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AUTHOR'S NOTE: So this is...different. The format of the story is experimental for me, but since I envisioned this as though you're watching a documentary, it seemed kind of natural to write it sort of how a movie script would read. (Though I did take a few liberties with the traditional screenplay format.) If you like the format, good news! There's lots to enjoy. If you don't like it, good news! I'm probably never doing it again. (Even the epilogue, which I'll post separately, is written in a more traditional style.) Anyway, pop some popcorn, and I hope you enjoy the movie! :-) MOCKUMENTARY by Jenny North FADE IN: INT. A RECREATION OF THE SET OF THE GALAXY CRUSADERS BRIDGE - NIGHT We're looking at a set that's a recreation of the bridge ISS Endeavor, the famous ship from the Galaxy Crusaders TV show. This recreation is at the fan convention CrusaderCon so a few of the details are off, but it's a good approximation. It's the night before the con opens, so it's quiet and nobody is around. On the set and sitting in the captain's chair is Graham Kelly, creator of this documentary. GRAHAM (Speaking to the camera) Fifteen years ago, teen heartthrob Tristan Sinclair was cast as one of the hot young stars of the brand- new Galaxy Crusaders television show. Although the show boasted a dedicated fan base, by its fifth season it was lagging in the ratings and plagued by soaring production costs. In a desperate gamble, the troubled show underwent a massive retooling in an effort to boost public interest, and replaced half of the cast trying to appeal to their target demographic. Graham rises from the chair, still addressing the camera. GRAHAM (CONT'D) Learning that Tristan was soon going to be let go from the show, his mother and business manager, Barbara Sinclair, approached his agent and they concocted an elaborate hoax to act as a publicity stunt to draw attention to both Tristan and the show. To make it seem more plausible they hired a documentary crew to follow Tristan around, believing they would later sell it as a "mockumentary" once they revealed the hoax. Except that the hoax was never revealed. Until today. The camera pans around as Graham turns, the main viewscreen of the bridge set visible behind him. GRAHAM (CONT'D) The scandal that ultimately surrounded Tristan Sinclair had a profound impact on the show and his cast mates, but no less so on the young star himself, who soon became trapped in a web of his own lies. Please join me now as we explore the life of this young actor with retrospectives of the show, interviews with the original cast, and--most exciting of all--recently discovered behind-the- scenes footage from the never-before-seen... mockumentary. The camera looks past Graham and zooms in on the bridge's main viewscreen. On the viewscreen we see a MONTAGE of quick scenes and excerpts, showing a teaser of what's to come: CUT TO: Early footage from Galaxy Crusaders that features Tristan, including the title card from the credits that reads, "Tristan Sinclair as Ensign Aaron Fairchild." In a scene from the show's pilot episode, we see a fifteen year old Tristan, mop-haired and overconfident, meeting the captain. ENSIGN AARON FAIRCHILD I don't intend to be an ensign for long, Captain. CAPTAIN BAXTER Son, what you intend ain't always gonna be what you get. CUT TO: A scene from the second season episode "The Mists of Gynos" where Ensign Fairchild is temporarily turned into a female. Tristan spends much of the episode dressed as a girl, and between the makeup and prosthetics, he's surprisingly attractive. His character is in the medical bay being given a physical, and his prosthetic breasts are showing a nice cleavage. The doctor is there, as are the other two teenage members of the cast. DOCTOR ZELEXIA I'm sorry, Ensign. Unless we can find whatever did this to you, there's nothing I can do. ENSIGN AARON FAIRCHILD You mean I might have to STAY like this? FOREVER? LT. J.G. CALVIN ROSS (Smirks, under his breath) Wouldn't THAT be a shame? ENSIGN SHELBY CLARKE (Holds Aaron's hand) Don't worry, Aaron. I'm here. CUT TO: A later scene in the show, which includes a passionate kiss--seemingly lesbian--between Ensign Clarke and the temporarily-female Ensign Fairchild. CUT TO: A scene from another episode a few years later that features the climax of the "love triangle" among the three teenaged actors on the show. Ensign Clarke watches aghast as the two fight over her. ENSIGN AARON FAIRCHILD I'm not dumb enough to hit a superior officer. LT. J.G. CALVIN ROSS (Tears off his rank insignia) Don't let that stop you, small fry. They grapple with each other. ENSIGN SHELBY CLARKE Are you two INSANE? CUT TO: A scene from CrusaderCon three years later. Producer Ellen Barry addresses the crowd. ELLEN We're of course very grateful to Tristan for his wonderful work depicting Lieutenant Aaron Fairchild, but unfortunately the show has decided to move in a different direction. CUT TO: A meeting between Tristan, his agent, and his mother. TRISTAN They're FIRING me? I'm practically the freaking star, for crying out loud! BARBARA We've been thinking, and we want you to pull a publicity stunt. CUT TO: A scene from the season six premiere, featuring Tristan as the now- female Lt. Fairchild, looking very attractive and wearing a figure- hugging duty uniform. LT. ERIN FAIRCHILD (Smiling seductively) Captain, I think you left your hailing frequency open. CUT TO: Tristan at a red carpet event wearing a glamorous evening gown and talking to a reporter. INTERVIEWER Do you identify as transgender? TRISTAN I'm not hung up on labels, I'm just trying to be me. CUT TO: A few seconds from the now-infamous scene from season six where Tristan as Lt. Fairchild is dressed as a Zentaxian Pleasure Girl, giving Captain Mercer a lap dance. CUT TO: An interview with Tristan's agent, Max. MAX Of course, that's when things started to unravel. CUT TO: VIDEO MONTAGE of several short blurbs from entertainment shows showing a distraught Tristan. A picture of one tabloid cover reads: "SHE'S NO LADY" CUT TO: Tristan being interviewed. TRISTAN ...friendship, envy, anger, fondness, attraction, affection, betrayal, disbelief, hurt, rage, acceptance...there aren't enough emotions! FADE TO BLACK TITLE CARD: ~* MOCKUMENTARY (A Documentary) *~ ~~* A Film by Graham Kelly *~~ FADE TO: EXT. THE CRUSADERCON CONVENTION - DAY We're outside the convention center on a bright sunny California day where CrusaderCon--the fan convention for the Galaxy Crusaders franchise--is in full swing. Fans, many of them in costume, are milling about. Graham is standing in front of the convention center, speaking directly to the camera. GRAHAM Hi, I'm Graham Kelly, and I'm standing outside CrusaderCon, the number one fan convention for the much beloved sci-fi space opera franchise, Galaxy Crusaders. This year marks the 15th anniversary of the show, and fans are especially excited because this convention will also feature a very special reunion of the cast members...the first time they've all been on one stage together in almost ten years. VIDEO of few brief clips from the show are shown, featuring popular moments with the cast and the ship. GRAHAM (CONT'D) One name in particular has sparked controversy: Tristan Sinclair. Tristan was of course no stranger to controversy, either on or off the set during his time on the show. Hired onto the show at the age of fifteen, the teenage heartthrob would spend the next five years playing the impulsive Ensign--later Lieutenant--Aaron Fairchild. PHOTO of Tristan in character on the bridge of the ship. GRAHAM (CONT'D) Off the set, he made headlines for his tempestuous relationships with his co-stars, in particular his fellow teenage actors on the show, Connor Covington and Felicity Manchester. His rivalry with Connor was well known, keeping both young men in the public eye until Connor left the show after the third season to focus on his budding film career. PHOTO MONTAGE of a series of production stills showing Tristan and Connor both on and off the set. The tension between the two young men is obvious, even between their characters on the show. GRAHAM (CONT'D) Soon after, Tristan found himself making headlines once again when he began dating Felicity Manchester, who played Ensign Shelby Clarke on the show. Sparks flew between the volatile young couple that would rival their on-screen romance, ultimately ending in an well-publicized breakup that was eagerly covered by the tabloids. Unfortunately for Tristan, his problems would only worsen when sagging ratings for Galaxy Crusaders led to a massive retooling of the show, which planned to drop his character. With that, a desperate plan was soon hatched... FADE TO: INT. BARBARA AND MAX'S HOME - DAY Seated in a bright and open living room are two individuals, a man and a woman, obviously an older couple. A TITLE fades in identifying them as Barbara Sinclair, Tristan's stepmother, and Max Samuels, Tristan's agent. Graham is sitting in a chair opposite them, interviewing them. The room is tastefully decorated and subtle touches around the room suggest that they are now living somewhere in Europe. GRAHAM Thank you both for agreeing to be interviewed. Considering how everything ended, I know you've been reluctant to talk about it. BARBARA Of course. MAX We're just happy to be able to tell our side of it. People jumped to conclusions. GRAHAM So...Barbara. As Tristan's stepmother, you-- BARBARA (Annoyed) Oh, there it is already. GRAHAM Pardon me? BARBARA That word. "STEPmother." Painting me like some uncharitable wicked shrew. MAX Barbara, he didn't mean anything by it. BARBARA (Sighs) I'm sorry, I know I'm being oversensitive. But after Tristan's father died, I sacrificed a lot to nurture Tristan's budding career. Acting lessons, auditions...I even used my Hollywood contacts to get his audition for Galaxy Crusaders, you know. A fifteen year old actor landing one of the lead roles on a nationally syndicated show? The competition was fierce! GRAHAM So you were also his business manager? BARBARA It was a thankless job. GRAHAM Forgive me if this seems indelicate, but I'd like to be clear...you were living off of Tristan's earnings, isn't that right? BARBARA Well, yes, but I hardly see what that-- GRAHAM I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything-- BARBARA (Aside to Max) Makes me out to be some kind of "stage mother." GRAHAM (Continues) --but I think it's important to note for what happened later. MAX Settle down, Barbara...I think I see where he's going with this. GRAHAM It's just that after the dust settled, much was made in the press about Tristan's desperation driving him to do what he did. But I think it's often overlooked that you also had a stake in his future. BARBARA Well...yes. That's true. MAX We all did. Take me, for instance. I wasn't just the kid's agent, I was also his publicist...whatever he needed. He used to call me "Uncle Max," for crying out loud. BARBARA We made sacrifices. Max holds her hand. GRAHAM Indeed. Now, I'm curious about some of the background that set the stage for what happened. Tell me about the episode from season two, "The Mists of Gynos." BARBARA That was the episode where Tristan's character was temporarily changed into a girl. We see a few production stills of Tristan dressed as a female version of his character, wearing the female duty uniform with the short skirt. He makes a very attractive young woman. MAX What a mess that was. GRAHAM Why is that? BARBARA Well for one thing, Tristan was sixteen at the time. For him to be dressing up and acting like a young woman I thought was inappropriate. GRAHAM Is that right? Because at the time you were quoted in an interview as saying-- (Checks his notes) --"Of course it's all in good fun. I think he even learned a few things about women." BARBARA (Flustered) Well, by that point the decision had been made. I was just trying to be supportive. MAX The fact is, by that point Tristan was a rising star among the teens and tweens. We didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that, and running around in a skirt was asking for trouble. We protested with the show, but their minds were made up. GRAHAM Why were they so uncompromising? MAX They knew they had the teenage audience wrapped up with Tristan, Connor, and Felicity playing young officers on the show. The love triangle on the show played well, and Tristan and Connor's off-screen competitiveness made good publicity. BARBARA Felicity was going out with Connor at the time. MAX Right. So the powers that be decided that a gender- swap episode would be a fun way to mix up the love triangle. And since Connor was starting to get into feature films, they didn't want to risk his reputation. That left Tristan holding the miniskirt. GRAHAM I remember a rumor floating around at the time that Tristan had been getting a little flirtatious with some of the female staff, so this episode was written as a prank to make him dress like a girl. Was there any truth to that? BARBARA No, not at all. That practically became an urban legend, but the rumor was harmless and it got people talking about the show. It even got Tristan a couple of interviews where he got to show his sensitivity to women. VIDEO: A short excerpt from a TV interview with Tristan while he's on- set and in full female costume. He's smiling and playful, saying how he's always had tremendous respect for the women in the cast and crew and how great they think it is that he's doing this. GRAHAM And then of course, there was the kiss. MAX That got some attention! VIDEO: We see a short clip from the episode where Tristan's character is still female, and engages with a passionate kiss with Felicity's character. MAX Of course the whole thing was a publicity stunt. Tristan and Felicity's characters hadn't kissed on the show yet--it was all a big tease--so they gave it a lesbian twist to mess with everybody. GRAHAM Did it work? MAX I hate to admit it, but it really did. The teens and tweens went crazy after the two of them kissed and there was a whole debate on the message boards whether it should "count" or not. And it was racy for the time showing what LOOKED like two young women kissing. The show got some hate mail, but on the whole people wrote it off for the obvious stunt that it was. It was good publicity. BARBARA I didn't mind that so much...it was the other part I objected to. GRAHAM You're referring to the "near-miss kiss" with Sub- Commander Taxon, played by Billy Hayworth in the episode. VIDEO: Another short excerpt from the same episode where Tristan's character is forced to seduce the son of the alien commander as a distraction. The other young actor has embraced Tristan and is moving in for a kiss. Tristan, nervous and awkward, does not resist and closes his eyes submissively. They come within an inch of kissing, but suddenly Taxon's father arrives on the scene to berate his son for incompetence. BARBARA Well, of course. It was one thing for Tristan to act the temptress with Felicity, but that one scene almost cost us that phone endorsement. GRAHAM I'm confused. Were you worried that people might think he was gay? Or were you more worried about the possible lost revenue potential? BARBARA Well, obviously I wanted what was best for Tristan. He'd worked hard to get that spokesman opportunity! MAX But after that episode, there was a lot of buzz where people started thinking he might be gay, suggesting he played the role TOO well. But after we sorted it out and the dust settled, his Q rating soared. The kids loved him. BARBARA For a while. CUT TO: INT. FELICITY'S OFFICE - DAY Seated on a couch in a posh Hollywood office is an attractive blonde woman, stylishly and professionally dressed. A TITLE fades in, identifying her as Felicity Manchester, who played Lieutenant Shelby Clarke on the show. Graham is also present, interviewing her. The office reflects Felicity's new role as a Hollywood producer and has a professional elegance to it, much like Felicity herself. She's obviously doing well for herself. GRAHAM What was it like working with Tristan and Connor back then? FELICITY It was fun, but it was also tiring. We had good times together--the press even called us the "Galaxy Trio"--but the guys could be really competitive sometimes. Especially Tristan. GRAHAM Did he resent that you and Connor were dating off- set? FELICITY It didn't help any. I felt like I was living out one of our scripts, with the two boys were fighting over me and I was like some object that could be won. GRAHAM I understand Tristan apparently had something of a reputation on set? FELICITY We were teenage stars with an inflated sense of self-importance. But Tristan in particular tended to act out. He fancied himself something of a ladies man, but he was just a hormonally-driven boy. GRAHAM So in "The Mists of Gynos," seeing him dressed up like a girl was something of a comeuppance, then? FELICITY I won't kid you, watching him sashay down the halls in high heels was pretty entertaining! But I'll give him credit, he never complained once. In fact, I think that was some of his best acting at the time, if only because it was really the first time on the show that he had to play an actual character and not just play himself. GRAHAM Was it awkward playing opposite Tristan when he looked like that? FELICITY (Smirks) You mean kissing him, with him looking like a girl? GRAHAM It's a genuine question, take it how you want! FELICITY That's all anyone ever wants to know! I mean, sure, that part was awkward and fun and kind of exciting and weird but really the whole show was like that. I felt like Alice in Wonderland sometimes. GRAHAM Apart from the kiss, did it feel different interacting with Tristan during that episode? FELICITY A little, I guess. I mean we'd done scenes together lots of times before and this was a sci-fi show where actors were always put in prosthetics and heavy makeup for some alien thing or other. The makeup folks on the show were just amazing. You'd see Tina walking around as Dr. Zelexia and think aliens had actually invaded! PRODUCTION STILLS from a few of the episodes featuring various impressive alien and creature effects done by the makeup team. We also see actress Tina Lee getting made up and having her gills attached to portray Dr. Zelexia on the show, an alien from Amphibia 3. GRAHAM But this was different? FELICITY He was different, I think. In makeup and everything, Tristan certainly looked the part...in some ways I felt like I was playing opposite his twin sister. I don't know. He was more fun to be around. He wasn't so...dickish. (Holds her face in her hands, embarrassed.) God, I can't believe I said that! GRAHAM What changed? FELICITY Well, he was more social, for one thing. Tristan always kind of set himself apart from the rest of us on-set, never eating lunch with us or anything. I think when we shot this episode, we all expected that he was just going to hide in his trailer between takes, but he actually hung out with us more. He LOVED being the center of attention. GRAHAM That had often been an issue between him and Connor, hadn't it? FELICITY Hoo boy, was it ever. Tristan could really be a spoiled brat sometimes, and he hated it when Connor got more attention than he did. It was really childish. GRAHAM Did his behavior improve any after Connor left the show? FELICITY It got worse! Connor left the show to focus on his film career, and Tristan was incredibly jealous. In his mind he was just as big a star as Connor and he turned into a real prima donna on the set. It was embarrassing. The producers put up with it for a little while, but he nearly got himself kicked off the show before he straightened out. GRAHAM That was about the time that you and Tristan got involved, wasn't it? One article likened it to Beauty taming the savage Beast. FELICITY Ugh, I thought I'd never hear the end of that stupid analogy! But really I didn't do all that much. Tristan was going through a rough patch and I was there for him. After that...well I guess it's no secret that we dated for a while before we eventually went our separate ways. GRAHAM As I recall, it was a pretty messy breakup. FELICITY We both said things we'd later come to regret. But we put our differences aside for the sake of the show, and eventually we reconciled. GRAHAM Time heals all wounds? FELICITY I'd like to think so. CUT TO: INT. BARBARA AND MAX'S HOME - DAY Barbara and Max are seated in their living room as before, being interviewed. GRAHAM Whose idea was it to stage the "mockumentary"? MAX (To Barbara) I think you came to me with the idea first, didn't you? BARBARA You know, I don't recall. It was a collaborative effort. GRAHAM Following Tristan around with cameras like a reality TV show was fairly intrusive, wasn't it? How did Tristan adjust to being on camera all the time? MAX Ha! Like a fish "adjusts" to being in water, that's how. BARBARA Tristan always loved the spotlight. We knew that while he might have...reservations...about the rest of the plan, being on camera wasn't likely to be one of them. MAX Yeah, even from the get-go, the kid was eager to mug for his adoring fans. CUT TO: INT. MAX'S OFFICE (MOCKUMENTARY FOOTAGE) - DAY This is footage from the "mockumentary" tapes from ten years before, where cameras followed Tristan around like a reality TV show. Max's office is modestly decorated and slightly cluttered with autographed pictures of various B- and C-list celebrities hanging on the walls. A large poster of the Galaxy Crusaders TV show that features Tristan's character is prominently displayed, but if Max has any other high- profile clients, it isn't evident. Tristan is seated on the couch and fooling with his phone, tweeting his fans and doing vanity searches of himself. Both Max and Barbara are sitting across from him, watching him intently. TRISTAN Heh. Some chick got a tattoo of my name. Awesome. MAX Kid, have you listened to a word I've been saying? TRISTAN (Ignores them, types on the phone) Ooh, I wonder if she'll be at the next CrusaderCon? I bet she'd appreciate "making the jump to delight speed..." BARBARA Tristan, put the phone down, sweetie. This is important. TRISTAN (Nods towards the camera) Not that I mind the extra publicity, but how come we're filming this, anyway? More behind the scenes footage for my fans? BARBARA Yes, something like that. That's what we wanted to talk to you about. TRISTAN (Winks at the camera) Hey, everybody! Tristan here, just takin' care of business and keepin' it real! BARBARA Tristan... MAX Kid, knock it off! TRISTAN (Finally puts his phone down) Okay! Fine, whatever. I heard you, Uncle Max. So they're trimming some of the dead wood off of the show, so what? I hang in for another year or two, jump to feature films and hop off before the ship hits the iceberg. Easy peasy. BARBARA It's not that simple, dear. They're... MAX They're canceling your contract, kid. TRISTAN W-WHAT?!? They can't! I've still got three years! MAX Option years. And they've decided not to pick up your option. TRISTAN They're FIRING me? I'm practically the freaking star, for crying out loud! Have they seen my numbers with the teens? I'm the only reason they're tuning in! MAX Yeah, they saw the numbers. They're...soft. You're getting a little old for the tween crowd, they want to bring in something edgier. TRISTAN Yeah, well, screw 'em, anyway! I don't need 'em. High time I got moving over to feature films, anyway. What else we got lined up? MAX Kid, it's not pretty out there. There's a lot of young talent-- TRISTAN What, are you kidding me? What the hell am I paying you for? MAX Hey, that ain't fair! I got you those two film parts that you passed on! TRISTAN One teen scream slasher flick and another where I'd be playing second banana to Connor Covington? No, thanks! MAX Yeah, well, it seems like you've been saying "no, thanks" a lot, lately. BARBARA Max, please, this isn't helping. Tristan, dear, he's been doing his best. He's been keeping you in the public eye, hasn't he? Didn't he come up with that viral campaign that got you those ads? Tristan shrugs dismissively. BARBARA (CONT'D) And didn't he help spin things with the press after you broke up with Felicity? TRISTAN Technically that was her fault... MAX I warned you about dating other people from the show, didn't I? BARBARA Boys, please. Tristan slumps on the couch as Barbara holds his hand supportively. TRISTAN Oh, man, this show is all I've got. What am I gonna do? MAX You gotta give 'em what they need, kid. The ratings are in the crapper so they're trying a big splash by shaking up the cast and retooling the show, but what they really need is a reason for people to tune in. TRISTAN I thought that's what I was doing. MAX That's what you WERE doing, kid. But people want to see something new. Something flashy. TRISTAN You mean like a makeover? Ditch the pretty boy image and do a bad boy thing? BARBARA (Tentatively) Yes... MAX That's what the show is already doing. They're bringing in Jackson Deerwood to be the new captain. TRISTAN What, mister "Jack Daniels" himself? That guy's an out of control train. MAX A train that brings in the ratings. People watch him. TRISTAN Okay, so, how do we get them to watch me? BARBARA Exactly! That's it exactly. We need you in the news both on and off the show. We get you in the public eye and things will turn around, you'll see! TRISTAN (Eyeing them warily) What aren't you telling me? BARBARA We've been thinking, and we want you to pull a publicity stunt. A big hoax that gets people talking. We set it up like a reality TV documentary with cameras and everything and we get a lot of buzz going. People will watch you, watch the show, and then we come clean and get tons of free publicity! TRISTAN Heh, nice. We could even sell the footage afterwards as one of those...whatchacallem...mock-- Mockwhatevers. BARBARA A mockumentary! Oh, that's very clever! Isn't that clever, Max? MAX The kid catches on quick! TRISTAN Okay, so what's the gag? BARBARA You come out...as a woman. TRISTAN You...I...WHAT? MAX It's big, kid. A famous teen heartthrob on a nationally syndicated TV show comes out. From star to starlet, they can even write it into the show. Seriously, the press releases write themselves! TRISTAN Are you insane? People are never gonna believe I want to be a woman! Or worse, what if they DO believe it? I'd be finished! MAX (Mutters) You already ARE finished... Barbara ignores the comment and gestures to the camera. BARBARA That's what the cameras and the documentary are for, Tristan! If anyone asks, we'll say we're documenting this historic coming out for a possible reality TV show, and afterwards we use the footage to show this was all a big hoax! TRISTAN I...I just... I mean, why does it have to be a woman? Can't I just come out as gay or something? Or join some weird religious cult? MAX Sure, maybe twenty years ago that's news. But people can smell a Hollywood hoax a mile away...it's got to seem plausible. TRISTAN And me deciding that I want to be a woman is PLAUSIBLE? MAX You've been a woman before. For the show. That episode in the second season where you got turned into a girl. TRISTAN That wasn't my idea! BARBARA Tristan, I know, sweetie. But--and please don't get angry when I say this--you were a VERY convincing girl. Remember those articles that came out afterwards who said you were a dead ringer for that girl that's always on the tween magazine covers? TRISTAN That was just makeup and acting! BARBARA I know, sweetie. Just like this would be acting. Think of it as the role of a lifetime! You get to fool everyone, and then when you come clean everyone will know how good an actor you can be. TRISTAN (Mutters) More like "actress." MAX And let's not forget last Halloween, either, with you running around those Hollywood costume parties dressed up as a very sexy Wonder Woman! TRISTAN Okay, now, wait. That...that was Felicity's idea. She got a professional makeup artist to do my makeup and prosthetics and then ditched me after she saw me talking to a fan! I didn't even have cab fare in my star-spangled panties. Her idea of "funny." Oh, man, she'll probably LOVE this. BARBARA Sweetheart, I know it's difficult but it's the best thing we've got. And having Felicity in on it could be useful when the time comes...after you "come out" to the press, she could tell everyone this was the reason for your break-up. Having her corroborate your story will make it more believable. MAX Well, the press won't take much convincing. After those Wonder Woman pictures came out it took me weeks of spin doctoring to convince people you weren't gay. You're welcome, by the way. TRISTAN Right, I'm glad that worked out, this is so much better. Rather than people thinking that I'm gay, instead I'll get to prance around in miniskirts and high heels in front of everyone! MAX Yeah, but see, that's why it'll work, kid. The more you deny something, the more they assume that you're lying. They'll WANT to believe this. Plus, it's flashy, it's unexpected. Just think of all the interviews! Plus, you get all the attention that starlets get in the fashion rags..."what designer is she wearing" and all that junk. TRISTAN You're out of your mind. MAX Sometimes you gotta be a little crazy to grab the brass ring. Take that picture on the wall there...me and your dad were younger than you are now when we got that pic with the Rat Pack. Frank, Dean, Sammy...those guys were gods back then. Living legends. But your dad grabs me, walks over to 'em like he owned the joint and offers to buy them a freakin' drink. They thought it was fantastic. Best night of our lives, kid. But no guts, no glory. Tristan stares at the photo. TRISTAN (Whispers) No guts, no glory... BARBARA And the documentary crew will be following you around everywhere. Constant coverage... TRISTAN Yeah...yeah, maybe. Oh, God, I can't believe I'm actually considering this... Max and Barbara make eye contact and smile at each other. BARBARA Good, we start today. We need a nutritionist and personal trainer so you can lose weight without putting on any boyish muscle. I'll make an appointment at a discreet beauty salon, and then an upscale boutique where we can find the perfect "coming out" dress! MAX Actually, I was thinking about his--um, excuse me, "her"-- coming out party, and I think have an idea for something much better-- TRISTAN (Interrupting) Okay, I'm going to stop you right there with all that "her" crap. BARBARA Tristan, you need to project an image... TRISTAN Okay, in public, fine. Whatever. But not while we're alone. I don't want us getting comfy with this. Deal? BARBARA I suppose. MAX Whatever you say, kid. Tristan nods. MAX (CONT'D) So anyway, here's my idea... CUT TO: INT. CONVENTION CENTER (ARCHIVE FOOTAGE) - DAY The convention center has been overtaken by the annual CrusaderCon convention, celebrating all things related to the Galaxy Crusaders franchise. A sizable crowd is milling around in T-shirts and costumes from the show, getting autographs from the stars and buying GC merchandise. The camera settles on an auditorium filled with people. On the dais is long row of tables where the actors will sit to take questions from the crowd. There are tent cards with the actors' names, but Tristan's card is noticeably absent. GRAHAM (V.O.) Weeks later, at the annual CrusaderCon convention, buzz was particularly strong since fans had been hearing the news of big shake-ups to come on the show. The big news--the hiring of Jackson Deerwood as the new captain was met with a significant amount of anger and venom on the Internet. News had also recently surfaced that two other long-time actors on the show had been fired and replaced, but there had been no word of Tristan Sinclair's fate. ANNOUNCER Hey, everyone! It's time to meet the new crew of the I.S.S. Endeavor! The announcer proceeds to introduce each member of the crew. Loud cheers meet the returning cast members with more muted but enthusiastic applause greeting the new members of the cast. The last person introduced is Jackson Deerwood as Captain John Mercer. He swaggers onto the stage to a loud mix of cheers and boos. Also on the stage is one of the show's producers, Ellen Barry. ELLEN Thank you everyone! We're so very excited to talk about the exciting new direction for the show. A new mission, a new ship, even a new captain! Mixed applause from the crowd. JACKSON Haha! Yeah! This is gonna be awesome! ELLEN Yes, we're all very excited. We're especially-- WOMAN IN THE CROWD (Shouting) Where's Tristan? A number of shouts join in from the crowd asking about Tristan. ELLEN Yes, yes, okay. I know there are a lot of questions, but I suppose I should address that one first. We're of course very grateful to Tristan for his wonderful work depicting Lieutenant Aaron Fairchild, but unfortunately the show has decided to move in a different direction. There are a number of boos and angry shouts from the crowd, especially from the young women in the audience. ELLEN Quiet, please. Yes, I know. Quiet. In the midst of the din, one young woman has walked up to the microphone in one of the aisles where people ask questions. She's dressed in an elaborate and rather provocative costume of one of the Moon Princesses of Tellus 9. YOUNG WOMAN Excuse me, I have a question? ELLEN Yes, I'm sorry we're not taking questions just yet-- YOUNG WOMAN I was wondering if I could get a hug from Jackson? The crowd breaks out in a mix of loud groans, cheers, and laughter. ELLEN I'm sorry, we don't allow-- JACKSON Heck yeah! Bring it in, babe! The young woman runs excitedly up to the stage while the crowd cheers in encouragement, although some audience members are obviously put off by the shenanigans. Jackson rises as the young woman steps up on stage and gives her a long hug while she seems to squirm in delight. He then kisses her on the lips to the cheers of the crowd, causing her to blush furiously. ELLEN (Rises from her seat to approach the pair) Okay, I think that's about enough. Jackson breaks the embrace and gives the young woman a playful swat on her butt as she scampers away. He returns to his seat, but the young woman, seeing that Ellen has temporarily vacated her seat on the stage, hurries to it and sits down. The crowd laughs. JACKSON Hey, we got some new eye candy on the panel! The young woman adjusts her silver moon-themed tiara while Ellen taps her on the shoulder. The crowd laughs, but an increasing number of people are getting tired of her antics and start yelling for her to get off the stage. YOUNG WOMAN (Speaking into the microphone in front of her) Wait, wait, I think I see the problem. She nudges Jackson sitting next to her and points at the tent card with his name. He picks it up and we see that there was a second tent card hidden beneath. The young woman picks up the second card and places it in on the table in front of her, and we see the name: TRISTAN SINCLAIR. TRISTAN (Affecting a deeper voice) Hey, everybody. The crowd goes WILD. CUT TO: INT. KAT AND TINA'S HOME - DAY Two women are seated in the living room of their California home, being interviewed by Graham. Both women are dressed casually, but they have the poised demeanor of women who are used to being on camera. A TITLE fades in, identifying them as Kat Olsen, who played Commander Lockhart (second in command on the show), and Tina Lee, who played Doctor Zelexia. GRAHAM So how did you hear the news about Tristan's change? KAT I actually found out with everyone else at the CrusaderCon panel. TINA Me, too. GRAHAM Really? There was no announcement to the cast or anything? KAT You have to understand how chaotic it was back then. Everyone knew there were big changes coming to the show and several people would be let go. We were going on hiatus while they retooled, and everyone was walking on eggshells. TINA We'd both arranged to go to CrusaderCon if only to sign autographs and meet the fans, but it was only a couple days before the con that we got the word that our contracts had been picked up and that we'd be sitting on the main panel with the crew to pump the new season. Talk about a relief! KAT Yeah, they were seriously yanking our chains back then. It was a mess. GRAHAM So when Tristan pulled his little stunt...? KAT We were as surprised as anybody! CUT TO: INT. BARBARA AND MAX'S HOME - DAY Barbara and Max are seated in their living room as before, being interviewed. MAX Absolute genius. If I do say so myself. BARBARA And Tristan played it perfectly. He stole the show! It was all anyone was talking about afterwards. MAX Don't think ol' Deerwood cared much for getting upstaged like that. BARBARA Yes, well, that wasn't our concern, was it? But we'd coached Tristan carefully not to give away too much. To tease with his answers but not be too direct. As far as anyone knew at the time, this was just a temporary change for the show to do a short-term ratings grab. They ate it up. CUT TO: INT. CONVENTION HALL PANEL DISCUSSION (ARCHIVE FOOTAGE) - DAY A series of quick cuts showing people asking questions at the panel discussion. FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER This is a question for Tristan--who looks AMAZING, by the way--will this be a permanent character change? TRISTAN Well, this is a show where anything can happen, but I can say you'll definitely be seeing more of me like this. CUT TO: FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER Oh my God, Tristan, I wish I could look as good as you do! Laughter from the audience. FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER (CONT'D) My question is, do you still like girls? TRISTAN Are you kidding, I love girls! Look how far I went to get into a girl's pants! More laughter from the crowd. CUT TO: FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER Hi, this is a question for Felicity. I know that you and Tristan were an item for a while, and I was curious if it was weird for you seeing him like this? FELICITY (Smiling) Not even a little bit. I can honestly say he's never looked better! CUT TO: MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER Dude, I just gotta say, you're making me question my sexuality right now. The audience laughs. MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER (CONT'D) And...are those real? The crowd laughs again. Tristan looks down and gives his "breasts" a little nudge. TRISTAN Sadly, no, you're looking at the magic of Hollywood right here. Jackson reaches over and gropes one of Tristan's breasts. JACKSON You're giving me the magic of wood right now! The audience erupts into hoots and cheers. CUT TO: INT. CONVENTION ROOM FLOOR (ARCHIVE FOOTAGE) - DAY People are walking around the convention in the background after the panel discussion as we see a series of quick cuts of the fans' reactions. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE Oh. My. God! That was hilarious! I had NO idea. None! I think it's going to be weird seeing him on the show like a girl, but I can't wait to see what they do with it! CUT TO: Another pair of convention attendees. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE That was awesome! MALE CON ATTENDEE I dunno, I thought it was kind of freaky, him dressing up like a chick like that. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE Um, hello? Earlier today before the panel he was walking around the con in costume, and I saw you take about six pictures of him when you thought he was just a hot girl dressed as a Moon Princess. MALE CON ATTENDEE It wasn't SIX pictures... She smiles triumphantly. MALE CON ATTENDEE (CONT'D) Oh, shut up. CUT TO: Another pair of convention attendees. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 1 That was hot. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 Seriously, I didn't think it was possible for me to crush on him any harder, but I do. INTERVIEWER So it didn't bother you to see him dressed like that? FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 1 I dunno, he was always kind of boy-pretty before. The girl-pretty thing is sort of sexy. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 I know, right? One of my old boyfriends had this fetish about getting laid by a Moon Princess...I even dressed up for him once. I never really got it, but I tell you right now, I would totally get laid by THAT Moon Princess. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 1 Totally. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 (Lowering her voice) Hey...can you like, introduce us? CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE AT THE CONVENTION (MOCKUMENTARY FOOTAGE) - DAY After the panel discussion the cast members start to disperse, some heading back to the autograph area. Felicity runs up and hugs Tristan. FELICITY Oh my God, you were great! TRISTAN Wow, I can't believe I did that! That was kinda fun, actually. Jackson walks in and takes a drink from a flask. JACKSON Ooh, hey, girl-on-girl action! Save me a little of that sugar, little moon queen. Jackson grabs Tristan's wrist and pulls him into an embrace. Tristan struggles to pull away. FELICITY Hey, let him go! Jackson awkwardly steals a kiss and releases Tristan. TRISTAN Jerk. FELICITY Yeah, and he's a Moon PRINCESS! Get it right! JACKSON Ah, you'll always be a queen to me. Pauses, a beat. JACKSON (CONT'D) I'm gonna go get laid. Jackson winks and staggers off. FELICITY O captain, my captain. Man, what a prick. TRISTAN He's not wrong, though. FELICITY About what? TRISTAN Getting laid. I thought when I did this it'd kill my chances, but the girls in there were practically drooling over me! I guess they think this makes me sensitive or something? FELICITY Wow. TRISTAN Oh, like you've never hooked up at one of these cons before? We're practically royalty here. Seriously, we're doing them a favor. It's like the highlight of their lives. FELICITY Again, wow. And for your information, no, I have never "hooked up" at a convention. TRISTAN You should try it. Dang, I'm thirsty from all that talking, I think most of the questions were for me! Hey, does my lipstick look okay? Felicity rolls her eyes and retrieves her purse and turns to the craft table. While she's doing this, two attractive young con attendees--the two we saw earlier--enter backstage. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 1 Oh, my God, there he is! FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 Oh, wow, Tristan! TRISTAN Hi, girls. Not sure you're supposed to be back here? FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 When we heard you were here we had to take the chance. You were amazing! FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 1 Yeah, amazing. TRISTAN Always happy to meet a fan. You ladies want me to autograph...something? FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 1 I didn't bring anything to write on. TRISTAN It's okay, I don't have a pen. FELICITY Oh, lord. Felicity hands Tristan a small plastic cup with water. He takes a drink. TRISTAN Thanks, babe. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 Oh, are you two like...together? TRISTAN and FELICITY (In unison) No! FELICITY Lord, no. TRISTAN Not anymore. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 Oh. Well then, we were hoping you could help us out with something? TRISTAN Anything for a fan. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 We were wondering if you wanted to, ah, hang out for a while? FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 1 Also, we were hoping to get laid by a Moon Princess. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 Right, also that. Tristan finishes the water and hands the cup back to Felicity. He then wraps an arm around each of the girls' waists and starts guiding them towards the exit. TRISTAN Well, like I said, anything for a fan! FELICITY (Smirks) Have fun, ladies! FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 1 Wow, you even smell like a girl! CUT TO: INT. BARBARA AND MAX'S HOME - DAY Barbara and Max are seated in their living room as before, being interviewed. GRAHAM So the convention was a huge success, then? BARBARA Oh, yes! Tristan did a lovely job with his "undercover" costume work before the panel. After his unveiling, the Internet positively lit up with people searching for pictures of him walking around beforehand disguised in his Moon Princess costume. And of course at the panel he had them eating out of his hand. MAX Right. GRAHAM But...? Barbara and Max share a glance. MAX After the convention was another story. BARBARA Tristan was...well, Tristan. CUT TO: INT. HOTEL ROOM (MOCKUMENTARY FOOTAGE) - DAY We're looking at a hotel room that is spacious and opulent with large double-doors to the bedroom that are now open. The bed is rumpled from Tristan's session with the girls. Both girls are getting dressed and are heading for the door, not looking remotely happy. Tristan, disheveled but still (mostly) in his Moon Princess costume, is hurrying after them on his high heels. The hallway door opens and Barbara and Max enter. BARBARA Tristan, where are--oh, for heaven's sake. TRISTAN Mother? What are you--wait, it's not what you-- nothing happened, okay? FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 1 He's really not kidding. FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 Yeah, talk about a letdown! I wanted to do it with a Moon Princess, but I was hoping I'd still get to do it with a guy. TRISTAN Girls, I swear I don't know what's wrong! Just give me a couple minutes, okay? FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 2 Well you seemed to get revved up on stage after you swapped spit with Jackson Deerwood, why don't you give HIM a call! FEMALE CON ATTENDEE 1 (To Barbara) Your daughter has issues. BARBARA You have no idea. The two girls exit and the door closes behind them. MAX We got lucky. TRISTAN Well, I'm glad somebody did! MAX What I mean is, now they'll leave thinking that you're not just a jock in a dress, but maybe your little dress-up games go deeper. That could prove useful if it gets around. BARBARA Tristan, what were you thinking? Wait, no, don't answer that. I think I know which organ was doing the thinking for you. TRISTAN Hey! I have done EVERYTHING you've asked! Shit, I even had to put up with Deerwood kissing and groping me out there! And this outfit--! Tristan gawks at his reflection in a mirror. TRISTAN