Panther Girl of Gor an alternative ending by Archer
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Better Than The Alternative : Chapter 12 free porn video
***Authors note*** I just wanted to apologize for the long delay for this
chapter. I had gotten a new doctor at the clinic I use for my HRT, and
she seriously had screwed with my medication. This all happened about a
month ago. The severe change in my hormone levels really screwed with me,
and seriously screwed up my ability to connect with my characters as I
tried to write. I've gotten the screw up straightened out, but its taking
me a bit more time to fully get back to where I was. I'm getting better
though, and enough that I was able to finally sit down and finish this
chapter over the last several days. Again, I'm sorry for this one taking
so long.
I did want to address one concern someone had over the last chapter. It
was along the lines that 'everyone was coming out trans', and maybe that
chapter might have seemed so, that really isn't the case. The character
Tim, I loosely based on my own therapist, who dropped that info on me on
my first session with him. I just thought that was too cool not to
include in this story. That leaves us with the three kids in high school
with gender issues, only two of which would fall into the statistical
probability. The probability that Jordan had figured out would include
maybe six students from their school would have some sort of gender
issue. Besides I get the feeling that statistic might be a bit low, as my
daughters graduating high school class had six openly trans kids in her
class of 232 students, but that's just me.
Hope you all enjoy, and without any further rambling. Here's chapter 12.
[Hugs] Rebecca. ***
Chapter 12
I woke up the next morning to find myself alone in my bed. I wasn't
surprised, but wistfully I thought how nice it would have been to see
Sam's face when I woke up. Looking around my room I realized that this
was the first time since being here that I woke up alone in my room. Part
of me hated the thought of being alone, but at the same time with
everything that had come out, I was mostly thankful for the quiet time.
I slowly sat up and while there were still a few aches and pains, most of
the soreness had faded. Other than the few winces I made sitting up, at
least I didn't make any actual groans this time. I debated hitting the
call button, but decided I'd see how hard it was to stand on my own
first. I found my strength was returning and other than being a bit
wobbly, I was able to stand easily enough and make my short journey to
the bathroom.
While I was sitting down doing my business I realized that other than the
sponge baths, I hadn't showered in a couple of days and I smelled. I
found a seat was built into the shower, so thankfully I didn't have to
risk falling. The warm water felt amazing as my tired and sore muscles
absorbed the heat. It didn't take me too long to bathe, and once I was
finished washing I just sat under the water trying to relax. I had no
clue how long I sat there when the bathroom door opened.
"Jordan, you okay in there?" Mom asked.
"Yeah Mom... I was just finishing up in here," I told her. I hoped she
didn't know how long I had been sitting there, so I quickly shut the
water off.
"Umm okay... I brought you some clothes. The doctors told me that you're
going to be released today. I thought you'd be happy to get out of that
gown they gave you."
Turning off the water I told her, "Thanks Mom... You have no idea..."
She quickly handed me a towel while trying not to look at me directly. "I
think I do sweetie... Do you need any help getting dressed?"
Blushing, because I really didn't want her to see any more of my body's
changes than she already had, I told her, "Thanks but I'm okay... I'm
strong enough and my balance is mostly back... I'm good."
"Okay honey, I'll be in the room out here. Just yell if you need
anything," she told me as she softly closed the door.
I quickly finished drying off and grabbed the bag of clothes she had laid
on the counter. The first piece I pulled out made me frown. It was one of
the bras she had bought for me. At least it was just a basic non-frilly
cotton bra, but it was still a bra... I whined, "Mom why did you bring me
this?"
I heard her voice through the door, "Are you talking about the bra? You
have to wear something Jordan. They're getting big enough to start
bouncing... You're really not going to like that."
Listening to her I decided to see, so I bounced on my toes to check.
Unfortunately, she was right, while it didn't hurt I definitely felt them
move on their own. I groaned, "Why didn't you bring the sports bras
then..."
I heard her sigh, "I thought you were okay with wearing a regular one...
You did to the group... Look, if you want I can go back home and grab
some different things."
I shook my head, even if she couldn't see it. I told her, "No, that's
okay Mom... I'll wear it..."
I sighed and fastened the bra in front and slid it around before I slid
my arms into the straps. Pulling out the other part of my underwear I
grimaced as I slid the plain cotton panties on. Honestly, neither the bra
or panties felt uncomfortable, after all they were both soft plain
cotton. I turned at that moment to look at myself in the full-length
mirror hanging on the bathroom door and gasped. I could hardly see
anything resembling a boy looking back at me in the mirror. I saw a
young teen-age girl in her underwear staring back at me. I could see that
it was mostly still my face at least, but the hormones had even softened
some of my facial features. The girl was thin, but she no longer looked
emaciated like the boy that I remembered.
Taking a deep sigh, I pulled the remainder of the clothes out of the bag,
noticing one of the items was one of the new pair of jeans she had bought
along with one of my old tee-shirts. I quickly pulled those on and took
another glance in the mirror, hoping that those would cover up the girl
so that I could see more of the old me again. Unfortunately, the only
kind of boy that I saw would at most be considered a tomboy. A tomboy
with a shitty haircut. Great...
I felt a slight shudder run through my body at the thought that I already
looked more female than male. Even knowing that this all was going to
happen, it was still a huge blow to my male psyche. I felt the urge to
start crying, but thankfully was able to hold it back this time. It was
no longer as strong of an urge as I was slowly starting to accept all of
this. Of course, accepting it and being okay with it are two completely
different issues. I softly sighed as I remembered this is still better
than what I had been facing. Having Sam in my life was helping a lot.
Stepping out of the bathroom I noticed Mom reading a magazine sitting in
one of the chairs, I told her, "Mom, thanks for bringing me some clothes.
Even with... I still appreciate it..."
She looked up and I caught the momentary surprise on her face as she saw
how the clothes made me look, she told me, "You're welcome sweetie." Then
she took a moment to look me over once again, and as her eyes rested back
up to mine she asked, "So how are you doing?"
I felt my shoulders shrug as I said, "I guess I'm doing alright..."
I saw the concern written clearly on her face as she said, "You don't
look alright... I wish I could help you more than I am..." She motioned
for me to come closer, so I did.
I softly tell her, "I know... I'm sorry Mom... I'm trying to be... I'm...
It's... It's just so hard... I mean I've known this was going to
happen... It's just..." I stopped talking as I felt my chest start to
tighten and I took a deep breath, biting my bottom lip to keep it from
quivering.
She gently grabbed me by the arms and pulled me to her lap and told me,
"I know you're trying baby... Come here and sit with me okay."
I half-heartedly fussed, "Mom... I'm too big to sit on your lap..." I
didn't try to resist too much, as if it would have mattered. Mom was
stronger than I was. I'm not going to lie, even though I felt I was too
grown to sit in my mom's lap it felt good to lean into her as she wrapped
her arms around me.
She gently teased, "You'll never be too big to sit in my lap..." She
gently held me and softly rocked with me. I immediately felt a lot of the
tension quickly start to fade as I gently held on to her. After several
minutes she asked, or maybe was more of a statement, "So, you and Sam?"
Swallowing hard I ask with a bit of fear in my voice, "Umm... What about
us?"
She softly chuckled. "Don't worry Jordan, it's just me asking as your
Mom. I take it when I found you both asleep last night holding hands that
you've worked everything out with her?"
I softly say, "Oh... Yeah... I guess we have... Umm... Mom? It doesn't
bother you that you caught us kissing?"
I felt her shake her head as she responded, "I guess no more than it
would bother any mother to see her son kissing a pretty girl... As long
as you're not planning on more than just kissing right now..."
I gently shook my head. "Nope... Just kissing... I don't think we could
do anything even if we wanted to with our... You know... Our
situation..."
She asked, "You mean with you still being physically male? Or with her
blockers and... Well... your surgery?"
I nodded and said, "All the above... I mean... Right now, when she kisses
me... Or even just holding my hand... It makes my skin all tingly... She
makes me feel something... I just never thought I'd ever feel anything
with anyone ever since the denutation..."
She fussed, "Jordan Taylor! I've told you not to call it that!"
That caused me to chuckle. "Well that's what happened isn't it? They
denutted me you know..."
She groaned. "That's it, you definitely inherited your fathers horrible
sense of humor..." She softly giggled though, then she gently kissed the
top of my head and told me, "I'm glad that she makes you feel those
things sweetie... That's important." She then started rocking with me
again.
Giving her a gentle squeeze, I tell her, "Thanks Mom." I felt her nod her
head as she started to hum as she rocked me. I distinctly remember the
last time she did this. I was close to the lowest I had gotten, and
everyone was surprised how hard I was still hanging on. As much as that
closeness I remembered when I was so close to dying, this was so much
better. I didn't even feel tired or anything, but it still only took me a
few moments before I drifted off to a peaceful sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I didn't know how long I slept but I roused slightly when the door to my
room opened and a familiar voice said, "Jordan? Mrs. T.? Oh..."
I felt my mom jerk slightly, I guess she had fallen asleep too. She still
managed to say, "Hi Sam."
Sam quietly asked, "If you both need your rest we can come back?"
Mom said, "Don't be silly. Jordan honey?" She gently shook me to try to
awake me.
I started to sit up and said, "I'm awake..." It was then that both Mom
and I realized that I had drooled on her blouse... A lot... I apologize,
"Mom... I'm sorry..."
She laughed. "It's okay baby. It's just a shirt, it'll wash out fine...
It just meant you were tired..."
I quickly stood up wiping my face of any residual drool as I blushed. I
then stretched and smiled, "Hey Sam..." She was holding back laughter at
my embarrassment, but her eyes quickly grew wide as I stretched. I wasn't
thinking about my changes, but with her expression I realized she could
see how developed I was, with how everything was fitting me. I quickly
stopped my stretch and started to turn away, so she couldn't see.
Sam quickly stepped over to me and gently turned me back towards her. She
told me, "Jordan it's okay... You don't have to hide from me... I promise
none of this matters to me."
I sigh as I look into her eyes. "I know... It's just a reflex I guess...
I'm sorry..."
She smiled at me in a way that made my skin get all tingly, she then
teased, "I know, it's okay... So, what's a girl have to do to get a kiss
from her boyfriend?"
I immediately felt my heart start to race as I felt myself start to
blush. I couldn't think of anything to say, besides actions are louder
than words anyway. Right? So, I took half a step closer to her and not
even caring how unmasculine it might have looked, I rocked up on my tip-
toes as she bent her head down slightly until our lips met. I'm sure
that it looked comical, here I was standing on my tip-toes to kiss my
girlfriend with my arms wrapped around her waist, and her arms draped
around my shoulders. Honestly neither of us cared, or at least we didn't
until we heard another voice clear their throat. I quickly slid back down
off my toes and looked behind Sam where the voice come from.
Seeing the tall guy leaning in the doorway I said, "Hey Brett... How're
you doing?"
"Pretty good," he answered, but then his brows slightly knitted together
as he asked, "Since you're the one in the hospital, shouldn't I be the
one asking you that?"
I laughed, but then glanced at Sam and then back at him, "Yeah I guess...
I'm doing... better..." I then gave Sam a gentle squeeze since my arms
were still around her waist, and said, "I'm getting better though... I
take it you gave Sam a ride here?"
He nodded. "Yeah, she asked me if I could at church this morning. I
didn't mind... After seeing you Friday night..." He paused as he glanced
over at my mother who was smiling at Sam and me. He continued, "I umm...
Wanted to see how you were doing too... Thought we might could talk..."
I nodded, but before I could ask Mom for privacy she stood up and said,
"I think I'm going to stretch my legs... Do any of you want anything to
drink from the cafeteria?" She quickly took our requests and then
stepped out of the room, but not before asking Brett, "Are you the one
that jumped in to help Jordan during that fight?"
He told her, "Yes Mrs. Taylor... Although I think I was probably helping
Clint more, I saw the look on Jordan's face after he got hit... Clint was
going to have his hands full with him..."
That actually made Mom laugh. "Maybe so, but glad we didn't have to find
out... Thank you though for helping my son."
He blushed and told her, "You're welcome Mrs. Taylor... I wanted you to
know I really admire Jordan... He's the kind of guy I wish I could be."
He looked almost ashamed at that moment, but he recovered quickly and
added, "I really look up to him, you know... Well not actually... but...
You know what I mean right?"
Mom laughed, and told him, "Yes I know what you mean... Seriously, thank
you for looking out for him. For looking out for them both..."
He nodded and softly told her, "It's what friends do... Or at least what
they're supposed to do." She nodded as she stepped out of the room and
gently eased the door close.
I told him, "Just so you know Brett, my Mom's really cool... You could
have talked in front of her. She wouldn't care." I motioned for us to sit
down, I sat down on the bed and Sam sat down next to me clutching my hand
in hers. Brett took the chair once he moved it closer to the bed.
He told me, "Yeah I know... Since she's so awesome with Sam and you...
It's just... Hard... To talk about it..."
I laughed, not at him but at his statement. "You do remember who you're
talking to right? I get that... Sam didn't tell me anything... I wanted
you to know that... Just that Friday wasn't a 'friends allowed' group...
You don't have to tell me anything Brett... I promise you though I won't
say anything to anyone unless you give me the okay..." Sam let go of my
left hand with hers, and then moved one arm around my back and grabbed my
hand now in her right as she gave me a side hug.
Brett nodded. "I know you wouldn't Jordan... You're a good... guy... Is
that right? You still identify as a guy?" I nodded, and he continued,
"You're actually one of the most standup guys I've ever known..."
I shook my head as I tried to keep my voice catching in my throat.
"Brett... No, I'm not... I..."
Sam gave my hand a squeeze, "Jordan stop it. You are... You always try to
do the right thing Jordan... You always jump in to defend those that
can't or won't defend themselves... You're an amazing guy."
It took me a moment to get my emotions under control, the praise they
were both giving me was starting to overwhelm me. I quickly tried to
change the subject. "What did you mean about wishing you were the kind of
guy like me? You were at the group... Doesn't that mean you're trans as
well?"
He nodded and swallowed hard, as he softly spoke, "Yeah I am... That
doesn't mean I want to be..."
I utter, "Oh..." In all my reading I've read that a lot of trans people
wished that they weren't trans. Most fought hard and long to try to
retain that person they thought they were born to be. I've also read that
most eventually lose that struggle, either by eventually transitioning or
far, far worse... I asked, "So did you know since you were little that
you were... Different?"
Brett shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know... I don't think that I knew
I felt like I was a girl... I knew that girl things didn't bother me...
Actually, I used to be drawn to my Mom's stuff... Like her shoes and
makeup and stuff... Everything didn't really hit me until a few months
ago..."
Sam spoke up. "Brett I'm sorry..."
He gave Sam a sad smile. "It's not your fault Sam... It's okay... This is
all on me..." At my confused expression Brett continued, "She wants to
blame herself... I had all this crap buried for a long time... When she
came out at church at the beginning of the summer... All those feelings
came back... It was like they were uncovered... They've been so strong...
It's been rough... No matter what though it's not her fault..."
I thought about what he said, and something stuck out in my head. I
asked, "You said you used to be drawn to her stuff... What happened to
change that and cause you to bury it?"
Brett looked up towards the ceiling, I could see his eyes starting to
tear up, as he said, "My Dad happened... I was like eight or nine and he
caught me playing with her make-up and wearing her dress..." He scoffed
as he wiped his eyes.
Somberly I asked, "What did he do Brett?"
He half laughed and sobbed. "What else for an asshole like him to do...
He tried to beat the gay out of me... I was only a kid... Except I wasn't
gay..."
Seeing him start to cry like he was, this big huge quarterback made me
feel like shit, complete and total shit... I realized exactly how lucky I
was, and how lucky Sam was for the parents that we had. No matter how
close I came to dying, or what they had to do to save me, I was still the
lucky one. As he was staring down at his hands clasp in front of him I
could see the tears start falling, and it broke my heart. He was a good
guy, even if he wasn't he didn't deserve that. Without a word I gently
got up and stepped up to him and as he looked up at me I leaned in and
wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. It took him a moment
before he hugged me back and as he cried I softly told him, "Brett...
It's okay, let it out man. Just let it out. Just know that it's not your
fault either okay..."
He sobbed. "But it is... If I didn't feel this way... He wouldn't have
left..."
It then hit me with what the coach had told me, he had been blaming
himself for his father bailing. It pissed me off, "Brett, it's not your
fault okay. Your dad is just an asshole. He shouldn't have ever beaten
you for that... He shouldn't have left... His job was to love you, and he
fucked that up Brett. Not you, you got that?"
He shook his head. "But... but... I was the only child... The only son...
It's what I was supposed to be..."
I gave him a gentle shake to get him to look at me, when he did, I told
him, "Look at me Brett... I'm an only child, and the only son... Don't
you think I realize that I'll never give my parents grandkids... They're
amazing parents, I can only imagine how amazing they would have been as
grandparents... I can't do those things for them Brett... No matter how
bad I wish I could... It's not your fault..."
He argued, "Jordan that's bullshit and you know it. You had that problem
with your testosterone, it's a medical condition that you couldn't help.
It's not the same!"
I shook my head at him as I softly told him, "Brett... I've read too much
about this since my diagnosis... From what I've read and how I understand
it... You couldn't help it either... Right?"
He looked directly into my eyes as if he was trying to stare into my
soul, I simply stared back at him. He started to sputter, "But I thought
I could forget it... I mean if I tried more maybe I could... Maybe if
I..."
I said more forcefully, "Brett, you couldn't help it..." He quit
sputtering and stared at me, and I repeated softly, "It's not your
fault..."
There was a look in his eyes the moment that clicked with him, he quickly
wrapped his arms around me as started crying again. He hugged me tight,
tight enough that it hurt, a lot. Sam saw me grimace in pain, and she
looked like she was going to say something to him, but I waived her off.
He needed this, and I've hurt a lot worse than this. I just returned the
hug as he cried and crushed me, as I kept consoling him telling him it
would be okay.
This continued for several minutes until there was a knock at the door.
Brett quickly let go of me and jumped into the bathroom as my Mom opened
the door and came in. She asked, "Is everything okay in here?" Sam and I
nodded, both of us were probably close to crying ourselves. I'm surprised
though I held it together as well as I did. With the way Mom was staring
at us, I'm sure she knew something was up, but thankfully she didn't ask.
A few minutes later, after he had rinsed off his face, Brett came out of
the bathroom. His eyes were still slightly puffy and red, but he had a
smile plastered on his face. It almost reached his eyes, but not quite.
He asked, "Sam you were going to ride home with them, right?" She nodded,
so he continued, "Well I need to get out of here, Mom was going to be
needing some help around the house so... Mrs. Taylor... Like I said, you
have an amazing son..."
Mom smiled, but concern was clearly on her face as she told him, "I know
I do... Thank you though..."
I stepped up to him and asked, "You okay?"
He shook his head, "No... I think I'm better though..."
I nod and tell him, "I totally get that... I don't know if I'm ever going
to be truly okay with this... I'm striving for better though... I can
live with better..." I hold up my hand for a fist bump with him, he
started to return it but at the last second, he leaned down and gave me a
hug.
He whispered, "Dude, even though you aren't tall... You're still the
biggest man I know Jordan..." He then nodded to everyone and said, "Mrs.
Taylor it was a pleasure, and Sam? See ya later." He was then out the
door.
I was staring at the door and thinking about what all had just happened
when Sam came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me. She whispered
in my ear, "I heard what he told you... He's right Jordan, you are."
I turned to look at mom and I could see that she had probably a million
or so questions about what just happened. Thankfully before she could
ask, I asked her, "So are we ready to blow this joint or what?"
Sam giggled, and Mom smiled at me and nodded. She said, "Well let's see
what we have to do to get out of here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several hours later I had been napping on the couch when Sam woke me up.
She had ridden home with us from the hospital and by the time we had
gotten home I had been exhausted. She went home to change out of her
church clothes and grab a few movies while I rested. She had brought
three more movies from her Marvel collection trying to get me caught up
to speed in the whole Marvel Movie Universe. We had popped some popcorn
and gotten drinks and had already put in the DVD and it was waiting at
the title screen.
We were trying to get comfortable on the couch and due to me being so
much shorter than her it was a bit difficult. Finally, she put some throw
pillows against the armrest and told me, "Look just turn sideways and
lean against the pillows." She then sat between my legs and tried to get
herself positioned, so her head was resting on my chest, carefully
between my boobs.
It took several tries for her to find the right spot and I tried to joke
with her, "With you being so much taller maybe I should be the one laying
on you."
She sat up and turned to face me, "I don't think so Mister. Isn't it
supposed to be the girl that leans against her BOYfriend?"
She then smiled softly at me, and I got exactly what she was trying to
do. As long as I was going to hold out that I was still a boy, she was
going to try to reinforce to me that I was still the guy in the
relationship. I felt my heart jump into my throat, this honestly made me
love her even more. It was in that moment that I realized, I was already
in love with Sam. She was my best friend, no matter what. She was going
to stick by me no matter how much I changed, and I was going to stick by
her as long as she would let me.
I swallowed hard and tried to tell her how I felt, I stumbled, "Sam... I
just want you to know how much... I mean I think I... No wait... I know
that I..."
She smiled and interrupted me, "I know..." She then leaned in and gave me
a soft kiss, then she leaned back slightly and whispered, "Me too..."
I asked, "Really?"
She nodded and then gently leaned back in for another kiss, this one a
bit longer than the last. I felt... I don't know, but I felt more from
it... Right before she drew back I felt her tongue lightly dance across
my lips as she broke the kiss. I felt a slight shudder run through my
body, she then smirked and asked, "Jordan... Can I ask you something?"
I nodded. "Sure anything..."
She then giggled. "Will you shut up, so we can start the movie?"
Her smile and the light in her eyes as she teased me made my heart
flutter, I softly said as I nodded and returned her smile, "K."
She quickly turned back around and gently rested her head on my chest,
she grabbed the remote, and held up a bag and asked, "Popcorn?"
I nodded as I gently brushed her hair away from her face with one hand,
leaned down and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. As I reached into
the bag to get a handful of popcorn she hit play...
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