Panther Girl of Gor an alternative ending by Archer
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Better Than The Alternative : Chapter 13 free porn video
***Authors note*** Well it appears my muse is working overtime now, so
I'm going to work her for all she's worth right now. Thank you everyone
for following and commenting. You all are what makes sharing this worth
it. [Hugs everyone] Rebecca***
Chapter 13
I had found myself awake early this morning, it had been three days since
I had been released from the hospital after my stupid mistake. Most of
what I had been doing the last few days had been lying around, resting,
and doing schoolwork. My last day of suspension had been on Monday, but
the doctors had held me out Tuesday as well, something about giving me
one more day to recover. With all the naps I have taken, I just couldn't
sleep anymore. With a few hours to kill until I had to leave for school I
kept finding my mind drifting back to the last few days.
I had to smile a bit thinking how odd my life had become, but at the same
time I honestly didn't feel that it was odd in a bad way, it was just
different. My best friend in the entire world was now my girlfriend, but
she had always been my friend, it was just back when she was a he and we
played baseball and soccer together. My new close friend is a senior, who
also is the star quarterback on the high school's football team, who just
happens to feel like he is a girl. Then there is me and all the weird
excitement that has been my life for the last several years. Like I said,
odd...
I've realized that I'm sort of in between the two of them. While yes, I'm
transitioning, like Sam wants to do, I'm also a lot like Brett as I want
to stay who I am... Or at least who I think I am. That is the kicker
though, who exactly am I? I've started thinking about how I am so quick
to come to someone's defense and how typically that might be considered a
more masculine kind of trait. I feel like a protector, but that isn't
necessarily masculine either, if you've ever seen a mother coming to the
defense of their child that becomes obvious. Was that why I'm like I am?
Is it a mothering type instinct or is it my masculine side coming out?
I also thought about how I consoled Brett when he had his breakdown at
the hospital, and how that reminded me of something that Mom would do.
Was the way I consoled him solely because of the hormones I've been
taking? Or was it something else? Would I have done that before? I
honestly think I would have. Brett was suffering from guilt, well mostly
guilt along with his dysphoria, but it was mostly guilt. I truly
understood guilt, I have had my share of it over the last few years.
Seeing how my parents constantly worried and cried over my and my
illness. I couldn't help but feel that it was my fault, even though I
knew logically that I had no say in the matter. I still felt it though,
quite often actually. Now the guilt is because I'm struggling to accept
my situation. Because when I struggle it causes my parents to worry even
more... That's all on me. I know that. I realized I'd have still tried to
help him, even before I started my meds. Actually, I knew I would,
without a doubt in my mind.
I'd been asking myself these things for the last two days. Something
Brett had said when he came over on Monday had caused me to do a lot of
soul searching. With Monday being our last day of suspension from the
fight, he had gotten bored and came over here to hang out with me. With
him being three grades ahead of me and Sam, he really didn't ever know me
from before. He had only heard from other people who had known me. I
guess in a way he was trying to strengthen our budding friendship, I
guess in a non-trans way. As far as I was concerned, he saved my ass and
Sam's from Clint. He was going to be a lifelong friend to me already.
I was pretty relieved when he showed up, I had been worrying about him
and what he was going through. I saw through his fake smile as he left
the hospital, after all I think I could have patented that one when I had
been so sick. He stayed over here for a couple of hours, and until the
last part of his visit we didn't even discuss anything trans related. He
even got me off the couch to toss the football around for a bit. That was
actually pretty cool of him to do, I was so sick of sitting still it
wasn't funny. Even though football had never been my game, at least since
first and second grade, I was glad for the distraction. While I had still
been fast and agile back then, I would have made a great running back or
even a receiver, I was always the last to be picked for teams because of
my size... Being second string never sat well with me, I mean I wanted to
play so I ended up dropping it and focused on baseball and soccer
instead.
When I had finally worn myself out throwing the ball with him, I think it
might have taken me forty minutes, we did sit down and have a
conversation about our individual issues. He told me he really didn't
want to transition to be a girl. He didn't really give me any reasons
why, other than he thought he'd make an ugly girl, he tried to laugh at
that like it was a joke. That caused me to take a better look at him, and
while yes, he was huge, six-foot-two or three and close to two hundred
and thirty pounds of solid muscle, other than that... Brett was actually
what I would consider a pretty boy. He kind of had this surfer look with
the longish wavy blonde hair, a fair complexion with an androgynous face,
and piercing blue eyes. While his adams apple was noticeable it wasn't
very prominent. I felt that there was more to it than just being worried
about his appearance.
I tried to tell him that it wouldn't look as bad as he thought,
especially if he started hormones. He just brushed it off and as he left
was when he said the phrase that got me to thinking. He told me wouldn't
it be cool if we could have swapped... That way I could have been the
strong big sports god, and he could have been the small petite person
forced to take female hormones... I kinda laughed about it when he
left... I couldn't get it out of my head though.
At first, I thought yeah that would have been cool, being able to be big
and strong and basically play any sport I wanted. Then I thought that for
that to happen I would have to also swap my mutated gene problem and all
that entailed. The years of wasting away, the puking until my throat
bled... I realized that I wouldn't ever trade this with anyone... I
wouldn't even swap with Clint with him being the asshole he is, I'd never
wish this on anyone else. I then accepted that my illness was exactly
that, it was mine, nobody else's. Finally claiming my illness as mine,
and not just accepting it, is what got my mind to running its marathon
thinking session that I've been having. I'm pretty sure that was the
reason I wasn't freaking out this morning like I had done just a few
weeks ago.
While I was standing there in my underwear looking in the mirror this
morning, I couldn't help but see that I already looked like a girl. A
fairly cute girl at that. If I got a decent haircut and maybe thinned my
eyebrows and with makeup I would probably even be pretty... That thought
didn't cause the panic that it did a month ago, it was just... It still
didn't feel right to me. I still didn't feel like a girl, although I
probably don't have a clue what being a girl felt like, it just didn't
feel right to me. It would feel so wrong to me to start telling people
that I'm a girl when I truly didn't feel that way...
I also knew that I was going to have to work out my feelings towards this
sooner rather than later. Due to my stupid mistake, plus how I would
sometimes forget to take my estradiol pills, they inserted an estradiol
pellet in my left ass cheek while I was in the hospital. With the
constant flow of estrogen in my system they also modified my protein
sludge I'm supposed to drink every day. For one thing they removed the T-
blocker that was in it, the pellet should counter whatever testosterone
my adrenal gland is producing, the other thing they changed both excited
and truly terrified me.
My doctors weren't happy with my overall muscle gain since my procedure.
While I definitely had a more female shape to me, as I've said I am still
really thin. I don't know exactly what it is, but they told me they were
going to try an HGH derivative with my shake. Along with the possibility
that it should help me regrow some muscle, they also said there was a
good chance that it might help me grow a little taller. I jumped at that
chance, then they pulled the rug out from under me. Taking the new shake
would probably accelerate my female puberty as well. I was really torn
for a few minutes, but once I realized I was going to grow boobs one way
or the other, the chance of gaining inches in height was easily worth the
risk. I started drinking it yesterday, and other than the chalky
aftertaste, which is nasty, at least they somehow made it taste a bit
better while it was going down. Unfortunately, the consistency is still a
grainy sludge... Lucky me, right?
Due to one other side effect, my parents, doctors and I have already
decided to split the shake in half and take the half twice a day,
especially after what happened yesterday. The old shake had always made
me a bit jittery for a while, the new one... Oh my God... I was so wired
within an hour of drinking it... After another hour of being around my
parents they left and went to their bedroom to escape from my constant
rambling... Sam on the other hand, couldn't stop laughing at me. I had to
steal her phone from her, just so she'd quit filming me for 'posterity'.
I tried to be mad at her, but had the roles been reversed... I'd have
been doing the same thing... My mind didn't slow down enough for me to
fall asleep until after midnight, and even then, I woke up at four this
morning bouncing with energy.
That's why at five thirty I was already showered, hair dried, and had
been checking myself out in the mirror for the last half hour. As I said,
this wasn't freaking me out anymore, but I still haven't made the
connection that the reflection was 'me'... With a sigh I finally gave up
and slipped on my jeans, of course they were my new female jeans and not
my old ones. Mom had already gotten rid of those since I couldn't fit
into them anymore with my hips and ass. At least she had bought me some
bigger generic tee-shirts made out of some heavier cotton to ensure my
sports bras wouldn't be as obvious. Out of habit I first tucked the shirt
in, but with the way it showed off my shape down below my waist, I
quickly untucked it. Seeing my body better camouflaged with clothing, I
slipped my shoes on and headed downstairs. I'm slowly getting to be okay
with the way my body is starting to look, being okay simply meaning that
I'm not having a panic attack and hyperventilating about it anymore. I'm
just not ready for the world to see it yet.
I was going over all the school work I had done since being expelled,
plus the extra day I had to take off from doctor's orders, when my
parents came down to start breakfast.
Dad asked, "Jordan? How long have you been up?"
"A little over two hours I think... I couldn't sleep anymore," I told
him.
Mom frowned. "That's not enough sleep. Was it because of your
supplement?"
I shrugged. "I don't know if it was that or the fact I haven't been able
to do anything but sit around the house for the last several days...
Sitting still sucks."
Dad chuckled. "Yeah you couldn't ever sit still since you were a
toddler... Too much nervous energy even back then."
Mom asked Dad, "Should we give him the half a supplement this morning
like they suggested? If he was up this early he might could skip it."
Dad shook his head, "I don't know... He might run out of steam before he
gets home... Why don't we leave it up to him? Jordan what do you think?"
I answered, "I'm okay having it... I don't feel wired or anything right
now, just wide awake. Better safe than sorry thought, I probably should
drink it."
Mom sighed. "Well I guess I better write you a letter if you get like you
did last night... Just hope they don't ask you any questions in class..."
Dad almost snorted his coffee at that moment. I whined, "I wasn't that
bad!"
Mom then pulled her phone out and played a video showing me rambling on
ninety to nothing and talking so fast I almost couldn't understand
myself. She asked, "You were saying?"
I blushed in embarrassment. "Did Sam text you that one?"
She laughed. "No she didn't. That was one I videoed. I didn't think you'd
believe me otherwise. Honey don't be embarrassed. It was really cute...
For like the first fifteen minutes... Maybe I can use this as blackmail
to make sure you behave."
I fussed, "Mom! That's so not cool. Dad! Make her delete it."
Dad by this time was hiding behind the morning news on his tablet,
without looking up he said, "Huh what was that? I wasn't paying
attention." He didn't look up, obvious he was siding with mom.
Mom was grinning with her victory, so I told her, "Fine I won't take the
morning shot of it."
She grinned. "Well I'm sure your teachers will be thankful."
I mused, "Guess I'll just drink a whole one when I get home then... They
did say I needed to drink all of it in one day..."
Mom shook her head. "On that thought, I'll make it for you." She then got
the package for today and using a knife cut the block in half and stuck
it in the blender with the milk. I just sat there grinning, after all two
could play at this game. She was in the middle of blending my slime when
the doorbell dinged.
I hopped up and ran to the door, and as soon as I opened it Sam stepped
in and gave me a quick kiss before I had time to even greet her. When she
stepped back with her mischievous grin I told her, "Wow... You're early."
She kept grinning. "I hope you don't mind."
I shook my head. "Not at all... Just glad I was the one to open the door
and not either of my parents..."
She giggled loudly and even snorted a couple of times, which only caused
me to giggle along with her. Without the snorts of course. When she
caught her breath she told me, "Yeah that could have been awkward..."
We were both still laughing when we walked into the kitchen holding
hands, Mom asked, "What's gotten into you two this early in the
morning... Or do I even want to know..."
I laughed as I was sitting down. "Probably not Mom." She smirked at me as
if she knew exactly what had gotten into us as she sat my drink down in
front of me.
Sam was eyeing my drink with concern and asked, "Is that going to be a
good idea? You do remember last night..."
Dad laughed behind his tablet but otherwise kept out of the conversation,
it was Mom who answered, "Well we suggested he skip this mornings, so he
threated to drink a whole one this evening..."
Sam nodded knowingly and asked, "So you chickened out and you're going to
let the teachers deal with Mr. Talkative here..."
Mom laughed. "Pretty much... Can you blame us?"
Sam laughed hard enough to snort again, which I couldn't help but to
laugh along with her. As I lifted the drink to my lips I said, "You both
know I'm right here, don't you?" I then killed the slime and watched Sam
shudder as it went down.
Dad softly stated behind his tablet. "Better the school than us..." To
which set us all laughing again.
Thankfully breakfast was already ready as I was chugging the shake, which
was great considering I needed something to ward off the after yuck
flavor in my mouth. Mom even prepared a plate for Sam, and we all enjoyed
breakfast.
Sam filled my parents in on how people were looking forward for me to
return. It seems most had heard about my hospital visit, and several were
concerned. What surprised me was hearing how a large amount of people
were looking forward for me to come back due to how I stood up to Clint.
I hadn't expected that especially since I only stood up to him to get him
off of Sam. I knew that most of the student body hadn't been mean to her,
but they still had kept their distance.
Sam also told me how the softball team had been bragging to everyone
about her and how she was going to help them win state this year. While
there were still several people who were rude to her, mostly people were
slowly coming around. I couldn't help but smile about that. I thought it
was strange how she kept telling me how strong I was, but she was the one
that was openly enduring how people looked at her, and ignored her... I
just wish she knew how strong she really was.
We visited while we had breakfast and as I got my things ready for
school. As Sam and I were leaving she asked if I needed her to take my
backpack after everything. I thought about it and it was my bravado
speaking when I told her I was okay. I actually was okay, I felt really
good. The drink had had enough time to kick in, but I didn't feel exactly
hyper just that I felt like my body was charged. She didn't even argue
with me about it this time, she just gently told me okay as she leaned in
to give me a kiss before we started our walk.
We were about a third of the way walking hand in hand, when she told me,
"You know, you're really looking good. I mean you've always been cute and
good looking, but its more than that. I've noticed it the last couple of
days."
"Really?" I asked. I then thought about how I've made more forward
progression in the last few days than I had in the last five months. I
told her, "I've come a lot closer to accepting what's happening to me...
I mean truly accepting it, and not just knowing it... If that makes
sense."
She nodded. "You do seem a bit more relaxed and confident. It looks good
on you." She then leaned over in mid stride and pecked me on the cheek.
She then asked, "So have you decided what you're going to do?"
I shook my head and laughed. "No not yet, I'm not that far, but I'm
getting closer."
She nodded. "I get that... Just whenever you do decide... I'll still be
here, I'm not going anywhere."
"I know Sam. I mean like I really know," I said, as I took the initiative
to return the kiss to her cheek. Even if I had to stand on my toes to do
so. She smiled at me and blushed.
We walked for a few more minutes when she stopped and turned to me,
"Guess we better do this before we get around the corner, so people can't
see us." She then bent over and kissed me, nothing very passionate, but
still it made my body tingle. After we broke the kiss she let go of my
hand and we started to walk the last block and a half to school.
That got me started to think about the rules about PDA at school, no
kissing and stuff like that. We're supposedly not even supposed to hold
hands, but every couple does and nothing is ever said to them. At least
the straight couples do, I've yet to see any gay or lesbian couples
holding hands on school grounds. That double standard was wrong, and I
mean totally wrong and it pissed me off. I stopped us right before we
were getting ready to cross the street, even though we were in plain view
of everyone we were still technically not on school grounds.
Sam looked at me and asked, "Is everything okay?"
I told her, "I think so... Sam... You're not embarrassed of me or
anything are you?"
She shook her head. "Not at all Jordie... Do you think I am?"
I smiled at her and told her, "No I don't think you are... I just needed
to make sure though."
She looked confused as she asked, "Okay... Why?"
I then reached up and caressed her cheek and pulled her gently down and
kissed her in plain view of everyone, both students and teachers. I felt
the hundred pairs of eyes on us, and honestly I felt good not hiding our
relationship. As we broke our kiss I smiled at Sam and she smiled back at
me slightly blushing. I then stuck my hand out for her to grasp."
"Jordan... Aren't you worried that everyone saw that?" she asked.
I shook my head. "Not at all Sam. I'm glad they did."
She smiled and gently took my offered hand, she asked, "So you aren't
worried what people might say?"
I shook my head. "The people that would say anything already have Sam...
If they want to say anything else... Fuck em... I don't care." I then
gently pulled her on the crosswalk to start what was going to be a really
interesting day.
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