"This isn't a matter of choice anymore," Amanda said, firmly,
struggling, I think, not to sound angry. Still, her voice could not hide
her frustration. "You've run out of options here - we've run out of
options - and you know it."
Sitting at the table with us, our best friend, Missy, sat tight-lipped
and silent. She had to know how devastating for me this was, but she
also knew that Amanda was right. All Missy could do now is offer me
moral support.
"This isn't fair," I mumbled, not so much trying to make an argument,
but rather saying it in an attempt - a miserably ineffective attempt -
to make myself feel better. Looking at Amanda, I said, "Back when we
signed the deal, we agreed - it was part of the contract, for Christ's
sake - that I could be artificially-"
"All that's changed," Amanda said, "and you know why it's changed."
"But the lawyer said...-"
"Does it look like we could pay that crook to fight this for us? And
there's no guarantee at all that we'd win."
Missy shook her head sadly. "You won't win..."
"I just want to wait until...-"
"It can't wait," Missy spoke up, finally. More than anyone, she knew the
legalities inside and out, and I knew she wouldn't have said anything
unless it was true. "If you're not pregnant in thirty days, you've
defaulted on your end of the agreement, plain and simple. Now, since I
don't think it would be safe to count on conceiving the first time
you...well, you know..."
Her pause was awkward, and I felt my face flush.
"It's only reasonable to figure it's going to take a couple of tries.
You can't afford to wait," she said.
"But we're jumping the gun here, aren't we?" I asked desperately. "I
mean," I pleaded to Amanda, "You haven't even brought up the subject
with him, have you?"
Amanda shared a secretive glance with Missy that immediately raised
alarm bells in my head.
"No, not...officially," Amanda said hesitantly.
"So what does that mean?"
She took her time in answering. "There was this one time, i was
discussing your...predicament with him - just casually, nothing serious
- and he kind of implied - maybe it was a joke, or maybe it wasn't -
that he might be interested in, you know, helping out."
"What did he say exactly?"
"You probably don't want to know what he said exactly."
"Oh, I think i do."
Amanda never liked being backed into a corner, and so she chose not to
sugar-coat her reply. "He said, 'I'd fuck the little bitch if you want
me to."
Missy, in spite of herself, looked away as she tried not to smile at
this. I turned to her.
"You knew about this?"
Missy nodded, and Amanda added, "I asked her advice on the possibility.
You know, legalities. The blood relation thing."
"I told her," Missy volunteered, "That since the blood relationship was
on Amanda's side, not yours, that it would be okay."
My heart sunk, but it had even further to go.
"There's more than that," Amanda said, looking to Missy to continue.
When Missy hesitated, Amanda said, "Because the baby would be -
officially - a blood relative of mine, we'd have a much better chance of
being able to keep it, instead of waiting until you third or fourth."
As this sunk in, i almost began to feel dizzy.
In the face of what was now certainly a foregone conclusion, Missy
reached out and squeezed my hand, saying, "It won't be as bad as you
think..."
"Easy for you to say..." I was bitter.
She eased her hand away, realizing, perhaps, that a second platitude
wasn't going to make me feel any better than the first one did.
As for me, I was tired of fighting a battle I knew Ii could never win. I
glared at Amanda and said, "You've got to talk to him about this. I...I
just couldn't."
I could have sworn I caught just a trace of a self-satisfied smile cross
her lips, and felt a flare of bitterness.
"Done," said Amanda. "I know you can't."
The look on Missy's face was a strange combination of pity and
amusement.
Missy's face wore that same look of concern mixed with pity the next day
when Amanda arranged for us to meet with...him. My nemesis. My former
step son Cameron. He was big, fat, ugly, and, considering the
particulars of the situation, terrifying. We'd hated each other since
the moment we first met, and a lot of bad blood had passed between us.
I tried to assess whether he knew why Amanda had called him over to the
house. I guessed that he didn't.
We all sat down in the living room, and there was immediate tension in
the air, as there always was whenever we were in the same room. I had to
suspect that perhaps it was all coming from me, but I couldn't be sure.
Cameron never liked Missy, and made it plain from the look on his face.
And his contempt for me had been legendary for years, but there was an
added dimension now that I'd converted. Cameron's personality had always
been liberally doused with sexism, and now that I was a woman, he used
it as an additional reason to look down on me. The times we had been
alone together since my conversion - thankfully, there were few - the
dynamic between us had changed and shifted. Now he acted superior to me.
And though I never felt directly threatened, I think that the idea that
he could physically dominate me changed things between us in a visceral
way.
Up until Amanda had revealed to me that she and Cameron had already
discussed my "predicament," I never really saw the dynamic between us as
having sexual implications. But now, all that had changed, too. Was his
arrogant little offer to "fuck the bitch" just his usual hollow
bellowing, or was there something more there? After all, wouldn't
getting to fuck me for real represent the ultimate subjugation of me? A
complete victory over his long-time enemy? And the knowledge that I
didn't want anything to do with him, but was legally obligated to allow
him access to my body - not quite true, but true enough - would be the
icing on the cake.
I started feeling dizzy again. Missy seemed to recognize this, and
rested a reassuring hand on my shoulder. It was my idea for Missy to be
present at the meeting. More and more, it felt like she was the only one
on my side, even though it was she who provided the logic supporting the
idea in the first place!
It was then that Amanda showed just how much she wasn't on my side.
Instead of explaining what was going on to Cameron, instead, she painted
me into a corner by telling him, "Josie has something she wants to ask
you..."
I was frozen on the spot in disbelief. How could she?! I felt my face
and neck flushing, and i was sure my face had turned crimson. I looked
to Missy to intervene on my behalf, but instead, she just nodded for me
to go ahead. Never in my life had I ever felt so trapped and helpless.
A voice in my head started demanding, "Get it over with, Get it over
with..." for I now knew I wasn't going to get any help.
I did my best to compose myself, but my voice was shaky and quivering as
i began:
"Well - as you know - the agreement we made when we entered into the
conversion program," I said, trying to make a point by emphasizing the
"we" aspect to Amanda, "was that I produce four children over the course
of six years. It was my understanding," I continued, "that i would
receive in vitro services free of charge to get me pregnant." I swooned
on that word. It now had new meaning. "That never happened, for a bunch
of reasons, but they've made it very clear that I'm expected to hold up
my end of the obligations." My hands were shaking. The humiliation was
overwhelming, and I could feel the tears coming. I had the ridiculous
thought that I didn't want Cameron to see me with my makeup running. I
forced myself to push forward.
I was almost positive that he had already figured out where this was
going, but he said nothing. I was equally certain that he was enjoying
watching me squirm on the hook like i was.
"So now," I continued as the tears welled in my eyes, "I'm running out
of time. I need to get pregnant in a hurry. If I don't, it will ruin us.
I'll never be able to pay what I'd owe them for the conversion."
I could see the growing sense of power in his eyes, and it was truly
frightening. What would this monster do when he had control - sexual
control - over my body? Couldn't Amanda and Missy see this?
Of course they could.
And Cameron, no doubt, could too. Why wouldn't he say anything? Because
he wanted to hear me say it.
"So I was wondering," I said, "whether you would consider....
consider..."
It was Missy who couldn't take the suspense. "She wants to know if
you'll father her first child," Missy interjected impatiently. If
nothing else, she certainly cut through the ice...and helped cut to the
chase.
Finally, Cameron asked, "Are you telling me that in all this time, you
haven't managed to find somebody to fuck you? I mean, you're not a
beauty queen or anything, but your face turned out pretty nice, and you
came out with a nice set of tits..."
I blushed again. I hadn't considered that he even noticed things like
that. I didn't want to talk about my two earlier attempts at getting my
first man. Awkward, ugly, and embarrassing. Fortunately, Missy came to
my rescue once again.
"There's more to it than that," she said, and proceeded to explain the
custodial issues involving blood relations.
This seemed to have a profound effect upon Cameron. You could see it in
his face. He turned to his mother and said, "I guess this is a pretty
big deal for you, huh?"
"I want that baby," said Amanda.
Cameron sighed, then fixed me with an appraising stare. then he said,
"And you're good with this? I mean, we're not going to go starting
something and you go getting cold feet, are we?"
Now, what I have to admit to here is that I grasped onto the concept of
keeping the baby to save face emotionally, to show Cameron that I was
coming to him for a cause and not just because i hadn't been able to
connect with somebody otherwise. It changed things, for the better, i
suppose, although it still gave him control over the situation.
"I'll do what it takes," I said, covering up my sense of revulsion with
something resembling gallantry.
Cameron turned to his mother. "How do you want to do this? When do we
start?"
the logistics. And he was exactly right.
Amanda made a show of thinking this over, but I knew better: She had to
have been plotting this out in detail.
Still, she surprised me once again when she said, "Well, there's no time
like the present, right? I was thinking maybe you could take her home
with you tonight. She can spend a couple of days there. Give you some
time for things to happen."
I felt my stomach tighten and a chill travel the length of my spine. I
was expecting at least a little time to prepare. "Today?"
"Why not?" She asked.
I didn't really have a good reply; the honest answer was because I
didn't want to do this at all, but that wasn't going to fly. At the same
time, i was also mortified at the idea of going off with him instead of
doing what we had to do at home. Actually, though, it made sense. It
would have been just a little too extreme, doing it in the same house as
Amanda.
Missy chimed in, sounding just a little too cheerful. "Come on, I'll
help you pack a bag..."
It might have been my own paranoia, but I felt Cameron's eyes on me as
we walked by on the way to pack my bag. Was he thinking of the things he
was going to get to do to me? I couldn't even look at him as I passed.
"I didn't much care for sex when I married Tom," Missy told me as she
pulled my suitcase out of the closet. "I can remember dreading my
honeymoon at first."
"This isn't a honeymoon, Missy...."
She smiled. "It's what you make of it."
"Not this time," I insisted. "It's letting that...pig have his way with
me. Over and over again." I was depressing myself all over again.
"Well, if you go into it with that attitude, you're bound to have a
miserable time." She smiled whimsically. "It took a while, but Tom
turned my mind around."
I began picking out clothes and putting them in my suitcase. "I'm not
sure I need to be hearing this." I knew what she was doing. She was
simply trying to lighten the mood.
"Tom ended up being so patient with me that I learned to love it. And
these days," she snickered, "if I didn't initiate sex, we wouldn't have
it at all. Typical marriage."
"Maybe," I muttered beneath my breath, "we should have gotten Tom to get
me pregnant."
"Oh, Amanda and I talked about that..."
Yet another bombshell. How much of this could I take? "And?"
She shook her head. "He wouldn't go for it," she said, too casually for
my tastes, as though it were no big deal at all. "You know how uptight
he is, and sex with a convert would just undo him. We weren't really
discussing it seriously, though. Just tossing around different ideas."
Missy dug into my underwear drawer. "Got any sexy undies Cameron might
enjoy?"
"God forbid," I said. "I don't want him getting any more satisfaction
out of this than he already is."
"See, that's been your problem all along," she chastised me. "Right from
the beginning, you've been fighting your femininity instead of embracing
it. That's why your other dates didn't work out, and now you've got no
choice but to be with someone you don't like."
I wanted to argue the point, but she was right. I signed up for
conversion for the money. I lied my ass off during the screening
process. I lied to myself, too, convincing myself that it would be as
easy as the shrinks who screened me for the program promised it would
be. They didn't care. They wanted people willing to sign up. They wanted
babies, period. They didn't really care about any of us.
"You never know," Missy teased me. "You might learn to enjoy it."
Confirming everything she had just said, i grumbled, "I don't want to
enjoy it..." I insisted. "There's no way. That gives him the victory."
In a way, I was laying out all the ground ruled in my head as i spoke.
"Well, another thing is," Missy said, continuing to pile it on, "you
don't know how long this is going to take, either. You could get luck
and hit it on the first or second try, but maybe not. If you can get
over how repulsed you are by the idea, it might be less difficult for
you."
I began placing things neatly in my suitcase. Once again, i was fighting
back tears.
I know that Missy was trying to be helpful, but it amazed me how much
she kept missing the mark.
"It's like me and Tom and oral sex," she started in again.
"Oh, please, let's don't go there..."
"No, no, you've got to hear this. This is important. Back when we first
got married, I was naive about everything sexually, and giving a blowjob
- just the very thought of putting my husband's dick in my mouth, you
know? - just made me shudder. I was sure i couldn't do it." Recalling
the memory, she really did shudder then and there. "Well, of course, Tom
was a lot more experienced than I was, and it turned out that blowjobs
were pretty high on his list of God's greatest gifts to man. So, as a
young wife, what was I to do?"
"Where are you going with this, Missy?"
"Just a second. So, what was I to do? Have this great big stigma hanging
in the air every time we were intimate? I mean, as time went on, it was
going to start becoming more and more important to him, to the point
where that's all he was going to think about, and the pressure - that's
what it was really all about, the pressure on me - was going to end up
messing things up for us in the bedroom. So, i just made up my mind that
it was not the big deal I thought it was, and made myself get down there
and go to work. I'm not saying I became a blowjob queen, mind you, but I
kept Tom happy enough."
"Is there a point to all this?" I asked. "Considering the fact that
there's no way in hell I'm ever going to blow Cameron?"
Missy chuckled. "So you think."
Boy, I did not like the sound of that.
"And the point," she continued, "is that sometimes, things can get much
easier if you just let them." She poked through the contents of my
suitcase. "Don't you have, like, a sexy nightie or something you can
take?" She began rummaging through drawers again.
"Oh, no. Bad enough I have to do this at all. I'm not going to gift-wrap
myself for him."
"You're not doing it for him, dummy, you're doing it for you. It might
speed things up, shall we say, if he likes what he sees. I learned a
long time ago that one visit to Victoria's Secret beats having to resort
to other measures to get Tom going."
Deliberately and loudly, I zipped up my valise. "Case closed," I -
almost - joked.
"Fine," Missy said, "You remember that when Cameron's got a few drinks
in him and wants sex. A baby doll nightgown gets a dick hard a lot
easier than a sore jaw..."
I walked out of the room at that point.
"When should i bring her back?" Cameron asked Amanda - not me, but
Amanda.
My once-wife considered this a moment, then said, "Why don't we give it
a week, and just see where things go from there?"
Once more, I felt my heart sink. A week? I was thinking two days at
most. (For that matter, I would've preferred going upstairs for a
quickie...) But an entire week...
Cameron grabbed my suitcase. "This might not have been the best time to
do this," he mentioned casually. "My place is a wreck..."
In my mind, i was screaming, "Then let's postpone it a month or two!"
But I said nothing.
Amanda said, "That'll be good. It will give Josie something to do while
you're at work." She grinned widely. "It'll be like having your own
live-in maId!"
This comment did not make me smile the same way it made everyone else
smile. And, true to the pattern she had already seemed to have
established, Missy continued her winning streak by adding, "Ooh! Do you
want me to make you up a little French mail's outfit like the one I made
for Molly a few Halloweens ago? You'd look adorable!"
I remembered just how adorable her daughter Molly looked in that outfit.
"No....."
Cameron and I barely said a word to each other in the car. It seemed as
though conversation was difficult and awkward for him and damned near
impossible for me. I was lost in thought, mostly imagery from the shit
Missy had been planting in my head. The problem, of course, was that the
romantic in her wanted to view this thing between Cameron and me as a
real relationship, and, given her personality, that made sense.
Impossible sense. What I think disappointed me was that, all things
considered, she, of all people, should have known better than to
romanticize this particular situation.
The silence in the car was really beginning to unnerve me. There had
been so much bad blood between us over the years, bordering on sheer
hatred. And now, this. In the past, there had been a balance of power
between us. And now, he had the upper hand. My God, what had I gotten
myself into?
We stopped to get gas, and Cameron asked whether I wanted a drink. That,
at least, was something.
Cameron was renting a crummy, run-down house several miles outside of
town. It was situated along the side of a long, winding dirt road that
ran between two county roads. On a good day, it would qualify for "the
middle of nowhere."
This was a bad day.
The sun was setting as we pulled up, a gentle breeze blowing the cloud
of dust the car kicked up ahead of us. I'd been to this place only once
before, and I can't say I was impressed.
I was even less impressed when i saw what his bachelor lifestyle had
done to the inside. I was supposed to clean this pigsty? Full time job.
Maybe I wouldn't even have time for...
The thought melted when Cameron brushed past me with my suitcase,
carrying it into the bedroom and depositing it in the floor. Not exactly
subtle. The only fortunate thing was that he didn't keep me waiting for
what was coming next.
"Come here," he said. His voice was low and deep, but not as menacing as
it could have been.
Without a word, I stepped into his bedroom. I felt dizzy as I stood
there, feeling his eyes move up and down my body.
I'm sure I looked something less than a knockout. Although I was slow to
pick up on the finer points of womanly dress, hair and makeup, I came to
realize that since I was never going to be a man again, obviously, I had
to learn the tricks of the trade in order to fit in, not to stand out
from the crowd. And so I presented myself well as a woman, I guess, but
I didn't really have the raw materials to be exceptional. I don't think
I'm pretty in a traditional sense, and the extra weight I carried - a
holdout from my previous life - was going to eliminate me from fashion
model status to say the least. I tried to be attractive, although I was
torn between simply being accepted as a decent-looking woman and being
an object of desire, which I had little use for.
Of course, the impending situation didn't mean I had to be pretty for
Cameron, and when the time came for him to take me home for the first
time, I decked out in nothing more fetching than a t-shirt and jogging
shorts. My long hair was tied back, and apart from a touch of lipstick
and a little mascara - if there was any vanity to me at all, it was my
eyes - I hadn't bothered with any make-up.
That said, I'd seen plenty of Cameron's old girlfriends, and I probably
stacked up pretty well by comparison. This thought did not comfort me.
Cameron was sitting on the edge of the bet, and with a waggling finger,
he gestured for me to come closer. I moved so that I was standing
between his opened legs. Was he aroused already? I wasn't about to look
down to find out. Honestly, I was angry with myself for even having the
thought.
The first touch - the tips of his fingers on the outsides of my bare
thighs - felt like a tiny shock, and I physically jumped a little before
settling back down to endure the caress of his fingers, up and down my
thighs.
He was going to take his time, and I was determined to hate every single
second.
"Back when you let them do this to you," he said in a voice barely above
a whisper, "I still hated your guts, but I've gotta tell you: I couldn't
help staring at you. I can remember one time, right after you got home
from the hospital, you were still in rough shape and I almost walked in
on Mom and Missy giving you a sponge bath upstairs. I didn't really get
to see anything; you were holding something up in front of you, but I
thought to myself, "Damn that's fuckin' sexy." His hands moved up to cup
the curves of my hips on either side. His grip was firm, his hands so
warm I could feel the heat through my shorts.
"I like tits," he said. I already knew this. He had never had a
girlfriend without a sizable rack. "I want to see your tits. I want you
to show them to me."
I guess I have to stop at this point to say that he was already
affecting me. I put up a big shoe most of the time about how my
sexuality remained largely unchanged after my conversion, but that's not
exactly true. And while i can say, in all honesty, that I didn't find
Cameron attractive in the least, I'll have to fess up to the idea that
having hands stroking my legs and hips was definitely doing something to
me. It seemed like the more I fought against it mentally, the more my
body sent signals of acceptance.
This was why it knocked me sideways when he asked me to show him my
breasts. It would have been one thing for him to have taken off my shirt
and bra. No, he wanted me to do it, which was, I promise, something
different entirely.
In a way that's hard to explain, it was a little easier knowing that i
had no choice in the matter. He was calling the shots. I wasn't
initiating this. How much difference did it make? Who knows?
I pulled my t-shirt over my head and let it drop to the floor. I
couldn't make eye contact but I could feel his eyes on me. The air in
the room wasn't cool, but I felt goosebumps raise on my arms and chest.
My nipples hardened to the point where they almost hurt. I was wearing a
white bra that was trimmed in place, but had smooth cups. I knew he
could see my nipples poking through. Physically, I wanted him to touch
them. No way I could ask. No way.
I reached behind me and struggled with the hooks of the bra. There was a
sudden release of tension as the clasp released, and when the straps
slipped partly down my shoulders, it drew chills so strong that I
involuntarily shook.
I couldn't stop now, and with a shrug of my shoulders, it was off
completely and falling to the floor. And, strangely, it was then that I
looked down to his eyes, but his eyes were focused elsewhere.
He did nothing at first, and I already knew his method: he was playing
thing slowly. He knew he was driving me crazy. I realized that all these
years, I had underestimated him. And this was a scary thought.
If it was even possible my nipples tightened more. I was self-conscious
about my belly. I wanted him to like what he saw. Goddammit, this was
beyond reason. I wanted to be touched by this repulsive human being. God
fucking dammit.
"Go fetch me a beer."
He said it so suddenly and out of the blue, it almost made me jump. "W-
what?"
"You heard me," he said. "In the fridge."
It was like my entire body short-circuited, all of that pent-up sexual
tension with no release! The little shit was playing me, and doing a
damned good job of it.
But I didn't want him to know how well his efforts were working, so I
said nothing and headed for the kitchen. Not before, however, he managed
to catch me with a swat to the ass - not the playful kind, but one meant
to really sting. It caught me by surprise, and I couldn't help but
squeal.
"That's a good girl," he said as I walked off.
Looking back on this moment, I'm convinced that this was the point where
our respective roles were cast in stone. What I glared at him and said,
"Fuck you, get your own goddamned beer," and that would have been that.
Instead, I found myself walking half naked to Cameron's kitchen...like a
good girl.
On my way there, I happened to catch my reflection in a long mirror,
hanging on the back of the front door. Reflexively, I brought my hands
up to cover my breasts as I stared at the chubby girl in the mirror
looking back at me. How had I sunk this low? And was Amanda, once the
love of my life, back at our home, laughing over the thought of me being
ravaged by her obnoxious, manipulative son?
It was too much to think about at the moment. I started to grab two
beers - I sure could have used. At the same, I time did not want to give
him another excuse to Lord over me. So I took one beer from the
refrigerator and padded back to the bedroom.
When I walked through the door, I was momentarily taken aback by the
sight of a very naked Cameron, reclining on the bed. He was grossly
obese, but the self-satisfied grin on his face perfectly reflected the
fact that this didn't matter to him in the least. Directly under his
huge belly, his left hand toyed with his cock, which was fully erect.
The size was both impressive and, to me, intimidating. He patted the bed
beside him as his indication for me to join him.
I suppose I could go on quite a while about the impact of this moment.
Suffice it to say that it was a different perspective than any I'd had
with him before, and it was so intense that I didn't even try to hide
the fact that I was staring right at it. That thing, I remember
thinking, is going inside me. It's going to give him great pleasure when
he does it, and he will plant his seed deep in my body. Moreover, it was
at this point that it became so painfully obvious that yes, of course, I
would be taking it in my mouth - if that was what he wanted - or
whatever else he desired. As long as I was here, in his house, I was a
possession. There was no way out of this.
Long before I converted, the psychiatrists the made me talk to had
assured me that after the physical transformations, an emotional
transformation would surely take place. Up until I walked through that
bedroom doorway, I refused to believe it. And now, in one sudden, almost
frightening moment, I realized that I couldn't stop it from happening
even if I wanted to.
He patted the bed again, this time, more insistently.
"Come on. I'm thirsty."
Even then, I was catching on to his methods: he was indicating that the
beer was more important to him than I was. He was subjugating me and it
was brilliant because it was working despite the fact that I knew
exactly what he was doing.
I crawled onto the bed next to him, and I remember being conscious of
the way my breasts moved as I did it. Was it enticing to him, the way
they dangled in front of him? Or the way they fell as I lay on my back,
my tight nipples pointing at the ceiling? You have to remember that by
now, I was genuinely horny in spite of my conflicting emotions, and I
was ready to be mauled.
I handed him his beer. He took it, drained half of it in one gulp,
bleached loudly, then finished the can in a second gulp. Without a word,
he tossed the can to join the rest of the trash on the bedroom floor,
then turned toward me, rolling onto his side and placing his chilled
mouth around my right nipple. I gasped involuntarily in surprise as I
felt chills spread firm the spot. He began sucking, quite hard, and the
feeling was intense. I was more than ready for this kind of attention,
and my body was responding. I felt my heartbeat speed up, my breath
coming sharper and faster, and I had to hold myself back from telling
him how good it felt.
His right hand stroked my belly, bringing more chills. I didn't realize
how totally out of control things had gotten until he dipped his fingers
under the waistband of my shorts, under my panties. All he did was just
cup my vagina with the palm of his hand. He just held it there, not
moving it at all, while his greedy mouth sucked, tugged, birds and
pulled at my nipple. And I could see that he could easily drive me crazy
if he wanted.
He pulled his mouth away - I felt an instant emptiness - but only long
enough to chuckle, "I need to shave your pussy."
How do I explain that just hearing him use the word "pussy" made my
stomach jump just a little bit. It was vulgar and exciting, and the
fantasy of being held down while he shaved me down there had a visceral
effect on me.
The thing is, of course, that none of this had been part of the
arrangement at all. This should have been cold and mechanical, a task
that needed to be done. I should be lying flat on my back simply waiting
for it all to be over with quickly. This shouldn't be happening. My body
- and the darker, less controllable side of my mind should not be
cooperating like they were.
Cameron made his next perfectly diabolical move, a subtle one that I
barely noticed at first. With his hand just hugging my vag-...my pussy,
he moved his middle finger so that it lay along the furrow where my
labia came together and applied just the smallest amount of pressure.
Then he would release that pressure. He began doing it again and again,
but I didn't know why. It wasn't enough stimulation to really do
anything. His hand was pressed tightly against me, held against my body
be the tight wristbands of my clothes. And just as I began to feel a
sense of frustration...He curled his finger, and it opened up my labia
so that my wetness allowed his finger to slip inside me.
"Oh, my God..." I moaned out loud - it was completely involuntarily; I
certainly didn't want him to hear it.
He bit my nipple. Another loud gasp, and I felt his finger, moving very
slowly inside of me. I was so wet, it was effortlessly smooth, and I
felt the first callings of an orgasm beginning to build. I felt a slight
sense of panic. Did I really want to relinquish such complete
control...to him?
He removed his mouth from my nipple and brought his lips up close to my
ear. I was so focused on the finger inside me that I didn't even notice
until I heard him whisper:
"Are you a virgin?"
Suddenly having to think and formulate an answer rattled me. "Yes," I
whispered back. "I mean yes, but no. I mean, no, I've never had sex, but
no, I don't have a hymen. Converts don't."
"You're so tight," he said, adding emphasis by moving his finger more
insistently. Then he brought the tip of his finger up to my clit and
began making slow, gentle circles around it. At that point, I was sure:
this would bring me over the edge. That was also the point where I
abandoned the idea of trying to hide what I was feeling, and began to
squirm and moan.
I wondered whether his comment on my tightness was a compliment. I was
in a mindset at that point where I really wanted him to enjoy sex with
me, and it was a one hundred and eighty degree turnaround from wherein
was just a few hours ago.
Once more, he pulled a surprise move on me. With a slow turn of his
wrist, he moved his fingers from between my legs, then brought them up
to my mouth, where he spread my wetness over my lips before planting his
on mine for an aggressive kiss. His tongue forced it's way inside to
wrestle with mine.
The deal was "sealed with a kiss." A kiss that forced me to taste my own
excitement. The bastard.
It was ironic that one of the thoughts I'd had when I first tried to
reconcile myself to the idea of "mating" with Cameron was that at least
I would never have to kiss him. This thought occurred to me as I lay
beneath him, sucking almost desperately at his tongue, shuddering as he
pinched my nipples and squeezed my breasts. I had been completely
overwhelmed by this awful creature, and all caution was thrown to the
wind. I should have known better. I did know better. And it didn't
matter at all.
In my former life, I had made many mistakes over sex, but there was a
world of difference between being just a horny guy and what was
happening to me now. I had to wonder whether he realized the power he
had over me.
He pulled his lips from mine with a loud, wet smack then pushed himself
up, maneuvering around so that he was kneeling between my legs, smiling
down at me with authority. Yes, he knew he had me.
Leaning forward, he hooked his fingers into the waistbands of both my
shorts and my panties. I was eager to assist, raising my hips as he
pulled them roughly down my thighs. Then they were off completely and
flying through the air. He put a hand on either of my knees and pressed
down, spreading me wide open. There was nothing to hide now. He took in
the sight of me for what seemed like a small eternity while I sizzled
under his gaze, waiting for something, anything to happen.
When he thought I had waited long enough, he moved his right hand
between my legs and began those slow, lazy circles around my clit with
his thumb, and the look on his face told me: he wanted to make me come
while he watched. It was, all at once, thrilling and mortifying. Could
he be any more domineering and in control of me? Could I have possibly
stopped him?
I squirmed under his touch. I moaned. I cried. And he played me, like a
virtuoso at his instrument, leading me through peaks and troughs
bringing me to the edge, then slowing down. As a lover, he was amazing.
He was out to rule.
"Tell me what you want," he said, sharply.
"I want...I want..."
His thumb sped up. I was close to the edge, and he knew it. "Tell me!"
"I want to come!"
"Say it again!"
"I want to come!"
"You want to come, SIR! Say it!"
Oh, God, what was he doing to me? "I want to come...sir..."
"Louder, bitch!"
Yes, oh, yes I said it, louder.
And then, fat, out of shape slob that he was, Cameron's next move had
the grace of a dancer. He scooped my legs onto his shoulders, pushed
forward, and - miraculously, somehow, guided his cock to the right spot,
so that when he moved his hips forward, he drove himself inside me.
For a moment, I genuinely feared I would be split open, and if I wasn't
as wet as I was, I might have been. Cameron isn't freakishly endowed by
any means, but for a virgin convert, he may as well have been hung like
a racehorse. No pain, only pressure, but I screamed from shock alone. He
pushed hard, with all his weight behind him, and it forced the air from
my lungs, which had me gasping for oxygen my brain desperately needed.
He had gone all the way in that first thrust, and when he pulled back
and pressed inside a second time, I couldn't fill my lungs and had to
wait until he pulled back again. The bastard was even in control of my
breathing! I began feeling lightheaded as he began fucking me in
earnest. It was like riding a runaway freight train. I couldn't stop it
now even if I wanted to.
Cameron pounded into me, with the top of my head banging into the
headboard at each thrust. I began to find a rhythm for my breath, but it
was based on the rhythm of Cameron's hips and not necessarily my body's
needs, and so my head began to swim and the physical pleasure was
knocking me for a loop.
Gradually, Cameron's thrusting had caused me to slowly slide up the bed,
to the point where my head was pressed against the headboard and my neck
was bending as he fucked me. He knew, somehow, that this would
eventually get to be too much, so he sat back, grabbed my shoulders, and
with a strength that was frightening, pulled me up and literally hurled
my body forward so that I landed face down, my head hanging off the side
of the bed, still gasping for breath.
When I felt him grab onto my hips and pull my ass up into the air, I can
remember thinking, "Oh, no!" Not because I didn't want it to go on, but
simply because of the vulnerability of the position he had me in. I also
remember thinking that it surely must have been tempting to him to give
my ass a good whack, and I thought this almost simultaneous with the
moment that his beefy palm connected with my tender rump. It wasn't a
playful pat, either. The sting was so intense that I almost jumped
forward off the bed.
"How do you like that, huh?" he asked through gritted teeth, his voice
hissing.
"It...hurts..." I managed to gasp out.
Whack! The next slap echoed through the bedroom, and my throat wheeled
as I sucked in my breath.
"It's supposed to hurt!" he hissed. Then, in quick succession, "You've
been a..." Smack! "...very..." Smack! "...bad..." Smack! "...girl!"
My ass was on fire now, but he made sure to keep my sexual intensity
peaking by rubbing his hand over my ass and between my legs in between
swats. Not just that, but the third of these swats - the one that
emphasized the fact that I was now just a girl - his girl? - landed
squarely on my pussy and the result completely blurred the line between
pleasure and pain.
It was significant - to me, and surely to him - that I did not move from
my position at all, except, maybe, to push my ass out even further as a
gesture of subjugation.
Was this his way of avenging how much I might have wronged him over the
years? What was the psychology going on here? And why was I not only
submitting to it, but also, in a crazy way, thrilling to this
punishment.
Another smack, this one on my upper thigh, and I involuntarily lunged
forward. It was more of a reflex rather than an effort to avoid his
hand, but he seized on the opportunity to grab a handful of my hair and
pull me back into place, growling, "Get your ass back here!"
I think it was this point that I started crying, but - and this is kind
of hard to explain - it was more of a catharsis that a reaction to the
physical pain. I really believe that I was somehow exorcising all of the
frustration, disappointment, and humiliation of the entire conversion
process, the broken promises, the unfulfilled expectations, that all led
me to this smelly, disgusting bedroom, getting fucked by my worst enemy
in the world. The tears were a cushion, my protection from hitting rock
bottom.
Another smack, just as hard, but I tried to take it stoically, to show
my obedience. It seemed to make him angry; he wanted me squirming and
screaming, and he delivered three hard spanks to the exact same spot
where the bottom of my ass meets my thighs, and he got the reaction he
wanted.
"Please!" I begged him. "That's enough!"
"Oh, I don't think so..." He said - I could hear the smile on his face
as he said it - and he delivered one more solid blow to the same spot. I
cried out loud just as much to show him I got the point as from the
pain.
My eyes were closed, squeezing out tears that ran down my cheeks as I
waited for the next blow. But it didn't come. Instead, I felt the
mattress shift as Cameron moved around on the bed. What was he doing?
Was he going to fuck me some more? Was he going to spank me some more,
maybe beat me with his belt? My mind flashed the thought of him trying
to fuck my ass; I say trying because I was sure he'd tear me wide open
if he tried, and wouldn't it be perfect, him fucking me in a way where I
couldn't possibly get pregnant?
I came to realize it was none of these things when he walked around the
bed and I felt the warmth of what could be nothing else but his cock
resting against my face.
So that's it, huh?
In my mind's eye, I saw Missy, smirking, saying "So you think!" and I
considered refusing, but that was pure fantasy: I had no choice in
anything at this point, and as thrilling as my spanking might have been,
it was also a reminder that Cameron was quite capable of hurting me. I
decided that it was wise not to give him a reason.
I opened my mouth...wide.
Once more, I thought of Missy, performing her "wifely duty" on Tom.
Surely, this wasn't a particularly pleasant task. Why should I expect to
avoid it?
"Watch those teeth," Cameron warned me as he slid deep into my mouth. I
struggled to accommodate him, but I think he was being careful, too.
I guess you wouldn't call it an epiphany, but I quickly came to realize
how awkward it was to have one's head held while giving a blowjob,
although, truth be told, I wasn't blowing Cameron so much as he was
fucking my face. He controlled the speed and the depth, and when,
occasionally, he went too far and triggered my gag reflex, he would pull
back.
Of course, in this situation, there was little to actually think about
except, "Is he going to come in my mouth?" That would have been
unacceptable on three levels: first, I wasn't psychologically up to
swallowing a load of semen just yet; second, it would defeat the purpose
of us having sex in the first place (getting me pregnant); and third, I
wanted to come too.
Oh, and then there was the fact that I never planned on sucking his cock
in the first place. Yet there I was, my nose nestled in his thick, musky
pubic hair, listening to the noises he was making, and his breathing,
and trying not to choke.
Thankfully, I guess, he pulled his cock out of my mouth - it made a soft
"plop" when it came out - and got back on the bed behind me. Once more,
he lifted my hips, and I could feel his spit-soaked dick resting between
the cheeks of my ass. He reached down, maneuvered the bulbous head
between the lips of my pussy, and pushed.
It went in easier this time, but it was still a very tight fit, and I
can remember the way he made me grunt as he stretched me open. It
sounded so animalistic, so undignified.
He began moving in and out, slowly at first, but picking up speed. Once
more, I was a victim to my body's sensations. It was overwhelming, a mix
of pain and pleasure, and I knew instinctively that he was ready to
finish. He launched into some frenzied humping, his enormous belly
slapping early against my ass, still tender from the spanking. On all
fours as I was, my breasts hung down and my nipples grazed the bedsheets
as he pounded me.
Then he gave a mighty grunt, and I knew this was it. I also knew,
unfortunately, that I was not going to get to come. Not this time. I
felt the warmth of his orgasm spreading between my legs as he moaned,
"Fuuuuuuck!"
Then it was over. Boy, was it over. Impossible to really describe the
feeling of sudden emptiness when Cameron pulled his deflating cock out
of me. He fell onto his back on the bed, gasping for breath, leaving me
as a perfect example of awkwardness and frustration: sexually
frustrated, still on all fours with my ass in the air. By the time I
managed to lay on my back, I could already hear Cameron snoring. I
thought about going to the bathroom and finishing myself off, but then I
thought that if Cameron heard me, he might feel insulted. And besides, I
had a serious load of sperm inside me now, and I thought it wise to lay
still with my legs closed to give the little guys a fighting chance...
Morning. The proverbial morning after, no less. I woke up to that first-
round sense of confusion, only to have reality present itself...hard.
I was lying on my side. It was warm in the bedroom, and the covers had
gotten knocked off of the bed during the middle of the night, so I was
naked and exposed. Behind me, Cameron's body pressed into mine. His arm
was wrapped around my side and his hand cupped my breast. At first, I
thought he might be still sleeping, until I felt his finger tracing a
lazy circle around my nipple. It felt nice, but as I became more and
more awake and aware, my anxieties began to kick in. After the bizarre
freak show of last night, what would the day have in store for me.
I stirred slightly, just to let him know I was waking. I was awarded by
a sudden, sharp pinch to my nipple, hard enough to make me gasp. Now
there was no question: he knew I was awake.
He shifted his position slightly...just enough for me to feel his
erection, nudging between the backs of my thighs.
So much for subtlety.
When he pushed his hips forward a little more, I adjusted myself to
accommodate him, but as I did, I came to realize that the fucking I'd
gotten the night before had left my pussy sore and raw this morning.
Even his preliminary prodding was painful.
Occasionally, we make decisions that, in the harsh light of day, might
seem repellent and completely out of character, but which, under
specific circumstances not only make perfect sense, but also really
don't need to be thought through. I bring this up to demonstrate the
sort of mental anesthesia I administered to myself that allowed me to
turn toward him, roll him slightly onto his back and begin kissing down
his chest in such a way that he knew I would be giving him a blowjob.
I was nowhere near as sexually charged as I had been the night before,
and there wasn't even a promise of my own satisfaction, since he would
surely be satisfied once I was finished.
I hoped.
So as to keep him from stopping me prematurely and launching another
all-out assault on my ailing vagina, I practiced swallowing by
swallowing some pride and half-whispering, "I want you to come in my
mouth."
Mission accomplished in one regard, as I heard his low grunt of assent.
At the same time, I was oh, so aware that I was creating an impression
that was going to get me into trouble. Now he would think that I really
was his bitch, in a way. Why else would I make such an offer? He would
be convinced that I was totally into this ? into him ? now.
But on to the task at hand.
I maneuvered myself so that I was lying on my stomach between his legs.
My face was only inches from his clock, which was fully at attention.
From my vantage point, it looked enormous, and from this distance, the
smell of sex from the night before swirled around my head. But, of
course, a horny slut like me would never let that stop her.
He was looking down at me with a grin of triumph, his face like a fat
full moon, rising over the pale horizon of his enormous belly. I wished
he would just close his eyes and enjoy what I was about to do to him.
But no. He would get far more enjoyment watching me do it.
Again, I thought back to Missy and her sense of "wifely duty." I tried
to imagine how dutiful she would have to be to blow Tom. And so, very
dutifully, I raised my head so that my mouth rose up above his sticky,
glistening member and lowered my lips down over it. I went down as far
as I could comfortably go. I got to test my gag reflex, then quickly
pulled back. My eyes started to water just a little, but I was okay.
My experience - in my past life - on the other side of the blowjob
guided my approach: none of the frilly licking and kissing. I went
straight for what mattered.
It occurred to me that the way in which I?d offered to blow Cameron had
been a commitment: I was obliged to get him off, to let him finish in my
mouth, and, by implication, to swallow everything he had to give me. And
actually, swallowing never struck me as a real choice with Cameron. I
knew he would expect it.
It also occurred to me that I was obligated to myself to give the best
head I could possibly give: the better I was, the sooner it would be all
over. Quite the motivator for becoming a blowjob queen, huh?
I was further aware that I was establishing a standard here. Now he knew
he could demand head whenever he wanted it, and my only argument would
be that it would get us nowhere when it came to impregnating me. My
guess, however, was that this would be a weak argument against what
Cameron wanted, which, in turn, would surely mean a lot of time for me
spent on my knees. Missy, I suspected, would be amused.
It did not take very long at all for me to learn that the frilly, fancy
parts of a blowjob that I had tried to avoid were actually practical. I
discovered this once my jaw began to hurt and I needed a break from
simply sucking with my jaw extended.
I switched back and forth between toying around and intense sucking, and
I brought my hand into play to help things along. It seemed like it was
taking forever, but I'm sure that was more from me losing my sense of
time more than anything else. He was giving non-verbal hints that he was
getting close: his breathing was more rapid, he would make random
grunts. I did my best to read his body language, but I was getting
exhausted quickly.
Then, a quick memory from long, long ago. Back then, I was getting, not
receiving, of course, and the woman I was with took me by surprise and
wiggled her finger into my ass. To say it did the trick for me is an
understatement.
Hmm...
I think my sense of what was repulsive and what was not had simply gone
away by this point. I had my stepson's cock in my mouth, and I was
hoping for all the world that his climax would happen as soon as
possible. How much lower could I really sink?
That was the argument, anyway, as I took my hand from the shaft of his
dick and reached up under his balls. I mapped out where I was headed,
then brought my index finger to my lips and got it as wet as I could
before reaching back down to seek out Cameron's tight little asshole. I
wasn?t subtle about it. I jammed it all the way inside him.
"Fuck!" he shouted out loud. It was the beginning of a chain reaction. I
felt his thighs start to tremble and his back arched, driving his cock
deeper into my mouth, and would surely have gagged me had I not sort of
anticipated his reaction and pulled my head back in the nick of time. I
felt my mouth starting to fill up with warm semen. With the head of his
cock buried that deeply, I couldn't contract my throat muscles to
swallow, so I had to pull back my head a little and allow him to shoot
all he had into my mouth. This was beyond gross, of course, and his come
was thick, with a strong, chlorine-like taste. He came a lot, too.I held
it there until he was finished spasming and gasping. After what felt
like forever, I pulled my mouth off of him, shifted my position a
little, and forced myself to swallow. I made a soft gurgling noise, and
I almost didn't get it down. I willed myself not to gag, and several
million potential babies went sliding down my gullet and into my
stomach. Then I belched and relived the experience all over again.
Not to be outdone, when I pulled my finger from Cameron's ass, he let go
with a raucous fart, made even all the more horrific with my face being
only inches away. I tried to get up pretty quickly. He thought it was
funny, and held my head down until he was sure I got a good whiff of his
offering.
"That was good," he sighed.
"My first time," I said because there was pretty much nothing else to
say. I sat down on the side of the bed and scoped out the room, trying
to locate my clothes. My t-shirt was within reach, so I grabbed it and
began pulling it over my head.
"You're a natural," he said. I almost - out of habit - thanked him. But
I stopped myself. Was that really a compliment? Natural-born
cocksucker...that's me.
"Why don't you go fix us some breakfast?" It was more of a command than
a request.
Obediently, I stood and headed for the kitchen, passing close enough to
Cameron for him to slap me hard on the ass to hurry me on my way.
My cooking skills crossed over from my pre-conversion days, so in no
time, I'd whipped together a tasty breakfast. And it was only after we
sat down to eat that we realized we were now in a situation where we had
to actually talk to each other.
"Whatever happened with those other dates Missy set up for you?"
The question took me by surprise, not so much in that it came from out
of nowhere as much as the relatively civil tone in which it was
asked...as though he really cared about the answer. And when I hesitated
before answering, he added, "I mean, you said you were a virgin last
night, and this morning, you said you'd never given a blowjob before. So
it got me wondering."
Fair enough. I took a sip of coffee and began.
"Blame Missy. That's really the best answer I can give you."
"How?s that?" He really was interested?which meant that I had to come up
with a believable answer.
"Well, right from the beginning, she was the one who took upon herself
to get me pregnant. Hell, if she had the right equipment, she would have
done it herself."
This drew a smirk from Cameron.
?I?m serious,? I said with a wry smile. ?We even talked about it!?
He seemed fascinated. ?How did you talk about it??
?There were a few times when she said that if female-to-male conversions
had been perfected, that she would volunteer to?you know??
?Fuck you?? Cameron laughed.
?Make love to me,? I corrected him.
?Yeah, whatever.?
?And to be a little more honest with you than I probably should be,? I
continued, not quite believing that I was telling him this, ?that was
one of the ways I was able to make that psychological conversion.?
?Explain.?
?It means that there was a point for me where I woke up in a hospital
room with tits and a vagina and not even the slightest indication that I
felt like a woman. It?s not a pleasant experience. It?s scary as hell,
to be honest with you. But they tell me that almost all converts go
through it. Anyway, it was the idea of?? I hesitated. ??being taken by a
man, at that point, was beyond repulsive. It was the idea of Missy being
a man and making love to me that helped me wrap my brain around things.?
?I always wondered about you two,? he said. ?Back when you were a guy,
did you two ever get it on??
?No!? I said, shocked at the question. ?We were just good friends. It
was only after the conversion that I started seeing her in any kind of
sexual way. I think it was because by then, it was?I don?t know, safe to
think about her that way. Of course, she looked at it as a big joke.
Everything that ever happened between us happened inside my head.?
?That sounds kind of freaky,? he said.
?It was freaky. But all this-? I said, gesturing down towards my body,
?is freaky, too.?
?I won?t argue with that,? he said.
"So,? I said, moving the subjects along, ?anyway, right from the
beginning, it was Missy who played matchmaker. And the first person she
thought of was Sam White.?
"That's the newspaper guy, right?"
"Mm-hm."
"Fat slob..."
It might have been the pot calling the kettle black, but I nodded. "He
was one of the first people to come and visit me in the hospital. He
wanted to do a feature on my conversion. Actually, ten minutes into his
first visit, he was talking about a national news story, and then
minutes after that, he was talking about a Pultizer Price. Guy's got
some ego.
"For me, it was like an interrogation. I was drugged up with pain
killers, dazed and groggy, and he kept hitting me with questions. Then
he wanted me to show him my changes..."
"No shit..." Cameron laughed.
"Well that?s not too surprising. I kind of expected that. And all the
time, Missy is encouraging all of this, thinking it's going to be this
big deal, for both of us."
"What did you show him?"
It was an intrusive question, but, looking back, I think I was so
relieved that Cameron and I were actually talking that I was compelled
to go on.
"Well, I was in a hospital gown, remember, so it was pretty easy to show
him what he wanted to see. You know, my breasts. My vagina." An uneasy
chill shot through me at the frankness of this admission. "But, like I
said, I was drugged up, and the truth was, I'd had doctors poking and
prodding around me for days, so it didn't really faze me. I was beyond
modesty.?
?What was his reaction??
"I?m getting to that,? I said. ?Now," I went on, "if that was Sam's only
visit, and if Missy wasn't involved, that might have been it. The whole
thing might have dropped. He might have done the story; he might not
have. But a few weeks later - by then, I was out of the hospital,
healed, and about a week away from being cleared for having intercourse
- Missy invites me out to lunch with her and Sam. By that time, I'd
gotten into the routine of womanhood, if you want to call it that. So I
was dressing appropriately, wearing make-up, those kinds of things that
helped me fit in as a ?normal? female. And it goes without saying that I
looked a hell of a lot better than I must have in the hospital. Let?s
just say that when Sam saw me that day, he was a little bit surprised.
Pleasantly surprised.
?Once again, it was the barrage of questions, talk about a feature
story, and so on, but this time, the questions were...different somehow.
More personal. And we finally got to questions about my reproduction
contract. Sam asked me whether I'd given any thought to who the father
of my first baby was going to be.
"I told him the truth, that I?d given it some thought, but that was
about it. Nothing conclusive. No real ideas. And that was about the time
that Missy got this twinkle in her eye and suggested Sam father my
baby."
?Missy suggested it?? Cameron chuckled. "What was Sam's reaction?"
"At the time, he sort of couched it in an intellectual, scientific way,
like it would be his ?great experiment.? Later on, though, he would tell
me that the truth was that I?d made him horny, and he started to see it
as an opportunity to get laid. But he played it up big as we were
sitting there, about how fucking me would make for the ultimate
conversion story. Missy was loving her role as matchmaker, and
me...well, I guess I though letting Sam do it would be easier than, say,
meeting someone in a bar or some shit like that. So, we made an
agreement."
"Wait a minute," Cameron interjected, genuinely confuse, which meant
that he was genuinely paying attention. "What was Mom's take on all of
this? Wasn't she jealous?"
I shook my head. "No. By this time, she was already moving forward. She
already started dating. I think she was eager for me to find lovers so
that she could do what she wanted."
This seemed to amaze him.
"Anyway, so one thing leads to another, and a few days later, Sam and I
arrange to go out to dinner, with the intentions that afterwards, we
would go back to his place and...And get busy. This was where things
started falling apart pretty quickly."
"What went wrong?"
I shrugged. "Maybe we needed Missy there as an enabler or something, I
don't know. Part of it was the fact that I was sitting there in the
restaurant, all dolled up - Missy had even talked me into wearing sexy
underwear and all that - and I'm with this guy that I've known for
years, that I've respected all those years, only now I'm seeing the
sexual side of him, that weird sort of animal hunger, with me as the
main course, and I just couldn?t get into it at all. I couldn't wrap my
head around the idea that my friend didn't see me as a friend, but
rather as a piece of ass. And I was helping facilitate this, sitting
there in a short skirt, with half of my boobs showing. It was wrong.
"And then," I went on, "when we got back to his place, things got even
worse."
"How?"
"Part of the problem, I'm sure, is that by this time, Sam didn't give a
damn about any feature story; he just wanted to get laid, and it seemed
like the guy I'd been friends with for so long was gone, and all that
was left was this repulsive, horny monster. And so I ended up being
turned off by everything he did. For a while, I guess, I thought 'just
go with it and it'll all be over soon...' Remember, I was very aware
that the reason for this was to get me pregnant. But I just couldn't
bring myself to that point. I ended just telling him that I couldn?t do
it. He got mad, and I saw an even uglier side of him. He started calling
me a prick teaser and other names. For a moment there, I was even afraid
that he was going to try to rape me. But I knew, at least, that I could
outrun him?"
Cameron smiled at this.
?And that was the last time I spoke with him. Sad, but true.?
"Missy couldn't patch things up?" Cameron asked with a smirk.
I shook my head. "She tried, I guess, but he has made it clear that he
wants nothing to do with me. I?m sure I hurt his male ego beyond
repair."
Cameron finished his coffee and poured himself another cup. "What about
the other time?"
I looked down into my empty plate. "That one...was even more pathetic.
You know Jimmy Williams?"
Just the name made Cameron chuckle. "You're kidding!"
"Wish I was," I said. Jimmy was a pretty sorry case. A nice enough guy,
I suppose, but an undeniable loser, awkward, unattractive, and generally
unaware that he was any of these things.
"And this was Missy's idea again?"
I nodded. "I understand why she'd choose someone like Jimmy. He'd be
eager, easy to manipulate. That kind of thing. I?d be calling all the
shots. But part of the problem - same as with Sam - is that she didn't
set things up like, 'Hey, why don't you two go out, see if there's some
chemistry there and see what happens?' Instead, she's like, 'Josie needs
to get pregnant right away, so you two need to get together. That put a
lot of pressure on him. On both of us. He said he wasn't a virgin, but
I'm pretty sure he was."
"So what happened?"
"We had dinner, went back to his apartment, and he came trying to get
his dick out of his pants."
I got a genuine laugh out of Cameron on that one. "It was a real shot,
too. It got all over him, all over my dress. He was embarrassed. He
asked me to leave. Another strikeout. And that was it. I was done. And
from that point, I just shut Missy out...until you and me."
"So," he said. "Why do you think things worked with you and me?" There
was a kind of taunting in his voice that made me uncomfortable but, at
the same time, turned me on a little.
Still, I answered honestly. ?I don?t know that things have worked out
for you and me. Or if they ever will.?
?But you enjoyed yourself last night??
I sighed. ?Yes, I did.? It was more like a confession. ?I didn?t get to
climax,? I continued, as though this would make him guilty, ?but it
was?fulfilling.?
?I never knew you had a submissive streak in you.? His smile was one of
smug superiority.
?Neither did I,? I said. In my voice, there was, I think a tone of
uncertainty.
There followed a long, uncomfortable silence, until, finally, Cameron
said, "Stand up."
My God, I thought, what was he going to do now? I slowly got to my feet.
He made me wait - made me simmer, to be more accurate - before he said,
"Take off your t-shirt."
Before I left the bedroom, I had thrown on my t-shirt and slid on my
panties. I was grateful for putting my panties on as I pulled my shirt
over my head and set it on the table. I felt incredibly self-conscious,
just standing there, just out of his reach."
"I like big tits," he said.
"I know," I said, trying to smile. "I've seen some of your girlfriends."
This was a point that could not be argued.
His smile turned slightly cruel when he said, "Bet you never thought
you'd end up being o