could handle that."
"Oh I'm sorry Sergeant, this won't happen for another 20 years or so and
it's nothing to fear, because we just do a small operation and replace
the damaged lenses with clear plastic ones," he explained and Derek's
relief became obvious. "Who knows what they might be able to do in
twenty years time, I don't know, but it will surely be something
better."
A dental surgeon had fashioned a small plate to replace his two missing
front teeth in a few days, while the third broken tooth was expertly
repaired. It was funny not to feel the huge gap in the front of his
mouth anymore, though he hated the thought of wearing dentures for the
rest of his life.
Derek began to dwell on his other major injury that he had somehow
pushed to the back of his mind. He examined the dressings between his
legs and each time they were changed, the nurses used to screen off the
area with a drape.
It all felt numb down below and he could barely feel what they were
doing as they cleaned the suture lines. In some frustration Derek
asked, "Why can't I see my injury?"
"It's not very pretty Sergeant," they would say and he never really
pushed the point. After the nurses had gone Derek saw that he wore what
was like a large plastic panty and inside that was absorbent cotton
material and dressings. Taped to his thigh was a catheter that carried
his urine to a bag attached to the side of his bed.
Derek was determined though to see what the damage was and one night, a
few days after arriving back in the UK, he decided that he would steal a
look. It took him some uncomfortable minutes before he had lowered the
panty and started to undo the dressings. Layer after layer was
unravelled before he reached his crotch and he stared at the single
plastic tube that emerged out of his groin where his penis and scrotum
had once been. There was nothing left of what identified him as a male.
In the dim light he could see that his groin was badly bruised and the
stitches were looking black and menacing. His view confirmed that it
was all gone. He was an eunuch now and there was nothing that he could
do that would ever change that. He methodically and carefully replaced
all the dressings and lay back, stunned at the change of his body. He
took his sleeping pills and slowly drifted off to sleep.
The next day he was up walking about painfully on crutches with the
assistance of Zoe, his Physiotherapist. It was good to get up on his
feet again and she patiently helped him sit in a lounge chair in the
warm sunshine.
"Well done Sergeant," she said, "doesn't it feel better to be up and
about again?"
"Yes it does, but I'm feeling a little sad about what's happened," Derek
replied from the comfort of the upright chair, then unkindly said, "It's
not as though I can walk to the toilet with this bag attached?"
"Oh that'll come," she said enthusiastically, "you've healed up really
well."
Little did he know that the medical and surgical staff were worrying
about a satisfactory outcome for his genital injury. After some blood
tests they decided that Derek should start taking some androgens to
balance the loss of his testes. However they and Derek had to face the
reality that he had permanently lost all sexual function.
As they watched him read the newspapers, Doctor Hermione Goldberg was
puzzled at the lack of any reaction to his traumatic injuries.
"Any normal male would be ready to shoot himself, but not him, he just
sits there and reads the newspaper." The paper was a raunchy paper with
all sorts of sexy nude women inside and he didn't seem to notice; a
point that wasn't missed by the tall blonde Doctor Goldberg.
"I haven't raised the question of his sexuality yet in my interviews and
by the way that he's looking at that newspaper we must tackle that
first," said Doctor Goldberg to her colleague Doctor Jane Roberts.
Hermione Goldberg had taken her advanced psychiatric training at St.
Ambrose hospital, in London, which housed the world-famous sexology
clinic, headed by Dr. Carl Hamburg. As a Major in the Territorial Army
Medical Corps, she had been called up as part of the Gulf Force medical
service. In her civilian life she had dealt with sexual dysfunction, in
a wide variety of forms, from impotent men and women through to
transsexuals who really wanted impotence.
"In my opinion Carruthers doesn't seem to mind what's happened and
that's a real cause for concern," she told Doctor Roberts. "Come and
listen to this interview that I made earlier today." The pair headed
for her office where she loaded the tape into her machine and they
listened intently.
"Tape Five, Patient Sergeant Derek Carruthers," her recorded voice said
out of the speaker as the tape mechanism started working.
"Today I want to be specific about the injuries to your private parts,"
she said, beginning the interview focussing on the major issue as she
saw it.
"The injuries really don't trouble me ma'am," he replied, wondering what
she would ask next.
"How do you mean, the injuries don't trouble you?" she asked probing and
not fully understanding.
"Well, I thought it would really hurt, but it doesn't," Derek replied.
Major Goldberg paused the tape and then said, "See what I mean, any
normal young man would be doubling up with concerns over the loss of his
manhood."
She allowed the tape to continue.
"The pain relief is good here," the Major continued, trying to give him
an explanation.
"I thought..., I mean I, I thought, I would be in real pain," stuttered
Carruthers, "but I'm not."
"I wonder, did you ever have a girlfriend?" asked the Major.
"No Major, I always felt uncomfortable where women were concerned."
"Are you feeling shy now?"
"No not really," he replied, "I feel quite relaxed with you ma'am."
The Major stopped the tape and spoke again to Dr Roberts. "I decided to
take the bull by the horns and confront him about his new reality and it
didn't really upset him."
"I see," said Doctor Roberts, "let's hear that then."
Playing the tape the two listened again.
"You know of course you can never father children now," she commented.
"Yes I'm aware of that, thanks for reminding me," Derek replied.
"I didn't mean to imply that you were less of a man, just that you
cannot be a father to your own kids," she tried to rescue the position.
"I know what you meant, but I never saw myself having kids anyway," he
replied.
"Why?"
"Oh I never thought I would get involved with a girl for that to
happen," he replied. "I've never even tried to have a relationship with
a girl."
"Have you ever had sex?" she asked another enquiring question.
"I've never had sex at all, ma'am," he said feeling embarrassed. "I've
never even kissed a girl, and as for boys, well let's just say that I'm
not gay."
"You mean you've never had any homosexual encounters either?" she asked.
"No never, ma'am," he replied.
"Did you ever masturbate?" she asked, unsure whether that would trouble
him.
"No, I've only done it once or twice, but it was always difficult to get
an erection. Mostly it didn't lead to anything."
"Lead to anything?" she asked.
"You know, an ejaculation," he replied.
"Have you ever ejaculated?" she asked.
"I guess I don't have any sex drive. I've always felt my private parts
were more of a nuisance than anything else," he replied, ignoring the
question.
Doctor Goldberg stopped the tape again and it was Doctor Roberts who
spoke first.
"He's a strange young man, no sex drive, no interest in sex with either
gender, no masturbation either. Perhaps he doesn't really mind losing
his genitals after all?"
"It seems that way, doesn't it," Doctor Goldberg replied. "I really
think he'll learn to cope without a penis and all we need to do is give
him low doses of androgens to ward off any hormone deficiency. Too much
and he might become suicidal."
"Is there any more on the tape?" asked Roberts.
"Yes," said Goldberg, pressing the buttons to restart it.
"As I said earlier most young men would be distressed to have your
injuries and would be praying for something to help them; they would
regard it as the worst of any of the other injuries you received," said
Major Goldberg. Roberts listened intently.
She noted his innocent, almost childlike negative reaction, and then
asked a further simple question, "Do you really mean to say you feel
better off like this?"
"Yes, I think I do ma'am," replied Carruthers, "it's much more
comfortable, less obstructed as it were."
"You do know that you'll always have to sit to pee. Doesn't that worry
you?"
"It might be a little embarrassing ma'am," he confessed and then added,
"particularly on duty with other men around."
"Yes I can see how it might be embarrassing," she agreed and then added
for light relief, "for a man I imagine it would be very embarrassing,
but then I don't think about it because I've always had to pee sitting
down."
"I'm sorry, ma'am," he replied smiling, "I wasn't thinking."
"That's all right, Sergeant," she tried to sound conciliatory, "there's
no need to feel embarrassed. I'm sure that you'll find a way to avoid
any potential embarrassing situations like those."
"I hope so ma'am," he said, wondering how the men would react when they
saw a sergeant having to squat like a woman.
"I'm going to speak to some of my colleagues in London about you and
I'll see you tomorrow at the same time," said Doctor Goldberg.
"Yes ma'am," he said slowly rising to walk out of the room.
"Can you manage?" she asked.
"Yes, my knees are just a little stiff and it takes a few steps to wear
off," he replied, though he was fighting back tears as he felt the pain
from his knees and hips.
After listening to the tape Doctor Roberts commented, "I think you
should contact that old boss of yours in London."
"Yes, I was thinking that too, in a few weeks time I think Carruthers
would benefit from a visit to London," said Doctor Goldberg. "Jane,
thanks for your time."
"Don't mention it Hermione, Carruthers is a fascinating case," she
replied and she got up and put on her raincoat. "Keep me posted on his
progress."
"Yes I will," agreed Doctor Goldberg picking up the phone. "I'll just
give Carl a ring to set things up."
"As soon as he's fit enough have him transferred to the Combined
Services Hospital here in London," said Hamburg over the phone and then
added, "You can then refer him to me at St Ambrose for further
examination."
"Thanks Carl, I'll do just that," she said, heartened by his positive
reply.
"He sounds an interesting case," Hamburg said.
"Oh he is, he is," agreed the Major.
Chapter 5 - Officer Material
Four weeks later, in the SBS barracks in Poole, Dorset, Captain
MacTaggart and his CO Colonel Thomson were busy reviewing the positions
of the men under their command following their return from the Gulf.
"Sergeant Brighton's coming to the end of his usefulness in the SBS,
sir, I've been thinking that we should transfer him to regular duties,"
said MacTaggart, looking through Brighton's file.
"As always I trust your judgement, MacTaggart," said Colonel Thomson,
"who would you want in his place?"
"Before Desert Storm I would've said Carruthers without hesitation,"
replied MacTaggart after taking a sip of his hot strong tea, "but now
I'm not so sure, though he showed great potential before he nearly
copped it in the Gulf."
"Yes that was a pity," responded the Colonel, nodding his head slowly.
"The man should have died like his friend Bottomley, his injuries were
quite severe," commented MacTaggart. "It might have been the kindest
thing that could have happened to him."
"I heard he lost his manhood," said the Colonel, "what a blasted awful
thing to happen to a chap."
"Yes his actions were rewarded with his third stripe, but it'll be
months before he's fit for active duty," said MacTaggart, unhappy that
such a brilliant career might be cut short and added, "If ever."
"Maybe we can find him a desk job, he has the background knowledge to
plan and process assignments, it would be a pity to lose that
expertise," said the Colonel who remembered Carruthers during a training
exercise off the coast of Norway storming an oil rig. "That exercise in
Norway was first class and he was a credit to you and Brighton that
day."
"Thank you sir," replied MacTaggart, feeling pleased. "In the
circumstances, I'll have to recommend Corporal Pick to replace Brighton.
He doesn't have the same flair, but he's very thorough and very
reliable."
"How about putting Carruthers into officer training school, when he's
fully recovered?" asked Colonel Thomson suddenly. "We could still use
his expertise then, even if he didn't go on active duty."
"I think that's an excellent idea sir," replied MacTaggart as he
shuffled his papers and personnel folders. "I think that would
demonstrate to Carruthers that we rate him highly and it might speed up
his recovery. Besides he's a good organiser, takes initiatives and the
men have always respected his judgement."
"Right, then," said Colonel Thomson, "I'll put him forward and I'll
expect you to let him know he isn't finished in the SBS or the Marines
yet. Not by a long way."
Both men laughed at the Colonel's attempt at a joke and relaxed back in
their chairs.
"I know he'll appreciate that sir," responded MacTaggart. "I'll pay him
a visit tomorrow and it might also solve the problem of what to do if
his injuries ever preclude him from entering active service again."
Unlike other parts of the British military the SBS is a strange
organisation with its own unique way of doing things. In part that was
due to the necessity to get things done quickly and efficiently in time
of war and in part to make sure that the top brass were able to keep the
men as an efficient fighting unit with little or no distractions.
Part of that uniqueness is that although the officers plan the
operations, it's only the men and Non Commissioned Officers that
actually get their hands dirty.
Of course that gives the men far more freedom of action than any other
service, it encourages initiative in often complex and highly hazardous
situations. They are free to select and use any weapon they see fit for
any particular task, from a long attack knife to special machine guns.
They regard themselves as the elite with their base, not in Pompey
itself, alongside the other Marines and Navy types, but a few miles
along the coast.
Chapter 6 - Recovering again
After a few weeks Derek was able to get around with the aid of crutches
and then a few weeks after that with a walking stick. His joints were
still a little sore, but his flesh wounds had all healed up well. He
did find it a little disconcerting at first to sit to pee, but soon it
seemed normal to him.
When Derek finally met Doctor Carl Hamburg he found him comforting and
self assured. It made a welcome change to get away from the discipline
of the military for a few hours and Derek quickly realised that the
Doctor was extremely sympathetic towards him. However Goldberg had
already made up her mind that it would be folly for Derek to go back
into active service with the SBS and made the appropriate
recommendations.
However it was quite a shock when Captain MacTaggart paid him a visit in
London.
"How are you Sergeant?" MacTaggart asked.
"Much better sir, now I can get around again, each day I'm getting
stronger and I've started swimming. I did 300 metres yesterday and I
aim for 400 today," Derek beamed happily.
"Good for you," he replied, "I've been having a chat with Colonel
Thomson and we've both agreed that you be recommended for officer
training school."
"Thank you, sir, but won't that mean me leaving the SBS?" Derek asked,
suddenly deflated.
"Actually it's the only way we can keep you in the SBS, Sergeant," he
replied. "Unfortunately the medical reports show that you have
permanent injuries that will incapacitate you for active duty in the
SBS, though not for active duty with the Marines."
Derek felt disappointed that he couldn't get back with the men, but
asked laughing, "If I get my officer's pips, I suppose that means a pay
rise then sir?"
"Yes, provided you pass out as a Marines officer, it does," MacTaggart
said and then added, "You'll be rotated back to the SBS and you do know
that all SBS officers have served in the ranks with us, don't you?"
"Yes sir, I knew that," Derek said, feeling happier that he faced
further stiff challenges ahead. "Do you really think I have what it
takes for leadership sir?"
"I certainly do," replied MacTaggart smiling, "and so does Colonel
Thomson."
"When can I start officer training, sir?" Asked Derek.
"As soon as the medics think you're fit enough, Sergeant. The next
intake is in two months." Derek felt that he implied that it might be a
good idea to be well enough by then.
The next two months whirled by and Derek was soon back to full fitness,
swimming and running like before. He pushed himself as hard as he
could, but it was harder now for some reason. He had a lethargy that
never existed before and he always had to dig deep within himself to
overcome it.
Derek passed his medical and made the next officer intake in the early
autumn of 1991, almost six months after the explosion that nearly ended
his life. He was the only ex-SBS man there and passed out top of his
class, taking both the prize sword for physical prowess and the prize
baton for academic work.
That was a great day for his family, who having seen their son at
death's door, now saw that he had come back stronger than ever. Even
his dad was impressed.
"Son, you've astonished me, you're a great man in my eyes," he said,
tears welling up and Derek knew he meant it all. They shook hands and
then hugged in one of those emotional moments for them both. Derek
noticed that the tears flowed more freely than usual, but those tears
were truly special between his Dad and him.
Derek was gazetted Second Lieutenant, Royal Marine Commando, and posted
to the destroyer, HMS Terror, based at Portsmouth, as head of security
and with a command of a dozen marines. He was enjoying his new rank and
his new job, but all that came to an abrupt halt two months later when
they docked at Gibraltar. Derek, as head of security onboard, was
summoned to see Commander Norris, Terror's captain. However the chat
with the Captain was not what he had expected.
Derek knocked on the Captain's door and was promptly welcomed into
Norris's cabin. He offered him a glass of rum and they drank an
obligatory toast to Her Majesty.
"Thanks for your efforts on the trip Derek, unfortunately you're heading
back to blighty on the next plane," Norris said matter of factly,
sipping the rum.
"Why sir?" Derek asked, suddenly realising what had happened to cause
this.
"Well, I've received a signal that you're to report to the Combined
Services Hospital back in London. It seems a Doctor Hamburg and a
Doctor Goldberg want to conduct a follow-up examination on you. Do you
know what it's all about?"
"They were the Doctors who got me back on my feet after I nearly bought
the farm in the Gulf, sir," Derek replied. "I reported to the ship's
surgeon because of stomach cramps a few days ago, but apart from that
I'm fine, I don't understand why they want to see me again."
"Ah yes, I remember reading that in your file, but I have no cause for
complaints about the way you go about your duties onboard my ship and if
it's necessary you can count on my support, Lieutenant," he said.
"Thank you sir, I appreciate that," Derek replied, shaking his hand.
"Maybe it's all a routine check-up or some of that Gulf War Syndrome
stuff the press is going on about, whatever it's best you go back and
sort it out. We'll be here for three days and we should be in Cyprus
for a few weeks. So hopefully we'll see you there."
Derek didn't think it significant at the time, but he had forgotten to
pack his androgen tablets for the trip to the Mediterranean. As he
walked down the gang plank to the waiting taxi he could picture them
still on the shelf at home, where he left them in his rush to join
Terror. He wondered if leaving those hormones would explain why the
Ship's Doctor had referred him back to Doctor Hamburg.
Clutching his pass the taxi headed for the airport and an unwelcome
flight back to London Gatwick.
After the long delayed trip Derek reported in as ordered to the Combined
Services Hospital in London, who immediately sent him round to St.
Ambrose to see Dr. Hamburg. Derek was surprised, but he was seen almost
immediately.
"What's this all about?" Derek asked him impatiently. However the good
Doctor was in no mood to be rushed.
"How long is it since I saw you last? Oh yes a few months now," he said
to himself and not really to Derek. "Oh I see, you're an officer now.
My congratulations, Lieutenant."
"Thank you Doctor, but I'm sure you didn't call me back from Gib just to
offer your congratulations," Derek replied impatiently, feeling Doctor
Hamburg would get to the point soon enough.
"Yes how thoughtless of me, tell me now, do you feel the same about your
sex organs and your body, Derek?"
"I don't understand," Derek replied, feeling insulted about the loss of
his sex organs again.
"Well, have you had any problems?" Hamburg asked, tapping his fingers
impatiently on the desk.
Derek hesitated slightly before replying with an unhelpful, "Not really,
doctor."
However Hamburg was suddenly alert and homed in Derek's slight
hesitation. "You hesitated for a moment. What's up?"
"Well it's just that... It's just that," he tried to get his words out.
"There's no need to be embarrassed Lieutenant," Hamburg said, trying to
make him feel more at ease.
"Yes Doctor, it's my nipples, they seem tender and swollen. They're
very sensitive to the touch. A few days ago I started getting belly
cramps on board and when I went to the ship's surgeon he gave me some
laxative. These things can't be anything to do with my injuries, can
they?" Derek confessed, feeling the need to blurt it all out to him. Of
course Hamburg knew all this, having heard it from the ship's surgeon,
but he wanted Derek to recognise and acknowledge the changes himself.
"Let's have a look at you then. Strip off all your clothes and hop up
onto the bench there," he said, handing Derek a gown to wear when he had
removed his dress uniform. "I'll be back in a few minutes, just ring
when you're ready."
Within 10 minutes Derek was back in his uniform, but Hamburg was holding
the two samples that had been taken. Derek listened as Hamburg phoned
the laboratory himself.
"Dorothy, I've got some blood and urine samples, I need analysing
immediately, the patient is a Lieutenant in the Royal Marines and his
ship is waiting," he explained. "Can you do them ASAP?"
Hamburg nodded his reply to the voice on the phone and then said,
"That's great Dorothy, I'll get Hazel to bring them over straight away.
How's Bill? Any improvement? Oh good, I'm sure he'll make a good
recovery. What's that? Oh yes, a full hormone analysis, especially
looking for oestrogens and progestogens and any other steroids.
Goodbye."
Hamburg rang for Hazel, his secretarial assistant, and he handed her the
sample tubes marked Urgent. Then he continued with his interview.
"Do you still feel tranquil about the loss of your penis and scrotum?"
he asked.
"I don't really miss them, the most embarrassing thing is not standing
to pee at an urinal, but the officer's head on board Terror is fine,"
Derek replied.
"Do you feel relieved in some way about the loss, have you ever felt
that you should have been born a woman?" Hamburg asked, staring
uncomfortably at him.
"I... I'm not sure what you mean Doctor," Derek replied, "I'm a man and
always have been. Just because I don't have a penis anymore doesn't
mean I'm not a man."
"Well it's not your imagination, your breasts are swelling and it's
almost as if you have ovaries. Without a detailed blood analysis I
won't know what's making them have that effect. If it's what I think it
is, I'll want to keep you in hospital for an internal examination,"
Hamburg said, finally getting to the point.
Derek gulped, "Surely not. I've my ship. I feel fine now and I'd like
to get back..."
Hamburg interrupted, "Lieutenant, this is more important than any ship,
this could shape your future life."
"I'd much rather get back to my ship, Doctor," Derek replied, feeling
suddenly uneasy.
"I'm sorry, but I must insist, because there's something here I don't
understand. Let me phone the Combined Services Hospital," he said,
picking up the phone.
The conversation was short and brief, but the medical officer at the
Combined Services Hospital agreed that Derek should stay the night in a
private room there. Derek would report back to Doctor Hamburg in the
morning for the results of his blood and urine tests.
Derek returned sadly back to his private room in the Hospital and
watched TV, read the newspapers and walked around a little. Unknown to
him Doctor Hamburg was learning more about his endocrine system from the
laboratory.
"It's Dorothy, Dr. Hamburg, I've your lab report on Lieutenant
Carruthers. They're being typed up as I speak, but I thought it best to
let you know the findings straight away," she said in her usual friendly
manner.
"What are they?" Hamburg asked impatiently.
"First, can you confirm that those samples are from Lieutenant
Carruthers?" she asked.
"Yes, I drew the samples and marked them myself, Dorothy," he replied
and then laughed, "can't you recognise my scrawny writing?"
"Oh yes, it's your writing alright, but I wondered if you'd mixed up the
samples somehow. You see there are a few slight anomalies, but the
whole endocrine picture is that of a young girl just going into puberty
and not of a young male lieutenant."
"That's just what I feared Dorothy," said Hamburg sighing and then
repeated, "that's what I feared."
"Can I do anything else for you?" Dorothy asked him.
"No thank you," he sighed, "it looks like tomorrow is going to be a busy
one for Lieutenant Carruthers and myself." He rang Derek and informed
him that he would be needed for further tests.
Chapter 7 - Second Opinions
The next morning Derek felt distinctly uncomfortable as he returned to
Doctor Hamburg's clinic. He had no idea what to expect, but he had a
feeling that it was going to be profound after Hamburg's call to him the
previous night.
"I would like to do some more tests," Hamburg said when Derek arrived
back in his room, "but first I need to confirm one or two things, would
you mind undressing again?"
"No Doctor, I just wish I knew what's going on," Derek replied, feeling
increasingly impatient.
"I see your pubic area has healed nicely," said Hamburg as he ran a warm
hand up and over the healed stomach wounds and then palpated his budding
breasts. "Are they tender or sensitive?" he asked, turning to wash his
hands.
"Yes, doctor, they are very tender," Derek replied, realising the
feelings Hamburg had created had pulsed through his body.
"I'd also like to take another blood sample now," Hamburg said, "I want
the labs to run through some more tests."
At that moment one of Hamburg's colleagues walked in, wearing her lab
coat on top of a silk blouse and a nice tight skirt. "Hello Lieutenant
Carruthers, so nice to see you, my name's Gillian Reid," she said
sitting down in the chair beside the examination bench. Derek watched
her cross her stocking covered legs.
"Ah Doctor Reid," said Hamburg standing up, "I wonder if you'd undertake
a second examination of my patient and let me know your findings. I
have his blood reports and tests here for you to read when you've
finished."
"Yes Doctor," she said and got straight to work.
Doctor Reid winced slightly inside when she observed his smooth crotch.
However she asked Derek if he was in pain down there and when he said no
she continued paying special attention to his small breasts again.
After she was finished they both looked at one another oddly.
"We'll just be a few minutes," Doctor Hamburg said, "you can get dressed
again Lieutenant."
Outside in Dr Reid's office they felt free to talk.
"Did you notice the distribution of his body hair, Carl? The pubic
escutcheon is flat across the top just like a girl's," Doctor Reid said,
giving her opinion.
"I can't say I noticed it particularly, but yes you're right, Gillian,"
Doctor Hamburg replied. "But what about his breasts, they're growing
and they're going to cause acute embarrassment with his position in the
Royal Marines."
"Yes I agree, they are certainly puffy, but the areola are already wide,
just like a woman's, and not small in diameter for a man," she opined.
Turning to the blood test results, her eyes opened wide at the results
as she studied them.
"I've taken a second set of samples this morning, but the evidence
suggests there's no mistake," said Hamburg as she scanned through the
pages.
"I agree Carl, there's no mistake. He has the hormone levels of a young
girl about to enter puberty or is actually in puberty. Very high levels
of oestrogen and progesterone, I'm astonished," Doctor Reid said. "I've
heard of animals changing sex like this, but never in a human being."
"Yes it's most peculiar," he said, confirming her opinion. "I think we
need to do some ultra sound scans and take a wee look at the internal
organs, but first I must set up a conference call with Hermione
Goldberg. I think I had better include some of the staff in the
Combined Services Hospital too."
"What do you think is happening, Carl?" she asked.
"There's a distinct possibility that Carruthers is a hermaphrodite. I
can't think of any other cause, but let's wait till we've seen inside
him," Hamburg announced. She nodded her confirmation of his assessment.
Hamburg quickly arranged for a meeting of all the medical staff at his
clinic the next day and Derek ended up with another night back in the
Combined Services Hospital.
When Derek arrived back the next morning, he found that Doctor Hamburg
and Doctor Reid had been joined by a Doctor Lewinston from the Combined
Services Hospital and Hermione Goldberg.
Hermione smiled as he entered and immediately volunteered a relaxing
comment, "You look well Lieutenant, it's nice to see you again."
"And you ma'am," Derek replied, smiling to what he thought was still an
Army Major.
"Oh just Doctor now I'm afraid, I left the service a few weeks ago," she
said, crossing her trouser covered legs to expose a pair of scuffed
sensible walking shoes. "Doctor Hamburg called me back because I worked
on your case before."
"Excuse me Hermione, I'm sure that we need to get on," interrupted
Hamburg impatiently and then to Derek he continued, "I've been
discussing your case with my colleagues here Lieutenant."
"Yes sir," Derek replied.
"We are all agreed there is a problem in your hormone system and we'd
like to get to the bottom of it," Hamburg resumed polite and yet
forceful as ever. "Do you mind if we uhm, ask you a few umh, personal
questions?"
Derek was surprised because Hamburg never usually sounded embarrassed,
so he tried to sound nonchalant, "Yes of course, Doctor Hamburg, if
it'll help."
"Ask away Doctor Goldberg," said Hamburg.
"It's not my intention to embarrass you, Lieutenant," said Goldberg by
way of an introduction to what was obviously about to be a potentially
embarrassing question. "You told me shortly after your return to
England that you'd never had sexual intercourse, is that correct?" she
asked straight to the point.
"Yes, Doctor, I've never felt any desires that way," Derek replied.
"Just so we're clear, you've never been to bed with a woman or a man in
the past?" Goldberg asked. "Or had sexual relations?"
"No," Derek replied simply, but starting to blush uncontrollably at
being asked such a question.
"Have you ever kissed or been kissed by anyone, in a sexual way I mean?"
she asked in such a way as to preclude his parents.
"No, never," Derek replied, wondering why that should be so strange.
"I'm Doctor Lewinton of the Combined Services Hospital," he said by way
of introduction before asking something equally personal, "Before you
lost your penis, did you ever have an erection, Lieutenant? I know it's
a bit personal, but there's a valid reason for all these questions."
"Not really, I only remember a couple of times when my penis stirred a
little," Derek replied and then without embarrassment added, "it always
seemed nothing like the erections I've seen in some porno movies."
"About your testicles," went on Doctor Lewinton, "do you think they
seemed normal compared with those you must have seen on other men?"
Derek hesitated a reply and Lewinton asked if anything was wrong.
"No sir, it's just that..." He hesitated.
"Go on Lieutenant," said Hamburg.
"It's just that I only ever had one testicle."
"Only one?" asked Doctor Hamburg, raising an eyebrow over his glasses.
"Yes Doctor and although the other men commented on it, I never had any
problems worrying about the size of my penis or testicles," Derek
replied, "it might have mattered to some men, but to me it seemed
unimportant."
"Why only one testicle, Lieutenant?" asked Lewinton. "Did you have an
accident when you were younger?"
"No sir, I was always that way, I remember that my mum and dad took me
to see a doctor in Manchester about it, but he never did find the other
one," Derek answered and wondered what embarrassing questions would he
be asked next.
"Do you know why he couldn't find the other one?" asked Doctor Hamburg.
"No Doctor, I'm sorry I don't, I was only about 5 or 6 at the time, so I
don't know the full story," Derek replied.
"That's fine Lieutenant, just fine." Hamburg nodded writing up some
notes. "Now then thank you for your patience, but I would like you to
strip off your uniform again and allow my colleagues to examine you on
the bench as before."
Chapter 8 - Diagnosis
Half an hour later the four doctors congregated in Doctor Reid's office
and pored over both sets of blood test charts.
Doctor Lewinton broke the silence. "It all points to the same
conclusion, I'm afraid."
"Yes I think you're right, Carl," said Doctor Goldberg. "The missing
testicle is significant, as well as the lack of any erections. I just
wish we could've examined him before the mine explosion."
"The Lieutenant is very short at around 5 foot 6 inches tall, there's a
lack of complete sexual development," observed Doctor Reid, "there's
female fat distribution and absence of male body hair."
"All this points to some testicular insufficiency or perhaps there's
some ovarian secretion and that second undescended testicle is in the
normal position for a woman," volunteered Doctor Hamburg. "I'll arrange
an ultra sound scan in a little while to confirm that."
"Yes, I'm coming to the conclusion that the Lieutenant is a bilateral
hermaphrodite," stated Lewinton, who surprised the experts with his
knowledge.
"Yes, everything certainly points that way," said Doctor Hamburg, "he
must have been born with one testicle and one ovary and now with just
the ovary left, the Lieutenant is slowly being feminised. He was on a
low dose of androgen though and that should have stopped that."
"Yes, that accounts for the new breast enlargement," advised Doctor
Reid, "and it perhaps accounts for why the patient has had no real sense
of loss after the accident. Perhaps he hasn't taken the androgens for
some reason."
"Let's not be too hasty," said Doctor Hamburg, "I think we need a new
psychiatric assessment and I would like you do that Hermione, since you
did the one right after the injury. You'll be able to spot changes
better than anyone else."
"You and I, Doctor Lewinton, had better arrange to do the internal exam
and see what there is inside. I'm sure there's an ovary, but there may
be a uterus too. If there is we may be in trouble."
Doctor Reid then stated the obvious that they hadn't considered, "if the
Lieutenant has a uterus then menstruation may start at any moment. If
there's no channel for discharging the uterus lining then there may be
serious complications, even peritonitis."
"By God, you're right, Gillian," said Hamburg, "I really hadn't thought
of that."
"It should be OK I think," said Doctor Lewinton, "we can undertake any
emergency surgery tomorrow before any trouble like that develops."
"We have ultrasonic equipment here," said Doctor Hamburg, "if you'd like
that, we can start the investigations here."
"I don't see why not, it doesn't matter where they are done," said
Doctor Lewinton, who was happy to be involved in such an unusual case.
"Right, consider it done," said Hamburg, who started to arrange matters
in his mind.
"If we need to go in, we can do that over the road tomorrow," said
Lewinton. "It would be better here, but we can't fight the bureaucracy.
I'll speak to the adjutant immediately when I get back."
"Why don't we do the ultra sound test now and schedule any surgery and
the endoscope for tomorrow?" suggested Hamburg.
"Yes, why not," agreed Lewinton, who moved to the phone. Within a few
minutes he was back.
"The operating theatre is booked for 0730 hours tomorrow, Carl," said
Lewinton, pleased that he could play his part. "I'd be happy if you or
Gillian would assist me."
Doctor Hamburg scur