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The Dogging Diaries Diary Entry: July, 2009 "Guys, guys, guys! Settle down. This girl will open her legs for the whole room. As long as you're treating her well and keeping her as the center of attention, she's yours to do with as you please. Just make sure you don't treat her too well." The room laughed. "You can fuck her, cum on her, cum in her, slap her, spank her, she's fucking hot and she will go all night if you can." I could hear Ryan getting the crowd of guys ready to do me as I listened through the closed bathroom door. The room sounded full. I'd be filled with hard, heaving cocks within ten minutes. I picked up the short straw with my French cut nails and proceeded to finish the lines of cocaine Ryan had chopped out for me earlier. "Now I took all of your opinions into consideration when I dressed her and I think you're going to like the way she looks." I checked myself in the mirror and casually wiped away a flake of coke from my nose. My auburn hair was teased to porn star extremes, while my eyes were blackened with kohl liner and smoky, purple, grey and white shadow. My lips were fat and plum. I was wearing 6" spiked heels, clear, with ankle straps around red painted toes and black fence net thigh highs. My silver miniskirt was only 4" long, exposing my black g- string panties and my wide, fuckable hips. My matching silver micro bikini top barely covered the erect nipples on my surgically enhanced DD tits. My midriff was bare, tanned, toned, tapering to my 26" waist. Glitter covered me. I was pure shemale sex. "So let me bring her out boys." The room cheered and Ryan opened the bathroom door, stepped inside and said to me: There's 19 out there. Then he dumped another cluster of cocaine onto the counter and began preparing two more lines. I began doing the math in my head. Nineteen cocks at roughly 10 minutes a cum - if each guy wanted to pop twice I was going to be fucked good and hard for the next seven hours. I picked up the straw again and put it to my nose, doing one line with my left nostril and the other with my right. I sniffed hard to get it all into my system and then looked at Ryan as a dog would her master. "Don't worry hon, there's plenty more," he said. "But you're going to have to work for it. You ready?" I retouched my makeup around my nose and then added more glitter to my lips, hair and body. Then I nodded and he opened the door. "Boys, I give you the dirtiest fucking slut you have ever laid eyes on - Kristy!" The room erupted in cheers as a hard rock song began to play on a portable player. I checked my face again and stepped out into the room a bitch in heat ... End Diary Entry Upon Meeting Me OR The Introduction, August 2011 I am a whore and my name is Kristy. What I am comes before my name because what I am defines me and defines what you are about to read. I'm holding in my hand a series of diaries that I've kept for the last several years. I haven't read them in a while and as I flip through, I see it captures my journey perfectly. From the physical extremes I have pushed myself to so I could be beautiful, desired and admired, to the sexual limits I broke through to participate in the bizarre and erotic world of dogging - gang bangs and marathon fuck fests with anonymous strangers. It's an orgy, but I'm the only girl, a shemale whore so cock and cum crazy that I would do anything to get my fix. I don't mind the term "shemale" - I've been called much worse. I am also 33 years old now, old enough to reflect on the life I have lived to this point and the journey I have taken to arrive at this level of whoredom. I am happy. I have no regrets. What you will soon read are extremely real accounts of how I came to be what I am today. They are extremely graphic in nature. Not all of it is pretty and not all of it is dirty. However I will warn you, there is a lot of filth here and it does not wash clean. I will skip the vast majority of my childhood; although I will point out that my journey to Kristy is different from many of the other tgirls I have encountered. I was not a slight boy, not shy nor sickly. I was just a kid, into games and my imagination and doing well in school. I was decent looking, a little husky as a little guy, but not fat. Just a kid with some freckles, some Hot Wheels and a He-Man action figure. My sister, five years older than I, made the move from tomboy to young adult lady when she was 16 or 17. I was 12. She had panties and pantyhose and I tried them on because it seemed like they were calling to me. My penis grew when I did. I tried her skirt on too. It made me harder than I could ever have imagined. I was young and didn't know what it meant, but I knew it was exciting and sexual. I did this three times in the course of three weeks. The fourth time I dressed, my mother caught me. She wasn't happy or mad, she simply asked why. All I could tell her was what I was feeling inside - "I wanted to know what I would look like as a lady." That was good enough for her. I was 12. No big deal. But, those feelings never really went away. Not that I thought about it much, since I had moved on to other games, other toys or whatever. Maybe the Atari and Missile Command or something. But I know they never completely went away because when I was 15 my neighbor and I started buying Playboys and Hustlers at a convenience store that was kind enough to sell them to underage kids and when I looked at them I 1) became turned on and 2) wanted to be the girl. I didn't want the girl, I wanted to be her. I wanted to be wanted and I wanted to be fucked. I wanted to feel the same desire from men that I felt for her. I thought about transitioning or going on this journey throughout my late teenage years and throughout college, although I never did anything about it until I was 23 years old. When I said a few paragraphs back that I have no regrets, I lied. I regret not accepting my feelings until I was 23. I think of the 7 to 10 years I could have had as Kristy that were lost. Maybe I'm still making up for lost time. It was late 2002. The internet had been born. There were others like me who had the same feelings about women. They wanted to be one too. I spoke to the community regularly, trying to understand my feelings and what to do about them. I was paralyzed for a time. Unsure. And then one day I plunged right in. I became Kristy in one day. In one day I shaved my body from head to toe, I trimmed and sculpted my eyebrows. I spent about a grand on skirts and dresses and blouses and breast forms and cinchers and shoes and jewelry and makeup. At 8 in the morning I had crawled out of bed as Stephen and by 8 that night I was Kristy, wobbling my way to a Boston T-friendly bar on 3" heels. I began keeping a journal the very next day and did so loyally for the next seven years. As I flip through, I see there's a lot of "fucks" and "cocks" in these pages. I'll be getting to all of that shortly. First, here's an excerpt from my very first entry: Diary Entry: December 2002 As I said, the club is dark. The ladies room - I can't believe I am writing that, I can't believe I was in there - is not exactly nice in the least, but it's a ladies room and I am a lady and that is what we do ... coming back, I could feel the eyes on me. I was fresh meat. I could barely walk in my heels - my heels! - and tried to not topple over. End Diary Entry I was so na?ve back then. I was also hooked on Kristy. I went out to the club for seven straight days. I met some people. I made some friends. I wanted more. I never wanted to be a cross-dresser (not that I have anything against it). I wanted to be a shemale or tgirl - for life - very quickly. But I was not-not-not into guys-guys-guys. I still found women so incredibly attractive. I wanted to be like them and be desired by men, but ... guys were, well guys and girls were soft and sexy. Diary Entry: May 2003 I went to a party that a couple of tgirls were having in [name of town deleted to protect the guilty]. At some point, the sex started. Not me, obviously, but Tara, one of the hosts. She got absolutely railed by some dude about two feet from where I was sitting. She seemed to be enjoying it, although I think I'm all set with sex with guys. I'm just not feeling it. That girl could party though, bless her. Still, not my speed, I could definitely tell she was still a guy by the way she walked and talked. Nothing against her, but either do it right or don't do it at all. I suppose that's harsh. I still suck at this. Being a woman is h-a-r-d. End Diary Entry I continued on my path searching for tgirl acceptance. I made some more friends. I went to more parties. Boys hit on me. I resisted. I let a few take some pictures of me. I worked on my voice, I worked on my walk, I worked on my way. I could definitely flirt, especially if I was at the bar and there were drinks to be purchased. I knew just when to smile, to touch an arm, to rest my hand on a thigh. These boys wanted to take my flower (I supposed), they wanted to put their cock in my mouth. I just went home. I was still into girls. And that was basically it. For a while anyway. I'd go out with my t- friends, we'd have a blast and I'd go home. Some of them were getting into sex with guys. I was still the demure type. But I began thinking about having sex with men at some time in mid-2003. My friends were open about it. They were doing it. It just started to feel and look right. I had lost more weight and was down to 145 or so. At just under 5'9", I was looking good (or so I thought at the time) and showing a little more skin. And then, well ... Author AK Remenko talks about "drift" in her Femme Your Hubby analysis. Drift is the premise that a tgirl, in all her glamorous glory will, over time, drift towards a sexual encounter with a man as a result of her growing femininity. This is because as the feminine feelings increase, the need for a penis as a means to completing the full feminine puzzle increases as well. I believe drift exists. I drifted. I saw plenty of others drift as well. We all did. I had lots of friends and every single one of them drifted. Some went all the way, some just dabbled, but all of them moved towards guy/tgirl sex over time. Was it the vodka tonics? Diary Entry: February 2004 I think it is just lovely that I do not remember his name. I am sitting here and I cannot for the life of me think of his name. I can't believe I am writing this, but he was hot. A guy was hot. And nice. And French. And certainly many of the others wanted him and yet I, the virgin, the virgin vixen, was who he chose. We left the club around midnight. He was staying at the Radisson across the street. I know for a fact I walked better than I ever had getting over there. That black skirt just seems to keep everything on display and top of mind. Into his room. He kissed me. I kissed him back. Open mouth too. He felt my breasts through my blouse. "They're not real," I said. "I don't care," he replied. He took my blouse off. I reached for his belt buckle. He slid my skirt down. Then my hose. I was standing in front of him in my panties and bra and cincher. I could feel him looking at me. He sat me down on the bed. His open pants were at eye level. I reached in and touched the first cock in my life that was not my own. It was warm and the skin was soft, but underneath it was hard. And it was larger than mine. I took it in my mouth and explored it with my tongue. I had seen enough porno blow jobs to know what I should do. I was ready. His dick was firm in my mouth. I loved the feeling. Eventually he pulled out of my mouth and kissed me. Then he eased me down on the bed and slid my panties down. My "clit" was exposed. I loved it. Then he rolled me over. I offered my virginity to him. He didn't know, but I did. I wanted him. He wanted me. He found me desirable and wanted to fuck me. I wanted him to fuck me. I felt some lube on my "pussy" and wonder still if he was planning this hook up all along. What guy travels with lube? Someone who plans on fucking some shemale ass is who. He greased me and I assume himself. Then he pushed into me. I bore down and begged him to go slow. He did. I wish I had more to drink, which is amazing because I know I was hammered. Anything to take the edge off his 7" prick that felt like it was splitting me in two. When Stacy Hamilton loses her virginity to Ron Johnson, Audio Consultant, in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, she confesses to her friend Linda the next day that it "hurt so bad." Amen Stacy. It fucking killed. But he came inside me. I felt like such a slut. Still do. I will get better at this. End Diary Entry Looking at my diary, all I can do is laugh at myself. It's so innocent, almost clinical. The funny thing is, I actually went about 4 months before having another encounter after that one. I find that amazing because as I re-read my recaps through that time I was clearly hooked on "the cock" once this happened. All it took was one time. It's like crack or something. The Pharmacy OR These Are Tit Pills, August 2011 Hormones, the great dividing line for all tgirls. You either take them or you don't. I started taking them when I was 24, purchased from an online pharmacy. I had-had-had to have them. I wasn't interested in anything but looking and feeling as feminine as I could. They took some time to do their thing, their damn sweet time, and it didn't come without some trepidation. I was worried about frying out my clit. I was worried about not being able to lose any more weight. I was worried about mood swings. I was worried about my health. I was worried - for a split second - about sprouting enormous boobs and developing dangerous curves and then waking one day to realize I didn't want any of what had happened to my body - that I wanted to be Stephen again. For a split second. That fear went away fast and never returned. I was in. All my chips to the center. Diary Entry: October 2004 When? When? When are you little fuckers going to show yourself? When will you sprout underneath my nipples? I have no soreness. My skin is not softer. When? End Diary Entry Mind you, the whole time this was going on I was working at a pretty decent job. I was still doing the Stephen thing and Kristy was a part- time existence. I was living alone in a little apartment north of the city. I'd race home from work and Kristy would emerge within seconds. I was wearing panties to work, so all it took was my cincher, my bra, breast forms and some face work. Oh, and shoes. I fucking love high heel shoes. I'd parade around that apartment all night, so vain, so silly, moving from mirror to mirror in the best seductive manner I could. Want some fries with that shake? Diary Entry: January 2005 I must recap the year that was. In short, I have taken the plunge. Sex with three different boys and one girl last year as Kristy. Hormones that don't seem to work (sadly). Friends! I have trans friends! People seem to think I'm fun or funny or nice or whatever. So cool. I think I'm nice too. Boys seem to find me attractive. I'm definitely a flirt. Good-good-good dieting. I'm 142 as I start this new year. Getting better! What will the year bring? I'd like to meet a girlfriend I suppose. Someone who accepts me for who I am. The straight clubs will hopefully help with that. End Diary Entry So fucking stupid Kristy. Meet a girlfriend? Boy was I way off on that sentiment. I mean, are you kidding me? And then, in 2005, I went the wrong way. Looking back now, I definitely went the wrong way. Let me explain. I had been at this tgirl thing for a couple of years. I could walk and talk and live. I had had sex and knew my way around a cock and balls and a man's psyche quite well. I could pass in some situations. I went to straight restaurants and bars as Kristy. I shopped. I was basically living full time at this point, albeit that existence required me to be a very femmy boy at my job. But it had become obvious to everyone by now. My shape was changing, my face was changing, everything was changing. I was becoming the new me. I had ventured outside of the nest, so to speak. And then I got the crazy idea that hey, I look like a girl and I think like a girl and I identify as a girl - I should really and truly exist that way, the way girls really do. Sounds good, right? Wrong. Well not wrong, but not good for my sex life. I went chick all right, in all my yoga pants and sweatshirts and jeans and flip-flop glory. I was the girl at the mall who totally blended because I was dressed down and comfortable. There were no statements to be made. I wore pants a lot. I covered up. I thought I was doing myself a favor and honoring my fellow genuine sisters. Sure I still rocked a pair of heels and a dress from time to time, but I was reveling in just being a girl. And I was way too critical of other tgirls who were constantly getting dolled up in some fuck-me outfit because I didn't think it really reflected womanhood. I partied a little bit, but I took false pride in talking about how I had chilled out. I could not have been more wrong. There is a simple law of physics. For every action, there is an equal reaction. In certain cases, like mine, the reaction is sudden, jarring, and almost violent in some ways. My reaction in 2006 was exactly that and it opened the door to a world I couldn't have comprehended just a few short months before and would change me forever. Innocent Beginnings OR That Just Made My Honeypot Buzz, August 2011 It started simply enough. I had a date with a guy named Harry [not his real name]. When I say "date," it should not legitimize it. Harry was a friend of a friend, married, and our dates, when we had them, consisted of him coming to my apartment with a bottle of wine. We'd chit chat about the news of the day, about my transition or something else mundane. When the wine was finished, we'd fool around a little bit and then he would fuck me. This had happened a few times before. Harry was a good lover with a sizable dick and, outside of the fact that he would push into me too hard at first, it was always a decent time and I was glad to be getting a semi-regular fucking from a nice guy. Mind you, this was the beginning, when my cunt wasn't as easily accepting of a good sized cock the way it is now. Thousands of dicks change a girl. Well, given Harry's married status, it was consistently up in the air as to whether or not he was going to be able to make it. At that point, I was just beginning to snap out of what I lovingly refer to as my "dressed-down, lesbian shemale phase" and really enjoying being a girly- girl and being comfortable in my skin. For fun, I put an ad on Craigslist to find a rain check date in case Harry cancelled. I'll let the diary tell the rest ... Diary Entry: February 2006 My date with Harry wasn't going to come off. Enter Kevin. A lovely name for a lovely man. With a lovely cock. I met him at my door in a short black dress and black thigh highs, the dress short enough that the thigh high tops were visible when I sat and crossed my legs. Black bra/black g-string/black 4" pumps. My hair was down. My eyes were dark and smoky with a little bit of glitter on my eyes and brows. Pretty/slutty. I cannot fucking believe I used to wear jeans and flats. What the fuck was I thinking? Kevin was pretty hooked from the get go. We made small talk for a while. I think he was nervous, me being a tgirl and all. He claimed he had been with a shemale before, but I'm not buying that. Eventually the wine was gone and he asked if he could kiss me. I said yes and he gave me a long drawn out French kiss as I let my body melt into him. We broke the kiss and I felt him with my hand through his jeans. Divine. I opened his belt and buttons and he began to feel my breasts as we kissed. I reached into his undershorts and felt his erection. I knew I had to have it. I pushed his pants down and dropped to my knees, his cock flaring in front of my face. Then I parted my lips and took him inside of my mouth, gently lapping at him with my tongue. Heaven. I let my hands wander up the front of his thighs and find his balls. They were heavy with cum and I was delighted by the thought. I moved him back to the couch as he fumbled to remove his clothes - oh the power a sexual woman has on men - I love it. He sat on the couch and I resumed my blowjob, licking his balls gently and stroking his shaft with my hand, my long red talons wrapped around his stiff member. Then I looked up at him with hungry eyes. Do you want to fuck me? I began to take off my clothes as I continued to suck him, careful to readjust my breast forms out of his line of sight. I had the lube tucked away but at the ready and I offered my ass to him as I slid my panties down my nylon encased legs and stepped out of them. Then I turned my ass to him and bent slightly, allowing him to see his prize before he fucked it. Kevin was nice enough to rim me softly before applying grease to my eager ass-pussy. Then he gently pushed me to the floor - head down, ass up and entered me. My whole body felt electric. It felt so good to be fucked again, to feel sexy and wanted again, to feel glamorous again. I needed it. I needed the ritual of getting ready to get fucked. To slowly select an outfit, to make sure my lingerie is just right. The ritual of sexiness. It's back within me. Kevin began to thrust deeply inside of me as I moved my hips back to meet him. So perfect and perfectly sized, it didn't take him long to establish a hard, deep rhythm inside. I could feel his heavy balls slapping against me as I threw my head back and took the fucking like a good girl should. He moaned and grabbed for my hips and I knew he was close so I reached my hand between my legs and pressed his ball sac gently. That was all it took. He cried out as I felt several heavy streams of cum fill me. I had satisfied him and he pressed against me and eventually lay on top of me for a few moments to catch his breath. As we lay there, I felt his shrinking cock slip out of me. Then he stood and dressed as I kneeled on the floor with my bottom between my feet, my semi-hard clit exposed for him to see as a drop of his cum dripped out of my cunt. Then he was gone. After kissing Kevin goodbye my thoughts turned to cleaning myself up. That's when the phone rang. Harry. He didn't have to cancel completely as it turned out. He was running late and a little frantic, but he had a little time: "Kristy, honey, I have the wine and I'd love to see you. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but I only have about 20 minutes if you know what I mean." I knew what he meant - Kristy, will you skip the small talk and open your legs for me? Of course I will honey. Let me put my panties back on and touch up my makeup so I can skip the part about just being fucked. And your thick dick should have no problem slipping inside of me. I'll just say it was my vibrator. I didn't say that, of course, but I thought it. Harry was at my place 10 minutes later. We popped the wine, had a few sips and then he was all over me. We kissed, he took my hands in his and placed them on his dick through his pants. I stripped off my dress, my bra and my panties and dropped to my knees to receive his cock in the exact same spot I had sucked Kevin from 40 minutes earlier. I blew Harry for a couple of minutes, lovingly worshipping his sensitive glans before I laid him down naked on the floor and lubed my pussy for show, his erect pole standing at attention. Then I straddled him, placed his cockhead on my open, cum filled hole and slid down on it. The whole thought of having two cocks in one night is mind-blowing to me and it turned me on with a force I've never felt before. In control and on top, I lightly slapped at his balls as I worked up and down on his stiff dick, making sure to take all of it to the hilt as I did so. Harry was clearly ready to go when he got there because a few minutes later he yelled out and I sat down hard on his shaft and felt his hot spunk filling me and mixing with Kevin's as the orgasm rocked through him. Feeling his cock pulsing like that was wonderful. Then I was off of him and he dressed, leaving me naked, save for my thigh highs and two dicks worth of cum dribbling from my gaping pussy. He took another sip of wine, kissed me and was out the door. End of Diary Entry Looking back, that was the switch, the sexual lever that started me down this path. Something had changed. Some reckless embracing of my sexuality and promiscuity that I didn't (and still don't) fully comprehend. As I re-read the entry, I laugh at my innocence. Later on I probably would have taken a few extra minutes to let some of Kevin's cum drizzle from my pussy into Harry's mouth as my own diabolical way of making him pay for being late. I certainly wouldn't hold it against him for getting right to the point and saying, my cock-your ass, right now. That's a good man who says that. But I learned a lot on that night. I learned that my ass could take a two cock pounding. I was always a little worried things would be unclean down there. As it became more of a regular thing I learned different ways to ensure cleanliness, but back then this gave me the confidence to not worry so much. I was barely eating anything anyway. I learned my ass could take 10-12 thick loads of cum without boiling over - who knew? And I learned that embracing my sexuality and dressing sexy and not being afraid to do what feels good is OK - that I didn't have to be a prude to be a woman. I had fought so hard against the stereotype that transsexuals are just horny he-shes, that I never considered the fact that I was a horny fucking chick who craved cock. This was who I was. I had spent the past year fighting all of that. With every action, there is a reaction and for me, it was the end of considering girls to be an option. From that night on, I needed a hard cock like the air that I breathe and my reaction to all of this was to care less, wear less, suck more and fuck more. It was around this time that the simpler, shallower emotions of being Kristy began to give way to erotic stirrings that were of greater consequence. As I read these entries, some of which are published here, it becomes clear to me that I was evolving, both as a woman and as a sexual being. To say things were getting serious doesn't do it justice. Diary Entry: April 2006 I'm going to try and get some of these emotions down on paper, since they've been building up inside of me for some time. Things seem rote to me now. Not in a depressing way, I'm actually feeling really good about where I'm at. I have a pattern now, a schedule. Before it felt like work and play were completely separate. I'd go to work as one person and live other parts of my life as someone else. Now that's changing. I'm Kristy all the time, even if I don't always look like it. She's me and I'm her and that's that. I see things through her eyes all the time, whether at work or at home. And I look like her every second of every day I'm not I that office. And the sex ... my god. I love it. I physically need it. I live for it. I feel like I'm becoming the epitome of a slut. I need sex to make me feel whole. I love the ritual of getting ready to get fucked. The dressing and primping of preparing my face, my body, even my clothes. Knowing that by wearing thigh highs I can simply hike up my skirt, lower my panties and offer my waiting bottom to a man sends electricity through me. As long as a man has good hygiene and seems a decent human being he can have me. Just walking down the street I see a guy and I wish he would take me by the hand into an alley or into his car and have his way with me. Just take me and fuck me and cum in me and leave me openly exposed, a run in my stockings and a dazed look on my face. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: April 2006 Everything seems just so. My apartment couldn't be cleaner. Work is going well. I could not more hairless if my life depended on it. Tonight I got home, changed into Kristy - toe to head; 4" silver strappy sandals, my toes a brilliant red, bare legs looking more toned every day, my silver v-string from Victoria's, a jean miniskirt, pink tank top that so-so-so accents my budding breasts (and nipples) and my dark, Lancome eyes and pink perky lips. I even used a pink bandana to tie my hair back - poured some wine and cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Spotless, this apartment of mine. I even Lemon Pledged the wood. Smells delicious. Then I took a relaxing bath, my butt plug firmly in place, before draining the water and showering. In the process I shaved, plucked and pulled every single solitary hair out of every conceivable place on my body. I was in there so long the hot water ran out. Now I'm spotless too. Then I moisturized, put on my robe and watched two hours of Top Model. Heaven. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: May 2006 As I write this I am drunk. Why does that matter? It doesn't. Yet another Craigslist fling tonight with a semi-delicious man named Charles. Reality is he looked better in his pictures but they were of him and in general he was OK. Not the best cock either. The more I think about it the more I realize Charles kind of sucks. Whatever. He came over, we had some drinks, he finally kissed me, I took his clothes off, he took mine off - down to my thigh highs and cincher anyway ... and proceeded to lick my pussy nice and good. I have to admit, it felt so sexy to be bent over the arm of the couch in my stockings and high heels, balanced so delicately on my 5" spikes while an adoring fan lovingly licked my ass. Suppertime boys. Taste that pussy you fucking whores. Then he greased my horny, quivering cunt - I SO FUCKING LOVE THAT FEELING - and slid right into my butt-plug-trained cooze. I took him so easily. Typical doggie style fuck, me with my head down taking his meat. He gave me some good strokes, not enough to make me cum, but certainly enough to give me satisfaction. Then he popped in me and hit the bricks. These boys keep ordering up a slice of my pie and I keep giving it to them. No one seems to order a second piece though. Am I ugly? End Diary Entry Diary Entry: June 2006 My new bras and panties came! So excited. Nothing but g-strings and v- strings for this girl. I'm butt floss all the way all the time. Nice and tight too, to hold in my clit and keep a butt-pIug pressed into my bottom. I even got a couple of pairs of panties that say "SEXY" in the back where my butt meets my hips. Boys, please get in line to take them off with your teeth. No pushing. And, I'm now officially a B cup. The A's are snug and these seem better (I think). Privately I hope they don't stretch. I'd much rather have my little girls bursting at the small seems of my A bras than swimming in the deep end of a B. What's a girl to do? I'd like to get a French manicure for these nails, but I'm not sure what work would say. Decisions. Yogurt and salad again for dinner tonight. Hello bombshell. I need- need-need some dick-dick-dick. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: June 2006 Harry was over tonight, giving me his hard, thick cock and fucking me senseless. He still pushes in too fast but I took it much better this time - probably because of the plug - and he really did give it to me good. As I write this, his cum is still trickling out of my bottom. I'm wrecked. At least, I look a wreck. Total just been fucked look. Still have my 5" black Pleaser pumps on too. Smeared makeup. Harlot. Diary Entry: July 2006 Thirty six suits. Bathing suits. That's how many I looked at before making a decision. I wish-wish-wish I had the uterus to go to the store and try them on. I don't have that yet. I love to shop too and usually find it no problem going as Kristy, but I choked on the bathing suit thing and George's pool party is Saturday. So I ordered a purple one piece - I fucking hate my body - from Tommy Bahama and that's what I'm going to have to go with. I hope it fits. I feel like a fat cow. I need a tan, I need to lose weight, 140 is too fat for me. I need bigger breasts. I see these girls with their tight fucking waists and their belly rings and I just want-want-want that so bad. End Diary Entry Wow. Hate yourself much? Looking back at some pictures, I wasn't half bad at all. I really wasn't. And I was already a skilled cocksucker too. I looked like a girl - nice hair (albeit still a wig), pretty eyes, tastefully seductive makeup, breasts, I was blessed with hips anyway and I had and still have incredibly great legs. But there was no telling me that then. I look better now, but I hadn't gone "all in" on my appearance at that point. Sure I had the hormones and the B sized boobs, but it wasn't my own hair, my abs weren't perfectly flat yet, I had no tan, my clothes still didn't show me off the way they should have ... fuck, I could go on and on here, which is bad because this probably appears to so vain. You need to understand. I was reaching a breaking point psychologically where only one thing mattered - I longed to be sex on two legs. I also realize I was beyond embryonic at this point. As I read, there's more and more detail and my entries get longer and/or more frequent. I was by now officially a hormone chick and although I never had the epiphany of realizing it until later, at this point I was no longer male. I was a girl. Diary Entry: July 2006 Can I describe the feeling of having a cock inside me? What is it that I feel? It's invasive. It feels hard. It's animalistic. It fills me and makes me feel whole. It makes me feel like a woman. I can feel each inch of it inside me, the nerve endings inside of my pussy all alive. I can feel my cavern being stretched to make way for the bulbous head. I can feel the heat and see the white light. I can feel my cunt expanding to accommodate the girth and length, the slickness that permeates my hole. Can I actually be getting wet? I can look into my lover's eye and see the desire, the need, feel that moment when he is buried to the hilt and our bodies truly touch, his root and my rump, the sweat and exchange of energy. I can feel the extra, that extra little bit of size and hardness that comes a few strokes before his orgasm is reached. I can see the ecstasy in his eyes as the waves of orgasm begin to crash and I can feel the pulsing and flaring of the hard cock as it dumps its sexual seed deep within me, washing into me in a release of pure lust. I can see him, the conqueror and he has just taken his slut. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: July 2006 What a night. George invited some of the girls from the club over for a pool party. I went with Dina with the idea that we would crash there for the night. There were five t-girls including me and Dina - Amber, Kara and Michelle - and 3 or 4 of George's friends that he's known for a while. [Editor's note: George was a regular in the community, a good guy and his friends were all pretty cool. I knew a few of them.] I brought my new one piece suit (it fit pretty well, thankfully) and a towel with my overnight bag - one of these days I'm going to have the perfect curves to go all bikini on someone if it's the last thing I do. I wore my hair pulled back with a pink bandana, a pink tank top, jean miniskirt and my 4" silver strappy sandals. It was a nighttime party, so I did my eyes dark and my lips were a hot pink with plum liner. Then I put glitter on them. I fucking love that look, dipping the applicator brush into the glitter and then dabbing my lips. It really brings them out when I use a darker liner like I did last night. White g-string panties/white bra. We all hung by the pool for a while, talking and laughing. At some point in the night, around 10:30 or so, I had gone to the powder room to freshen my face and when I came out John was waiting for me. He said George had sent him inside because Amber had kissed George and John bet George that I would be a better kisser. I was pretty drunk at this point, so I kissed John slow and lovingly, using my tongue to probe his mouth. His breath was minty fresh. He put his hands on my bottom and squeezed me as I moaned a little and pressed into him. He hiked up my miniskirt and began to rub my bottom, my thin g-string the only defense from his probing hands. I was getting turned on with all the kissing and I could feel John's stiffening rod through his shorts. Then he pushed me into the bathroom, turned me around and placed my hands on the sink so I was bent over. I relented, eager for what, or who, was to cum next. He lifted my skirt again and slid down my panties and I stepped out of them and offered my ass. John knelt on the floor and began teasing my t-pussy with his tongue as I moaned with delight and spread my cheeks - a heavenly feeling. My deep-seated arousal conquered any inhibitions I may have had. I found some Vaseline in the medicine cabinet over sink and reached behind me to offer it to John, my signal to him that he should take my wet, eager and hungry pussy. I heard his clothes fall to floor and felt the cool lotion being applied. I love that feeling of a man greasing me up like his prize, just knowing I'm about to be fucked. John placed his cock, which I still had not seen, on my opening and slowly pushed into me. I moaned in ecstasy as he did, catching a glimpse of both of our faces in the mirror as he began to take me. I could tell his prick was decently sized as he placed both arms around me and finally drove his stiff stick into me to the hilt. I spread my legs a little more, looking down at my high heel sandals and the way they made my smooth legs and thighs look. Then I pushed back into him so he would back up and give it to me good. I was now bent at the waist, my head level with the sink, my hand on it for leverage and my pussy full of John's cock. John fucked me lovingly, nice and slow, careful to let me feel every inch of him as he seductively moved back and forth inside me. "That's it baby, oooh yeah baby," the words were dribbling from my mouth as I began to coo at my lover. "I need that cock baby, give it to me good." I wanted him to quicken his pace, to make me his bitch, even going so far as to push back into him for all I was worth as a signal. It didn't happen. John took his time with me, giving me some decent thrusts, but overall it was a little slow and I was glad when I felt him tense and cry out as his cum filled my unsatisfied hole. He held me there for a moment before I broke from him, turned and kissed him on the lips. I could feel his cum inside me, something I love-love-love to experience. Then he dressed, kissed me one more time and told me he would see me outside. I cleaned myself up a little; thankful that I had brought my pocketbook when I first went into the house, as I was able to retouch my makeup. Then I went back and rejoined the group. Not a word was said, so I don't think we were missed anyway. Everyone was getting pretty drunk. Later on, after some people had left (including John), and it was just Dina, Amber, George and I, George's friend Matt showed up. He wasn't stumbling drunk, but it was clear that he had a few. From the get-go, Matt was all over Amber, which isn't surprising considering she has a body to kill for including enhanced D tits. My little B's look small by comparison. I need implants! The good news for me is that Amber wasn't really into him and, given my less than satisfying tryst with John, I was certainly game for a second round with young Matt. Once it became clear that Amber wasn't going to go to bed with him, Matt moved on to me and before long we were alone in George's basement under the flimsy excuse of finding something else to drink - awesome, considering there was a half full cooler out on the patio. I didn't care. I wanted Matt to want me and now that he did, I wasn't planning to disappoint him or myself. We kissed for a few seconds and I felt his hands roaming over my body. I felt his dick through his bathing suit and it was fucking on. I dropped to my knees and took his stiffening cock into my mouth, attacking him like the bitch in heat I was. I sucked him hard and fast for a few minutes before taking his slick shaft out of my mouth. I needed that delicious thick cock with the strong veins between my legs. I lifted my skirt and stepped out of my panties. He clearly knew what I wanted and seemed very willing to oblige. He turned me around, spit on his hand and thrust into me, doggie-style. Glorious. With my hole still slick from the lube and the cum, I took Matt's sizable 7" with little discomfort and he had no problem picking up the pace from there. I was a wild woman. "Fuck me!" I screamed. "Fuck me you bastard. Fuck that dirty pussy!" It felt so good to really get fucked with abandon by such a stud. Matt reached around me and took my hardening clit in his hand, working me perfectly in rhythm with his own thrusts, fucking me hard and deep. I never wanted the moment to end. His hand felt so good on me. Clearly the drinks had some effect on him, because it took him a gloriously long time to cum, far longer than it took me as about halfway through his assault I felt the orgasm crest and wash over me. At that point, there was nothing else to do but take it like a good girl as I left my ass open to him and let him use me until he was ready. He gave me some spanks on the ass as he fucked into me too, driving me deep to my core.. "Yeah baby, yeah, fuck that cunt honey, fuck that dirty little cunt. Fuck it, oooh yeah, take that dirty little hole." Finally I reached between my legs and cupped his balls. Then I cooed, "ooooh baby, give that seed honey, give Kristy that delicious cum, her pussy needs it" - and I meant it - and then with a spasm he rammed his stiff rod deep into me as his orgasm exploded into my backside. Fuck-fuck-fuck yes. Seven thick streams pulsing into my bottom, delivering its lustful payload into the ass of a willing slut. So good and so needed. We both collapsed on the floor and fell fast asleep. At some point in the night he woke me to say he was leaving, a blanket and pillow in his hand for me (so sweet). Then he kissed me goodbye and I fell back into my blissful, cum and rum-soaked sleep. As I write this the next day, I realize Matt must have been shitfaced - it clearly never dawned on him that my pussy was already soaked from John when he went to fuck me. Silly boys. End Diary Entry And so it went like that for several months. I was opening up sexually and becoming increasingly more comfortable with my body. I was down to about 140 pounds and the hormones were really and truly showing their potency as my skin was smoother, my hair growth was virtually nonexistent (I was fanatical about shaving anyway, no hair on Kristy, ever) and my hips and ass had really sprouted. I still had B cups though - very disappointing. It was at this time that my friend, Shauna, had gotten her nose done and had some other facial feminization procedures done on her forehead. She looked great and it really got me thinking about plastic surgery. I was intrigued enough to make an appointment for a consultation, but I didn't go through with it - yet. I did, however, have my first real run in at work. Diary Entry: October 2006 I knew this was going to happen. Apparently my appearance at work has not gone unnoticed. I got an email to my work account, from someone clearly in my office but from a hotmail address with the subject line "Which of These are You Going To Go As?" Turns out the email contained a whole series of advertisements of all the different scantily clad costumes a girl could wear on Halloween. Fuckers. I deleted it - after I checked out the costumes. Put me down for the sexy Cinderella. Sinderalla I think they called her. Maybe I should just go as a cum dumpster. It's all I think about anyway. I fucking hate being at work because of this. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: November 2006 Last night was Halloween and the party was in full swing. I definitely got my swerve on. Did some cocaine a nice guy named Greg had brought, drank my drinks and partied it up. I went as a Flapper, albeit as a flapper in fishnets with as much of my meager tits showing as I possibly could. I got felt up by everyone. Sounds like a lot of the girls did. I wasn't even showing that much skin. Some of the girls, especially the ones who make their money by shaking their moneymaker were barely in more than panties, a bra and heels. I looked like a nun by comparison. Alas, I am sweet and I love to party and all worked out well. I did a couple of lines of Greg's coke in the bathroom - note, is it possible to love a drug? God it made me feel so good. Definitely lowers inhibitions too. It did with me. Some of the girls will go a guy's car for a quickie during the night. I'd never done that until last night when I went with Carl - and blew him, yummy load - and then later Greg. I bobbed up and down on his coke infused stick of meat for a long time before he finally popped in my mouth. Delicious. I was clearly pretty fucked up because I normally don't let guys near my clit if they want to suck on it, but I let Carl do it to me and gave him my watery, hormone mix and that was only around 11:00PM. I'm a skank. One of these years I'm just wearing a bra and panties if it kills me to tone my abs to perfection. This sucks. I just can't lose the little I have left, just a little too soft for my liking. When I do get there, I'm going bare midriff all the time. Fuck. I work so hard for so little results. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: November 2006 Sex. It's all I think about. When I have sex, it is always in high heels now too. There's just no taking them off in my world. I think I'm going insane, like really insane. I can't stop thinking about sex, being desired, being dirty, that fantasy that guys have. The slutty pinup who a guy can actually fuck. I'm attainable, so willing to give it up. Why? Why am I so easy? I like to think of myself as a sexual being, on an even playing field with a man. I like sex so I have it. Is there anything deeper? Am I not good enough looking? Am I trying to fill a void caused by my own narcissism? Let me take stock. I am 26 years old, 5'9" tall and weigh 140 pounds. My (wigged) hair is auburn and works with my dark eyes and skin very well. I have a very pretty face that is even prettier when I smile. My shoulders are medium, neither broad nor slight. I have very little Adam's Apple at all, which is good. My nose is good too, with a slight, feminine upturn and my cheekbones are high and can be accented without issue. My lips aren't bad, supple, albeit a little too slim on top but I overdraw them and do fine there. My arms are not too big, no muscles to give me away. My hands are of good size (a little too big) but my fingers are long and thin (size 8 ring finger) which helps quite a bit. My breasts are a small B cup and do not have any of the size or fullness I desire. The extra weight that I had when I was younger has left me with a little softness around my midsection, which drives me insane. I look good with a cincher on, curves in all the right places, but without one I do not have the definition of taper to hip that I want. My ass is pretty good, as are my hips on their own. For a girl born a guy I should give myself more credit for my lower half. I have curves and I don't need padding. My legs are consistently complimented. My shoes are a women's 10, workable, albeit bigger than I would prefer. What I want: I want my own hair, long with body, much bigger breasts and a flatter tummy. I wish I weighed 15 pounds less. I wish I was 2" shorter and I wish I had smaller feet. Diary Entry: November 2006 This is getting bad. Now they're giving me a hard time in the men's room at work. I get that I am pretty super-femmy and I can barely conceal the changes in my body, but I don't bother anyone. Justin at the office told me all the guys make jokes about me peeing in the stalls. What am I supposed to do? I'm well beyond the standing up point. I sit to pee. End of story. He told me pretty much everyone has something to say about me now. That I'm gay, that I'm a faggot; that I'm turning into a girl. I resent that last one. I turned into a girl a long time ago. I cannot lose this job. I'm beginning to feel unsafe there, but I don't really know if I want to do anything about it. What am I going to do anyway, go to human resources? What are they going to do? Diary Entry: December 2006 I must-must-must write today as something sensational has happened. I met Steven and Mark at [Boston T-club] the same way I always meet guys - I was there with the girls and they were there to try and hook up with us. These guys were a little different though, out-of-towners, fun, younger and respectful. Both were dark haired and slim, with Mark being a little taller - just over six feet. He was the more interesting one to me, partly due to the 3" scar he had on his left arm, a result, he said, from a fight over a girl four years ago. We all shot the breeze at the bar for a while but eventually the three of us got a little closer when the other girls had gone to watch the performers. We did a shot and they told me they had some coke in their hotel room if I wanted to go with them and party. I was down for that but the other girls wanted to stay since it was only about 10:00PM at this point. Shauna, bless her, always has my back and wouldn't let me leave without extracting some collateral material in exchange. I'm not even sure what she worked out, but she told me I was safe to go and she didn't have to tell me twice. We made our way over to the hotel - the same place I had lost my cherry at - and before long we were tucked away in their room with some beers as Mark began chopping out some lines. [Editor's note: I had only done coke a few times at parties. I liked it a lot when I did it, but I don't think in my mind I was ready to embrace the party girl lifestyle when I tried it those prior times. That said, I was very ready by this point. I knew it made me feel good and once I discovered that it suppressed my appetite and would turn me into a skinny and horny slut, I was hooked. Cocaine would become my co- pilot in almost every sexual escapade I would have - and I had thousands.] I was looking good last night - a dark brown turtleneck dress, black thigh highs and 5" black heels with ankle straps. My hair was down, eyes dark, lips a fat and deep ruby red and matching leopard print bra and g-string. Sexy. We did a few lines and had a beer. I had a cigarette [By then I was smoking. I had started a month or so earlier because I thought it looked sexy. I was right no matter what anyone says] and another line and another beer. Then Mark and I began kissing. Then Steven and I kissed. I knew where this was going and I didn't care. The booze was cold and the coke was good and these guys were sexy. I let them undress me to my bra, panties, cincher, stockings and heels as I continued to make out with both of them. They began getting undressed and before long both were naked, their rising cocks hardening with each passing second. We moved to the bed and before long my bra and panties were off as Stephen began to lick my nipples and Mark took my clit into his mouth. It felt so good to have my body worshipped like that, two studs working on me and bringing pleasure to every fiber of my being. As they licked and suckled me, I started to stroke their cocks with each hand and felt them stiffen to full potential. Steven flipped me over and drove his tongue into my pussy as I pushed my ass up into him and buried my head into a pillow. I enjoyed the rimming for a short while before I felt Mark's hand lifting my mouth to his cock. I latched onto his 8" of meat and slid it gently back and forth between my lips. That's when I felt the lube being applied to my pussy by Steven - this was going to happen - and I still cannot control my excitement that it did! "Oh yeah, baby," I moaned in between sucks of Mark's swollen prick. "Give me. Give it to Kristy. Give me that dick." Electric shocks jolted me as Steven slid his cock into my hungry pussy. I fucking needed this. I needed what was happening to me. I needed to see it, to see the image of me being double-teamed by these two gorgeous men. To see me being spit-roasted by two hard cocks as the drool leaked out of my mouth and pooled on the sheets. To see my horny ass being slammed into by eight inches of rock hard sex. I moaned in ecstasy as they began to pound away at me, Steven fucking my ass and Mark fucking my face. With Steven's 7" buried inside me I had 15" of glorious man meat driving me to sensations I could never have imagined. I was whole, completely filled, openly wanton and desperately hoping these feelings would never go away. "Fuck your slut" my mind screamed to them. "Fuck her like the dirty slut she is. Feed her your cum and let her take it all inside. Use her for your own release. Use her!" "Oooooh fuck yes," I cried as Steven's rigid cock drilled into my prostate. "Right there, yeah, mmmm." I could feel the milk building inside me with each thrust. I was blinded by pleasure, by the sensations these men were giving me. Fuck-fuck-fuck yes, I need this over and over. My ass felt so open and so used as the pounding continued. I doubled my efforts on Mark's cock in my mouth, twisting the tip of his magnificent tool with my hand on each retreat. I had to have his cum. I had to have it. Fucking give it to me. Give me your fucking seed. Take me. Take my ass. It's yours. Give me all of your sticky fucking cum and let me feel it sliding down my throat. Give me all of your hot juice and bury it deep inside my open hole. Let it coat me, let it fucking take hold inside of me and rock me to my core. I am yours. Use me. I screamed in ecstasy and sheer delight as the thought of what was happening to me blew my sex-soaked mind. My own cum was dripping out of me with each thrust now, the first time my clit had had its milk fucked out of it, a new type of orgasm for me. Total rapture. I ran my hand over the wet sheets and smeared some of my cum onto my ass as Steven continued his glorious fucking. I was a pig, a dirty fucking hole, a cum dump. Give me your fucking cum. "Cum for me baby," I cooed. "Give me all that glorious cum. My hole needs all of it baby, yeah." That sent Steven over the edge and he shouted his ecstasy into the air, driving into me with all his might and causing Mark's hard rod to disappear down my throat as I felt Steven's orgasm exploding inside me. Seconds later it was Mark's turn and even though I was gasping for breath I pushed his cock past my gag reflex and felt his spasms begin as his delicious cock began to pump its payload into my empty stomach. End of Diary Entry Yet another layer of my whorish behavior had been revealed. By now I needed it with all of my being. Looking back, this was the spot where I went completely over the edge. Multiple partners in the same night was one thing, but this was something else. Two partners at once, leaving my friends to get fucked, cocaine, deep-throating ... and loving all of it to the core. It took all of these seeds a little time to grow, but they were planted on that day. I passed a whole bunch of limits on this very night and, within a few months, would surpass every single one I could have barely comprehended a few years earlier. I was about to dive to the deepest part of decadence. Looking back, it is apparent to me that by this point I was in the early stages of becoming a full blown party girl. I wanted my kicks as fast as I could get them. I wanted it all - cocks, cum, coke ... and most of all I wanted to be a pinup slut. I dreamed of people typing my name into Google and racing to click the Images button, where picture after picture of me wearing next to nothing would appear before them so they could jerk their cocks. I wanted to be wanted to my very core, to be the baddest bitch in the land. You want to fuck this tight hole? Beg me for it. Fawn all over me. Ply me with your drugs, buy me those delicious drinks because my tiny miniskirt rides up my legs and exposes my thigh highs when I delicately sit down and seductively cross my nylon encased legs. You cannot resist this. Feed me your delicious coke and then I will drop to my knees like the slut I am and take your sword all the way down my throat. I'll take it to the hilt in my ass and leave you spent, covered in glitter, your dick wrecked from that dirty whore you did so well. Go home to wifey and try to explain it away. You can't because my delicious vanilla body scent is all over you, my strawberry infused fuck-hole is still dancing on your dick and my glitter, the way I mark my territory, is all over you. You've just fucked me and I love it and now you're fucked and I love that too. That was the way I felt. Part of me still feels that way. But I didn't execute it right. I was easily led. And I loved the drinks and the drugs and giving it up so much that I was never quite hot-bitchy enough back then to top these guys from the bottom like that. I let them use me because I wanted what they had more than I wanted to control them. Actions dictate priorities and my priorities were all about filling my soul and my holes with as much cock and coke as I could find. Diary Entry: January 2007 Happy New Year! It's going to be such a great one, I can feel it. At the New Year's Party at John's last night, something special happened. I ended up getting fucked by Cory, who was not my first choice, but turned out to be an incredible lover. God he fucked me so good and in the process, my pussy truly came for the first time! I don't know exactly what happened, so I'm just going to describe it in case it happens again. I had heard of this kind of thing but always thought it was bullshit. An ass can't cum. Au contraire. So he was inside of me doggie, giving it to me good, so good that I guess some people could hear me screaming at his onslaught, which I love, since I know there were guys in that house that heard my screams of ecstasy and thought about fucking me. Anyway, I could feel a drip or two, but I thought it was pre-cum from my clitty and it very well may have been, but as Cory wailed away at me and my prostate, I could feel something growing and building inside of me. At first, and this is gross, I thought that maybe he was fucking me so hard that something was going to happen in a bad way back there, but then it built and built and built and the sensation overtook me. My head swam and I cried out and rode the wave. As I did, I looked down and several drops of sticky milk were being fucked out of my clitty with each of Cory's thrusts. It wasn't pee or pre-cum, it was the real thing and even better than the two-on-one a week ago. It started slowly, just a series of drips, but about 30 seconds later the sensation came back with even greater power and then my eyes involuntarily closed as my release took hold and several ropes of my divine honey exploded from my flaccid cockette. It was glorious. A tidal wave of emotions. It ended up happening three times and each time was more powerful than the last. The bedspread Cory fucked me on was soaked and my ass was soaked even before he came. I could feel the lubrication, again, scared that it was something else, but it wasn't. I was the clean honeypot I've always been when I get fucked. I was just simply soaked from our cum, from my cum. I cannot believe this has happened and I am psyched to try it on my own so I can learn my body and what it reacts to so I can feel this feeling again and again. God, I fucking need it. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: January 2007 I can't do this anymore. The more I think about my family and my job the more I realize how much of a liar I am by keeping my real feelings and real self from them. I feel terrible about it. It's bogging me down and filling me with dread. How am I supposed to have that conversation? End Diary Entry This was a really confusing time for me. I remember it like yesterday and it was one of those periods in my life where the highs were very high and the lows felt really low. I was all over the map at times; one day feeling so good about myself, the next feeling like a fat cow/guy in a dress, the next day being in control of my emotions, the day after being a wreck. It was troubling. Growth I suppose. I was growing, wrestling with issues and emotions I wasn't completely understanding. I get it now for the most part, but back then I was just a baby. I love my next entry - I go from worrying about telling my parents to ... Diary Entry: January 2007 I am a cummer. A squirter even, dare I say. I spent the night literally fucking myself with a new 12" vibrator that I bought. It brought me that place again and yes, the lubrication in my ass is truly cum or something like it. It wasn't the lube; it came from inside of me. Even better, the cums out my cockette are the real thing too. I brought myself off four times tonight and again, each one was stronger than the last and the streams of cum, without any touching of my clit with my hand, came roping out of me. This is bad news in an ironic way. I loved cock so much before and now this. Jesus, I can only imagine what the lure of this will do to my psyche, and, if I may be so vain, my reputation on the street. Once guys get wind that I can truly cum, I could be immense. End Diary Entry Just some fucked up stuff. "What am I going to do? Should I tell my parents? What should I say? Cry, cry ... oh look at this vibrator, its pink, I love it, tee-hee!! Let me fuck myself silly with it for an hour." Reading this I am left with one conclusion - I am a bimbo :) The World's Oldest Profession OR I Don't Like The Drugs But The Drugs Like Me Diary Entry: January 2007 I need-need-need tits. Big ones. I've been doing the hormone thing for a long time now. The results have been OK, but not what I want. I have some nice, fuckable hips. My waist continues to slim - thank goodness for running, but I need bigger boobs. I see these girls on the internet and they have these impossibly large breasts - and they reshape their entire body. Everything up top is incredibly tight, their nipples always seem to be on display and their cleavage is beyond stunning. When I think of the amount of cock I could get with bigger tits, my head spins. I need them. I need to feel myself spilling out of some too- tight baby tee or a fire engine red cocktail dress. I need it with every ounce of my being. That'll be the end of me at work though. Not sure if I'll get let go - I suppose in theory they can't fire me, but I've already been put into the phone role so they don't have to put me in front of the client anymore. If I walk in looking like a big-titted sex bomb, they're either going to fuck me or fire me. I don't care. I'll figure something out. End Diary Entry Diary Entry: February 2007 I cannot believe I am writing these words: I took money for sex. Fuck! End Diary Entry Diary Entry: February 2007 I need to write in my journal to clarify yesterday's entry and try to make some sense of how all of this happened. Where to begin? Jack. Fucking Jack. I'm trying to be good about drinking and driving. I realize that late nights clubbing