Stacey free porn video

Stacey Prologue: Finding my happy place Nearly five years ago my wife left me. To be honest, I wasn't surprised. She was the dominant one in our relationship, the one who made most of the decisions, like getting married in the first place. I really don't remember there ever being a proposal. What I remember is the two of us walking by a jewelry store and Erica telling me "Stephen, we should look at rings, they're having a sale." An hour later she had a ring on her finger and I had a charge on my credit card. So if you're thinking I am meek, weak, wishy washy, you are probably right. We met via a dating app, but the only thing we really had in common was our jobs (computer programmers) and one hobby (biking). I probably should have used a better app. I would get a lot of first dates, but rarely second dates. I love women and all things feminine, maybe to my detriment. Too many admiring compliments about clothes, shoes, makeup, hair styles made me come across as "girlfriend material" and not "boyfriend material." I never understood why Erica wanted to get married other than a few sarcastic quips about getting her mother off her back. Yes, I know that is not a reason to get married, but sadly I understood because I was under the same pressure from my mother. Despite this, our marriage was normal by modern standards. She took care of financial matters since she did make more than I did and I tended to most of the shopping and housework. Our sex life was at best erratic. If I do say so myself, I was really adept at bringing Erica to orgasm. I paid attention to everything she said about what she liked and didn't like. She wasn't as attentive to me. I think she wanted to, but more out of obligation than desire. As I mentioned, I did most of the shopping. After awhile, I thought I would try to spice things up by buying her alluring clothes, shoes, lingerie. Ok, I have had prior experience buying women's clothes. Yes, for myself. I've been through several purge and buy cycles, never deciding why I loved cross dressing and why I hated myself when I didn't. Why did I do it in secret? Why I was afraid to tell anyone? Why was I afraid to ask my self why? Was it a fetish, a hobby, performance art, or perhaps a gender issue? I think I was afraid of the answer. I laid out the lingerie and a pair of high heels on the bed for Erica. When she came into our bedroom, she stared at the bed and looked confused, then asked, "are these for me or for you?" I was momentarily shaken because there were two ways to interpret this. Were these meant to arouse me or for me to wear? I was sure she had no knowledge of my cross dressing history (the only photos of myself were in an encrypted file). Before I could answer, she laughed a little and said, "thank you for trying, but I never found lacy lingerie all that comfortable." "I'm sorry, just thought it might be fun for you to wear," I replied. "Well, I was serious. If you are game, I think it might be interesting, maybe fun if you did wear them," she answered. I was in a state of panic. I desperately wanted to, I hadn't worn any female clothing since we met. I tried to look confused and asked her if she was kidding. "No, but if it makes you uncomfortable, I understand. The idea sort of arouses me though," she giggled. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Ok, just don't laugh." I nonchalantly removed my clothes while Erica sat on the bed. It was when I easily put on the bra, hooking it in front around my waist before twisting it and pulling up the straps that I saw the look on Erica's face. She was aroused and aware of something at the same time. Same after I expertly put on the stockings. But she didn't say a word. We had the best sex of our marriage that night. Erica was all over me, telling me I was cute, calling me a "good girl" while she made love to me. That was the last time we had sex. A week later she left. I assumed it was her realizing I was not ever going to be the strong masculine type, despite her giving me the classic "it's me, not you" excuse. For two years I just drifted through life. Then on my thirtieth birthday I took out my credit card, logged onto Amazon, and bought several dresses, skirts, tops, shoes, lingerie, makeup, and a wig. I had come to the conclusion I was miserable and I would feel better about myself dressed the way I wanted, even if it was just in my apartment. At least there would be one place I was happy. And I was happy for about two years. Then I saw an ad for a LGBTQ bar and cafe near me. When I read the caption on a picture describing "some of our gender fluid customers enjoying the drag show," I discovered this was some place I could go and not feel out of place, a chance to just talk to another person, no longer restricted to my apartment. I made up my mind to go. Then I chickened out. Six times! The first time I couldn't force myself to even open up my apartment door even though I spent hours getting dressed in a cocktail dress and heels. I kept looking out the peep hole trying to see if anyone was in the hallway. My apartment is on the ground floor, next to the front entrance. It would only take me ten seconds at most to leave. Nonetheless, I never opened the door. A week later, I tried again. This time I dressed casually. I decided the first time I was overdressed and that would attract attention if spotted in the hallway. I made it to my car. I looked at myself in the mirror and lost my confidence and went back to my apartment. The same thing happened the third time, although I did actually start the car and drive to the end of the lot before turning around. The fourth, fifth, and sixth times I drove to the bar, The 101 Cafe, parked in the lot, and sat there scared stiff. Each time I sat there longer. The last time for almost an hour before starting the car and leaving. On my seventh attempt, I had a different strategy, buildup my confidence before getting to the bar. First I drove to a nearby walk up ATM. There was no one else around. Got out of the car walked over to the ATM, made a withdrawal, and got back in my car. It felt good to accomplish a small task dressed as a woman. Next, I stopped at a gas station and filled up my car. There were a couple other cars, but their drivers only were interested in watching the pump. I did get a few glances because I was wearing a dress and heels. But that was it. No one cared and that made me happy. For the first time I didn't hesitate when I got to the bar. Just got out of my car and walked to the door. There were two men in front of me in line, and they turned, said hi, then resumed talking to each other. When I went in, I showed my ID to the attendant, a really huge guy. I was all prepared to answer why my ID was for a guy name a Stephen and I was dressed like a woman. But he just smiled and said, "Thanks, have a nice time miss." I spotted an empty stool at the end of the bar, made a beeline to it and sat down. For the next hour I nursed a drink trying to figure out what to do next. I desperately wanted to meet others like me, like the people I saw in that photo. Then the owner of the bar came over, talked to me, made me feel welcome and then insisted I meet some of her customers. In the back of the bar, there was a table with several women like me. They were some of the "gender fluid" crowd I was hoping to connect with. I had the best evening of my life. I've been a regular now for over nine months now. I walk in and the bartenders will yell out "Stacey," and wave. So how can this possibly be happening to me? I mean, this is my safe place, my happy place, the only place where I truly feel good about my self. Chapter 1: A date interrupted Tonight when I arrived, I sat at the bar on a stool near the door because I was waiting to meet a friend. Actually April maybe a little more than a friend. We are meeting for a "maybe, kind of a date." That's how we both decided to call it. We have a lot in common, although cross dressing was reason we became acquainted. But the more we talked about it, the more we both started to realize that what we had in common more than cross dressing was our gender identity. The more we talked, the less it was about clothes and makeup, and the more it was about how we felt about ourselves, our bodies, what was happening in our lives, our friends and our friendship. We talked and thought like women regardless of what we were wearing. Last week we agreed to meet at the bar as usual, but with a couple of differences. First off, we're both going out for the first time with our real hair. We had made a pact months ago to let our hair grow to see what we'd look like without a wig. I work from home about eighty percent of the time. I only go into the office for occasional meetings. So I've been able to experiment with styling it as it's been growing out and leaving it that way all day. The last couple of weeks, I've finally been happy with how my hair looks. I think it would look amazing if I had it professionally styled. I just need to get up the courage to do it. Tonight is the night for our mutual reveal. I'm hoping to surprise April with how well my hair looks. The second difference is that it's just going to be the two of us. We're usually with a group on a Saturday night. Today is Thursday. Since we came to the realization that we both have been identifying as female and that we both are attracted to women, we might be attracted to each other. That's why this is maybe a date. Also, if we both look terrible, the other girls in our group will never know. "Hey Stacey, your usual, glass of Chardonnay?" the bartender asks. "Yes, thanks." Then she takes a longer look, "Wow Stacey, I love your natural hair. Have you gone full time without telling me?" "Thanks Zoe! No, not yet." When she brings me my drink, she says, "So it's 'not yet' and not 'never' huh?" "I suppose it is. When I decide, you know I'll be hitting you and Elena up for advice." The bartender, Zoe and her fianc? Elena are both trans girls, working their way through college bar tending and waitressing. It does occur to me though to ask her now if she can recommend a hair salon, just in case. As she is writing down the name and phone number of her hair dresser, I see two women sitting at a table across the main room. That's when I realized my happy space has been invaded. "Stacey, you look upset, anything wrong?" Zoe asks. "Ok, see those two women over there?" I say. "You're going to have to be a little more specific, there are several lesbian couples here. Usually are on Thursdays for some reason." "Right, ok, the two near the piano, one is wearing a blue top, the other has denim jacket on." "Oh yeh, Jenny and Erica, they're Thursday regulars. Why?" "Fuck, it is her" I say. "Her who?" asks Zoe. "My ex-wife, Erica" I answer. "OMG Stacey, really? That is so weird. You were married to a lesbian?" she asks. "Well, not that I knew of." "She know you are, are, what? Undecided on gender, maybe trans?" "No, I was in one of my purge periods when we were married." "So she'd never recognize you. Why worry." "Guess you're right. She'd have to see me up close to have any chance to know it's me." Maybe I'm upset over nothing. She more or less destroyed my self confidence for two years when she walked out. But now I'm in control, I know who I am. Well, I'm pretty sure I now who I am, more or less. Definitely I know I am not who I was back then. With that confused thought I took a sip of wine and noticed that April was here, just about to sit down next to me, and she looked gorgeous. Her hair wasn't nearly as long as mine, but it was in a classic bob, layered and colored a soft brunette. Obviously she had it done professionally and I was so jealous that she had the courage to do that. "Stacey, you look fab, love how thick and long you hair is. Love that sexy silver streak. Is it natural?" April said, then added, "I had so many split ends I had to have mine cut, but I had a blast at the salon I found." I stood up to greet her, "Hi April! You look so cute, that style really suits you. I never would have guessed, it's so different from all of your long blonde wigs." With that, we hugged each other, and it felt really nice. We broke our hug when Zoe asked April if she wanted her usual brandy on ice. "Let's try something different, how about a vodka martini." April said. "Oh, you asked about the streak. My mom has one too. Probably a genetic thing." After April gets her drink, she looks around for an empty table and points to one in the back. As we walk, April takes my hand. I think we can remove the "maybe" qualifier, this definitely has the feel of a date. When we passed near the table with my ex and her, I suppose it must be her girlfriend, I saw Erica take a quick look and then continued chatting. April and I sat down and began the requisite ritual of complimenting each other's clothes and asking where we got those adorable shoes. I'm not sure if my pumps were adorable, cute maybe, but April's were adorable. I was totally envious because her strappy sandals were also showing off her perfectly pedicured toes. I must find out where she's been going to for her hair and nails. Then a thought occurs to me. "April, your hair is styled so femininely, how are you going to explain it at work? I can still pull mine back into a unisex ponytail if I have to." "I'm not. I've been full time since Monday. I discussed it with my boss a couple of weeks ago. I had my hair styled on Saturday and went to work Monday morning wearing my black wrap dress and these sandals." "Why didn't you tell me last week?" I asked. "Sorry, I figured that there was a fifty-fifty chance I wouldn't have the courage to carry through with it. I didn't want to disappoint you." "Well, congratulations! The rest of the evening is on me," I wave to Elena, our waitress, "Elena, can you bring us a menu... wait never mind, I know it by heart by now. A turkey club sandwich and," April holds up two fingers, "make that two turkey clubs." After we've eaten, I ask Elena to bring two glasses of champagne. I slide my chair next to April so I can toast her decision. "To a beautiful and brave woman, I am amazed by you and so proud that you are my friend." We clink glasses and take a sip. Then she places her hand on mine and leans close to me. "Thank you Stacey, that means a lot to me. Would you mind if we..." "Kiss," I say without waiting for an answer and placing my lips on hers. "That was nice" I tell her. April grips my hand harder, and we exchange a longer, more passionate kiss. Apparently clinking glasses and passionate kissing can draw attention. Several nearby customers briefly applauded, perhaps thinking we got engaged. I'm looking quite embarrassed when I see Erica staring quizzically at us. April and I return to sipping our champagne and talking about her plans to live full time as a woman. April is in the middle of a sentence when she stops, looks up behind me and says, "hi, can I help you?" Erica is standing there. She is looking at me and I am trying not to look at her. After several seconds she finally says to me, "I'm sorry to intrude but I think we know each other. I don't want to say the wrong thing, but did this used to be your name?" Erica puts a piece of paper on the table with "Stephen" written on it. "I'm sorry April, I didn't think she would recognize me, but this is my ex-wife whom I haven't seen in almost five years." Then I look up at Erica and say, "Hi Erica, how are you? This is my friend April, and, I ah... " "Hello Erica, nice to meet you," April stands up and shakes Erica's hand, "but if you'll excuse me for a few minutes, I need to visit the ladies room. Please sit and keep Stacey company, sounds like you two have much to catch up on." "Yes, thank you, I would like to speak to Stacey, thank you." After Erica sat down, I asked, "How did you..." "Recognize you? The silver streak in your hair was always pretty distinctive, more so now that you are wearing it long. By the way, you do look very nice. I'm really sorry to interrupt your date, but this might be my only chance to say I'm sorry and try to explain things. Will you meet me for coffee sometime soon, even tomorrow if you can? Let me give you my number and you can text me when and where we can meet. I don't want to impose any longer. Please tell your friend that I'm sorry I interrupted her evening with you." She took the piece of paper and wrote down her number. Then she hesitated a second and scratched out "Stephen" and wrote "Stacey" instead and handed it to me. "Please do text or call me, I am so sorry. You really are quite attractive." And with that she returned to her table and promptly left with her friend. April returned a few minutes later. I'm sure she didn't really go to the ladies room (her lipstick needs a touch up and April never misses checking her makeup during such visits). "So Zoe tells me you spotted the ex earlier. I can't imagine how you feel after five years! How are you holding up?" "She wants to meet for coffee so she can explain things. Five years and the only contact I had after she left with all her clothes and half of our bank account was a short note offering an uncontested divorce. It was really strange to see her act so apologetic, so contrite. By the way, she asked that I apologize for her, she's sorry for interrupting your evening. I never remember Erica ever apologizing for anything." April held my hand in hers, and asked, "you sound a bit flustered, which is understandable. If it was me, I'd have already thrown something and screamed every swear word I could think of! So Stacey, can I make a suggestion?" "Please do" "I think you should meet with her tomorrow. As soon as possible. Otherwise you'll be an emotional wreck the longer you wait. I've known you for over a half a year now, and I've seen your confidence grow. You used to tell me how meek and indecisive you are. Listen, you're not that guy anymore. You're not even a guy anymore, and you know it, you do!" I sat there and thought. I first thought I'd tell Erica to meet me here, at the bar after they open for lunch. Then I thought, no, the coffee here is, well, it's awful (makes sense, you don't go to a bar for their coffee or tea, do you). Then I thought, I can't always come here, no matter how comfortable I am here. I can't exist as the person I want to be, living only in my apartment and a friendly bar. I need to meet Erica as Stacey. "Got any ideas where to go for coffee where I won't feel scared out of my wits?" "I do actually. You know the Eastgate Mall? The coffee shop there has an outside entrance. I've been stopping there on my way to work for years. When I stopped there this week as April, it was like nothing was different." "Ok, that sounds good. I think I can do that." "Since I've only ever seen you in dresses and high heels, I assume you do have something casual to wear." April asked. "Yes, of course. T-shirt, cami, jeans, and flats ok with you?" "Perfect, and you do know how to do something other than a 'smoky eye'?" "Yes! Now you're just being silly," I said and laughed. I looked at the paper with Erica's phone number, sighed, took my phone from my purse and texted, "Eastgate Mall coffee shop at 9am tomorrow ok for you?" Less than a minute later I received, "Yes, see you there, thanks" The rest of the evening April and I just sat and talked, although we did hold hands. We walked each other to our cars in the lot next to the bar. When we got to her car, we embraced and then exchanged our second passionate kiss. Then a third. Then I asked her, "I know I'll want to talk, would you like to come over to my place tomorrow night for wine and takeout?" "A second date? Of course, I'd love to!" "Then it's date, and I promise I won't invite my ex-wife." Chapter 2: Tears for a lost past The next morning I woke with a strange filling of confidence. I showered, washed and brushed my hair, did my makeup (tastefully subdued), and put on exactly what I had told April. No need for breakfast, I'll treat myself to a muffin with my coffee. As I walked out of my apartment building and into glare of the morning sun, I was surprised how liberating it felt. But the feeling quickly turned to apprehension when I saw Mr. Jannings, a retired resident walking towards his car, parked right next to mine. Too late to run in the other direction, so I braced myself because I had no idea how he was going to react. "Good morning, Robert," I said. Mr. Jannings turned his head and started to reply, "Good morning...," then paused for a moment and continued, "oh I'm sorry, I'm having one of those senior moments, I've forgotten your name," he said with a wink. "Stacey" I said. "Yes, of course Stacey, now how could I have forgotten that?" "It's kind of new, so I forget it myself from time to time," I said with a little laugh. "Well I'll certainly remember it from now on. Now you have a good day and be careful out there." "I promise, you too, drive safely." I waved, got in my car and headed for the mall. On the way I decided to adopt Mr. Jannings. Knock on his door occasionally to see how he is, bring him something tasty from the bakery now and then. During the rest of my drive I tried to figure out what Erica was going to explain to me. I kept thinking, if not for our chance meeting last night, I wouldn't be on my my to meet her right now. Why did she decide to make contact, why didn't she just leave? After all, I hadn't made any attempt to talk to her or her even indicate that I saw her. It had been five years, why not keep the status quo? I parked near the coffee shop entrance, checked my makeup in the mirror, ran a quick brush through my hair, took a deep breath, opened the car door, and headed to the shop. Once inside, I looked around for my ex. At first I didn't see her. I was five minutes late and I thought she might have changed her mind. Then I saw her stand up and wave from a booth on the far side of the room. I gave a small wave and went to the counter to order a large dark roast and a blueberry muffin. I surprised myself when my voice sounded more feminine than I had ever heard it. I have been practicing, but only at the club, and sometimes it's too noisy and I need to shout, or I'm not paying attention because I'm so relaxed there. The guy at the counter just went through his paces, not noticing or not caring that he was serving a newbie transgendered woman on her first outing outside a LGBTQ establishment. With my coffee and muffin in hand, I strolled over to the booth and sat down. "Morning Erica, have any trouble finding this place?," I said, trying to sound in control. "No, been here a couple of times while shopping at the mall. Good suggestion." "April recommend it, she comes here on her way to work. I hope you don't mind if I nibble on my muffin, I skipped breakfast and I'm starving." "You look like you've lost weight, watching your figure now?" "Some, but not on purpose. I really got into cycling these last few years. Seems to be very therapeutic for me." "Anything I did," Erica said. She sounded sorry, not trying to be flippant or funny. "To be honest, yes" "I am truly sorry, and before you say anything, please give me a chance to tell you why. And I'm not going to ask you to forgive me, just try to understand. I just hope that maybe that will help you somehow." I just nodded yes, saying "ok." Erica took a sip of her coffee, and started, "so, surprise, I'm a lesbian. But I think you figured that out last night. I didn't figure it out until that last night we had sex. No, that's not quite accurate, I knew I was attracted to women since high school. You remember my mother and how religious she is, she was always pushing me to date boys because she suspected I was gay. She'd also drop not so subtle hints about how wonderful it was that her church had a conversion therapy program for confused girls and boys. I kept hoping to find a guy that would make me straight. I thought you were the guy. But I was wrong, and it was wrong what I did to you. You know we only had a couple of things in common. Still, I wanted you for a very stupid and selfish reason, you resembled a girl I had a crush on in college. I know that sounds strange, but you do have a small build and fine features. After we had sex for the first time and a saw how you made love to me the way a woman would, I thought I had found the perfect partner. You were so gentle, so attentive to what I liked. I just couldn't reciprocate until that night you wore the lingerie. Afterwards, I was in turmoil. I realized that I could only be attracted to you if you were a woman. I just knew that if I didn't leave, I would try to make you into a woman and that thought horrified me. I was kind of a bully growing up, because my mother bullied me. FYI, I spent almost two years in therapy after I ran out on you figuring a lot of this out. So I knew I was capable of forcing you to do things you didn't want to do." "So why now? Why tell me this just because we accidentally met yesterday?" I asked. "By the time I finished therapy and was out as a lesbian, I thought that contacting you would reopen old wounds. I'd convinced myself that I had left before I could irreparably damage you. Then last night when I saw you, my first thought was just that. That I was the reason you were sitting there as a woman. But the more I watched you, I realized that I'd never seen you that happy at anytime during our marriage, except for that one night. So I took the chance and came over. I wanted to know if you are happy and if there is anything I can do for you." I had to take a moment to process this. "Wow, my goodness, I ah... give me a second. Ok, yes, this helps a lot, thank you. So, yes, I am happy. For the last several months I've been as happy with myself as I've ever been in my life. I'm not sure if there is anything more now that you can do except maybe be a friend. But there is something I can do for you. You are not responsible for me being transgendered, you did not trigger some repressed behavior. It's something I've come to finally accept about myself. I was not honest with you when we got married. When we met, I was trying to fight my need to wear female clothing by purging my closet. When I turned thirty, I gave up, couldn't be miserable anymore. The gender dysphoria got to me. For the last six months or so, I've been working towards going full time. Last night we were celebrating April going full time at work. I'm almost there too. Actually, this morning is the first time outside of my apartment, friendly bars, or a friend's place that I am out in public. Scary and liberating at once." Erica had the most amazed look on her face. She had a few tears forming (as did I) and it was hard to tell if she was crying because she was sad, happy, relieved, or all of the above. "So to recap," she said, "I was afraid of making you exactly what you wanted to be." Then she started grinning, "if we had stayed married you could have gone from being my husband to being my wife. My mother would've had stroke trying to figure that out." "What?" "Oh, when I came out to her, she fell to her knees and started praying for my lost soul, before finally disowning me. I was just imagining her response if instead I got to tell her you were becoming a woman, so in order to remain married, I had to become a lesbian." "That is funny. But it does remind me that I still haven't told my parents about Stacey." "How are you pulling that off?" Erica asked. "I hide all my clothes and makeup whenever they visit." I say confidently. "So you don't have any other feminine touches around your apartment? No scented candles, no flowers, no lace fringed pillowcases, no pink towels, no..." "Well, yes, a few things, but not enough for them to notice." "They don't notice your eyebrows or your long fingernails either, not to mention your hair? Yeh right. They know Stacey, trust me, they know. They're patiently waiting for you to tell them." I just sat there shaking my head in amusement. "Oh well, c'est la vie." "You really are a different person Stacey. By the way, why 'Stacey', I would have thought 'Stephanie'?" she asked me. "I did consider that first, but every time I looked in a mirror I saw a Stacey. Don't know why." "I think it suits you. So, friends?" "Sure. You have time for another coffee or something. Rest of my morning is open. Maybe we can get to know each other for real this time." Erica smiled and said, "absolutely, let's, my morning is open too." We sat and chatted for another two hours, as friends. The day was half gone by the time we left. Erica checked in with her office and ended up deciding she needed to go in and take care of a minor emergency with a client. I had also taken the morning off, but I decided to text my boss and tell her I was making it a full vacation day. So, I'm feeling really happy and good about myself. I just found out my ex-wife was not evil, just confused, same as me. I'm totally out in a very public place and I'm not panicking, and it's a shopping mall. There really is only thing to do. I'm going shopping! Chapter 3: In with the new, out with the old As I'm walking through the mall window shopping, the main thing I notice is that pretty much no one is noticing me. There were a couple of teenage girls who gave me a quizzical look, but I had no idea what they were thinking and I was a bit proud that I just didn't care. I even went into a couple of shoe stores (I can't resist cute shoes). While I was taking the escalator to the second level, I think I spotted the salon that Zoe recommended. I checked the note on my phone and it was the place Zoe and Elena both go to. Zoe said to ask for Courtney. A little nervous, I casually strolled by the salon a few times, peeking in each time to see if it was crowded. All I could see was one woman sitting in a chair with tin foil in her hair. Summoning a "nothing ventured, nothing gained" attitude, I went in. "Hi, can I help you?" a young woman, maybe no more than eighteen, asks me. "Oh hi, a friend of mine recommended this salon, she said to ask for Courtney. Any chance she is working today, maybe see if I can make an appointment?" I said very softly. "I'm Courtney! Would your friend happen to be Zoe?" "Yes, did she tell you I might come by?" "She did. I got a text from her this morning asking if could help a gal named Stacey. So Stacey! Nice to meet you. I actually have an opening right now if you want to take it." "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" I said. "I take it that's a yes," Courtney laughed, "ok, let's get you shampooed and figure out some rock'n hair style for you." Courtney is almost as young as she looks. Her mom owns the salon and she's been working there since finishing beauty school. She's also taking classes at a junior college. That's where she met both Zoe and Elena. She loves my weird silver streak, so we decided not to color my hair but to add a few accent highlights. She tried to keep my length, but did even it out and layered it. When she was done, I was ecstatic. "So what do you think?" "I absolutely love how it feels, so soft and bouncy. I can shake my head and it simply falls back in place. I just love it, thank you!" "As a new customer, you can get half off on a mani pedi. Do you have time? Our manicurist will be done with her current customer in about five minutes." "Sure, that sounds like fun." "I'll see what we have in flip flops for you in the store room," Courtney tells me. She sees my confused look and explains, "to wear home, you don't want to chip your polish." This is so much fun, I can't wait to show April this evening. While my toes are being worked on, I get a text from my boss. She needs me to come into the office Monday afternoon to review some new requirements that one of our clients wants. She wants me to meet the client, in person! I start to text her back when I see the pretty pale pink polish on my nails. I can't go into to the office on Monday as Stephen anymore. I've gone too far. When I came into the salon, my next scheduled time in the office was in four weeks. I thought I had plenty of time to discuss my transition with personnel. Now what? "Hmmm...," I start to talk to myself and the girl doing my pedicure looks up, "sorry, just thinking out loud." My boss knows I dress at home, ever since that one Skype session when I was tired and forgot I was wearing makeup. And there was the time I accidentally signed an expense report "Stacey." I went back to my text, "Monday afternoon is fine. Need to meet with you privately first in the morning. Stacey" A few minutes later my boss responded, "I understand. Will clear schedule. FYI, I already discussed with HR last month. No problem. Have a good weekend. Looking forward to seeing you Stacey." Less than a minute after leaving the salon, the coffee that I consumed had finished working itself through my system and I desperately need to pee. I started walking as fast as I could to the nearest restroom. When I turned the corner into the long corridor where the restrooms were located, there was a large man, shaved head, skull tattoo on his arm standing outside the women's restroom. I was about to turn around when the man shouted to another large, and I mean large six foot six biker type coming down the corridor behind me. I was trapped. "She's still in there," he yelled. Then he looked right at me. At that moment I was sure I was going to be the next trans woman found beaten to death. "Are you going in there?" he asks me. I am too terrified to speak. If I say yes, these men are going to kill me. "My wife has been in there for a long time. Can you go in and see if she's ok?" Did not expect that. All I could muster was a nod and quickly opened the door and went in. I was expecting to find a muscular biker chick who would also likely beat me to a pulp. But the only one here was a petite woman in a nice shift dress, wearing sandals and standing by the sink. "I'm sorry, but there's this guy outside concerned about his wife. Are you ok?" I asked. The woman turned around, she looked like she was crying, holding a pregnancy test. I saw a second test laying on the counter. "I'm pregnant," she said, "Are you scared, do you need help?" "No, no! I'm, I'm happy. Jake and I have been trying like forever. I just can't believe it, but I took the test twice see." "Would you like me to get your husband?" The woman shook her head yes. I peeked out the door and motioned to the guy to come in. I still desperately needed to pee, so I just ran to the farthest stall and shut the door. I'm sitting there, panties around my ankles when I hear the man shout, "Yes! I love you baby." Moments later he pounds on my stall door and says, "Thanks miss, I'm going to be a daddy!" "Congratulations" I say, now bemused by the entire situation. I waited until I was sure I was alone before leaving my stall. As I opened the restroom door, another woman ran in past me saying, "sorry, need to pee really bad" and went into the first stall. I said, "I know the feeling" and shut the door behind me. Chapter 4: Second date April arrived at my apartment, two bottles of wine in hand. I had Chinese takeout warming in the oven. I must say, April looked really hot. We hadn't mentioned any "dress code" for the evening, but it was obvious we both decided to get fancy. I know I wanted to show off my new hairstyle and April clearly has been working on expanding her wardrobe now that she's full time. Although there is no way she can wear that gold lame mini dress to work. I'm hoping she's trying to attract me, because I'm trying to attract her in this one shoulder cocktail dress. We both broke out laughing when we saw each other because it was pretty obvious what we were both thinking. So we picked up where we left off from last night, with a very satisfying kiss. We uncorked one of the bottles of wine, grabbed two glasses and sat down next to each other on my couch. "Ok girl, for someone supposedly indecisive, it looks like you made a pretty big leap in the last twenty four hours," April said while teasingly playing with my newly bouncy hair. "It has been a pretty busy day. Definitely the most eventful in my life for sure," I said after talking a sip of wine. Over the next hour I covered everything from nice Mr, Jannings to Erica, to the salon, to my impending Monday transition at work, to my encounter with the biker and the pregnant wife. "I sure hope today's not a normal day being full time, otherwise I'm going to be one exhausted trans woman." I said. "Oh my god Stacey, I'm exhausted just listening to you." "Are you hungry too, because I am. Want to have dinner?" While we sampled the various takeout cartons of Chinese food, we mostly talked about what's next now that we both are full time. We exchanged everything we knew about HRT and GCS. I was more certain about about eventually having surgery. Revisiting my marriage this morning made me realize that I wasn't just enamored with Erica's pussy, I was envious. Any time I dressed, I always wished my penis wasn't there. On the other hand, April was content with hers, but then while she's attracted to women, she also likes men. When she was in her teens, she identified as a gay male. Neither one of us has had sex as a trans woman, but we were eager to try. "What would you say if we take the rest of the bottle and I'll show you my bedroom?" "Well, that's not a difficult question," April said as she took my hand, pulled me next to her, and kissed me, a soft, wet kiss, "let's." No need to go into too many details, but having sex with April was the perfect ending for such an eventful day. For me, it was the first time being intimate with anyone since that last time with Erica. Unlike Erica, April knew exactly what to do with my equipment. When she first took my penis into her mouth I almost came right then and there. It was so amazing how she caressed me with her lips, her tongue, her gentle hands. However, I've only had experience with boobs and pussies, so I was not exactly "amazing" when I tried to give April a blowjob. While I was struggling to find the right rhythm and pressure to make her cum, I found the solution. I took her penis out of my mouth, and asked, "would you like to fuck me." Erica would occasionally insist on fucking my ass with her strapon. Of course now it finally makes sense why she even had one in the first place. It also finally makes sense why I liked it when she did. It made me feel more feminine having sex on my back, legs up, and someone on top. April just smiled, retrieved her purse and took out a condom. "Brilliant," I said, "I should carry some in my purse too, just, you know, in case." I rolled onto my back while April got ready. She knelt on the bed between my legs, leaned in and kissed me while getting ready to enter me. As soon as she was in me, I could feel how hard she was, much harder than my clumsy blowjob was getting her. Erica would only fuck me missionary style. With April, we tried... Well I lost track of how many positions we tried. By the time she was ready to cum, I was too. She pulled out and we came all over each other. We cuddled for quite awhile before getting dressed. I just slipped on my pajamas and then helped April zip her dress. It would have been nice if she could have spent the night, but she was worried about leaving her puppy alone all night. I suppose I can't be jealous of a puppy. They are awfully cute. Maybe we should make out at her place next time. Chapter 5: Monday Monday Monday morning was unseasonably warm, so I took out one of my dressier summer dresses and a pair of sandals with a kitten heel (which let me show off my pedicure) for my day in the office. After my morning cup of coffee and a muffin (which I'm sadly telling myself it's time to cut back on these tasty confections and start watching my calories), I grabbed my purse, laptop, and car keys and left my apartment for work. Mr. Jannings was just outside the building walking his dog. "Good morning Stacey. You look very nice," then he paused and added, "I hope that is still ok to say to a young woman." "You can tell me that anytime you want Robert." I smiled and I think I might have even giggled. "Got to go into the office today. Can I ask you if this dress looks ok for a business meeting? Today is the first time I've had to worry about such things." "Well, when I first started working at the bank, women were required to wear a skirt below the knee, stockings, and high heels. The day I retired, my secretary was wearing a t-shirt, jeans with holes in the knees, and combat boots. I think your dress is very appropriate." "Thanks, I'm meeting with a client so I wanted to make sure." "Well, you show them who's boss." "I will," and I gave Mr. Jannings a little wink and got in my car. My company's offices are in a building downtown. So that involved parking in a ramp, walking three blocks, and navigating the building's elevator. Any other time I'd done this, I didn't think anything about it. This time I was constantly checking my surroundings to make sure I was safe. I've been told often enough that I am very passable, so it wasn't just because I'm trans. I couldn't believe all of leering looks from men. In the elevator, one guy kept positioning himself so he could stare at my feet. A man at a crosswalk tried to look down my dress at my improvised cleavage. One ten minute walk and I was convinced men are pigs. Susan, my boss, greeted me with a hug. She has never, ever done that before. "We won't make that regular thing," she said, "but I think it's ok for today. I'll be honest, I had no idea what to expect, but....," my boss hesitated and appeared to be seeing if anyone was listening, "ok, it's usually not appropriate to comment on an employee's appearance, but if you'll allow me to say this as a friend... Wow Stacey, you look fabulous. You should not be working at home by yourself, you need to think about spending more time in the office. Oh, that last part was as your boss." "Thank you Susan, that is nice to hear, I really appreciate this. I was planning on talking to you about transitioning, I'm just so sorry it's happening on such short notice." Then I laughed and pointed out, "Although I guess I did give you a hint when I outed myself on Skype." Susan laughed, "yes, you did! Funny thing though, the day after that I had a seminar with HR on 'Retaining our best employees, how to recognize the signs they are about to leave'. I asked our HR rep afterwards if I should be concerned about losing an employee who might be transgendered. I found out that a couple of months ago we lost one of our best web designers because he was transitioning to female, and wanted to start over someplace else where no one would know." "I can understand that," I said, "but I'd rather be out and I love working here." "That's all I really wanted to hear! The company and I cannot afford to lose you. You're our only developer that has a background in machine learning. And that's why I asked you to be here today. Two people from ADG Corp are coming to discuss adding features to an app that will need machine learning." After I filled out some forms for HR, Susan and I went to lunch in the company cafeteria. Having spent the last several years working from home, I had forgotten how fast news travels in the workplace. We had hardly sat down before team colleagues, well-wishers, and the curious stopped by. And of course there were a few male employees whom I didn't know, who stared from a distance checking me out. Not optimistic that I will get used to that anytime soon. My meeting with the client went quite well. Only because my previous emails and documents had my old name on them, I asked Susan to let me introduce myself before starting. But both of them, Mara and Matt, were software engineers and were only interested in me changing the app code and not me changing gender. Afterwards, the four of us went down to the bar in the building lobby. Susan and Mara started comparing notes on raising teenagers, so that left me with Matt. He was honestly fun to talk to. Now we mostly talked about programming stuff, but his occasional math and physics jokes were pretty entertaining (assuming you're into math and physics jokes). Not once did he try to ogle my toes or let his eyes drift towards my tits, or my illusion of tits. He was so nice and polite that I was beginning to worry about my sex appeal and momentarily consider flirting with him, even though I'm only into women! Chapter 6: Transitions Over the course of the project, Matt was my main contact. Early on he provided me with any data I requested. Then I worked alone designing, building, and testing my models. During this time I was also working on my transition and my social life. I took Susan's suggestion to heart and began working a couple of days a week in the office. Guess I never knew how much I was missing because now I'm coming in four and even sometimes five times a week (I even have an office, I didn't know I was that senior). My love life was kind of going in the opposite direction though. April and I are still the best of friends, but as far as romance is concerned, we were still just "friends with benefits." We'd gone from fucking once a week to maybe once a month. Since we went on hormones, April has been finding herself feeling more attracted to men, while I still totally prefer women. It's just that she's having more success finding men to date while I'm having trouble finding other women. Most of the lesbians I talk to at my happy place are already in a relationship, either that or they just broke up and aren't ready to date again or are unfortunately not comfortable with trans women or just outright bigoted (sometimes women can be pigs too). Honestly though, sex and romance are not a priority right now. Learning how to cope with my hormone induced mood swings and my sore nipples are more of a concern. I'm just hoping romance will take care of itself when I'm ready (fingers crossed however). For the next couple of weeks Matt was going to be in my office while I turned over my code and taught him how to retrain and test it. At the end of the first week, we were sitting in my office and Matt very carefully tried to ask if it was ok to ask a personal question. I figured that by now we were friends and I could forgive him an inappropriate question (if that's what it is). "How did you know you were transgendered?" Wow, he went straight for the question that will take me long time to answer. "Can you tell me first why you want to know?" I replied. "My youngest brother confided in me that he's gay. He is still in high school back in the small town I'm from. Our parents are pretty conservative and he's afraid to tell them. I keep telling him he needs to be himself and that in the worst case, he could stay with me. Anyway, aside from that, I've seen him wear makeup and know he has bought girl's clothes like t-shirts and shorts." "So you're afraid he might be transgendered?" I asked. "No, no, not afraid that he is transgendered, afraid that he doesn't know and doesn't do anything about it. I mean like suppress his feelings until he becomes suicidal." "Ok, unfortunately there is not an easy answer. I didn't know for sure until recently. I had cross dressed since I was a kid, but didn't know why. If I hadn't been so secretive and if I had access to a therapist, I would have transitioned fifteen years ago. I know some kids know when they're only five or six. But you are right to worry." Then I had a thought, "are you free tonight and would you be ok going to a gay bar?" I asked Matt. "Ah, ok, any particular reason you want me to go to a gay bar?" "I'm meeting a good friend at one tonight who might be able to give you a better answer and advice. She thought she was gay in high school too. I know she was also using makeup and wearing girl's clothes. She could relate more to how your brother maybe feeling." I arranged to have Matt pick me up at my apartment at eight so I could get a little more glammed up (I just told him I was changing out of my business attire). By the look on Matt's face when he picked me up, I was no longer worrying about my sex appeal, at least to men. Now if I could only attract women. When we got to the bar I found April sitting at our usual table. I hadn't given her a heads up because I wanted to see her reaction to me being escorted by a hot guy (I might be a lesbian but I do know a hot guy when I see one). No more than fifteen minutes after introducing Matt to April, I was a third wheel. April poured out her life story and Matt sat mesmerized. At the thirty minute mark, I was looking at my phone reading the latest news (ok, fashion news, something more uplifting). April and Matt had moved past her journey to womanhood with April volunteering to meet with the brother when he visits Matt the next time. Now they were chatting about their favorite movies. I looked up from my phone in time to notice that they were headed to the dance floor, hand in hand. I'm sitting there by myself in a crowded bar on a Friday night feeling just a little bit sad and lonely when my waitress hands me a glass of Chardonnay and tells me that the lady over there in the red halter dress and black peep toe pumps with her back to us wants to buy me a drink. I've never had anyone buy me a drink (I think that only happens in the cheesy romcoms). I have no idea what to do. While I'm debating with myself, I get a text message from Erica asking how I'm doing. We meet occasionally for coffee and text to say hi from now and then. I send her a text saying I'm fine. Then she asks if I'm busy. I text back, no and ask why. She replies, you look bored. I look up from my phone and the lady in red has turned and is smiling at me. Then one more text arrives, "you look beautiful, please join me." Speaking of beautiful, I've never seen Erica look this nice. By 'nice' I mean stunning. Other than our wedding, I'm not sure I can recall another time she wore a dress. And another thing, I've never seen her hair without a ponytail, and I've never seen it blonde either. Drink in hand, I walk over to Erica's table where she is sitting alone and I don't see any evidence that she's here with anyone else. "Hi and thanks," I said holding up the glass of wine, then out of nowhere other than the deep recesses of my mind, triggered by April and Matt's movie discussion, I asked, "what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" "Looking for nice girls" she said coyly, "are you one?" "Ok Erica, this is kind of weird, are we flirting with each other?" "You find two women flirting with each other in a gay bar weird? Especially when one is as attractive as you" she teased. "If it's the two of us, yes," then I paused and realized what she said, "you really think I'm attractive?" "Stacey, are you paying attention when you look in the mirror?" I think I'm blushing. "Well, What about you? This new look is fabulous." "Oh, thanks, it was time to change things up I guess." Erica stared at her drink then pushed it aside. She put her clutch on the table and took out her phone and brought up a text message, "you might find this terribly ironic, Jenny left me, she broke up with me by text, see. Said she was in love with a girl in her yoga class." "Oh Erica, I'm so sorry. That's awful and not ironic. You left me because you thought you might be hurting me, Jenny is a two timing bitch. Compared to her you're a noble humanitarian." Erica just laughed and reached over and touched my hand. "Oh Stacey, I needed that, thanks. I haven't been out since she left. I finally decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. Got my hair done, bought a new dress, and... well here I am, running into you again." "Yes, we do have to stop meeting like this," I giggled then took a glance over at April and Matt. They were back at the table talking. I waved a couple of times until April saw me. We exchanged hand signals so that she knew I was ok. "Apparently I am playing matchmaker tonight. I brought a work friend here to meet April to see if she can help his brother. Looks like they're getting along really, really well. I might need you to give me a ride home." "Of course, happy to," she said, once again touching my hand. "So are you here hoping to find a new girlfriend or something?" I asked. "I really don't know. I am just tired of sitting alone in my apartment. I miss the companionship I had with you, and with Jenny." "You're kidding, you miss my company?" "Sure, you're really a sweet person, funny and intelligent. You're also a great pussy eater. What more could a gal want?" "So why I am I having trouble finding someone?" I asked. "Depends. Where are you looking? If it's just here, most of the single women are at least a decade younger than us. Try joining groups that work on lesbian issues. Try a dating app." "I'm trying to avoid dating apps after the last one matched me with you," I joked, "but I like the group idea." "That's how I met Jenny. Hmmm, maybe that's not a good idea after all." "So we're stuck with each other then?" "Maybe, but it could be worse." "That is true," I said while taking her hand in mine, "care to dance, I'll let you lead?" "Sure, why not." So my ex-wife and I are dancing together for the first time since our wedding. It's not as weird as I expected it would be. Actually, the only problem with it is, I'm dancing backwards in high heels (Ginger was right, Fred had it easy). I stumbled a couple of times and Erica held on to me tighter. It felt so nice to be in her embrace, that I relaxed and rested my head on her shoulder. When the music ended, she gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead. We were both confused and unsure about having just shared such a tender moment. "Too bad we were never like that while we were married," I said, "you are such a different person now." "Thank my therapist," Erica laughed. "I suppose it would really be silly for me to to point out that you're a different person now too." "Really? You think I look a little different? Is it the weight loss maybe?" I teased. "Hard to say, there is just something different about you. It could be these...," Erica reaches out and playfully tweaks my developing tits. "Ouch, still sensitive," I said pretending to be shocked. "Want me to kiss them and make it all better?" Erica asked. "Be careful, we don't want to be thrown out for too much PDA." Then I whispered in her ear, "but that would be nice." We sat back down at our table, ordered another glass of wine, and sat there silently. When our drinks arrived, we each took a sip and then I was the first to break the silence, "Is it even possible for us to be in another relationship, or are we headed for more heartbreak?" Erica thought for awhile, then said, "to go our separate ways and just be friends might be the safe thing to do. But I know that I would always regret not knowing if by some weird trick of nature, we are meant to be with each other." Then I looked at her and said, "beginning my transition to become my true self was not the safe path, but the only one that had a chance to make me happy. If you are willing to risk finding out where this might lead, I am too, but only if we promise to always remain friends. Promise?" "I do," said Erica. I answered, "I promise too." While we finished our drinks, I texted April to let her know I was leaving. She texted back, "Matt and I are dancing some more, heading to my place to watch old movies, thanks" Erica drove me back to my apartment. She walk with me to the building entrance. As I got the pass key from my purse, she said, "question for you, do have any lacy lingerie for me to wear? It might be fun. "I still have the set from the last time, I haven't worn them since. They are yours after all. I think you would look really cute." We take turns now wearing that lingerie each year on our anniversaries. I wear them on the anniversary of our first marriage, Erica on the anniversary of our second marriage.