Thoughts
- 4 years ago
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Thoughts free porn video
I closed my eyes, drifting, the warmth of the radiator a few feet away,
and of the lava lamp on the desk, bathing my face. I concentrated on the
feel of the breasts, under my shirt. They were only rolled up socks, but
the girdle had been buckled up all the way up this time and though I could
hardly breathe, I knew my body was fully in place and exactly how it
should have been.
That's what people don't tend to understand. I wear these things because
inside, deep down where nobody sees, I'm just me and I'm a girl. On the
exterior, that fact couldn't be more wrong. But just for now, just for
this moment as I drift in the sea of warmth, I know that I feel one stolen
step closer to that person inside.
You who throw these words, first consider how true you are being to
yourself within the scope of your life. We live in an age where choices
really do matter and indecisions hurt much more. So how indecisive are
you? How much of that deep down inner part of your soul resembles that of
your exterior. Do not say all, for that is incorrect. No one, apart from
the insane are truly satisfied with himself or herself. We all want for
improvements.
Transexuality isn't something to be feared, and neither is
heterosexuality; neither to be mocked, neither to betray, neither to
victimise and neither to persecute, and if you accept that, then I push
you even more. No one is either, or, or exactly any one of these concepts.
Life is perhaps about opinions more than it is about views. No being on
earth has the same viewpoint of the planet as you do, no being on earth
has the same lookout, and no being on earth has exactly the same reason.
They are chaotic and more often than not appear like broken buildings in
the fog, which generally have different purposes.
I am a girl, no matter what the mirror may say, and no matter whom I
choose to tell. I am a girl of my own. I share no option with another; I
share only with myself to whom I give eternal and emotional thought. I do
not care for the feelings of others because those feelings are those of
the persecutor, the hetero male who says I MUST attend at the nightclubs,
that I MUST shag every girl in sight, else I am a "pussie", I am lower
than an animal, I am one speck above nothing.
Fuck you, that man. You are the reason I stay at home. You are the reason
I live alone. You are the reason that my deathbed will be solitary.
Do you wish ill for me, or wish me fortune. Most people are generally
decent and to those few I smile. But all the same, what use am I, what is
my pretending?
Life is cruel and rarely kind, we all know this, and life has taken from
me every shred of myself, reducing me to this. I hate what I am, and I
hate that every day I see myself further and further away from that person
inside me. So I pretend a dignity, I pretend that it isn't happening, that
I am who I know I am to be. I fake a pride, I fake a life, I fake.
Does it matter? To you, no; to me, utterly. How comfortable a suggestion,
a mixed up symbolism. An imperfect unity. Confusionism at its best.
I force myself to go on, to live day after day after day. I will not allow
my inner self to be jaded by this cruel world and even crueller society. I
will live how I want to live and be who I want to be within my own
territory.
I will always and never... be myself.
Charlize
- 05.09.2021
- 15
- 0
