Women Reclaim The Night free porn video

WOMEN RECLAIM THE NIGHT. The most amazing and wonderful transformation has happened to me. I wasn't always the happily married woman I am now. Only a couple of years ago I was a frustrated and horny male. Looking for female conquests but somehow never satisfied. Then in one evening I began a change that has taken two years so far and is still not finished. I apologize for the different styles of the entries. These have all been taken as excerpts from my diary and they naturally vary depending on the mood at the time. A summary collection of diary entries over the last two years. ************************************************* Now I am sure you have all heard of the movement. I understand its aims and objectives. To get more women out on the streets at night so they don't need to feel scared or intimidated by men. And of course I always supported its ideals. Even from a personal point of view. The streets look better to have a range of pretty girls on them. It brightens the scenery for a start. And in any case why should women be treated as second class citizens? It simply isn't fair. But never in my wildest dreams did I guess that I would have such strong reasons for wanting to become a member. To explain I really need to wind the clock back over a year. I was on my way to the local bottle shop to pick up some supplies for a party. As I turned the corner I knew that there might be trouble. There was a group of hooded figures standing in the shadows. Perhaps I could have turned and run but why? What reason would they have for attacking me? I guessed that they might have been waiting for another gang but I wouldn't be much of a challenge. So I kept going forward even if the legs were a little shaky. But I didn't get far. Several of them moved around behind me to cut off my escape and a couple of others peeled in front. I was trapped. Within moments my arms were pinioned behind my back and I was held. "Ouch" There was a sharp jab in my left buttock and a sort of a stinging sensation. I knew that they had injected something into me. Presumably a knockout drug. Within a short time I would be unconscious and completely at their mercy. What was that stuff ... The date rape drug? Yes that would be it. Not only unconscious and robbed but when I came to I wouldn't even remember being robbed or being here or anything at all about today. Positively brilliant. Inwardly I cursed myself for getting into this position but nothing I could do now. Then the leader spoke. "Well, well, what do we have here. A little frightened turd." The words may have been menacing but the voice. It was liquid honey. Not what you expect from a gang of thieves. Perhaps on one of those phone sex lines? What on earth?? "You men have had it all your own way for too long. It is time you understood what it is like to be helpless. Held as prey. Unable to defend yourself. Time to pay the piper". "Why me?" I responded. "What have I ever done to you?" "Don't play all innocent with us. It isn't what you have done individually. You are a man and men have treated us women with contempt for thousands of years. You can't deny it." "True enough. But what has that to do with me? There have been lots of men that haven't repressed or dominated their partners and friends. People who are just ordinary. Pushed around by everyone else just the same. I haven't done anything. Look at me. I am here on my own. Hardly setting out to intimidate any woman I happen to see." "How can we know that. For all we know you might have been on your way to flash some poor, frightened young girl. We have all had more than enough lousy experiences to know what men are like. And you are going to be punished." " I can't control what you do. But you have the wrong guy. And what was that stuff you jabbed me with anyway. You may as well tell me. I can't do anything about it now. And at least I would know" "Let us just say that that injection was your punishment. Life for you is not going to be the same. With luck you will be man enough to make the best of it. But rest assured, one day you may come to see things our way. With luck you will understand why we have to do what we do. Who knows. Maybe you will even want to join us." At that the whole group tittered and laughed. With girlish high pitched voices. If it wasn't for the predicament I was in I would have been ecstatic. Surrounded by all these women whose sole focus was on me. Now if only that had happened at a local dance, or at the pub. Then I would have had something to brag about. But bragging wasn't on my mind right now. I thought that escape would have been a pretty good move. But no way yet. I tried a bit of bravado. " Now ladies, no doubt you are all nice in your own ways. Do you really have to resort to grabbing men off the street instead of just picking them up like other women do? Why make enemies of men when so many of them would be more than happy to get to know you?" "You really don't get it do you! We don't hate men as such. We hate what they do to us. We need a better balance in life. More women on the street " ( more tittering from the girls in the hoods) " and a few less men there. Now we are going to let you go. Just walk away and don't look back" "Oh yes, one last thing. I want your wallet. NOW!" So that was what it was about. Just a robbery. I was actually quite relieved. So out came the wallet instantly. "OK, OK, you got me. Take the money, but why not just leave me with the cards. It would save a lot of hassle." "Oh shut up. Don't be such a bloody wimp." They took out some of the cards and strangely they photographed them. They didn't even look at the money. "Don't worry kiddo. We don't want your money. Not yet anyway. Some other time you may feel like giving us some. But we have no wish to take it from you. Not your money anyway" At that my arms were released and I was free. Off I went down the road. Trying not to look as if was pissing in my pants. Dignity. That's the ticket. And then they were gone. I can't describe how scared I felt. If their aim was to show how some poor girls feel when harassed by a few bullies then top marks to them. They had certainly got their point across. I made a mental note to try hard to smile at people and give them lots of space, particularly at night. So no one needed to feel scared because of me. I suppose that was what they meant by coming to see things their way. That was it really. And having been scared once, of course I would never be quite the same again. Always worried when there is a group somewhere around the corner. Just in case they were there simply to attack a passerby. For no reason other than kicks. Yep. Point made. In a way I wished I could talk to them. As people. And find out a bit more about some of their experiences. What sorts of things drove them to these nocturnal activities? But I wouldn't recognize them. For all I knew any of the girls at the pub might have been in the group and I couldn't know. I was still a bit worried about that jab. I didn't feel odd. No dizziness or anything. I would have thought that the stuff would have had some reaction by now. But nothing. Maybe they just used saline solution. Simply to help make me more scared. But it could be more serious. I will need to talk to a doctor soon and just have him check me out for a few things. In the meantime, nothing for it except to go home to bed. Then again. Not a good idea to be alone either. What if the stuff had a delayed reaction. I really needed to be somewhere with someone just in case. I rang my good friend Meg. I didn't give her the whole story because I still had my pride but I told her about being jabbed and being scared that something may yet happen to me. She laughed. " I have heard all sorts of lines used to get into a girl's bedroom, but this is the most original. Full marks for trying. But you could have just admitted that you couldn't live without me. That you couldn't bear to spend another lonely night on your own. And that being with me tonight would have been the greatest moment of your life" I suppose I deserved that. Some men aren't as romantic as their partners might like. So it was a timely reminder. Still she hadn't refused. Indeed almost the opposite. There was a clear indication that she wouldn't mind me being there tonight. A shame that she thought the whole tale was made up. But it wasn't going to hurt anyway. Oh well, every cloud has a silver lining. I didn't think she would appreciate the box of stubbies I had so I took them home and drank one before heading off to her place. LATER THAT EVENING. Bearing in mind what she had said I made sure I picked up some flowers and some nice snacks to enjoy together. I felt a bit guilty that she had to remind me to be a bit more appreciative. Perhaps those women had more than just seriously bad experiences that soured them. Maybe all the men in their lives had treated them somewhat poorly. Well that does need to stop. When I got in the door I made it clear that although I very much wished to be with her, I wasn't asking for favours. I really was worried that I might be in some sort of trouble. On the other hand I would be extremely appreciative if, instead of sleeping on the couch, she would prefer me to share the warmth of her bed. I gave her the flowers and we sat down with the snacks and a good DVD movie. This time I chose a movie that I hoped she would enjoy. Something that could show her that I was prepared to meet her at least half way. But not over the top. "Sarah Dane" I don't know if you have heard of it but a historical costume piece. After that we did adjourn to the bedroom together. And spent a glorious night snuggled up. Maybe she was right. Maybe I really didn't want to remain alone indefinitely. Who would wish to be alone if they could share time together? As I groggily aroused myself from sleep to see the beautiful figure beside me I wondered if she really would want to make a future with me. I am not such a bad catch. A good job and a reasonable body. Maybe not even as sexist as some of the men I had met. It was far too soon to dive off the deep end but over the next month or so then maybe we could take this to a different level. At least I could start talking with her about it. Well here goes. I opened my mouth and told her that I really would prefer to get to know her better. She suggested that we try to spend one full day, and night, together each week. Doing anything that pleased us, but doing it together. And that to help get the balance right, one week she would choose the activities, and the next I would. We each would promise to respect and enjoy whatever our "partner" had chosen. To learn to appreciate different things even if they weren't quite what we might have chosen ourselves. With that we needed to shower and eat and get off to our respective jobs. Oh yes, I made an appointment with a doctor to discuss the possible implications of the jab in the arse. I was concerned about things like "aids". Maybe they had deliberately infected me. Possible. Why not? "Get a few less men on the street wasn't it?" I shuddered to think that maybe they meant permanently. the doctor wasn't very encouraging. "It takes a couple of months before we could be sure one way or the other. There isn't anything we can do about it either. But we can give Tetanus shots and penicillin to protect against other possibilities. There doesn't seem to be any sign of poisoning. No inflammation around the puncture mark. And no other signs that would be consistent with some foreign chemical." "You seem to be in good health and all your vital signs are normal. So the best thing now is to simply look after yourself and hope. Eat well, exercise and keep in shape and it will keep the odds in your favour." "So go home and relax, and make an appointment for another month. We'll take a blood sample then. OK?" A whole month of sweating it out and wondering. FOUR DAYS LATER. I have developed somewhat red and itchy balls. Not too bad though. Perhaps I have picked up tinea somewhere. I can't imagine where. Unless.... No, surely not. Could Meg have passed something on to me? How could I ask her without seeming to be a right heel. But I hadn't done anything. Honest! Yet it wasn't all that serious. Maybe just a case of jock itch. I know that sort of thing is common enough in this modern world with tight jocks. The itchiness did tend to keep me focused on the things so at night I found some relief in masturbation. It did help to settle it down for a while. NEXT WEEKEND. We had a great day. Went to one of those amusement parks and had all sorts of rides. It was a lot of fun. A bit tiring of course. But not enough to explain what happened later that night. After all the excitement we were looking forward to a bit of nocturnal excitement of our own. But some things just don't go to plan. For some reason my body just resisted. He just didn't want to rise to the occasion with any great vigour. With a bit of effort and cajoling Meg finally got him to behave, but it gave me quite a bit of concern. You don't expect things like this to happen at just 25 years of age. I hadn't even been drinking either. Maybe I have been losing a bit of fitness and just became overtired. After work I will take a long walk and try to build a bit more stamina. Don't want to make a habit of this. ANOTHER TWO WEEKS In another week I have the appointment with the doctor. I will get him to look at my bits. They are still red and itchy and haven't responded to the tinea stuff at all. Not only that but the "brewers droop" is becoming almost normal. I have been able to get him to respond with masturbation but instead of being big, hard and rampant, he is sort of half hearted. Not himself. And I would swear that I used to produce more cum than that. It might be just an illusion. I hope so. But what if it isn't? Meg is a bit miffed. She reckons that if she can't enthuse me then maybe I have my mind on some other girl. But I don't. I haven't been chasing anyone else. In fact I haven't really been spending a lot of time looking at any of the other girls. When I think about it there just don't seem to have been as many good looking girls out as there used to be. ANOTHER WEEK Finally I am back at the doctors. He takes blood tests. I tell him about the other problems and he is suitably concerned. He takes a few skin swabs to have them analyzed too. In a couple of days I should have an idea of what is giving me trouble. TWO DAYS LATER I get the results of the tests today. I never thought that I would be so keen to get back a report. I certainly don't want to end up dying of aids. And that itching seems to have spread a bit. Not only around the balls, but now I am finding the area around my nipples also getting a bit itchy and red. I suppose that it is a similar sort of skin. And it is always warm and moist under a shirt so I shouldn't be surprised. But the sooner I get some type of proper treatment the happier I will be. "I have some good news for you" said the doc. "You are quite clear of the aids virus, and there is no trace of any other virus or bacteria in your system." "And as far as your other problem, it is odd but the tests all are negative." "There is no sign of any type of infectious organism living on your skin" "So I can't prescribe anything specific to attack it." "But as you would know, UV light is excellent for sterilizing surfaces. Ideally you should get somewhere that you can tan, nude, in the sun." "Otherwise perhaps you could get one of those simple UV tanning devices and bathe the skin with that for no more than 5 minutes each day." " There doesn't seem to be anything else. Although an allergy can cause the same result." "Have you been wearing any different clothes? Or using a different laundry detergent? I think that you should take steps to rinse the underwear more thoroughly and then hang it in the sun for a while. With a bit of luck that should help improve things." And so, none the wiser, I left the surgery. MARCH Two months have passed now. Things aren't getting any better. In fact it has been almost a month since I successfully made it with Meg. Not that she hasn't tried her best. It just isn't working. Hardly at all. I am sure that she is convinced that either I have another girl, or I am gay. I worry a bit that maybe that is the truth. For the first time in my life I have noticed one or two males that seem to stand out from the crowd. I have thought "Now there is a good looking guy". This does worry me quite a lot. I don't think I have ever noticed males before. And that redness is far more distinct now. There is a bit of a puffiness in the areas around the genitals and around the nipples. It is easy enough to see in the mirror. And it is quite tender and sensitive to touch. When I say near the nipples, it is worst there, but it also seems to spread across a fair bit of the chest. It is all a little sore and swollen. And the less said about the other end the better. It is quite annoying. I have changed from using tight underwear to using loose boxer shorts. I was hoping that the extra air would do some good. But nothing seems to work. It is driving me nuts. I have organized an appointment with a genital specialist. Hopefully they will shed some light on the matter. AT THE SPECIALISTS The specialist poked and prodded occasionally making noises like "Hmmm" and "Odd". Then he gave me a little cup and told me to go to one of the special rooms and provide him with a sample. Easier said than done. Despite the range of pornography I found it almost impossible to get anything to happen. I know these places aren't like the comforts of home but then, even at home, and with a lovely girl like Meg, I hadn't been doing anything better. Finally I managed to get something into the cup. But it was a pretty measly looking sample. Both in volume and in colour. Not exactly the sort of thing that a man would be proud of. I tried to keep it hidden from the nurses. Feeling rather embarrassed but needing to get answers. And quickly at that. THE RESULTS. "This is not good." Hardly a great start to a doctors session. "I hate to tell you this, but your testes have largely ceased to function." "Your testosterone levels would be low for an eighty year old" "and your sperm count is near enough to zero.. You haven't had a vasectomy, that you forgot to mention, have you?" "A VASECTOMY???" "Me??" "No testosterone?" "Testes not working?" This was a hell of a lot to swallow. "So you are telling me that the reason I can't get it up is that I simply have run out of masculinity? Or to put it crudely, I haven't got the balls for it." "Well I suppose that really is the long and short of it. Thankfully, these days we do have hormone replacements. I will start with an injection of testosterone to bring the levels up to a more normal level and then we will look at doses that should stabilize you after that." "And how long will this take to cure me, doc?" "Cure? There is no cure for this I am afraid. Your testicles have atrophied. Or to put it very simply they are dead. They don't exist any more. There is just the dried up tissue left and, over time, that will be reabsorbed into your body. In effect you have been castrated." "So the only way to get any form of function back into your equipment is this hormone replacement. And it needs to be done quickly. If we wait too long then your penis too will atrophy and then it will all be too late." I think that at this stage I must have fainted. The room was swimming in circles around me and everything was pretty black. Not as black as my future though. I was already castrated. And without some continuous treatment things could only get a lot worse. If they weren't worse already. But what can you do. The testosterone injections were the only hope I had so in it went. And he prescribed some viagra too. Just like for an eighty year old man. "Now come back in three days and we will test the levels to see what the next step is." "At least one thing, you should be fully functional again within a few hours. Enjoy" LATER THAT NIGHT. "YES!". "Success" I made it properly. Finally I could make Meg swoon. Just as a proper man should. After a month of not getting any, she was ravenous, and I was just glad to have some of my old self back again. If Meg could have seen me, I had tears in my eyes. Just how close I had come to losing it all. Permanently. A reminder that one should see the doc early rather than waiting too long. Another thing to mark off to experience. Something to be remembered. After a long and arduous evening I drifted off into the most wonderful and full sleep. I was on a ship rocking in the waves on a tropical voyage. The sun was hot. And every so often there was one of those torrential tropical showers. Ones that kept us all soaked to the skin. Then I woke. Meg was almost screaming at me. Shaking me violently. "Wake up. For God's sake wake up" The sun was streaming through the window. But that wasn't the only heat. I was boiling. And the bed was soaked with sweat. Yet I was shivering at the same time. "What time is it?" I asked croakily. "eleven am" "What" I started to get out of bed and then doubled over in pain. I hurt everywhere. And I had little control over any of my muscles. I simply couldn't move. I thought that I might die. No, actually I WISHED that I might die. The fires of hell would be a cool relief after this. I couldn't imagine how I could stand it for even another few minutes. I needed help. Big time. Thankfully I fell into a coma again for a long time. I woke in the hospital with tubes coming out of my arm. The nurses were like angels floating around somewhere above the floor. Flitting in and out. Seemingly without moving their legs. I have no idea how long I had been there. But a few days and nights passed. The only good thing was that I was in a coma a lot of the time. Being awake really sucked. It may have been a week later when I snapped out of it. The fever declined and I started to think that I might live. Later in the afternoon the doc dropped in to explain things to me. "I am afraid that you suffered from anaphylactic shock." "But I didn't touch a power point" "No not that. I mean that your body recognized the hormone injection as a foreign body. All your white blood cells were mobilized to remove it. Hence the fever. Your body now seems to have an allergic reaction to the hormones." "So of course they must be discontinued" "When you are well enough you can discuss it with the specialist." And off he went. BACK TO THE SPECIALIST. "Hmm this is worse than I expected." I braced myself for the worst. "OK doc, I can take it. What does this mean?" "Have you ever seen the film 'the fight to be male' ?" "All sexual beings start off as an indeterminate gender. Bits of both male and female together at the same time. And with the input of male hormones the male organs develop. BUT... If anything goes wrong, the body forms as a female and the male organs dissolve." "Even with male hormones. Anything at all goes wrong and a female eventuates." "In utero there is a process called 'luteinizing'. This is where the wrong set of genitalia is dissolved and reabsorbed leaving you with your sex. Male or female as the case may be." "Now somehow this has all happened to you at this very much later age. Your body has luteinized all the male components, basically forcing you to revert to the female form." "It will take time, of course, but it is inexorable. Eventually there will be no physical remnant of your male existence." "You will still be a male genetically of course. That can't change. So you won't be having any babies. If that is a consolation. But you WILL be absolutely female to any inspection at all" "How long have I got then? I mean what do I do now? " "That is the interesting question. Given that male hormones are out of the question I would suggest changing it to female hormones. This will speed up the change and leave you in limbo for the shortest possible time. Even so, it could still take a year or more to fully change the soft tissues. At that stage you would be a functional female. But it may take perhaps five years for bone structure to slowly take its final female form." "Without the hormones it might be five years of being sort of in the middle. Not male, not female but some intermediate form. With characteristics of both." "So I leave the decision to you. It isn't a medical necessity though. You will still live just fine without the treatment but I don't think it is a life for too many to want to lead." And at that he left the room. Now to be told that no matter what happens you are going to gradually change into a woman. A bit at a time. In front of all your friends. How do you explain it? And what clothes do you wear? I resolved to go down fighting. I would stay as a male as long as I could. One day I would find that I simply had no choice. But that is a long way off. I tried to come to terms with the implications. How could I face my friends or my family as I slowly, a bit at a time, just faded away. Turned into something completely different. The humiliation and the embarrassment. What about Meg. Watching as my male anatomy slowly ceased to exist. It wouldn't be fair on her. I am certain she has needs just as I have but I wouldn't be in a position to meet them for her. Reluctantly I have resolved to find some way to separate gracefully. This is pretty hard to take. APRIL The changes are becoming clearer now. My penis has shrunk significantly now. It might be the size of a boy of eleven. And there are no longer any lumps in the scrotum. The sacks are loose and simply floppy skin. Perhaps a bit fleshy. Not just skin. And the chest is getting a bit pudgy too. The redness around the nipples is consolidating into a set of areolii. And the nipples are getting a bit bigger too. There is an increase in the fat layer around a lot of the body but the waist is slimming down. I used to be a trim enough 85 cm waist. Now I am down to 82 cm. and no end in sight for that yet. At the same time I can't get into smaller trousers because the hips and the bum have got a bit more fat on them so they need something a little larger. It looks a bit ridiculous to have such large trousers and then having a belt pull them right in at the waist. With bits of loose fabric everywhere. I no longer have to shave every day. In fact maybe once a week is enough now. And the hair is changing too. Not longer exactly, but finer. Thinner and more flexible. But only the new stuff. The ends are still just as thick as they were on the day they grew. That gives me a two tone head of hair. Not the sort of thing that can be disguised. I suppose that I could just get a short back and sides and cut off all the old hair. So any new hair that grew would be the fine strands. It might look odd being so short. But it is hard to leave it as it is too. An easy decision you might think. But not quite. To cut off the old hair is to give up yet another part of my masculine body. Once gone it is gone forever. And I am still trying to hang on to the idea that I am still a male. But it is getting more difficult. I have even stopped looking at the girls down the street. They just don't seem to offer any interest any more. I told Meg that I really thought I was gay. And that it might be better for me to leave sex out of it for the time being until I could sort my head out. I hoped that this wouldn't cause needless hurt while leaving her free to seek her comforts elsewhere if need be. Even if she did, if everyone thought I was gay then they wouldn't object to us being friends. And I was going to need some friends if everything the doctor had said was true. THE GYMNASIUM I think that I should go to the gym and start an exercise regime. I have been losing far too much muscle tone and unless I do something I seem to just be turning to flab. So I go there and sign up. No trouble so far. Then head off to the weights room. The guy at the door stopped me and said " excuse me miss. I think you are headed the wrong way" " The womens' weight room is down that other corridor. These machines are set up at a much higher weight level and would tend to strain you. In any case I am sure that you would be more comfortable exercising with the other ladies" At first I thought he was talking to someone else. But ME? He thought I was a "miss". And that I shouldn't be trying to exercise in the men's room. I looked down. I had chosen a pastel top and the lumps were showing slightly through the firm fabric. For some reason I had been choosing different coloured clothes. No special reason mind you but just I thought that they looked good. Couple that with the trousers pulled in at the waist. And that light soft hair on my head "Oh my...... he really COULD mistake me for a female. Not a great looking one of course. I still had far too much bulk for that. But how many great looking women turn up at the gym anyway. Most of them are a bit overweight and are trying to improve. I would probably fit in without anyone batting an eyelid. But the humiliation of being turned away from the male gym equipment. Just a knife in the guts. So without enthusiasm I headed down to the womens' room there. I went straight for the heaviest weights. Determined to really work my arse off to resist all these body changes. "Hold on there missy" said one of the other ladies. "You're new here aren't you? You can't expect to start at the top. Look better do lots of reps with far lighter weights than that. Here is a good starting set" And she took me to a table with pretty pink and pastel blue barbells in half kilo and one kilo sizes. Pretty PINK? Half Kilo? I was a MAN for goodness sake. I had been used to working with many Kilos at a time. I wasn't just some unfit female trying to tone up her bust for some under appreciative husband or boyfriend. Was I? And yet, those weights. I think they must have stamped the wrong weight on them. They were HEAVY. Secretly I was glad that I didn't have to prove myself on anything bigger. I looked around at the other ladies all struggling away on their chosen exercise. They were trying so hard. Yet they weren't achieving the sorts of things I used to take for granted. Without the benefit of testosterone physical effort wasn't as easy for them. Them? I hate to say it but perhaps I should have said "US" because now I was in exactly the same position. After a while I was pretty much bathed in sweat. That was quite a lot of effort. If I wanted to retain a toned body I was going to have to do a lot more of this. And a lot more often too. Just maintaining a reasonable figure was going to take work. Big time. But I looking at the top, now stuck to my chest, I noticed that it made what little I had seem significantly bigger. Sort of like a miniature wet T shirt competition. LOSS OF IDENTITY I have given up my job too. It was too hard trying to disguise the changes from all of my workmates. I couldn't take the sort of ribbing that I was starting to get either. They had taken to teasing my about my physique and my choice of clothes. Pretty much everything. I couldn't explain to them what had happened to me so the best thing was to go somewhere where no one knew me. That way I didn't have to live down anything. I gave my family some cock and bull story about needing to be overseas. As a part of a new deal. From there it would be easy to simply fade away into nothing. Nowhere. As far as they are concerned I might be dead. To make myself untraceable I quit my flat, discarded the old mobile phone. Got rid of the lot. That helped me to escape the worst of it. But it means that I have to go through all of this hell on my own. No past at all. No friends, family, home, job. No nothing from my past. Then gradually, a bit at a time, create a new life. New friends. And some new form of making a living. In the meantime it seemed that acting as a bit of a gay made it more acceptable. A small weedy male with an interest in clothes. I could fit in that way. And so that is what I did. I could hardly get a job using my qualifications or any of my references. One look at me would show that I wasn't the person mentioned on the degree or in the references. So they had no value to me at all. The only work I could get was in a range of menial jobs. Not up to my qualifications but I could simply do the job for a while, get paid in cash, and go home. No questions asked. And if I found the going tough, I could just quit and start somewhere else. Easy really. Yet awfully humiliating. In a way it is a lot like being turned back into a child. Less responsible. Less adult. MAY I was on my way to the gym this morning when I was pulled over. "Could I see your licence miss" the patrolman asked. so dutifully I handed him my licence. "Very funny miss" " Now could you please show me YOUR licence" " But that IS my licence" "Step out of the car miss" was his response. "If you can't give me some identification we are going to have to go to the station to sort this out." But what identification could I give him? Any photo identification showed me clearly as a male. And he didn't believe that I was a male. Not that I blame him. It is getting harder and harder for me to believe it myself. Even if I stripped stark naked it wouldn't have helped. Simply standing in front of the mirror when I get out of the shower tells me pretty clearly "female" not male. The breasts (yes I am afraid I have to call them that now.) are still small, but growing at an alarming rate. Maybe they are only an "A" cup size so I can get away without a bra. But they still jiggle as I move, and the nipples are large enough so that if they get cold or are rubbed they are very visible through the fabric of any shirt I am wearing. I can no longer disguise them without a lot of effort. I had read about girls in the 1920's when breasts were not in fashion. They had to bind their chests with bandages to make the breasts disappear. Now I would need to do the same. But I hadn't done it this morning. Not when heading to the gym. And they were the real giveaway. My licence said "male" and my body trumpeted " female" and the patrolman couldn't be expected to sort out the anomaly. So down to the station I went. And, unable to produce identification, I had a problem. "Perhaps you could get some of your workmates to come and identify you?" A wonderful suggestion. But I had no workmates. Not ones that had known me for years anyway. Even the ones from my original job. They could come but I don't think they would recognize me any more. I really wasn't the man they had known for many years. Quite literally as it turns out. "Look" I said, " I can prove it. Give me a piece of paper and I can sign my name. Will that convince you?" Somewhat dubiously they gave me a form and I signed my name. Or at least I tried to. What resulted was something that even a second rate forger would dismiss as completely amateurish. I hadn't noticed these changes. The hands still seemed to be a similar size but the muscles have been gradually changing without me noticing. I couldn't even sign my own name! So here I am. Stuck in the station cells unable to convince anyone that I actually had a valid driver's licence. But it gets worse. I have a car, and a driver's licence and bank books, credit cards etc. for a person that simply has vanished. Now this is serious. They have to treat it as foul play and I am the only suspect. Without help I could be looking at a gaol sentence or worse. "HELP!" My head was screaming. A NEW FRIEND Now it is always darkest just before dawn. Things were pretty grim. But finally there was a turn for the better. "OK MISS" "Time to go" And with that the officer opened the cell door and led me back out to the office. There was a young woman waiting there patiently. You know the sort. Long blonde hair. Quite sensational really. And she had the officers eating out of her hand. If she had asked them to jump then the office would be full of jumping officers. I wondered who she was. "Ah, Susan" she said. "So you've been playing stupid games with these fine officers" "Isn't it time you grew up? Took things just a bit more seriously?" "Susan" ... "Who is she talking about..." Of course I had to play along with it. There really wasn't any choice. And if this lady was about to get me out of this predicament then I would have been jumping too. "Er yes.. I'm sorry. It just seemed like a good joke at the time" "Well you have just made these poor men go through a mountain of paperwork and that is going to keep them busy for hours" " Don't you think you owe them a really heartfelt apology?" I took my cue from her. If she could charm them with her feminine features then I had to try too. I did my very best to put on the smoothest, most honeyed voice I could muster. And I smiled at the men as if they were the most important people in my life. Which at this moment they probably were. They had the power to really destroy my life and I certainly didn't want that. I had no idea exactly what this joke was that I was supposed to have played. But who cares. "Officers," "Look, I didn't mean any harm. Things just sort of got out of hand. One thing led to another until it all snowballed." " However you would really be doing me, and my friend here, a great big favour if you could find a way to smooth this over." "You don't really want to make it all a lot worse for us all do you?" They were melting. Their hard faces were dissolving. They were just men being spoken to by a couple of pretty girls. I could see that I was having a strange effect. Talk about power. "What can I do to make it up to you?" "Don't worry about it miss. All we have to do is to show that you produced your licence at the station and everything will just go away." "Especially now that we know what your REAL alter ego is up to. No need to file a missing persons report now. Is there?" Followed by a nudge and a wink or two. "You're free to go. But if the two of you could find the time to grace our policeman's benefit at the weekend we would be very grateful." "Don't worry. We'll be there." said my new friend. "And who knows. Perhaps we might have a few friends that would also like to come?" So with a few friendly waves from the officers we left. Just like that. Unbelievable. If this had happened six months ago I would have needed lawyers, time in court, substantial fines yet now... now I just was free to go. And with the good wishes of the officers too. If this was what being a girl was like then it wasn't going to be all bad. Not at all. You see I haven't even mentioned the best bit. Some of those officers. With their trim physique and tight buts. I was actually looking at them with some interest. "Not possible?" you say. With the alterations in my hormones I wasn't just looking different. I was actually starting to feel different. Noticing young men more and the girls quite a bit less. ALL IS REVEALED. Kylie introduced herself and said " I know that you have a great many questions, Susan, but this isn't the place. Let me take you somewhere where people are far better equipped than I am to explain the situation. OK?" I simply nodded my agreement trying to take it all in. I was pretty much overwhelmed by everything at this stage. So we arrived at a large building. "Fairview women's institute" the sign read. A hospital for women. And from the look of it largely staffed by women. It wasn't a place where the women were the nurses and men were the doctors. Pretty much everyone I saw was female. Kylie lead me to an office marked "Gender Reassignment Counselling" "Ah Susan. Come in and take a seat. We have been waiting for you for some time now." "Why does everyone keep on referring to me as Susan. Since when was that my name?" "All in good time. The first thing is to explain your situation." "People come here for a range of reasons. Of course there are those that request a gender reassignment. But there are many others. Some have been mutilated in an unfortunate accident and need reconstruction. There are some who are forced to undergo reassignment for the protection of the female part of the population. Actually we can have a bit of fun with some of those bastards. Just slip one dose in a drink at a pub and that is the end for them. We don't give them the support we offer you. Just let them change into everything they have spent their life preying upon and leave them to come to terms with it. It is quite the appropriate punishment. Finally there are those who are recommended to us as being able to benefit from our services". "You fit the latter group. Many people felt that you would lead a much happier and more fulfilled life as a female. After considerable background checking we agreed so the processes began." "Here is the official position" "You came here some nine months ago seeking gender reassignment" "After extensive counselling your application was approved." "Six months ago you paid a deposit, and signed a contract and the process was begun." "Of course the downpayment was only a beginning and you have committed to paying the balance over the subsequent five years." I protested that I hadn't done any of those things. " Oh yes you did. Here are copies of some of the documents. You will find that everything is in order. Perfectly legal and legitimate." "As such it was necessary to create a new name to cover your new gender, have birth certificates amended, driver's licences and bank details all altered to your new identity." "We have chosen the name 'Susan Davies' for you and all the paperwork is now in this name" "And if I don't go through with this charade?" "You could walk out right now if you wish. With no name, no assets, no legal existence, no friends, no family. Somehow having experienced the police station I think you will see that this isn't a viable option." "Unless I miss my guess, you withdrew from friends, family and workmates due to shame or embarrassment. So no one has actually witnessed your change. Your family couldn't recognize you and no one else could vouch for who you were. No one except us." "So you want us to continue to represent you?" I was completely beaten. At their mercy. So all I could do is go along for the ride and hope it worked out for me. "Definitely!. But I do have some questions. How?" "I was coming to that. In the old days we needed crude operations. And the result was far from complete. But we have studied the gender divide in unborn infants and have perfected the compounds necessary to trigger the bodies own sexual differentiation. Just one injection or one tablet and voila. The changes begin. Uncontrolled by anyone. And impossible to arrest too I might add. Your body rejects the masculine form and slowly but surely builds the female one instead." "This is a lot more than a crude operation you see. By the time it is complete no one will be able to tell that you are not a complete woman." "Of course you won't be able to conceive naturally" "Oh, naturally," I reply in a bit of a daze. "No, no. You misunderstand. You will be able to bear your own babies. Just that as you still have XY chromosomes, your eggs are infertile. When the time is right. When you have a husband of your own, some of our volunteers can provide an egg. We fertilize it with your husband's sperm and implant it. Your very own pregnancy. And your own baby" "Not bad hey?" "What if I don't want to. I'm not into men. After all you can change my body but I am still a man." "Do you really think so? With all those female hormones, and the effects on your brain, do you still think like a man. Looking at girls with lust in your eyes, and stirring in your loins. Really?" I had to confess that I had changes a fair bit in that way. "And there is a lot more yet to come. The flesh can change in months, but some parts take a longer time. The bone structure for example. It isn't like living muscle. It takes up to five years before your skeleton becomes indistinguishable from a natural woman. And well before that time you will be thinking, feeling and acting just the way any other woman would." " You MUST stop thinking of yourself as a man and start accepting the truth of the matter." "It is time now to start phase 2. We have a consultant who will take you out shopping and create a whole new female wardrobe. At the same time everything male must be removed from your premises. You may keep a few photos and keepsakes, but everything else must go" "In fact, your new wardrobe needs to be more feminine right now than at any other time. Your changes are not yet complete and we wish to prevent you from being seen as an 'IT'. Well chosen dresses will mask the fact that your bones have not yet become fully female" "Just before you go. We need to get a new signature from you to match your new name and paperwork. Once that is completed you will be given the bank details again and will have access to all your original funds. I am sure that you will want to make a substantial donation to "women reclaim the night" given that you are now just as dependent on it as any other woman." "Good luck" And with that I was introduced to Annette who would take me shopping. A NEW BEGINNING. I can't say that I had spent a lot of time browsing in women's clothing shops before. I had to start with underwear. Not lingerie as such. That could come a lot later. Just functional cotton panties, a range of bras to fit my growing breasts, and the usual socks, hair scarves and other relatively mundane paraphernalia. Then shoes. I could handle the plain shoes. And things like runners are hardly any different. High heels were simply impossible. My feet still hadn't narrowed enough so we couldn't find any that would fit. Just as well in a way. It would take a long time to learn to walk in them. I was pleased enough to keep it simple. Dresses were quite easy. There are enough overweight matrons around so I had no difficulty in finding modest dresses that masked my still somewhat masculine frame. In fact I didn't even have to go to plus size stores. Off the rack size 14 and 16 were quite suitable. We chose pastel colours. Lace trimmed bodices, some plunging necklines which actually made me look quite well endowed. I was a bit envious of the short dresses that girls wear but they really aren't suitable for someone in my position. We also got some business "suits". But nothing like the suits I was used to. These were figure hugging. With a firm skirt and a tailored top. Funny that the business wear had the shortest skirts. I would have thought ....... Anyway, slowly we built up a wardrobe suitable to cover a range of conditions. Annette took me to some 'op shops' for some of the clothes. Just so that I didn't start out with everything new and looking a bit out of place. We needed a variety to match the sort of variety I would have had if I had been a woman all along. We finished off by buying garbage bags. I wondered why. But once home I found out. Before we could put the new clothes away we needed space and the way to get it was to throw everything out. All my clothes. Even sporting equipment. The lot. I gave up and sat in tears as I realized what this meant. Up to now I had a female body. Sort of. But deep inside I was still a man! As of today that was no longer true. My wardrobe was gradually filled with pretty, colourful clothes. One glance at it actually lifted my spirits a lot. It was so much brighter and more alive than anything I had ever had before. The room glowed with its new occupation. Annette said to me "OK its time now" "Time? Time for what?" "Time to make the last change. Out of those male clothes and into your new life." Can you imagine this. One last shred of masculinity remained and I was being asked to shed it now. No more Mr nice guy. In fact no more Mr anything. I looked over the wardrobe carefully. I chose a nice yellow dress. Light and filmy but with a white lace like bodice. Tightly clenched below the shaped bodice, then flowing away from there. Off came the male clothes. All of them. Then into the panties, bra, dress and shoes. I thought of the words from 'MacArthur park' 'I still see the yellow cotton dress, foaming like a wave on the ground around your knees' I thought that it was a good choice. Feminine certainly. But pretty rather than sexy. And the way the dress moved as I walked was guaranteed to keep the attention away from the somewhat heavier shoulders. I felt awfully self conscious though. After wearing suits, ties, or even jeans, this was extremely light. I felt completely naked. A feeling that wasn't helped when I noticed the light from the window behind me. I could see straight through the dress and to a silhouette of the shape within. It was like getting ready to go out naked. Or nearly so. But there was an incredible freedom in that too. Nothing constrained the legs. They just moved freely with no fabric at all to rub as I moved. I felt envious of the freedom women had. Until it hit me. " I don't need to feel envious any more. I CAN wear these things in public now and no one will think it strange at all." There was just one more thing that bothered me. I came out of the room. And I passed the last vestiges of my male clothing over. Hesitantly at first. But once out of my hands I actually felt a relief. No more pretending. No more fighting or resisting. The past was gone and now there was only the future. Annette remembered what I had forgotten. She took the wallet, and keys etc. Emptied the contents and put them in a more feminine purse. In turn that was placed into a black leather handbag. She handed that to me. "Just one concession to your past," she said "The bag is solid, sturdy and functional as well as being quite appropriate to your clothes. A balance between the old you and the new one." I took the bag and admired it. I was going to have to get used to it being my companion at all times. It wouldn't do to forget it and leave it on the back of a chair for example. I started to put it over my neck the way I would wear a backpack. "Stop". "Not like that" "You wear the bag over one shoulder only. Gently draped there so as to not hide the line of your clothes. Didn't you learn anything from the girls you went out with over the years?" Dumfounded I simply acquiesced. There is a lot to learn and to change. And so there was. Annette took one look at my bed and said "No that won't do at all" Off came all the old bedcovers and sheets. Sporting trophies went too. Cushions in the loungeroom went into the bags. I hadn't really thought about any of this stuff. Girls apartments weren't furnished the same as mine. Annette needed to fasttrack this part of the process. This whole place needed to become a female's pad. With frills, and fluffy things. Pinks and whites. And it needed to be kept immaculate. Spotless. So that if I did invite a male home, they wouldn't smell a rat. I would be just as weird, just as much a creature from outer space, as any other woman. So time to be off again. To get the next set of furnishings. I made sure I wore my bag. Nonchalantly over the shoulder just as my girlfriends had done so often before. Off outside. Into the general public. This was my first time outside in a dress. As a woman. And I wanted to make a good fist of it. Somehow I felt as if I was an imposter. As if I might be discovered as a fake. As if I was committing some grave crime. At each and every moment I was afraid of someone uncovering me. But it didn't happen. There were men who looked at me with appreciation in their eyes. And others for whom I was invisible. A few women who were critically appraising my clothes and general demeanour. I tried to strut out proudly, boldly without giving away the uncertainty I felt inside. With every block I walked, every person I passed, I felt a bit more relaxed. A bit more confident. In time I hoped that I would make a desireable and valuable woman. Too early for that yet. But one day. If I could get the right tuition. So we found various things. A white soft frilly bedspread. Fluffy cushions for the loungeroom. For the dressing table some cute fairies and pretty ornaments. Finally a couple of great big soft cuddly toys. One was a beautiful Samoyed dog. I had never had anything like this before. But it was comforting. I could picture snuggling up to the stuffed Samoyed while watching TV. Although it took all day and several trips, the result was unbelievable. It was like walking into a girl's apartment for the first time. Nothing looked the same. Nothing was exactly as I had grown to expect. But it was nice. More than nice. It was ME. MY apartment. Decorated for me. To enjoy. I wasn't trying to impress my mates. Scared that they might suspect a weakness in my masculinity. I could have the place as a thing of beauty. A wonderful haven to come home to. Slowly I was starting to understand. It isn't women that need liberating. It is men. If only they could experience the freedom that they would have as a woman, I don't think any of them would remain male at all. I know that we women do have problems. That we can be treated as sex objects rather than as intelligent and functioning humans. Actually because I was still underdeveloped that wasn't something that I was likely to run into in the immediate future. Perhaps further down the track. I wonder how big I will end up. When all the changes are finalized. I look at my hair. It isn't long but it is definitely soft and feminine. I think I will try shoulder length or longer when I can. JUNE I have spent my whole first month as a woman. It no longer seems weird. I wear dresses all the time as I was advised to. It is getting easier all the time. When naked I look closely at the changes. The scrotum became fleshy and gradually separated into two lips. And the clitoris ( for that is what it has become now) has continued to shrink. Sometimes I can see the tip of it just poking out slightly but the rest of the time it is hidden in the folds. Just as it should be. My breasts are getting larger all the time. Already I have had to replace my "A" cups for "B" cups and there is no reason to suspect it will stop here either. But when I look at myself in the mirror. No matter how closely, there is no visual sign that I was ever anything else but a woman. I don't have to worry about the dress blowing up or someone noticing any bulges. There aren't any. I can even wear a bikini if I wish. Even an extremely short high cut one. And there is nothing that could give me away. Even if I pull it tight I just get the "cameltoe" effect. And my hair is growing longer too. I still haven't reached the lovely long flowing locks that I dream of but I can certainly see the progress. Of course nothing comes without a price. This hair needs a lot of brushing. It knots easily and can look like a rat's nest gone wrong. Not the glamorous shining hair seen on ads. And when I wash it to take out grease near the scalp then the ends can become too dry. So reconditioning it after a wash is essential. And speaking of that. It takes forever to dry. Once I could wash my hair in a shower and simply dry myself. In ten minutes the hair was dry all by itself. Not any more. Even with a lot of towelling it takes up to two hours to be fully dry. Of course I tried a hair dryer. That sped it up a lot but it also dried and frizzed the ends. Which was more important to me? At this stage I wanted the beautiful hair so I was prepared to take the time. Perhaps in a few years, when this is all old hat, I will be more inclined to take short cuts. But not yet. I don't know why so many women complain about sexual harassment. I am enjoying a few lascivious stares from men. Every one is like an unspoken compliment. Far more honest, and far more meaningful than a few meaningless words. When a guy walks past and you can sense his head pivot as he moves just to keep you in the centre of his gaze. THAT is a pretty big buzz. And it encourages you to try even harder. While on the subject of looks, I find that I need to wear lipstick. Not for the colour. But the lips are so soft and delicate that they dry out in the sun. After a few painful sessions of dry cracked lips I started to understand that they needed more looking after than my old male lips did. So even without other makeup, my handbag always has a few lipsticks in it. I have started dating men too. Nothing too sexual. Not yet. But I enjoy their company. Their different ways. And the strong hard bodies that they can possess. But mostly I just enjoy hanging out with them and sharing time together. Men do treat me differently now. I think that I should look up some of my old mates and go out with them. Without them ever knowing who I was. Just to see how differently they behave to a woman rather than to a mate. Men always want to buy little things for me. Or do little things. I feel a bit like some sort of princess. I know that they earn more money than I do so they can afford to spoil me a bit. But it is necessary to keep it in balance. They may expect something in return and I am not physically ready for that yet. So it is most important to keep things friendly but platonic. I am so impatient. Waiting for the day when I won't have to keep men at arms length. The time when I know that I can make whatever choices seem right at the time. But it isn't possible yet. If they were to get too intimate they would discover my secret and it would ruin things. How frustrating. For me as much as for them. I want more. But I can't have it yet. As far as my job is concerned, I have been placed as a typist/ receptionist/secretary. One day I will be able to kick start my career again. But in the short run it was felt that I needed to learn more about life as a woman. And here I was mixing with other girls and learning the ropes from the ground up. On the downside I was treated as pretty valueless. Fetching coffee, drycleaning and all those menial little tasks. While still trying to keep up with the filing, the emails, the bill paying etc. So work was pretty continuous. But only at work. Once out of the place work was over. The time was mine. No one bothered to ring me up late at night to say that there was a problem with our software, or our marketing that needed immediate attention. No more broken weekends simply because there was a deadline and we couldn't afford the time off to eat or sleep. I could party, I could play. I could LIVE! So I didn't have a lot of money. Who cares. It would be nice to be able to afford some of those really top class dresses though. And I am sure that some jewelery would help to highlight my clothes. In the evening of course. I do have to fend off an occasional amorous advance from my boss. A bit tricky. But I think that is all part of the game. He needs to make the advances to feel masculine. But if I didn't rebuff them politely then his marriage would be in trouble and he wouldn't thank me for that. It is all in HOW the game is played. Not just the game itself. You don't say things like "Not if you were the last man on earth and I was starving to boot" You need to be subtle. Tactful and polite. Flatter their egos a bit. I can see that after many years of marriage they simply need to know that they are still of interest. To know that there are other women who might enjoy their company. They still love their wives. Don't misunderstand that. But they just want a bit of reassurance. Some of the other girls just don't get it. Their mistake. Having been on the other side of the fence, I knew just how hurtful a rejection can be. And I was discovering just how much power I had as a young woman. Power to please, or power to hurt. The choice was mine. One thing that I still find funny. Each day I look at the wardrobe carefully planning my clothes for the day ahead. Making sure that each piece complements the remainder. Trying to make sure that I don't wear exactly the same outfit for a long time. So that every day there is something different to be looked at. I don't like short skirts much. Men seem to like them. But they have no particular interest. They show all at first glance. So who is going to waste time looking over and over again. Clothes that tease are far more provocative. A split that is closed most of the time but opens just often enough that the men need to keep an eye out just in case their luck is in. (It never will be of course. There are ties inside to make sure that it goes "this far and no further" . But don't tell the men. It would spoil a lot of their fun). Sometimes I like to use a see through blouse. With a black bra. So they can get tantalizing glimpses of the bra while seeing nothing at all. Not as much as they would in a swimsuit. Occasionally I can hear a gasp. A quick short involuntary breath as they catch a bit of a glimpse. Men are such pussies. OCTOBER I know it has been a long time since I last wrote. The thing is that the changes are getting slower now. But I have one bit of exciting news. I have a real and functioning vagina now. Still not big enough for real use. But it lubricates, and I can get one of my small fingers into it. Another giant step forward. I know that any day now I will end up with my first period. I can't possibly fit a tampon so I have stocked up with a range of pads. And even keep a few in the handbag. If I had always been a woman I would have had an idea of when one is due. But until I get some form of regular cycle it is just like the sword of Damocles. Something hanging over your head. Ready to drop at any time. But with no idea of when. I wonder how long I will have to wait for it to grow to a useful size. For a "normal" girl it grows over many years. I certainly don't want to wait that long. How does one go about finding a nice man with a pencil dick. Because that is all that I could possibly cope with at the moment. Even that would stretch me to bursting point. But the thought of being filled to bursting point by a man wasn't upsetting me at all. In fact quite the opposite. I didn't have to worry about being too big. Not tight enough. Not enough sensation. I could practically crush a guy if I tried. The whole apparatus is very small. Maybe as big as a ten to twelve year olds. But with the toned muscles of an adult. And I was keeping those muscles. I have been a regular at the gym. They don't treat me as a newbie any more. I can lift quite respectable sets and keep repeating them until my body shines and gleams with a thin film of sweat. Unlike some of the fatties, I don't feel embarrassed about how I look when exercising. I think I look pretty hot. Today on the 13th of October it finally happened. There were definite blood spots. Enough that I had to get out one of my emergency pads. I can't say they are the most comfortable things to have stuck between your legs. They dry the surface of the skin and rub. Not to mention the fact that I can smell myself and I am worried that others can too. It isn't that I am unclean. Just somehow the body smells different at this time. I just realized what this means. I haven't just got a vagina. Vaginas don't bleed. Deep inside I now have some form of uterus. A real one. One that may one day be capable of holding a baby inside me. Even if I can't fit a penis inside, is it possible to get myself pregnant? No. W