The Dogging Diaries - IX free porn video

Diary Entry: September 2008 What the hell is going on here? Ryan and I both slept in and when we woke up I wasn't exactly sure what to do or say. All he said was, "crazy night, last night." I don't really understand everything that happened. I feel terrible that it did and yet, I don't feel like I did anything wrong. It's not like I wanted this to happen. I was just doing what he told me. I feel dirty. I can still feel Tom's cock inside me, still feel his cum. I don't want this to affect my relationship with Ryan. He seems to be avoiding the subject altogether. How can I get through to him? End Diary Entry Diary Entry: 2008 Nice day today. Ryan had work to do, but he sent me off with the credit card and I got my nails done (hot pink - I think I'm holding on to summer), a bunch of new g-strings and matching bras from Frederick's and a sexy pair of silver Steve Madden sling-back heels. I came so close to getting a beautiful pair of gold Jimmy Choo sandals, but I would have felt bad spending that kind of money when it isn't my own. Plus, I don't like gold - at least that's what I told myself anyway. I would prefer a diamond! The Maddens are fucking hot anyway. I spent a long time at the MAC counter trying some new product and looks, but I didn't get anything there either. I got back and modeled some of the new buys for Ryan and then he fucked me deep and hard on the kitchen floor. My new shoes looked so fucking good when my knees were pressed against my tits. Gorgeous. And a delightful cum from both of us. Ryan was an animal. End Diary Entry I find this part of my diary the hardest to read. I know what I was going through at the time emotionally. I hadn't reconciled the rape yet. I was just a raw nerve; trying my best to hold on to the man I loved through the thing he loved best about me - my sex. I can feel it when I read this. I was frayed. What's worse, I can see the changes in Ryan. He was treating me differently than he had before. I was blind. Diary Entry: October 2008 After a good fucking from Ryan last night I was finally able to broach the subject of Tom and everything that happened. We were lying in bed and I brought it up: "Honey, can we talk for a little while about the night in Boston?" "Sure," he said. We were holding each other and I kissed him. "Well, give me your thoughts." "I don't really have any." He doesn't fucking have any? What is it about guys and feelings? I paused for a second, and then, "Well, I feel funny about it." "OK, about what?" he asked. "Well, it doesn't seem like you're mad at me, which is good, because I feel like I was only doing what you asked," I said. "I didn't want it to happen. There was a time in my life when that would have been fun for me, but last night wasn't fun. I love you. I want it to be us, not us and other people. But you told me a couple of times that night you thought it was hot seeing me with another guy. Do you feel that way?" "It was just a night, Kristy," he said. "Just one of those things." Then he rolled over. "Wait," I said, pulling him back over to face me. "I want you. Only you." "OK," he said, slightly annoyed. "I understand. You don't have to make such a big deal about it." At that point I could have said any number of things, probably none of them productive, so I dropped it. I didn't want Ryan to be upset before sleep. I didn't want either of us to fall asleep with any bad emotions really, so I slipped under the covers and lovingly took his cock in my mouth. I could still taste our juices on it - so incredibly sensual. I gave him a long, lingering blowjob, just using my mouth, taking my time to pleasure my man. His divine cum flooded into me about ten minutes later. I was careful to swallow all of it. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: October 2008 I have to admit, housewife suits me pretty well. Ryan and I had blissful wakeup sex this morning, I got up, tucked my clit, wiggled into blue g-string, slipped into my blue 4" Bandolino pumps, threw on some hot pink lipstick and had a breakfast of wheat toast and grapefruit waiting for Ryan when he got out of the shower. I'm falling in love with the idea of being the sexiest housewife I can be. I don't want to be some hag in pajamas and slippers. I finally have the confidence in my body, so I want to show it off. To be high gloss. Not high maintenance, hopefully, but high gloss. A hot chick. I want him to think about me all day. I want to turn his head. Anyway, I got Ryan off to work, changed into my running pants and a sports bra and went for a 4 mile run (two guys definitely checked me out - flattering). Then I came back, showered quickly, dried myself thoroughly and went for my spray tan In 5" heels, yoga pants (they make my ass look so good) and a loose sweatshirt. I fucking love that I can pretty much wear anything now. After tanning, I stopped at the grocery store for some basics and when I got back the cleaning people were still here, so I helped them a little bit and saw them off. Then I prepared some fresh salads for dinner and started getting ready for Ryan to come home. I wore a tight, short, low cut leopard print dress and a tight black g-string under it to hide my tucked clitty. I finished with 5" fuck me's - dark brown - and light makeup on my newly tanned face. I made my eyes and lips pop with some glitter, poured myself a glass of wine and waited for my man. He got home, we had a drink, the salads, another glass of wine and then he fucked my deliciously tanned ass twice before we both collapsed in a heap. He said I smelled like honey. I'll take that. And maybe about ten thousand more days just like it. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: October 2008 What a fucking blast. Ryan dressed me up in next to nothing - the skankiest Leg Avenue spandex tube dress he could find in my closet (hot pink) and 6" clear Lucite heels with pink ribbons, a tight, pink g- string, way too much pink-based makeup and glitter galore - and took me shopping at the Providence Place Mall to turn heads and basically serve as foreplay for the rest of our day. I felt exactly as I looked - like a hooker - but it definitely got the attention of a lot of people. My tits were on full display since he didn't want me to wear a bra. Hello nipples. Still, I enjoyed the attention and it totally turned him on and he ended up fucking me at a rest stop (like a hooker) on the way home. So sexy. While we were at the mall, he had me riding the escalators as he checked out the reactions of different guys and watched them try to fight for position to be a lower step so they could look up my dress. I wouldn't be surprised if some of them got a good view between my legs. They must have been a little confused, because I can tuck so well that my lines are smooth, but I can't make my clit disappear like some magic show. It's small, but it's there. Like what you see boys? And oh, by the way, can you see my dirty, hungry pussy too? If he wants me to be his slut, I will be that for him. I told him that, pledged it to him really. He ended up fucking me three times today, so clearly I turn him on ? and that?s exactly the way I want it. End Diary Entry I think this is the most telling of all my entries around this time because it doesn?t only speak to my relationship with Ryan, it also speaks to my willingness to satisfy the person I love. I could not be better versed in the struggles tgirls face for acceptance from society. I know far more than I would like to about discrimination or simple cruelty. And yet here I was, dressed like a whore in broad daylight because the person I loved wanted me to be. Hopefully the tgirls reading this understand where I?m coming from, because to do what I did was not an easy decision for me. Had I been ?made? as a tgirl, I would have set the stereotype back a hundred years ? just another freak being inappropriate. That would have killed me. I love that last line. Sometimes my diaries don?t convey the trepidations I feel doing certain things. And I have countless entries that I have left out of The Dogging Diaries that don?t fit the narrative of the journey, but instead detail a lot of the struggles I have faced along the way and my thoughts on tgirls and society in general. At some point I would love to release some of those, because I have fought for transgender rights countless times in both organized and informal settings. I love my tgirls. Anyway, back to the diary ? Diary Entry: October 2008 Am I becoming a rich bitch? I suppose not. It?s not my money. But still, another day of servicing my man in the morning, then breakfast in lingerie, working out, going to the salon, getting myself pretty, tending to the house wearing next to nothing and getting dinner ready. Then we eat and we fuck and we drink and we do a couple of lines and we fuck again and then we fall asleep. My heart, body and pussy are yours, Ryan, to do as you please. End Diary Entry On the surface these were good times. But, Ryan and I never really resolved the whole night in Boston. It just sort of faded away. I didn?t understand it, and that bothered me. He wouldn?t talk much about it and that bothered me even more. And still, I was a rape victim being thrown back into the sexual wild. I?m not saying that to arouse sympathy ? I?m saying it because it is true and really clouded me. I had major emotional issues to deal with, but I never did anything about it. I just kept serving breakfast in a bra and panties, waiting to be bent over again. I?m sure I looked like I was OK. I?m sure it looked like I - and like we - were in a great pattern and really enjoying ourselves. I was truly ?living the dream? - the good life, the clothes, cars and money - and I would have done anything for him. Not because of those things, but because of him. I loved Ryan. I don?t want to give too much away, since it all gets resolved, but I know my willingness to please Ryan was a major reason things ended up the way they did. He deserves some blame too. I can only go on the facts that I have. Diary Entry: November 2008 Ryan and I got talking about more surgery today. Just sort of a mutual thing that came up off the cuff. I may go in and have some more facial work done, I?m not sure yet. Definitely some botox and collagen. He told me to set it up. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: November 2008 Turns out they?re going to do a touch of reshaping at my hair line to lower my forehead a little bit more. We got on that topic and I never solved the botox or collagen thing. I can talk to them more about it tomorrow. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: November 2008 I had the surgery, more cranioplasty, the other day. It wasn?t anywhere near as evasive as the first time and I should be healed within a week to ten days. They did another ?hint of lipo? as the doctor calls it too. Whatever, suck that fat. I?ll be your Barbie. I?m doing well. Healing is coming along. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: November 2008 Happy Thanksgiving! Had a really nice meal with Ryan?s Dad. He doesn?t know I?m a tgirl, as it turns out. It kind of bothers me that Ryan never told him. Ryan hit me with that about ten minutes before his father walked in. I?ve spoken with the guy on the phone and in person about fifteen times, you?d think maybe a little information would be nice. I?m a little offended he hasn?t told him, but I wonder if that?s just me being sensitive. Still, if I?m going to keep the secret, I really need to know that there is one to be kept. Saw Mom and Dad and [my sister] too. Everyone seems like they?re doing well. Ryan was the perfect gentlemen and even Mom had to admit I?m looking good. She still hates my tits (not her exact words) and I left out the part about surgery a couple of weeks ago. I think Mom noticed anyway. These things take time to fully heal. But overall it was a nice visit. I love seeing them now that I can be who I am. I know they?re happy that I?m with Ryan and things are so stable in my life. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: November 2008 Ryan brought up the pictures for the website again tonight. He thinks it might be fun to do the whole photo shoot thing. It?s not my first choice. I don?t need to be naked on some website. My ego doesn?t need that. He seems to want it though. Maybe his does? End Diary Entry Diary Entry: December 2008 So we snapped the pictures today. It was kind of the first step to me being naked on the web. Is that a good thing? Do I really want my tits and ass all over the internet? Whatever. Apparently he does. Ryan shot me in the living room. Lots of jewel tones and rich fabrics for a backdrop and plenty of colors in the shots. I think some of them came out great. I was painted up like a stripper and have clear heels on and little else. There?s some shots where I?m topless and enough pictures of my bottom to see that I?ve got good curves and a tight waist. I?ve seen some of the girls they feature, so I should be a no-brainer. End Diary Entry Haha. Be arrogant much? I do love my confidence though. I was looking good and proud of it. And here was my chance to be, so I thought, just like the girls in Hustler all those years ago. Diary Entry: December 2008 We heard back from [shemale porn site] and they want me for the website. I have to admit, it?s pretty flattering to hear that. I guess I?m going to be a web model! Little old me, dropping my panties on the net. I am such a whore! They?re hooking us up with a photographer out of [Massachusetts town], so that?s not too bad of a ride. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: December 2008 We got the email from Carter [the photographer] about the pictures. I want Ryan to be there with me, so it sounds like we may shoot this Saturday. I?m getting my hair and nails done on Friday. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: December 2008 I believe I dipped a clear heel into the porn business today. I did the shots and from what I can tell things came out pretty good. Carter certainly seemed like he knew what he was doing with me; making me feel pretty and giving me good direction. Ryan was a dream and very supportive. Carter took four sets of pictures; one set of me fully clothed, one topless, one naked and one with toys. I was in a plunging, midnight blue tube dress with a keyhole and clear heels ? against a scarlet red backdrop ? for most of the pictures. We did some of the topless ones with the dress pulled down and some others in a pair of dark blue boy shorts. Then I dropped my panties and showed my pussy and clit to the world. Did I really do that? I?m out of my mind. We used a couple of really nice glass dildos for the toy shoot that Carter had bought. Given their nature, they made a lovely parting gift too. It was actually a blast to be all dolled up like that and fawned over. Carter isn?t a hair and makeup guy, but he did a great job giving me some direction on what he wanted and I?m not sure my eyes have ever popped more or been smokier. Who doesn?t like playing dress up? We got back and Ryan took me straight upstairs and gave his model girlfriend a delicious fucking. He told me I was incredibly sexy. I sure felt that way. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: December 2008 Holy conflicted. We received an email from the porn site yesterday telling us that the pictures will be up in less than a week and that they?re ?spotlighting? it as new, featured content on their home page. I?m actually pretty flattered to think that a whole bunch of people are going to be looking at them. Ryan seemed to get a kick out of the fact that a whole bunch of guys are going to be jerking off to them. I have to admit, that?s actually pretty cool. I?ve never considered myself a fantasy before. The next bit of news is the problem. The site offered me a chance to do a scene. A sex scene. A full on porno flick scene, for the cameras with the lighting and everything ? and actors, as in two guys. Ryan wants me to do it, which is a total mind fuck for me because I don?t understand why a guy would want his girl to get fucked by another guy if he truly loved her. He says he does love me, but that?s a weird way to show it. We went at it pretty good when he said I should do it. At first it didn?t really register but then it made me fucking pissed. He claims, and I quote, ?I like the fact that my girlfriend is sexy. I enjoy the thought of other people wanting what I have.? Fine. I can understand that to a point, but he doesn?t seem to care that in this case, other people ARE going to ?have? what he has. I don?t know what to do. It?s fucked up. My life is so different now that I don?t even care about the money ? and they?re offering me over a grand to do it. That?s more than some porn stars make in ?real? ? is that the right word? ? porn movies. I should care about the cash ? for the most part everything I have is Ryan?s, I?m just using it. But it feels like mine. If I do the scene, I should put the money away for safe keeping. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: December 2008 Merry Christmas, Diary. I?m thinking about getting fucked on camera. Is that good? I have no idea, but it appears the wheels are in motion for me to film a two-on-one scene with a couple of hand-picked dudes. Could I be more of a holiday slut if I tried? End Diary Entry Diary Entry: December 2008 Well it?s settled. We?re shooting the scene next week at a house in Rhode Island. I?m not exactly sure why that is. Dan from the company has been in touch and gave me the lowdown, but I never asked him why Rhode Island. In the meantime, there are tests that need to be done (AIDS, etc) and a whole bunch of release forms I need to sign. Dan emailed me a huge packet of information about what I should expect and how I should prepare. It?s actually pretty funny because they?re very clinical and professional in the packet about what I should do and eat over the next couple of days. It should really just say ?these are the things you should do to keep your hooch clean,? and list them but instead there?s a bunch of mumbo-jumbo about specific foods and how ?an enema should be used each of the two days prior to shooting to ensure a cleansed anus? and how ?model (that?s me!) should prepare herself/himself for anal sex scenes by utilizing a one-inch-diameter marital aid used in conjunction with a water-based, unscented, colorless (milky white is OK) lubricant exactly four hours prior to the commencement of the production.? But here?s my favorite ? ?model should use the marital aid to assist in preparing the anal ring and related chamber for insertion during production; however model should refrain from any deep plunging.? Awesome. Boy, the sluts they must work with on some of these things. It?s like, girls ? don?t savagely fuck yourself a couple of hours before we do. And people wonder why the warnings on hair dryers actually state not to use them while in the bathtub. Us girls are dummies. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: January 2009 Happy New Year! So I talked to Ryan last night about the scene this weekend and he continues to tell me he?s all for it. He said he?s OK with me doing it because in the end I?m coming home to him. I asked him if he loved me and he held me close and said he did. He thinks this will be fun and hot and exciting so I should just enjoy it. I got emails from Dan with a little bit of information on the guys that are going to be fucking me. One?s not bad looking, the other is less so but they both have plenty where it counts. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: January 2009 Ryan calls me his porn star. I?m not sure how I feel about that. I did the scene today and managed to enjoy myself the best I could. It?s a lot different from the way I would normally choose to get banged, because they want the girl to use her clit in the scene and I would never use mine during sex. It wasn?t that big a deal, I suppose. They basically just wanted me to rub it and get myself off so it sprays. I can?t get hard anymore because of the hormones so it wasn?t easy but I got it done. I thought I would have some help because I?d cum during sex but they cut so much to change positions and adjust people and lights that I only had one small cum during the shoot. Where to begin? Well, as directed I used my one-inch-diameter marital aid four hours before the shoot, which Ryan thought was a riot because he wanted to watch me do my homework and commented that his type of homework was never as fun. I was told to arrive freshly showered but without makeup. We got to the shoot on schedule about two-and-a-half hours before show time. I totally had delusions of grandeur, because naturally I (Ms Big Time) just assumed there would be dozens of people milling around (and a catering spread), so it was a bit of a self esteem hit to get there and realize it was four people at some random house and that was it. I?m nothing if not adaptable though, so once I got it through my bimbo brain that I am not Nicole Kidman and instead am a shemale slut, everything proceeded as planned. I met Jim, the director, and eventually Mark and Joe, the other ?actors,? aka the guys that were about to fuck me. Carter, my buddy from the photo shoot was also there for cameras. And that was it. All dudes and me, the one chick. Two cameras, one on a tripod with Jim and a handheld that Carter was responsible for. Jim was talented with makeup and helped paint me up. I looked like a whore and everyone seemed please by this. Ryan was amused. Still, I reveled in it, letting someone else do my hair and makeup and tell me I?m beautiful. It?s fun to be ?the talent.? That took a while and then we had a group meeting to talk about the scene and how it was going to go. There wasn?t any hokey setup for it, no pizza delivery boy type of thing; it was just a straight ahead X- rated scene. Me on the bed with the guys, they strip, I suck them for a while, they take off my clothes and play with me for a while, one guy eats me out while the other plays with my tits, one guy fucks me while I blow the other guy. They take turns a little. I cum, they cum, we all go home. Sadly, I was to be the fluffer if one of them had a problem getting it up, another reminder I?m not exactly Jenna Jameson. I didn?t want to smell like smoke, but I was freaking out about 20 minutes before we shot, so I slipped outside in my bathrobe and heels to have a cigarette. Then I came back in and washed my hands and brushed my teeth. I was so nervous about Ryan being there and watching this happen. Me personally, I probably would have done something like this if I was single. I love sex and now that I?m comfortable in my own skin I would have posed for someone, somewhere, sometime. Maybe not porno but certainly provocative still photos. But Ryan was my concern. We decided to do this together, but he was the driver and he?d OK?d it all and now there?s his girlfriend taking two huge cocks on camera. The whole thing boggles my mind. Jim called time and I met Mark and Joe in the bedroom, glad that when I asked them they told me they couldn?t smell any smoke. I was sitting on the bed and looked at Ryan. He was off in the corner behind Carter and Jim, waiting for his girl to get double teamed. I thought about backing out but he seemed involved in the whole thing, sizing up the room and basically being Jim?s assistant, so what the hell? The scene went off as we planned. We started with all three of us sitting on the bed with me in the middle. Then Jim wanted me to put one hand on each crotch through their pants. Then they got up and dropped their drawers and we did a ?position change? with me on my knees in front of them. I have to admit, seeing two eight-inch cocks in front of my face and knowing I had my boyfriend?s permission to do dirty things to them was pretty thrilling. I haven?t seen a lot of random dick lately. I worked both cocks at once, one with my mouth and one with a free hand. Then I stood up and both guys undressed, kissed me and started taking off my clothes. We did another position change and Jim had me lying on the bed as the two guys played with my tits and touched my clit. Mark (I think) lifted my legs up (I kept my silver heels on) and tongued my pussy for a little while as I kissed Joe and let him play with and suckle my tits. Then we cut again and I had to lay there with my legs in the air as Jim applied clear lube to my hole. Looking over at your boyfriend while another man applies lube to your cunt with a large Q-tip isn?t awkward at all. Then he made me use a dildo for a couple of strokes to loosen up before resetting the shot. Once we were reset and Jim was back behind the camera we resumed with me and the two guys on the bed. Mark lifted my legs and curled them around his waist. Then he pressed his cock into my rosebud and slipped into me while I took Joe?s cock in my mouth. I could see Carter moving in for some close-ups out of the corner of my eye and all I kept wondering was how close to my cunt did the zoom get? For a while Mark played with my clit while he fucked me and then Jim called cut and for the next segment Jim wanted me to take Mark?s hand off of my clit and put my own hands on it. The worst part for me was right then, because as we were stopped and listening to Jim, Ryan came over to tell me I was doing great, and of course while he?s saying this, Mark?s still inside me because we?re taking direction from Jim and trying to remain in the same place. Fucking holy-holy-holy awkward talking to your boyfriend with another guy?s dick in your ass. We resumed and I did what Jim asked. Then we did another position switch and Joe fucked me doggie while I sucked Mark and played with my clit. It was time for money shots and Jim wanted my cum on my tummy, so we flipped again and I told the guys to hold out the best they could because it was going to take me a little bit to cum and if at all possible could we not cut because I needed the pussy action to help me. Everyone agreed and we were able to finally get the shot thanks to Mark pounding away on my pussy and helping me along. More nerves then, since another guy had just gotten me off in front of my boyfriend. Once I was done, all that was left was to get the guys to pop (major porn industry insider term!) so I just let my slutty pussy do the work and let those guys bang away on her until Joe pulled out and popped on my ass while Mark?s cum splashed into my face. Jim called ?cut? and that was it. I had learned earlier that sometimes they need to do multiple takes of the cum shot, but that wasn?t needed with my scene. I cleaned myself up, changed, got my money, said goodbye to everyone and then drove home with Ryan. He kept telling me it was hot and evidently he really believed it because we weren?t home five minutes before he fucked me good and deep on our family room couch. All I could think of were the two cocks that had been there less than two hours before. I suppose these are the smaller details that come with dating a girl who makes porno movies. Her heart may belong to you, but her cunt really belongs to the masses. I?m out of my mind. End Diary Entry I could not be more disappointed in the above entry. How do you write a whole page about a porno shoot and not mention the music once? The answer ? because there isn?t any. That obviously gets added later, but still, no mention? Boo, me. Baw-chicka-baw-baw. Diary Entry: January 2009 I need-need-need to have a heart to heart with Ryan and find out what is driving this new behavior. I want to be his girl forever and he seems to be getting off on me being everyone else?s girl. This needs to get resolved. I?ve been the good girl and gone along with the ?extra- marital? sex he wants me to have because things were strained between us and this seemed like what he wanted but I?m losing my mind over here. I need answers. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: January 2009 I suppose that settles it. He?s a different type of guy than I originally thought, but he?s totally in love with me, has been faithful to me and just loves that he ?got his Kristy back.? Now he wants to focus on just being together and having fun. We had a long conversation and he seemed to open up to me more on the topic than he had in the past. He told me he gets off on sex, that he loves ?dirty girls? as he put it ? and then very kindly told me I was more than that ? and that he?s always wanted to be with someone who is open sexually and not afraid to be objectified. He feels like he found that in me because I?ve alluded to my past a couple of times being a little crazy. We both agreed that we had a past before we met each other and there?s nothing wrong with that. He thinks I should play my sexuality up even more, that his feelings are secure with eroticism centered on me and that I should just give in to his whims and go with it. As he said, almost like a sex slave but more on equal footing. Thinking about it, I?m not 100% sure what that means but I understand the concept. I shouldn?t push back on him if he wants me to do something. I?m OK with all of it, I suppose. I told him I didn?t want to just be a good-time girl and he totally understands my feelings and doesn?t want me to think of myself that way. We?re in a relationship and he loves me and he is against me having sex without him knowing about it, but if it ?compliments? (his word) our sex life then he feels it is OK. Personally, I just wanted to know that he feels the same way about me as I do about him. He thinks of me as his and that?s good enough for me. I?ll be anything he wants me to be if he will love me forever. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: January 2009 Such a fun day! I feel like a slutty princess. Ryan took me out and we got my navel pierced. It fucking hurt like hell but it?s sexy as fuck and the pain will go away. That was the last stop on a whirlwind day of shopping that included some awesome strappy Louboutins, not one but two pair of Jimmy Choos and a couple of minidresses from Cache and Tahari. I also got a fun pair of thigh high leggings so I can still be sexy if it?s really cold out. The whole time we were shopping Ryan had me in a way-too-tight spandex dress and fishnet stockings with a garter belt. It was cold out, so I had my coat on part of the time but he got off on having me take it off and walking around. The dress was so tight on my thighs that you could easily see the buttons where my garters attached. So fucking hot and I know one of the sales guys at the phone store would have bent me over if he could have. I suppose under the new arrangement he could have if Ryan wanted him too. Am I back to being a cum dump? Was I ever not one? I gave Ryan a beautiful blowjob on the drive from the mall to the piercing place and I definitely smelled like cum when we got there. Cest les vie. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: January 2009 So this is how it?s going to be? Wouldn?t you know Ryan took me out in Boston and by sarcastic miracle we ran into Tom from the wine bar with the coke stash and wouldn?t you know we went back there and did a bunch of lines and wouldn?t you know that Ryan let Tom fuck me again and we walked out with more coke than I?ve seen in a long time. It?s basically a small mountain. Now I?m being traded for coke? Is that fucking irony? I used to trade my ass for cocaine and now my loving boyfriend is trading it for me. To say I?m unsure about all of this is an understatement and I need to get the scoop from the boy wonder because it?s one thing to do a little blow ? or even a lot of blow ? from time to time but it?s entirely another to be a guy who goes from only using the stuff once in a while to being a guy willing to trade his girl?s hooch for it. Something?s got to give and all I?m getting from Ryan is that he had fun and it was a fun night. I still have some other guy?s cum dripping out of me and it was a fun night FOR HIM? I don?t like this. I don?t want to be bartered or anything like that. I just want to be with my boyfriend. The whole thing is fucked because I have these guilty feelings about getting fucked by someone else but my boyfriend encourages it. That makes the whole thing confusing to me. How am I supposed to feel? Guilty? Fine about it? Fuck. And since it?s obvious to me the meeting with Tom wasn?t by chance, it means he kept in touch with him. Why didn?t he clue me in? Maybe I should face the facts that I?m a slut and I like all of this, but I can?t seem to do that. I can?t seem to let go of my dream of being a one-man woman. End Diary Entry Please leave a review!