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TRANSCOMP 1. A Chance of a New Life "I walked out of the Monastery over seemingly the most incidental of issues." "Fr Superior asked me to separate the Calf from the Cow, I explained that the calf was too young, both would fret. They need another couple of weeks together." "He being self-assured, cocky, belligerent said: 'DO IT.'" "Naively, I tried to explain that separation at this time was unfair, and as I was known as the expert on cattle, expected to be heard." "But he looked at me like I was pathetic and again barked: 'DO IT!'" "I returned his stare and I came to the resolution, that I was wasting my life interacting with people like this. So I just smiled, nodded, packed my bag and hitch hiked into town." "I stayed at a motel last night, and found TransComp in on the internet, at the Library." "I had $1000 on a card my mother left; I spent $100 the first day before I found your advertisement, and now I am here, and I tell you, I am a bit desperate, and I implore you, let me join your team at TransComp" Sylvia looked at me afresh. "Normally we would not consider your application; you will be at ten years older than many of the other candidates. But tell me, were you really a Monk?" "Yes yes, for ten years, you can see my photo on the Monastery Web site!" "So, you have not had any experience with women or the feminine. Are you Gay or anything like that?" "Of course I am not Gay and I have had hardly seen a woman since we buried my Mom. You'd be out of the Monastery on your ear if you were Gay! I did not mix with women; I joined up when I was just seventeen, straight from an all boy's school. You don't mix with women in a monastery; I spent most of my days managing breeding with the Cattle and pigs. " "Let me as you a further question? Have you lost the idealism that took you into the Monastery?" "No I have not. It is 'the way of perfection', it is just that TV and Media intrude so much. I looked after cattle and did the computer work. My work kept me more protected than most. Fr Superior is an Okay guy, but he is not coping and does not realise how badly he is not coping. For me, it was a question of sanity. Leave or go mad!" "Do you want a woman Peta?" "I don't think so Miss Sylvia. I have been too long on my own; I don't think I could adjust to the Female's world!" "Peta, I am happy to invite you to join us, but I must explain a little problem which will probably be a real obstacle for you." "TransComp is funded by a Trust, and the Trust Document states that candidates 'must be comported as Ladies.' "Our Lawyers interpret the word "Comport" to mean "have the appearances of", and if you choose to join us, when doing your chores and going about the Residency, you must be 'Comported - and that means presenting as Lady." "During Class/Work, you can wear the TransComp polo and slacks, but at other times we are forced to follow a fairly strict Comported line." "If candidates repeatedly fall short in any of the critical areas: Study, Work or Appearance (which includes that funny legal term 'comporting'), we ask them to leave us. "So can you 'Comport'", she said with a searching smile and put before me photographs of young guys 'comported'. It was a confrontation. I felt it hit all over the body, I guess I had learned to turn my back on, run away from all things feminine, and the thought of 'dressing as a woman' was a massive obstacle to tackle. But then, I thought to myself, I won't get a job without training, and TransComp is the only opportunity to train while earning, and it offers free accommodation. I need qualifications, I need some where to live, and I needed a stream of income." "I will Comport", I said, almost inaudibly, but she heard. She took me down to the ground floor, to the Doctor's surgery, on the other side of the Plaza. The Doctor gave me the once over, commented how fit and strong I was. I explained that I worked hard and ran most days, as I found running to be a means of coping with stress. She nodded than abstracted blood and urine samples and gave a quick jab of a needle - 'to keep you healthy, and in even better shape' she ruefully said. Then we went through the TransComp store and with me carrying this box of unmentionables, we went up to the room which was to be my new cell. The room was a shock, so pink, delicate and dignified, and I had the luxury of my own shower and toilet, a soft bed, a window from which to look out on the city, and a desk vanity with a big mirror behind. So different from the harsh cell I had lived in! Sylvia illustrated Comporting standards as she readied me for my first night of duty in the Scullery. I shaved the beard off, she then applied depilatory to remove hair from legs arms, chest, back and neck. I was ready for the shower armed with shampoos, conditioners... lotions I had but heard of. It was all extremely embarrassing with extreme arousal, but Sylvia, not troubled, telling that my reactions were wholly normal The Scullery work presented no difficulty; I had done it all before, for years. I had to clear the dish washer and stack away the plates, clean the pots and pans then have my own specially prepared meal while waiting for the Dining Room Trolley, the plates from which were to be popped into the dish washer and when the machine was running, I was free! The rush was then to get back to the room to don a two piece swimming costume, covered by Polo and skirt before departing for the top floor Gym Pool area! I met Tam, my personal trainer, a beautiful buxom Malaysian girl. Tam showed me how to log on to discover my daily exercise program, to log on to the exercise machines, so my achievements were recorded. The circuit of exercises were good fun and not all that hard, and at end, she recommended a quarter mile swim - for which I had her company, swimming alongside. Beyond the exercise it was back up to my Cell where once again Sylvia demonstrated where I was to record: weight and blood pressure each morning. By the time she left, I was done, and ready for sleep. So I put on the 'nightie' - a Comporting Requirement - had a bit of surf around the web then got to bed. What an amazing life change, but I comforted myself with the realization that I had previously to don the Cowl three times a day for meals and five times for Prayer - it was just a different type of Cowl - or so I tried to reason. 2. Adjusting to a New Life Style I was up early on my first morning in the new life, had the breakfast scullery managed, then back to the room to get out of Costume, and arrived at the work station before 8.30. I was happy and knew I could organize my quick changes while putting in decent hours at the work stations. I met my Mentor; she started me on the first Module which I was well into before the other boys dribbled in at 9.00am It was expected that I complete five modules a week, and there was a Web 'JobbingBoard' where clients would post jobs they need doing. I felt I could answer some of those requests in the near future. But for now, I set myself to complete one Module a day that would mean six for the week, as Saturday was a normal day for us. The modules were good and it did not take long to comfortably managing two modules a day, sometimes with a little finishing off at night. I started making a bit of money in the second week, I had developed an on-line Retreat Booking system at the Monastery, and so it was not hard to offer a process where a Cell Phone request would enter a tradesman's appointment book. TransComp was an easy place to work. Not many distractions. I could Quick Change into Fem Costume, use the back steps to the kitchen - so few saw me Dressed. Same for the trip to Gym, it was good exercise belting up those stairs to the top floor Gym. Each month TransComp conducted an Assessment, and I could be watching on-line to monitor my progress. I was doing very well in the Scullery, in the Exercises and in the Work life. I was failing in Comporting. Sylvia judged that I was 'without prayer' in 'Coiffures' and organised for an instruction session with the TransComp Beautician each Friday. I would normally take my Scullery Costume, dress down to the Beauticians, who was located on the Plaza, there and one of the seniors would reveal the subtle nuances of the trade, and when done, I would visit the doctor for the weekly blood test and needle jab, before hurrying back to the Dining Room. I would keep the eyes down, hold my breathe and say nothing, as I walked back across the Plaza to our building to walk up the stairs to the 6th Floor Dining Room. A men's club hired the other half of the sixth floor and they would share the dining room, so up to fifty people would be there each night - a lot of plates to wash! With the Beautician's help, I got a decent pass on make-up; I was well taught and as good as anyone. I was doing Okay in Clothing, because I just wore what Sylvia set out, but then I was still getting bad marks because of a silly inattention to detail: hair on the lower back, on the toes, above the Bikini pants line.... My Beautician friends gave me a check list and for the third and fourth month I was getting much better, but for some reasons, I failed badly in the fifth month assessment. I was aware that I was running the risk of expulsion, so in checked with Tam and the Doctor, and planned to do my best during the sixth month, and when it was obvious I was going to fail, I would request Respite. Tam suggested Respite effects would be minimal and I could go into Counter-Respite after the ninth month and be back in good shape when the Course time ended on the twelfth month mark Tam explained that Respite, or Dawning as was more commonly called, produced a rounding and accentuation of Female characteristics, and for only three months the impact would not be great. Meanwhile, I was making good money, and as I was nearing completion of the On-Line dBase Course, I was preparing to commence a follow up Course: Cell phones in Billing and Invoicing, interacting with accounting programs. The heavy work in the Gym and Pool absorbed most of the tensions from my pressure cooker existence. Tam was good news! With Tam I began to relax. I could not relax at first, Tam being so delicious I feared the 'snake might peep over the top of my skimpy two piece bottoms. But the longer I was there, exercising hard, it was strange, because I seemed to grow into that two piece, my nipples were jutting and easily holding the top part in place. I ceased to be so aroused and my chest was polite and adjusted and to a degree filled the top of my Two-Piece Top swimming costume. As I fitted my swimmers, it was like the inverse of the "clothes maketh the Man" as I explained to Tam. On one of those nights a close friend of Tam's brought the Chairman down. He had taken an interest in my case, and wanted me to stay in the program. They hit the pool and we were playing a type of "Keepings Off", which became quite physical and eventually Tam and her friend kept holding on and became cuddly and went off holding hands. The Chairman had been guarding me closely Man-on-Man, and it became rather too friendly. I suggested that we do a few laps. The Chairman was a confident swimmer and it seemed important fort him to beat me. I was not interested in proving myself, but I was not going to back down, so I began to do the Butterfly and kept stroke for stroke for the final few laps until the 800m was complete. I was tired at the end, both heaving exhaustedly at Pool's end. He invited me to join him for a coffee in the plaza. I said: "Yes" and headed up to my room to change into Polo and slacks to go down to meet him in the Plaza. The Chairman expressed disappointment to share with 'Peter' rather than 'Peta', then explaining that my work from the 'JobbingBoard' had opened opportunity for the other girls and he wondered if I could join him as 'Peta' for a few seminars locally and interstate. I thanked him profusely but mentioned that I would not be keen to go as 'Peta' as she was essentially an incognito scullery lady who travelled anonymously. He smiled, and encouraged me to keep up my good work, and to maintain the concentration that I did not fail in the Comporting standards. As the sixth Month evaluation loomed, it was obvious that I would fail, so at the eleventh hour, after I had completed my evening scullery duties, I made an appointment with Sylvia and requested Respite. 3. A Necessary Change Sylvia looked at me, and with a mixture of relief and delight, she complimented me for the decision I had made, and suggested that we should immediately go down and see the TransComp doctor. The Doctor described how it was usual for candidates to request Respite within six weeks, so in anticipating this outcome the Friday injection had prepared the way for the inevitable. She confessed to the fear that in delaying my request so long, my system was overheating, was too eager for the relief of Respite. She congratulated on how well I had gone and announced that TransComp would make provision for me to live elsewhere while my body re- established normality, and continue to provide access to the 'JobbingBoard' s. She explained and Sylvia concurred that there was no necessity for me to proceed to Respite, because it was likely to be arduous. I thanked them for their consideration, but restated my need for the qualification - which I would lose if I left early. Sylvia nodded. "Then let's get on with this Respite". Sylvia helped me prepare, lowering my skirt and having me lie on the couch, while the Doctor prepared the treatment. "Peta, the first needle goes deep and prepares for the shock of the blockers and assault courses that follow. I tried to relax my bottom, as she pushed the needle yards into my buttocks. She then surged the fluid in and immediately I felt a kind of warmth as it radiated out. She fitted a second capsule then pulled the needle all the way out. I enjoyed the relaxation and engulfing effects. Then she injected the blockers to various parts of the body and they caused flushers, tingles, tremors and perspiration. I lay with this 'light show' for another fifteen minutes when she warned of a 'Somme', as the Hormones took control with throbbing , heart thumping, popping eyes, and troubled breathing. Sylvia helped me off the couch, she rearranged my skirt and both of them walked with me across the plaza, into the elevator and up to my room. Club members were distressed by my condition, but seemed satisfied when 'Dawning' explanation. I just made it to my room before the 'heaving' commenced, yielding more that I had eaten in month, and then went on and on, long after I had given my all. Finally, somehow, I was in my nightie and into bed - asleep straight out, no dreams, next thought being the lunge to the toilet bowl for resumption of heaving. Heartfelt, and sincere, I gave my all and then heaved on some more. I was lying in my froth on the floor when Sylvia came in, pushed me through the shower, dressed me, make-up and all, as I obliviously endured the tingling, shuddering jerks... as the battle raged. The clothing was ever so light, and the bra nestled the 'ready to blast off,' jutting, nipples. I was pleased to get away from the bile smell of my room, walked around the dining room, ate nothing, but began I would do better to sit at the computer - rather than mope. I had turned on my machine, logged in and was forlornly attempting a module when the other girls came in, then it struck me that for the first time at work, I was dressed as a woman. I looked up, one girl was looking at me bug eyed, I looked down, the bra 'Titularly' presented my breasts. I buried in the eyes in work, and vainly tried to concentrate using a mind that was beyond focus. I worked through lunch and was last to leave at night. My mentor kissed me on the cheek and whispered "you look beautiful!" as I left. I sat reading and men from the dining room came in to check how I was, and the Chairman was particularly caring - for which he was rewarded by a 'deer caught in the headlights' smile. I caught to elevator up to the Gym that night, and Tam seeing me so pitiable, did not say much, but stationed herself nearby and exercise by exercise, stroke by stroke accompanied me through the night. I thanked her at end, and then went down to my room where without success; I tried to complete the day's module. Again I awoke with a lunge of heaving and again Sylvia prepared me for the day - where I completed yesterday's and today's module. I somehow managed a salad and two pieces of chicken for my evening meal, and shared a half smile with Tam before taking the stairs back to my room. In the nightie, it was clear that breast mounding was dramatic and pushing me across the gender line. In my panties, my pride and unexplored joy was 'taking a hit', shrinking and under-interested. Was not sure how I was going to handle this. Not sure I could handle it. For my third day dressed as a woman, I smiled at the other girls - we were all girls now. I realized I had nothing to fear, they were sympathetic, they had each gone through it, and must have been watching waiting for me to succumb. Three months to wait, three days of the sentence served - it was going to be 'one day at a time'! At the close of the day, my mentor announced that from Monday I would mentor a new group of kids. 4. Finding a way to cope in the New Life We spent the Sunday getting the unit together and having the Passwords, log-in's ready. I wanted everything to be right for the new boys, with a kind environment that would buttress them when the inevitable changes came. Mine was a critical caring role and I wanted them to have the best. Sylvia brought the eight young hopefuls in, all 'bright eyes and busy tailed'. I shook hands with each one, I felt I should have kissed each, but I was not sufficiently adjusted to the role to offer the warmth they deserved. Sylvia was having her little fun, the clothes she had set out for me that day ensured that my newly bursting out bust not just our secret, but a celebration for all to share and I was amused how our nephrite's viscous eyes bounced between my face and bosom. I was amused, because I would have ricked my neck to stop that involuntary movement, and yet God made the attraction to lighten a poor boy's day. So I was amused at the constraints I had imposed on myself, and was delighted that I offer warmth to boys who were destined to face a difficult choice. The new boys got started and I did not achieve much in my work in those first days, I went from work station to work station helping them over the initial bumps. I found myself embracing the feminine be as an instrument of service. I could smile, wink and hug and the young boys found life easier and their work was more successful. I wanted them to do well in their modules because beyond the impending fate, the qualification would be a security. Because I had not chosen to make my Debut, my only responsibility was the evening scullery. I did not make my Debut, because I was no more prepared for socializing and I found with my work, and with my responsibility to my Chicks, I had enough to cope with. Besides, I always looked forward to the evening sessions with Tam. Girls with whom I had trained would wheel the trolley in each night, we would chat and the Chairman would also come in to say Hello. The first of the boys began dressing within the first two weeks. He explained that staying dressed, he could move from his laundry duties to class without the pressure of three changes a day. One by one the others followed suite. I could see what was happening, and perhaps I had a vicarious pleasure in seeing the inevitable occur, but my job was to offer support, so I said to the group "Who cares, all of you are in the same situation, why would you inject additional pressure to your day. Come as you want to be." The first Dawning occurred after five weeks. Initially she was circumspect but as her breasts began to blossom we would enjoy the fun of noting progress. One by one the others followed and I was freer now to go around and bestow a little cuddle, assure them how beautiful they were and share with the excitement of 'busting out'. The first debut brought a few tears: "She told me she received it 'up her bum' and could not shake the accusation of her now being a homosexual" It was my task to help them over the doldrums and as I held this poor crying thing, I told her "Homo means same. You have Breasts. You are not the same. He liked you; he wanted to toast this liking in the only little hole available. Did you enjoy it my sweet. Was it nice?" "It was really. It hurt a bit at first, but it was nice." "Good for you My Sweet. You have made the step to womanhood and I am sure you have made that dear man very happy. I am proud of you." I was sure my Chicks saw me as their 'mother' and it was a great honour to hug, assure and ensure they were not harshly judging themselves. But I kept them working hard, and I did made sure each was able to take work from the ''JobbingBoard' ' - when they saw a bit of money coming in, I knew they would feel better about the future. The Chairman asked me once again to accompany him to Trade Shows and Seminars I had no hesitation to agree. I would time my visits to the Beautician to coincide with the Trade Shows and Seminars, it made me feel more convincing when I had to get up and make my presentations Beautician focus now was on my chest, neck and arms and the electrolysis was often a little painful. I would Of course I was now using the elevator. I needed to present with confidence and self assurance if I was to help my Chicks, and I realized I was edging to the nine months mark, when the counter Respite process would commence and my fem soir?e would end. 5 Examination of Purpose This particular night was particularly heavy. Tam had scheduled me to work hard this night. I never doubted her. I just nodded and set about the task, and it was a good and tiring workout. "Good for you Peta. Special night! Now we both do a 400m medley and tonight, we do it naked." I laughed, "We cannot do that Tam, you are real, I am a 'Special Girl', and I can't be naked with you." Tam unhitched what she had, and stood before me posing, shaking and laughing. "Maybe it is hidden in the undergrowth, but, for heavens sake Peta my girl, we are the same!" I just stood aghast. Sure enough, it was small, very small, but she had a penis adorned with a great big wide smile and impish exhibitionist gyrations. I gasped and exploded in mirth. "I will need to re-categorize all lustful thoughts I have had about you Tam" "It was not category: 'Despoiling maidenhood', but 'Homosexual' from the start - a much more serious sin in the order of things, and higher grade of hell fire retribution!" Literally, I laughed until the tears ran down my legs. I threw off my clothes and did a fast hundred butterfly. When we were done, Tam, always wicked said that my tits were bigger and so was my Dick. I looked at her and said: "My young Chicks measure themselves against me as the Tit Standard. I am a big bulbous, aren't I?" "I am still adjusting to the chest bounce, one step, two bounces..." Tam thought this was very funny but her focus was more on my Dick. She wanted to tell me that she had been on the medication so long, that there was no going back. She told me she was resigned to staying woman for the rest of her life. Then she dropped her Bombshell! "Peta, I am leaving next week. I have a very special boyfriend; I am going to live with him." I stared at her, saucer eyes. "I would have left earlier Peta, but, you see you are my special 'Chick', and though we will always be friends, I felt you had special need for me to be around. But now you have your 'Chicks' and you are so secure". I was breathless. I felt a dreadful sense of loss, and was overcome with the depths of kindness that she had metered to me, one drop at a time, each day - I had never encountered charity, care, and love as I had received from Tam. Shaking my head, I whispered: "What a strange journey to take so as to meet the most pristine of Christian care." "Hey Tam, lets go down to the Plaza, have a coffee of something, I need to talk things over further." So we agreed to get changed, and meet down there. 5. Engagement with Life I went back to the room. My head was in a whirl. My lovely world was breaking up. For some inexplicable reason I decided to 'Vamp Up' with the highest skirt and lowest blouse and a heavy excess of make-up. And so, I went down to the plaza, 'swinging the bag' to find Tam and, surprisingly, the Doctor waiting for me. Of course there were lashing gales of laughter to see me so 'trolled up'. With gravitas I ordered three coffees. Tam ordered a chilled white wine which didn't get warm while the Coffee got cold. "I don't know. It just seemed right and appropriate, with Tam going. I thought I would characterture my life, by dressing like this. I know it does not make sense." Tam said "Tell me more!" "You know a Monk is one women feel safe to 'hit on': safely neutered and impregnable, whereas, in fact the monk, or me especially, I always felt peculiarly vulnerable!" "Denial means the Feminie is hugely alluring, and what can you do about it? Nothing! So the best strategy is to Bolt - to 'not be around'." "When a woman was there, I would be down there in the stench stomping pig's slosh. No one bothered me!" "Why did I hide, because I was so affected but could do nothing, I was imprisoned behind the thick walls of taboo, Solitary Confinement in a self reinforced cell." I just stopped raving and they stared at me. I filled my glass and sipped some more. "Tam you said to me in the early days, that, I never looked at you! Why so? Because I could not stand more torture." "Then since I have been here, night after night as I brush my teeth, I see my mirror images change. How do you run, where can you run when greatest fear emerges as yourself!" "Hey Doc, fill my glass again, and quickly!" I said laughing out loud to escape my own heaviness. "But Peta, you live life so fully. You have worked harder and achieved more than any girl we have had at TransComp." "Yes be wary of success - it is a sentence. "Are you saying you strive mightily while always avoiding life Peta?" "Yes, something like that." "I noticed that when we dressed you: you called it a Costume." "When we 'Tit you up', and you by-passed and went straight to Mothering your chicks" "You have the best Tits and Ass TransComp has ever produced, you have not made your Debut and you are now ready to begin your Counter- Respite!" I just smiled. "I have to set my own path and then that is the path I must walk." Tam proffered: "Is Purity a Vanity Peta? Where does Care fit in? The Celibate is non-sharing, ethereal - a long way from the pangs of giving birth and involvement in real life." "Yes Tam, but we are all different and Peta has to cut out her own path," said the doctor. "I am trying you guys, but my history limits my options. It is confusing, but look at me, I am showing my tits, and surely that is a good sign?" Tam emptied her glass, filled all the glasses, and called for another bottle. "My guy is much older. His predilection for Special Girls is understandable, when you hear his story. He is not kinky; he just wants company and someone to share life with. I kinda feel good around him." "I am really so pleased for you Tam. You deserve no less," I said "What about you Doc" I asked. Did you come through TransComp? "No not me. I was born as I am, and copped more than I deserved when young. It did not clear an easy path for me Peta. I found my peace in this job. TransComp sponsors are nice men and many of the girls find solace and from their time with us I get a 'dirty thrill' out of seeing transition like yours. I hope you forgive me. But it has been just so gorgeous, and in sharing you I have forgotten how vulnerability I am." I leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek "Peta" Tam asked, "How do you adjust to all this with your religion. The Catholic Church is not into Switching?" I sipped, smiled and said: "Not a problem, I used to get down to a 10.30am mass on Sunday after I finished in the Scullery. But now, since I have been 'Titted up", as you call it, I get to the earlier 8.30am. No one knows who I am. I can pray the same wearing a bra, as I ask God that I not be a Mean Thing!" Just then a couple of guys came up hoping to join our table. I said to the Doc, "I am out of here Doc." She said "But one of them might tickly your fancy" "But he may not fancy what he tickles!" She roared laughing as I left and quickly went up to my room. 6. Engaging with Life I got changed, put on my nightie, cleaned my face, checked the next module, and scanned my email. There was a message from the Chairman asking if I would consider doing a week of Seminars beyond out of State. I emailed a reply: "Sure, I will just check that someone can replace me in the Mentoring role!" We did three cities over the next five days and it was very successful. He explained that they wanted to build on the 'JobbingBoard', putting in a back Chat Channel so 'Wants' may be dissected, and broken down into components, that our girls could work on. My task was to show how the 'JobbingBoard' works and to encourage folk to post the vaguest of ideas. I believe I was successful illustrating how our team who could communicate to take a job request apart, identify components and build answers. At the end of the fifth day we had exceeded expectations. I could see the chairman was totally exhausted, and when he suggested we stay over an extra night, I supported him to the hilt. While we were eating, I felt I had to ask him what happened to the Girls that TransComp recruited. I wanted to know what happened after the training period. He explained that one third of TransComp girls went back to being male, one third went into permanent relationships, effectively married into stable relationships, and the rest preferred to escape gender rigidity and remain in the 'inter-sex' category. We extend care to all groups! I asked how he came to be associated with TransComp. He told me that he and a group of others had invested quite a lot of money into the project because they themselves liked 'Special Girls'. He mentioned that to his surprise the venture had became profitable all the way around. Many of the group now had TransComp Spouses and he felt the organisation was serving a purpose. He told me that the research they had commissioned indicated that no one was worse off from the association with TransComp. He said that our particular mission now, was actually to Post Developmental TransComp groups. The 'JobbingBoard' was the avenue for income and the conduit for ongoing support to the TransComp community. He said there was a great need for the 'JobbingBoard' function and it was working as an avenue for provision of support. He mentioned that one of the reasons for getting me into this promotion that there was a hope that I might be the main support lynch person. I found this very interesting and said that of course I would be interested but that, at present he just looked so tired, and that it was best he get to bed and leave that as a matter to discuss tomorrow. He proposed that we have a leisurely breakfast, see a film and maybe have a swim and discuss the future during the afternoon. The breakfast was late, the Film was French, interesting and provocative - on the question of the intersex in Thailand. We hit the pool around 3.30 with a view to run up a kilometre to get physically tired and masochistically sore. In this swim, he did not need to win, and we enjoyed the companionship of lapping together and sharing a growing tiredness. When done, two tired people were there leaning against the wall and one another. "Peta you have the body of an Angel!" 'You mean, you enjoy big breasts, Sir" I replied with a smile. "No not at all and he took me either side of the waist and lifted me up in the water. "Well, Yes, actually, but your fit tummy, and tight backside, lovely hips - you have a lot to admire." He was looking endearingly, wantonly, so I had a suggestion of a hard 100m Butterfly to make the shoulders zing. "You go, I will watch, admire" I set off, as hard as I could. Go out hard and come home exhausted. As I finished my arms were like lead, hurting and numb. I leant against the wall aching. He lifted me out and started to massage life back into my arms. It was nice. I was relaxed, and leaned back, my bottom against something rather hard. I smiled quietly said "Mae West" He laughed, and said "Hey I know that Mae West Quote: 'have you got a gun in your pocket, or maybe you like me!' Well the answer is 'No' and 'Yes', my Dear." "You know, I have never been Debutant because I am 'out of touch with touch' and most especially that type of touch" I said with a grin. "Then don't worry Peta, just relax and don't think about it too much." "You can be so busy and programmed that you can be out of touch with yourself." "Yes, I know, that is me completely. You see it is hard when one has lived so solitary a life." "I understand, and the structures were designed to lock you in as solitary. A mind can't open that lock, only a body can." His shoulder massage had drifted to my breasts, and it was lovely, I leaned back and savoured every touch. It was so lovely to be appreciated. I had not had much of that in my life "Is it getting too cold or too hot or too public here Peta. Let's go up stairs." We got out of the pool, I dried off and knew in my depths that I either pull out now, or I will be a Debutant before the 'Cock Crows'. We went to the room; he helped me be free of my togs. He just loved looking at my body. His eyes lit up. He noted my deprived and shrunken scrotum and seemed to like me more because of it. He invited me to bend over the lounge chair and started pushing his finger, all gelled up, into my sphincter. I found this rather humiliating, but I just leaned over and endured what I must endure, but said: "you know that hurts a fair bit,' "Just relax Peta." "I tried to relax and he got his finger in, and then another one." It was all a bit clinical really and as I endured it, I felt him begin to press his penis in to me. There I was bending over, leaning on the couch and him grunting, pushing into me, it hurt like hell and I thought of calling the whole experiment off. It was no fun at all, and too great a prize to reward this nice man. I thought my bottom would split; I felt cold all over and could hardly. He slipped in further and further and further, until I felt his balls clanging against my bottom. "There you are my girl. You have made the transition. Now let's enjoy it." He started to rock slowly, not moving much. But each time he banging into a part of me that liked it heaps. I started to anticipate and coordinate with his rocking, and as he built up the intensity, I matched him, grasping him, holding on to his penis, with those many muscles of my behind. He got frantic and so did I, right up to the moment when the dam burst. He lay against my back, exhausted, as he spurted out his energy. I grasped him over the whole length, and held him there, as his penis died, held it there when he had had enough and wanted to come out. I let him out, and helped this poor exhausted man to my bed. Then I got one warm wet towel and cleaned him up, his penis, and another for his forehead. I lay beside him, put my nipple to his mouth, and rubbed his back until he went to sleep, We missed our evening meal that night, but we made up for it, night after night from that day forward.