"Come on, Steve!" My mum yells, waking me from a fitful sleep. "You
don't want to be late on your first day at your new job, do you?"
"I'm awake!" I yell downstairs, sighing as I hear the front door slam
shut, signifying that I'm alone in the house. I drag myself out of bed
and pad to the bathroom, showering and shaving fully, removing any and
all facial hair before shaving my arms, legs and chest clean of any
stray body hair. I return to my bedroom and apply a full layer of make-
up to my face: lipstick, eye shadow, the works. I brush my hair out to
its fullest volume, before pulling on a comfortable black bra and panty
set, stuffing the bra cups with my breast forms. After pulling an
elasticated girdle around my (slim) waist, I pull on a pair of black
tights, followed by a tight black miniskirt, a tight grey jumper and my
favourite pair of sparkly black flats. After stuffing a change of
clothes- a MALE change of clothes- into my backpack and slipping on a
pair of silver rings, I grab my handbag and coat and breathe heavily as
I leave the house.
"Okay, Stephanie Abbott," I say to myself. "You can do this." After a
short tube ride, I find myself at the headquarters of Heavenly Talent,
the famous talent agency who are now also my employers. The last time I
was here was four days ago, when I was offered- and accepted- a role in
Britain's newest girl band... Despite the fact that I'm a boy.
Don't get me wrong, it isn't like I'm being forced to be a girl against
my will. I like being a girl. I LOVE being a girl... most of the time.
And I'm good at being a girl, too- I discovered last Friday that over
six hundred women aged between 16 and 24 auditioned for this role, some
coming from as far afield as Ireland and the north of Scotland, and out
of that six hundred, I was one of the three chosen. I should be
ecstatically happy, like the other four women who are waiting for me in
the recording studio... and yet I'm uneasy, even as they greet me like
I'm an old friend.
"Hey, bandmate!" Becca- the unofficial 'lead singer'- says, giving me a
tight hug as I enter the studio, a hug I happily reciprocate. "Glad you
FINALL decided to join us!"
"Sorry," I sigh in my practised falsetto. "Flat mates hogging the
bathroom AGAIN..."
"Ugh, just get your own place already!" Adeola- the unofficial 'other
lead singer'- insists. "I'm sure my uncle will give you an advance of
pay if you ask him..."
"Ladies, please?" Stuart- our main producer- commands. "We need to get
rehearsing, we're already behind schedule as SOMEONE doesn't like
working Mondays..."
"And miss ballet?" Becca retorts to Stuart- who also happens to be her
older brother.
"From the top," Stuart says, laughing wearily at his younger sister's
attitude. "One, two, three..." All five of us take a deep breath as the
music begins.
"Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?" All five of us sing in
near-perfect harmony. "Ooh heaven is a place on earth. They say in
heaven love comes first. We'll make heaven a place on earth. Ooh heaven
is a place on earth..." I control my breathing as the first verse
begins, and myself, Adeola, Lauren and Kayla sing the backing vocals as
Becca takes centre stage.
"When the night falls down," the dark-haired girl sings tunefully, "I
wait for you, and you come around, and the world's alive, with the
sound of kids, on the street outside..."
"When you walk into the room," Adeola sings in a rich, deep voice as
Becca joins in the backing vocals. "You pull me close and we start to
move, and we're spinning with the stars above, and you lift me up in a
wave of love..."
"Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?" All five of us sing once
again. "Ooh heaven is a place on earth. They say in heaven love comes
first. We'll make heaven a place on earth. Ooh heaven is a place on
earth..." I settle my jaw down as the chorus ends, and it's my turn to
sing.
"When I feel alone," I sing, trying as hard as I can to match the
standard that had been set for me by the other two girls. "I reach for
you, and you bring me home, when I'm lost at sea, I hear your voice,
and it carries me..." My 'part' over, I try not to breathe a sigh of
relief as I rejoin the backing vocals.
"In this world we're just beginning," Lauren sings in a powerful voice,
"To understand the miracle of living, Baby I'm not afraid no more, but
I'm not afraid-" The room pauses as Lauren trips over the vocals of the
song. "Shit... Sorry..." I can't help but feel sorry for the normally
forceful Scottish girl as she cowers under withering gazes from our
other three band-mates.
"Don't worry, that's kinda why we're rehearsing!" Stuart laughs. "From
the top..." We all take a deep breath as the song restarts, and Becca,
Adeola and I run through our parts perfectly one more time, before it
comes to Lauren's part. I quickly glance over at the flame-haired girl,
who is almost shaking with nerves, and I almost feel relieved- relief
that I'm not the only one who's feeling nervous about the situation.
"In this world we're just beginning," Lauren sings in an even stronger
voice than she had previously. "To understand the miracle of living,
baby I was afraid before, but I'm not afraid anymore!" It's all I can
do not to cheer loudly as Lauren grins, having sung her part perfectly.
After the brief instrumental part of the song, Kayla steps up to her
microphone, and when she opens her mouth, everyone in the room is
nearly blown away.
"In this world we're just beginning," Kayla sings in a voice that
sounds FAR too strong and powerful for her petite, 5' 0" frame. "To
understand the miracle of living, baby I was afraid before, but I'm not
afraid anymore!" After a final chorus, Stuart gives us the thumbs-up
and we all take a breather and get a quick drink of water.
"Wow, Kayla!" I gush at the tiny girl, who grins bashfully in response
to my compliment.
"Thanks," Kayla says in response.
"How do you fit lungs that strong into a body that small?" Lauren
jokes, making myself and Kayla giggle as we return to our microphones.
"Okay," Stuart says. "Second take, this time I want Steph and Lauren
doing verse 1, Adeola and Kayla doing verse 2, and Becca doing the
final repeat. Ready? One, two, three..."
After two hours of singing- in which we all take a turn singing
different parts of the song- the five of us are allowed an hour's break
for lunch. Immediately as we arrive at the posh bistro Adeola has
selected for our lunch, we all order tall, cool- but expensive- drinks
to help soothe our sore throats.
"Okay," Becca announces after clearing her throat. "Dream job: yes.
DAMNED hard work: also yes!" I giggle along with the other girls- it's
far from my first day at a new job, but it's certainly been one of the
most fun so far. The fact that I've been unconditionally accepted as
'one of the girls' certainly helps... Even though I know deep down that
I shouldn't have been.
"No offence intended," Kayla says, "but is ballet, of all things,
REALLY an excuse to skip a day's work?"
"You don't know our teacher," Adeola says smugly.
"But, as she's also our choreographer, you will!" Becca giggles. "She
does a private lesson on Monday mornings that I worked my ass off to
get into, and I'm not about to give it up now!"
"And besides, it was kinda my fault too," Lauren giggles nervously.
"Ohh yes," Becca says, again diverting attention back to her. "I wasn't
going to say anything, but I HAVE read all of your application forms,
and I DID notice something interesting about Wee Miss McTavish's
details..."
"Yeah," Adeola giggles. "Are you gonna tell them or shall I?"
"Tell us what?" Kayla asks, clearly frustrated at being kept out of the
loop.
"Ugh," Lauren moans, resting her head on the table. "It- it was my
birthday yesterday, that's all..."
"No way!" Kayla squeaks. "Which one?"
"...Eighteenth," Lauren sighs, making the entire table cheer and
applaud- myself a split second behind the other three.
"We've GOT to celebrate!" Becca insists.
"Seriously, I don't want any fuss," Lauren moans.
"No way, you only turn eighteen once!" Adeola laughs. "We are taking
you OUT tonight! Steph and Kayla will come too, right girls?" I freeze
as the dark-skinned girl puts me on the spot- obviously I can't stay
out TOO late, especially not 'as Stephanie'... But I can't decline
their invitation without seeming rude...
"Um, I'm still only seventeen," Kayla says apologetically. "Can't
really get into any clubs..." I breathe an inward sigh of relief- I'm
off the hook...
"Then we'll just take you out on YOUR eighteenth!" Adeola giggles.
"Steph?" I desperately rack my brains, thinking of a way out... But
none comes to mind.
"Um, sure!" I say happily.
"You feeling okay, Steph?" Adeola asks, suddenly concerned. "It's just
you've been kinda quiet all through lunch..."
"I'm fine," I say defensively. "Just... A little overwhelmed, that's
all." From the looks of my four bandmates, I can tell that my story
isn't QUITE convincing enough...
"...And I'm still having hassle from my flat mates," I sigh.
"Oh- seriously, ask Uncle Joshua for an advance and get your own
place!" Adeola laughs.
"Are they giving you hassle because you're- you know...?" Kayla asks
cautiously.
"I dunno, maybe a little," I sigh.
"I thought you said they'd accepted you for who you are?" Becca probes,
making me start to sweat under the sudden attention being paid to my
personal life.
"Um, it's more 'tolerate' than 'accept'," I say, inwardly sighing with
relief as my new friends accept my story without question.
"Believe me, I can understand that," Adeola says. "Doesn't matter how
successful we'll be, there'll always be people who'll never be able to
look past my skin."
"...Or my genetics," I say, sharing a chuckle with the dark-skinned
girl.
"Oh, at LAST!" Becca sighs dramatically as she stares over my shoulder
at a tall, attractive young man with light blonde hair and striking
green eyes.
"Sorry I'm late," the young man says, before approaching our table and
giving Becca a long, lingering kiss.
"Riley, these are the girls," Becca says. "Addie you already know, from
left right you've got Lauren, Kayla and Steph. Girl, this is Riley, my
bae. I shouldn't need to say it, but just in case: HANDS OFF." Riley
and Becca both let out a sickeningly sweet giggle as the well over six
foot tall man wraps his arms around Becca's slim waist.
"Your choreographer is also my sister," Riley explains. "The whole of
Heavenly Talent is run basically on nepotism." Becca giggles at her
boyfriend's joke as Adeola playfully rolls her eyes.
"I'll try not to take that personally," Adeola giggles.
"We've just learned that it was Lauren's birthday yesterday," Becca
giggles to her boyfriend. "Reckon we should take her for her first
night out in London?"
"Definitely," Riley laughs as Lauren moans into her coffee.
"Seriously, there's really no need..." Lauren insists
"No, no, no, you don't turn eighteen and move to London from the North
Pole every day!" Becca laughs. "You got a clubbing dress?" I again
inwardly breathe a sigh of relief as Lauren shakes her head.
"I'll lend you one, then," Becca shrugs. "We're more or less the same
size..."
"Okay then," Lauren sighs, eliciting cheers from everyone at the table.
After finishing our lunch, we head back to the studio- but not before I
have a chance to talk to our 'lead singer'.
"Umm, Becca," I whisper to the dark-haired girl as we stroll through
the cold February air. "I, um, I kinda don't have a clubbing dress
either..."
"So... What?" Becca asks. "Do you want me to lend you one as well? I'm
not exactly a charity, Steph!"
"No- never mind," I sigh.
"No- Steph..." Becca sighs. "When did you say you came out again?"
"About six weeks ago," I lie. "Just after the new year. I've not worked
since, so..."
"I'll lend you a dress," Becca sighs. "But you're washing it AND I get
to borrow any of your clothes any time I want, deal?"
"Deal!" I giggle- though Becca has made it abundantly clear how much of
an imposition this is to her...
After another couple of hours of singing back at the studio, we're
finally told to call it a day, much to our collective relief.
"That's day one over," Stuart laughs. "It can only get better from
here. I've got a few notes I want you to take on board: Steph, I've
noticed you come in a little early sometimes in the chorus- just keep
an eye on that."
"Okay," I say, feeling a little embarrassed to have been singled out in
this manner.
"Lauren, I've noticed your voice wavering from time to time," Stuart
says. "We'll ignore the incident from the first run-through- it won't
happen again." Lauren blushes slightly and nods, as Stuart moves onto
our 'lead singers'.
"Addie- you're a little loud at times," Stuart says, making the tall
girl frown before nodding. "Volume doesn't equal tunefulness. Becca..."
Stuart takes a deep breath as he addresses his little sister- and
everyone in the room can sense how awkward the atmosphere has become.
"Yes...?" Becca asks, clearly upset that her brother has anything other
than blind praise for her.
"You're a little 'off' in some of the harmonies," Stuart grimaces.
"Like you're trying to lead them too much." Becca nods her agreement,
but her eyes show that inside, she is utterly livid.
"Kayla..." Stuart says, taking another deep breath. "...Wow. No notes,
you just keep doing what you're doing!" I can't help but grin as Kayla
giggles happily at the news- but my grin fades when I see that Becca's
facial expression has somehow got even darker.
"It's all minor stuff, really," Stuart says with a smile. "Just keep
working hard, I'm sure we'll get perfection sooner rather than later.
Anyway... I understand you're having a night out tonight, to celebrate
your first day as a band?"
"And Lauren's birthday too!" I say, making the flame-haired girl
cringe.
"Oh, is it your birthday too, Lauren?" Stuart asks. Didn't Stuart know
that was why Becca had suggested the night out? Or did she have one
already planned?
"...It was my eighteenth yesterday," Lauren says, eliciting a surprised
chuckle from our producer.
"Oh, well happy birthday!" Stuart laughs. "Good job we DIDN'T start you
yesterday then! Well, enjoy yourselves, I'll see you back here tomorrow
at 10am, assuming you're not all too hungover!" I giggle as the five of
us are left to our own devices, and for the first time ever in this
job, I actually start to forget about my troubles. For once, I actually
believe that I AM Stephanie... and then I switch on my phone, and find
three voicemails from my parents asking me to let them know how I'm
getting on on my first day.
"Uhh," I splutter, startling my new friends. "I, um, I need to take
this..."
"Sure, Steph," Becca says. "Riley's going to be giving me and Lauren a
lift back to mine if you still need to borrow a dress for tonight..."
"Sure," I say, hurrying outside into the relative privacy of the
service area behind the agency.
"Hi mum," I say into the phone in 'Steve's voice.
"Steve!" Mum says in a near-relieved voice. "Been trying to reach you
all day..."
"Yeah, they, uh, don't let me have my phone switched on at work," I
say. "I've just finished for the day, a few of my workmates have
offered to take me out for a few drinks, you know, to celebrate..."
"As long as you're not too hungover for work tomorrow!" Mum warns me.
"It's my manager who's taking us out," I laugh. "It'll be fine. Just-
don't wait up, okay?"
"Okay, okay," mum laughs. "See you tomorrow, I guess!"
"See you," I chuckle into the phone before clicking it off and heading
back in to my bandmates.
"Soo..." Becca teases. "Who was so important you couldn't talk to them
in front of your bandmates?"
"Umm," I stammer. "Just... Just someone about a flat... It won't be
free for another month." Dammit, Steph- no, wait, Dammit, Steve, stop
lying all the time...
"Ah, that sucks," Adeola sighs as we head outside into our respective
transport home. "Well, see you tonight!"
"See you," I say as I slide into Becca's boyfriend's car. Riley quickly
whisks the three of us back to Becca's house, which makes my jaw drop
as I enter it- the place is almost a palace, with at least four
bedrooms, a conservatory, a HUGE kitchen...
"Glad you two approve!" Becca giggles as she leads myself and Lauren up
to her bedroom- which is at least three times the size of my tiny room,
not counting her en-suite.
"Who is your dad, Alan Sugar?" Lauren asks.
"No, but he's worked with him in the past," Becca boasts. "Before he
retired last month he was a manager at one of London's biggest
investment firms. This isn't even our only house!"
"Jesus," I mouth as Becca flings open one of her wardrobes. It becomes
immediately apparent that Becca's reluctance to lend me a dress isn't
down to her having a limited wardrobe- she turfs out at least ten for
my and Lauren to pick from, citing them as 'ones she hardly wears any
more'. Obviously, she also picks out several dozen for herself to pick
from, and disappears into her en-suite as Lauren casually disrobes in
front of me.
"I'm having the short halter-neck one," Lauren says, taking the dress
and changing into it. I try to subtly avert my eyes and Lauren casually
unclips her bra and tosses it on Becca's floor next to my backpack,
before tying the tiny dress around her neck.
"What are you being so squeamish about?" Lauren giggles. "They're just
tits. ADULT tits now, so you've got nothing to worry about from
Yewtree. AND you've got a pair yourself, haven't you?"
"Umm... Not really," I say, pulling down the neck of my jumper to show
Lauren the falsies inside my bra.
"Ahh... Shit Steph," Lauren sighs. "Sorry, sometimes I forget... Just
shows what a 'good job' you're doing, heh! I'm sure Becca's got a dress
on here you can wear a bra underneath... This one!" Lauren giggles as
she hands me a high-necked dress that I just about squeeze my girdle-
enhanced figure into, before sitting down at Becca's dresser and
applying more make-up to her face. I do the same after Lauren finishes-
though as all I have is powder and lipstick, I stick out like a sore
thumb next to the exquisitely made-up Lauren and Becca- something the
older girl can't help but comment on.
"We're gonna need to get you that advance if only so you can get some
proper make-up!" Becca teases as she leads Lauren and myself
downstairs- both of us still wearing the flats we wore to work whilst
Becca has, of course, changed into 5" stiletto heels.
"We're off out now daddy," Becca says, giving her elderly father a kiss
on the cheek. "Don't wait up!"
"Don't be in too late!" Becca's father grumbles. "You've only just got
this job, you don't want to lose it on your second day!"
"Oh please," Becca giggles. "They can't fire me- they wouldn't dare!"
"Well- just take care, okay?" Mr. Milton sighs as the three of us-
along with Riley- get into our waiting taxi and head to a local
nightclub, where we stay until just after 11pm. After leaving the club,
the four of us (along with Adeola, who we met there) get into a taxi to
get dropped at our respective homes. After we drop Adeola at her posh
home, I start to give directions to the taxi driver when I remember a
large problem- not only did I tell my new friends that I lived in a
flat, rather than a house, I also can't be 100% sure that my parents
aren't still awake... And my male clothes are still back in Becca's
bedroom.
"Uhh, Becca?" I say cautiously.
"What now?" Becca asks with playful mock-exasperation.
"I, um, kinda left my bag at your place," I mumble.
"So?" Becca giggles. "I don't mind bringing it in tomorrow, is there
something in there that you need?"
"Yeah, my house key," I say, thinking quickly and congratulating myself
on my answer.
"Oh, you dumbass!" Becca playfully teases.
"Might as well pick my clothes up as well, can drop off our dresses
too..." Lauren suggests.
"Oh, no, no no," Becca giggles. "STEPH still needs to get them
cleaned!" I chuckle and roll my eyes as Becca gives directions to her
house, where I change back into the clothes I was wearing earlier,
before carefully folding Becca's dress and placing it on top of
'Steve's clothes in my backpack. As Lauren's hotel and my house are in
opposite directions, I let Lauren get back in her taxi before calling
for one of my own- but not before a quick chat with my 'lead singer'.
"Thanks for tonight," I say, trying my best to sound contrite. "I did
really enjoy it."
"You sure?" Becca asks accusingly. "You seemed distracted a LOT..."
"It..." I giggle. "It was kinda, you know, 'Steph's first night out'."
Much to my relief, Becca simply smirks in response.
"First of MANY," Becca says confidently. "And the first of many nights
out for Out of Heaven!"
"Once we're ALL old enough, anyway," I giggle.
"What do you mean?" Becca asks as we head down to her large entrance
hall. Ooh, you snide bitch... I think to myself.
"Um, Kayla?" I ask, making Becca playfully giggle and roll her eyes.
"Duh, silly me!" Becca giggles. "Hope she didn't feel TOO left out...
She'll just have to get older quicker, won't she?"
"Not sure it works that way," I laugh as I get in my taxi. "See you
tomorrow, Becca!"
"See ya, Steph!" Becca giggles. As the taxi pulls away from Becca's
mansion, I let out a large sigh, happy that the day is FINALLY over.
I've been 'Steph' for almost fifteen hours- by far the longest I've
EVER spent as my 'alter ego'- and as much as I enjoy the whole
experience of being a girl, my tolerance is wearing thin. I almost cry
with relief when I see that all the lights are off at my house as the
taxi pulls up outside- no need for an emergency detour to McDonalds and
then yet ANOTHER taxi home. Once I'm safely in my bedroom, I FINALLY
strip out of Stephanie's clothes and remove all my make-up, before
collapsing on my bed in a plain white t-shirt and a pair of boxer
shorts.
"What the hell am I doing?" I whisper to myself as I close my eyes and
try to get to sleep. I've only been in this job one day- one solitary
day- and already I'm mentally and physically exhausted from trying to
keep up with the web of lies I've spun for myself. I'm lying to my
parents, to my employers, to my bandmates- my friends... I'm even lying
to myself in as much as I don't know WHAT the truth is. Am I Stephanie?
Am I Steve? Am I both? Am I neither?
The sensible thing would be to come clean to my employers tomorrow,
tell them that I'm not transitioning- well, not yet, anyway- and back
out of the band now before it becomes too much of a hassle to replace
me. I don't even get on with all of them, anyway, especially not her
Royal Highness Becca... But I can't face a single day longer on the
unemployment line, and the money, dear god the money is SO good...
My alarm clock wakes me at 8am, and I drag my tired body out bed,
showering and shaving before pulling on my grey dressing down and
heading downstairs, where my parents are already waiting for me.
"Morning, working man!" Mum beams. "Heard you get in last night, hope
you're not TOO hungover!"
"Didn't drink that much," I laugh as a sweet-smelling cup of coffee is
thrust under my face.
"Well get that down you anyway," dad laughs. "Going to be strange, you
being the only one going into work today..."
"Stranger for me than for you," I retort, making both my parents
chuckle.
"Seriously," dad says with a warm smile. "I AM proud of you. It's not
easy, getting a job in this economy, no matter what Cameron or that
dickhead Iain whathisface says, but I knew you'd manage it sooner
rather than later."
"Thanks, dad," I say with a smile, whilst inwardly cursing. Looks like
I've got no chance of leaving the house as Steph...
Ninety minutes later, I step out of the disabled toilet at a nearby
McDonalds with a face full of make-up, translucent black tights on my
legs underneath a tight black skirt and a tight red jumper cover my
girdle and breast form- enhanced torso. Much to my irritation, I'm once
again the last to arrive at the recording studio- though today I am at
least on time.
"Ah, so you've come back for a second day, then?" Stuart teases as I
grab my headphones and join my bandmates inside the recording booth.
"Hey Steph!" Becca says with a smug smile. "Got my dress cleaned yet?"
"When exactly am I supposed to have had time to do that?" I retort,
making Adeola laugh heartily- clearly people don't stand up to Becca
that often...
"And is that the same skirt as yesterday?" Becca asks, clearly not
wanting to be shown up.
"I own more than one black skirt," I retort.
"Girls!" Stuart barks down his microphone. "Can we try to get some work
done today, please?"
"Sorry," Becca and I simultaneously mumble into our microphones, before
Stuart plays his music track and we spend the next two hours singing-
in addition to 'Heaven is a Place on Earth' we also sing a couple of
Girls Aloud tracks for practice, before Stuart lets us all out for
lunch. The track list on our first album hasn't been decided yet, so
Stuart says he'll have us sing as many cover versions as possible to
see which ones suit us best, in addition to the new songs he's written
for the band.
Before I grab my coat and prepare to follow the other girls to another
posh eatery for lunch, my attention is drawn to a familiar face
entering the recording studio- that of Jamie-Lee Burke, the woman who'd
interviewed me for the spot in the band and, as is obvious from highly
familiar the way she greets Stuart, our producer's lover. Not wanting
to interrupt the couple, I follow my bandmates to lunch, wincing as
they all order ?8 cups of herbal tea and large, expensive sandwiches. I
make the same order- not wanting to stand out from them- but these
expensive lunches are quickly draining what little money I have left,
and there's not a whole lot in my bank account either...
"So which song did you three audition with?" Adeola asks as we sit down
with our lunches.
"Didn't you watch the recordings?" Lauren asks.
"Yeah, but there were, like, hundreds," Adeola says. "Can't expect us
to remember them all!"
"Not even the three most important ones?" I joke, making the dark-
skinned girl giggle.
"Hang on, I'll try to guess," Adeola jokes, turning her attention first
to Lauren. "You... Will have sung a song by a Scottish band, right?"
"Aye, Texas," Lauren nods.
"Say What You Want?" Adeola asks, laughing happily as Lauren nods.
Adeola turns her attention to Kayla, before Becca returns to the table
from the restroom.
"This place was a GREAT pick," Becca congratulates Adeola. "Who
recommended it to you again?"
"Hannah," Adeola says with a smile, having apparently forgotten about
her 'game'. Talk immediately turns to where we'll go for lunch
tomorrow, with Becca and Adeola dominating the conversation until the
five of us return to the studio, where we only have another hour's
singing before Stuart- at some prompting from his little sister- gives
us the rest of the afternoon off. I breathe a sigh of intense relief-
it means I can get home before either of my parents, meaning I can
avoid another Mrs. Doubtfire-like trip to a disabled toilet. Before I
can leave, however, my plans are suddenly thwarted.
"Hey Steph!" Jamie-Lee shouts as I grab my coat, ready to leave.
Inwardly cursing, I force a wide smile onto my face.
"What's up?" I ask.
"Do you have a minute or two to chat?" Jamie-Lee asks. Ordinarily, the
thought of a famous, successful woman like Jamie-Lee wanting to talk to
ME would make me giddy with excitement- but now, with my 'window of
opportunity' closing, it's more of a hassle than an opportunity.
"Umm," I say, trying to think of an excuse but ultimately drawing a
blank. "Sure!" 5 or 10 minutes surely couldn't hurt...
"We haven't really had a chance to talk since your interview," Jamie-
Lee says, leading me into a private office. "How are you settling in
with the other girls?"
"Yeah, it's going good," I say.
"Really?" Jamie-Lee asks, instantly seeing through my lie. I let out a
small giggle, prompting my 'interrogator' to chuckle as well.
"There is a LITTLE friction," I say.
"Let me guess: you failed to respect Becca's position as 'alpha girl'?"
Jamie jokes, laughing harder as I nod. "That girl is so spoiled... Did
you never have many female friends whilst growing up?"
"Not really," I say, relieved at being able to tell the truth about my
past for once. "Not many friends of ANY description..."
"Believe me, I know how that feels," Jamie says. "Well... You've got
friends now! Or at least you will when you FINALLY get around to making
that Facebook profile!"
"Yeah, sadly my phone is just 'phone' and not 'camera, computer and
everything all rolled into one'," I laugh, showing Jamie my old, half-
knackered Nokia. "Can't really join Facebook without a face..." As if
on cue, Jamie takes her own, brand-new iPhone out of her bag and snaps
a photo of me.
"You do now!" Jamie giggles. "What your email address?" Crap! I think
to myself. The only address I've got is 'Steve's...
"It's, umm..." I mumble, before taking a deep breath. "It's
[email protected]..." Jamie sighs sadly as I tell her the
email address, and I can't help but wince, wondering if this is my
career over before it's even begun...
"Oh Steph," Jamie says. "Haven't you even changed your email address
yet?"
"I only came out six weeks ago," I argue. "Spent most of the time since
trying to get my life in some sort of order, find somewhere to live...
Barely even got a wardrobe..."
"Yeah, Stu told me Becca was having a dig at you," Jamie says, before a
wide grin creeps onto her face. "Now THAT I can do something about! Get
your coat on Steph- we're going shopping!"
"I, um, I don't have any money..." I feebly argue.
"I'm buying, then!" Jamie says.
"I couldn't, really..." I continue, knowing I'm fighting a losing
battle.
"I'LL take the receipts, then, and have payroll deduct it from the
advance you'll get," Jamie says. So much for getting in before my
parents...
"Sounds cool!" I say happily, making Jamie giggle as she pulls her own
coat on over her designer dress, before leading me out to her shiny red
Alfa Romeo. We spend the next two hours shopping, and for a time I
allow myself to forget my 'situation' and enjoy being out- it IS my
first-ever shopping trip as Stephanie, and I'm filling shopping bag
after shopping bag with skirts, dresses, shoes, even some underwear and
cosmetics... But as 5pm rolls around and the shops begin closing, I'm
faced with the sudden realisation that I have absolutely no idea how
I'm going to get all of my new clothes home- or where I'll store them
once I've got them home.
"God, am I going to have any of this advance LEFT by the time I get
it?" I joke as Jamie-Lee and I head back to her car.
"Hehe!" Jamie-Lee giggles. "You'll be fine... Can't really see you
getting all of these bags in my car, though..."
"Kinda went overboard, didn't we?" I ask, making Jamie-Lee giggle
harder.
"I've got it covered, don't worry," Jamie-Lee says, typing a message
into her smartphone. "Asked a friend of mine- well, employee, really-
to pick you up. She'll be here in a bit." Dammit! I can't go home the
way I am... And I can't give them a fake address either as I put my
real address on my application form and they're bound to notice if it
doesn't match...
"Umm, I can get a taxi, it's really no bother," I say, trying my
hardest to avoid sounding desperate.
"Why bother?" Jamie-Lee asks. "Our 'company taxi's already on its way!"
I chuckle as I clutch the multiple shopping bags in my hand, knowing
that I've lost this argument. "Also- and I don't mean anything nasty by
this- but do- do you still shave your face?"
"Every morning, yeah," I reply. "Um, the hormones haven't really had a
chance to kick in there yet..."
"They wouldn't do," Jamie-Lee says. "You'd need electrolysis or laser
removal to fully get rid of it... Fortunately, I've already spoken to
Joshua and he's willing to foot the bill for it, so I can book you in
as early as next week if you'd like?"
"I dunno," I say, shocked by the thought of making permanent,
irreversible alterations to my body. "Wouldn't- wouldn't that hurt?"
"Only in the very short term," Jamie-Lee says. "Honestly, it really is
a benefit, you'd never ever have to shave again..." Truth be told, I DO
hate shaving... And if the only permanent change is 'no facial hair',
well, there can't be any harm in that, surely?
"Okay, sign me up!" I laugh, making Jamie-Lee giggle happily. Yet
another thing I'd have to explain to my parents...
Fifteen minutes later, a Renault Clio, driven by a girl who barely
looks eighteen, arrives to pick me up. After dumping my shopping bags
on the back seat, I elegantly lower myself onto the passenger seat and
greet the driver with a feminine handshake.
"Hi," I say to the dark-haired girl. "I'm Steph, Steph Abbott."
"Nikki Thomas," the girl says with a smile. "Glad to meet you- Jamie's
been talking about you a lot!"
"Really?" I ask as we drive away. "We've only known each other for a
few days..."
"I think she's just excited at the prospect of having ANOTHER prot?g?,
heh," Nikki chuckles. "And I have to compliment you- you really can't,
you know, 'tell'."
"Thanks," I say, still racking my brains over how to 'sneak around' my
parents once I arrive home.
"Umm..." Nikki continues. "This is normally the point where you
compliment ME, though I guess not saying anything is kinda a compliment
in itself..."
"I don't follow," I mumble.
"Jamie having another prot?g?... As in 'an other' prot?g??" Nikki
giggles. "That other prot?g? being me?"
"You're transgendered too?" I ask with an air of surprise- Nikki's body
shape is EXTREMELY feminine.
"I'll take THAT as a compliment!" Nikki laughs.
"Perfect," I whisper as an idea suddenly forms in my head. If I can get
to know this Nikki girl a little better... Take her out for dinner,
maybe a few drinks, then I can get back after my parents are both in
bed- problem solved.
"Umm, not really," Nikki says. "I'm still pre-operative, I'd have given
anything just to have been born as a girl... I'm sure you can
appreciate that, right?"
"Yes, of course," I say. "Umm, this is going to sound odd, but I'd
really like to, you know, 'compare notes'... Can't really talk to
Jamie-Lee, you know, she's so famous, she's kinda intimidating..."
"Jamie's the least intimidating person in the world!" Nikki laughs.
"I'm definitely happy to 'compare notes' though, I'll look you up on
Facebook and add you when I get home."
"Umm, I don't have-" I begin.
"You don't have a Facebook, right," Nikki says, finishing my sentence
for me. "Right, I remember Jamie saying..."
"Are- are you doing anything tonight?" I ask. "Maybe we could 'compare
notes' over a few drinks..."
"Umm," Nikki says in an uncomfortable tone. "I, um, I have a
'significant other'..."
"Oh- um-" I stutter. "I, um, I wasn't asking you out, um, I just
wanted, you know, 'as friends'..."
"Heh, okay," Nikki laughs. "Either way, my significant other is kinda
the jealous type... If I told her I was blowing off dinner with her for
another girl, it would NOT go down well..."
"...And I'd rather not be a third wheel," I say, inwardly cursing as my
plan falls apart before it was ever realised.
"Maybe another time," Nikki says with a smile. "Think there'll be a big
'welcome to the Angels' party for you and the rest of the band on
Saturday, Sarah and I will both be there so we'll chat then?"
"Sounds good!" I laugh as Nikki pulls up outside my house. Much to my
irritation and panic, the living room light is on, and my parents are
both clearly inside said room...
"See you Saturday!" Nikki laughs as she drives away, leaving me stood
on my driveway, my heart racing and my mind a blur. Making sure my
parents don't see me through the window, I sneak around the back of the
house to the backdoor- and, much to my relief, both my parents are
indeed in the living room. I open the back door- using my back door
key- and before mum or dad can react, I seal myself- and my numerous
bags- in the downstairs toilet.
"Desperate for a wee," I shout as I hastily undress myself in the
cramped room.
"Thanks, really needed to know that," dad jokes. I manage to exchange
my clothes in record time, though without a mirror in the room, I have
to hazard a guess as to how much of my make-up I removed with my make-
up removal kit. I wince as I stuff my new clothes (and their bags) into
my bulging backpack, before heading into the living room, hiding as
much of my face as possible with my hair.
"You been shopping?" Mum asks as she sees my bulging backpack. "Not
spending your first pay packet before you've even got it, I hope..."
"Just a couple of things I've wanted for a while," I say as I make a
beeline for the stairs. "Just, um, staff discount..."
"Can't blame you, I suppose," mum laughs. "Though I hope you're putting
some aside for rent!"
"Yes, of course," I reply, before reaching my room and collapsing on my
bed, taking several deep breaths to get my heart rate back to normal.
I've got through day 2 'unscathed'- and god only knows how.
After putting away my- or rather, Stephanie's- new clothes- which, as
predicted, have become horribly creased in the short trip from the
downstairs toilet to my bedroom- I log onto my email, lingering on the
photo Jamie-Lee took of me today. Even though I can tell it's me
underneath the hair and the make-up, when I try to look at it
objectively, I DO look passable... Saving the picture to my hard drive,
I browse to Facebook and set up the new account as Stephanie, if only
to stop people from pestering me. I add all my band-mates, as well as
Stuart, Jamie-Lee and Nikki, before logging out and climbing into bed,
even more exhausted than I was last night.
I almost cry with relief when I hear my parents shout goodbye to me as
they close the front door, leaving me alone in the house. I don't need
to be up for another half hour, but the second they leave, I jump out
of bed and head into the bathroom, not wanting to waste any time in
'becoming Stephanie'. After shaving, I take my time applying my make-
up, savouring every second as I remember why I started wearing make-up
in the first place. I actually have a grin on my face as I pull on my
bra, panties and girdle, and I almost giggle with happiness as I
stretch my black tights over my legs, before pulling on an outfit I
bought yesterday- a very cute grey pleated miniskirt and a tight red
jumper, neither of which got TOO creased yesterday (and the pleats on
the skirt would hide any creases anyway). Even though my parents are
likely to still be out by the time I get home, I stuff my boy clothes
and make-up remover into my backpack anyway- yesterday proved that I
should expect the unexpected in this job- before slipping my feet into
my favourite pair of flats and heading out the door.
"Hey!" Lauren says with a smile as I arrive at the recording studio.
"Are you the only one here?" I ask the ginger-haired girl.
"Aye," Lauren says. "Guess I'm used to early starts, back home I'd get
up at 5:30 every morning to help my parents feed the sheep..."
"And I thought I was having a culture shock joining the band!" I joke,
making Lauren giggle happily. "Still staying at the hotel?"
"Aye," Lauren sighs. "Got a place to move into next week, pity
everywhere in London's so damned expensive..."
"It won't be when your royalty cheques start rolling in!" Jamie-Lee
giggles as she approaches the two of us. "Steph, I've got the details
of the laser removal place I told you about yesterday, if you tell your
counsellor about it they'll write you a recommendation and we can get
you booked in ASAP." Counsellor!? I don't have a counsellor...
"Umm..." I mumble, making Jamie-Lee sigh once again.
"Don't tell me you don't have a counsellor..." Jamie-Lee moans. "Who
wrote your oestrogen prescription?"
"My former counsellor," I say. "We kinda had a falling out, I've not
been to see them in a few weeks..."
"You must be almost out of HRT pills then," Jamie-Lee muses. "Tell you
what, I'll get you booked in with my old counsellor. I still see her
occasionally, I'll put in a good word, I'm sure the company can cover
the expense."
"Oh- no, there's really no need," I plead. "I can find another one on
the NHS..."
"You don't want to be waiting forever," Jamie says, immediately typing
out an email. "Trust me when I say this woman is GOOD." I nod and force
a smile onto my face, but inwardly, I'm panicking more than ever- lying
to 'ordinary people' is one thing, but lying to someone who spends all
day every day dealing with transgendered people? And they'll no doubt
expect to see my prior medical records...
I take a moment to compose myself, deciding that this is a bridge I can
cross when I come to it, before forcing another smile on my face as
Becca and Adeola arrive at the studio together.
"Decided to show up on time today?" Becca jokes as we greet each other
with a hug.
"Play nicely!" Jamie-Lee chuckles as we head into the recording studio,
Kayla joining us less than five minutes later. Once again, we spend the
whole morning singing, but when it comes to lunch, rather than head to
a posh cafe as we've been doing all week, Jamie-Lee instead instructs
us all to stay in the studio.
"'Fraid I'm going to have to ask you all to work through lunch," Jamie-
Lee says with an almost excited voice. "The outfits we ordered for your
promo shoots MAY have arrived today..." Becca and Adeola both squeak
excitedly at the news, and I force out an excited gasp too, even though
I've no idea what the outfits look like... And when I see them, my
excitement only increases.
The outfits Jamie-Lee described are short, tight leotard dresses with
matching knee-high platform boots. They're exactly the sort of outfit
my younger self would have given his right arm to be able to wear, even
for a second... And they're a reminder of one of the reasons WHY I
accepted the job in the first place. The dresses are bespoke, tailored
to fit perfectly (our measurements were taken on our first day of work)
and are a different colour for each girl- Becca's is a sparkly, golden
yellow, Adeola's is a dark, silvery grey, Lauren's is royal blue,
Kayla's is hot pink and mine is a deep, almost sultry red. The five of
us are handed our outfits (along with a pair of fishnet tights) and
ordered to immediately change- and none of us need to be asked twice!
Whilst the changing room we use is small, all five of us have more than
enough space to change- and once again, I find myself almost bemused by
how the four other women can casually disrobe in front of me. My own
outfit is cut so as to hide my bra, but the others' aren't, so I find
myself desperately trying not to pay any attention to my bandmates'
breasts.
As much as I'm pretending to be a woman, I am still VERY attracted to
women, and the four women I'm stood with in the changing rooms are
extremely attractive... Making me thankful that the leotard part of my
dress is extremely tight.
"Okay," Jamie-Lee says, handing us all capes that we tie around our
necks. "Make-up next! And girls- you look HOT!" I find myself
involuntarily giggling along with the other girls as we take turns
having our make-up enhanced to near-ridiculous levels, with thick
eyeshadow, bright lip gloss and fake eyelashes. I have a moment of
panic, though, when the beautician produces a bottle of red nail polish
and begins carefully coating each of my fingernails.
"Umm, is the polish necessary?" I ask the beautician. "I'm, um, not
really a fan..."
"Oh come on," the beautician giggles. "Every girl loves getting their
nails done, surely?" Ordinarily, I'd agree, but this is something I'll
have a HELL of a time explaining to my parents when I get home...
"I'm just, um, kinda OCD about it..." I explain. "I kinda touch it up
every 10 seconds when I've got it on, which is why I prefer going
without any at all..."
"I'll take it off for you before the end of the day," the beautician
giggles, and I try not to breathe a sigh of relief, allowing myself to
enjoy my time in front of the camera as I- and the other girls- strike
seemingly hundreds of different poses, both individually and in a
group. Much to my surprise, the rest of the girls all breathe a sigh of
relief as Paul- the cameraman- announces that he has all the shots he
needs, and we can change out of our tight outfits and back into our
everyday clothes.
"Why are you two so tired?" Kayla giggles as she strips out of her pink
dress and pulls her denim shorts back on. "I thought you WERE models
anyway..."
"Yeah," Adeola says. "And modelling's hard work! Unless you're Steph,
of course..." I giggle at Adeola's teasing, but she's not wrong- as
exhausted as I should be, it's like the costume has somehow
'revitalised' me, reminded me how exciting it is to be able to wear
such feminine clothing- AND be paid very, very richly to do so...
"This must be kind-of a dream come true for you," Becca says as she
pulls her short black skirt back on. "Bet you never thought when you
were twelve that you'd be wearing something like THAT to work!"
"It IS a fantasy," I giggle. "I'm so glad I auditioned for this
role..."
"I'm so glad my Uncle picked the right three girls!" Adeola chuckles.
"Hey, how about we all head out for dinner? You know, because we missed
lunch?"
"Sounds great!" Kayla beams, with Lauren also nodding her agreement
before I can offer any counter-argument. Much to my surprise, however,
it's Becca who speaks up next.
"Can't tonight," Becca says. "Hot date with my bae!"
"Then bring him along!" Adeola insists.
"It's not a 'hot' date if there are four other girls there, is it?"
Becca snorts.
"Well... Okay," Adeola says, clearly taken aback by her friend's
refusal. "Tomorrow night then?"
"Of course!" Becca giggles, giving Adeola a hug as she leaves. "See you
all tomorrow!"
"Soo... Just the four of us then?" Lauren asks, making Adeola sigh
sadly.
"Ehh... Maybe some other time," Adeola says, tying her long black hair
back into a ponytail and grabbing her handbag. "See you tomorrow!"
"Does- does she actually have a character of her own?" Lauren asks,
shocked by Adeola's sudden U-turn.
"Doesn't mean we three can't go out for dinner, right?" Kayla asks with
a grin. I look down at my scarlet fingernails and grimace- as much as
I've loved today... I really can't afford to drag it out any longer.
"...You two," I say, making Lauren and Kayla moan.
"Oh come on, Steph!" Kayla pleads. "Also, you're the only Londoner
here, you HAVE to show us around the city!"
"Yeah, come on, please?" Lauren asks. "Don't want to have to eat in the
hotel AGAIN..." I sigh inwardly, before forcing a smile onto my face- I
don't want to let my new friends down, after all. I can't afford to-
especially if Becca's going to get all 'alpha' on me again and if
Adeola's going to be her 'sidekick'...
"Can you give me fifteen minutes?" I ask, making Lauren and Kayla both
giggle excitedly. It doesn't take long to track down the beautician
who'd earlier coated my nails in the red polish and persuade her to
remove it all, before grabbing my backpack and returning to Lauren and
Kayla, both of whom are eager to get going- which suits me fine.
"Ready to go, fellow 'Becca's sidekick'?" Lauren asks, making Kayla
giggle an almost guilty-sounding laugh. I smile as I follow Lauren and
Kayla to their chosen restaurant- as much as they wanted me to 'show
them around London', in the time it took for me to get my nail polish
removed they'd already had Google find them three restaurants nearby,
all of which they liked the look of.
Dinner drags on until after 8pm, with Lauren and Kayla mostly gossiping
about Becca and her attitude, despite my efforts to steer the
conversation down less 'bitchy' routes. After bidding farewell to my
bandmates, I find a McDonalds with a disabled toilet to change in,
before heading back home, eventually passing through my front door just
after 9pm.
"God above Steve, they'd better be giving you overtime!" dad sighs as I
stagger through the front door.
"Please tell me you weren't out drinking with work colleagues AGAIN?"
Mum asks.
"No," I sigh. "Well- one drink, but only one, I promise. I just- I've
made some new friends, I want to get to know them better, that's all."
"Well, okay, if you're sure," mum says. Just don't stay out TOO late
each night, you need to save your strength for your actual job!" You
don't know how right you are... I think to myself, dad, however,
chuckles to himself as mum and I talk.
"Share the joke," Mum says to dad, who simply laughs harder.
"Isn't it obvious what's happening?" Dad asks. "Young man, you should
know by now that you can't hide ANYTHING from me, and I can read you
like a book." I gulp- surely dad can't have figured out about
Stephanie, can he?
"So, pray tell, what's going on?" Mum asks.
"When Steve says 'friend' he obviously means 'girlfriend'!" Dad laughs,
making me sigh and shake my head. "So come on then son, what's her
name?" I freeze as dad puts me on the spot- but I quickly realise what
a golden opportunity this is. If I can persuade them that I have a
girlfriend, it'll lead them further away from the truth...
"Rebecca," I say, inwardly wondering why THAT name was the first to
spring to mind. "Her name's Rebecca." Mum and dad both grin happy grins
and clap their hands at the new of my 'girlfriend'.
"Met through work?" Dad asks, to which I nod my head in response.
"Well don't let her keep you out too late either!" Mum laughs. "And
bring her round to meet us at some point!" Yeah... That's probably not
going to happen.
Mum and dad interrogate me about my 'girlfriend' for the next half
hour, before I head to bed, utterly exhausted from the day's activities
and facing a 7am start to get up, changed and out of the house before
my parents get up themselves.
Once again, the following morning, I'm the second to arrive at work,
after Lauren. My outfit is so plain- a clingy top, a short denim skirt
and black tights- that it hardly feels like I'm dressed up at all, and
I'm barely even aware of the full face of make-up I've got on. As I
line up next to the other four girls in front of the microphones,
everything feels... Normal. This could be my fatigue preventing me from
getting excited, of course, but the more time I spend in this studio,
the more 'real' Stephanie becomes... And the less real Steve becomes.
"Okay," Stuart announces, his voice betraying some of his own fatigue.
"I know it's Friday, it's been a long week, but I still want to hear
you doing your best today. That means you too, Becca."
"Bite me," Becca laughs at her older brother, who counts us in to our
first song of the day- a cover of 'Eternal Flame' by the Bangles. As
always, we take it in turns to sing parts of the verses.
"Say my name," I sing, trying my hardest as always to make my voice as
feminine and powerful as possible. "Sun shines through the rain, A
whole life so lonely, And then come and ease the pain, I don't want to
lo-" All of a sudden, my voice cracks and a high-pitched croak slips
out, ruining the recording. My cheeks turn a bright red as my bandmates
stare at me, the disappointment etched on their faces
"Sorry..." I mumble in a very meek voice.
"Happens to everyone," Stuart assures me. "And it IS the end of a long
week..." I'm pretty sure me singing in a voice that isn't my natural
one has more to do with the error, though.
"Okay, from the top," Stuart says. "One, two three..."
"Close your eyes," Becca sings. "Give me your hand, darlin', Do you
feel my heart beating? Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I
only drea-" Becca pauses as I suddenly let out a loud sneeze, before
burying my now beet-red face in my hands.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry," I groan.
"We'll take a break for some water after this next one," Stuart says,
irritation beginning to seep into his voice. I take several deep
breaths to calm myself as he resets the music for another run-through.
"From the top again," Stuart says. "One, two, three..."
"Close your eyes," Becca sings, shooting a withering stare in my
direction. "Give me your hand, darlin', Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I on-" Another loud sneeze
reverberates through the recording studio, cutting Becca off mid-word,
though this time, it's not me, but Adeola who ruined the recording.
Still holding her hands in front of her mouth and almost in a state of
shock, Adeola's eyes meets mine, and we both burst into an
uncontrollable fit of giggles that lasts for several minutes and drags
every other member of the band- Becca included- down with us.
"Girls!" Stuart snaps as we try to compose ourselves. "Can we try to
get to the end of this song at least ONCE today, please?"
"Sorry, sorry," Adeola giggles, taking several deep breaths to compose
herself as the rest of us follow suit.
"From the top," Stuart sighs. "One, two, three..."
"Close your eyes," Becca sings, her eyes betraying the fact that she is
struggling to compose herself. "Give me your hand, darlin', Do you feel
my heart beating? Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I-" Becca
loses control, breaking down in a fit of giggles that quickly consumes
the rest of us as well.
"Okay, we'll save Eternal Flame for next week," Stuart moans as he
fiddles with his computer. "Take five. Grab some water, try not to
drown whilst drinking it, please..."
"No promises," Becca laughs as we grab our drinks.
"Do you want some Benadryl in that?" Adeola teases me, causing me to
nearly snort water out of my nose.
"You can talk!" I retort, making the dark-skinned girl laugh loudly.
"Where'd you all go for dinner last night?" Becca asks.
"Small, privately-run place a few streets away," Lauren replies.
"Do they do lunch?" Becca asks, making the Scottish girl smile a very
genuine happy smile.
"Aye, I think they might," Lauren giggles as we head back to our
microphones. Sure enough, at lunch I find myself back at the same
restaurant where I'd eaten with Lauren & Kayla last night, only this
time the two girls aren't nearly as willing to slag off Becca, and- the
fact that she's sat next to me notwithstanding- I'm not as willing to
slag her off either. I don't know if she had a private 'moment' last
night with Jamie-Lee, Stuart or both, but for the first time this week,
I'm actually beginning to warm to Becca as a friend.
That good will only improves once we arrive back at the recording
studio to be greeted by yet another set of matching clothing- this time
a pair of tight leggings and a monogrammed sports bra for our first
choreography lesson at Krystie Fullerton's dance studio. Whilst Krystie
herself is a classically-trained ballerina, and Becca and Adeola have
years of dance experience, neither Lauren, Kayla nor myself have had
ANY formal dance instruction for over a decade. Rather than teach us as
a group, Krystie decides instead to pair us off to teach us some basic
dance steps, so for the next ninety minutes, Krystie herself puts my
body through its paces, whilst Becca 'instructs' Kayla and Adeola helps
Lauren.
"God, that was KNACKERING," Lauren complains at the end of the lesson.
"You grey up on a farm, and you call an hour and a half of dance
'knackering'?" Becca playfully teases.
"You don't have to concentrate on every single muscle in your body when
you're chasing after a sheep!" Lauren giggles.
"You've seriously never taken dance lessons before?" Adeola asks as she
dishes out much-needed bottles of water.
"I took ballet up until I was eight," Lauren explains. "I was never any
good at it, my parents couldn't really afford it, so that was that."
"Kayla?" Becca asks the tiny blonde girl, who shakes her head in
response.
"Got sick of it when I was nine," Kayla shrugs. "Asked my parents if I
could stop, so I stopped."
"Steph?" Adeola asks expectantly.
"First ever formal dance lesson of ANY kind," I sigh. "Doubt my parents
would've approved, especially not if they saw me wearing anything like
this..."
"Would they approve if they saw you wearing a pair of pink tights and a
black leotard?" Becca asks with a wicked smile.
"I'm guessing no!" I laugh, making the other four girls giggle as well.
"I'd look like an elephant if I attempted ballet..."
"Oh, I dunno," Krystie- who's obviously been eavesdropping- comments.
"All three of you have got great potential, and I DO have space in my
schedule to give you some remedial ballet lessons if you want..."
"Is ballet really going to help us with the sort of choreography we're
going to be doing?" Lauren asks.
"It's the foundation for all forms of dance," Krystie retorts. "It
teaches you form, posture... Get a good grounding in ballet and
everything else will come to you easily. AND the lessons will of course
be free. Well, free to YOU anyway, to the company..." The six of us all
giggle as Krystie works her persuasive magic.
"Okay, sign me up!" Kayla giggles.
"Me too!" Lauren says, before every face in the room turns to look at
me.
"Me three, I guess!" I laugh, causing cheers from all the assembled
women. Where the hell am I going to hide and when will I be able to
wash a ballet uniform, of all things...? I self-pityingly think to
myself as Krystie draws up a draft timetable for myself, Lauren and
Kayla that will see us undertake dance training on Monday and Wednesday
mornings.
With the afternoon quickly turning into evening, Krystie sends the five
of us on our way, and as I grab my backpack I breathe a sigh of relief
that the week- as enjoyable as it's been- is over. Changing isn't even
going to be a hassle today- the sports bra and leggings are easily
hidden under 'Steve's clothes so I won't even need to remove them
before going home. Before I'm able to leave the dance studio, however,
my relief is quickly dashed.
"Girls," Becca announces. "It's the end of the very first week of Out
of Heaven, which as we all know, is THE hottest girl band in the UK
right now. But even more importantly than that, it's Friday night, and
do you know what that means?"
"Girls' night out!" Adeola cheers. Crap crap crap crap CRAP! I think to
myself, turning my face away from the girls and grimacing.
"AND it's Lauren's first official Friday night out as an adult," Becca
laughs, giving the Scottish girl a playful hug. "Double celebration
time!"
"I've still not got a clubbing dress," Lauren complains. "Not had the
time to buy one!"
"And I've still only got your dress," I say to Becca, whose face falls
slightly at the obstacles being put in her way.
"Then wear it again," Becca shrugs. "And don't worry about getting it
cleaned- I'll sort that out." I force out a giggle, but getting the
dress cleaned isn't going to be nearly as big a hassle as figuring out
how to get home, change into it and get out without my parents
noticing...
"...And I've still not got seven months' more age," Kayla sighs,
lowering the mood of every woman in the room- every woman, that is,
except me. Inwardly, I cheer at the 'exit' I've been provided by
Kayla's young age. "You- you just go without me, I'll be fine."
"It doesn't seem right, though," I argue. "If we're celebrating the
first week of the band then we should celebrate with the WHOLE band."
"We'll just celebrate Lauren's birthday, then!" Adeola laughs.
"We did that on Tuesday!" The flame-haired girl states. "Though a night
out DOES sound good..."
"No-reason-night-out it is then!" Becca states firmly. "Steph, you
still in?" I desperately try to rack my brains for an excuse, only to
draw a blank.
"I'm... Not really feeling up to it," I say, inwardly grimacing at how
lame I sound in front of my new friends. "Maybe next week."
"Eh, your loss," Becca shrugs. "I'll see you tomorrow though, right?"
"T- Tomorrow?" I ask.
"For the traditional girls' night IN," Becca says. "At Charlotte
Hutchinson's place?" For god's sake! I think to myself. Am I ever going
to get ANY time to myself?
"God, I've wanted to go to one of those for SO long," Lauren sighs.
"Was meant to be moving my stuff down tomorrow, but I persuaded my
brother to wait until Sunday to move just so I can go to that..."
"Same here," Kayla giggles. "Even booked a hotel room tomorrow night so
I don't have to worry about missing the last train home!"
"Who's going to be there?" I ask, trying to sound eager rather than
cautious.
"All of the Angels, all of the new 'Teen Angels' group too," Becca
says. "This is kind-of your debut, heh!" If the Angels will be there
then that means that Jamie-Lee will also be there, so there'll be at
least ONE friendly face...
"Count me in!" I laugh, already forming a plan as to how to get there
and home without my parents knowing about 'Stephanie' and my new
friends knowing about 'Steve'.
"I've gotta go," Kayla says, pulling the denim skirt she was wearing
earlier back on over her leggings. "Train leaves in a bit... Kinda wish
I'd booked a hotel for tonight, heh."
"You can stay in my room tonight if you really want," Lauren offers.
"By myself, waiting for you to get back?" Kayla giggles.
"Ah, Steph'll keep you company, won't you, Steph?" Becca giggles.
Inwardly, I can feel myself starting to implode from the stress, but I
just about manage to force a smile on my face.
"Sure!" I say, making Kayla giggle and take her phone out of her bag.
"Just need to call home," the tiny blonde girl says. "Explain I may be
a little late home... as in Sunday!"
"I need to make a call too," I say, trying my hardest not to sigh.
Needless to say, my parents were concerned with my having yet another
late night out, but accepted it when I explained that I wouldn't be
working the following day. I end up staying with Kayla until well after
11pm- the time at which Lauren returns looking very much the worse for
wear. I leave the two girls to their rest- despite their offer for me
to stay over with them- and head home, thankful that the hotel had a
disabled toilet in which I could change back to 'Steve'.
I don't get up the following day until after 11am, and even then it's
only because my parents wake me up as they head out to work. I breathe
a sigh of relief as I shave, before pulling on a pair of shorts and a
t-shirt, heading down to the sofa and collapsing on it with a loud
sigh. Ironically, most days when I have the house to myself like this
I'd immediately dive into my 'Stephanie' drawer and spend the day
sampling all the feminine delights within, but right now, all I want to
do is wear slouchy clothes and play on my Xbox until my thumbs seize
up.
...And yet, an hour into my gaming session, all I can think about are
my four new friends. Becca will undoubtedly be out with her boyfriend
somewhere and Adeola will be with her family, but Lauren and Kayla will
still probably be in their hotel room, or may have chosen to go out
exploring London...
"Hi Lauren," I say into my phone in my 'Stephanie' voice.
"Hey Steph!" Lauren laughs. "You missed a GREAT night last night, it
wasn't just Becca and Adeola, a lot of the Angels were there too, we
got straight into the VIP area, got drinks on the house..."
"Sounds AWESOME," I say, interrupting Lauren before she has a chance to
babble further. "Hey... I know this may sound weird, but are you and
Kayla doing anything today?"
"Aye, we're doing a bit of sightseeing," Lauren says. "Be nice to see a
part of London that ISN'T the inside of a recording studio!"
"Hehe!" I giggle girlishly. "Umm... Room for one more?"
"Of course!" Lauren laughs. "Haven't you seen all of London, though?"
"Have you SEEN how big it is?" I laugh. "Where d'you want to meet?"
"You know Speedy's cafe, North Gower Street?" Lauren asks. "Near Euston
Station."
"Yep," I say happily. "See you in about an hour and a half?"
"That long?" Lauren asks.
"Like I said," I giggle. "See how big London is?"
"Okay," Lauren laughs. "See you in a bit!" I actually squeal with
excitement as I click off the phone and head upstairs to change.
Despite the lengthy tube ride ahead of me, I take my time applying my
make-up and picking out my outfit- a cute long-sleeved brown minidress
I bought on my s