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Know the Enemy. By Blossom Loverose. Tomorrow I graduate from university and I figure before I do I should write down an account of the events that bought me to this point in my life. I guess it all started back when I left my country home to head off to university. Back then, my name was Myles Macgregor but that would not last. When I arrived at university, I was alone and in a new environment that I had never been in before so I went seeking somewhere I fitted. In the end, I might have picked the worst group that I could have, a group of Chauvinists. Of course, back when I joined up with them, I did not know how wrong they were. All I really knew was they were a group of people who accepted me as I was. In other words, they accepted me as the slim almost pretty young man that I was. They never made jokes about my big green eyes, my slender body or my longish blonde hair. Beyond just being accepted by the Chauvinists there was a second reason I found I fitted so well with them. The truth was that coming from the small town I did, there were only two women that I had ever interacted with. One of them was my mother who could best be described as a fifties style housewife in the modern era, and the other was the raving crazy feminist who lived next door. She was a real piece of work. She thought that every male alive needed to be forced to become a female so that the world was free of the blight that was man. I guess years of being harassed by her had caused me to think that most women were like her -- how wrong I was. For a long time I was safe in my views of the world, and being surrounded by people who had the same basic view, well I had no question to doubt anything. It was around the start of my second year at university when I started to question my own views about women. It had all started due to the clashes between the Chauvinists on campus and the Feminists. In the time, that I had been there the hostilities between the two groups had gotten so bad that the university had taken to hosting fortnightly debates between the two groups. The debates were the university's way of trying to keep the peace. It was via these debates that I first started to see that what the feminists stood for was nothing like the rantings of the woman next door, and that opened my eyes to the fact that women were nothing like, I thought they were. As I started to question many things about myself and those men I called friends, a new member joined the debate team. His name was Michael and during one of his first speeches, he said something that resonated with me. He said that one needed to know their enemy to combat it correctly. His statement made me see that if I was to remain with the group I was in, then I needed to know the truth about the other side, and frankly women hated me so much that I could not just ask them their views. For weeks, I pondered how to learn what I knew I needed to learn about the Feminists, and then there came a moment of serendipity. One foggy evening as I was returning from a meeting of the Chauvinist club, who unashamedly called themselves that, Molly who was one of the Feminists stumbled out of the fog rather drunk. "You," she half slurred, "why would any woman want to hang around with those pigs?" While I did not respond to her and instead just let her stumble off into the fog, her words kept on ringing in my ears. It was not until the following morning when I was standing in front of my mirror at the small flat I rented that Molly's words turned into an idea. Knowing that often in the past I had been mistaken for a female because my body was not the ideal image of man, I found myself thinking about what might happen if I made my body look rather more female. With an idea about how to learn more about women now fixed in my head, I turned to the internet. Yes, I know I could have used the internet to try to learn more about women but that would not have given me insight into the women I wanted insight into. On the internet, I started looking for men who pretended to be women, and after a lot of stuff that really was not helpful to me, I stumbled upon the term transgender. It blew my mind. To learn that there were men out there who were really women on the inside, and that they had taken action to really become the women they were, well it made my heart race so fast. When I started to think what I had learnt about male to female transsexual's over, I worked out that it was just another nail in my worldview. With this new term in hand I started to look at the personal pages of these transgender people and there I found their stories - how they started, how they made themselves look female. In all I spent over a week on the internet looking at transgender websites and other sites about how to apply make-up. When I felt I was ready, I started to make some orders for the items that I felt I needed. I ended up ordering everything from female clothing, to make- up; I even ordered a cheap pair of false breasts from an online website. While I waited for all the packages that I had ordered to arrive, I did a lot of experimentation with my voice and with doing my own make-up so that I could both look and sound the part. It was just before the start of a new term when my last package arrived, which meant my plan was made even easier, because at the start of new terms there were always new students. Come the big day, I started the long process of making myself look like a female by taking a shower where I checked to see if I had any body hair that needed to be removed. I did not have any hair that would have looked out-of-place on a young woman so I moved onto the next step. Having read a lot of information on how transgender women hid their penises, I started there. Pulling one of the thick and heavy sets of panties that I had bought, up my smooth legs I then followed the instructions I had read carefully and by the time I was done I really did have a smooth flat front to my pretty pink panties. Seeing the breast forms that I had bought did not come with glue, I began the long complex task of putting my first bra on. It quickly turned out that putting a bra on was not as easy as most people think. Sure, putting the straps over my shoulders proved easy enough, and so was lining up the cups of the bra with my chest, but then there was the clip at the back. That annoying little clip at the back, it took me ages to make it work correctly and when I was done I found myself wondering how any woman could stand to put bras on day in, day out. With the bra in place, I carefully inserted the false breasts into the cups of it and because the bra covered the whole surface of the false breasts, it really did look like I had real breasts. At the time I had no idea why the idea of having breasts made my heart race like it did - - all I knew is that was what was happening. Moving the process along, I sat down at that point in front of my makeshift vanity table. Setting to work, I applied all I knew about make-up to my face. Knowing that my face was smooth enough to start with, I did not need anything like foundation, so instead I started by applying some thick black eye make-up to the areas around my eyes. As soon as I was done with the eye make-up, which I had found altered the whole appearance of my face, I applied a little blush to my cheeks just to make them seem a little rounder and then I used a thick bright red lipstick on my lips. When I was done with my face and I had looked in the mirror I knew I looked female enough to pass as one, or at least I hoped I did. Having found out the hard way how hard it was to remove nail polish from my nails, I carefully unpacked a set of false nails. Picking up the first of the nails that was the same red as my lips, I glued it to my own nail. Slowly, giving each nail a little time for the glue to dry, I applied a nail to each of my digits until all of them were capped with pretty false nails. When I was sure the glue on my nails had cured, I then picked up a white top with long pink sleeves, and much like the male clothing, I had worn in the past, I pulled it on. When I had adjusted the top so that it hugged what little curves I had, I turned to the long blue skirt that I had picked out. Just as I was about to pull the skirt on I remembered I had forgotten to put the set of stockings that I wanted to wear, on, so I paused to do that. Soon after my legs were encased by the stockings, which felt so wonderful I finally pulled the skirt on. By the time I had finished adjusting the skirt so that it looked good, I noticed how weird it felt not having the thick fabric of pants between my legs. Knowing that the afternoon classes would be ending, I hurried the process along by slipping a set of heels onto my stocking encased feet. Having spent a few moments getting use to walking in heels once more, I then put some money in a purse, the purse in a handbag, and lastly the handbag over my shoulder. With everything ready, I locked the door of my flat behind me and hurried off to the campus. As I stepped onto the campus, I made up my mind at that point that I was no longer Myles, as long as I was a woman, I was Kate. For two weeks, I made sure that Kate was seen about the campus, which meant leading a double life, but I was sure if I wanted the answers I wanted, then it was what I needed to do. Finally, the Feminists had an open night where any woman who was interested could attend and seeing I was interested, I attended. That night I was shocked many times. It turned out that the Feminists were not some evil group of women who wanted to make all men into women; instead, all they wanted was a fair go. They wanted equal rights to men and equal wages, which was something I already knew they often did not get. In the areas of employment and sport, women could expect to earn far less than their male counterpart did. In that respect, I could understand the plight of the Feminists. Late that evening as I was mingling with the women, just listening to the conversations one of the members of the debate team came over to speak to me. Her name was July. "Hello," she said, "I have not seen you about before?" "I am rather new here..." I responded. "So what brings you here tonight?" "I wanted to know more..." At that moment, I watched as July tilted her head a little to the left. "Know more about what?" she asked. "Well," I responded, "when I got here I was told about the debates between the Feminists and the Chauvinists, and well I wanted to learn more about what is going on..." "That, my friend is complex..." "I have the time... well if you care to explain it to me?" "Sure! I would love to!" With that, July took me to a quieter part of the room and there we sat down. "Firstly I assume from the way you were listening earlier, that you understand why we exist?" asked July. "I think I do..." I replied, "We... you want equal wage and job rights to men?" "Such a simple way of putting it, but yes." "So what of the Chauvinists?" "Oh dear! That is where this gets confusing..." "How so?" "The Chauvinist group started about three years ago. It was formed by a gay man who really hated women and a bunch of men who each were rejected by women and because they could not handle it, they started to hate all women." "So?" "So, the Chauvinist group is really a bunch of misogynists who prey upon poor uncertain men to make more of their own kind. Think about it like this, while we Feminists are all about a fair go as you put it, they are only about pulling us down, making us less than they are..." When July had gone on her way, I spent a good long time thinking about all that she had said and in part, I knew she was right, the Chauvinist group really did tend to be all about bringing all women down -- which I was not sure any more, was the right thing to do. By the end of that night, I found myself left with more questions than answers so I decided to keep doing what I was doing until I had the answers that I needed. Around a month after I had started to attend the Feminist meetings as Kate, and just after one of the debates that I took part in, I was pulled aside by the leader of the Chauvinist group. "What was that?" he demanded. "What was what, Adam?" I responded. "That argument you used tonight, it was so weak. Worse still you undermined one of our arguments and you accused us of being misogynists." "Yeah well... The argument was wrong; it was based on false information and admit it, we are misogynists..." At that point, I wanted to add a remark that they were misogynists, as I was no longer sure about myself, but I ended up saying nothing. "Maybe we are," said Adam, "but you should never use that term -- it paints a bad image of us..." "Yeah, right I guess you are right." I said, wanting the conversation to end. "Wait, where are you going?" "I have... some work I need to take care of..." As I walked away from Adam, I knew that was a lie. The truth was that I wanted to hurry home so I could change into Kate. At that point I had no desire to go to the after debate meeting where I would be blamed for our team failing. Instead, I wanted to attend the after debate meeting of the Feminists, because it was so much more fun. There was no talk about the debate, just some light nibbles and some time to mingle with the other women. It was around that point in time that I started to realise that I was spending a lot more time as Kate then I was as Myles. Maybe that fact should have bothered me but it did not. There was another change for me around that point; I started to take personal pride in the way I looked. In other words, when I attended the feminist meetings with the other women, I wanted to look as female as I could. Studying the other women about campus, I started to decide what I liked about their looks and what I did not, then one day I decided to start to update my Kate look based off of what I saw. I started the changes I wanted by buying six cheap simple gold bands, which I ended up slipping one of onto each of my thumbs, my index fingers and my pinkies. When I was done, I was so happy with the way the rings enhanced the female appearance of my hands. During the meetings, the rings on my fingers and the long red nails helped to remind me that I was a woman, and that made me happy. It was around this time that I started to feel very confused about things that were going on in my life. Not understanding what was happening to me or why Kate had started to feel more real than Myles did, I ended up going to see a doctor. While the doctor could not help me with my problem he sent me to a female gender specialist and after many appointments with her, I found myself on female hormones. Each morning as I popped the female hormones and the male hormone blockers down my throat, I told myself that I was only doing it to get a better understanding of how female hormones affected women -- of course that was a lie. A few weeks after I had started to take hormones, a new woman joined our group, her name was Susan and she was beautiful. She had slightly darkened skin, big green eyes like mine and long red hair like a fire in winter. Right from the moment I first saw her, I found myself something I had never been before, I found myself attracted to a woman. As fortune would have it, Susan came my way. "Hi," said Susan blushing a little, "my name is Susan, and you are?" "Kate, I am Kate." I responded feeling my own cheeks burning slightly. "Nice to meet you Kate!" With that, Susan giggled sweetly and that only made me like her even more. The odd thing was I knew it was me as Kate who liked Susan, not me as Myles. Of course, at the time, I did not know what that really meant and it would be a long time before I would. As the weeks progressed and my friendship with Susan grew, I found myself spending less and less time as Myles until it reached the point where the only times I was Myles was during classes and when I had to front up to the Chauvinist meeting. The truth was that it had gotten harder and harder to switch back. One day much to my shock Susan gave me a book on the history of Feminism and as shocking as it might have been, I found it to be a really interesting read. It explained how the modern feminists, not the bad ones like the woman next door but the one's like myself who wanted equal rights for women, were connected to the Suffragette movement. In fact, the first few chapters of the book covered the Suffragette movement; and how one of the main things they wanted was the right to vote. In time I started to feel envious of the pretty earrings that Susan wore so one day I decided to go for broke, I decided to have my ears pierced. Right from the moment I had gotten my ears done and I first saw the little gold posts that had been installed I was so happy. It was while I was waiting for my ears to heal so that I could wear real earrings, the kind I liked on Susan that I started to skip out on my so-called male friends. I had finally worked out that I was not sure that I wanted to be friends with people who did not respect the woman inside. Then one day it happened, with stockings, a garter belt, panties, and a corset; with my budding breasts hidden under baggy male clothing, I stood before the crowd on the side of the Chauvinists, and I argued my best straw man arguments. Every word that came from my mouth was carefully designed so that the Feminist team could rip them apart, thusly winning the debate. It was directly after the debate that Adam chewed me out before kicking me off the team and what a relief that was -- it meant I was free! That very night when I got back to my flat I went on a whirlwind clean up where I threw out everything I owned that was part of my old male identity or part of my mistaken time as a Chauvinist. When I was done, my apartment was that of a young woman and I was fine with that because that was what I was. It was one afternoon just before the long winter break; I was just lying back on the grass after having a wonderful picnic with her when an odd look came over Susan's face. "Susan, what is wrong?" I asked. "I like you okay," responded Susan, "but I am scared because I know what you are?" At that point, my heart started to race, but not in a good way. I was having a panic attack. "What do you mean you know what I am?" I managed to croak out. "I know you are a transsexual. But do not misunderstand me, for me that is not an issue, in fact it is what led me to be attracted to you in the first place..." "So I am confused? What are you scared about?" "I just told you I love you, silly, and I do not know how you are going to react. I do not know if you like me or really like me... or what?" I did not answer Susan's question, well not with words. Slowly sitting up I then bent in and kissed her on her sweet red lips. While the kiss might have only lasted a moment, it was burnt into my soul and when I shut my eyes, I can still feel her soft warm lips touching my own. I can remember the sparks that flew. I can remember the warmth of her breath on my skin and her big green moist eyes. That moment would stay with me forever. "Does that answer your question?" I asked. "I think it does..." said Susan who was breathing so rapidly. For a few minutes, the two of us just lay there in each other's arms before Susan smiled. "So does this mean we are girlfriends?" she questioned. "Yes, I do believe it means just that." I said with a smile. That night when I finally got back to my apartment, I had time to think about the day and that was when I worked out that I had no idea what I was. As far as I was concerned, I was a woman that liked other women, well liked Susan who was another woman and I knew there had to be a term for such a thing but I honestly did not know it. I ended up turning to the internet and it did not take me long to find out that women who liked other women were called lesbians. So I was a lesbian! Almost as soon as the holidays started, I made one of the biggest choices that I had ever made in my whole life. I wanted a body that matched how I felt on the inside, I did not want the small breasts that I had and I no longer wanted to use the false breasts because they were just that, false. When I had decided that I wanted real breasts or more importantly decided what sort of real breasts I wanted, which turned out to be DDD cups as they were what I liked the most, I set to work getting them. Having raided a little of my university fee bank account, which was big enough to pull it off because my parents kept topping it up for me, and with the full support of Susan I booked into a clinic and had my breasts done. The first few days after I had gotten my breasts were not the best days of my life. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to move and it really hurt when Susan who was looking after me caused me to giggle. When the pain had faded away and I got my first look at my new breasts, they horrified me a little because they looked like nasty overripe deformed eggplants. Even my nipples looked more like wood then flesh. It was quickly explained to me by my doctor that the colour as well as the shape of my breasts was caused by swelling and bruising. He assured me that in time the swelling and the colour would go away, and he was right. One morning just before university was due to restart, I happened to check my breasts and the moment I saw my perfect round white orbs topped by large dark nipples, I could not contain my joy; I let out a squeal so loud that Susan came running. When Susan raced into the bathroom and saw my breasts in all their DDD glory, she just froze mid- step before turning bright red. "Oh wow!" she whispered at last. "I know right! They look great!" I said. "No, you are beautiful; they are just a wonderful part of you." With that, Susan walked over to me and kissed me on the lips, which was normal, but feeling her soft hands on my large sensitive breasts, well that was new. "Did you just cop a feel?" I asked when the kiss had ended. "Maybe I did," said Susan with a giggle, "but right now you need to get your top on so you can deal with updating your file at the university." Knowing that Susan was right I took one more look at myself in the mirror and I knew my new breasts were big enough to scream woman but not big enough to scream cancerous beach balls. With that being done, I dressed to get on with my day. A few days later, I returned to university but not as Myles Macgregor. I returned to university as the one I really was -- as Kate O'Farrell. Soon after my return, I made up my mind to join the Feminist debating team. I was a woman after all and I felt the need to atone for the mistakes of my past. A few weeks after I had joined the debate team and before I took part in my first one as a Feminist, July came to speak with me. "I am amazed..." she said. "Amazed, why?" I asked. "When you first came here, you seemed very uncertain about your own femininity and you did not seem to really believe in the cause. But now look at you! You have become one of the biggest supporters of the feminist ideals." "Well I had some great teachers." Looking across at Susan I found myself blushing a little. I know it might have been wrong of me, but when the Chauvinists started to attack us at a personal level, including my lesbian status, I used what I knew of them from the time that I was one of them to kick them around the room -- metaphorically of course. I have to admit that with each win against the Chauvinist debating team, my own personal feminist nature grew and one day I decided to stop hiding what I had become. Having wanted to update my look for a long time, I switched to wearing a set of large wide gold hoop earrings and then to finish my look I added a simple gold necklace with a female symbol on it. It was my own personal way of showing the world that I had come to believe in the power of being a woman. Soon after I had updated my look, a new term started and it was at that point that I decided to join my friends in a course about feminism. One of the first assignments that we were given was to look at the misconceptions about feminism -- something I understood all too well. The way we were meant to do it was to speak to ten male students about their view by door-knocking them. Before the assignment began we were all warned, firstly about the Chauvinists, and secondly that due to the fact many males might not want to talk about such things, it would take us time. For Susan and myself, it took us one afternoon to gather ten useful results. "I thought from what we were told this would be hard," I said as we relaxed having done what we needed to do, "I guess we are good door- knockers..." "Well more you..." said Susan. "What do you mean?" "To be honest it was you who was good at door knocking and I would guess it is because you have very good knockers." As that was said, I looked down at my breasts that were partly visible due to the form fitting low cut red top I wore. "You really think..." I said as I puffed my breasts out a little. "Oh hon," responded Susan, "do you think that it is only me who is attracted to you and your breasts? There are dozens of guys and likely girls on this campus who would give a lot to be with you." As I thought about men thinking about my body as an object of sexual desire, I felt a twinge of disgust. The idea of letting a male near my body just grossed me out. "I see," I said at last, "but you are the lucky girl who won my heart and that is the way it will stay." "Yes, I know," stated Susan with a giggle, "I was just telling you the truth about your body." For a time after that, everything was rather quiet, with Susan and I spending a lot of time together, which suited us both just fine. The only real problem that we had was that we both wanted our relationship to progress to the next level but we really were not fully compatible. Of course, we both knew that would change soon after I finally got my letter of final clearance. One evening when Susan and I arrived for a night with our feminist sisters, July who was making a speech happened to say something that made me realise that I had been converted into a full feminist -- not that I really minded because I was the happiest I had ever been. "So are we all ready?" came the voice of July. "Ready for what?" I whispered to Susan. "I have no idea," responded Susan, "remember you were already here when I first arrived." "Ready for what?" I asked. "Oh!" Stated July, "for those of you who do not know, tomorrow afternoon is the day of our yearly bra burning. We take off our bras and burn them as part of a ritual affirmation of who we are." "But I like my bras." I said. "We all like our bras," came the voice of another woman, "which is why we either use an old broken set, a cheap set we bought just for burning or that one set of bras that you might have that you want to take revenge on." Thinking it over, I knew I had the ideal bra. I owned one bra, this black underwire thing that I utterly hated. Not only did the bra make my skin itch, but also it tended to crush my breasts and the under wires often cut into me. I knew I would enjoy watching it burn. When the ritual was over, as I stood there holding Susan's hand, I knew in my heart there was still one final personal ritual that I needed to undergo to finish my story of womanhood. Since I had just gotten the letter that very morning, I knew I only needed to wait until the end of the term and then during the long summer holiday I would finish becoming the woman I was meant to be. Sure enough, with Susan at my side just a few days after the summer holiday had begun I booked into a hospital that was willing to do the operation I wanted and a few days after that my nasty penis became my neo-vagina. The first thing that I saw when I awoke was Susan who was smiling as she gave me the big thumbs up, which I knew meant my operation had gone to plan. There really was not much I could say about my recovery, a lot of it was really gross and some of it just downright weird, like the first time I stood up without my penis between my legs or how hard it was the first time I had to go to the bathroom unaided. It took weeks and weeks but finally I got the news that my vagina, my beautiful new vagina was healed enough that I could carefully resume my life. With it being a long hot summer, resuming my life really meant spending a lot of time keeping cool with Susan by my side. It was during that time that I started to work out that I did not just love Susan -- she was the ONE! She was the woman that I wanted to spend my whole life with and I dearly hoped that she felt the same way about me. Of course, before I got a chance to speak to Susan about how I really felt about her things got so busy for the both of us that it was almost six months later when I finally found a window to do what I had wanted to do for so long. "Susan," I said one evening as the two of us were watching the city lights on the river, "would you marry me and be mine forever?" As I held out a diamond ring that I had bought, her eyes grew wide for a moment before her lips started to quiver. For a few tense moments, I had no idea what was going to happen; and that really scared me but then suddenly a single tear rolled down Susan's soft cheek and down past her smiling red parted lips. "Yes!" proclaimed Susan loudly, "Yes I will marry you!" With that and even before I had put the ring on her finger she had pulled me to her and had kissed me on the lips in such a way that I felt warmth in a place I had never felt it before. With the kiss over I finally slipped the ring onto Susan's finger and I think by that point both of us were shaking as much as the other. Almost the moment the ring was in place, we kissed for a second time and that only enhanced all the new feelings that my body had started to produce. Around a week after I had proposed to Susan, I was just writing one of my final term papers when she came to see me. "You know," said Susan, "you are every bit the woman that I am..." "Okay?" I responded, unsure where she was going. "You have every right to mark our status in the same way as I do." "Okay?" With that being said, Susan suddenly held up a gold ring with a diamond in it for me to see. "I know this is not as romantic as when you asked me to marry you," said Susan, "but my mother who is accepting of my sexuality, gave me this to give to the woman I loved when the time was right. So would you do the honour of wearing this ring as a symbol of our relationship?" With my heart racing like it had never done so before. With it sounding like drums in my ears, I held out my shaky hand as tears of pure joy started to roll down my face. "Yes!" I managed to squeak out. With me having said yes, Susan slipped the ring onto my finger and then she wiped away my tears before she kissed me. That night behind the shut door of my little apartment, which had become our apartment, Susan and I spent the evening learning about each other's bodies in a way that was far too sacred to ever be put in print. All I will say is during that night I climbed to new heights; brought Susan to the places she had never been before and by the time, it was over not only had we reaffirmed our nature as lesbians but we had fallen totally into the ocean that was bliss. A few months after Susan and I had reached our new state of being, I found out that my parents were coming from the farm to see my graduation. It was around that time that I remembered that I had not told them that I was a woman now. I knew they were in for rather a shock when they met me but I guess; such is life. So this is my story. This is how I went from being Myles Macgregor to being Kate O'Farrell. This is how I went from being a Chauvinist to being a Feminist. This is the story of romance, love and truth. This is my life and it has only just started... End.