Loving Roger free porn video

Loving Roger By Adriana C It was as the dancing was coming to an end that I fell completely under the spell of my role. Roger and I had been having a great time together on the dance floor all evening. Well, since I lost my inhibitions and had allowed him to take control leaving me to abandon myself to the music and to simply respond to the movements of his body and the pressure of his arms. At first the heels and the long skirts were difficult for me. I never did really get used to the heels but I did get to the point where they no longer inhibited my every move. And the long skirts just swirled about me emphasizing, exaggerating and reinforcing my motion and giving me extra impetus to move gracefully and with some measure of abandon. And the secure feeling that came from having Roger's strong arms and hands holding my body against his so that my fear of tripping and falling dissolved. Then while we were enjoying a fast waltz Roger started to slow down with the tempo of the band and soon we were simply swaying and making tiny steps to the music. My left hand moved from resting on his upper arm to his shoulder and then to the back of his neck. His arm went from my shoulder blade to around my waist pulling me closer and my head sank onto his shoulder. The pleats of my long skirted dress which had been flying with our movement slowed down to sway gently against my legs. We moved gently like that and I could feel his erection against my groin. Instead of being horrified I found myself moving against it. I could feel myself becoming aroused under the tight fitting undergarments and that only meant I started to lose whatever inhibitions I still had. Soon I could feel his lips on my hair and then as he brushed them against my ear he whispered that he thought it was time we left. I agreed and breaking away he took my hand and led me off the dance floor towards our table. Everyone else was dancing and I picked up my purse. Roger picked up my shawl and put it over my bare shoulders. He put his arm around my waist and I walked with him down to the entrance, lifting my long skirts as we go down the steps. He gave the ticket to the valet who went off to get the car. Meanwhile I was fiddling with my purse to try to extract the cloakroom ticket I had put in there when we arrived. When I located it I gave it to him and he went off to retrieve the fur that I had borrowed. He came back and put it around my shoulders. He stood close to my back as he did this and I leaned back into him and he responded by gently kissing me on top of my head. Then before I could move he turned me around and bent down to kiss me gently on the lips. As the feelings swept through me I found myself kissing him right back as his arms held me close and warm. Then he moved away and I turned and put my hand in the crook of his arm as we walked out to the waiting car. Outside it is cold and I shrug closer into my coat loving the feel of the silk lining on my bare shoulders and arms, the fur on my cheeks and neck.. Having bare shoulders, like almost all of my experiences this night is new to me. The cold air sweeps over my exposed toes in their high heeled sandals as I step gingerly out to the car. Roger holds the door open for me and I enter carefully arranging the long full skirt around me and out of the door. He closes the door and goes around to the other side where the valet is holding the door for him. I wrap the jacket tighter around my bare shoulders and arms. "Are you cold?" "Just a little." But in truth it is not the cold but the feelings that cause me to shiver. "The heater will warm up in a little bit." He fiddles with the controls and then turns his head to smile at me before putting the car in gear and slowly moving off. "This has been a wonderful evening. Thank you so much." "It has been my pleasure." "Do you mean that?" "Of course. Didn't I look as if I was having fun?" "Oh indeed you did. More so, you looked at home. What number is your place?" It is too soon that we have arrived at the complex where I have my modest apartment. "It is just here on the right." I don't want the evening to end just yet, I have to admit that I don't want the experience to end. "Would you like to come in for a glass of wine or a cup of tea?" "Thank you, I would like that." He finishes parking the car and gets out. I start to open the door but then remember my role and wait for him to come around and open it. As he does he reaches in and takes one of my hands to help me out. I find I need it as I stumble slightly in my heels on the uneven grass verge. He put his arm out and I tuck my hand in it as he leads me across the grass and up the short path to the door of my modest condominium. Just in time I remember to pick up the skirts of my dress and avoid tripping over them on the step. I extricate my key from the purse and put it in the lock and opened the door. As we enter I turn a few lights on. I open the door to the hall closet. "Let me get that." He takes the cape from around my shoulders and hangs it up. "Welcome to my modest abode." "Thank you." "What would you like? Wine? Tea? Coffee? I don't have much but ...." "Tea would be great thank you." "Well make yourself comfortable and I will go put the kettle on." I go through the main room and up a couple of steps into the little kitchen. The roses he brought me are there on the counter and they smell wonderful. "Thank you again for the flowers, they are gorgeous." "Gorgeous flowers for a gorgeous woman." He comes and sits at the bar between the living room and the kitchen and I pick up the kettle and fill it and then turn it on. "Will you excuse me for a minute or two. I need to go freshen up upstairs. There is more comfortable seating in the living room if you like." "I am fine right here close to the action!" I turn and go to the stairs. On my way I pick up the little purse I had with me. Lifting the skirts of my dress and go carefully up the stairs and into the bathroom. Once there I lift all that fabric and then work my underwear down and sit gingerly on the toilet. It is a process! Then I rearrange my underwear, making sure everything is tucked out of sight and let the skirts fall back to the floor. I catch sight of myself in the mirror and decide I could do with some touching up. As I look at my hair, I am still surprised at how feminine it looks even though it is shorter than it was. Sarah and I had talked about putting extensions in but we had decided not to and so she bleached it and cut it into a pixie cut with bangs that hang almost into my eyes. She curled it a little and it shows my ears. Pierced now and sporting long dangling chandelier earrings. I decide not t try to brush it out but leave it in its tousled state, just fluffing it up a little with my fingers. Even as I do so I remember being a little jealous of the women at the dance who had long hair, especially the ones who had it dressed up and I wonder what it would be like to have it brushing against my neck and shoulders. Then I apply some lipstick and then some perfume. Even as I do it I wonder why, do I really want to encourage this man I have in my house. And a voice inside me answers yes despite my conscious concerns. It may be the only chance I get to experience this and I have to admit I do not want to waste it. So I take the purse out into my bedroom and put it on the dresser and then go carefully back down the stairs. My practice over the past few weeks makes it feasible but still tricky with the long skirts and the side pleats. Roger is standing in the living room looking at my books and music and some of the magazines. Most of the latter are recent issues of various women's magazines that Sarah had encouraged me to look at to get ready for this night. "If you see any music you like you are welcome to put it on." He turns and looks at me and smiles. "Well perhaps I will. Thank you for leaving your dress on, you look so gorgeous in it and I was afraid you would relax into something less formal." "Well I have only one or two alternatives and anyway this dress is too beautiful to put back into the closet just yet." I go into the kitchen area and restart the kettle. When it boils I pour some of the water into the pot to heat it. Then I reach up and get a couple of cups and put spoons on the saucers and then put sugar and milk in a bowl and little pitcher and put them on the counter. "What kind of tea do you want real tea or a herbal one?" "Real tea please." So I get the tea box out and set it beside the pot. As I finish putting the water on the tea I hear the sounds of one of my favorite pieces of music - Mozart's clarinet concerto. I stand there entranced by the soft rhythms and themes and move gently to the rhythm and flow. After a little while I turn and see that Roger has sat back down on the stool and is watching me with a small smile on his lips. A shiver goes down my spine with the strange feeling that engulfs me. "Are you O.K.?" "Oh yes; I am much more than OK. I am just watching you." "And what do you see?" I am a little afraid he sees what I really am, play acting this role. "I see someone totally at home. You look beautiful. Seductive eyes that I could lose myself in. Watching you move in that gorgeous dress, your earrings moving gently as you do. The wonderful smile in your eyes and on your lips and the scent of your body, entranced by the music...." I put my hand up "Oh stop. You are embarrassing me." I turn to attend to the tea to avoid his gaze. I can feel the blood rushing in to my face. Then I feel his presence behind me and his arms come around and hold me close to him while he nuzzles my ear. I lean back and push against him loving the feeling of being held and cared for. Intoxicated, drunk with desire, for him! Then he is kissing the back of my neck and my shoulders and I can feel him turning me towards him. I turn and one hand is on the back of my head and I find my lips being gently kissed. Little touches of fire. My hands go around his back and then down to his ass and I pull his hardness into my groin. His kisses become harder and I respond to them and open my lips to his probing tongue. I move against him and then manage to get one hand between our bodies where it finds the shape of his hardness. His breath quickens with the gentle touch and he kisses me more fiercely until I am a little afraid of what might be unleashed. When I get a chance to take a breath I say "I thought you wanted tea." "Tea can wait. I want to kiss and hold you right now. I have wanted to do that since I first saw you this evening and I have waited long enough." So we stay like that for a while, just standing and holding each other. And then he showers my face with little kisses before ending with his lips on my mouth and my lips opening to his probing tongue. After a while I am becoming breathless and push away. "The tea is getting cold" "Perhaps but you are hot and it is catching so I am getting hot too!" The blood rushes into my face again and he smiles smugly at me. But he returns to the stool and I stand on the other side of the counter and pour the tea. "Milk?" "Just a little please." I pour two cups of tea and put one in front of him. "Sugar? Help yourself". As I start to withdraw my hand he takes it and lifts it to his lips where her kisses the back of it and then caresses it while looking at it. It does not look like my hand. This one has long pink varnished nails and has been cared for with lotion and manicures. As he strokes it shivers run down my spine and I bring the other one up and touch his face and ear using my long nail to outline the shape. "If you let go I will come and sit beside you unless you want to move somewhere more comfortable." He pats the stool next to him and then moves it so that we will sit facing each other and side by side, like an old fashioned courting chair. I go around and sit on it arranging my skirts around me. He takes my hand again and kisses it and then leans forward and kisses me on the tip of my nose. My hand goes up into the hair on the back of his head and pulls us closer together while his hands do the same. Soon we are kissing properly, his tongue probing my mouth hungrily. I know I should be turned off but I am not. I want more. But it is too soon. I break off. He looks at me with concern. "Are you OK? "I am much more than OK but I am a little scared. I want to touch and hold you and I want you to touch and hold me but I want to go slowly. All this is so different and I need a little time." "Of course. I am getting carried away." "Me too, by you!" "Dear Angela. Thank you so much for this evening. It has been all that I had hoped for, dreamed of. No. More than I ever dreamed of." "Well did I meet the challenge of being "arm candy' tonight." "Actually you failed spectacularly!" "I failed?" I put on a big pout. "Are you saying I am not beautiful enough to be arm candy? After all my work and sacrifice." "Dear heart you looked like the most scrumptious arm candy any one could wish for. And right now I want to eat you up. Kiss every inch of you body and touch your sweetness." He puts one finger on my lips and pauses in his speech. "But ...." "But you are too much of a whole person to be arm candy. Intelligent. Witty. Well educated. Beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside." "Oh my." "What do you think? What is your opinion about whether you succeeded?" "I think I did pretty well. But perhaps long hair would have looked more like arm candy." "Certainly pretty but that is too small a word! You are and did beautifully." "Oh go on." "Don't interrupt." I put my hand on his mouth but that is a bad move because all he does is grab it and kiss it. "Actually I have been terrified. Still am." "Terrified? You do not look terrified." "No but that is what is terrifying. When you first asked me to do this I was scared and excited. But then I started to get into it and got more scared and more excited. And now I am terrified and excited. I don't know what comes next but I am really afraid I will never be able to go back. That if when I do I will not be able to forget tonight, these weeks of preparation. But I don't know how to go forward. But lets not talk about that now. Can we talk about tonight?" "Of course." However before I can say anything he is kissing me again. I kiss him back. But then break away and take a sip of my tea. "You know I was quite worried when that client looked at me and then danced with me. I was sure he knew he had seen me before." "You mean James?" "Yes. After all I had met with him before." "Well he asked me where I had found you and that you were far too good for me so I don't think he knew you." "And his wife, Elizabeth, certainly did not approve." "Do you know why?" "Because I am not what I appear?" "Because you are much more than what you appear and what you appear to be is a beautiful woman. A real catch for any man and I am only too happy to have caught you for an evening anyway." "Why did you choose this music to put on?" "Because it seemed to match my feelings. Do you like it?" "It is one of my favorite pieces and I have not had it on for ages and now, hearing it again with you, it seems new again." "Well it suits you." "What do you mean by that?" "It is beautiful, quiet, lilting and sensuous. Flirtatious and yet serious." "Thank you, I think" We sit in silence listening to the music. After a while I dare to look up at him through my eyelashes. The look on his face is unnerving - so full of care and concern. I reach out and touch his hand and he takes my hand and we sit a while longer my hand in his on his lap, with him gently stroking it and sending more shivers up my spine. He breaks the silence: "Angela, thank you for this evening. You have been wonderful and I have had a wonderful time." "Roger, thank you - I never expected this to be so perfect." "Is it possible that I could see you again, perhaps even tomorrow?" "That sounds like it would be very nice, I have had a wonderful evening but ......" my voice tails off as I realize what I am saying. "But?" "But, I just do not know. I want to be with you again. The thing is I am not sure about the future and I am afraid of going too far and not being able to get back." "Angela. You have fulfilled all that I have asked so there should be no concerns on that score. Now I know that I am biased, because I want to spend more time with you, but maybe it would be good to take this opportunity and give Angela the chance to live, for the week end at least." I start to speak but he puts his finger on my lips, and to my horror and delight I kiss it and mouth it. He smiles and continues "It seems to me that you have a golden opportunity to let Angela spend a little time in the world and I would love to be a part of that to guide and support her, let her experience life. To show her she can be cared for and loved. I have tickets for the ballet tomorrow night and would love to take you there. And even have you be a guest in my home, to sleep and I really mean sleep, no funny business. And then on Sunday hang around doing whatever we feel like doing. But no decisions tonight. I will phone you around noon tomorrow, but if you want to call me before that I will be happy to have you do that. OK?" "Roger I don't know what to say except to thank you so much. For tonight. For getting me into this. For having faith in me. But among all the concerns about saying yes there is a big one" "And what is that. After all as the man in this relationship I am supposed to take care of concerns." As he says this he looks so worried and concerned that I have a hard time keeping a straight face "Well the thing is I don't have a thing to wear." I start giggling at that, a prototypical arm candy response and yet also literally true. "Well you still have my credit card and I would be happy if you used it. Your have an appointment with Sarah tomorrow and you can use it to bring Adrian back or to extend Angela's outing. I know Sarah will help with either of those. She could take you shopping or I could come with you. So there are no excuses. It is entirely up to you, I want to help as best I can and some of that is very selfish because you have helped me have such a good time tonight. I would love to spend the rest of the week end with you. I do hope I will see you tomorrow and you will accept my invitation to be a guest in my place afterwards, in your own room so there is no need to be afraid I will force you any further than you want to go." He gets down off the stool and helps me down. He pulls me into his arms. We stand there a long time just hugging and then share a long gentle kiss a good night. As we start to break I pull him back to me and give him a series of kisses on his mouth and chin. His response is immediate and his hand comes up to my hair and he directs my mouth to his and for a long moment we stay there while the feelings of security and acceptance wash over me. I push my hips into his and feel the hardness there but then he breaks off. And I find I have feelings for him that I never anticipated. "Dear Angela, if you let me go on like this I may break a promise and force myself on you" Very gently he pushes me away and rather reluctantly I let him. He walks over to the door with me following him. About half way there I reach out and take his hand, I can't bear to let him go but I know I must. At the door we kiss again. "Good night angel. Till tomorrow. I'll call you if you do not call me!" and then he is gone. The place seems incredibly empty and I almost start to cry. But I pull myself together and go into the kitchen and put the tea things in the sink, not wanting to spoil my wonderful dress by washing them. "If I had an apron..." the thought comes and I dismiss it. I finish by putting the milk in the refrigerator. I go upstairs picking my skirts up as if I had been doing it all my life instead of this being the first time. Once I am in the bedroom I start the painful process of taking all my finery off and putting it away. The idea that the process is over after the last few eventful weeks is almost too much for me to bear and I find myself wondering what Roger has in mind. First I remove the dress and hang it carefully in my closet in the garment bag. Then I sit on a chair and remove my heeled sandals. I marvel that I have been able to wear them the whole evening and remember again the feeling of blissful movement as I moved in Roger's arms managing to do it gracefully despite, or because of, those 4" heels. And the feeling of being able to trust him and relax, let him take control and responsibility. The garter belt and hose follow and then the bra and panties. Then I unlace the corset and remove it and despite the discomfort of wearing it I find I miss the comfortable secure embrace of it. So much so that I replace it with the cincher I have worn for several weeks during the training. I decide not to remove the breast forms that Sarah glued in place, justifying my decision with an attempt at masculine logic, after all my hair will still be blonde and feminine in the morning and the nails will still be in place so it would look odd if I had no breasts. I slip the silk nightgown on over my head and let it slide down my body and then reach under it to release my penis from its prison. I go into the bathroom and sit to pee. Then I brush my hair. I brush my teeth and cleanse my face of makeup. Even after my face is clean I can hardly make out the male face I am use to. I wonder what it is that makes me look so feminine? Perhaps it is the blonde hair? Or the dangling earrings? But I finally decide it is the plucked eyebrows and the bangs that reach down to my eyes in feathery wisps that makes it more feminine than masculine. "How am I going to be able to go back to the office like this? Perhaps I will be able to go on at Sarah's where there will be fewer questions." Then the thought that I have refused to let into my head appears "Why not go on as a woman." But it is too risky and I push it back and go into my bedroom and get into bed. It is 2 am and I am exhausted and after a little tossing and turning I fall into a disturbed sleep. When I waken it is sunny outside. I stretch in the luxury of the silk nightgown loving the feel of the fabric on my hairless body. I remember the feel of Roger's lips on mine and his erection against my groin. My own desire rises up again and I move gently against the sheets and the nightgown. Then my hand reaches down and I scrape my long finger nails against my hardness and stroke my nipples through the silk gown. All too soon my passion explodes and I catch much of it in my hand but the rest spills on the gown. To my horror I find myself licking the white liquid off my hand and savor it wondering if his would taste the same. A glance at the clock shows that I have an hour before Sarah is supposed to come a pick me up to take me to her salon to reverse the transformation that has taken place over the past few weeks. I wonder what she would say if I told her about Roger's invitation. Then I know that I will talk to her about it. But I am afraid I know what her advice will be. I get up out of bed and go into the bathroom to pee. Lifting the long nightgown up I sit down and then wipe carefully. Going back in to the bedroom I put on the robe and step into the high heeled mules that I bought to practice in. After wearing these so much last night's heels were easy, well not as bad as they would have been without the practice. In the kitchen I put coffee on and find myself remembering sitting here with Roger. Soon the coffee is ready and I pour myself a cup and sit at the counter to drink it. I look through a copy of Vogue but my attention is not on it but on what to do next. My head is clear - go with Sarah and have the whole transformation reversed. Go back to my life as Adrian. But my heart knows that I cannot go back as if nothing has changed. The memories will not disappear if everything else remains the same and I know it will not. I need to talk to Sarah so I get up and get the phone and dial her number. "Hi Adrian" she answers on the first ring. "Perhaps Angela is still here." "Oh sorry. Hello Angela." "Hello Sarah. Can you get here a little early? I really need to talk to you." "I am already on my way. I was going to call. Did you have a good time?" "It was wonderful. We really hit it off and then he came back here for tea and he invited Angela to dinner and the ballet tonight and now I don't know what to do and I need to talk to you." "I will be right there. Get the coffee on!" "It is ready now" "Five minutes." I put the phone down and then find myself going upstairs where I go into the bedroom and then into the bathroom. When there I pick up my mascara and apply some and then put on lipstick to make myself presentable. It occurs to me that these are not the normal actions of a man but of a woman. As I come back down the stairs the door bell rings and I quickly open the door to Sarah, the only friend I have who knows me in this way. She is the owner of the chain of beauty salons that Roger had me working at when he first dared me to accompany him to the dance at the museum. While masquerade costumes were encouraged about half the guests were in tuxedos and evening gowns. I was in both as he had dared me to go with him as "arm candy". Much to my surprise, but not his, no-one had seemed to see through the disguise to the real me. I would never have made it through without her support and her professional skills. But her support has included an opinion that I seem to be so naturally attuned to being a woman that I need to consider living that way. And now I am going to ask for her advice?!! "Sarah, it is good to see you." "Angela! It is good to see you too. But it is a bit of a surprise too. I thought she was like Cinderella and it is definitely after midnight." "Well Fairy Godmother, come in and then we can talk." I close the door behind her and take her coat and hang it up in the closet. Then we hug each other. "Oh thank you so much for coming. I don't know what to do. Can I get you some coffee?" "Yes please." "It is ready in the kitchen, come on through." I go to the kitchen and motion for her to sit on one of the stools. Then I get two mugs out and pour two cups. "Milk or sugar?' "Some milk please." So I get a little pitcher out of the cupboard and fill it with milk and offer it to her. Then I go around and sit n the stool beside her. "So what happened last night?" I tell her the story ending with Roger coming back here and our kissing and then him saying he wanted to see more of Angela and how about us getting together this week end. "You kissed him?" "Yes, I couldn't help myself. It felt so good t be in his arms and we had danced so well together and when his lips opened against mine I found myself responding and letting him French kiss." "And this morning?" "When I went to bed I couldn't bear the idea that it was all over. So I wore the nightgown to bed and then this morning it just seemed easier to put the robe on." "And the heels and the lipstick and the mascara?" "Yes all that too. Oh Sarah I am so scared." "Scared of what?" "What I am becoming. Of being found out and rejected." "Are you becoming something or are you just letting yourself out? When you kissed him were you excited?" "Sexually?" "Yes" "Yes I was. I wanted to touch him. I could feel his hardness and I wanted to touch it." As I said that I put my head in my hands, unable to look at her. "What am I to do? Am I gay?" "Well I can't tell you that but I think you should tell him that Angela wants to see him again this week end and see what he has in mind." "But I don't have anything to wear." Sarah bursts out laughing at that. "Oh dear if that is what is holding you back we can fix that." "By going shopping?" "Sure, I will come with you it will be fun to see what Angela's style is" "Are you sure?" As I say that I know I have made my decision. "Look. Roger has paid for my services for the whole day. He said it was to help you get back to being Adrian but I didn't really believe it." "But what happens then?" "You can worry about that on Sunday night or Monday morning. Take the week end and then if you are ready to give it all up come to the salon on Monday, which you are going to do anyway and we can hide Angela. Appearance wise anyway." "That's what I am afraid of. That she won't really go away." "But she has always been there hasn't she? I mean look at you. Sitting there in your lace negligee, heeled mules. Legs crossed, skirts arranged just so. Talking to me about kissing a man and desiring him too. Fiddling with your hair and moving your hands and looking at me, connecting. You are comfortable." "I suppose so but ...." "Enough already. Now when is Roger going to call?" "He said by noon if I hadn't called him. Perhaps ..." "No that would not be a good idea at all. Go and have a shower and wash your hair. Be gentle with it. Use the conditioner and then we can get you ready to go shopping. You have the brown skirt and blue sweater right? Then by the time you are ready he will have called and we will know what to shop for." "He invited me to dinner and the ballet and then to stay over at his place and just hang out on Sunday." "What did you say?" "He didn't want an answer, well perhaps he did but he told me not to give him one until this morning when I had talked to you." "And ...." "Well I really want to go but I am so scared." "You should be scared but that shouldn't stop you. I think this is the right path for you and if you do not at least take one or two steps down it you will regret it. So let's get you ready for a weekend date!" "OK" "I have a few necessities in the car that I brought just in case!" "Did he commission you for this?" "No Angela, he did not." She is emphatic "He paid me to close the shop and to be available for whatever you wanted." "Oh, I am beginning to feel like a kept woman." "Good, because last night and this week end that is what you are. We should all so lucky; so relax and enjoy it because you can stop any time you decide to and he may stop all too soon." "That is easy for you to say. My fear is that I will not be able to stop." "And then what?" "I will become dependent on him and stuck." "Well keep your eyes open and ears attuned and when it feels oppressive leave. Most of all keep talking to a friend." "Will you be that friend?" "Yes Angela I can be that friend." "Oh thank you." We hug as friends and she kisses my cheek. It feels completely non sexual even though I feel very close to her. "Thank you for helping so much." "Go on upstairs and I will follow in a minute or two." So I go up the stairs. At the bend I look down, Sarah is looking at me with a smile on her face. Apparently the sight of me negotiating the stairs holding my skirts up in my heels is amusing. I smile at her and go into the bedroom and get undressed and into the shower. I use the shampoo and conditioner and the bath gel. All of it exudes a fragrance that can only be described as rather flowery. As I use the shampoo I find myself wondering what it would be like to have long hair, time consuming probably but fun too perhaps. Then I emerge and wrap myself in the big towel Sarah had me buy and pat myself dry. Finally I use talcum powder on my hairless body. Just as I am finishing the door opens and Sarah enters and hands me a strange looking garment. "You should use this to hide those parts that you do not want seen!" "What on earth is it?" "It is called a gaff and is mostly used by dancers but it serves for women like you. If you want to you can push your testicles up into your body." "Ouch!" I screw my face up in horror. "Yes but it can be useful for revealing swim suits for example." "OK lets at it." She hands me the flesh colored device and with a lot of gentle probing and pushing I achieve the desired result and fasten the strap around my hips. The result is rather striking. Then I go back into the bedroom to get dressed. Sarah has laid out underwear on the bed along with the chocolate brown skirt and blue sweater. I go over and start by putting a bra on over the falsies I am wearing and then pulling panties up over the gaff. Then a slip follows and panty hose. Finally I pull the sweater over my head. The sweater has a big collar that sits away from my neck. Then I step into the skirt and fasten it around my waist and pull the zipper up. Then I go over and sit on the chair and put on the heels that I have worn. Doing this as I have done all these days in preparation for last night seems quite normal. When I get up I see Sarah watching me with a smile on her face. "What?" "Just that you look so comfortable and at home doing all that." "Well I have done it quite often you know." "Yes. Can you do your own make-up or do you want me to do it?" "Well perhaps I should do it. If I am going to stay like this I will need to do it tomorrow anyway." So under her watchful gaze I go into the bathroom and apply foundation and powder and then blush. Light brown eyebrow pencil helps define those thin blonde lines and a thin line of eye liner with lots of mascara makes my eyes pop out. Finally a liberal coat of red lipstick completes the preparations to her satisfaction. I run a brush through my hair and she shows my how to lift it some to give it a little more body. At that moment the door bell chimes and I look at Sarah in alarm. "Can you see who it is for me?" "Certainly not! It is your house so you need to answer." The chimes go again and I go downstairs and look through the peep hole. Flower delivery! I open the door and the delivery man asks me to sign a receipt. It is addressed to Angela and so I carefully sign that name and he hands me the box. I thank him and take the box inside and put it on the kitchen counter. Sarah has come down and follows me. "Oooh lets see what he has sent" "This is too embarrassing!" "It is NOT. It is wonderful. Many women would be incredibly jealous of you, capturing his heart like this." "But I am not ..." She does not let me finish. "Don't you dare start that now. For to- day you are woman. You look like one, you are being treated and admired as one. So you just behave like one." "You are serious aren't you?" "Yes I am. This is important. Perhaps you will go back to being Adrian but Angela deserves at least a week end." "You are right. A week end." "So open the package." Working a little clumsily with my long nails I untie the ribbon and open the box. Inside is a single white lily. The scent in the box is just wonderful and I pick the flower up and inhale the sweet scent. I find myself remembering the feel of Roger against my body as we danced last night and a smile comes over my lips. Then I see Sarah smiling at me and blush furiously. "You look so cute when you blush no wonder he sends flowers!" "Not flowers, just one flower." "True but ..." "I know more meaningful." "Is there a note?" she asks almost innocently. But I have to put the lily in water first and get a glass from the cabinet. I fill it with water and put the lily in it and set it on the counter. Sarah pulls it close to her and smells the sweet perfume. I look in the tissue for a note and find a card in an envelope. "Dearest Angela: the memory of you last night fills me like the perfume of the lily fills the room. Roger." I am blushing again and Sarah demands to see it but I try to withhold it from her but after a few giggling foolish minutes give it up. She reads it and looks at me. "He is in love with you." "Oh you can't mean that." But I know she does and that in fact she is right which is exactly what she tells me next. "Which is why I have to say no to any more, it has gone too far already." "No. You have to say Yes. You cannot dump him now. You cannot say no to Angela at this point. You will regret it the rest of your life." "I know. I am just scared." At that she comes around the counter and hugs me and whispers comforting and encouraging words. "Now how about some breakfast?" she asks me. "I don't have much - some cereal and toast? I have corn flakes." "Toast will be fine with me." So I get the bread out and cut off several slices and put them in the toaster and then put plates, butter, jam etc on the counter. I fill her coffee cup. "Anything else?" "Paper and pencil, we need to make a shopping list!" I get them. While we are eating she quizzes me about what he said about the week end. A night at the ballet and dinner. "So you need a suitable dress, shoes, underwear perhaps, jewelry, purse." She writes it all down. "Nightgown and negligee for tonight. Do you have a suitcase and garment bag?" "Yes." "Well we will buy a suitcase anyway. I doubt the one you have is one Angela would be seen dead with! What about Sunday?" "He said nothing about Sunday but I must say I would like to go to the art museum." "Sounds great. So we need a casual outfit too, and something to wear in the morning." "Jeans?" "I do not think so. If we get you pants they need to be quite feminine." "It sounds like a lot. Perhaps I could wear this?" "No. You are going to arrive wearing what you are wearing. You need something else as well. It is a drop in the bucket if you remember you are starting from nothing." "What happens when I stop?" "Angela!" She sounds quite impatient "you have to stop thinking like that. Relax and go with the flow. Right now Angela and I are the flow. Later Roger and Angela will be the flow. Adrian is out of it." "Yes Ma-am! More coffee?" "No thanks. It is time we got ready to go out." "But he hasn't called yet." "No but he will." I put the dishes in the dishwasher and we go upstairs. "As we are going shopping for clothes for you I think you should put your corset on." "You think so?" "Yes. We want you looking your best. And I don't want you resisting everything I say." "No ma-am." And I start to undress and then fasten the corset around my waist tying it as tight as I am able. Sarah looks at me doing it and tells me my corset is not tight enough. "You must have lost some weight." "A little but do I have to be so squashed? It means I eat too little!" "Girls like you have a dainty appetite and you don't seem to be starving! And, we need to give you the best figure we can, Roger is worth a little discomfort!" So Sarah has me suck my tummy in and tightens the laces and I put my clothes back on. As I fasten the skirt waist I notice that it is quite loose and I have lost an inch or more. "Here are some earrings that will do better than the ones you have been wearing which are a bit dressy for day!' She has a purse that she hands me and then some earrings and looking in the mirror I put the big gold buttons in my ears. "Now we are almost ready so it is time Roger called." "Perhaps I can call him to thank him for the flower?" "Can't wait to talk to him can you? Are you sure you are not in love?" "How can you say that?" I am shocked and must look that way. "I am sorry that was inappropriate." But before we can say anything more the phone rings and I go to pick it up. Sarah puts her hand on the phone and tells me too wait until the fourth ring. "You need to seem a little less eager" she whispers as if he can hear. I pick it up with my heart beating wildly. "Hello" "Angela, good morning this is Roger." "Good morning. Thank you so much for the lily that arrived this morning. I looks and smells so wonderful, it was sweet of you to send it." "You are so welcome dear, a token of how much I loved your company. Did you sleep well after our activity?" "Yes thank you." "Will you have dinner and come to the ballet with me to-night please?" "Are you sure you want me to come?" "Dear Angela of course I am sure. I promise I will do everything I can to make sure you have a great time." "Yes Roger I will come, I am quite nervous about it but I want to do it. Thank you so much for inviting me and having such faith in me." "Thank you Angela. Will you plan to stay the night too? "Yes Roger I will spend the night too." "That is so wonderful. Thank you. Can I pick you up at around 4 and we can come back here and leave your things?" "Let me talk to Sarah a minute we have some errands to run first." I put my hand over the phone and tell her what he has suggested. She suggests that she drop me off at Roger's when we have finished shopping, between 3 and 4. When I relay this to Roger he is very happy "The sooner you get here the better as far as I am concerned. If you finish earlier than that just come on,I will be waiting. Tell Sarah hello and thank you from me and don't look at any price tags!" "OK. I will take you to the cleaners." "I doubt it but you can try! See you soon, I am looking forward to a hug." "Thank you so much Roger. Bye" I turn to Sarah "What on earth am I doing?" "Finding out a whole bunch about yourself!" "Ok. Now lets see what we have to do now." "Go shopping." "Get scared! Do we need to take what I have now with us so we don't have to come back?" "That would be good. If you have a small suitcase we can put it in that and then we will arrive at Roger's with a whole bunch of bags! I reach into my closet and pick out a small black bag "Will this do?" Sarah turns up her nose at it "Not the kind of bag Angela would have is it." "I guess not but ....." "Perhaps we can find something later and do a transfer. Do you have a wash bag?" "Yes but it is less suitable than this!" Sarah reaches into her bag and produces a flowered pink wash bag and tells me to put my nightie and spare undies in the bag while she puts my cosmetics etc. into the wash bag. Soon we are done and are ready to go. I pick up the bag and we go downstairs where I fetch the coat from the closet and put it on and we are ready to go. "Angela, I think you are doing a very brave thing but I also think you are doing exactly the right thing so lets go and spend some of Roger's money." "Thank you Sarah. I would not be able to do this without you." I turn and open the door and we go through it. Out side I lock the deadbolt and put the key in my purse and we walk to Sarah's car. Soon we are driving out towards the local mall where Sarah heads straight to Saks and parks outside. "Ok girlfriend lets go." As we walk towards the doors I see two women reflected in the door and realize it is Sarah and I looking for all the world like two friends going shopping. "What first?" "Something for you to wear to dinner and the ballet tonight. Once we have done that we can look for something casual for tomorrow and perhaps something for you to wear tomorrow afternoon and evening. Then shoes and underwear and jewelry. "We are going to have to go fast!" "Yes and that is a shame as we could have so much fun having you try stuff on." "Maybe another time." "Did you really say that?" "I guess I did. I am not sure I meant it!" Sarah laughs "Oh I think it was meant." "You would say that." At this we go into the mall and turn into the store where we find the usual array of cosmetics counters. As we pass them one of the sales women greets Sarah "Hi. Sarah glad to see you. Who is your friend?" "Oh hi Kath. This is Angela." We greet each other. She has a bright smile and big eyes that seem to sparkle with life. "Angela, can I give you a makeover? I could make you look really beautiful." "Oh well I doubt that." "Kath, thank you. That sounds like a great idea. Don't you agree Angela? She has a hot date to-night and a makeover would be great preparation." Apparently I am not supposed to disagree so I nod my head and we part waving good bye and promising to be back. "Apparently you are going to make sure I get the whole experience? Won't she be able to tell that I am a guy?" "Yes I think you should have the whole experience. And if she does suspect anything she will never let on - we know each other quite well." "You planned this didn't you?" "No. I wouldn't do that." "Well you aren't sorry we came in that door." "I did come in that way hoping Kath would be on!" "I knew it. I can't trust you a bit. Oh look at that dress. I want it." "it" is a classic black dress with sleeves to the elbow and a square neckline. Very plain but beautifully cut with a mid calf straight skirt with a buttoned slit. The mannequin has a gold chain belt. "It is certainly worth trying on but we need to see more than just the one dress." "Well I think it looks perfect but we can certainly look!" Sarah leads me into the better dresses area and we start to look through the racks. I find a purple silk sweater and pants duo that I like and select it. She approves and then picks out a green dress with a flared skirt and full sleeves. Then I find the black dress that I liked and pick it out. Soon we have several things and head to the dressing rooms. I am feeling very nervous but Sarah encourages me with a smile. As we go in a sales woman approaches us and asks if she can help. "Yes please." Says Sarah brightly "I am trying to help my friend here perk up her wardrobe with clothes that are really classy and sexy, but she is resisting so if you have any suggestions we would love to try them, wouldn't we?" She addresses me with the last remark and I smile weakly and say yes, I guess so. "She has a new boy friend she needs to impress." At that I slap her gently on the arm but there is no stopping her. "Well let me see what you have." She inspects our selections and approves the black dress and the purple. "I can show you some things that are quite classic and yet casual. Why don't you try those and I will be back. So we go into the dressing room and I remove my sweater and skirt and pick up the black dress first. It feels gorgeous, a soft woven silk. I slip it over my head and let it slip down my body. The sleeves caress my arms and the skirt moves sensuously across my legs. I look in the mirror and know I will wear it tonight. I emerge to show Sarah and she smiles at me. At that moment the sales woman appears with several hangers. I take small steps towards the mirror and watch as my knee and thigh appear and disappear in the slit. "What do you think?" I ask Sarah, but it is the sales woman who answers. "That is stunning on you. And with a pair of long dangling earrings and a big bracelet on your arm you will be a knock out. Gold ones would be really elegant but perhaps a little old for you. Another option would be some fuschia jewelry and shoes." "Sarah?" "Oh sorry I was taken aback. You were absolutely right. I was going to forbid you to take the first one you tried on but now I cannot!" "And the idea of pink accessories?" "I think it is brilliant but gold would be classier. What next?" The sales woman offers a hanger with a short straight skirt and a pale green silk blouse that looks great and offers them to me. "They look lovely." "I think so too." So I take the hangers from the sales woman and go back into the dressing room. I remove the black dress and put on the blouse and skirt. The blouse has long full sleeves ending in cuffs with four covered buttons and has a long row of buttons down the front. The skirt is a cream wool with narrow waist and tight. The hem is a couple of inches above my knee and leaves me feeling quite exposed. My shoes do not go with the outfit so I step out of them before going out. Yet again I like the look and watch to see what Sarah thinks. She smiles at me. "It seems as if you will look great in anything you put on. That looks beautiful on you and your legs look fantastic. Roger will not be able to keep his hands off. Perhaps some white tights would be good with it and heels of course!" "There is a jacket too if you want it." The saleslady hold up a cream wool matching jacket. "That sounds like a great idea." I head over to her and she helps me into it. It is cropped at the waist and has just two buttons at the waist. "Can we take these too please." I ask Sarah. "It looks very suitable to me." "What else do you suggest?" I ask the sales woman. "Well we have this full printed skirt that would go with the sweater you wore coming in and the blouse you have on now and also with the purple pants and sweater. She hands me a hanger with the skirt and the purple sweater and pants. I emerge in a minute with the sweater and skirt on and twirl in front of them sending the skirt flying. It feels so good moving against my legs that I do not even ask their opinion. "It is perfect. I want it and the pants. And then I am done." "But you haven't tried anything and rejected it." "No we don't have time. Later perhaps we can shop and not buy but to- day I am buying!" I go and change again and emerge and give the clothes to the saleswoman and we follow her to the cash register. "I dread to think how much we have spent, I didn't even look at the tags." "Well Roger told you not to so we are OK." "Do we need to look at shoes next? Or underwear? "Oh shoes of course." I look in my purse and extract the credit card and give it to the saleswoman. Soon she announces a total that makes me blanch but I go ahead and sign Angela's name and soon Sarah and I are heading for the shoe department. "What are we looking for?" "First shoes to go with that black dress." "What do you think of the pink idea?" "It might work but then if we find a great pair of black sling backs they would work very well too." Soon we are in the shoe section and wandering around. I pick up a pair of brown pumps that seem to me would go with both the skirts. Then Sarah calls me over and she has a pair of black patent pumps with a gold buckle on the vamp. "But the heels!" they seem to tower and stiletto is to blunt a word. "I will never be able to walk in those." "Of course you will. They are not much higher than what you are wearing now." Then I notice a pair of fuschia heels which look interesting. But Sarah dismisses them as looking cheap. "You are supposed to be classy not plastic so we go for the gold!" "Yes Ma-am." A sales man appears and I ask to try on the two pairs in a size 9. He goes off and soon returns and I sit down while he gets the black heels out and then puts them on my feet. When I get up I am not at all sure until I see them in the mirror. They are so elegant and shapely that I know I will have to do what I can. I walk a little and Sarah reminds me quietly to take very small steps. Then I sit down and switch to the brown ones. The heel is much wider and not so high but still on the high side. They look good too. Then I see a pair of light green flats and pick them up. They are so light and soft I cannot believe them. "Can I try these too?" "Certainly." He disappears and soon comes back with two boxes. One contains the flats which I try on and feel like skipping in them. The other box contains a pair of wedge heels but I shake my head no when I see them. I can see Sarah laughing in the background at my quick insistence. The sales man puts them all together and we pay and laden down with the bags and hangers we leave to take them to the car. After stowing them away we head back to the mall. "I don't have any real casual clothes. Should we get some?" "For now I think not. You are going on a date week end and you want to show him the best side of Angela. And I think it will help you to stay consistent as Angela if you are a little uncomfortable." "Well that is close to my thinking. How are we doing on time?" "Just fine. I would like to get you to Kath by 2:00, an hour should be more than enough for her to do a little magic. So lets go and look at some baubles to decorate you! And then some underwear to make you feel even more feminine. I am tempted for us to go to a real jeweler and buy real stuff but I think we need to give Roger a chance to do that so lets make do with Saks for now OK?" "I guess so. I mean it is just for two days so spending a lot is crazy" "You sound disappointed." "Well not really but ...." "Dear Angela. If you decide not to drop this whole thing Roger will buy you jewels aplenty and if you do you will have no reason to wear them!" "I know. I am such a confusing mixture aren't I." "Yes. Watching you try on those clothes I was convinced you were in your element." "Yes and then something happens and I realize where I am and what I am doing and I think this is crazy. But now lets look at some really frivolous stuff" "It will not be frivolous if it has an effect on Roger." "Oh Sarah, now I will be all nervous." "Sorry but after all that is why we dress and appear the way we do." "OK so lets go find some baubles to make the bait more attractive." "So we go back in to Saks." And we go back in passing Kath again promising to be back at two. At the jewelry counter we start browsing. I point to a collection of gold bangles that Sarah nods her approval of. I look up and see that a sales man has appeared and I ask to see the bangles. He retrieves them from the case and gives them to me. There are 6 of them and after I have wriggled them onto my wrist they feel nice and make a sound as I move my arm. Before long we are teasing each other and trying on, or at least stuff is being hung on me - ears, neck wrists. I cannot prevent Sarah from persuading me to buy a pair of expensive pearl drop earrings that have diamond chips between the pearls. But we decide against a pearl choker, "Roger can buy that for you." Sarah giggles to my embarrassment. She has me buy a gold chain necklace and cuff bracelet and some bead necklaces, and earrings. A little watch completes the deal. Our next stop is Victoria's secret where I am completely ignored and Sarah and the sales girl collect two sets of scandalously sexy underwear. Protestations that they will be wasted on me result in simultaneous but conflicting responses - one telling me that sexy underwear is for the woman, to help her feel wonderful and the other suggesting obliquely that Roger may well see them. Both responses leave me blushing red and the other two giggling at me. Finally we leave and I think that perhaps we are done. But Sarah wants to us to buy some reading material so we go to a book store where she selects a Danielle Steele and a fashion magazine. Finally we go back to Saks where we get a tapestry covered suitcase and matching hanging bag before going back to Kath's counter where she greets us with a smile. The two of them get me to sit on a high stool and turn me away from the mirror. Kath removes all my makeup and leaves me feeling quite exposed and naked. She and Sarah then have a whispered conversation and come to some kind of agreement. Sarah leaves telling me she will be back after she has put all our stuff in the car and packed some of it in the bags. "Sarah says you may be rather nervous but there is no need. She also told me you are going on a special date tonight and you want to look your best! And I have to tell you that I think your best is going to be very beautiful! I will tell you what I am doing so that you can learn and we will sell you everything we use. Now a word of advice - I think your beauty would be enhanced with longer and softer hair so I encourage you to let it grow out and I have told Sarah that if she cuts it short again I will give her a piece of my mind!' "She didn't have much chance to do anything else." At that Kath leant in and whispered in my ear that she would never have guessed the real story if Sarah had not told her. I gasped at that and started to splutter. But Kath just looked me in the eye: "Angela, listen darling. You look and sound just fabulous. You seem to have been born to this and you deserve to let yourself go for a day or two." "Ok Ok I get it." "I am not sure you do but perhaps you will." With that she starts to work with foundation, blusher, highlighter on my cheek bones and brows. Eyeliner, shadow mascara all follow as she tells me what she is doing. She also writes notes as she goes. Finally she uses lip liner and a lip brush blotting my lips. Then she stands back and I see that Sarah is looking on with a broad smile. "Oh Kath you have so much more skill than I do. Thank you. Angela you look stunning." "Thank you Sarah, but she has the right features, I mean look at those eyes." "Excuse me. But can I see?" Kath turns the stool and I look into the mirror. The woman looking back is indeed stunning. Interestingly her make up is quite understated and she does not look as if she is fake. Her eyes are smudged with liner and brightened with the shadow. Her lips are luscious in a dark raspberry pink and her cheeks shine with light and color. "It is hard to believe that is me! I should thank you but I am scared." "Scared of what?" asks Kath. "That I won't be able to do it on my own. That I even think I want to do it on my own. That I will ever be able to look in the mirror again without seeing the ghost of this image." But Sarah is ready to move on before I get too maudlin and worried. "Kath can you get us some of everything you used and a description? We have one more stop to make before we take her to meet her beau." "Certainly, give me ten minutes and I will have everything here. Oh Angela, it would be nice if you could use nail varnish that matches you lips, I will include some with the package. Oh and one more thing - wear royal blue when you can your eyes will be irresistible!" "Thank you Kath. And thank you for this" I point at my face "even if I am not sure what to do with it." "Just enjoy it and the reaction you will get from your date tonight." "Come on Angela, we need to get you a purse for tonight and then we need to get you to Roger's." "Is it that late already?" "Well it is 2:30." "What about something to eat?" "We could g get a cup of soup if you like." "Sounds good, I am starving!" So we go over to the handbag section and soon we have picked out a little clutch purse in black leather, and a larger one in brown. Then we go back to Kath who has a large bag of goodies and a script for me to follow. "Do less for every day dear but follow the same scheme. Come back and see me any time. And don't let Sarah cut your hair until it is touching your shoulders!" She says this with a look at Sarah that could kill. Sarah just grins and bears it. Then the two of us go out to the car and put the last bag in the trunk where I find that Sarah has put all the purchases into the luggage. We put the makeup in the bag too and then get in the car. In the front seat she has left the brown pumps and suggests I exchange my rather inappropriate black shoes for them which I do. We drive over to Panera bread where we each get a cup of soup and a roll. We sit across from each other and start to speak at the same time. Finally she persuades me to go first. "Thank you for all this, you are a true friend." "You are very welcome. It is a nice change from being in the salon all day and the results are well worth it. You do know you look stunning?" "Yes I am afraid I do. I see all these people looking at me and worry they are seeing who I really am under all this artifice." "Dear Angela, they do." She must have seen me blanch and goes on "no it is just that what they see is the real you - a very striking young woman, full of spirit and fun." "Perhaps I can learn that." "I think so. And now let me take you to someone who will help if you let him! I get up and clean the table and then take our stuff to the clean up area before following Sarah to the door. She is talking to Roger and telling him we are on our way. I overhear her telling him that he will be surprised. We get in her car and I ask her what he said. She laughs and says I shouldn't worry about it, an answer calculated to get me worrying. Sarah tells me I should fix my lipstick so I get the tube out of my purse and repair the damage done in the restaurant. We drive downtown and stop at the entrance to one of the new riverside condominium buildings. As we do Roger emerges from the lobby where he has been waiting for us. He comes to my door and opens it for me. I swing my legs out and he offers his hand to help me out. I put my hand in his and feel the strength. Soon I am standing face to face with him. "Welcome my Angel. I cannot tell you how glad I am you decided to come." He puts his arms around me and pulls me close kissing me on the ear and cheek. Then he leans back still with his hands on my arms and looks at me closely "You have been busy this morning." "Yes, thanks to you for your generosity." "Well it looks to me like money well spent. You look simply fabulous. I was entranced last night but now ....... " Sarah coughs in the back ground, she has gone to the back of the car and opened the trunk. "When the lover birds are ready perhaps you can get the bags?" "Sarah, welcome too. Thank you for your help to-day." "Oh I love to spend money, especially when it is not mine!" "Are you coming up for a cup of tea or something? We have time before we go for dinner." "Please come Sarah" I interject. "Thank you that would be nice. Can I leave the car here or park it?" "There are visitor spaces in the lot over there. We will wait for you." As she takes the car around Roger picks up the bags and carries them into the lobby and set s them in front of the elevator. When Sarah appears he goes over and lets her in and we take the elevator up to the top floor. Soon we are standing in a large open space with windows looking out over the river and towards the industrial buildings on the other side. "Your bedroom is this way, Angela, we can look at the view when you are settled!" I follow him into a nicely furnished room. He hangs the bag up in the closet and sets the suitcase on a stand. "There is a bathroom here, if you want to freshen up before coming to the living room. Can I get you something to drink?" "I would love some tea. Thank you." I go over to him and give him a hug. "Thank you for being so generous. Sarah and I had fun to-day on your account!" "Well from what I can see so far it looks as if you achieved more than having fun. I knew you were beautiful and you looked wonderful last night but now you look irresistible!" I give him a kiss on the cheek. But he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight and soon is kissing the top of my head and then down to my ear. I turn my head slightly and lift my face up to his and he is kissing my mouth full of passion, probing it with his tongue and I am responding not only with my lips and mouth but in my groin too. I push my hips into his and feel his hardness. When we break for air I touch his lips with my fingers. "Oh Roger, thank you, thank you but Sarah is waiting for us and will be wondering what we are doing. Now how about some tea!" "She will know full well what we are doing! Coming right up." "You have lipstick on your cheek" So I pick up a tissue and wipe it off. Then he turns and leaves. I escape into the bathroom and see in the mirror that I have kissed all my lipstick off again. I lift up