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The Mirror Resplendence by Tegeli CHAPTER I Only women had the affinity to serve the Hidden Sun. Yet, when I concentrated on the artificial sunlight falling on my hand, the skin prickled with a faint connection. A yearning inside me. A strong arm shoved me forward. "Yes, yes. It's nice to be under light again. No need to block the ramp!" I hurried to the firm ground and away from the crowd gathering at the feet of the stormship. The sun at the tip of the highest spire illuminated the whole multilayered redoubt and its wide terraces of parkland. The warm light reached far below into to lichen jungle surrounding the tableland. Above the sun, the cloud cover was dead brown. A flash in the corner of my vision blinded me. I blinked and shielded my eyes with my hand, as I turned to look down into the jungle. The pillar of light turned into a roaring blaze. Apricate rangers were purging the perimeter; keeping humanity safe from the Dirgian fiend. Though it was unlikely, because I was a man, I might become one. I had the knack, the touch of sunlight in my soul. My main obstacle was the lack of tutelage beyond rudimentary thaumaturgy. Even without boasting, my competence was high for my age, even if I had wasted considerable time in meditation to awaken my affinity. Those attempts had yet to show results; I needed the help of the masters at the academy of Ursimullo Redoubt. I stared at the patinated gates of the academy, while my body trembled. Perhaps I would be deemed to be an aberration and banished. To those lucky, an exile into the lightless wastes was merely a death sentence. While maintaining a deep breathing pattern, I circled towards the gates, keeping to the sharp shadows under the trees. The half-open gates created a bottleneck for the crowds trying to enter. I pushed into the stream of bodies. After a stifling moment, I emerged into an open courtyard. The pavement shone blinding white in the sunlight. Every structure and path was lined with dazzlingly vivid blossoms, which competed in splendour with the colourful attires of the people present. My eyes were used to the gloom of a settlement without its own sun, so I squinted like a chthonic wormling dragged out of its hole. "Medonrin?" a firm voice asked. I froze in place. A hand slapped my back. "I almost didn't recognise you. It's been a while." I turned to the familiar man. My surprised face reflected from his sunglasses. His shoulders were wide, even without the storm channeller's uniform emphasising them. The short hair was the dark gold of a sun behind the clouds. His smile was kind, even with the scar on the left cheek lifting a corner of his mouth. "Sed--" I started as a squawk. I forced my voice as low as it went. "Seditse? Sed!" Before my mind caught up, I had hugged him. When his warms answered the embrace, I realised what I had done. With my face warm, I backed away. Seditse's eyes evaluated me, and his smile turned puzzled. His hand pressed into my back and guided me away from the busy gate. After we were out of view, he asked, "What are you doing here, Medon?" I swallowed. When Enuig the Untamed Weather had chosen Seditse, I had thought I had lost a friend forever. That had been cycles ago. "I'm here to become a proper channeller." "Oh." Sed smiled. "That's great. I wouldn't have guessed you had an affinity. What is it?" My eyes sunk. "Aubade." Seditse remained silent for a few dozen long heartbeats. "You are kidding, right?" "No. Look..." I walked to the edge of the shadow and lifted my hand into the sunlight. I gritted my teeth and forced a connection. My skull throbbed, and I gasped, yet my hand shone a little brighter, as if I had gem dust on my palm. Seditse closed his open mouth, and grinned. "That is odd. I could have sworn you were a boy back then." "I was!" His expression grew serious. "That was no trick? Do you really have an affinity to the Hidden Sun?" I set my jaw and nodded. "I think so, even if it's weak. Seditse... I'm here to become an apricate." Sed laughed, and my heart sunk. Yet there was no mocking in the tone of that clear laughter. "You are plucky, Medon. But how are you going to manage to do that?" I had to swallow with a dry mouth to stifle my sob. My plan hadn't reached farther than the academy gate. "Oh numina, I'm so dumb." The man took a step towards me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Hey, hey. I didn't mean to imply it's impossible or foolish. If anyone, you deserve to train your talents. I'll help you out." "You would..." I lifted my gaze. "You'd help me?" "Sure. Anything for my friend. And I still owe you for that incident at Askaal." My chest lightened. He must have been a senior student by now. He might plead the masters to take me in as an exception. "Let's go meet a master," Seditse said. "I'm sure they'll be glad to have another solar-aspirant, even if he's an unconventional one." CHAPTER II "This is altogether impossible," said Kerantretta, the senior preceptor of the Solar Order. Even sitting she was tall among the rest of the council. "No man can hope to harness the gifts of Aubade." A portly hierophant agreed with an exaggerated nod. "It would be blasphemous to even try!" "Now, now," said a lithe grizzled man, the extricator-general. "Aubade must gaze on him with some favour. He does show the affinity, after all." "Irrelevant." Kerantretta scoffed. "I won't allow a man in with my girls in their dormitory, even if teaching him had even a tiny chance of being useful." The extricator-general sighed. "While I do not approve, the choice is yours, preceptor." I should have been glad I was free to slither back home, instead of getting a one-way ticket to penal monastery. I sat down, and began a breathing exercise, which quickly devolved into sobs. "Medonrin?" It was Seditse's voice. I lifted my blurry eyes into his frown and gulped. "I wasn't admitted." "Why?" I sniffed as I explained the senior preceptor's reasoning of not teaching any male students in the Aubade. "Damned rotten business." Seditse thought for a moment. "Hey. I might be able to help." "How?" "I'm starting to accrue some benefits from my seniority. One of them is the prerogative for cohabitation." "Wh-what do you mean?" "If you lived with in my apartment, you wouldn't have to live in an all- girls dormitory." "That would be a good idea, if the preceptor wasn't explicit that no men are to be trained." I dried my eyes. By numina, it was embarrassing to snivel in front of my friend. He looked me up and down. "But if I happened to have a solar-aspirant for a leman, she would be allowed to live with me in my apartment." After a moment puzzling his words, my face heated. "Y-you mean I'd pretend to be a girl?" "No offence, but I think you could pull it off with barely a touch-up." "But the preceptor would recognise me!" Sed's warm smile eased the anxiety constricting my chest. "No, she wouldn't," he said. "I doubt she gave a good look in your direction. Besides, she doesn't teach any novice classes. By the time she teaches you, you'll so obviously apricate that she can't refuse you again." It was a scandalous proposition. Still, I needed the training. "Alright. If you are willing to do that for me." "Sure I am." He took out his datasheet. "I'll message my friend. She'll help you get through the most difficult part: the admission." He lifted his hand to stop my protest. "And don't worry, for girls it's a standard procedure. They'll only check that you have the affinity, not what's under your skirt. My friend is a fleshshaper on the side. With a few alterations from her, nobody will know you were a boy." We met Seditse's friend in one of the many study rooms. Etnella the bio-aspirant was a spindly woman with a wide grin and long hair in a wild ponytail. "So, you are 'Aderessa'?" I blushed at the use my of sister's name, which we had thought prudent for keeping my background consistent. "Yes. Nice to meet you." "Likewise." The woman turned to Seditse. "Now I see, why you weren't too keen on my advances. I do appreciate your type though." My gaze fell, but Seditse laughed. He said: "Can you make him look like a girl?" "The job's halfway done, I'd say. Voice alteration, makeup and a proper hairdo will be enough." She smirked. "For now." "Get started," Seditse said. "The shift will be changing soon. If we time it right, Medon's admission will be half-assed by clerks in a hurry to leave. I'll wait outside." Etnella gestured me to sit and wrapped her hands around my throat as if preparing to crush my windpipe. "Your voice isn't too low, so I'll only change the tone a little." "Is it revers--" Electricity filled my throat. I whined. "Is it..." My voice was certainly unmanly now. "Is this reversible?" "Sure. I could even make you sound like a gravel-eating hunk, if you wanted." She opened her bag and took out a gown and tan-coloured tights. "Put these on." Seditse had said we didn't have much time, so I didn't protest. Etnella was kind enough to turn around, while I undressed and put on the new outfit. While the hem only reached to my knees, at least the gown covered my arms. Etnella turned around. "It's a bit frumpy, I admit. But with that hair on your legs, this was the best option. Good thing you don't have any of that on your face." I was painfully aware of how little there had been to shave since I left for Ursimullo. The bio-aspirant's hands moved like snakes around my head, as she did my hair. The touch of her fingers tingled on my scalp. "Good thing you had hair beyond your ears," she said. "I couldn't have forced it to grow much without it looking all tangled and dry." She moved on the makeup, which took noticeably less time than I had expected. Etnella lifted a mirror for me. What stared at me from the reflection was a blushing girl, her pale eyes wide open. Her night-grey hair was in a simple yet elegant style. On her face was plain barely- there makeup, which nevertheless managed to make me look like a woman. My gasp widened Etnella's grin. "Do you like it?" she asked. "It's... nice." "You are a good canvas. Now, if you let me shift your face, you'd be so pret--" The door was knocked, and Seditse asked: "Are you two finished?" I shuddered from the realisation that I would have to go out into the open, but Etnella shouted the affirmative. "Alright." Sed smirked. "Let's go, girls." Because I had two senior students vouching for me, I only had to go through minimal evaluation. None of the bored clerks showed any signs of noticing my deception. One thing was certain from the tests: I had the affinity. It was weak to the point of pathetic, but the academy wasn't picky, when it came to cultivating fresh channellers. Seditse's room was very narrow, but the back wall was a full window overlooking the canopy of a small forest. I had never lived anywhere with such a nice view, even if the Night loomed black in the horizon. "Did I mention, how glad I'm to see you after all this time?" Seditse said. "I think so. Of course, I'm also glad to have a friend here." We talked about our home redoubt, which guarded the pastures of our clans. Seditse was pleased to hear, how despite not having a sun of its own, the redoubt's safe perimeter had almost doubled in the last two cycles. "Still, real sunlight would be welcome," I said. "The glowdeer would prefer green grass over lichmoss." "Do you plan to return to help building a sun?" Seditse hadn't bothered to tie up the loose robe he had changed into, so his sinewy torso kept catching my wandering eyes. He had never been soft like me, but in the last few cycles he really had 'manned up'. Pleasant tension filled my chest, but the sensation wilted into a knot of dismay. If I had been a girl, I would have had no trouble getting into the academy. I could have joined Seditse right when he enrolled. Who knows, I might have been his 'leman' in earnest. My stomach churned. I wasn't over the confused adolescent infatuation towards Seditse. After all, --just as I had reasoned plenty of times-- the sentiment was the mere admiration of my successful friend combined with my inexperience with romantic outings. Yet he risked his place in the academy just to help me in a deranged scheme. All the while having grown into this tall sharp-lined man. A jolt went up my spine. He was the one, who had proposed the plan. My cheeks heated from foolish suspicion. I had to turn around to examine the wooden cabinet with keen interest. "Is something wrong?" Seditse asked. "N-nothing." I clasped my hands to stop them from shaking. "And yes, if I ever have the skill, I will go back to create a sun." "It's almost criminal that the academy doesn't want to help you on that. Anyhow, Etnella is getting you some spare clothes. Aspirants can wear the loose unisex robes, but you need some girly ones for our dates." My eyes blew wide open, and I spun around. "D-dates?" Seditse had appeared right behind me. He smiled. "For your cover story, we will have to pretend to be a couple." I hadn't thought the plan through. Of course I would have to pretend to be a girl, not just through the admission, but everywhere save Seditse's apartment. Yet if that was the price of training, I'd gladly pay it. However, I'd have to make sure not to accept it too eagerly. Losing control and sinking into the role would end in embarrassment. CHAPTER III The first lessons showed that my solar training wasn't going to be as easy as I had hoped. I couldn't perform even the simplest exercises without setting a flaming pain inside my skull. The surprisingly young girls in the novice class didn't have even the tenth of my thaumaturgic training, yet they projected sunlight like it was an innate part of their being. Which it was, while I struggled. After a particularly pathetic set of failures, I sat on a bench in a tiny garden nursing my most recent headache, when a young woman appeared next to me. She was wearing a oddly ceremonial yet modest robe. Despite her young age, she probably had higher academic status than I. Still, I didn't bother to stand up. "Aderessa?" she asked. "Yes?" "Mistress Kerantretta wants a word with you." I was startled. "W-what for?" "She didn't say. You should come right now." "O-of course." We took an elevator down to the largest forest deck in Ursimullo. The woods under the gloomy canopy were like wilderness in their unkept state, and the trail we followed was barely visible. The girl led me to a stubby tower rising from a garden. She knocked on the door. "Come in," the preceptor's voice shouted from the other side. The girl nodded to me, whispered "Good luck," and left back into the woods. I breathed deep and determined that I'd wouldn't falter. Not now. I deserved to make something out of myself. The door wasn't locked, so I went inside. Beyond the small foyer was the living room. The air was sweltering, as flames roared in the large fireplace. Massive stained glass window had a view over the edge of the deck and into the jungle below. All furniture was finely carved wood of warm brown. The preceptor slouched with a steaming cup on the table next to her. The woman had the healthy tan of living under constant sunlight. Though her mature age was apparent, time hadn't left wrinkles on her fine-boned face. Her dark golden brown hair was in a smart bun, and her eyes flared orange, as she evaluated me. "Come in." I took off my shoes and hurried to her. "Greetings." "Call me 'mistress'." "Very well, mistress." Kerantretta smirked. "Do you have anything to confess." She spun a finger in her cup. "You naughty 'girl'." The way she said 'girl' sent a shiver up my spine. "I'm not sure, what you are talking about, mistress." Her smile was tiny on his lush lips. "Come on now, Medonrin. Your pathetic attempts at harnessing the Aubade were enough of a proof to your identity. You aren't the first 'boy' with the most glorious affinity. Yet no standard training will do any good for you, as Aubade empowers only women. Nevertheless, I do admire your willingness to better yourself. As it is my moral if not legal duty, I will teach you some of alternative lesser methods, if you make it worth my while." Even though her tone wasn't all that amiable, I controlled my shudders and I said: "Anything, mistress." "Excellent. You will work as my housekeeper under my personal tutelage. For now you will need to sleep here. But after you learn the extend of your duties, you may return to live with your boyfriend. Agree to obey me on everything and never to question me under the threat of punishment, and I will eventually teach you to utilise your affinity." The obvious alternative was getting kicked out of the academy. The preceptor was a master of sunlight, so out of all channellers, she had the expertise I needed. "I accept, mistress." "Out of your kind, you hesitated the least." Kerantretta's smirk was pleased. "I have the feeling you might be worth some attention." "How many of my kind have you tutored previously, mistress?" "Three. Now, strip." "What?" "Are you going to ruin my good impression of you?" "N-no!" "Then off with your clothes." My face was hot even in the warm room, as I bared my unimpressive form. Under the hair, my body was soft, which was emphasised by how embarrassingly wide my hips were for a man. The woman snapped her fingers. "Underwear too." My spine stiffened, but I obeyed, even if my hands trembled. If I had been any taller, my member would have looked tiny. With my below average height, it was merely modest. The slight filling, which the sight of the preceptor's voluptuous form caused, only made clear that my penis wouldn't ever grow large. "Yes," Kerantretta muttered. "You do show the signs of solar affinity on a male." She stood up. "Take everything from your pockets." I took the little belongings I had and placed them on the table. The preceptor picked up my scholarly robe. I yelped, when she threw them into the fireplace. "Take this as a symbol of a new start. Clinging to what you thought you were will only hamper your progress." She took me upstairs to a small bedroom. I tried my best not to look as vulnerable as a naked boy in the presence of a powerful woman. "You will live here and use the clothes from the closet," Kerantretta said. "I insist that you keep up a prim appearance. For one, I want those unsightly hairs off your body." A jolt went through me. The dark wispy hairs on a pale skin weren't particularly attractive, but they had a manly quality, which most of my body lacked. Despite my apprehension, when Kerantretta told me to lay on the bed, I obeyed. The supine position next to the tall handsome woman tricked my body. My member filled to its full length. "Oh, what a cute thing." Kerantretta handed me a blindfold. "Put that on. Your eyes aren't trained to handle the Blessed Light yet." After I had trapped myself into the uneasy darkness, the woman said: "It's convenient that your skin is so white and yet your hair is near- black. This procedure will be particularly effective. Of course, I wouldn't be able to do it properly, if your skin wasn't protected a tiny bit by your affinity." A hand touched my chest and spread a hot pulse into my skin. "Stay still!" she growled. "Don't squirm." I did my best to obey, as the warmth spread across my body and limbs. I whined, and my cock twitched, when the stinging administration reached my groin. I dreaded to image how vulnerable my prick would look sticking out of a smooth crotch. Hands engulfed my jaws. She was going to remove my facial hair. I almost grabbed her wrists, but thought better of it. I didn't shave often and barely grew a beard. A wave of warmth removed my facial hair, possibly forever. Kerantretta commanded me to turn around and did the procedure to my backside. I tried to stay still, but when a hand spread my butt cheeks, I shuddered. "Are you a virgin?" she asked. "No, mistre--" I whined as the warmth hit my pucker. My body shivered from the humiliation. "With whom?" "A girl back home. She was--" "Women don't count with you. Have you made love with a man?" "No!" "Figured as much." A hand slapped my rear hard enough to wring tears out of my eyes. The preceptor said: "You are lucky to have a big pert butt like this, while only being a little pudgy. Now get up." After I stood and took off the blindfold, I grimaced at the sight of my body. The still tender skin had lost the barest hint of masculinity. Without its protective bush, my member's size was readily apparent. Similarly, without the hair between them, the small yet embarrassing mounds of flesh around my nipples looked like budding teats. "Much better," Kerantretta said. "Don't you enjoy, how you now look less like a failed man instead of a cute girly boy?" I gulped. It would have been futile to antagonise her. "Yes... mistress." Apparently, the shame was a price I had to pay. The preceptor told me to wait. I didn't manage to gather up the courage to search the room, before she returned with a cup of ice cubes and a small horn-like device. "It was lucky that you didn't manage to molest any of my girls yet," she said. "Also, in my home, I don't want you to partake in... diversions boys of your age are prone to. Masculine discharges would ruin the carefully aligned harmony in this place. That is why I will revoke your right to touch your penis without my permission. Stand still." Fortunately I froze in place instead of trying to flee. Kerantretta placed an awfully cold cube on my member. I winced from both the physical and mental discomfort of being forced out my erect state. The device she had brought was a cage. It locked firmly around my softened member. Though the device wasn't noticeably uncomfortable, its hard material captured my manhood more thoroughly than just physically. I tried to think myself as a man, but my mind got stuck with only shame. "These cages are used by aspirants to train patience, abstinence and clarity of mind," the preceptor said. "Don't try to twist it off. To make sure you won't foolishly try to tamper with it, it will burn, should it be disturbed from its place without the key." My jaw clenched. This had to be an elaborate process to degrade me further than she had in the council hall. But I wasn't going to back from the opportunity. If she was merely toying with me, that was to her own dishonour. Kerantretta opened the walk-in closet. A strained cry left my mouth. The room was almost as large as the one it connected to, all filled with decidedly feminine clothes. Shoes on the rack, gowns in hangers, wire- drawers filled with underwear. "I've been collecting clothes for three of your kind now, so hopefully we'll find something that fits. I want everything in my house to be beautiful, and you will not be an exception. If you fail to be sufficiently cute, I will punish you." My mouth twitched, as I watched the woman select clothes for me. At least she wasn't expecting me to traipse around naked. "While having meat on your bones is good for the figure, your waist needs work." She handed me a tube of lace and silky cloth. "Slip this on." It took me a moment to realise the garment was a corset. I put it over my head and around my torso. Kerantretta pulled the laces, until I wheezed for breath, and tied them firm. "This is designed to be laced by yourself. The best thing is it will compel your body to obey its physical guidance. I want you to wear it whenever possible." I grimaced at the sight of my chest. The soft flesh was pushed up enough to give the impression of tiny breasts. Below them, my waist had constricted to give curves to my previously straight torso. After the panties, which were tight over the cage, Kerantretta had me put on sheer stockings. The fabric was liquid smooth on my hairless skin. The tops of the stockings tied to my corset with dainty ribbons. I held back a grimace. "As you are still untouched, I decided white would be a good colour for you." Kerantretta showed me the gown she had picked. It had short sleeves, and a multilayered skirt. I put it on and winced from how the hem reached only middle of my thighs. The preceptor allowed me to keep my eyes closed, as she applied makeup to my face. "Wonderful. You will have to learn to do this yourself, even if I won't have time to teach you." The pair of shoes only had tiny heels, so my balance wasn't threatened, after I put them on. The woman forced me to turn towards the mirror. In the reflection, she was half a head taller than me. My reflection was unmistakably feminine. Oddly enough, weight lifted off my chest, even if the hold of the cage tightened. If someone saw me then, they wouldn't think me as a humiliated man, but as a plain girl. "Do you like it?" she asked. "Yes, mistress..." CHAPTER IV Kerantretta detailed the duties, with which I'd pay for my eventual training. I would clean and maintain the house, and attend her, whenever she was at home. She stressed that the most important responsibility was to look pleasant to her eyes. My mind turned to the idea that she might want me as a toy in her bed. Even if she must have been twice my age, her power --if nothing else-- had kept her stunning. Beyond beauty, she was evidently self-assured, taller than me and obviously experienced. I shuddered. If she wanted my body, it would be unlikely in a way I could enjoy. "Do you have training in bio-alchemy in addition to thaumaturgy?" she asked. "Yes, a little, mistress. There's always use for the art in the Twilight." "Good. Observe, as I cook up a few elixirs. Afterwards I will ask what they are for." The preceptor had an extensive laboratory in the cellar. For two hours I observed Kerantretta. Her hands moved fast and swiftly to open valves, pour liquids, weigh substances and to radiate energy from her finger tips. In the end she had three vials, which even my untrained senses pinged as particularly potent. "So, what do they do, my student?" I gulped. "That first one speeds up the replacement of skin and the growth of hair and nails. The second affects the inner glands. And the third... I don't know. Something to do with digestion?" Her smile had a hint of satisfaction. "Very good. You keep me from regretting taking you under my wing. Yes, the first does exactly what you said. The third causes more thorough digestion, helping with weight management, and leading to a clean rectum." My pucker clenched from the implication. She smirked. "Very hygienic. The second is the trickiest, as it has the widest results. It'll reconfigure a male's body to subdue the masculine chemistry, while supplanting it with a feminine one. It's permanent, but ultimately reversible. Do I have to tell you, what to do with the elixirs?" I should have refused. No vague promise of training was worth messing up my body with advanced alchemy. Nevertheless, the first and third didn't sound that bad, out of context at least. And the preceptor claimed the second was reversible. My hand shivered as I took the first vial. It tasted bitter and sweet. The second one had a metallic taste. The third was thick, but barely had a taste beyond a faint sour milky aroma. "Good girl," the preceptor said. "Oh yes, I didn't mention that. It's what you'll be as my student. Not a man. Not a boy. Not even a woman. A girl. What's your name?" "You--" I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing to calm myself. "I guess I should use name similar to mine, so it comes naturally. I'll be 'Medonra', mistress." Kerantretta's smile was genuinely pleased. "Out of my students of your type, you have easily been the most promising. Keep it up, and you'll soon find it worth the effort." The preceptor left back to the academy. I resigned myself to the chores and put on an apron. Kerantretta wasn't a particularly untidy person, but there was plenty to clean in the large tower. I did the best job I could. Even though she was a tyrant, she had complimented me for my obedience. Perhaps that was the first lesson. I had to obey my teacher, even if the instructions were humiliating or nonsensical. My tutor in thaumaturgy had employed a similar methodology, even if he hadn't forced me to traipse around his house in a short dress and a ridiculous device engulfing my genitals. The hard shell filled with my prick. Banishing aroused thoughts didn't work in my situation. My stomach churned from the implications about the use of my butt. I forced myself to believe that a preceptor of the apricates was ultimately virtuous. She wouldn't abuse me. This was all just teasing, nothing more. The obligatory humbling before regrowth. After I couldn't figure any more things to do, I helped myself to a refreshing drink and climbed to the balcony at the top of the tower. I sat down, but I couldn't quite relax, even if I was in the safest place outside the military fortresses. The sight of the Night had bored holes into my mind. In the Twilight, everyone had to keep vigilant against the lurking danger. Because of the wards, prayers and spotlights, frontier settlements and nomads around them rarely got attacked. But when they did, most preferred not to talk about the specifics. Lightning flashed through the distant storm clouds: Enuig was smiting the fiend. Being caught in such a tempest had been most frightening experience in my life, yet seeing a raging storm from far away was relaxing. Seditse would wonder, where I was. I opened my datasheet to see a message from him, asking for me. He'd think I was a deranged weakling to accept the preceptor's terms. Seditse might also blame himself for the failure of our plan, even though the fault was fully on me. If I wasn't a freak, none this would have been happening. I messaged that I was expelled for my lack of ability and shut the communicator on my datasheet. The wind had a hint of the glaciers. Just like home. I pulled a blanket on me and closed my wet eyes. The alarm ward I had left at the front door tingled. I started awake and hurried downstairs. Kerantretta's smirk wasn't mean-spirited. "Good work, Medonra. The fresh purity here is pleasantly obvious. Heat me a cup of spiced herb-tea and relight the fire." I managed not to grimace. The air was warm enough already. I curtsied in a way that wasn't as sardonic as I intended. Despite her abilities, Kerantretta had plenty of kitchen appliances, including a percolator. I brought the ready cup to Kerantretta and went to the fireplace. Placing real wood to be burned was a huge waste to my twilighter sensibilities, so I only put three small logs into the ash. Like a fool, I searched the mantle with my eyes. Obviously Kerantretta would have used her own fire. "There's no matches, mistress." The preceptor chuckled. "Use your affinity, girl." I stifled a frustrated sigh. The preceptor wouldn't be impressed by whining before I tried my best. I knelt to the fireplace and grabbed a piece of paper I had intended to use as tinder. "We call on Aubade," I traced the words silently. "Safeguard us from the Cold and Night." Like trying to force blood out of my palm, I concentrated my energy through my hand. A moan escaped my lips, as the pressure between my temples grew painful. My hand trembled, and the bones inside the flesh ached. Weak glow under my hand rewarded my agony. I gasped and let the energy dwindle. Up to my shoulder my whole arm was numb. "Silly girl." Kerantretta chuckled. "Someone like you can't force the Light. Not with all the effort in the world." My shoulders slumped. The woman mocked me. Sobs threatened to rise from my throat, so I bit my tongue and concentrated on the physical pain instead of the turmoil inside. I started, when Kerantretta knelt beside me. "Lesson one," she said. "You will never be an apricate." I sighed a sob. "I know, mistress." "Lesson two: that doesn't mean your affinity is useless. It is granted by a numen, after all. You'll have to use a different approach." She grabbed my wrist. "Make a circle with your forefinger and thumb." I obeyed, and she moved my hand so I was looking at the tinder between the circle of my fingers. "As you aren't a woman, you can't generate your own light," Kerantretta said. "But through supplication, you can bend it." She lifted a finger. It glowed like a torch. "Close your eyes. Sense the light going between your fingers." I nodded and shut my eyes. The warmth was apparent on my skin, but that wasn't what I should seek. I breathed as slowly as I could. Pleading Aubade in my mind, I pushed my sense into the small area in the finger circle. "Ah! I sense it!" "Good," Kerantretta murmured. "Now try to concentrate the light in your grasp. Act like a magnifying glass." I pushed my will into the air between my fingers. My jaws clenched from the strain. "No! Stop! You can't force it. The light won't obey you. You must guide it gently instead." With a few deep breaths, I calmed myself again. Slowly, I decreased the area of where the light could go from the finger circle. After several minutes of concentration, the light was pressed into a pinpoint. My hand warmed from below. I opened my eyes. The tinder was on fire. I yelped and jumped up. My laughter was girly squeals, but the embarrassment didn't dampen my mood. A realisation stuck me silent. I had already tried to channel outside light, plenty of times. "Why hasn't this worked for me earlier?" Kerantretta smiled almost warmly. "I helped you a little. That trick is easier, when used with light generated with Aubade." "Oh." I was still reliant on actual apricates to do anything. "No need to frown. The sun here comes from Aubade. And I have another gift for you." When she returned, she had a silver bracelet set with a large purple gem. It was gorgeous but the style was decidedly girly. "Here you go, Medonra. Put it on your wrist." I did so. The gem connected to my inner being like glue. I cried out. With little effort from me, the gem shone warm purple-red light. "By itself, that glow is less useful than an electric torch," Kerantretta said. "But the light is easier for a girl like you to handle. It charges with the sunlight here." "Thank you, mistress." She chuckled. "A electric torch with a hint of a sun's might would work too. But I'm glad you are elated by this cute piece of jewellery." My gaze fell. The preceptor was humiliating me with a gift, yet I couldn't refuse something both so valuable and practical. "Now, it's about my bedtime shift," Kerantretta said. "Let's go pick you something pretty to sleep in." CHAPTER V I woke groggy. Not only had my room been too warm, before I opened the window, remaining in the cage had pushed unpleasant heat into my dreams. Quick shower fixed the worst of the symptoms of my morning arousal. My hair had grown two inches, enough to touch my shoulders. I couldn't spot any other visible changes, but a dull ache filled my stomach. Defying the preceptor's demands would have been foolish. I still chose a dark grey gown with modest knee-length hem. It was more suitable for my work anyhow. Kerantretta's breakfast was simple to make: she only wished for a cup of tea and porridge with berries. "Today, you'll practice makeup," she said. The preceptor must have seen my wince, because she continued: "I won't have you looking like tramp or a sickly boy." My training in wielding light had to wait. Kerantretta had me watch vids about learning to paint one's face. Many of them had been filmed in her study, and the two girls, who eagerly explained the magic found in eyeliner, foundation and lipstick, must have been 'my kind'. I did my best to repeat the instructions. At first, even 'light touch up' turned out looking like I was performing in a sleazy circus. Slowly, along with my building frustration, I learned the basics. A flash on the screen startled me. The giggling girl was surrounded by vivid rays of light, which lingered on the clear air like in thick fog. She pursed her lips, and blew a kiss at the camera. The feed cut off. That light had been intricately controlled, but in a way, which I had never seen. I stood up and pointed the gem of my bracelet at the wall. Its fuchsine light filled the room. As gently as I could, I channelled the light into a spot the size of my arm span. Instead of forcing the light any tighter, I tried to pull it towards me, as if photons in the air were resisting the current of the light. The spot on the wall dimmed, but a cone of light sparkled in the air. My elation wasn't muted by how little practical utility such feat had. I'd learn to do more. My fatigue and irritation burst in a wave of glee. I caught a glimpse myself in the mirror. My gown pillowed with my excited jumps. I was being silly, if rather cute, yet I did deserve to feel accomplished. Grinning, I stood in front of the mirror. The makeup, long hair and my gown did hide, who I was. I cocked my hips, and the skirt swished along with my movements. The additional tries to swing my skirt turned into steps of a clumsy dance. The heels of my shoes clicked at the floor. The twisting of my torso emphasised the curves created by the corset. The alarm ward tingled, and I snapped out of my delirium. If someone had seen me, I would have dried up into a husk from the shame of it. Kerantretta had already eaten, so I finished the food I had prepared for myself. The meal wasn't any good anyhow; life in the Twilight hadn't prepared me to work with fresh ingredients outside glowdeer's milk. "Come here, Medonra," Kerantretta called from the main room, while I was washing the dishes. I cleaned my hands and went to her. "Yes, mistress?" The preceptor handed me a box. "I got a gift for you." Her smile wasn't encouraging. I opened the box to found a stubby plug, which tapered on one end and flared on the other. My mouth twitched from its implied use. "It's your new accessory." Kerantretta grinned. "Get on the sofa and put it in." "Wh-where? Why?" "In your butt, silly girl. And what did I tell you about questioning me?" Common sense made my limbs stiff, as I moved on the sofa. "Lift your skirt," Kerantretta commanded. I obeyed and shifted aside my underwear. Kerantretta squirted lube on the plug and handed it to me. I fumbled the slick head between my butt cheeks. As I tried to push it in, a yelp rose from my mouth. The more I pressed, the more it hurt and the tighter my pucker became. My whole body shuddered. "It doesn't fit..." "Nonsense. But let me help." Kerantretta sat next to me. "Place your belly on my lap." The good reason still left in me tried to make me fight back, but I managed to wrest myself to lay on the preceptor's lap. "Good girl. I filed the nail of my forefinger just for you." I winced from the touch of her finger on my pucker. Even though my body instinctively tried to resist, the forceful finger squirmed deeper inside. The tip of the finger pressed into a sensitive part inside me. I tried to grunt from discomfort but managed only a heated moan. "What is that I'm touching?" Kerantretta asked. "Prost--" I yelped. The finger pushed harder into the vulnerable organ. The worst about the sensation was that it wasn't painful, not quite. My imprisoned member reacted to the pressure by twitching against the hard shell. I tried to convince myself it was due to my distress. "Technically correct," the preceptor said. "But in a girl like you, it's the button of your squirming femininity." Luckily she couldn't see the grimace on my blushed face. The finger slid out, but what would followed robbed me of my relief. The hard tip of the plug was much larger than a mere finger. I did my best to relax, even though the pressure stretching my pucker made me shudder. "Please, stop!" I whined. "Only little more, girl." A whimper left my lips, as my sphincter mounted over the widest part and tightened over the crevice at the stem of the plug. Its tip was brushing my 'button' as an embarrassing reminder. "Good girl." Kerantretta slapped my butt and gestured me to stand up. I tried to remain still so I wouldn't feel the intrusion, yet my sphincter clenched in a futile attempt to push out the plug. I shuddered. "You'll only remove that, when absolutely necessarily." The preceptor smirked. "Namely to clean yourself and to make room for more important items pushing into you." She showed me the tiny device in her hand. "This is the remote. My friend fabricated the whole thing. She makes wonderful toys, I'm sure you'll soon agree." The plug pulsed into life, which sent jolts into my pucker and my poor 'button'. My thighs quivered, and I gritted my teeth to stop my moan. The surprise forced my member to fill its prison. After the vibration ended, my legs remained weak. Tears filled my eyes. It was one thing to force me to dress as a girl, and another to violate me like this. Despite my mortification, a warmth filled my lower half. My genitals were locked away, and I was dressed and made-up as a girl, so the only way I'd have sex was with my butt. I didn't hate the sensations, or even the hot soreness of my stretched sphincter, as much as I should have. The built up arousal was clouding my mind. I whispered: "Stop this, please... mistress." "No. You like it. I can sense your blood heating up. The sooner you accept, what type of a girl you are, the quicker this all turns easy. Fun. Pleasurable." The preceptor's smile widened. "On that note, the camera in the study is always on. I checked the feed to see that you were obeying my instruction. The part, before I stepped on your ward, was very interesting, not to mention cute." My chest ached. Part of my mind must have known about the camera. Obviously one had been needed to record the vids. My breathing turned ragged, and panic flickered but couldn't quite take control. "Mistress," I forced the word out. "I am glad you enjoy my... my performance." "Good. Now show me the trick with light you did." I sighed from relief of being allowed to demonstrate the actual part I had enjoyed in my training. I repeated directing and slowing of the bracelet's light. This time it came quick and barely without concentration. "You are making rapid progress. That is good," Kerantretta said. It indeed was. I needed to finish my studies to escape the humiliation included in them. "Now..." Kerantretta grinned in a way I didn't like. "In order to truly understand sunlight, you must meditate on it, with your whole skin exposed to it. From now on, every day you will go to the roof and meditate while lying on both sides for a quarter an hour at least." "N-naked?" The preceptor's tower was a some way from the main complex, but the roof was visible from the windows higher up. "Will that be a problem?" I looked down. "Very well. It is understandable, if you aren't comfortable with your body yet. Wait here." She returned with a bundle of strings and patches of clothes. "You will wear these during your 'solar meditations'." The preceptor handed me the bundle, which turned out to be skimpy bikini, with a weird small pouch in the crotch part. I gritted my teeth, but didn't complain. I had walked into that one. CHAPTER VI I practised with my light as much I could alongside the inane 'femininity training' the preceptor forced me through. I learned to walk on taller heels, to do my now beyond shoulder-length hair, to move around in a girly fashion. My days involved elaborate stretching and limited workout concentrated on the lower body. Kerantretta had me practice dancing, which I took as decently fun exercise, even if the moves were embarrassingly effeminate. The cage and plug didn't allow me to forget the truth of my situation even for a moment. The heat in me had little chance to abate. The haziness in my mind consistently disturbed my training. Sometimes, fortunately not often, I broke into tears from the frustration. "Mistress." The preceptor was lying on the sofa listening to antiqued music. "This better be important. I'm meditating." I swallowed. "It's been three weeks now. I must have learned whatever lesson this cage was supposed to teach me. Could it be removed?" She turned to smirk at me. "Oh, hot and bothered, are we? Why don't you try getting off with the plug?" My pucker clenched around the hard intrusion. At times I managed to almost ignore its disconcerting presence. "I don't want to do that, mistress." The preceptor turned away and closed her eyes. "Then you haven't learned the lesson yet." "But mistress! It's hampering my concentration. I can't practice properly." "Then do something about it, girl." Unwise words threatened to leave my twitching mouth. I turned on my heels and strode out of the front door. My feet took me out of the garden into the shaded forest. Only after the tower had disappeared behind the trees I realised I was wearing embarrassingly short gown. I looked around. Nobody had seen me. I could sneak back inside, but the preceptor would merely mock my flightiness. A strange thrill filled my chest. My makeup was immaculate and I wore a pretty gown. My hair was done in a way no man would have, and Etnella's administrations had robbed any manly quality from my voice. I needed fresh air. Away from the secluded tower. Away from the tyrannical preceptor. I wanted to get back to Seditse, to whom I had lied about having to return home. If my genitals weren't trapped and my butt stuffed, I wouldn't have hesitated. Yet those items weren't visible. I filled my lungs to the brim against the corset and walked towards the main complex. First thing there was calling Seditse. "Medon? Where are you?" I explained that I was in private tutoring of the preceptor, who had insisted that I had no outside distractions. "Oh, I thought you... I'm glad that you weren't expelled. I'm off-shift, so I'll come down to the Argent Terrace." Immediately after the call, I began to fidget. I couldn't tell Seditse, what had happened, but my appearance would point towards my ordeals. Before I worked myself up to another fit of anxiety, Seditse appeared around the corner. I hurried to him, and almost hugged him. "Well, don't you look pretty." He chuckled. "I... I guess I should say thanks?" Heart beat filled my chest. Seditse smiled. "What did you learn from the preceptor?" A lot of things, which I wouldn't divulge. I only explained the basics of my new ability to manipulate light. "Would you show me?" he asked. "Sure." I pointed the bracelet towards the wall and turned the light into a sparkling beam. "Nice. It's like a laser. Can you cut anything with it?" "I haven't even thought of that." A new excitement cheered my spirit, and I grinned like a halfwit. Previously, the practical applications of my ability had been too distant to consider. "I'll have to practice more, before I know." Seditse's eyes moved down to my shoes and back up to my eyes. "Now that you are dressed up, maybe we should have a mock date for your cover story?" My body stiffened. I struggled to keep my breathing from becoming ragged. "Ye-yeah. That might be prudent." We took a lift up to one of the greenhouse gardens, where we stopped at a self-serve tea shop. Seditse bought us cold drinks. Mine had an overly long straw. I made sure to sit down in a way, which avoided pressure to my plug. "She forces you to clean her house?" Seditse asked. "Why doesn't she get that automated?" "I think she wants to keep the mood old-fashioned." I took a sip through the straw. Its length forced me to suck with vigour. "You know, even her kitchen is filled with separate appliances without any centralised units." "Odd." Seditse's deep blue eyes stared into mine. "Perhaps all the senior channellers are eccentrics. The extricator-general's apartment has a retractable roof, which opens during rain. I mean, obviously I don't mind a good bout of harsh weather, but I'd prefer not to get wet while sleeping. And all those rumours about the high lady of the luxuriators... Kinky stuff, to say the least. I guess, if you can reshape all sorts of living matter, you'd end up experimenting." The insinuation flared up the frustration, which had built up in me for three weeks. I had to get out of the chastity device, before alternative method's for getting off overpowered my good sense. "Are you alright?" Seditse asked. "Y-yes. I should return. Mis-- The preceptor must be anxious to force more pointless chores on me." "Ah, sure." He stood up, walked to me and offered his hand. It took me a moment to remember we were supposed to be on a 'date'. I took his hand, and he made the gestures of helping me up. "We should kiss for the audience," Seditse whispered. My spine stiffened, and I glanced around. The garden wasn't as abandoned as the greenery had first made seem. "Very well," I muttered and closed my eyes. A hand pressed against the small of my back and pulled me close to him. Stiffly I lifted my arms around him, so it wouldn't look like I was being kissed against my will. Soft lips touched mine. A hand grabbed my head and drew me into the kiss. Seditse gave it his all, and I couldn't force myself to back off. My member filled against its cage, and the discomfort caused my sphincter to involuntarily squeeze its intrusion. I shivered, as my face heated from the shame. When Seditse let go off me, I gasped for breath. The heart in my chest raced in a frantic rhythm, yet it felt constricted. I was only pretending to be a girl kissing her childhood crush. Outside my pitiful fancies and in the true Night-girdled reality, I was the brother of the childhood crush in a humiliating garb. My mouth twisted, but I managed to keep myself from crying. The confused thoughts churning in my head were merely the result of poor sleep and awful treatment. "It's time I got going," I said. Seditse smirked. "See you, 'Aderessa'." CHAPTER VII "Mistress, do you still need me to live here?" "No." Kerantretta didn't bother to lift her gaze from the datasheet under her nose. "You can move back to your boyfriend. The main part of your training is over, though you will have to come here to clean up each day." "Alright, mistress." I bit my lip. "Can I have the key to my cage?" Seditse accidentally seeing the thing would be beyond embarrassing, and I wouldn't be able to stand being constantly horny in his presence. I might lose control and end up doing shameful deeds to find release, or worse, making humiliating suggestions. "If you want to get it off, you haven't learned your lesson yet." My hands shook, and I gritted my teeth. "Do tell me, what the lesson is, mistress." The remote appeared in Kerantretta's hand. "You will not use that tone to anyone, girl." I yelped, as the plug inside me vibrated alive. Its jolts applied pressure to my sphincter and 'button' both. Despite their demeaning nature, the sensation forced my member to fill its cage. My eyes filled with moisture. "Please, no..." My hands reached to remove the plug. "Stop," Kerantretta barked. "Place your hands on the table." Quivering and unsuccessfully holding back tears, I obeyed. Kerantretta stood up and walked to me. She lifted the hem of my skirt and gave a hefty smack to my buttocks. I cried out into sobs. "That was from questioning me," the preceptor said. The plug stopped moving. "Have you learned you lesson?" No, I hadn't, but I whimpered: "Yes, I have, mistress." "Good. Go pack your stuff." While I went to pick up my bag, my mortification flared into anger and frustration. I did my best to keep my face expressionless, when I returned to the preceptor. "By the way," she said. "I corrected your name in academy records to 'Medonra'. Faking your identity is a serious crime, so you should be glad I caught your mistake before other authorities did." "Thank you, mistress," I said, hiding the poison in my tone into overt sweetness. Kerantretta sighed. "Talk to me like that again, and I'll burn off your testes. That should make you behave. You should apologise, girl." Her tone didn't seem even a bit frivolous. I lowered my gaze. "I'm sorry, mistress." "Good." She sighed. "Medonra. I have the feeling you think me unfair, or plain malicious. It's not so. Here." She poked a key into my field of view. I reached to grab it, but she pulled it away. "Now," she said. "There are conditions to this gift. You can't open it yourself. Instead, you will hand it to your boyfriend, that windboy. He'll decide, if you deserve release." I stared at the path as I walked through the forest. There was no way I could tell Seditse about my predicament. Yet I had no delusions that the preceptor wouldn't know, if I disobeyed her. Kerantretta had wrapped another humiliation into an act of generosity. Seditse was in his apartment. He welcomed me to bunk with him again, but I had second thoughts. Hiding my body from my room mate would be difficult to explain. "I like your tan," Seditse said. "It makes you look healthy." Not to mention ridiculous, with the bikini tan lines. I turned to away to hide my grimace. "Thanks." I swallowed and went to Seditse. "Could you do me favour?" I handed him the key. Kerantretta would surely know, if I kept it myself. "Safekeep this, please." "What's it for?" "Something small I hid away." A jolt went through my spine. I had to come up with an explanation. "It's just something I don't want access to all the time." I forced a smile. "Nothing particularly interesting." Seditse gave me a puzzled look. "Alright. I'll give this back to you, when you say you need it." He didn't move away, but looked at me. A smirk lifted the corner of his mouth. I had to avert my eyes. Even though he was my friend, Sed must have thought my appearance amusing. He would never be able to respect me again. To him I'd always be a wimp for allowing this disgrace to befall on me. Sed's smile widened. "So, you've been dressing like that for quite a while..." I braced mentally to take the coming joke. ."..have you had any thoughts about hooking up with some guy for real?" "No!" I yelled. "Not any at all." I forced a frown on my face. "Why would you think something like that?" Sed let out a dry chuckle and fist-bumped my shoulder. "Just teasing you, pal. Sorry about that." A weight hampered my breath. "Excuse me, I really need to use the can." I pushed past Sed and went to the bathroom. Seditse had merely made fun of my ludicrous situation. Yet I found myself upset. Because his kiss had been so well-acted, a silly part of my psyche had completely misinterpreted his genuine attempt to help me. Good thing I had reacted negatively out of instinct. Implying I wasn't entirely pretending my part as a girl would surely have made Sed uncomfortable. It would have ruined our friendship, and end up with me being forced to leave his apartment. Anybody, even an amiable guy like Seditse, would dislike a cosmic joke like me pining for him, especially if they had to live it me. I had to control myself, so I wouldn't lose a friend. I glanced at the mirror, and saw my visage. My lips curled over the teeth in grimace. If I was a proper apricate --a real woman-- everything would be easier. We might have been in a genuine pair of lovers. Kerantretta was right to deride me. Even if I learned to harness my affinity, it was merely a weak reflection of the real thing. My existence wasn't merely a joke, but a travesty. This was what I was, by the will of the numina. A wave of calm drowned my sobs. I was pathetic to the core, but I could still be useful with my meagre abilities. I didn't deserve to avoid humiliation, and Seditse didn't deserve my lies. I had to tell him everything, and if he wanted nothing to do with me from then on, that was alright. I could concentrate on my studies. "Hey, Sed..." I walked into the main room. Seditse wasn't there. I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened my datasheet to work on my assignments. It was late, at least in the standard shift cycle I was following, when Seditse returned. "Hi. I forgot about a parcel I had to deliver," he said. "And then I decided to go for a jog." His shoes didn't seem fit for running, but he looked dishevelled from exercise. Now was my chance to explain everything, to embarrass myself and ruin my relationship with my oldest friend. My tongue remained tied. I took my turn in the shower after Sed. Just to be sure, as its use might be detectable, I replaced the plug into my butt before dressing in the clothes I had taken with me to the bathroom. The boyish sleepwear was oddly constraining after the smooth slip I had worn at Kerantretta's tower. My reflection was miserable with the messy hair and without makeup. Though my face was a hint more feminine than before, it was easy to see that nobody sane would find the mismatched creature in the mirror attractive. When I walked out of the bathroom, Seditse only glanced at me. "I'll go to sleep," I said. "The preceptor demands that I'm at her place in little over a shift." "Alright. I'll darken the windows and take in shut-eye myself." Sed dialled a gauge on the wall, and the large windows turned pitch black. "Thanks." I opened my sleep-couch and lay down. My thoughts churned too much for the peaceful oblivion of sleep to arrive. Every day I had wanted to be in Sed's apartment instead of that awful tower, but now there I was miserable. Trapped in the awful qualities of an otherwise decent life, and all of the guilt was on me. Maybe giving up wouldn't be selfish. In truth, I had little to give to the world, except second-hand embarrassment. If I didn't wake up, a lot would be easier, to everyone. To me the most. Perhaps that was the ultimate lesson of the preceptor. With her deep connection to Aubade, she would be the one know that the glorious numen had created a mistake in me. "Hey, Medon," Seditse said from the darkness. "Are you awake?" For a moment I considered not responding. "Yeah." "Dude... I'm really sorry about that poor excuse of a joke. I get that your circumstances aren't particularly funny to you." I turned on my side to feel the distracting plug as little as possible. "It's fine. The whole thing does look like I'm some sort of pervert trying--" "Don't say that. You wouldn't be a 'pervert' even if you did it without being forced to." "Oh." "Look, Medon." He sighed. "What I'm trying to say is that... I thought you are cute while dressed up, and I enjoyed our date together." "Oh!" My toes curled, and my heart banged my ribs like a maddened drummer. "Now that you know, I understand if that makes it too uncomfortable to share this apartment. I'll make the arrang--" "Are you jesting again?" "No... I do hope we can remain friends." The words poured out of my mouth: "Did you really think I was cute?" "Yeah, I did. It's weird, because you still looked like yourself. Just cuter." I swallowed and forced out the words: "Do you want to be my leman?" Seditse groaned. "Look, I get it. It was a jerk thing to joke on your expense. No need to rub it in." Shivers coursed through me. I whispered: "I was serious." "What?" "I-I..." My breath trembled too much to speak. I forced myself off the bed and on my feet. The outline of Seditse sat up on the edge of his bed. Shivering, I walked to sit next to him. "Please tell me you aren't joking," I pleaded in a thin voice. Seditse remained silent, his face inscrutable in the dark. His hand moved towards me. I opened mine, and he took it. The skin of his palm was warm and sweaty. A stone rolled off my chest. "Sed. I'd like to be your 'girl', or something like that." Sed breathed in deep. "Oh good. I thought I'd have to deal with suddenly wanting to kiss a man." My chuckle was interrupted by his forehead knocking into mine. The collision didn't deter his lips from finding mine. The cage constricted my enlarging member. I let out a whimper of discomfort. Sed drew back. "Is something wrong?" "No, no. Let's continue." The man wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to lay on the bed with him. I had been like that once with a girl, but this time the juvenile impulses didn't compel me to just move on to the copulation. I wanted to melt into him, so he'd never let go. Sed pulled his head back, but didn't move his hands off me. He said: "This is weird. You are still the same old Medon for me. But that... makes this better." "Don't worry. I'll be the last person to think you a pansy for being with me." "It's not that. I don't care if anyone thinks me a 'pansy'." He brushed my cheek. "It's just that... I'm not sure what we should do now. In vids this is all so simple, but you are an actual person with your own desires. Yet I don't think I would be comfortable taking turn--" "No! I don't want to do anything you wouldn't do with a girl." Seditse let out a sigh of relief. "You won't think I'm selfish?" "Absolutely not. I'd be content if you merely continued cuddling with me." His hand moved down on my side. "Still, I want you to enjoy yourself. Would you be fine, if I touched you?" "No ne--" His hand stopped at my cage. "What's this?" "A chastity device..." I sighed. "The preceptor commanded me to wear it." "Oh! That's where the key goes." "Yeah." "Why did you give the key to me? No matter, I'll let you out." His hand cupped my genitals. "Or do you want to keep? I bet it makes you feel really girly." It did. A powerful flash of realisation sent me dizzy. "Oh, Sed... Thank you." "For what?" I lifted my arm towards the ceiling and willed the bracelet to shine. Turning the light into a beam was easy. I split and stretched it, until the spot above us took shape. First into a straight bar, then the outline of a circle. On a whim I turned into a purple symbol of a heart. "That's nice, but I don't get it." "'No man can hope to harness the gifts of Aubade.' I guess I needed to get in touch with my girly side for my affinity to work, kind of." I giggled from the warmth filling me. "I actually feel a bit different now that a moment ago. Did you notice the moment, when Enuig claimed you?" "In a way, I did. I was angry with something trivial. I quickly forgot about what, as I found myself floating. Still the connection to our numen is probably less concrete for us extricators, because we tend to be so flighty. Enough of that. Where was I..." He kissed me and fumbled to remove my sleepwear. I shivered from the cold, and he pulled the blanket on us. His hand moved around my body. "Your skin is so smooth." He groped my buttock. A touch to my plug sent a jolt through me. "Can't be..." Sed muttered. He pressed the plug to apply pressure into my pucker and prostate. I let out a moan. "Does it feel good?" he asked. I had been beyond mortified, when the preceptor had abused me. Now my stomach fluttered more pleasantly. "Yes," I admitted. "It's weird, but yes." He move his hand up to my waist. "Would you like to try... it?" "No... I don't want to do anything accidentally unpleasant on our first sleep-shift together. Besides, I should get some rest." "I understand." He turned around. "I'll be right back." Sed got up and walked to the bathroom. I listened to the thumb of my heart, the faint hum filling the building and the furtive sounds of a man dealing with the erection I had caused. I smiled and sleep found me fast. CHAPTER VIII The flames roared in Kerantretta's fireplace, yet I didn't feel quite warm. I had been cold ever since waking up. It was likely a mild flu caused by the nervous stress. I was otherwise fine, so my condition couldn't be anything serious. "Aren't you uncharacteristically beaming." Kerantretta stirred her herb- tea. My smile widened. "I want to thank you mistress. I finally got your lesson." "Wonderful. How was it?" "What was?" "Getting fucked by a man. What else?" My face heated. "We didn't do anything like that." "But you considered it." She lifted her nose in a gesture of indifference. "That will have to do. I do have to note, that you are taking this all admirably well. All of my previous students oscillated between giddy confusion and furious whines of 'why me'?" "About that, mistress." I sat down on a recliner. Kerantretta didn't object, so I continued: "On my way here, I thought about the causality of my situation. Was I chosen for the affinity because it suited me, or did my affinity make me into this?" "Does it matter?" "I think it does. In the latter case, one could interpret it as an imposition. Obviously nobody should question the wholesome numina, but a virile man would spurn being turned into--" "They'd be fools to reject their calling. But I'll answer your question. Your affinity is intrinsic to your being. Did that answer your question?" I sighed. "It will have to." Kerantretta moved her leg on top of another. "Now tell me. How did your windboy react?" "To what?" She scoffed. "What do you think? To your pleas to get some man-meat inside you." "It was nothing like that." The lascivious implications were getting banal enough to drown my fear of the preceptor. "If you must know, mistress, we merely agreed to stop pretending to be partners." "How very boring. But I guess easing into it is partly why you are so well adjusted, comparatively speaking. For the others, the uncontrollable lust leading to the shock of receptive sex must have been too much to handle." I frowned and shifted my weight off the plug. "I must have been lucky that didn't happen to me." "Well, it would have been a formative experience." Kerantretta dismissed the thought with a gesture. "You are ready to move on in your studies. Open your datasheet." I did so, and the preceptor folded open hers. She flicked over the screen, and my datasheet pinged from receiving a file. "The book is warded," Kerantretta said. "You aren't allowed to make copies of it or share it in any way. That's because the assertions in it are considered unorthodox, heretical even. But it will benefit your studies." I opened the file to reveal 'The Book of Mirror Resplendence'. "What makes it 'heretical'?" "The author claims that your affinity isn't truly to Aubade, but to one of the esoteric twilight numen, which are considered neither wholesome nor unclean. Tenso, a 'partner' or reflection of Aubade. The idea is... interesting to say the least, but it does have a hint of truth to it. Most importantly, the techniques in it work." I sent the text scroll down in a whirl. My head spun from the chance to finally study my affinity specifically and not just as an inferior version of something else. "As for your chores here, they are no longer necessary," Kerantretta said. "You can still consult me, if you have questions on your studies. However, you have performed well, so would you like to work twice a week for actual pay?" I was too elated to be negative. "Sure, mistress." Kerantretta smiled. "You are so cute as a scurrying little maid. It would be shame if you stopped doing that." After beating the carpets, vacuuming the floors and dusting the surfaces, I studied 'The Mirror Resplendence'. Though Tenso was mere reflection of the solar incandescence of Aubade, a perfect mirror image shone just as the real thing. The book claimed that Tenso offered, in place of raw power, the fine control of it. The possibilities of redirecting light and its influence were more than promising. However, I didn't let my hopes grow too bloated, as the anonymous author hadn't been in the most coherent state of mind. The book had a clear idea, what sort of person a 'speculan', which it called those with the affinity, should be. The inspiration to Kerantretta's training program was obvious. 'A speculan is feminine to the core, but not in the ways of the matriarch or the mother. A speculan bends, a speculan submits. A speculan loves to serve, especially men. A speculan...' The litanies went on for pages. Even though I cringed at the more explicit insinuations, my cage became cramped. The building lust hampered my concentration and made my thoughts wander to what me and Sed would do. Kerantretta had left, but just to be sure, I still went to the bathroom before opening connecting to the network with my datasheet. After a few layers of anonymity, I was confident enough to connect to the more sordid vid archives. It didn't take long to find out what a girly boy could do with a properly masculine partner. My face blushed enough to offset the chill I felt. The most odd but titillating aspect was how the sex didn't seem to be between two men, as the 'girl' remained undoubtedly feminine thorough. I was warm, yet my limbs shivered from a weird cold. I needed to find Sed. He had been willing the last sleep-shift, but might lose interest if I tarried. Sed had the looks to pull all sorts of proper girls. This time I'd let him do what he wanted with me. I send him a message asking, if we could meet. 'I'm busy for a while.' I suppressed my disappointment. If he was horny, he'd want to get to me the moment he could. 'Would you like a pic of me?' I asked. 'An explicit one..?' 'Sure.' My breath wavered. But even with my excitement, the bathroom wasn't a good background. I went to the main room and lay down on the floor in front of the fireplace. I removed my panties, lay down on my side and curled up my legs. The photo showed me from below, with my butt uncovered my the hem of my skirt. I made sure that the picture showed my heels, the tops of the stockings sinking into my soft thighs and my caged member. Like a seal, the plug was in my pucker. Only part of my face visible was the coy smile. Satisfied with the result, I pressed 'sent'. I stared at the feed with tension mounting in me. 'Damn, Medon.' 'I'm flying a scoutcraft and that blasted into my visor. Luckily I'm a decent pilot.' I grinned to myself. 'Do you want another?" 'Yes. This is routine altitude training. The Night is boring and dark as always.' For the next hour, I took more pictures of myself. I didn't care that I was flooding Sed's feed with photos of my butt. He had to be as desperate for me as I was for his touch. 'I'm heading back. Meet me at the South West landing area.' He didn't have to tell me twice. The witch-wind got under my short skirt, as Sed's craft approach the short runway. He touched down, light as a feather, and the filmy translucent wings around him folded. I squeezed my hands together. Sed jumped out of the craft and jogged to me. His skintight stormsuit had some bagginess around the crotch, but not enough to hide all of the tenting. Seditse wrapped his arms around me and drew me against him. I closed my eyes, reached up and pursed my mouth, so he knew to kiss me. My tense body quivered, when our lips touched. Sed brushed my hair from my face and asked: "Do you want to go on a date? I know a good place, which is all but abandoned during this shift." My smile must have been foolish in its wideness. CHAPTER IX The music in the near-empty bar was upbeat, though I needed no additional cheering up to be giddy. My heart slowly melted, because despite his clear desire for me, Seditse was willing to also be my old friend. We talked about his studies as a storm pilot, how my own studies would pick up, now that I could study from my new book, and how the sun still hurt Sed's eyes despite cycles at Ursimullo. Sed reached over the small table to take my hand. "Do you want to dance?" I did, if it was with him. The lack of an audience let us let loose. Seditse was athletic enough in a flexible way to look competent on the dance floor despite his clear lack of practice. I repeated the steps I had been practising. Now their embarrassing girliness was a boon. Sed took my sweaty hand and helped me spin. He pulled me closer and spoke under his breath: "Your moves are cute." I grinned. "Yours aren't bad either." Though I was eager to continue, my breath was running out. Conveniently the music slowed down and I found Sed's arms around me. He drew me against him. I was making a huge fool of myself, yet the faint smile on his face didn't mock. His hands held me firmly, without a hint of apprehension to what I was. As we swayed together, a lump formed in my throat. Perhaps the sappy music made me receptive to sombre emotions. I clung to Sed and failed to stifle my sobs. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked. "I don't know," I whispered and pressed my face against him. "Hold me." After humouring my sentimental fit for a few minutes, Seditse guided me back to our table. "Sorry," I said. "All this recent stress must have burst out." I smile at him. "I'm just so glad to be with you." Seditse sighed from relief. "Oh, good. I thought I had done something wrong." "No, you are doing great." I breathed in deep. "Do you really like me?" "I do." "But..." Whining self-pity was probably the last thing Sed would find attractive, but I couldn't contain myself. "But you could choose from plenty of proper girls." "None of them is you." He leaned back. "After you arrived, I began to realise, why I haven't been able to hold a relationship with a woman." "You mean..." "Yeah... It's confusing, as I do enjoy your feminine appearance." My jaw tensed to make teeth clatter. "But you courted my sister." He shrugged. "She did look a lot of like you." The uncomfortable confinement of my member intensified. I whispered: "Let's go back to your place. Right now." The moment the door closed, I jumped to hug Seditse. In our kiss, passion overflowed any grace. I pushed my tongue between his teeth, while his hands wandered down to hold my buttocks. Sed pulled his head away. "What would you like to do?" Our first time had to be special to him. "I'd like to get used to your tool first," I said. "With my hands and perhaps mouth." "That would be nice." Seditse pulled off his shirt to reveal a leanly defined torso. I knelt, and the man opened his trousers to let out his cock, already hard for me. The hood had pulled back to reveal a moist tip. I didn't waste time taking the head into my mouth. My little brain hadn't even considered that the taste might be unpleasant. Luckily it was far from awful. I wrapped my hand around the base of the cock and looked up. Seditse was so huge towering over me. He placed his hand on my head and tousled my hair. I wanted to return his smile, but the cock was between my lips. Despite my utter lack of experience, Sed appeared to like my sucking and jerking. "That's enough." Seditse pulled his cock out and moved his hand to my cheek, so he could replace the cock with a thumb. "I don't want to waste my endurance into your mouth." He helped me stand. "I'll go wash myself," I said. I left the plug in the sink and cleaned my pucker, even though the effects of the elixir still continued. I stretched my sphincter and applied a little lube, in case Seditse wanted a quick entrance. He was waiting near his bed, which he had made rise so the mattress was little below waist level. "Take off your gown," he said. I fidgeted in place. "I'll look way less girly." Sed smirked. "I want to see all of you." He himself was naked, but a man with his frame didn't have any reason to hide himself. I could easily explain, why the sight of him warmed my blood. On the other hand, I had no obviously handsome attributes, neither feminine or masculine. But I obeyed until I wore only my cage, stockings and heels. Sed's hard cock twitched, and his smile didn't fade. My stomach ached, in a pleasant way. Seditse really did find my soft almost plump body attractive. He moved to hug me. The strong arms took me in and crushed me against him. The moist cock head poked into my skin. "What do you want to do?" he asked. "To be with you." I pressed myself harder into him. "Though butt stuff would be nice to try." He helped me lay on my back on the bed, with him standing between my legs. "You shoes are pretty," Sed said. "But those heels might poke my eye out." He lifted my legs and took the shoes off, but made sure to massage the soles through the stockings. A familiar key appeared in Seditse's hand. "Are you sure?" I asked. At the moment it was almost possible to pretend I didn't have a dick. Sed gave me a puzzled look and tapped the cage. "Do you want to keep this?" "No!" It sure was getting uncomfortable. "I just thought..." "Don't worry." The lock clicked open, and my member took the opportunity to grow into its full length. Sed moved closer and placed his cock beside mine. My thoughts about his modest size were smashed by how far the tip of his cock reached towards my navel. My own member was slender beside his. "Are we really comparing penises?" I asked. Sed grinned. "My fragile ego would be shattered, if my 'girl' had a bigger dick than me. Luckily yours is cute-sized." I would have turned to dust from shame, if my former girlfriend had said that I was 'cute-sized'. But from Seditse's mouth, it sent a pleasant shiver through me. "Tell me, if anything hurts," Sed said and pushed a thumb into my pucker. I bit my lip and did my best to relax, so he'd move on to the main course. After making sure I was loose enough, he removed his thumb and placed his cock to my butt. I took his hand and clasped it tight. Sed pushed his dick forward. The pressure against my pucker mounted, but subsides before turning painful. The man pulled back and thrust steadily again. This he repeated until all of his cock had disappeared into me. My head became light. "Still all comfortable?" Sed asked. His thrusts were short but slow. "Yeah..." The gentle stretching of my pucker was pleasant enough, and any pressure deeper inside me was more odd than genuinely painful. "Could you try to hit my girly but-- my prostate more." "Alright. I guess I'll have to push more towards your front." He lifted his right knee on the bed and lowered himself. The next thrust put more pressure to the right spot. "Yes..." I panted. "That's it." He continued without hurry. The heat in me grew little by little. Eventually I couldn't contain myself. I had to reach my climax. I wrapped my free hand around my member and jerked. With one motion alone, I reached the brink. Seditse moved my hand away and smiled. "Let me." His grip wasn't strong. More like how one might hold a flower, with his thumb rubbing the centre of my diminutive but hard rod. Sed's administrations were a delight, yet it built the knot inside me frustratingly slowly. I had to bite my hand and tighten my hold of his hand with the other. The orgasm came as a flash of released tension. I shuddered, as Sed milked my member until it had discharged all of the slime on my stomach. He tightened his thrusts, and soon his liquid joined his dick inside me. When he pulled out, my pucker made a longing spasm. Ant soreness was merely tingling warmth. "Satisfied?" Seditse rubbed my belly, spreading the semen on my skin. "Yes." My voice was weak. The thoughts in my mind swirled in a confusing mess. Most of me was elated from sharing that experience with Seditse, yet apprehension pulped below. What sort of man let that happen to himself? I should have been disgusted with myself. Sed would never see me worthy of any real respect. At best I was a dumb hole for him to use. But Sed's warm smile told me those thoughts weren't true. He massaged my thighs and lower abdomen, clearly uncertain how to proceed. "Are you alright?" he asked. "You are shivering." "Just a bit emotional, I guess." It was a poor lie: I sounded like I was about to cry. "Do you want to get between the sheets, or wash first?" The slime still oozed out of me. I forced a smile on my face. "A warm shower would be nice." Getting the fluids off us took a lot of soap and skin contact. His member was ready again and poked against me in the narrow shower. "If it wasn't so slippery in here, I'd ask for a round two right now," Sed said and walked out. "My butt's a bit sore," I said and took a towel. "Could we just... I don't know, cuddle?" Sed stepped to hug me. His hand sunk into the soft flesh my chest, eliciting a moan from me. "You certainly are cuddly," he said kissed my neck. Under the blanket, I was more cosy than ever. My mind hadn't quite got over how weird it was to snuggle naked with my best friend, but the bangs of self-disgust didn't return. I was lucky that I could be with Seditse. "Sed," I said. "This might be a strange question, but do you like me as a girl or a girly boy? Not that it matters; I'll be which ever you want me to be." He chuckled. "Just be Medon. I'm the one, who has to deal with his own hang-ups." "You can call me a girl any time you want." "That's good." He stroked my flank, his fingers sinking into the 'cuddly' flesh. "I can pretend I wasn't pining for you the moment I saw you at the academy gate." "Really? 'Pining'? That's what you felt?" "Probably. I'm not sure, what I felt. Whatever the emotion was, it turned terribly sour, when you disappeared." "I'm sorry. I should have called." "It hardly matters now." Sed moved his hand to grab my prick. Despite my yelp of protest, he continued to rub the hardening member. He said: "How are we going to explain our relationship to folks back home?" My voice wavered from the tender attention. "Ah... Do you really want to do that?" "I can't imagine why I shouldn't." "Well, my family probably won't freak out too much," I said. "I can claim it's the will of the numina that I'm this way. You, on the other hand, don't have that excuse." "I wouldn't be so sure. Everyone knows we extricators are unpredictable and eccentric." My giggle was ridiculously girly. I made a mental note to thank Etnella for it later. "Promise me you won't suddenly turn flighty and drop me." "I promise." He kissed my cheek. "Medon... I love you." "Me too. I mean I too love you, Sed." AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you for reading. All rights are waived on this text, CC0.