Wishing And Hoping - Part Two free porn video

Wishing and Hoping - Part Two By: Light Clark Synopsis: Vali's greatest wish has been granted, but it wasn't her only wish. Hoping to achieve another, she has confessed the feelings that she has long kept secret, but will she get the answer that she was hoping for? Chapter 29 What was I thinking? What had I done? Those two questions echoed in my brain, crowding out every other thought, and yet, I could not convince myself to do anything to resolve them. I just stood there in the wake of my proclamation at the mercy of destiny. The whims of that fickle entity did not seem to be turning my way, either. In fact, I could watch it as it turned away. The proof came from Jordan. First, his head pulled back, dragging his upper body with it. Then, his face twisted up with shock over what I'd just said. In a moment, his mouth would pronounce the words to finalize his rejection. "I ... like you ... too?" came ... not the response I expected. It was full of uncertainty and a clear lack of understanding of what I'd meant. In that answer, I knew that I had an out. If I just played it off with a chuckle and changed subjects quickly, the danger would vanish. Within minutes, Jordan and I would be back on track for a nice steady- "I meant I wanna be with you!" I somehow blurted out, to my own bewilderment. I certainly hadn't meant to say that. The words had just come tumbling out like the ones that had put me on this path to begin with, fueled by some idiotic inner desire that had no concept of time or place. It had only emotion, powerful, deep, and desperate to be expressed right this instant. While my emotions might have been brave when it came to talking, in the wake of my words, it abandoned me. Suddenly, I felt only humiliation and fear. This was a nightmare, and I had no idea how to escape from it. It seemed that I wasn't the only one at a loss for how to handle the situation, though. For his part, Jordan lost a moment staring at me with complete disbelief written all over his face. It didn't look like he was going to escape from his shock anytime soon, either. "I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, words continuing to just appear in my mouth without any consideration by my brain. "I didn't mean that! Could we just forget I said anything?! Please?!" Questions demanded answers, which was enough to get my friend to blink. That simple movement was like a system restart for his brain. A moment later, the dazed expression had turned to brooding. "What did you mean you wanna be with me?" Jordan asked, completely ignoring my pleas. "I said forget that!" I insisted, wishing desperately to put my momentary lunacy as far behind me as possible. My friend shook his head slowly. "I don't think I can. I need to know what you meant." Wincing, I looked down at my hands, hands that were currently fidgeting with each other. "Well ... I, uh ... I meant, like ... more than friends." A moment passed before the boy answered with, "You know I'm with Andrea." "I know ..." I acknowledged, and really should've just left it at that, but I couldn't. The cat was out of the bag now. If I didn't try to make something of it, everything could fall apart. That, or maybe, I just wasn't done letting stupidity gush out of me. Either way, I didn't keep my mouth shut, choosing instead to add, "But you don't even like her. All you care about is how she looks. Well, I'm pretty, now, right, at least as pretty as she is? Plus, we already get along great. Why not be with me instead?" That outburst left my friend reeling as he shook his head at me. "What are you ... why would you even want that?! I'm a boy!" "I know we wouldn't have worked before, but now that I'm a girl-" I rattled off as a counter argument. "You're not a real girl," Jordan interjected. "Wha?" I gasped in confusion. "Yes, I am. I mean ... look at me." "I didn't say you didn't look like one," my friend replied. Having thought my statement enough, I was dumbfounded to have it shot down. I just couldn't understand. I'd thought Jordan had been fine with the new me. He'd certainly seemed to accept it. What could be the problem? "If you're worried about ... lingering aspects, there aren't any," I tried, thinking this would have to fix things. "I'm a hundred percent girl." To my surprise, my friend shook his head. "No, people that are hundred percent girls are born that way. You were a boy up until, like, two days ago." "But ... that's in the past. I'm not gonna go back or anything," I argued. "This is who I am now." "I don't doubt that, and I'm glad you got what you wanted, but it doesn't change who you used to be or make your past not matter," the boy responded. "I mean ... you wouldn't wanna date someone who murders every girl he's with, right?" "No, but that's nothing like this!" I denied emphatically. "I'm not gonna murder you, Jordan! I just wanna be with you! It'll be just like being friends, but even better. There won't be some stupid girl taking all your time, and don't worry, I'll put out as much as Andrea. I promise." What happened next was the most heart-wrenching thing I'd ever seen. Not even my father coming at me like some enraged beast could compare. To an outside observer, it wouldn't even have seemed like all that much at all, but it was to me. Jordan's face twisted, not in disbelief, confusion, or incredulity, but with disgust. "Fuck, Raf was right. You really are a faggot." Something inside me broke at that word, surging out as a shrieked, "I'm not a faggot! I'm a girl who likes boys!" "No, you're a boy who likes boys," my supposed friend refuted. "You just happen to look like a girl." "Oh yeah?! Then why were you staring at my tits earlier, huh?!" I spat venomously. "Are you a faggot, too, Jordan?!" "Fuck you!" the boy shot back. "And fuck this!" I wanted to respond. I was all ready to unleash every drop of vitriol that had built up within me from all the mockery and frustration and tiptoeing around how I felt and who I was. I never got the chance, though. With a crash, the door to Jordan's house slammed closed. It was so shocking that my retort died on my lips. It went so much further than that, however. The very rage that would've fueled such an outcry was snuffed out like a candle puffed out atop a birthday cake. A moment passed where I just stood there staring at the door, feeling nothing. Such a state couldn't last, however. The void left by my anger started to gnaw at my insides like a trapped rat looking for escape. Nothing couldn't escape, though. All it did was tear open a hole in my chest, letting new emotions rush into fill me, new emotions like a dark, crushing wave of despair. Tears burned my eyes as my fingers clenched tightly into fists at my side. New words, never to be spoken, formed on my lips. There was no point. They would only be the empty railings of a loser against a rejection that was already immutable fact. As such, instead of screaming them out, I swallowed them down with the rest of my misery, spun around, and fled from the site of my self-destruction. *********************************************** *********************************************** "Vali?" my sister's voice called through the door, following her effort at knocking. Tilting my head to the side so that I wasn't just talking into my pillow, I croaked out, "Go away." "I know it hurts, Vali, but that's not gonna change if you don't talk about it," Misha argued. "I said go away!" I screamed, voice hoarse and cracking. Silence followed in the wake of that outburst while I glowered at the door with such pain and rage that I could almost imagine it penetrating right through the barrier to pierce my sister behind it. Maybe, it actually did, because she didn't offer any response. I had expected one, some argument or further effort to console me, but there was nothing. She probably just knew how pointless it was, trying to talk to someone as idiotic as me. After a couple moments had passed, assuring me that Misha was gone, I turned back to the bed, flopping face first into my pillow. As I hit, a groan seeped out of me, full of despondency and self-loathing. There was pain, too, so much pain, like someone had cracked my chest open and torn out everything inside of me. "I'm so fucking stupid," I cursed into the pillow while new tears sprang into being to burn my eyes. Why had I ever thought that Jordan would accept me? Why would anyone? I hadn't changed. I wasn't different. I was just coated in a magical shell that made me look different. Inside, I was the same, useless, disgusting, awful, hideous person that I'd always been. "I should've asked Alaria to kill me instead," I spat, thinking how much better it would have been had I never gotten my stupid wish, had I just had the courage to put an end to my misery long ago rather than keep dragging myself through day after day of torment. It was an unending nightmare, one that not even the magic of a dream queen could possibly save me from. I was forever trapped. Certain of that fact, I continued to wallow there. My mind whirled about, moving from one disparagement to the next. Most were aimed at myself and all of the great plethora of failures that I possessed. Others were spat at the world that had rejected me. Yet more were thrown toward the parents and God and anyone or anything else that had been involved in making me this way. I even cursed my sister for duping me into believing that anything could ever possibly work out for me. Somewhere well into the midst of all that angst, there was another knock on the door. I ignored it, initially, but the nuisance was persistent. A second series of knocks came, igniting me to action. Shoving myself up right, I twisted about to glare at the door while yelling, "Why won't you just leave me alone, Misha?!" "It's not Misha," an unexpected voice replied in smooth lilting tones. "But if you really want to be left alone, I can go." "Alaria?" I breathed in disbelief far too quietly to be heard through the door. What was she doing here? Had she somehow known of my suffering? Could she help? The hope in that last thought was instantly snuffed out by a big, black wave of despair. Nothing could help me, not even magic. That was why I was in this mess, why I hurt so much, because there was absolutely no way to make things better. "It's Alaria. Your sister said you had something you wanted to ask me, so I thought maybe we could talk about that," the dream queen continued when I didn't respond. "Something I wanted to ask about?" I mumbled, momentarily confused. The topic in question came to mind a moment later - my continued changes. That seemed so pointless to ask about, now, though. What did it matter? Even if I turned into some cartoon of a woman, it wouldn't change anything. I could lie there crying all the same. Still, I supposed it wouldn't hurt any more to know what was coming, and Alaria had taken the time to come talk to me. "Uhm ... I guess," I finally called out, scooting off my bed to walk over to the door. "Just a sec." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 30 "Here goes," I whispered to myself before reaching out for the doorknob. I turned it slowly, while my other hand wiped at my eyes one last time as if that would somehow clear away the evidence of hours of tears. Then, the door swung open. Standing on the other side of the door was Alaria. She looked just as I remembered, a creature of empyrean glory that felt impossible. Even the world seemed to agree, appearing dull and faded around the brilliance of her aura. She was beyond such mundane things, fantasy made flesh and blood by power beyond reckoning. Even in my despondent state, the sight of the winged woman reached me. It was as if she exuded a gentle, soothing warmth with her very presence that eased pain and inspired hope. It wasn't enough to drive back the vile blackness that engulfed my heart, but it was enough to ease the cold agony that its presence brought, like a stabbing pain diminished to a dull ache. "Hi," Alaria greeted, pity tainting her lovely voice. At once, the idea of having the winged woman's pity both pained and further numbed me. I loathed myself for being such a broken mess that it was obvious at a mere glance. I loved that she cared in spite of my having been nothing but a needy burden to her. I resented the condescension that such an emotion implied. I relished the hope that maybe, just maybe, she could somehow help. Caught in the midst of those conflicting feelings, my response was a weak, noncommittal repetition of, "Hi." A beat passed before Alaria spoke again, "So ... should I come in or did you want to talk right here?" That was a good question, one that left me as torn as seeing the winged woman had. Part of me demanded the peace of solitude. Another part begged for the solace of company. It would be easier to send her away if we talked at the door. It would be harder for her to leave if I let her inside. Back and forth the tug of war went until, finally, I spat out a decision in the form of a shrug and an equivocal, "I guess come in." Nodding, Alaria started forward, requiring me to fall back a step to clear the doorway and allow her passage. Once she was by, I closed the door behind her, making sure to lock it, so that no one else could intrude upon my sanctum. It would be just like Misha to use a distraction like that to get me to lower my guard, then insert herself into the situation at some unexpected moment. Once the door was secured, I turned to walk back to my bed. By that point, Alaria had drifted to a stop, looking around my room. Somehow, even as I believed that life could not possibly get worse, I felt like she was somehow peeking around a curtain to lay bare my deepest and darkest secrets. I didn't know what they could possibly be, but I still felt somehow embarrassed by them. "So? When's it gonna stop?" I demanded sharply as I stomped over to plop heavily onto my bed. Turning toward me, the winged woman crinkled her brow and hummed, "Hmm?" "The changes. When are they going to stop?" I clarified impatiently. To my surprise Alaria still looked confused, even to the point of responding, "I don't understand. What changes?" "What changes?! The ones that keep making me girlier every day!" I belted out in frustration. "Ah ... hmm ..." the winged woman began, looking and sounding a little taken aback by my outburst. That prompted a surge of guilt to flare up within me. I didn't want to upset her. Why had I been so rude, then? What if she'd left? Maybe, she should leave. No, I didn't want that either. Why was dealing with people so hard? "I think they should be about done," Alaria dove into her explanation. "You see, to change you like you asked, I impressed your dream self onto the waking world. Right now, your real self is almost a perfect match for your appearance in the dream, so there should, at most, be a few more minor changes. Honestly, I was more surprised that it took this long." "Oh ..." I mumbled, looking down at myself. I was still dressed in my sister's clothes which showed off my distinctly and obviously female body. In spite of all the trouble it had caused, it was still a body that felt far more comfortable than my male one ever had. "So, this is me then?" "Yes," the winged woman confirmed. "Is that a bad thing?" Not long ago, my answer to that would've been immediate and definitive, but at that moment, I found myself uncertain. Did I want to stay like this? Yes, I felt more comfortable than I ever had before, but so much had gone wrong. My friendship with Jordan was a flaming wreck. My parents were distant. My future was bleak. Becoming a girl had been a dream come true, something that had made me feel truly joyous, and yet, it had also wrought so much destruction in my life. Maybe, I would be better off going back? "No," I answered, but my claim lacked conviction. While Alaria nodded in acceptance, she offered more, "Is there anything else I can help with? Your parents or this ...?" In anticipation of the mention of Jordan, I cringed, but the winged woman never said his name. Instead, she trailed off with the thought unfinished, leaving only the implication. That was enough to undercut my urge to just kick her out, leaving it to peter out. In its place was a flicker of hope. After all, Alaria had magic, personability, beauty, basically every positive and useful trait someone could have. If anyone could help me, it was her. Even with all of that, though, it was hard to imagine any way that she could actually improve the situation. Everything was just ... ruined. After a few moments, I tried, "Could you ..." only to have my request fall apart before it could even leave my lips. It was stupid. It wouldn't work. Nothing in the now was the problem. It was the past that upset people, what had once been not what was. I doubted even magic could fix that. But maybe ... Finally, I looked up to ask, "Can you make everyone forget that I used to be a boy?" "Make everyone forget?" Alaria repeated back, sounding a bit surprised. Losing my nerve, I let my gaze fall back to the ground. "You can't, can you? Of course not. It probably wouldn't even help. Everything's so messed up, so ... wrong. I just wanted to be a girl, but I can?t. I?ll always be a boy." "That?s not true," the winged woman leapt to reassure me, her sweet words so full of optimism. They were just like a dream should be, hopeful but not real. "You?re a girl right now, and people will see that. It just might take some time. That?s?" "No, they won?t!" I shrieked, shaking my head furiously. I?d seen the disgust on Jordan?s face. I?d seen my parents? disapproval. I knew more people would react in similar ways. I also knew that none of it was ever going to go away. Some people ... a lot of people ... maybe every single person besides my sister and a fictitious dream queen, would never accept that I was a girl. Inside of me, I felt something break. I had no idea what it was, but it hurt. It hurt so very much that it overwhelmed all other considerations. No more words would be said or heard. No more actions would be taken. No more plans or hopes or dreams would be created by my brain. All that was left was the pain and the torrent of tears that came with it. Somewhere in the midst of that agony, I was vaguely aware of Alaria sitting on the bed next to me. A brief flash of anger burned in my chest over that, gearing up to scream and shout until the winged women was driven from my room. Oddly enough, the very suffering that made me want to be alone quashed the anger that could?ve made it so. There was just no room for rage, not within the dark, gaping wound that had been carved in my chest. Thoughts of the person beside me quickly faded away, lost to the same ravaging as the anger that they?d spawned. Then, I was alone in my misery once more, left to just writhe in the torture it brought. There was nothing I could do, nothing that could contain it or even keep it at bay. I could only be wracked by it over and over and ... A touch on my shoulder penetrated through the dismal cloud that clung to me. At first, it was just a hand, gentle and trying to be reassuring but utterly failing at it. Then, more followed, something I couldn?t identify. It was incredibly soft, like a new, fluffy pillow. At the same time, it exuded warmth and security, wrapping me up like a snuggly blanket. It had the size to be one, too, covering me from the neck down in its protective embrace. Blinking, I tried to clear away enough tears to see the world as more than a blur. I didn?t succeed, but I could see vague shapes and colors which was enough to see that the object draped over me was white. A caress from one of my hands told me of its silken, downy texture and the way that it ruffled a bit under my touch ? feathers. Alaria must?ve wrapped one of her wings around me. With that knowledge gained, I expected to lapse right back into my sorrow, and in a sense, I did. Certainly, I folded back in on myself, losing concern for the world as I cried and cried. However, my pain seemed a bit more bearable and my dismay a bit lest dark and absolute. It wasn?t enough to bring an end to my suffering, but it was enough to make me feel like it might, eventually, end. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 31 This was awkward. My tears had long subsided, but no other purpose had risen to take their place. That left me sitting there, wrapped in Alaria?s downy embrace, unsure of what to do. Should I figure out a way to extricate myself? I didn?t really want to. Her presence was so comforting. Should I linger within? Without the great pain to distract me, such proximity grew more and more uncomfortable by the moment. After all, we barely knew each other, and I was far from deserving of her time and attention. "Feel better?" the winged woman asked, her tone so warm and nurturing that it actually made me feel a little guilty to have it directed my way. "No," I grumbled, but it wasn?t entirely true. The reality was that I did feel better, that once the tears were all cried out, there wasn?t the same level of pain. Still, I wasn?t ready to give up my claim to misery, and by extension my claim on Alaria. "Alright," was the winged woman?s only answer. Outside of that, she continued to sit there, as she had been for the countless minutes of tears, her arm and wing still wrapped around me. At once, I was both relieved to not be left alone and frustrated that I had let the opportunity to escape the situation go by unused. Now, I had no idea how I would ever get free from the embrace that would only grow more awkward the longer I lingered within it. Part of me just didn?t care. It was willing to stay there forever, safe and protected from a world that I never wanted to have to face again. "Must be nice, not having to put up with this place," I remarked bitterly. "This place?" Alaria inquired, glancing about my room. "The real world," I clarified. "You can just live in a dream." "Ah ..." the winged woman sighed, sounding a little sad. Twisting my head around, I glared at her. "What? Can?t you?" Chuckling, Alaria shrugged. "I suppose I could, but I?m here right now, aren?t I?" That was certainly true. In fact, I had seen the winged woman in reality numerous times, from the day we?d met, to the day she?d helped me, to this day. Thinking about it, I didn?t know why she was even here. She?d said that Misha had told her that I had a question for her, but when had my sister talked to her? "Why are you here?" I queried, unsure if I should even ask such a question. If I called attention to her presence, would she leave? "Well, that depends what you mean by ?here?," Alaria remarked with a gentle giggle. "As for why I?m at your house, I came to make sure things were going okay with your parents. As for why I?m in this world, well ... that?s a far more complicated question. Suffice it to say, Dreamland is an amazing place full of many wondrous things, but that doesn?t mean it?s perfect, nor that everything amazing or wonderful can be found there." Using the arm still wrapped around me, she gave my shoulder a squeeze. "You for instance, are right here." That saccharine sentiment elicited a scoff of, "I?m neither of those things," from me. "Don?t sell yourself short," the winged woman countered. "You may not think you?re great, but compared to most of my kind, you?re very interesting. You might be surprised by this, but dreams are very shallow creatures that are often driven by the most petty of whims. They can be downright insufferable." "I?m shallow and petty," I muttered glumly. "Pretty insufferable, too." "Well ... we?re all insufferable sometimes," Alaria kept up her relentless wave of optimism. "You?re not right now, though, and I bet you?re not as often as you might think." In the face of that, I clung to my self-deprecation. "That?s not what other people think." "That?s not true either," the winged woman countered. "Your sister clearly likes you, as does mine, by the way, and I bet there are other people who do, too." I shook my head in denial. "No there?s not." "Well then, there will be someday," Alaria stated with defiant confidence. "You just have to go find them." Sighing, I shook my head again. Why wouldn?t she just accept that I was worthless? It was so obvious. I was nothing but a disgusting mess, unfit for society. I always had been. I?d just done a better job of pretending before. "Look ..." the winged woman began again once it was obvious that I wasn?t going to respond. "I?m not going to say that the next little while is going to be easy for you, but if you ever need me for anything, help with a problem, a shoulder to cry on, anything, I?ll gladly be there. I?m sure my mom will be glad to help, too. You?re not alone." While that sounded all well and good, I knew it was really an empty gesture. Alaria didn?t care about me. She was far too grand for that, the queen of dreams of all things. Not that I thought she was lying. She would probably help just like she?d said, but that was part of the fantasy that she so effortlessly embodied. "Whatever," I muttered, knowing that outright rejection would just garner more assurances. "Okay, well, I think this is probably a good time for me to go," the winged woman announced, suddenly, starting to lift her arm and wing away from me. The idea of losing that protective blanket sent a moment of panic through me, but I needn?t have felt that way. There was barely an inch of separation, however, before she paused to add, "Unless, you?d like me to stay." There it was, the question that I?d been dreading for a while. If I said no, Alaria would leave, taking her warmth and grace with her. I would be alone with nothing but my sorrow and my terrible self as company. It sounded awful, but I knew what I was going to say, even as I hated myself for it. "Bye," I spat in a curt little huff. With that rudeness, the winged woman pulled away, albeit it not before offering one final comfort as parting. "Good bye, Vali, and remember, I?m here to help whenever." "Mmm," I hummed, trying to sound distant and disinterested, but my chest actually ached, crying out at me to tell Alaria to stay. I didn?t, however, and without such a plea, the winged woman didn?t know to stay. Instead, she turned away, and walked out the door. Struck by a sense of loss, I sat there on my bed, despondently staring at the floor. What else was there to do? There were no ways to fix my problems, and yet, I no longer felt quite awful enough to want to abandon everything to be rid of them. I didn?t even feel awful enough to just lie in bed, sobbing away my days. Uncertainty and confusion, those were the terrible costs that I?d paid to satisfy my need for company. Sitting there, I tried to work out some sort of action, any action that could get me through the rest of the day. TV? No. Reading? No. Eat? No. Sleep? No. Idea after idea came up only to have apathy or pessimism to shoot it down. "Knock knock," Misha said aloud even as her fingers rapped on the wood of my door. Lifting my head, I saw my sister standing in the open door of my room. Had she opened it? Had Alaria left it open? I couldn?t tell. All I knew was that she was there now to intrude upon my solitude. "Hey," I greeted wearily before letting my gaze fall right back to the floor. "Hey yourself," my sister replied, followed by the sound of footsteps coming over. A second later, the mattress beneath me shifted as she sat beside me. "So ... how?d it go? Feel any better?" Rather than use words, I gave a weak shrug and hummed, "Mmm," as an answer. "Well, you?re not crying or screaming at me to leave you alone, so that?s pretty good, right?" Misha remarked. This time, I didn?t even offer as much as my previous response. In fact, I offered nothing at all, continuing to stare at the floor. What was there to say? Yes, I wasn?t lost in tears, but that didn?t mean my situation was any better. Everything was just as hopelessly broken as it was before. "Wanna talk about what happened with Jordan?" my sister tried. Since silence would not deter her, I grunted out, "No." "Are you sure?" Misha pressed. "It might help you feel better, plus, maybe, we?ll be able to figure out a solution together." "There is no solution," I muttered with complete certainty. "Sure there is," the older girl insisted. "There?s always a solution." "No, there?s not!" I snapped, before the brief moment of animation left me. Sluggishly, I shook my head and let out a heavy sigh. "He hates me now." Despair proved an ineffective deterrent as well, serving only to get Misha to wrap her arm around my shoulder. "Vali ... why would he hate you? You?re great, pretty, fun?" "He called me a faggot," I interjected. Unlike everything else I?d said before, this actually hit hard, earning a flinch from my sister which was easily felt through her embrace. She recovered quickly, though, never letting that moment of weakness into her voice. "Guys use that word as an insult all the time. It doesn?t mean he?" "Yes, it does," I interrupted again. "He said that real girls are born that way and that I?m just a boy that looks like a girl." Misha was clearly taken aback by that revelation, skipping a whole beat while she processed it. She came back from that moment just as strong as before, however. "Well, then he?s just an asshole. You?ll find someone else, someone who?s not so ass backwards about things, someone who can see you for who you really are." "No, I won?t," I retorted. The very idea was absurd. Jordan was one of the most popular kids in school. Everyone was going to agree with him. By the start of the year, I would be completely ostracized as a freak. "Yes, you will," my sister promised, leaning in to wrap her other arm around me as well. "I?ll talk you up with my friends and help you find someone better. Might even get you a date with a senior. Wouldn?t that be cool? He?ll have a car and buy you things and all sorts of stuff. Way better than some loser thirteen year old that can?t even see the world in front of him." All of those assurances were bullshit. I knew that. I also knew that arguing wouldn?t stop them. It would only make Misha offer more. Because of that, I did bother to argue, didn?t respond at all. I just twisted enough to return my sister?s hug, laying my head on her shoulder. That, unlike the empty words, offered some sense of comfort. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 32 Idly, I clicked the mouse, ostensibly moving on to a new website. I didn?t pay this one any more attention than the last one, though. I was really doing nothing different from channel surfing on a TV, rotating through distraction after distraction without any of them really doing anything to distract me. That search for activity had nothing to do with a desire for entertainment, nor did I have anything in particular that I needed to take attention away from. For the most part, the afternoon had exhausted my reservoirs of worry and despair. With dinner now past, I felt very little, just a sort of a dull, empty malaise. That was why I took no interest in anything that showed up on my screen. The only reason I even bothered was to help kill the time that remained before bed. Slowly, that sluggish doldrum ticked by, bleeding seconds like a seeping wound lost blood. Had that continued, it would?ve been a long boring wait until I was finally tired enough to sleep, if I ever even felt such weariness. However, it didn?t continue like that forever. Bing, bong, the doorbell rang breaking the tedium with its surprising presence. Furrowing my brow, I glanced at the computer clock to see that it was after eight. Who would ring the bell that late? Misha had gone out for the night, so it couldn?t be any of her friends. Had my parents invited someone over? Unable to figure it out, I started to get up, expecting a yell from my parents to get the door. That was what would usually happen, but not this time. Instead, there was just silence until my mother?s muted voice could be heard through the floor, greeting someone on the porch. "Won?t even talk to me to tell me to do something," I muttered, plopping back into my seat. If not for the pervasive emptiness within me, I probably would?ve been hurt. As I was, that fact just felt ... expected. Sighing, I started to go back to idle browsing, but I didn?t even have time to pretend to be engaged before I was interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door. It was followed by my mother saying, "Vali, there?s a boy here to see you." "A boy?" I repeated under my breath, momentarily confused. What boy would come to see me? Jordan? Why would he be here after what he?d said earlier? There was no way he could be here to ... Daring to hope, I called out, "Coming!" before shoving myself out of my chair. Darting across my room, I pulled open the door, finding my mother already gone by then. That just left the way clear for me to hurry across the landing and turned toward the door to greet? "Raf?!" I gasped, lurching to a stop at the top of the steps. Sure enough, standing just inside the house was the husky hispanic boy that had so plagued my already limited social life in recent months. He had a confident, little smirk on his face as he looked up at me, eyes scanning me up and down. That appraisal was joined by a slow nod as he replied, "Hey, Vali. I see Jordan was telling the truth about you." Those words were enough to snap me from my surprise. Folding my arms in front of me, I narrowed my eyes into a glare. "Why are you here, Raf?" "To talk to you," the boy replied, his smirk never wavering. "Well, I don?t want to talk to you, so why don?t you just leave," I retorted acerbically. "Okay, I could do that," Raf seemed to agree, even turning toward the door. "However ... I think you do want to talk to me, because I have an offer for you, one that could help you out a lot, not just at school, but with Jordan, too." That comment cut deep. It had to be a trick ... right? He was just trying to get my hopes up, so he could smash them and laugh. That?s what guys like him did. All they knew was hurting others. "Wait!" I called out as my nemesis?s hand touched the door knob. Dropping his hand back to his side, Raf slowly turned back to face me, still smirking like before. No, it wasn?t like before. Confidence had turned to full on smug. "Yes, Vali?" "I ... " I began only to pause in hesitation. This was such a bad idea, but ... " I wanna talk." "Good. Glad to hear it," the boy replied. "Your room?" Not wanting someone so cruel anywhere near my private sanctum, I shook my head fiercely. "No, out on the porch." "You sure?" Raf questioned, glancing back over his shoulder with distaste. "It?s hot and muggy." "I don?t care. Out. Now," I commanded sternly. Chuckling, the boy stepped to the side, dipped slightly, and waved his hand in front of him, "Ladies first." That mockery sent an indignant twitch rippling through me, but there wasn?t anything I could do. Undoubtedly, this was all just an elaborate prank, but on the minute chance that Raf could actually help, I had to go through with it. Tolerating his bullshit was just part of doing that. Huffing in frustration, I stomped down the stairs, blew right by the asshole, then ripped open the door to go outside. Out on the porch, I found a support beam to put at my back, folded my arms again, and spun back to face the house. By that point, Raf had only just crossed the threshold of the house, strolling easily along. It was another couple of seconds before he was fully out on the porch with the door closed behind him. "Start talking," I instructed curtly as soon as the door clicked closed. My demand earned me a sardonic grin. "Impatient aren?t we." "Because I want you to just get whatever shit your planning to pull over and done with," I snapped back. Chuckling, Raf nodded a few times in acknowledgement. "Okay, I guess you don?t have a lot of reason to trust me, but I really don?t have any ?shit? planned, just a deal that I think would benefit both of us." "And what is this ?deal??" I demanded. "Well ..." the boy began, pausing briefly to rub his hands together. "Jordy says I was right about you, that you gotta thing for the D, specifically his D." The crassness of that remark had me scrunching my face up in disgust. "I don?t have a ?thing for the D?." "You don?t?" Raf questioned dubiously. "So you didn?t try to get Jordan to dump Andrea for you?" Caught by the truth, I averted my gaze. "That doesn?t mean ?" "Yeah, it does," the asshole cut me off rudely. "You might not call it that; prefer to say ?you?re attracted to boys? or whatever, but he?s gotta cock and you want it." Cheeks heating up, I turned back to glaring at the boy with utter loathing. "Do you have a point or are you just here to make fun of me for liking boys. I?m a girl. It?s normal." "I agree," Raf replied. That response came out of nowhere to clock me upside the head. I?d expected a lot of possible answers, more jokes or something like what Jordan had said about how I wasn?t really a girl, but certainly not agreement. Never could I have possibly predicted that. "Wha-What?" I stammered out in confusion. "I said, you?re exactly right," the boy reiterated. "At least, I?m willing to say that right here, in private, to you. If we were in front of Jordy and the girls, well ... things could go differently or maybe they could go the same. Which way I go is up to you." Leaning back, I favored my tormentor with a suspicious look. "What do you mean? Do you think I?m a girl or not?" "I think you looked pretty damn enticing bouncing down those steps, so unless you?ve got something bouncing under that skirt, too, I?m goin? with girl," Raf told me. "Sayin? that in front of other people is a bit trickier, though. See, the ladies like Jordan, and they don?t want some new hot chick for competition, anyway, so they?re not gonna see it that way. Now, I could stick my neck out for you and turn that around, but I?d need to get somethin? out of it, if y?know what I?m sayin?." Of all that the boy had just said, it was his comments about Jordan and the girls that really hit home. It wasn?t like any of it was unexpected. I already knew how Jordan felt, and I?d been pretty sure how everyone else was going to react. Still, it hurt to actually hear. "No, I don?t know," I answered, shaking my head. "I mean ... if Jordan and all the girls already hate me, how are you going to change anything?" "Well, like I said, the ladies like Jordan, but amongst us guys ... let?s just say he?s not top dog," Raf explained. "In fact, he?s kinda a wimp." "He is not!" I blurted out. The boy rolled his eyes. "Jeez, girl, he rejected you, remember? Quite brutally by all accounts. You don?t have to leap to his defense." "I?m not," I mumbled, rubbing at my arm. "I was just saying that he?s not a wimp, so you can?t expect to just bully him into stuff." "Ah, you probably think that because of how he used to stick up for you about the whole faggot thing, right?" Raf guessed. "Y?see, I never pushed that, ?cause I didn?t fuckin? care if you were gay or not." That revelation left me blinking in confusion. "What?" Rolling his eyes again, Raf leaned forward and spoke slowly and loudly. "I never cared if you were a homo or not. I was just raggin? on you for gettin? caught lookin? in the locker room, and then, you ended up gettin? so mad about it, that I kept doin? it. That?s all." "B-But ... " I started to argue, but no counterpoints presented themselves to me. "That?s. All," my tormentor repeated. "I don?t care that you used to be a boy either. You?re a girl, now, a fuckin? hot one, too, and that?s good enough for me." "And you?re willing to convince Jordan of that? I inquired uncertainly. "Yep, for a price," Raf confirmed with a nod. "You might think his mind?s made up, but it?s not. He?ll listen to me, and then, the girls?ll listen to him. You?ll be treated like just another hot piece of ass before you know it." Ignoring the demeaning phrasing, I focused on the important bits, one in particular. "What?s the price?" That simple question cause a wicked grin to spread across the boy?s face. "You." "What?" I asked, crinkling my brow. "I want you," Raf answered. "Specifically, I want to plow that brand new pussy you got." "Ew! No!" I spat in disgust at the very idea of letting that asshole touch me. Instantly, the boy?s grin vanished, turning into a hard, indignant scowl. "What? Think that just ?cause I ain?t some pretty boy like your crush, you?re too good for me? I don?t fuckin? need you, bitch. I can get my dick wet whenever I want. You?re the one that needs me. All I?m askin? for is a little ... show of gratitude." I wanted to reject that claim, but I couldn?t. It was true. I did need help from someone, and Raf was the only one offering. Otherwise, I?d be a rejected freak for years, at the very least, if not my entire life. The only real questions were, if he could do what he claimed, and if it was worth paying his price. Holding his hands up, the asshole tilted his head contritely. "Sorry, sorry. That was uncalled for. I forgot that losing one?s virginity is a bigger deal for girls than guys. They want it to be just right. Guys just wanna get rid of it. Clearly, I need to give you some time to think this over, so that?s what I?m gonna do. Take a couple days. Figure out what really matters to you, which dick gets in their first or years of mockery and rejection. In the meantime, I?ll make sure to not get on one side or the other of the argument. Sound good?" "I don?t want to sleep with you, Raf," I responded softly. "Never said you did. I just think you want Jordan to not think you?re a fucked up faggot-freak," the boy replied, before waving a hand dismissively. "But anyway, you think it through. I?ll swing by again in a couple days, so you can let me know what you decide." Without waiting for a response, Raf turned and hopped off the porch, strolling down the walkway to the street. Part of me wanted to repeat what I?d said, to yell out a hard, firm rejection of the very idea that I could ever accept such an offer. That part didn?t win out. The part that did, the rest of me, stood there watching as he walked away, wondering how bad it could really be. Worse than than the alternative? That seemed impossible. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 33 When the new day greeted me, I answered back with a groan that was full of my grogginess and annoyance. The first part of that came from the trouble that I?d had getting to sleep the night before, spending hours lying in my bed unable to sleep through the tumult in my thoughts. The second part came from the cause of that tumult ? the mess with Jordan and Raf?s proposed solution. Following my groan, I tried to snuggle deeper into my bed and get back to sleep, but there was no hope of that. The gears in my head were already whirring up to speed as memories of Raf, looking arrogant as hell, offered to save me from social exile for the low, low price of letting him fuck me. That one image was enough to have the whole mess come roaring back. Sleep was not going to save me from the hell of rejection and revulsion that was now my life. "Stupid brain," I grumbled even as I caved to its demand to remain awake. Shoving myself upright, I glanced down at my body, checking to see if I?d changed during the night again. As far as I could tell, I hadn?t. My chest was still large, but no larger. My hair was still long and inky black, but no longer or darker. My body was still female, but no more feminine. It seemed that Alaria had been right, that my transformation had come to an end. "That?s something, at least," I muttered sarcastically. Such a minute silver-lining was so irrelevant compared to the rest of my troubles. My parents hated me. My only friend hated me. The kids at school hated me. Sighing, I slid sluggishly out of bed. Miserable and hopeless or not, Nature still had her demands, forcing me up and off to find the bathroom. Afterwards, I prepared to trudge back to my bedroom and plop on my bed for the rest of the day, but I stopped at the sink along the way for a quick drink. "Ah," I sighed in unconscious satisfaction after a big gulp slid down my throat. Still, it was enough to make me feel that teeny tiny bit better than I had before. It was during that very brief little upswing that I glanced at the mirror in front of me. There, the girl that I?d become looked back at me with her brilliant emerald eyes. She was a picture of femininity, completely devoid of any hint that she had once been a boy. It was a dream come true, and yet, somehow, it still wasn?t good enough for people. "I look like a mess, too," I muttered critically as I rubbed at my hair. With everything that had happened the last few days, hygiene hadn?t been a high priority for me. Even magically granted beauty couldn?t disguise days without showering or even a hair brush. My eyes were also bloodshot from lack of proper sleep. The combination made me feel grimy and gross. "Guess I can take a shower," I conceded, turning to get to it. While I would?ve preferred to just lose myself in bathing, I was not so lucky. The entire time, I thought about my situation. With every moment, I grew more convinced that it was a hopeless one, too. The only people to offer support were my sister and Alaria. I was grateful to both, but they wouldn?t be able to fix anything. My sister and I were far enough apart in age that she would graduate before I even made it to highschool, and the dream queen ... well, I doubted she could do much. On the other side, my parents basically wouldn?t even talk to me, and Jordan despised me. Worse, he?d apparently turned all of his friends against me, too. Everyone else at school would probably just go along with him, as well. Then, there was Raf. My talk with the bully the night before had mostly just made the situation worse. While he had seemed quite willing to accept my change, he had demanded a revolting price to do so publicly. That might have seemed like a cause for hope, but it only showed how narrow that hope really was. People like Raf, the ones that might?ve been okay with me, weren?t going to stick up for me without getting something in return. Why should they? It wasn?t like I was well-liked or had a lot of friends or anything. I?d mostly kept to myself except for my friendship with Jordan, and that was over now, all because I?d foolishly dared to believe that my change meant something, that the two of us could finally be together as I?d always wanted. I was such an idiot. On that self-deprecating note, I got a reprieve from my dark thoughts, but not much of one. By that point, my shower was done, which left me with a soppy, wet mass of tangles on my head to deal with. The next fifteen minutes was a nightmare of painful tugs on my scalp and frustratingly meticulous efforts to untie the knot that my hair was in. Then, I had to spend another hefty chunk of time drying the whole affair before I was finally ready to get dressed and leave the bathroom. At least, I didn?t feel so dirty, anymore. Plus, my reflection looked a lot nicer. "Not that it matters," I remarked before I turned away from the mirror to march out of the bathroom. I didn?t turn to go back to my bedroom, however. All the effort and frustration that I?d just been through had set my stomach to rumbling, forcing me to resolve another basic need in spite of my desire to just lay on my bed and do nothing. Trudging down the stairs to the kitchen, my thoughts picked right back up where they?d left off ? my stupidity and the situation that it had brought about. Unfortunately, idiocy was not as useful for solving problems as it was at making them. As far as I could tell, there was nothing that I could do to change things. Jordan probably wouldn?t even talk to me, and no one would take my side over his. "Maybe I should just take Raf?s offer," I proposed as I reached the kitchen and drifted about getting together a bowl of cereal. The very idea of letting Raf, or really anyone that I didn?t like, use me like that was enough to send a shudder of revulsion through my body, but there didn?t seem to be any other option. It was that or spend the rest of my teenage years being mocked and bullied. Such a fate would be worse than having had to remain a boy ? almost. "At least, he thinks I?m a girl, a sexy one, too," I argued, thinking back through the conversation from the night before. Raf had expressed exactly that sentiment, unlike Jordan. In fact, he?d been almost too nonchalant about it. Some small part of me actually sort of wished it was a bigger deal, not because I didn?t want the acceptance, but because the change was so momentous in my life that it felt strange for someone else to see it as unimportant. Of course, there was another possible explanation for the boy?s apparent lack of concern over the issue. He could be lying, saying what he thought I wanted to hear, so that I would make a fool of myself. The whole offer could just be a trick to get me to admit that I was willing to do anything, even sleep with him, to be treated like a real girl. Once I said yes, he?d laugh in my face, then go tell his asshole friends all about how pathetic I was. "That certainly seems more like him," I huffed as I sat down to start in on my cereal. My experiences with Raf had pretty much always included him finding ways to make fun of either me or other people around him. Of course, guys in general tended to rag on each other a lot, but Raf had even specifically told me that the only reason he?d been calling me a faggot for months was because he knew it upset me. If he thought tricking me in such a dirty and vile way would upset me, he?d gladly do it just for the reaction alone, regardless of how he personally felt about my status as a girl. There was a third consideration, as well. Did I even want Raf to fix things? Could he truly change Jordan?s mind, or would my friend always see me as a boy, regardless of how he acted? Did I even want to be around him after what he?d said? Yes, I did. If he came up to the door right then, apologized, and begged me to be with him, I would?ve agreed immediately. At the same time, it seemed to me that such a relationship would be doomed to fail, no matter how much I might wish it to succeed. Such thoughts plagued me throughout my breakfast, but at the end of it, I found myself no closer to an answer than I was at the beginning. Everytime I thought it decided that I should refuse Raf and just force my way through the difficulty I found myself in, hopelessness rejected that path. Everytime I thought it decided that I should accept, revulsion denied that option. Neither way was acceptable but they were the only options. Sighing, I shook my head and got up from my seat. Walking over to the counter, I cleaned my bowl, put it in the dishwasher, then turned to leave the kitchen. Rather than go back upstairs, I walked into the living room to watch some TV in the hopes that it might distract me, if only briefly. At least, that was my plan, but I never got that far. Only a couple of steps into the room, I stopped in tracks. Something had moved on the corner of my vision, drawing my attention. When I glanced that way, I didn?t see anything, just the wall of the house and its window that looked out on the empty yard and street beyond. It had probably just been a car driving by or some kids on the sidewalk, but I couldn?t dismiss it so easily. Something I couldn?t put my finger on drew me to investigate further. Crinkling my brow, I drifted toward the window. Again, my movements lasted only a couple of steps before I ground a halt. This time, though, when I did, my eyes shot wide, because that slight change in perspective had brought quite the sight into view. Across the street, I could see a peculiar-looking woman. She was dressed in what looked to be a mix of a white dress and plate mail. To go with the armor, she had appropriate armaments, a disc of silver metal in her left hand to serve as a shield, and in her right, a long slim blade that glistened like a soap bubble in the sun. Had I not lived across the street from the queen of dreams, such a sight would?ve been paralyzingly shocking. Even with that frame of reference, and the fact that the armored woman was walking toward Alaria?s house, I still found myself feeling a little overwhelmed. I was more curious, though, wondering who the woman could be, and why she was there. I had just enough time to process all of that before Alaria appeared. Her arrival came so quickly, it seemed to occur between blinks. One moment, the spot was empty, and the next, the dream queen was stepping into view like she had, somehow, been hidden behind a curtain in the middle of the open, empty space of her yard. Seeing the winged woman pop into existence like that was bewildering enough that it took me a moment to register the fact that she had a rapier-like sword in her hand which she held up defensively. Her arrival had also prompted the unknown armored woman to turn to face her and raise her own armaments to the ready. It almost looked like? Like a bullet from a gun, the armored woman shot forward, crossing the distance between her and Alaria with incredible quickness. Somehow, the dream queen reacted to that blistering speed, lashing out with her weapon. Before the sword could even get close, though, golden light burst into being, shooting from the tip to speed off toward her opponent, who put her shield in the way. An instant later, beam struck barrier. I had all sorts of destructive expectations for what that would bring about, but none of them came true. Instead, of all things, the light bounced right off the shield, shooting right back at its creator. There, it acted much more like I?d first expected, catching the winged woman in the chest, lifting her up into the air, and tossing her a half dozen feet before she crashed back into the ground. Tumbling for a few more feet after that, she finally came to a stop, looking badly hurt with wisps of gray smoke trailing from her clothes. "Alaria!" I gasped breathlessly as fear gripped me. Ripping my gaze from the window, I spun and dashed off toward the front door. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 34 A complete panic gripped my thoughts, driving me to incredible speed as I raced to the door, skidding around a corner along the way. When I reached that goal post, I actually crashed in, using the door to stop my momentum as quickly as possible rather than risk wasting even a moment. Once I?d recovered from that, I fought with the lock and handle, forcing both mechanisms to work so that I could rip the door open and burst out on the porch. A step later, I was leaping from that elevation to land out in the yard and keep right on running. My next destination lay out in the street ? Alaria. She was clearly in a bad way, crumpled on the ground, squirming in pain, as wisps of smoke trailed off her from the blast that she?d taken a handful of seconds ago. Even worse, the woman that had reflected that attack back at her was stalking toward her with clearly murderous intent. With single-minded purpose, I pushed myself even harder, knowing that I had to get to the winged woman before her foe. I couldn?t have said what I?d planned to do when I got there. After all, if the queen of dreams couldn?t handle the other woman, there was basically no chance that I could. That didn?t matter to me, though. More pointedly, it never crossed my mind, never giving me the chance to use it as an excuse to chicken out. Every single thought in my head was dedicated to to one, simple need ? saving Alaria. For all of my difficulties, Alaria had consistently been a bright spot in my life. She?d granted my wish. She?d protected me from my parents. She?d showed up to talk to me after things had fallen apart with Jordan. Every act had meant so much to me. Without her help, I would never have dared to even try to find happiness. Of course, her help had also led to a lot of problems, but that was due to my bumbling not her generosity and care. The winged woman hadn?t even needed to help me. She wasn?t family or a friend, just a stranger that had caught me staring at her one day. Yet, she?d offered me more than anyone in my life, even Misha. I could not repay that by just watching from the sidelines as she was killed right in front of me. There was just one problem. I wasn?t fast enough. As I sprinted toward Alaria, I watched the armored woman close the gap. I watched her stop and looked down at the fallen woman. I watched her lift her sword and spin it around so that the point could be driven down to lethal conclusion. However, by that point, I was still several feet away. "No!" the word burst out of me as I tried to reach forward with one hand. That wasn?t enough to close the gap, though. All Alaria?s adversary had to do was drive her sword down and one of the greatest sources of support in my life would be ripped away forever without my being able to do anything to stop it. Yet, for some reason, that wasn?t what happened. Rather than end things right there, the armored woman looked up, her attention shifting to me. That was my chance. It gave me the precious couple of moments that I needed to get into range to make a difference. I had no idea how I was going to do that, but my body seemed to have a plan of its own, plowing ahead with what appeared to be the intent to tackle the woman to the ground. That plan never came to fruition. With calm and grace, my target measured my approach then timed a spin perfectly. Her shield came around with wind whistling around it. The next thing I knew, a flash exploded in my head, filling it with pain and driving out ideas of sight and movement. When the ability to think returned to me, I was laying on the ground with the world above me spinning dizzily. "What are you, girl? Her follower? Her minion?" I heard the armored woman question, her voice smooth and commanding. "Her friend," I grunted out as I forced myself to sit up and glare at the attacker. That wasn?t easy to do as the swirl already spinning my vision sped up while my head swam about unsteadily. Still, through sheer force of will, I managed to stay upright. I even managed to get my hands under me to start shoving myself up to my feet. "And if you wanna get to her ... you?re gonna have to go through me." In spite of the bravado of that claim, I knew it was stupid. The woman had easily knocked me down, and she undoubtedly could do so again. In fact, I would be lucky if that was all she did to me. She could just as easily use her sword next time. Still, I had to do something, and the fear of death only made it harder to think of any other possible action to take. The armored woman?s features stiffened at my demand just before her sword hand started to rise to strike. Before that could happen, though, I felt a weak, little swat at my leg. My gaze dipped down naturally to find an obviously still pained Alaria pushing at my foot. "No ... get back ..." the winged woman wheezed through her injuries. That plea tugged at my heart, but only made me more determined to stand my ground. After all, even on the edge of death, Alaria was trying to help me. I had to at least try to help her back. Thrusting my chin up, my shoulders back, and my arms out I refocused on the armored woman with steel in my gaze. "No! I?m not gonna just let her kill you!" "She?ll ... kill you ..." Alaria tried to talk me down, but again, it only strengthened my resolve. "I don?t care!" I retorted, determined to not leave her. Unfortunately, it didn?t prove to be my choice. "I don?t have time for this," I heard Fate mutter, pulling my attention back to the dangerous woman just in time to see her lunging toward me. I barely managed to realize how bad that was before her shield slammed into my chest. Instantly, all the breath in my lungs shot out. I could also feel my ribs creaking under the strain, on the very edge of breaking. Then, suddenly, I was falling, no, tumbling. Somewhere in there, my back hit the ground, then I went rolling for a bit. When I finally came to a stop, it was to a world that was full of pain, spinning badly, and seemingly devoid of any air. At the very least, I couldn?t get any to go down my throat. All I could do was curl up, try my best to draw scraps of air into my lungs, and cry. Through all that pain, I heard Alaria weakly call out, "Vali ..." I wanted to answer, but I couldn?t. There was no air in me to form words. The sound of her voice did remind me of something, though. I needed to fight through this. I needed to get up. I need to stop her attacker. "She?ll be fine. I merely knocked the wind out of her to keep her out of my way," the armored woman neatly described my condition. Was that truly all that was wrong with me? Something so minor was no excuse to be so thoroughly incapacitated, certainly not while someone important to me was in danger. I was just being a wimp. "Is that all you?re going to do to her?" Alaria inquired, worrying about me more than herself even in the midst of such a personally dire situation. "Yes," her attacker answered curtly. "Then end this before anyone else gets hurt," the winged woman stated. The resignation in those damning words were enough to finally get me moving. I still couldn?t breathe properly, but I managed to roll up to a sitting position. All I needed to do from there was get my feet ? Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement, pulling my attention that way. The attacker?s sword went up, ready for the killing blow. It twitched, and I thought for sure I was about to witness the death of my benefactor. That death didn?t come. Rather than strike, to my great shock, the armored woman stopped. Then, she stepped back with a heavy sigh and a shake of her head. The fateful moment passed without anyone losing their life. "Someday, your existence is going to lead to something terrible," the attacker proclaimed, sounding for all the world like some movie prophet pronouncing the hero?s destiny. "I hope you prove those words wrong." For her part, Alaria rose to the challenge, offering a stoic nod of assent. "I?ll try." That promise didn?t seem to be enough for the armored woman as she opened her mouth to say more, but no words came out. Instead, she hissed in pain, doubled over, and clutched a hand to her chest. That left me thoroughly bewildered, unable to do anything but stare as pain wracked her body. Through it all, though, she managed to lift her head and offer one last look Alaria?s way ? a profoundly melancholic smile brightened by the tiniest tinge of hope. An instant later, white light burst forth, enveloping the woman?s body. It lingered like that, a beacon that shone with incredible brilliance, for one long moment. Then, it shattered, splitting apart into thousands of tiny motes of light that hung in the air only briefly before they faded away into nothingness. Within a few moments, all trace of the girl was gone. "Fate?" I heard Alaria call out uncertainly. As peculiar and incomprehensible as that one word was, I was stunned enough by what I?d just seen to not even pay it any mind. Instead, I, too, found myself mumbling a question. "Wh-What happened to her?" "I don?t know. She was sick, but ... " the winged woman started to answer, but ended up trailing off. Looking her way to figure out what was wrong, I found Alaria sitting there with an expression on her face that sent a chill down my spine. Certainly, the idea of asking any more questions was gone from my mind. Seeing her features, usually so confident and comforting, warped by profound confusion and dismay was that unsettling. In the wake of that sight, I chose to remain silent and sit where I was. The pain from getting slammed by the woman?s shield slowly faded, although breathing remained something of a difficulty. I supposed that I was lucky that was the worst that had happened to me. "What happened? Where?s Fate?" I heard a female voice asked, pulling my gaze up from my idling. Standing there, I saw a woman that I didn?t know, but vaguely recognized. The pretty face, blonde hair, and costume took a moment to register before I finally placed the person. I?d seen her on the news a few times ? a member of the Empire City Guard that was code named Luminary. With a bewildered look in her eyes, Alaria answered with only a vague, "I don?t really know." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 35 "Well, as much as I would like to stay, I have quite the tongue lashing waiting for me back at headquarters," I heard Luminary remark as she rose from her seat. I didn?t see it, though, because my eyes were firmly on my lap, and I didn?t spare it much thought, either. My focus was elsewhere. "And I have a little munchkin to deal with that?s going to have a lot of questions," Alaria?s mother followed the blonde?s lead, standing up as well. "What about you, Ally? Are you going to be staying?" The winged woman responded with a tired but dutiful, "No, I need to get some rest. I?ll try to be back for dinner, though." "Okay, but don?t push yourself if you?re not up to it," her mother replied. "Come on, I?ll show you out." "Thanks, Mrs. James," came Lumiary?s response with a quick, "Goodbye you two," added on as a farewell. "Bye," Alaria offered in return. I, however, said nothing, content to let the adults leave while I remained lost in my thoughts. There had just been so much explained by Luminary and Alaria that I hadn?t known when I?d jumped in to help Alaria. In the moment, fear for the woman that had been friend, protector, and benefactor to me had granted me clarity of purpose. With that fear no longer present, I found myself bewildered by the complex situation and shocked by my actions during it. What had I been thinking, racing into a battle of supers? I?d known nothing about the fight, and had had no way of actually hindering someone like Fate. Had she not been such a good person, I might?ve ... "Well ... I should get going, too," Alaria spoke up in the void left behind by the departure of her mother and Luminary. "You?re welcome to stay as long as you like. If you get hungry or anything, just take whatever you want." Unlike with the other two women, I felt like I had to answer the dream queen?s words, although all I could think of was a simple, "?Kay." A moment passed with no answer before suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?" Starting with surprise, my head twisted to the side, just far enough to catch a glimpse of Alaria?s concerned expression. Instantly, I felt my cheeks heat up as my gaze dropped back to my lap. Nodding, I opened my mouth to offer a brief, "Yeah," but, in spite of that plan, my words didn?t stop there. "It?s just ... I feel sorta stupid, getting in the middle of the fight like that." "I was pretty mad at you for that, at the time; thought you were gonna get yourself killed," the winged woman noted. While she had only parroted my own sentiment, Alaria?s words still bit into me pretty hard, making me feel even more embarrassed than I already had. Why had I even considered trying something like That? Alaria, who was powerful enough to transform me completely, had been beaten. What had I thought I was going to do? "Yeah ..." I mumbled weakly. "But ..." the winged woman added lightly. "That doesn?t mean it wasn?t brave, and not only did you not die, but you probably helped convince Fate to not kill me, so now, I?m actually quite grateful for what you did." As she said that, she gave my shoulder an appreciative squeeze. "So ... thank you." Hearing that filled me with a momentary sense of accomplishment and pride, but reason quickly dashed it. Alaria was just trying to make me feel better. Fate probably wouldn?t have killed her regardless. "I didn?t really do anything; just got beat up like I was nothing," I countered dismissively. "Well, I still appreciate it," the winged woman told me. "It?s really nice to know that I matter enough to somebody that they?d risk their life for me like that." The sentiment in those words pulled my gaze up to the woman whose warmth and support had been an incredible help to me, practically since the day we?d met. "How could I not after everything you?ve done for me?" That question put a shy, bemused smile on Alaria?s face as she gave a minor shrug. "I was just trying to help someone that looked like they needed it. I didn?t expect you to treat it like some sort of life debt." "But without you?" I started to say only to cut myself off and send my gaze back to my lap. The rest of the words, a profession of how much Alaria?s help had meant to me, were just too embarrassing to voice. "Well, thanks to your help and Fate?s change of heart, it seems I?m not going anywhere for a while," the winged woman told me. "Although, I do have some business that is going to take a lot of my time for the next few days. Don?t worry, though. I?ll make sure to leave a way to get in touch with me if you need to." The very idea that Alaria was going to be away had fear gripping my heart, but that fear quickly turned to a different kind when I heard that she would be going out of her way to allow me to stay in touch. Suddenly, my worry was that I was nothing but a burden, a worry that I had to try to dispel. "Y-You don?t need to. I?ll be fine on my own." "Sure, but I want to," the dream queen countered "After all, we?re friends, now, right? And friends are there for each other whenever they?re needed." Having Alaria call me her friend pulled my gaze up from my lap to find her smiling down at me brightly. Basking in that brilliance, I couldn?t help but smile back as I answered, "Yeah." *********************************************** *********************************************** From downstairs, I heard a loud crash as someone slammed a door closed, followed by my sister yelling out, "Vali?!" Lost in thought, the sound of my name dragged me back to the world, forcing me to sit up and call out, "Up here!" in answer. A flurry of hasty footsteps followed, racing up the stairs and over to my door before that barrier swung open. Bursting into my room, Misha spotted me, stopped briefly to look me over and confirm my well-being, then rushed over to wrap me up in a hug. "Thank God you?re alright." Made awkward by my position, I tried my best to return the hug even as I smiled at the older girl?s concern. "Yep, all good here." "All good?" my sister asked, pulling back from the embrace to give me an incredulous look. "Then you wanna care to explain why I just saw a video of you gettin? into the middle of a super fight?" The reminder of my earlier idiocy drove my gaze down in shame. "I was just trying to help Alaria ..." "The dream queen with magical abilities and a sword?" Misha questioned, her voice sharp with sarcasm. "What did you think you were gonna do?" "I know it was stupid, but ..." I started to explain myself, but gave up with a shake of my head and repeating, "I know it was stupid." Had it been my mother, the berating would?ve continued on from there, but my sister didn?t take that approach. Instead, she sat down on the bed next to me, offering a far less judgemental, "Yeah, but sometimes stupid is the only option. Plus, it was super badass facing off with a super like that." "Not really," I muttered dismissively. "I was just lucky she was such a good person." "She was?" Misha asked in surprise. "Wait ... does that mean Alaria?s a supervillain?" I shook my head. "No, at least, I don?t think so. It?s ... complicated ... and weird." "Why don?t you tell me about it, then," the older girl prompted. "I?m not sure there?s much to tell," I responded uneasily. "Fate, the girl who attacked Alaria is ... peculiar." "Well, yeah," Misha stated as if that was obvious. "I mean, she calls herself Fate. That?s not a normal person name." That argument earned an uncertain shrug from me. "I guess, but I think she might actually be Fate or like the embodiment of it ... or something." "What?" my sister gasped in confusion. "It?s not just a code name or something?" Taking a deep breath, I threw my hands up helplessly. "I don?t know ... it?s just, the way Luminary, this other superhero that was there, was talking about her. Apparently, she?s been around a long time, guiding people in their battles against some truly terrible things like that Contagion lady from a little while back." "Wow ... " Misha breathed, clearly impressed. "Why was she going after Alaria, then?" "That?s another weird part," I answered. "Luminary didn?t know exactly. Apparently, Fate can just sort of tell when someone is going to do something bad. When she met Alaria, Alaria triggered this sense, which is why she attacked her, but then she decided to spare her, and she never said exactly what was going to happen or when or why or anything. Then, she was just ... gone. No one even knows if that means she?s dead or what." Leaning back, my sister rubbed at the back of her neck. "Crazy ..." "I know, right?" I agreed, personally still a bit overwhelmed by the whole situation. "Think she was telling the truth about Alaria doing something bad someday?" Misha inquired. My first instinct was to blurt out a denial. The very idea that the kind and caring queen of dreams could possibly cause some sort of catastrophe was impossible for me to even imagine. Rationally, though, I knew it wasn?t that simple. Thing?s changed with time. All I had to do was look at my now defunct friendship with Jordan to prove that. Could Alaria change, too? I had to assume that she could, even if I thought it was very unlikely. "I don?t know," I admitted. "I hope not." My sister?s promptly agreed. "Me too." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 36 "So you?ll be able to get in touch me immediately if you need help with anything at all," Alaria finished explaining her upcoming trip. "I told you, I?ll be fine," I repeated my claims from the previous day?s conversation. In spite of that, I felt a distinct sense of relief from the knowledge that I would be able to contact the dream queen while she was away. Not that I would. I could manage on my own. It was just nice to know. My words earned a somewhat patronizing-looking smile from the winged woman. "I know, but it still makes me feel better to know you can reach me just in case something really crazy happens." Seeing that smile, I?d been all ready to argue on principal, but the words that followed took the fight out of me. Alaria knew as well as anyone how tough things had been for me lately, and she just wanted to know I could count on her. With that in mind, I mumbled, "Okay." No immediate words followed my response, but I could tell the winged woman was looking at me. I never met that gaze, but just imagining her penetrating stare upon me was enough to make me nervous. I just knew that she?d be able to see through any attempt to cover up my feelings, and once she had, she?d think she had to stay, but she didn?t. I was really doing much better that day than the day before. Maybe it was just the shock of the fight, but I?d gotten up and gone about my day without the pessimistic grumbling and dour thoughts of the previous morning. As much as I appreciated Alaria?s warmth and support, I really didn?t need it right now, at least, not enough to be willing to impede her own important tasks with my worries. "Alright then ... is there anything I can do to help before I go?" the dream queen offered. "Any problems with how you look or frustrating people that could use a good pounding?" On that last word, she even pounded a fist into her palm for emphasis. For a moment, images of Alaria beating up Raf and Jordan for me flashed through my mind, eliciting a soft laugh from me. However, the mirth quickly turned into a shake of my head. "No, I?ll, uh ... I?ll be fine on my own." "You sure?" the woman double-checked. It was with some confidence and honesty that I nodded. "Yeah, I?m sure," I told her. The next few days probably weren?t going to be easy, but even if Alaria was there, I doubted that she could do much to improve them. After all, all of my troubles were my own fault. "Alright, then I guess I?ll see you in a few days?" the dream queen replied, apparently giving up on pushing to get me to accept her help. Forcing myself to look up, I met the winged woman?s gaze and smiled. "Yeah, I?ll see you then." *********************************************** *********************************************** "So Alaria?s going outta town for a few days, huh?" Misha remarked. Browsing through a rack of bras, I nodded absently. "Yeah, apparently, she has something important to take care of in Dreamland." "Sounds weird," my sister replied dismissively. Pausing in my search, I looked up at the older girl and furrowed my brow. "What? Why?" "Because she?s an actual dream," Misha explained. "Like, when you think of a dream, do you think of responsibilities and important affairs? No, you think of flying around and having epic duels and finding true love and stuff." "I guess ..." I conceded before shrugging. "But she is a queen, so she must have to rule." My sister tilted her head to the side. "Does she? I mean ... I kinda thought that just meant that she did stuff like the queen of hearts, y?know, running around making silly demands that end with her subjects painting the roses red." "What?! She?d never do anything like that!" I protested. "What makes you so sure?" Misha questioned. "I mean ... sure she?s been nice to us, but we?re real people." "So?s she!" I argued. "I bet the other dreams are, too." That point earned an intrigued look from the older girl. "Hmm ... you really think so?" "Yeah," I confirmed, gesturing down at myself. "I mean, look at me. She said she changed me by just making my real self match my dream self." "You dreamed of yourself as a sexy, exotic woman?" Misha commented with a smirk. Heat flared in my cheeks as I narrowed my eyes at the girl. "Yeah, so?" Laughing, my sister held up her hands non-threateningly. "So nothing. That?s cool. It?s just make me wonder if everyone has a dream self. Like what would mine be?" "How should I know?" I demanded rhetorically. "You?re the one that would be dreamin? it!" "Yeah, but like ... I never really think about what I look like in my dreams," Misha explained. "I?m usually just busy doing stuff ... or guys." "Ew!" I exclaimed, scrunching my face up in disgust. "Oh, don?t give me that!" my sister huffed. "You like guys, too!" "That doesn?t mean I want to know about my sister?s wet dreams!" I retorted. "I didn?t even want to know that you had any!" Misha rolled her eyes. "Everyone has wet dreams sometimes. I have ?em. You have ?em. Your friends have ?em. Hell, I bet even our parents have had ?em." "Ew ..." I groaned, shuddering at the thought. "Hey, they had to make us somehow," the older girl pointed out. "That doesn?t mean I wanna think about it!" I declared. Snickering, my sister shrugged. "Alright, then why don?t we move on to a more interesting topic." "And what?s that?" I asked, eager to talk about anything else. A wicked grin curled my sister?s lips. "Your wet dreams." "What?!" I gasped, face burning. "No! Why can?t we talk about something normal?!" "Hey, this is normal, especially for this kinda trip," Misha argued, gesturing at the store around us. "You can?t buy underwear unless you know who you want to see it." "I don?t want anyone to see it!" I blurted. "Well, that?s just not true," my sister countered. "Every girl wants to look sexy for someone, even if it?s just a fantasy someone, and hey, if all dreams are actually real, that means our dream guys are, too." While I would?ve liked to refute that logic, the best I could do was an exasperated growl. The problem was that Misha was right. The idea of being desirable to a special guy had a lot of appeal to me. I could even imagine it, using my new body and some slinky negligee to seduce the man of my dreams. However, the idea of openly discussing such things ... well, I was too close to my time as a boy and the inevitable hatred such ideas would draw to handle that. Plus, the guy that I?d wanted to be that special one had outright rejected me. "Anyway ... you gotta think about how you wanna catch his eye," Misha kept going, ignoring my discomfort. "For instance ..." She reached over to grab a white, lace-covered bra from the nearby rack. "You could go the chaste route with something like this or ..." Putting that bra back, she retrieved a cotton turquoise number. "Or maybe something more playful and cute like this or ..." Returning that, she snatched up another one, this time red and slinky. "Ooo, this one would be perfect for you with your coloration and figure. Wrap it all up in something sexy like this, and you?ll have your guy literally drooling over you. That is if he can keep his wits about him long enough to not just jump you on sight." Looking away, I rubbed at one arm. "I?m never gonna have anybody drooling over me." "Sure you are!" my sister assured me. "Jordan might?ve turned out to be an asshole, but he?s not the only guy in the world. They?re literally half the population, and the vast majority of them would love to go out with a girl like you." "Like me," I muttered derisively. Reeling back, Misha looked at me in confusion. "What?s that supposed to mean?" "It?s means they?d want someone like me who isn?t me, who?s not some weirdo who used to be ... used to be ..." I spat out, starting strong, but trailing off as the public setting got the better of me. In the end, I finished with a soft sigh of, "... you know." "I do know, just like I know that not all guys are gonna think it?s a big deal," my sister told me. "Besides, that?s only gonna matter for the next few years. Once you graduate and go off to college, no one will know what happened, unless you tell them, which you won?t have to." "So what, I?m supposed to lie to everyone I want to date for the rest of my life?" I demanded acerbically. "No!" Misha denied. "If you wanna tell people, you can tell them. Like I said, not everyone is gonna think it matters. In fact, most people won?t. You just got unlucky that the guy you liked happen to one of the minority." A couple days ago, I would?ve rejected that explanation outright, but in that moment, I found myself saying, "You really think that?s true?" "Yeah, of course," my sister told me with supreme confidence. "I mean, you?re more girl than most people that are born that way. Plus, it?s not like you?re just dressing as a girl or something. You?re the whole package, a super hot one, too. Only colossal morons are gonna let a few years as a boy keep them away from you." I had my doubts, but there was some evidence for Misha?s claims. After all, Raf supposedly wanted me. Admittedly, it wasn?t to date, just to sleep with, but it was still something. Maybe there were other guys like him that weren?t such pigs. "Well then ... maybe I should try that one on? " I murmured shyly. "Y?know, just so I?ll be ready if one of these guys comes along." Grinning, my sister held up the red bra in her hands. "This one right here?" "Mmhmm," I hummed, adding a slight nod. "Definitely," Misha agreed. "But first, we?re gonna have to find one in your size." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 37 Carefully, I adjusted my posture, cocking one hip to the side as I rested a hand on it. Then, I tried to thrust my chest out without messing up the torso twisting that previous move required. After that, it was time to try a sultry smile, and? A snorted, self-deprecating laugh popped out of me as the whole effort was abandoned with a shake of my head. It wasn?t that my pose had looked all that bad in the mirror. If anything, clad in the lacy, red lingerie that I?d let my sister talk me into buying the day before, I thought I looked pretty sexy. Certainly, I had all the right parts: a thin waist, large breasts, rounded hips, pretty features, and even some exoticness from my dark skin and green eyes. It just felt so silly trying to act that way, though, as if a former boy could ever possibly be some kind of femme fatale seductress. "I should?ve just spent the money on something I?d actually wear," I muttered, turning away from the mirror to go get changed. Lingerie wasn?t cheap and my mother hadn?t given me much money to buy any. According to Misha, she?d been reluctant to even give me what little she had, claiming that I should be able to just wear my sister?s hand-me-down. Only the other girl?s efforts had convinced her that such a thing was not only gross but also not feasible given our different sizes. Reaching my dresser, I pulled open a drawer, revealing exactly how little I?d been able to get with the funds. My old, boy underwear had filled the drawer with a month?s worth of stuff. Now, the drawer was mostly empty, containing less than a week?s worth of bras and panties, especially if the set I currently wore was discounted, and it certainly should be. There was no way I was ever going to wear it. Even with it hidden under my clothes, it was just too embarrassing. With that thought in mind, I quickly stripped, exchanging the overly sexy items for much more mundane ones of chaste cotton and pastel colors. Even those, I quickly covered up with some clothes that Misha had lent me from her collection. Like with underwear, I didn?t have a lot of garments to choose from either. Due to my sister?s taller, fuller frame, a lot of her stuff just wouldn?t fit me. She had a few old items from when she was younger that she?d given me along with a couple of the more adjustable new ones, but that was it. Still, I appreciated whatever I could get. My boy clothes certainly didn?t fit anymore, and I was glad to be rid of them. Even if I wasn?t particularly comfortable with being seen in girl?s attire, yet, I at least felt like I dressing the way I wanted to. Once I was properly clothed, I flopped onto my bed and let out a heavy sigh. "What am I gonna do?" Clearly, the idea of seducing Jordan into accepting me as a girl was a joke. If I didn?t convince him, though, no one would accept me. That prospect felt pretty terrible already, and that was with it still being summer. Once school started, my life would get so much worse, constantly getting mocked and teased. Just having Raf calling me names last year had been awful. This time it would be everyone. "I guess I have to take him up on his offer," I murmured in defeat. The very idea sent a shudder through me, but I saw no way out of it, and I was running out of time. The boy had said he?d stop by in a couple of days to get an answer, which meant he?d probably be there that evening. If I didn?t give him the answer he wanted, he?d probably retract the offer and just side with Jordan. Then, I?d be screwed, although I supposed I was screwed the other way, too. It was just a different kind of screwing. Growling in frustration, I pounded my head against my pillow a couple of times. "Argh! It?s not fair! It?s not ..." Then, I was crying. What else could I do? Why did it have to be Raf, the single most loathsome asshole in my life? Why did it have to be sex? Maybe if either of those wasn?t true then I could?ve, but both together? Wiping at my eyes, I tried to rally myself. I still had a few hours until the boy would come by for an answer ... probably. If I really focused and thought everything out, then ... well, I doubted that I?d come up with something, but just lying there dreading the inevitable was even worse, so I was going to try anyway. Maybe, I?d get a second dream come true somehow. *********************************************** *********************************************** "?Sup," Raf greeted casually with a confident smirk on his face. "Hey ..." I replied uncomfortably, keeping the door only partially opened so that I could hide behind it. "You don?t sound happy to see me," the hispanic boy remarked. My gaze narrowed. "Because I?m not." "That?s not very nice," Raf criticized. "I mean ... I?m here offerin? help." Huffing indignantly, I rolled my eyes. "Pfft, please. It?s more like extortion." "Well, if that?s how you feel about it, then I suppose I should go," the boy replied, turning to do exactly that. A part of me was glad of that, perfectly happy to let the asshole walk and handle things on my own, but it was a small and not very convincing part. The rest had me blurting out, "Wait!" Stopping, Raf glanced back over his shoulder, grinning smugly. "Wait? Does that mean you want my help after all." Growling in frustration, I slipped outside and shut the door behind me, not wanting anyone to overhear the conversation. "It means that I?m not done talking to you yet." "Talkin??" the boy repeated the word, screwing his face up in disdain. "I ain?t here for talkin?. I already told ya what I?m offerin?. Only word I need from you is a yes or a no." While I?d been quick to call out when it looked like Raf was leaving, I was not so eager to provide one of those two words in answer. Saying yes was repulsive and saying no was damning. In the end, I said neither, choosing instead to look at the ground silently as if delaying a few more seconds would change the situation somehow. "But, I guess you could need some convincin?," the boy remarked when I failed to answer, reaching into his pocket. "And luckily, I have just the thing to do that." "Wh-What?" I muttered, looking up from my hesitation. "Here," Raf answered, thrusting his phone in to my hands. "Why would I??" I started to ask. "Just read," the asshole interrupted. Sighing, I conceded, looking down at the phone. A moment later, my jaw dropped as it felt like someone punched me in the gut. There was message after message, creating a long line of conversation between Jordan and some of his friends, both male and female. All of it was aimed at ridiculing me, calling me all sorts of revolting things and including plots to prank me once school started. "That?s what I can help you with," Raf told me, voice reeking with confidence in his proposal. Unable to read more, I looked away, shoving the phone back to its owner. "This is sick, you know that?" The boy shrugged without any hint of empathy. "Doesn?t change the fact that it?s happenin?, babe. If you?re willin? to make it worth my while, though, I can change it." Trapped, I asked, "How would we ... y?know?" "Is that a yes?" Raf inquired. "It?s a question, asshole," I spat back. "I can?t decide until I know what I?m deciding on." "Fair enough," the boy relented. "It?s really quite simple. You do whatever you gotta do to get yourself ready, then some buddies of mine give us a ride to somewhere we can have a little privacy. After that, all ya gotta do is lay there and let me do my thing." With that, I was out of ways to stall. I could either choose that degrading path or accept years of what I?d just seen on Raf?s phone. Humiliation was inevitable. No one was going to save me from it. "Seriously?! What?s the fuckin? hold up?!" my extorter demanded impatiently when, again, I failed to provide an answer. "You didn?t get all girlified to not get fucked, bitch. What? You mad it ain?t all romantic and shit? Want me to buy you fuckin? dinner or something?" "No, I just?" I started to say before something caught in my mind. "Wait was that an offer?" "What?" Raf questioned, pulling his head back. "You mean the dinner thing? I mean, you?d think my help would be enough compensation, but fuck it, sure. I can throw a little romancing into the deal if it?ll make it easier for you to take your clothes off." "It really would," I answered with several quick nods. Even in that moment, I knew I was just grasping at straws, trying to find any way to put off the decision. Dinner first would give me time. I could beg off until at least the next day, then I?d have the whole meal before I would have to actually commit to going all the way. I didn?t know what I could actually do with all that time, but at least there was a chance something would happen between now and then. Otherwise, my only choice was to agree immediately and let Raf take me off somewhere so he could fuck me. To my relief, the boy didn?t retract his offer, choosing instead to shrug and say, "Alright, fine, we?ll do dinner first. I?m kinda hungry anyway." "Actually, I already ate tonight, so?" I began. "Seriously?!" Raf exclaimed cutting me off. "You tryin? to fuck with me, bitch?" "No!" I blurted immediately. "It?s just ... my parents aren?t gonna let me out tonight, and the meal?s not gonna mean much if I don?t eat anything." Rolling his eyes, my extorter let out a heavy sigh. "Fine. Tomorrow night, but only if you give me something in return." "... what?" I asked cautiously. "Oh, nothing much," Raf answered dismissively. "I just think it?s only fair that if I give you time to get ready, you should actually get ready, y?know, pretty yourself up, wear something sexy, that sorta thing." "Fine," I agreed immediately. It wasn?t that I actually wanted to try to look good for that asshole, but I didn?t hate the idea of dressing up in general. If it would buy me some time, it was a price I was quite willing to pay. Nodding, the boy extended a hand toward me. "Then we have a deal." "Yeah," I agreed, taking the hand for a quick shake. "We have a deal." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 38 "You agreed to a date ... with Raf?" Misha asked uncertainly. "That?s that chubby mexican kid who?s been treatin? you like shit for the last six months, right?" "Yes?" I answered, suddenly feeling a lot worse about this plan. My sister shook her head judgmentally. "Why would you do that? I mean ... I know things went badly with Jordan, but that doesn?t mean you should just settle for anybody, and certainly not some asshole who?s gonna be a complete dick to you." "I know!" I assured her. "It?s just that ... he said he might be able to help me with that stuff." "In exchange for dating him?" the older girl queried, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. The truth was actually far worse than that, which was why I didn?t go with the truth. Instead, I shook my head. "No, he?s just ... we?re just gonna talk about what we can do and stuff." "But you want my help to get ready, so you look your best?" Misha pressed. "You?re makin? me wonder what that ?and stuff? is." "It?s nothing!" I insisted even as I felt my face start to burn. "We?re just gonna try to fix things!" For a moment, my sister gave me a doubtful look before finally nodding. "Okay, well, that?s good then. Glad to see you?re trying to do something about it." "Yeah, so ... can you help me get ready?" I repeated the request that had begun this whole conversation. "I?ve never really done ... makeup before, and I?m not really sure what to wear or anything." "Of course! Like I?d turn down a chance to play dress up with you!" Misha agreed exuberantly, before switching immediately to eyeing me critically. "It might be a little tough, though. I mean, we?ve already seen the trouble of being different sizes and I?m not sure any of my makeup is gonna work with your complexion. I buy it to match mine, after all." "Oh," I mumbled in surprise. I?d considered the clothing problem, but the idea that I might not be able to borrow the older girl?s makeup hadn?t even crossed my mind. "But don?t worry," my sister quickly reassured me. "If my stuff doesn?t work, I?ll call up some friends and see if they?ve got anything. Might take a little running around to pick it all up, though. You aren?t in a hurry, are ya?" I shook my head. "No, he?s not supposed to pick me up till seven." "He?s picking you up?" Misha inquired. "I thought he was your age." "He is," I answered. "I guess he?s got like a friend driving us or something." "Ah," my sister acknowledged. "And what about our parents. Are they okay with you going out?" This question got an uncertain shrug from me. "I guess? I asked Mom, but she didn?t seem to care; just asked me if I was eating here or not. I said no, and that was the end of it." Misha nodded. "Okay, then let?s get to work." *********************************************** *********************************************** "Ow!" I hissed as a hand smacked me hard on the back of the head. "Then stop licking your lips," the smacker, my sister, chided. "I can?t help it!" I whined, fighting to keep my tongue from sliding back out to lick at the lipstick coating that was causing all the trouble. "It feels weirds; tastes funny, too." "Yeah, so get over it, ?cause I?m not redoing it for you if you ruin it," Misha commanded. Clenching my teeth and pursing my lips, I forced myself to follow that order while the older girl got back to work. At the moment, she was busy messing with my eyes, coating them in a similar way to my lips. It felt just as annoying, too, niggling at me constantly in a way that made me want to rub at my face. Unlike with licking my lips, there would be worse punishments for that than just ruining my sister?s work. The older girl had promised that if I rubbed at it, I was all but guaranteed to get the stuff in my eyes, which would hurt. Part of the problem was my unfamiliarity with makeup, but another part was the situation. Forced to sit still while my sister worked, I had nothing to do but think about how the stuff felt on my face. Worse, we had been at it for quite a while by that point, due to Misha having to try numerous different shades and styles on me to figure out what would even work. Fortunately, that long, arduous task was nearing its end. Misha was satisfied with her choices and just down to getting it all applied right. Then, I would finally be free to get up, a fact that I was both eagerly awaiting and dreading. The problem was that, when I was freed from the chair, it would mean that I was one step closer to my date with Raf. The extra night and afternoon had both blown by without my getting any closer to finding a solution to my problems besides capitulating to the boy?s demands. If anything, I?d made that inevitability worse by going through the trouble to make myself look as desirable as I could, almost a tacit approval of the extortion. "Well, it?s not perfect, but I think it?s the best we?re gonna get," my sister finally declared, stepping back to assess her work. "It?s way harder to do this for someone else than I would?ve thought." "Sorry," I apologized reflexively. "Eh, no big deal," Misha replied, waving a hand dismissively. "It was tough, but fun, and you?re gonna love the results. Ready to take a look?" "I guess ..." I sighed, pushing myself up from my seat lethargically. That lackluster response earned a confused look from my sister. "Something wrong? I would?ve thought you?d be excited." "I am!" I insisted quickly. "It?s just ... I got caught up thinking about stuff that?s ... y?know." "Ah, well then, this will cheer you up," Misha declared, taking my shoulders to drag me over to her mirror. "Ta da!" The sight that awaited me was quite deserving of that magician flourish, because the older girl had clearly worked some magic on me. My already pretty features were transformed into those of a sultry beauty, with lushly glistening lips and dark, smokey eyes. Both were complemented by the expert styling of my thick, black hair, creating a perfect frame before it spilled down over my shoulders and back. Then, there was the dress. It was the same red one that I?d found myself in twice before, but now, it was a piece of a larger puzzle. The low neckline and snug fit were an excellent showcase for my delectable curves. Underneath, I even wore the matching, daring lingerie that I?d bought the day before and thought I?d never use. That part had been at Misha?s insistence, claiming that a sexy outfit required sexy underwear for maximum confidence. I certainly didn?t feel confident in the stuff, but seeing such a gorgeous reflection in the mirror helped a lot. If not for the black, ballet flats it would?ve been perfect, and there was no choice in that. I didn?t really know how to walk in heels, and none of my sister?s would?ve fit me even if I did. These were the only workable pair she owned ? and were still too big for me ? but even they didn?t look that bad. "Wow," I breathed at the sight. "Yeah, you?re quite the knockout," my sister complimented. "I?m seething with jealousy, right now." Feeling my cheeks heat up, I looked down self consciously. "You shouldn?t be. You?re way hotter." My attempt at modesty earned an incredulous blast from the older girl, "Pbfft! Haha, yeah, right. I wish. I mean ... don?t get me wrong. This ..." She ran a hand down along her curves. "... is pretty great, but it ain?t as great as that." With both hands, she pointed toward me. "Mmm," I hummed noncommittally. Arguing further would just make me feel more embarrassed. "Shame to think it?s all gonna be wasted on Raf of all people," Misha remarked. "Asshole like him doesn?t deserve to spend time with a girl like you, even if he is claiming he can help you out at school. It?s probably just a lie anyway." Latching onto that critique, I snapped my gaze up to look at the other girl. "Why would it be a lie?" That question earned me a patronizing smile as my sister slid her arm around me. "Oh ... sweetie ... you?ve got so much to learn about boys. I don?t know what they?re like on their own, but around pretty girls, they lie constantly. They?ll tell ya anything to get a chance at you." "They will?" I asked, terror creeping into me. There was always a chance that Raf?s offer was just a prank, trying to get me to say yes so he could laugh at me. I?d dismissed that worry, because I was going to get pranked and other shit anyway, so one more wouldn?t really change anything. I hadn?t considered the possibility that he might sleep with me then just leave me to my fate with the added weight of shame from what I?d done. Misha nodded emphatically. "Oh yeah. I mean, not that they?re all bad, but a lot of ?em are just total scum. They?ll try to talk you into doing all sorts of things, promising you this and that, saying ?I love you? and the rest. Most of the time, it?s all just bullshit." "I see ... I?ll keep that in mind ... " I murmured as my fears settled in deep. Now, what was I going to do? If I said no, I had no hope. If I said yes, Raf would probably just fuck me and then not help? Was I just doomed no matter what? "Good, but don?t worry too much," my sister told me. "I mean, it?s just dinner. All ya gotta do is not agree to any more than that, and then we can talk through everything once you get back. Oh, and if he does anything at all that creeps you out, give me a call right away, and I?ll come pick you up. Don?t tough it out or try to fix it on your own or anything. Just call me. Okay?" Head spinning from everything I?d just been told, I nodded absently. "Okay." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 39 The ring of the doorbell echoing through the house, tensed every muscle in my body. The time had come. I was going to have to face Raf, and I had no idea what I was going to do when I did. After talking with my sister, I wasn?t even sure I should listen to what he had to say, much less accept his offer. Not that I was okay with the situation that would leave me in either. "Well, there?s your cue," Misha remarked, rising from her bed. "Yeah, I guess it is ..." I mumbled, feeling so completely lost as I, too, rose and grabbed the purse that I?d been lent to carry my things. Focused on my thoughts as I was, I didn?t notice my sister movements until, suddenly, she was hugging me. It was a gentle, comforting embrace, not to mention quite brief. There was just a brief squeeze as she said, "Good luck," before she pulled back. Feeling a little better, I put a smile on my face. "Thanks. See ya later." "Yeah, see ya," Misha parroted the farwell. With that, I turned and walked out of my sister?s room. The moment I stepped outside of its protective walls, a wave of nervousness crashed into me. There was nothing to be done about it, though. All I could do was force one foot in front of the other. Each step brought me closer and closer to the door and my next interaction with Raf. To make things even worse, as I came down the stairs, my father looked up from the TV and spotted me. When he did, it was like I?d been caught in a trap, the glower on his face was so dark and gripping. My forward progress drifted to a stop as I looked down and crossed an arm in front of me to grab the other. No words passed between my father and me. The former just gave a dismissive grunt, and turned back to the TV. It wasn?t exactly a pleasant exchange, but at least, I was freed from his gaze. Far from my sister?s support and lacking any momentum, it was hard for me to get my feet moving again, but with some trepidation, I managed it. I skirted by my father with as much distance as I could to get to the door. There, I paused to take a deep breath and steady my nerves. "I don?t have to do anything. I don?t have to do anything. I don?t have to do anything," I mumbled under my breath, trying to ingrain what I could of Misha?s greater experience with boys into my head. No matter how trapped I might feel, there was always the option to call my sister and go home. It maybe wasn?t a good option, but it was there. Clinging to that tenuous lifeline, I finally reached out to grab the handle. As my hand touched the metal, I found myself pausing again. Did I even want to go through with this much? I could just shout through the door that I?d changed my mind and flee upstairs. That wouldn?t solve any of my other problems, though. Bravery might?ve gotten me into this mess, but it was the only thing that could get me out, too. A click later, the door swung open, revealing the porch beyond upon which stood my ?date? for the evening. He looked much like he always did, his usual baggy, t-shirt and shorts with the same sloppy hairstyle that showed no signs of maintenance. To further emphasize his lack of care, he was lazily leaned against one of the porch?s support beams with his arms folded across his chest and a bored expression on his face. When Raf looked up at me, however, all of that changed. The facade of disinterest shattered as his eyes bugged out and his head jerked upright. The quick movement clearly proved to be a mistake as, a moment later, he was coughing from apparently having choked on his own saliva. The whole reaction was so silly that, had my thoughts been less of a tempestuous mess, I might?ve laughed. Instead, I just stood there, arms folded, unsure of what to do. Fortunately for Raf, his coughing fit didn?t last too long, only a few hacks. After those and a hearty clear of his throat, he managed to recover and say, "Wow ... I didn?t expect you to be so gung-ho about this, babe. You must?ve just been dying for the chance to flaunt that new bod of yours." "We had a deal. That?s all," I stated curtly while trying to keep the asshole?s comments from making me feel any more embarrassed. "Sure, sure," Raf replied. "And I appreciate ya takin? it so seriously." "Whatever," I muttered dismissively. "Can we just go?" Dipping his head in concession, the hispanic boy extended a hand to me. "Allow me." "Allow you to what?" I asked, eyeing the offered appendage suspiciously. "To walk you to the car, of course," Raf answered matter-of-factly. "Surprising, I know, but my mama didn?t raise me without manners, so I can act decent when I want," he explained before offering a disinterested shrug. "But if you?d rather I not bother with the gentleman shit, that?s fine by me. I just figured you kept up your end of the bargain, so I should, too." While it seemed simple enough, I didn?t know what to make of that reasoning. Was it one of those tricks my sister had warned me about? Was the boy just trying to seem trustworthy, so I'd let him do as he pleased? Was he actually not as awful as I?d always thought? "Alright ..." I relented, extending my own hand with great reluctance. Raf had no such hesitation, snatching up my hand the moment it was clear that he had permission. In response, I nearly pulled back, feeling for a split second like I?d been caught in some trap that I desperately needed to escape. However, that quickly passed when he made no effort to drag me off or hurt me or anything. His touch didn?t even feel all that bad. I would?ve thought it would be revolting, but it wasn?t. His grip was strong, but not rough. His hands were meaty, but not huge. His skin was hot, but not burning. At worst, it was a bit embarrassing. "Right this way," the boy told me, applying a gentle but commanding pressure to my hand to guide me into motion. Buckling to that pressure, I stepped forward. The next thing I knew, the two of us were off the porch, strolling side by side down the walkway to the street. There, a car waited with an older boy behind the wheel, ready to whisk us off to the rest of the evening. All I could do was hope that it wouldn?t be a terrible one. *********************************************** *********************************************** I had no idea what I was supposed to do, now. Having let Raft help me into the car, I was now huddle in the corner of my seat on my way to wherever dinner would be with absolutely no plan in my head. Should I talk? About what? No, there was no point. Raf was a jackass and a liar. Why was I even here, then? Was I just going to end up sleeping with him, even though I had no way of knowing if he?d actually follow through? Was I really that pathetic? "So ... how long had you wanted to be a girl before ... y?know, you got to be one," Raf broke into my thoughts, his first remarks since we?d left my house. Looking up, I gave the boy an uneasy look. "Why d?you wanna know?" While it was a serious question, the asshole laughed at it. "Jeez, I know I?ve been a dick before, but it?s not like everything I say is mean. You?re the one that wanted to do dinner. Were you planning to spend the whole thing givin? me the silent treatment?" I was tempted to say yes and hopefully silence the boy for the rest of the evening, but it probably would?ve been more awkward for me than him. "No." "Well then, we?ve gotta talk about somethin? and the most interesting thing here is you," Raf reasoned. "Unless you got somethin? better in mind." "No ... I, uh ..." I mumbled, looking down at my lap. "I don?t know how long. A long time. Since I was little, probably." "Probably?" the boy repeated as a question. "Yeah, probably!" I snapped. "It?s not like I just woke up one day and knew or something!" Raf raised his hands apologetically. "Sorry, didn?t mean anything by it. Just tryin? to understand what?s goin? on with you." "Yeah, right ..." I muttered derisively. "As if you really cared." "You?re right. I don?t," the asshole outright admitted. "But I will say this. When Jordan told everyone, my first thought was that it made a lot of sense. I mean, you?ve always had sort of a girly personality." "What?s that supposed to mean?" I demanded defensively. Raf screwed his face up incredulously at that question. "Seriously? You?re gonna get mad at me now for thinking girlhood suits you?" Struck by the logic of that, I shook my head contritely. "Sorry, I ... uh ... I just ..." "S?alright," the boy answered. "We do sorta have a history of buttin? heads, don?t we?" "Yeah," I agreed meekly. "Anyway ... you were always just sort of quiet and accommodating," Raf answered the question he?d just mocked me for even voicing. "Plus, you like boys." "Is that all a girl is to you, someone who?ll date you and listen to whatever you tell her?" I questioned. Rather than deny it, the boy shrugged. "Guys like to be in charge and nobody likes girls that are all full of themselves. Like take Jordan?s girl, if she were here instead?ve you, she?d be blabberin? on and on about her stupid shit from the moment I opened the fuckin? door, then she?d demand this restaurant and that activity, and at the end of it all, maybe, if I was really good, she give me a kiss as a treat, like I was some fucking trained dog. Yeah, well, bitches like that can go fuck themselves for all I care." "I bet they feel the same way about you," I remarked acerbically. That comment earned a hearty laugh from Raf. "Probably, but who the fuck cares what they think. There?s a better kinda girl out there, one that a guy doesn?t mind puttin? a little effort into, ?cause they appreciate it and put in a little work, too. Those?re the winners. The others are good for nothin? but a quick bang, if that." Part of me wanted to just keep throwing barbs, but another part of me actually sort of agreed with the boy of all things. Maybe, it was just months of resenting Andrea for taking up Jordan?s time that made me feel that way, though. Still, I found myself answering not with a jibe but a mild, "Sounds like you?ve got a lotta experience." "I do alright," Raf boasted with false modesty. "Been at this for a while, after all. Longer than your pretty boy, Jordan, in fact." Clenching my jaw, I looked away. "Can we not talk about him?" "Sure thing, babe," the boy agreed immediately. "I?d much rather talk about that outfit you?re wearing. Did you rush out dress shopping the moment you got tits or did ya buy it just for me?" Rolling my eyes, I let out a disgusted huff. "Neither. I borrowed it from my sister." "Really?" Raf questioned. "From Misha?" "Yeah," I confirmed, looking over at the boy. "Why? Something wrong with that?" The boy shook his head. "Nope. Looks great on you." Not expecting such a genuine sounding compliment, I felt my cheeks heat up a little as I mumbled. "Th-Thanks." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 40 "So there I am, only one too stupid to book it as the cops are rolling up?" Raf went through his story only to cut himself off mid sentence. "What? Too straight-laced for even a story about criminal activity?" "Huh?" I mumbled, looking up from my thoughts. "You weren?t listening," the boy clarified bluntly. "Don?t seem to be having much fun either." "Oh ... sorry, I sorta ... got lost there. Go ahead, I?m listening," I mumbled out an apology, trying to refocus on my faux date. That was a lot easier said than done, though. For all of my worries, the meal and accompanying conversation had been perfectly fine so far. Raf had taken me to a sit down restaurant, not a particularly nice one, but nice enough. His choice of topics had been amicable as well, for the most part. We alternated between talking about me, usually things related to my new girlhood, and him telling stories about things he?d done from his current vandalism story to the time he scored a basket by bouncing the ball off someone else?s head. Honestly, if not for the reason why it was even happening, it might?ve been ... fun. Unfortunately, that reason weighed heavily on my mind, serving as a constant distraction that only grew as the time until the end of the meal ticked ever closer I still had no idea what I was going to do when the deadline hit. A not awful evening was not enough to get me to trust Raf, and I wasn?t sure I really wanted to take his offer even if I did, regardless of how awful the alternative seemed. "Nah," Raf refused. "I think we?re about done here anyway. Let me just get the check, and we can get to the fun part." "What?!" I gasped, jerking my gaze about the table. Time couldn?t have passed so quickly, yet the evidence lay all about me. Raf?s plate was empty, and I was already full even though mine still had food on it. I wasn?t going to let that stop me, though, reaching out to get another bite and force it down. "But I?m not done!" "Oh, come on," the boy huffed, rolling his eyes. "You haven?t touched your food in like ten minutes." "I was just letting my stomach settle," I argued with obvious desperation. Sighing, Raf leveled a knowing look my way. "Look, I get that you?re nervous, but it?s not gonna be as bad as you think. I?ll make sure you have fun, too." "That?s not the point!" I refused even as I felt my cheeks heat up. "Then what ? is ? the point?" the boy inquired. "And don?t try to tell me it?s that you?re still hungry, ?cause we both know that ain?t true." Cut off from the defense I wanted to use, I found myself at a loss for what to say. Should I cling to it anyway, insisting in its truth in spite of obvious falsehood? Was there some other excuse I could give? The first seemed foolish, and my mind had no answers to the second. Suddenly, I had a moment of clarity. This was the deadline, the terrible instant that I had kept pushing off in the desperate hope that somehow it would resolve itself before I ever had to make a choice. Of course, it hadn?t, and now, I had to answer. Yes or no? Sex with a boy I hated and potential betrayal or years of torment instigated by someone who had once been my best friend? "Well?" Raf pressed when I remained silent. "Got anything to actually say, or should I take that as?" "No," the word spilled out of my lips like the result of a pachinko game after it had bounced through all the little pegs in my brain. As such, it surprised even me. The boy across from me looked decidedly taken aback as well, pulling away slightly at the unexpected answer. "No, you don?t have anything to say?" That question was a chance to turn back, but my answer was already settling in my thoughts, demanding I stick with it. "No, I?m not going to sleep with you." Looking at Raf?s face, I could feel his emotions right along with him. First there was surprise as his brows lifted and eyes widened. Then, both slammed down as his jaw clenched with anger. Finally, that rage burst out in the form of, "Oh, I see how it is! That?s why you were so eager to accept my demand to pretty up! You wanted to just tease me while leechin? a free meal outta the deal! Well, fuck you bitch! You think it was gonna be bad without my help?! You just fucking wait!" Slamming a fist on the table, the boy shoved himself out of his seat, glaring down at me as he ranted. "You?re gonna be slittin? your wrists inside a fuckin? month!" Through it all, I huddled in my seat as each new sentence slammed into me like an actual punch. All told, it was a brutal beating that might?ve had me running to fulfill the boy?s prophecy that very moment, but only if this had been a few days ago, back when he?d first made his twisted offer. Since then, I?d stood up to a woman that could?ve struck me down without any effort and been showered with support from people that I cared about. One angry asshole raging at me wasn?t enough to break me, at least not in one night. In spite of my surprising resilience, I still tried to apologize, "I?m sorry. I didn?t mean to lead you on. I just?" "Fuck you!" Raf cut me off. "I don?t care what you just, bitch! Have fun walkin? home!" With that, the boy spun and stormed off, leaving me alone at the table. For several moments, I didn?t move, waiting for him to be truly gone. Only once he was did I finally let out a sigh that was equal parts relieved and despairing. I?d avoided prostitution, but in the process, I?d taken the only potential ally I might?ve had and made him into what would undoubtedly be my greatest tormentor. "What am I gonna do now?" I muttered to myself. The answer was a simple one derived from Raf?s parting words. I reached over to my purse, grabbed my phone, and called my sister for a ride. *********************************************** *********************************************** "You sure you're okay?" my sister asked, glancing away from the road to give me a concerned look. Gaze firmly on my lap, I nodded glumly. "Yep." "Really?" Misha tried again. "'Cause you look like someone in shock who's about thirty seconds from exploding into tears." "But I'm not one of those people," I told her, lifting my gaze to give the older girl a forced smile. "I'm fine." "Okay," my sister relented with a great deal of doubt evidence in her expression. Ignoring that, I let my gaze fall back to my lap and my mind drift off back into my thoughts. In spite of Misha's concerns, I truly was rather sanguine about things. It wasn't that I was happy or hopeful or even had some sort of plan, because none of that was the case. What I was, however, was proud that I'd stood up for myself, that I hadn't just let Raf extort what he wanted out of me with vague promises of help. Maybe those promises were legitimate, but I wasn't sure it would've mattered. I had a feeling that, had I gone through with it, even if things had ended up working out with Jordan and the kids at school, I would have regretted it. Of course, it wasn't as if the path I'd chosen to walk was free of regret, either. Raf's enraged exit was evidence of that as the terrifying memory played through my thoughts quite vividly. There wasn't just his obvious ire and promise of revenge to fuel such feelings either. There was the growing belief that I could've avoided it. Had I just been braver. Had I just refused clearly the first night that he'd stopped by or even the second, maybe I could've avoided upsetting him. Instead, I'd let my cowardice dictate things to me until the very last possible moment, leading to misunderstandings and not even entirely unjustified anger. "Alright, ya gotta give me something," my sister cut into my thoughts. "What happened tonight? Did he try to make a move? What?" Without looking up, I shook my head. "No. He was actually nicer than I would've thought; held doors for me; offered compliments, but not cheesy, insincere ones." "I warned you about that, Vali," Misha pointed out. "That doesn't mean he's a nice guy." "I know, and I wasn't tricked by it or anything," I assured the other girl. "It was just ... I kinda enjoyed myself for once." Pausing, I let out a heavy sigh. "But I screwed it up." My sister let out a dismissive puff. "Pfft, I doubt that. His true dipshit self probably just came out." "No, well ... I guess sorta, but that was after I screwed up," I answered. "He had a right to be angry, then." "Why? What'd'ya do?" Misha inquired. Taking a deep breath, I tried to figure out how to talk about what happened without revealing to my sister what the 'date' had really be about. "I just wasn't clear about something that I should've been, so he misunderstood, and then ... well, then I had to call for a ride." "Hmm," my sister hummed thoughtfully. "You're not givin' me a lot of details, but it kinda sounds like you're both at fault." "Maybe," I conceded, having no issue with putting some of the blame on Raf. He was the one that had tried to turn my predicament to his advantage, and he was the one that had refused to let me explain. That didn't absolve me of my own guilt, though. "So how're ya gonna fix it?" Misha asked. That simple question had me furrowing my brow in confusion. "What?" "How're ya gonna fix it?" the older girl repeated. "I mean ... it's pretty clear you're not happy with what happened, so what plans ya got so far?" "None," I admitted. In fact, I hadn't even considered the idea that there might be a resolution. This wasn't like with Jordan, though. Raf didn't have some ideological issue with me. His anger was from a specific action, one that I hadn't even actually done. He only thought I did. If I could straighten out that misunderstanding out, he'd have no reason to be mad. Would that actually help me, though? I still wasn't going to sleep with him for his help, and he'd said that, without that, he wouldn't stick his neck out for me. However, it might be enough to convince to not try to make my life as miserable as possible. That would certainly be a good thing. "Well then, unless you want things to stay the way they are, you should probably start coming up with one," my sister told me. That suggestion earned a nod from me. "Yeah. I guess I should." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 41 "I can't believe I'm doing this," I muttered as I stood in front of Jordan's house, staring down his doorbell. A big part of me wanted to just turn tail and run, to abandon my plan, but I refused to chicken out. Slowly, I lifted my hand to press that little button, bringing the echoes of chimes from within the building. In the wake of that ringing, I was left waiting, hoping that Jordan was both at home and willing to answer his door. For once, luck was, thankfully, with me on both counts. A few moments later, the door swung open and the boy in question was revealed. When he saw who was at the door, my former friend's eyes narrowed into a hate-filled glare. "What do you want, faggot?" Wanting to seem strong and confident, I tried to keep a wince from crinkling my face at that final word, but I couldn?t quite manage that. Still, I pushed past it to say, "I need a favor." "A favor?" Jordan scoffed incredulously. "What? Here to beg me to date you again? I mean, I knew you were pathetic, but come on. That?s too low even for you." Clenching my jaw, I pushed through the hostility. "No. I need to talk to Raf." "Raf? Why would you wanna talk to him?" the boy asked, furrowing his brow. "If you miss being called a faggot, I can do that for ya." "No," I answered curtly. "He and I just have some unfinished business that I?d like to resolve." "Well, if that's actually true, why don't you just call him?" Jordan questioned. "Because I don't have his number, but also for the same reason I came here instead of calling you. I doubt he?d pick up for me," I explained. "That's why I need your help. You can convince him to actually talk to me." Chuckling, my former friend gave me an incredulous look. "Seriously? And why should I do that, hmm?" "Well, I could say for old times sake, but I don't think that's gonna count for me much here," I remarked. "Ya got that right," Jordan confirmed sharply. Having expected that sort of response, I extended a hand in which I held a few bills. "I'll give ya twenty-five bucks to do it." "Twenty-five?" the boy repeated the sum, sounding at least mildly intrigued. "Doesn't sound like enough to betray a friendship." "It's all I've got," I told him truthfully. I'd spent most of what I'd had during the shopping trip with my sister, and my parents weren't likely to give me more money for anything anytime soon. After all, they'd only very begrudgingly given me money for clothes which I actually needed. Taking a moment, Jordan eyed the money in my hand, thinking about something. Whether it was weighing the value of that sum or wondering if I was lying, I couldn't say, but in the end, he reached out to snatch the bills from my hand. "I hope I don?t catch something from your money, freak." "I?m not diseased, asshole," I retorted. "And thank you, I guess." "Yeah, whatever, just get away from my house already," Jordan huffed, waving a hand dismissively. "Just knowing you're around makes me wanna throw up." "Fine," I hissed through clenched teeth before spinning on my heels to storm off. All I could do now was hope that the boy did what he'd agreed to do. *********************************************** *********************************************** "If only it was as easy as that," I murmured as I finished the last few words of the story on my screen and leaned back in my chair. All told, it had been quite the clich? little tale, full of many classic tropes. Far from the least of those was that the main character, after a gender swap, had ended up falling in love with her best friend, and he with her. By the end of the story, they were happily dating without any of the trouble that had plagued my own situation. Well, I supposed that was just proof it was fiction. Sighing, I glanced over at the time. It was late, late enough that I should've already been asleep. I'd stayed up, though, clinging to what was obviously a delusion. "Oh well. It's just twenty-five bucks," I muttered before shoving myself up from my seat to get ready for bed. There was no sense in wasting any more time on waiting for Raf to get in touch with me. Clearly, he wasn't going to. I didn't know if that was because Jordan had broken the deal and not told him, stealing my money in the process, or because Raf had just refused to talk to me, but it didn't really matter at the moment. Either way, it was time to get some sleep. "What am I supposed to do tomorrow, though?" I asked the empty room as I stripped down. It wasn't an easy question to answer. I wanted to at least apologize for the misunderstanding the other night, but I didn't know how to go about it without Jordan's help. The school year was starting pretty soon, so I supposed I could just wait for that, but by then, it would probably be pointless. Any apology I made that late was unlikely to be accepted. Maybe I could get someone else to help me get in touch with Raf? My sister was popular and well-connected, but I couldn't imagine any of her friends knowing anyone my age. I could try to get in touch with kids I knew from school, but that was easier said than done. I'd had friends before Jordan moved to town, but my friendship with him had sort of supplanted the others. As such, I hadn't done more than say hi to any of them in months. Most of the people I knew who could possibly help were Jordan's friends, and likely to be as hostile to me as he had been, if not more so. "I guess I just let Raf hate me," I decided reluctantly, sliding under the covers and snuggling in to get some sleep. Really, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't that big of a deal, just one more person hating me for no good reason. He'd probably be more dedicated and clever than most, but one more hater wouldn't make my situation notably worse. I still felt a little guilty about how it had happened, but it wasn't my fault that I couldn't get in touch with him. "He was probably gonna be a jerk anyway even with the apology." *********************************************** *********************************************** "Wow! You are fucking gorgeous, girl!" my sister's friend, Shelia, exclaimed as she circled around, giving me a once over. 'No kidding," Misha's other friend, Amit, agreed as she too assessed me, albeit it in a different way from the other. She stood back a little bit as he gaze swept up and down my form. "I wish I looked that good." "Yeah, it's kinda weird having my ex-little brother be hotter than me," my sister remarked even as she threw her arms around me from behind. "But I'm super proud to have such an awesome little sister." "Really?" Amit asked incredulously. "If I had a little sister that looked that good, I'd get a mad inferiority complex." Misha shrugged. "I know I'm hot. I don't need to be the hottest." For my part, I weathered the barrage of compliments in silence. I couldn't quite manage it without blushing, though. I just wasn?t used to people actually being nice to me. Even as a boy, I?d mostly just been ignored. Now, well ... I doubted that I?d ever get enough experience with praise to grow comfortable with it. Maybe, I would with insults, though. "Well, anyway, is she comin' with us?" Shelia got the girls to shift focus. "'Cause if so, I think I'm gonna need a little time to step up my game." "I don't know," my sister replied, loosening her grip on me so she could step around to my side and look at me. "Wanna come to a party with us?" "There'll be plenty of hot guys to drool over you," Shelia added. Smiling politely, I shook my head. "No, thank you." "You sure? It'll be a lotta fun," Misha double-checked as she glanced about the house. "Certainly more fun than sitting around here by yourself all night." "I'm sure," I reiterated. "Thanks for the offer, though." "Of course. You'll always be welcome," my sister told me before turning to her friends. "Alright, girls, let's go have some fun!" "Yeah!" Misha's two friends chimed in, starting off toward the door. A few moments later, the trio was gone, freeing me to return to my room. Before being drawn downstairs to answer the door for my sister?s friends, I'd been reading to pass the time, but the idea of getting back to it held little appeal. Stories about magical gender swaps held less appeal now that I was literally living one, especially considering that mine did not seem destined to have any trace of the happy endings that were so common in such things. Thoroughly lacking motivation, I ended up plopping onto my bed where I sprawled out to stare blankly at the ceiling and let my mind wander. However, it didn?t end up having much time to do that. Only a few minutes after I laid down, the sound of the doorbell rang out through the house once more. "What now?" I muttered in annoyance as I shoved myself back to my feet. It was well into the evening, so it couldn't be a salesman or a technician. Maybe my sister had forgotten her purse or something? That guess was the best I could come up with by the time I finished the trek back downstairs. Assuming that had to be what had happened, I reached out, unlocked the deadbolt and pulled the door open. I even got a joke ready to tease my sister for her forgetfulness, but it died on my lips when I saw who stood on the porch. "Raf!" I gasped in surprise. That reaction had the hispanic boy's lips curling in a smirk. "Hey, babe. I heard ya wanted to talk." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 42 "Wh-What are you doing here?" I stuttered out. Abandoning his smirk, Raf furrowed his brow. "I just said why ..." "Oh, right ... " I replied, fumbling to get my thoughts in order. "But I talked to Jordan days ago." "Yeah? So?" the boy questioned. "What? Did you expect me to just drop everything and rush over here just ?cause you threw a few bucks at my friend." "No, I just ..." I began, only to find that I didn?t have any other reason to give. The truth was that I had expected that, so much so that I hadn?t even considered it a possibility that Raf might take his time getting back to me. As such, all I could do was trail off with the thought unfinished. Seeming to pick up on what that meant, the asshole chuckled. "Jeez, you?re just as entitled as the real thing." That insult proved to be exactly what I needed, snapping my thoughts into focus as my jaw clenched. "I am the real thing, and I?m not entitled. I only expected a little expediency, because I paid to talk to you." "Which was incredibly pathetic, by the way," Raf mocked. "I pretty much lost a whole day just laughing with the guys about it." "Well, I?m glad it amused you," I muttered sarcastically. "Oh, it did, and I?m hoping this little get together will be just as fun," the asshole beat the point home. "So what did you wanna talk about anyway? Don?t tell me you changed your mind, cause my offer?s not on the table anymore. You?re on your fuckin? own, bitch." While not surprising, and not even something I was willing to do, it still stung a bit to hear that I wouldn?t be able to get the boy?s help. "That?s not why." "Then what?" Raf demanded. "And hurry up, ?cause I ain?t got forever to waste on you." With as rude as the shithead was being, I really didn?t even want to talk to him any more. I certainly didn?t feel like I needed to apologize. He had been and was being way worse to me than I?d ever been to him, and he?d never so much as showed a hint of remorse. It would serve him right for me to just slam the door in his face. Rather than do exactly that, though, I chose to take a deep, steadying breath. "I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry about how the other night went," I forced out the words. "I certainly never meant to lead you on in anyway. I should?ve given you a clear no right when you first made your offer." In the wake of that apology, Raf?s confident air melted away, replaced by a look of befuddlement. "What? You paid twenty-five bucks just to apologize to me?" "Mmhmm," I hummed in confirmation. That answer earned a couple of blinks from the boy before he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "It?s not gonna get me to help you or anything." "I wouldn?t expect it to," I told him. "I just ... I felt bad, especially, since I actually sorta enjoyed myself." "At my expense," Raf noted sharply. "Actually, you stormed out without paying, so I had to cover the check," I joked, managing a little laugh. "But, still, we had an arrangement, and I was the one that backed out of it." The boy offered no response to me. He didn?t laugh or crack a smile at the joke, nor did he toss some flippant insult or even acknowledge that I?d said anything at. All he did was stare at me, his gaze hard and intense. "Anyway ..." I segued, averting my gaze and reaching up to swipe a few hairs back behind my ear. "I?m sorry." "And what do you want me to do with that?" Raf demanded, clearly still suspicious. "Accept it?" I replied before shrugging. "Or don?t. It?s up to you." "That?s it?" the boy double-checked. I nodded. "Yep. That?s it." "Okay, well then, I don?t accept it," Raf declared. "So there." Trying hard to keep my disappointment from my face, I nodded. "Okay, well, thanks for talking to me, anyway." "Yeah ... sure ..." the boy responded, drawing the words out uncertainly. "That mean we done here?" "I guess so," I answered. "Alright then. Bye," Raf moved right into a curt goodbye and a quick dip of his chin. He barely had time to complete even that before he spun to walk off. "Have a nice night," I called after him The boy didn?t acknowledge that at all, just kept walking away. With nothing else to do, I stepped back and closed the door. The click of the latch was met with a resigned sigh sliding out of me. "What did I think was gonna happen?" I muttered under my breath. It did nothing to alleviate my disappointment, though. "Would?ve been nice if he?d at least forgiven me ..." Sighing again, I shook my head and turned away from the door. Back up to my room, I hiked, flopping onto my bed again. While, rationally, I didn?t think it was my fault, I still laid there for most of the night, running through the conversation over and over again and wondering what I could?ve done differently. *********************************************** *********************************************** "Smile!" my sister exclaimed. "Wha?!" I gasped in surprise, jerking my gaze up from my book to see Misha standing just inside my room. When I saw the phone that she had up in front of her and pointed my way, my surprise turned to exasperation. "What are you doing?" "Trying to take your picture," the older girl answered as she drifted a few steps closer. "You?re gonna have to do something about that grouchy look on your face, first though." My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "And why would you want a picture of me, again?" "To show my friends what you look like now," my sister explained. Sighing, I dropped my attention back to reading. "No." "Aw! Come on!" Misha whined as she plopped down onto the bed by my feet. "There?s nothin? to be embarrassed about. You look great! Plus, I may even be able to find you a date and not with some dorky middle schooler either, but a senior." "I?m not looking for a date," I answered without looking up from my book. "But it?ll be good for ya," my sister argued. "Help show ya not everyone?s a bigoted dick like that jackass, Jordan." Still unmoved, I gave a simple, "I already know that," in response, because I did know that. There were many bad things I could say about my interactions with Raf the last few days, but there was one thing that I no longer had any doubts about. He clearly saw me as a girl. If an asshole like him could do that, other people could, too. "Really?" Misha questioned doubtfully. "Then why are you spendin? all your time cooped up in your room by yourself? You haven?t even left the house since your date-thing with Raf." While, technically, I had gone out once since then to go talk to Jordan, I didn?t bother to waste my time arguing that part, though, choosing to focus on the idea in general. "Because there?s no reason for me to leave. All my friends hate me, now." "Yeah, but that doesn?t mean you?re stuck here," my sister kept fighting. "My friends do stuff all the time, and you?re always welcome to come with." Sighing, I finally looked up from my book. "I know that, but those are your friends, not mine. Once school starts, we?ll go our separate ways, and I?ll be on my own dealing with Jordan and his friends. Besides ..." I let my gaze dip shyly. "... all they do is fawn over me like some kinda amusing oddity." "They don?t mean anything by it," Misha pointed out. "They?re just curious about what happened with you." I shrugged. "Doesn?t change anything. I?d still prefer to be on my own for now." "Okay, I guess ..." the older girl relented. "Makin? me regret not just takin? your picture while you were readin?, though." That lament earned a soft giggle from me. "That?s what you get for being greedy." "I s?pose so," my sister agreed with a grin. At the same time, she started to lift her phone up again. "Of course, there?s nothin? stoppin? me from just taking one right now." My eyes narrowed threatening. "Don?t you dare." "Or what?" Misha demanded confidently. "You may have magicked yourself into being prettier than me, but I?m still bigger than you. You really think you can stop me?" "No," I admitted, chuckling as I shook my head. "But it?ll make for a pretty terrible picture." "Well, that?s what you get for being stingy," the older girl retorted. Not having a good come back, I decided to go with a classic, sticking my tongue out at my sister. "Nnnnyeh!" Laughing, Misha nodded in appraisal, and got her phone up to into position. "Ooo, that?s a cute look. I should take one of you like that." "Ugh! No!" I exclaimed, retracting my tongue even as I threw my hands up to block my face. To my great relief, there was no sound of a picture being taken. "Aw, you?re no fun," my sister whined. Tentatively, I lowered my shielding arms. "I?m no fun? You?re the one who came in here to harass me!" "For a picture!" Misha countered. "I have a bunch of pictures of boy you." "That?s different!" I argued. "How so? I mean ... this is the real you right?" my sister pointed out only to have her lips suddenly curl up in a smirk. "Or is that why you?re so embarrassed? This would be the first picture of you without your boy mask on." Lending credence to those claims, I felt my cheeks start to heat up. "It?s not like that!" "Oh, I think it is," Misha countered. "It?s almost like you?re naked right now." "No, it?s not!" I denied. "Uh huh ... " my sister doubted. "Then why won?t you take the picture?" Sighing, I smacked a hand against my forehead. "Ugh ... fine, if I let you take one picture will you stop teasing me." "You bet," Misha agreed. Lifting my head, I tossed a warning look at the older girl. "And no sharing it around to try to get me dates or whatever." Raising a hand, my sister swore. "Promise." "Alright," I finally relented, setting my book aside so I could get up and pose for the unwanted picture. "Let?s get this over with." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 43 "Ah!" my mother?s voice shrieked from downstairs. Reacting immediately, I hopped up from my computer chair and rushed out of my room. Across the landing and down the stairs I went in search of my mother. She proved easy to locate, standing just one step out onto the front porch, looking back at the house with disgust evident on her face. "Mom? What?s wrong?" I asked as I walked slowly toward her. "There egg all over our house!" my mother declared without looking away from the mess. Sure enough, now that I knew what I was looking for, I could see the glistening of egg yolk on the outside of the open front door. A few more steps and I could peek outside to see several more splotches on the walls, all joined by the smell of eggs that were turning from having been left out too long. It was not a pretty sight. "Ugh ... Jordan," I muttered, having a pretty good idea of who was responsible for the vandalism. "Jordan? Your friend?" my mother questioned, finally breaking her gaze away from the house to shift it to me. "You think he do this? Why?" "Because we?re not friends anymore," I answered. "We had a ... fight." "And now he throwing eggs at our house?!" my mother gasped incredulously. "Whatever you do to him, you need apologize right now!" Rolling my eyes, I let out a heavy sigh. "It?s not that simple, Mom. An apology?s not gonna cut it." "Then you figure out what will cut it, because this not acceptable, Vali!" my mother screamed. Anger flared within me at that demand. "There?s nothing I can do, alright?! He hates me for being a girl! What can I do about that?!" "Go back to how you should be!" my mother retorted. A sting of pain stabbed through my chest at that declaration, tightening my jaw and crinkling up my face. Pushing through it, I hissed, "This is how should be." "No, it not," my mother countered curtly. "This world telling you that, turning friend to enemy and bringing trouble for family. All because you not accept truth." The ache in my chest grew worse as my eyes started to burn with the beginning of tears, but I fought them back. Refusing to break, I snapped back, "No, it?s because none of you will!" That defiance twisted up my mother?s face into an angry glare that burned into me, but I didn?t buckle. I glared right back, holding my ground. Not even the slightest waver shook my resolve. After all, I?d been through far worse things and faced down far scarier people in my struggles to be myself. My once-terrifying mother wasn?t a problem, now. As if to prove that point, the older woman broke first, abandoning her glare within a couple of seconds to turn away. "You clean up mess," she commanded simply before storming back into the house. Freed of the hostile situation, I let out a relieved sigh. It was a short-lived sentiment, though, as I looked around at the splotches of egg goop speckling the front of the house. They were all over, at least a few dozen eggs worth, creating a giant mess that was undoubtedly going to take a long time to clean up. "Then, I guess I should get started," I muttered as I walked back inside to find a rag. *********************************************** *********************************************** "Ahhhh, much better," I sighed as I stepped out of the bathroom, fresh from a shower. Such a cleansing had definitely been necessary after the arduous chore that I?d just endured. Not only had the eggs been disgusting, reeking more and more with every passing minute that I?d been out there, but the blistering summer heat had served to both harden the goop and get me sweating after just a few minutes out there. With all that cleared away, though, it was just a distant memory, one I was ready to put out of my mind for good. "What to do next, though?" I mused, wandering into my room. Books and computer, my usual pastimes waited inside, but I decided on neither. Instead, I flopped onto the bed, wanting to spend a bit just lying down and resting. The problem with something so non-demanding was that it gave my mind plenty of time to drift, and naturally, it went to what I?d just dealt with. Egging, TP, and other petty vandalism weren?t all that uncommon. I knew of at least a few occasions that Jordan had gotten involved in such things, although I?d never gone along. It really wasn?t a surprise that they?d target me with these activities, now. "Hope it?s not gonna become a daily occurance," I muttered idly. Fortunately, it didn?t seem likely that it would. No matter how much Jordan and his friends might hate me, now, they wouldn?t want to give up a bunch of nights they could spend hanging out to constantly trek over to my place and harass me. That fact was of little comfort, though, because things would be different come the start of school. Then, they?d have to be around me, with nothing better to amuse themselves with than bothering me. That would be a lot harder to deal with than an hour here and there on clean up. "Guess I should treat this like practice, then," I proposed. It was weird to think I should practice getting bullied, but I didn?t see anything else to do about it. There was no stopping it, now, so unless I wanted to make Raf?s prediction from our ?date? a reality, I needed to toughen up. Maybe, if I could show them I wasn?t bothered by it, they?d get bored and leave me alone. I doubted that, but I was rather short on outs to pin my hopes on, so it seemed as good as any. On that resigned note, my phone started ringing, pulling me from my thoughts. Sitting up, I furrowed my brow at the device, wondering who could possibly be calling me. The best I could guess was my sister, but even that didn?t make sense. "Don?t recognize it," I muttered when I picked up the phone and checked the number. It certainly wasn?t one that was already in the device. It had a local area code, though, so I shrugged and clicked accept. "Hello?" "Hey. Heard ya had a little trouble go down last night," a boy remarked from the other end. It took a moment, but then the voice clicked in my head. "Raf?" "The one and only," the asshole confirmed arrogantly. That answer got me to sigh heavily. "What do you want?" "Just wondered how bad it was," Raf explained. I rolled my eyes. "You should know. I?m sure you helped make it." "Did I?" the boy inquired with a wry twist to his voice. "You sayin? you didn?t?" I huffed incredulously. "Of course not," Raf denied. Not believing it for a second, I snorted out a dismissive scoff. "Yeah, right, sure you didn?t." "I didn't," the boy insisted. "I mean, seriously. Why would I waste my time on somethin? like that?" "I don?t know, maybe ?cause you promised to get me to kill myself," I pointed out caustically. "Pfft! If eggin? your house was enough to accomplish that, you?d?ve been too chicken shit to turn down my offer," Raf puffed. "Sure, but you gotta start somewhere!" I argued. "It?s not like you can just do one thing to me and get me to go instantly to suicide." The boy?s response came in the form of an indifferent, "Eh ... regardless, I wasn?t there." "Then how do you know about it, hmm?" I accused. "?Cause pretty boy bragged about it to everyone," Raf explained. "Even sent around some pictures of you on clean up duty. Ya looked good by the way, skin glistening in the sunlight and your clothes stickin? to your body." "Uck ... you?re such a perv," I spat in disgust. On the other end, the boy laugh lightly. "Hey! I thought you?d be happy, knowing not everyone laughed at the pictures." "What? You think creepin? on me is better than laughing at me?" I retorted incredulously. "At least creeping is flattering," Raf pointed out. Rolling my eyes, I muttered, "Whatever. Was there anything else or did you just call to tease me about what happened and make me lose my lunch?" "Nah, I guess that was about it," the boy answered. "You don?t seem to be too broken up about what happened, though." "Why would I be?" I questioned. "It was basically just a household chore except a little smellier." "Oh, are you used to doing household chores?" Raf inquired. My eyes narrowed at the remark. "Yeah ... my mom expects us to help out. Why?" "Nothin?. Just glad to know you?re gettin? some housewife training," the asshole replied. "It?s something every girl needs." That remark pulled a derisive groan from deep within me. "Ugh ... you?re a real winner, a perv and a pig." "Yeah, ?cause it?s just awful to appreciate a girl?s beauty and like living in a clean house," Raf countered. "It?s not wrong to want to be with the person you love either, but it doesn?t make stalking any better," I quipped. "Fair enough," the boy conceded with a chuckle. "I ain?t forcin? anyone to put up with me, though." "Oh yeah? Then why are we talkin? right now, huh?" I demanded. "Hey, ain?t nobody there with a gun to your head," Raf argued. "You chose to pick up, and you can choose when you want to hang up." "Well then, what if I want to hang up right now?" I threatened. "Go ahead," the boy answered without the slightest of hesitation. Suddenly, I found myself with a choice. Should I follow through with the threat? After all, as the boy said, there was no one there to stop me. I only had to put up with assholish nonsense for as long as I chose to. One little press of a button and it would all go away. "Ya still there?" Raf inquired after a moment. "Yeah, I?m still here," I answered. "Well then, wanna hear about what I actually did last night?" the boy asked. Again, I faced a choice, but this time, I didn?t have to be prompted to make it. "Eh, sure. I might as well hear whatever bogus cover story you cooked up; see if I can?t spot all the holes in." That comment elicited a laugh from Raf. "Well then, I?d better make it a good one." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 44 "I know it?s not much, but a girl needs some properly fitting clothes for her first day of school, so hopefully you can at least get that," Misha told me. "No, it?s ... " I began as I stared down at the pile of bills that the older girl had shoved into my hands. There had to be at least a couple hundred dollars there, an amount that seemed too large to just accept as a gift from my sister. "You didn?t need to do this." "Pfft, it?s just some babysitting money," Misha puffed dismissively. "It?s not like I earned it doing a real job." "Still ..." I replied reluctantly, fanning out the bills to further emphasize the generosity of the gift. My continued hesitation earned a shrug from my sister. "Besides, it?s my fault for not doing a better job of convincing Mom and Dad that you needed new clothes." "What? That?s not your fault," I denied, looking up from the cash. "They?re the ones ... and at least you tried talking to them. I?ve never done that." This time, Misha dismissed my arguments with a wave of her hand. "I?m the big sister. It?s my job to take care of this kinda thing." "No, it?s not," I countered. "Besides, this way, you?ll come out shopping with me and my friends, and we?ll get to dress you up in all sorts of cute outfits," my sister added, grinning mischievously. That wasn?t a particularly compelling point, but it did illustrate one thing. My sister was not going to relent on this. She was going to wear me down until, eventually, I accepted her gift, and there was nothing I could do about that. "Okay ..." I finally conceded, even though I still felt guilty about it. "Great!" Misha declared happily. "Just give me a sec to call my friends and?" From over on my desk, the sound of my ringtone cut through the conversation, putting an end to my sister?s planning. Instead, she glanced over toward the sound, crinkling her brow. "One second," I mumbled, hurrying over to check the caller. A simple, three letter name showed on the screen. "Uhm ... I should probably take this." "Oh?" Misha inquired, raising an eyebrow with obvious curiosity. "Who is it?" "N-No one," I stuttered. "Then how is your phone ringing?" the older girl pointed out smartly. A wince twitched through my face. "I meant no one you know. Just someone from school." "Ooo, has my adorable little sister made a new friend?" Misha cooed patronizingly. Sighing, I tossed the girl an exasperated look. "No, now get out, so I can answer them already." My sister grinned at that demand. "Nobody?s stopping you from doing that right now." "Ugh! Just get out, Misha!" I huffed angrily. "Okay, okay," the older girl finally relented, raising her hands in surrender. "I?m goin?." As my sister moved to leave, I quickly accepted the call, offering a quick, "Hey," in greeting. "Hey," Raf?s voice answered from the other end. "Was starting to think you weren?t gonna pick up." Pausing for a moment, I watched to make sure that my sister was fully gone with the door closed behind her before I responded. "Yeah, sorry about that. My sister was messin? with me." "What? Trying to get more pictures outta ya?" the boy inquired. Shaking my head, I walked over to sit on my bed. "Nah, she was buggin? me about you actually. Wanted to know who was callin? me." "Nosy, isn?t she," Raf remarked. "She can be," I admitted. "But she?s also just about the best in every other regard, so I suppose I can put up with it. I mean ... she literally just gave me like two-hundred bucks to get clothes for school." "Seriously?!" the boy gasped in surprise. "Mmhmm," I hummed in confirmation. "Like I said, she?s pretty much the best." "No kidding," Raf offered no argument, but I could almost hear the grin that was twisting his lips as he followed up with, "So, gonna get something sexy like that dress you wore for me the other night? ?Cause you looked super fuckable in that." That comment got my cheeks heating up both from the crassness of that complement. "No, jeez! I?m gonna get normal clothes, you jerk!" "Normal clothes can be sexy, too!" the boy countered. "You?ve seen some of the stuff that Andrea and her fellow bitches show off in." "I s?pose that?s true," I conceded reluctantly. I had seen Jordan?s girlfriend in some pretty slutty attire at times, and her friends wore similar stuff. "I?m not gonna get anything like that." "Aww, why not?" Raf whined in disappointment. "They?d look like little kids next to you." "No, they wouldn?t," I retorted. "Everyone?ll just call me, ?faggot? or ?drag queen? or something." "They?re gonna do that, anyway," the boy pointed out. "Might as well look hot while they do it." Having to admit that first part was probably true, I let out a heavy sigh. "No, I might as well wear whatever I want, and I don?t want to dress like some slut." "But you?d make such a good one," Raf teased. "Fuck you," I spat. "Please do," the asshole came right back. Shaking my head, I let out an exasperated groan. "Why are you such a colossal dick?" "Well, one, I can?t take all the credit. I got lucky with my genes. And two, most girls appreciate a man who?s packin? a little something extra down there," Raf retorted glibly. "I wasn?t talkin? about your tiny, little, limp excuse for a manhood, asshole!" I shot back. "Actually, I believe you said it was colossal," the boy kept right on going. "No, the only thing colossal about you is your fuckin? ego," I huffed. Unrelenting, Raf was ready with a follow up, "And yet, it?s still smaller than your tits." It was there that I lost, my face burning. "Whatever, asshole." *********************************************** *********************************************** "Come out already!" my sister?s friend, Amit demanded through the door of the dressing room. "No!" I shouted back. "Oh, come on! It?s not that bad!" the other friend, Shelia argued. "?Sides, no one?s gonna see it but us!" Rather than answer, I let out a heavy sigh and looked in the mirror. There, I could see my reflection decked out in, of all things, a string bikini. Well, decked out probably wasn?t the right word, given how little actual fabric the suit had. The top didn?t cup my chest so much as just covered the fronts, and as for the bottom, well ... there was probably as much suit between my butt cheeks as covering them. The very idea of being seen so ill-dressed was beyond embarrassing, but I was pretty sure that it was going to end up happening. My sister and her friends weren?t exactly the types to take no for an answer, and I did owe Misha for financing the shopping trip for me. "Alright!" I relented even as I inwardly cursed the decision. That angst didn?t stop me from turning toward the door to grab the handle. "But I?m not buying it!" "You don?t have to!" Shelia assured me. "We just wanna see what it looks like on you!" Letting out one last sigh, I took the plunge. The latch clicked. The door swung open. I stepped out with arms crossed protectively and gaze firmly on the ground. Before anything was even said, my cheeks were already ablaze. "Oh ... my ... good!" Amit gasped at the sight. "Look at you! You?re like ... wow!" "Seriously! If the guys saw this they?d probably jump her on the spot!" Shelia added. Comments about my current ... display, only made me more self-conscious, causing me to huddle down further. Of course, that would do little to hide anything, given how thoroughly bare I was, but my brain had demanded that my body do something about the situation. Either way, I doubted I could?ve been more embarrassed if I?d been actually naked. To my surprise, I wasn?t left to my torment. Instead, my sister quickly declared, "Alright, that?s good enough, Vali. Thanks. You can get changed now." "Really?" I questioned in surprise, daring to look up hopefully. Smiling, Misha nodded. "Yep." "What?! No!" Shelia protested. "She can?t just stand there all bashful then walk back in!" "Yeah, she?s gotta do the walk!" Amit argued. "She?s not our own personal a fashion model, guys," my sister argued. "You should just be glad she did what you wanted at all." Like she always did with me, Misha proved victorious against her friends, earning defeated sighs from them. Immensely grateful, I mouthed a hasty, "Thank you," her way before ducking back into the dressing room to shed the risqu? attire which proved to be a huge relief. "Can we at least get you something else to try on?!" Shelia asked through the door. "I guess!" I allowed. "Nothin? too flashy, though!" "?Kay," came the reply, followed by sounds of my sister?s two friends leaving to go find some other embarrassing outfit for me to wear. Inside the safety of the dressing room, I let out a heavy sigh and started to get dressed. Only the underwear that I put on was mine, though. After that, I looked through some of the other items in the room which I?d picked up from the shelves as potential candidates for my first girl outfit of my very own. "Sorry about them," my sister?s voice, soft and low, apologized through the door. "It?s alright," I tried to play it off. "I mean ... this is what girl?s do to each other right." "Yeah, we do try to get each other to try on weird stuff, but that bikini was probably a bit much," Misha noted. "Plus, I don?t want you to think it?ll be like this all the time. I swear we?re usually much more normal." That claim earned a laugh from me. "Even if you weren?t, it would still be better than hangin? around with a bunch of guys. They?re even worse." "I bet," my sister agreed. "Still, I want you to have fun, so don?t be afraid to stand up to them." "I?ll keep that in mind when I see what they bring back for me next," I remarked. My sister let out a little chuckle. "Yeah, that?s probably a good idea, ?cause I bet it?ll be something even more ridiculous." "Is that even possible?" I questioned doubtfully. "That bikini was pretty outlandish." "Oh, yeah, definitely," Misha answered. "I mean ... maybe not at this store, but this ain?t the only stop we?re makin?. I could just imagine them trottin? out corsets or platform stilettos or sex toys or who knows what else just to see how far they can push you." While that list was certainly vulgar, I tried not to get hung up on it. "Well, there?s no chance for some of that stuff, but I don?t know ... a corset might not be too bad to try out." "Well, don?t let Shelia hear that," my sister warned. "You could find yourself decked out in S&M shit or something." A shudder of distaste ran through me at that prospect. "Yeah ... that would be a bit much." "That?s why ya gotta be ready to say no sometimes," Misha reasoned. "Alright," I told her. "Will do." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 45 The sound of screams, not terrified or pained, but enraged, burst through the house. Instantly, my book was forgotten as I jerked upright. Wandering what was going on, I started to get up, only for the screaming to fall silent. In its wake, there was the quieter sounds of stomping footsteps then a harsh crash of a door just down the hall from mine slamming closed. Pausing, I sat there on the bed for a few moments, peering at the door to my room. It was pretty clear that the yelling had been the bitter end of an exchange between my mother and sister. The question was if that exchange had been about me. Should I go ask? Would it be better to leave Misha alone? "She?s always coming to talk when this kinda stuff happens to me," I reasoned, finally slipping off my bed. With some hesitation, I padded across my room, opened the door, and peeked out onto the landing. Unsurprisingly, there was no one out there, and my sister?s room was firmly sealed. I nearly left it at that, but curiosity and a desire to actually be helpful for once got me keep going, leaving my room behind to walk over and softly knock on my sister?s door. "Misha? Everything alright?" I called out quietly. "Yep," the older girl huffed in a voice that sounded anything but alright. Unsure what to do, I wavered for a moment in silence before finally asking, "Can I come in?" "I guess," my sister allowed wearily. With that lukewarm agreement given, I tentatively reached out to open the door. Initially, I just peeked through it to see what awaited me on the other side. There, my sister lay sprawled on her bed, staring up at the ceiling with one hand resting on her forehead. The sound of the door drew her attention, getting her to tilt her head toward me and force a smile onto her lips. "Hey. How?s your day goin??" Misha asked as if nothing was wrong. "Fine," I answered neutrally as I stepped into the room, closing the door behind me. "Good, good," the older girl muttered, turning her gaze back to the ceiling. In the wake of that empty response, silence crept in to fill the room. My sister offered no other words, and I didn?t know what to say. As such, for a few moments, I ended up just standing there, looking at the older girl, and wondering what to do. A few times, I considered that the answer might be to just excuse myself, but I never managed to convince myself of that course of action. However, eventually, I did build up the nerve to breach the silence. "So ... uhm ... what were you and Mom talkin? about?" I asked apprehensively. "Ah ... that?s ... nothing to worry about," Misha groaned, waving a hand dismissively. "I?ll take care of it." "Take care of what?" I pressed to my own surprise. Letting out a heavy sigh, my sister sat up to look at me. "Mom refuses to call the school and let them know that you?re a girl, now. I told her that?s stupid, that there?s a good chance they?ll kick you out, thinking you?re tryin? to play some kinda prank, but she wouldn?t listen. Sooo, now I have to call the principal, pretend to be her, and convince them to change their records, so you can actually go to school." "Oh," I murmured weakly. "Yeah," Misha huffed, shaking her head in frustration. "The way Mom?s been acting is just ridiculous. Things are obviously different. I don?t know why she can?t just accept that." Since the day I?d first told her about what was going on with me, I?d never seen my sister like this. She?d been a neverending font of confidence and reassurance. Now, she was tired and frustrated from constantly having to fight my battles for me. "No new clothes, won?t even make sure you can go to school, only cares about you getting harassed because it got on the house ... " Misha continued to rattle off over my silence. "It?s just so ..." Rather than finish that thought, she trailed off into a heavy sigh and let her head hang glumly. Then, there was another moment of silence stretching out between the two of us. What could I even do? If my sister couldn?t handle something, there was no hope that I could. Even if I tried to talk to our mother, I doubted she?d even listen to me. She certainly hadn?t seemed to the other day when the egging incident had happened. It was only thanks to Misha that she ever did anything for me. Something catching in my thoughts, I blurted out, "Thank you." "Huh?" my sister mumbled, looking up from her thoughts. "Thank you," I repeated. "For always fighting for me. I wish I didn?t need it, that I could do it on my own or at least help or something, but ..." Sniffing back a few tears, I continued, "Thank you so much for everything. Without your help, I don?t know what I?d do." "Aw, Vali, of course I?d help!" Misha declared, springing up from her seat. A few steps later, she had her arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace. "I?m always gonna be there for ya. I promise." Frustration welled up within me as, yet again, things turned to my sister supporting me. I?d wanted to do the opposite, but it seemed that was impossible. I could already feel the tears starting to spill out of my eyes. "I know," I answered, trying to push through as best I could. "I just wanted you to know how much it means to me ... how grateful I am ... and ..." In a voice sounding as full of emotion as my own, Misha parroted back a simple, "I know," as she continued to hold me. "But thanks for reminding me." *********************************************** *********************************************** "... anyway, word is that he?s gonna end up at juvie, so guess I?ll be down one friend once school starts," Raf?s voice remarked at the end of a story about one of his friend?s troubles with the law. "Ah, that sucks," I commiserated, using one hand to toy with the bed cover I was lounging on while the other held the phone to my ear. "What are ya gonna do? Hold auditions for a replacement?" The boy belted out a hearty laugh. "That?d be fun! But, nah, I ain?t got any plans to bring in anybody else. I mean ... it?s not like he?s dead or something. He?ll be back once he?s finished his stint. Plus, I?m thinkin? I?m gonna be too busy with other stuff to spend too much time hangin? with these guys." "Oh?" I inquired. "What?s gonna keep you so busy?" "Mmm," Raf hummed noncommittally. "Just got some things brewing." "Yeah, so why won?t you tell me what they are?" I pressured. "What? Are they embarrassing? Gonna join ROTC or somethin??" "No," the boy denied. "Just stuff I don?t want jinxed by talkin? ?bout it too soon." That excuse earned a giggle from me. "Really? You?re worried about a jinx of all things? Didn?t realize you were superstitious." "I?m not," Raf argued. "Sometimes it?s just better to play things close to the chest, y?know. That way, it can?t get out and screw up anything else." "Get out?" I questioned incredulously. "Who am I gonna tell? My imaginary friend?" "You certainly ain?t got no real ones, do ya?" the asshole mocked. Having set up the taunt, I just laughed right along with it. "No kidding. So, who am I gonna tell?" "Your sister," Raf pointed out. "You know, the one who?s super popular and could blab to basically everyone in New York about it." "She?s not like that," I argued in Misha?s defense. "All girls are like that," the boy countered. "Which is how I know you?ll tell her and then she?ll tell everyone else." Rolling my eyes, I huffed out, "Sexist ass. All girls are not the same." "They are when it comes to gossip," Raf held his ground. "It?s like a side effect of puberty. Grow boobs, start bleeding, blab about fuckin? everything." "Whatever," I scoffed in disgust. Knowing that further argument would just get increasingly repugnant responses from Raf, I didn?t bother to add any more. That left nothing for him to play off of, causing the conversation to fizzle out. In its wake, there was a very brief moment of empty air before either of us spoke again. "Anyway ... speaking of plans and school ..." Raf segued. "It might be best if you skipped the first day." Furrowing my brow in confusion, I asked, "What? Why?" "Well ..." the boy stalled. "It?s just Jordan and his buddies. They?ve been going back and forth bragging about how they?re gonna get you to go home crying." "And your solution is that I should just not go at all?" I questioned. "Yep," Raf confirmed. "I mean, they can?t do anything to ya if you?re not there, right?" "Yeah, but they also get what they want, me hiding at home ashamed of myself," I argued. The lack of concern was evident in the boy?s voice when he answered. "So? Better than gettin? beat up and shit." "They?re not gonna beat me up," I denied. "They?ll call me some names or whatever, I?ll ignore them, and that?ll be the end of it." "I don?t think you really get it," Raf remarked. "I?ve been picked on before, Raf, and I?ve seen others get picked on before, too," I assured him. "I know what to expect." "Yeah, but, this is different," the boy argued. "Jordan?s takin? this like some kinda deep personal betrayal, and?" "He feels betrayed?!" I exclaimed indignantly. "I not the one fuckin? plotting how best to ruin someone?s life!" "Hey, hey, hey!" Raf called out over my rant. "Not important! I?m just trying to convince you of how bad it?s gonna be!" "I don?t fucking care!" I spat. "I?m not gonna let that shithead scare me. I?m going and that?s that!" *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 46 "Are you sure you don?t want me to drop you off?" Misha asked, her hands resting on my shoulders. "Yeah. I?ll be fine," I assured her. That claim earned me a skeptical look from my sister, but she ended up nodding in acceptance. "Okay, but if you change your mind, don?t be afraid to give me a call, alright?" "Will do," I promised, although I had no intention of doing that. No matter what happened, I was resolved to getting through the day by myself. After all, if I couldn?t manage one bad day, then I?d never be able to handle the year ahead. Accepting my claim, Misha stepped forward, using her grip on my shoulders to pull me into a hug. "Good luck, Vali." "Thanks," I replied, briefly returning the embrace before trying to pull back. The older girl seemed a bit reluctant to let me go, but the pressure of my retreat got her to release me. As we pulled apart, she offered a reassuring smile. "See ya tonight?" "Yep, see ya," I agreed, offering a quick wave before I turned to go. Leaving my sister?s room behind, I stopped briefly on the landing to let out a heavy sigh. I appreciated Misha?s concern for me, but this was one situation where it wasn?t helpful. All it had done was make me feel even more tense while demanding I expend willpower putting on a brave face, so that she wouldn?t worry too much. Still, all told, it was a small price to pay for everything the older girl had done for me. "Alright, show time," I told myself after the momentary break, calling back up my resolve. Straightening up, I gave myself a quick look over to make sure that I had everything I needed. The chances of me actually forgetting anything important were small, but I?d had a dream the night before about going to school with no panties, so I was a little paranoid. Fortunately, the final check confirmed that I had on a set of underwear, and everything else seemed to be in its proper place from clothes to backpack to the scrunchy I was using to pull my hair back. That meant it was time to get going. The first leg of the journey, down the stairs and over to the front door, was quite typical and uneventful, but that didn?t remain true. When I went to open the door, I only got it about half way before it bumped into something, earning a grunt of, "Ow," from outside. Peeking out through the gap, I gasped, "Raf?! What are you doing here?!" Lounging against one of the support pillars, the heavy-set hispanic boy sat with his legs sprawled out in front of him, blocking the door?s path. At the same time, he rubbed at his eyes with obvious drowsiness. "Mmm, what? Guy can?t take a nap anymore?" "In the morning on someone else?s fucking porch?!" I questioned incredulously. "No, they can't, so what the fuck are you doing here?!" Finishing clearing his eyes, Raf let his hand fall and looked up at me as a grin curled his lips. "Oh, nothing, just wanted a chance to appreciate your new outfit before Jordan and his buddies ruin it. So why don?t you get out here already, so I can get a good look at ya?" That demand had me scrunching my face up into a glare. "First of all, I?m not here just for you to leer at, and two, some asshole?s in the God damn way." "Oh, sorry," the boy apologized, pulling his legs back to push himself up onto his feet. "Had to make sure you?d wake me up on your way out in case I fell asleep." "Whatever," I muttered as I took advantage of the movement to open the door the rest of the way and step outside. Once I had, I quickly closed the door again behind me, locked it, and turned to start off, only to find the path off the porch blocked. Having moved over in front of the stairs, Raf stood in my way, grin still plastered obnoxiously on his face as his gaze swept up and down me. "Gotta say, I?m a little disappointed." Feeling my cheeks starting to heat up, I planted my hands on my hips as I shot another glare at the boy. "What? I told you I wasn?t gonna dress like a slut." "Yeah, but ... after seeing you in that dress ..." Raf remarked, trailing off to give me one last once over. "Whatever. Who cares what an asshole like you thinks, anyway?" I dismissed, rolling my eyes. My clothes were perfectly fine. Sure, they were kind of conservative. The neckline of my t-shirt was only barely low enough to show the barest beginnings of my bust, and my skirt was almost to my knees, but that was fine. I didn?t need to be mostly naked to look good. With that thought in mind, I shoved my way past the boy?s bulk to get to the stairs. In spite of his pudgy appearance, though, Raf was actually pretty solid, making it difficult for me to get by. For the most part, I ended up having to squeeze through the gap between him and the railing rather than moving him much. "Whoa, slow down, babe. We got school today. I ain?t got time to treat ya right," Raf mocked as I slipped by. "Fuck you," I spat without looking back, hurrying down the steps to start off toward the bus. Behind me, I heard the asshole break into a trot, allowing him to catch up to me by the time I reached the sidewalk. Once he had, he slowed down to match my pace perfectly, strolling along at my side without another word. "What are you up to now?" I questioned, giving the boy a suspicious, sidelong glance. "Walking to the bus stop?" Raf answered. "That is where you?re goin? right?" "Yeah, but why are you going with me?" I demanded. "Don?t you got your own bus to ride?" The boy waved a hand dismissively. "Eh, I figured I?d ride yours today. Give me some more time to appreciate your outfit." "I thought you hated it," I retorted gruffly. "Yeah, but it?s startin? to grow on me," Raf countered. "I don?t know how you do it, but somehow you make sweet and innocent look so dirty." "It?s not?!" I started to protest, cheeks burning, but I cut myself off with an aggravated growl. "Grr, just leave me alone. I?m trying to focus." "On what?" the boy inquired in complete disregard of what I?d just said. "None of your damn business," I shot back. Nonplussed, Raf shrugged off the refusal. "Well, then it can?t be too important, so there?s no reason you can?t talk to me." "What do you even want to talk about, Raf?" I demanded impatiently. "Gonna make fun of my clothes again or maybe give another go at tryin? to get me to stay home?" "Nah, I was thinking baseball," the boy answered out of nowhere. The bizarre suggestion had me screwing my face up in confusion. "Baseball?" "What? Don?t like it?" Raf inquired. Uncertainly, I nodded. "Yeah ... it?s boring." "Really?" the boy asked rhetorically. "I used to love playing when I was a kid. Best slugger on the whole team. Used to really belt it out there." "Well, you are a lot bigger than most guys," I remarked as I made a circular gesture around my waist. "Especially, y?know ... around." Chuckling, Raf raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh? Do you really wanna talk about roundness, melon tits?" That name was enough to take the humor right out of me. "No." "Didn?t think so," the boy replied smugly. "Besides, it was nice having some upside to being the big kid. I mean ... it?s not like I was gonna win at tag or somethin?." "I guess," I agreed, looking down at the pavement. "I was never really any good at any of that stuff." "Yeah, I remember," Raf noted. "You used to get beaned in some of the most epic ways when we played dodgeball in gym class." Rolling my eyes, I let out dismal groan. "Ugh ... don?t remind me. I hated that game." "?Cause you sucked ... bad," the boy remarked, chuckling at my expense. "Shut up, you little sh?" I started to retort, but when I looked up I found the street corner in view. It was the spot where the bus would stop to pick me up, but it was also not currently empty. Jordan, rusty hair dancing in the slight breeze, stood there with his back to me. The sight of him brought me right to stop. "Should I leave you two alone?" Raf teased, breaking the moment. Letting out an annoyed huff, I shifted my backpack on my shoulder and started moving again. "You should always leave me alone, asshole." "Aw, but I can?t do that," the boy shot back. "You make the best faces when I make fun of you." While it was an obnoxious comment, I ignored it, my attention fully on the boy in front of me rather than the one walking beside me. After all, Raf was an asshole, but that mostly just made him a nuisance, one I was used to dealing with by that point. Jordan, on the other hand, was an unknown entity, one that apparently had plans to make my day a living hell. I had to be ready for whatever he was going to try first. Even as I was gathering my resolve, a loudly barked, "Hey, Jordy!" cut through my concentration. Twisting at the waist, Jordan looked back in surprise. "Raf?! What are you doin? here, man?!" "Oh, you?re not gonna believe the night I had!" Raf continued boisterously as he walked up to his friend to toss an arm around the other guy?s shoulder. "I got completely wasted and figured I?d go over to Vali?s place to fuck it up a little, but I ended up passing out on the porch. If she hadn?t kicked me on her way to school, I?d still be nappin? back there." "He," Jordan corrected curtly, tossing a glare over at me. "Whatever," the other boy dismissed, pulling his friend?s attention back to him. "That?s just where the crazy night ended. Just wait till I tell you about some of the stuff leadin? up to it." "Really? What happened?" Jordan asked, seeming fully drawn into the tale. "Well ..." Raf began slowly before launching into his story. While the two boys talked about the night before, I found myself left standing a few feet away, completely ignored. Having been so ready for something terrible to happen, the anticlimactic situation was actually something of a shock. For a few moments, I just stared at the friends in disbelief but they didn?t pay me any mind. Even once I looked away, settling in to wait for the bus, I often glanced that way, wary that at any moment they could try something. However, nothing ever happened. They talked right up to the bus coming, and kept right on talking as they got on and found seats. Some of the other kids on there looked my way when I got on as well, but other than that, the trip to school passed without any trouble at all. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 47 Nervously, I rubbed my hands together as I stared out the bus window. Currently, the only thing passing by out there were the houses of the suburbs, but those would disappear soon. In just a few minutes, the school, the source of my anxiety, would take their place. So far, my morning had not been what I?d expected. I?d steeled myself for conflict, but the only conflict that I?d faced so far was butting heads with Raf while walking to the bus stop. I knew that wasn?t going to last, though, that I needed to get focused again. Once I arrived at the school, I would have to face far more than just one boy, whether that boy was named Raf or Jordan. While I couldn?t know for sure, I assumed that my former friend and his cohorts had spread around the truth about what had happened to me over the summer. They?d probably spread around a bunch of lies right along with it, too. That made it hard to know exactly what to expect. People might treat me like some sort of freak, thinking I was intersexed or whatever. They might revile me as a crossdresser. They might accept that I was fully changed yet still despise me for enjoying it. It could be anything really. All I felt confident in was that it was going to be bad. In spite of that belief, I had no plans to run away from it. I was going to march right into that school with my head held high. No assholes, no matter how numerous their mob was, were going to scare me away. That stalwart resolve shook considerably as the view outside my window changed. The school appeared alongside the bus, just before the vehicle turned into the lot. Moment after moment, the building drew closer and closer, and my heart beat faster and faster. Taking a few deep breaths, I tried to steady myself and slow my heart. When that wasn?t enough, I tried a quiet mantra of, "You can do this," under my breath. When that didn?t work, I wrung my hands so tightly against one another that they ached and burned. None of it made the prospect of walking into a school full of people that loathed me any less terrifying. Riddled with fear or not, when the bus came to a stop, I forced myself up onto my feet without any hesitation. Seated at the front, I was the first one out, trudging toward the school with dread-filled determination. Every step only made me more scared, but I didn?t slow. With all that build up, one might have expected me to be massacred the moment I stepped through the front door, but the reality was actually quite anticlimactic. There was no mob waiting to lynch me, nor even anyone to glance my way. Like usual, no one was just hanging around in the barren halls. Conflict would have to wait for me to get somewhere that people actually congregated. The obvious location for such a grouping was the common area that served as both cafeteria and off period hang out. Last year, that was where I?d usually sat before classes started, hanging with Jordan and his friends. In fact, it was where most people sat until the bell demanded that we funnel ourselves into our respective classrooms, and since that was the case, that was where I headed next on my quest to show that I would not be intimidated. Shifting the weight of my backpack to sit better, I marched down the hall, determined to keep up my intrusion. It had gone well so far. If I could just get past this one final hurdle, maybe, the day wouldn?t be so bad. There was just one problem. Buildings and empty hallways were a lot easier to overcome than a massive chattering crowd of people. Unfortunately, it was the latter that waited for me as I turned the last corner. After that, it was just hundreds of kids, scattered amongst the numerous tables. While the mob hardly pulled some movie clich?, like all simultaneously falling silent and turning toward me, the sheer weight of their numbers was enough to halt me in my tracks. They didn?t even have to do anything, and the vast majority didn?t. They continued on with their own lives, completely unaware of my arrival. Only a few of the people seated at the nearby tables looked my way. Unfortunately, the side I?d entered on was the side which held most of my grade. Many of the eyes that turned toward me belonged to people I knew, at least as acquaintances. They seemed to know me, too, fixated on my presence as conversations started to shift toward whispered rumor. As I stood there, I could actually see it spreading through the crowd, someone noticing then bumping a friend?s shoulder to get their attention as well, and so on and so on down the line, adding more and more eyes with every second. Those eyes, penetrating and judgemental, bore into me, clogging my throat and numbing my limbs. I needed to step forward, to go find a seat, but I was gripped by those eyes. I couldn?t see anything else. I couldn?t move under their gaze. I couldn?t think of what to do. Then, I heard a laugh, loud enough to carry over the din. I couldn?t see the laugher amidst the sea of eyes, but that didn?t matter. They had to be directing it at me, the result of some stupid comment or ignorant joke. Every muscle in my body stiffened, fighting a war of pure tension within me. They pulled this way and that, unable to agree on any particular course of action. The only thing that they could agree on was that some sort of action was needed. I couldn?t keep just standing there like a statue while people did as they pleased. I had to? A bump on my shoulder from someone walking by jostled me free off my deadlock. Suddenly, I could see more than just eyes upon me. I could see all the people that weren?t even looking at me, including the people that were moving past me on their own way into the common area. Embarrassment rushed into me as I realized how stupid I was acting, but I didn?t let it paralyze me again. Instead, I used it as motivation to plow ahead. Dipping my head, I started forward, aiming toward a table on the far side of the room, far away from the area that was typically used by my classmates. The table in question wasn?t completely empty, but one end, butted up against a support column, was, so that?s where I sat. Stripping off my backpack, I tossed it onto the table in front of me and hunkered down behind it like a sandbag barricade to pass the time until class started. *********************************************** *********************************************** Bing! The bell rang out, signalling the end of first period. It was followed by the immediate bustle of kids rising from their seats, preparing to rush out into the halls to hang out for a few brief minutes before they were forced to funnel back into classrooms for another hour. "And don?t forget your reading assignment for tomorrow!" the teacher called out over the noise, probably going unheard by most and ignored by all. Certainly, I didn?t pay it any mind as I was far too focused on other things. Most of that focus lay on those around me, who were all getting up to leave. However, as they did, many glanced my way and a few whispered. Both, combined with frequent sniggering, had been common during class to the point where the teacher had even had to quiet things down a couple of times, because my classmates were more interested in me than the lesson. Even after an hour around me, they apparently still were. "Could be worse," I muttered, under my breath as I tossed my backpack over a shoulder to leave class. I?d chosen to carry it with me all day rather than leave it in my locker. It was a nuisance, but it was better than stopping at a locker where people could easily harass me only to find my stuff ruined by someone dumping spoiled milk inside or something. I wasn?t going to give anyone the satisfaction of something like that. If they wanted to cause trouble for me, they were going to have to work for it. With my things ready, I marched to the door and then delved into the storm outside the room. As was typical during passing periods, the hallway was a crowded mess full of kids rushing every which way while others insisted on standing still in the middle of the traffic to make things even more chaotic. A few years ago, when I?d first experienced it, the roiling maelstrom of kids had been overwhelming, but these days, I just ducked my head and plowed into the storm, knowing I?d make it out the other end. Of course, knowing that I?d make it was different from getting through without any trouble. Accidently bumps and trips were plenty common in the cramped confines, and my pariah status did nothing to alleviate them. Those were normal and easily handled problems, however. What came next was not. "Hey freak!" I heard a male voice shout, too intermingled with the din of the crowd to identify. Not that the speaker mattered to me. I had no plans to respond to such a name. In fact, I had plans to do the exact opposite, refusing to even twitch as I kept trudging forward. Smash! Something smacked into my head from behind, driving it forward and to the side. Fortunately, whatever had been thrown was too soft to hurt all that much, more like a big, spongy slap. Unfortunately, it also exploded. The next thing I knew, my head and shoulders were drenched with water which was rapidly streaming down my chest and back to soak my whole shirt. That explained what had been thrown at me ? a water balloon. "Fuck!" I spat, swatting at my drenched clothes. However, that action did little besides send a few droplets spraying off. "Damn it!" Sighing in frustration, I glanced around real quick. The goal wasn?t to find the thrower, who undoubtedly was now lost in the crowd. It was just an effort to orient myself, so that I could find the bathroom. As soon as I had, I started off again, hurrying that way while trying not to twitch as an icy droplet of water trickled down my spine. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 48 "Have a nice day," the lunch lady chirped as I finished paying for my meal. "You too," I parroted sullenly, turning away to go find a seat. After all, no amount of well wishing was going to make my day a good one. While only half over so far, the school day had already been pretty rough. Every single passing period, there had been some sort of harassment from the water balloon that had forced me to change into the shirt and sports bra that I?d brought for gym for the first couple of periods to last period where I?d shared a class with Jordan, who had yanked my chair out from under me as I sat down. None of it was truly terrible, but it had made for a pretty miserable morning. As if knowing that it was time to add to the list, I heard a boy?s voice call out, "Think fast!" Instantly, I jerked my gaze up, looking for whatever was coming my way, but I was far too slow. The speaker had already stepped by me, swatting the tray in my hand as he went. I managed to keep my grip on the plastic, but I couldn?t keep it level. One corner dipped, and the next thing I knew, my food was crashing onto the floor. "Too slow!" the boy mocked as I was left standing there, looking down at the mess of what should?ve been my lunch. "Guess I don?t get to eat today," I mumbled with a shake of my head. Letting out a heavy sigh, I knelt down to clean up the mess. Once I had it all picked up, the food went into the trash. At least, the little bottle of milk that I?d bought was sealed, so I was able to keep that as I walked over to an empty table and plopped down. Popping open the lid, I took a small sip then bookended the whole affair with another heavy sigh. There just wasn?t much else to do. "At least, it?s half over," I tried to tell myself before taking another small drink. The whole time, I eyed my surroundings, on edge about another potential prank. Unlike water, I couldn?t just let my clothes dry if I got milk on them. Fortunately, it didn?t seem like there was going to be any more trouble. Having found a seat on the edge of the tables, I had a pretty good view of the whole dining area, including the table that Jordan and his friends were at. They were sitting around, talking and laughing about something, probably the ?hilarious? prank they?d just pulled on me. Whatever it was, they didn?t look like they had any plans to get up again until it was time to go back to class. Still, I kept an eye out while I let my thoughts move on to the remaining periods in the day and what might come up during them. For most, I imagined they would be no worse than any of the ones so far. If anything, they would probably not be as bad. At least, I hoped that Jordan had used up his better ideas for harrassing me that morning, leaving only the scraps for the afternoon. Even if that was true, though, there were two big spots that I was worried about. The first worry was the end of school. The rush to leave was always a chaotic mess, and Jordan would easily be able to find me in it since we rode the same bus. For those few minutes before the buses started leaving, he and his friends would have pretty much free reign to do whatever they wanted to me. I could narrow the window by hanging back near an administrator until just before it was time to leave then jump on the bus, but I couldn?t alleviate the opportunity entirely. My second worry, however, was much harder to deal with. *********************************************** *********************************************** "Alright girls, just go in, pick a locker on the left side of the room, get changed, and then come write down which one you took on this form here," the female gym teacher directed, pointing at the table in front of her upon which sat a clipboard. "And don?t forget to make a note of your combination. Understood?" "Yes, ma?am," the line of girls, including myself answered. "Good, then get to it," the woman ordered, this time gesturing us toward the locker room door. Immediately, girls started off on that task, but only some of them. Others, like myself hung back a bit. Most of those glanced my way with eyes full of either unease or derision. I certainly didn?t feel any better about it, cheeks already starting to burn at just the idea of changing around a bunch of girls. It shouldn?t have been a problem, I was a girl too, but years of living under a different designation was hard to just set aside. Besides, it wasn?t like I?d ever been all that comfortable with the guys either. Changing in front of other people was just weird no matter the gender. Weird or not, there was no getting out of it. The school had a gym uniform, a t-shirt and shorts, that all kids were required to change into for class. I could?ve skipped a day or two claiming that I didn?t have my clothes or whatever, but eventually, I was going to have to do it. As if to hammer that fact home, the teacher barked, "Come on, girls, get the lead out! If you don?t hurry up, you won?t have time to change back at the end of class!" The threat of having to wear the gross, unflattering gym clothes for the rest of the afternoon was enough to get everyone moving, albeit only after I received a few glares. Steeling myself, I forced myself to go, as well. Like with everything else I?d been through that day, I was not going to let myself chicken out. This was happening no matter how embarrassing it was. Passing through the door, I found a room that looked nearly identical to the boy?s variant. There was the typical series of small, square lockers organized in rows along the walls with benches to sit and lay things on. A second door led off to the teacher?s office while the back area sported a shower that wasn?t ever used for gym class. In fact, I wasn?t sure if it was used for anything. Maybe some intramural sports club? Not concerned with that, I ducked off to the left, moving quickly down the line until I found a sizable gap between other girls. I fell into the spot, selecting one of the lockers which lacked a padlock at the moment for my own. Just to be sure, I checked inside for any kinda tricks, then, when it proved empty, hooked the lock I had with me through the door?s ring. There was the moment of truth. Everything else was done. It was time for me to get changed. Other girls around me were doing it, already in various states of undress. I could see bras and panties, even a few girls that were bare-chested as they swapped to more supportive undergarments. While I didn?t find it to be the sexy cornucopia that it might?ve been to the boys that I?d once been grouped with it, it was still uncomfortable for me to see. The girls seemed to feel the same way, most turning to pointedly put their back to me while giving me dirty looks. "Can?t believe they actually let it change with us," I heard one of the nearer ones mumble in disdain. Oddly, the vitriol served to galvanize me a bit, refocusing my mind on determination. I didn?t care what that bitch thought. I belonged here, same as she did, and I was going to do what I was supposed to. With that thought in mind, I set my gym clothes on the bench before me and started to strip out of my regular attire. This drew a lot of attention my way, but for once, it wasn?t because of any obvious loathing. No, this time, the gazes were full of curiosity, everyone sneaking glances to see what lay under the camouflaging outer garments. In a way, that was even more embarrassing, and I could feel my cheeks blazing with heat as I undressed, but I didn?t let it slow me down. I even felt a bit of pride as I saw several girls looking decidedly jealous when I popped off my bra. They were in the minority, though. Most were just shocked as if they?d expected the large orbs on my chest to be proven to be nothing but tissue paper, plastic, or fruit that I?d shoved down my shirt. Nope, it was all me, a fact that helped my confidence considerably as I switched to dressing, starting with my sports bra. "I don?t see it," a whisper from someone nearby carried to my ears. "He must?ve tucked it between his legs," another answered. The momentarily gained confidence shattered at that insinuation, getting me to huddle down shyly. It wasn?t even true. There was nothing tucked between my legs except what a normal girl had down there, but having people talk about my privates was just humiliating. A part of me told me that I should just take off my panties and show them, but there was no way I was brave enough to do that. The best I could manage was to push those remarks from my mind and finish getting dressed. Once that was done, I quickly stowed everything in my locker and shut it. Then, I spun toward the door and hurried off, eager to get away from the unwanted attention. Thankfully, it didn?t follow me out into the hall, where I let out a big sigh of relief. "Thank God that?s over with," I muttered, walking over to the clipboard to write down my locker number as instructed. "All I?ve gotta do is go through it all over again when class ends ..." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 49 The echoes of the final bell of the school day faded away into the cacophony of students rushing to escape from the confines of their educational prison. Well, most were in a rush to do so, anyway. I, on the other hand, was not. Rising from my seat, I slowly set about gathering my things, intentionally lingering in the classroom where the presence of a teacher would protect me from any shenanigans on the part of my peers. I had plenty of time to get down to the buses before they?d leave, so I wanted to give any potential tormentors time to lose interest and worry about other things. "You doing okay, Miss Gajic?" I heard the teacher, one of my few male ones, ask. "Hmm?" I hummed, looking up from my things. Only then did the question click in my head, getting me to force a smile onto my face. "Yeah, I?m fine. Why?" "You just ... " the teacher began to comment only to trail off into shaking his head. "Nothing. Just a nosy teacher keepin? tabs on his students." "Ah, well, nothing to worry about here," I assured him in a falsely chipper tone. Smiling back, the teacher nodded. "Good to know." The exchange ended there with the teacher walking over to his desk to do some work. That freed me to return back to my things, but I did so a little differently from before. Quickly, I gathered up what was still left out of my backpack, stored it, then tossed the whole thing over my shoulder and started walking. If I?d lingered long enough to get a teacher to worry about me, I?d hopefully lingered long enough to avoid any trouble in the halls. Unfortunately, that assumption was proven wrong the moment I stepped out of the classroom. "Hey you!" Raf greeted brightly, pushing himself off the wall that he?d been leaning against. Eyes narrowing at the boy?s presence, I glanced around, looking for any sign of Jordan or one of his co-conspirators. None seemed to be about, prompting me to ask, "What do you want, Raf?" "Just thought I?d see how your first day went," the boy replied. "Yeah, well, I don?t want to talk about it," I muttered before slipping by him to start walking down the hall. In his typical obnoxious way, the asshole completely ignored that desire and fell into step beside me. "Yeah, you do." "No, I don?t," I insisted curtly. "Besides, are you even allowed to talk to me at school?" "I do whatever the fuck I want, babe," Raf assured me with his usual arrogance. "Ah, so the fact that you haven?t so much as acknowledged my existence since you met up with Jordan this morning was you just being a dick then," I remarked acerbically. To my great surprise, that jibe actually hit home, casting the shadow of a frown over the boy?s face as he looked down contritely. "Sorry ?bout that." "Seriously?" I questioned incredulously. "You?re actually sorry?" "Yeah, seriously," the boy retorted indignantly. "It wasn?t like I was trying to be a dick or anything. I just have a reputation to uphold, y?know." "Ah, and it couldn?t take the hit of something as awful as daring to say hi to the ?freak?," I critiqued. "That?s not?" Raf started to argue. "No, no, I get it," I cut him off, waving a hand to dismiss any effort to explain himself. "It?s fine to call me up all the time, but only ?cause nobody knows about it. Which begs the question, why are you talking to me now? Helping Jordan with one of his pranks? Let me guess. Another water balloon? You?d probably love to see me in a wet t-shirt." "Well, I would like to see that ..." the asshole actually admitted with a smirk, but that good humor didn?t last. An instant later, his face was all serious. "But no, that?s not why I?m talkin? to you." Rolling my eyes, I demanded. "Then what is?" Rather than answer that question, Raf just stopped in his tracks. The sudden shift got me to lurch to a stop a couple steps later. Spinning around, I was all set to spit some angry barb at the boy, but the words died on my lips at the sight of him. He was standing there, gaze on the ground, but distant and paired with a face that was clouded by some dark worry. "Raf?" I inquired, wondering what could so get to the usually flippant jackass. The boy?s name got him to lift his gaze to mine, and it brought with it an intense focus. "I wanted to see if you?d like to come hang out my place after school." "Your place?" I questioned, furrowing my brow. "Why would I want to do that? I?ve never even seen your place. Plus, you?d probably just try to molest me or something." "Fine, some place public then," Raf immediately compromised. "We can get some ice cream or see a movie or whatever." Those innocuous suggestions earned a bewildered little chuckle from me. "What? This has to be some sort of prank, right?" "No, it?s not a prank! I just?!" the boy denied, his voice forceful and earnest right up until he cut himself off with a heavy sigh. When he continued, it was with a morose reluctant. "I don?t want you to get hurt." "Okay ... weird thing to say for someone who swore to get me to kill myself and wouldn?t accept my apology, but you don?t have to worry," I replied lightly. "I mean ... Jordan?s pranks have been annoying, but I?m pretty tough, and the day?s basically over. I can handle it." Raf shook his head. "You don?t understand. Everything so far, that?s all just been to amuse them while we?re at school. They can?t really do anything all that bad here." "What are they gonna do once we?re outta here? Egg my house again?" I questioned. "I?ll just clean it up like I did the last time." "No," the boy stated. "They?re planning to jump you on your way home." "What?" I asked in confusion. "Jump me?" Looking down as if ashamed, Raf nodded. "Yeah, Jordan?s got a buncha guys ridin? home with him today. They?re plannin? to wait till you get off the bus then jump you, y?know, like muggers. At least, at first they were only planning to steal your backpack and anything else you had on you, but they?ve been talkin? ?bout it all day, and every time they suggest worse and worse things, like ripping up your clothes or shaving your head or ... other stuff." Taken aback by that explanation, I had no immediate response. It was one thing for Jordan and his friends to harass me at school and spread nasty rumors, but the idea that he would steal from me or try to actually hurt me ... that far was just unbelievable. "N-No way," I denied, shaking my head. "That?s way beyond bullying. They?d be in real trouble for stuff like that." "Not really, and even then, only if they get caught," Raf told me. "If they get caught?!" I blurted. "How would they not?! There?s no way I?d just deal with something like that. I?d totally call the cops." "After the fact with no proof but your word against all of theirs," the boy countered. "That?s not?" I started to argue. "Trust me on this," Raf interrupted, lifting his gaze to give me a very hard and serious look. "They?ll get away with it, and even if they don?t, they?re minors. The worst that?s gonna happen to them is gettin? kicked outta school and maybe some time at juvie. It?s not gonna be any sort of reasonable compensation for the kinda stuff they might do to you." I gave the boy a guarded look. "What makes you so sure?" "?Cause, I hang out with criminals all the time, and they always get us kids to do the bad shit ?cause the system just slaps us on the wrist and lets us go," Raf explained. "Unless they go super far and kill you or something, they?ve got nothin? to worry about from the law." "You?re kidding," I refused to believe. The boy shook his head solemnly. "No, I?m not, and even if the law was gonna drop the hammer on them, I still wouldn?t want you to risk it." "Why not?" I questioned warily. "What do you care what happens to me?" "I-I don?t really," Raf denied. "I just like lookin? at ya is all, so I don?t want anyone fuckin? that up." That remark pulled a helpless chuckle out of me. "Pig." As unperturbed by insults as usual, the boy shrugged. "Hey, gotta get something outta it, right?" "You could just be a decent person," I pointed out sharply before letting out a heavy sigh. "But thank you." "Oh?" Raf perked up, raising an eyebrow. "Does that mean you?re gonna actually listen and come hang out with me?" That was a difficult question for me to answer. There was still a risk that the asshole was working with Jordan, but it didn?t seem like they needed any help to get to me. They could just come after me once I got off the bus like Raf claimed was their plan. Of course, I didn?t have to go with him to be spared that. I could call my sister for a ride. The highschool ran later than the middle school, though, so I?d have to wait for her. Sitting around, alone, in an empty school didn?t sound like a fun time, especially not since I?d have to worry about Jordan realizing that I hadn?t gotten on the bus and coming to find me. "Uhm ... I guess," I agreed reluctantly. "But I swear to God, if you try something, I will find a way to make you pay for it, even if I end up in jail because of it." The boy just grinned at the threat. "I bet you would." "There?s no betting," I warned. "It?s a one hundred percent certainty." "Mmhmm," Raf hummed, offering no further argument. "So which is it gonna be, movie, ice cream or my place?" "Ice cream," I stated, picking the shortest activity. "And you?re paying." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 50 "Uhm ... thanks for the ride, Mrs. Cardenos," I offered as I got out of the back seat of the car. "You?re welcome sweetheart," the older, hispanic woman replied warmly in an accent that was clearly native New Yorker. "Yeah, thanks Mom," the woman?s son, Raf, said as he came around the car to stand next to me. "I?ll call ya when we need to get picked up." "Okay, Sugarbear. You two have fun on your little date," Raf?s mother answered, causing my cheeks to heat up. "We will, Mom," Raf told her, just before the woman put the car into gear and drove off. With the woman gone, I tossed a narrow-eyed look at the boy. "Why does your Mom think we?re dating?" "Because how else could I explain my takin? a beautiful girl like you out after school?" Raf pointed out. "Unless you wanted me to tell her about how people are planning to do shit to you ?cause you used to be a boy? Would that?ve been less embarrassing for ya?" Having to concede that argument, I rolled my eyes and switched topics. "Fine. Still, I was surprised you have a stay at home mom." "I don?t, I mean ... not technically," the boy explained as he walked over to the door to the ice cream parlour to pull it open for me. "She works part time as a housekeeper, so she can get off work in time to pick me up from school." "Yeah, cause that?s so different," I retorted sarcastically as I slipped through the door. Coming behind me, Raf huffed, "It is! She works really hard!" "I?m sure she does, and she seems really nice," I agreed readily before giving the guy a sidelong glance. "Which is what makes me wonder how you ended up like this." "Like what? Awesome?" the boy took the opportunity to brag. "A jackass delinquent who hangs out with criminals and bullies kids he thinks are gay," I corrected. "Hey, I already told you. I didn?t care that you?re gay ... er were gay?" Raf clarified, furrowing his brow slightly. "I?m not really sure what the right way to say that is." "I don?t know. Personally, I would say I was never gay. Whatever I looked like, I?ve always been a girl up here," I explained, tapping at my temple. "And I?ve always liked boys." Raf screwed his face up uncertainly at my reasoning, but he didn?t argue with it, just nodded and moved on. "Okay. Anyway ... what do you want?" "Uhm ..." I stalled while I looked up at the menu. There was an overwhelming amount of options, so I ended up not even trying to read them all. I didn?t even really want ice cream. The only reason I was there was to avoid Jordan?s ambush. "Hot fudge sundae, I guess. Small." "Got it," the boy acknowledged before stepping over to the register to order. "Small hot fudge sundae and an extra large chocolate shake." While Raf paid for our refreshments, I wandered over to a table and sat down, letting out a heavy sigh. After all my big talk about how I wasn?t going to chicken out, I?d gone and done exactly that, letting Jordan bully me into not riding the bus home. What else could I have done, though, just let him rob me along with God only knew what else he had planned? "Why are you taking this so far?" I muttered under my breath, shaking my head in frustration. It was ridiculous. Jordan and I had been friends for almost a year, really good friends. He?d certainly been my best friend, and I might?ve even been his. To have him going so far that Raf had been worried about me getting seriously hurt was just ... "One, hot fudge sundae," Raf?s voice cut into my thoughts, just before he slid the item in question onto the table in front of me. "Oh, thanks," I mumbled absently, reaching out for the item, but not even picking up the spoon, much less taking a bite. Sliding into the seat opposite me, Raf just looked at me for a couple of moments before remarking, "Better eat up before it gets ... lukewarm, I guess?" Chuckling weakly, I finally picked up the spoon. "Right ... I should do that, huh." "Well, unless you just wanted to waste my money," the boy joked. "Wasn?t plannin? on it," I assured him before I scooped up a small bite. Forcing a smile onto my face, I affected a moaned, "Mmm, tasty." "That?s the point," Raf commented with a little laugh, before taking a long slurp on his milkshake. Not bothering to respond, I just stared at my ice cream, robotically taking new bites in an even rhythm. It wasn?t that the treat wasn?t good. It was. However, I could barely taste it through all the worries that weighed on my mind. "Soo ..." Raf began after a few moments of silence. "I think I?ve come full circle on that outfit of yours. It?s really doin? somethin? for me, now." "Mmm, great," I murmured distantly, not even bothering to engage. It was just the usual inane remark meant to embarrass me. What was even the point in feeling embarrassed, though, after all I?d been through that day? At least, this wasn?t an insinuation that I still had a dick or that I was actually a boy in drag or some other nonsense. Given nothing to interact with, the boy fell silent for another couple seconds. Throughout, he looked at me with obvious uncertainty. I couldn?t imagine what he had to be uncertain about, though. He wasn?t the one that had to fear getting mugged on the way home or getting harassed day in and day out for months or even years. "I told ya that ya shoulda skipped today," Raf finally broke his silence. Jerking my head up, I glared at the boy. "You told me did ya?! Well good for fucking you! Clearly things would be so much better if I?d spent the whole day cowering in my room, hiding from the whole God damn world!" "That?s not?" the asshole tried to explain himself, but I was in no mood. "I don?t fucking care, Raf!" I spat, cutting him off. "Not about what you told me! Not about anything you have to say! Not even about whatever pervy garbage you think about in that fat fucking head of yours! You have no fucking idea what I?m dealing with! You just sit there all smug and laid back, spouting off your stupid shit like a gigantic asshole!" Rather than try to speak up again, the boy just rode out my tirade with his face tight and his body stiff. He remained like that even after I ran out of things to say and was left with nothing to do but glare while I panted with rage. In that way, we passed several silent, tense seconds as the anger that blazed within me burned out, leaving the ashes of guilt in its wake. "Sorry," I finally mumbled, averting my eyes. "Don?t be," Raf stated. "You?re right. I am an asshole." "Maybe, but at least you talk to me like I?m an actual person," I muttered as depression started washing away the guilt, causing my eyes to burn in the process. "That?s more than anyone else does." "Sure," the boy muttered. Not sure how to react to that, I rubbed at my arm, trying to think of something to say. However, nothing even halfway decent came to mind. Everything I could think of was either going to make me angry again or it would get me crying, and I didn?t want either to happen. "Are you coming to school tomorrow, too?" Raf asked neutrally. Jaw clenching, I tossed another glare at the boy. "Why d?ya wanna know? Wanna warn me not to, so you can have your ?I told you so? moment, tomorrow, too?" With none of his usual bluster or pretension, the boy shook his head. "Nope, just curious." "Then, yeah, probably," I answered curtly. "Don?t really have much of a choice. No way are my parents gonna pay for me to go to a private school, and I?m not gonna just fuck my whole life up by not going at all." Raf nodded in understanding. "Makes sense." "Not lookin? forward to another round of whatever bullshit Jordan comes up with for tomorrow, though," I sighed wearily. The day had been far from unbearable, but enduring something for one day was a far cry form enduring it for weeks. I had no idea if I even could, but I had to try. Again, the boy nodded. "Yeah ... that can?t be easy." "Nah, I love getting pelted by water balloons, tripped in the hallway, and having much lunch splattered on the floor," I remarked facetiously. "It?s just great." "I bet," Raf played along, finally breaking his streak of seriousness by cracking his lips into a wry smirk. "Guess that just leaves me with one last question to ask." "Well then keep it to yourself, ?cause it?s probably something stupid," I retorted snidely. Chuckling, the boy shook his head. "I can?t do that. It?s far too important." "Really?" I questioned doubtfully. "What is it then?" The asshole?s smirk twisted into a mischievous grin. "Got another sexy, new outfit to wear for tomorrow?" Rolling my eyes, I let out a heavy sigh. "Well, I don?t know how sexy it is, but yeah, I got one more new outfit before I?m back to wearing my sister?s stuff for the rest of the week." "Eh, your sister dresses pretty sexy, too, so you?ll probably still look plenty hot, even in hand-me-downs," Raf remarked. "Yeah, ?cause it would be a real shame if you couldn?t perv on me for one day," I huffed sarcastically. "Oh, it would be," the boy countered with affected seriousness. "You turning into a girl is the best thing to ever happen to going to school." With a helpless chuckle, I shook my head. "Uh huh, sure it is." "Trust me," Raf asserted. "Seeing you has been the highlight of my day." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 51 "What a day," I sighed as I plopped onto my bed, finally back at home after Raf?s mother dropped me off. "Really. Then why don?t you tell me about it?" my sister?s voice inquired. Hardly surprised, I looked up to find my sister standing in the doorway to my room, arms folded in front of her. "Oh ... hey Misha," I mumbled, sitting myself up properly for the unavoidable talk that was coming. "Hey, yourself," the older girl answered as she drifted into the room. "So, on a scale from cakewalk to ready to bawl your eyes out, how bad was it?" "Somewhere in the middle," I answered. In spite of the vagueness of that answer, Misha nodded in understanding. Having her accept that answer so easily should?ve been an obvious clue that she cared more about something else, but her follow up question of, "So where?d you go after school then?" still caught me by surprise somehow. "Wh-Where did I go?" I repeated. Adopting a knowing look, my sister nodded. "Yep. You always beat me home when you take the bus, so you had to go somewhere for me to be here so far ahead of you." Silently cursing logical deduction, I tried lying, "It?s nothing. I just thought I?d treat myself to some ice cream after my shitty day." "Nice try, but you don?t have a car, so someone had to take you," Misha pointed out. "Care to go again?" Foiled by logic a second time, a wince twitched across my face. "Fine, so somebody treated me to ice cream to try to cheer me up after my shitty day. Happy?" "Very," the older girl answered. "It?s great to know you?ve got someone at school who cares." "Not as great as you might think," I muttered. "Hmm?" Misha hummed. "What do you mean." "I mean ... he?s not exactly what I?d call a friend, or even friendly for that matter," I clarified. "In fact, he?s kinda an ass." That critique had my sister raising an eyebrow in surprise. "Really? But you guys talk all the time." "What?! No, we don?t!" I denied. "Oh, come on, Vali," Misha remarked patronizingly. "I try not to listen in on what you?re actually saying, but the walls here aren?t that thick. You?ve been getting phone calls nearly every day, and they?re not short ones, either. You always talk for a pretty long while. So, unless I?m wrong about that guy being the same as the one you got ice cream with, you definitely talk a lot." "That?s ... I mean ... I don?t ... " I stammered as I felt my cheeks heat up. My sister?s follow up giggle did nothing to help my embarrassment. "You?re adorable. Actually blushing just over talking to a guy." "It?s not like that!" I exclaimed, but the way my face was burning belied my words. "He?s just ... ugh ... he?s an asshole. He only calls to get a rise out of me." "Then why do you talk to him, hmm?" Misha questioned pointedly. "I, uhm ... " I wanted to have a good answer for that, one that would make it very clear that Raf was just scum, but I didn?t have any such answer. He was just ... I was just ... Looking down at my lap, I rubbed at my arm and murmured, "It?s complicated." "Well, that, I don?t doubt," my sister agreed, stepping forward so that she could sit down on the bed with me. "Switching genders mid-life seems to complicate just about everything." "Yeah ..." I sighed, feeling exhaustion and despondency finally start to cool my embarrassment. Everything had gotten so complicated when I?d become a girl ... and miserable, like all the wrongness I?d felt about being a boy had been expelled into the world around me. The feel of Misha?s hand resting atop one of my knees, tugged me from those dark musings. "We?ll untangle it all, though, and to start, you can tell me who this guy is." My sister?s persistence pulled a helpless chuckle out of me. "You?re not gonna let this go, are ya?" "Nope," Misha confirmed smartly. "So spill it." Letting out a heavy sigh, I gathered myself for further embarrassment. "Okay, so ... remember Raf?" "The guy who called you a faggot for months, then said he?d help you with Jordan only to instead get into a fight with you and not except your apology?" the older girl asked rhetorically. "Yeah, kinda hard to forget. Wait ... he?s the guy you?ve been talking to? He is an asshole." "Yeah, he is, but ..." I began only to trail off for a moment before I finally got up the nerve to continue. "He?s the only one at school that treats me like I?m ... normal. He?s even warned me about stuff Jordan is planning." "Really?" Misha questioned, sounding legitimately surprised. Nodding, I answered, "Yeah, of course, he also mocks me relentlessly and loves saying pervy shit to embarrass me, so he?s not exactly a knight in shining armor or even a friend really." "Pervy shit?" the older girl inquired. "Yeah, y?know, he?ll talk about the, uhm, size of my bust or rate how hot he thinks my outfit makes me look or whatever," I clarified. "He?s usually pretty crass about it, too, and has absolutely no sense of tact or reading the mood. He just blurts out whatever he thinks will be amusing." An odd smile curled my sister?s lips at that explanation. "I think I get the picture." "Anyway ... " I segued. "He stopped me after class today to randomly invite me to hang out, which he?s never done, and I had no interest in doing, but there was more to it. The truth was he was just trying to help me avoid something Jordan was planning for after we all got off the bus." "When you?d be alone with absolutely no one around to punish him for anything he?d do," Misha deduced. "Exactly, and I know I could?ve just called you, but I was worried about waiting around at school alone until you got out, so I just took him up on his offer," I finished my story. "We got some ice cream, talked for a bit, then his mom drove me home." My sister nodded in understanding. "Sounds like he really helped you out." "Uh, yeah, I guess," I conceded. "Did you thank him for it?" Misha inquired. "Well, he was kinda being a jerk at the time, so maybe I wasn?t as grateful as I could?ve been, but yeah, I did," I told her. "That?s good," the older girl remarked. "Think he?ll help you out more?" I shrugged helplessly. "Who knows? He just does whatever suits him. He wouldn?t even acknowledge my existence at school, ?cause he doesn?t want to ruin his ?reputation?, but he waited outside of my last class to stop me from getting on the bus, ?cause he doesn?t want Jordan and his buddies to do anything to me that might make me less fun for him to leer at." Oddly, my answer curled my sister?s lips into a smirk. "Really? He actually said that or you?re just guessing?" "He actually said that," I confirmed. "What a pig," Misha insulted with a chuckle. "I know, right?!" I exclaimed. "He?s always sayin? shit like that. Like while we were gettin? ice cream, he was talkin? about how gettin? to check me out was the best thing about school." My sister burst out laughing at that news. "Seriously?" "Mmhmm," I hummed. "Does he do this with other girls, too, or just you?" Misha asked. "Uhm ... just me I guess," I answered uncertainly as a frown crept across my face. One of the only things that made talking to Raf tolerable was the fact that I felt like he treated me like a girl. If I was the only girl he treated like that, though, then that couldn?t be true. He had to be doing it because I used to be a boy. Really, it was no different than the girls in the locker room who thought I didn?t belong or the people who called me a freak as they harassed me. A shake of my knee pulled me from my thoughts. "Hey! Don?t get all mopey. It?s a good thing." "It is?" I questioned. "Yeah, trust me," Misha assured me. "I?ve met guys who act like that, and you?d definitely rather be the girl they tease than the one of the ones they pretend to be nice to." "Okay...?" I elongated the word, screwing my face up with doubt. It certainly didn?t sound like a good thing, but my sister had a lot more experience with how guys treated girls than I did. All I knew was that pretty much all guys talked like Raf when they were with their buddies, so it wasn?t like he was any more of a perv than the rest. He was just more honest about it. "Anyway, if you wanna get back at him for the way he acts, I could probably help ya out," Misha offered. Perking up at the offer, I blurted, "Really?!" "Oh yeah," the older girl answered confidently. "Y?see, the key to guys like that is to overwhelm their expectations." "Overwhelm their expectations?" I parroted in confusion. "How do I do that?" "He?s basically been telling you this whole time," Misha explained. "You said he likes it when you dress sexy and that he?s something of a boob guy, right?" "Uhm ... yeah? I guess?" I answered, far from sure of myself. "He talks about how hot I look in stuff a lot, especially that dress I wore to our ... talk, and he definitely spends a lot of time looking at my chest." "Well then, that?s where we start," my sister told me, taking a moment to look me over critically. "That dress is probably a bit much for school, but I think we can get something fairly close." Suddenly, things started to click in my head, causing my eyes to shoot wide. "Wait ...? You want me to get all dressed up for him again?!" "Duh," Misha answered matter-of-factly. "And in fact, I know just how to go about it." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 52 "There is no way that I can go to school like this," I denied outright. "What?re you talkin? about?" my sister question rhetorically. "You look amazing!" "I look like I?m about to make an appearance in a porno!" I retorted, cheeks burning with a mix of anger and embarrassment. If I was being completely fair, my assessment was probably a bit over the top, but only just a bit. My sister had really pulled out all the stops, calling around to various friends to find exactly the right things to borrow to create her desired effect. The result was truly something. For a top, Misha had acquired what had to be just about the sluttiest one I had ever seen. It was lavender, halter style, and incredible tiny, so much so that even as it clung to my torso it left several inches of my waist bare, because there just wasn?t enough material. That would?ve been more skin than I would've liked by itself, but it wasn?t all I was showing. It wasn?t even the part which I was currently covering with crossed arms. That honor went to my chest, which was, more exposed than covered by the top?s extreme V-neck which went all the way down my sternum, showing the entire valley between my breasts. It also showed the fact that I wasn?t wearing a bra, couldn?t be given the vast exposure of the garment. While that was the most egregious piece of my ensemble, the other items weren?t much better. The jean skirt that I?d been squeezed into was equally tiny, riding low on hips that it hugged like a second skin before quickly terminating only a few inches down my thighs. The rest of my legs were bare down to the tan boots, whose three inch heels were thankfully not stilettos. They still proved quite the challenge to walk in, and added a whole different layer to the discomfort my attire inflicted upon me. "No, you look like you?re about to blow that Raf boy?s mind so hard that he?s not gonna have enough brain cells left inside to talk much less make a smart ass remark," Misha countered. "Plus, those dickholes at your school are gonna have a hard time calling you a freak when you look like that, and I do mean that literally." "Misha!" I shouted, only getting more flustered with the other girl?s remarks. "What? You think any guy is gonna fail to get it up when they see you in that?" my sister remarked facetiously. "Well, any straight guy, anyway." "Misha!" I tried again, voice getting a little shrill with rage. Laughing off my obvious discomfort, Misha rolled her eyes at me. "Come on, Vali, show a little confidence here. You look great, and you?re gonna get to one up that guy like you want, while probably making it a lot less likely that your classmates make fun of you. It?s like a win- win-win." "Yeah, if I don?t die of embarrassment or get sent home for breaking the dress code!" I argued. "Well, embarrassment can?t kill you, and as for dress codes, it?s not like you go to some catholic school or something," my sister countered. "They?re not gonna care about what you?re wearing, and if, for some reason, they do, I?ll give you a fleece jacket. That way you can just toss it on if the staff gets on your case or, y?know, if it?s just cold in there." That addition was accompanied by the older girl giving me a quick look over. "Which it probably will be, ?cause you?re not used to showing this much skin." "You?re right, I?m not, which is why I don?t want to wear this," I retorted, dropping my arms and thrusting out my chest a little. "I mean, look at me! I?ve only been in it for like a minute, and I?m already cold enough to be poking out of it, and that was with my arms there for warmth!" Glancing down at my conspicuous nipple problem, Misha giggled in amusement. "Don?t worry. That?s just ?cause you?re all amped up on nervous energy. They?ll settle down once you do." "I don?t think that?s how it works," I argued. "Really? You, the girl who?s had boobs for less than a month thinks she knows how they work better than me, who?s had them for years?" the older girl questioned patronizingly. That point earned a frustrated growl from me, but I didn?t stop fighting. "And even if it was, they were still pokin? out even when they weren?t hard!" "Well, yeah, I mean ... that top is really tight and thin, so unless they were, like, super tiny, there?s gonna at least be a hint of them," Misha reasoned. "Yes, exactly, so there?s no way?" I tried to cling to that excuse. "But, if that really bothers you, we can just tape a little padding in there to cover ?em up," my sister interrupted me to suggest. Momentum ruined, I stumbled verbally. "Wh-What? Wait. Really?" "Yeah, it?s easy," Misha confirmed, rubbing her thumb and fingers together. "I?ve got these little foam inserts we can use. They?re mostly for, y?know, getting that little extra oomph, but they?ll work for this, too." "Oh, well ... uhm ... " I murmured, briefly at a loss for what to say. Unwelcome ... protrusions weren?t my only issue with the outfit, though, so it wasn?t long before my mind got back on track. "I still don?t think I can wear this." "Well, that?s just not true," my sister denied outright. "I mean, you?re wearing it right now." "In front of you!" I exclaimed. Misha shrugged off that argument. "That?s not stopping you from being embarrassed is it?" "No?" I answered uncertainly, furrowing my brow. "So it?s not gonna be that much worse around other people," my sister pointed out. "You?ll be fine. Plus, you might even start getting used to the idea that you?re a beautiful girl who?s going to get a lot of attention in her life. You?re not gonna be able to get away with being a shy, little wallflower. I mean ... not unless you wanna spend the rest of your life dressing in burlap sacks or something." On the ropes against Misha?s relentlessness, I was very relieved to hear the sound of my text alert coming from my room. "That?s my phone." "Go grab it real quick while I get the tape and inserts, oh, and find you that fleece," my sister replied as she turned to start her search. Escaping from my sister?s clutches, I hurried out of her room and darted across the hall to get to mine. Halfway across, I ended up having to grab my chest to corral the uncomfortable bouncing that my haste caused. "Yet another reason to hate going braless," I sighed, once I was in the safety of my own room. At the same time, I strode over to grab my phone and check the message. Unsurprisingly, it was a simple, "Hey," from the only person that really talked to me anymore, Raf. "What do you want?" I typed out. "I?ve got everything, so get that dynamite butt of yours back in here!" my sister shouted from her room. That demand was enough to end my momentary respite from embarrassment, causing my cheeks to heat up again. However, if I didn?t listen, Misha would just barge into my room to do her thing. It would be much easier to continue my resistance from over there. "Coming!" I yelled back before I turned to go, taking my phone with me. Another dash across the hall, and I was back in my sister?s room just in time for another text to come through on my phone. "That Raf?" Misha asked, her lips twisting into a grin. "Yes," I huffed in annoyance, knowing that it wasn?t something I could really hide anymore, not after the talk last night. "What?s he want?" my sister inquired. "Well, if you?d give me a sec to check, maybe I?d know!" I snapped back. "Sorry," the older girl apologized, grinning the whole while. Sighing, I looked down at my phone. "He wants to know if I want a ride to school to avoid having to deal with Jordan on the bus." "Tell him you do," Misha responded immediately. Looking up from my phone, I crinkled my brow. "What? Why? I thought you were gonna give me a ride today?" "I was, but this?ll be so much better," my sister told me. "You?ll get to show off just for him." "But I don?t want to show off for him," I argued. "Yes, you do. Remember? That?s the whole reason you agreed to dress up," Misha countered. "When you open the door like that, he?s gonna fuckin? lose it." I was a little taken aback by that argument. Through all my discomfort getting ready, I?d forgotten the reason why I?d even let my sister talk me into wearing this ridiculous outfit. It was all to fluster Raf, but that didn?t even make sense. He was the one that was comfortable with this kinda thing. He also liked leering at me, and this outfit would only give him more to look at. Why would I want that? "Plus, this way, once he sees it, you can cover up a little before you even get to school," my sister sweetened the offer. "Although, I still think you should at least try to tough it out for a bit to show people that it doesn?t matter what they think. You?re gonna do you." Wavering, I tilted my head back and forth. "I don?t know. I mean ... he?s probably just gonna make some pervy joke, and I doubt I?ll change any of my classmates minds." "Well, then, I?m just gonna have to ask you to trust me on this," Misha told me. "If you wear that today, especially if Raf picks you up, it?s gonna help. I promise you that." I still had my doubts, but my sister?s earnestness ate away at them. There were a lot of things I had to worry about these days, but my sister trying to intentionally steer me wrong wasn?t one of them. She?d never do that. If she said this outfit would help, she really thought it would. "Alright," I finally conceded. "I?ll let him pick me up." "And the clothes?" Misha double-checked. "I?ll wear those, too," I sighed wearily, all but certain that I was going to regret that answer at least a few times before the day was done. However, I trusted my sister, so I?d try to get through it. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 53 The ring of the doorbell echoed through the house, heralding the arrival of my ride. That very fact made it send a jolt of nervous energy down my spine, prompting me to twitch in my seat. I was not looking forward to this. "That?s your cue," Misha remarked from her own seat in the living room, in which she was currently eating a small bowl of cereal before she had to go to school. "Or maybe it was a group hallucination?" I tried weakly. Giggling, my sister shook her head. "Nope, that was the doorbell. Time for you to go explode a young man?s head." Having no arguments to offer in return, I let out a despairing groan and pushed myself up to my feet. "I can?t believe I let you talk me into this." "Hey, think positive thoughts," Misha told me. "LIke how, at least, you?re not poking through your top anymore." "Yeah ... right ..." I muttered insincerely as I turned to walk to the door. Technically, my sister was right. Thanks to two, thin, foam inserts, I didn?t have to worry about poking through my top anymore. They did make my chest look a little fuller, but compared to their already impressive size that wasn?t a big deal. If only the foam could?ve done something to keep them from bobbing about with my movements or covered the rich valley of tan skin that my top was showing off. Those two unresolved worries, combined with numerous others, made me dread arriving at the front door. Unfortunately, the walk from the couch in the living room was a short one, forcing me to face down the last barrier between me and humiliation far too soon for my liking. Well, my liking would?ve been to never face it at all, so I supposed that no walk would?ve been long enough. Rather than pointlessly try to put it off, I just took one long, steadying breath, grabbed the handle, and pulled the door right open. "Hey th?" Raf started to greet as the barrier between us swung out of the way, but he never finished the sentence. First, his eyes went wide. Then, words failed him. Finally, his jaw dropped, leaving him staring at me in shock as he breathed, "Wow ..." Nearly every part of my mind and body wanted to curl up and try to hide from the boy?s gaze. Not just my cheeks, but everywhere Raf looked burned with embarrassment, leaving my whole body flush with an oppressive heat. It was almost as if his eyes were actually burning my skin, so much of which was bare and unprotected. Yet, I did not curl up, but instead clung to one tiny little scrap of courage in my soul. That scrap told me that, if I could just endure, if could not cave to the humiliation of the situation, that my sister would prove to be right. It would be Raf who was flustered for once. I could already see the evidence of that in his stunned expression. All I had to do was show confidence, even if I didn?t feel it. Pushing my shoulders back and chest out, I forced what I hoped was a wry smirk on my face and rested one hand on my hip, which I cocked to the side. It all felt so incredibly awkward and forced, like trying to pose a doll that only had a couple of joints, but I didn?t abandon the effort. I?d survived more humiliating things than this. "So, ready to go?" I asked, trying to sound disinterested and unbothered. For the first time since I?d opened the door, Raf blinked, lifting his eyes, which looked quite dazed and unfocused, to meet mine. "Huh?" Affecting a dismissive scoff, I tossed my long, loose hair and then just slipped right by the stunned boy. As I did, I tried to keep my stride slow and measured, emulating a hip sway that Misha had tried to teach me after I?d gotten dressed. Nervous and in unfamiliar heels, that wasn?t easy. I felt so stiff and out of sorts that I was certain that I messed it up, but I kept at it anyway, sashaying my way across the porch then down the steps. My heels were already clicking on the concrete walkway that led to the sidewalk before I heard so much as a peep out of Raf. When he did finally make noise, it was to blurt out, "Wait up!" before scurrying to catch up to me. Having no idea how to respond without breaking character, I ignored the boy?s request, continuing along without altering my pace. As unhurried as that was, it wasn?t a problem at all for Raf to catch up. Bounding up next to me, the boy quickly slowed down again, trying to affect his usual easy, confident stride. While that mostly worked, it was somewhat hindered by the fact that when I glanced that way, I found him still slack jawed and staring at my chest. Seeing that, I almost ruined my act by celebrating. While I?d had no reason to doubt her, I was still shocked that my sister had been right. Some slutty clothes and an aloof attitude and all of a sudden the normally glib asshole was just another dorky teen gawking at a pretty girl. It was incredible. Fortunately, the walk to the car was a short one, so I didn?t have to maintain my charade for long or deal with any awkward silences. In fact, by the time Raf settled in alongside of me, I only had time for that one glance his way to see his reaction. By the time I looked forward again, I was already almost to the car. "Here, uh, let me get that," Raf declared, tripping over himself to hurry by me and get to the car door before me. In spite of his stumble, he managed to accomplish that, getting the door open before I even had to stop. "Thanks," I replied, trying for a mix of gratitude and disinterest. That was the extent of my interaction with the boy, though. After that, I just slid my backpack off my shoulder, tossed it into the car, then slipped onto the seat. "Hello again, sweetheart," Raf?s mother, seated behind the wheel, greeted brightly. Here, at last, my act broke, fortunately after Raf closed the door, blocking his view. The air of aloof confidence shattered when I found the woman using the rearview mirror to look back at me. Folding my arms, I tried to huddle down a bit and hide the ridiculous top I was wearing. "H-Hi, Mrs. Cardenos. Th-Thanks for giving me a ride," I stuttered out in a shy, little voice. "My pleasure, dear," the older woman replied warmly. "It wouldn?t do to let a young girl like you have to contend with that brat that?s bothering you all by yourself." That comment made me wonder exactly what all Raf had told his mother, but I didn?t have time to think about it. The sound of the door opposite mine opening indicated that the boy was about to enter. Instantly, I reacted, shifting my posture from a self-conscious hunkering to what I hoped looked like a nonchalant lounge, with my legs crossed enticingly and my torso twisted to give my seatmate a good view of my chest. Glancing that way, I could tell Raf approved as he eagerly hopped in to immediately focus his gaze fully on me. I didn?t give him a smile or even acknowledge his arrival. Instead, I just quickly turned my attention back to the front, trying my best to ignore not just him, but the feel of his eyes upon me. "Alright, buckle up you two," Mrs. Cardenos instructed as she put the car into gear. "We don?t want you to be late for school." *********************************************** *********************************************** "Thanks again, Mrs. Cardenos," I offered gratefully as I stepped out of the car right outside of school. "You?re welcome," the older woman answered brightly. "Have fun at school, you two. Learn lots." "Bye Mom," Raf added in an exasperated tone before he closed my door for me. With the need to be polite to my ride gone, I tried to fall back into my austere act. Spinning about, I started off without a word, once again trying to affect the sultry sway that I?d been taught. I didn?t think that I did any worse than before, but it took almost no time at all for me to realize that it wasn?t going to be as effective this time. Rather than be dazed by my grace and beauty, Raf was ready for my movements, catching up to me in just a couple steps. When he fell into pace with my stride, I glanced his way, but I did not find him leering. Instead, our eyes actually met, showing me that his were clear and accompanied by an amused smirk. Instantly, I jerked my gaze ahead again, trying to just fall back into the role, but the spell was broken. Suddenly, the awkwardness in my movements was too much to bear, causing me to stumble slightly. My nervousness quickly overwhelmed after that, forcing me to fold my arms, lest my jittery hands shake from all the extra energy. I even tilted my gaze to the side in an attempt to hide my face and cheeks that I could feel flushing with color. "You?re different today," Raf remarked, as the two of us reached the door. Still playing the gentleman, he stepped ahead of me to hold it while I passed. "No, I?m not," I denied as I went by, still trying to cling to at least some of the confident, unconcerned air. My efforts were shown to be futile a moment later when the boy chuckled. "Liar. Not that I?m complaining. That outfit is ... " Rather than use words, he just let out a low whistle in praise. "And the way you?re walking and holding yourself is just ... mmm, but it?s definitely not the usual you." "So maybe I?m a little more comfortable today than yesterday. So what?" I questioned haughtily. "So nothing," Raf answered. "I was just saying you?re actin? different." Shrugging, I let out a dismissive, "Hmph." "Although, while this is a nice change of pace, I like the real you much better," the boy added. My last desperate efforts to cling to the act unraveled in an instant. It all started with a sudden rush of heat to my face, which led to a tickle in my throat that demanded a cough. That distracted me from my carefully controlled stride, causing me to stumble in the unfamiliar heels for the second time. All told, it was a moment of complete and total failure. "Ah, there she is, the dorky yet sexy girl I know so well," Raf remarked, his voice so smug that I didn?t even need to look to know that he was grinning. "Shut up!" I spat, furious with myself for screwing up. "Mmmmm-nah," the asshole refused. "Talkin?s more fun." That answer drew a heavy sigh from my lips. Clearly, turning the tables on the boy was at an end. At least, it had been fun while it lasted. Plus, this way, I could put on that fleece before the rest of the school saw me in this outfit. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 54 "What are you doing?" Raf asked in confusion. Without looking up, I kept right on digging around in my backpack for the fleece my sister had given me. "Getting something to cover up with." "Cover up?" the boy repeated. "Why?d you wear that if you?re just gonna hide it?" "None of your damn business is why!" I huffed indignantly before finally finding the garment. Straightening up, I quickly tossed it over my shoulders and reached for the zipper. "Oh, was it just for me then? I?m flattered," the asshole remarked arrogantly. Hands freezing just before they started to zip up, I winced. The truth was, he had been the primary reason. I wasn?t going to actually tell him that, though. He was a big enough pain in the ass already without me bloating his ego more. Taking a deep breath, I forced my hands to release the zipper, leaving the most important parts, my stomach and chest, still uncovered. "Of course not! But if you really must know, it?s just ?cause it?s a bit chilly in here with the AC." "Ah, well, you are wearing about half the normal amount of clothes," Raf commented. "Hey! I?m wearing plenty of clothes!" I exclaimed defiantly only to end up weakly murmured, "They?re just a little ... more abbreviated than normal." "Whichever," the boy conceded, clearly not interested in arguing semantics. "I must say, though, I?m surprised you even have an outfit like that. From what you said yesterday, I was expecting your other new set to be much like the other one." "Oh, this isn?t new," I corrected, gesturing down at my attire with one hand while the other tossed my backpack over my shoulder once more. Raf raised an eyebrow at that information. "Another loaner from your sister then?" "Not exactly ..." I answered. "Most of it is borrowed from her friends." "That must?ve taken a lot of work," the boy mused. I shrugged "Eh, a bit." "And all for me," Raf added with a grin. "Not for you, asshole!" I denied fervently. "Mmhmm, sure," the boy hummed with sarcastic smugness. Rolling my eyes, I let out a heavy sigh and started walking. That action offered no escape, however, as Raf immediately fell into step beside me once more. Still, it was better than standing there. "Aw, looks like someone?s embarrassed," Raf mocked, further illustrating that I was not going to escape. "I don?t know why. I mean ... it was your choice. Might as well own it." So badly I wanted to yet again insist that the boy was wrong, but I forced myself to keep my mouth shut. Anything I said would just be a lie anyway. Plus, if I ignored him, eventually, he?d give up. "Fine, be that way," the boy relented when I gave him no reaction to play off of. A moment of silence followed before he spoke again. "So, you got a plan for making it through today?" "Same as yesterday," I answered brusquely. "Deal with it." "Not even gonna try to avoid any of it?" Raf inquired. That question had me rolling my eyes. "And how would I do that? Can?t really avoid walking through the halls with everyone else or having to go to my classes or having to get my lunch in the cafeteria or any of the rest." "Sure, but you don?t gotta just walk into shit," the boy countered. "For example, you could take a few tardies to avoid hallway shenanigans." "I?m not gonna get myself into trouble for them," I refused outright. "In fact, I?m not gonna do anything for them. I?m gonna just ignore them and live my own fuckin? life." Raf sighed in response. "I was afraid you?d say that." "Why?" I demanded. "You got somethin? against me livin? my life, too?" "No!" the boy denied immediately and earnestly. "I just ... I think it?s gonna be rough on you." "Yeah, well, life?s like that sometimes," I answered wearily just as I reached the table in the common area that I?d sat at the day before. It still had the same good location and empty space that had drawn me then, so I tossed my backpack on the table like before and plopped myself down to wait for class to start. To my surprise, Raf didn?t take that as his cue to leave. After all, his friends were on the far side of the room, and he couldn?t be seen talking to me at school. Yet, he just walked around to the other side of the table and plopped down across from me without any hesitation. "Yeah, it sure can be," the boy agreed with my previous sentiment. "Like back when I was?" "What are you doing?" I interjected, peering at the boy in confusion. Raf furrowed his brow at the question. "Tellin? you a story? Why? Did you not wanna hear it?" "No, that?s not?" I started to explain before cutting myself off. "I meant, why are you sitting here?" "Because you are," the boy answered matter-of-factly. "Now, I don?t know why you did that, but I assume you don?t need me to explain your motivations to you anyway, so?" Growling in frustration at the asshole?s added commentary, I interrupted again, "Argh, you know what I mean! Why are you sitting with me?!" Rather than give me a straight answer, Raf smirked and asked, "Do you not want me to?" This time, it was a heavy sigh that slid out of my lips as I planted my face in my hands. "God, you?re worse than the bullies, sometimes." "Sorry," the boy apologized, although the chuckle that accompanied it made it sound less than sincere. "Truth is, I was enjoyin? the chat, so I stayed." Lifting my head up again, I asked, "And aren?t you worried about your reputation." "Please," Raf dismissed with a wave of his hand. "My rep ain?t that fragile. I could get caught literally in the middle of a gay gang bang and be fine." "Uh huh ..." I agreed dubiously. "Anyway, you gonna let me tell ya this story or what?" the boy demanded. "Oh ... uhm ... " I mumbled uncertainly. "Yeah, sorry. Go ahead." "Alright then," Raf replied as he gathered himself to restart his anecdote. "So, back when I was?" "What are you doing?" a male voice cut in. The oh-so-familiar tone of the speaker sent an icy wave of dread down my spine. I knew exactly who it was, and that I didn?t want to see him or acknowledge him, but still, I found myself lifting my gaze. Sure enough, I was right. Approaching from behind Raf was none other than Jordan, who stopped just back and to the right of the heavier boy. Showing none of the concern I felt, Raf affected a lament-filled sigh. "What is this? Interrupt Raf?s story day?" "No, it?s what the fuck are you doing sittin? with that fuckin? freak day," Jordan demanded coldly. "I?m not?" I started to stand up for myself. Raf?s hand shot up to forestall my words. "Vali. No, offense, but I think he?s talkin? to me, so I should be the one to answer. Otherwise, it would just be rude." "But?" I started again. This time, it was Jordan who interrupted me. "Yeah, freak. Let him speak." "I?m not a ?!" for the third time I got going, but it did not prove to be the charm. "Seriously, babe. Not the time," Raf interjected as he spun in his seat to look up at the other boy. "Jordy and I need to talk." Jordan?s face twitched with anger. "What did you just call him?" "Her, and I called her babe," Raf answered. "Y?know, if the shoe fits and all that, and trust me, if you saw her without that jacket on, you?d agree it does." "No. I wouldn?t," my former friend answered coldly. "And you?re not supposed to either." Affected an obviously fake surprise, Raf covered his mouth with his hand. "Oh dear. Is that so? I must not have gotten the message." he asked before dropping the facade, replacing it with a hard stare up at the other boy. "Oh well, too late now. I already made up my mind." "Then unmake it," Jordan hissed. "Mmm-nah," the hispanic boy responded flippantly. "I ain?t got your weird hangups, and she?s super hot while you?re just some dude. Seems like a no-brainer to me." Had Raf been talking to me, that was probably about where I would?ve given up on the argument, too frustrated by his obnoxious retorts to put up with more. Instead, I would?ve started ignoring him or walked away or something like that. Jordan seemed to be pretty fed up with the conversation, too. However, he had a different approach to ending it. It was shocking just how fast it all started. One moment, I was watching a conversation, marveling in disbelief at the fact that Raf was actually standing up for me. The next, the first punch hadn?t just been thrown. It had already landed, partially deflected by Raf?s hand to graze along the side of his head. Then, there was fighting. "Gah! Wrong move, pretty boy!" Raf grunted as the hit deflected off him. He clearly wasn?t hurt, though, or even particularly dazed. He was on the move, lunging up from his seat. Already on his feet, Jordan used that advantage to launch a couple more punches, but his opponent huddled down, letting the blows rain along his back, shoulders, and the top of his head. The first two slammed in with powerful, meaty slaps that had me wincing and hissing through my teeth just from seeing them. The third came with an excruciating crack that made my bones ache sympathetically. Through all that punishment, I just sat there watching, barely even able to witness the blur of motion in front of me. It was all just so fast, so brutal, so ... feral. I didn?t even think to move, to blink, to breath. All I could do was think a single terrified thought that Raf was gonna get his ass kicked because of me. After all, how could anyone take that kind of punishment and keep fighting? In spite of my fears, Raf did, in fact, keep fighting. With a beastial roar, he plowed through the other boy?s strikes like they were being thrown by a two year old, easily bursting up to his feet. Once he was there, he just kept right on going, lunging at his counterpart. There were a pair of grunts as shoulder met sternum, then another set mingled with the thump of two bodies crashing to the floor. Wide-eyed, I kept right on watching as the two boys wrestled for position, gasping, moaning ,and grunting from the exertion and beatings they both delivered. From somewhere outside of my awareness, I heard a roar of voices, whose chant played like background music for the fight. However, it proved to be a short-lived soundtrack. In the tangle of straining muscles, Raf?s size won out, getting him on top. Straddling the smaller boy, he reared up, using one hand to block Jordan?s attempts to strike at him or shove him away. The other hand cocked back. One, two, three, four times it came down, slamming the other boy?s face. By the third, there was blood on his knuckles. After the fourth, the fight was over. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 55 "Stop this right now!" barked one of the school?s principal's as he pushed through the ring of students around the fight too late to actually intervene. "Already have, sir," Raf declared from where he was straddling his opponent. While the hispanic boy looked nothing more than a little bedraggled, the boy beneath him was in a much worse way. And endless series of weak groans leaked out of Jordan as he clutched his hands to his face. That did little to cover up the mess of blood that was all over his head and hands, courtesy of a busted nose and lip. "Then get off him, already!" the principal ordered. "Sure thing," Raf agreed, rolling off of the other boy before shoving himself to his feet. Once he was up, he swiped one hand across his mouth, then back over his hair before raising the other in a fist of triumph. All around, the crowd cheered, much to the consternation of the administration. By then, a couple more adults were on the scene, rushing over to check on the more injured of the two combatants. The principal that had first arrived, though, just grabbed Raf?s upraised hand, yanking it down before tugging the boy along with him. "My office, now!" came the next command. "Yes, sir," Raf answered obediently, following after the principal without any complaint or resistance. Seeing the boy getting dragged off to what would obviously be a punishment just for protecting me, I finally snapped from the shock that had gripped me throughout the brief, brutal fight. Instantly, I leapt up from my seat, rushing around the table to catch up to the departing Raf. My haste had me stumbling in my heels, but I managed to both not fall and to gain on the pair. "Raf!" I called out from a few steps behind the boy. Glancing back over his shoulder, Raf smirked at me. "Hey, babe. I?d love to chat, but sorry, don?t have the time right now." "You?re right about that, mister," the principal remarked sharply before twisting to wag a finger and me. "And you, young lady, need to stay out of this. Get back to your seat." The joint rejection stopped my feet, halting me in my tracks, but it didn?t stop my mouth. "But I was?" "Looking forward to my story?! I know!" Raf interjected loudly as he turned away from me to continue off to whatever awaited him. "Don?t worry! I?ll tell it to ya once this all gets sorted out. Till then, see ya!"" "See ya ..." I mumbled softly after him, probably too softly for the boy to even hear. In the wake of that exchange, I just stood there, staring at Raf?s back as he walked away. I didn?t know what else to do or say. Yes, I?d been told to go sit down, but that seemed so pointless. Going to class seemed pointless, too. All I wanted to do was figure out what was going to happen to the boy and why he had risked that fate for me. Waiting brought no answer to me, though, only the sound of the bell telling me that it was time to go to class. *********************************************** *********************************************** A teacher droned on in the background of my thoughts, all but completely unheard. I had no attention to spare on her lesson. All of my focus was dedicated to a single event, the one from that morning. In the classes since that fight, I had replayed the memory of it several times. Raf telling me to stay out of it as he argued with Jordan about everything from what I was allowed to be called to how I looked. Then, a punch was thrown, leading to a fight where Jordan ended up on the ground, beaten in every sense of the word. In many ways, it was a huge victory. The fight hadn?t even been close, and Jordan had struck first, so no one could question the legitimacy of Raf?s win. However, because of what the fight had been about, it had far reaching consequences beyond just the damage to my former friend?s face. Several periods had passed so far that morning, but unlike the previous day, there had been no efforts to bother me. People gave me a wide berth in the halls, and while there were glances and whispers, they didn?t seem to be the disdainful kind that I remembered. They were more curious and cautious, like no one was really sure how they were supposed to treat me anymore. That wasn?t to say there had been no hostility. Jordan?s close friends, especially his girlfriend, Andrea, and her clique, still shot me hate- filled glares, but even they kept their distance, unwilling to actually act against me, at least for the moment. The result was that I had gone from pariah to almost an exile, so detached was I was from the classmates around me. Unfortunately, I couldn?t really enjoy the reprieve. It had a cost, one that Raf would have to pay, because fighting always earned some kind of punishment. The fact that he hadn?t started it wouldn?t matter. They might not even believe that was the case. At the time, there had been a lot of Jordan?s friends around, all of whom would, undoubtedly, lie on his behalf. Either way, the school had a policy to always punish both parties in a fight, so Raf would definitely get in trouble. I had no idea what kind of trouble that would be, though. Detention, suspension, expulsion, any could be possible, and all of them seemed far too severe for someone who had just wanted to sit and talk with me before school. "It?s just not fair," I muttered under my breath, hating the new situation. If anyone deserved punishment, it was Jordan and his friends. They were the ones that were harassing me. He was the one that had thrown the first punch. Raf was just ... The sound of the bell ringing out broke me from my sullen haze, snapping me back to the world. I burst into motion immediately, quickly packing up everything. Once it was all away, I tossed my backpack over my shoulder and hurried out. The day before, I would?ve hung back, letting any tormentors grow bored before leaving the safety of the room, but I no longer had such concerns. Even if the harassment had not abated, I would?ve braved it. The reason why was because the next period was lunch. All the eighth-graders ate together, so it would be my best chance to find out something about Raf. With that goal in mind, I hurried down to the cafeteria near the front of the wave of hungry students. I didn?t enter the lines, though, choosing instead to leave the rush and take a seat at a table. From there, I watched people as they went by, trying to spot Raf amongst the crowd. Second after second, minute after minute, time ticked by. The rush abated. The mob thinned. Before long, only a few stragglers remained in line while the rest were already seated, eating and talking with their friends. At no point did I see Raf, though, nor could he be found sitting with any of the groups that he hung with. The space around me was equally empty, which made it very clear that the boy would not be coming. Frustrated, I dug into my backpack to get my phone. I?d tried texting Raf a few times that morning, but, so far, I?d gotten no answer. Another attempt right then also failed to get any kind of response. What did that mean? Surely, if he?d been sent home he would answer ... wouldn?t he? Could he be mad at me for getting him into trouble? Could something have happened to him? If so, what? It wasn?t like the school would kill him or send him to another dimension or something. Anything else I could think of would allow him to use his phone. Did that mean that he had to be mad at me after all? "Ugh ...damn it," I groaned, burying my face in my arms. I hated this. *********************************************** *********************************************** "I just got a few days ISS," I heard Raf?s nonchalant voice say through my phone?s speaker. "In school suspension?" I repeated the words those letters stood for. "Yep," the boy confirmed. "I?ll be back in class next week." In truth, I should?ve been relieved. That really was pretty good news. For someone who frequently caused trouble like Raf, the school could?ve done much worse. However, I was anything but relieved. "Then why didn?t you tell me that?!" I screamed angrily. "I texted you like a billion times!" "Sorry!" Raf apologized. "The jerk ISS teacher makes everyone hand over their phones while they?re at school. I only just got it back a little bit ago." "Then you should?ve told me before you gave up your phone!" I retorted, uninterested in excuses. Rather than respond to that point, I heard the asshole laugh and say, "You were really worried about me, huh?" "No!" I blurted immediately. "The fight was just, sorta, y?know ... about me, and I didn?t want you to get into too much trouble for it. That?s all." "Sure, sure," Raf pretended to concede only to add, "That?s also called worrying." "I wasn?t worrying about you, asshole!" I denied vehemently. Again, I could hear the boy?s laughter, this time causing my cheeks to burn. Why had I ever even wasted time thinking about this ... this ... jackass? Of course, this would all just be another joke to him. Hell, he?d probably only stood up for me, because he thought it would be fun. "So other than worrying about me, how?d your day go?" Raf inquired, switching topics. Huffing in frustration, I shrugged. "Okay, I guess." "Any new tactics to bug you with?" the boy asked. "No," I answered. "People mostly left me alone today." "Really?" Raf noted in surprise. "That?s gotta be better than just ?okay?, doesn?t it?" While it probably should have been, the change in people?s behavior just hadn?t felt that way to me, leading to a noncommittal hum of, "Mmm, I guess." "Somethin? else bothering you then?" the boy tried. "No, I just ..." I began only to trail off for a moment. "Why?d you do that?" "Hmm? Do what?" Raf questioned. "Stand up for me," I clarified. "I mean ... Jordan?s your friend, and you could?ve gotten hurt, and?" Interrupting me, the boy stated a simple, "You?re asking the wrong question." "Huh? Wrong question? What do you mean?" I asked. "I mean, you?re asking the wrong question," Raf repeated himself. "I don?t see how that could be unclear." "Well then what question should I be asking, asshole?!" I demanded in frustration. That outburst earned me another round of laughter from the boy, but it was different this time. Soft and almost ... forced. It also didn?t take long to fade away, leading into a momentary pause before he said, "Look ... don?t worry about it. I just wanted to be able to chat up a hot girl without people thinking I was weird." "Ugh, whatever," I groaned. "Besides, there was no way I was gonna get hurt," Raf remarked. "Not fightin? Jordy, anyway. Maybe if his buddies had joined in, but we were at school. The teacher?s woulda pulled ?em offa me before they could do much." "Still?" I got ready to argue, but I never got the chance. "Seriously," the boy interjected. "It was nothin?. Don?t worry ?bout it." While I still didn?t believe that, I smiled and relented. "Okay, then why don?t you tell me that story that kept getting interrupted." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 56 "What?! That?s all he said?!" Misha demanded incredulously. "There weren?t any, y?know ... big reveals?" "Huh? What are you talking about?" I mumbled in confusion. "He revealed what is punishment. Is that what you mean?" "No, that?s not?argh!" the older girl started to exclaim only to trail off into a frustrated growl. "You two are ridiculous! Y?know that?!" Bewildered by my sister?s apparent rage, I could only shake my head uncertainly. "No ...? What?s so ridiculous?" Rather than give me an actual answer, Misha burrowed her face in her hands before letting out a groan. "Ugh ... what am I gonna do with you?" "Hopefully explain what the hell you?re talkin? about!" I retorted, getting a little annoyed at the other girl?s caginess. "Trust me, I want to," Misha told me as she lifted her head from her hands. "But I really should let you two figure it out on your own." "Figure what out?!" I demanded. "I can?t answer that without telling you the secret," my sister countered. Huffing in frustration, I rolled my eyes. "Just tell me already, ?cause I?m clearly too stupid to figure it out!" "Well, that certainly seems to be true," the older girl admitted. "Misha!" I screamed "Alright, alright!" my sister finally conceded, raising her hands in defeat. "I?ll tell ya, but I really think you should just wait for Raf to do it." Grinding my teeth together, I glared at the other girl. "Do ... what?" "Ask you out," Misha answered. From the way she said it, my sister clearly thought that was some big reveal, but I didn?t find it very illuminating. "What do you mean ask me out?" "I mean like on a date, you dork," Misha clarified. "Y?know, an activity that a boy takes a girl he likes to in the hopes that she?ll like him back and?" "I know what a date is!" I interrupted. "What I don?t know is why you think Raf is gonna ask me out on one!" My sister blinked in surprise. "Seriously?" "Yes, seriously!" I barked. Even with that confirmation, the older girl seemed bemused by my claim. "Wait ... you don?t even realize that he likes you?" "Likes me?!" I blurted incredulously. "He spends most of his time making fun of me, and when he?s not doing that, he?s perving on me like some kinda creep. Maybe he wants to bang me, but he doesn?t like me." "Oh dear ..." Misha sighed, looking at me with the most patronizingly possible gaze as she shook her head. "You are impossibly naive." "What?! No, I?m not!" I argued defensively. "Yes, you are," the older girl countered. "Look, guys pretty much act one of three ways around girls they like. One, they get all tongue-tied, stupid, and overly agreeable, makin? ya think they don?t even have a brain anymore. Two, they try to act super suave and end up just looking like they?re tryin? way too hard. Or three, they make fun of you." That information had me screwing my face up in confusion. "What? That doesn?t even make sense. Why would they make fun of someone they like?" My sister shrugged. "Don?t ask me! I?m not the one that used to be a boy. I don?t claim to understand what twisted thinking drives their weird ass brains. All I know is that they are one hundred percent, without exception, stupid when it comes to this sorta thing." "But ... couldn?t he just be making fun of me, too?" I argued. "I?m pretty sure I?ve seen guys just mock girls before without liking them." "Sure, but not like this," Misha explained. "When that happens, they actually insult the girl, y?know like calling her a blimp or a toucan or whatever. They don?t tease ?em about how hot they are. They don?t call or text ?em every damn day. And they definitely don?t pick fights with one of their best friends over ?em. They just mock ?em once when they happen to see ?em and then completely forget about ?em." While that all seemed to make sense, the idea that Raf actually wanted to date me was just too absurd to be believed. "I don?t know. I don?t think that?s what?s goin? on here." "Why not?" my sister asked. "Do you not wanna go out with him?" "Why would I?" I scoffed dismissively. "He?s a complete ass." "Who you for some reason talk to all the time, and even dressed up all super sexy for today," Misha pointed out. "Hey! You made me dress like that!" I retorted. The older girl just laughed off that argument. "Oh please, I didn?t hold you down and force into the clothes. You wanted to fluster him, which it sounds like you did." "Yeah, for like a minute, then he was right back to his usual jerky self," I muttered, still a little disappointed that the boy hadn?t been rattled longer. "Yeah, well, there might be at least a little bit of boy up in that girly brain of yours, ?cause that?s basically exactly what he gets outta teasin? you," Misha remarked. "Get?s to see you all flustered and embarrassed." I quickly shook my head. "No, that?s just ... what friends do. Y?know, one gets the other one with some joke or prank then the other one gets ?em back, and so on." "So you?re saying you two are friends then?" my sister asked. "No!" I denied immediately. "I mean ... not really. It?s just ... he?s the only one that talks to me, so he?s sorta a de facto friend-like ... thing." That answer had the older girl?s lips curling into a smirk. "A friend- like-thing, huh?" "Yeah ..." I confirmed, rubbing at my arm. "But that?s all." "Right ..." my sister answered, drawing out the word in a way that indicated that she clearly didn?t believe me. "Ugh, what does it even matter to you what he is?!" I huffed. "You barely even know him." "It matters to me, because you matter to me," Misha retorted. "And while I love you to death, you?re a colossal coward who never tries to get anything that?ll make you happy without someone pushing you." The sudden, biting critique, tore the energy from my protests. "Th-Thats not true ..." "Yes, it is," my sister denied. "For years you hid how you felt about being a boy, even though there are things you could?ve done that didn?t require a magical fairie queen." "Alaria?s actually the queen of dreams," I nitpicked shyly. "Not the point, Vali!" Misha huffed with a roll of her eyes. "The point is that you didn?t try anything for years, and then, even once you were a girl, I had to practically shove you into Jordan?s arms to get you to go after him." This time, my response had a bit more bite, "Oh yeah?! And how?d that workout for me, huh?!" "Better than you sitting around torturing yourself, ?cause you were too chicken shit to try anything! At least now you know he?s not worth your time!" the older girl came right back. "This Raf guy might be, though, if you can get yourself outta denial long enough to admit you like him!" "I don?t like him!" I yelled. "Yes, you do!" my sister shouted right back. Then, there was a moment of silence as we both just glared at each other before she continued more quietly. "Look, I get it. He?s not exactly your prince charming or whatever. He?s chubby, and crude, and kinda a dick. But, he?s also the guy who accepted you as a girl, talked to you when no one would, and fought his friend to stand up for you. Don?t you think all of that at least warrants him a shot?" In the face of such a compelling argument, I averted my gaze. "Who says I even wanna date anyone?" "You did just a few week ago before Jordan turned out to be a dick," Misha pointed out. "That was different," I countered. "Jordan was ..." When I left that thought unfinished, the older girl stepped in. "Unless you were about to say, the only guy that could make you give up girls, it really doesn?t matter. Anything else means you do want to date, and you want a male partner, so here?s your chance." "But, even if that was true, which its not, it?s not like Raf?s asked me out or even said he likes me," I argued. "Yeah, he?s a much bigger coward than I would?ve thought," my sister agreed. "That?s why you should make the first move." "What?!" I gasped. "You heard me, girl," Misha replied. "I mean .. what other reason was there for me to explain all this to you, huh? If you didn?t wanna do anything, you shoulda just stayed ignorant." "I didn?t know what you were gonna tell me!" I protested. The older girl shrugged off that complaint. "Meh, doesn?t matter. You made me tell you when I told you you?d be better off not knowing, so now you gotta do something about it." "LIke what? Ask him out?" I demanded incredulously. "Not a chance!" "Fine," Misha allowed. "But you gotta do something to at least nudge him along, ?cause you two were movin? inexcusably slow even when neither of you knew what was goin? on." "Nudge him along?! I don?t wanna date him!" I exclaimed. My efforts to refuse only earned me a roll of my sister?s eyes. "Yeah, yeah, keep tellin? yourself that." "It?s true!" I insisted. "Then, close the door on him already," the older girl instructed. The odd phrase had my brow crinkling in confusion. "What?" "I said, close the door on him," Misha repeated. "It?s not nice to lead guys on, y?know. If you don?t want him, make that clear to him, so he can go after someone else and stop wasting time on you." "But ... that?s not ..." I stammered out. "Not what? How it works?" my sister questioned. "Guys make plays, girls say yes or no, then the guys that get no?s move on. Only selfish bitches keep guys they don?t want, and I?m not lettin? my little sister be one of those." "But ... we could just be friends," I countered. Misha smirked. "Oh, so you?re actually friends now?" My eyes narrowed into a glare. "Not the point." Unphased, the older just laughed. "Alright, fine, either way, you still gotta talk about it to make sure you?re on the same page. Trust me, you don?t wanna try to be friends with a guy who wants to date you. It can get real weird." "Okay ... I guess that?s fair," I relented. I certainly didn?t want to string Raf along. Not that I thought he actually wanted to date me like Misha said. It would just be nice to get where we stood out in the open. That?s all. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 57 The trundling bounce of the bus?s weak suspension bobbed my head about as I watched the world slip by through the window. In trouble with his mother for getting into a fight, Raf had been unable to offer me another ride that morning, and I?d turned down my sister. Slow and uncomfortable as the bus ride could be, the time alone with my thoughts was exactly what I needed. Fortunately, I did have that time alone. The other kids gave me a wide berth, and Jordan had not shown up at the bus stop that morning. I wondered if he?d even be at school at all. Losing that fight was undoubtedly humiliating. Plus, he?d been beaten up pretty bad, enough so that, according to Raf, he?d left school the day before and not returned. With no other way to get information, I had to just take his word on that, but it didn?t seem that unbelievable. In fact, I wouldn?t have been surprised if Jordan?s nose had been broken. Other than to note his absence, my ex-friend had not crossed my mind since I?d gotten on the bus. Even his fight with Raf, so all-consuming for me the day before, had not garnered any real thought. My focus was entirely on the boy who had stood up for me and the conversation about him that I?d had with my sister last night. In her usual persistent and persuasive way, Misha had gotten me to agree to talk to Raf about what our relationship was. In the moment, it had seemed easier to just agree than argue with her further, especially since her logic had been quite sound. Now though, minutes from the school and potentially that conversation, I cursed myself for relenting. I wanted nothing to do with that talk, one which I was pretty sure could only end badly. If my sister was right and the boy did like me, my turning him down might ruin whatever friendship-like thing we had going on. If he didn?t like me, it would be super awkward and embarrassing. Hell, it would probably be that no matter how he felt, which made it seem like a truly terrible decision. It would be a lot better to just keep going like normal and ignore the whole issue until it actually presented itself. The problem was, I had agreed to not do that, and my sister had sworn to not let me chicken out. If I didn?t talk to him, she would, and she?d make sure to do it in the most embarrassing way possible. That threat, combined with the understanding that leading Raf on was an awful thing to do, made it hard to find a compelling excuse to not have the conversation, no matter how uncomfortable it would be. Knowing what I should do wasn?t making it any easier to get up the nerve to do it, though. I was even more nervous than I had been on the first day of school. My leg bounced with extra energy as I sat there while I tried to burn more by rubbing my hands together. Every second that passed by seemed at once eternal and yet impossibly brief. I watched the bus gobble up the remaining blocks; watched the school come into view; watched as the ride was pulled to a stop out front. Then, I just sat there staring for a moment, wishing that something was different. "Damn it, Misha," I growled as I shoved myself up from my seat. There was no escaping the situation, now. Raf had said the night before that he?d stop by my usual seat to talk to me before class. All that was left before that inevitable meeting was a short walk. Falling into line, I unloaded with the rest of the kids that rode my bus. I got a few looks a whispers from the ones that I passed near, but I had no brain to spare to even care about them. Every thought was focused on trying to sort out exactly what I was going to say. Even as intent as I was, I found myself without a clear plan by the time I reached the common area. In fact, it was almost like I teleported there, the distance vanishing without my accomplishing a single thing. To add to my dread, I could see Raf?s broad back where he sat at my usual table. Taking a deep breath, I continued on through sheer force of will. Every step I took was like some dread drumbeat in my ears, keeping time for my march toward trouble. In a way, that actually helped, the rhythm dictating a pace and preventing my apprehension from slowing me down. As such, it wasn?t long before I reached the table, rounded the column, and came to a stop at my spot across from Raf. "Hey, babe," the boy greeted with confident smirk and a nonchalant air. "How?re y??" "We need to talk," I blurted, cutting off the greeting. Smirk fading, Raf furrowed his brow. "Uhm ... okay? What about?" Unfortunately for me, words didn?t just spring out of me this time. Instead, the weight of the moment came crashing down, battering my resolve. Suddenly, I was very aware of the crowd of kids around us, of how much of a fool I was about to make of myself, of how badly I wanted to be anywhere else. "N-Not here," I found myself stuttering. "S-Somewhere private." "Somewhere private?" the boy repeated. "Why would we need??" "Please!" I exclaimed far too loudly before I got myself under control. "Can we just go first and then, y?know ..." My undoubtedly weird behavior earned me a skeptical look from Raf, but he nodded slowly. "Alright, uhm ... sure, follow me." With that simple instruction, the boy rose, gestured for me to keep up, then started off toward the wing dedicated to elective classes. It was the only area that students were allowed to wander about before class. As such, if we wanted somewhere private, that was basically the only place we could find it. Luckily, Raf seemed to have a place in mind as he moved with purpose. I followed in his wake, to self-consciously to walk beside him. A couple of times, he glanced back with worry, but thankfully, he never tried to fall back to match my pace or press me to move faster. He just led on until finally reaching a door. "In here," the boy declared, pulling the door open to hold it for me. Ducking inside, I found the privacy that I sought. The room beyond was large but empty of classmates or teachers. There were just the scattered chairs, stands, and racks that made up one of the music room. "There?s no first period band, so no teachers," Raf noted as he came in behind me and closed the door. "We may have to pause now and again for some kid dropping off his instrument, though. Hope that?s okay." "It?s fine," I mumbled without even turning to look at the boy. After that, I offered nothing else, no explanation for why I?d wanted privacy, no start of the conversation I was dreading, not even a greeting. I just stood there, trying to sort my thoughts out, but they were whirling about in my head like someone had put a tornado up there. As such, it was impossible for me to even get a string of words put together. "So ... what?s eatin? at ya?" Raf broke the silence. Instantly, the endless whirl in my head fell silent as icy fear gripped my chest. This was the moment of truth. Even if I wanted to chicken out, I still had to speak to give voice to some excuse for why I was acting so weird. "N-Nothing. It?s just ... my sister," I answered awkwardly. "Your sister?" Raf parroted back with obvious confusion. "Yeah, she got this crazy idea into her head that ... that ... " I tried to finally get out what I needed to, but at the crucial point, I failed. "That what? You should quit school? Run away from home? I don?t know ... become a prostitute?" the boy guessed. "What?! No!" I spat, spinning around indignantly. "Why would you think that?!" Raf shrugged. "I wouldn?t, but you said something crazy, so I tried to guess stuff that I wouldn?t think of, since y?know, I?m sane." "Ugh, no, not that kinda crazy, you idiot," I groaned. That lighthearted insult had the boy?s lips curling into a smirk. "Then, what kinda crazy, Miss Smartypants?" "The kind where ... " I started only to once again pause as my gaze fell to the ground. This time, though, I managed to power through, albeit at barely a whisper. "... where you like me." "Well, of course I like you. I mean ... I wouldn?t bother talking to you if I didn?t, would I?" Raf pointed out. Shaking my head, I corrected with, "No, not like that. Like like. Like wanna date like." "Oh," the boy mumbled, clearly taken aback. "I know it?s silly. You?d never want that, but she thinks you do, so?" I started to explain. "And you don?t wanna date me, right?" Raf interjected. There was my opportunity. All I had to do was say yes, and then, I could stop talking. Sure, Raf might tease me about it; try to rile me up by saying that I actually did want to and that was why I was so flustered, but I could just leave. Once I said that single word, that would be the end of it. "Y-I don?t know," I failed spectacularly, giving the weakest, most chicken-shit answer I could possibly give. "You don?t know?" Raf parroted back, not letting me off the hook. Unfortunately, that answer was all that I could manage. A massive wave of embarrassment washed over me as it spilled from my mouth. My face was burning. My mind was cursing me. My heart was racing. Words were just too much to handle at that moment, so all I managed was an even more pitiful shrug. "Well ... ahem," the boy began, only to have to stop and cough to clear his throat. "I, uh, I would ... like to date you. That is ... if you want." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 58 I was pretty sure that my heart had actually stopped. I couldn?t feel its beat anymore. I couldn?t feel air passing through my lungs either. I couldn?t feel much of anything, really, like my whole body had just gone numb. Maybe, I?d died? Honestly, in that moment, that seemed like a perfectly reasonable reaction to what I?d just heard. The problem was that I wasn?t dead. I could still see the world around me, or at least the floor of the music room at my feet. I could still think. I could still tell that Raf was standing there in front of me, waiting for some kind of answer. What could I even say, though? Fortunately, I was spared the need to speak right away by the sound of the door opening. A kid with what looked to be some kind of horn case entered the room. He gave Raf and I a confused look before crossing over to the racks to put his instrument down, then walked right back out. "It seems like you don?t want to, though," Raf broke the awkward moment once the door had clicked closed behind the temporary intruder. "Raf, I ?" I began, intending to explain myself, but that was all the further I could get. "No, no, I get it," the boy interrupted. "I mean ... I did sorta try to blackmail you into sleeping with me, and then, I sorta left ya to the wolves, and before that I was a giant dick, not that I?m not always packin? one of those, but yeah ... I get why you might not be interested. It?s cool. Not mad or anythin?." Incredibly, there it was. I was off the hook. I hadn?t even had to explain myself. Raf had cleared it up all on his own. There was just one problem. I felt like shit, and when I looked up at the boy, that feeling only got worse. Across from me, Raf stood there seemingly with his usual disinterested swagger. His posture was easy, and he even had a smirk on his face. However, an inner pain bled through that front. I could see it in the cloudy eyes that wouldn?t look at me. I could see it in the way that his body was anything but relaxed. I could see it in bend of his smirk, not quite as twisted or amused as when it was natural. Seeing that, a few lines of my sister?s from the night before played through my head. For all of his faults, this guy was the one that had accepted me, even fought for me. Didn?t he deserve a chance for that? Peering at the boy, I tried to weigh everything against itself like it was all just some giant karmic balancing book. This crossed off that. That crossed off this. Then, my mind would remember something great or terrible and have to start all over with a whole new balance of values. "Yeah ... anyway ..." Raf spoke up while I was busy thinking. "I?m gonna go, uh, tell some of my guys something, so ... see ya." With that excuse given, the boy turned away, starting toward the door. I couldn?t have said if it was guilt or what, but for some reason, my mouth opened to say, "Wait." Without turning around, Raf stopped. "What? Aren?t we done here?" "No, I ..." I started a response but failed to finish. What was I even trying to say? Did I actually want to date the guy who had consistently been such an asshole? Just imagining it was, well ... not the worst thing ever, I supposed. He was complimentary and even gallant when he wanted to be. Admittedly, he wasn?t much to look at and teased me mercilessly. Was I really so shallow as to let the former dictate my answer? Was the latter really all that bad? "That?s what I thought," Raf huffed, starting off again. "I wouldn?t mind!" I finally blurted only to have my whole face suddenly flush with heat. Looking away, I added more quietly, "That is, uhm ... dating you." Unwilling to even glance the boy?s way, I couldn?t see what he was doing, but I could hear the sound of footsteps stopping, followed by the shuffle of him turning around. After that, there was a moment of silence where all he could be doing was staring at me. That only made the situation worse, making me wish I could just fold myself up until I slipped right out of existence. I couldn't, though. The best I could manage was crossing my arms and slouching forward. "You?d ... you?d really be okay with dating me?" Raf finally asked after a couple of seconds, sounding sincerely disbelieving. Stuck on the path I?d picked, I nodded shyly. "Yeah, I guess. I mean ... not like anyone else is interested." "Well, obviously," the boy agreed. "That?s the only reason I?d ever have a shot with girl as hot as you." The typical, crude half-compliment had me rolling my eyes even as a slight smile curled my lips. "Y?know, now that I think about it ..." "Uh uh," Raf interjected, shaking his head. "No take backs. This is happenin?." "I don?t think that?s how dating works," I pointed out. "What was that?! I can?t hear you over the sound of my making plans!" the boy retorted in an overly loud voice. "How does this Friday night sound? Good? Great! We?ll do Friday, then." "I never said yes," I noted. "Hmm? You?re excited?" Raf questioned with mock ignorance. "Well, you should be. I mean ... you?re gettin? to date me, after all." Finally, the silliness of the exchange got to me, and a fit of helpless giggles burst out of me. "You?re so ridiculous." "Ridiculously awesome. I know." the boy corrected, his act breaking only in the fact that his lips curled into a grin. Mirth waning, I lifted my head with a smile on my face, "Yeah, sure you are." As if I was being serious, Raf agreed with a firm nod, "Damn straight." *********************************************** *********************************************** "Really?! You?re goin? on a date?!" my sister blurted incredulously. "Yeah, I guess ..." I confirmed, finding it a little hard to believe, myself. Never in a million years would I have thought I would actual date Raf of all people. Of course, that had been before my world had gone all topsy-turvy. Now, even as disbelief struck me every time I thought about what I?d agreed to, it really didn?t seem like it would be the worst thing ever. "That?s great!" Misha squealed in delight. "When is it?!" Even though I knew the exact date, I still found myself shrugging. "Uhm ... Friday." "Good, then we?ve got time to get you ready, ?cause we?re gonna have to get all?" the older girl declared, staring into one of her schemes. "No," I interrupted firmly. Lurching to a stop, Misha blinked at me in surprise. "No?" "I don?t wanna get all dressed up again or anything," I explained. "But it?s a date!" my sister protested. I nodded in understanding. "I know, but I don?t want to." "Why not?" Misha questioned. "You were the one that insisted on it the first time you two went out to eat. Don?t you want this time to be special, too, now that it?s a real date?" That question was a fair one, but it didn?t sway me. "No, I just ... don?t wanna make a big deal out of it." "But it?s your first date! Not just with Raf, but as a girl!" the older girl exclaimed. Under that pressure, I let out a heavy sigh. If I kept letting Misha talk, she?d eventually talk me right into whatever clothes she wanted. I couldn?t even formulate a good reason why I shouldn?t do exactly that. There was just something about going out with Raf that made me uneasy. Maybe it was the way he?d reacted when I?d turned him down at the end of our previous, pseudo-date. Maybe it was just uncertainty over agreeing to go out with him at all. I couldn?t say. All I knew was that, by the time he and I had left the music room, all sorts of doubts about my decision had started plaguing me. "Uhm ... do you not want to go?" my sister asked suddenly. "?Cause I know I kinda pushed you last night, but I didn?t mean ..." Forcing a smile onto my face, I lifted my chin and shook my head. "No, I just ... don?t know what to expect, I guess. Nothing seems to go the way I?d like these days." "Yeah, you did hit a rough patch there, but things gotta turn around eventually, and this certainly seems like a turning point," Misha countered. Unconvinced, I offered a weak shrug. "I guess." My refusal to be cheered up put a scowl on my sister?s face as she peered at me for a moment. Then, she snapped her fingers. "I got it! Why don?t we do the opposite?" "Huh?" I mumbled in confusion. "Y?know, normally you dress up and your expectations go right up with it," the older girl explained. "But this time, you dress down, maybe even dig out some of your old boy stuff, and that way, you?re expectations go real low, so even if it?s just alright, you?ll think it?s great." That suggestion had me screwing up my face skeptically. "I don?t know. I don?t ever wanna wear that stuff again. Besides, I just want something to work out while I?m ... " Floundering for the right wording, I waved my hands about before finishing with, ... "just being me." To my great surprise, Misha actually nodded in agreement. "Alright, just you it is." "Really?" I questioned. "You?re not gonna ambush me with a makeover or something?" Giggling, the older girl shook her head. "Nope. It sounds like you gotta sort some stuff out on your own. I don?t wanna mess with that." "Well ... uhm ... thanks," I replied gratefully. "Just lookin? out for you like usual," my sister told me. "Which is why you?d better have fun, ?cause if you don?t, I?m gonna rip Raf?s dick off and feed it to him." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 59 "Hey, babe," Raf greeted as I plopped down across from him at school. "Hey," I mumbled back, without even looking at him. In fact, my gaze had pretty much been permanently averted around the boy for the last couple of days. "You okay?" Raf inquired. Nodding, I hummed out a simple, "Mmhmm." "Just excited about tonight then, huh?" the boy kept right on talking. "Me too. Should be a lot of fun." Again, I nodded and hummed, albeit without really meaning either. I had no idea if the date would be fun. I had no idea if I even wanted it to be fun. After all, if it was, then that would mean Raf and I would be boyfriend and girlfriend, right? The very idea of it just felt so ... surreal? Impossible? If only I?d let him walk out of that room without opening my big mouth again. Of course, had I done that, I probably wouldn?t even be talking to him now. He clearly would?ve taken a rejection hard. It had been written all over his face when he?d thought that was exactly what I was going to do. That sort of pain would?ve definitely messed with ... whatever we were currently. "Is there anything you wanna do, tonight or should I just surprise you?" Raf asked, seeming to not notice my inner turmoil. "Hmm? Oh ... uhm ... whatever?s fine," I answered absently, not really concerned with the exact activities. As far as I knew, the boy and I didn?t have any shared interests. While I?d often done otherwise to hang out with Jordan, I actually preferred quiet and stereotypically girly activities like reading and romantic movies. However, Raf, like my former friend, tended to like things that were physical or competitive, video games, sports, action movies. Since I wanted him to have fun, and didn?t really mind participating in those kind of things, I figured it would be better for him to pick whatever he wanted. My lack of a useful response had Raf screwing his face up uncertainly. "You?re not gonna make this easy for me, are ya?" "Sorry, I just ... don?t really know anything about dating," I offered as an excuse. It was true, even if it wasn?t what was actually causing my malaise. "Ah, that?s right. You?ve never actually gone with anyone, have you?" Raf asked. "I guess that makes sense, though, what with you not wantin? anyone to know you liked boys and all." Just the memory of my time of having to hide my feelings while my peers mocked me, peers such as Raf, was enough to darken my already less than cheerful mood. "Yep." "Well, no big deal. I?ve got enough experience for the both of us," the boy assured me. That comment did nothing to improve how I felt. If anything, it seemed like a bad thing. After all, I was just another girl to Raf, some hot chick he wanted to sleep with. He?d been very clear about that back when he?d first showed up outside my house after finding out that I?d become a girl. On the other hand, he would be my first date, maybe my first kiss, possibly other firsts as well. That was a totally different level in terms of expectations and emotional connection. It would probably be so easy for him to just get what he wanted and cut loose. How hard would that be for me, though? "What I don?t have is any favors to get us a cool ride, so hope you don?t mind my mom driving us," Raf continued on. "That?s fine. She?s really nice," I responded while still mostly lost in my thoughts. "Sure, but she can also be super embarrassing, plus, no privacy," the boy pointed out. That complaint only served to further cement my worries. What would we need privacy for except for something sexual? Even if he just wanted to make out, that still showed a comfort and lack of care that I couldn?t replicate. To me, it seemed like no privacy was probably a good thing, although I didn?t say that, just nodded along. "Anyway, how?s six sound for me picking you up?" Raf inquired. "That gonna give you enough time to get ready? I know how you girls like to take your time." There, at the end of so many worries was one positive note. Unlikes basically everyone else, Raf was perfectly okay with me. He didn?t care about my past. He just saw the girl that I?d become. From holding doors to fighting to protect my honor, he made me feel like it wasn?t all a sham. Looking up at the boy for once, I smiled. "Yeah, I?ll be ready by then." "Great!" Raf declared. "Then six it is." *********************************************** *********************************************** "Is that anticipation or dread on your face?" Misha remarked. While her tone had hinted at teasing, when I looked up from, I found my sister?s face a mask of concern. It wasn?t exactly unwarranted. I had been sitting on the couch, brooding, since I got home from school hours prior. She was too good of a sister to not notice that and get involved eventually. "Both?" I offered with an uncertain shrug. Sliding around the edge of the couch, the older girl sat down next to me. "Ready to talk about it, or did you plan on waiting until whatever?s worrying ya has already happened?" "Kinda planned on waiting," I admitted honestly. My sister would?ve gotten everything out of me eventually, anyway. "And why?s that?" Misha asked. "What?s so scary that you?re afraid to even talk about?" "I?m not ..." I started to deny, but I really couldn?t. If the shoe fit and all that ... "I don?t really know. That?s why I can?t talk about it." My sister?s features twisted up dubiously. "Really? ?Cause, I mean ... it?s obviously this date with Raf that?s bothering you." "Well, yeah, but I don?t know why," I clarified. "Like, I didn?t have to say yes. He?d actually let me off scott-free. I had to specifically tell him that I wanted to do it." "Really?" Misha questioned in surprise. "And now you?ve got cold feet?" Far from sure of myself, I could only shrug. "I guess? I don?t know. It?s like ... it?s like there?s all these reasons why it?s a stupid idea, but I can?t quite convince myself to not do it anyway. Does that make sense?" "Oh yeah," the older girl assured me with obvious experience and sympathy. "I?ve felt that way myself a few times." "Really? When?" I asked Shrugging, Misha waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, y?know same kinda situation; guy asking me out who seems all kinds a wrong yet I say yes anyway." "Any idea why?" I queried sheepishly. "Yep," my sister told me. "It?s obvious really. Love?s stupid. It doesn?t care about how right or wrong people are for one another. It just says, ?Hey! You like this guy, so you?re sayin? yes!? then it leaves you to deal with the mess." Mulling that over, I nodded absently before saying, "And is it always a mess?" "Well, I ain?t married, yet, or even dating anyone right now, so you tell me?" Misha joked with a laugh. The mirth didn?t last for long, though, before she added, "But, I don?t think that means it has to be, and it?s not like I regret all of ?em. Some of those guys were a lot of fun to go out with. Just wasn?t forever." From my perspective, that answer just seemed like more evidence that dating Raf was a bad idea. What chance was there that it would actually work out? One percent? Even less? Why should I put myself through that? In the end, I?ll just find myself dejected and alone ... again. "Hey, look at me," my sister commanded. "What?" I demanded as I lifted my gaze like I was told to. The face that greeted me was full of warmth and reassurance as the older girl smiled at me. "Look, Vali, I get it. This feels like a really big deal to you, and I doubt anything I say is gonna make you feel any different, but it?s an illusion. You?re in eighth grade. I went through like ten boyfriends that year, and I was certain that I was in love with each of them right up until I caught them chatting up some other girl or lying to a friend or even one time just when some guy I liked better showed interest in me. The point is that, while your first date as a girl is probably gonna be memorable, what comes after it isn?t going to be a big deal. Just make sure you have fun tonight, and don?t worry about the rest. Okay?" In spite of that pep talk, my sister was right. That night still felt like a big deal. Even so, I nodded, trying to force myself to believe what she?d said. "Okay." "Good," Misha stated, content with my answer. "Then, I think I?ll call it quits on the advice giving for now. There anything else I can do for ya before ya leave?" I shook my head. "Nope, I?m fine." "Alright," my sister answered, rising from her seat. "Then, have fun, and don?t hesitate to call if anything happens like last time. Not that I think anything is gonna happen this time, so don?t get all worry-y again." Giggling, I nodded in agreement. "I won?t, and thanks." "No problem," Misha replied before adding a quick wave. "See ya." I waved right back. "Yeah, see ya." Then, the older girl walked away, off to the stairs then up to her room. Once again, I was alone with my thoughts and the storm of worries that rushed through them. While far from stopped, the torrent did seem a little less, at least, and I wasn?t quite so terrified of the night ahead. Raf and I got along okay enough these days. We could manage to enjoy one night, as long as he didn?t try to push too far. Even if he did, I was ready to say no. After all, I?d done it before, and that was when I?d had a lot more to lose. This time, it would be easy. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 60 "Hey, babe," Raf greeted as I opened the door. "You look beautiful tonight." I tossed a skeptical look at the boy. "I look exactly the same as I did this morning." "Which was beautiful, as well," Raf answered smoothly. Laughing helplessly, I shook my head and stepped out onto the porch to close the door behind me. "Whatever. At least you?re not disappointed." "And why would I be disappointed?" the boy asked. "Because I?m not wearin? some smokin? hot dress to make it easier for you to stare at my assets," I explained, resting a hand on my hip as I turned to face my date. Clearly unperturbed, Raf?s lips curled into a grin while his gaze swept over my frame. "Babe, I don?t think there?s anything you could wear that would make it hard for me stare at you." "Great," I remarked sarcastically with a roll of my eyes. "I?ve had enough of that, so we can go?" "I guess ..." the boy sighed as if truly disappointed that he couldn?t spend the night staring at me on the porch. "Good, then let?s get this date started," I remarked before starting past my date to get to the stairs. Before I got two steps, a hand latched out to catch one of my own followed by the single word, "Wait." "What Raf?" I demanded in exasperation, tugging my hand free as I spun around. When I saw the solemn expression on the boy?s face, though, I regretted the harsh, dismissive tone. "We don?t have to do this," Raf stated. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Go out together," the boy answered, looking down at the ground. "I know I made a big deal about no take backs and whatever, but that was just a joke. If you don?t want to, you don?t have to." Stiffening, I tried to force an easy smile onto my face. "Wh-What makes you think I wouldn?t want to?" Lifting his gaze, Raf smirked at me. "Mostly ?cause ever since you agreed, you?ve been drifting about like you can?t believe that you would ever do such a horrible thing." Pegged almost perfectly, I averted my eyes and mumbled, "Dating you isn?t a horrible thing." "I know that," the boy told me confidently. "But it?s pretty clear you don?t seem to think so. You?ve hardly spoken to me. You showed no enthusiasm. Plus, you?ve always got this sour expression on your face like your brain hurts from thinkin? too hard." While I hadn?t been surprised that my sister had noticed my behavior, Raf doing so was a bit of a shock, an embarrassing one at that. I?d thought I?d done a pretty decent job of hiding it. At least, he hadn?t seemed to notice anything until now, acting just like he always did. Even stranger still, as embarrassing as it was to get caught, I actually felt sorta ... happy about it. "That?s not ... I just ... " I stammered out a few false starts as my cheeks burned. After that, I took a deep breath to steady myself before trying again. "I?m just nervous." Lifting my head, I smiled a genuine smile. "It?s my first date ever, after all. I don?t wanna screw it up." "Well, luckily for you, I don?t think the girl can screw it up," the boy commented. "What?! Of course, I could!" I protested. "Nah ..." Raf replied, shaking his head. "I mean ... maybe if you, like, went crazy and stabbed me with a fork, but outside of something batshit insane, I don?t think so." "Oh yeah?" I questioned. "What if I?d shown up in a burlap sack, covered in dirt, with my head shaved?" The boy shrugged. "Meh, you?d still be hot enough to date." Realizing I?d picked a poor subject, I rolled my eyes and tried again. "Alright, what if I spent the whole night blabbering on and on about the best way to buy shoes?" "I actually had a girl basically do that to me once," Raf remarked. "Still made it through the night and banged her." "What if I told you I would never let you so much as touch me, much less sleep with me," I went for a third attempt, focusing my attack. "Well, I just wouldn?t believe you," the boy countered. "I don?t think there?s a girl in existence that doesn?t wanna be touched eventually. But, I?ll admit, some do take a lotta work. Usually worth it, though, as you certainly would be." Not willing to admit defeat, I narrowed my eyes. "Oh yeah, then why should I believe you? You could just be sayin? all this ?cause you think it?ll getcha laid." "Could be. That?s datin? for ya. You never know exactly what the other person?s thinkin?," Raf admitted. "That said, I like to think I do a pretty good job of bein? honest with you. I say you?re hot, ?cause I think you are. I beat the shit outta Jordy, well, ?cause he threw the first punch, but I stuck up for ya ?cause I think you?re a nice girl. And I said I wanted to date ya, not just sleep with ya, ?cause I think I?d be super lucky to have you as my girlfriend. Not a lotta secrets on my end. What about you?" Honestly, the boy was right. He had been, often infuriatingly, honest with me. He?d even come right out and offered to trade his help for sex which was about as forthright as a person could be. Even so, I?d kept worrying that it was all just some elaborate prank, but was it really still reasonable to cling to that? All our talks, him fighting for me, and all the rest, would have to have been some incredibly long, convoluted, and impractical con. "Well, technically, I told you my sister thought you wanted to date me," I pointed out, lips curling into a smirk. "You just confirmed it." Bursting out laughing, Raf nodded. "Right, right, that did happen. But hey, I?ll let ya in on a secret. Even I can get just a tiny bit nervous about telling a pretty girl I like her. Don?t spread it around, though, okay?" Covering my mouth with one hand, I joined the mirth with a giggle. "I?ll try not to." "Thanks," the boy told me just before his good humor faded back into seriousness. "So ... we actually goin? on this date or should I say good night?" "Oh, we?re going," I assured him, extending my hand. "I?m just waitin? for you to lead the way." Taking my offered hand in his own, Raf dipped his head in a slight bow even as a smile split his face. "Then, allow me." *********************************************** *********************************************** "I?ll meet you outside the theatre at eleven," Mrs. Cardenos called out from inside the car. "Yep, see ya," Raf replied just before he grabbed my hand to lead me away. Not wanting to be rude, I twisted around to wave at the older woman, offering a chipper, "Bye, Mrs. Cardenos," even as I let my date pull me forward. Once I?d taken care of that, I twisted back around to look at Raf. "You didn?t need to rush us off like that, y?know. Even with us eating first we?re still gonna have to sit around and wait for the movie." "Yeah, but the less time we waste around my mom the better," the boy replied. "Actually, I like your mom," I commented. "She?s really nice and helpful." "She?s also really embarrassing," Raf told me. Glancing back at the departing car doubtfully, I asked, "Really? I haven?t heard her say anything I thought would embarrass you." "That?s only ?cause I spent like twenty minutes before hand, making it very clear that she was not to talk about me, our family, or how outta touch she is," my date explained. "Even then, best to give her as little time as possible, ?cause shit just pops outta her even when she promises to not let it." That revelation elicited a giggle from me. "Damn, now I really wish we?d lingered for a bit. I coulda gotten something juicy." Rolling his eyes, the boy let out a heavy groan. "How would you like it if I just hung around your house talking to your mom about you?" "Well, I can?t imagine you wanna hear a lotta stories about your date?s time as a little boy," I pointed out, but the lighthearted mood didn?t last. A moment later, I was looking down at the ground. "Plus, I doubt you?d get much of anything outta her." "Why not? Don?t all moms wanna gush embarrassing shit about their kids?" Raf asked. I shrugged. "Probably, but I?m not really sure she thinks I?m one of her kids anymore. She doesn?t really ... approve of the whole girl thing." "Ah ..." my date sighed in acknowledgement, followed quickly by a dismissive, "Eh, no big deal. I?ll just get your sister to tell me all your embarrassing secrets, instead." "Ugh ... she totally would, too," I muttered. "She can be almost as bad as you, when she wants." "As bad as me?!" Raf blurted indignantly. "I?m not bad!" "What?! You tease me all the time!" I retorted. My date tossed me a dubious look. "Tellin? you how sexy you are is not teasing you." "It is when you know it bothers me!" I shot back. Smirking, the boy shrugged off my worry. "Whatever. Just tell me what your sister does that?s so bad." "Oh ... a lot of the same sorta stuff," I answered with a dismissive wave of my hand. "Like she?ll talk about how I?m prettier than her or wanna take a picture to show her friends or whatever." In the middle of my explanation, Raf raised an eyebrow. "Ooo, now there?s an idea." "Hmm? What now?" I asked guardedly. "I should get a picture of you to show off to my friends," my date clarified as he reached into his pocket to fish out his phone and point it at me. "Uh uh! No!" I blurted, jerking my free hand up to block my face as I turned my head away. "No pictures!" "Aw, come on," Raf huffed. "Gotta have something to commemorate our first date." That was a good argument, enough so to get me to whine, "Nuh uh!" "Okay," the boy relented, shoulders slouching in disappointment. "If you really don?t want to, I guess I can live without anything to remember tonight by." Likely, that response was an intentional guilt trip, but knowing that didn?t stop it from working on me. "Fine ... but keep it to yourself, okay?" Instantly, Raf perked back up, raising his phone once more. "Alright, say cheese!" Dropping my guarding hand, I faced the camera and forced a smile onto my face. "Cheese." *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 61 In the background, I could hear Raf talking. I couldn?t remember what about, largely because I hadn?t been paying attention. The half-finished meal in front of me wasn?t what drew my attention either. Instead, I was focused on another table entirely, one where three boys, a few years older than me, sat. "Vali?" my date asked. Unlike other words, my name penetrated my thoughts, getting me to turn back to the boy. "Hmm?" "I asked if you?re done," Raf explained. "Oh ... uhm ... " I stalled, looking down at my food. There was plenty left, but I wasn?t really hungry. Honestly, I was amazed that I?d eaten as much as I?d had as nervousness over the date had largely killed my appetite. "Yeah. I?m done." Nodding, the boy tilted his head to look to the side. "Something over there that?s really interesting to ya? ?Cause I don?t see anything." Crinkling my brow, I gasped, "What?" "You?ve just been staring over that way for like two minutes," Raf told me. "Thought maybe something caught your eye or ... I don?t know." Looking down at the table, I shook my head. "No, I ... it?s nothing, just ... staring off into space." "Nah, your eyes were focused," the boy countered, turning back to me. "That means you were lookin? at somethin?. Question is, why don?t you wanna talk about it? Is it embarrassing? Were you checking out one of those guys or somethin??" "No!" I denied immediately, feeling my cheeks heat up. "Ugh, it?s just ... those guys keep looking at me." Twisting around again, Raf looked at the table with the three boys for a moment then turned right back to me. "Alright, so?" "So ... nevermind," I started to explain only to give up almost immediately with a shake of my head. "You wouldn?t understand." "Hey! I know I give off the impression of being just a big dumb butterball that solves everything with his fists, but I?m actually pretty sharp," the boy retorted defensively, tapping a finger against his temple. "I can usually understand shit, if people actually bother explaining it to me rather than just assumin? I?m an idiot." "That?s not ... I don?t think you?re an idiot," I stammered out. "It?s just ... silly." Screwing up his face, Raf asked, "If it?s bothering you, it?s not silly to me. Should I go beat ?em up or somethin?." That absurd suggestion pulled a giggle out of me. "There?s three of ?em and they?re like eighteen." "That just means they might actually give me a good fight," my date boasted. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I smiled helplessly. "No, I don?t need you to beat them up." "Well, then, how ?bout we get outta here?" the boy offered. "They can?t look at ya if you?re not around." "Sure, that sounds great," I agreed. "Alright then," Raf stated as he pushed himself up from his seat. "And feel free to use me as a shield from their eyes. I?ve certainly got the bulk for it." Giggling, I rose as well. "Thanks." Buoyed by good humor, I fell into step beside my date as we walked out of the restaurant. Doing so did require us to pass the three guys at their table, but they didn?t seem like such a big problem anymore. In spite of that, I did actually hide behind Raf a bit as they glanced my way and made a few remarks too quiet for me to make out. It didn?t last long, though. A few moments later, Raf was holding the door as I stepped out onto the sidewalk. He followed after me before we turned down the street, off toward the theatre a couple blocks away. "So ... better?" my date asked as we began the stroll. "Much. Thanks," I replied. "Not a problem," the boy told me as he reached out to take my hand. Feeling the reassuring heat and strength of that grip, I felt a touch guilty. After all, I?d just made the boy flee a restaurant over some guys looking at me. I?d ignored a lot of what he had to say, because of them, too. "Sorry for being so weird," I murmured. "Well, you could make it up to me by at least explaining your weirdness," Raf remarked. Having expected a denouncement of my being weird at all, hearing the opposite elicited a self-deprecating laugh from me. However, it faded quickly as I looked down at the pavement gliding by beneath my feet. "I know it?s silly, but I couldn?t help thinking that ... well, that they knew about me and were just lookin? ?cause they thought I was a freak." "Wow ... you?re right. That is really silly," my date remarked with a complete lack of empathy. "Thanks ..." I muttered sarcastically. "Glad I shared ..." "Oh, come on. You even said it yourself that it was silly," Raf pointed out. "I mean ... how would they even possibly know?" Having not really considered that aspect of the situation, I shrugged. "I don?t know. Everyone at school knows thanks to Jordan." "Yeah, but those kids don?t go to our school, and I doubt they?re hangin? around middle schoolers," the boy argued. "Sure, but my sister and her friends know, and you?re the one that said that meant basically everyone knew," I countered. My date nodded. "True, but you?re forgettin? one thing." "Oh, and what?s that?" I demanded. "You?re fuckin? crazy hot," Raf answered. "They were clearly just checkin? you out. That and wondering how in the hell I managed to get a date with you." That explanation had me blushing fiercely. "You really think so?" "Yeah," my date assured me. "I mean ... literally the only reason those jackasses at school act any different is ?cause of Jordan." "I guess," I conceded. "That might actually be worse, though." A burst of laughter shot out of Raf. "Well, you?d better get used to it, ?cause it probably gonna happen a lot." *********************************************** *********************************************** "Ugh ... this is takin? forever!" Raf groaned as he banged his head against the wall behind him. Seated on the bench next to the boy, I giggled softly. "I told you we didn?t need to rush." "Hey, you?re the one that didn?t want to stay at the restaurant," my date argued. "That?s nothing compared to an extra minute around my mom." "Yeah, but we?d be doing the same thing there as we are here, sittin?," I countered smartly. For once, I seemed to actually win something as Raf merely shrugged and said, "I guess that?s true." Victory was so surprising, that I wasn?t sure what to do with it. Should I gloat? Should I change topics to something else? Should I just sit there quietly and let the boy stew in his defeat? "You know what else is true?" my date segued while I was lost in thought. I was just about to look up and ask, "What?" when something even more surprising than my being victorious happened. From the corner of my eye, I saw movement just before I felt something slide behind my head. I barely had time to do anything besides start in shock before an a hand cupped my far shoulder with the mass of its corresponding arm wrapped around me. "I don?t actually mind the wait, ?cause I?m here with you," Raf finished smoothly. I, however, was anything but smooth. Every muscle in my body locked so tight that I almost vibrated under the strain. At the same time, a burst of heat rushed into my head, not only turning my face a deep red but scorching away every other thought in my head. "M-M-Mmmm," I hummed, the sound rattling from barely contained shudders that threatened to wrack my whole body. In fact, I was rather surprised that my chest didn?t just blast open from my heart beating so loudly. The boy could probably hear it, too, maybe even feel its heavy thumps vibrating through me. God, that was so embarrassing. "That said, we do still have to find something to pass the time," my date continued on without even a hint of my anxiousness. "How about we do some of those embarrassing childhood secrets, huh? Trade ya one for one?" Fervently, I shook my head and stuttered out, "N-No." The last thing I needed at that moment was more reason to feel embarrassed. It might even kill me. My head was already hot enough that I felt a little woozy. "Alright, well, we?re at a theatre, so how ?bout we talk favorite movies?" Raf tried. "I-I don?t know ..." I mumbled, not a fan of that topic either or really any topic. At that moment, talking of any sort just seemed really hard. In spite of my difficulty, my date nodded agreeably. "?Kay, well, kinda outta conversation starters, but hey, I guess we could always just make out." "What?!" I gasped only to end up choking on my own saliva. A moment later, I was hunched over, coughing and sputtering. Such an embarrassing reaction earned a chuckle from Raf at my expense even as he rubbed my back comfortingly. "Jeez, Vali, you okay? I was just jokin?." "Ha *cough* ha," I wheezed sarcastically, tossing a glare at the boy. "I?d say I?m sorry, but I?m not really sorry, so ... yeah," my date teased. Rolling my eyes, I cleared my throat one last time before spitting out, "Asshole." "Can be, yeah," Raf agreed, his hand shifting off my back to slid around my shoulder again, recreating the same embarrassing embrace as before. "It?s parta my charm." "Charm ... ha, now there?s a joke," I shot back. The boy laughed as easily at that remark as he had at my coughing. "Just ?cause I?m not as charming as you, doesn?t mean I ain?t got any, ?cause trust me. I got plenty." "Yeah, right. Sure you ?" I started a sarcastic comeback, but I never got to finish it. The words died on my lips as another speaker loudly cut in. "Well, well, well! What do we have here! Is this a date?!" I didn?t even have to look up to know who it was. Even with his busted nose making it sound all nasally, it was impossible for me to not recognize Jordan?s voice. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 62 True dread gripped me. Trapped in its icy clutches, I knew that I didn?t want to look up, didn?t want to confirm what awaited me if I did, but for some reason my body didn?t understand that. The fact that someone was talking to me prompted an unconscious reaction that lifted my gaze, and sure enough, it was to a sight that I wished I hadn?t seen. In front of me, two teens approached. One was the inimical Jordan who had so plagued my life in recent weeks. He was somewhat the worse for wear these days. The black eye that he?d received in his fight with Raf was mostly gone, but the split lip still hadn?t healed and his nose was covered in gauze and tape to keep everything in place while it healed. That distorted his usually handsome features in a way that made him seem all the more menacing. The person with my former friend was hardly a more welcome sight. Andrea and I had never gotten along since the moment the two of them had started dating, and she had taken the most readily to Jordan?s plans to ruin me at school. Some of that might?ve been because I tried to get him to date me instead of her, but the pretty blonde had served as rallying instigator to my female classmates. While her face was not only unmarred but expertly made up, the derision for me in her eyes was no less than that in Jordan?s. "It must be," Andrea answered her boyfriend?s question. "Why else would he be pawing at that disgusting thing?" "Who knows?" Jordan replied with a shrug. "Some people just love the grotesque." While those remarks cut through me as surely as steel blades, beside me, Raf just laughed. I could feel the sound rocking his body through his arm, especially when that arm tightened, pulling me closer to him. A moment later, I was pressed up against his side, clearly a show of protection that I both appreciated and was further embarrassed by. "Did I knock your brains loose when we fought or something?" Raf retorted. "Or maybe you didn?t like how your doctor set your nose, so you came to have it broken again. Is that it?" Jordan?s previously jubilant mocking darkened instantly, leading to him glaring at his counterpart with true loathing. "No, I was on a date with my girlfriend, who y?know is actually a girl, but after seeing you freaks, I think I?m gonna have to spend the night vomiting." "Really? Well, maybe I should help you out with that," my date shot back. "A few good punches to the stomach should get all the shit outta you real quick. No, who am I kidding, there?s too much shit in you to ever get rid of it all." "You?re the one who?s full of shit, Raf!" Jordan spat. "Pretending to be all tough and shit when all you really wanted to do was fuck dudes!" A wince coursed through my whole body at that insult which was as directed at me as Raf, but the boy beside me continued to be completely unflappable. He sat there with his arm around me and an easy smirk on his face, like slinging vitriol at one another was just a typical pastime. If anything, he seemed to be enjoying himself. "Please, if I wanted to fuck dudes, you?re ass would be destroyed by now," Raf remarked arrogantly. "But we both know the truth is you?re just mad I got a hotter girl than you." "What?! You fucking ass! That fucking freak isn?t hotter than a pile of shit!" Andrea screamed, breaking away from Jordan?s side to step forward and shriek right down at that my date. At that moment, Raf?s expression changed ever so slightly, a dark threat entering his gaze as he looked up at the blonde. "Back off, bitch, or your makeup?s gonna match your date?s." That warning earned an indignant gasp from Andrea, but she did step back. As she did she glanced back over her shoulder to hiss, "Jordan!" "Back off my girl, Raf," Jordan jumped to defend his date as she desired. "When you back off mine," Raf shot back defiantly. "You don?t have a girl!" my former friend spat. "Alright, clearly the first lesson wasn?t enough," my date remarked, sliding him arm off of me as he pushed himself up from the bench. Once he was up, he rolled his shoulders and punched one fist into his other hand. "Maybe the second one?ll stick." The tension that followed that proclamation was palpable, making it quite clear what was coming next, another fight. The very idea of bearing witness to another one of those brutal affairs twisted my guts up in dismay. The fact that it would again be because of me only made it worse. I didn?t want anyone fighting. I didn?t want all these insults and pissing contests. All I wanted in that moment was to go back to my date, a date that was about to be thoroughly and completely ruined. The only hope that it wouldn?t be was Jordan. In spite of the thorough asskicking my former friend had received in the last altercation, he showed no signs of backing down now, straightening up and puffing out his chest. Those movements alone were enough to kill any hope of him backing off of the fight long before he started saying, "And maybe this time, I?ll fuckin? break you so bad you?" "Stop it!" I screaming, popping up from my seat. My outburst proved to be quite the surprise, even to me. All eyes turned to me, not just the three speakers but onlookers as well. The most meaningful sets belonged to Jordan and Raf, my former crush and my current date. The former had an air of confidence about him. The latter had his brow knit with incredulity. "Stop?" Raf questioned. "Babe ... he started it, and I can definitely end it." "Raf ..." I started, but I found it hard to form my feelings into words. The gap I left didn?t remain for long as Jordan stepped up to fill it. "Yeah, Raf, listen to your freak and butt out before ya get hurt." Scoffing, my date turned back to the other guy. "Are you serious? You couldn?t hurt me if I gave you five free swings at the start." "I would drop you, you?" Jordan shot back. Once again, the tension was building. It wouldn?t take long before it was back at the level needed for the two boys to throw down. I reached my limit first. "I said stop!" I blurted out, reaching out to grab my date?s arm. "Raf, please, let?s just go." "Yeah, Raf, go. No one wants you here," Jordan played off my words. Raf probably would?ve had a comeback for that, but I headed it off, tugging on his arm and pleading, "Please." Focus drawn by my efforts, my date turned to me with a dubious expression screwing up his face. "Seriously, babe, it ain?t a big deal. I?ll have this fool out in no time." "I don?t care," I countered. "We?re supposed to be having fun." "And I?m gonna have a lotta fun kicking his ass," Raf retorted. "Big talk from a man lettin? a freak trick him into a date," Jordan antagonized. Snapping his head back around, my date glared at the other boy. "Shut your mouth before I break it, asswipe." "The only thing you can break is wind, fucknugget," Jordan shot back. Seeing things going off the rails again, I tried a different tactic, stepping bodily between the two so that my date had to focus on me. "Just ignore him, Raf. We?ll go somewhere else. Get some ice cream or something. That was nice, last time, wasn?t it?" With me blocking his way, Raf cooled down a little bit, even cracking a smile. "Yeah, it was ... " he conceded, but then his ire returned as he shifted his head to look past me. "But this guy de?" "Isn?t worth our time," I cut him off. "Hey!" Jordan exclaimed indignantly before grabbing my shoulder from behind. With that anchoring grip, he yanked hard, spinning me around to face him. Stumbling from the force, I was in no position to defend myself. I expected to eat a punch to the face at any moment, but it never came. A second set of hands caught me, pulling me back against the hefty bulk of someone that had to be Raf. The press of his chest again my back combined with the arms around me quickly steady my balance and helped me regain my bearings. "Hands off her, shitswizzler!" Raf yelled past my ear. "Then you?d better tell him to keep his fucking mouth shut!" Jordan spat. At that point, a fight seemed inevitable to me. I was pinned against my date with no good way to get his attention. Plus, even without that problem, I wouldn?t have been able to come up with a coherent sentence. My head was spinning from all the pulling and twisting about that I?d just been tumbled through. Yet, somehow, a fight didn?t start. Raf didn?t even respond to Jordan?s demands. Instead, he loosened his grip, so that he could turn me around to face him with his hands resting on my shoulders. "You okay, babe?" Raf asked. Still shaken, I managed only a nod and a hummed, "Mmhmm." "Good," my date replied, smiling warmly. At the same time, his hands released me, although one quickly slid down to take one of my own hands in its grasp. "Then, let?s go." "Running away?! Really?! The badass Raf?!" Jordan mocked. "What a fucking tool!" Back to being thoroughly unflappable, my date offered no response, or even any indication that he?d heard. Actually, looking at Raf, one might?ve thought Jordan just didn?t exist at all, anymore. He seemed that calm as he turned away and started off. I was anything but calm. In fact, my nerves were thoroughly fried, leaving me feeling dizzy, exhausted, and anxious all at once. If not for the boy?s grip on me, providing a subtle hint of pressure to guide me into motion, I probably would?ve just stood there in a daze. As it was, though, I fell into step, letting my date lead me away through the sound of Jordan?s fading jeers. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 63 One could hardly call the night quiet. New York was rarely ever truly quiet. It felt quiet, though, like Raf and I were alone in the world as we walked along the sidewalk away from the theater. That peace was much appreciated, giving my overly stressed psyche a chance to recuperate. It also gave me the time I needed to process the fact that I?d actually managed to avert the fight that had been brewing. That was such a relief. "So, wanna tell me what that was about?" Raf asked, breaking the calm that had only just begun to settle on me. Wincing, I look up at the boy beside me, seeing the dark scowl of displeasure on his face. "What?" "Don?t ?what?? me, babe. You know what I?m talkin? ?bout, so tell me why you just made me walk away while that fucker spat his bullshit," my date spat harshly. "You know I would?ve beaten his ass into the dirt." Wincing again, I looked away. "I know." "So why did you stop me?" Raf demanded. Not really having a good answer, I shrugged. "I don?t know." "You don?t know?" the boy question incredulously. "No, you?re gonna have to do better?n that." "But I ..." I began, intending to repeat my previous answer before stopping myself. It would just make Raf angry, which I neither wanted to do nor would it be unjustified on his part. I?d made him act against his nature, so I needed to give a reason for it. "I just didn?t want there to be a fight." "Why?" my date pressed, not letting me off the hook that easily. Cracking under the strain, I snapped, "I don?t know! It?s just ... last time it was so ... so ... so ... brutal and you got in trouble and Jordan got hurt and what if you got hurt this time, and it was because of me, and?!" Blessedly, that was all the further I got. A moment later, my blithering rant came to an abrupt halt as Raf grabbed me. The next thing I knew, I was in the midst of a hug, silent except for the faint sniffling that came with the tears now streaming down my cheeks. "Shh, it?s alright," the boy comforted rubbing my back. "I mean ... I am pretty pissed you thought there was any chance that pathetic little bitch could ever hurt me in a fi?ow." That last word came from me pounding one fist against my date?s chest. It wasn?t much of a strike, certainly not enough to actually hurt him, but it served to punctuate the single word, wet with emotion, that slipped from my lips, "Asshole." "But it?s real sweet of you to actually worry about me," Raf finished warmly. Sighing, I mumbled softly, "Got to. You?re my date." "How very ... obligatory of you," the boy teased. "Shut up," I grumbled, pushing myself away from Raf. Releasing me, Raf smirked in amusement. "Y?know ... I wasn?t your date during the last fight, but you still seemed pretty worried about me." "That?s ... I mean ... anyone would?ve been worried after seeing you get dragged off by the principal like that," I stammered. "There was no telling what he was gonna do to you." "Sure, but it wasn?t like he was gonna beat me up or something," my date pointed out. "It?s public school, after all. The worst he could do was throw me out." "Well, I didn?t want you to get punished at all," I argued. "It wasn?t even your fault. We were just sitting there when Jordan walked over and started causing trouble. He threw the first punch, too." "Pretty much exactly what was gonna happen tonight," Raf noted. "Exactly, and I didn?t want more trouble so ..." I confirmed only to trail off into sigh. "I don?t know why he won?t just leave me alone." My date shrugged helplessly. "I don?t really get him either. I mean ... I?ve said this before, but being a girl seems to suit you a lot better?n being a boy ever did. Plus, you?re super hot. That?s a lotta upside, and I don?t see any downsides, well, except for Andrea. I get why that jealous bitch hates you." I couldn?t tell if those remarks were supposed to be reassuring or funny, but they failed on both counts for me. Clearly, there was something wrong with my being this way, because so many people were bothered by it. Furthermore, even if it had just been one person that hated me, it still would?ve bugged me. Nobody ever took issue with a girl being a girl, after all. "But anyway ..." Raf segued. "Did you really wanna get ice cream, ?cause the whole movie plan seems ruined now." "Hmm? Oh ..." I hummed, looking up from my thoughts. "Yeah ... uhm ... I could use somethin? sugary right now." "Okay ..." the boy acknowledged, glancing around at our surroundings. "I don?t think there?s any places, nearby, so I guess I?ll call my Mom, and we can take a walk around the block while we wait for her. Sound good?" Forcing a smile onto my face, I nodded. "Yeah, sounds great." *********************************************** *********************************************** "I still can?t believe you ate that whole thing," I remarked as the car beneath me rolled along. "What? I was hungry!" Raf declared in his defense. "Remember, someone wanted to finish dinner early?!" "Yeah, but that was after you?d already finished yours!" I retorted smartly. Grinning, my date shrugged off that argument. "Then, I guess I just worked up an appetite from all that walking." "It was like four blocks total," I pointed out. "Yeah, that?s a lotta blocks," the boy commented. "I mean ... there?s only two of us, so that?s two for each of us." Giggling at the silly claim, I raised an eyebrow. "Really? Two for each of us?" "Yep," Raf confirmed. "I don?t think that?s how walkin? works," I noted. Adopting a smug, patronizing look, the boy tilted his head to the side. "Well, you must just not know much about walking, then." "I bet I know more about walkin? than you do, tubby," I shot back. "Hey, I do plenty of walkin?!" Raf insisted indignantly before offering a weak shrug. "I just do more eatin?." That final addition had me curling up with laughter. "Oh, is that all?!" "Damn right, so you?d best apologize," my date told me. "Sorry," I did as told, although it was hard to sound genuine through my continued snickering. Genuine or not, Raf gave a satisfied nod in response. "Good, ?cause I?d hate for you to leave while you were still thinkin? something so stupid." "Why would I do that?" I asked. Rather than say anything, my date just pointed out the window behind me. It was at that moment that I first noticed the fact that I couldn't feel the car moving anymore. The world outside the windows seemed to be holding in place, too, and when I turned around, the sight of my house sprang up as if by magic. Somewhere along the line, I?d made it home. "Oh ..." I mumbled. "Yeah, I?m disappointed as well," Raf commented. "I mean ... I?d planned to be with you quite a bit longer, but it was still a lot of fun." "Yeah ..." I agreed softly, looking down at my lap. "Anyway ..." the boy segued. "I?ll walk you to the door." With that, Raf got out of the car. A moment later, he was around on my side, opening the door for me and even offering me a hand with getting out. It was far from necessary, but I took the aid, even murmured a little, "Thank you," then let him lead me down the walkway and up the stairs to the very threshold of my house. There, we both stopped, faced each other, then said absolutely nothing for one painfully awkward second. "Welp, here we are," my date broke the silence, gesturing at the house. "Back home safe and sound before your curfew." "My parents would be pleased, if they actually cared about me anymore," I remarked, mostly facetious with just a hint of bitterness. The latter seemed to overpower the mix, though, prompting Raf to say, "I?m sure they still care." "Mmm," I hummed, neither agreeing or denying. It really didn?t matter. "Anyway ... thanks for the fun night, and not beatin? the shit outta Jordan." "Thankful enough to give me a second date?" the boy inquired, a smirk twisting his lips. "We could finally see that movie we missed out on." "Uhm ..." I stalled, rubbing at my arm. Did I want to go out with Raf again? The night had been fun, and he hadn?t done anything terrible, even listened to me when I actually needed him to. In fact, I was having a hard time thinking of any demerit he had earned. "... maybe." "Maybe, huh?" Raf repeated back, his disappointment obvious from his voice even before he added, "I?ll admit I was hoping for something a little more ... definitive." "Mmm," I hummed softly, barely even an acknowledgement. "It was sorta a yes or no sorta question, I kinda expected ... well, one or the other," the boy clarified before quickly saying, "But that?s fine. Can?t always get what I want, and a girl?s got a right to think things over, so no big deal, no big deal, at all." In spite of that claim, it seemed pretty obvious to me that Raf did think it was a big deal. Hell, I thought it was a big deal. Strange that picking one little word or another one would be so important, but it was. Yes or no? Keep dating or not? "Well, anyway ... g?night," my date continued when I offered no response. "I?ll call ya tomorrow." "Okay, ?night," I murmured softly. "Yeah ... ?night ..." the boy repeated his goodbye as he slowly turned around to leave. Just before my date got all the way around, I lifted my head and spoke, "Raf?" "Yeah?" the boy asked as he turned back to me. "Did you?" Before any more words could spill out and mess with my head, I darted forward. The movement probably would?ve been surprising enough to get Raf to stop talking, but I didn?t just get closer. I got right up next to him, to the point where we actually pressed against each other. Well, at least our lips were. For one brief moment, I pressed in hard with lips puckered but closed. Then with a loud smooching sound, I popped right back, breaking away from the boy. Even just that little bit was enough to have my face so hot and red that it probably looked like I?d been scalded. My counterpart wasn?t looking too much better, staring ahead with a dazed look of utter bewilderment that would?ve had me in fits were I not so embarrassed and giddy from my first kiss that I couldn?t even consider laughing. "I hope that?s definitive enough!" I blurted, not cutely or teasingly, but in a stiff overly loud voice that showed every bit of my nervousness. Fortunately, I didn?t have to wait for a reaction, or at least, I chose not to. I spun around, yanked the door open and darted into my house with a final, "Good night!" belted out just before I slammed the way shut, fled up to my room, and buried my face in my pillow. *********************************************** *********************************************** Chapter 64 "So, I take it I should get ready to rip a dick off, huh?" Misha remarked from somewhere behind me. Keeping my face buried in my pillow, I shook my head as best as I could. "Mmm-mmm." "What do you mean ?mmm-mmm??!" my sister demanded. "You?re home early, and the first thing you did was run up here to cry!" "I?m not crying!" I denied without looking up. "Then why are you face-planted on your bed, unwilling to look at me?" Misha questioned. Wincing, I pushed myself up and even turned to face the older girl. I couldn?t quite manage to actually look at her, keeping my gaze averted. The reason why was that the memory of my first kiss had my face absolutely blazing, and having that seen only embarrassed me more. "See? Not crying," I muttered pointedly. "Yeah, but you could win first place at a tomato contest," the older girl remarked. "How do you even get that red with such dark skin?" Having my humiliation called out only made it worse, increasing the heat in my face to stifling levels. The answer my sister?s question demanded didn?t help things either. Just thinking about it made my kiss with Raf and my pathetic exit replay in my head. "I ... uhm ... I ... sorta ... kissed Raf," I managed to force myself to say while rubbing at one arm. There was a brief moment?s pause at my revelation before Misha blurted out, "Wow! Way to go, Vali!" As with everything else so far, praise did not help the situation. My head got even hotter as I hunched forward in a futile effort to hide from sight. Everything was just so embarrassing that I thought, maybe, just maybe, it would actually kill me, but I wasn?t so lucky. "Wait ... he didn?t like steel a kiss from you did he?" my sister asked even as the bed shift from her sitting down next to me. Shaking my head, I whispered, "No." "So you actually kissed him? Misha double-checked. This time, my response was a nod and barely audible, "Yes." "Wow, must?ve been a really good date," the older girl remarked. For my third go, I went with a shrug a mumbled, "I guess." "You guess?!" Misha questioned incredulously before grabbing me around the shoulders to shake me a bit. "There?s no way someone as adorably innocent as you would be macking on some guy for ?I guess.?!" "I wasn?t macking on him!" I protested, fidgeting with my hands. "It was just a little ... y?know ... to say good night." "Good night kisses still gotta be earned," my sister noted. "So, come on! Spill sister! I want all the details!" "Well you?re not gettin? ?em, so there!" I refused in a huff. The last thing I needed at that moment was to relive every moment in the most embarrassing setting possible. I just couldn?t take it. "Oh, yes I am!" Misha insisted, shifting her grip on me. A moment later, rather than grabbing my shoulders, her hands were down around my waist, poking and prodding. Plenty ticklish, I was laughing immediately as I blurted out, "Hey, hehehe, stop it!!" through my giggles and spasms. "Not till you agree to tell me!" the older girl demanded, relentless in her torment of me. "I didn?t stay home all Friday night, waiting on you, to not get the goods, so spill!" "Alright! Alright!" I relented as I tried to swat my sister?s hands away and squirm out of reach. "I?ll tell you! Just stop!" The moment she had my agreement, Misha stopped her tickling and released me. "Glad to see you finally see reason." "No, you?re just a bully," I huffed as I straightened myself out. I was even tempted to use the gap to turn the tables and attack the older girl, but I knew it would end badly. Even with the edge of surprise, she was quite a bit bigger and stronger than me. In fact, I realized, suddenly, that she probably always would be. Strange. There actually was something about being a boy that I was kind of going to miss. Not that I would?ve wanted to go back for something so trivial. "Reason, bullying, doesn?t matter, just start talking," Misha commanded dismissively. Flush from both embarrassment and harassment, I let out a heavy sigh and nodded. "Alright, well I guess I should start from his stupid compliment right after I opened the door ..." *********************************************** *********************************************** I was supposed to be reading. My book lay open in my hands, the words clearly visible on the page. My eyes even scanned over them, but inevitably they would would lose focus. Before long, I couldn?t actually read the page anymore, and I caught myself glancing off to the side as I had so many times before. To the side was my nightstand upon which sat my phone. From the moment I had set it there after my date the night before, it had been silent. It was still silent. I continued to be silent as I looked at it. It continued to be silent as I cursed myself for looking at it. It continued to be silent as I forced myself to look away, trying to get back to reading, but really just thinking about how it wasn?t making any noise. Sighing in frustration, I finally just gave up and closed my book. Laying it on my lap, I slouched back against my pillow while rubbing at my eyes. They weren?t really tired. It was just something to do to express the profound sense of weariness and frustration that hung over me. "Why hasn?t he called?" I muttered, dropping my hands to my lap as I looked over at my phone again. "He said he would call. Is it broken?" While I had checked half a dozen times at least, I reached out again to grab the phone. I checked my messages, both text and phone ? nothing. I checked the settings for anything that was wrong ? nothing. I called the help number that was listed, not for help, just to make sure I could make a call ? no problem there either. Everything seemed to be working. "Maybe I should have Misha call me just to be extra sure?" I mused aloud, but I quickly dismissed the idea. In order to get her to do that, I?d have to explain why I needed her to. Of course, I could?ve lied, but I just knew that, somehow, she?d get the truth out of me, and embarrassment would follow. "Besides, it?s only three. He might not even be up yet," I tried to convince myself. After all, I?d had a lot of trouble getting to sleep the night before, ending up still awake as the sky started to lighten with a new day. However, I still woke up quite early, only a little after nine. I supposed that I was just too anxious to sleep well. Raf wasn?t like me, though. He was cool and calm. He wouldn?t have those problems. He could easily still be asleep. The logic was sound, but my psyche was not convinced. If my date had really had fun, he?d be up by now. If he really wanted to go out again, he would?ve called. The fact that he hadn?t done so yet had to be bad. Maybe, he?d hated the kiss. Maybe, he?d decided I was a disgusting freak, after all. Maybe, everything was going to fall apart just like it had when I?d told Jordan how I felt. That would be so typical of my life recently. Everything that could go wrong for me did. A surge of rage rushed through me, causing me to snatch up the phone from the nightstand. I very nearly followed that up by launching it across the room in the hopes of breaking it, but I stopped myself. It wasn?t hope or a belief that I was overreacting that did it, though. It was a follow up wave of depression that wondered what the point would be. Smashed phone or not, my life was already ruined. Feeling like I was about to cry, I tossed my phone back on the nightstand. A quick shift later and I was lying curled up on my side. Like that I just laid there, staring at the wall, trying to figure out what I?d done wrong. Was it actually the kiss? Was it making Raf run from the fight? Was it not being okay with those guys in the restaurant? Was it something else entirely? It was in the midst of those questions that, finally, my phone whirred to life. Instantly, I jerked up, lashing out for the device like it was my only lifeline. My haste actually slowed me down, causing me to swat the phone off the nightstand and forcing me to retrieve it. Even when I did, I was so amped up on adrenaline that my fingers fumbled even something as simple as answering it for a few heart-pounding moments. "H-Hello?" I managed to stuttered out one I had, at last, managed to get everything in order. "Hey, babe! Sorry, I?m so late with the call!" Raf apologize immediately. "There was this big mix up with my phone, and it almost went through the wash, and?" "It?s okay," I cut in, not wanting the boy to feel another moment?s guilt about the whole thing. All that mattered was the great rush of relief that filled me. "I?m just glad you actually called." "Hey, there was no way I was gonna just leave you hangin?," Raf said in his defense. "Although, I did almost end up having my mom drive me over there before we finally found my phone." Feeling all warm and tingly, I smiled brightly. "Of course, you?d do that." "For you, babe? I woulda run there if I?d had to," the boy replied. Giggling a little at the heavy guy undertaking such a marathon, I remarked, "Well, I?m glad you didn?t have to." "Me, too," Raf agreed. "But I?m way more glad to know I?m gonna get that second date. Unless I misread that little parting gift." Just the mention of our kiss had my face burning. "You did not." "Good," the boy declared. "?Cause, I know it?s corny, but I just can?t wait to see you again, so I was thinkin? tonight. That work for you?" "Yeah," I agreed without any hesitation. "That sounds perfect." The End Afterword: Hey all, Light here. If you enjoyed the story, consider checking out my patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/lightivation or even throwing a little support my way. Also, if you haven?t already, you might like to try my fantasy serial, The Trials of Tannen which is available on my blog https://lightivation.wordpress.com/ The series updates every other week. And lastly, as always, thanks for reading!