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Coming to I was shocked to find myself in a hospital bed. The last thing I could remember was driving on I-5 headed towards Pike street. My day had been crap. The deal I had been working on for last 6 months had just fallen through. My girlfriend of 3 years had moved out that morning, because I was just too disconnected from her. Overall, my life was falling apart at the seams. The doctor came in and explained that while driving I had suffered a minor heart attack. I passed out and drove into the median. No one was hurt but me. I could expect a full recovery over the next few months but it was obvious that I would have to make some life changes if I wanted to continue to live a full life. We talked for a while. He asked me what seemed like a hundred questions. It was determined that if I did not get the stress in my life under control I may not make to my next birthday. As he was walking out he said that the hospital counselor would be stopping by to discuss the possibility of me starting to see a therapist. Now normally I would have laughed this off, but the residual pain in my chest made me realize that it had to happen. The next morning I took an Uber home. After a nap I was sitting in my kitchen fiddling with a business card for one, Dr. Renee Andrews, Doctor of psychology. I called the number. Her nurse said that she was booked for the rest of the week but would see what she could do for next week and then call me back. So much for seeing a shrink I thought and hung up. I was standing in the bathroom looking in the mirror at the bruising on my arms from the IV they had put in when the phone rang. It was the doctor herself. She was pleased to tell me that she had a cancelation and due to the circumstances surrounding my referral she was offering to see me today if I could be there in an hour. I was shocked but figured it would be best to accept. I had to call another Uber since I still did not have my car back, I didn't even know its condition, and stood on my steps waiting to go see my new doctor. Not what I was expecting to do just three days ago. Her office was in a nondescript building on 4th and Union. Nothing special, just a waiting room with a reception desk and a pleasant nurse to check me in. I did notice that her nurse was not wearing scrubs but an actual nurse's dress, white with buttons up the front. White hose and sensible rubber soled flats. One thing you should know about me is I always have had an appreciation for a woman that wears a dress or skirt with hose. It is not really a sexual thing, sure I find them attractive, but more of an appreciation for how they seem so comfortable dressed that way. How they exude femininity. Anyway, I took a seat and filled out the new patient forms. A door opened and standing there was a middle age woman. She was somewhat plump but not fat. Rounded hips and bottom. Probably about 5'5". Auburn hair with some grey at the temples and a wisp in the bangs. She was wearing simple white blouse with a peasant collar and a flowing floral skirt that accentuated her full figure. I was most taken with that she had on suntan pantyhose with reinforced toes, but no shoes. Odd way to meet a patient I thought, but I liked it too, so comfortable I assumed. She put out her hand and smiled. "David is it? I am Dr. Andrews but please call me Renee." I smiled took her hand and thanked her for seeing me. There was no hallway, the door opened directly to her office. Two of the walls were covered in book shelves. In a corner was a desk that was filled with papers and files. I could tell that she seldom, if ever, sat at it. Under a window, that looked out on the water, was a couple of easy chairs, a coffee table and the obligatory couch. A pair of low heels were under the table, this was where she sat and did most of her work I assumed. She motioned to a chair for me to take a seat. With that she hurried over and started to fish her shoes from under the table with her toe. "Sorry for my informality, it is a little rude to greet a new friend without my shoes but I was reading your medical file and lost track of time." "Not at all, and please don't bother putting them on if you don't wish. I suppose it is best if we are both comfortable as we get to know each other," I replied. She gave me a little quizzical look then stepped back out of her heels. I realized the entire time I was staring at her feet and legs in the hose, hoping that she would leave them exposed and she noticed. There was a desire, but not a sexual one. I couldn't put my finger on it, I just liked seeing her legs and feet and I had a nagging desire for something. I did not know what. I turned a little pink and took a seat. She smiled and my embarrassment slipped away. Over the next hour we discussed my life. How I was very driven to succeed at my job. How most everything else took a backseat. I measured myself by how successful I was at work. The fact that I had risen quickly in my marketing firm was a point of satisfaction for me, but with it also brought the added pressure of continuous proving I deserved to have my job. Losing the account I worked so hard on had really pushed me to my limits. Renee asked about hobbies. I had none I realized. When she asked what I did for fun or to relax, I had no answer for her. Honestly, all I did was work, worry and work some more. I hardly even slept these days. We talked about Amy, my now ex-girlfriend. How we met at a work function. We hit it off quickly because we were both driven and talked freely about our work together. But after my promotion I no longer was interested in talk. Our sex life was discussed. It was good but not necessary to me. Mostly I just liked having her there with me. Amy was a feminine girl, who preferred skirts to pants, a positon I enjoyed. Seeing her and how she dressed was nice. It was comfortable. Just about the time I thought I was done Renee suggested that I try something a little "different". "David have you ever been hypnotized?" she asked. "It is nothing to be afraid of and can often help with relaxation, something you need badly. Besides it may help me find your root issues, if one exists." I said no I hadn't and was skeptical that it was even really possible, but if she promised not to make me cluck like a chicken I was game. (From here I will let Renee's notes speak for themselves. I did not know what happened while under for quite some time.) Dr. Renee Andrews, Notes and observations of David James initial interview and hypnosis attempt: Patient David James exhibits extreme stress to the point of heart problems to include complications. After initial interview I suggested a session of hypnosis. My intent was twofold: first, to see if he could be put under. David went under almost immediately. Second, to try and suggest some subconscious relaxation. I achieved the later by giving the suggestion that when home he would easily feel calm and able to express his inner desires. That whatever he wished inside to be he was free to become. That fear of that expression was unnecessary. I find that in my patients, that can be put under this expression, often will release them to just be themselves instead of what they feel others expect them to be. This can allow them to relax better. No real changes occur in the person just a sense of release if accepted well. Additional note: Just before bringing David back to full awareness I chose to inquire about his preoccupation with how I was dressed. Question: David when you came in I noticed that you were very attentive to how I was dressed, specifically my legs and feet. Why was this? Did you feel aroused by my appearance? Response: No I was not aroused, I just like the way you are dressed, I have always thought that dresses or skirts just looked so comfortable especially with pantyhose or nylons. Since he was not aroused I don't see him as a transvestite, there may be some transgender tendencies that he is not aware of. It may be way to help him relax. Interesting. I may be able to push his boundaries and maybe get something I desire as well. We will explore this next week. Walking out of her office I was overcome with a sense of calm. I just felt like things were ok. In fact I looked forward to getting home so I could just do my thing and not worry about what others were thinking about me. I had the driver drop me off down the street from the house at the local Walmart. I decided to pick up a few things. I picked up a few groceries and was headed to the check out when I noticed a woman browsing cotton night gowns. She was dressed in a simple dress and looked so very comfortable. The words of Renee rang in my ears that I needed to go home and find a way to relax. It dawned on me that since the woman was so comfortable, maybe I would be too in a nightgown. So without hesitation I selected a yellow high collar long sleeve gown. It had cute little flowers and lace along the cuffs and the hem. Holding it up I could tell it would come to just below my knees. Pleased with the length I decided that I may want to try some hose for warmth. I chose a value pack of 5 pair of Suntan, control top reinforced toe pantyhose. Renee seemed very comfortable in the same so I reasoned that I would be too. A pair of white fluffy slide slippers found their way into my cart. By now I was on a mission. I knew exactly what I needed to try out my new relaxation technique. In toiletries I selected a bottle of bubble bath with aloe to smooth my skin. As I placed it the basket I noticed the hair on my arm and decided that the only way to really feel the comfort that the gown and hose could give me was to shave my body so it resembled the women that usually dressed this way. Being smooth all over would be very comfortable and relaxing. I found that ladies razors had a specific shape to help reach places on your legs when shaving that a men's did not. So a Gillette pink five blade Venus razor was added along with a pink shave gel. Next was some lotion to help with any razor burn, bottle of clear nail polish to help prevent a run in my hose, then finally some Secret deodorant. I figured it would work best after I shaved my under arms. All the while I was shopping a few people noticed what I was putting in my cart but said nothing. Nor, did I care what they thought. I was calm and it made sense, I was finding a way to relax, my health depended on it. Actually ever since I had left Renee's office I found that I was much less concerned with what other people thought. When I got home I went directly up stairs and started to fill the bath. I placed my new night gown on the bed and removed the tags. Then I removed a pair of pantyhose from the package hmm they seemed very nice. Reaching in the bag to check my receipt I found a multi pack of bikini cut panties. I didn't even remember picking them, but here they were, 10 pairs of satin panties in a multitude of colors. Well they made sense I guess and was glad that I bought them. Finally I settled into the hot water and let my worries melt some more. It took some doing but I eventually every part of me was smooth. My arms, legs, chest, even my pubic hair was gone. I had shaved it all. When I stepped out of the tub and the hair went down the drain I mused how wonderful it felt. In the bedroom I picked a white pair of panties and pulled them on. Having never worn panties before I was taken with how different they fit from boxers. The waist was lower, the elastic cupped my butt nicely. I liked it. Only one thing was out of sorts, my penis was a bulge that was strange. Looking in the mirror I turned to the side and decided to see if I could tuck it under some. Reaching in the front I placed my palm on it and pushed it between my legs. This caused my testis to push to the front, out of the blue I pushed up on them. I was startled when one then the other seemed to slip up inside of me. It didn't hurt, more just a shock but with a little experimentation I found I could just push on my pubis and they descended again. Intrigued, I tried something new. This time I pushed them inside and reached up from behind between my legs and grasped my penis. I pulled it down and held it between my legs as I shimmied my panties up. In the mirror I was presented with a small mound in front but flat between my legs, not unlike how Amy (my ex) looked in panties. I liked this look and left it. I was just about to attempt my pantyhose when I remembered the nail polish. It took some time but soon I had shiny toes and fingernails. I didn't intend to do my fingers but I got it all over and it was on my fingers so I figured why not, it's clear. Waiting for them to dry seemed to take forever but finally they were hard and slippery. I slipped my gown over my head and buttoned it up around my neck. As it settle around my knees I knew this was the right decision. It was wonderful, flowing, soft and ever so comfy. But when I finally put on my pantyhose I was in for a shock. At first I tried to slip my foot in like putting on socks but that just did not work. They were too tight to slide on well. Realizing I needed help I actually Googled "how to put on pantyhose" sure enough a video of a young girl gathering the hose into a doughnut then slipping her toes in and drawing them up her legs was all I needed. Standing up I shimmied the panty of the hose into place over my butt settling the waist band around my belly button. The elasticity of the control top squeezed my body. The way it held my tucked penis in place felt amazing, and when I took my first steps the feeling of my nylon covered toes on the carpet was exhilarating. For the first time I got a little aroused. That made me laugh. Not only was I incredibly comfortable I felt a shiver and tingle too. After all this time of wondering how this would feel but not daring to try it, I now knew this was the best decision I had made in years. With the fear gone, I was happy and comfortable. I put on my slippers and went down stairs to get some tea and read. Unbeknownst to me as I moved around I naturally took on more feminine gestures. Not to the point of flouncing around with bent wrist, or twirling the skirts, but when I sat on the couch I tucked my legs under me. When I went in the kitchen to have some soup for dinner, I swept the skirt under me as I sat. I was constantly aware of the sensations but not aroused only comfortable. I was really relaxed. The next morning as I swung my legs out of bed and caught the first glimpse of the reinforced toe pantyhose I smiled at how amazing I slept. Usually I would toss and turn with thoughts of work and deals I was working on, but I slept straight through and woke refreshed. If one night of a nightie and pantyhose could do this what would all day be like I thought. After, coffee I called in to work and explained that my doctor had put me on a medical leave for the next 90 days. After a tense conversation with my boss, and forwarding the doctors note he understood and told me to get better soon. After a shower I slipped on my nighty again and just sat around the house enjoying some peace. By Saturday I had worn nothing but my nightgown and pantyhose every day for a week and it was starting to feel strange. Not strange in the sense that I shouldn't be wearing a woman's clothing but strange that I was living in pajamas. So after a shower and close shave I slipped on a fresh pair of light blue panties and my last new pair of pantyhose, the others were hand washed and drying over the shower rod. Over that I put on a pair of jeans and an oxford shirt. I slipped on a pair of boat shoes and realized that you could tell I was wearing nylons if you looked closely. This should have bothered me but it didn't. Out the door I went to the local Goodwill to do some shopping. It was a couple of blocks walk but I enjoyed it. The sensation of my hose under my jeans was very nice as it slipped inside. I wasn't as comfortable as in my nighty and frankly wished I was wearing a dress but I was on the way to satisfy that desire. Renee's words came to me: "David you are calm and able to live your inner desires." I desired a dress and some shoes. Once I got inside I realized that I would need some help. While I had done well guessing my size as a medium in the nightgown, the dresses were sizes I did not understand. I browsed some then went up to a girl in the front that was working there that was about my same size and weight. Not wanting to freak her out I decided to be honest. With a smile I asked, "You and I seem to be about the same size and I am buying my first dress to wear, would it be too forward of me to ask what size you are?" Her eyes got a little wide at first then she smiled back and said, "Of course not, I am a 8-10 but I would put you closer to a 10-12, and medium in a blouse." Then without pause she looked down at my feet and asked my shoe size. I told her an 8.5 to which she explained I would wear a 9-10 in women's but to buy them in a 9 if I am going wear nylons with them so they don't slip. Then she turned and walked away. An hour later my arms were full with two denim jumper dresses, a pink Laura Ashley style dress, a couple of plain grey and white button up house dresses, a few of blouses, six skirts in different styles, a pair of high waist "mom" jeans that tapered and had a cute little lace accent at the cuff, and three pair of shoes. A black pair of basic three inch heels, white Keds tennis shoes, and a pair of burgundy ballet flats. I was amazed that it only cost me $65 dollars for everything. As she was bagging up the items I reached up and took the flats. Smiling I said I was going to wear them home. Placing them on the floor I slipped off my trainers and put them on. They felt fantastic with my hose, the most comfortable shoes I had ever worn. Behind me a guy started to laugh and called me a name but I didn't catch it. I didn't care I was relaxed. At home I washed everything and then put on one of the denim dresses. It buttoned from the waist up the front. The skirt was full, I learned it is called an empire waist. With capped sleeves it was instantly a favorite. Perfect for working around the house. I set about ironing the dresses and skirts then moving things out of my closet to make room for my new wardrobe. In my dresser I collected my men's boxers and shirts and placed them in a bag for donation. Even though I did not plan on wearing dresses in public any time soon I had no reason to ever not wear panties and pantyhose again. I resigned myself to wear them from now on. Sunday was a house dress and Monday a kaki skirt with a peasant blouse. While my flats were my favorite, followed by the tennis shoes I wore the heels all day Monday to see how they felt. While not as comfortable as the others and they took some getting used to walking in, I like the way they changed my walk. Tuesday morning at 10 am was my appointment with Renee. I couldn't wait to tell her how well I was doing and how relaxed I was. While I wanted to wear my Laura Ashley dress, I realized that it would be impractical for the appointment. My dresses were for relaxing at home. I settled on a white oxford shirt, panties and pantyhose, my mom jeans and my Keds. I knew the lace at the ankle was effeminate and you could clearly see my suntan pantyhose, but I really did not care about what others thought about me. When I checked it I noticed her nurse was wearing clogs that I really liked so I asked where she got them. She tilted her head then said they are Danskin and really comfortable. I said I would need to look into a pair then sat down. When she got up and went to tell Renee I was here she glanced at my feet and I could tell she saw my pantyhose. I still did not care. When Renee opened her door she was in a simple broom skirt but was again in her stocking feet. This time I didn't even try to hide my approval and smiled. Sitting across from each other she offered me a bottle of water. We chatted some then she asked how I was really doing. "Oh Renee I have never felt better. I am so relaxed especially at home. I no longer feel like I have to hide my desires and wants. While I still want others to like me I don't care if they approve. The biggest change is I have allowed myself to experiment with a relaxation technique that has changed my life," I replied. "I have never told anyone this before but I have always admired how women dress, especially when they wear a dress or skirt to include pantyhose. They always seemed so comfortable. I have wanted to try them for most of my life but was too afraid of rejection to do it. Well after our last session I saw how comfortable you are, gesturing to her toes, I felt so good I did it! I tried a nightgown and hose. Then I went out and bought some dresses and skirts. At home I have been wearing them exclusively, and have transitioned to panties and hose fulltime." With that I lifted my leg and to show my ankle to her. Renee smiled and said that she noticed when I walked in. "David I would like to try some more hypnotherapy if you are ok with it." I nodded I was. "Please move over to the couch, would you mind removing your shoes. I see you too like reinforced toes. Now lay back and listen." (What follows is a recording of the session) "Now David you are calm and relaxed. I want you to tell me how you feel about wearing dresses and hose." "I love them. They are so comfortable. So freeing. I love how my legs look and feel. Just the act of getting dressed relaxes me." "That is good, I am glad that you have found a way to relax and let out your desires. Today you chose to wear women's jeans and pantyhose, do the Jeans give you the same satisfaction as the dresses?" "No, but I felt that it was inappropriate to wear a dress in public, since it would make others uncomfortable, seeing a man in a dress." "I see, so why did you choose women's jeans and not just a pair of your male jeans?" "I am not sure Renee, it just seemed to make sense. I did prefer how they looked. But honestly I was much more tense in even these jeans than in my skirts." "So it is to reason that in order for you to feel completely relaxed now you should wear a dress or skirt, is it not?" "Yes, but while I am not concerned about how they perceive me, I don't want to make others uncomfortable with my appearance." "How do women that wear dresses keep people at ease David?" "Well it is accepted for them, they look like they should be in them." "Ah, then if you looked like a women, like you should be in dresses and hose, then no one would be uncomfortable with your appearance. You could be happy and healthy. If you could wear dresses every day from now on for the rest of your life would you?" "Yes." "What do you need to do then to make this happen?" "Look like a woman." "Very good David, we are making progress. Now listen carefully I am going to make a suggestion that will help you achieve your new life goal of wearing dresses, skirts, and hose for the rest of your life. What I tell you will be ingrained in your mind. It will be a compulsion, a need and you will act on it immediately without fear or trepidation. Do you understand?" "Yes." "From the moment you wake up you will find that you must work to pass as a woman in public every day. You will learn to do your make-up expertly and wear it always, never will you again leave the house without your face done. Even at home you will do basic eyes and foundation with some lip gloss. You will order a human hair wig and wear it from the time you wake until you go to bed. It will be your hair until yours grows out and can be styled exactly like the style of your wig. Breast forms and hip pads will be purchased as soon as possible to help with your shape. If you are shaped like a woman then you will pass like a woman. You will study the women around you. As you watch them you will take on their traits and mannerisms. You will spend an extra 30 minutes with me after your session to just absorb my gait and feminine persona. Finally, and most important, though you will not feel fear you may at some point slip and be inconvenienced by all the padding, hose and cosmetics and put on male things. To remove this choice as soon as you get home you will pack every last stitch of male clothing, to include your female mom jeans, and donate it to the same Goodwill you shopped at. You will have only dresses, skirts and hose. Do you understand?" "Yes" "Waking on the count of five, calm, comfortable and ready to move on with your feminine life. 1,2,3,4,5." I woke with a long stretch. "Mmm that feels so good, like getting the best sleep ever," I exclaimed. Renee smiled and asked me to come sit with her on the chairs. As she moved over I watched how she moved, so fluid, elbows in, wrists out. When she sat she swept her hands under her thighs to smooth her skirt. Then crossed her legs at the ankle. I got up and without thinking moved just like her, even smoothing under my butt. Renee smiled again. "So David I am very pleased with your progress but I am concerned with the stress you are feeling wearing pants." I looked down and realized that I was sweating a little. "I am worried that the stress could bring on another issue with your heart. I would suggest that you transition to dresses fulltime but that may be too much of a step for you. Do you think?" "Renee you are amazing. I literally was just thinking the same thing. If I were to just get rid of the male things then I could dress as a woman all the time and my health would be saved." "What about passing David? Are you saying you are willing to become a woman to the outside world?" "Well, now that you say it, I guess I am. I mean think about it, if I were to start wearing make-up and learn to move like you, wore a good wig and padding, (I gestured to my hips and chest) then I could possibly be accepted as a woman and not have to worry how other would feel around me." "That is an interesting course of action. Quite a life change David. Honestly as your doctor I don't see an alternative, but as your friend I think that I should be here to help you to become the woman you wish to emulate. How long will you be doing this you think?" "Well Renee, if I have my choice I will never again wear anything but pantyhose and dresses for the rest of my life, but I suppose that will have to be seen." "So you are saying that you want to wear a dress from now on and accept to be able to do that you need to pass as a woman. In fact become one. Do you desire hormones and surgery then?" "No, I am not a transsexual I am a still a man but for my health I need to pass as a woman." "Ok then, I agree David but one last thing, if you are going to be living as a woman you cant have the name David can you?" "No I suppose not, could you help me with a name?" with that Renee stood up and looked at me. "How about Rose, since you are going through a budding womanhood." I liked it immediately. "Yes I like that." "Very well then Rose, from this moment on I will only refer to you as Rose. Your appointments will be under the name Rose. I also suggest that from now one you refer to yourself as Rose. Practice your signature as Rose. Oh, and work on using female pronouns, you are now a she not he. This will help you pass. If you see yourself as female you will pass better, but that is something we can work on next week Rose. Now let spend some time working on your deportment. Here I have something for you to wear while we do this. Renee got up and went over to the closet. Turning around I saw that she had a clothing bag and a pair of heels in her hand. "I keep this here in case I have to change and go to a more formal work engagement directly from the office." She unzipped the bag and pulled out a double breasted dress in dark blue. It had a wide belt, gold buttons and full short sleeves. "It runs a little large, because of my hips but I think it will fit you well enough for some practice, will you please remove your jeans and top." I was a little shy at first to expose myself but then just did it, she is my doctor after all. Once down to my hose Renee motioned to my groin, " David um Rose, did you tuck your penis?" "Well actually yes I did, I was experimenting because the tight pantyhose girdle was uncomfortable pushing it against my belly, when I realized that if I tucked my testis up inside and my penis under it held things nicely and it is very comfortable, besides it presents a nice flat appearance. Why, do you think it is wrong?" "No Rose I just noticed. It does look nice, very feminine." I stepped into the dress and buttoned the front. It was a little big in the hips but I almost immediately felt a calm come over me. "The shoes are an 8.5 so they may be a little small but your nylons will help, women are used to uncomfortable shoes. She was right I struggled a little but I got them on. Standing there I felt very good. "Now Rose lets do some walking practice shall we?" For the next hour she worked with me. I walked, sat gestured and followed her instructions. We talked for a while and I would mimic her posture and mannerisms during the chat. She suggested that I may want to sign up for a few women's magazines to learn what girls learn early on in puberty. We even used her computer to order my hair and breast forms along with silicone hip pads in the largest size they had. With click of a button and an additional $150 they were on their way same day service. I would get them by 6pm. I was excited to see how I would look as well as the prospect of being able to just relax completely. It was fun but eventually I had to leave. I can say taking off the dress was not a pleasant thing. As soon as I slipped on the jeans my pulse quickened. (was I really so stressed that I could no longer function well without a dress?) I was sitting on the floor with my legs curled up under a wonderful broom skirt when the doorbell rang. Looking out the window I could see the distinctive brown uniform of UPS standing at my door. Knowing that my skirt did not match my head I thought about telling him to leave it there but since It was special delivery I knew I would need to sign. I opened the door and the guy didn't look up, he was typing on his handheld. Ma'am I have a delivery here. (he was reacting to my legs and feet since he did not look up) sign please. I reached out and took the pad expecting him to react but he just turned and headed to the truck with me holding it. Knowing the seldom check the signatures I signed Rose Philips. Then stood and waited. He came up the walk with a box. As he handed it to me he finally looked up. His eyes widened. "Um nice day Sir?" I smiled back. "It is now, and it is Ma'am," and closed the door box in hand. I felt bad making him uncomfortable but this box was going to help me fix that. In my room I opened the box. The hair was perfect. Auburn with some blondish highlights. As I looked at it I realized it was almost exactly Renee's style. I like this idea. Next came the breast forms. C cup. Renee suggested I go with a C so could feel the weight and have to adjust to a full bra. It would help me with be more feminine to the world. There was the cosmetics and finally the silicone hip and butt pad. I was thought it would be two but it was one piece. It wrapped around the back of the waist then down the hips to mid-thigh and down to the bottom of the buttocks. It was heavy. Looking at the application instructions I said that it contained 10 pounds of medical grade silicone. "Holy cow I was going to gain 10 pounds instantly, with the boobs I wonder what I will be." Looking at the clock I realized that the package had arrive three hours earlier than projected and it was only a little after 3. I had initially planned to try all of this in the morning but with it being only the afternoon I decided today was the day. I may even have time to get rid of all of the male clothes today after. I soaked in the bath and did not use any lotion as I got out after shaving like the instructions said. I sprayed the medical adhesive on the back of the breast then some over my own nipple. I counted to 30 then carefully pressed it into place. If I got it wrong I would need to use the remover and wait 72 hours to try again to alleviate any irritation. Also I had to take into account that it would be 30 days before I could remove everything for cleaning without the irritation. I did not want to wait so I was very careful. I held in place and looked at the clock two full minutes. Slowly I let go. It pulled on my chest and was securely there, I could feel the weight. It was strange. Repeating the process I had boobs within 5 minutes. They were heavy. I like the sensation but went and put on my new bra. After adjust the straps I felt huge. Next came my butt and hips. This was going to be more difficult. They suggested help from another but I was too excited to wait to ask Renee so I chanced it. I had to adhere it in sections, lower back and butt first, then left hip, finally the right. The edges were smooth and thin. Almost gone. I could not believe how much weight I just gained. Turning left and right my butt stuck out and my hips were now so wide that when I put my arms down to my sides they were pushed out because of my size. I bounced a little and everything moved. My thighs wiggled and jostled. The pads pulling my skin like they were part of me. My boobs bounced. Wow, what an experience, I was not sure I liked it, but if I was going to be healthy I needed to wear a dress and this was the only way to do it correctly. My panties fit tight, I was going to need larger ones, but the tightness did hold my tuck better. When I pulled on my pantyhose for the first time I got to really experience what a woman of my now size goes through to get them up to here waist. I pulled and shimmied, and finally they were in place. To the naked eye the dark suntan control top panty of the hose hid the hip pads completely. Looking in the mirror I had just become a full figured woman. I slid my hands over my new asset and found I liked the roundness. This time when I hopped things were held better but I still jiggled. I kind of laughed at the thought that no matter how many squats I did Rose was going to be round for the next month. I put on a full slip and marveled at how I had a female shape now. Sitting down at my vanity to do my make-up was like sitting on a pillow. Everything was different. This was going to take some getting used to. It took me almost two hours but I finally was comfortable with my face. Renee had given me a crash course but I didn't get to practice. Once my hair was in place I looked in the mirror. Rose was just another middle age woman. Somewhat plump, I was no longer a size 10-12 more like a 16-18, plain but sort of attractive in a school teacher sort of way. I actually thought that I would date her, which really made me laugh since I was her. Three of my dresses no longer fit over my boobs and butt. The denim jumpers were still okay but now I filled out the skirt. From behind it was almost tight. A few skirts would need to be donated but overall I was ok. Since I was going to Goodwill I figured I would do some shopping. I remembered there was a much larger selection for full figured women like me. As I moved around my house gathering my men's things I was constantly reminded of how wide I was. I would bump into the door jam, or knock things off a shelf with my new hips. I now had a pronounced sway as I walked, especially in my heels, even in the two inch wedges. I also found that I was not used to my added weight and was getting winded. Prior to my appliances I was a modest 145 pounds at 5'6" Stepping on my scale I found that I couldn't see past my boobs to read it. I had to bend at the waist and stick my butt out. 175! That can't be right. The hips were only 10 pounds my boobs couldn't be 20 pounds themselves. I waddled back to the papers that came and realized that I read it wrong. Each pad was 10 pounds of silicone. I had just gained 30 pounds. Then I heard Renee, "If you look like a woman then you can wear a dress forever and if you feel like a woman you will act like a woman and this will make you even happier, calmer and more relaxed." She was right I did feel good. My insurance company had delivered my rental car the day prior. When I went out to the garage I giggled. There sat a Dodge minivan. Was I now a soccer mom? As I loaded the three boxes of clothes, shoes and odds and ends that were decidedly masculine into the back I had to take a break. Everything seemed so heavy to me, I was getting winded too. Of course it was because I was not used to being 175 pounds so the boxes were even bigger to me. It occurred to me that in fact a woman my size would not have the strength that David had and would struggle, I was winning at my goal to be a woman in public. The drive was new too. Boobs get in the way. I had to adjust the steering wheel to give me room. My hips overflowed the seat some as well. I pulled around back to drop off the boxes and go out. A young man came over and offered to help me with a pleasant smile. I stepped back and let him open the hatch and pull out the boxes. As he did one opened and he saw all the male clothes. "Ex-husbands things Ma'am?" At first I paused then just nodded yes. He gave me a receipt for taxes and went inside. The click of my heels on the floor was a new sound but it made me feel relaxed. In the back of the store was two whole racks of "plus size" dresses. I was a actually a full 18 to 20 dress size now. The 20 was a little big. I went crazy shopping. Let me explain, the average cost of a dress at Goodwill is $5, when I paid with David's credit card I spent $583 and 34 cents. I took all but four size 18 dresses and every pair of 9.5 shoes that were in good shape as well. There was entire bag of full slips, most women did not wear them so I got them all that would fit. A pink and yellow bedding set that was brand new and yellow chiffon curtains for my room cost only $3. Three hand bags. Some costume jewelry. A large picture of a ballerina for my living room. I was going to redecorate my house so I was immersed in femininity. Only then I reasoned would I pass comfortably and be healthy. By the time I had ferried all my wardrobe into the house. Sorted it out in my laundry and started my first load it was almost 9pm and I was exhausted. I wanted a hot bath. Peeling off my pantyhose was a pleasure. A pleasure that I looked forward to repeating, I love wearing them. Settling into the tub I worried that the hot water may loosen or damage my breasts or hips. It was strange to fill the tub from side to side. It was also harder to shave my legs but I managed. I hung up the first load of laundry in my closet knowing I would be doing a lot of ironing in the morning crawled into bed in my panties, night gown and no bra. It was the first time I had gone to bed without pantyhose but I decided to see how I felt. I didn't like it but was just too tired to get up. I fell asleep within minutes. My first morning with my new body was interesting. My boobs had a mind of their own and would flop around in bed. My hips hurt a little from the weight, along with my back. It wasn't until I put on a support bra and strong support pantyhose did I feel better. Support hose really do just that, they support your back, legs and thighs. I had come to appreciate how they got their name. I loved them even more. I did my face with a little foundation and mascara only. I did not plan on going anywhere today. A slip and a plain house dress with my new Danskin clogs and I set about the days chores of laundry and ironing. Everything took longer, I had to take breaks often, but every time I felt my nylon cover legs rub against each other I was filled with a sense of calm. At noon I was in the kitchen sipping some tea when Renee called. "How are you doing today Rosie?" "Rosie? Oh I like that Renee, please call me that from now on. I have been doing laundry all day so I feel like a Rosie." We chatted some and then she told me how glad she was following my plan. She did ask me to put her on speaker phone and lay on the couch so she could help me relax after I told her how I was having issues accepting my new proportions. "Rosie why do you always wear dresses and pantyhose?" "Because I can only relax in them and they are saving my life." "Yes Rosie, and why are you portraying a woman now?" "So I can wear dresses and pantyhose always and not make people uncomfortable seeing a man in a dress." "Very good, and the kind of women that most people are comfortable around are those that are unassuming, or remind them of a beloved teacher or mother. Not unattractive, still cute but not dominate. A woman such as this usually will be curvy and full. She is kind and somewhat frail. She gives others the chance to assist her. Men can be chivalrous with her, open doors, caring her bags. She makes people comfortable. Do you think that being her would help your concerns?" "Yes Renee that would be perfect." "Now think about how you look, are you that kind of girl Rosie?" "Yes Renee I really am!" "When you wake from this small nap, I will be off the phone, but you will find a new found confidence in being a full figured woman. You will love being curvy. The way your body moves will bring you peace. Your loss of strength will not worry you. In fact you will enjoy that you have become weaker. Subconsciously your body will sap your upper body strength away so you will struggle to lift anything over 20 pounds. This realization will make you happy because you have become that woman that helps others feel strong." It took me another four hours to finish all my chores but doing them really satisfied me. The menial tasks of a woman like me relaxed me like nothing else. Getting undressed for the day I stood in front of my new full length mirror. That morning I was concerned with how I had become so plus sized but now that I looked at myself again I really liked it. The way my pantyhose now held me so close. The fact that my arms rubbed along my butt as I walked, or that I held them up with my wrists bent when standing made me feel so good. I was doing it. I was becoming the woman I needed to be. A kind and gentle woman. The kind of girl a man wants to help. I knew I was weaker now and it felt right. Being this woman was a blessing. Being her I could wear my dresses and hose for the rest of my life and everyone would feel at ease with me, and my health would be perfect. As I slipped under my new satin sheets my only regret was that I couldn't feel what a body like this felt like for real. The silicone was nice but it was fake. Three weeks went by before my next appointment with Renee. She called me and explained that she had to go out of town for a conference and would not be available for a while but would call me every Wednesday to make sure I was still feeling better and to check on my progress and treatment. During that time I became more accustomed to my new stature, both physically and mentally. Physically I took some getting used to. I had was having issues with cleaning under my couch. No matter how hard I tried I could not find the strength to slide it out of the way to mop the floor under it. I found that it took me all day to mow my lawn. My push mower was not self-propelled and with my weight gain I got really tired and had to take many breaks. I mentioned to Renee and she suggested that I hire the boy from down the street to mow for me. So when he rode by the next week on his bike I flagged him down. I sat on my porch and watched him mow. He was such a nice young man. He even came in and moved my couch for me. He was very polite and called me Ma'am the entire time. For some reason I really liked it. I would get winded going up my stairs in the house. Overall I was just very soft, heavy and weak. My mental state was the biggest change. The first time I was called Ma'am it was startling, but after one phone call with Renee that seemed to just fade away. It just became normal, I actually expected it. In the beginning I would also expect to see male me in a mirror or window reflection but after a few days, I just couldn't imagine not seeing a full figured woman looking back. The process of dressing and undressing was that of a woman. In my mind it was supposed to be that way. Having a door opened for me became expected. Women ignored me, young men were indifferent, but middle age men started to notice me. More than once I would catch a man admiring my legs. In the store they would chat with me, go out of their way to help with my bags or get an item off the top shelf for me. Something I came to like. When I mentioned it to Renee she giggled and said that they were flirting with me. When she asked how that made me feel since I was also male. I admitted that I liked it, since it proved that I was passing and was truly accepted as the woman I needed to portray to wear my clothes and be healthy. But it also concerned me since I was not gay, it was confusing. She promised she would help me with that when we finally got together in person. Finally, in my dreams a switch happened I no longer was male. Every night I was Rose, a middle age woman. "Rose the doctor is ready for you." Linda the receptionist said. I stood up straightened my skirt and picked up my purse. When Renee opened the door I could see a small look of shock on her face, then it softened and she smiled. "My Rosie you look adorable. I love your broom skirt, it really accentuates your feminine large bottom." I smiled and thanked her. It dawned on me that this was the first time she had seen me since my full transition to living as a woman especially with my new figure. She gestured at the couch and told me to make myself comfortable. She stepped out of her heels and curled up in her easy chair with her legs under her. I took her lead and stepped out of my heels as well, swept my shirt under my butt and settled onto the couch. We fell into an easy conversation about how I was feeling. She was very happy with my demeanor and how calm I was. When she took my pulse and blood pressure she declared it was the very best it had ever been. She asked why I thought that was. "Without hesitation Renee it is my dresses and hose. I have never felt more comfortable. I love getting up every day and dressing. There is nothing better than standing in my closet and seeing only dresses and having a drawer of pantyhose is very satisfying." She wrote that down then asked if I had any issues or concerns I wanted to discuss. I fidgeted a little bit and picked at the strap of my purse before answering, "The attention I am getting from other men is confusing me. It is gratifying because they are comfortable with me and I like that they I can give them opportunity to protect me and help me, but I am catching them looking at me in a sexual manner. They seem to be desiring me. I can understand it but my reaction is what is bothering me." I looked down and stopped. She just waited and did not push for an answer. "Renee, I like it, not only like it I look forward to it. I have started to wish a man would ask me out to dinner or hold my hand. I know this is wrong since I am a man too." I stopped and blushed. Renee jotted down a few notes and then looked me in the eye. "The solution is clear, if you did not see yourself as another man then you would feel better about your evolving sexuality. I can help with that. But you have to understand that if we go down this path, you will not be coming back. You will have to admit some things and embrace them. You dress as a woman, your mannerisms and voice are feminine and the world sees you as female. So my dear Rose I have a question. Are you ready to become female in every way, physically, mentally, and legally?" I stood up and looked out the window then stepped to her mirror on the back of the door. Standing there was a full figured woman. She was wearing an adorable blue and pink broom skirt that fell to just below her knees. She had her legs crossed at her ankles with one hip popped out. One large hip. Her bosom rose and fell under her dark blue blouse. It was me and I realized that there was no way I could imagine not seeing her or being her. I turned on my heel and answered "Yes please Doctor, I want, no need to become a woman completely." With that she came to me and gave me a hug. I awoke and stretched fully on the couch. I pointed my toes and admired my reinforced nylons. I love waking from the trances Renee put me in. I always felt rested and happy after. This time I was a little light headed and swayed as I stepped into my heels but caught myself on the chair. Renee and I embraced and she escorted me to the door. "Please give Miss James the contact information for the clinic in Renton along with the copies of her prescription and doctor's letters. Now Rose you can file those with the court on Monday if you wish to wait but if you hurry you can make the afternoon session today." Looking down I smiled, in my hand was the doctors memorandum stating that I was a transgender female that had been under Dr. Renee Andrews care for six months and it was necessary that the court grant my legal name and gender change from David James to Rose, a female. I hurried out door to my minivan and raced down to Olympia to the state court house. When I got there I filled out the required papers, paid the fees and waited on a wooden bench for my name to be called. The clerk called David James and I almost missed it, it sounded so foreign to me. The Judge asked only if I had any warrants or outstanding fees then gaveled and signed the papers. I was shown to the front desk again and handed three legal decrees, one stated I was now Rose Marie Andrews (I chose to take Renee's name to honor her help). The second was my designation as female and the third was a new birth certificate with my new name and gender. A bailiff gave me directions to the nearest DMV, I needed a new driver's license since I was a woman now. As I walked away I caught him admiring my butt which prompted me to put some extra wiggle in it. He was actually very cute for a younger guy. Three hours later I kicked off my shoes in my hallway. It had been a very eventful day, one I did not expect when I got up this morning. I had left this morning a heterosexual man that presented as a woman for his health. I returned legally a heterosexual woman. The next morning I sat sipping my coffee and staring at my new identification. A somewhat androgynous woman was looking back at me on my driver's license. Her name was Rose Andrews and had a pleasant smile. I picked up my birth certificate next, Rose Marie Andrews, mother Linda James, father Donald James. I felt some guilt suddenly that I no longer had my parent's name. There under Sex, FEMALE. I rose and walked over to the mirror in the hall still holding my ID and birth certificate. "Well you have done it now Rosie, you have turned yourself into a girl," I said to my reflection. With that I pulled off my wig. Turning from side to side I smiled with the realization that I could go and get my natural hair done and while I was at it how about a mani pedi too. "You have a lot to do today honey and a woman needs to look her best when she is greeting the world." The salon was fantastic. I had never been pampered before. As I paid I marveled at how I looked in the mirror behind the register. My hair was styled into a cute page boy cut, short on the sides and full on top. Trina, my stylist, had colored it a rich auburn color that made me feel sassy and a little sexy. My brows were shaped for the first time, not pencil thin but definitely arched and tapered into a feminine presentation, but my favorite part where the adorable gold balls in my now pierced ears. With my short hair they were very much accentuated. I just couldn't wait to wear some that dangled, but that would have to wait for a month of healing. Touching my ears I smiled at the plumb nail polish on my oval shaped nails. I felt wonderful and girly. I made an appointment for the next week to get a waxing and laser for my lip and chin, Trina suggested it. Getting my accounts fixed at the bank should have been awkward since I had to show David's ID and my letter but for some reason it just didn't bother me to look at the manager and say that I was transgender. I had been dealing with him for years and I expected him to be strange about it, but he very professional. He took my hand as I was leaving and said, "Miss Andrews if you had not brought in all of this paperwork and identification I would never have believed you are the same man that opened these accounts 10 years ago." I tilted my head at him, smiled, batted my eyelashes and replied, "Oh Mr. Castor I am not that same man at all." He smiled and replied, "No Rose you certainly are not, you are quite a fetching woman, maybe you would interested in lunch together?" He was still holding my hand. "Thank you Peter, but no. I have a very busy day ahead still, but maybe next week." Then I turned on my heels and headed for the door, but not without putting a little extra wiggle in my butt. I looked back and sure enough he was still watching me. Was this what being a woman was going to be like? I was desired. I felt good, so happy. "Thank you Renee," I whispered and opened the door to my mom van. I stood in my mirror and examined the skinny body I did not recognize. I had removed all of my prosthetics after a bath in preparation for my admittance to a special clinic in Renton. I turned to my left and hated how flat my butt was. My eyes started to well with tears as I looked at my chest with no boobs besides my now fat man boobs. I had not seen this version of myself in quite some time. I had gained significant fat in my belly, all of which I would need later. I started to cry heavily. I did not know what exactly Renee had said to me in her office while I was under but all I could think of is how could any man want me as his wife looking like this. I went down to make tea and hated how my body felt. So small and straight. Gone were my beloved hips and breasts. After some toast I packed a bag with a flannel night gown and two pairs of support hose. My dress did not fit me. It was like a bag over me. Even my pantyhose felt strange. I cried more but made myself stop. I had to get a move on. I was to check in at the clinic in two hours and Renee was coming to pick me up. The doorbell rang and it was Renee. She hugged me and said it would be ok. By next week I would be healed and myself again, better than before. We rode in silence, I was scared and excited. When we got there she came in with me and escorted me into the back. She took me into a room and had me undress and put on a gown then get into the bed. A little while later the door opened and a man of about 60 came in. He was tall with steel grey hair and I found myself taken with his kind brown eyes. "Hello Miss Andrews I am Doctor Phillip Jacobs you can call me Phil, I will be performing your procedures today. Your doctor and I have spoken at length and I understand your desires and special needs. I assure you I can give you everything you need. Now please lay back. I am going to forgo an initial examination so as to save you any embarrassment." With that he took my hand and smiled. I think I melted right there. I awoke once that night but was in a fog, I could tell that I hurt but fell asleep quickly again. It wasn't until the next day did I wake fully. I was overcome with an intense burning in my abdomen and pressed the nurse call button. She came promptly and gave me a shot, everything became fuzzy and comfortable. A while later Dr. Jacobs came in with Renee. "Ah good you are awake." He then went into what he had done. He had removed all the fat from my belly and reconstituted it with donor tissue to make a "slurry" he called it to reinsert into my body, but in the placed I desired. My fat would guarantee that I would not reject the donor tissue while the donor fat gave me the excess he needed to contour my figure. My hips, thighs, and butt were now just slightly larger than they were with the silicone prosthetics, they would subside some over a few weeks and he knew I wanted to retain my prior figure, and my breasts were augmented to my former D cups. I would have to take hormones from now on but I would always have a woman's shape. My testis had been removed and penile length had been reduced to one inch. He said that when and if I chose to have SRS he would use the skin he had frozen to build a vagina, but now would have a nice flat front without tucking. I was to spend two more days with them and then I could go home. His only caution was that I must wear support hose for the next month at all times to avoid misshapen contours. Sorry he said most women hate them. I giggle at that, he had no idea I loved them more than anything. Standing in front of my mirror I reveled in my reflection. It had been a 3 months since my surgery and I was ecstatic with the results. I had not lost the weight or size that was expected, in fact I had gained 10 pounds in my butt. I loved it. The "Just my size" pantyhose I wore fit like a second skin. I was round and full. My tiny little clit did not even show from the tension of the control top. I didn't even need to wear panties under them. I had a 29 inch waist but a 42 inch butt. my bust was a 38 DD I was a truly full figured woman 39x24x42. I jiggled when I walked and I loved it. But not only did I love it so did my fianc?e, none other than one Dr. Phillip Jacobs. Through my checkup appointments we found that we had much in common, biggest of all we both were Renee's patients. He told me that after one appointment with her he just realized that he needed to get to know me better. He said it was like an awakening. I asked her once if she hypnotized him but she never would answer only smile. I dropped my slip over my body as he came up behind me. He caressed my breasts and whispered that he loved me with all his soul. I turned to him and hopped into his arms wrapping my legs around him. We were married that October. I wore a stunning white lace dress. With gorgeous white pantyhose. Renee was my maid of honor. I never had SRS, Phil said he loved me the way I was. Sex was perfect for us. Sometimes I wonder if Renee did things to my mind or made Phillip love me, but then I look down at my pantyhose covered toes and giggle. I am happy, healthy, a married woman and I get to wear pantyhose and dresses forever.