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Note: This story was originally published on Fictionmania as "Sissy Kimmy". This is an edited, updated, and slightly expanded version. This story includes physical, psychological, and sexual abuse. It contains intense violence and horror elements. Reader discretion is advised. - The Girl in Red - The Woman In White by SissyKimmy1 Part 1: The Girl In Red Chapter 1: That Isn't My Name I was a small boy, just under five feet tall. I was eighteen and most boys my age would be called men, but that would be a bit of an exaggeration in my case. I was not strong, tall, or assertive. I dreamed about girls, but it never seemed to happen. I had dropped out my senior year of high school and was too lazy to get a job. I didn't expect or desire the terrible fate that awaited me, but it was partly my own fault for not even trying to be an independent and responsible person. I had my chance to leave after I dropped out, but how could I have known how vital it was to get away? On that summer day when my stepmother Kathy announced her decision to turn me into a little girl, I told her there was no way she could possibly force me to go along and decided to leave home that day, but I had no idea how well she had prepared. It was at lunchtime, with my younger sisters Marie and Marlena giggling all the while with the knowledge of what was to come, that their plan was put into action. "Are you enjoying your lunch, Kimmy?" my stepmother asked. "My name isn't Kimmy and there is no way you could ever force me to..." My voice trailed off and I started to become dizzy. I fell backwards in my chair and they all gathered around. "It worked like a charm, Mom," said Marie as the room continued to twirl. "By the time he wakes up, there will be no escape for our new little sister." I awoke in a dark room, I floated in a hazy fog for quite some time. Weird memories danced in my head but none of them made any sense at all. Alertness hit me suddenly, they were going to make me into a little girl? That must have been part of the dream, why would I think such a thing...? Suddenly a sharp voice rang out, "Good Morning, little Kimmy!" It struck me, it wasn't a dream, they had drugged me and were putting this crazy plan into action, but who was this voice... The lights came on and I saw her. A tall, beautiful woman with blonde hair. She was dressed casually in jeans and a tight shirt. "Hello, little girl, my name is Cindy, I'm here to help. By the time I'm finished with you today all of your girlish dreams will come true. I have very few boys who come here so willingly, so I will do my very best to make you the most precious little girl I have ever produced." Came here willingly, eh? I'll show this bitch, I may be short but I'm not weak. I lunged towards her fists flying but...she stood there giggling as my fists flew. She grabbed both my hands, held them and said, "Having second thoughts, are we? Well, I'm afraid the time for those has passed. The treatment has already been administered, you are more girl than boy now, the treatment has sapped all the strength from your muscles, you couldn't hurt a kitten." "NO, IT'S IMPOSSIB...." I stopped and covered my mouth, the voice that came out was unmistakably that of a little girl, shrilly high pitched with a very slight lisp. "Oh, little Kimmy, so much is possible, come to the mirror and see." In shock I followed and what I saw was beyond belief. Beautiful thick curls of auburn hair flowed gracefully to her shoulders. The face was angelic, blushing cheeks and pink lips and girlish lashes. The only sign at all that the creature in the mirror was not a small girl was the tiny penis and balls. She saw my glance. "Yes, you're still a boy in one place. Your mother chose not to advance the treatment that far but...well, you best behave Kimmy is all I can say." The face in the mirror twisted in distress and began to cry, at that same moment a stream of urine began flowing as well. Cindy spoke with mocking gentleness as I entered full tantrum mode, "There, there Kimmy. It's okay, you're only a little girl, your potty training isn't what it once was. I hope we can keep you out of diapers, but you'll have to be quick to find an adult to help you on to your potty." I stared at the ground in complete humiliation. Cindy sensed I was now completely at her mercy. "Oh, it won't be so bad Kimmy. Isn't this what you always wanted? No responsibilities, no school, no work. Just a life of total dependence on your stepmother and sisters. It won't be any different than your life has been up till now, you'll just look right for the part and learn to act with proper respect. An 18 year old boy looks silly sitting around the house all day, but now that you're a little girl it will be completely natural to look to all the real adults for guidance and support instead of doing things for yourself." I seethed with anger, it was true I had been a bit irresponsible, but lots of people don't get their life together until later, but they had made sure I would never have the chance. "Now," Cindy said, "it is time to get you properly dressed and ready to be sent home." She went to a closet at the side of the room and opened it. What I saw made me begin to quiver in humiliation again as I sniffled. First, she retrieved a set of classic frilly little girl panties. They were white with little flowers all over. I continued to cry as she made me step into them. "There, doesn't that feel so nice? So smooth and comfy." She patted my behind gently. "You should have been in these so long ago!" Next, she retrieved a pair of white tights and carefully pulled them up into place. "Don't you feel so girly and sweet?" I looked into the mirror again, there was no longer any evidence at all that it was a boy being dressed like this aside from the pouting and clearly unhappy face. She slipped a pair of pink Mary Janes on my feet and giggled. She moved to a curtain in the corner of the room and unveiled the dress that I would be wearing as I stepped forward into my new life. It was unbelievable, I had once seen a TV show about beauty pageants for little girls in which they pranced around in the most flouncy and silly frocks, complete caricatures of the most extreme versions of femininity, but the thought of being forced into this dress was worse than prancing around in anything I had ever seen on TV. It was bright, pure white with humongous pink puffy sleeves. The bodice and skirt were embroidered with pink hearts and fairies and there was a wide pink sash between them to tie in a big bow in the back. There was a stiff pink petticoat underneath the skirt that made it clear that barely even my panties would be covered. I had enough, the little girl in nothing but tights, panties and Mary Janes I could see in the mirror became red faced and violently stamped her foot. "THERE IS NO WAY I AM WEARING THIS, THIS HAS GONE FAR ENOUGH, CHANGE ME BACK AND..." I got no further as I yelped in fear as she closed upon me, I groaned as I piddled in my panties before she was even halfway there. She lifted me up, kicking and screaming, and took a seat with my stomach on her lap and my pink Mary Janes kicking in panic. "Now listen here, little Kimmy, you will wear whatever your mommy tells you to wear and be an obedient little girl." She rubbed my butt gently. "Part of the treatment was to give you a VERY low tolerance for pain. You will redefine the definition of a wimp. Even a little bump will leave you bawling and crying for your sisters or your Mommy to come comfort you. Let me give you just a little taste." The first spank sent pain through me like I had never felt before. My panties and tights were no protection at all. I howled and cried hysterically from just one gentle slap. She continued, and counted up to ten. It was like a hot brand had been taken to my ass and she was barely hitting me at all. The pain got worse and worse as she continued, it must have only taken a minute, but to me it was the longest moment of my life. It was an eternity. When she was done, she tossed me on the ground and I rolled around kicking and screaming in my wet panties and frantically rubbing my behind. I had no idea how they did it, but they had fully reduced me to a helpless little panty wetter. There was no viable path of resistance. Cindy screamed down at me, "LITTLE GIRLS DO AS THEY ARE TOLD, THAT GOES FOR ME OR YOUR MOMMY OR YOUR BIG SISTERS OR ANY OTHER ADULT, IS THAT CLEAR!?" There was no fight left in me this day, that was for sure. She simply waited, I was quietly sniffling on the ground and she told me to get up. She didn't even have to instruct me on what to do next. I came to her on my knees in my wet panties and tights and begged her. "Please put me in my pretty dress Cindy, I'm a good little girl, please put me in my dress and don't spank me anymore." "Now that's the willing little boygirl I expected from the start! But you seem to be having some serious problems with your potty training today so we'll have to start from square one with your undergarments." She went to a drawer and retrieved a pair of disposable pink pullup training panties featuring Disney princesses and held them up expectantly in front of me. I obediently stepped into the humiliating panties and she dressed me in a new set of tights and slipped on my Mary Janes. I felt dizzy as I was dressed in the pink petticoat and the dress. I wanted to let my mind drift away and pretend it was happening to someone else, but the sensations were all so new and strange and the embarrassment of my new station crushed me and granted me no escape. The experience was nothing like I had ever imagined. With my undergarments so exposed and the ridiculously frilly and girlish dress I felt like I was six years old. Waves of humiliation and anger and frustration coursed through me. "Almost done, Kimmy!" She affixed a pink bow on the top of my head. I stared at the little girl in the mirror, there was not a trace of masculinity to be found and she wasn't even done. She handed me a doll clearly modeled directly after my new appearance, she had the same hair and dress and I could swear the face looked just like my new face. It was amazingly detailed. It was so realistic that for the briefest instant I thought I saw something in the doll's eyes, like it was alive. "Say hello to your new friend, Kimmy." I looked at the toy and whispered in my new, disturbing feminine voice. "Hello...Dolly." Cindy laughed. "Well, you can come up with a more creative name than that later. Now Kimmy, we are going to go and meet your Mommy and sisters. If there really is some part of you that doesn't want this, remember that they decided it would be best to let you keep your little cock and balls. If you disobey them at all you will be back here and....well, nevermind. Remember to give them a cute little curtsey when you're introduced!" She led me outside into a small waiting room where my mother and sisters greeted me. The look on their faces was impossible to describe. Marie, the elder of the two with her blonde hair, serious face, and dancer's lithe body looked at me like a trapped animal in a cage. Marlena, the younger sister with her brunette hair, warm and friendly face, and more full figure looked at me like a new baby or a cute puppy. I could tell they were both looking forward to all the humiliating fun that would be the hallmark of my future life. My stepmother Kathy, tall and beautiful in an icy way with long black hair, spoke first, "Meet your new little sister girls!" On cue, I bobbed in my curtsy automatically. It wasn't even the fear of more punishment that made me do it. The training panties, the ridiculously bouffant petticoat, and the doll I was clutching just made me fell so naturally girlish that there was no other response I could think of for my introduction to my new life. Marie squealed. "Oh my god! She is sooooo pretty!" They took in the ridiculous dress, the clearly evident training panties the petticoat could not conceal, the totally feminized features, and all the rest. They swarmed around me, lifting my skirts and stroking my dress. Marlena gushed at my appearance, "She's a whole different person! I can't believe it! She's the cutest little girl I've ever seen. Look at those curls! Is she potty trained or will she need the pull-ups all the time?" Cindy replied, "I'm not sure, she certainly had no control today so I may have gone too far, but it's been so emotional for her finding out who she is now, let her try and earn her big girl panties tomorrow." I vowed to myself that I would. Kathy instructed me to thank Cindy for the lovely job and say good bye, and I did it with a curtsy and a pout, the memory of the horrible spanking still in my mind. They ushered me outside to the car, I burned with humiliation as I walked through the crowded parking lot with people gawking at the strange sight of a little girl dressed so fancily. They sat me in a child seat in the back of the car with my "big sisters" on each side, promising to play games with me to keep me entertained. "Oh Kimmy," said my stepmother who I was informed I was now required to call Mommy, "You told us it couldn't be done, but in one day you were turned from a useless irresponsible boy into a simpering little girl without a care in the world, and your fun is just getting started!" I cried and involuntarily emptied my bladder into my training panties, there was no other way I could possibly respond. Chapter 2: Meeting the Neighbors I stood trembling in fear by the front door. I was dressed in a pink and while sailor suit with knee high white socks and my "favorite" pink Mary Janes. My auburn curls were topped with a pink fluffy clip-on flower. My sister Marie stood directly behind me holding the other end of the baby reins that were keeping me in place. "Go ahead Kimmy, just like the others, we have a lot more houses to hit!" my sister urged me. It had been several weeks since my new life had begun, and now I was being paraded around the block to introduce myself personally to the neighbors. Things had been getting steadily worse and worse since the day of my shocking gender change. I had a new room suitable for a baby or a little girl, with white and pastel yellow features and an oversized crib with a sturdy lock. I had learned a new routine. I was dressed every morning by my mother or one of my sisters in whatever mundane or exotic little girl outfit they had in mind. If I was lucky I spent my day playing with my new dollies and watching Disney movies or other childish shows. If I wasn't they took me out in public like today and came up with new ways for me to humiliate myself. I went to bed early and was only allowed out of my crib when my tormenters were ready to start my torture all over again. By the morning I didn't care, I just wanted to be free of the crib. About the only measure of positive progress I'd made since the ordeal began was that I'd finally begun to be able to control my altered bladder, much to my pride. Sure, they put me in a big fluffy diaper overnight, but they could hardly blame me for wetting myself when they locked me in a crib for hours and hours. It may sound weird to talk about continence as something to be proud of for an eighteen year old, but I had to fight somehow to retain my sense of self worth. They used this pride against me, it was the cause of my current trip around the neighborhood. "Well, congratulations!" said Mommy after my fourth day without accidents, "Keep this up and you can have your big girl panties for good!" I kept up my efforts and one night right before bed she told me that since I was so proud I should go around the neighborhood in the morning and tell the world about my achievement. And here I was. The door opened, and I began the horrible performance I had been forced to memorize and had already debuted for several audiences. "Hello, my name is Kimmy.!" I said excitedly in my childish feminine voice as I performed a curtsy. "You may have known me as someone else until a few weeks ago, but now thanks to my mommy and sisters my true self has been set free! I just wanted to come by and introduce myself and let you know that I'm now fully potty trained!" At this point of the routine I lift my skirt and show off my white "Alice in Wonderland" panties. When I was finished I looked down at the ground in shame for several moments. I heard a few soft giggles, and looked up to see the older woman and two young girls with sandy blonde hair wearing ballet costumes behind her. They all broke into hysterical laughter as I stood there passively with my hands folded in front of me, resting on my skirt. Marie spoke up, "Hello Mrs. Peters, may we come in? I'm sure Kimmy would love to play for a while with your daughters." Mrs. Peters replied, "Well, I guess so, they don't like playing with girls so much younger than them though..." The two girls exploded in protest and dragged me through the house and out to the backyard so we could be alone while Marie and Mrs. Peters sat down to talk. The girls, Sally and Katie, pestered me with questions about why I wanted to be a girl so much and how the transformation was done so convincingly. I admitted my ignorance about precisely how the procedures were done, and gave the answer I was instructed to about why I wanted to be a girl. "Well, I was never able to live up to the responsibilities of being a man, so my mommy told me I should try being a girl instead, and I just knew she was correct right away!" They decided to teach me how to play jump rope. They stood at either side of me laughing at my attempts to jump rope while keeping my panties from showing under my short skirt. Katie laughed, "No Kimmy, you can't do both. We won't laugh anymore, just try not to wear such a short skirt the next time you come over to play!" I resumed my jumping and did much better, they added a call and response rhyme for me to recite as I jumped. It wasn't so bad once they stopped laughing at me, it was kind of fun to jump around and try and keep rhythm with the rhyme. As we returned inside I could hear Mrs. Peters asking, "But why didn't he get an operation? That just seems like a recipe for trouble." Marie responded, "Well, it's insurance. Why do you think she's so well behaved?" "But what if he figures out it's an empty threat..?" Marie laughed, "Oh, it isn't. And we have much worse ideas in mind if he steps out of line after THAT." I couldn't imagine how it could get worse than that, but I vowed not to find out. Mrs. Peters actually started to laugh a bit. "Oh, you're just messing with me, Marie. No boy would dress like that if he didn't want to. You really had me going." Mrs. Peters turned as the three of us entered the kitchen. "Okay, Sally and Katie, say goodbye to your new friend, it's time for ballet class." We said our goodbyes and Marie led me outside. As we walked towards the next house Marie mused out loud, "Well, little sister, maybe we should sign you up for ballet classes too so you could have more time with your new buddies!" I moaned at the thought of the terrible public humiliation of such a pastime, but there was nothing much left but humiliation in my life anyway. I was, after all, being led around the neighborhood diligently obeying the commands of my formerly little sister while wearing an outfit better suited for a Japanese school girl. As I saw the next house I turned around and faced my sister, "NO MARIE! We can't go to that house! It's Mr. Jenkins...we have to skip it." I saw an evil, sadistic smile on her face. Mr. Jenkins used to be a janitor at the local school, he had been accused of molesting young girls but had been acquitted at his trial. Most of the town still thought he was guilty and avoided him like the plague. She gave me a quick swat on the behind and and I squealed in pain. "Don't be silly Kimmy, your big sister will be there the whole time. I won't let him do anything to you. But I know you heard me talking to Mrs. Peters before when you came in the house with your little friends, about how much worse it can get for you. No matter how childishly we make you act and look you are still 18, and there are a lot of men who would love to get to know a little loophole like yourself. You had better learn to be a good girl if you don't want to visit here more often." I trembled in horror as she led me to the house. Mr. Jenkins smiled pleasantly as I offered my introduction and showed off my panties. He invited us right in. Marie offered to let me sit on "Uncle Charlie's" lap as we talked. I sat on the disgusting man's lap and felt overcome with loathing. Of him. Of myself, perched obediently on his lap. His excitement was obvious. Everything about the man was repulsive. He looked and smelled terrible. It was clear he enjoyed having such a well mannered prissy little girl on his lap. We stayed for almost an hour and chatted, Marie carried on a conversation as if she had known him for years while I silently pleaded to her with my eyes for us to go. Before we left Marie asked, "Kimmy, do you need the potty?" I told her no. In truth I did have to go fairly urgently but I had new confidence based on my recent success that I could tough it out. I didn't want to stay in his house any longer than I had to. As we left Marie stated simply, "You had better learn to become the most well behaved little girl in the world, I asked for his number and told him we might call if we needed a babysitter for you." I looked back and could see he was watching us walk away, I tugged down on my short skirt to try and keep my panties covered. He blew me a kiss before laughing and going back inside. We arrived at the last house before today's ordeal would be over. A woman answered the door and clapped sarcastically at my proud declaration of continence. She clearly knew something about the strange woman who had performed my transformation. "Well Marie, Cindy really did an amazing job on her. Little Kimmy here should meet my son, he's such a troublemaker. Of course I'd never actually do something like this to him and he'd never let me..." she paused and smirked in my direction. "...But a little fear might help him to behave." They took me upstairs and introduced me to her son, a fourteen year old boy, and then left me alone with him to give him some time to consider the threat. They told him what had been done to me. "You stupid faggot, get out of my room. I'm an only child and my mom wants grandkids too much to do something like that to me." He violently shoved me out the door and with my lack of strength I was helpless to fight back. I could have easily handled him before all this started even with my slight frame but now thanks to the mysterious treatments I had received I could be overpowered by anyone. As I crashed to the ground on my back with my feet in the air and panties on display the most terrible thing happened. I wet myself, right there in the hallway. I left a large puddle on the carpet. I ran downstairs in an absolute fit, screaming and crying about what the mean boy had done to me. Marie saw immediately I was wet. She stripped off my panties and stuffed them in my mouth to stop my loud tantrum. She grabbed me by my collar and yanked me over her lap for a spanking. My previous spanking with Cindy had at least had the protection of panties and tights, now I lacked even that. Whatever they had done to me made the pain so unbearable I nearly blacked out, she was not holding back at all like Cindy had done, mindful of what the changes had done to me. She was wild with rage, you would think I had truly done something to hurt her. "I EVEN ASKED YOU BEFORE IF YOU NEEDED TO GO YOU TERRIBLE LITTLE GIRL!" she shouted at me. *SMACK SMACK SMACK* "WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT LEARNING OBEDIENCE?" *SMACK SMACK SMACK* She went on and on and on, she stopped lecturing and just seemed to be snarling and grunting in rage as she beat me. The pain overwhelmed me, I knew my wetting had set her off, but later on I would wonder, what was she really so angry about? Nothing I could have done wrong merited treatment like this. So there I was, an 18 year old boy receiving a spanking from his little sister, tears in my eyes and wet panties in my mouth, while a woman I had never met before watched on in laughter. My muffled crying continued all the way home, she wouldn't let me take the panties out of my mouth. Strangers we passed on the street looked in sympathy at the sad little girl, they had been gawking all day but now they looked at me with pity. I kept my head down and mouth shut to hide the shameful secret in my mouth and my hands locked on the hem of my skirt to protect my modesty. "So much for your pride, little Kimmy." said a vindictive Marie who would have to bring home news to Mommy that we would have to pay for a carpet cleaning. "Looks like no more big girl panties for you." Chapter 3: My Least Favorite Costume I awoke, slowly becoming aware of my surroundings. It had been several months now, but it still took time to realize this nightmare was real. The first thing I see when I awake is the pastel yellow bars holding me in the infantile prison, any jail would be better than this. Next I feel for the soft reassurance of the dolly I am hugging in my arms, and the warm comfort it brings me. When they first changed me they had made a game of making me carry the doll Cindy had given me everywhere I went, waiting for me to slip up so they could scold me. After a while, they stopped playing. They realized I kept it in my arms all on my own. It was embarrassing needing such a childish, girlish comfort, but it was all I had. The only times I didn't keep Dolly near were when I was specifically instructed to leave her. I didn't have to put on a show for them in the long hours they locked me in the crib to sleep. I just needed something to stave off the horrible loneliness and boredom late at night and early in the morning. They locked me in much longer than I could possibly sleep. Sometimes I couldn't sleep at all, unable to do anything but replay the day's torments in my head over and over. If I didn't have my doll to talk to and cuddle with my sadness and frustration would have overwhelmed me. If you were watching me late at night, you would probably think I had already lost my wits. If you were watching me, you would see a little girl as she held a one sided conversation with her dolly about the horrible things her sisters and stepmother had made her do that day. "I would certainly never do those things to you, Dolly!" she would insist. This morning I was quiet. I hugged Dolly tightly and began to sniffle, thinking about how other boys my age snuggle with girls and have sex. I, on the other hand, could only snuggle with a doll while I was stuck in a diaper, plastic panties, and a pink Dora the Explorer nightshirt until my horrible family decided to let me out of my crib. I was still dry for the moment, I was doing everything I could to resist the threat of full time diapers, but the truth was I had struggled to make it past two days without a daytime accident since that humiliating day months ago when I had earned my big girl panties only to lose them again before the day was out. I couldn't go back to sleep now. If I did I would lose control and be wet when they found me. If I could prove I could go the night dry without any chances to leave the crib to use the potty, they couldn't force me into diapers during the day. My anxiety and fear of that fate drove me away from sleep. I slept for maybe two or three hours a night now and spent the rest of my time talking to Dolly. The pressure on my bladder was miserable. It was torture, but I held firm. Sometimes, as I waited in a tortured state between sleep and wakefulness, I would have nightmares that crossed the border from dreams into reality. With my eyes wide open I would feel a great pressure on my chest like the world was conspiring to hold me down. I was unable to move and unable to speak. I would hear indistinct whispers all around me, and somewhere out in the darkness I knew an evil presence lurked. I knew I was dreaming but couldn't make myself wake up, I wasn't even asleep. I had begged them to get me a nightlight. They laughed at me. I heard activity outside of my room and I turned in my crib to face the door. Any minute now... It was a truly titanic struggle to maintain my dry diaper, any adult locked in a crib for this many hours would have issues, and the treatment I had received had left me with bladder control nowhere near that of a grownup. I moved to a kneeling position and clutched at my groin through the bulky diaper and panties. An eternity passed, I prayed and prayed that one of my sisters would come to let me out and... The door opened, it was my sister Marlena. "Well, good morning little sis, are we dry this morning?" I replied instantly while squealing in distress, "Yes Marlena, Pllllllllllllllllease let me out I need the potty!" Marlena, the younger of my two sisters, was the nicest to me in relative terms. As long as I made an effort to act as girlish as possible she was pleasant and happy. She had always wanted a little sister and I played the part as best I could. There was no pleasing Mommy or Marie, they made every effort to torture me no matter what I did. Even when Marlena was angry, she didn't hurt me, she had her own ways of making me behave. Marlena saw how close I was to losing control and quickly unlocked the crib. I waddled to the bathroom as fast as I could, Marlena had to race to catch up. She found me standing in front of the toilet with my legs crossed, dancing up and down and desperately grabbing my groin. I was not allowed to take off the diapers on my own. Marlena was again quick to act. I lifted up my nightshirt, sat down in a plop and immediately began to empty my bladder. The feeling of relief was immense. Marlena clapped excitedly for me as I smiled in satisfaction and lifted my arms in victory. "Looks like you keep your training panties today, no daytime diapers for you, Kimmy!" Marlena told me as she pointed at the pink package of disposable pullups on the bathroom counter. My face fell as I stared at the package, the image on the front was a little girl in a pink nightshirt, with a big smile on her face, raising her arms in victory as she sat on her potty. My image in the mirror only a few moments ago had been nearly exactly the same. What was my victory here, again? I stood up and Marlena held out a pair of the training panties for me to put on. Today, the pink training panties with the frilly leg openings featured Belle from Beauty and the Beast in her trademark yellow ball gown on the front and a floral design on the back. I pulled them up and Marlena led me back to my room, it was her turn to choose my outfit. "Before I dress you, Kimmy, I have a special present for you. Wait here and cover your eyes!" Marlena announced as she left the room. I stood there, dressed only in my training panties with my eyes covered as I waited for her to return. I heard footsteps and Marie laughing as she walked by my room. If that was the worst I got from her today I would count myself lucky. Marlena returned and I could feel her moving in front of me, "Okay, open your eyes Kimmy!" I was ready for anything, nothing much can surprise you after you wake up one day and find your gender and adulthood has been stolen from you. Marlena was smiling and holding a nude Barbie doll. Marlena explained, "Barbie dolls were always my favorite toy when I was a little girl, you probably don't remember, but back in your old life when you were my older brother you gave this to me for my birthday with allowance money you saved up. Now that you're just a little girl like I used to be I thought I would return the favor. I know how much you love your dollies, so I thought you might enjoy this one too." She opened her arms for a hug, and I complied and told her "Thank You" as genuinely as I could manage. It was kind of sweet of her, in a way. I looked down at the naked Barbie quizzically, wondering exactly what I should do with it. Marlena answered my unspoken question, "Oh, that was only half of your surprise, let me fix your hair first and I'll show you the rest. I sat down as my sister fixed and rearranged my thick curls to her satisfaction, she added a sparkly plastic tiara. When she was done she had me close my eyes again and when she returned she was holding two matching dresses, one Barbie sized and one in a size that looked just right for me. "When I was going through my things to find my old Barbie doll I dug out this old dress with the rest of the doll clothes. I don't remember where it came from but when I saw it I remembered how cute I always thought it was and how I'd always wished I had one just like it for me to wear. I knew you'd feel the same way so I had Mom special order it for you." It was a sleeveless ballerina dress, there were big lilac puffs at the shoulders. There was an image of Barbie in a tiara at the neck. The bodice was a silky solid pink on the sides with a pink and lilac floral design going down the center in a V-shape. Above the skirt there was a lilac sash with a big bow on the left. The skirt was several overlapping layers of a thin, glittery pink material. She helped me into the dress and added a matching pair of ballet slippers. She put me in front of the mirror. Once again confronted with my reflection I felt intense humiliation and frustration and sadness and anger at my near total emasculation. I studied the outfit, as a positive the glittery skirt fell to just above my knees and wasn't poufed out like a tutu or so many of the dresses they made me wear. I wouldn't have to worry about my training panties showing. But the illusion of my girlie status was so complete there was no way to feel good about it, they had reshaped my face, removed all the hair but that on my head, and added permanent makeup the day of my transformation. The intense training they had put me through in girlie body language and movements just made the situation worse. There was only one way anyone could possibly determine I was once a boy, and that would be to look in my panties. My height gave away that my age might be a bit older than the clothes indicate but no one would ever doubt I was a girl. I looked a bit like a short teenage girl who just never grew up. If there was any path of resistance I would have taken it, but Marlena was my only benefactor so I had to put on a good show. Besides, the threat of losing that little bit of boyhood still left in my panties was constantly over my head. I wasn't sure if I believed it, I mean they had to end this sometime, but I couldn't take the chance. I lisped my thanks and asked for help dressing my Barbie in her matching outfit which Marlena was glad to provide. Afterward, she gathered Mommy and Marie to watch me prance around my room with my Barbie while doing my best imitation of a ballet dancer. Marie laughed at my efforts, "Oh, you're silly Kimmy, that isn't how you do it at all. I was right about needing to sign you up for classes." Mommy chimed in, "Okay girls, lets go downstairs and have breakfast and talk about our trip to the mall today." Fear hit me again and I felt dizzy, I was now the infamous little girl- boy around the neighborhood but the mall meant an entirely new crowd of people to meet. Mommy explained, "Halloween is coming up soon, and we have to find the PERFECT outfit for little Kimmy. " The hidden meaning of perfect was clearly, "the most embarrassing thing we can imagine." She continued, "Barbara down at the costume shop at the mall promised to give us some private time to pick something out and will even let Kimmy walk around the mall a bit to try out her outfits." I whimpered, this was going to be by far the most demeaning day yet, and that was saying a great deal. All of a sudden an idea hit me, "Mommy, I love my new ballerina outfit Marlena gave me sooo much, can't I just wear this for Halloween?" Marlena smiled sweetly at me, "Oh, I think that's a great idea, it's obvious Kimmy adores her new outfit. Instead of the mall we could take her to the dance studio and sign her up for those classes you were talking about Marie." Seeing the day going from bad to worse I spoke up again before anyone else had a chance, "Oh, but wait, Mommy went to all this trouble to set this up and I'm sure she and Marie were so looking forward to dressing me up too!" Marie laughed at my quick change of heart and patted my head condescendingly, "Just what I was gonna say little sis!" The table was cleared and we prepared to set off to the mall. I requested the potty directly before we left and did my business. Marie demanded I repeat the performance from this morning Marlena had told her about. I had to put on a big smile and raise my arms while still on the potty before I could pull up my training panties. As I pulled them up she gave me a warning, "You should celebrate every time you successfully use the potty and get to keep those pull-ups Miss Kimmy, you won't be staying out of diapers for long if I have anything to say about it." I vowed to fight as best I could manage in my reduced state. Having the occasional accident in my training panties was mortifying but constantly walking around all day every day with pee or poo dripping down my leg would be much worse. Mommy added a pink cardigan on top of my Barbie dress and Marlena handed me the new doll in the matching outfit. "Sorry I don't have the matching sweater, we can look for one at the mall." she told me as we headed to the car. I cried the entire car ride as Marie mercilessly taunted me about what an epic scene I was about to make and Marlena tried to distract me with my Barbie and tried to get me to play patty cake. I just wanted all of them to leave me alone for once. Marlena tried to calm me, "Don't worry about what anyone else says, or about being embarrassed, you just be yourself, Kimmy!" It was easy for her to say, it's harder to be yourself when you are an 18 year old boy forced into a caricature of girlhood. As we walked towards the mall Marie held my hand, she explained what I was to say if anyone expressed curiosity about my condition and had me rehearse it. "Hello, pleased to meet you, My name is Kimmy. *curtsy* I used to be a boy but I knew I would never be a man, my mommy and my sisters suggested turning me into a little girl instead and I just knew they were right!" We walked in on the opposite side of the mall from the costume store, so I had to repeat it many more times after that. My Barbie dress was now on full display with the sweater removed. We stopped in a toy store so I could look for a matching sweater for my Barbie, which a sales clerk helpfully provided. Mommy also got me a Barbie themed tea party set. Marlena promised to join me and my dollies for a tea party sometime soon. She told me Marie was always a meanie older sister and would never join her when she was a little girl having tea parties. As we made our way to the costume shop I suddenly felt a strong urge to pee again. I begged my family to let me go to the restroom but they said I could go to the one at the costume shop. It was one thing to hold my bladder while sitting still in a crib, but it was harder while being led through a mall with people gawking at me. As we hurried along I tried to reach up my dress and grab my crotch to hold up the flow but Marie slapped my hand away. "That's a naughty, disgusting thing for a little girl to do!" As we arrived in the store I was in a state of desperation, the owner Barbara was just finishing up with a customer and Mommy insisted we be polite and wait. I crossed my legs and did my pee dance, Marlena held my hand and squeezed it for support. When Barbara was finally ready to help us I quickly did my introduction, "....my mommy and sisters suggested turning me into a little girl instead and I just knew they were right and..." I added, "...PLEASE MISS BARBARA MAY I USE YOUR POTTY?" Barbara laughed at the hysterical former boy begging for a potty, "I'm sorry, Kimmy, but we don't have a potty in the store, you have to go out to the mall restroom..." With tears in my eyes I urinated into my training panties, it was becoming clear my lack of control was exacerbated by stress and emotion. Luckily the panties contained the flow but I was forced to turn to mommy and announce through my crying, "Mommy, I had an accident. May I please have a new pair of training panties?" Marie answered first, "Oh come on Kimmy, it's clear this potty training is a failure, why don't you just give up and wear diapers like the baby girl you are?" A crowd had begun to form, those I had not introduced myself to personally heard the story from others and Marie had spread it around that I would be looking for a costume. Now the crowd was witness to a debate about my toilet training status and current wetness. Marlena countered Marie, "It's not her fault, we didn't know there was no potty here, we could have gotten her to the other potty in time if we had gone when she asked. She's just in training, she needs our help and support." Mommy laid down the law, "Enough bickering, I don't have any diapers with me now so we'll just give her another set of training panties." She stared right at me, "But if you have another accident today it's diapers until you can prove yourself worthy of those pull-ups little miss." "Thank you, Mommy." I replied through my sniffles. Marlena took me to the back room and helped me out of my wet pull-ups, there was no victory arm raising this time. She gave me a new pair to put on, in the same pink and floral design but these had Ariel from The Little Mermaid on the front. When we returned to the store the door was closed and the windows blocked. Barbara explained that she had a costume for me to try on, and after that my sisters and Mommy would pick one out for me. After I was dressed in each one I would take a quick walk around the mall to see how the crowd reacted. I was stripped down to my panties and Barbara began dressing me in her costume. They pinned up my hair and gave me a short blonde wig in a pixie style. This was followed up with a very short green dress and green fairy wings. I was given white slippers with a green poofy ball on the toes. They finished it off with a glittery wand with a star on the end for me to carry. I was the perfect little Tinkerbell. There were gasps and applause as I stepped outside, it was clear Barbara knew what she was doing. Barbara coached me to wave my wand around and skip happily through the mall. The Tinkerbell costume was pretty humiliating, but Marie was up next and I wasn't even close to done. Marie chose a "Madeline" costume, a simple blue schoolgirl dress with a red scarf and yellow hat. I was given black Mary Janes and frilly socks as well. Marie was delighted with the result, "I think you look delightful with a schoolgirl look, Kimmy. Remember that pink sailor schoolgirl outfit you wore when you first met the neighborhood?" How could I forget? "It's just too bad you had to pee all over it and ruin our outing!" she angrily added. How could I forget that, too? I rubbed my butt in remembrance of her vicious spanking. Barbara had a fantastic idea for a big sister/little sister combination costume and gave Marie a nun's outfit to wear and a ruler. As we paraded around outside the crowd practically died of laughter as she swatted me on the behind with the ruler and I yelped in pain. Marie pleasantly addressed the crowd, "THIS Madeline won't be sneaking away to cause any mischief!" Marlena chose a Dorothy costume for me to try on next. She knew I had always had a crush on Dorothy when we used to watch "The Wizard of Oz" so she thought this would be a whole new way for me to appreciate her. "Just like I told you in the car sis, you have to be yourself!" she explained. She dressed up as Glinda the good witch and we left the store hand in hand singing "Follow the yellow brick road!" I tried to click my ruby slippers together and wish to be a boy again, it didn't help. When we returned to the store I was stripped down again to just my training panties as I awaited my Mommy's costume choice. After all the costumes I had tried on so far, I didn't think it could get worse. I imagined I had experienced degradation and shame in all their awful aspects and degrees. She revealed the costume and my jaw dropped at the audacity. I should not have been so shocked that my stepmother found a way to surprise me, a way to finally push me from unconsenting but submissive to their demands to finally refusing entirely to cooperate. Marie saw the tantrum building in me as my muscles trembled and face turned red, she slyly moved one of the barriers from the windows so the crowd could get a taste. Of course my stepmother would be the one vindictive enough to pull something like this, without her greenlight none of this ever would have happened in the first place. The costume she revealed was my old Boy Scout's uniform. You would think I wouldn't mind a chance to dress up as a boy for once, but you aren't thinking it all the way through. It was a vicious sort of mockery, because she knew there was no way I could pass as a boy in my new state no matter how they dressed me. Just imagine it. It's Halloween night and the doorbell rings. You see a child, or is it a tween, in a Boy Scout's uniform. The legs are hairless, the face is distinctly feminine with cute pink lips and a button nose. You see stunning curly reddish hair. "Trick or Treat!" the child yells excitedly as her Mother smiles at you from behind her. The voice is high pitched and sweet. You can see the lacy waistband of pink disposable training panties peaking out from the top of the shorts. What a clever little girl, to borrow her brother's outfit as a costume, but she should have made more effort to look like a boy. But with me, no effort would have been enough. No matter what, it all combined to the picture of a totally femmy girl that wasn't even trying to pull off the costume. I hadn't looked like a crossdresser all day, my frilly outfits were just right for what I had become. Dressing up as a boy would be what looked out of place and wrong, my stepmother knew it and wanted to rub it in my face as hard as she could. "No, I won't wear it." I said in the most serious tone I could manage. Mommy stalked towards me, "Do I have to spank you?" I shouted back, "I DON'T CARE I'M NOT WEARING IT!" Marlena was clueless as to what I was thinking and would probably never quite get it. Marie grasped the irony later but right now just wanted to see me be publicly spanked and abused. All the crowd saw from outside was that the boygirl who had been dressed in a string of ridiculously girly outfits all day and even now was standing in pink training panties without a single complaint was stamping her feet and screaming in protest against a simple, rugged boy's outfit. They re- blocked the window and the crowd wandered off. Mommy tried to spank me into submission as usual but I wouldn't have it. Her spanking was nothing like Marie's. Mommy didn't let her rage get the better of her, she didn't lecture or threaten when she was doing it. She just took me over her knee and smacked me in an even tempo, she almost seemed bored with it. A world weary mother who had seen it all before and knew she would get her way. Normally, when she was done all she had to do was ask if I had learned my lesson. I nodded, apologized, and did what I was told to avoid more blinding pain and humiliation. Not this time. They all tried to gang up on me and force me into the outfit but even with my total lack of strength I kicked and fought and bit and snarled and scratched. "THIS IS OVER! CHANGE ME BACK! CHANGE ME BACK! THEN I'LL WEAR IT!" I collapsed in exhaustion on the floor as they gave up. Marlena came to me with a shocked look in her eyes, "What were you thinking?" she asked as she put me back in my Barbie dress. I was still too exhausted and busy wailing and crying to register anything that was going on around me. Mom apologized to Barbara and herded us out of the store, "Looks like she won't be dressing up for Halloween after all, she'll still be in recovery." I cried myself to sleep in the back seat of the car. I thought I was on the way home to my nice safe crib, where I could commiserate with my dolly about the horrible people on the outside world and the intolerable schemes they had engineered for my torture. When I awoke I was in familiar surroundings. I felt sedated but lucid. I was back at Cindy's house of horrors, chained to a table. My stepmother stepped into my field of vision and I shouted, "Oh thank you Mommy for bringing me here to change me back..." She laughed uproariously. "Oh Kimmy, my little stepdaughter, there's no going back for you. You just threw an epic fit to be kept out of boy's clothes. I don't know what message you thought you were trying to send." Panic began to grip me. "Miss Kimmy, we warned you what would happen if you didn't behave. If you weren't obedient and submissive to our will. If you didn't take your spankings as a serious warning to change your ways. I don't make idle threats, when you wake up you will be 100% girl, and even more helpless than you are now, in body and in mind. Say goodbye to your balls, because we're about to snip them off. The last pathetic vestiges of your manhood will soon be no more." Cindy stuck a needle in my arm and I passed out, silently screaming. Silently cursing. Silently begging. Six weeks later, I sit on a swing in the back yard on my first day home, trying to comprehend what has happened to me. I'm wearing a frilly white button up blouse and an extremely tight set of yellow shorts with white polka dots and no underwear. The shorts were Marie's idea, they let the world see the outline of my new vagina and the lack of any male genitalia. I try and rub the physical pain away, and the feelings I receive in response just make the psychic pain worse. I cry openly as Marlena holds my hand and does her best to comfort me. "You make a great little girl Kimmy, you were right to refuse boy's clothes. It won't hurt as much soon and you'll be back to the care free little girl you were before that unpleasant time at the mall. I still owe you a tea party, remember?" I smiled a bit at the thought of my dollies and my big sister Marlena, the only people in my house who don't seem to want to torture me. For a moment I started my usual self-loathing mental lecture about being an 18 year old boy receiving comfort from a doll...but then I remembered.... I'm not a boy anymore. My pathetic crying regained intensity. Marlena helplessly tried to hug my pain away. Later, Marie came outside holding my baby reins. "We have another big announcement to make to the neighbors Kimmy, and this time remember to ask for the potty when you need it!" Chapter 4: I Scream They told me that sometimes when I was locked in the crib I would suddenly wake up and bolt upright. I would scream like a banshee. They said my eyes were full of fear and panic. I would be sweaty and out of breath. My heart would race. They said I was having nightmares, but I never remembered them when this happened. Mommy spanked me as punishment for waking her, but I only knew it happened because some hours later I woke up with a sore bottom. I was starting to develop dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. They took me to Cindy to have them removed, but there wasn't any permanent solution. They used makeup. I looked just as pretty as before. My big sisters spent most of the day at school. This was a mixed blessing. On the one hand for most of the day I was free of being tortured by Marie, but I was also left at the mercy of my terrible mother without any reprieve at all from my nicer sister Marlena. Every morning Mommy and I stood by the door and said our goodbyes. Marlena patted my head and encouraged me to have a fun day, and Marie painfully pinched my cheek and told me to behave for Mommy. It was tradition. Some days were better than others, this one was one of the worst. The day started as usual, with a frantic run to the bathroom to prove my dedication to potty training. I was forced to watch myself perform my bodily functions in the mirror directly opposite the toilet, now fully as a girl. A few times since the torture started I had snuck away to urinate standing up as a subtle act of rebellion, I no longer had that option. It's impossible to describe how the operation had mutilated me, not just in the obvious physical sense, but psychologically and emotionally. A psychiatrist would probably give anything to examine someone like me. What happens to a mind when you force a person to give up their true age and make them act like a child and enforce childish behavior with torture and body modification? What happens when you alter someones gender, one of the core pillars of their identity, against their will? What happens when you make humiliation and debasement the only experiences a person knows? The truth was, after the operation that castrated me and gave me girl's genitals, I wasn't that angry. There was not much inner rage and venom. They had done so much to me already it kind of seemed like just one more crime among many. Instead, I was calmer and more docile. I almost felt serene in a way, but it was the serenity of the lobotomized. I came to accept that they had succeeded in turning me into a little girl. I didn't like it. I didn't think I had secretly wanted it all along or anything, but I gave up trying to fight it. Every time I fought things got worse. I vowed to simply behave as the good little living doll they wanted and live my life as best I could. Besides, by this point I thought like a little girl and I liked the things they like. My mannerisms and behavior were totally girlish thanks to the violent training that was now fully ingrained in me. I looked like a little girl from head to toe and I had the genitals of a little girl. I am a little girl. In fact, it was disturbing how much I was beginning to like girly things. Ever since they had me fixed I seemed to really enjoy playing with my Barbies and other dolls and watching my Disney princess movies more and more. I felt light headed when I looked in the mirror and thought I looked particularly pretty. Despite the promise of extreme humiliation I felt more and more like I would really like to take the ballet classes Marie had promised to sign me up for. That was, in fact, what was going to happen later today. Mommy felt that I needed to get out and socialize with other little girls more and that ballet classes would be the perfect way to do it. I was dressed in a snugly fitting sleeveless lavender leotard, white tights, and pink sneakers. In a separate bag I had a lavender tutu and my ballet slippers. I had on a light pink zip up hoodie with Jasmine from Alladin on the front. The bottom of the leotard was left exposed, however, to show off my lack of male genitalia. She let me wear panties because I guess she figured it would be more fun to humiliate me with my emasculated crotch instead of humiliating me with bulky training panties to show off my continence issues. It was a lot of pressure to make sure I didn't wet myself. It was going to be a long day though. Our first stop was at the grocery store. As usual I was self conscious and scared. My outfit wasn't as childish as a lot of what I wore but that almost made it worse. At first glance you might think I was a short teenage girl but the prissy sausage curled hair and Disney hoodie, not to mention the way I would obediently squeak, "Yes, Mommy" to every request made it clear the first impression wasn't precisely correct. In any case I was well known at the grocery store. I went shopping with Mommy every week. Everyone at the store knew me and their faces brightened in smiles when they saw me. "Good morning, Kimmy! You look so cute today!" "Thank you, Miss." "Our favorite little customer! It looks like she's taking ballet now!" "I am, thank you, sir. "Hello Kimmy, remember to behave for your Mommy, it would be a shame if she had to spank you right here in the store again!" "I will." Mommy loved to send me around the store to pick up stuff for her, she made sure to find the things on the list that were the heaviest since my total atrophy of strength made me barely able to even handle such items. I was carrying a basket with two gallons of milk and a watermelon when I dropped the whole load out of exhaustion. A man who was walking by offered to help me and I politely replied as I was trained, "Thank you, sir." He replied sarcastically, "No problem, that's what men are for little girl!" I felt like the biggest pansy in the world as we returned to Mommy with the man carrying my basket for me. She thanked him and they struck up a conversation, his name was John and he was a lawyer, they really seemed to hit it off. He told her it was a good thing I was starting ballet class since it would help me develop a little muscle tone, "Modern girls can't just sit around looking pretty all day expecting men to do all the work for them!" "Yes sir, thank you sir, I can't wait to start ballet." I dutifully replied. He patted me on the head as he left, he had even gotten Mommy's number, she told me they would be going out on a date. He was very handsome and looked rich. Mommy had been living off my father's money ever since he died, I don't think she wanted to work. "It's too bad you're just a little girl Kimmy, because you seem to be great at attracting men!" Our next stop was the hair salon where Mommy was having her hair done while I waited and played with my Barbie doll. I had to explain myself many times to various women who came in using Mommy's script. "My name is Kimmy, I used to be a boy but my Mommy and sisters agreed I would never be a proper man, they suggested turning me into a little girl instead and I just knew they were right! I don't have any more boy parts left and now I get to start ballet!" Reactions varied from disgust, to laughing fits, to blank disbelief. I ignored them and went back to my own little world playing with my Barbie doll. When Mommy was done her hair stylist begged to have a chance to style my hair for me but she refused. "She absolutely adores her curls, I can't imagine her any other way!" Mommy told her. It was true. She had actually asked me about it before, but I refused. Not because I was in love with the style or anything, but it was really high maintenance and that was a lot of work for Mommy. It was just a subtle way for me to take revenge. I was a little girl so they would never let me handle a curling iron by myself. She liked the hair because it was humiliating, I liked it because the extra work got on her nerves. I glanced in the mirror and smiled at my reflection. Yes, that was why. "I like your hair too, Mommy." That earned me a smile and a pat on the head from the stylist. Mommy just rolled her eyes at my obvious attempt to suck up to her. Soon we were back in the car and Mommy made an announcement. "Kimmy, listen to me very carefully. You have been very well behaved lately but when you threw that tantrum in the mall you made it clear that when push comes to shove we can't spank you into submission any more." I smiled in pride at my one act of bravery in recent memory. She saw this in the mirror and angrily broke my daydream. "AND WHERE DID THAT TANTRUM GET YOU LITTLE MISS GELDING!?" My smile vanished at the reminder. She continued, "...and I promise you we can do more terrible things to you the next time you reject my authority, and you KNOW I keep my promises." "Yes, Mommy. I'll be a good girl." I submissively replied. "Anyway, when you were in recovery from your operation Cindy suggested we also try some positive reinforcement. She used a series of drugs and hypnotic sessions to make some subtle alterations in your mind. Have you noticed anything yet, Kimmy?" I was fuming with anger at the violation of my mind. They had already achieved total domination of my body, now they were coming for my soul. When they were done there would be nothing left of me. I told her about the feelings I had been having, about starting to like girly things. She replied with a smirk, "Oh no, we didn't do anything like that. I'm glad you're finally starting to adjust to your new life though." The next thing she said took me totally by surprise, before I could even register the news that I was starting to like girly things all all my own. She said in a sweet voice totally unlike her, "Do you want to stop for ice cream before class Kimmy?" Something in me instantly changed, for some reason I felt like I wanted ice cream more than anything else on the planet. "Ohhh Yes! Mommy please let me have ice cream! Pleassssssssssse!" I was barely able to contain my excitement, I was hopping up and down in my seat, I felt like I might pee myself I was so exuberant. We pulled into the Dairy Queen parking lot and I ran inside. I felt crazy, I was hugging myself and twisting back and forth. I couldn't still myself at all. The girl behind the counter could not believe what she was seeing, a girl almost as tall as her in a ballet outfit acting like a toddler at the prospect of a treat from her mommy. I didn't care at all what anyone thought, I just wanted my treat. We sat in a booth as I ate my sundae. It was ecstasy. I was in heaven. Every part of me felt alive. I felt light as a feather, like I could just fly away, I became giggly and wide eyed. For some perverse reason, I found myself beginning to become mildly aroused as well. I started to blush and breath slightly heavier. This was the first time I had experienced arousal since the operation. It was very different, more internal. It was a delicious throbbing sensation in my new vagina. Prepared for the way the ice cream would make me feel, Mommy noticed and explained. "Well, we can't have you being attracted to girls any more, not that any girl would want something like you. We thought about making you like men, that would have been amusing, but the truth is you're just a little girl so you shouldn't be attracted to anyone like that. You still need to have a little fun though, so we decided to just give you a sweet tooth." Sweet tooth was a bit of an understatement. I still can't believe the power they had over my mind, how easily it would have been for them to make me think and feel whatever they want. It was truly disturbing, but I didn't think about any of that at the time. Who could possibly imagine that they could simply flip a switch and make me not like girls any more. I had certainly noticed I had stopped fantasizing about women, but I assumed that was because of what they did to my crotch, not my brain. Mommy continued, "The more girly you act, without prodding, the more likely you are to be rewarded. The more quick and willing you are to obey your sisters and me, the more likely you are to be rewarded. If you disobey, you don't want to know what else we can do to you if we want. That won't be a problem though, will it?" "No Mommy!" I replied as quick as I could, to show my willingness. I had experimented with various drugs in high school and with booze. Whatever th