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WINDS IN CHANGE by Spanky de Bautumn I was in a rut, spinning my wheels, I needed a change. I'm not a singer, I'm not a performer, I'm not even a good musician, but people have told me that I have a knack for writing. So, I've learned enough guitar to give my poetry some melody and for the past six months have been playing at open mikes and coffee houses in Hollywood and the Valley. I am currently between jobs and doing some telemarketing selling ink cartridges for printers and living with my friend, Jennifer, at the top of Tujunga. She's a tarot card reader my profession but at the moment working for AOL weeding out pedophiles on the internet. I've sat in on some of her quests and she uses her talents, as either a young teen boy or girl, to trap these men (you don't see many female pedophiles, perverts, yes, but, pedophiles, no) and they have no idea. She has been one of my writing supporters and with her ability to get you to see things differently was the one who convinced me to play at the open mikes. She literally had to push me on stage the first open mike I attended. But, I've gotten better, she doesn't have to push me anymore. In fact, she hardly comes anymore. I see a lot of people who are much better than me. I'm not naive. I know I'll never be a star. Truth be told, I don't want to be a star. What I would like to be is a song writer and as Jennifer convinced me, maybe doing this would provide the opportunity to meet some people to work with. You will never know if you never try. How can you argue with that? I have never been booed off stage, I've got that going for me. The audience and the other performers have treated me with respect. The thing that I've noticed about most of the better performers is that they have two or three songs that they do well and do often. The thing that I do and it doesn't go unnoticed is I bring a new song just about every week. Even though they all aren't top 10 caliber, I make it a point to make each one different, so they won't go unnoticed. I've done songs about the venue we are playing in, about other performers, with their permission, among other off the wall subjects. So, I hope that this uniqueness will inspire someone to collaborate with and write some hits. I wasn't having any luck or making any progress on my endeavor. I felt like I was spinning my wheels. I needed a change. So, one night I wrote this: WINDS IN CHANGE (Verse) I'm adrift on the sea of time In the doldrums of now and then Like serving a sentence for a crime I must have done way back when (Verse) Desperately going nowhere fast The weather hadn't changed in days My sails lay flat against the mast Mal a mar comes in many ways (Chorus) But there's something in the air tonight And it feels so right And at the same time, kind of strange Could it be the winds in change (Verse) I cursed St. Elmo for his betrayal Payed homage to Neptune This cruise is doomed to fail If the winds don't come up soon (Verse) So I dumped the horses of my past As I passed Horse Latitude How much longer is this going to last I can't endure this solitude (Chorus) But there's something in the air tonight And it feels so right And at the same time, kind of strange Could it be the winds in change (Bridge) Where does the time go, I turn around and it is gone Some times it goes too fast, sometimes it takes too long It's like old Murphy's Law, it's like living in the Twilight Zone And this trip has just begun, but I just want to go home (Verse) So I look for a ripple on the water The sign of a favoring wind It's going to come sooner or later Sooner would be better off in the end (Verse) Cause I'm adrift on the sea of time In the doldrums of now and then I think I'm going to give up maritime If I ever see land again (Chorus) But there's something in the air tonight And it feels so right And at the same time, kind of strange Could it be the winds in change Could it be the winds in change *** Trying to break out of my rut, I went to a college hangout for the first time called "Common Grounds" in Northridge. That's where I saw Teri for the first time. She wasn't knockout dead gorgeous, but she was cute. She was petite, maybe five three, five four, long brown hair that hung halfway down her back, beautiful green eyes, pale skin like she hadn't seen the sun in a while, and a voice that reminded me of Janis. For a little girl, she could bust out some noise. Being a new place, I got there early and was the third one up. Teri came on about halfway through the set and blew me away. Not only could she sing, she knew how to handle a guitar. When she finished, she sat at a table by herself and I took the opportunity to join her. We talked until they kicked us out. We had the same tastes in many things and she laughed at all my jokes. I thought twice about mentioning any song collaboration. I had just met her and didn't want to scare her off. She said she would be back next week and I said me too. The next week she came with a couple of friends and I didn't get a chance to talk to her. The week after that we got to talk and when I brought up the idea, I was kind of surprised when she said yes, it might be fun. We made arrangements to get together Sunday afternoon at her place. She had a nice apartment in North Hollywood off of Burbank Blvd. I showed her my current notebook and she showed me she played the piano as well as the guitar. After a couple of glasses of wine, we were hitting it off pretty good, she was funnier and wittier than I thought. I was saying that the people performing seemed to be out of the same mold. They were good, but nobody stood out as different. We needed to be edgy, on the cusp of new things that are happening in society and reflect that in our songs. Teri agreed. Now we had to find that hook. We talked of this and that, coming up with nothing. After a couple of more glasses of wine. Teri said, "Well, I suppose we could write about me." "What do you mean, what about you?" I asked her. She looks at me with a sly smile and said, "I wasn't born Ms. Teri, I was born Mr. Terry." "I don't get it." "I'm not really a girl, I'm a boy." "Get out, no you're not." "Yes, I am." "Prove it," and she did. I told her I would have never have guessed in a million years. We talked about transgender issues for a bit and I asked her if she would be able to get up in front of people and lay this all out there in the open. She said she was pretty sure most of the people at "Common Grounds" knew she was trans already. I was thinking, no wonder she was so easy to talk to, she wasn't like one of the guys, she was one of the guys. It's not my thing, but hey, each to his or her own. I didn't see any problems. I believed we could work together. I left that night kind of excited about the whole thing and looking forward to putting pen to paper. Monday after work I went to her place again and tried to get some insight into her world. I got some ideas and I really wanted to try and impress her on the first one. I came up with this: IN MY SATIN DREAMS (Verse) Everyday I wake up and it's always the same I'm trapped between these feelings of pleasure and shame I need to find some common ground on which to remain Cause deep within my soul I've got these passions aflame As the day begins to fade away And the night comes rushing in My anxieties melt away And I find myself locked in (Chorus) A velvet fog (breaking free from reality) A silken mist (escaping life's mediocrity) A chiffon fantasy, bathed in golden moon beams In my Satin Dreams, In my Satin Dreams (Verse) As the day proceeds to its predictable end I find that there are many lonely hours I spend Waiting on the whistle and the night to begin When I can be myself and don't have to pretend I can be just who I want to be Away from prying eyes Release the beast inside of me And she comes as no surprise In my Satin Dreams, In my Satin Dreams (Bridge) When dressed up in my finery I find myself in harmony Just like a Beach Boy melody I'm sparking with electricity And offer no apologies In my Satin Dreams Dealing with my destiny I've abandon all hypocrisy Revealing all that mystery I've kept hidden with such secrecy But I'm just the victim, can't you see In my Satin Dreams (Repeat first verse and chorus) *** I tried to express all the uncertainty that I felt she was feeling when we talked. I gave it to her on Thursday night and she started to cry when she read it. I hoped that was a good sign. During the next week, she put the music to it and when she sat down in front of the piano and played it as a bluesy ballad, even the busboys stopped busing for a minute. When she finished there was a definite buzz from the room. They knew something was different but they weren't sure what it was. The song didn't come out and say it was about transvestites, it just hinted at it. For the next one, I thought I'd be a bit more upfront on the trans part with a little humor. After dwelling on it all day, I saw an ad for a restaurant that said, "Eat, drink, and be merry." That was it, what I needed and wrote this: EAT, DRINK AND BE MARY (Verse) I've got a dozen pairs of boots and high heel shoes In every color from pink to aqua blue I shave my legs and where hose in different hues And mini skirts that offer a good view (Verse) I subscribe to some women's magazines To keep up with the latest fashion scenes If you could see me in a pair of real tight jeans You'd see that I have got the ways and means (Chorus) I wear black lingerie and lipstick in red berry Because the good book says underneath the sun Man has nothing better to do than eat, drink, and be Mary (Verse) I bought some silicon pads to accentuate my breast In a push up bra they can cause some interest I wear Revlon make-up so I can look my best And I can shake my booty just as good as all the rest (Verse) I like going to the mall where I can shop for hours I wash my things by hand and hang them in the shower I buy expensive perfume that makes me smell like flowers Encased in nylon I'm a victim of it's power (Chorus) I wear women's clothes but don't call me a fairy Because the good book says underneath the sun Man has nothing better to do than eat, drink, and be Mary (Bridge) So if you're ever feeling down and out You just can't seem to figure it out Thought you knew but now you're full of doubt Because everything is contrary (Break) (Slowly) Well slip into a dress and tighten up that truss Go out and buy those earrings that you think are a must Just remember that the Bible tell all of us To eat, drink, and be Mary (Verse)(Spoken) Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to preach no sermon You're on your own when it comes to God and sin So pass the pretzels and order me a tonic and gin I think it's time to let the prophecy to begin (Chorus)(Music again) So let's not hesitate and let's not tarry Because the good book says underneath the sun Man has nothing better to do than eat, drink, and be Mary (Chorus) If you believe in the Bible, you might find this scary Because the good book says underneath the sun Man has nothing better to do than eat, drink, and be Mary Eat, drink, and be Mary Eat, drink, and be Mary *** After the success of our first song and with this song, Teri was really getting into it her new persona. For the debut of our second song, she invited some friends from the LGBT community. She told me she had a surprise and disappeared about 30 minutes before she was on. I started to get worried but she came out of one of the back rooms in time and in costume. For this song she came out in heavy drag make-up, she had her hair all tucked up under a beehive blond wig a la Ru Paul, thigh high stockings, knee-high boots, and a tight silver mini dress that barely covered her butt. When she bent over to plug her electric guitar in, you could see her black thong peeking out between her butt cheeks, the audience cheered. She stood up pulling down the back of her dress, realizing what she was showing. I had to laugh, she was over the top and it worked perfectly for this song. She even ad-libbed a little narrative at the break about how God was using the name Mary to represent the feminine aspect of man and how they should be more in touch with it. It seemed to make sense at the time. She was more animated than I had ever seen her and put on a good show. The crowd showed their appreciation and gave her the biggest round of applause of the night. *** I had decided to forego my performing and concentrate on writing songs for Teri. Two well-received new songs in three weeks had us feeling really good about ourselves. With the new people that were showing up, I suggested that she do 'In My Satin Dreams' for the next show because the new people haven't heard it and it's such a contrast to the manic 'Eat, Drink, and be Mary'. She agreed and sat in front of the piano in a long elegant red dress and she looked stunning. For the first time since I have been coming here, the owner was actually sitting in the audience. After Teri finished, he took her aside and they talked for about ten minutes. She was all smiles as she sat down at the table. "What did he want?" I asked her. "He said he was hearing some good things about me and came to see for himself." "What did he think?" "He said I was sounding good and if I kept bringing them in. He would let me have a Friday or Saturday night." "Really, that would be great." I beamed. "That would be great." She said. As we were leaving she said her friends were having a birthday party for another friend and if I didn't mind hanging out with a bunch of trannys and fags I was welcome to come. *** I picked Teri up Friday night around eight. The party was on the other side of the hill in West Hollywood. On the drive over Laurel Canyon, I asked her if there was any special LGBT etiquette that I should know so as to not embarrass myself. She told me not to worry, with these queens there would probably be so much high drama no one will even know I'm there. I didn't understand, so she ran me up the Tranny Family Tree, from the casual closeted crossdresser through the operation and all the branches in between. It was quite an eye opener, I never realized there were so many different faces in the transgender world. Pun intended. The party wasn't as bad as Teri lead me to believe. Rethinking some of the things she told me were just extensions of the same old stereotyping I've been hearing all my life. I guess the fact that I believed her, even though at this point in life I should know better, shows I have a ways to go with getting my life together. But, in my defense, Teri is the first person I've met with of a different sexual orientation than mine and I felt like I was walking around on eggshells during most of the party worrying I would embarrass myself or someone else. Teri saw me looking awkward, came over gave me a fresh drink and told me to relax and just be myself. Don't worry about what these other people are thinking, because they could give a shit about what I was thinking. She took me over and introduced me to Robert and Bennie, they were the couple throwing the party for Geoffrey, who was turning 27. The party kind of reminded of one of those school dances when we were kids. But instead of boys on one side and girls on the other, it was the trannys in one room and the gay boys in the other. I sort of moved back and forth between the rooms, not wanting to appear that I favored one room over the other. Man, this new sexual openness or whatever it is, isn't easy to navigate. As the party wore down, Robert came out of his bedroom with a guitar. He handed it to Teri and said he heard she and I had some new songs. Teri played a couple of the room's favorites and they all sang along with her. Then Robert said, "Okay, let's hear your new songs." and everyone agreed. She played 'In My Satin Dreams' on the guitar, it didn't have the depth of the piano, but with her voice, it didn't matter. When she finished, everyone was silent for a few seconds, then started clapping. They appeared to understand what the song was about. Maybe they could relate to it more than the crowd at the coffee house. 'Eat, Drink, and be Mary' got them back in the party mood and they were all singing the chorus by the time she finished. We left feeling pretty good about the accolades her friends heaped on us. Saturday night I went out with a couple of my friends. We ended up at an after-hours club somewhere off of Santa Monica Blvd. We hooked up with a couple of girls and when they kicked us out of there we got a cheap motel room to keep the party going. The fact that there was one more boy than girl didn't seem to bother them at all. After taking care of business, the others began dropping off to sleep as the day began to break. I was the last one still awake, sitting in the chair, looking around the darkened room and listening to the rhythmic breathing of their sleep, just about to drift off myself, when an idea for a song starts to form in my mind. I pull some paper out of the desk and write down my thoughts before the sandman can catch me. Sunday afternoon, I tried to get a hold of Teri to schedule some time to work on our music but kept getting a busy signal. Finally, after two hours of calling, it rang and she answered, "Hello." "I've been trying to call you for the past two hours," I complained. "Oh, I just had a little girl talk with my best friend, Lisa." "Do you want to get together tomorrow night and work on something new?" "You've already got another one?" "I will be by tomorrow." "Okay, what time?" "What's good for you?" "Anytime after seven. Are you going to eat before you come?" "You want me to pick up a pizza?" "That sounds good, pepperoni and mushrooms." "Sure, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye" "Okay, bye." I hung up the phone. Just a little girl talk, for two hours? Wait, this could be something. I picked up my notebook and started writing: GIRL TALK (Verse) I stay up late and talk on the phone So if you call you'll get a busy tone We're talking about boys and what we will wear A new pair of shoes or a new style of hair So if you call and find the line busy Don't get upset and go off in a tizzy Just call me back at some other time Maybe you'll find I'm not on the line (Chorus) Talking girl talk, with my best friends Girl talk, again and again Girl talk, so much to say Girl talk, all night and all day We like to gossip, we dish the dirt But it's all in fun, not meant to hurt When we're talking girl talk (Verse) We go to the mall and giggle and sigh Every time we see a really cute guy Talk about what will make us look fine A new shade of lipstick in strawberry wine We go to the movies and try to talk quiet About the new looks and who's going to buy it We could care less about what they are playing Cause our only interest is what we are saying (Chorus) Talking girl talk, with my best friends Girl talk, again and again Girl talk, so much to say Girl talk, all night and all day We like to gossip, we dish the dirt But its all in fun, not meant to hurt When we're talking girl talk (Bridge) Thank you Mr. Bell for your invention But I don't think it was your intention To have it be the center of attention And every girl with her own extension Talking girl talk, girl talk Repeat the first verse and fade *** Monday night, Teri and I were arranging the song and Teri said, "You know what I think would sound really cool on this?" "No, what?" "Some backing vocals on the chorus." "Okay, but where do we get backups?" "There's you and I have a lot of friends who can sing in tune." "I don't know." "Come on, let's try it and see what it sounds like. We can hear the effect with just you doing the chorus with me. If it doesn't work, we'll forget it." "Alright, let's give it a try." She was right of course and said she would get one or two others. Then she throws out an idea that made me groan. "You know what would be cute?" Teri asked with a sly look on her face. "What now?" "I'll get two of my gay friends and we'll have you guys dress like girls." "No way am I going to do that." "Why, you scared you'll be embarrassed?" "Yeah, that and I've never even thought of putting on a dress before." "Oh, so it's okay for me to open up my life for everybody to judge. You don't think that I didn't have concerns when you came to me with this idea. I'm the one who's out front, I'm the one who is going to get the brunt of any backlash, not you. You'll be in the background." She was right, I was only thinking about me. If we're to be a team, I've got to be willing to make concessions. What's the big deal, it will be like Halloween. She got one of her gay friends and another tranny to join me. We all got together at her place Wednesday night and ran through the song a few times until we all knew our parts. Then her tranny friend, Shelley, opened the case she had brought and took out a pile of girl's clothes for us to try on. Thursday night found us all in drag, make-up done expertly by Shelley, and not looking too much like boys in dresses. When we walked on stage, we got a lot of wolf whistles and cat calls. The room was almost full, every week the crowd grew and they had come to see Teri. 'Girl Talk' was a hit. We actually got a standing ovation and a call for an encore, but that doesn't happen on open mike nights. When we finished, Teri was in the middle of a group of fans for fifteen minutes accepting all the congratulations. The emcee asked her to take the group outside so as to not disrupt the next performer. On the ride back to her place she was on cloud nine, she was finding it hard to believe that by revealing the thing she has tried to hide for so long, she is becoming the belle of the ball. I told her that being unique has always been a show biz staple for getting attention and we should ride this out for as long as we could. Now that I had done it, I told her that being on stage in drag wasn't death spiral I feared it would be. If it helped the act, I would be alright with doing it again. This pleased her to no end. But, I told her don't get any ideas, it's only going to be on stage. She just smiled at me and said we'll see. *** Teri had made some plans to visit her people in Oregon and would be gone for a week. I took advantage of the time to catch up on things that I was putting off because all my time was being occupied with my writing. I also was surprised that I found myself looking through Jennifer's closet when she was gone one afternoon. Even more surprised when I decided to try a couple of her dresses on to see how I would look. I rationalized my actions by convincing myself that if I was going to be on stage, I should try to look my best. I was going to wash some clothes and when I emptied out my pockets I found my notes that I had made a couple of weeks before. I started to recall all that had happened that night and it inspired me to write this: SWEET LITTLE SEX MACHINE (Verse) It happened one Sunday morning In a Hollywood motel room It happened without any warning And I knew what would be happening soon She looked up from who she was doing Our eyes met there was a spark She forgot about the one she was screwing And she was on me like a hungry shark (Chorus) Cause she's a sweet little sex machine Living in a satin dream She turns me on She turns me out She shows me just What it's all about But she won't turn me loose until she's made me cream Cause she's a sweet little sex machine (Verse) Now I think I'm in trouble Because I can't get her out of my mind I'm like floating around in a bubble She's certainly one of a kind So I think I'm going to see her tonight She's going to fill my every fantasy And everything will be all right When she smothers me in ecstasy (Chorus) Cause she's a sweet little sex machine Living in a satin dream She turns me on She turns me out She shows me just What it's all about But she won't turn me loose until she's made me cream Cause she's a sweet little sex machine (Bridge) Man you ought to see her, she's poetry in motion She can really rock your boat like waves on the ocean Her only goal is to satisfy and she's open to any notion But she'll never ever let you go until it's way past extreme Cause she's a sweet little sex machine (Verse) It all happened not to long ago She's been with me ever since And the only thing that I know Is man it has been intense She's with me every night and day She's always by my side And the only thing that I can say Is man, it's been a hell of a ride (Chorus) Cause she's a sweet little sex machine Living in a satin dream She turns me on She turns me out She shows me just What it's all about But she won't turn me loose until she's made me cream Cause she's a sweet little sex machine (Repeat and fade) She's a sweet little sex machine *** Since she was gone, I got up and sang my version of the song. I was okay, but everybody told me don't quit your day job and Teri should be the one singing the songs. Hey, I agreed, but she's not here this week and I didn't want to lose our spot in the rotation. She'll be back next week and they wouldn't have to suffer listening to me. That wasn't very encouraging but re-enforced my belief that my future was not in performing. I was much more at home behind the scenes anyway. *** When Teri returned from her trip, she brought some baggage, an old beau from back home, Lenny. Lenny was tall, dark, and handsome and he knew it. There are a lot of good looking guys who don't flaunt it, Lenny wasn't one of them. Because Teri liked him, I did my best, but he just rubbed me the wrong way. I felt that we were on a roll and I wanted to keep it going. My hope was that he wouldn't get in the way of the work we were doing, but I knew better. She told me that she met him shortly after she started living as a woman full time. He had just been paroled from prison a couple of months before they met at a gay bar in Portland. They dated off and on for a couple of years until he got caught driving a stolen car and was returned to his previous state-run housing for men only. He was still in jail when she moved down here and got out last year. She just happened to run into him at the mall one day and he followed her home and now all the way down to Southern California. What's he up to? I found myself wondering at times. He was always there, it seemed she was never alone and I guess that can be good, but it was starting to cut into what should be at the top of her priority list, making music. It wasn't the fact that he was there, it's that he always had to be the center of her world. If I was trying to work something out with her, he would be in the background making noises or faces distracting her attention. The way that he ignored the fact that I was even in the room told me that he liked me as much as I liked him. But I played it cool. Until he started getting into Teri's head about what a loser I was and I was just holding her back. She started cutting our work and practice time to make more time for Lenny. Lenny was a cancer, he was going to be the death of what little success we've had and any future we might have, just so he can stroke his ego that will never be content. I finally got her alone while he was in the shower one day and tried to talk some sense into her. It was like he had her under a spell. The worst part of it was he seemed to be destroying her confidence in herself and making her more and more dependent on him. She was letting him define what her world would be. I told her we were a good team, look at the progress we've made in just a couple of weeks, and we need to strike when the irons hot and needed to get busy. She had so much talent she shouldn't have any doubts or let anyone tell her otherwise. I didn't know about her, but I want to show the world that we are just as good as anybody else, if not better and we could be, without a doubt. I didn't think my motivational speech affected Teri, but it sure pumped me up and I went home and wrote this: WITHOUT A DOUBT (Verse) They tear us down, they say we're wrong They say go back to where you once belonged But I stand defiant, I must be strong Cause I'll be here in the coming dawn (Verse) I hear the talking our friends all do There's so much gossip 'bout me and you They think we're stupid but that's not true We'll find our way, I know we'll make it through (Chorus) So blind I run, without a doubt Cause your the one, without a doubt, I'm telling you true, without a doubt It's going to be me and you Without a doubt, without a doubt (Verse) Forget the past and seize the day The price they ask is too much to pay I don't give a damn about the things they say We'll make it through, I know we'll find a way (Chorus) So blind I run, without a doubt Cause your the one, without a doubt, I'm telling you true, without a doubt It's going to be me and you Without a doubt, without a doubt (Bridge) I remember walks on the beach Standing at the edge of the breech I was there to teach not to preach That illusive golden ring just out of reach (Verse) My only wish is that if I could I'd make it better, yeah you know I would Look to the future like you know we should They're just jealous cause we're doing so good (Chorus) So blind I run, without a doubt Cause your the one, without a doubt, I'm telling you true, without a doubt It's going to be me and you Without a doubt, without a doubt (Repeat and fade) *** I had never met Teri's friend, Lisa, although I had spoken to her on the phone a couple of times. She was always nice and I figured if she was Teri's friend she had to be all right. But, since I've met Lenny, that's a standard I need to re-calibrate. I decided on call her about Teri's situation. I asked if she could meet me somewhere. I was concerned about Teri and I wanted to talk to her about it, but not over the phone. She agreed and met at a cafe near her place in Burbank. I knew she was really a he, but after hanging out with Teri for the past month, this was old hat by now, I could care less. So when this cute as can be Asian girl walks up to the table where I was sitting, waiting. I told her that I was waiting for someone and when she got here we would order. She smiles and says, "Hi, I'm Lisa," and sits down. My face must have changed every color red in the rainbow, I was so embarrassed. I managed to get out, "Oh shit, I'm sorry, I had no idea." She said, "Don't sweat it. I guess I should have told you what I would be wearing." "No, no, it's my fault, you look fine, I mean great," still trying to get my foot out of my mouth. The fact that Lisa was a stone cold knock out right off the front page of a fashion magazine didn't help. Even though I knew what she had between her legs, the way she looked and moved, made me tongue tied and that has never happened to me with either sex, I could always make small talk. But this dark-eyed beauty had it all in knots. Her eyes penetrated me, I could actually feel the sweat on the back of my neck, and like I was getting gas in my stomach. Was I coming down with something? Yes, I was, I just didn't know it at the time. We ordered coffee and she says, "So, what's going on with Teri? I haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks." I tell her the whole story and she just shakes her lovely head like she can't believe it. We talked for half an hour about the situation without coming up with a solution. The waitress asked if we were going to eat, neither of us was hungry and declined. Lisa said we should get out of there and invited me to her place to continue our discussion. When Teri wasn't in costume for the stage, she reminded me a bit of a tomboy, mostly jeans and a jersey or sweatshirt and tennis shoes. Lisa could never remind me of a tomboy, she was more of a girl than either of my two sisters and they were real girls. She had a Master's Degree in Social Sciences from UCLA and worked for the county. She was much smarter than me, we both knew it, but she never talked down to me. Once I got over my opening stage fright, the talk flowed effortlessly. She had a fantastic music collection and played songs that I had never heard of or knew existed. After a drink and some pot, the subject of Teri got put on the back burner. I sat in the easy chair and listened to her stories of growing up as transgender in South Korea. She moved here with her parents when she was twelve. She knew she was really a girl when she was around ten and had sex two older boys in her neighborhood. She said neither of them raped her, she wanted it as much as they did. Then she told me something that I wasn't sure if it was for my benefit or not. She said that her sexual appetite has always been a problem that she has trouble controlling. Her story really interested me and I had all kinds of questions for her. But before I could start my cross-examination, Lisa threw me a curve. She asked me, "Are you and Teri sleeping together?" "What?," I replied, "No, I've never touched her. No wait, we do hug and she has kissed me on the cheek a couple of times. But no, we're just friends and we're working together, trying to make music, that's all. I swear." "Okay, don't have a cow, jeez, it's just sex. It's not like I asked if you robbed a bank or shot somebody." "That's good because I just shot a bank this afternoon." "Oh, you silly." Her nose wrinkled when she said it. It was so cute. I was having a good time, an unexpectedly good time, considering my original mission. I had no problem thinking of and treating Lisa as completely female. I wondered if I hadn't met and got to know Teri, would I still be thinking the same way as I was at that moment, which was on the verge of becoming sexual in nature and I didn't find the thought disgusting. I admitted that my worry about Teri was more than just for her safety, it did have something to do with me too. I explained that we were clicking and maybe, just maybe it might develop into something more. That we were better together than separately and we'll never know if we don't give it a shot. Lenny was bad for her, I could see that he was trying to control her, but she didn't see it. She might be in denial. I left about eleven, I didn't want to, but I had a lot to think about. She hugged me at the door and said thanks for watching out for Teri and then gave me a peck on the lips. I don't believe in such things, but I swear I felt a little spark. On my way home, I gave a lot of thought about the things Lisa had told me about her life. When I got home I wrote this: LIFE CAN BE A DRAG (Verse) When you're on the rag going stag look like a hag make people gag ought to be wearing a paper bag. Life can be a drag. (Verse) If you're zig don't zag tail won't wag body starts to sag would die for a flag can't afford a Beamer or a Jag. Life can be a drag. (Chorus) But when you're all dressed up like a beautiful girl And you're spinnin' and twirlin' in satin's and pearls You're head is a swirlin', you're thoughts in a whirl Cause you're lost in a feminine fantasy world Life can be a drag. (Bridge) I lay here in my bed every night Wondering how to make it all right With all of the things I'm going through I'm just not certain what I should do With all of the changes that I can see My life is still such a mystery But I know I won't be a slag Cause my life ain't gonna be a drag (Verse) And if you're really a nag like to brag caught in a snag in need of a fag and all of you're social graces lag. Life can be a drag. (Chorus) But when you've put on your make up and painted your toes And you're all dressed up in some real sexy clothes And your desire is growing like Pinocchio's nose But you've got to be careful cause nobody knows Life can be a drag Life can be a drag *** Since it wasn't a date, I figured it would be okay to call Lisa the next day. I told her how much I enjoyed meeting her, but we still had a problem, his name was Lenny. She said she would come to my place after work and we'd work out something. She knew Teri a lot better than I did and I hoped she would know how to get through to her. Lisa showed up with two other girls from Social Services, she said they had been through similar experiences and might be able to help. We discussed everything from hiring a couple of thugs to run him out of town to kidnapping Teri and taking her to Catalina until was gone. The other two ladies left after not too long, they took all the information I could find about him, and said they would be in touch. After the ladies left, I rolled up a joint and Lisa and I were ready to figure this thing out, right after we eat. That's the only problem, if you want to call it a problem, with smoking pot. I took her to my favorite Mexican spot. We shared some enchiladas and after a couple of shots of tequila with Dos XX's chaser, we came up with a plan. Lisa knew that Teri was somewhat insecure and therefore had a tendency to get jealous when it came to her boyfriends. She was thinking we could use this to our advantage. If she caught him with another girl. Hmm? On the drive back to my place, Lisa sat closer to me in the front seat. Close enough that I could smell her perfume. I hadn't noticed it before but when I did, I felt my nostrils flare. The drinks had me feeling loose and her perfume made me light headed. There was a popular song on the radio that held our attention. It had been a while since I was on a date and out of habit I put my right arm on the back of the seat as I would normally do to turn and see if anything was behind me before backing out. Because she had moved closer my hand came down on the back of her head. When she didn't jump over move away, I left it there, playing with her soft hair. She turned and looked at me, I looked at her, she smiled, I smiled, she moved a little closer to me and took my hand with both of hers and pulled it around her neck. We rode the five minutes back to my place like that in silence, listening to the radio. I unlocked the door and let her in. I followed, closed the door and when I turned around, she was standing right in front of me, maybe two inches between us. She looked me in the eye and said, "Teri's a lucky girl to have a friend like you, you know?" I detected a little slur in her speech, I warned her before that last shot. After she said it she leaned into me and put her head on my shoulder. "Are you okay, I think you had one too many shots. I'll make some coffee." "I'm okay. I'm okay. Just let me sit down for a minute." She sat on the sofa. "Yeah, coffee sounds good. Just let me get these shoes off." "You just relax. I'll be back in a flash. You want anything else?" "No, coffee is all." When I came back with the coffee, Jennifer was sitting on the sofa talking to Lisa. "Where did you come from?" I asked her. "Been riding my bike. What happened here?" She motioned to Lisa. "We went to the Mexican place and had one too many shots." "Kids," she said, shaking her head. She motioned me to follow her. We got in the hallway and she whispered, "Is that her?" "No, this is Lisa, a friend of hers." "Well look at you, Prince Charming. Am I going to have to start locking my door?" "It's not like that, she's helping me with Teri. She's just a friend." "That's not what she said." "What did she say?" "I promised I wouldn't tell." "See, you're lying." "Okay," she said with a wicked looking smile. She stepped into her room, started to close the door, and whispered, "I like her, don't blow it," and shut the door. *** When I returned to the front room, Lisa was sipping her coffee. She looked like she was feeling better. The color was back in her face. She looked up as I came in and said, "I'm sorry, this isn't like me. It's the tequila." "Yeah, I've been there. Feeling better?" I asked, sitting down next to her. "Much, the coffee is helping." "That's good, I didn't want to have to throw you over my shoulder, like a caveman." She gave a weak laugh and set her cup down. She put her hand on my leg and said, "Like I was trying to say, Teri is lucky to have a friend like you." "Thanks, but I'd go the extra mile for any of my friends. It's just the way I was raised." "Well she's lucky and I hope you consider me a friend someday too." "I already do and maybe more." She gave me a puzzled look and I moved in to kiss her. She didn't protest and opened her mouth to receive my tongue. It was a long kiss, it was a nice kiss. When she pulled back, I looked at her, and she was staring at me intently. "Are you sure about this?" She asked. "No, but I'll never know if I never try, right?" "Don't leave it up to me, it's not my life we're talking about." "Are you trying to talk me out of this?" "No, never, it's your decision." I looked at her, in the dimly lit room she appeared to glow like a lighthouse on a stormy night. I don't know what it was, but this exotic creature had me in some kind of spell. I stood up and extended my hand. She took it and I pulled her to her feet and lead her to my room. I started to remove her clothes between the kisses I was giving her neck, which it turns out is one of her many erogenous zones. As passion increased, I understood what she meant about her sexual appetite. I had trouble catching up with her intensity, but it was fun trying. She made things somewhat easier for me because she was always careful to keep her male part hidden with her free hand or stuffed between her thighs. As such, it didn't feel like I was in bed with another guy. But really when the passion gets to a certain point, the gender of your partner seems to become a side issue. It was a night I will never forget. She rocked my world. She did things to me that I had never thought, or read, or even heard about, and carried me away to a sexual experience like never before. When I pulled out and shot my load on her back, we collapsed into a mass of satisfied human flesh, both of us breathing like we had just run a marathon. She had to work in the morning, so she left sometime around midnight. We had had a moment and neither of us wanted it to end. But all things do and I regretfully had to say goodbye and send her on her way. As I am custom to do, I laid in bed and thought about how to put this in song. I hate to admit it, but I haven't had sex with anyone but myself in at least six months. Oh, there was that night a couple of weeks ago, but I was more of a fifth wheel that night and only got a blow job. So, it was no wonder that I woke up with Lisa on my mind. It was better than I could have imagined and it was not awkward at all. With Lisa leading the action, she touched me in ways no one had ever done before and I was sure that I wasn't so loaded that I was exaggerating the events. I made some toast and coffee, sat down and put pen to paper. SHE'S GOT THE POWER (Verse and chorus) She's just has to look my way I swear that's all it takes To change the night back into day To start my legs to shake Sure she has those big dark eyes But I think she uses them to hypnotize Because she's got some kind of power over me (Verse and chorus) Unseen gods don't scare me more I'd face the fastest gun But I've never seen this before Her voodoo has me on the run Yes she's gentle like a fawn But I think she's got a magic wand Because she's got some kind of power over me She's got some kind of power over me (Bridge) Every time I see her coming I should be running Cause she's the magnet and I'm the steel Come on, baby, what's the deal Every day, every hour, every night I feel the power Every day, every hour, every night I feel the power And she's got that power hanging over me Yes, she's got some kind of power over me (Verse and chorus) It's just like that old children's tale About the spider and the fly Ot it might be a magic spell Set to trap me by and by Sure, she looks so sweet and kind But if you dig down deep, I think you'll find She's got some kind of power over me She's got some kind of power over me (Repeat and fade) Sure, she looks so sweet and kind But if you dig down deep, I think you'll find She's got some kind of power over me She's got some kind of power over me *** In order for our plan to work, we needed to recruit a couple of co- conspirators. Lisa said she knew men like Lenny, who had spent some time in prison. She said that they become boy butt bandits and the more fem they were the more they liked them. That is why he was so interested in Teri. But, she knew a couple of girls, also friends with Teri, that would help us. Step one was for Lisa to get Teri out of the house without Lenny. Lisa and Teri had been friends for about three years. They met when Teri was working for a chiropractor and Lisa was having back problems, from wearing high hills all the time it turned out. They became friends and Lisa calls her when she needs her back realigned. So the first part of the plan was she would call, tell her she was having back problems again, and ask her to come over and readjust her spine. If she asked if Lenny could come, she would tell her that she hadn't felt well enough to clean and Teri knew how picky she was about a dirty house. When Teri was gone, I would show up at Teri's with the other two girls, who would do their best to seduce Lenny. Lisa would keep Teri an hour, then send her home and she would catch Lenny with the other girls and dump him. Sounds simple enough. But can we pull it off? Step one went off without a problem. Our recruits showed up late, but I got them to Teri's with plenty of time to spare. I made the excuse that I was there to pick up a notebook with songs I was working on. As I pretended to look for my notebook, the girls pulled out some speed that they liked to use when having sex. They asked Lenny if he wanted some and he jumped at the opportunity. Lenny got some beers and they proceeded to get wasted. Step two was in progress. I went across the street and watched from the shadows. Lisa and Teri arrived minutes later and started to go into the house. I didn't know Lisa was coming with her, was something amiss? Just as they were about to enter, a patrol car pulled up and two officers got out. The girls stopped and walked over to them. They talked for a few minutes and then I saw Teri say yes and point to the house. The four of them entered the house and a short time later the two recruits rushed out the door, their hair messed up and adjusting their clothes. I was confused, what was happening? A good five minutes later the officers came out with Lenny in cuffs. They loaded him into the back of their cruiser and took off. I was dying to know what happened, so as soon as the squad car was out of sight, I walked across the street to the house. The door was open and I saw the two girls, sitting at the dining table talking. I knocked on the door frame and let myself in. They looked up to see who it was. I immediately noticed that Teri had been crying, but more troublesome was the dark ring around her left eye. "What happened to you?" I asked her. She started crying again, got up, and left the room. I kissed Lisa on the top of her head, sat down, and asked Lisa. "You won't believe what happened. Right after I called Teri, I got a call from one of the ladies that were at your place the other night and she tells me that Lenny had violated his parole by leaving the state of Oregon and was wanted for questioning in an assault case." "No shit, really?" "But that's only half of it. I'm waiting to tell Teri about Lenny and she walks in wearing a big pair of sunglasses, which is weird because I've never seen her wear them before. So I ask her and she says she fell off the bed and hit herself in the eye. But I didn't buy it and I told her what I heard about him and I didn't believe that's how she got a black eye and that she's a damn fool to lie for someone like that and he was going to ruin her life and all the good things that are happening and that you were really worried about her and she finally broke down and told me he did it when she told him she was coming over to my place." "Jesus Christ, poor girl, damn it. What an ass hole. I knew he was bad news the minute I saw him. I can't imagine how she feels, heartbroken I suppose." "She's hurting alright. But she's tougher than she looks. We had a good talk and she realizes what a bum he is. She says other than you she has no private life to look forward to when the world gets her down and you're not interested in her that way. She's just lonely and when you're lonely sometimes you make bad choices in hopes of finding someone to fill that hole." "So, we didn't need to go to all the trouble. Did you tell her about our plan?" "I did. After I called the police about her assault. With all the legal things, I didn't think we needed to go through with it. I tried to call, don't you check your messages?" "I was in stealth mode." She hit me in the arm. "What did she say when you told her?" "It was the only time she's laughed all day." "So she's not mad?" "At us, no. At life, at love, at Lenny, yes." "Do you think I should go talk to her?" "It would probably be better to let her grieve awhile." "Yeah, you're probably right. What about you?" "I think I should hang around for a bit, make sure she's okay or if she needs anything, you know?" "Yeah, she shouldn't be alone." "I wouldn't want to be. What are you doing later?" "I don't know. This is the day we usually rehearse and I doubt if she'll feel like it." "Probably not. You be home later then?" "My calendar has just been cleared, why?" "I was thinking of stopping by on my way home." "Oh, you're thinking about it? Is that a definite maybe?" "Yes, it's definitely a maybe." She's a funny girl, I like funny girls. I went home and wanted to do something for Teri to show how much I care for her and would be there if she ever needs me. In this heartfelt moment I wrote this for Teri: I'LL B THERE 4 U (Verse and chorus) I ain't got much to offer But I'll do my best You do what you do And I'll try the rest There's no reason we can't agree But through you eyes I cannot see So tell me what you need from me And I'll be there for you With you all the way Standing true and blue All you have to do is say And I'll be there for you (Verse and chorus) Some folks are lucky Some folks are not Some folks have no friends And some have a lot If you're ever feeling down and out And your days are full of doubt All you have to do is shout And I'll be there for you Back your every play Give you your next cue Or help you get away Cause I'll be there for you Yeah I'll be there for you (Bridge) Friends should never be taken for granted They're like seeds that should be carefully planted And raised with loving care So nourish them the way you want them to nourish you And some day you will find out that you grew Someone who will be there for you (Verse and chorus) Everybody needs somebody No one stands alone You can't rely on those Whose hearts have turned to stone So if your problems start to get you down They've grown from a molehill to a mound You know where I can be found And I'll be there for you Covering up your tracks No matter what you do You know I got your back Cause I'll be there for you Yeah I'll be there for you *** I didn't hear from Teri until Wednesday, she apologized for Lenny and the way she was acting. I told her everything was cool as long as she was too. I didn't try to preach or tell her that I told her so. I put it all in a bubble and let it float away with the smog. She said that she was thankful she had friends like Lisa and me that would go to such stupid levels with some idiotic idea and go behind her back in order to help her and she loved us for it. Once we got started she was back to her old self. She said she was stupid and doesn't know why he makes her like that, it's like you always seem to desire the things that are the worst for you. Why is that? We talked about Lisa and she made my day when she told me that Lisa told her that she likes spending time with me, likes it a lot in fact. I told her that I was taking Lisa to the open mike tomorrow and that I missed working with her and that I had some new material. One just for her. She assured me that she would be there and had a surprise for me. Thursday I picked up Lisa, as always she looked smoking hot. She climbed into the car and scooted over, almost sitting in my lap. I liked where this was going. I told her Teri had a surprise for me. She already knew, but wouldn't tell me. We took a table up front and Teri joined us when she came in. Neither one of them would take the bait when I tried to bait them about the surprise. Because of the Lenny Interruption, we didn't have any new material ready. I asked her what she was going to do and she said that I would have to wait and see. When it was her turn to play, Lisa got up with her. She gave me the just stay seated gesture and went on stage with Teri. Teri plugged her guitar in and stepped up to the mike. She introduced Lisa and said they had a special song for a special person that they were going to play tonight. She said they wrote it for me and it went like this: ONE OF A KIND (Verse) I know this normal simple guy Who is special just the same He grew up down the street And Danny is his name He lives a normal simple life Has a simple philosophy Live your life and let others live theirs And everybody should be free (Verse) He knows that money and power are gateway drugs That lead to corruption and greed And God is just a concept But it's one that many people need He says don't worry about things you cannot change They will only cause you misery And just because nobody's perfect Shouldn't stop you from trying to be (Bridge) He favors common sense over dollars and cents And always has a smile on his face He is easy to please and cool as a breeze And lives life at his own pace (Chorus) Because he's one of a kind Hard to find, all the time a friend of mine He never whines or gives into the grind And he never left me behind Because he's truly one of a kind Truly one of a kind (Verse) He spends time when he has no money He sends love when he can't write He has a positive mind all the time And always tries to do what's right If you need him, he'll be there To ease your troubled mind He walks through the fire and danced in the rain (Chorus) Because he's one of a kind Hard to find, all the time a friend of mine He never wines or gives into the grind And he never left me behind Because he's truly one of a kind Truly one of a kind Truly one of a kind (Repeat and fade) *** With Lisa doing background vocal on the chorus the song made my eyes water. I thanked them and both girls kissed me when they returned to the table, while I looked around at some envious patrons. The owner came over and sat at our table, we were moving up in the world. He said he was scheduling Teri for two one hour sets on Saturday after next. I told the girls it's a start and we left with big hopes for the future. AUTHORS NOTE I have 8 of the songs recorded in one form or another and posted them on You Tube if you are interested. The link is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U21CuBbGy9o Except for my first story, 'Nightmare in Terror', the stories contain some real aspects of my life. In 'The Best Week Ever', the set up for the story is true. The part about my mother's dresser, the family going on vacation and leaving my parents in charge of the older daughter, and her doing my make-up for the first time and wearing her clothes actually happened. The rest is fantasy. In 'To Be Or Not To Be', I point out the true parts in the notes. In this story, the Teri character and the guy are part me and part fantasy, if that makes sense. After the turn of the century, I was playing the open mikes around Hollywood in drag and these are real songs that I wrote and performed. The Jennifer character is a real person that I was living with at the time. The 'Common Grounds' in Northridge is one of the places I played. I've been living as a woman since the late nineties and have had many unique experiences and I hope to use them as the basis for future adventures in print. Thanks for reading and your support.