Give Me Some Sugar Part 1 Rochelles Tryout
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What Would You Do? free porn video
What would you do?
Father, thank you for taking time to listen to me, and I appreciate the
fact you will not tell anyone what I tell you. I am not Catholic, but I
need to confess. I need someone to listen to me. I ... I am an evil
person, Father. I have done something horrible, and because of that, I am
faced with a decision, a decision that can only result in suffering for
another.
But I might as well start at the beginning. I can't believe its only been
six months since it started. It feels like a lifetime. And maybe, in a way
it was.
But it all started when I made the mistake of getting on the wrong side
of Tony. Tony wasn't the biggest guy in our school, but he was ... crazy
in a fight, and no one messed with him, or at least not twice.
Up until that point, I had stayed under his radar, because I wasn't
anybody. I was pretty much invisible, and I liked it that way. Then I
joined the drama club. I knew I was never going to be an actor, but since
they always needed guys to be spear carriers, or whatever, I figured I
could blend in, and I did, at least at first.
Things were great at the beginning. I was in the background in a couple of
productions, and when they didn't need me on stage I did everything from
run lights to take care of costumes. I had it made, until Linda took
notice of me. She was... is a true talent. Pretty, smart, and blessed
with both acting and singing skills, she was the clear choice for the
female lead for any show we did.
But then, not long after she came to our school, Tony tried to hit on
her. I was standing a couple feet away when she turned him down. He was
not happy, but kept his cool, asking her why. She looked over, saw me
watching, and came over to me. She said to Tony "because I already have a
boyfriend in Adam here." She then planted a kiss on my lips, making my
head spin. "Now if you would excuse me, I have to get ready for
rehearsal" She said, and walked away. I was still trying to get my act
together when Tony came up to me, and said "You just made my list, Adam."
and stalked away.
All I could think was, "Oh.... crap."
I hurried to catch up with Linda, and said, "What the heck was that
about?"
She giggled "Well, maybe if you play your cards right, it could be the
truth."
Now what the heck was I supposed to say to that?
"You don't know Tony, Linda."
"There are a lot of pretty girls, he'll find someone, I'm sure."
"It isn't like he needs have a girl, Linda, or even have you specifically,
not anymore. Now its about keeping his spot on the top of the dog pile.
It'll be a matter of pride. And I'd rather graduate in one piece. Tell him
it was just a joke, please."
"How come you're scared of him? He isn't that much bigger than you."
"Like I said, Linda. You don't know him. He's .... dangerous. I have seen
the biggest members of the football team back down rather than confront
him."
She shook her head, and said "Boys. Honestly." Then she walked into the
girls changing room, and closed the door.
The rest of the day, my head was on a swivel. I tried to stay close to
teachers when I could, and just waited for the hammer to fall. At the end
of the day, I waited for a bit, cleaning up in the theater, and then
figured I should run home. It was Friday, so I would be able to hide at
home for the weekend, and be safe until Monday, or so I thought.
But on my way home, Tony was waiting for me. I looked around, and saw he
was alone. I figured he was just going to threaten me, since any
humiliation would require an audience.
I was wrong.
Father, by the time he walked away, I was basically naked, and bleeding
from a place no heterosexual man should bleed. I don't think you need the
details, do you?
I gathered up my clothes, and staggered home. If I had been able to think
clearly, I would have called the police, gone to a hospital, something.
But I felt...soiled in a fundamental way, and all I wanted to do was get
clean. I stood under a hot shower until the water ran cold, i stuffed my
clothes in our washer, and I cleaned up the remains of my lunch that I
brought up when I had gotten in the door.
When my mom came home, I told her I was sick, and went to bed.
I pretty much stayed there all Saturday. The only time I got up is when I
had another shower. I couldn't hold down food, I couldn't look at myself
in a mirror. And somehow, I knew the worst was not over. Tony would be
back. I was sure of it. Having had a taste of that kind of thing, he
wouldn't stop. It would happen again, and again.
And a monster made of rage was born in my heart.
On Sunday, I got up, got dressed, and went looking for Tony. I had no clue
what I was going to do, but I knew I had no choice but to find a way to
stop him.
All it would cost me would be my soul.
When he saw me coming, he shooed away his gang, and came toward me. He
chuckled, and said, "Well. well, well. You come for more? I thought you
were having a good time Friday"
I looked at him, and saw that my hunch was right. No matter what I did, he
was going to do it again. I could give him Linda on a silver platter, and
it wouldn't matter.
That's when I committed my crime.
I wouldn't blame you for not believing what happened next. All of a
sudden, I was inside his head. I can't describe it well, but it was like I
shoved his identity, his soul, into a closet, and took control of his
brain. I visualized it like a control room, and I threw some switches and
turned some knobs, and left.
I came to myself, and he was just staring at me. After a minute, he turned
and ran. I went home, thinking I must be dreaming. I spent the rest of
Sunday laying around. I felt. ... numb. The hours dragged by without me
moving or even thinking much. I did the bare minimum to survive, and
that's it.
Monday finally rolled around and I shuffled to school. I'm not sure why I
went, except that school was such a big part of my routine not going never
crossed my mind. Not that much was crossing my mind anyway. I was just
going through the motions, waiting for something to happen.
The only time I broke out of my fog was when I went to Drama class and saw
Linda,. She came up to me, and gave me a hug, and said, "well, how was
your weekend? You considering my offer to be my boyfriend?"
I took her arms from around my neck and said, "I tried to tell you Tony
wouldn't just leave it alone. Its your fault he.... he..." I couldn't
continue. I shoved her away from me, and went to my seat in the class. I
refused to look at her the rest of the class, and after it was over, I
went back into the numb cocoon that I had been in all day.
At the end of the day, It finally occurred to me that I hadn't seen Tony,
but I let it go. We didn't share classes, so I had no real reason to
expect to see him, except for what happened on the weekend. I made it
home, and went to bed early.
Day after day passed, and finally, it was Friday again. My personal fog
cleared enough to realize Linda was pretty upset with me, but I found I
just didn't care. She wasn't the one who had been ... well, it didn't
matter, anyway.
The other thing I realized was that Tony hadn't come back. I found that
confusing. To miss a day, maybe, but a whole week? That wasn't like him.
What had happened on Sunday had become more dream-like, but something
about it nagged at me as I thought about his absence. Finally, I could
take the suspense, and Saturday, I headed for where he lived.
Why was I worried about him? He ....hurt me. But I couldn't shake the
feeling he was hurting, and it was my fault. I was very close to the spot
where he had... met me last time when a girl got my attention. She waved
me toward the shadows, and once my eyes adjusted, I could see her clearly.
It was Tony.
God forgive me, it was Tony.
He (She?) was wearing a dress that was obviously too big for him, and
nothing else feminine, but something about the way he stood and moved just
screamed "Girl".
And again, the weirdness happened. I could see clearly his mind. The old
Tony, the one everyone was scared of, was ... trapped, unable to control
his own body, because he was ... overlapped by a second self. A utterly,
totally female self. She had stolen her mother's clothes and makeup, been
caught by her father, and been kicked out. She had been living on her wits
since.
I had done this.
Me.
I could feel the loss of sanity, an intense pain I can't do justice to. I
had to fix it. So I tried to fix things inside him.
Father, I tried. I truly tried.
I failed.
I honestly did not know what to do. I invited her back to my house. She
came willingly enough. The female self seemed ... bonded to me. She was
almost pathetically grateful for even the smallest kindness. The male part
was more confused.. On the one hand, his anger and hatred of me was still
there, and had gotten worse, but he also seemed to see me as his only hope
to regain control.
I took her back to my house, figuring I could at least get her some warm
clothes and a meal. When we got there, I offered her some boy clothes,
only to have her freak out. Some how, this female part of him couldn't
even think of wearing male stuff.
And since she was in charge, the only option we had was some of my mom's.
That didn't make the male side happy, but since it was either that, being
naked, or staying in a dress she had been wearing for a week, he went
along.
Once clothes were taken care of, I made her some soup, being not a great
cook. Again, she was grateful in a way that ate at my heart. After we ate,
we watched some tv together until my mom came home. I introduced my her to
my mother, saying she was a classmate who had come out as transgender to
her parents, and been kicked out.
It was as close to the truth as I dared go ...
Being the kind of person my mom was, she let "Toni" stay overnight, but
would have to take her to the authorities in the morning. I panicked,
thinking of the sort of abuse she might suffer in some foster home, and
said, "Listen. before we do that, let me try talking to her folks."
She agreed, and soon was showing Toni to our spare room. I went to my own,
and struggled to sleep.
The next morning we went back to Toni's house. I knocked on the door,
still having no idea what I could do. Her father answered, and as soon as
he saw Toni, he glowered. He raised a fist, and I had to do something. I
went into his mind, just a touch.
I repeated.
A few moments later he was inviting us in. I did the same gentle touch
with Toni's mother, and then turned to leave. "Wait." Tony whispered,
"What about school?" her male side asked
mentally.
"I will be with you tomorrow." I whispered back. Mentally, I added,
The next day, I waited anxiously for Toni to arrive. Finally, she did,
driven by her mother. "Mrs. Carillo?" I asked. "Can I help?"
She smiled at me, and said, "I will talk with the principal. If the school
wont protect my daughter, I will have no choice but to pull her out until
I can find a school that will."
I heard Tony say mentally.
I broadcast back.
Then she hugged me and said out loud, "Thank you."
I really didn't know what to do about that. Toni, the female part, seemed
to be in love with me, for lack of a better word for what she felt. The
male part was disgusted, but helpless. I realized I had a horrible
choice. Return the hug, and hurt the male part, or don't, and hurt the
female part.
Before I could try and decide what to do, the male part pulled back, and
Toni hugged me tighter.
I broadcast to her male side.
So I had acquired a girlfriend.
I slipped in to the meeting Toni's mother was having with the principal.
Not having any other idea, I gave him a gentle nudge to accept the change
in gender. He even appointed me to help introduce the new Toni around,
which gave me a chance to to do the same for most of the kids and teachers
we met.
I tried to be extremely careful. If it took more than a very gentle
nudge, I let them be. For most of the guys, all I did was remind them of
the scary side of the old Tony, and let them make the assumption that she
would be just as dangerous if cornered. It was enough.
The next while became a blur. Every day I would spend as much time with
Toni as I could. It seemed like a feedback loop. The more I was around
her, the more she wanted me there. In essence she became addicted to me.
I could have abused this, Father. By the third day, she made it clear she
would sleep with me if I wanted her. But I simply couldn't. I am ashamed
to admit that it was only partially because I felt like that would be as
bad as what the male Tony had done to me. The other part was the simple
fact that despite her clothes and actions, she still had a male body.
Besides me, the only real friend she had was, ironically, Linda. Linda
seemed to take it all in stride without any modifications from me, and
made it a goal to help Toni be the best girl she could be. That earned her
my forgiveness, and more. I apologized for my reaction to her advances,
and let her work her magic on Toni. The results were.... amazing.
But I continued to try and fix the problem, and failing. And now things
are getting serious. Toni wants to actually transition, to become female
in body. this is making the male Tony more desperate, more crazy, and the
conflict is harming both of them.
So I am left with a horrible choice, as I said. I have found out I can ...
remove the male part, permanently. That would free the female side to have
as good a life as possible.
The other choice is to do nothing. I just let the male Tony suffer until
he goes mad, maybe taking the female part with him. I cant seem to
suppress the female side. I cant even seem to comfort the male side
anymore.
So which choice is worse? Since I started "dating" Toni, I have been
looking into transgender, and reading a lot of TG fiction. One of the big
controversies on one of the fiction sites is about the idea of "identity
death."
Well, I could do that. I could "kill" the male Tony. But am I really
doing him any favours by letting him live? To be permanently stuck in a
body he has no control over? To be helpless while the female side make
the body match her mind, instead of his? And even if I never sleep with
her, its probably too much to hope she would remain a virgin forever. And
she only likes guys....
So Father, that's my confession. And I want your advice.
What would you do?
Mckenna
- 12.03.2020
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