IntendedChapter 3 Embarking on a surreptitious mystical journey
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End Of Journey free porn video
It has been many a year since I last posted my journey. A recent dinner
conversation with my sister Beth Ann, my Mother and my name sake Aunt
Molly has now led me to add, explain and bring a somewhat finality to my
path. After that conversation, with the most influential women in my
life/journey I revisited my prior postings. only then did I note comments
by others......requests for more of the story.....that I had never read
before. So.......this missive will be to fill the void for so many years.
Maybe provide insight to those on a similar path or maybe just provide
another story for the curious and fans of this forum. With the passing of
time, this is more of a narrative than recitation of the multitude of
conversations.
Currently, I enjoy the benefit of strong women, means of upbringing,
contacts in the real world of fashion and finance and hopefully a
confidence of self developed in my later years of high school after years
of self repression. The product of that synergy has allowed by to write
this story conclusion from my 4 story brownstone in Brooklyn. Secure in
self....secure for a financial future and secure in the woman I had always
meant to be. But I am getting a bit ahead of myself and need to fill,in
some blanks. Back to that final HS summer that led to wonders and
excitement of revelation of my feminine self and developing courage,
disappointment, anger, physical hurt and redemption. Due to legal issues
that arose during these intervening years, I have been advised to avoid
actual names, except those previously mentioned.
My last summer working for Ms. DeSalvo at the shop exposed me to the world
of fashion. I was privileged to partake (as an observer) to some of the
inner workings of the fashion industry in NYC. A mix of creativity,
finance, jealousies and personalities that later in life lead me to be
part of that mix in a career move. My HS girlfirends loved my job at the
shop. I had helped develop a mix of younger lines of clothing, with Ms
DeSalvo’s clear help. She should have had her own Fashion house rather
than the small boutique she ran in Westport. She was typical many a woman
whose talents were repressed by powerful rich husbands. They were secure,
but frustrated in being looked at as a wife, mother, companion etc., in
the shadow of their male counterpart. I swore based on that experience I
would chart my own path, not consider that concept of a glass
ceiling....just be who I was meant to be and apply energy to self worth.
The end of summer before college, gave me the wonders of full time as a
girl. Encouraged by many, I came out of my shell and embraced all that was
me. The best statement I carry to this day is from my friend Amy, who
said, "Molly...you are who you are....F____ everyone else and do what
needs to be done or you have wasted our friendship." That bold directive
caused me to reconsider my approach to college. My first year was in a co-
ed dorm at the University of Vermont (UVM). As cool as it may have sounded
back then....it was actually a bit boring. Too many were trying to live
out an image. I did make friends that have lasted. But even with the
liberalism UVM presented, it still was not a bellwether to acceptance of
transgenderism I never attached that label to myself. I was just trying to
live my dream. I did not shun groups that advocated the "cause" but I just
did not wear it as a badge. Coward ? Maybe.....but I had enough in my
psyche to deal with, that I did not have time to be on the front line
others sacrificed for others.
I had assumed the UVM would allow me to openly pursue being Molly. Boy was
I wrong. I did present as Molly often but sensed a need to dial it back
based on reactions. My roommate(male) was a nice guy...but confused in his
own issues that led to hot and cold acceptance of Molly. I let him know
from day one of Molly, but through the year he ran from total acceptance
to mild rants of "going against God’s plan" fueled by alcohol and an
overwhelming religious upbringing he was trying to overcome. So that first
year was fun but tempered. Tim B is still a friend and he has conquered
the demons of the drink and found solace in a good wife. The swing of
mood,is reflected in 2 times I acted as his "date." Each were ruined by
his evils of drink and the influence of others claiming he was some sort
of pervert dating me. They were "accommodation dates" in my mind because
he just needed a girl on his arm for the event. Even though UVM was a
sizable school.....you realized it had a small mindset of gossip and
meanness at times. In all humility,- LOL-I was a cute date for him and no
one knew the difference until a loudmouth true little dick of a guy outed
me that led to other issues on campus.
My second year found me off campus. I was with a fun group that rented a
house in Williston, a short ride to campus. I had gotten fed up with the
noise.....beer puking and derision of living in the dorm. It became
predictable and boring. My roommates vetted me more than I getting vetting
them on my TS issues. Three woman and 1 male "interview" were more
concerned if I would repress my needs rather than let it bloom. What a
surprise and release those 4 individuals provided!! Yvonne G’s comment
that made me burst into tears and laughter was "If you don’t become the
best bitch you can be-you will piss us all off!" ....with that I became
the 5th roomie and life at UVM changed for the better...except for one
incident. There no sign of the old male persona. My presentation 24/7 was
as Molly. I realized people never really look at people. They are too lost
in their own self.....except girls who will undress you with every
look...comparison.....is she a threat. The name change was a little bit of
a task. Since I had residency in Vermont, I tried the process there. But I
faced conservative skepticism with the assigned judge. Old....set in his
ways and appearing to,totally rebuff the concept of a boy changing to a
girl’s name, he looked for ever means to delay and obstruct the process. I
gave up and pursued it back in Connecticut, where it went smooth as
butter. My HS girlfriends celebrated with a "rechristening" Party..
I became a roomie with Ellen C who had a total fascination with my
transition. She was one smart cookie and turned out to be one successful
executive with a large international pharmaceutical company, now based in
Cork, Ireland - my go to place for free stays when I’m in Ireland!!!.
Ellen had her own repression to deal deal with. She was going through her
own need to express her lesbianism. Others helped her through that phase.
She had reluctant parents with political connections that caused her to
feel a need to hide her true self. At one point, she invited me to a
weekend at her parent’s Virginia home. She insisted that Molly be her
travel mate. She jokingly said, "Maybe they will see that I have a
gorgeous lipstick lesbian as a girlfriend and accept my lesbianism." The
compliment was accepted....the desired parental acceptance was not going
to happen. I was just introduced as roomie Molly and they accepted me as
Ellen’s "girl" roommate in total oblivion. Nice people....but clearly had
sticks up their arses on anything that bucked the norm as they perceived
life. I think that weekend of good wine and sharing a bed, that led to my
first encounter of woman on woman. Innocent kissing and hugging, but awoke
a stirring in me about the gentleness of Woman’s touch. A flicker of joy
that would develop later in life
Life off campus was grand! No more crap food from the campus food
service...our own washer/dryer (luxury for a house full of girls) and
quiet time when needed. Burlington Vt is a beautiful place to attend
college. The school was offering good courses in my major, Business. My
hometown doctor hooked me up with Good internist. UVM had a medical school
so they had a good faculty from which Dr. Steph came. After my 1st year my
home Dr. & Therapist confirmed jointly it was time I went on a hormonal
program.....frustration on my part as I wanted the mega dose/magical
approach which dwelt in my mind, but not medical reality. Started out with
the spiro routine of lowering if not eliminating testo levels.....slowly
added estrodial,, progesterone and other concoctions to put me on a path.
Expensive to say the least! No cheap online pharmacies at that time.
Thanks to Mom who fronted the costs.
You read about the mythical stories of blooming boobs with hormones....not
the case for this gal. Small buds at best going into my junior
year.....agony-lol......but the rollercoaster emotional side effects sure
did appear. At one time point my roommate Yvonne did say, "You have REALLY
become a bitch!-and we love it." Had to learn how to channel emotions in
many ways.....but I felt good that the hormone program was progressing
except the boobie department. The family,jewels became size of raisins and
that thingie became a mere nub......but I still anguished that there was
zero boob growth....I became tired of the routine of applying the forms
and having to take time to not adhering them allow the skin to adapt.....
the summer before junior year, my Mother sensed my dilemma..... it took
further therapy sessions to get a write-off to allow me to consider
implants. Easy to dream of having your own boobs - but a different mindset
when you are advised of the process..the early maintenance/care...and the
possible term side effects. Well informed and mentally ready, I entered
NYPresbyterian for the procedure.
When the weeks had passed and bandages off....drains removed and getting
rid of those god ugly post surgery bras......I had boobs!.....the doctor
did a great job.... perky....pliant and sensitive. I thought it would be
forever before I could go splurge on new bras......C cup perfect for my
body frame. For all those into the technical side.... 400cc with placement
through the nipple.......36C and a new comfort level that is hard to
explain......another step.
All was going well until December of junior year. Events that still hurt
when remembered, but remembrance necessary go through a mental and
physical recovery. Holiday parties abounded toward end of the semester.
Molly was a mainstream gal since sophomore year. So with ongoing
confidence I let my guard down one night. We were invited to a Frat Xmas
party. Cute Xmas outfit 4 of us girls headed out to Frat Row. Typical frat
boy party....kegs galore....dreaded spiked punch and grabby hands. It was
a few hours into to party and I was feeling good.....had a little of every
cocktail combination presented along with shots. Dancing was to a great
local rock band. Cute guy.....Kevin(not his real name for reasons)pulled
me out to dance a couple of times. I knew of him....very preppy.....very
cute.....came from New England monied family......so very cocky and sure
of himself in an egoistical way. A type of guy I probably should have
voided. But with guard lowered by excessive (for me) alcohol, I fell under
his holiday charm. Innocent kissing......juvenile boob groping....I was
having fun.
It all came to a crashing end when one of his frat buddies sauntered over
and yelled to Kevin....."hey.....don’t you know that gal,is really a guy
?" Another little dick frat brother said the same and Kevin went beet red.
His drunken embarrassment (his not mine) led,him to push me off a chair.
Things escalated when the same little dick asshole taunted Kevin calling
him a fag. Kevin’s rage erupted, first punching me in the face and then a
gut shot punch to my mid section. Laid me out cold. I never knew his last
act was to stomp on my leg. My first waking moment was in the UVM Medical
Center where they were adjusting my broken nose as best they could and
taping my eye area due to a small fracture of my zygomatic arch on the
left side.......PAIN......I was released 3 days later to home as my exams
were an impossibility. Only one professor gave me credit as completing a
course....the others gave me Incompleted
I was updated that Kevon was arrested. No 100’s of cctv to capture the
assault/battery much less the recordation by cell phone. Lots of
witnesses.....and surprising number of the frat boys came forward in the
process. I guess they thought Kevin was a royal prick and was only a
member because of his father’s status as former frat member. My
matriculation years at UVM were over. I had fears of reprisal
(unfounded)and had a few months of recovery. The punch to the stomach
caused me to lose my spleen. In therapy I started to blame myself.
Thinking I had led him on with a false presentation. Support.....from my
Family, roommates(kept in touch and witnesses to the event in criminal
proceedings), therapist and a GREAT detective on the case....who all got
me to realize I was a victim. Oh boy!.....my Mother lit into he and his
family initiating a civil action for damages. I learned early then, the
power of money and influence. Not ONE article in the campus
newspaper....nothing beyond a 3 line blurb in the police blotter in the
local paper.
I did have vengeance in my mind. It became eased with the therapy process.
Satisfaction, to a degree, was fact Kevin was expelled. His criminal case
was pled out to what I viewed as a hand slap- 4 weekends in
jail......restitution of medical bills...fine....and an ill defined order
for additional restitution to me. That part was handled through the civiil
case. My Mother and sister Beth Ann should have been lawyers. I think they
created a better settlement than my attorney thought possible. Let us just
say.....the proceeds were ample and included money for a good nose job and
minor facial revision. My Mother’s social contacts (meager compared to
Kevin’s blue blood lineage) still created a wave of ostracizing both Kevin
and his father who was a total asshole....calling me a freak and other
names. They still have their mega money and probably still share martinis
with the same country club crowd, brushing it all off as a mere business
expense. Simple revenge is that Kevin became a total,loser in the finance
world after his graduation from Williams......continued alcohol problems
and divorce......ahhhh revenge in part can be sweet.......but a tough way
for me to get my cute little nose!.....humor has to be an element of
everything.......I am OK.
I took the spring semester off and re-enrolled at University of
Connecticut- great business school and HUGE campus compared to UVM. I
became one cautious gal for those 2 years. No history followed me to
UCONN. I was just viewed as a new girl on campus....and closer to home and
my Mother. The summer between jr and sr years I worked for Ms DeSalvo
again. This stint included acting as the buyer for the store with
direction from the owner. The world of fashion contacts began. The
whirlwind of fashion houses.....designers.....magazines....and the
cutthroat world of all fashion gave an early education. A mere speck on
the wall to all the "business" of fashion, I had the fun of a million
parties, invites to the Hamptons and insight into power. One benefit was
access to cheap cheap boutique clothes sourcing. A girl’s paradise!!!
Shoes were and continue to be my downfall. I believe every girl should
have one pair of shoes to match every outfit. My closet looks like a shoe
warehouse.....when I bought the townhouse...priority was renovation of the
master suite with a mega walk in closet....lol.....no one in HS told me it
would be expensive to be a woman!.......
Upon graduation I took some time to get into some travel. My old roommate
Ellen, allowed me to use her Cork based apartment as an anchor. Cheap
flights on Ryanair out of Cork to many places around Europe.....I got it
out of my system....met some cute Irish boys in the process with a fling
or two, before returning and pursuing a career. Upon return I had made a
decision to further my transition, with an Orchi......removal,of those
raisin sized family jewels. By now, Mom was fully over the divorce issue,
financially set but still welcomed me to stay at home for the minor
recovery from that surgery and to use the Westport location as a further
base as I pursued a career. Local MetroNorth train to the city allowed an
easy commute. Beth Ann married into money....her hubby (great guy) is in
the Hedge Fund arena allowing them to purchase a beautiful estate in
Greenwich. I of course was a bridesmaid at her wedding. I act as the good
Aunt to her 2 girls. Before end of my college years I had embraced all my
dreams as a women. I still get a stare or two when we go to Mom’s
club....some have narrow minds. One great quote by Mom to a former snooty
friend of hers was in response to "I would never let my son go out with a
person like that." To which Mom said, "Neither would I because she is
tooooo good to be seen with the likes of your son...." Needless to say Mom
was off that person’s Christmas card list....but back to the evolution....
The year following the Orchi.....I was then inline for consideration and
approval for reassignment surgery....as my therapist said "it is a
foregone conclusion and no=brainer that is the next step." But i had no
time!!! I did not have 3-4 months of time for recovery of that type
procedure. I was interviewing and pimping myself to,get a foothold into
the BUSINESS of fashion. I always enjoyed the fruits of someone else’s
creativity (I can’t sew a lick) and is evident from my closet. My road was
how the business ran and kept afloat. There is a thin line between fashion
success and failure. Funding of an endeavor is key. You can be the most
talented designer in the world. But if you cannot ride the time between
seasons.....fund a line of clothes 6 months in advance and sit on that
line until Fashion week....you are doomed. Influencers create funding. An
example is Anna Wintour of Vogue. She has a fashion sense....but her main
assent is management of talent.....she is one savvy executive. She has
surrounded herself with fashion talent.....but it takes a strong executive
( in this case a Woman) to Marshall that talent into a core
product.....clearly...she is one of a handful of Influencers who are 6-12
months in advance what you will see,in a chic boutique, much less TJmaxx.
This influence creates,the funding....funding based on almost 75%
accuracy.
It is into this,funding sourcing that I found my niche. It has been very
rewarding. With the background support of Mom, I was able save the
majority of my paychecks...bank any bonus (big) and create a fund that
economist Dave Ramsey,would be proud of....to buy my townhouse with cash
rather than mortgage my life into monthly payments.....security.
Between 2 jobs...with money in the bank I made my venture,to Montreal for
my re-assignment surgery. Planning was in order. I had the post surgical
support,in staying with Mom....prepared myself for the pain that would
follow the procedure and booked ourselves for that great final
step....February 2013. Let me tell you girls......though the end result is
bliss.....the pain and recovery are not for the weak. I am sure others may
have had easier recovery.....but for me it was painful. I am fearful of
opioids, so my post surgery course was to avoid narcotics unless an
extreme level of pain developed.....ouch.......but.......it was worth
every ounce of pain. Formthose who may fantasize about the process....
there is work and downtime...consistent work...to achieve a good result.
Clinically, there is a bit of fun after some recovery. The dilation
process is tinged with pain early on. But after awhile... the daily
process of larger and larger dildos to ensure depth of recovery and
structure can be verrrrry satisfying. LOL.....if you all think you just
jump in the sack and get laid every day with your new plumbing.....take a
step back and realize.....to get to that level of an orgasm...with a guy
or gal.....it takes work...work...work.
So here I am. The end of my dream from those early days when my still
close HS friend Becky, felt me wearing a bra with an innocent back rub.
From Becky and Amy freeing my mind to express my feminine side. I would
never know what progress I would have had without their early support and
goading me on to find my girl side. I look back and see where I used words
like "my issues" and should have realized it was "my reality" and not an
issue. I find that term demeaning to any girl going through the process.
It IS your reality. Seek confidence in others.....which is a terrifying
ordeal to trust someone. Also seek counseling....you NEED a sounding board
to express your realty....to find validity and input how to achieve your
dream each path will be different. But take the steps rather than facing
regret.
Mom, Beth Ann & I are closer with each passing day. For those who are
curious I do date....I do become intimate at times with men......I have
enjoyed pleasing and being pleased by women....I have embraced dream
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