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Adventures of a Novice Janet L. Stickney [email protected] That first time I tried on my sisters clothes I was just 8 years old. She was 12, so the fit was bad, but I was in heaven! I tried using my Mothers makeup while dressed in Julie's clothes, unaware that I looked a lot more like a clown and a lot less like a real girl. Yet what I saw in the mirror excited something deep inside of me, something that I had no name for, I just knew that I had to dress up so I could look like a girl. My lack of knowledge about everything, especially makeup, resulted in having the devils own time in washing it off, and I got traces of it on my sisters clothes. But the entire experience, the smells, the soft material against my skin, and very act of dressing up made it all worthwhile. Julie was occasionally reprimanded about it, her resolute denials having no effect. It wasn't until summer when I was caught by my Mom that she finally realized what had been going on. She came into my room unannounced one afternoon and found me dressed in one of Julie's dresses, a pair of her white socks on my feet along with her black shoes. I was wearing red lipstick while trying to put eyeliner on. It was a disaster of serious proportion for me! Mom made me change into my own clothes and wash the makeup off, and meet her in the family room. While she had heard of transvestites before, she never knew that some started so young! She wasn't sure about me, but she intended to find out for herself, and the questions were pointed and sharp, my denials pitiful and weak. Finally, under the pressure of her stare, I admitted that I had always wanted to wear girls clothes, yet somehow, I understood that I probably shouldn't. Mom didn't understand either, I but knew that my father would be even less understanding than she was. She let me go outside with my friends, wondering what to do next. Less than three weeks later she caught me again. This time she said nothing, since she had done some reading on the computer, which I found out later, and she knew more about my needs. Mom went down the basement and found the boxes she was looking for, and opened one to make sure it was the right one, selected several items and took them back to my room. She opened the door to my room, my startled eyes wide in fear. She carefully laid the items on the bed and walked out of the room without saying a word. I saw what mom put on my bed, and quickly took off my sisters dress. In fact I stripped naked. I pulled on the pair of plain white cotton panties, then the white tights. The dress was a wonderful soft brown with a pink sash, and I slipped it over my head and zipped it up. It was perfect! The shoes were black, and when I slipped my feet into them I found that they fit much better than anything I had tried before. I was looking at myself in the mirror when mom walked back into the room. "Now isn't that much better?" I looked at her with tears in my eyes, yet wondering why she was doing this for me. "You know how your Father always says that anything worth doing is worth doing right?" I nodded my head yes. "Well if you insist on dressing as a girl then you have to do it right. Let's go in my room for a moment." I followed her, the dress swirling about me as I walked, the sensation of the silky material making me feel even more like a girl than ever before. She had me sit at her vanity as she took a brush and began to redo my hair. Like many of the young boys in my school, my hair was so long that I wore it in a ponytail. She put rollers in my hair and then showed me how to apply just the right amount of makeup, which for a 9 year old girl was very little. When she took the rollers out of my hair she brushed my new curls out and sprayed them with hairspray. Mom used two barrettes, one on each side of my head to hold the hair in place. I looked just like Julie did when she was my age! "We can't call you David now can we? Do you have a name you like, a girls name?" I shook my head no, since I had never given it a thought before. "If you had been born a girl we were going to name you Kristen. Kristen Lynn. How about that?" I smiled and I knew that I liked it. "Lets go downstairs Kristen. Your Father will be home soon and I'm sure that he'll want to meet you." Terror, dread and fear went through me like water through a hose. She had deceived me ! She took my small hand in hers and we walked down the stairs. I sat in the family room wondering if I would be grounded for the rest of my natural life, or just killed outright! I heard the front door open and watched as my Father walked into the room. "I see that your Mother decided to help you. Are you comfortable?" I didn't move a muscle because I didn't want to make my Dad mad. "It's okay son. We talked about it and have decided that if you really need to do this, then you should allow us to help you. Julie is at Grandma's this weekend, and you look so nice, maybe we should go out to dinner or something." So it was. As Kristen Lynn, I made my very first outing as a girl. We went to a family restaurant for dinner where I saw some of my classmates, but they didn't recognize me dressed as I was. I was filled with emotions ranging from elation to terror, frustration to glee. I ate my dinner quietly, and neither Dad nor Mom made a fuss about how I was dressed. Back at home I went to my room to once again look in the mirror so I could see the girl that haunted my dreams and had always wanted out. From that day on, no mention was made of my desires, but occasionally, as I got older, I would find a new outfit on my bed. By the time I reached the age of 14 I was adept at getting myself dressed, doing my own hair and makeup. Some of the students in the school had declared themselves as gay without so much as a ripple. Most all of the student body was aware of the many slices of life that make up society and were generally so-so about it. As a group, we tended to accept people as we found them, without a lot of fuss. So I went to my Mother one day and asked to speak with her. I told her about what I wanted to do and why. "Dad certainly has to know about what you want to do, before you do it!" She knew that I did not know, or realize, what the consequences of my actions could, or would, be. I went to my room and got dressed. I had several outfits, one I even bought with my own money. I took a shower and made sure that my legs were as hairless as we could be, pulled on the pink panties and then a pair of pantyhose. I then went to the bathroom and began to apply my makeup. I started with a foundation, that through trial and error, I found one that matched my skin tone perfectly. I applied a light blue eyeshadow with plum highlights followed by a thin line of black eyeliner. I had seen how Julie used a black pencil under her eye, so I had adopted it, drawing the line quickly and used the small attached sponge to slightly smear it. The skirt was short, but not too short. The green and dark blue pleated skirt came to mid thigh on me. I took a bra out of my dresser and fastened it around myself, straightening the straps to make the cups ride in the right place, using several pairs of old hose rolled up to fill it out. The blouse was white with a Peter Pan collar, and short, puffy sleeves. I did up the buttons and once again enjoyed the sensation of having my boobs clearly defined by the sheerness of the blouse. I drew a dark green sweater over my head, pulling the collar of the blouse out so that it lay in a nice round circle around my neck. Sitting at the mirror I brushed my hair into a ponytail and secured it high on my head like the girls do, and used a green and blue ribbon scrunchee to cover the rubberband. A light red lipstick, my one gold necklace, then, as I slipped my feet into the short black heels, I knew it was the best I was able to do. I looked in the mirror and saw Kristen Lynn, the teenager. I walked downstairs and into the family room where my Mother was knitting. She saw me as I walked in and sat in my favorite chair, noticing that I sat with my knees tightly pressed together, my hands demurely in my lap. "Hello Kristen! You've grown up since the last time we saw you." I couldn't suppress the small smile that escaped my lips. "Stand up and let me see you dear." I stood up and made a slow twirl. My Mother saw that my legs were every bit as shapely as Julie's, and I was just as pretty. "With just a little help she would be beautiful," mom thought. "Is this what you want to show Dad?" "I can handle it Mom. The other kids might be surprised, but then again maybe I'm not the only one in school that feels this way." "Is that a new skirt? I don't remember seeing that one before. Did you buy it?" I nodded my head yes. "Have you been out of the house dressed like this before? ... recently?" I didn't want to tell her yes, but I had never lied to her before, and I had been dressed when I bought the skirt. I had gone to the store while the rest of the family was away visiting. "Yes. That's when I got this skirt and blouse." "The bra too I'll bet!" I sat there in silence while we waited for Dad to come home. We heard the door open and the familiar footsteps as he walked into the room. "Hi Julie! What are you doing home from coll... you're not Julie, you're..." "Kristen. Kristen Lynn. Remember Dad?" "What's this all about son?" So I told my parents everything. How I felt, how I thought the other kids in school would react, what the teachers might say, and cited the new law just passed protecting people that liked alternative lifestyles. "I know it will be tough Dad, but I just can't stand it any more!" Tears came down my cheeks as I verbally tried to make sense of something I didn't even understand myself. Dad was what was called a man's man. Tough and strong, secure in himself, a loving father and husband and the best dad ever. Now, his son, me, wanted to give up everything male, a denial of everything he had worked hard to achieve and instill in me. I had denied my place in the rolls of manhood, choosing to admit I wanted to become a female. His face contorted as he struggled to cope with what I had told him. His anger gave way to astonishment, then I could see on his face that his love for me overriding his pain. He walked up to me and took me in his arms hugged me tightly to his chest, and held me there. His tears stained my blouse, as mine stained his shirt, and I knew that he loved me, no matter what. "It'll take a while to get used to having a girl in the house Kristen." It was his only way of saying it was okay. I held on to him until mom said dinner was ready. The biggest adventure for me would start on Monday when I went to school for the first time as a girl, and my Mother knew that I would need some help. "Why don't you and I go to the mall after dinner Kristen. If you are going to do this, then it has to be all or none. I mean that you can't be David one day and Kristen the next. You chose Kristen, so you'll need a few things." We went to the mall with me having no idea what Mom had in mind, but I just knew that I would probably like it. The first stop we made was at Annie's, a lingerie shop that also catered to women that had a need for breastforms. "My daughter needs some help in the boob department. She doesn't have any!" It was very embarrassing, but I undressed to the waist so that proper measurements could be taken. In less than an hour I had some of the finest forms you could get. They were exactly the color of my skin, adhered with a special glue, and would bounce, and act like any other girls breast, and they even conducted body heat! After I was fitted, and my new breasts secured to my chest, I was led around the mall by my Mother as we bought a few new skirts, a couple of dresses, a few blouses, and perfume of my own. I had my ears pierced, and at mom's insistence I had my hair and nails done at the beauty shop for the first time. Then we went to a department store and I bought some panties and bras. By the time we got home, we were both whipped from all of the walking. My Dad saw my new hairdo and just shook his head. He watched as me go up the stairs, the short skirt swirling about my very feminine legs, the scent of my new perfume trailing after me. That night I called my best friend Richie. "I made a serious decision Richie. Starting today I'm dressing as a girl!" After the initial shock, it was why, what do you look like, and so on. Richie was unsure about my revelation, but we had made plans to meet after church the next day at the mall, and I know Richie didn't plan to miss it! I changed into a nightgown that my Mother had given me, and went back downstairs to watch television. Curled on the couch with my feet under me like girls tend to do seemed as natural as anything. I tried to sleep so I wouldn't mess up my hair to bed, but what I didn't know was that it was I had been given a permanent! The three of us went to church the next day, me in my best dress. Everyone thought that I was Julie, but my Dad always corrected them, leaving most people to wonder about me. After we got home I went to my room and changed into the outfit I wore the day before. I filled my new purse with tissue, my wallet, some lipstick, and a small mirror. I told them I was meeting Richie at the mall and left. It was only a few blocks walk, but I loved it. My blonde hair bouncing with every step, curls framing my face, cut by the bright slash of red lipstick. I went to the cafeteria section looking for Richie, and saw him look right at me. I started to wave, but when he looked away I knew that he didn't recognize me, so I carefully walked around so that I came up behind him. "Hi Richie." He turned and looked at me. "Do I know... wait a minute! It's you isn't it?!" "Sure is Richie. My name is Kristen Lynn. Why don't you get us something to drink?" Richie, conditioned to react to girls a certain way, did as I asked, the fact that I had played baseball with him before my change, gone in an instant! I sat and waited for Richie to return with my drink. When he returned he automatically asked me if the drink was fine. Something he never would have done for me when I was David, if he bought at all! "You look different than what I expected." "What did you expect Richie? A clown?" "No. I guess I don't know what I expected." He looked me over really good, from my nice legs, to my pert breasts. "Those real?" he asked, pointing to my chest. I wanted to say yes, but I didn't. "No, these are the best money can buy. Mom says that women that lose a breast use these." Richie wanted to ask some other personal questions, and I answered one of them when I excused myself to use the restroom. He watched as I went into the ladies room. We walked around the mall together, Richie becoming used to seeing his best friend dressed as a girl. I went into a teen dress shop dragging him with me as I went. My oohing and aahing over some of the clothes unnerved him a bit, but I was doing my very best to be feminine in every way, and his fear quickly passed. We met some kids from school, and Richie introduced me as Kristen, waiting for them to realize that this was actually their friend David in a dress, but they never did. Sarah and Heather thought that I looked familiar, but until I said that my sister was Julie, did they manage to solve the riddle of Kristen. "You're David! Right?" It was Sarah. All of the other kids crowded around waiting for an answer. "I used to be David. Now I'm Kristen. I've always felt like a girl, even when I was little, and when I told my folks, they sort of agreed. I told them that you would understand. Ben, Gary, and Carol have all said they are gay, and you accepted them, so why not me?" They looked at one another knowing that I was right. Heather and Sarah looked at me and saw that I had a perm which they and the other girls recognized right away, then my nice legs, and bust, and I wasn't at all afraid of telling them how I felt. Gavin took Sarah's hand, Hank took Heather's, and Richie hesitantly reached out and took mine. The six of us walked around for a while, and I suggested that maybe we could go to my house. I called home and got the okay, so we walked over to my house. My Mother saw Richie holding my hand as we walked up the driveway but said nothing. I introduced everybody, and we descended on the family room. My Mom asked if we were hungry, and us girls went to the kitchen to help her make a snack. The guys, left alone in the family room, looked at each other. "I wonder why Dave is doing this. He never gave me any impression he liked to dress as a girl before!" Richie just shrugged his shoulders at Hank's question. "I've known him since kindergarten Hank, and I never knew either. But she's (he unconsciously used the feminine in referring to me) right about one thing, most of the kids will accept her as she is. She's been my friend for so long that I guess I always will be her friend." Just then we brought in trays of sandwiches and soft drinks. We watched television for a while, then we used the computer to play some games. My Mom noticed that the other kids didn't seem to care about my change. Sarah asked if I could go to the skating rink with them that night, so I got permission, and Sarah said that her Mom would drive us over. Soon, the kids left, and I sat back with a smile on my face. "See Mom, I told you that they would accept me!" She had to agree. "What time are they coming to get you?" "Sarah said around 7. I'm going to wear what I have on I guess." "You need one other thing Kristen. Come to your room with me." I waited in my room until my Mom came in, and when she did, she had something in her hand. "Wear this Kristen. If you fall you'll be showing everything." I took the item and discovered that it was a black panty from a leotard set. I smiled and raised my skirt and pulled it on. "Now if you fall down the boys won't see your panties. I'll bet most of the other girls wear them too." I was ready when Sarah came to the door, similarly dressed as I was, in a skirt and sweater. We sat in the back seat during the 20 minute drive. I had my own skates, but they were black since they were my "boy," skates. At the small shop inside the rink, I bought some skate covers in a green that almost matched the color of my skirt, and Sarah and I sat on the row of benches lacing up our skates, when we saw Richie and Gavin come in. Sarah took my hand and we skated out on the floor. I was used to skating with a little more abandon, but that was when I was David, so I stayed with Sarah as we waited for the guys to skate onto the floor. The rink always had dances, and sometimes contests; Sarah and Gavin were very good skaters and they were almost always among the finalists. Richie came up alongside me while Gavin took Sarah's hand and skated away. The music became slow and without a thought, Richie did a mohawk turn and faced me, his arms outstretched to me. I accepted, and the two of us began the very simple Glide waltz. The operator turned on the rotating mirrored ball and lowered the lights as we moved around the floor, describing a perfect figure 8 on the floor. My skirt swirled out in the turns, and I was glad that I had on the special panty mom had given me! Sarah and Gavin changed as the music changed tempo, a Quickstep march which Richie and I also began. It seemed that Richie and I were as one. Our every movement perfect as I felt the pressure of his hand as he signaled a turn or spin. Several of the other skaters left the floor to watch as two couples vied for superiority. The DJ saw what was happening and kept changing the music, a slow waltz to marches to tangos. I never gave a thought about how I was dressed right then. Just getting the steps right without falling down foremost on my mind. After half an hour we took a break, exiting the floor and going into the small concession stand. "You're pretty good Kristen! I guess I never realized it before, but we could win the next contest against Sarah and Gavin if we tried I'll bet!" I just smiled, slightly out of breath as we sat at one of the small tables. Richie had just sat down next to me when Gavin and Sarah came in and joined us at the table. "Damn but you're good Kristen! I'll have to watch you and Richie to get some pointers!" Sarah was smiling when she said it. We all had a drink and started towards the rink when Sarah told the guys that she and I were going to the ladies room. Once away from the guys, Sarah asked me if Richie had kissed me. "Kissed me! Heck no Sarah. He's only known about me one day!" "He wants to you know." I stopped in the ladies room and faced Sarah. "What gives you that idea Sarah? Richie hasn't made one move on me!" "The look in his eye Kristen, the look in his eye." We fixed our makeup and went back to the rink, skating out to the guys, this time I watched to see how Richie looked at me. His smile was wide as he took my hand and I smiled right back. Richie saw Hank and Heather come in, their skates in small cases. As they changed into their skates, Richie took me, putting his arms around me and we went around the floor, the music fading as I thought about what Sarah had told me. A dance contest was announced and Richie put our names on the list as did Hank and Gavin. There were several other couples on the dance floor as the music started. The lights were dimmed and the music started. The waltz was to get everyone moving, and then the DJ announced the particular dance we had to do. The first one was a 10 step. Hank and Heather had been skating partners for years and they became one during the dance. They segued to another waltz, then a tango, then another quickstep. One girl had fallen and they were out. During the next dance Hank broke a wheel and he and Heather left the floor. During the next waltz Richie asked me if I thought I could do a throw jump. That's when the guys throws his partner and as she lands he takes her back into his arms during a turn. I nodded my head yes, and we went around twice more, gaining speed, before we tried it. Richie stayed close as I spun in the air, my skirt twirling out, landing right in place as he took me into his arms and we finished the turn. Finally it was down to Gavin and Sarah against Richie and I. It was strenuous, and Richie had faltered once, so Gavin and Sarah won the contest. Afterwards, Richie asked me if he could take me home! On the way home, with his Dad driving, he put his arm around me, leaned over, and kissed me! At my door he watched as I went in, wondering if he would tell anyone he kissed me. "Have a nice time dear?" My Mother was watching television, Dad had been called back to work. He was a Pipefitter at a local plant and they had some kind of emergency. "It was great Mom! Richie and I skated against Sarah and Gavin. We lost, but not next time!" "You better go and get ready for bed honey." I went to my room and undressed, putting everything away as I took them off. I saw a bit of red tissue paper on my bed and went over, saw it was a small package and opened it. It was my very first real nightgown of my own! I quickly pulled the flannel over my head, slipped on my bedroom slippers and went back downstairs. "Did he try to kiss you Kristen?" I was dumbstruck by the question! "What do you mean Mom? He knows that I was... am, a guy like me !" "Right. He did kiss you didn't he?!" I smiled, and my Mother knew the truth. "Just be careful Kristen. He might understand, but trust me, there are people out there that will not, and they might try to hurt you." Just then the phone rang. My Mother came in and told my to get dressed right away, we had to go to the hospital. By the tone in her voice, I knew it was serious. I ran to my room and quickly changed into a pair of jeans and the sweater I wore to the rink. I slipped my feet into the new flats and after a dash of lipstick ran back to get my coat. The ride to the hospital wasn't long, but dread filled us both, an unwanted passenger as we drove through the inky night. "I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do. The explosion caused so much damage..." The doctor never had a chance to finish before my Mother and I started weeping. I made my way to the phone and called my Grandpa, my Dad's dad. "You better come to the hospital Grandpa, there's been an accident." That was all I had to say. Within 20 minutes my Mother and I were surrounded by family. My Aunt Mary called Julie at college and broke the news to her, and then left to bring her home. Grandpa drove us home, trying to comfort us as best he could; but grief is personal, something that has to be suffered alone, until you find just the right shoulder to cry on. He gave us both a shot of brandy just as the plant manager knocked on the door. "I'm Bill Gather, the plant manager, may I come in?" He stepped into the house and went directly to the family room. "I'm sorry Doris. He was a good man, and we'll all miss him." "How did it happen Bill?" "A gas main had ruptured, that's what he was called in to fix, and somebody made a spark. He was right in the hole when it exploded. Again, I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do, just call me." He handed over his card which had his office and home numbers on it. He left, knowing that our pain and suffering was needless, and he intended to find out exactly what happened! Mom and I sat there stunned at the loss, tired, yet unable to sleep, afraid of the terrible dreams of the accident, yet knowing better times were eventually sure to come. Finally, after several shots of brandy, mom and I went to bed. Grandpa made sure we were tucked in, and waited for Julie to arrive. The funeral was attended by almost everyone Dad had worked with, shutting down the plant in the process. The procession was almost a mile long, the eulogies poignant and moving. When he was finally lowered into the ground, mom's wail could be heard across the cemetery, as was Julie's and mine. It was a sad time for the family, my dad's strength gone forever. After the wake, and just Julie, Mother and I were at home, alone, did Julie make mention of me. "Looking right at me she asked, "Why are you in dresses David? and at Dads funeral too!" "Wait a minute Julie! She has our permission to dress that way. In fact I doubt if David will ever return to this house again. Grandpa asked about it too, but mom told him that they would talk about it later on." "I guess I flew off the handle Dav... Kristen. Sorry." The days seemed long without dad , but life goes on, and by the end of the week, while we were sitting at the table eating, Julie mentioned that she knew another girl just like me! "She goes by the name of Bunny, or Bambi, or Barbara or something. I only met her once, but the rumor is that she has been dressing as a girl since junior high. She's seems very nice, and she's quite pretty. I can get her number if you like." I knew that I wasn't the only person that felt like I did, but to meet another was beyond my expectations. "Sure! I'd like that!" "We also have to discuss what we are going to tell your Grandfather. He didn't say anything, but I know that he was worried, and very concerned." I said that I would tell him myself, but asked my Mom to be there with me. I said that Sunday after church I would talk to him, and the three of us went to his house. Grandma answered the door, saw me and smiled. "Come in. I'll make some coffee." We hung our coats and went to the large living room. "Hi Grandpa!" He accepted a hug from Julie and mom, easily, but I sensed some tenseness in him when he hugged me. Mom spoke up before I had a chance. "We're here because we think that you need to understand about Kristen." He looked at me, his grandson, and saw a very pretty girl, a virtual twin to Julie at the same age. "Grandpa, I've been dressing like this since I was very young. Don't ask me why because I can't tell you why. I told Mom first, but Dad later that same day." Grandpa didn't stop me, but I know that he was beginning, or at least trying to understand. "Before dad died, he told me that as long as I did what was in my heart I would always be all right. He told me that you told him that. This is in my heart Grandpa, I can't change it, and I don't want to change it. I love you and hope that you will understand, like Dad." He looked at me, knowing that I had used his own words against him, but I was right. 'Do what's in your heart and you'll always be okay.' "You're right Kristen, I don't understand why you think you're a girl, you're not. But if your Mother thinks it's okay, then it's really not my place to say otherwise. You are always welcome here, and we will help you if you need it, I guess it'll take some time getting used to the idea that I have to call you Kristen. Now come here and give me a hug." I fairly leapt into his lap, the familiar smell of his pipe and aftershave lotion making me comfortable. I held him until Grandma came and told us to come and have coffee. That was her way of saying a small meal. We talked about a lot of things, including Julie's college and how I was going to dress at school. "Like this of course! The other kids already know, or most of them anyway, so I'll be okay." I had not yet been to school one day dressed. With the death of my Father I had taken the week off, so most of the kids knew of the tragedy, but not my changes. I just assumed that Richie and the others had spread the word. We stayed for a few hours, and then went home. "Can you come to my room Kristen?" Julie had her hand on my shoulder when she asked. "I have some clothes that you can have Kristen. Sharon and I are going to get our own apartment, and I won't have room for all of this stuff, so you might as well have it." She piled it all on the bed as I watched. "You mean your moving for good?" "Yea, I guess. She and I have grants for the college expenses, and we both got a job at MetalWork part time. I have to get away for a while, ya' know what I mean?" I nodded my head. "You talk to Mom yet?" "I was going down to tell my now, why don't you put these clothes away while I tell her." I gathered up the clothes and went to my room while Julie went downstairs. The clothes she gave me were nice. Skirts and blouses, some dresses, a coat, and a few of her shoes that fit. That night we took Julie back to the school, and after she was settled in, we drove home. "Looks like it's just you and I Kristen. I never expected all of theses changes, especially so quick." I didn't know what to say, so I just sat there. The next day I got up early for my very first day at school as girl. I decided to wear a skirt and sweater combination. My breastforms had to be taken off once every week so the skin had a chance to air out, and last night I had removed them. I cleaned them and used the special glue to re-attach them, then I quickly put on panties and a bra and went to the bathroom to do my makeup. I used a little foundation, green eyeshadow with black eyeliner and mascara. The circle skirt was a pink and gray checked with a pink belt. I pulled a gray blouse from the hanger and slipped it on. Pink earrings and a gold necklace and bracelet were the only jewelry I wore. I went to the mirror and applied the soft rose lipstick, put my feet into the pink flats, grabbed my purse, and went to the kitchen. "You look nice Kristen. Be careful at school." I walked to the school, and entered without hesitation. I went directly to the principals office, the letter from my Mother clutched in my hand. "I'd like to see Mrs. Packard please." The secretary showed me the way and let me into the office. "Hello Kristen, I've been expecting you." There must have been a look of concern on my face because Mrs. Packard smiled and said: "You have a good friend Kristen. Several of them in fact. Richie, Gavin and Sarah came in here and told me that you had decided to start dressing like a girl, and they emphatically supported your position. Now would you like to tell me anything else?" "Yes Ma'am." I told her all about how I dressed when I was younger, right up to the moment I stepped in the office. "With Dad gone now, and Julie moving away, it's just Mom and I now, and I have to do my best for her." "You look very nice dear, but we have to make some changes in your school schedule. We can't have you changing clothes in the boys locker room I'm afraid. It might upset some of them. Go to your first class and I'll send your new schedule to you." I thanked her and left. The class had already started when I faced the door. "Now or never kiddo," I thought to myself and opened the door. Everyone looked at me as I made my way to my desk. Someone had tied pink ribbons all over it! "Good Morning! It's Kristen right?" I stood and said it was, but added my middle name, Lynn. Some of the kids stared at me for a few minutes, but I looked so good that they soon forgot about me and went about doing the school work. At the bell, Mrs. Roth asked me to stay for a moment. "I'm terribly sorry about your Father Kristen. If there's anything we can do for you, let me know." I left feeling much better about myself. The first hurdle had been made, and now the rest might be easier. Sarah caught me on the way to my next class. "Hi Kristen. We've been telling everyone about your... change. Most of the kids are all right with it, but Herb and that bunch will probably give you a hard time. You look nice by the way!" Sarah ran off so that I could make my next class, leaving me with a ton of questions. I opened the door to my math class and went in. Not one word was mentioned about my wearing a skirt. The teacher referred to me as she did with all of the girls. Miss Cansen, can you answer that question?" I stood up and answered the question, getting it wrong. "Miss Cansen. You know that is incorrect. Try again." I got it right that time. It was like that all day. Usually the teachers used Mr. or Miss when referring to a student. I was with Sarah and Heather between classes when Herb and the bunch of Neanderthals that hung around him surrounded us. "I heard that you were a sissy Cansen. I just never knew how much. You ever make it with a guy?" "That's enough Herb! Leave her alone!" Sarah was not real tall, but she faced Herb straight on, until he and his friends left. "Thanks Sarah. If I had to I might be able to take him, but thanks." "You dummy! Girls do not fight with guys like that. You have to find a different way. I cooled down and went to my next class, but angry anyway. They got me on the way home. As I walked down the tree shaded street, an arm reached out and dragged my into a clump of trees that provided seclusion for Herb and his minions. "Let's see how much a girl you are bitch!" Fred Angston held me as Herb tore at my clothes. He kicked out and hit me square in the manlies, making me drop to the ground in agony. He stood me up, and began hitting me as hard and as often as he could. When I became heavy, Fred let me fall, the remnants of my clothes around me, blood and tears staining them as I lay unconscious. Mrs. Roth, my math teacher found me on her walk home. "Oh dear! Kristen! Kristen, wake up!" My eyes fluttered open as I tried to regain my senses. "Who did this to you dear?" "Herb. Herb and Fred." The effort made me weak and Mrs. Roth ran to her home and called the police and my Mother. When I opened my eyes again I saw mom. "Mom! It was Herb! He hurt me real bad." I spit up some blood just as the police arrived. They saw my condition and called for an EMS unit. I lay there, not quite awake as Mrs. Roth and mom told the officers what they knew, and what I had said. "I'll check into it Ma'am." At the hospital Dr.'s Samons and Cole looked me over carefully. "She has broken ribs, a damaged spleen, and they kicked her so hard that they crushed the testicles. She'll be here for a while, maybe a week or 10 days." The next day word filtered around the school that I had been seriously hurt by Herb and company, but none of them had come to school. Detective Harry Gabon was the investigating officer on the case, and the first person he talked to was my Mother. "So Kristen is really a boy. Interesting. Is that the reason she was attacked?" "We think so. Kristen and Sarah, a girlfriend of hers had a run in with those boys in school and they threatened her." Then he talked to the Principal, Mrs. Roth, and several students. All of them said that Herb had made remarks about some of the gay students, even threatened one of them once. They all mentioned their support for my dressing as Kristen, and what I was trying to do. He found Herb in an amusement arcade that was a popular hangout for the skinheads in town. Herb was alone, but Harry called for help anyway, and Herb was taken into custody for assault. Fred and several others were found hanging around the mall and arrested for the same crime. As the doctors studied my condition, they noted that the damage to my lower region was extensive, requiring surgery. "Kristen has a severe laceration internally that we need to repair if possible. There is also a stab wound that damaged the urinary canal. The worst case would be the loss of one or both of the testicles." Dr. Cole said it straight faced, but Mom smiled at her. "Really doctor, you have been calling my son Kristen for a week now. She will someday become a complete woman. Tell me what happens if you remove them both." "Well, because she is in the midst of puberty, she will have a higher voice than normal for a male, and she will be severely retarded in her male growth patterns if it ever happens at all." "Right! Let's say that you take them off. Will that make it easier for her to become a woman later?" Dr. Samons was a surgeon and was familiar with what my mother was asking her. "I have to say yes of course! But it would be counter to remove viable tissue from a minor unless it was absolutely necessary. We'll have to wait and see." Once in surgery they found damage that extended to not only the urinary tract, but tore across the muscles just above my stuff as well. After they removed my testicles, they made a small incision that allowed them to pull what was left of my penis into my body so it would have a better blood supply and heal quicker, leaving an opening for relief of body fluids. I was groggy and wrapped in bandages like a mummy when I awoke, tubes and machines making me feel like I was in the middle of a lab test. The nurses took me to my room, Mom was waiting for me. Grandpa was there too, carrying news of Herbs arrest. I drifted in and out for several hours before I was able to talk. "Hi honey, its Mom." It was the next day before I found out what the doctors had to do to save me. "Honey, they had to remove some parts, and you'll have to sit down to pee for a while. But the doctor say that you'll be home by the end of the week." I ached everywhere it seemed, but I had received many cards and letters from my fellow students which made my feel real good. At home I had the chance to examine what the doctors had done, the stitches making an ugly red line, but every evidence of my maleness gone! I could walk, so I decided to get dressed. My panties hugged my new outline, and with every trace of maleness gone, I looked very feminine! I put my breasts on, and then a skirt and blouse. In my slippers I went downstairs. Sarah and Heather were there, waiting for me with my Mom and the detective. "About time sleepy head! Sit down and I'll get you something to eat." The girls huddled around me wanting to know the details, but Sgt. Harry's voice cut across our shrill laughs. "Miss Cansen, we have Mr. Wasser in custody, but we'll need a statement from you." I sat there and told him everything I remembered. "It's just like we thought. He's a member of the Auks, a group that pinpoints people that they don't like for termination as they call it. This is his third offense, so he'll be gone for quite a while. Under the new state law we can prosecute him as an adult, and with the extensive damage he did to you that's just what we have in mind." He stood, ready to leave. "When you're feeling better come see me." As he talked to me, Heather pointed out to Sarah that she could see my breasts right through the thin blouse! "Mom, can we go to my room?" "Sure honey, just be careful of the stitches." We went to my room where Sarah spoke right up. "You get tits in the hospital?" I just smiled and unbuttoned my blouse. "These are pretty good fakes Sarah, not the real thing." Sarah saw that they were fakes, and sat on the bed with Heather. "What did they do to you in the hospital? I mean stitches and all that." I reached behind myself and undid the fastener holding the skirt, and let it hit the floor. Standing there in just my panties, it was pretty clear that I had some major work done. "Oh my God! Kristen!" "They didn't do anything permanent, but I intend to ask them to leave it this way. I had some kind of muscle damage and they sewed everything inside of me so it can heal." I pulled my skirt and blouse back on, and we shared information about what happened. It was five days before I could go back to school, but I started planning what I was going to wear the very next day. On Saturday the doctor took out my stitches and pronounced me fit for school. "Doctor, can you leave me... ah.... sewn in so to speak? It makes me feel more..." I never finished my question. "I know Kristen. It makes you look more like a girl right?" I smiled and the doctor said: "I suppose we can leave it for a while, but if there is any pain you come see me right away!" Mom and I left for home. The redness had gone away and just a faint line gave any indication that I had had surgery. On Monday I got up early and prepared for school. I had taken a long bubble bath the night before, so I just showered and toweled off, the sensation of missing parts making my feel very nice! I slipped on a pair of panties and went to my dresser and got a pair of pantyhose. The soft nylon made me feel feminine and sexy as I pulled them tightly to my waist. My bra was white with lace trimmed cups that pulled my own chest together and gave me a very nice cleavage. The skirt was knee length, a soft pastel blue pleated A-Line. My blouse was white, the knife edge pleats matching the pleats on the skirt. I sat at my vanity and did my makeup, which had become very subtle as I grew better at it. Foundation, followed by a blue eyeshadow, soft brown eyeliner and mascara making my eyes stand out perfectly. I used a peach blusher and rose lipstick, I dabbed myself with perfume and went to my jewelry stand. A silver and blue bracelet with matching earrings, and a silver heart on a thin chain, which hung between my breasts. My shoes were ivory flats. I took my purse and went downstairs. The walk to the school was uneventful, although I shuddered a bit as I passed the spot where I had been attacked. At school I went straight to my locker, got my books, and went to my first class. All of the student s applauded as I walked into the room, standing and cheering my as I went to my desk. It was a few minutes before the teacher could get the class under control! It seemed that every class I went into the same thing happened! Richie found me during lunch and asked if he could sit with me. "You look real nice Kristen. Nice to have you back." I sensed the concern in his voice, and sat and waited for him to say why. "I uh... your..uh... accident? is my fault Kristen. I was going to ask if I could walk you home, but chickened out. I guess I was afraid of what the other kids might say." He took my hand in his, in open view of everyone, and said, "that will never happen again Kristen. From now on I walk you home!" I was too stunned at that moment to say anything! Right then we had to go back to class, and as I walked to class I thought about what he had said. I was trying to find a way to tell him that even if he had been there, Herb and his gang still would have found a way to get to me. I went to the school doctor as required, and when the nurse saw the alterations, she called my doctor and after a few minutes, said that I could go back to class. I was exempted from physical classes, but I had to take something else, so I took sewing. I was no longer afraid of being who I was. My friends stayed close to me, still worried about Herb's friends. On Friday Richie asked me if I would go to a show with him, and I accepted. Sarah was becoming my closest girlfriend, and when she found out that Richie and I had a date, she almost started glowing! "He really likes you Kristen. He's talked himself into believing that if he had been there, this wouldn't have happened to you. He might have ended up dead! Be good tonight!" Sarah gave my hand a squeeze as I walked away, and I knew that I would be good, very good indeed! On the way to the show Richie carefully put my arm around my waist and pulled me close as we walked the three blocks to the theater. Once seated he never left my side, he just had his arm around my shoulders. I was almost 15 now, able to know what I should and should not do. I was well aware of his arm around me and I loved it! It was more than I had ever envisioned in my dreams! After the show he walked me home, never once stopping, making me wonder if there was something wrong. But at my door he took me into his arms and kissed me while holding me tight. He was standing at my door as I went in, my face glowing and flushed with the new experience of letting a boy kiss me. "You okay Kristen?" My Mothers voice caused me to come out of my first real kiss stupor. "Fine Mom. I'm just fine." I never looked back after that. Dr. Cole prescribed hormones to help me develop, and I grew into my womanhood slowly, just like all of the other girls, and just like them, I learned how to be a woman. Mom is the one that made me a lady. Richie took me to the Senior Prom, and we... well, I became a woman that night. I have the surgery scheduled for next week, then I plan to visit dad. I have to tell him how much I miss him, and let him see the woman I have become.