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The witch granted my wish to be Wonder Woman's lover, but it turned out
things aren't quite how they're depicted in the comics....
FICTIONS
by BobH
(c) 2013. All characters are (c) their respective owners
I poured myself a Scotch and gazed out of the window for a few seconds,
marvelling again at my good fortune, before turning my attention back to
the television. Had I wanted I could've been down on the mall with
everyone else, listening as the President gave his speech honoring the
Justice League, but it was far more convenient for later to be watching
the TV in my hotel Suite. Also, standing out in the open in DC in
August? No thanks. Give me air-conditioning every time. They were all
there, dutifully standing in a line behind LBJ, with the two biggest
stars - Superman and Wonder Woman - at his right and left shoulders.
Some were saying that the timing of the ceremony was a cynical ploy,
that ol' Lyndon was using the it as a photo-op prior to launching his
re-election campaign, but not me. Maybe I'm being naive, but I don't
think the old fucker is quite that cynical. And standing next to the
most perfect physical specimens of manhood and womanhood on the planet
would make almost anyone look less impressive in comparison.
"Ah don't need to tell y'all how many times these amazin' men'n'women
have saved us all..."
"No, Lyndon, you don't," I said, and started flipping through the
channels. It would be at least another half an hour before the ceremony
finished. and however deserving of our admiration and gratitude the
League might be I wasn't interested in listening to the whole damn
speech.
On hearing the opening notes of the 'Bewitched' theme tune, I stopped my
channel surfing and settled back on the bed to watch. It was an episode
from a few years ago in which Sam turns Darren into a little old lady to
prevent him getting beaten up by a neighbour who thinks Darren has been
hitting on his wife. I loved 'Bewitched'. It was my favourite TV show.
But then it would be. If not for Samantha Stevens I wouldn't be where I
am now.
Or who I am.
I still remember how I met her, and how grateful she was when I saved
her life.
"How did you know how to kill a graske demon?" she had asked me,
genuinely curious.
"Oh, I've picked up a trick or two, here and there," I replied.
"But you're a reporter," she said, a frown wrinkling that pretty brow,
"aqnd not even a succesful one. How does a reporter learn such things?"
"I may not be a very successful reporter," I said, "but I am a good one.
I notice stuff others don't, that they don't seem to even want to
notice. Over the years I've seen things I would've sworn were impossible
once upon a time, but they all turned out to be real. Yet you might be
the strangest of them all, a powerful witch living as a suburban
housewife."
"I thought I'd been careful, but if you were able to track me down then
I haven't been as careful as I'd hoped."
"Oh you were plenty careful," I said. "It's only because of all I've
seen and done that I knew to look for you at all."
"So now that you've found me what happens next? What do you want? I'm an
immensely powerful witch, far more powerful than I've ever let my
husband suspect, and I owe you for saving my life. Ask anything that
doesn't involve hurting others and it's yours."
"Anything?"
"Anything. You're middle-aged and out of condition. I could make you a
young man again if that's what you want. Or I could make you the top
reporter at a major newspaper."
I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. Both of those were appealing, but if I
was honest with myself there was something else I wanted more, something
I'd been dreaming of since I was a kid.
"If she was real, could you make me Wonder Woman's lover?" I asked.
"Wonder Woman? The comicbook character?" She seemed taken aback.
"Yes. Is there somewhere - anywhere - where she's real?"
Now it was her turn to look thoughtful.
"Almost everything is real somewhere," she said. "There will be worlds
where she is real, just as there will be worlds where you and I are
fictional characters. The mulitverse is vast and contains multitudes."
"Then that's what I want," I said. "Can you do it?"
"Of course, if you're sure this is really what you want?"
"It is."
"Then so be it."
With that she did that thing with her nose you're all familiar with and
I was suddenly somewhere else, and some*one* else.
Staring at my hotel room TV now, seeing that familiar face again, it was
hard to believe this wasn't Samantha Stevens but was instead an actress
playing her in a sitcom. A sitcom! If they only knew.
When the show finished, I switched back to the news channel just in time
to see the JLA leaving. The hews cameras watched them go though there
was no sign of Diana. This was hardly surprising. Where I come from her
airplane may be invisible in the comics but you can still see her. Here
being in the invisible plane makes her invisible too, which is far more
sensible and also far more convenient for us. It meant she could park it
alongside the hotel room balcony in silent hover mode, walk along the
wing unseen because of its invisibility field, then drop onto the
balcony and quickly slip inside the room. In fact given the hotel was
less than a mile from the mall she should be here any second now.
As I was thinking this, so I heard the door to the balcony slide open
and there she was: Princess Diana of Themiscyra, Wonder Woman and owner
of my heart. Crossing quickly to the table she retrieved her lighter and
pack of Malboros from where she'd left them hours earlier. Lighting one
and taking a long drag, she exhaled with a sigh of relief.
"Gods, I needed that!" she said.
Smiling she turned her attention to the bed, and to me.
"Wow, you look good," she said.
She took another long drag on her cigarette as I got to my feet and
padded over to her. I pressed my body against hers squashing our breasts
together and we kissed, she sliding her free hand down inside my
panties, fingers seeking my now very wet pussy.
"My, someone certainly seems happy to see me," she grinned.
I was. I always was. She was stunningly beautiful, the world's most
amazing woman, and she was mine.
The sex that followed was as mind-blowing as always. The Wonder Woman
comics of my youth had contained lots of bondage, but the creators of
those comics had got things a little wrong. Diana liked bondage alright,
but she liked to be the one doing the tying, Which mean I usually found
myself trussed up by her magic lasso as she tormented me, bringing me to
the height of erotic pleasure. At heart she was a dominatrix, and
sometimes she dressed in the full black leather outfit for me: thigh
high spike-heeled boots, studded corset, gloves that went up to her
armpits, etc. Now *there* was something I'd never seen in one of her
comics.
Later, after a much shorter session of post-coital snuggling than I
would've liked, I was sitting at the vanity, repairing my make-up and
preparing to leave. I hated that we had to snatch time together like
this when we could rather than be open about our relationship. Still, I
had a week's vacation time coming to me and we'd be spending it together
on Themiscyra, where we could be ourselves. Themiscyra. It was an island
on which no man had set foot for thousands of years, so why didn't
everyone realise the Amazons wouldn't be sexually interested in men,
that they would be quite happy without them? Why didn't *I*? It had been
a shock arriving here and finding myself a woman. I'd asked to be
Diana's lover and now I was. I was her girlfriend. Turns out that after
coming to 'man's world' she had soon realised the prejudice there was
against same-sex relationships and so quickly got herself a boyfriend to
deflect any awkward questions. Their relationship was strictly platonic,
of course, though I'm sure poor Captain Steve Trevor wanted it to be
more than that. Adjusting to being a woman took a bit of time,
naturally, but it helped that I was younger, fitter, and more
professionally successful. It helped even more to have Diana. After the
first time we made love I knew that I wouldn't go back to being the old
me even if you paid me.
"I wish you didn't have to go," said Diana from where she was sitting on
the bed, hair dishevelled, her magnificent breasts tempting me to
return. There was a Scotch in her hand and also a cigarette, smoking and
drinking being two passtimes she had embraced enthusiastically since
coming to 'man's world'. This was kept from the public along with her
lesbianism. She had an image to maintain as America's sweetheart, after
all.
"I wish I didn't have to as well, my darling," I said, "but you know I
need to get to this evening's banquet before you do."
"Yes, I know," she sighed. "I can't say I'm looking forward to it. My ex
is going to be there, too."
"Carol Ferris?" I said. "Hasn't Green Lantern realised she's gay yet?"
"No," she chuckled. "Poor Hal keeps plugging away but he's never going
to get anywhere with her. She's queen of a planet of space lesbians, for
Hera's sake."
"Yeah, but as Star Sapphire she's also a psycho bitch," I pointed out.
"There is that. Have you seen Jimmy Olsen? Will he be there?"
"No, but he and Clark do have a hotel room together in one of the more
discreet parts of town. I took him shopping earlier today - helped him
pick out some sexy lingerie I think Clark will like on him."
"Was he in his Julie Oliver identity?"
"Oh yes. He's totally convincing as a girl, very sweet and feminine. His
legs look spectacular in heels. None of the shop assistants suspected a
thing."
"If he keeps finding excuses to go undercover in drag he could end up
giving the game away at the Planet," said Diana. "Even Perry White is
going to notice eventually."
"God, I wish we could all just be ourselves," I sighed. "Having to skulk
around all the time is really tiring."
"I know, but until things change we have no choice. America is not ready
to accept that Superman and Wonder Woman, their most popular and lauded
superheroes, are gay. It's Clark I really feel sorry for. He's the most
noble and selfless of us all. It must have been hell for him growing up
in Smallville and having a crush on his friend Pete Ross he knew he
never dared act on. If he hadn't started travelling to the 30th century
for adventures with the Legion of Super-Heroes and met Brainiac 5 I
don't know what he would have done. I think it was only his relationship
with Querl that kept him sane."
Finishing my make-up I got up from the vanity and went over to the bed.
We kissed carefully, then I straightened up.
"Time to go and put on my own act," I said. "I'll see you there."
Walking down the hotel corridor to the elevator, I reflected on my life
and shook my head ruefully. I had been Carl Kolchak, investigative
reporter of things that go bump in the night, but now I was Wonder
Woman's girlfriend. And it was wonderful. Yet there is also another
title I could claim. Maybe one day I'll be able to stand up and say it:
"My name is Lois Lane, and I'm Superman's beard."
***
The End
*****************
Note:
It's funny the things that pop into your head when you can't sleep. I
was lying in bed last night when the idea for this one came to me. Given
the decades the DC characters have existed I could set it in any period
so I chose the 1960s, which means that in this universe the adventures
of 'Kolchak - the Night Stalker' occurred earlier than in the mid-1970s
where his TV show aired here. The late-1950s/1960s were also the hey-day
of Jimmy Olsen's cross-dressing, of course.
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