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Trimming the Tree: A story by Allie Elle Although this story has a Christmas title it isn't about Christmas at all it's about the changes that people can go through if they have the chance to live their inner dream. Cast Graham: a teenager who had Trans Gendered tendencies who is given gender reassignment after running away from his bully of a father and brother and being hit by a semi Sylvie: a woman who longs for a family again and a heart desperate to help anyone who Sandra: Sylvie's friend and confidant and the one who finds Graham a home with Sylvie after him being thrown onto the streets by his father after an accident robs him of his manhood Plus various others Part 1: Running the mill Graham was desperate again; his brother had just finished wailing on him for the fourth time that day as his father just stood there and watched. When he tried to escape or defend himself he was made to stop. He just had to stand there as he was used as a punching bag, he should have been used to it but he really hated it. He had just turned 15 and he knew now was the time to get out. After the beating had stopped he ran into his room and hid in a corner and heard his father and brother laughing referring to him as a wuss. All this came about because of his size and the fact he looked as though he was a ten year old. This problem was caused by the fact he was born premature it was further exasperated by the fact he had a growth hormone deficiency. His father had stopped getting him the medications he needed as he considered it a waste of money that could be spent on his brothers sports and other things. Graham's mother had died four years ago from cancer and that was when the treatment he received from his remaining family had got to this level. When he tried to complain he was hurt more and a lot of the time he was basically a slave for his brother and father. Okay so he wasn't athletic, he wasn't a bully and that's what grated on his sibling and his father's nerves. Also he was one to put others first all the time, in fact a lot of his mother would show through and he thought that was his biggest problem and why his family hated him. Tonight he just could take no more this time it was the last straw. He knew he had to get out had to try and find somewhere that he could be himself. Looking at his few belongings that he was attached too he realized that really there was nothing he wanted apart from the clothes on his back. When he heard his father and brother close the door of the den he knew what they would be doing and how long he had. Quietly he slipped on his sneakers and headed to his bedroom window and quietly slid the casement open. Once it was large enough to get his slender frame through he slipped out and into the night. Ducking down he dodged under the den window and heard his brother going on about how he had pushed a disabled student out of his wheel chair that day and Graham found his blood boiling and was happy to get away. About twenty miles from this scene Sylvie Adams was just settling down for the evening in front of the television, a small tumbler of whiskey sat on the arm of the sofa next to her. She watched the news listlessly and looked at the photographs on the mantle, staring back at her was the image of a younger her with a well muscled young man and a girl of about 12 looking at the two adults with love in her eyes. That photograph was 10 years old four months after it was taken Richard and Geraldine were killed in an auto accident. After that time Sylvie had retreated slightly her world was the farm now and the rescued animals it housed. Her only contact with the outside world in person was through her friend. Days did go by when she saw no one doing all the work herself on the farm and using the internet for day to day things like bills and groceries. She owned a very successful company and her managers were the best in the business so she could afford her chosen lifestyle. Just as the liquor was finding its way to her lips she saw an article on the news and her heart went out. She watched on the news an article on a young girl only she wasn't born a girl but a boy and her family and she were fighting for the medical insurance companies to assist in her transition. So far they were being bullish and refusing and the family was getting desperate to find the funds. Her gaze settled down to her last bank statement and she cursed society. Picking up the phone she called her best friend and attorney Sandra Walcox. "Sandy it's Sylv," she started the conversation when the telephone was answered; "look I know it's after office hours but put on the news channel six. Yes that one and no the girl isn't a freak or a guy in a dress, and well I want you to contact the family and take the money out of my account and send it to the best hospital that they can go to and arrange her treatment. Don't argue with me just get on and do it, it's my damn money will do what I want with it." She slammed down the receiver and settled back in the sofa with a smile on her face, all she wanted to do with her millions she got from her company nowadays was some good for people. It was her main drive she put others first all the time, the loss of her family was really some void she felt she had to fill. Because she was single and a widow no matter how rich she was adoption was a hard road to go down and she did not wish to adopt an infant. She wasn't orientated towards caring for an infant and found it hard when her daughter was that age. Ideally she would have liked a child of about four or five years old and that loved to look the best they could. If it was a girl then would be the princess type and if a boy would be the sort of boy who would always wear a suit. Sylvie couldn't help it that was how she was brought up and expected her children to be. Her daughter was the rebellious type and would fight being dressed in the clothes she had picked out. In the end Sylvie gave up and let her have an allowance to buy her own clothes. This stopped the fighting but seemed to drive them both further apart. She accepted it as part of life and continued the way she had done. But that fateful night was the one thing that really stuck in her mind. It did color her perceptions of how she behaved towards others and her desire to help. Twenty miles away back in the city Graham was slipping further and further into the night as he distanced himself from all the macho bull his father and brother enjoyed. As he slipped down the alley he slowly felt the weight on his shoulders lift as he knew he was not facing another day of ridicule and beating. He felt his pace quicken in the subconscious desire to get away from them and to try and live his life. As he reached the end of the alley he could see the intersection busy at this time of night with people leaving their workplaces. The winter wind was biting through his thin shirt and he felt goose bumps pricked at his skin. He wasn't in much of a rush to get any distance between him and the road so he slowed his pace mingling with other people walking down the sidewalk. To him he almost became invisible as he walked no one paid him any notice and no one shouted at him to return home. A few times someone almost knocked him over because of his small stature people seemed to overlook him. He really was the size of a ten year old that was one of the reasons why he supposed his father and brother took it out on him. He was the runt of the litter and they knew it, he supposed they also blamed him for his mother's death as she seemed to get ill after he was born. He could not have helped either both his brother and himself were late pregnancies his brother being two years older than him and about two feet bigger and a lot more muscle mass on his body. Graham's father relished the fact that his older brother was the way he was and encouraged it. As he walked further down the side walk he was being jostled more and more as the streets became busier. All the time he was worried that either his father or brother had realized that he was out on the streets but the hand on his shoulder never came. He continued to walk not really caring where he was going just working on putting distance between him and what he considered to be his hell. Without thinking or watching where he was going he stepped into the street. Before the screams registered with him he looked up straight at the face of a horrified semi driver who was waving for him to jump out of the way. His brain refused to function as he watched the front grill get closer and closer to him. He felt the front grill of the truck strike his chest and the pain felt like a blossom of fire blooming in his chest. He fought for breath as it became like trying to breathe through fire, each time he tried to take in air it felt like it was taking an age to do so. As if in a dream he felt himself fold to the floor and there as the clamor of voices around him and he felt some one lay a coat of something over him. As the crowds grew around what appeared to be a small child on the road the driver of the truck got out of his cab shaking. People were crowding around him also as he pushed his way through to the elfin figure at the front of his truck. With gentle hands he brushed away the hair from the child's face and gasped when he saw the fine lines of what appeared to be a girl. Slowly tears fell from his eyes as the wail of the ambulance grew nearer and a police officer laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and made him make room for the medics to work. Graham did not feel as he was lifted onto the stretcher or the gentle hands and voices telling him he was going to be okay. He was lost in a world of hurt as each breath was a torture each movement a searing pain as he was moved. Then the blessed release as the pain killers was administered to him and he floated away. The ride to the hospital was quick as the medics put on all the lights. To them they had a young child because of the size of the patient and the lack of identification. As they weaved through the traffic the lights and sirens clearing the path through the traffic the medic in the back was trying to get blood pressures etc. With a screech of brakes the ambulance pulled up in front of mercy hospital and there was a team of staff waiting to meet it. With detached professionalism they pulled out the stretcher and wheeled it into the main ER and started working. They quickly removed Graham's clothes and got to work on the blood stained mess between his legs where the front of the upturn of the semi's fender had ripped into the soft flesh. The senior doctor turned white when he saw the damage and they worked the best way they could to repair the damage for now just to stabilize the apparent child. They really were finding it hard to get pressures or any other vitals as they were fairly faint and low. They worked for at least six hours until their small patient was stabilized enough to be transferred to the intensive care unit. Through the night the nursing staff kept a close eye on this young boy tow of the nurses changing their rounds to concentrate on the child. Slowly the night gave way to the dawn and Graham became aware slowly of things bleeping around him and soreness in his throat and groin but also he hurt everywhere. He opened his eyes and he was confronted by blurred images and he tried to blink his eyes to clear them. A fuzzy face appeared in his sight range and he heard a female voice that was gentle and caring. "Okay sweetie you're in hospital you are pretty banged up," Nurse Sandra Roberts laid a gentle hand on the boy's forehead, "don't try to talk you have a tube down your throat just in case we had to help you breathe." The hand felt cool on his forehead and he smiled to show that he understood and allowed the nurse to gently move around him. He felt her touch his body and frowned as even the gentle touches seemed to burn him. The nurse noticed what was happening and slowly moved out of his sight and blackness claimed Graham again. Sandra made a note on his chart and then went to call the doctor to notify him that she was going to keep the boy sedated for a couple of days. Meanwhile down in the reception of the hospital Officer David Franks, Sandra's husband was checking in with the hospital as he had received this morning a report of a missing teenager. He wasn't really going out of his way to help the informants as the man had been abusive about the boy to him. The receptionist was working her way through the admissions last night and shook her head. The only possible was a ten year old boy that was brought in after a collision with a semi truck last night. Going through the motions David asked if he could see the boy just in case it was actually the apparent run away he was looking for. David was lead by the orderly to the observation window at the ICU and pointed at the small boy on the bed surrounded by machines and tubes. David took out a photograph and mentally tried to remove all the machines so he could get a good mental picture. He took a step back that boy was the teenager he was looking for. He pulled out his cell phone and called the informants number slowly wondering what the response will be. "Mister Travis its officer Franks of the missing persons unit," he took a deep breath and continued slowly, "It looks like Graham has been involved in a rather severe accident and is at Mercy hospital" He was rather shocked as a stream of abuse flowed from the phone at full volume and he held it away from his ear. He shook his head some people should not be allowed kids, he then heard a younger voice screaming why the wuss wasn't here to take care of stuff and why should he do the chores. He heard the older voice respond that the sissy had probably got the beating he deserved and was in hospital. On hearing that David decided he had to take action as he felt uncomfortable with what he was hearing and he thought that possibly he needed to get the boy into a place of safety. Realizing he would have a fight on his hands he decided to call his wife at the office after a brief conversation Sandra agreed to see what she could do. David decided the best he could do was go back to the station but gave the hospital his private contacts and asked to be informed on the boy's progress, with a heavy tread he left the building wondering what the future held for that boy. An hour later Simon Harris and his oldest son were stood outside the ICU demanding that the doctors stopped treating his youngest child. He was ranting about how much the boy would cost him in medical bills and treatment etc. He had no desire to have the boy's treatment on his bank records and as far as he was concerned especially after the doctors told him of the damage to the boys groin and the only way they could deal with it. He was not willing to have this sissy treated on his account; he knew that Graham had been closer to the girls in the neighborhood than the boys. As he walked away a rather officious looking woman walked down the corridor and talked to the doctors. He shook his head and grabbing Steven by the shoulder they both marched out. Sandra watched the odious man and boy leave the floor nurse had filled her in when she saw that the attorney was carrying a place of safety order. Sandra smiled when she saw it and knew now that the doctors could do their best to help the boy. They had been constrained by the fact they could not get permission to proceed with the treatment for the boy. Sandra saw the relief in the nurses face as she explained what was going on and she listened closely. She nodded as the nurse explained what the extent of the damage was and the fact that the way the doctors wanted to make sure he survived was to give him a sex change but only if the boy agreed to it. Sandra nodded and looked through the glass and saw some of the nurses removing the tubes etc although he was still sedated. The boy looked even smaller with all that removed and she felt her heart melt at his small frame and the fact his face was very girlish and almost childlike anyway. Sandra walked with the orderly and the nurse as they transferred the boy to the pediatric unit two floors below. The floor nurse was a little surprised at how small this patient was and smiled as she lead the trio to a private room and helped with the transfer of him to a bed with crib rails to stop him falling out if he had any problems. Sandra smiled as it seemed to make the child appear even smaller. Grace Trevise the senior nurse on the pediatrics floor looked at the small body in the bed and she felt her heart melting also. To her this boy was just too pretty to stay a boy and the fact he was looking at having gender reassignment she thought would make the boy a happier person. She trusted her gut instincts with her charges. Two days later Graham showed enough reaction to lack of pain for them to allow the sedation to ease off and he slowly came back to consciousness. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked around he could still here the beeping of a machine next to him but the room was different. It was brighter and smelt fresher. There was also a gentle breeze flowing from an open window and Graham smiled. The breeze felt wonderful against his face and he tried to talk but his throat was still sore and he looked around the room more closely. He was rather surprised to have his vision blocked by metal bars that came a foot or so from the bed but then the smell came back to him and he realized that he was still in the hospital. A young candy striper broke his musings as she came through the door and smiled at him as she changed the flowers on the bedside table and nodded to him and left. A short while later a nurse entered she wasn't in the usual uniform but a set of surgical scrubs decorated with a childish print and Graham noticed that the d?cor of the room was obviously geared towards making younger kids feel safe. "Morning sweetie I am glad to see you back in the land of the living, do you hurt anywhere?"She asked and Graham read the name tag and read her name was Grace. "I kinda hurt all over but not as bad," Graham looked at the nurse, "Grace how long have I been out?" "A few days honey but your body needed time to sort out how it was feeling. Now just relax I need to check on your bandages and things and take out the feeding drip so lay still." Graham was a bit taken aback that the nurse was treating him like a young child but was too tired and didn't really want to create any trouble. He watched her closely as she worked gently checking his body and changing the stained bandages. Her touch was gentle almost like he remembered his mothers touch used to be like, he felt himself relaxing as she worked on him and he smiled. Just as she was finishing a woman knocked at the door frame and waited. This one looked like a social worker or lawyer dressed in a smart formal business suit and a briefcase, she smiled and the harshness of her dress style was diffused by it as a gentleness shone through her eyes and smile. "Good morning Graham I am pleased to see you are back with us, I'm Sandra Franks no I am not in child services or the social services but I do need to talk with you."Sandra slowly approached the bedside and pulled out a plastic chair and sat down. Just after she said it a uniformed police officer knocked at the door frame and Sandra motioned him in. The police officer introduced himself to Graham was rather surprised that his father had reported him as a runaway to the police. Once both the adults were settled the questioning started about Graham's home life and how he was treated. He was rather surprised that he was under the protection of social services because of his father's outburst and the fact he now had nowhere to go to came as a blow but also a relief. He explained about the bullying that he had been subjected to by his sibling under the encouragement of his father. As he talked tears started falling from him as he talked more and more about what he had been expected to do and suffer at the hands of the two bullies. Sandra sat there in stunned silence as she listened and took notes, her husband was slowly trying to control his anger as he listened to the tale that this young lad shared with them. He was rather surprised to hear that Graham was actually fifteen but appeared younger due to a hormone problem that his father never got him the medication for. He reminded himself that this boy was out from under that roof and until his treatment was signed off and he was released for fostering then he was David's problem as he was the police department's liaison to the hospital as well as the missing person's officer. Sandra felt her heart breaking as she looked at Graham to see him crying as he recounted his story to them. After thirty minutes of Graham answering questions from both the adults, he was starting to get tired again and the two of them saw it. They made their excuses and left him to get some rest. Graham was feeling drained by it all and laid there staring up at the ceiling. As he laid there and thought his old secret came back to him and he slipped into his dream world. You see his father calling Graham a sissy was partially the truth but not in the way that his father meant it. Inside Graham's head he wasn't a boy at all but a girl and due to his size a small girl at that. He laid and dreamed the images dancing in his head, he was glad of the ability to live in his imagination as the hospital even with the fact that this ward was designed for kids it was a grim place. In his mind he was sat at a table and there were the smells of home cooked food around him and the feeling of flour and fat on his hands. He looked down and saw that he was working with cookie dough and as he looked around he saw in the window a girl looked back at him in a Disney princess tee shirt and hair in bunches and she looked about eight years old. Further examination of his dreamscape he saw a woman leaning over the stove oven sliding in a baking sheet to it. He smiled as he realized that he was the young girl, there was a feeling of completeness and peace. He was brought out of his day dream by a gentle touch on his shoulder, coming back to the real world he saw the nurse Grace was standing next to his bed and unhooking wires. "Graham we have to move you for a little while, the doctors are worried about the damage you have suffered and need to get a good look inside you." Again Graham was still a bit annoyed that she was talking to him as if he did not understand what she was saying. Before he could answer the orderly was pushing his bed out of the room. He was rather surprised that Grace was coming with him but also scared at the way that Grace was saying about damage to him being pretty bad. They proceeded down the corridor to a lift and they entered, Graham tried to sit up to see what was going on but Grace pressed him gently back to the mattress with a gentle wag of her finger. They went down three floors and entered a corridor that smelt of disinfectant and machines, Graham saw the signs for X-ray and medical imaging. He was pushed through a set of double doors and almost swallowed his tongue, dominating the room was a huge machine flanked by computers. A white coated technician was busying themselves around it. They turned around and a young man approached the bed with a smile on his lapel his badge read Dr Wosis, he was oriental in appearance and his smile reached his eyes. "Well how do you do apart from looking like an extra from the mummy returns again?"His voice was full of humor. "Hello Doctor Whosis, Grahams a little banged up so we need a look inside," Grace explained as Graham fought to control a giggle, "and we decided best not to send him to Doctor Frankenstein to be opened." "Indeed Nurse and at least we don't need to know if his funny bone is damaged, that looks to be working perfectly, and how many times do I have to tell you call me Yin," The Doctor laughed as he worked with the machine pressing buttons. Yin Wosis then tapped the screens a little and tutted muttered about Yankee machinery and then hit the screen gently. He then went on to explain to Graham that the machine was a MRI scanner and used the body's magnetic field and power full magnets to look inside of him. He also explained the machine would be very loud and click and vibrate and the table he would be laid on would move slowly through the big round hole. Just then another Doctor joined them and her name was, Helen Birch. She spoke with an English accent and explained that due to Graham being so badly banged up that she was to give her opinion on what was seen immediately. Graham was transferred onto the machines table and the whirring began, combined with a clicking sound and vibration Graham started to get scared as the noises seemed to overwhelm him. Without realizing he started to cry and the table stopped and Grace wiped the tears from his eyes and told him to try and be brave. Graham nodded and tried to swallow his fear as the table started to move again, now he was prepared he managed to hold his fear in check as he started to be swallowed by the machine again. The clicking and vibrations were starting to hurt him but he kept control of himself and his fear. Over in the imaging booth the two doctors watched as image after image flashed up and the computer made an animated image of the patient's internal organs etc. As it came to the lower area Helen watched the unfolding images and she called up a test image from the computer's memory banks she took a deep breath as she realized what she was seeing, to confirm it she called up another image and compared the three quickly and made notes. After that she got the imaging done quickly and made notes on the internal damage that was healing but some would require surgery and also this new problem would need looking at. Graham felt the noises and vibrations stop and the table slide back out, for some reason this seemed to go by to quickly and he panicked something was seriously wrong. He was transferred to back to the hospital bed and then the return journey back to his room. All through this Grace was still pretty bubbly and tried to get Graham talking about what he was feeling. He laid quietly sunk back into his thoughts drawing a wall around himself to deal with what was going through his head. Part two: revelations Graham was left by the hospital staff to his own devices for the rest of the afternoon and he was glad of it. He sat again in the world he had created in his head letting the wish that was there help him relax away from the stresses he felt by the doctor's faces as they looked at him. He tried to watch TV but could not concentrate on the program that was showing and lost himself again in his dream. Grace kept on checking on him but in a way that was almost cloying and he wondered if she was the same with all the patients she had on the floor but was not really going to dwell on it. After his evening meal was left for him he had no desire to eat so he left it, Grace poked her head in to tell him she was going off shift and to be a good boy. Graham almost threw his meal at her and turned away to look at the door. She just smiled and nodded as she left for the night and Graham sank back into his own thoughts again. A young nurse about an hour later came in and checked his vitals and noticed he had not eaten. She did not say anything just moved the untouched food out of his room. During the night Graham laid there trying to sleep the thoughts of what had happened going through his head, slowly he felt what he called the black dog biting at him as he slipped into depression. As he did give way to sleep the images that haunted his dreams were getting more and more vivid and disturbing. He started to dream he was back at home and that his father and brother were waiting for him. But instead of the beating he was expecting his father had given him a dress and told him to get changed. As his dream self did that his father and brother then started laughing and then the beating started. Graham felt himself start to scream in his throat and the beating of his heart increased. As all this was happening his increase in blood pressure started to pull at the stitches around the wound in his groin and he started to bleed. One of the night staff heard the change in his heart monitor and rushed in to see the small body writhing on the bed as she untangled the blankets she saw that the groin bandages were soaked in blood. She reached for the panic button and hit it hard whilst trying to hold Graham down to the bed. His heart rate was through the roof and he was thrashing violently. Two doctors rushed in with an orderly and with quick glances they slipped a sedative into his drip and held him until it started to work. The nurse looked at the small body on the bed and with practiced ease changed the dressings around his groin and sat with him laying her hand on his shoulder. One of the night doctors wrote up on his records what they had done and recommended that a therapist be assigned to this patient as soon as possible. The rest of the night was fairly uneventful for the staff and for Graham and the morning brought Grace back onto the floor. She read with some concern what had happened in the night and also the report from the nurse over the state of the dressings, she paced slowly in her office waiting the therapy staff to start their mornings. She wasn't usually this involved in patient care but abuse cases or probable abuse cases were her specialty so Graham came under her care. The other thing was he did look so lost and child like and it triggered Grace's maternal instincts to care for someone who looked that innocent. She knew that the way she was treating him would annoy him but that was the way she was. She read with some concern he was having nightmares and had reacted so violently to them. Also she looked at the imaging notes and it created more concern in her mind. Two words shouted at her as she read them over again "Hermaphroditic development" a printout of the image was included in the notes and the rams head formation of a uterine canal and that area internally was marked in red ink. The nurses' station telephone rang and she picked it up and listened to the voice on the other end talking about Graham. She made notes to his records and waited for the doctor on the other end to finally tell her who she was and was rather surprised. The doctor taking on this case was Helen and not some junior, Helen was a senior surgeon and psychologist for the hospital and her primary job was lecturing. Helen explained that this case was so unusual especially after last night she decided that it was best for her to take the case. Grace agreed as Helen was actually a very good doctor and her bedside manner was impeccable because of her English heritage. She went to check on Graham finding him curled up on his side and his catheter bag had signs of some blood in it. She gently pulled back the blankets and saw that the dressings again were saturated with blood so without a word she gently changed the dressings making sure she did not disturb the area as it was starting to clot again. Graham did not react to her as she worked but he did seem to relax. Again he had not eaten and Grace wondered if they would have to consider a feeding tube or if Helen worked with him he may start to relax enough to start eating or even open up. Leaving him to his thoughts and seeing that he had been crying again and she wondered how she could just give him a little comfort, without thinking she walked into one of the empty rooms and saw that there was a teddy bear left on the bed by the last patient who had been discharged earlier that morning. She took the bear remembering that the patient was a thirteen year old girl who was probably not attached to the new bear her parents had bought her. She carried it into Graham's room and slipped it under an unresisting arm and the boy started to hug it tightly. As she turned to leave again Graham turned his head and smiled wanly in thanks. Grace was rather surprised at that he had responded to that kindness from her. His smile at being given the teddy bear was childlike and innocent and her heart melted even more. She went on her break leaving Graham to himself and his new teddy bear. To grace it looked like a child trying to find comfort in a strange place and inside she knew it was the truth no matter how old this child was physically there was still a child there. Helen came to the pediatric floor just after lunch and chased Grace down before she went to look in on her latest patient. She found the senior nurse sat at her desk with a mug of coffee and a psychology paper in front of her. "Grace good afternoon," Helen kept a smile in her voice, "looking to break into my field?" "Helen it's good to see you and no I just am looking to look at possible effects the suspected abuse Graham went through would affect his treatment" Grace replied slightly challenging the senior doctor. "I hope it won't affect it too much but will concentrate on getting him through whatever he faces" With that Helen left Grace to her coffee break and research and looked for Graham's room, she found it and saw the small figure curled up on the bed the TV on but he wasn't really watching it. She gently scraped a chair across the room to alongside the bed and waited for her presence to be recognized, Graham shifted slightly the pain killers still working in his system and he blearily turned to face the doctor. Helen smiled as the boy looked at him although he still looked a bit out of it through the medications. She gently moved his pillow as he looked uncomfortable and helped him get more comfortable. She continued to wait giving him all the time he needed to settle to the fact that she was here and she noticed the teddy bear and smiled as the boy held it close to him. "Good afternoon Graham you probably remember me from the MRI scanner my name is Helen if you remember?"She waited. "Yes doctor I remember you, you were nice to me and the other doctor was funny" Graham smiled remembering. "Yes he is and it helped you relax, I have a lot of things to talk with you about but I have to wait until you are not in so much pain Graham." "Doctor I think if I wait that long to find out I probably will be dead by the way you looked at me in the room yesterday" "No Graham your actually not going to die but the pain might feel like it and yes there is a lot of damage too you but we found some strange things about your body that we need to talk through with you and possibly the social services because of your age." Graham started to get worried over that as he had never heard of good things coming from doctor's who said that and the fact the social services were involved. A boy from school had been taken from his family by social services and he had turned a bit strange but Graham knew that his father didn't want him and there was no one else in the family that would take him. The only on that might possibly do it was his aunt on his mother's side but she was miles and miles away in England. He could see the doctor was starting to look worried and it increased his uneasiness and he waited for her to speak again. The doctor seemed to be taking her time in forming her words and he wondered if she was telling the truth about him not being in danger of death. Helen saw that Graham's face was clouded again and she squeezed his shoulder gently. Graham turned to face the doctor and his face went from being clouded to the start of a fury building up. He pushed the hand away and stared at the doctor and slowly his eyes became like flint and his mouth became set. "Doctor to tell you the damn truth I am sick of being treated like some kid who does not understand what is going on." Graham growled. The doctor was a bit taken aback at how hard Graham's voice was and she knew it was time to start telling him the truth. Her biggest fear was she really had no idea apart from some minor stories on how the boy had been raised. She was scared that telling him what she knew would have a negative impact on him. She looked closely at his face and could see the determination in his eyes; she was surprised at how the boy who due to the bruising she thought would be more of a rabbit was appearing more like a wolf. There was a deep determination there and a will to survive, Helen started to talk to him and slowly the anger in his voice was starting to win her over as she was surprised at how tough he really was. Helen slowly calmed him down and continued to question him over his family and how he was treated. He filled her in on the bullying and teasing because of his size, how his father and brother treated him and the humiliations he faced. As he talked he started to open up to the doctor as her voice was calming and open and she was willing to listen, whilst they talked Graham's body language became more relaxed and easier and he started to laugh. Helen looked at her watch and realized it was close to lunch time but she was not willing to end the session and just as she was trying to decide what to do Grace entered the room. "Okay doctor and you hun time to put some food in stomachs." Her voice was stern but defused by a smile as she stood by the door. Helen laughed at the nurse and nodded but she wanted to continue so she asked Grace to get her a sandwich and something for Graham. Grace nodded and then looked at her patient and could see the anger in his eyes. She realized she would have to change the way she treated him and nodded as it showed to her that the boy had some strength in him. A short while later over sandwiches and a cup of soup Helen continued to talk to the boy and get more information. Helen even took care of Graham's dressings whilst she continued to talk. As the afternoon progressed they both realized they were becoming friends. Around three Helen stopped the questioning and set out some things for Graham to do so he did not get bored. Just then there came a knock on the door frame and Sandra stood there she noticed the teddy bear and had a bit of a smile on her face as Graham was still cuddling it subconsciously. She thought it made him look a lot younger than his age and she felt protective towards the small boy. Helen saw the attorney and wondered why it was her and not someone from child services until she remembered that this woman was also a social worker and her husband was the missing person's officer. Sandra carefully sat on the edge of the bed and repositioned the teddy bear that Graham was holding and looked at the doctor. Helen understood the unvocal question and shook her head and Sandra raised an eyebrow. Sandra realized that Helen had not told Graham over what they had found with the scans and she knew that he would have to know soon. True to her personality she decided that she somehow knew better than this doctor and turned her head to look at the ward of the state. "Graham it seems that even though the doctor has spent a good while talking to you she has not told you what has them so worried," she held up a hand to stop Helen interrupting, "it seems that during the scans they found something very important. They don't know how you are going to react to their news, it seems that you are a little more special than you realize." "Doctor what does she mean?"Graham's voice squeaked out like a frightened child's. He looked at Helen his eyes hard again. Helen looked at her patient and could see the panic starting to build again and she cursed under her breath at this woman who just walked in and took over. She stood and thought for a few minutes and thought about what she had found out about Graham, she knew he had the strength in him but could he cope with it emotionally. Seeing the fear in his eyes she made her decision and almost forced Sandra out of the door growling under her breath. After Helen had cleared the room she sat on the bed so she could look at the boy and her gaze softened. She realized that she did have to tell him what they had found even now as he would have more time to consider his future. She looked at him and took his free hand and gently held it in hers and massaged the palm and fingers softly. "Graham do you know what a hermaphrodite is" she asked gently. "Yes I do it is someone who is both male and female and also the daughter of Venus in Greek mythology." He replied looking slightly confused at why she was asking this. Helen went on to explain what they had found inside his body when they had scanned it. As Helen explained Graham listened to what was said and slowly his face clouded then cleared and a small smile appeared on his face. "Doctor Helen can I ask you something please?" his voice was quiet as he looked at her. "Sure thing Graham, you can ask anything "came her gentle reply as she held his hand. "Does that maybe explain why I always felt a lot different and sometimes like a girl?" He asked his voice quiet and his face pale looking for the possible signs of hate from this doctor. He was rather surprised when there were no signs of any hatred or disgust at what he had said and he started to relax. Helen saw him relax and she could not help but smile at the fact his face and body showed the hope in his eyes. This rather shocked her at the fact that he was so willing to accept the fact that he was that different, his words had not really sank in into her consciousness. As the words slowly sank in she looked at him and raised an eyebrow in the short time she had known this boy he surprised her. He seemed to take the news of what he was calmly but the thought of possibility of his death scared him senseless. There were times when he was adult and sometimes the child would shine through bringing what Helen thought of the natural protectiveness to the forefront in people. Helen explained that there was no evidence that being hermaphrodite would cause feelings of gender confusion. She also explained that everyone was different and that people could react with the two hormones in their system they might react in that way. But really doctors had no idea what the dual hormone levels would do apart from the fact that it delayed puberty and other changes would be delayed. As things were explained Graham tried his best to understand but his brain was still fogged by some of the drugs in his system but he knew this was important. Helen continued to talk knowing that her patient was listening to everything as she spoke. She could see the intelligence behind his eyes and she could see he was taking everything in. As she explained Graham asked questions as well as he was able to and it became a two way session. That evening after Helen had left Graham was sat working through things in his head and he looked at the teddy bear that he seemed to of adopted. He noticed that the bear had a pink tinge to its fur and he looked and for the first time noticed that it read on its stomach "a beary special girl". After an hour of sitting alone Grace came in and lifted the blankets to look at the dressings round his groin and smiled. She changed them for lighter dressings and Graham looked and saw that there was less blood on it than the other few days. Graham smiled as he saw this and he realized that he would soon not need the pain killers that he was currently on. All the time he thought on that he also thought on what he had learned about himself. Grace could see him thinking so did not intrude on his thoughts but gently tucked him in after checking the drips and monitors he was still attached to. As he drifted to sleep his dreams started to shift into what had been said and he sank into oblivion with a smile. Part 3: Restarting as it should have been. As the days in the hospital for Graham rolled one into another and his body repaired the damage to itself Graham was faced with a decision after the third week from his accident. Helen had shown him when his mind had become clearer off the drugs more information on his condition and what he might be facing. The social working attorney Sandra and her husband had been into to see him a fair bit too. They talked about his family life and his mother and the way he had been treated, they also talked about what he might want to do. Through those days he was being told about his possible decisions and other things and he applied his mind to it. Helen was right he was not stupid in fact because his body was small it seemed his brain made up for it. There were times that his mind was like a steel trap and he would look at every decision that he would make and would categorize everything. As his mind worked on this Sunday being left to his own devices for once with no doctors or anything to distract him, slowly a decision formed in his mind and he pressed the call button for a nurse and waited. As the minutes ticked by his decision burned deeper and deeper into his mind. He knew this path was for him to take and he wanted to do it but did not know how. The minutes ticked by and Graham waited for the nurse he had not pressed the immediate call button so he knew he would have to wait and it really did not faze him. Unfortunately what was about to happen would do, the door to his room opened and instead of the nurse his older brother was stood there with an evil grin on his face. "Well sissy looks like you're onto a good thing here aren't you?" He sneered. "What do you want Richard?" Graham asked starting to feel afraid. Seeing his nemesis stood there and that sneer his heart started to pound, this was the one thing he feared was possibly going to come true. A short while later Graham heard a voice and a gentle touch on his shoulder, he had actually fallen asleep and the visit from his brother had been a dream. He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw that who had awoken him up was candy striper answering his bell. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and remembered what he wanted. He asked for the candy striper to get Grace or Helen as he wanted to talk things through with them. She left with a smile and a promise to do that and Graham relaxed back to wait. He was still shook up by his dream and it worried him that there could be the possibility that his brother or father could find him. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting there came a knock at the door and Helen poked her head round it. Graham motioned with his hand for her to come in and giggled childishly. Helen was rather surprised at this but she said nothing and settled on the edge of the bed and waited. Graham looked at the doctor and fought to keep a smile from his face she looked so serious and all business and he so wanted to tease her. "Helen I am wondering something?" he kept the smile from his voice. "Yes Graham what do you want to know?" she looked worried as she looked at her small patient. "Would the name Geraldine suit me or maybe Esmeralda?" Helen nearly swallowed her tongue as Graham started to laugh uncontrollably at the look on her face. Helen failed to see the joke for a second or two then she joined in with him. For some reason that one question was enough to the doctor to confirm that her patient had made a decision on what he wanted to do, the two of them started talking in earnest about what would be needed and Helen did not treat him like a kid. Graham knew because of his age he would either need his father's or a social workers signature on the medical requests and he was starting to panic. Helen could see that the boy was starting to get into a panic and she started to work on relaxing him. Graham listened to her voice and found it relaxing and his worries started to pass and he concentrated on what was being said again. As the words washed over him as he listened and it confirmed his choices he realized that Helen was telling him that the social services were willing to sign for his surgeries and find a home for him. As those facts hit home his smile got larger as he realized that he did not need any contact with his brother or father. As it settled in his grin became larger and he looked at the hospital gown he was wearing and frowned, it seemed to him now he really should have something a bit cuter to wear whilst he lounged about like a princess with doctors and nurses awaiting his every need. After his talk with Helen she left to let him get more rest so he sat watching the TV for a while. The following morning Grace was back on duty and she woke him up with breakfast and a smile. She didn't say much but smiled at the teddy bear that had become his faithful companion and hardly away from his side. As she watched him she saw the younger side of him coming out and due to his size and the way he was behaving she knew he would have no problems passing for a seven year old. Why those thoughts stuck in her head she had no idea she knew that treating graham like a kid was driving him a little mad so she decided to stop doing it. Graham noticed a change in the senior nurse and the way she was treating him and it bought a smile to his lips. He thought it was because of his decision last night but he did not know that Grace had not been told yet. She was treating him more grown up and involving him more in what she wanted for him. He was starting to feel more comfortable talking to her and he was opening up about the sort of things he wanted as there was a more relaxed atmosphere. The candy stripers were aware of it too and helped Graham relax more whilst he was still bed bound. As the further days progressed as he was more relaxed and actually communicating with the staff and others he waited for the rather imposing social worker to arrive. He was scared at what she would think of his decision; he realized it had been a few days since he had seen Helen also. That morning just after breakfast Helen and Grace and Sandra the social worker all descended on him as the three women gathered around the bed he was starting to feel a little intimidated by them. The strange thing was that the one who was in charge of the meeting was Sandra not Helen. Graham started to realize that the reason why she was in control, he was officially now the ward of the state and she had taken the role of the parent to him to make the decisions. Helen and Grace outlined to Sandra exactly what had been found and some of his responses. Graham was getting a little annoyed at being treated as though he did not exist or possibly too stupid to understand what was being said about him. "Excuse me live person in the bed who happens to be over the age of three!" Graham's voice showed signs of annoyance as he spoke up. Sandra stopped mid sentence and looked at him with a look of shock on her face, Helen and Grace just smiled as they realized that he was more vocal than expected. Helen then addressed the conversation to include Graham and Grace and Sandra followed suit to bring him into it. Graham smiled as he now felt included in the decisions about his healthcare. It felt as though it was giving him more power over what was happening and as though people were treating him as his actual age not his apparent one. It was a bit strange that he was attached to the teddy bear though and he felt he needed the security it offered to him. As the four of them made decisions over what he would face and the surgeries that were going to be offered to him it was as if more weight was lifted from his shoulders. He started to giggle as he added points to what he wanted then Sandra dropped the bomb shell. It seemed as though the social services had actually found a foster home for Graham after his recovery and surgery and would he be interested in taking him in and helping him. Sandra didn't tell him that she had been talking with Sylvie and keeping her informed on his progress and other things. Graham smiled at that and wondered if the foster home had been told that at the moment he was outwardly a boy. He was scared of bringing that question up with the three adults with him and he found himself cuddling the bear in worry. Helen saw the change and knew that sometimes Graham acted younger than his years and she knew it was common from those with a history of abuse and grace also knew it and watched closely. She was worried they were bombarding the boy with too much but she trusted Helen and now trusted the boy to make the decisions for himself. There was a clearing of a throat by the door and a tall blonde haired man stood there smiling. Helen looked up and returned the smile and motioned for this new comer to enter the room. "Hey sports how's it going?" his voice had an Australian tinge to it. His eyes were a deep blue and he seemed to be laughing at the world as he looked at it. "Good morning Harold nice of you to join us."Helen returned the greeting as he lounged against the wall and examining Graham as he laid there. Graham watched the new comer with a bit of anxiety especially when his eyes settled on the teddy bear but this man just nodded and smiled and leaned his head. Graham listened for any signs of threat from this new figure but found there wasn't in fact his voice was pretty warm and almost soothing as it ranged around. Harold went on to explain that he was the surgeon that was going to be responsible for the work that lay ahead and had already done some work on Graham after he was bought into the hospital that fateful night. Along with Helen he went on to explain the sort of work that was going to be carried out. Graham was a little surprised that he was going to be spending another two months in the hospital and dealing with a lot more people. The medical staff saw his face drop and they wondered if he was starting to get cabin fever from being in one place for too long and they looked at each other. Sandra saw the look and interpreted it correctly and left the room. She walked down the corridor to where she could use her cell phone and dialed Sylvie and waited. After a few rings it was answered and her friend sounded out of breath as if she had been running to the phone. "Sandra you choose the worst times to call me did you know that?" She sounded slightly annoyed. "Well Sylv have to keep you on your toes, anyway it's not about me or you I am calling about" Sandra went on to explain she felt that the boy come future girl that they had discussed her fostering was beginning to feel closed in. "Well I am not surprised Sandra any kid needs to expend energy how old did you say she was?" "He's about fifteen but looks like an eight year old and sometimes acts like it too, he....." "She Sandra, She or are you getting closed minded?" Sylvie's voice had a hard edge to it. "Sorry Sylv I guess will go by She around you" Sandra sighed at her friend. Sandra wasn't closed minded she was just not used to dealing with people who were gender variant as the doctors would of explained it. She was just not used to suddenly turning a person's gender around as she would go by visible gender more than anything. The two talked for a few minutes as Sylvie drew up plans to help the child she had been cleared to foster come to terms with being in hospital for so long whilst the changes were made. She remembered her daughter wanting to be active either mentally or physically when she was eight years old, she knew that Graham at the moment was fifteen but was physically about eight years old and had a lot of the energy that an eight year old had and needed a release. As she thought on what might be needed she decided a trip to the mall was in order if she was going to help this child. Back at the hospital Sandra walked back into the room to hear Graham laughing with the medical staff. She looked at the boy soon to be girl and could see the feminine traits within him. He seemed to be talking more animatedly as they were including him in the discussions but he still did not appear to be the fifteen year old that was his chronological age. Sandra could see the intelligence and longing in his eyes too and when she was hearing what he had suffered through his life since the death of his mother and the way that his remaining family had treated him. This she knew from past experience some victims of abuse do regress to a younger time in their mentality and behavior. She wondered if that could be why Graham was acting in that way. She wasn't a psychiatrist or therapist she left that to the medics. Graham could see the social worker looking at him with a strange look on her face as if holding an argument with herself in her head. He thought she hates me I'm a freak to her okay she's been nice to me in the past but that's going to change. Sandra could see the worry in the boy's eyes, she smiled to put him at ease and saw him relax, and it was not a full relaxation she was hoping for. Then she realized that her body language was what was putting him on edge, she kicked herself she had to start using the female pronouns or she would be as guilty as other people when dealing with something she did not understand. Graham saw the social worker fight with herself, and his body reacted accordingly. This allowed his body to start to feel pain free for a short while as the muscles relaxed. It was true he was starting to feel the walls closing in; he still was trying out names in his head and trying to feel the change in his head from him to her and was finding it rather relaxing to think that way. The other occupants in the room saw what was happening with the small body on the bed and they smiled. Helen nodded to the young surgeon and he smiled and nodded and left with a gentle squeeze to Grahams shoulder and a quiet good luck sport. The three women continued to talk about other things and included him in the chat and he felt that he was beginning to relax even more then. As they talked Graham felt more of his boyishness fades as he felt like a girl being included in the chat of grown women. He started to think more on what his name should be and he smiled as the final name seemed to settle into his head as he remembered his mother. "I think I want to be called Emma Louise" he said that as a final statement and the three women looked at him as he had lost his mind. Helen nodded and smiled and Grace clapped in agreement. Sandra looked a bit shocked but realized that was this young person's best chance now. She thought back to all the damage and blood she saw that day when she first met this child and the look of relief on the doctor's faces when they knew they could save a life instead of him going back to a situation where he no she was being abused. When Grace heard her patient use those two names her mind went back to her days in training, she had known a young nurse called Emma Louise and she thought back and the face had seemed familiar. Her husband had been called Harris in surname and had made her give up her training. When their two children were born Grace had been made a god parent with her ex husband. The penny then dropped as she examined the new self declared girl closely and her heart nearly gave out. It was her old friend staring back at her but as a young girl not as the woman she had known. Without warning she leaned down and enfolded the small body in a warm embrace. "Child you don't know how many years we have got to catch up on" She said with tears in her voice. Emma looked at the nurse and was shocked when the arms enfolded her; it was becoming natural now she had chosen a name that she used the feminine pronouns for herself and it seemed to fit her neatly. Helen looked at her senior nurse with a look of surprise and was about to gently berate her for pushing things but she saw how her patient was reacting. Sandra was also taken back by what had happened and she wondered what this would mean for the fostering and her friend Sylvie who would be devastated by losing this child even before they had met. She then remembered that Sylvie should be here soon to arrange a temporary release from the hospital into her care. Sandra wondered how the nurse would react as she carried on explaining that she was the child's god parent and had been refused access as she was not a catholic like the father. Grace went onto explain she could not care for Emma full time as her work was important and instead of her god daughter moving in with her that the fostering could continue as planned. Just as that was said a middle aged brightly dressed woman carrying an armload of shopping bags appeared at the room door. Sandra smiled when she saw it was her friend Sylvie and had turned up carrying so much stuff she looked like a pack mule. "Hi Sandra I was told you were in this room can you show me the young person that may be coming to live with me, I have heard she has not got a stitch of stuff to her name." Sylvie's voice was bubbling with excitement as she talked. Sandra nodded at the bed and Helen and Grace moved aside and Sylvie caught the first look at the person who would figure a lot in her life from that point on. The newly renamed Emma smiled and waved shyly, this woman was like a force of nature as she breezed into the room. There was also sadness in her eyes as she looked at Emma and seemed to be comparing her to someone else and Emma blushed under the scrutiny as her fright led her to try and hide behind the teddy bear she was clutching. Sylvie looked a little shocked and almost pulled Sandra from the room. In the corridor she turned to face her friend and placed her hands on her hips and frowned. "Sandra I enjoy a joke as much as the next person but that child in there is all girl, and she is about at most eight years old no older than that." She started to poke a finger at her friend losing control of her temper. "Sylv talk to that doctor and that nurse that is the child that is going to be placed with you, I never joke about with abuse cases and cases like this and by the way her chosen name is Emma Louise and that nurse is her godmother." Sandra replied ignoring the jabs to her breast knowing her friend was upset. The words calmed Sylvie down and she blushed as she looked at her friend and apologized deeply. As the two friends talked Grace walked out of the room and looked at Sylvie and frowned. Sylvie could almost feel the lecture building up behind the nurse's lips and she smiled wanly and shrugged, Grace saw this and smiled in return seeing the contrition on the woman's face. Sandra started to laugh as she realized that Sylvie still had the pile of stuff that was now at her feet. Grace was rather shocked at the woman who had breezed in and then breezed out looking like she was ready to spit nails and chew horse shoes. As she followed behind after making sure her god daughter was okay she saw the newcomer starting on a tirade and managed to keep control of herself and as the other woman turned around to face her after the argument and smiled almost like a naughty school girl Grace felt her heart melt a little bit. It melted even further when she realized that this was the woman who was to be Emma's foster parent and she knew the two would need to be introduced to each other. Grace led them back to the room and motioned for Sylvie to put the packages at the foot of the bed. Sylvie blushed slightly and whispered to Sandra and the social worker come lawyer giggled. Emma wondered what was going on as these adults seemed to be finding a lot of things funny today and not letting her into the jokes. Sylvie had bought clothes that would fit a normal sized teen not some one of the patients size. The clothes that were in the bags would dwarf the small frame in the bed most of the sizes that would fit the newly named Emma would be coming from the departments that deal with children under the age of seven. Sylvie looked at the small body still wrapped up in hospital blankets and the odd tube or two still giving drugs and other things and the casts and worked out again in her head. She totally redesigned the wardrobe in her head and also worked out mentally what else would be needed for home nursing and convalescence for the child almost