Won t Be Ignored Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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Xander the Vampire Slayer
"In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against
the demons, vampires and forces of darkness... she is the Slayer."
"I see more than anybody else does, because nobody's watching me." -
Xander Harris.
Xander Harris shook his head, trying to clear it. Then he remembered. He
had been knocked out, right into a thorn bush, trying to help his best
friend defend herself against a monster.
Again.
He was still trying to collect himself when she came over and offered
him her hand.
"How did I end up over here?" he asked her.
"You fell victim to a right cross," his friend said.
"Did we get him, at least?"
"He's dust."
"Good for that. Just another typical night for the Slayer, right,
Buffy?"
"Pretty much. Although from what I've learned, most Slayers don't have
help."
"Lucky you, you got me, and Willow."
"Yeh, about that, Xander. I ... appreciate you wanting to patrol with me,
but I'm afraid you're going to get hurt. Maybe staying on the research
end like Willow would be a good idea?" Buffy said and started back
toward home.
She looked back at Xander struggling to pick out thorns out of his pants
and added, "After all, you're just a guy."
Xander tried to straighten up, but he couldn't meet her gaze. "Yeh. Just
a guy..." he muttered.
*******
"I laugh in the face of danger. And then I hide until it goes away,"
Xander Harris.
"How did it go, Xander?" his best friend Willow asked.
"Great! I was a big help," Xander said.
"Got knocked out right away again, huh?" she said, smiling.
"I'm sure that split second I distracted the vamp really made a
difference," He said.
"I'm sure it did," Willow said, "come on, let's get back to studying."
"Will, do you ever get... frustrated helping Buffy."
"What do you mean, Xander?"
"She faces these unbelievable dangers and there's so little any of us
can do to help."
"Xander, Buffy's the Slayer. She can handle whatever comes. And we do
help. You do help."
"Thanks, Will. You always know how to make me feel better."
"Anytime. Now, about your homework for this week?"
*****
"Cavalry's here! Cavalry is a scared guy with a club, but it's here."
Xander Harris.
The next day at school , Xander found himself unburdening himself on a
young woman . Normally, he was very careful about who he told about
Buffy to, but somehow, this girl put him at ease, and he found it easy
to grouse about things.
"Just a guy, she says. Just once I wish ..."
"What do you wish?" she said, looking him in the eyes.
"I wish that just once, I could be the one who saves the day," he said.
"Granted!" she said and the world span.
"Time to get up, dear," Xander heard coming from somewhere below him.
"Whoa. What was that about?" he said and then he put a hand to his
throat. "What's with my voice?"
He slid off the bed and then saw a reflection in a dresser mirror.
Looking back at him was not his own reflection but that of his friend
and crush, Buffy Summers.
"I'm ...Buffy? I'm a girl?" He managed to say before his legs began to
give way.
Buffy's mom came in the room and caught "Buffy" before "she" fell over.
"Are you okay. Buffy?" Buffy's mother Joyce said.
"It's gotta be some kind of spell .. I gotta get to Giles," Xander said
in Buffy's voice.
"Maybe I should take you to the hospital instead," Joyce Summers said
and started to help her to her feet.
"No, miss Sum... I mean, Mom," Xander said. He shook her off and stood.
"Sorry, I got to go," He said and went leave.
"You might want to get dressed first," Joyce said.
"Oh." He looked down at Buffy's body and realized "she" was wearing a
nightie.
He closed his eyes and thought. "Sorry, Buffy."
"Excuse me while I get dressed?" He said to Joyce.
"Okay, dear," She gave "her" a kiss on the cheek and left the room.
Once she was gone, Xander picked a simple t-shirt and jeans, and closing
his eyes, pulled off the nightie, and slipped on the jeans and shirt as
quickly as he could. Only once he had done this did he realize Buffy
probably usually wore a bra, but he felt unequal to the task of facing
that prospect, so decided to go without.
He stopped downstairs to grab a muffin, and then slipped on a pair of
sneakers and was running out the door.
"I got to find Willow and Giles," He thought, as he ran toward school.
*****
"Do you think I chose to be like this?" - Buffy Summers.
At the same time Xander was trying to figure out how to dress Buffy's
body without actually looking at it, Buffy woke to the sounds of
shouting.
Instinct kicked in, and she span off the bed, reaching for the stake she
kept on the nightstand...
Which wasn't there, and she fell to the floor.
"I better practice more," Buffy thought, as she picked herself up. She
went to brush herself off and stopped.
"Something is definitely not right ...," she thought, and then looked down
and saw Xander's body.
"I'm .... Xander?" She said.
The screaming from downstairs stopped for a moment, and then Buffy heard
a female voice say, "Xander, you better get ready quick!"
"Xander, if you're in my body right now...." she thought.
With great reluctance, she realized she needed to get dressed if she
wanted to figure out what was going on. So, trying hard to ignore the
fact she was in the body of a boy, she completed the task as quickly as
possible and ran downstairs.
Xander's parents were having what sounded like a fight, but from what he
had told her about them, that might be normal. She quickly searched
around until she found some cereal and had a bite to eat. Once she was
done, she slipped on a pair of runners, and ran out the door and headed
for school.
She had gotten only a block, when she heard a familiar voice behind her
say "Xander, wait up."
She turned and looked into the face of her friend, Willow Rosenberg. She
made a quick decision.
"Hi. Willow. Listen, I don't know if you're going to believe this ..."
***
"Occasionally, I am callous and strange." - Willow Rosenberg.
"You're Buffy?" Willow asked.
"Yes, it's me, Willow."
"You're Buffy," Willow repeated.
"You said that. Yes, it's me, I'm in Xander's body."
"So where is Xander?"
"I don't know."
"So what do we do?" Willow asked anxiously.
"There is only one thing we can do."
"Ask Giles," they said together.
*****
"If anyone sees my spine laying about, just try not to step on it." -
Xander Harris
Xander ran into the school and was about to head for the library when
the bell rang.
"Shoot!" I'll have to go to classes first," he thought.
The morning was frustrating. He ended up going to the wrong classes a
couple of times, and even those he got to he felt lost in. Fortunately,
Buffy wasn't regarded as a great student, so his confusion was not
really noticed, or so he thought.
Meanwhile Willow had gone to her morning classes and Buffy was having
the same problems. Only she was having to deal with Gym as well. Not
only did she miss her Slayer skills, her balance and coordination was
completely off, and she came off as a total clutz. Then the hardest
part, managing a shower with guys. She got in and out as fast as
possible, got dressed in Xander's clothes, and ran to the library, only
to hear the voice of Principal Snyder saying "Stop right there, young
man."
*****
"You should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course in this
instance, where I am clearly right and you're clearly wrong." - Rupert
Giles.
Xander finished the last class of the morning and ran for the library.
He burst through the doors and saw Mr. Giles sitting at a table, with a
group of large books strewn out across it.
"Ah, Buffy, just in time."
"Giles, you are not going to believe what happened this morning," he
said.
Rupert Giles looked at his student and said, "Does it have something to
do with Master's servants trying to get him out of his confinement? if
not, it should wait."
"Giles, you have to listen to me. I'm not the Slayer."
"We've had this discussion. Fate chose you and you have to fulfill your
destiny."
"Giles, you're not hearing me. I'm not Buffy."
"Is this one of those pop culture references I never get?"
"No, Giles. I'm not Buffy. I'm Xander."
"What?"
"I'm Xander."
Just then, Willow came into the library and said, "Giles! Buffy is
Xander!"
"How did you know, Will?" Xander said.
"Xander? is that you in there?"
"I thought we'd established that."
"No. I meant Buffy is in Xander's body."
"Uh oh," Xander said.
As if invoked, at that moment Buffy came into the library.
"Sorry I'm late Will. Snyder wanted to talk to me, I mean Xander."
"Is that you, Buffy?" Xander said.
"Xander? is that you in my body?"
"Yeh. Sorry."
"Are you telling me that you and Xander have switched bodies, Buffy?"
"Yes, Giles. I'm in his body and I guess he's in mine."
"And do either of you have any idea how that might have happened?"
There was an uncomfortable silence.
"It ... might be my fault," Xander said.
"Why am I not surprised. What did you do, Xander," Giles said.
"Yesterday at school I was talking to my friend and I groused about how
little help I am to Buffy, and ..." Xander looked at the floor.
"And what?" Giles said.
"I wished that just once I could save the day."
"You said what?" three voices said in unison.
Xander looked at the others. "Oh come on, who expects a wish to come
true?" he whined.
"Xander, we live on top of the Hellmouth. The abnormal is normal here,"
Buffy said.
Giles took off his glasses wiped them, and put them back on. He then
said, "Regardless of Xander's foolish wish, we have a problem, and it
requires the Slayer."
"You were saying something about the Master when I came in," Xander
said.
"Indeed. It appears his underlings have a plan to release him, and worse
a way to make him much more powerful besides."
"That could be a problem, Giles. I'm not exactly at full strength here,"
Buffy said.
"I'll do some research on how to switch you back. Willow, will you help
me?" Giles said.
"Of course."
"What should I do?" Xander asked.
"Stay out of trouble. While I try and fix this mess you caused."
"Come on. I've got Buffy's Slayer abilities. you are definitely going to
need my help."
"Actually he's got a point, Giles."
"All right. But follow her lead, understand?."
"Understood."
"Wait. What about your mom, Buff? " Willow said.
"I better call her this afternoon and tell her I'm going to be studying
at your house, Willow."
"Actually, Xander better phone. You don't exactly sound like you at the
moment."
"I'll take care of it, Buffy," Xander said.
"Good," Mr. Giles said. "Now, before you go, I want you to take a look
at a picture of the artifact they are trying to find. " He went over to
a pile of books, and after a few minutes of searching, put a large tome
on the library table.
"Here is the artifact," he said, opening the book to a page with a
drawing on it.
"It looks like an upside-down cross. A vamp can use this?" Buffy asked.
"Apparently. And if they perform the proper ritual, it will send
enormous power to the Master. He will be able to break out of his
confinement, and nothing on Earth will be able to stand in his way."
"So we have to stop them before they find the find the artifact, and
start the ritual. No problem, right, Buffy?" Xander asked.
Buffy just shook her head.
"You, my friend, have a lot to learn about being a Slayer. And you
better learn quick, since you are one, at the moment."
"I really didn't mean for this to happen Buff. Honest.."
"It's okay, Xander. We'll fix this," Willow said.
"Thanks."
A bell rang.
"Oh crap. Afternoon classes are about to start," Xander said.
"You all better go. Meet me here after classes, and we'll map out a
strategy" Giles said.
"Okay," the three teens said, and left.
As they walked down the hallway, Xander said, "Buffy, please watch how
you walk. You're making my body walk like a girl."
"Like I can help that? Besides, you're making my body walk like a man."
"Sorry. And you have to believe me Buffy, I never expected this to
happen."
"I know, Xander. I'm just frustrated. I'm going to need my Slayer skills
to stop this situation, and you have them."
"Well, I guess you know how I feel around you, most of the time."
"I...I'm sorry Xander. I never meant ...."
"It's okay, Buff. But here's our first class of the afternoon. Let's
just try and survive the day."
"Sounds like a plan."
They found their seats, but although both tried to pay attention, they
both had moments when seeing their own bodies from the outside served as
a distraction. Once the class was over, Xander said, "That went as well
as it could."
"You did okay, I guess," Buffy said, "Oh crap."
"What?"
"After this next class, the one following is Gym."
"Oh boy. What do I do, Buffy? Getting dressed in your body this morning
without looking was hard enough."
"You got dressed without looking?"
"Yeh. It felt ... wrong to peek."
"It would've been. Thanks."
"But what do I do?"
"I don't know. Maybe try and claim you're sick or something."
"Okay. I'll try."
Xander found it hard to focus during the next class, thinking about what
he could do to avoid Gym. Once the class was over, Buffy said, "What's
your next class again?"
"Biology. Don't worry about not being good at it. I'm not."
"Okay. Good luck getting out of Gym."
Xander decided to pretend he had twisted an ankle, so he limped in to
see the teacher. But when he told her about his "injury", she said,
"That's okay, Buffy. Today, you girls are getting a film on ... feminine
hygiene."
Xander found the next forty-five minutes almost unbearably cringe-
worthy.He had always struggled with thinking about girl having a period,
but now it was much worse. He was in a girl's body. It could happen to
him, and would, unless he switched back in time. He resolved that no
matter what it took, he would get out of Buffy's body before her cycle
started.
Finally, it was over, and he made his way back to the library to meet
the others. "Hi. I've just learned more about the female cycle than any
heterosexual male should ever learn. How was your afternoon."
"Rats. I was actually looking forward to that class," Buffy said.
"You know, there was no part of that conversation that didn't seem
weird," Willow said.
Giles took off his glasses, wiped them with a cloth, and said,"If I
could perhaps get you two to pay attention to our current dilemma? "
"Sorry Giles," Buffy and Xander said simultaneously.
"All right. Now, Buffy, you and Xander must go looking for the artifact.
If by midnight, you don't find it, you must go to the spot above the
Master's resting place to stop the ceremony any way you can. Willow, I
want you to help me set up a spell that will nullify the power of this
artifact."
"What about switching Buffy and Xander back?" Willow asked.
"If we get through this night, we can work on that tomorrow," Giles
said.
"O..kay," Willow said.
Buffy and Xander left the library, both shaking their heads.
Willow turned to Giles and asked, "Mr. Giles, shouldn't we focus on
getting them back in their own bodies before they have to face the
Master's servants? I mean, Buffy needs to be the Slayer to prevent his
rising, doesn't she?"
"I actually have some confidence in Xander's abilities to handle this
situation, Willow."
"This is going to sound bad, but why? He's a great guy, but he wont know
what to do."
"It has to do with his wish. If I'm right about the kind of creature
that granted his request, she will have to fulfill the wish to the
letter. And remember what he wished for?"
"He.... wished he could save the day. So you think the wish means he has
to win?"
"It's possible. But these creatures are also notorious for corrupting
the spirit of the wish. To give one example, he could have 'saved the
day' as he put it without a body switch."
"So, what do we do?"
"We do what we'd do if they hadn't switched. We make the spell to
nullify the artifact's power, and hope its enough. And then we get them
switched back as fast as possible, afterwards."
"Okay."
"Now, lets get started."
******
"Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice to we have?" -
Angel.
Angel was up at the crack of sunset, ready for another night's hunting.
Back when he was Angelous, the hunting was for human victims. Now,
thanks to the gypsy curse that gave him back his soul, he hunted the
hunters instead. He did this almost automatically for years, until he
met Buffy Summers, and for the first time, he felt something other than
guilt over his evil past.
He'd been out of town for a couple of days, and so really was looking
forward to some time with Buffy. He came out of the cave he'd been using
as a home, and started toward the cemetery. "If Buffy's patrolling,
that's where she should be," He thought, and slid though the night in
that direction.
When he got there, he saw Buffy with Xander Harris, and they seemed to
be pretty chummy. "He's just a friend, that's all," He tried to remind
himself.
He got close, and heard Xander say, "Okay. You take the south side, I'll
go north. You see anything beep me on the phone, dont be a hero, okay?"
"Definitely not going to be the hero. But take care yourself, okay?" he
heard Buffy say.
"Go," Xander said, and took off.
Angel moved in as soon as Xander left, coming behind Buffy and saying,
"Hay."
Buffy squeaked, and jumped. Then she whirled around, and saw Angel, and
said, "Angel. You scared me."
"Hi, Buffy. I've missed you," He leaned in with his lips pursed for a
kiss.
Xander pushed him away, and said, "Angel, I'm na ba....I'm na ba ..."
"What's wrong with me? I can't seem to tell him I'm not Buffy."
"What's wrong Buffy?"
" G... Go after Xander. Please," "Maybe Buffy can tell him."
Angel looked at what he thought was his girlfriend with confusion and
concern.
"Angel, please do it."
"Okay," he said, and left, allowing Xander to breathe again.
****
"Without passion, we would truly be dead." - Angel.
Angel moved quietly to where he had seen Xander go, shaking his head at
the bizarre behavior of his girlfriend.
He moved quickly, and saw Xander carefully trying to get a good look
around the graveyard without being seen.
He whispered, "Xander?"
The boy turned around and a huge smile came on his face "Angel! You're
back!"
Buffy raced toward her boyfriend, and then paused when Angel asked,
"Xander, what's got into you?"
"Oh crap. Angel is seeing Xander, not me."
"Angel it's .. ma .. ma.... I'm Buf.. Buf... " "Why can't I tell him I'm
Buffy in Xander's body?"
Angel looked at what he thought was a young man with concern.
"Something's going on, Xander. First Buffy, and now you."
"Artifact, Angel, must stop them before they raise the Master .."
"Okay. I'm here, Buffy and I can handle it ..."
"Buffy, can't ... doesnt ... I got to do it, it's my job ..."
"Okay, Xander. You're not making any sense, so I think I need to .."
Angel tried to grab the boy, but he slipped out of his grip.
"Angel, dont!"
Something in the boy's voice made the vampire pause.
"What's going on?"
"Just help us find the artifact. I'll explain everything later," Buffy
said
< I hope. > She thought.
"Okay. But either you or Buffy is going to tell me what's going on
after."
"I promise" Buffy said, and then she blinked, and Angel was gone.
****
"Sometimes, my life sucks beyond the telling of it." - Buffy Summers
Buffy struggled with feeling sorry for herself. she loved Angel so much,
and to not be able to hold him, to kiss him. ... the pain was worse than
anything she had felt in any fight. But before she could spend a lot of
time in self-pity, she heard voices coming from the graveyard.
She moved forward, and then she saw them. About a dozen vampires were
gathered around a tomb while two of their members were breaking down the
door.
She froze, and then gasped.
Xander, in her body, had jumped into the cluster of vamps. She actually
landed feet first on one of them, knocking it to the ground. Without
pausing, he whipped out a couple of wooden stakes, and threw them at two
of the vamps. Both stakes hit their targets, and moments later both of
them had turned to dust.
One of the remaining vamps struck Xander, knocking her to the ground.
But before the creature could take advantage, Xander did a back-flip,
kicking the vamp in the process. The other vamps started to get in the
fight, and Buffy got worried.
Xander might have the power of the Slayer at the moment, but even the
Slayer could die....
Just then Angel jumped in, showing the demonic face that all vamps
showed when they were in full rage.
Just because Angel had a soul didn't make that face any less scary ....
Finally, Buffy shook off the paralysis she had been under, and ran
toward the fight.
She reached one of the vamps, and hit it with both fists on it's back
The vamp staggered, and turned around.
"That was a mistake, little boy," it said snarling.
Buffy tried to punch the vamp, but Xander's body was no match for the
supernatural speed of the vampire. It caught her fist, and bent her hand
back until Buffy cried out.
Time seemed to slow, as the vampire opened up it's mouth to reveal
fangs.
The vamp bent her neck, and prepared to bite ...
Suddenly, the vamp stopped, and clutched its chest. A second later,
Buffy was covered in dust as the vampire disintegrated.
"You okay, Buffy?" Xander said, still holding the stake he had used to
kill the vampire.
Buffy rubbed her wrist, and said, "I'll be okay. I guess this is harder
than it looks."
Xander smiled, and Buffy felt odd looking at her own face doing that
expression.
"I guess now you know how I feel most of the time," he said.
Buffy was about to respond, when they heard Angel say, "If you're done
rescuing Xander, I could use a hand here!"
Xander turned, and went back to the battle.
As Buffy watched him go, she felt like crying, and not just because her
wrist hurt. Her helplessness in the face of the vampire and ate at her
self-confidence. She
thought.
She sat on a tombstone rubbing her wrist and struggling with her
emotions for about ten minutes or so, and then she heard Xander say in
her voice, "We've got it!"
Buffy got up, and went over to where she heard the voice, and found both
Angel and Xander pretty beat up, but smiling.
Xander had a bruise on his face, was limping noticeably, and was holding
one arm against his side stiffly. Angel had cuts and slash marks on his
face, hands, and chest, as well as having his clothes ripped and
shredded.
Xander held the artifact in one hand, and said, "We've got to get this
to Giles so he can neutralize it, right now."
"I'll come with you," Angel said.
But Xander turned to him and said, "No. You can't come."
"What? Why?"
"Just trust me. Trust the Slayer instinct."
Angel looked at Xander. Buffy wished she could tell the man she loved
that the person he was talking to wasn't her, that they had switched
bodies, but somehow, she couldn't form the words, and so kept silent.
Xander said again. "Trust the Slayer. Please."
"Okay. But soon, I want an explanation."
"Promise."
"Okay, for now," Angel said, and stalked off into the darkness.
"Why did you do that?" Buffy asked.
"I... I dont know. It's like I just ... knew it. Maybe it really is
Slayer instinct."
"Okay. Lets get back to Giles and get this taken care of, so we can
switch back."
Slowly and carefully, the two teens hobbled out of the cemetery, and
headed for the high school.
****
"I dont play well with others." - Buffy Summers.
The two teens made their way back to the school library, and by the time
they got there, Xander was limping less, as the Slayer healing ability
kicked in. They walked into the library, and saw both Giles and Willow
pacing anxiously.
"Xander!" Willow cried when she saw them come through the door.
"Buffy, are you alright?" Giles asked.
"Hurt my wrist. Xander's wrist. Whatever," Buffy said.
"But it's worth it. We got the artifact," Xander said.
"Well done, Xander. So how do you feel about being the Slayer?" Giles
asked.
"No offence, but I think I'll be happy to be me."
"The Slayer's life isnt an easy one," Giles pointed out.
"No kidding. So how do we do this?"
"Well, as it turns out, we can use this artifact to effect the switch,
and in the process drain it, making it powerless thereafter."
"Two for one, good deal," Buffy said.
"Lets get started," Willow said.
Giles had Buffy and Xander sit facing each other, each holding on to an
end of the artifact while Willow poured a powder in a circle around
them. Once Willow had finished the circle, Giles began to read from a
huge book, speaking in what sounded to Xander like Latin.
When he finished, he threw a small vial at the circle, and there was a
flash. Both teens gasped, and glowing lights escaped out of their
mouths, a pink one coming out of Xander while a blue one left Buffy.
The two lights fluttered about for a moment, and then the pink light
headed for Buffy while the blue one entered Xander. Both teens glowed
for a moment, and then fell back.
A moment later, Willow was cradling Xander asking if he was okay while
Giles was kneeling beside Buffy.
"My wrist hurts," Xander said. "Hey! I'm me again."
"How about you, Buffy, you okay?" Giles asked.
"Xander you broke one of my ribs. I'm never lending you my body ever
again," Buffy said in a mock-anger voice.
"No problem," Xander said. "And I'm sorry for all this. This all started
because I couldn't deal with being just a guy."
"You have a lot more going than you realize, Xander. You handled being
me, and prevented the Master from getting the artifact. And I'm glad
you're my friend," Buffy said.
"Thanks."
"Well, if the ego stroking is over, we still have work to do. We need to
find the creature that performed the spell in the first place," Giles
said.
"Tomorrow, Giles. I need to heal a bit," Buffy said.
"All right. Tomorrow it is," Giles said.
*****
"A Slayer's job is never done." - Buffy Summers.
Elsewhere, the girl that Giles was speaking of was meeting a shadowy
figure in a closed store with a pile of boxes marked "Costumes"
scattered about.
"Not exactly the result I was hoping for," the figure said.
"There is always an element of unpredictability in such spells. And if
they had made the mistake of allowing the vampire to go with them the
counter-spell would have failed, leaving the Slayer stuck in the wrong
body forever," She said.
"Ah, well. It distracted the Slayer and her Watcher, allowing me to set
up my little shop here. Still, your failure must be dealt with." The
figure raised a crossbow and fired it into the girl.
She screamed and turned into dust.
"I guess if you want a Slayer taken down, you have to do it yourself,"
the figure said, and patted one of the boxes. "We'll have to see how she
deals with Halloween, wont we?"
Fin.
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