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I've been moved to write this true account of my life in a crossdresser's forum after being banned for thanking the moderators. I need your help. Kindly allow me, dear reader, to set the scene for you. I am Delia Gruntphuttock, PhD, spinster of this parish, and I have a penchant for girly-boys. So, whenever I can, I join in with trips and events that are organised for said girly-boys in the hope that I might get to 'befriend' some. It is with that hope that I hang around the forum and sometimes go to meetings and events as an 'admirer'; but a female one and not at all pervy, you understand? It all kicked off on a web forum. To show you what happened and how I've been so awfully wronged, I'm going to reproduce a bit of the crossdress.me forum. It all began when that puffed-up perverted twerp, 41Turkeys, posted a message entitled Thank-a-Mod-Week in the What's On? section of the crossdress.me forum. *********************************************************************** Post #1 30th August 2011, 08:55 PM ========================================= Thank-a-Mod-Week. ========================================= Recently, I've been seeing lots of moaning around the forum, and I wanted to do something that means we can all give something back to the moderators. Mods work very hard around the clock for us, and sometimes it's easy to just moan and moan about forum bugs, feature requests, or all the while asking for restricted acesss to the porno stuff. So, this week, join us to celebrate all the hard work that mods do for us and THANK YOUR MOD! What Can You Do? We want you to get in touch with your Mod, by Twitter, email or PM, and tell them why you love their moderation so much. Note to Mods: Mods please email maureen(at)imagirly(dot)co(dot)uk if you have an email addy you want to add to the list. Make sure to include the kink subforum so we know where to add it. These are email addresses that Mods have sent us so far so that you can thank them: ++++ None yet ++++ You can also tweet about the campaign to @thankyoumods or Post #thankyourmodsweek We need a logo! If you're good with photoshop etc, we need a groovy logo and a graphic to go in people's signatures with something like 'I thanked My Mod!' in it. Email maureen(at)imagirly(dot)co(dot)uk if you're interested. And Finally... Thank you for supporting this campaign and I hope no mods get inundated with thousands of emails Happily Thanking your Mod! 41Turkeys _________________________________________ Awesome Guide Writer / Noob life-saver Author of: 41Turkeys' Ultimate Guide To Brown-Nosing _________________________________________ Post #2 31st August 2011, 08:54 AM ========================================= Sychophants-r-us ========================================= Cor! Yeah! I'll have some of that! I've created a site called sycophants-R.us, where you can all add your mod-greets! (See footnote 1.) Delia _________________________________________ Please PM me for xdressing help! _________________________________________ Post #3 September 2011, 08:21 AM ========================================= Sycophants-R-Us (SRU): English Chapter ========================================= Hello fellow sycophants! Thank-a-Mod-week really kicks off after work today. We, (well, we the English Chapter of SRU, that is), will all be meeting up in Guildford. The plan is to swoop on Chunky-Mod. He usually lurks as Sys-Admin on the Industrial Estate there. After a few hug-a-chunks and cop-a-feels we'll all feel bloody good about ourselves won't we? And it's all back to the Groveller's afterwards. Last one in buys the Chianti Classico! See you there everyone! P.S. Full details on the website http://www.sycophants-R.us - yesterdays non-linking error now corrected Delia _________________________________________ Please PM me for xdressing help! Please! _________________________________________ Post #4 1st September 2011, 12:55 PM ========================================= lol ========================================= lol i'm there delia _________________________________________ tootsie _________________________________________ Post #5 1st September 2011, 04:56 PM ========================================= Reminder Sycophants-R-us ========================================= Guildford cattle market 6.30 sharp. Yes it's tonight for the Hunky-Chunky-Mod Swoop Group meet. Be there or be square. Delia _________________________________________ Please PM me for xdressing help! Pretty please! _________________________________________ Post #6 1st September 2011, 08:18 PM ========================================= What happened? ========================================= i missed it. good turn out? _________________________________________ tootsie _________________________________________ Post #7 2nd September 2011, 10:26 AM ========================================= Dishy-Mod-of-the-Day ========================================= [tootsie wrote] "i missed it.good turn out?"[/tootsie wrote] Well folks, those of you in the English Chapter that attended the 'do' at the Grovellers, in Guildford last evening, had a super time. I was so pleased we all managed to fit in. Mario had bought in a few extra bottles of Chianti Classico as requested. I'd told him we would all be coming 'en masse' and to expect, at least, 100+. He was right though; the two extra bottles were enough. Anyway, I just know our chunky-hunky-mod enjoyed all the man-hugs you gave him - and those from me too - (you can see he's pleased in the picture I took). I lingered in the hug a little longer than normal; I summoned up all my courage and pressed quite close! I decided I quite like man boobs, don't you? Well, no probably, you more than likely being a fella; you most likely don't. On the other hand though... But to continue... it was strange, no-one sat close to him all evening. I guess, being a code-monkey, he's one of the Great Unwashed and whiffs a bit. You know what I mean? But I couldn't be sure though; I'm having trouble with my sinuses at the moment and tend to snort snot sideways and everywhere. I'm sorry! Was that too much information? No-one mentioned any odd smells and the evening passed just fine. Folks tended to drift away after about 7'ish as they had something else scheduled. My my, what busy lives you all lead! Phones were hot with all those diary entries I could see being made. Someone was going on about an app that can ring your phone whenever you want. What would be the point of that? Daft if you ask me. But I missed most of the conversation, such as there was, as I was making peace with Mario. He said I'd promised 100 guests, when I done no such thing. I know how difficult it is for members in these stricken times. Travel costs are so high now, aren't they? Some had come from as far away as Shalford. And that is over three miles away! Thanks for all that effort! You know who you are; I won't embarrass you by naming names. But it was a shame when you had to leave very early-on to get back, the lights on your bike having broken. But, as I say, I think the evening passed off very well. Well, apart that is from that slightly unpleasant moment when someone flashed their phone in Hunky-Chunk's face and asked "can you beat that then?" Clearly the picture on phone in question was a huge erection unsuccessfully hiding behind a thong. He went went red then purple for a moment; puce even; I thought the game was up and we all were going to get a tougue lashing. Asperger's and Tourrettes together is quite a burden for one boy to carry isn't it? You see he has no real idea how big his slong is because he can't see it; the folds of fat hide it from him. I wouldn't have minded winkling it out though... But, to continue... in the event he was easily distracted by someone breaking a glass behind him. And we were saved from his tongue. He's known to have the attention span of a gnat on a Summer's evening buzzing back to places already visited. So I suppose it is no real surprise the moment passed quite easily. Now, as it happened, I had the time to ask our Hunky-Chunky-Mod your questions over breakfast this morning. I really ought to re-phrase that ... as nothing happened. No. Nothing. I tell you - nothing at all happened... More's the pity! Well, here's what did happen... after polishing off the two bottles of Chianti between us, he was a bit legless and I thought I'd better see him home. Despite me promising him I was going to make him famous as my latest toy-boy. And telling him that between us we could re-populate Passchendaele. And handing over a purse full of Viagra. He was as limp as a filleted cuttle fish in a wheelchair on an outing to Lourds. Even beneath the three pairs of knickers he had on. yes, three pairs; I know we girls sometimes double up when we have a period but three pairs just strikes me as greedy. I don't think he had a clue as to what delights were on offer! If he did, he certainly didn't want them. No, and I wasn't put off by the all frilly underwear either; I'd have been willing to give it a go. I tend to wear the plainer style with a larger gusset myself, but hey-ho. I suppose I've lost some of my allure since I stopped colouring my hair and become menopausal - well long since really. And so what? I've developed a few 'laughter lines'. And the flesh sags a bit where it didn't used to. We all have to face up to age catching us up eventually. It's a cruel, cruel World, isn't it? But I digress... and what am I waffling on about? Without more ado - let me announce our Dishy-Mod-of-the-Day! He's asked me not to reveal his real name or screen-handle(s) as he might want to get a proper job one day and doesn't want all this tosh obscuring his CV. I can understand that. But he's one real Hell-of-a-Fella and a Dishy-Chunky-Hunky-Dunky-Mod I can tell you. Here he is: [Mod edit] Picture Removed [/Mod edit] Isn't he a sweetie? And he's really nothing like the pervert he's made out to be. I knew you wouldn't be disappointed. Actually, it isn't the photo I took. He wouldn't let me use that. (I thought it was we women who were supposed to be vain.) But he gave me a picture of himself taken before all that lard loaded, and insisted I use that. So there you go; a little fishy, wishy-dishy, picture instead. [Mod edit] Replacement picture removed following complaint from uk- decency-for-all.org [/Mod edit] And here is all I know about Hunky-Chunky-Mod:- Born: Cesarean section Nationality: British Age: 27.75 Pet family name: Oi You! Occupation: Windows Systems Engineer Live: Godalming - house share. [Mod Edit] It's a squat and the water's off![/Mod Edit] School: Yes Uni: No School Prizes: Christmas Raffle 1997 Favourite food: Anything in a pie-case & chips Favourite colour: Green Favourite Group : Sugababes Favourite Oldie: YMCA, Village People Favourite OS: RISC OS Favorite phone: Nokia N95 Car: Renault Twingo [Mod Edit] Un-taxed and un-insured [/Mod Edit] Vote for: Pass Spare time spent: Chillin' 'n' dressin' 'n' wankin'; no particular order Sports: Water pistol duels around the rack rooms - but only on night shift! Snort etc: Nothing in last 9 months; I'm clean now, honest, well, apart from a popper or two at weekends Best Game : The Ultimate Gay Mafia Wars Dislikes: Anyone who questions me; boyfriend leaving pants on floor; people taking the piss. Pet hates: Grey and wrinklies [Mod Edit] touche [/Mod Edit] Disappointed by: Not being a girlie Would like: To be a girlie Well, there you have it folks. And look out for our next....Dishy-Mod- of-the-Day coming soon to sycophants-R-us! Are you a member yet? PM 41Turkeys if you want to join! Delia _________________________________________ Please PM me for xdressing help from a real girl! _________________________________________ Post #8 2nd September 2011, 4:47 PM ========================================= Bravely continuing... ========================================= I can confirm that 'Thank Your Mods Week' bravely continues despite the lethargy displayed by last evening's poor attendance. I only received one apology. Shame on the rest of you. I'm not sure what's got into you all. I know that a woman discussing things about girly-blokes bits and the like in today's 'Dishy-Mod-of- the-Day' isn't really the social norm. But hey, times are a changing. All you little wankers out there can really help push the social barriers on a bit. So don't be frightened - just join in and do your thing! Brown-nose a bit if you want or just listen to others doing it. So, OK, maybe you've just got to re-adjust your bra-strap or top up the bird seed and perhaps your social skills do need honing a touch; but you've got to get your hand out your panties at some time - do it now! Please come and join us! If you want some tips on brown-nosing, 41Turkeys has written a how-to. You'll find it on the web site. It's an invaluable primer for getting to the top in todays world of business. Anyway, let's get on to tomorrow's Dishy-Mod-of-the-Day. Who could it be? He bravely battles the booze; he's bright but boring; he's a big bad bastard and he's BANNED! Know who it is yet? Make sure you join Sychophants-R-Us to get the full low-down in tomorrows edition of Dishy-Mod-of-the-Day. Remember to pm 41Turkeys to join! PS No Swoop Group meet on this one; remember he's banned. (I want to see if I can get the bastard on my own this time). Delia _________________________________________ Please, please PM me for xdressing help from a real girl! _________________________________________ Post #9 3rd September 2011, 06:30 AM ========================================= Dishy-Mod-of-the-Day: Failure report ========================================= Well fellow member of sycophats-R-us. I have to report abject failure. It's not often in my life that something gets the better of me. But it happened last night. I was all pimped-up to the nines, badly wanting to make a good impression. I even had my heels on, I haven't worn those in ages... and the body-shaper... like the home shopping channels have. It had pulled me in nicely so I really thought I might too, at last. I left home in Brighton in good time and I'd finally managed to get some sort of GPS fix from the 4/11 satellites being received on my phone and eventually found my way to where our Dishy-Mod-of-the-Day lived. I successfully parked the car... it took a while though. And I only put a small dent in the door of that Audi A8; I don't 'spose they'll notice. But I thought I better find another parking space and move somewhere else just to be safe. And it was that that took the time. Neasden is such a dump isn't it? For those not in the know, Neasden in North London and has little going for it apart from being on the tube to Central London. I found the house. It was one of those once high-class jobs that had housed both well-off family and their servants over several floors - those above and those below stairs. It had a grand set of steps up to the superior part of the house and its ornate entrance, with a smaller set of steps to each side decending to the basement rooms. The once grand building had long since been deflowered and converted to flats - or apartments for our American cousins. I stepped carefully down the very worn steps to the basement flat in my 4 inch heels, minding the milk bottles as I went. Paint was peeling off wood and masonary everywhere. And it stunk to High Heaven of cat pee. You know what? Irony of all irony; do you know what the address was? Flat 1, 1 Pinching Crescent. Well! I ask you. How close is that to all the brouhaha over disappearing clothing; did he or didn't he? Well, specially for you, my SRU reader, I was going to find out. But between you and me I don't for a moment think he really had taken that dress and underwear. But I was going to ask him anyway. I thought he'd tell me afterwards.. you know... in that dreamy time after copulating... or whatever you young boys call it these days. I knocked on the door and waited. And waited. And I waited. And I waited. I would have phoned him but what with all the GPS use, the battery had died. For some reason my mind wandered to issues of forum moderation... I really, really appreciate all the amazingly hard work the Mods do on my behalf... I always make a point of telling my Mod how great a job he is doing and that's even before I've read all the posts... they like the feedback you know. Enough! I'm continuing... I banged on the door again... rat-a-tat-tat, rat-tat. I was getting quite musically minded with beating out that rhythm; I had visions of drumming behind Mark Knopfler in a swirl of pink and mauve mist. Mark came over to me and took the drum sticks from my hands. He held me in his arms...he pulled me close... Ouch! My bodyshaper pulled a crotch hair and the moment was broken. Dream on Girl! Oh, goodness if only I could have my time round again. I forced my attention back to the matters in hand, and without too much brain down-time. Does your mind drift off sometimes? Mine's more off than on these days .. but I'm wandering again - sorry. I knew he was in because I could smell burnt cabbage wafting out to the stair-well via the Expelair in the wall. And I'd already texted him and told him to expect me around 8. It was a few minutes after sunset and the light was starting to go. I kicked the door a bit in the frustration of getting no answer. The glass panes in the door rattled. Doing that set off a chain reaction I didn't anticipate... I only had flimsy fashion shoes on so I'd stubbed my toe with all that door kicking. Naturally I lifted my foot to give it a rub. When I put it back down again my stiletto heel pierced the tail of a cat that was ingratiating itself around my legs and was probably responsible for the smell. The cat squealed like a barrage balloon with a million p.s.i leak; I jumped in fright at the unexpected noise and stumbled backwards on those heels I've been telling you about; in the process knocking open the door to the hidy-hole behind me. The cacophony woke the fox hiding in the hidy-hole. Seeing the cat disapppearing the fox whooshed past me up the steps after it, sending the milk bottles at the top crashing down. As I tried to regain my balance, I slipped on an old festering takeaway, (at least I hope that's what it was). I promptly fell-over backwards, well and truly into the hidy-hole; knocking over the bins therein and tearing my stockings as I went. I felt the gusset pop on my body-shaper; with skirt hitched even higher and with legs akimbo. All my assets were on full view. If you know what I mean? Empty beer cans were rolling out from the hidy-hole everywhere. They mixed in gay abandon with the bottles cascading down the steps. Well, altogether it was all one hell-of-a din. And it woke things up I can tell you. It was the people in the upstairs ground-floor flat that were first to be roused. They weren't very polite to start with, calling me a whore and telling me to clear off, but they used that F-word I don't like. They told me to ply my trade on someone else's doorstep. Anyway to cut a long story short I managed to explain what had happened. It took me three goes, but eventually they calmed down and saw the funny side. I'm damned sure I didn't. I still can't. But they agreed to bang on their floor - his ceiling you understand - and eventually I could hear cussing and swearing advancing up his passage to the door in front of me. I'd picked myself up by this time and re-pinned my gusset so at least I was decent. "Wasshsup?" He called, standing behind the door and slurring his speech badly. I could tell he was three sheets to the wind. I poked open the letter box and peered through into the gloom. He was wearing just a bra and pants. His pecs weren't up to much but his tackle looked ok'ish. Contrary to what all those spam emails say boys - I can tell you - girls don't care about size very much. So I'm sure all you weeners out there will be just fine. Well, there he was in his padded bra and pants; I say 'his' but they were so dirty they looked as if that had had a few dozen owners before. I could feel my desire level dropping markedly as that wave of deja-vu disappointment crept over me. "It's me!" I called through the letter box, trying to keep my spirits up and sound cheerful. "I texted you earlier about an interview for my web- site." "Web site?" He asked, still slurring like billyo. "They've banned me... the bastards. Me?! The best forum moderator that'sshsever lived. Me! The bastards.... but I'll show'em.... I will ... I'll show'em. Basshtards" I quickly decided I needed to steer him back to the purpose of my visit and try and put a stop to his burgeoning melancholia. "I'm so excited to meet you at last! I have to pinch myself to be sure I'm not dreaming. (See footnote 3.) I've come to ask you to share a few things with my ..." Before I could finish my sentence with the word 'reader', he interrupted, roaring like a wounded animal. "Pinch?" "Did you say - PINCH?" The volume rose on the last word; even the questioning-lift at the end rattled my fillings. "Are you bloody well taking the piss Woman?" He boomed. "No Sir, I'm not Sir." I though it was a smart move to sir him and show much needed respect. (They're all the same these mods - just so bloody needy. But I'd remembered the 'Sir' technique from 41Turkeys' Brown- Nosers How-To). I continued before he could interject... "Its just that my reader likes to find out about our favourite mods, Sir, and we're having this special week called 'Thank-a-Mod-Week', Sir, and I thought you might like to share something of yourself with us, Sir - you know through my website. At a pinch (see footnote 3) I can make stuff up if you want" I gushed like a gawky-embarrassed-14-year-old on her first date. But it was too late. I realized I'd used the 'pinch' word again. Not all the 'Sirs' in the World could undo that calamity. Well, as you can imagine, dear reader, the game was well and truly up! Any plans I'd had for scoring that night were now zilch, terminated and kapput. Thank you very much and goodnight, as John Cleese might say! Our Not-So-Dishy-Mod kneeled at the door, peering back at me through the letter box with glassy unfocused eyes. Staring back I could see the gravy stains down his bra and chest. They had been smeared as he'd tried to wipe them away. I could see his pupils were huge, like saucers. Sharpening up his gaze and giving me a quick once-over he made his decision. I could see his brain working; he didn't look that bright to me, despite what they say. "Clear off you miserable scrawny tart and tell 'em all - I PINCHED NUFFINK FROM NO-ONE... Bastards..." And with that he stood up and disappeared up his passage. I could hear him repeating the word 'bastards', muttering to himself as he slipped from view. So todays Dishy-Mod-of-the-Day is He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named and he wants you to know he pinched nothing from anyone and he thinks we're all bastards. I've interpolated a bit; please excuse the artistic license. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named:- View of Crossdress.me Mods: Bastards View of Crossdress.me Users: Bastards Now, I want you to know I played no part in his demise on crossdress.me. There were things I could have said at the time but decided, quite rightly in my view now, not to. Just like any good SRU member, I always fully support the Mods. They do a wonderful job. Thank you Mods! (For anyone interested I've just casually dropped a couple of other methods from 41Turkeys' Brown-Nose How-To - i.e. one - unquestioning support and two, gratuitous thanks.) And it's too late to carp now isn't it? No-one likes resurrecting old flames or re-telling the misfortunes of others. Especially me. And so I wish him all the best and hope he finds himself again soon. (Methods 3 - explain away lack of action on your part and 4 - offer empathetic hope for some improved future state; 41Turkeys' Brown Nose How to) So, on a lighter note, there you have it folks! And look out for tomorrow's Dishy-Mod-of-the-Day coming soon to sycophants-R-us! Are you a member yet? Remember pm 41Turkeys if you want to join! (I do hope we can get a better Mod response next time - any other committee member want to try? And what news from the American and Canadian Sycophants-R-us Chapters? Wasn't there an SRU group starting in India too?) Delia _________________________________________ Please, please PM me for xdressing help from a real girl! I'm only here to help!! _________________________________________ Post #10 3rd September 2011, 07:21 AM ========================================= Swoop Group: English Chapter. Away Game This Weekend ========================================= OK fellow Sycophants-R-Us members. We have our final Swoop Group meet coming up this weekend. It's a long distance one this time, so bring clean panties; I'm sure there'll be a long wait at the airport. We are off to Hagfors! Flight leaves Gatwick at 13:10 this afternoon! So tell your boss you've got period pains or whatever excuse you boys use, and get on over to Gatwick Airport. Norwegian Airlines flight LGW-UME. But don't be deceived by the airline's name. 'Cos we're off to SWEDEN to Hug-a-Deliciously-Desirable- Mod and to let him know what his recent appearance on crossdress.me means for us all! See you all at check in!! Delia _________________________________________ Please, please PM me for xdressing help from a real girl! I really want to help!! Anyone? _________________________________________ Post #11 3rd September 2011, 12:16 PM ========================================= Sycophants-R-Us: Group Swoop to Sweden URGENT!!!!! ========================================= Where is everybody? It's 12:15 and they're close to boarding the flight and I'm waiting in the departure lounge on my own! PM me to tell me where you are. Or better even, switch your blooming GPSes on so I can see your whereabouts in the SRU app. Delia _________________________________________ Sent from my HTC phone _________________________________________ Post #12 3rd September 2011, 12:57 PM ========================================= SRU Swoop Group trip to Hagfors, Sweden ========================================= Well, thanks a bunch, guys. Call yourselves sycophants? Your not worthy the name! And did you need to be so horrid? I'm only trying to get through 'Thank- a-Mod-Week' and have a laugh with a few mates along the way. It is our last Mod-of-the-Day outing so I thought you all might make a bit of effort. But what do do? That was a really nasty video you made, Davinia. I did manage to download it from YouTube and see it ok, thanks. And yes, as you say, that picture was the 'spitting image' of me, but did you really need to use it? Showing a small photo without that big red highlighter circled around the wart on my upper-lip might have been acceptable. But that A2 size was a bit unkind. Yes, and as you claim it is 'a bloody big wart'. Don't you think I don't know that? But I'm waiting - just like Nanny McPhee - for the thing to disappear on its own. If it worked for her; I'm sure it'll work for me. And can I help it if I sometimes snort snot? I have sinus trouble you know. I suppose that was the meaning of 'spitting image' bit. But what really hurt was the chorus you sang at the end. I can see you were all tanked-up but that's no excuse really. What was it? That last bit? "What do we wanna go to Hagfors with a warty old HAG FOR?" Of course you just had to shout that last bit didn't you? Then you all fell on the floor laughing! You can be so cruel, Davinia. Got to stop now; the stewardess has told me three times to switch my phone off. They've closed the doors. More news later - if the batteries last! Delia _________________________________________ Sent from my HTC phone _________________________________________ Post #13 5th September 2010, 09:05 AM ========================================= Sycophants-R-Us: Traitors! ========================================= For completeness I'm going to finish 'Thank-a-Mod-Week come what may. And from what I know now, about what you all have done - 'what may come', may be anything. As I've told you before I don't like being beaten by the way events conspire. But I have to tell you, reader, (and if you think I'm going to call you 'dear reader' after you've all done you can sod-off). I have to tell you, 'reader', that my heart's not in it. Sycophants-R-Us died a little for me yesterday. Davinia's video started it. But bloomin' well spending all that money getting to Sweden only to discover you all planned this together, has really taken the biscuit. I'm just so depressed. I'm one hell of a mug aren't I? I've spent a fortune; it's not like there's a Ryanair el-cheapo flight to get out here. No - it was a full-price scheduled flight I took, seemingly just to make myself look even more stupid. I don't think I'll be able to hold my head up around SRU ever again. I imagine Doris, Mabel and Cecily will be casting pitying glances my way and smiling to themselves over their knitting while we play whist on the SRU coach outing to Bognor or where ever. Just because I don't knit and am a woman-into-girlie-boys they've always socially isolated me. I've always been an outsider with them. I didn't mind that so much because I could always talk with one of their husbands - that's one of you lot - about new clothes and make-up and poncing about and stuff. I thought I'd been accepted as a kind of 'honorary girlie-boy'. But now, you'll all be laughing behind my back too won't you? I don't think I can bear being an outcast any more. And that self-styled Chief Brown-Noser, 41Turkeys - you know him - he's the one always playing pocket billiards through the pockets of his gingham 'Dorothy' dress whenever you see him standing at the bar. I know for a fact he's got very little to play with; Mrs 41Turkeys told me. And I'm not one to spread gossip, as you know, but using Twitter on my phone has been a revelation. The things you find out! And in almost real-time too! You wouldn't believe half of them unless, as I do, you knew they were true. 41Turkeys - is always very correct and proper when you meet him isn't he? Well... apparently. But he's really into spanking and bondage and stuff; like that Max Mottely, who was in the papers a while back. His poor long suffering wife - that's 41Turkeys' wife not Max Mottley's - I don't know how she stands him. Well I do. She told me. She sends him off for 'funny sessions' in basement flats in London for 50 quid a pop. It keeps him off her knee though and out of her panty drawer, doesn't it? And that's all that matters. And why is it when ever you see a photograph of him, all cross dressed, why is it, why it is always a crotch shot? You know crotch shots? Somehow 'accidently', 'mistakenly' his dress get hitched up and legs 'just happen' to spread at the 'wrong moment' and we get to forever gaze on photo of his plump gusset. So why is he all the while so smug? He thinks he's the 'Supreme Sycophant' with his Brown-Nose-How-To and that I'm beneath even his contempt. He started all this 'Thank-a-Mod-Week' crap that I've been struggling so hard to make work for us all. But what contribution does he make? A big fat nothing - that's what. And talking of fat, he's another over size Miss isn't he? He's more like 41TurkeyTwizzlersInEachSitting if you ask me. Did he attend a swoop group? Like as bloody hell he did. What I want to know is... why does he always forget to adjust himself when he exits the toilet? I wonder if that makes him a closet exhibitionist as well as being into spanky-hanky-panky and crotchy watchy gusset gazing? Many mods are introverted-megalomaniacs you know (see footnote 2.). That's what drives them. I know introversion and megalomania don't sit well together but it kind of makes sense. These mods, our mods, want to show off and let us all know how clever they are when they ban someone or severely edit a rambling post. But they don't like mixing much with others. So they moderate in their bedrooms, with the door locked, getting engourged on the power they wield. And then jerking off. But getting back to the point of all this; I'm still waiting here in Ulmea airport, Sweden. It 6:45 Saturday evning local time. I haven't eaten since having a rye crisp-bread on the plane yesterday; and I've no money. Well, that's not true. I have money. Just not the right money. Because I flew to Sweden with Norwegian Airlines, I somehow got it into my head I needed Norwegian money. This'll be the icing on the cake for you lot. I've a 1000 krone note but no-one will change it as its too big! You know the same kind of hassle we used to get in the UK with ?50 notes before Quantative Easing. So I've been doing some of the stuff Tom Hanks did when he got stuck at a US airport; but not nearly so successfully. I've tried being very feminine and helpless to attract a bit of chivalry. It used to work many years ago - before-the-wart - but all I've managed to attract so far is the attention of airport security with a very stern warning to desist. I won't tell you spending all night and all next day in an airport departure lounge is no fun; I'm sure you know that. What I will tell you is that discovering that everyone but me was in on this 'joke' has been just so hard. That's the 'Me' that's been trying to jolly you all along. You know? This person; Me! The one trying endlessly to kick some life into Sycophants-R-Us and Thank-a-Mod-Week on crossdress.me. I only wanted to ensure you enjoy yourselves and at the same time see that the Mods are thanked properly for their superb hard work on our behalf. They do a wonderful job you know. It's taken me some time to realize what I'm doing at Ulmea Airport in Sweden. I remember full well the refrain - "Wha' do we wanna go to Hagfors with a warty old hag for?" So why am I here at Ulmea? Good question! I pondered it all night. And the answer came to me while I was wide awake at 3.45 this morning endlessly mulling over it all. You all knew Hagfors wasn't on any major airline route from the UK didn't you? You only chose it to make a rhyme with 'hag for' in that horrid video you made, Davinia. Didn't you, Davinia? Didn't you? There's no need to answer because I've worked it out. When I phoned you asking if you knew where our New-Nordic-Swedish-Swishy-Dishy-Mincing-Mod-of- the-Day lives you said you'd find out and call me back. I wondered why it took you so long, but you were ringing around the SRU Swoop Group and hatching your plan weren't you? It took me half the night to work it out. But I know. I know. Our New-Nordic-Swedish-Swishy-Dishy-Minc?ing-Mod-of-the-Day target lives in Gothenburg doesn't he? I've looked it up on his profile. And you all knew that landing at Ulmea at 10:20 at night would put me hundreds of miles from Gothenburg with no chance of me getting any action with our New-Nordic-Swedish-Swishy-Dishy-Mincing-Mod-of-the-Day. Even if I could have persuaded him to see the sensual woman beyond the wart. Anyway just to spite you all I phoned him. He didn't say much. He's a bit embarrassed by his English pronunciation; although he didn't need to pronounce anything really. Apart, that is, from repeating what he learned from the video. "What do we wanna go to Hagfors with a warty old hag for?" Followed by very deep-bass guttural laughing; that's all I could get out of him. I assume the video has gone mega on YouTube? Well, I did say I was going to finish Thank-a-Mod-Week at the start didn't I. Just accept it's not as comprehensive as I would like but you pratts conspired against me and I really can't be bothered any more... So, reader, our New-Nordic-Swedish-Swishy-Dishy-Mincing-Mod-of-the-Day. This is all I know. Live: Gothenburg [Mod Edit. NOT Hagfors? ;) ] Enjoy: Schadenfreude [Mod Edit. No. It's not a German wine. I had to look it up too.] So here I am, reconciled to to returning to the UK hundreds of pounds poorer, perhaps a bit wiser and feeling lower than I thought I could possibly feel. Oooh! My phone's trackball has just lit up. It's a message from the Crossdress.me Forum Moderation Team. It looks kind of formal. Hang on while I read it. I'm too upset to continue now and you'll have to wait while I get myself together. Oh I do need a good seeing to! Delia _________________________________________ Sent from my HTC phone _________________________________________ Post #14 5th September 2011, 10:42 AM ========================================= Sycophants-R-Us: Banned! ========================================= Dear Miss Gruntphuttock, Thank you for your letter re- 41Turkeys requesting an update to his crossdress.me-screen-name. As we have made you aware earlier, the Senior Moderation Team, have not regarded your gratuitous use of sexual imagery to denigrate our male crossdress.me users' self-esteem, in any favourable light. You were also warned not to promote your own sexual proclivities or desires. You were also asked to desist from promoting an external organization; namely Sycophants-R-Us. You tell us that 'Thank-a-Mod-Week' has been - to use your words - 'a Turkey'. In that it had largely failed to attract any following what-so- ever; neither from Moderators or crossdress.me users. Whilst that may be true, we have come to the view that your scornful imagery, seemingly at first reading sycophantic, actually is not. The ironic sub-plot is the absolute antithesis of your writing. Your real message is apparent to anyone with a Reading Age over 8. (We accept that excludes Sun, Daily Mirror and Daily Mail readers). We find your writing devalues everyone using the Crossdress.me Forums. Your request to rename 41Turkeys as 42Turkeys whilst, semanitically mildly amusing, is denied. Further, the name-calling and vicious flaming of crossdress.me members and moderators is, as you have been warned, against Forum rules. We have regretfully decided to close your account on crossdress.me with immediate effect. We warn you that any action on your part to rejoin with an alias screen-name will be carefully monitored and any such 'sister' accounts will be closed without notification. Best wishes ___________________________________________ The Senior Moderation Team. Crossdress.me Forum. ___________________________________________ I'm gutted... bye everyone. Delia _________________________________________ Sent from my HTC phone _________________________________________ *********************************************************************** So there it is. As you can see I've been wronged and maligned. I need your help. Please PM all the crossdress.me forum mods and get them to reinstate me. Do it for Delia! Don't I deserve it? *********************************************************************** Footnotes. 1. syc?o?phant? noun:- a self-seeking, servile flatterer; fawning parasite. 2. mega-lo-mania 1. a mental illness characterized by delusions of grandeur, power, wealth, etc 2. informal: a lust or craving for power 3. pinch 1. verb:- an English vernacular word meaning to steal, perloin or otherwise illegally appropriate 2. verb:- to grasp tightly between thumb and index finger 3. adjective:- fit tightly, especiallly of shoes 4. adjective:- unwanted predicament, tight spot, bind (c) Piss-Taking Productions Ltd: Pimlico, Poplar, Purley, Penge & Penzance. Delia Gruntphuttock writes with permision of Cambridge Romano Anglo Press. (c) C.R.A.P. 2012