I fidget in my seat, trying to get comfortable as the train rushes
through the French countryside to our destination. It's not my clothes
that are making me restless, of course- my pleated white miniskirt and
loose patterned tank top feel perfect against my smooth, hairless skin.
It isn't even the disapproving stare of my father at my long, slender
legs that makes me uncomfortable. The source of my restlessness, for
once, is my three younger sisters- or rather, the thing that's also
making them restless!
"Is that Disneyland!?" Cassie practically shrieks as we pass by a large
building in a field.
"No, it's MUCH bigger than that!" I say, giggling as my little sister's
jaw drops. "We'll be there soon, don't worry, it's not like it won't be
there when we arrive!"
"I can't wait!" Cassie squeaks, wriggling around in her seat so much
that she has to be calmed down by our mother.
"Will we see Elsa and Anna?" Dorothy asks, clearly as restless as her
sister.
"We'll see ALL the princesses!" I reply, making the four year old girl
gasp with excitement as I remember back to the last time I went to
Disneyland, a full nine years ago.
Of course, things were a bit different back then. I was just five,
Bryony was only two, and my other three siblings hadn't even been born
yet. Many of the attractions back then were different... And most
importantly of all, I was every bit a little boy. Naturally, I was just
as excited then as Cassie is now. I had my photo taken with Mickey,
Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy... But no photos with Minnie Mouse or any of
the princesses. As I went around the park and saw all the princesses in
their beautiful, flowing dresses, and all the little girls my age who
were there dressed in costume, I wondered- sometimes aloud- why I
wasn't able to be dressed just as beautifully as them, only to be told
'that's only for girls', which would inevitably make me cry.
This time, however, there won't be any tears. If I want to wear a skirt
to Disneyland, I will. If I want to wear a costume, I will. And if I
want to be a princess, then I most definitely WILL. Nothing's going to
hold me back this time... Although I may end up having to 'wait my
turn', judging by the enthusiasm of my sisters! Whilst Cassie and
Dorothy are open about their excitement, Bryony is trying to be
'cooler'- though the fact that her left leg keeps shaking is an obvious
giveaway that she's just as restless as the rest of us!
"Excited?" I ask the eleven year old girl, who responds by looking at
me with a disinterested look on her face.
"No," Bryony blatantly lies. "Maybe a little."
"...I heard that Emma Watson might be there today," I lie, giggling as
Bryony- whose favourite movie is Beauty and the Beast (both versions)-
suddenly looks at me with a look of utter joy on her face.
"Ashley!" Mum chastises. "Stop teasing your sisters!"
"Sorry," I mumble, giggling again as Bryony pouts at me.
"I hope you won't keep bullying her the next two years at secondary
school," mum says in a cautionary tone of voice.
"No, of course not," I chuckle. "Though I wouldn't be surprised if
Bryony's more excited about big school than Disney, heh!"
"No I'm not," Bryony instantly retorts. "...Maybe a bit."
"I knew it," I say with a smug grin, earning an eye roll from my
sister.
"God," Bryony spits. "You've got so annoying since you became a
girl..." The mood in the carriage instantly drops as bryony looks at
the floor with shame in her eyes. "...Sorry."
"No, I'm sorry," I sigh, giving my blushing sister a quick cuddle. "And
remember- I didn't BECOME a girl. I was a girl the whole time, right?"
"Right," Bryony says, the smile returning to her face.
"That's better," mum says. "It's especially wrong for the two of you to
fight when this whole holiday is to celebrate your exam results!"
"Yes mum," Bryony and I mumble as our younger sisters both have a
giggle at our expense.
"...And as my exam results were better than Ashley's, can I decide
where we go first at Disneyland?" Bryony asks, smirking wickedly as I
roll my eyes.
"My exams were harder than yours," I remind my sister.
"They're supposed to be, you're older than me," Bryony retorts.
"She's got you there," mum says as I roll my eyes yet again, before
gazing to my right and sighing at the sight of my father fussing over
my baby brother, both of them oblivious to our conversation- but for
very different reasons.
Eddy, of course, is just sixteen months old, only knows how to say a
few words and is far more interested in his stuffed Mickey Mouse toy
than in what his sisters are doing. Dad, on the other hand...
When we first came to Disneyland in 2008, me and dad were inseparable.
Or rather, dad lavished every bit of attention he had on me. He queued
for every ride with me, watched every parade, bought seemingly every
bit of merchandise the park had to offer... And scowled deeply at me
every time I expressed interest in anything feminine. As far as he was
concerned, I was his perfect boy, the 'chip off the old block', and he
was going to do everything within his power to ensure I stayed that
way. And then, fifteen months ago, when I told him that I couldn't be
the son he wanted, it was like he decided that if I didn't want to be
his son, then he didn't want to be my father.
The frustrating thing is that dad's more than happy to spend time with
any of my sisters. He'll help Bryony with her homework (on the off
chance that she needs it, anyway), he'll watch Cassie's dancing with
great interest and read bedtime stories about fairies and princesses to
Dorothy every night, but when it comes to doing anything with me- not
just anything girly, but ANYTHING- it's like he's physically incapable
of showing affection toward me. As my testosterone blockers start to
take effect, I sometimes end up crying myself to sleep over the
situation- but I know that if I tell dad this, it'll just drive him
even further away.
My anxiety fades, however, when the train reaches the vast Gare de
Lille Europe and the seven of us disembark, heading to the platform to
catch our connecting train to Disneyland. I allow myself a little
giggle as I reach toward Bryony to hold her hand- a gesture the eleven
year old girl naturally recoils from like my hand was a cobra. Cassie,
of course, is only too happy to hold my hand, while Dorothy holds onto
mum's hand and (obviously) dad carries Eddy in addition to pushing the
trolley with all our luggage on it.
"You know," I say to the six year old girl gripping my hand, Paris is
also the city where the Ballerina movie is set..." I bite my lip and
giggle as Cassie looks at me with a look of utter joy on her face,
while my parents- and my oldest sister- all grimace as they know what's
coming next.
"Paris is the Ballerina city!?" Cassie squeaks as Bryony groans. "And
it has Disneyland too!? It must be the best city EVER!"
"Just wait until she sees Orlando," mum says with a chuckle. "And yes,
you can watch the DVD when you get home. But aren't you more excited to
see all the Disney princesses?" Mum smiles as Cassie enthusiastically
nods while practically bouncing up and down with excitement. "Well,
we're only one train ride away now..."
Naturally, that train ride passes in a frenzy of excitement- especially
as my sisters aren't the only excited young kids on the train- and
before long, the seven of us are stood outside the entrance to
Disneyland Paris, wide smiles on all of our faces- well, all but one of
our faces.
"Come on," dad grumbles, leading the family to the ticket windows where
our passes are checked and we're allowed into the vast park.
"We'll drop our cases off at the hotel first then go and get something
to eat," mum says.
"Can we go and see the princesses?" Cassie squeaks excitedly.
"It's late in the day," mum says firmly. "By the time we've eaten it'll
almost be time for bed. We can see the princesses tomorrow."
"But I want to see them now..." Cassie pouts, practically bouncing up
and down with excitement.
"They're not going anywhere," I say to the distraught six year old
girl. "And besides, don't you want to see them tomorrow wearing your
special dress, instead of what you're wearing now?" Fortunately, this
causes Cassie to perk up and she nods enthusiastically, giggling even
despite the silent 'thank you' mum mouths at me.
"Can we see Elsa first?" Cassie asks, making Dorothy suddenly perk up.
"Can we please?" The four year old girl asks, causing mum to roll her
eyes all over again.
"...Yes, of course we can," our mother sighs as we head toward our
hotel. "It's gonna be a long three days..."
Even though I'm fourteen, I- like all my sisters- still let out a gasp
of excitement as we enter the suite in Disney's Explorers Hotel where
we'll be staying for the next few days. With old-fashioned doors and
beds, the 'Princess Suite' more than lives up to its name- and it's
obvious the sisters definitely approve! I can't help but shoot a smug
grin in the direction of my father, however, as Bryony and I head into
our room to unpack, whilst mum helps my younger siblings with their
unpacking.
When we'd booked the suite, dad had been adamant that we get a four
bedroom suite- mum and dad in one room with Eddy in a cot, me in one
room, Bryony in another and Cassie and Dorothy sharing. Naturally, this
immediately got a question from Cassie over why she and Dorothy had to
share, but me and Bryony couldn't. Dad attempted to justify his
decision by saying that me and Bryony would have to get changed in
front of each other. Naturally, that raised the question of WHY that
would be a problem, as girls get changed in front of each other all
time, at school or at a swimming pool- and at that point, dad decided
to cut his losses and book myself and Bryony into the same room. The
same room Bryony and I are now sat in, packing away the numerous
dresses, skirts and tops we've brought to the park with us.
"Ah, this is so exciting!" I enthuse, earning an eye roll from my
younger sister. "You probably don't remember when we came here, when
you were, like, 2..."
"No, but mum's shown me the photos," Bryony says, not batting an eyelid
as I strip off my top and my skirt to reveal the soft cotton bra and
panties underneath. "I AM looking forward to it, honest."
"Just nervous about school?" I ask as I reach for a loose, fashionable
summer dress to pull over my body and pull a pair of low-heeled sandals
from my case. "Only a couple of weeks now..."
"Nervous about DAD," Bryony spits. "If it was up to him we wouldn't
even be sharing a room."
"And you'd be UPSET about that?" I tease.
"I actually would," Bryony mumbles, frowning as I 'reward' her with a
hug.
"Aww..." I coo, barely suppressing my giggles. "...I'd have been upset
too."
"Well, obviously," Bryony says. "Dad still doesn't think you're a real
girl."
"And do you?" I ask, before averting my gaze as Bryony changes from her
t-shirt and shorts into a summer dress of her own. "...That answers my
question, I guess."
"Can you put a little make-up on me, please?" My sister asks, making me
giggle as I reach into my make-up bag for my spare mascara brush.
"Don't let mum or dad see your eyes over dinner," I caution as I
enhance my little sister's eyelashes with the brush. "You got in enough
trouble when you were obsessed with make-up when you were younger..."
"I think dad will be more angry if he sees you wearing make-up," Bryony
says, making me pause.
"...Well then he'll just need to accept the fact that girls wear make-
up, won't he?" I say with a smug grin.
"Or he'll sulk all holiday," Bryony spits.
"Well that's no reason for either of us to," I say, putting away my
make-up brush and handing Bryony a compact mirror to check her look.
"Like it?"
"Love it," the eleven year old girl says with a smile.
"Want me to do your hair too?" I ask, not waiting for permission before
tying my sister's hair into a tight braid. "Guess I'd better do my
make-up too, heh!" After finishing Bryony's braid, I have to keep
myself from giggling as I enhance my own mascara and eyeliner, before
applying a liberal coat of deep red lipstick to my mouth, something
that makes Bryony giggle excitedly.
"No, you CAN'T have any," I say. "...Maybe when you're fourteen, hehe!"
"I can't wait to see dad's reaction to your lipstick," Bryony says with
a smug smirk that makes me sigh sadly.
"Bryony..." I sigh. "You- I really don't want you to hate dad, you
know? Or, like, feel you have to hate him on my behalf or something."
"Well then he'll just have to-" Bryony spits, before I'm able to
successfully shush her.
"Not here," I whisper. "I mean, it's not like I don't appreciate it,
but- but let's just try to enjoy the holiday, okay?"
"Okay," Bryony mumbles as we head back out into the living room area of
our suite, where- as predicted- mum instantly tuts at the limited make-
up Bryony's wearing, while dad almost shudders at the sight of me in my
dress and my make-up.
"What a pretty dress!" Cassie exclaims, running up and gently stroking
the flimsy fabric of my skirt. "I think mine's prettier, though!" I
can't help but giggle as I do a playful twirl for Cassie, who does a
twirl of her own to show off her Frozen-inspired light blue dress.
"I think it is too!" I giggle, bending down to give the six year old
girl a cuddle. "So's yours, Dorothy!"
"Thank you Ashley!" Dorothy squeaks as she does her own slightly less
coordinated twirl, which naturally earns a cuddle from me. "I love your
dress too Bryony!"
"And I love your hair too!" Cassie squeaks, tentatively reaching toward
Bryony's braid. "How did you make it be like that? It's like Elsa's
hair!"
"Ashley tied it for me," Bryony says, causing Cassie's jaw to drop as
she looks toward me.
"Can you tie my hair like that too, Ashley?" Cassie asks.
"...Maybe after dinner," I say with a giggle. "I am STARVING, hehe!"
"Ah, think we need a picture of this first, though!" Mum giggles,
reaching into her bag for her phone. "My four girls in their pretty
dresses..." I giggle as I gather my three sisters around me and we all
pose for our mother's camera, though my smile fades when I see dad
skulking off to one side, carrying our brother in one arm.
"Actually..." I say hesitantly. "Eddy should be in the photo as well!"
I smile warmly over to where my father is stood, only to grimace when I
see that if anything, my suggestion has made his mood even worse.
"Yeah!" Bryony says smugly. "I'll hold him." I bite my scarlet-coloured
lip as Bryony playfully skips toward our father and takes our little
brother into her arms, all the while seemingly (or rather,
deliberately) oblivious of the middle-aged man's worsening mood.
"...Perfect!" Mum hesitantly enthuses as the five of us pose for her
camera. "Almost makes me want a sixth..."
"Let's- let's focus on the five we DO have!" Dad chuckles as he
immediately takes Eddy back and leads us out of our suite and to one of
the park's many restaurants.
Naturally- after hours on a train with only snacks to sustain us- the
seven of us eat our fill, and by the time we arrive back at our hotel,
all of us- even Cassie- are tired and almost ready for bed. Our mood
soon perks up, however, when mum switches on the suite's widescreen TV,
which is obviously tuned to the Disney Channel and showing The Little
Mermaid. Naturally, we five kids are glued to the screen for the
duration of the film- or rather, we would be if dad hadn't taken Eddy
away less than twenty minutes after the start of the film, stating that
it's past his bedtime even though thanks to us crossing a time zone,
it's technically BEFORE his usual bedtime. Naturally, this doesn't go
unnoticed by my sisters.
"Do I have to go to bed too?" Dorothy asks with a deep pout.
"No, no, you can stay up and watch the rest of the movie," dad says
with a smile as he bends down to kiss the tiny girl on her forehead.
"You ARE on holiday after all!"
"But so is Eddy!" Cassie protests. "And they're about to sing the under
the sea song!"
"Yes, but Eddy's still just a baby," dad 'explains'. "He needs more
care and more sleep than you older girls." Next to me, I see Bryony
opening her mouth, ready to retort to our father, but she wisely thinks
better of it and stays silent until both of our male relatives have
left the room.
"He also needs to be kept away from girl things," Bryony mumbles.
"But The Little Mermaid isn't just for girls," Cassie moans.
"I know that, you know that," Bryony sighs.
"Let's- let's just enjoy the film," I say. "I'll put the subtitles on
so we can all sing along, okay?" Fortunately, this does the trick as
Cassie and Dorothy both nod enthusiastically, and before long, the four
of us are all singing along to the tunes that we've all heard countless
times. Even Bryony has a smile on her face by the end of the film,
though as we're getting ready for bed, the frown quickly returns to her
face.
"I am right about dad and Eddy," Bryony says.
"Bryony..." I sigh. "...I know you are. But sulking about it won't
help. If anything, I'M the one who should be sulking."
"I hope when Eddy grows up, he becomes a girl too," Bryony snorts.
"Trust me," I say. "He's better off if he doesn't. And NOT for dad's
sake. For- for Eddy's sake. You and the other girls are so lucky,
you're actually happy in the skin you're in." I frown as Bryony's
silence shows that I've obviously touched a nerve with her.
"...Sorry," Bryony mumbles, before sighing and frowning as I give her a
gentle hug.
"Apology accepted," I say with a giggle. "Just try to enjoy the
holiday! We're in the coolest place in the whole of Europe, you know?"
"...Yeah," Bryony says with a grin. "Okay. Good night, Ashley."
"G'night, Bryony," I say, exchanging another hug with my sister before
climbing underneath my sheets and quickly falling into a deep sleep.
The following morning, Bryony and I are woken early by the sound of the
suite's TV playing cartoons- and more notably, the laughter of three
very young children. When we emerge from our room, we're not surprised
to find Cassie, Dorothy and Eddy sat on the sofa- though we are
slightly surprised to see Cassie already dressed in the sparkling light
blue dress of her favourite princess, and Dorothy in the deep green
dress of HER favourite princess.
"Hi Ashley! Hi Bryony!" Cassie squeaks, doing a twirl in her elaborate
dress. "Can you guess who I am?"
"Yeah... Aren't you Cassie?" I tease, trying not to giggle as the six
year old girl angrily pouts at me.
"No, I'm Elsa!" Cassie says. "And Dorothy is Anna because she's my
little sister and Anna is Elsa's little sister!"
"I am!" Dorothy giggles, jumping off the sofa and giving 'Elsa' a
playful hug.
"So, does that make Eddy Olaf?" I ask, giggling as Cassie's jaw drops
at the idea.
"Daddy! Daddy!" Cassie squeaks, running up to our parents' room and
knocking on the door. "Can we get Eddy an Olaf costume? Pleeeeeeease?"
"That was your fault," Bryony says, making me roll my eyes and giggle.
"I know," I say. "Dibs on the shower!" I let out an evil laugh as I run
toward the suite's bathroom, locking the door and laughing even harder
as Bryony waggles the door handle in vain.
After showering and applying my make-up -the same amount I put on last
night- I head back to my bedroom (pulling my dressing gown on first, of
course) where I get dressed for the day ahead. Rather than wear a hot,
heavy costume like my sisters (who, unsurprisingly, have had cooler
clothes put in a bag for them), I opt for a very plain ruffled black
miniskirt and a plain white tank top. Before I pull them on, though, I
sort out my underwear first. After pulling on my cool cotton panties, I
remember a trick Laura taught me a while back and grin as I pull out
the roll of tape I smuggled into the hotel. I pinch my chest together
at the front, before wrapping a few layers of tape around and pulling
on my bra, padding it out with a sock in each cup to give the illusion
of 'shape'. Satisfied with my look, I slip my feet into a pair of dark
blue flip-flops (I opt against heels as I'll be on my feet for most of
the day and, well, I am already 5' 8"), grab my handbag and head out
into the living area of the suite, where Bryony breathes a sigh of
relief as she's allowed into the room to get dressed... And dad takes
one look at me before averting his gaze, almost like he's allergic to
the sight of me with cleavage. Though the sight of the QPR shirt on
both my father and my brother elicits a similar reaction from me...
"Ashley..." Cassie says hesitantly.
"Cassie...?" I reply.
"Can- can you tie my hair to be like Elsa's?" The tiny girl asks. "Like
Bryony's hair yesterday?"
"Of course I can!" I giggle, sitting Cassie down on the sofa next to me
and gently braiding her long blonde hair. "Ahh... I wish I had hair as
long as yours..."
"It'll grow," mum says, gently stroking my shoulder-length hair. "Maybe
this time next year we'll have FOUR Elsas..."
"No, there's only one Elsa!" Cassie protests. "Ashley and Bryony can be
other princesses."
"That suits me, I'd rather be Cinderella anyway," I giggle. "And I know
Bryony would rather be Belle. Even if she does look more like Aurora."
"And Eddy can be Olaf!" Cassie squeaks excitedly.
"...If he wants to be," dad mumbles. "Come on Bryony, hurry up!"
"You- you can't rush a girl when she's getting ready!" I say, before
biting my lip as dad shoots an angry glare at me. "Umm... So, umm,
where we heading today?"
"Elsa and Anna! Elsa and Anna!" Cassie squeaks, with Dorothy eagerly
nodding in agreement.
"...Think that's that decided!" Mum laughs as Bryony emerges from our
bedroom wearing a very cute long-legged floral print jumpsuit. "You
sure you'll be okay wearing that, Bryony? It's very hot today, don't
want your legs boiling..."
"Yeah, free the knee!" I giggle, cycling my bare, hairless legs and
making the eleven year old girl roll her eyes.
"I'm fine," Bryony shrugs.
"Well I'm taking along spare clothes for your sisters, I'll put a t-
shirt and a pair of shorts in the bag for you as well in case you
change your mind," mum says, heading into our bedroom.
"You don't want tanned legs ready for the start of school?" I ask.
"We have to wear tights at school anyway," Bryony retorts.
"Not for PE, we don't..." I tease, giggling as the eleven year old girl
rolls her eyes. Fortunately for my sister, our mother quickly returns
with a bag bulging with clothes, and before long, we're leaving our
hotel room behind and heading through the main gate, along Main Street
U.S.A. and toward Fantasyland, my younger siblings getting more excited
every step of the way.
Naturally, the morning passes REALLY fast as we check out many of the
park's attractions. Cassie and Dorothy obviously have their photos
taken with the 'real' Elsa and Anna, with mum looking really grateful
she paid for a fast pass as the short time they spent waiting was
enough to make both girls very agitated! After spending the exploring
everything Fantasyland has to offer, we head back to Main Street U.S.A.
and to a fun looking restaurant called Casey's Corner. Naturally,
Cassie and Dorothy take the opportunity to change out of their extra-
hot costumes, leaving me, dad, Bryony and Eddy to order the family's
food.
"Ah, I am STARVING!" I giggle as I sit down with my meal and cross one
tanned leg over the other.
"Me too!" Bryony says with a chuckle. "God, this place is so AWESOME!"
"Knew you'd be smiling again eventually," I tease my sister, who
responds by giggling as she nibbles her fries.
"Yeah, I'm having fun," Bryony mumbles.
"Glad to hear it," dad says as he and Eddy sit down on the opposite
side of the table to us. "The holiday definitely cost enough!"
"Yeah, but it's worth it, though," I say with a grin as my mum and my
freshly-changed sisters emerge from the ladies' toilet.
"I'm glad you're both having fun," dad mumbles, still unable to look in
my direction. "I know you are, aren't you Eddy? Even despite all the
princesses and fairies..." I force out a grin as the toddler laughs in
response to our father's question, but a quick glance to my side shows
that Bryony's face has fallen into a deep frown.
"Don't," I whisper to my sister, who just frowns even deeper and turns
her attention back to her lunch.
"Show me the picture of me with Elsa again!" Cassie- whose hot costume
did nothing to dampen her excitement- squeaks as she, Dorothy and mum
sit down at our table.
"Okay..." I playfully sigh as I get out my phone for the delighted
girl.
"Where shall we go next?" Dorothy squeaks.
"We've got the whole park to choose from," mum laughs. "Bryony, why
don't you choose where we go next?" I smirk as the moody eleven year
old girl's eyes suddenly widen with excitement.
"Can- can we see the princess Pavilion next?" Bryony gasps.
"Of COURSE we can!" Mum giggles. "After we finish lunch." My smirk
become a fully-fledged laugh as Bryony's appetite suddenly increases
and she practically chokes in her eagerness to finish her meal.
"Ashley should choose where we go tomorrow!" Cassie suddenly announces.
"I chose this morning, Bryony's choosing this afternoon, so Ashley
should choose tomorrow!"
"Tomorrow we're spending all day at Adventureland, remember?" Mum
reminds my sister. "Though we will have Thursday morning, if you want
to pick then, Ashley?"
"Sure," I shrug. "Wish we had more than three days here, think we were
here for a week last time we came!"
"Last time we came there were only two of you," dad reminds me. "And-
and, umm, there was less to see..."
"Not THAT much less," I retort, frowning as the table suddenly grows
quiet. "Umm... Anyone want an ice cream after lunch?" Unsurprisingly,
Cassie and Dorothy's arms immediately shoot into the air.
"Great, just what they need, more sugar," mum snorts with a roll of her
eyes.
"Ehh, may as well enjoy the holiday," dad shrugs. "I'll take them while
you, Bryony and A- Ash head to your, well, thing."
"What, I'm not allowed to have an ice cream too?" I protest, briefly
pouting before stopping when that simple action brings a DEEP frown to
my father's face.
"...Fine," dad sighs, earning cheers from Cassie and Dorothy as they
rush to finish their meals.
A short while later, I and the rest of my family (minus mum and Bryony)
are stood in a short queue at a nearby ice cream stand, where I begin
to see what mum was talking about as I'm charged with holding my
sisters' hands as we wait to be served.
"You're not going to get your ice cream any faster if you keep running
around in circles!" I chastise Dorothy as she dances around on the end
of my arm.
"But it's taking AGES," Dorothy moans.
"Then it'll just taste even better when you get it, won't it?" I reply,
which actually elicits a chuckle from our father.
"You tell 'em, DAD," my father says, before both of our jaws drop as
dad realises exactly what he just said. "Uh- umm..."
"I- I, umm," I mumble, before placing Dorothy's hand in Cassie's and
handing both of my sisters over to our father. "I don't fancy ice cream
anymore, I- I'm going to catch up, umm, with mum and Bryony..."
"Okay," dad whispers. "We- we'll catch you up." I nod once, before
walking away while desperately trying to blink back tears.
It's been fifteen whole months since I came out to my father, and a
full nine months since I last identified as a boy in any way, shape or
form, and yet my father still can't get it through his thick skull that
his son is now his daughter. We've even attended counselling sessions
together, where Dr Williamson has tried technique after technique to
make dad face the truth, but nothing's worked. Maybe it's because I
still have the same face- I've seen a few photos of Laura back before
she was a girl, and she looks almost completely different now from that
she did then. Maybe it's because I still have the same name- Dr
Williamson has said that many transgendered people change their name to
establish their new identity and break from their older gender. But my
identity IS Ashley Moore. I don't want to be anyone different, I want
to be Miss Ashley Moore. I was given a gender-neutral name- ironically
enough, by my father- I may as well take advantage of it. Maybe it's
because I'm interested in girls, rather than boys...
I'm so lost in thought as I walk back to the Princess Pavilion that I
barely notice the tall young man blocking my path until I almost knock
him over.
"Whoa, careful!" The boy- who looks barely older than me- says,
giggling as he grabs me by the shoulders to steady me.
"Uhh... Sorry," I moan, shaking my head.
"You look lost," the boy says. "Or lost in thought. One of the two,
heh!"
"...Just had an argument with my dad," I shrug. "He- he and I, umm...
Yeah."
"Yeah," the boy laughs. "Been there, heh! I'm- I'm Mark, by the way."
"Ashley," I reply.
"Cute name!" Mark laughs, making me blush slightly. "So, you're a
Londoner too? What part are you from?"
"Hammersmith," I reply.
"Leytonstone," Mark says. "You said you're here with your dad?"
"Whole family," I playfully sigh. "Mum, dad, three little sisters, one
baby brother. You?"
"Mum, dad, one little sister who's utterly obsessed with all things
Frozen," Mark laughs.
"Yeah, I know THAT feeling," I giggle.
"If I hear 'Let it Go' one more time," Mark laughs. "So, umm... You at
school? Or- or college, you know?"
"School," I sigh. "Starting my GCSEs next month."
"You're only fourteen?" Mark asks incredulously. "You look older, like,
seventeen, maybe eighteen..."
"Thanks, I think!" I laugh, before biting my lip as an older couple and
a young girl- obviously Mark's parents and sister- approach us.
"There you are!" My new friend's father says, making the boy grimace.
"Ahh..." The clearly embarrassed Mark sighs. "Ashley, meet mum, dad and
Janey... Umm, mum, dad, Janey, say hi to Ashley!"
"Hello Ashley," Mark's mother says in a clipped voice.
"We- we were just talking," Mark insists. "Ashley's from London too!"
"I- umm, I should probably get back to my parents..." I mumble as
things get increasingly awkward.
"Well- umm..." Mark says as I prepare to head away. "Can- can I get
your email address? If, you know, you want to, umm, keep in touch after
the holidays?"
"Umm... Okay, I guess!" I giggle as Mark hands me a pen and I write my
email address on his hand. "Well, see you, I guess!"
"See you, Ash!" Mark says with a sly grin as he walks away, leaving me
with a bemused smile on my face. Sure, I hadn't come on holiday
expecting to make a new friend, but I'm not going to say no- after all,
you can never have too many friends, and Mark seems pleasant enough.
Sure, he'll probably not fit in too well with the rest of my 'excellent
eight', but then again, neither does George. Mark might even end up
going out with one of the 'excellent eight'...
"Hi, sorry I'm late," I say as I catch up with my family. "How was the
meet and greet?"
"...If you're running late, TEXT US next time!" Mum sighs. "You're only
fourteen, for god's sake. I was worried sick..."
"Sorry," I mumble. "I- I just got chatting to someone, kinda lost
track..."
"Who were you talking to?" Mum asks suspiciously.
"Umm, just some guy called Mark," I reply. "He's from London too! Gave
him my email address in case we want to keep in touch after the
holidays..."
"I- I thought you were only interested in girls?" Dad asks as the
colour seems to drain from his face.
"I do," I shrug. "It's not like we were flirting or anything..."
"Ashley, you gave him your email address," Bryony- of all people- says.
"I'm only eleven and even I know that means you were flirting!"
"And dressed like that, all you need to do to flirt is open your
mouth," dad mumbles, making my chest suddenly feel very exposed.
"...I don't like boys," I mumble, adjusting my top so that it sits a
little higher on my chest.
"No, but boys are inevitably going to like you," mum says. "Did- did
you tell him about, umm, you know?"
"No," I mumble.
"Better that you don't," dad says in a dark voice. "You don't want a
matching scar over your right eye."
"Anyway, let's forget all about this," mum says, desperately trying to
lighten the mood. "We're on holiday, we should be having fun!"
"Right!" Dad says. "So let's finish exploring Fantasyland, get some
dinner, watch the fireworks and get an early night, okay? Gonna have a
LONG day at Adventureland tomorrow!"
And, naturally, that's what we end up doing for the rest of the day as
I try to put my 'encounter' behind me and enjoy the many delights that
Disneyland has to offer. As I climb into the bottom bunk of my bed,
however, I can't help but think about the young man. From an objective
standpoint, he is attractive, but that's not what's on my mind- it's
the fact that from an objective standpoint, he obviously finds ME
attractive. And if he can, there's no reason that other boys- or,
better yet, other girls- can't either.
As Bryony is obviously too young to ask for her opinion, I turn to the
only people I know will help me out- my friends in London. After
ensuring that my phone is connected to the hotel's Wi-Fi (the last
thing I need is my parents bollocking me for running up a huge bill), I
login to Facebook and smile when I see my other seven friends are all
online and already engaged in a group chat- a group chat I'm
immediately invited to join.
'Hey Ashley!!!!' Laura types. 'How's Disneyland?'
'AMAZING,' I reply with a string of 'grinning' emojis.
'Met any princesses yet?' Suriya asks. 'Other than your sisters, of
course!'
'Other than Ashley herself!' Mia types, earning 'lol's, 'grinning# and
'heart' emojis from the other girls- myself included.
'Check it out!' I reply, sending the various photos I took today of me
and my sisters with the Disney princesses.
'Technically Elsa's a queen, so she shouldn't count!' Nicole types.
'You try telling Cassie that!' I retort, earning 'laughing' emojis from
the other girls. 'Speaking of, how was ballet? Did I miss anything?'
'No, just practising basic steps,' Suriya replies. 'Real practise for
the next recital will start when we go back to school next month.'
'Or college!' Priya types with a 'smug' emoji.
'Rub that in a bit more, Miss 'eleven A stars'!' Megan types, earning a
string of 'smug' emojis from the sixteen year old girl.
'Why are you Facebooking us anyway?' Laura asks. 'Thought you'd still
be out seeing the park?'
'Paris is an hour ahead of you,' I explain. 'And we have to get back to
the hotel earlier for my brother and my sisters, so figured an early
night means I can get an earlier start tomorrow.'
'We're DEFINITELY going to have to go ourselves at some point in the
future,' Harriet types. 'Just the eight of us, like a road trip,
maybe?'
'As long as I don't end up driving everywhere!' Priya retorts.
'Which one of us is the only one who'll be seventeen within the next
twelve months?' Suriya asks her sister, who responds with a 'rolling
eyes' emoji.
'Might run into some- no, SEVERAL cute guys if it's the eight of us
together!' Nicole types, making me bite my lip.
'We'd have better luck at a beach,' Laura types. 'OMG! We should SO go
next summer after we all finish school!'
'Yeah, about that,' I type.
'OMG I'm so sorry!' Laura types. 'Keep forgetting you're a year younger
than us. We can wait two years, right?'
'Hell yeah!' Mia types. 'Or we can persuade Ashley's parents that we
won't corrupt 15 year old her!'
'Good luck with that,' I type with an eye rolling emoji. 'But what
Nicole said earlier is kinda what I want to talk about.'
'What, cute boys?' Nicole types. 'Thought you weren't interested in
them?'
'So did I,' Harriet types with an 'angry' emoji that makes me wince.
'Oh believe me, I'm not,' I reply. 'It's just that earlier a guy kinda
got interested in me.' My cheeks turn bright red as my seven friends
all reply with a barrage of 'laughing' 'kissing' and 'heart' emojis.
'Ashley's got a boyfriend!' Nicole types, her message surrounded by
'music' and 'heart' emojis.
'I do not!' I protest. 'We just chatted for a bit, that's all.'
'You may not have a boyfriend, but I bet he thinks he has a
girlfriend!' Suriya teases, making me roll my eyes.
'Is this a new experience for you?' Priya asks. 'A guy hitting on you
like this?'
'Yes,' I type, my cheeks turning an even deeper red.
'Just proves that you ARE gorgeous and girly!' Mia types with a
'winking' emoji.
'Like there was ever any doubt,' Laura types, making me grin. 'I know
cute guys aren't your 'thing' Ash, but that doesn't mean you can't
enjoy the attention!'
'Definitely,' Harriet types. 'Boys are dumb, they only think about one
thing and only think with one thing. No reason why the smart gender
can't take advantage of this!'
'Not ALL boys suck, though,' Megan types.
'No, but nearly all of them do,' Harriet replies. 'Just count yourself
lucky that you don't have to deal with them, Ash!'
'I do have a little brother,' I reply. 'And there's my dad too.'
'Your brother still wears nappies, we can let him off for now,' Harriet
retorts. 'Though you're right about your dad. He needs a REAL attitude
adjustment.'
'I guess he's not been as hyped for Disneyland as you or your sisters?'
Laura asks.
'You guess right,' I type with a sigh. 'It's obvious he'd rather be
anywhere else. Watching football or Star Wars, probably.'
'No reason girls can't like football or Star Wars,' Priya types.
'No reason Ashley's dad can't like Frozen or Beauty and the Beast,' Mia
retorts. 'My brothers laughed at my dad when he took me to see Frozen
in the cinema but he loved it as much as I did.'
'Exactly,' Harriet types. 'Macho idiots, all of them.'
'You don't need to convince me,' I reply with a 'sticking out tongue'
emoji that earns grinning ones in reply from all the girls.
'As long as you're having fun, that's the important thing,' Priya
types.
'You and your super-cute sisters, anyway!' Suriya interjects, swapping
'sticking out tongue' emojis with her sister.
'Speaking of which, Sabrina says hi to Bryony!' Nicole types, making me
giggle.
"Bryony," I say to the girl in the bunk above me. "I'm talking to
Sabrina's sister, she says h-"
"I know, I'm talking to Sabrina too," Bryony says, making me giggle as
I lean my head out of the bunk to see the familiar glow of her
smartphone illuminating her face.
'Bryony says hi too,' I reply with a 'winking' emoji. 'G2G now girlies,
need my beauty sleep!'
'Or not!' Nicole says with a 'sticking out tongue' emoji that makes me
blush and roll my eyes.
'Night girlie!' Laura types just before I log out of Facebook and toss
my phone onto my bedside table.
Obviously, I don't immediately fall asleep as I contemplate my friends'
advice. Looking back on it, it's obvious that Mark WAS flirting, and
even though I obviously wasn't, he could easily have thought that I was
merely because I talked to him. I let out a quiet groan as I check my
email on my phone, and sure enough, at the top of my inbox is an email
from 'Mark Hyson' that simply reads 'Hey'.
"Ugh," I spit, before tossing my phone back into my suitcase and trying
to get some sleep.
Fortunately, when I wake up on Wednesday morning, the sound of Timon,
Pumbaa and my three youngest siblings coming from the suite's main room
immediately puts a smile on my face. And of course, that smile widens
when I open the door and am again greeted by the sight of Cassie,
Dorothy and Eddy engrossed in the cartoon. The two girls are thankfully
a little less hyper than they were yesterday, having already met the
princesses they were obsessed with, which is definitely making mum look
a little happier- though dad's still looking as miserable as he did
yesterday.
"Don't forget we'll be going to Adventureland today, Ashley," mum says.
"There are some water rides so-"
"Yeah, I know," I say with a grin as I head into the en-suite to shower
and apply my make-up for the day ahead.
Unlike yesterday, I only apply a very minimal amount of make-up, just
some mascara and eyeliner, before heading back to my room and picking
out my outfit for the day ahead. With mum's 'caution' in mind, I reach
into my suitcase for an item of clothing I only received a few weeks
ago, but have been dying to try on.
The item in question is what looks on the outside like a simple one-
piece swimsuit, but is considerably more special than that. For
starters, the pattern is very significant- it has five vertical stripes
running the length of the suit. The outer two are light blue, the next
inner two are pink, and the central stripe is white, the same colour as
the transgender pride flag. Nikki- the woman who sent me the suit (and
who has been my unofficial 'mentor' for the last few months) also made
a few alternations to it, including a 'pouch' at the front to keep the
crotch looking perfectly flat, and a bit of padding on the chest to
enhance my 'shape'. Not to ridiculous levels, of course, but once I've
stretched the suit over my hairless body, I'm indistinguishable from
any other fourteen year old girl wearing a one-piece swimsuit. As I
look at my reflection in the mirror, though, I can't help but feel
slightly uncomfortable, as while I'm happy with my new 'shape', it'll
undoubtedly attract the attention of every teenaged boy in the park as
well...
Unfortunately, it's much too hot today to pull on a second layer on top
of my swimsuit, even if it is just a loose summer dress (and a dress
wouldn't be a good idea on rollercoasters anyway), so I pull on a very
snug pair of black shorts (skirts being as bad an idea on
rollercoasters as dresses) before slipping my feet into my flip-flops
and heading out into the suite's main room, where my two youngest
sisters are already changed and dressed similarly to me- though
obviously, Cassie is obviously wearing an extravagant, tutu-like skirt
instead of shorts!
"What a pretty swimsuit!" Cassie squeaks as I giggle and do a quick
twirl in the skin-tight garment.
"What a pretty skirt!" I reply, laughing happily as Cassie does a
pirouette that causes the skirt to rustle loudly. "I like your
dungarees too, Dorothy!"
"Thank you Ashley!" Dorothy giggles as she does a playful twirl in her
denim outfit.
"Ah, you're all looking so pretty today!" Mum giggles, her smile
widening as Bryony steps out of our room in her own swimsuit and
shorts, her long blonde hair scraped back into a tight ponytail. "Think
this calls for another family photo!"
"I'll take Eddy again," Bryony says, clearly smirking internally as dad
reluctantly hands our baby brother to the eleven year old girl.
Naturally, dad has made sure that Eddy HASN'T got into the spirit of
things- his dark blue Star Wars t-shirt and short jeans are a stark
contrast to me and my sisters' colourful clothes.
Nonetheless, the photo is taken, and minutes later, the seven of us are
back at Disneyland, heading to Adventureland and its many attractions.
We spend the morning exploring Pirates' Beach, riding Indiana Jones and
the Temple of Peril (which Bryony was thrilled to find she was just
tall enough to ride- even if she was as white as a sheet after the
ride!) before heading into neighbouring Frontierland and exploring the
attractions including the Thunder Mesa Riverboat Landing and Big
Thunder Mountain (which Bryony, oddly enough, wasn't very keen on!).
After an exhausting (and, at times, wet!) morning, the seven of us head
to Cowboy Cookout Barbecue, where we enjoy a hearty (and much to my
parents' relief, sugar-free) lunch. As we get ready to head back to the
fun, however, my heart sinks when I spot a familiar face heading toward
the restaurant- a face I'd desperately hoped to avoid for the rest of
my stay at Disneyland.
"Hi Ashley!" Mark says with a goofy grin that yesterday, I found funny,
but today I just find creepy.
"Hi..." I say cautiously. "I'm- umm, I'm kinda with my family..."
"Oh, umm, okay," Mark says, obviously taken aback by my suddenly cool
attitude. "Well, umm, my family's heading toward Discoveryland, can we-
"
"That's where we're going now!" Cassie squeaks, making me silently
curse. "Maybe you can come with us!"
"That'd be great!" Mark laughs as he- followed by his parents and his
sister- accompanies my family- or rather, me- to Discoveryland on the
opposite side of the park. "So, umm... Did- did you get my email last
night?"
"Haven't checked my email since I've been here," I lie in response.
"Weren't you on Facebook last night?" Bryony asks, making me silently
curse yet again.
"Facebook... Chatting with friends?" Mark asks. "With- with a
boyfriend? A cute boyfriend?"
"Just friends," I say. "I'm- I'm, umm... Only, you know, 'interested'
in- in girls."
"Oh," Mark says, before his eyes go wide. "Oh. Umm, okay. That's a
real- that's a real pity, you know?"
"Not for me, it isn't," I say, and for the first time since Mark showed
up again, I feel myself starting to relax.
"Well- umm, do- do you have a girlfriend?" Mark asks.
"Not right now," I reply, a smug smile creeping across my face.
Hopefully he'll take the hint...
"I, umm... I like your swimsuit," Mark says, causing me to exchange a
look of disbelief with my oldest sister.
"Thanks," I mumble.
"I'm sure I've seen that pattern before," Mark continues. "Is- is it
something special?" Ooh, now HERE's where we see who you REALLY are, I
think to myself.
"Yeah," I reply. "It's the colours of the transgender pride flag." I
bite my lip as Mark suddenly stops dead in his tracks and stares at me
with a look of utter disbelief on his face.
"The- the trans-" Mark stammers.
"Yeah," I say, folding my arms over my chest.
"Are- are you-" Mark splutters.
"A girl?" I ask. "I'd have thought that was obvious!" I bite my lip out
of frustration as Mark's face changes from one of disbelief into one of
utter disgust.
"Ew- uh- eugh!" Mark sneers. "You- you sick tranny!"
"DON'T speak to my sister like that!" Cassie suddenly pipes up,
startling myself and my entire family. "Ashley is a beautiful girl AND
she's a ballerina too!"
"No," Mark sneers. "No- no IT isn't! IT is a freak, and a weirdo, and
a-"
"Don't," dad says, shooting a death glare at the young man that stops
his rant dead in its tracks. Before Mark can retort, however, his
parents storm up to us with a look of pure fury on their faces- and
their fury isn't directed toward me.
"Mark Philip Hyson, what the HELL are you doing!?" Mark mother yells,
and for a moment, I could swear I saw the boy actually physically
shrink in size.
"Buh- muh- but HE's a tranny!" Mark pleads.
"We did NOT raise you to treat other people like this!" Mark's father
growls, before turning to my father. "I apologise on behalf of my son.
To all of you. We thought he was raised better than this. Obviously
we're going to need to teach him SEVERAL lessons when we get home!"
"Apology accepted," dad says, extending his hand. "Andy Moore."
"Dave Hyson," Mark's father says, shaking dad's hand. "You've got a
very mature, sensible daughter in Ashley. You should be proud of her."
That'll be the day, I think to myself as I roll my eyes.
"...Thanks," dad mumbles.
"As for you," Mr Hyson says to his son. "We are going to have some
SERIOUS words when we get back!" My family and I watch as Mark's
parents drag the whimpering boy away, leaving us stood in the middle of
the park in a VERY awkward silence.
"...Who wants an ice cream?" Mum asks, forcing a smile onto her face
that falls quickly when she sees the frowns on mine, dad's and,
surprisingly, Bryony's faces.
"I want one please!" Cassie predictably replies.
"Heh, you deserve one!" I chuckle at the beaming girl.
"But don't ever stand up to a bigger boy like that again," dad
cautions. "Boys like that, they- they're not afraid to hurt people
smaller than them." I frown as dad's words clearly frighten Cassie-
however, it's impossible to argue with them.
"But- but you wouldn't let anything bad happen, would you, daddy?"
Cassie asks. "To me OR to Ashley?"
"Well- no, of course not..." Dad mumbles.
"I- I think we should go and get that ice cream," mum says. "Come
along, Bryony."
"But- but I-" Bryony protests, before sighing and following my mum and
our sisters, leaving me alone with dad.
"...Thanks," I mumble. "I know that wasn't easy for you."
"The last year and a half hasn't been easy for me," dad sighs. "Though
it's obviously been harder for you, I won't deny that. That- that thing
just now proves that. Though you know you got off lightly, right?"
"Yes," I say bluntly, moving my cowlick to one side to reveal the scar
still above my left eye. "I'm not an idiot, dad. I know I probably
shouldn't have led him on. I didn't even realise I WAS, I mean- ugh.
Way to ruin a great holiday..."
"Only if you let it ruin the holiday," dad says.
"Like the way you've let me being a girl ruin your holiday?" I retort,
grimacing as I expect an angry response- however, dad has no response
to my words.
"...Come on," dad mumbles. "Want to get to Discoveryland before
dinnertime..." I force a smile on my face and nod in agreement, but as
we set off toward the final part of the park that we haven't explored
yet, I feel a twinge of guilt.
Dad has had so, so many opportunities to have been 'proven right about
me' over the last few months. From Sam's attack, to the repeated
teasing I've endured at school, and now Mark, today... he could easily
have stood back and allowed Mark to humiliate me. But he didn't. He
could've sided with Sam over my attack, said 'I had it coming', but he
didn't. He could've refused to allow me to transition... And in
fairness, he almost did. The only thing that stopped him was when it
was explained how much it'd damage me mentally to make me suppress who
I really am. The only thing that made dad step in and stop Mark was a
desire to not see his child- regardless of gender- publicly insulted
and humiliated. He does care for me... But he still obviously has a
long, long way to go. Still, at least he's willing to try, if nothing
else. It's just a pity that the frown on his face is wider than ever...
As we head into Discoveryland, I try to force myself to enjoy the last
day of our holiday, but the confrontation with Mark, and the
conversation with dad, make it nearly impossible. Looking around at my
sisters, it's almost like mine and dad's foul mood is infectious, as
they seem to be down in the dumps as well. Maybe they're FINALLY tired
out. Or maybe they're miserable because this part of Disneyland doesn't
have any princesses...
"Hmm," I mumble to myself as a plan forms in my head. The last time we
visited Disneyland, in 2008, it was before Disney bought other
companies, including Marvel comics, and Lucasfilm, who make...
"Oh my god!" I squeak as I point to a nearby man in a shiny costume.
"It's C-3PO!"
"Wh- what?" Dad asks, suddenly perking up. Thought that'd get your
attention...
"Can you take a photo of me with him, dad?" I ask as I pose next to the
performer. "Come on, Bryony, Cassie!"
"But you think Star Wars is stupid," Bryony protests.
"Uh- no, I never said that, did I?" I retort. "And besides, you liked
the Force Awakens, didn't you?"
"...A bit," Bryony mumbles as she stands next to me and C-3PO. "I liked
the girl in it, the one who became a Jedi at the end."
"Yeah, she WAS cool," I say as I try to force myself to be enthusiastic
about the film series. In truth, I'm not the biggest Star Wars fan in
the world- I think the movies are alright, definitely exciting, but not
really my 'thing'. Dad, on the other hand, LOVES Star Wars, and as my
sisters come to pose with me and the man in the metal suit, his frowns
slowly but surely vanishes.
"You know," dad says, "I was reading online about this 'Jedi training
academy' they have here for kids... Pity it's just for kids, heh!"
"If I may, sir?" 'C-3PO' says in a nearly flawless imitation of the
character's voice, "the Jedi Training Academy is only for young
padawans aged 7-12, so I fear that your eldest daughter may be a little
too... 'Advanced' with the force to qualify."
"Aww," I sigh, before turning to Bryony with a smirk on my face.
"Bryony here's only eleven, though..."
"Aww," Bryony moans in a VERY different tone from my earlier sigh.
"Well- perfect!" Dad chuckles. "Bryony, don't you want to be a Jedi,
like Rey?" Bryony opens her mouth to protest, before I stop her with a
smile and a nod towards dad, who for the first time this holiday,
actually looks happy to be here...
Fifteen minutes later, my family and I watch with wide grins as Bryony,
clad in the brown robes of a padawan, is stood with a group of other
children her age swinging her 'lightsaber' around under the instruction
of the 'Jedi Master'. As time goes on, her frown turns into a genuine
smile, and by the time a man in a Darth Vader costume arrives, she is
laughing with excitement as she and the other padawans work together to
drive the dark lord back.
"Well?" Dad asks as Bryony comes to us after having successfully
defeated the dark side of the force. "Did you enjoy it?"
"It was fun," Bryony shrugs in her typical manner, though both dad and
I can tell from the twinkle in her eyes that she thought it was a lot
more than just 'fun'.
"Well then," dad chuckles, "I know who I'll be taking with me to watch
The Last Jedi in December!"
"Who ELSE you'll be taking," I say with a smile that my father
instantly reciprocates as we head to one of the restaurants in
Discoveryland for dinner. Before we get there, however, dad places a
gentle hand on my shoulder.
"Thanks, Ash," dad whispers.
"For what?" I shrug.
"For- well, this," dad says. "I know you don't like Star Wars really.
But I appreciate the gesture."
"Who says I don't like it?" I ask. "Just because I'm a girl, it doesn't
mean I can't like Star Wars, just like being a boy means you're not
allowed to like Frozen, or Cinderella, or that sort of thing."
"Well- yeah, I know, but- ehh. Thanks anyway," dad says with a smile,
giving me a fatherly pat on my shoulder as we get ready to eat what
will be our final meal at Disneyland.
The following morning, all of us- even dad- have sad smiles on our
faces as we pack our bags and prepare to head back to London.
"Can we come back next summer?" Cassie asks. "Please? Pretty please?"
"Maybe if we win the lottery," dad laughs.
"But I'll be seven next summer," Cassie continues, "and PC3O said that
means I can be a Jedi like Bryony!" Unsurprisingly, this causes dad to
pause and think for a moment.
"Maybe not NEXT summer," dad says with a grin. "...I'll think about
it."
"Yay!" Cassie- who is, of course, too young to realise that 'I'll think
about it' means 'no'- squeaks, giving dad a long, tight hug that
Dorothy quickly joins in.
"As long as you've ALL had a good time on this holiday, okay?" Mum
asks, to which we all enthusiastically nod. "Good. Now come on, the
sooner we get home, the sooner we can get unpacked and relax!" I grin
as I help my parents load our cases onto the trolley and cart them down
to the waiting taxi, which whisks us to the nearest train station.
Before long, we're back in the familiar surroundings of western London,
and back in our home, where I help unload the cases from the taxi
before collapsing heavily onto the sofa, which earns a playful kick in
the shin from my father.
"On your feet," dad chuckles. "Got a lot of unpacking to do, THEN you
can lay about!"
"Yes, Obi-Wan," I say, earning a genuine laugh from dad as I take the
suitcases upstairs and help my sisters unpack.
"Thank you, Ashley!" Cassie and Dorothy say in unison as I put their
fancy dresses onto coat hangers and hang them up in their shared
wardrobe.
"Ah, you're welcome!" I laugh. "You both loved Disneyland, then?"
"Stupid question!" Bryony giggles from the doorway as she comes in and
sits down on the bed next to our two younger sisters.
"Did you enjoy Disneyland, Bryony?" Cassie asks.
"It was fun- no, it was GREAT!" Bryony giggles. "So great to be there
with my three sisters."
"...Yeah," I say, exchanging a shy smile with the eleven year old girl.
One thing's for sure- I certainly enjoyed it more as a 14 year old girl
than I did when I was a 5 year old boy, and infinitely more than I
would have done had I been a 14 year old boy. And for the first time
ever, I think dad might actually be enjoying having a 14 year old
daughter. There's a long way to go, sure, but we are at least moving in
the right direction.
The second I'm finished putting my sisters' clothes away, a knock comes
from the front door, and I squeak with excitement as I open it to find
Mia, Harriet and Laura all standing there with wide grins on their
faces.
"Hey girlie!" Laura giggles as she gives me a tight hug. "How was
Disney?"
"AMAZING," I reply. "Knackering too, try going there with three little
sisters, hehe!"
"Aww, I bet they were SO cute, though!" Mia giggles. "Get loads of
photos? Selfies with all the princesses?"
"Of course," I giggle as I lead my friends to the living room, where
all three of them sit down on the sofa cross-legged- and I can't help
but notice the slender bronzed legs of my fellow T-girl poking out from
underneath her skin-tight miniskirt. "...I'm not the only one who's
been getting some sun, then?"
"Enjoy it while it lasts!" Laura giggles.
"Ugh, SO jealous," Harriet sighs. "HATE having pale skin..."
"Uh- excuse me?" Mia snorts, gesturing to her own untanned legs. "You
think YOU have pale skin?"
"You haven't got as many freckles as me," Harriet retorts.
"Girlies," Laura sighs. "Let's agree that ALL of us are cute, tan or no
tan, okay?"
"Easy for you to say when you've had a cute boy tell you how cute you
are all summer!" Mia snorts. "Meanwhile I'm sat here, single and
unloved..."
"Aww," Laura giggles, giving the raven-haired girl a playful cuddle.
"Just say the word, I'll set you up with one of Kain's friends..."
"Ew- thanks but no thanks," Mia snorts.
"Then what type of boy DO you want?" I ask.
"One who's cute, sensitive, not obsessed with sport or videogames..."
Mia replies.
"Don't take this the wrong way Mia," Harriet says with a sly grin, "but
what you just described sounds like a GIRL to me!"
"...You wish," Mia snorts, making the ginger-haired girl laugh.
"Besides, shouldn't we be talking about how Miss Moore here has been
drawing boys to her like a magnet?"
"It was one boy, and no, no we shouldn't," I say, before sighing.
"Besides... Dickhead bolted the second he found out I was trans."
"Ugh," Laura spits. "Sorry to hear that, Ash."
"Did- did he hurt you?" Harriet asks with concern in her voice.
"No," I sigh. "Was about to tear into me in public, but one look from
dad scared him off."
"Huh, there's hope for him after all, then," Harriet muses.
"And you didn't see any girl you fancied at Disney, then?" Mia asks.
"No," I sigh. "Didn't really have time for a holiday romance anyway."
"Ah well," Harriet says. "Plenty of girls here in London for you to
check out!" Much to my surprise, the ginger girl punctuates her
sentence with a wink, which causes a tingle of excitement to spread
throughout my body. Could- could Harriet actually fancy ME?
"Umm, where- where are the others?" I ask.
"Nicole and Megan are looking after their younger brothers," Laura
explains. "Only barely got out of babysitting Lily myself. Think Priya
and Suriya are visiting family in Birmingham. So, it's just the four of
us today!"
"Well..." I say as I remember the way I press-ganged my little sister
into helping me yesterday. "There IS one other member of our gang here
today... Bryony! Get in here!"
"What?" My eleven year old sister moans, before seeing my friends sat
on the sofa. "Oh, hi Harriet, Mia, Laura."
"We're having a girly gossip session," I explain. "And as you're going
to be going to school with us next year- well, next month, heh!"
"Seems only fair that you join in!" Mia giggles, making room on the
sofa for Bryony to squeeze between her and Harriet.
"You looking forward to it, Bryony?" Harriet asks.
"A bit," my sister shrugs. "It's going to be weird the first few days."
"Well don't worry," Laura says with a warm grin. "We'll look after you,
won't we, Ashley?"
"...You did a good enough job of looking after me," I say with a smile.
"Wouldn't be sat here right now looking like this if it wasn't for you
girls."
"Aww," Mia sighs. "Well the important thing is, you're our sister now.
And that makes you our sister too, Bryony!"
"...Great, just what I need, more older sisters," Bryony retorts,
making my three friends all laugh.
"Shocked and appalled," I snort, actually earning a giggle from Bryony.
"Good," my sister retorts as the five of us immerse ourselves deep into
our gossip session.
My three friends only stick around for an hour before leaving, but as
they go, they make sure to exchange hugs with both myself and Bryony,
ensuring my sister that she'll be as much a part of the group as I am a
few weeks from now. Mia is the last to leave, and as she gives me my
hug, she leans in to whisper in my ear.
"Told you you were cute," Mia says, subtly winking at me and sending
yet more tingles down my spine as she heads off with the rest of my
friends.
"What did she say?" Bryony asks.
"...I'll tell you when you're fourteen," I giggle, before heading up to
my bedroom and crashing on my bed.
I should be offended that Mark was disgusted to find out that I was
transgendered, but in truth, there's a very real part of me that's
flattered that he was ever attracted to me at all. And now both Harriet
and Mia seem to have a thing for me too... In the past, I was so
obsessed to become a girl that at times I never thought about what it
would be like once I'd finally achieved my dreams. And whilst there are
a hell of a lot of downs, there are a hell of a lot of ups, too, and
being seen as an attractive girl is DEFINITELY an up.
Who know- I may even end up meeting the girl of my dreams. Hell,
there's a chance that I already have...