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Hiding in Hose Belladonna Journal Log: 1/22/15 This was the most hellish day of my life so I must keep this short. As I walked towards my office this morning, a van pulled up next to me. Three men jumped out and tried to pull me inside. I bit and flailed at the men in a mad effort to free myself. It was only the help of a few good Samaritans that allowed me to escape their clutches. I may very well owe those brave people my life, and I will reward them well upon my return. Mother has advised that it is too dangerous for me to stay here and she is surely correct. Consequently, I'm being forced to become an exile from my own home until my would be captors are brought to justice. The police have told me that they have them on video. They say can protect me too, but it is too big of a risk for me to remain here. I have no choice but to go beyond the reach of those who wish to do me harm. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Journal Log: 1/23/15 This was the most humiliating day of my life. My skin crawls as I write this. When I woke up to sneak out of my home this morning, my mother insisted on a disguise. I knew that it was necessary, but to have to pose as the daughter of our family's maid was beyond demeaning. I could see my mother and maid struggling not to laugh at me as they helped me primp and dress. My legs, chest and armpits were shaved clean before I was dressed in a push up bra, panties and tights. I could not help but to feel like a total freak as they put me into that horrid dress. The flowery print seemed an affront to every bit of my masculinity. I knew then that those who wished to victimize me were doing so even if they failed to capture me. Once my dress was on, my mother and maid took to attending to my makeup. My face felt strange under the layers of cosmetic that were slathered upon it. It felt somehow harder, even as it made my face look less rough than it usually does. They did the best they could with my short hair with gel. The effect of the clothes, makeup and hair was undeniable though. I looked nothing like the young captain of industry I am. I looked more like a young girl. I was almost attracted to the girl I was forced to gaze upon in the mirror while they scurried around packing my bags for the trip. I thanked God that neither of them took any pictures of me in my foolish getup. I could not wait to cast it off and never think about what it felt like to be the girlish freak again. Still under the cover of the darkness of the early morning, we snuck out of the home. I hid myself behind my maid as we made our way to the car that had been arranged by my mother. My heart raced as my emasculating ballet flats slapped the pavement beneath them. I feared that the driver would turn out to be one of my enemies. It was a long shot, but I would not put it past anyone. My mother swore to me that the company was legitimate and that no one would see me for anything other than Adriana Navarro, the illegitimate daughter of Julieta Navarro up for a visit to her mother. I heard all about my maid and her daughter's plight of woe on our way to the airport and while we waited for our flight. Julieta had been raped in her youth. Her family's strict Catholic beliefs made her carry her daughter to term. There was a noticeable tinge of resentment about Adriana in Julieta that clearly makes her disgusted with herself, as she knows her daughter bares no fault for her sinful creation. She left her daughter at a young age to come to America to help provide for her family. She sent her money back, but only saw her daughter the few times of year she was able to visit them. Her daughter had finally gotten her tourist visa, but Julieta took it back with her to America as a punishment for her daughter's rebellion against her grandparents, who were more like her parents than she was. As it turned out, it was my good fortune that she had the passport. It gave me some identification in my feminine guise that would take me far away from my enemies to a place they would never think to find me. Still, although I bore a slight resemblance to her daughter, I was anything but a certain match for the image on her documentation. I was sure the ruse would breakup the minute we went through security. They checked us over and waived us through. I was in borderline shock at the incompetence of the TSA Agent that let me through. Once we came upon the body scanner, I knew that there was no way that would not be able to see through my disguise. My maid comforted me though. She told me that arrangements had been made. I went through the scanner and was let through to board my plane without a second glance from security. I was in shock. The easy corruptibility or incompetence of the agent made me afraid of getting on the plane. We boarded the plane and my maid let me know more about her family. Her daughter lived with my maid's parents. She has a large extended family, however, they have all moved out of the family's home. I was comforted by the fact that I will be living with only a few people while my captors are pursued. Once we landed, we collected our bags and made our way out of the airport. The facility was better maintained than I assumed it would be, but I guess the country would not get many international travelers if it let the airport devolve into a squalid hellhole. My maid had made arrangements for her father to pick us up at the airport. The weathered man greeted her warmly. Although he was nice to me, I could sense the derision in his eyes. He wanted to say that I was a freak as I stood before him looking like a transsexual fairy posing as his granddaughter, but he was too polite to do so. The man drove us to his home after he put our bags in the trunk. My maid and her father spoke to each other the whole way there, catching up on their lives. I was familiar with Spanish from my high school and college days, which my maid was careful to advise her father of. I'm sure that comment was made so that he did not call me a she-male or some other vile thing before I could safely cast off my girlish disguise. Once we came upon his home, I could not help but stare at the humble dwelling with a slack jaw. I shook my head as I wondered how my mother possibly thought that I could stay in such a squalid place. I had never seen such a decrepit structure in person. The rickety home looked like it needed to be hit by bulldozer and rebuilt from the ground up. My maid turned to look at me as she caught my appalled reaction. She shook her head as she castigated me, "What did you expect? If I had a house like yours, do you think I'd be cleaning up after you?" I shook my head, understanding the folly of my expectations. This home suited my maid and her father. The man's face was nearly as cracked and worn as the home he lived in. His tired eyes reflected a life of difficulty. My maid soon realized that she had forgotten her place when she took me to task. She smiled warmly at me and told me that I should have seen the place that she had grown up in. It apparently it made this modest home she bought her parents and daughter look like a palace. While I have no reason to doubt that that is so, I'm still unhappy that I'm going to be staying here. The house is fit for a woman like my maid and her family. It is not fit for a man like me. I've gone to the finest schools from pre-school through my years in college. I have stepped out of college into an executive role at the family company. I was the CEO by 25, due to my father's death in a helicopter crash. I ruled over thousands of employees. I controlled billions of dollars of assets across the world. My place is at the head of the table and on the throne of the little empire my father and his father before him had created. As the old man brought our bags into the home, I could only hope that my would be captors would be brought to swift justice. There was no way I could survive in this place in for long. I'd rather die at home than live like this for too long. I wanted to call my mother right away to send my passport and make arrangements to bring me home immediately. Despite this, I knew that it was too dangerous. If I called my mother, those looking for me, might be able to track me down. I could not give myself away. After I resigned myself to staying here for a bit, my maid introduced me to her mother. She was a broad woman with a scrunched face that looked as worn as her husband's did. The woman hugged me, forcing me to take a whiff of her strong body odor that had likely taken years to become ingrained in her skin. I breathed heavily when she released me before I was taken on a tour of the home. The home had a kitchen, eating area, living area, bathroom and three bedrooms. I was shown to my room. Rustic is too nice of a word to describe this small, Spartan room that has nothing more than a bed upon the floor, a closet and a ceiling light. My skin crawls as I cannot help but wonder how many bugs call my mattress home. It's enough to make me almost wish I had been kidnapped. After stepping into this room for the first time, the old man put my bag down and opened it. My eyes almost popped out of my head while I stared at the dress on top of the other items in the bag. There were shoes in a mesh compartment that were clearly from the ladies department. "What the fuck!" I exclaimed. The old man looked at me strangely, not understanding much English. My maid moved towards me to calm me down as she said, "We can't have you going around as Gavin Bryceland." My mind raced as I tried to deny what that meant. They could not expect me to live as a Mexican girl, but I knew that they did! "If you pose as an American, the neighbors will kidnap you." I shook my head as I knelt down for a second. I started to hyperventilate as I realized what a dangerous place as I was in. I had to appear to be nothing special or I would be used to help fund some menacing character's lifestyle. "So, I can't even go outside?" I asked. My maid nodded, forcing me to come to terms that this squalid home was my prison. I did not have an assigned number, but I was stuck behind its walls. "Why can't I wear my stuff?" "It's too dangerous. No one can look in here and see a boy. My family has only young girls. The neighbors know us," my maid explained. "If they know you all, they'll know I don't belong here," I countered. "We've already told them that our cousin is coming to stay with us." "And you told them I'm a girl?" "A few of them saw you walk in here, so they know you're a girl." "I think, I'm going to be sick," I found myself muttering as my maid started to put away my dresses, skirts and tops. "Where did you get those?" I asked. "Your mother sent me to buy me them at a second hand store once she decided on how to disguise you." "Why didn't anybody ask me?" "It was the only way." "It was my decision!" "Your mother wants to protect you. You're her child. So, it's her decision." "I'm a grown man." "Who still lives with his mother..." "It's the family home." "You'll return there soon enough. You won't be Adela for long," she replied, trying to put me at ease. I shook my head while my maid continued putting my belongings away in the closet. I knew that she had no way of knowing that. I have no way of knowing how long I would be trapped here either. This place is nothing like my home. The whole home would nearly fit in my bedroom. The value of the furnishings of that one room dwarfs the value of this entire home. I sat on the edge of the bed staring up at the cracks in the ceiling. My mind started recognizing a pattern that reminds me of Orion. The sound of a youthful voice tore me from my wallowing. I wondered if the pleasant voice belonged to my maid's real daughter. From the one picture I had seen of her, she looked like a pretty girl. I forced myself up and made my way towards the voices. I wondered if I would find some comfort from being around this girl. I knew that there would be nothing between us, not with me being introduced to her looking like the biggest fairy in the world. I took a deep breath as I walked down the hallway and came into the kitchen where they all were standing. My maid caught a glimpse of me out of the corner of her eye and waved me over as she introduced her daughter. Her picture did her little justice. Her big brown eyes are beautiful are stunning. She had higher cheekbones than her mother or grandmother. I cannot help but believe that her father was not from this area. Her face was far less round than the other women in the room and she was far thinner. We shook hands briefly before the old woman placed a meal down on the table for us all. I watched as my maid and her family sat at the table. I waited to see which spot was going be left for me before I sat down. The family chatted while I ate in silence, breaking in where I could with a few words. I'm rustier with my Spanish than I thought, but I can follow the gist of what they're saying. I thanked the old woman for the meal. The whole room froze as I called her by her first name. My maid told me to call her parents Tia Ana and Tio Fernando. My inquiry as to why led to an explanation that I needed to live up to the neighbors expectation of who I was is, should any of them overhear me. I can only wish that that was the only indignity I would have to bear here. If it was, I would bear it happily. The food was a bit spicy and greasy for my taste, but it was edible. I suspect that it is as good as it's going to get here. The smile on Adriana's face was the only thing that seemed pleasant the whole day. She was kind to me at the table and after the meal. Her friendliness is helping to lessen the lonesomeness that is already starting to overtake me. I suspect she'll visit me in my dreams as she is the only sunshine in this dank hell. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Journal Log - 1/24/15 Conditions have gone from bad to worse much more quickly than I could have ever imagined. The night air here nearly makes for every bit the sauna that the day does. The sweat built up on my brow as my head rested on the mattress that has a stench of years of sweat, dirt and body oil built engrained in it. Every time my face turned towards the mattress, my head jerks straight up to face the ceiling. I woke up the next morning, after managing only a few hours sleep. I saw the whole family scurrying around as I got up. The old woman waved me over to help with the breakfast. Given their best efforts at hospitality, I did not rebuff her request. I walked over and helped set the table and cook while Adriana got ready to leave for classes at the school her mother was paying for. My maid was so proud of her daughter. She was taking advantage of the options that circumstances had denied her. The whole family seems to have their hopes resting on the young girl's slender shoulders. I can relate. Adriana and her mother grew emotional as Adriana headed out the door. I wished her a good day which brought a warm smile from the girl before she left us. The home seemed an immeasurably darker place as she left it. The warm air seemed unbearably stagnant without her cheerful presence. After she left, me and the old woman cleaned up the kitchen while my maid and her father attended to things in the room she was sharing with her daughter. Shortly after we finished cleaning up, my maid and her father came out with her bag. "What's going on?" I asked. My maid gave me a sympathetic look as she said she had to go back home. I shook my head, distressed beyond my own comprehension that this woman could possibly think about leaving me here with these strangers, whether they were her family or not. "You can't leave me here," I protested. "I have to," she replied before reminding me of how she sent money back to support her family. "But what about me?" "Your mother is sending money back through me to cover your stay, but we can't send too much. It'll raise too many red flags."' While her statement made sense, it mortified me. This woman and my mother really expected me to live here with my maid's family in squalor as if there was nothing wrong. Before I could get out another word, I heard a car horn blaring outside. The old woman smiled as she peered out the window and said, "Carlos is here." "Who's Carlos?" "My brother-in-law," my maid replied before she kissed me on the cheek. "Take me with you." "I wish I could..." "I can't stay here. I'd rather die than..." "You can't come back yet, but I'll be back for you, shortly. I promise," she replied before her father carried her bags out the door for her. I pressed my back up to the wall as I watched her get in the car and drive away. I was really alone with these strangers. I hope my mother was able to send them enough to keep them on my side. As the old man walked into the home, his wife turned to me and said, "Everyone earns their keep in this house, Adela." Her words struck me strangely before I said, "My money isn't enough?" "Everyone here works," the old man advised. "What about you two?" The old man shook his head as he told me how he tended to the home. The old woman said she was the cook. "So, what does that leave for me?" I asked. "The cleaning," the old woman replied with a smile. I gave her an incredulous look. It took me a while to realize that she was serious. She really expected me to clean up after her and her family. "Ma'am, I'm thankful for your hospitality, but I'm not a cleaner," I replied in a courteous, but stern manner. "I've never had a maid before," the old woman uttered, clearly ignoring my protest as if it was of no regard to her. I nearly smacked the smirk off her face as I turned to face her. The old man laughed at her statement. I hoped he realized her folly, but he was just as amused with the situation of the rich gringo being forced down below their level. "You still don't," I found the nerve to counter. "Curtsy, maid," the old woman ordered. "Excuse me!" "You heard me," she shouted while she half demonstrated the submissive movement for me. God, I'm going to destroy my maid for this once I get back home. I shook my head at her parents and reminded them who I was and who they were. That did not sit well with them. The old man struck me flush across the check. I was surprised by his strength as my eyes started to tear from the force of his hand. My maid's mother laughed at me as I struggled to get to my feet, feeling like the sissy they clearly thought I was. I pushed myself up and said, "Don't you ever..." "Don't come into our home and tell us what to do," the old man replied, cutting me off. I glared at him. I would have killed him if I could, but I was in no position to fight the man. I doubt that I could win, even though he's several decades older than me. The old woman scrunched her crinkled face up as she looked at me. She turned to her husband and said, "Get rid of this trash. If she thinks she's too good for this place, she can make her own way like the other whores." My stomach sank as I feared being tossed out on the street in my feminized state. In this neighborhood, I knew I was in deep trouble. I knew what had happened to my maid, and I was not even familiar with the area in the way she was. If I'm cast out the door, I'll be lucky to end up under the care of a pimp. I need to keep these people on my side. I swallowed my pride this morning and curtsied to the old woman. I was thankful that Adriana nor her mother had been around to witness my shameful surrender. The old woman grinned from ear to ear as if my capitulation to her was the greatest success of her life. Who knows, maybe it is. I don't know. I don't care to know. I just have to keep her happy until my mother gets word of what they're subjecting me to. She turned away from me and walked away to leave me to my cleaning. I really did not even know where to start. I looked around as I waited for some kind of direction. The old woman returned a few second later carrying something gray in her hands. As she unfolded the cloth, I realized it was not the tablecloth I thought it was at first blush. It was an apron. There was no disguising it as she shoved it towards me. I took it hesitantly. She motioned for me to put it on. I thought about protesting, but my early failed attempts at maintaining my dignity told me that it was pointless. I pulled at the halter strap as I pulled it down over my head before I reached for the ties of the apron. I struggled to tie it for a second before the old woman clearly grew tired of my fumbling attempts and tied it for me. She gave me a satisfied look as she looked me over. I could tell that she was getting a rip out of the rich American boy who was now standing at her service before her in a dress and apron. She handed me a duster and told me where she kept a ladder. I asked what I needed a ladder for before she pointed to the fans on the ceiling. They were newer than most things in the home and I assumed that they were probably bought for her by my maid. I bristled at the thought of cleaning something that was bought by my family's money for this ungrateful woman, who should have been thankful to us for our years of loyalty to her daughter. If it wasn't for us, my maid might be the girl turning tricks that she more or less threatened cast me down with. I walked over to closet where the stepladder was kept and retrieved it. I brought it under the fans before I opened and went up to the top rung. I reached up and ran the duster across the first blade of the fan. The old woman returned to the room before I turned the fan to clean the second blade. The grin on her face made me nervous as she sat in the room while I reached up and ran the duster across the blade. I heard her cackle before my eyes darted to her. The sound caused me to nearly lose my balance before I composed myself and asked her what was so funny. She laughed as she told me to keep my legs together. I knew I would regret asking the question, but I asked why that was so anyway. She only laughed again at my ignorance as she said, "I'm getting a view of your pretty panties." I blushed at her words, stunned that this woman would be staring up my dress like she was a horny teenage boy and I was some cute girl. She was too old for such things, and I was not supposed to be in a dress! I didn't want to give her anymore of a show, so I brought my legs together before I turned the fan blades to clean the next one. Once I finished cleaning the first fan, the old woman got up and walked out of the room. Her departure brought a smile to my face as it made think that it was brought about by her not having anymore fun at my expense. I climbed down the ladder and moved it under the second fan before I cleaned each blade. After finishing cleaning the fan blades, I put the stepladder away and went to ask about my next task. As it turned out, I didn't have to ask since the old woman had a broom in hand when I found her. She held the broom out in front of me and told me to sweep the floors. I took the broom from her and started sweeping where I stood before she shouted at me. I paused, surprised by her menacing tone as she berated me for being an idiot. She told me to start cleaning at the edges of the room and make my way towards the middle as if I was supposed to know this. I'm not a cleaner! Despite my anger, I forced myself to nod in response to the woman. I carried out her instructions and went to the edge of the room and started sweeping. As I swept, I turned to the woman to try to read her thoughts on her face. I could tell the old woman was taking pleasure in seeing the man her daughter served for so long cleaning up after her. I don't know why she's taking some sort of misguided revenge on me. I never did anything to her or her daughter. I swept one room after another without much difficulty. The repeated motions made my arm and lower back muscles ache a little, but I wasn't collecting much dirt. I was actually surprised by how tidy the old woman kept her hovel. After I finished sweeping, the old woman called me over to help her make lunch. I was happy enough to get a break from cleaning, so I watched the stove for her while she took a bathroom break. I smelt the sizzling food and could not wait to eat it. The old woman came back into the kitchen with some alarm. "What's wrong I asked?" "You burned the food," she barked. "I did?" "Yes," she bellowed as she took the spatula from my hand and showed the slight darkening of the food. It was not burnt beyond edible, but I could tell she was irate over it. She pushed me out of the way and finished making the meal. She had me carry it out over to the table before she called her husband in. I wanted to sit down and eat too, but she ordered me to stand aside as punishment. I was mortified by her order, but I complied, having no other real choice. I stood and watched them eat as my stomach growled. I saw what they left for me as they stood up. The old woman shook her head as she told me I could have their leftovers. Too hungry for pride, I quickly ate what they had left for me like a dog. They only needed to throw a pink ribbon in my hair to treat me like some prissy poodle. When the time comes, I will make them pay for this. As I finished eating, the angry shrew shouted for me to take off my dress. I gave her a horrified look, but she was insistent. I stripped off my apron and dress and stood before in only my shoes, panties and bra. She told me to put the apron on. Happy to have anything cover me up, I quickly put it back on before she told me to wait there for her. I stood in silence while I heard go to my room. She returned with a pair of heels. "Put these on," she barked. I took them and changed into the heels, feeling like a fool. I squirmed as she smirked at my ridiculous appearance before she ordered me to clean to the windows. "Can't I do something else....anything else," I begged the bitter, old peasant. I found no sympathy as she reached for the window cleaner and some newspaper. She handed it to me and pointed towards a window facing the street. I was horrified as I approached the first window with the newspaper and cleaner. I was sure that some would see through my apron that lied flat on my chest and know that I was boy. I trembled as I reached up and sprayed the cleaner on the window. I moved my other hand towards it and saw the people walking by on the street. I kept hoping that none of them would turn and look at the window. I moved from window to window, feeling like a sissy, especially as one young boy seemed to take an interest in me from the street. I was sure that he, and really anyone who looked at the window and saw me, was not mistaking me for a girl. They have to know just what I am. There were no curves in my loose fitting bra or panties. I tried to make sure that my backside was seen by no one. I hoped that as long as my apron covered my body, I could maintain my cover as a maid girl. I felt relieved when I finished my last window and was sent to finish my afternoon by cleaning the bathroom. I started with the tub as I scoured it with a hand held brush at the old woman's insistence. She stood over me the whole time, barking directions every time she felt I wasn't cleaning it to her exacting standards. The toilet came next. I scoured the bowl before I wiped it down and moved onto the floor. I enjoyed the feeling of the cool tile floor beneath my legs since I was sweating up a storm and it helped to cool me a little. I stood up with some difficulty before I began to clean the sink basin. Once I finished with it, I started cleaning the mirror. I grimaced at my half-feminized reflection. My apron and spaghetti bra strings were the only things I could focus on at first. My eyes widened, however, when I caught a glimpse of a zit on my cheek. I hadn't had a zit in years. I wondered if it was all the sweating that caused it, or maybe it was stress. After I finished cleaning the bathroom, the old woman came to inspect my work. She nodded her head before she said, "You've earned your dress back." I wanted to slug the woman, but I responded with docile thankfulness. I really was thankful when I put on the dress and my flats. My feet were killing me from the heels and I did not want to face Adriana dressed up like the biggest sissy in the world. Looking like a girl in front of her was bad enough. Once I put my dress back on, the old woman brought me into the kitchen to help make dinner. The food had a strong smell and was spicy as all hell. I loathed the idea of having to clean the toilet after the family consumed the meal. Shortly before we finished cooking the meal, Adriana walked into the home. She greeted her grandfather in the living room before she joined her grandmother and me in the kitchen. She hugged us both. Her hug of me, brought a glare from her grandmother, but Adriana disregarded the old woman's apparent opinion while I carried the meal over to the table. As Adriana sat down, her grandparents did the same. I looked at them, reluctant to take a seat at the table. Adriana waved me over and asked me to take a seat. Since her grandparents did not correct her, I decided to take advantage of her hospitality. I sat beside her before the old woman asked me to serve them. I was surprised for a moment, but that passed quickly. I got to my feet and served each of them before myself. We ate while Adriana had a conversation with her grandparents. They didn't try to include me at all, but I really didn't care anyway. Once we finished eating, her grandparents left the room to let me get to cleaning up the kitchen. Adriana smiled at me as she asked if I needed some help. "I don't want to make your grandmother mad," I admitted. Adriana laughed at my response before she briefly hugged me and said, "Let me worry about her being unhappy with me fraternizing with the help." I was a bit put off by her insinuation, but I was happy for her help and not at all upset about being able to look at her body while I toiled for her family. As I was washing the plates, she dried them. As we reached the last plate, I could see she wanted to say something to me. I looked at her for a bit before I asked if she wanted to say something. She bit her lip before she blurted out her question, asking if I enjoyed being in her mother's shoes. I was silent before I lied out of fear that I did. I was afraid that any other response would be overheard by her grandmother, who I'm sure would find a way to make my life worse. "Uh, huh," Adriana replied with evident disbelief. After we finished cleaning up the kitchen, the old woman dismissed me for the night. Adriana grinned as she took me by the arm and went to my bedroom with me. Adriana closed the door to my room and put her back to the door before she asked, "So, really, how are you doing?" I simply shook my head in response, fearful of stating the truth. "Come on, you can tell me," she implored in response to my silence. I shook my head again as I said, "It's horrible." "Why?" "I've always been rich. I'm supposed to be running an international company not sweeping up after some poor woman." "We're not poor," Adriana lectured me, I suppose not liking the thought of me looking down on her family. "By my standards..."I started but was interrupted. "Your standards? You're the family maid," Adriana said with a laugh. "I'm not a maid!" "Really?" "Really!" "Look at that outfit you're wearing." "So?" "What does it tell you?" "That your grandmother made me dress up like a maid," I replied. "No. This is not a game. My mother made it very clear to us that we can't let anyone think that you're a person of interest. We've told all the neighbors that my mother hired you to help take care of her elderly parents..." "But..." "This is for your own good. You have to accept it that we're treating you like this because we want to keep you safe." "Her snickering tells me otherwise." Adriana inquired why her grandmother laughed at me. My truthfully response only brought laughter in response before Adriana told me that the old woman was really helping me, as if. Adriana shook her head at me before she said, "You have to put who you were out of your mind." "How am I going to do that?" "Don't think of yourself as a rich American boy, think of yourself as this peasant girl that you think we are. You'll fit in a lot better." "I don't think of you that way," I lied. Adriana winked at me and said, "Sure." "No. I mean it," I countered, trying to sound sincere. The girl smiled at my attempt and came over and kissed me on the lips. I was stunned by her actions. She winked at me again as she said good night. "Do you have to go?" I asked. She nodded with a smile as she said, "I don't want tire out the help just yet besides I don't want the neighbor boy to think that I'm stealing his 13 year old girlfriend." My mind was swimming as she stepped out the door and closed it behind her. I think she might be right. It might me best for me to try to just go native. I have resolved to myself that I'll give it a try. It has to be better than this. I just has to. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. Tia Ana, lo siento por ser una chica mala. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- May 8, 2015 Dear Diary, Tia Ana finally returned my diary. I've been ever so thankful to Adriana for her help in ending my punishment for being so mean to Tia Ana and Tio Fernando. My Spanish has greatly improved as Tia Ana and Tio Fernando won't let me speak English in the home. I only get to speak my native language with Adriana. She is doing her best to increase her English vocabulary, and I do what I can when we can sneak a moment of privacy with her. The brief times we can sneak off and speak in English in secret are the highlights of my day. We share our dreams. I want to go back to being a man. She wants to follow her mother to America, and I hope to go along with her when she does. My looks have become so much more Mexican with all of her help. Over the past few months, Tia Ana and Adriana have worked on my makeup skills. I, now, do it each morning now without any help. My hair grew longer and scruffier too before Tia Ana has chopped it down for me, cutting it into a nice bob that she dyed a flat black color. I hate looking at the way my hair brushes into my face. It makes my cheeks look even puffier than they are from the weight I've gained since I started working here. I'm thankful I don't have a scale to measure just how much weight I've packed onto my figure on since I'm sure than it's more than I'm willing guess. The clothes that Aunt Julieta purchased for me no longer fit. I've been forced to wear some of her hand me downs, which include some of the old uniforms she used to wear at my family's home. Tia Ana insists that I only wear the uniforms when I clean the home since she does not want me to dirty up any of Aunt Julieta's nicer clothes. The first time I placed on one of the polyester black dresses with white trim along the sleeve and collar I thought I would die of embarrassment. I was thankful that no one from my old life could see me at that moment of my humbling. I feared what my father would say if he could see me reduced to wearing an outfit he had purchased for his cleaner. I moved about in it for a few minutes before I put on my apron and got to work cleaning the home. When I finally caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror, I was shocked by the effect the outfit had on my plump figure. It was age alone that made me look any different than Aunt Julieta did when she was wearing this very dress to clean up after me and my parents. It almost felt surreal while I continued to clean up her family's home. The vision in the mirror was the complete opposite of what I had grown up with. I was her family's maid. No more, no less. The first time Adriana saw me in the uniform, I blushed. She never seemed more above me than she did that morning. I saw her off as she walked out of the house, dressed in one of the pretty outfits that Aunt Julieta bought for me. That night, Adriana could sense my humiliation as she walked over to me after a hard day of work. She held me close and kissed me on the lips. She caressed my sides and my ever-enlarging ass. While I feel bloated all the time, my Adriana has never held it against me yet. Despite every new zit, run in my hosiery and pound I gain, we've grown closer. At night, she sneaks into my room and lies with me. The few times we find ourselves alone in the home, she helps remind that beneath my apron, pretty makeup and silky tights, I will be able to be a man again. I'm ever so thankful for the hope she's given me. The releases are wonderful and I want her to be my wife. I've told her as much. She beamed at my words before she laughed and said that she wanted me to be her wife. It was so cute, but I cannot wait to put away my uniform and show her that I can be a man. She remains my salvation. She even convinced her parents to let me out of the home. I've grown familiar with the neighborhood that Adriana has introduced me around. I missed interacting with people, and my increased familiarity with the language and changed appearance has allowed me to blend in better than I could have ever done before. I'm even fending off a few advances from some of the bigger boys in the neighborhood. Adriana can't help but laugh every time she sees it happen. My weekends are slavishly devoted to her. We share every moment we can because we know that the weekdays will keep her out of the home for fifteen hours a day. The hours without her are beyond tedious. I wake up early and make breakfast with Tia Ana for Adriana and Tio Fernando. After they all eat and Adriana leaves for work, I'm left to clean up the place. I tidy up the home from top to bottom, cleaning the kitchen and making each bed. I give the floors their daily sweep before I clean the bathroom. The regular scrubbing has left my hands calloused. I can barely remember what it was like to have my smooth, executive's hands. Aunt Julieta called yesterday and spoke with Adriana. She told her that they're no closer to finding my kidnappers than before. It's sad to know that I may not be returning home anytime soon, but my Adriana has a way of making me feel like I am home already. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- June 6, 2015 Dear Diary, I'm finally going home! Tia Ana told me that Mommy has made all arrangements for me to go home. They haven't told me all the details, but Adriana told me that Mommy is sending us the money to send me back. I'm so excited that Adriana is coming home with me. They've gotten me all new identification so that we can both cross the border. I cannot wait to get home and cast off my lace shackles to show Adriana that I'm more than just the maid she fell in love with. I'm sure Mommy's going to love her. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- June 7, 2015 Dear Diary I woke up this morning with an odd sense of fear. It was a fear that hasn't gripped me since I came to Mexico. I wondered what I would face when I got home. What will Mommy think of what I've become? The memories of what I was before I came here don't even feel real. I have spent months living not unlike Aunt Julieta does in our house. It was different though. Aunt Julieta was cleaning a mansion for rich gringos, I was the maid for her family, but they were like family to me. While I believe that my months here have made me more emphatic, I'm scared that my empathy will be mistaken for weakness. God knows I don't cut the same image I used to show the world. I can't look in the mirror and not see that I don't have the looks I did when I sat at the head of the table. I can't stand or move and not remember that my trim, athletic figure is a thing of the past. My little chichis some of the boys like to stare at aren't helping me either. I'll have to learn to talk like a guy all over again. I'll work on getting it back. I will get it all back! I'm sure of it, but that's not the person I'll be returning home as. Tia Ana and Tio Fernando received the documentation to get me across the border. They handed it over to Adriana for safekeeping. They seem afraid of what I'll say if I saw the paperwork. I can't wait to see what it says I am. Maybe it's working papers. That would be another chapter in the book when I'm all said and done. 'Chapter Seven, How to Sneak into the Country under an assumed identity.' I made it out that way, so how much harder could it be to get in? Still, I feared that it would be much harder. They would figure out that I was a man, unless Mommy had paid them off. I was sure she had, but I feared that I was an inch away from being exposed as the fraud I was. We said goodbye to Tia Ana and Tio Fernando. We both hugged and kissed them goodbye. I know they'll miss their granddaughter so much more, but I'm going to miss them. I felt sick to my stomach the entire way to the airport. I gave the guards an apprehensive look as we began to make our way towards the security checkpoint. Once the guards approved Adriana's papers, she removed a passport from her bag and handed it to the guards. She pointed at me and said that they were mine. I jerked my head towards the American passport and wondered what woman they found that looked like me, but I could not catch a glimpse of the picture. The guard took the passport from her hand and stared at in silence. The man gave Adriana a curious look before he looked at me. My eyes peered down at the picture and immediately recognized myself, only many pounds lighter, with shorter hair, clear skin and unambiguously a guy. I blushed as the man looked me over and started to laugh. "This isn't you," he announced. I was shaking as I shook my head. I wanted to cry. I was so mortified that this burly security guard was essentially being told that I was a guy in a dress. Even worse, he did not believe it! Adriana answered for me, "She is Gavin Bryceland." "She?" The guard and I replied in stereo to Adriana's claim. "Yes, she's transitioning," Adriana explained to the guard. "Transitioning to what?" "From male to female," Adriana answered the guard. The guard looked over my identification and compared it to my face again. He waved other security personnel to help verify Adriana's story. I was torn between wanting to flee before more people would gawk at me like a freak and the realization that I would be stuck here a lot longer if I had no identification to get me across the border. The guards got together and began looking me over before one of them ordered me to speak like I was a dog. I cleared my throat and spoke in English. My high, soft, accented tone that I had become so accustomed to speaking with made the guards laugh as they realized that I was faking a girl's voice as best I could. The guards waved me through and began to pat me down. I felt degraded as the man patted every inch of me before he came to my groin. He clearly felt my flaccid and shriveled sex through my dress and tights. He smirked at the other guards while I blushed, horrified by the feeling of violation that this man's large hands had caused me. The guards let me through as I collected my purse from the x-ray machine and waited for Adriana to get through security. They continued to laugh while they processed her. Once she was through, we wasted no time in separating ourselves from the guards and the curious onlookers who were trying to figure out why the guards were making such a big deal out of me. We tried to keep a low profile before we boarded the plane. Once the plane was in the air, I started to relax a little and began to process what had just happened to me. My mind started to race as I realized that I had used my identification to get back into the country. The whole reason my identity had been concealed the first go around was so that my kidnappers couldn't track me through my passport. I started to sweat as I turned to Adriana and told her that I was sure that we had just tipped off my kidnappers. Adriana clutched my hand and smiled as she whispered, "They might know you're back, but they'll never recognize you now. Why do you think we didn't let you dress like a man today?" Adriana words were a relief to me for all of a moment. As my head went back into my headrest though, I understood the full significance of what she meant. People were staring at my identification and could barely match it to me. I was nearly unrecognizable as Gavin Bryceland. I thought of him. The confidence and swagger that I thought he had seemed so foreign. He commanded rooms with his voice. I can't even say a word without a thick accent unless I really put my mind to it. How long will it take me to unlearn everything Tia Ana, Tio Fernando and Adriana taught me? Adriana pulled me from my worries as she asked, "So, what's your mother like?" "Worried about meeting her?" I asked with a smile. "A girl is always worried about meeting her future mother-in-law." "Don't count your chickens," I replied with a smirk. "Like a poor Mexican maid like you can do better?" I blushed at her words. I loved her. She was much more than any of the Fresa bitches I had been with before. Still, despite the arm candy I had over the years, I felt that, at the moment, she was right. Pretty women were not going to be throwing themselves at a portly, zit-faced maid with a bob. That guy that had seduced them was gone. Adriana was too good for me, but I was going to do my best to be the man she deserved. I can be better than this. "But, seriously, what's she like?" Adriana asked as I wallowed in self- pity. "She's a strong personality. My father used to joke that she was the real power broker in the family. That always made my mother laugh." "Did she have a role in the company?" "She went to work with my father every day. She didn't work as many hours. She helped me out when he passed, but she stood aside as I got comfortable running things," I explained before I took a nap. After the plane landed and we got our bags and went through customs, we found Aunt Julieta waiting for us in her car. She waved us over and we hurried towards her. We both gave her a hug and a kiss before we put our bags away in the trunk. I squealed that I was able to touch her again. I felt safe in her arms. Aunt Julieta and Adriana caught up on their lives while I sat in the backseat of the car. It was great to similar some familiar vistas for a change. We drove into my neighborhood that looked unchanged even though I knew I was so little like the powerful man who had snuck out of it under the cover of darkness. After we parked in front of the house, Aunt Julieta helped us take our bags into the home. From the outside, it was unchanged. Once we entered it, there was little proof that a day had gone by since I left, other than the season beyond the walls. I grinned as I welcomed Adriana to my home. She hugged me and said it was a wonderful home. With her in it, it is. It really is. We walked through the home as I gave Adriana a little tour while we searched for Mommy. I heard her speaking on the phone in the home office I had inherited from Daddy. My secondhand, leather ballet flats slapped against the wood floors as I continued towards the voice. I grinned as I moved towards the door to the office and pushed it open. Mommy's eyes widened as she looked at me. I went to speak, but she held up a finger as she continued talking business terms. As I waited for her to finish, I cupped my hands in front of my body and stared around the room. I noticed that all the things I had added to the room after Daddy's passing had been removed. They were replaced with things that were much more Mommy's style. I took a step back as I shook my head at what I was seeing before I caught a glimpse of a recent award that had made its way onto a shelf. The award was to my company, but was specific to "Candice Bryceland, President and CEO." I was surprised for a second that she had taken my place in my absence. That surprise lasted only a few seconds as I realized that she was the only logical choice to step in. She was the only family member left with me gone. Mommy hung up the phone before she came over to greet us. A smile came upon her face as she walked over to embrace me. She hugged me close as she started to cry as she said, "I've missed you so much, Adela." "It's Gavin," I replied, realizing immediately that Mommy did not bat an eye at the changes to my appearance. Mommy pulled her arms off me and gave me a stern look. She grimaced before she pinned my pudgy arms to the sides of my body and said, "Adela, Gavin's kidnappers have still not been caught, so I won't have any more of this I'm Gavin nonsense. It's very dangerous." "But Mommy..." "But nothing. We need to keep up appearances. Accordingly, when we step out of this house. I have to be Mrs. Bryceland to you and nothing more. Do you understand, Adela?" "Yes, Mommy..." Mommy smiled at my response. I grinned back at her, happy that she was pleased like Tia Ana and Adriana said every woman is when she is obeyed. She then looked me in the eyes and said, "Please call me Mrs. Bryceland. We need to make sure that there are no slip ups, dear, until they're caught." I nodded in silence, understanding her reasoning. I felt like a piece of me died as I responded to Mommy, "Yes, Mrs. Bryceland." She smiled again and she hugged me as she said, "I'm so happy you're back." "I'll be happy when I'm really back," I countered. "In due time. We've just got to wait it out." I nodded in silence again before Mommy turned to Adriana to introduce herself. I grinned as I interjected to introduce Adriana to her. Mommy cast me a wayward look, as if I should have not interfered. Still, she greeted Adriana warmly and welcomed her to stay in her house. I thanked Mommy, which prompted another glare. She shook her head at me and said, "Adela, you're a domestic, remember?" Mommy's condescending words filled me with a short-lived rage as I shook my head before I replied, "That's what I'm playing." "That's what you are, now. This isn't a game. This is your life." "I wasn't born to be..." "I know that this isn't the life you've chosen, and I want to get you out of it as soon as we can, but for, now, we're just going to have to deal with it." "That's easy for you. You're not the one who has to..." "I know. I know," Mommy interjected while she hugged me before she continued, "There's no reason to fight. This will all sort itself out eventually, but, until it does, never interrupt your EMPLOYER." I nodded as I got a little teary eyed at her stern lecture. Mommy released me and turned to Aunt Julieta and said, "Julieta, please show Adriana and Adela to their quarters." My head snapped up as I heard her statement. Mommy was assigning me living quarters in my own home. I started to shake before Adriana clutched my hand. "Thank you, Mrs. Bryceland," she replied before she flashed me a smile. My anger dissipated as I looked at her and felt her hand in mine. We followed Aunt Julieta through the spacious home to the most remote guest rooms on the second floor. Aunt Julieta opened the door and led us inside. My stomach dropped as I looked over the large room that had been turned into a studio apartment that was not much different from the one that Aunt Julieta had on the first floor. The only thing that has remains unchanged in the room is the attached full bathroom. A small kitchenette, table and living area have been carved out of the room. The closet is full of uniforms, although Mommy said that I will get some casual clothing to go out in public in. As I tried to get acquainted, Aunt Julieta led Adriana out of the room to show her to her own quarters. Mommy has clearly been planning for this day for some time. I'm now sure that I will not be spending many more months as Adela, unless the police pull off a miracle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- June 8, 2015 Dear Diary I woke with a start this morning as I looked at the face of the woman that had answered to me for years. I shook my head as I heard Aunt Julieta giving me an order to get up. It was still dark outside as I struggled to my feet. I remembered where I was as I looked around the mostly darkened maid quarters before she turned on the lights. I winced as I squinted my eyes trying to adjust to the bright lighting that was filling the room. I quickly surmised that I was expected to be up before the rest of the family, just like when I was back home in Mexico. As I wiped the sleep out of my eyes, Aunt Julieta scolded, "Hurry up. You're not paid to lounge around." "I'm not paid at all," I countered. "Not according to the books," she lectured before she tossed me a uniform. I cringed at the thought of dressing in it, but I didn't have anything else to change into other than Aunt Julieta's clothes. I wasn't sure that they were much better as I started to get dressed. After putting on my undergarments, I covered myself with the uniform and apron before I went into the bathroom to put on a little makeup. I brushed out my short, greasy hair and gave myself a brief inspection before I went to exit our quarters. As I walked out of the maid's quarters in a dress, I realized just how little had really changed since I left Mexico. I was still a domestic, but, now, I was working under Aunt Julieta's tutelage and not her mother's. The home I was going to be tasked to care for was also far larger. I was not looking forward to that, but Aunt Julieta was going to be doing most of the real work, I assumed. We went into the kitchen and began making breakfast for the family. It was only the ingredients that really differed from what I did for Tia Ana and Tio Fernando. After we made breakfast, Adriana and Mommy came down the stairs. I wondered what Adriana's role in the home was going to be. The two chatted as if Aunt Julieta and I weren't there before they went up to their rooms. They came down around the same time together. Mommy wore a pantsuit that seemed rather smart and professional for a woman of her age. Adriana followed her towards the front door wearing a skirt suit I didn't remember her having. I smiled at her professional appearance in it and asked, "Where did that come from?" Mommy answered for her, "I got it as a gift for her." "It looks great. Isn't she a little over dressed for school?" Adriana gave me a strange look before Mommy corrected me, "The only school she is going to is my school." "Your school?" I replied before realizing that she meant that Adriana was going to work with her. I could not help but ask for an explanation. Mommy nodded before she acknowledged my questions by explaining that she had invited Adriana to this country to be her apprentice. I could not believe what I was hearing. I was the person who was supposed to be running the company. Mommy was just filling in for me, and, now, she was training my girlfriend to be her apprentice. I protested. I stomped my foot, causing the one inch heel of my shoe to slap loudly against the floor. Mommy gave me a patronizing look before she explained that she needed someone one to be able to step in for her if she ill before my captors were brought to justice. I resigned myself that it made sense for the time being, but, the first chance I get, I know I'm going to put things right. They left together shortly thereafter. I watched as they walked out together, a master and her young apprentice. Once they pulled out of view, I turned and looked at Aunt Julieta. While her daughter was learning the ropes from Mommy, I was going to be serving as an apprentice, of sorts, to my girlfriend's mother. While it's not a role I ever wanted, all things being equal, I figure it's slightly better than having me ear chopped off by kidnappers hoping to get a bigger ransom. Aunt Julieta smiled at me warmly for a second before she forced a scowl to face and told me not to dawdle. I walked towards her before she began by explaining how to go about cleaning a home as large as mine. Unlike her parents' home, our home was too large to clean all in one day. We had to divide up the job by sections assigned to each day. I nodded as Aunt Julieta read me the schedule that she had reduced to writing for me. I had never realized how long it took to clean the home. I suppose it made sense. No single woman could clean a home so vast in a day. Given that it was a Monday, she brought me up the stairs to clean the upstairs bedrooms. We started in Mommy's first. It was just as I remembered it from before I went into exile. I shadowed Aunt Julieta as she held up a rag and began to dust the surfaces of Mommy's furniture. She paused and handed me the rag to complete the job she started before she retrieved the vacuum. I sprayed the wood cleaner onto furniture before I ran the rag across, clearing off the dust. I repeated it on Mommy's dressers and end tables before Aunt Julieta walked back into the room with the vacuum. "Are you done yet?" "I still have an end table to go," I replied. Aunt Julieta nodded at me as I got to work on it. She paused as she looked at the dresser I had dusted off. "Adela?" "Yes, Aunt Julieta?" "I thought you said you cleaned this?' "I did," I replied, confused. "Come over here," she demanded. It felt so strange to be ordered by another maid. I walked over to her and stared at the streaks on the furniture. "This is unacceptable." "I'm sorry," I replied, unsure of what to do. "Clean it again, but clean it right. You have to pay attention to what you're doing." "Okay," I replied. She scowled at my response. I suppose my tone came across as a bit petulant. I reached down and cleaned off the dresser top again. I was careful to leave a streak free shine this time before she followed behind me with crossed arms as I cleaned each piece of furniture again. "Shouldn't you be vacuuming..." Aunt Julieta cut me off before she said, "I'm training you to be..." "Come on, this is all a joke," I countered, getting a little nerve to stand up to her. "A joke! This is your life we're talking about," Aunt Julieta countered, reminding me again of the stakes. I had to appear to outsiders to be the junior maid here. I wondered if someone was watching us at that moment. It seemed to be a paranoid thought, but, with modern technology, I knew it was possible. I nodded as I finished wiping down the furniture. After putting down the rag and cleaner, I started towards the vacuum. I walked beside Aunt Julieta for a few steps before she came to a stop and said, "What are you doing?" "Walking to the vacuum," I replied. "Beside me?" "What's the big deal?" "I'm the master, you're the apprentice." "Okay," I replied, not knowing where she was going. "You don't walk beside me. It indicates to outsiders that we're equals." "Huh?" "We're not equals. I'm training you. You have to show me, and everyone else in this house, deference." "So, I have to walk behind everyone?" "Yes. We want everyone else to think that you're below everyone else, and you must show your superiors respect." I was stunned by the statement. Not only was I one of my family's maids, I wasn't even Aunt Julieta's equal. It's almost sickening to realize that it might be true. Aunt Julieta started towards the vacuum, with me two steps behind this time. She bent down and plugged in the vacuum for me before she told me how to vacuum the various area rugs Mommy had throughout the room. She hated walking on wood floors in the morning and evening. I've never understood why she just doesn't get wall to wall carpeting for her bedroom. I started vacuuming the first area rug, carefully moving a vacuum across it several times over each section of the rug at Aunt Julieta's direction. Once I finished, Aunt Julieta brought out the wood cleaner for me. We moved the rugs out of the way so I could clean the wood beneath and around them before we moved onto the next room. We stepped into the first guest room and cleaned the carpeting and furniture the way we had done Mommy's. After finishing, Aunt Julieta sent me to empty the vacuum. I carried it down the stairs and walked towards the servants' entrance at her direction. I stepped outside and went to the garbage bin and dumped the dust and filth out. The cloud of dust and dirt came up and soiled my apron and dress. I felt like a really was nothing but a maid by the time I put the bag back into the vacuum. As I walked back in, Aunt Julieta gave me a strange look. "Did you change the bag?" She asked. "No. I cleaned it out." Aunt Julieta shook her head at me as she told me how to change the bag before I was sent back outside to do so and throw out the old bag I had just emptied. Once I finished, Aunt Julie