The Second Chance Part 2 free porn video

The Second Chance Part Two I was lying on my bed, with no idea what to do. I was shaken to the core by the view of the future I had just seen. I don't know how it happened, but it was too real to be a fantasy or hallucination. So, if something caused me to see it, it meant I was supposed to either ask for help in quitting doing it, or in doing it. I didn't know if there was even an in- between. I lay there thinking about my options. The longer I thought about it, the more I thought that maybe, this was a way to give my parents a second chance. I had never given them a chance, in the vision, if that was what it was. That turned out to be the deciding factor. There was a knock at the door, and Dad came in. He said, "We decided to get your favorite pizza. We hoped it would make you feel better, and it would be easier to talk." We went down to the dining room, and on the table was a Chicago- style with Sausage, Onions, Meatballs, and Tomatoes (Yes, it's really my favorite. If you live somewhere with a "Pizza 9", they're the best). I could tell that if they went out of their way to get my favorite, they were wanting me to feel comfortable to open up. I ate a couple of slices, and then said, "This is very hard for me, but for reasons that I can't explain, I know I have to open up. I know that keeping it all inside will have bad results. I just don't know how to say it." My Dad said, "First let me tell you a story. It may help you, and help you understand why I got so frustrated. You know that I have two sisters. I also used to have a brother. As you know, I am the oldest, then my two sisters. He was the youngest. I guess it started when he was still young. The first thing we noticed was that he was trading Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew books with a friend. I just want to say here, that we have noticed that you used to do that. It turned out later that we found out that he was playing dress- up with that same friend and a few of hers. As he got a little older, and they no longer wanted to do it, he started borrowing my sisters' clothing- whatever would fit. He just got unhappier as he got into his teens, and we didn't know why, until he was caught. It was me that caught him. He had been dressed up in full, with underwear, dress, pantyhose, and even a poor attempt at makeup when we came home earlier than he expected. I made fun of him, and since I was bigger, I wouldn't let him change until our parents came home an hour later. I dragged him down the stairs, and shoved him down on the couch in the living room. I didn't realize that my sister's and their boyfriends would be right behind them. The kids called him names, making fun of him, and my Dad called him a fag. He told him to get upstairs and out of that crap, and he would be up to "Get him straightened out." He ran upstairs crying, and my sister whose dress he was wearing yelled 'You can burn that dress! I could never wear it again now that a freak has touched it!' She and the other kids laughed at that. I did so too, but now, it started to sound hollow. Mom started dinner, while I called my girlfriend, who is now your Mom. She came over, and we went to the den and listened to the other kids say how they were going to make his life miserable at school. I told her that I was starting to wish I hadn't exposed him, because of how bad his life had to be about to become, but it was too late. She said, 'There is nothing you can do now about that, but maybe you can help him. I don't know how I feel about him, but I love you, and I'll try to help'." I said, "Dad, I always knew you had guts, and weren't afraid to do things differently. I want to talk to you now, but could you finish the story?" He said, "Over the next week or so, I tried to approach him. He had kind of long hair before, but now it was a crew cut. And, as was expected, he was constantly tormented. I was going locally, but since I was out of high school and into college, there wasn't much I could do. Things got so out of control that even our sisters were sorry for him, but it was too late. I was living in a dorm at school, but got out of class early and came home for what was going to be a family dinner. I thought the house sounded quiet, but then I saw a note from Mom that she was going shopping after work. I was really worried about him, so I went up to his room to see if he was there. I'll never forget the site I saw. He was on his bed, and had a dress from my sister on. It turned out that he was fully dressed. I thought I could wake him up, and get him to change back, but when I went to shake him, I saw the blood. Not a lot, because there was only an entrance wound. Near where his hand had fallen was a small .22 that belonged to my Dad. I fell to my knees crying, after I realized he was gone. I called the ambulance just in case, and then Dad, but he was gone. I heard my sisters come in from school, and tried to catch them downstairs, but they pushed past me. They screamed, and started crying. Then, we did something that we never would have gotten away with today. We changed his clothes. We left him in only a pair of his underwear. I think his reputation had already gotten around, because everyone swept it under the rug. This was 1975, 4 years before you were born. Some places may have been more comfortable about it, but it was easy to bury it there. He ceased to exist for all intents and purposes. Our family never recovered. My Dad started drinking heavily out of guilt, and then disappeared. My Mom won't talk about him. Only your Aunts Cindy and Donna will. They can tell you this stuff too, if you don't want to just believe me, but please know this- anything you tell me will be accepted." I realized that I had to do it. I took a deep breath, and told them everything. When I was done, I was crying. I was still afraid that they wouldn't understand. I waited for them to call me names, or something. Instead, my Dad came over and sat down on the couch with me, and put his arm around me. He said, "We're going to figure this out. No matter what it takes, we will see this through. Maybe this is my own chance at some kind of redemption." He pulled back from me a little, and I could see he was crying, too. I said, "I don't know what to do next. I guess that I hoped for something like this, but never thought it through enough. Are there any other people out there like me? I mean, I know there have to be, but I didn't know where to look. I was afraid to look on the computer, because I was afraid you would see it." My Mom said, "Well, now we can look together. I know you were afraid that we would send you to someone to 'fix' you, but I've heard that there are counselors and therapists who have dealt with this. I think that is of the utmost importance. But, how about if you show us how you dress?" I said, "But, I'll just look like a boy in a dress! That's all I ever see anyway. I know what I feel inside, but I don't look like it on the outside." Mom said, "I'll help you with that, if you want. But, I want to see you as you like to look. Now go ahead and grab the bag with your clothes in it, and go back upstairs. I see you have some toiletries, so take a bath and get smelling like you like to. Come down for supper when you're ready." I said, "But I'll have to use some of the clothes I took that you were getting rid of." She said, "I know, and we'll deal with that. You may as well keep them, and the panties, for now." I didn't know what the "For Now" meant, but I prayed that somehow it would be good. I went upstairs, and started a bath. I put some stuff that I had poured into a bottle of my own from the other girl's bath. It was supposed to soften your skin. I got undressed, and into the tub. As always, it felt so good. I soaked until my Mom said, "Tom, it's time to get out. You're going to have to let us see you sooner or later." I knew she was right, and I had been using the soaking as an excuse. I wrapped a towel around myself, and went to my room. There, I found that my Mom had laid out a blouse, skirt, and bra and panties. Apparently, she or my Dad had run to the store. They had put a pair of tights there as well. With these things was a note from Mom as well. It said, "I ran to the store, and knowing your height and approximate weight, I got you these tights to make your legs look smoother. You said that the bras fit pretty well, but here are some shoulder pads from an old dress- they will help. I think you have plenty of practice at dressing, but come down when you're ready." I almost cried tears of joy. Maybe they were for real. I slid on the panties, and then put on the bra. When I put the pads in the cups, I found she was right. When I put the blouse on over it, it looked natural. I took out the tights, and thought how wonderful it was to have my own pair. I carefully put them on, and pulled them up, and then the skirt. It came to a little above my knees. I then looked into the mirror. I had been right. I looked like a boy in girl's clothes. There had to be something I could try. I went into Mom's room, and looked at her vanity. My hair was short, but even a little makeup might help. I then heard a noise behind me. It was Mom. She told me to stand up. I did, and I was absolutely terrified. She had me turn around, and then said, "I like your outfit. Now, let's try a little makeup." She applied a little here and there, and then some lipstick. She had made me close my eyes, and when she said she was done, I opened them. I gasped. Now, I looked somewhere between a boy and girl's clothing, or a tomboyish girl with short hair. I could see Tanya. In fact, that was the next thing she asked me was, "Do you have a name for yourself?" I said, "It's Tanya. I don't even know where it came from, but that is the name that I knew was mine." She started crying, and I asked her what was wrong. She would only say that she would tell me with my Dad when we got downstairs. Lacking anything else at the moment, I put on a pair of my sneakers, and we went downstairs. Dad must have heard us, because he turned as we came into the den. He was obviously startled by my appearance. My Mom said, "This is with just a little makeup. I think that with some more, she can look like a girl for sure." My Dad walked over and said, "What's your name?" I said, "Tanya, Dad. I told Mom that too. Somehow I've always known that that was my name." Well, I wasn't ready for their reaction. They both broke down and started crying. It scared me all over again, and I wanted to run upstairs and hide, but Dad said, "No, don't be scared. It's just really bizarre, but beautiful. We didn't want to know what sex you were before you were born. But, for some reason, we felt strongly about telling you which name you would have. We told you if you were a boy, you would be Tom. But, we also told you that if you were a girl, you would be Tanya. Somehow, when you realized that you should be a girl, you knew that was your name. I guess babies really do hear in the womb." Now I was crying too. So, my name was a gift from them. I considered it a beautiful one, but always wondered how I came up with it. Now, I knew it was my parent's unknowing gift. I said, "Did you have a middle name for me?" They said, "No, we figured we would work that out later. Now, you can choose." Although I had never thought a lot about it, I immediately said, "Lynn, I want that to be my middle name. It just feels completely natural for some reason. But, as much as I want this to be real, I have to look at it realistically. I may decide that it isn't me, no matter how much I want to believe it." My Dad smiled, and said, "This is the kind of thing that we want to hear. A good therapist will help you be sure. We are more than comfortably well off, with both of us working. We can afford to work at this without any real financial worries. You are not going to wind up like your Aunt." We sat down in the den, to talk. My Mom said, "Here are our thoughts. You have a month until the end of school. There are going to be some rules to follow, and some punishment for the taking of my clothes, and the panties from the other girls. Because they were only for you to wear, we feel that was normal for someone with your sexuality, who can't get things any other way. We are going to get you some clothes of your own, but for now, it's going to have to be what we can get you by my measuring you, and then buying your sizes myself. If at some point, your therapist feels you are ready to go shopping, then we can see if you feel it too. There are two simple parts to a contract that we're going to make with you here. One, you will be allowed to dress here at home. You will not wear girl's underwear to school anymore. I understand how you feel. But, being able to do it in the evenings, and during the weekend, should make you happier. You will also do what the therapist tells you, as tests to help you find out who you are. We have found one here in the area, who would have seen you for the first time for free, if you had only looked. It may have saved some trouble. She also runs a safe group at her Church for youth and teens who feel they may be trans- gendered, or gay. We feel that you should go, when she recommends." My Dad said, "Because there was understandable cause for your actions, we don't feel as if harsh punishment is deserved. But, you are expected over the next month to bring your grades up by an acceptable amount. We have already talked to the Therapist, and she thinks the ground rules we are laying out are good. You're main punishment is that you will be expected to do more of the chores around the house. This isn't any reflection on whether it's a woman's work or anything, since, as you can see, I help your Mom. But, you will have time with that, your school work, your counseling appointments, with the things she will be wanting to do, and the group, you aren't going to have any free time. We know you like to just hang out, and read, or watch TV- you won't have time to just do one or the other. If you agree with all of this, then you need to sign this paper, under where we have signed, and then there is a place for your Therapist to sign, since she suggested some of this when we called her." I quickly read it and signed. I knew that this was way more than I deserved. I was sure that the therapist would know that I was a girl, but that was what she was there for. After I signed, Mom said, "Your first job is to clean up after dinner. You don't have to change, just put on an apron." When I grabbed one of her frillier ones, she smiled and said, "That's the kind of borrowing that we will allow you to do." I finished the cleaning, feeling with all of the new things that I wanted to do a great job. I went into the den, where they were watching TV, and told her I was done. We walked in together, and she gave me a hug, and said she was proud of the job I had done. I realized how much I enjoyed the sensation that gave me. I wanted to do it more. I went upstairs, and sat doing my homework. It was hard to concentrate, with everything that had happened, but I did. I knew that whatever the surprise for succeeding at the rules had to be something special. Finally, it got to be 9. I felt sleepy, with everything that had happened, but didn't want to get undressed. I went into the bathroom, and regretfully wiped off the makeup. When I came out, my Mom was standing there holding a nightgown. It wasn't anything fancy, but it looked like a queen's garment to me. She said, "This is one of the ones I was getting ready to give away anyway. You can sleep in this, but remember, when you wake up first thing in the morning, you have to wash off all of the scent, and put yourself back into the boy mode. You can't take stupid risks, if you are really serious." I was happy just to be able to sleep in a nightgown. I had worn panties under my pajamas, of course, but this was different. This one came up to my mid- thigh, and felt really nice. It was made of polyester, for a satiny feel. It took a little getting used to, but I quickly went to sleep. I had a strange dream, where I saw myself as I had looked in that apparent glimpse in the future, but much more feminine. You couldn't tell that I was a man. I was wearing a bridesmaid outfit, and dancing with someone I couldn't quite make out their face. They bent down to kiss me, and- I woke up. It was morning. More importantly, it was Thursday. I had one more day to go until the weekend, when I could dress at home all the time. I took a shower, using my Dad's Irish Spring soap, because it would help cover the smell. After putting on a jacket and shirt, I took off for school. But, first, I thought of one decision I had reached with my parents over breakfast. They told me that after I had gone upstairs last night, they did some checking up on the principal who had tried to get me to talk to him. They found that more than a few people who were trans- gendered not only went to his school, but some had even transferred there. I said, "I guess I have to start talking to people at some point, so it may as well be with him." I had to wait until Tuesday for my first appointment with my therapist, so it would be good to have someone to talk to. I rode my bike to school. I had hoped that when I turned 16, my parents would buy me a car, which they could well afford, but now, I realized, that I hadn't behaved like I deserved one. Maybe consistency with everything else would bring that, too. Until then, with everything else happening so fast, I decided to be patient and happy with things as they came. When I got to school, I told the secretary in the school office that I would like to see the principal. She told me that he had time during my study hall period, which was after lunch. It was hard concentrating in class, I'll admit, but I was in such a good mood, that I even answered questions in classes I normally couldn't care less about. I paid attention for the first time in a while in my World History class, and suddenly discovered that I had an interest in just how Hitler came to power before WWII. It wasn't so much about war, as the motives behind it- the psychology of it all. I realized that it had been years since I had thought of a life after high school- who or what I wanted to be. Who knows- maybe there was something there. Lunch time came, and I sat with the same group of a few kids that I always did. We were all conflicted about something, but I didn't know any of their deep secrets, any more than they did mine. It suddenly hit me, if I told them, how would they react? The closest thing I had to a best friend was a guy named Bob. We didn't share any great secrets, but he knew me better than anyone. He did have traits that I wish I had. He was a lot thinner, and his features were almost girlish. Oh, he didn't act like a girl all them time- we were both huge Star Trek fans, and were looking forward to the new show "Highlander", that was supposed to be coming to the U.S. soon from France. Ordinarily, I would wonder if this made me less feminine, but one of the two girls in our group, Tammy, also loved that stuff too, and she was totally a girl. Anyway, I didn't have any nerve to say anything to them. After lunch, I went to the office. I sat outside while the secretary told him I was there. I went in, and he asked me to take a seat, and asked how he could help me. I hesitated, because I was suddenly terrified. All of the confidence I had built up over the talk with my parents was gone. I started shaking, and then, worse yet, crying. He reached over his desk, and handed me a Kleenex. He waited, and then, after I stopped crying, he said, "A few months ago, I told you that you could tell me anything. Is this about what I tried to get you to talk about then?" I said, "Yes, it is. It's true. I was wearing a bra and panties under my clothes." He sat back and thought about this for a minute. Then he said, "I don't know if you are aware that I have experience in dealing with this." I said, "Yes, I am. With their money and recourses, my parents were able to find this out last night. In fact, they found out about me only yesterday." Then he said, "Then if you want to, tell me your story, or as much as you feel comfortable with telling. It won't go any further than this office." So, I told him everything. It took a while, and by the time I was done, it was almost time for my next class. He said, "Don't worry about that this one time. I don't think it will be breaking your agreement with your parents under the circumstances. I will give you an excuse. So, tell me, have you thought about what you want to do? Unfortunately, schools aren't ready for trans- gendered people to dress as they want. I can see there that may happen in the future, but just not now." I thought for a little while about my answer, and said, "Right now, I just see the next month. Going to this therapist, going to a group, and meeting other people like me- those are the realities for me. I can also look forward to the times like this weekend, when I can be dressed all the time at home. He said, "There are other things that you should be thinking about, too. With your permission, I'll call and talk to your parents. That way, they can keep up with how you're doing in school, and as long as you're trying, we can all help you." I smiled, and said, "Of course! Thank you for caring, and being willing to help me." I left his office, and waited for my next class to start. I had a lot to think about. Unfortunately, I bumped into the kid who had seen that I was wearing a bra back then. I had been avoiding him for the most part, but he had apparently been called to the office. Since he saw me leaving, he assumed I had finally ratted him out. He said, "You're a queer, and a rat. I will get you." The last thing I needed was my world to come crashing down. I spun around and told him, "If you know what's good for you, punk, you'll leave me alone. My parent's money will buy you a lot of grief." He said, "Hiding behind Mommy and Daddy's money- typical move of a pussy like you. We'll just settle this now." I was stunned when he made a move at me. It's true that we were out of sight of the principal's office, because of a turn in the hall, but still it was too close. I did what was the first thing I thought of- I stepped and turned out of the way, and tripped him. He crashed into a locker. All of the anger and hurt I had felt came roaring up at once. I had never been in a serious fight before, so I was acting on instinct. I didn't allow him to get fully to his feet. I made as if I was kicking for the moon, and landed one in his balls. He screamed, and crumpled back to the ground. I was losing it into a haze of a sort, when I heard the principal shout at me to stop. I turned around, and did as he said, but I was furious. But, I listened as he said, "I know what he's like, and that he had to have come at you first. Right now, if he's stupid enough to file a complaint, it will be self- defense, and that's all I'll tell you're parents. But, do it again, and it will be assault." I turned away from the punk, but I wanted to spit on him. He had brought out the side of me that I saw sometimes when I couldn't try to be who I was. I knew I had a temper, and had bad mood swings. As I walked by the principal, I told him, "Don't worry, you don't have to tell me. I will bring this up with the therapist. I admit I'm worried about it too." He told me to go home today, and I did. When I got there, there was a message on the machine from my Mom. She said, "I'm not jumping to judgment, so I want you to do the things we asked you to do. Feel free to get changed, and then do your homework. Since you are early, I'm going to ask you to make supper with one of the things you have learned to cook. I'll be home at about 5, and your Dad at 6." I felt a little better after hearing the message. I knew she wasn't avoiding talking to me- Thursdays were always like this for her- full of meetings. I always had to call and wait a while for her to get back to me unless it was an emergency. But, I was still worried. It wasn't just what they would say and think, but what I was thinking about myself. I decided to not let it get me to paranoid. I went upstairs, and got undressed. I got a pair of panties, and a matching bra. I then got a simple sundress. I took a shower, but washed down with the good smelling stuff. I used some of the body spray, and then got dressed. I found that the pads helped me with the bra again, but I needed to work something else out. I tried to duplicate what my Mom did last night with the makeup, and after a couple of tries, it didn't look too bad. I then sat down with my homework. I had planned to make Penne Pasta with the sauce we worked on during the winter, when it was just to miserable to go outside. We made it together from scratch, from cutting the tomatoes, to fresh ingredients, to homemade meatballs. The sausage was store bought, but from an Italian Deli. Growing up with a Sicilian father made for delicious food, but hadn't helped with my weight. My Mom arrived as I was getting ready to put the pasta in the water. She smiled and said, "You look pretty, Tanya. You did well with the makeup, but we'll keep working on that. I do have a surprise for you. Come out to the car while the water boils, and help me with some bags." I said, "Go outside! No, I can't do that! Someone might see me." She said, "You're not thinking. We have a good fence, and we are way back off of the street. I parked the car in back of the house. Don't worry, I'll be keeping these things in mind for you." I went outside with her, constantly looking for someone to be watching me. But, there was no one. I helped her get some bags from her car, my breath catching in my chest when I saw some of the names on them. There were a few from Victoria's Secret, and from a store I had seen girls my age go into at the mall. There were a few others I didn't know off hand. When we got them inside, I went and added the pasta to the water, and got the sauce out of the refrigerator. I got a baking dish out, and then went to the bags on the table, while I was waiting. I had to open the ones from Victoria's Secret first. There were some bras and panties. There were also a couple of nighties in the same fabric as the one I wore last night. Mom said, "I could tell that you liked nylon and satiny material, so I thought I would make you more comfortable." I opened some bags from the other stores, and saw some dresses, skirts, blouses, shorts, a couple of t- shirts, and then one item that took my breath away. It was a wig. It had hair that would probably fall just below my shoulders, and bangs in the front, the way I knew I would like. Mom said, "If it doesn't fit, or if you want a different style, we can get it changed. But, I think it's like the one you described that Patty's Mom had. Now go ahead and finish your homework. I talked to your principal, and we will talk, but for now, I can tell you that you have a three day weekend. But, you have to talk to us, and then we have a special appointment set up with the therapist. She will see you tomorrow. The principal knows her, and wants this too" I took the bag upstairs, and wound up spending as much time thinking about the new clothes, as I did doing homework. It didn't help that I had until Monday to do it. But, I managed to have it almost all done when I heard a knock on my door. It was my Dad. He came in and said, "You do look very pretty, Tanya. I hope that we can keep anything like what happened to my brother from happening to you. But, you need to deal with your temper. There is something that is underneath it, and you need to talk to the therapist and figure it out. Then, when you're ready, you can tell us. Now, let's go eat, and then you can try on your new clothes, and show us." I was so excited that I could barely eat. I wanted to try on everything. I had allowed myself to try on the wig, and thought it looked great, but waited until I could show them more. Mom had finished cooking my dish to perfection, and I ate a lot. Then, my Dad brought up that subject. He said, "Honey, I know that we're going to have to discuss this someday, so maybe now is the time. I know one of the reasons you have been miserable is your weight. I hope that you will listen to what the therapist wants you to do. Think how much more beautiful you can be if you do these things together." Part of me wanted to cry, as I felt that this was kind of throwing a bummer on things. But, I knew he was right. I said, "I know you're right, but I can't do it all at once. But, I want to do it, so I will try." Mom said, "We're still not going to reveal your surprise for at the end of school, but I will say, that getting help with that, if you really want if, is part of it." Now, I was really looking forward to that surprise. So far, all of the surprises had been happy, so I knew this one would be extra special. They surprised me by saying that they would clean up, and to go upstairs and start trying on outfits. I took stuff out of the bags, and started hanging them up in my closet. It was a good thing that I had a large closet. I put my boy clothes on one side, and my new clothes on the other. Then, I noticed an outfit I hadn't seen earlier. It was a matching pullover top and skirt, like the one I had told my parents that I had loved of Patty's. I had to stop right there. I stripped down to my skin, and put on a bra and panty set from Victoria's Secret. The bra was a size less in cup, so now it fit perfectly, unlike my Mom's. They were both made of polyester, so I thought I was in heaven. She had gotten me several different colors in pairs of tights, so I pulled on a pink pair to match the outfit, which was pink with black trim. I then pulled on the blouse, and then the skirt. Both were a little tight, but I figured Mom was allowing for some weight loss. Fortunately, the skirt had an elastic waistband, so I could work with this. I found that the wig fit, and that I liked the black hair it had with the outfit. I then looked in the mirror, and more than ever before, saw someone who looked more girl than boy. I wondered that if I lost the weight, would it help even more? I went downstairs, to see what Mom and Dad would say. I walked into the den, where they were sitting, and Mom gasped. Dad looked a little startled, but then they both smiled. They got up, and walked over by me. They looked me over, and Mom said, "You are beautiful. The inner you is shining out. You are glowing when you smile." I was having trouble keeping from crying and said, "I never imagined you would get me this outfit when I told you how much I loved it. I feel like before- I don't want to ever take it off." She started crying, and that set me off. Even Dad looked misty- eyed. He looked up at the ceiling, and said, "Tom, I hope that somewhere you are seeing this, and that it is giving you some peace. I will keep my promise to help you, but with Tanya." He then looked at me, and said, "Yes, you're named after him. And, because we later found in his diaries what he called himself, that's why we were going to name you Tanya if you were born a girl physically." I buried my head in his chest and we both cried for a while. Then, we smiled, and I said, "I think he's watching. He would probably enjoy a fashion show. I showed them all of my clothing, making notes and setting aside what didn't fit. Then, I washed off the makeup, and put on another nightie, and read until I went to bed. The next day, I slept in some, since I wasn't going to school. When Mom came in to say goodbye, I told her "I'm going to finish my homework before lunch. Do you want me to make you some?" She had told me that I had an appointment with the therapist at 1:30. She said, "No, we can get something on the way. That way, if you get nervous, and have trouble eating, we'll know." I didn't think that would happen, but I ate breakfast, and then cleaned up. I finished a paper I had been writing for Creative Writing. It was my term paper, and I had written a murder mystery that I was proud of. I had even used my favorite Ellery Queen device, where I warned the reader that I was at the final chapter before the end. They had everything they needed to solve the crime before them. At 16, I was actually pretty good at figuring out that kind of thing. I checked my outline, making sure that I had all of the clues I had laid out correct in the solution. I was even wearing a retro kind of skirt that looked a little old- style Nancy Drewish- it was knee length, with a slight slit. I had on a white button down blouse, and thigh high stockings. Unfortunately, those showed off my unshaved legs, but I couldn't shave them when I still had gym to deal with. My Mom had shown some great observations of things when she bought some of my new clothes. Mom came home a little early, so I asked her to read the story. She smiled, and said, "It's very good, and I see you've gotten into the spirit of the story with your look." I hated taking it off to go to lunch and the counselor's appointment, but realized that I could wear the panties and stockings beneath my jeans. We went to lunch at a local diner, and then drove to an office building. I saw that it was mostly psychiatrists and psychologists. I couldn't guess who I was seeing, because there was more than one. We went to a door with the name: Family Therapy. We were greeted by a receptionist. We went in, and were greeted by a receptionist. There were a few other kids and teenagers around. She smiled and said, "You must be Tom. Donna will see you shortly. Have a seat and fill out this paperwork." The problem is, I didn't feel like sitting. I was suddenly scared. I wanted to throw up. I felt dizzy, so I sat down. I filled out the paperwork that asked basic information. A couple of people, probably other therapists, came and got other kids from the room. Finally, a woman opened the door to the back, and called my name. When I raised my hand and stood up, she said, "Hi, I'm Donna, why don't you come on back." We walked back to a door that had the name Donna Johnson on it, and went in. I immediately saw that I had a choice of seats, or a couch. I said, "So how does this work. Am I supposed to lay on the couch like in the movies, or sit somewhere?" She said, "You can do whatever you prefer. This will be better for you if you are comfortable." I chose one of the easy chairs. She sat in another one across from me. She picked up a notepad, and said, "I take notes so that I can remember what we talk about. No one else sees it." I asked her, "Now where do we start? I've never been to this before, as Mom probably told you." She said, "You're Mom is scheduling you for once a week, but we can do more if we need to. This is going to work best if you tell me everything you can, and then we can work on what is wrong together. I need to tell you that everything is absolutely confidential, unless you tell me that you are going to hurt yourself, commit a crime, or that you are hurting a child. Any of those things, I am required to report to the police or other appropriate authorities." I said, "This shouldn't be too bad, then because I don't think I have anything to worry about." I then proceeded to tell her just about everything I could remember, from as far back as I could remember. I knew there would be more time, but I wanted to get out the basics. She did ask some key questions, and I knew what they were for. She was getting a grasp on just where I was mentally and emotionally. As we were getting towards the end of the session, I asked her, "I know this is just one time, but do you think there is a chance that I really am a girl inside?" She said, "I think at 16, you're old enough to know. Yes, I think that you probably are. One of the reasons you're parents called me is my reputation for having a good sense for it. If you are to continue to see me, though, I have a few conditions. You must follow the contract you signed with your parents. I agree with it, and am going to help arrange the surprise reward at the end. I also expect you to attend a group that meets at a trans- gendered friendly Church here on Saturday nights. I think you will be surprise at the people in your age group that are gay, bi, and even transsexual. I think you will know a few, but don't worry, everything is confidential. And, most importantly, after we're done here, you have an appointment with Dr. Foster. He is one of the two Psychiatrists with our practice. He will work with me on the medical side of it, and with possible medication that may help with the emotional issues. I have this already printed up, and if you agree to it, we'll both sign it and it will go into you're file." This was all going too fast for me, but I knew part of it was over people's concern over my outburst at school. And, it frightened me too, so I just went along with the ride. She sensed that, and told me, "This is all going to work out. You are in a much better place than a lot of people like you. And, feel free to come as who you really are, as Tanya, anytime. I know you aren't supposed to go outside, but you can always bring an outfit, and change in the bathroom." That made me smile, but still nervous. I signed her copy of the agreement, said goodbye, and went out into the waiting room to wait for the next appointment. My Mom asked me how it went. I told her all that had happened. She said, "The Church is the same denomination as ours, but definitely more friendly to the trans- gendered community. We have already talked about changing over to going there. We will make sure you make it to this group. If you don't mind, I'm going to go do some shopping while you see the Doctor." I waited, and then a man opened the door, and called my name. He explained that while he was seeing another patient, he wanted me to take some basic tests. I had heard of these, and was afraid they would show I was crazy. I was done just before he finished, and then we went into his office. We sat down, and he gave me some literature to read as he looked over the test. The one pamphlet that got my attention was one on bi-polar disorder. The symptoms sounded a lot like mine. He saw what I was looking at, and said, "Donna seemed to think that you may have a problem with that, and after seeing her notes, I would tend to agree. But, I want to hear your story for myself. I went through it again with him. By the time I was done, he discussed with me the possible options, and said that there was a medication that would help control the mood swings I suffered. He said, "I think Donna was right about the bi-polar. Take this prescription for a month, and see Donna every week. In a month, we can meet again, and see if it's helping. And, as I'm sure she told you, feel free to come as Tanya anytime." I went out to the waiting room, and waited a few minutes until Mom came back and picked me up. We drove home, and I told her about the appointments. She could tell I was excited and nervous at the same time. We got home, and I helped her put away the groceries, and then ran upstairs to change. As I contemplated putting on a dress or something, I realized that I didn't need to. That wasn't what defined me as Tanya. I didn't need the wig, or makeup, but put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. When I went downstairs, Mom noticed, and asked me about it. I explained it to her as best as I could, and then she smiled and said, "I think I understand. That definitely leans towards you really being a girl inside. Now, let's get dinner ready before your Dad gets home." We worked together, her working on one thing, me on another, and then I suddenly had to give her a hug. She was surprised, and returned it, and said, "Are you okay? Are you feeling a little overwhelmed?" I said, "A little, but the hug is because you are here for me. I know it's going to get harder, so I want to get used to leaning on you." She didn't say anymore, but smiled, and went back to work cooking. Dad arrived just before dinner, and went to sit in the den for a few minutes. I brought him a beer, and myself a soda from the refrigerator. I was happy that he noticed that it was a diet soda. I was only going to drink diet from now on. We sat and talked about what had happened today. He asked me, like Mom, why I wasn't fully dressed. I told him the same thing I had told Mom, and he suddenly turned away. I was afraid that I had said the wrong thing, and I asked, "Daddy, what did I say? I don't know if that's wrong somehow, but it's how I feel." He turned around, and I saw him wiping away a few tears. He said, "Oh no, god no, honey. You didn't say anything wrong. It's just that that's what your uncle said when my parents confronted him. He screamed at all of us that it didn't matter what they did to him, he would always be a girl." I ran over and hugged him, and shed a few tears myself. After a few minutes, Mom came in and told us supper was on the table. We ate, and then I cleaned up. It was one of my new chores, but I didn't mind. After the release I had been feeling over the last few days, I was happy to do this stuff. When I finished, we sat and watched a movie, and then talked some more. It was driving me crazy that they wouldn't tell me about the surprise. They talked around it, and smiled as they did, but were tight- lipped. Finally, I went to bed. I put on a nightie, and climbed into bed. I had been having mostly happy dreams, but woke up at least once in the night with the vague memory of a nightmare, where I had been caught dressing. I didn't remember too many details, but I remembered enough to think of being really careful. The next morning, after breakfast, it was time for some Saturday yard work. I dressed in a bra and panties, but with a baggy shirt and boy's shorts over them. I asked my Mom about it, and she said, "It should be okay, but if your Dad says it's not okay, come back in and change. And if anyone comes to visit, tell them that you'll be right back and come inside and change. You should be okay for a few seconds with that baggy shirt. People don't pay attention as much as you would think. How many times did you wear the bra to school before someone noticed?" What she said gave me some self- confidence. My Dad told me that he thought it would be fine. It went fairly quickly, now that I was wanting to work together and do things right. As I had thought last night, it's funny what some motivation will do for you. After that, we put the last bags where they would wait until trash day. We went inside, and had lunch, which Mom had made. After lunch, we went to our bathrooms, and took a shower. I used the soap, and this time, I got dressed up a little. I didn't bother with makeup or the wig, but I felt nice. I had been given a little homework by Donna. She wanted me to think about some goals for myself if I was really going to have a chance to become Tanya. I wrote some obvious ones, like making some friends that would like me for who I was, and losing weight, so that I would look nicer. I then got some finished my homework for the weekend. By that time, supper was ready. As I ate, I began to get nervous again. Tonight was that group I was supposed to go to. I had already had come to trust Donna, and didn't think she would steer me wrong, but I was still a little scared. We all did the dishes, and then talked a little about it. They both told me to be real, be myself. I changed back into a pair of jeans and a shirt. I still wore panties, but was afraid to wear anything anyone would see. I wasn't sure I would be able to say anything more than hello, and my name. Finally, it was time. Mom and I got in the car, and drove to a church that I recognized. We had gone there with their friends, the ones whose daughter Patty that I had taken panties from. My Mom said, "I hope you have liked this Church in the past, because we are coming tomorrow, and maybe for good. It is the one Donna recommended to us. The Church that we're going to wouldn't approve of you at all." When we pulled up to the church, I suddenly didn't want to get out. I thought I was going to throw up. But, Mom said, "You can do it. You need to go at least once. I'm sure you'll find out that it isn't bad at all." I slowly got out of the car. I went inside, and because I had been there before, I remembered where the fellowship hall was. I went in, and saw several people standing around. There were a couple of people that I recognized from seeing in school, but they were in different grades than me. One was a boy on the football team, and I wondered what he was doing here. The other was a girl about a year younger than me. She looked perfectly normal, but then what the heck was normal. There was a table with coffee and sodas on it, so I decided the best thing to do was to get a soda and hope something would happen. Just as I was opening the soda, a woman came in with a tray of cookies on it. I had seen her at the office where Donna worked. She was another counselor. She came over, took me aside, and said, "You must be Tanya. Donna told me you would be coming. I'm glad you did. Come on, and we'll start. Can I call you Tanya, or do you want to stick with Tom for now?" I wanted badly to tell her "Tanya", but instead, I told her, "Tom, please. I'll tell them when or if I feel ready." We all sat down where there was a circle of chairs. Then, introductions started around the group. First, there was a girl I didn't recognize. There had been something about her that I couldn't pin down, though. She introduced herself as Trina, and said that she was a trans-sexual. I was stunned, because she looked so much nicer than me. She said, "I've known since I was little that I was a girl. I dressed up a lot with my sisters, and with my Dad having died when I was young, it just never stopped. When I told my Mom, she was and is supportive. And, I wouldn't be able to do this without the love of Danny, here." She was sitting next to the football player, and took his hand. He went next, and said, "My name is Danny, and I guess I am straight, since Trina is a girl. I accidentally saw her dressed up, when I went over to her house one day. She looks enough like her sisters that at first I thought she was one of them. But, it didn't take me long to figure out. We were best friends, so I couldn't tell other people about her. But, it was good for her to have someone outside of her family to talk to about it. That was a year ago, and then it just sort of happened. We realized that what we felt was way more than friendship. She has to live as a boy for now, so we've only found a few other friends we can tell, and of course the people here. We are in love, but we both don't want sex until we get married. That is going to happen sometime after she gets her operation. Her mom loves me, and approves. I just haven't figured out how to tell my parents. They've actually met her, but have no idea who she really is. They knew her as a boy, but it's such a total difference. I guess I hope sometimes that they do figure it out so that we can finally deal with it." The next girl to speak up was a girl named Katie. She was definitely the youngest there. She said, "I am only eleven, but I know that I am a lesbian. I have no interest in boys. I don't tell anyone outside of here about it, because I had to change schools once when it came out. If you stay, I'll tell you the story, but it's too horrible for me to just tell anyone", The next two were a gay couple named Darryl and Jimmy, who were seniors in a different high school than I go to. They had a better situation than some of us- the crap that they went through was balanced by the fact that they were both 18, and that Jimmy came from a family with money, who agreed to set him up in his own apartment, as long as they didn't have to see him and Darryl. They told me that they sometimes had informal group gatherings there. The last girl was the other one I kind of recognized. Her name was Wendy, and like Katie, she too was a lesbian. She said, "I don't know if my girlfriend is going to make it tonight. She's running late. She's one of the group here whose family goes to this Church, because they are supportive of us." Well, I had finally run out of time. I had to make a decision. There was no doubt that these were people who could relate to me. I knew they were being real, and that I wanted to be here, and be real with them. I started with, "Well, my name is Tom..." when suddenly we heard the door open. I saw someone walk into the room, and it changed everything. It didn't matter that she went over to sit next to Wendy, and that they hugged and then took each other's hand. I got all scared again, because I knew her, had known her all my life. She looked at me with something just short of shock and said, "Tom, what are you doing here?" I said, "I don't know if I can stay. This is just too much." I got up to go, but she grabbed my arm. She said, "I know we aren't exactly best friends, but why do you think that I would be any less trustworthy than anyone else here, especially my girlfriend? Look around at who else's secrets I'm keeping." I looked at her, and could finally could speak directly to her. I said, "But Patty, you have no idea how hard this is going to be with you here. It isn't about whether I'm afraid that you'll tell my secret- it's about how you're going to hate me if you hear the whole story." With that, I yanked my arm free of her hand, and headed towards the door, with tears beginning to come down my cheeks. To be continued A postscript for this part- I am going to be talking a lot about a trans- gendered person having to live sometimes for a long time as a girl/woman at home, and as a boy/man at work, and mostly in general. I experienced this for a long time, and still do to a degree. I've heard people on the web who are extreme, who say that you can't be a woman and do this. Feel free to drop me an email if you feel like that. Sorry it's been so long since the last chapter, and it may be a few weeks for the next one, as I want to finish "Wildfire." I hope you are enjoying the stories, as they do come from the heart. Peace and hugs, Tanya