The Big Lie free porn video

The Big Lie By Cassandra Morgan Some women move like liquid pouring out of a bottle. She was one of them. She flowed rather than stepped, so smoothly that you barely saw her feet move. There was a regal grace to her, an elegance. She moved like a queen among the subjects, as if their adoration was her due. When she smiled, her gleaming white teeth shown beneath her red lipstick. Her smile seemed warm, yet somehow, above it all. And at first sight, James Newton hated her. He huddled in Janey Lawton's cubicle and peered out, along with Hank Taylor and Ted Simpson, the four of them cackling like school children instead of salesmen at the Abercrombie Advertising Agency. "That's her huh?" Taylor said. "She's...really one of them?" Simpson said. "She's a man?" "It's what I hear," Newton said. "She's a drag queen." "No, she's a transgender woman," Janey said. "Be nice. She may be your boss." James scowled. "Christ, why do we have to hire from the Pride parade?" Janey giggled. "You're just jealous because you want the job." "Damn right I do," James said. "It should be my job." "Third time's a charm," Simpson said. "You may get it yet." "That's what you said before," James said. "Then they hired Benny Travers. And after that, they promoted Les Carpenter. I'll never get ahead in this damn company." "I wonder what Wash sees in her," James said. "I don't know," Janey said. "But Mr. Washington seems intent on diversifying. He had that Jennings guy in here last week and that blond woman the week before. I think they were both gay." "Well, I think she's pretty," Ted said. "You what?" Ted shrugged. "Sue me. I wouldn't kick her out of bed. Trans women are hot. You would't even have to get me drunk, you know?" "Maybe you'd have to get her drunk," Janey said. "So she'd do you." "Shit, I could never sleep with a trans woman," Hank said. "I'd be scared her dick would be bigger than mine." "Shit, Hank," Janey grinned. "I'm a woman, and my dick is bigger than yours." James laugher. "Big-dick Janey," he said. "She's a stud." Hank turned toward Ted. "So you want to wake up with a sausage in you face, Teddy? You want her to play in your ass." "And how many times?" Janey grinned. "Funny," James said. "But you guys are laughing at my funeral." "Ah it ain't so bad," Janey said. "Are you kidding? Whoever gets this job will be a senior partner. You know how much money those guys make? They're flipping rich!" Hank shrugged. "You'll get there," "Yeah, as soon as I start to wear a dress," James said. "What's wrong with that?" Janey said. "You'd be cute in a dress. Do you have good legs?" "Stop it," James said. "What have you heard about her?" Hank asked. "Not much. Her name is Amanda Carlisle. Teresa in human resources says she's a lawyer. She's been transgender for years. She's represented a lot of gay businesses in court. Maybe Mr. Washington wants to bring in more clients." "How about taking care of the ones we have?" James said. "How about a little loyalty to your staff?" Janey looked closer at the woman in Mr. Washington's office. She was in her 30s. Pretty. Long dangling earrings. Good legs. In a million years, you'd never suspect she was trans. She pushed a strand of hair off of her face and crossed her leg. She reeked of femininity. If she had learned to be a woman, she had learned well. "You could always leave," Ted said. "Get another job. That'd show them." "Hell, no one's hiring," James said. "The only jobs are entry-level. I'd be trading in one boss for another." "Man, I'd let her boss me," Ted said. "She can wear leather and everything." "Something you want to tell us, Teddy boy," Hank grinned. "Does Teddy want Mama to spank? Has Teddy been a bad boy?" He started to laugh, and then James and Janey joined in. Even Teddy. The laughter of the four of them blended together. Finally, Janey cleared her throat. "Keep it down, guys. I don't want anyone to think we're laughing at the wrong thing. Trans women, and gay people, have had it too tough for too long." "Oh, screw that," Hank said. "Just because there's a million gay people, with their own TV shows and their own bars and their own parade, doesn't mean we have to kiss their asses." "Well, Ted wants to," James said, giggling. "Hey!" Ted said. "I was just talking." "Just kidding, Teddy. Just kidding," Janey said. "Do you think those are her boobs?" Hank said. "Sure. She bought them at Macy's on their President's Day sale," Janey said. "It was a two-for-one deal" "Ha," Hank said. "Maybe her boyfriend bought them for her." Janey shook her head. "A lot of trans women aren't gay," she said. "Some of them are, of course. But you can say the same for men in pants. Or women, for that matter. Clothes don't define sexuality." "So you're an expert now?" James said, squinting at her. "Not an expert. But I know more stuff that you knuckle draggers," Janey said. "Gee. Maybe you do have a dick," Ted said. "You want to see it, Teddy? You want to to suck it?" Janey chuckled. "Janey?" "I'm joking, James," Janey said. "I'm as much a woman as your mother. But if I had been a biological male, would you hate me because of what I wear? Really" "Of course not," Hank said. "Not unless you were blocking the urinal," Ted said. James started through Mr. Washington's office window. Amanda was smiling now at some some of private joke, and Mr. Washington was laughing. Damn it. They seemed to be getting along well. James felt empty inside, as if someone was snatching up the Golden Ticket in front of him. It wasn't fair, damn it. It wasn't right. But what could he do about it? -- 2-- That night, James Newton arrived at his modest home in a foul mood. He slammed the door, and he threw his briefcase in the general direction of the couch. "Damn it, it's wrong," James snarled at is wife Molly. "Society is out of whack when that gets rewarded." Molly touched his shoulder. "You're ahead of me, Jamie. What's the problem?" Molly was a caring wife. She was funny and inquisitive, and she had a way about her that made her seem amused even if she was at a funeral. In the eight years they had been married, nothing got Molly down. "Damn it, there's a senior job open," James said. "But I think Washington is going to hire from the outside." "Shit. What did you say to him? "I didn't say anything yet," James said. "He was with this Amanda person all afternoon." "Amanda?" "Some boy-girl applicant. A lawyer. I don't know what a lawyer knows about writing advertising copy. It used to count to a professional." "A boy-girl?" "You know, a trans-whatever. A guy in a dress." "A transvestite? Wow. That's out of left field." "Don't get me wrong. I don't care that she has a dick. I care that she's got ahold of Wash's. How can a guy compete with that?" James rubbed his neck. He sighed deeply. "Molly, I don't know what to do. This will be three times I've been passed over." "I know, baby. But we're doing okay." "Shit. Do you know how much of a raise that would be? Then there is the company car and the time-share and the profit sharing. It's like I told Janey. Maybe I should put on a dress and go for the damn job myself." Molly giggled. "So, Jamie. Have you ever worn a dress in your whole damn life?" she asked. James was quiet. Then, in a loud whisper, barely audible, he said it. "Maybe once or twice." "You have?" Molly laughed out loud. "When was that?" "Hell, Molly, Most boys put on a dress at some point in their lives. It doesn't mean they grow up to get sex changes. It's just curiosity." "Tell me," Molly asked, her smile almost breaking her face. "Crap. I shouldn't have said anything. I guess I wore a dress for a few weeks in middle school. Seventh grade, eighth grade, something like that. I wasn't a big deal. It certainly didn't mean a lifetime in panties." "My husband is a fairy?" Molly said, teasing. "So do you ever wear my clothes? Do you have your own? Did you ever have a boyfriend?" "Christ no, Molly. Stop it. It was only for a few weeks 20 years ago, and I outgrew Tammy's clothes. I'm not one of those boys who grows up wishing he was a girl." "Too bad," Molly said. "You'd get this damn job then." "I could, too." "I know you could. You ought to think about it." "The hell with that. Even if I got the job, I'd have to be a girl all of the time." Molly shrugged. "Is that a big deal? A lot of us are girls. Just think of it as work clothes. Doctors wear work clothes. Policemen. Football players." "They don't wear dresses!" Molly cackled. "Some of them do. Robin Williams wore a dress for Mrs. Doubtfire, even when he was off-camera. Eddie Redmayne was a great- looking woman the Danish Girl. Patrick Swayze wore a dress in the movies. You'd just be acting." "It's a silly idea." "Besides," Molly went on. "A lot of drag queens don't dress as women when they're off work. It's just for their stage shows. I saw that on Springer." "Listen to yourself. You sound like you want me to do this." "No, not really," Molly said. "I"m just talking. But a new BMW would be nice. A country-club membership. All the perks. And the money." "A guy would never do this." "That's your cover, baby. No one would think a normal guy would ever do it. It's the perfect disguise. No one would ever suspect you were faking." "Yeah? And how does the story end, Molly? Do I get the job and work as a woman forever? Do you bury me in a dress?" Molly was quiet for a minute, thinking about the possibilities. "If you're sure you would do a good job, someone would hire you and you could de-transition," she finally said. "But if not, have you ever considered writing a book? I mean, transgenderism is hot right now. Look at all the movies. You could do a personal take on being a woman for profit. I bet it would sell, and you'd out yourself, and someone would hire you." "That's just nuts, Molly." "Well, it's certainly not about your nuts," she giggled. "So do you really want to be married to a boy in a skirt?" James said. Molly shrugged. "It wouldn't bother me. It's just cloth. At the end of the day, we'd both be naked as ever. Right? And before that, I bet I could make you pretty. It would be sizzling." "Christ, Molly. You're twisted. You sound like some kind of lesbian." "I'm not," Molly said." She paused. "But as long as we're confessing things, I've tried it. Becky Blackwood back in college. She was pretty. But I just never...liked putting my face down there, you know?" "You...you slept with women?" "We didn't sleep a lot," she said, grinning that dimpled smile of hers. "This is getting weird," James said. Molly shrugged. "I'm just saying it wouldn't bother me if you were wore a dress to work. You'd just be like an actor playing a part. That's all. And at night, you could work on your book. Think of it as an adventure. 'My year as a woman.' " "A year?" "Well, you'd have to do the job for a while to write about it. You'd have to live the role for a while. And manuscripts aren't published right away. So, yeah, a year. Maybe a year-and-a-half." James surprised himself by thinking about it. He tried to picture himself in a dress, swishing through the office. Crap, he wouldn't want to go through everything that Molly did in the mornings. He didn't want his work buddies to see him as a woman. He didn't want to walk on high heels through the office. He didn't want to wear a wig. Slowly, he shook his head. "It's just too much to ask, Molly," he said. Molly smiled. "Just think about it, Jamie," she said. "If you get past the phobias, if you get past the embarrassment, it would be worth it. What you wear is no big deal. To tell you the truth, I think it could be a little fun." James nodded. "I'll think about it," he said. How could he think of anything else? -- 3 -- They avoided talking about it for the most of the evening. They watched a police procedural TV show, and they talked about the price of gas, they talked about Molly's job as a teacher. They talked about a thousand things that didn't deal with James' office. But it was hovering there, unspoken but overbearing. Then it was time for bed, and they trudged up the stairs toward their bedroom. "Come here," Molly said. She finished around her underwear drawer for a moment. She brought out a par of white panties and a white bra. She smiled. "Just for me," she said. "Put these on." "Molly, I told you. I don't want to do that." "But you also told me you'd think about it. So let's see how you look, okay? No one else has to know." "But Molly..." "Oh, come on, James. Are you afraid you'll like it?" Molly said. "Afraid all those old feelings are buried in there somewhere? Afraid you'll suddenly want a man? Just put on the damned panties." James didn't want to, but he didn't want to argue, either. So he took off his trousers, then his shirt. He looked at Molly shyly. And he picked up the panties from the bed. He slid them up his legs. He ran his hands over his rear. Molly held out the bra, and he moved into it. God, was it really that easy? The panties were cool, slick. They felt small on him. The band of the bra was like nothing he could remember. Molly handed him a soft yellow dress. He stepped into it. He felt silly, awkward standing in front of his wife. He didn't feel sexy or pretty or provocative. He felt like a guy in his wife's clothes. Molly looked at him as if studying a piece of art. "Not bad," she said. "You need boobs. Your hair isn't long enough. And for God sake, you need to shave your legs. But it's a nice start, Jamie. Walk for me." And so he walked, and he twirled, and he posed. The clothes felt nice, light, whispery. Was this how he had felt as a teenager? It felt ... familiar in a nagging sort of way. Molly giggled. "Jamie, you've got an erection," she said. "Do you like the panties that much, tiger?" "It's not that,"James said. "It's ... the whole scene. You're here, and you're watching, and the clothes are a little erotic. I'm not turned on, I swear." "Oh, no. Not you, Mr. Macho. Now put on my black dress and pose for me. Say 'ballerina.' " They tried a red dress. A gray skirt. A white sun dress with cherries on it. There were billowy skirts and tight skirts, long ones and embarrassingly short oncs. There were a half-dozen pairs of heels. Molly took a dozen pictures with her phone. He seemed to be getting more comfortable moving. She sat him down at her makeup table. She pressed a lipstick tube to his mouth. She traced his eyes with eyeliner. She tugged at his short hair, as if she could make it grow. "With your features, you could pull this off, Jamie," Molly said. "If you wanted, you could do this. And we would have the cash and the car and the lifestyle we deserve." "Do you...are you saying that I should do it?" Molly shrugged. "It's up to you, Jamie. It's your job, and it's your life. But if you do this, I'll support you. It won't affect our marriage. Okay? Not even if you sleep with a construction worker." James walked to the mirror. Hell, Molly was right. A lot of people wore uniforms. Waitresses, clowns, athletes. You were at work, what, one third of your life? That wasn't too much, was it? James spun, and Molly unzipped the dress he was wearing. It fell to the floor, and he stepped out of it. He reached behind him to try to unclasp his bra. "No, don't," Molly said. "I want you to sleep in in it. That, and this," she said, flipping him an ivory-colored nightgown. "You might need to get used to this." James started to say something, then didn't. He slipped the nightgown over his head. He shuddered at the sensation of it flowing around him. "Come, my pet," Molly said, holding out her hand. "Let's go to bed." Jamie slipped under the covers, and he felt Mollys hand on his hip, gently rubbing the satin of the nightgown. He could feel the cloth rub against him like butterfly kisses. She kissed the back of his neck. "You're my girl," she whispered. She ran her hands up, rubbing against his penis slightly. Her hands then were on her stomach, and they were fingering his bra gently. Her fingers ran over the bra cups on James' flat chest, toying with his nipples. Time after time, she would rub his breasts, drag her fingernails across his nipples. "Do you like, lady?" she said. "Say it. Tell me you're my girl." "I'm not a transvestite, damn it, Molly. Oooh. Shit, that feels good." She was cupping his rear now, her palms sliding softly over the panties. "Say it," she repeated. "I'm...I'm your girl," he finally said. She smiled. "Now say you're Wash's girl." James' eyes widened. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Her hands were beneath his panties now, stocking his bottom. She teased the opening with her fingertips and he jumped. "I'd like to tap that ass," she snickered, probing further. James dry-swallowed. His emotions were boiling over now, a blend of confusion and sheer lust. He had never been so aroused. "You're so pretty, Jamie," Molly said. "So pretty." And James whimpered. -- 4 -- James was more than a little embarrassed when he woke up the next morning, his nightgown wrapped tightly around his body. Once again, he had an erection. He was glad Molly was't there to see it. Heck, he know she was just having fun, but last night, she had played rough. She was a quarterback, and he was a cheerleader. He clenched his buttock together and winced as the pain. He got out of bed and stripped off the nightgown. It was Saturday, so he slid a pair of gym shorts over himself. He got a t-shirt out of the drawer and walked downstairs. "Oh, you're a guy this morning?" Molly said, peering over her coffee cup. "You know I'm a guy, Molly," he said. "Could have fooled me last night. You were really getting into being the chick. I had a great time." "So what was that all about, Molly?" She shrugged. "You're thinking about becoming a transgender woman, Jamie. That's what it's like for trans women. It's not always about male or female. Sometimes, it's a blending of genders." "Well, keep your blender out of my ass." "I think you're starting to like this, Jamie. Aren't you?" "No, Molly. I don't. I keep telling you that." "But you slept all night in the nightgown?" "You know I did." "And you told me you were my girl." "I got carried away." "And you begged me to fuck you like I was a fireman." "I did not. That never happened." "Just checking," Molly laughed again. "I didn't know if you'd remember. Hey, don't pout. I'm just having fun." "You're making sure I never have fun again." "Oh, you can have all the fun you want. You didn't even put on a dress today. Where are your heels? You don't think you've mastered them yet, do you?" "I just need a break after last night. Please stop." "Jamie, what do you think it means that you're seriously considering this? Is it about the stuff? Or is it about wearing panties? You can tell me." "It's about the job, Molly. You know that." "What job? The hand job? The blow job? Oh, you mean the job at the office where you get to be Miss October." "Can you laugh with me instead of at me?" "But you aren't laughing, girlfriend. You need some serious lightening up. I think this is something you can have fun with, that we can have fun with. We proved last night it can help us expand in bed. That was good, wasn't it?" "It was weird." Molly smiled at James. "Why don't we practice with your makeup again? You know, just in case. You need to get better at being female." "Will you stop making fun of me?" Molly grinned and winked at James. "We'll see. -- 5 -- On Monday, James decided he had to go Mr. Washington's office and talk about the job that he felt should be his. He called Susan Knight, Washington's secretary, and made an appointment for 11 a.m. At 10:50, he walked confidently to Mrs. Knight's desk. She nodded and checked her watch. She hit the transmitter. "Mr. Newton is here for his 11 o'clock, Mr. Washington," she said. "Yes, sir. Right away." Susan gestured toward the office. The door was closed, but the large window in front showed two people in the room. "Hello?" James said. "Mr. Washington." "Oh, hi there, Mr. Newton. Please come in. You know Sarah Woodall from human resources?" "Um, I think so. Hello, Mrs. Woodall. That's...that's a pretty dress you're wearing?" The woman, a 50ish woman with streaks of gray in her hair, smiled pleasantly. "You like my dress, Mr. Newton?" "Call me James. It's very pretty.." "Well, perhaps you can borrow it sometime. it's nice to meet someone who appreciates women's fashions, James. We're out of coffee, but might I pour you some tea? We have a lovely chai." "Um, that would be nice." Sarah poured the tea. She looked for a long moment at James. "James, do you like flowers?" "Flowers?" "Yes. I got roses from my husband today. Since we had this meeting this morning, I brought them in here with me. Smell them. Go ahead." "Um, that's lovely." She smiled at hime. "Yes. Lovely." Nothing like having a big strong man who sends you flowers, is there? Or anyone else, for that matter." Ben Washington sat silently during the exchange, studying them both. Finally, he spoke. "Ah, James. I hate to interrupt the girl talk, but what's on your mind?" "Well, Mr. Washington, I don't know what your thoughts are on the senior job opening. But I think I'd be perfect for it, and I hoped we could talk about it." "Certainly, James. I'm always happy to talk to one of our salesmen. We've talked before, if I remember." "Yes, sir. I was up for the Travers job, and the one that went to Les Carpenter." "Oh, so we've bypassed you two times?" Mrs. Woodall said. "Is there something we didn't like on his resume, Ben?" "Not that I recall, Sarah." James flushed. Those two were certainly willing to get to the point. "James, we have high standards here. I'm sure you would do a functional job, but we're looking fo exceptional. The last candidate we interviewed, Amanda Carlisle, has a law degree from Stanford, for instance. She could bring a boatload of clients with her." "SIr, if I may be so bold, she doesn't have anything I don't have. I mean, I could bing in clients too. I know a lot of gay people." "So...so you're just like her?" Mrs. Woodall asked. "Yes, I am. Well, mostly," James said. Washington nodded. He took a fresh look at James, sitting in front of him, his hands folded over his lap, looking up at him. Of course. Why didn't he see it before? "I understand what you're saying," Wash finally said. "You really never can tell, can you, Sarah?" "No Ben. It's a big world. That's why this hire is so important." "I'd work hard for you, Mr. Washington. And no one in the company writes better copy than I do." "Well, I'll tell you this," Washington said. "It certainly won't hurt your case that you're transgender. I know trans women have been discriminated against for years, but that won't happen here." "Transgendered?" Where did he get that idea? James fought the urge to protest. "It's okay, sweetie," Sarah said. "You can be out of the closet here. We'll support you. At this company, gay is o-kay." "I..." "James, I don't tell this story a lot. But when I was a kid I had a first cousin who was transgendered. He was more like a brother, really. Then a sister. And I swore I would always be on her side. So it's it okay if you're just like Amanda. We believe that trans women are women." "Well, that's not what..." "Look, coming out is hard," Sarah said. "I can only imagine. Why don't you take the rest of the week to get your things in order. You know, wardrobe, hair, shoes. You can come in on Monday and start a new chapter of your life." "Mrs. Woodall, I'm applying for the senior opening." "Oh, sweetie. That's been filled. We've hired Amanda Carlisle. But there is a No. 2 sport on her staff. I have to talk about it with Ben, but you could be perfect for that job." "It would allow you to be a full-time female, James," Washington said. "Your clothes will finally fit your soul. I can only imagine how excited you must be. This will be a glorious day for you. And with two transgendered women in the department, we'd satisfy any diversity challenges we face." "I don't know what to say," James finally stammered. "You don't have to say anything at al," Sarah said. "Just the look in your eyes is enough girlfriend. As long as you work here, you'll be a woman, and we'll look out for you." "What If I don't want the job?" James said weakly. "I could stay like this." "Of course you want the job," Washington said. "You're just nervous to open the door. I understand that. But look at this way: As a guy, you were kind of a mid-line employee. Hard-working, but there wasn't a lot going for you. But as a woman, all of us will give you a fresh look. It's an opportunity you can't afford to pass up." "Oh, relax, sweetie," Sarah said. "Down deep, you know it's what you want. You'll even get a small raise. So spread your wings and fly." "Congratulations, Miss Newton," Ben Washington said. "And welcome to you new life." --- 6 -- Shit, James thought. Shit, shit and furthermore, shit. What had happened? One second, he was applying for a job, and the next, he was the new girl in town. How was he going to tell Molly? How was he going to tell Janey and his other co-workers? He could quit. But if he quit, where the hell would he go? Shit, he thought again. He was still dazed as he left the office and started to drive home. Maybe Molly could convince Ben and Sarah that it was all a misunderstanding. Yeah. She was good at that. He walked through the door, and Molly was surprised to see him home on a Monday morning. She asked if he was feeling okay. "You don't want to know how I'm feeling," he said. "It's not exactly manly." "What are you talking about?" And it all flowed out of him. How he went in to talk about the job, and Washington and that Woodall bitch both thought he was applying as a transgender woman, and how Amanda Carlisle had gotten the job, and he was supposed to be her female assistant. He spat out the words, angry and harsh. He was a bit surprised when he looked up and Molly was chuckling softly to herself. "So you're a chick now?" she said, grinning. "Stop it, Molly" "Do any of the guys know yet?" she said. "Guys love the new woman at the office." "Please stop it." "Do you have a chance to be secretary of the year?" "It's not a secretary job, damn it." "Oh, lighten up, lady. You had this big scheme ready, and it blew up in your face. But you can still write your damn book. Nothing's changed. Did you at least get a raise?" "A small one," he said. "Then we're better off. Why are you complaining?" "Because I don't want to be a woman," James said. "Hell, I should just quit." "Quit? And how would we pay the rent? No, this is your nightgown, and you'll lay in it." "There has to be a way out of this," James said. "James, are you sure you didn't ask them if you could dress as a woman? Was this all your idea? Tell me the truth now." "Molly, why would I do that? I told you, I'm not a transvestite." "The way I understand it, a transvestite is someone who wears the clothes of the opposite gender," Molly said. "So if you wear women's clothes, you'll be one. For better or worse, for all the world to see. " "I don't want to do it." "You seemed okay with it when it was your idea. You were going to outsmart the world. Just be grateful your wife is going to walk out on you because of it. Some women do, you know?" "This isn't something I want, Molly" "Maybe it should be. Maybe you should just put on the damn clothes and go to work and stop whining about it. Embrace it. There are transgender men and women who aren't out yet, and they go to work every day hating what they're wearing. So what's the difference? You need to be a man and dress like a woman." Molly grinned at her own words. "Can I look for another job?" "Sure you can. But how are you going to explain that you're working for Abercrombie as a woman? 'Excuse my dress, sir. I want to wear a suit in my next job.' That's going to crack them up." "Molly, you've got to help me." "And I will help you, baby. I'll help you with your makeup, and I'll help you pick out dresses to wear, heels, the whole package. And if you want, I'll get you a date with a handsome man." "Molly, please." Molly shook her head. "If you look at the right way, Jamie, this is funny. It really is. It's the old tangled web." "What can I do?" "Well, you can buy your own clothes. I don't have enough of a wardrobe if we're going to be Thelma and Louise or Laverne and Shirley or Betty and Wilma. Hey, so what's your name going to be? Jamie?" "No" James whimpered. "That was your pet name for me. Can we pick something else?" "Sure. Let's see. How about Josie. Or Jeanette. Or Judy. Wait. How about the most heralded woman in fiction? We'll call you Juliet. Is that okay?" James didn't say anything. "Janet? Jana? Jenny? Pick one, or I'm going with Juliet." "Whatever you want," James said. "Fine. From now on, you're Juliet. Now get in the car." "Where are we going? "We're going shopping, girlfriend. Juliet needs new threads." "Heaven help me," Juliet said. "You may be looking in the wrong direction, Juliet," Molly said, cackling. -- 7 -- The drive to Macy's usually took about 10 minutes. Molly made it in six. She couldn't wait to get James into the mall. "Remember," she said. "This is all your idea. If it comes up, you're a transvestite. You want to be a woman. So embrace it. Have a little fun." "Do we have to tell people?" "Juliet, this is now you're life," Molly said. "You can't tell anyone that this isn't what. you want. If they found out to tried to defraud the company, you'll be out on your pantied ass." "I'm not wearing panties." "Check back with me in about an hour," she said, laughing again. Juliet was getting tired of the laughter. It was starting to sound mean. They walked in the front of the mall. Juliet wondered if it would be the last time he would get to wear trousers into a store for a long time. Molly began to sort through the women's suits, gazing as if they held some sort of secret. She put a black skirt with a white jacket off the side. She took a pink blouse and held it up against him. "What do you think of pink, Juliet? All you trans girls like pink, don't you?" Juliet was trying to protest when a short sales clerk approached them. "Can I help you Ma'am?" a clerk asked. "Sir?" "Oh, we're both ma'ams," Molly said, grinning. "I'm Molly. This is Juliet." The clerk looked at Juliet, then at Molly, then back at Juliet. "Excuse me?" she said. Molly read her name tag. "Deb, this is my wife Juliet. She's a transgender woman who is about to come out. We need some business attire for her. Nothing too trampy. Think classy. She loves nice dresses." Deb's jaw dropped. "She?" "Yes, Deb. You've heard of transgender women, haven't you? Well, my husband is switching teams. He's going to be a she. Can you help us?" "Um, yes. Yes, of course I can," Deb gathered herself. A sale is a sale. "Are you interested in summer clothing or year-round?" "Well, it's almost June. Let's go with summer line." "If that's the case, you might want to think about whether you want a jacket. They can get a little warm. We do have some lovely business dresses right over here. What...what does your wife like?" "Well, she likes to look professional, but very feminine. Flowing dresses. The girlier the better. For instance, that blue A-line is lovely." "You have a good eye. Would you like me to see if we have it in...her size." "Yes. And do you have a dressing room where she could try it on?" "Molly , I can try it on at home." "Balderdash," Molly said. "What if it doesn't fit? Women's dresses vary in fit even if you have the right size. Don't be shy. The world will soon see. you in these clothes. Is that right, Deb?" Deb nodded. "You might as well get the right size," she said. "Nothing is sexy unless it falls just right." "It doesn't have to be sexy," Juliet said. "Not, but it's a bonus if it is," Molly said. "And my wife needs to make the guys pant just by looking at her." Deb giggled. "I'm sure they will, Juliet," she said. And Juliet died one more of her thousand deaths. And so Molly shopped, and Juliet blushed, and Deb got into the mode of someone trying to earn a commission. In the end, they bought eight dresses and one skirt-and-top combination. Molly also picked up panties and bras and packets of hose. Molly stopped at the jewelry counter and bought two necklaces, four bracelets and a ring. Macy's shoe selection wasn't great, so they went to Peds and picked out four pairs. Molly made sure the heels were differing lengths. "I'm worn out," Juliet said. "Can we got home now?" "Jesus, you're a lightweight. Women shop like men hunt. We have to get your ears pierced, and buy some earrings. We have to find the right make up. We need a purse." "My God, it's complicated." "You have no idea," Molly said. "But I guess you will have." An hour later, their arms were filled with bags and Juliet's ears stung. Molly looked at Juliet. "Anything you want to wear home?" "No, I'm good," Juliet said. "I'm ready to be done." "Not quite yet. We have to go to the naughty store." "The naughty store?" "Toyland," Molly said, pulling the car into traffic. "The sex shop. They have some things you need." "I don't need anything else," Juliet said. "You'll change your mind. Come on." Toyland was near the airport, just down from two strip clubs. Molly opened the door for Juliet as they entered. There were chains on the wall, handcuffs behind the counter. There were various creams and ointments. A large row of artificial penis stood in a line like toy shoulders on a shelf. "Hello," the thick, older woman behind the counter said. "I'm Staci. What can I help you guys with?" "Well, my wife here is coming out of the closet. She needs some boobs. A high-quality pair." Unlike the girl at Macy's, this woman didn't flinch. "And how big would the little cupcake want?" "Oh, I don't know. Juliet, would a C do you? Or are you woman enough for a DD?" "Smaller is fine," Juliet said, quietly. "So we'll take the Cs. Anything else you'd recommend?" "Well, how well does she walk?" "She's a little like John Wayne in a dress," Molly laughed. "But we're working on Audrey Hepburn." "Then you might consider an anal plug. It makes a girl clench just so she sways her hips. And plugs are fun." "I like that. You want a torpedo in your ass, Juliet?" "No, thank you." "But all the girls wear them, Juliet. How about this one?" "That's a popular choice," Staci said. "It vibrates. Can I ask, do you have a gaff?" "I'm sorry, I don't know what that is." "It, um, holds in their bulge. Nothing as bad a pup tent in the dress for a working girl." "Okay. What's the best one?" "Well, I like the chastity cages myself. You can lock the little sweetheart's dinky away and unlock it when the moon is full. Or they have the cloth panty gaffs. They don't do quite as good a job, but some of the little pixies cry when you lock a cage on them." "I think a cloth one will do for now. We could move up to a cage later if we decide to." Juliet exhaled in relief. It was audible. "So are you the mistress? Do you need a paddle?" Molly grinned. She looked at Juliet, who turned away. "Nah, I don't need a paddle. But what are those?" Molly said. "Those are impressive, is what they are" Staci said, grinning. "They're dildos. He can sit on them, or he can use them on you if his peeny is too teeny." "They are impressive, aren't they?" Molly said. "They are that. Look at the details. You can even see the veins. You can get one that you can wear and peg the wife if you want." "They have those?" Juliet blushed. "Yeah, if you buy one, I'll give a penis gag for free." "Really? Would you like one of those, Juliet? You can suck on it all day long." "Please no." "Ah, you're no fun. Tell you want. Maybe we''ll come back for her birthday. How does that sound, cupcake?" "It sounds like you're a lot of fun," Staci said. "Fun gets us through the night, doesn't it?" Molly said. And once again, she laughed. To Juliet, it sounded like a swear word. -- 8 -- For the rest of the week, Juliet's daily lessons were overwhelming. Molly taught her about makeup. She instructed her on how to walk in heels. She made her sleep in her breast forms. Together, they learned how to use her new plug. All in all, Molly thought, Juliet was coming along nicely. On Thursday, Molly invited Leon Turnbull, a neighbor to dinner. She said that Juliet needed to get used to being around outsiders. So she sat there, in a flowered summer dress, while they ate seafood pasta. "Juliet, you look lovely," Molly said. "You do," Leon said. Juliet wanted the floor to swallow her up. Conceptually, she had been fine with the idea of dressing like a woman. But she felt funny when she caught Leon looking at her legs. She tried to make small talk, but hell, what did women talk about? "Leon, sweetie," Molly said. "What do you think about men becoming women?" "I like women," Leon said. "The more that are out there, the better." "That's nice," Molly said. "Would you be upset if you found out your date used to be a guy?" "Would she still have a mouth?" Molly laughed. "You guys are all the same. Just trying to get Junior wet." "Well, Junior likes to be wet," Leon said. "Julie, I have some homework to grade. Why don't you and your boyfriend break open the wine and get to know each other? I'll be back in a few." "Yeah, Julie," Leon said. "I've got a new tattoo if you want to see it." "Aw, how sweet," Molly said. "Juliet loves body art." Juliet shot a glare at Molly. She did not want to be alone with Leon. He was massive. She didn't know if she could fight him off. "Molly? Is it okay if Juliet and I kiss?" "Okay? I think it would be very friendly of you. I'm sure she'd like to be accepted." Molly grinned and left the room. After that, Julet kept moving away from Leon. He would touch her shoulder, and she would remember she had to put away the dishes. He would hold her hand, and she wanted to watch TV. He sat on the couch and beckoned her. She sat in the lounger. Finally, he spun her around and kissed her right on the mouth. "I can read the signals," he said. "You want me, don't you?" "No, Leon. I mean, I'm married." "To the lady who left us alone so we neck." Juliet felt his arms tighten around her. Her eyes widened as she felt his cock push against her. It was large and hard. He kissed her again. "It's time for bed," she stammered. "Yes," he said. "Yes it is." "I mean, in our own beds. Leon this is too soon for me." "Oh, come on, baby. You know you want it. I bet you have a tongue-on." Juliet spun and ran up the stairs, losing a heel as she ran. Leon chuckled behind her. She shut the bathroom door behind her and exhaled. Damn, she was scared. It was a half-hour later before she unlocked the door. She heard Molly humming in the office. "So how was he?" she said. "Damn it, Molly. That was wrong. I got away. Barely." Molly shrugged. "Did you want to get away? Leon is very handsome. It would be a great introduction to being a woman." "No thank you," Juliet said, and she heard Molly laughing behind her. IT didn't stop. The next night, Juliet was wearing a white cotton dress, when the doorbell rang. "Can you get that, dumpling?" Molly shouted. Juliet sighed and opened the door. She immediately took a step backward. There, at the door, was Amanda Carlisle. She stood there, an armload of boxes in her arms, a vase of flowers in her left hand. "Hi," she said. "Is James Newton here? I'm Amanda Carlisle." "I know who you are, Miss Carlisle. I'm...James. I go by Juliet these days." "I'm Amanda, not Miss," Amanda said. "You're lovely. I understand you're going to work with me?" "That's what I hear," Juliet said, still wary of why her new boss was at her door. "For heaven's sake, Juliet. Would you invite Amanda in? What a rude creature you are. Did you grow up in a stable?" "I'm sorry, Amanda. Please come in," Juliet said. "Thank you. You must be Molly?" "I must. It says so on my driver's license."" Amanda's laugher was like the tinkling of wind chimes. "You're funny," she said. "What's on your mind, Amanda?" Molly said, embracing her. "Well, I was in the neighborhood. At least, I was after two Ubers and one confused driver." "Sit down, please. Can we get you anything to drink?" "I wouldn't say no to a glass of iced tea," Amanda said. "I'll get it," Molly said. "The maid is off today. Aren't you, Juliet?" "She's kidding, Amanda. I'm not the maid. Molly thinks she's amusing." Molly stuck her tongue out and disappeared into the kitchen. She was back in seconds with a glass of tea in her hands. "Thanks," Amanda said. "Well, ladies, I thought I should reach out before we start our week next week. I tried to call but I didn't get an answer." "531-8972?" "I have 7289." "Oh. That explains it. Anyway, Ben Washington has told me a lot about you, Juliet. He didn't know about your name change, but he told me you were a young trans woman whose just coming out in pubic. I remember those days and how awkward. I thought I'd drop by to get to know you better. I brought a couple of things. "Oh?" "Yes. I don't know if you have good breast forms or not. I brought my old ones. They were good to me before, well, before I grew my own." "That's a shame. We bought some Monday evening." "Oh. Okay. How are you fixed for shoes?" "We bought some, but you can never have too many shoes. We bought some dresses and some underwear and a purse." "Do you have a wig?" "I have an old one, but it looks like something that died by the side of the road." "I have a blond one I could give you. Real hair. It feels like a dream." "Isn't that perfect, Juliet? Here, let's put it on." Molly fiddled with Juliet's hair. Amanda kept talking. "Did you get by the doctor's?" "Um, no. Why would we?" "Well, that's where you get the magic pills," Amanda said, lifting her breasts. "Oh. We gotta get some of those. If you're going to wear makeup, Juliet, you gotta have boobs." "Personally, I never wear makeup," Amanda said. "But you're..." "It's tattooed on. It makes the mornings roll easier." "That sounds good, doesn't it, Juliet?" "It sounds permanent," Juliet said. "Oh, every girl worries if she'll be able to get through without de- transitioning. You'll make it , honey. I'll help. You'll forget you ever wore pants." "But they make women's pants..." Juliet protested. "No self-respecting trans business woman is going to be caught in pants at work," Amanda said. "We have an image to uphold." "You are so nice," Molly said. "I was expecting Eva Braun." "Ha. That's my work persona. Underneath, I'm Mary Poppins." "With a spoonful of sugar?" "Exactly." "Well, Miss Poppins. Why don't we take you to dinner tomorrow night? Our girl here could use all the mentoring she can get. I mean, she's going to be a female for a long, long time." Juliet shot Molly a scowl. Hell, she had been at this for three days, and it already felt like a long time. "I'd love to go to dinner? What sort of food?" "We like Indian food. Or Italian." "Either one is fine. But only if I can buy the wine." "You can buy the first and fourth bottles. We'll argue about the seventh." Amanda laughed. "It's a date," she said. "But I don't kiss on the first date." "Damn," Molly said, giggling. It went on that way for most of the evening. As hard as Juliet wanted to dislike Amanda, she had a great sense of humor. She was smart. They talked politics, and about trans athletes, and about why music had gotten lost. They talked about the office, and how Amanda had gotten fed up with the law, and a dress sale at Dillard's. There was a likable quality to Amanda, one that made others feel as if they had known her for years. And more than ever, Juliet felt like she was in over her head. -- 9 -- "Molly, I don't have to wear a dress for this. I'm just meeting with the book editor." "Nonsense," Molly said "You're writing a book about dressing like a woman. You need to dress like a woman. Right?" "It's just a preliminary meeting, to discuss ideas. It's not like they're ready a rough draft or anything." "Shush," Molly said. Juliet was wearing a soft blue dress that flared at the men and a string of Molly's pearls. Molly had done her makeup and her nails. she looked good, but she didn't seem happy about it. "I feel...queer," Juliet said. "Well, in the gay world, you are. The queer umbrella covers a lot of you who...live alternative lifestyles." "I do not live an alternative lifestyle. I just wear dresses." "Yeah. Normal as pie, you are. By the way, your makeup looks good. I like the tattooing." "I hate it. I look ... female all the time." "Once you start working, it'll amaze you how easy it is. I think I'm going to get my lipstick tattooed myself. Won't we be sisters then?" "I'm not a sister." "Juliet, you need to stop fighting it, or you're going to say something stupid, and then the book will have a sad ending. Know what I mean? So move your pretty ass. And don't forget your purse." The taxi took 45 minutes to get to Dellcroft Publishing. Juliet stopped at the receptionist's desk and asked for Mike Phillips' office. The woman rose and escorted down a long hallway and to an office with a rich wooden door. "This way, miss," she said. Mike Phillips sat behind the desk. He rose as Juliet entered. "There's our budding author. Sit down. Some day, they'll talk about Julie Newton like Margaret Mitchell or Harriet Beecher Stowe or Sue Grafton." Juliet sat. She reminded herself to keep her knees together. "So let's talk about your book, Juliet," he said. "Do you mind if I call you Juliet?" "No, that's fine," Juliet said. "So what's your idea? Something about cross-dressing, right?" "Well, you can keep secrets, right?" "I'm your priest," Mike said. "I can keep a secret. Trust me." And Julie told him the whole story, mostly, about his idea to get the promotion and how his wife was treating it like a prolonged gag. "Juliet, have you seen the Danish Girl?" "Um, no." "It's the tale of an early sex-change, of a man who desperately needed to be female. And the bet part was the yearning, the desire you could see in her eyes. That, above all else, she wanted to be a woman. That's what I'd like here. I'd like to to write about your early days, wearing your mother's dresses, playing with dolls, kissing boys." "Um, that's not really my story," "Well, it could be. Nothing wrong with a little embellishment." "Mr. Phillips, I ..." "Mike." "Mike, I wanted to write a true story. How a guy was backed into a corner and decided to become a woman to achieve an end. Kind of like Tootsie is what I'm thinking about." Phillips was quiet for a moment. "Juliet, who do you see buying your book?" "Um, everyone, I hope." "Juliet," he sighed deeply. "Trans women won't buy a book about a guy who pretends to be a woman for profit. It's demeaning. Guys won't buy it because it's about a trans woman. You need to rethink this. Just admit you're a woman, and talk about the joys of it. Talk about your first time with a guy. Talk about wearing wearing a dress to school. Talk about being homecoming queen. On those things, people can relate." "Mike," Juliet started slowly. "Those are good ideas, but they aren't me. I mean, I did wear my sister's clothing, but only for a short period of time. It wasn't this all-consuming fire burning inside me. I'm a normal guy who dresses up because of circumstance. Don't you think that's interesting?" "Sure. But we have to publish books that will sell. And you can't be unsympathetic as the lead character. They'd burn that book in church, Miss Newton." Miss Newton? Mike was already distancing himself from me. "Why don't I do a rough draft?" she said. "You can see how the story works." "A rough draft is a fine idea. You could fall in love with being a woman. You could go on stage at drag show. Just go with it. Make the reader hot. Make him interested." "But the story of a guy who dresses up at work to get a job?" Mike shrugged. "I don't know if that story gets published. There are a million transgender women out there. You need to tell them a story they haven't heard, and one they want to hear." Juliet nodded. "Can I think about it?" "By all means, Miss Newton. Thank you for dropping by. And if you come up with something we'd be interested in, you can always make an appointment with Suzie to see him again." Juliet stood up. She moved toward the door, her heels clacking on the tile floor. This wasn't working out. -- 10 -- At dinner, Amanda was a hostess. She dominated the conversation with her stories and her opinions, but then she would laugh deeply, and it was impossible to take offense. She had known early that she was a girl. Once, when she was young, she had come to dinner wearing her sister's dress, innocent in the reaction of her family. She never wanted her hair cut. Even when she was forced to wear boy's clothing, she said, she favored pinks and yellows and other "soft' colors. She said that she never really thought of herself transitioning, because really, there was never a transition. It wasn't a phase. It wasn't a kink. It was...life. She had met Wash at Stanford, and while they never dated, she always considered him an ally. Oh, in those days (and these), there were a lot of hoots and comments, and every now and then, someone would want to get violent. But she was a girl. That never changed. Not when she dated men. Not when she dated women. "So why do you want to sell ads?" Juliet asked. "I wrote in school," she said. "I thought I was going to be a reporter. But I've got some friends who own businesses, and they promised to come with me if I went to work for Abercrombie. You'll like them, Juliet." "Are they gay?" "Is the sky blue?" she laughed. "No, some of them are. Some are straight, or trans. Some are old and some are young. Some are black and some are white. Humans really are a rainbow girl. We're glad you could join us." "Juliet is looking forward to being out," Molly said, straight-faced. "She's such a delicate little flower." "Yes, she is," Amanda said. "I can tell that just by looking at her. And she's very lucky to have someone like you, Molly." "See?" Molly said, looking at Juliet. Amanda laughed. "So how did you guys meet?" "A bunch of us went to a drag show one night, and there she was." "Was she performing?" "Juliet? No way. She was watching like the rest of us. But, um, I thought she was pretty. She was wearing a pink dress and a hairband. I almost couldn't tell she was trans. She was with some huge guy. Still, I picked her up and took her home," Molly said. "We've been swapping spit since then." It was all a lie, of course. We had met at party. No one was in a dress, not even Molly. God knows there was no guy. But Molly had a gift for making up stories as she went, and she was off and running now. "So Juliet is bisexual?" "She likes fish and steak," Molly said. "If you know what I mean." "Hey, no judgement here. I like Column A and Column B myself, depending on my mood. Why limit yourself?" "Zackly," Molly said, lifting her glass. "How about you?" Amanda leaned forward. "As long as we aren't keeping secrets." "Well, I think girls are pretty," Molly said. "They kiss nice. They smell nice. But, well, they're a little short in the shorts, if you know what I mean." "You can buy toys for that." "Oh, yeah. We saw those at Toyland the other day. They scared me." "No need to be scared," Amanda shrugged. "It's a part of nature." "Sounds a little gay to me," Juliet said. "Gay is sex between two men. A man and a woman having sex -- however they have it -- are straight, if that bothers you." "Juliet is a prude. She likes a real dick or none at all." "Well, here's to real dicks," Amanda said, laughing. "Long may they throb." Molly laughed. Together, the two of them were like long-lost sisters. It was obvious to Juliet he wouldn't be about to gripe about his boss anymore. "You always like trans women?" Amanda wanted to know. "They're pretty. It's like being with a guy without having to put up with a guy's bullshit, you know? They're much more feminine than I am. I love to watch Juliet move around the apartment. Cook. Dance. Just normal activities. She could fuck a whole football team, and I'd still love her." "The Bengals?" "Ah, the Bengals would be lousy at sex. Maybe the Chiefs." "So you two have an open marriage?" Amanda asked. "It's as open as Juliet wants. She knows she has my permission to see just how much of a woman she is. You do know that, don't you, Juliet? I don't care if you fuck someone else." Juliet's eyes widened. What was Molly saying? Did she want to sleep with someone else? Juliet would bet it was Terrence. He lived in the same apartment building. He always stared at Molly. "Sex is just sex," Amanda said. "It's like pushups where you touch. Why can we touch each other's hands but not each other's genitals?" "Hear, hear." "Speaking of which, Juliet, that guy at the bar has been staring at you for five minutes. I think wants to have your baby." "Oh, he's going to be disappointed," Molly said. "Juliet is strictly a bottom girl." "Been there, done that," Amanda said. "Slut," Molly said. "Damn right," Amanda said. Amanda lifted her glass again. "To good friends," she said. "And a rainbow-colored future." -- 11 -- "I can't believe some of the shit you told Amanda," Juliet seethed as she removed her makeup later that night. "That's my boss." "And she's my friend, okay? Girlfriends get to talk. You're one now. Catch on." "You kept acting like I was gay." "Juliet, what did. you think? That we were going to have a dick- measuring contest so we could tell which ladyboy was the most masculine? Besides, I seem to recall that you like it when I play with your booty." "That's ... private," Juliet said softly. "Shit. You're starting to really like this, aren't you?" Juliet shook her head. "I am not. I mean, the sex is good. But it's with my wife." "And mine," Molly said. "Now get ready for bed." Molly walked into the bathroom. Juliet slid a soft green nightgown over her head. She adjusted her breast forms. Was Molly right? Was she staring to like this? Or was she just adjusting to her sudden lifestyle? The door opened, and Molly walked out. She took off her robe and stood in front Juliet as her mouth dropped open. She was wearing a penis panty, one of those panties with an adjustable dildo built in. It jutted out like a porn star's cock, massive and intimidating. Juliet could not take her eyes off of it. "What...what are you wearing?" Juliet stammered. "I call him Hercules," Molly said. "I went to Toyland and bought it. Staci says hi." "You aren't coming near me with that." "Aren't I? Come on, girlfriend. Touch it. Just a little bit." "God. No way. Get away." Juliet rolled over and pulled the covers over her head. Molly laughed and spooned into her back. Juliet could feel the penis at her rear. "Come on, baby girl. Don't play hard to get." Molly cooed. "You'll like it." "I don't want a fake dick up my ass!" Juliet said. "Well, we could get you a real one," Molly said. "I'm not gay," Juliet said. "But you are a girl, aren't you? You've got titties and everything. Just think of this as your wedding night. Hold it." "I will not." "Doesn't that feel good?" Molly said, rubbing her fake cock up the crack of Juliet's ass. "It's just sex between you and your wife. Relax and enjoy it." She shifted her hips, and the bulb of her dildo entered Juliet's ass. Just a bit. She pulled Juliet's hair back and kissed her on the neck. She stroked Juliet's breasts, squeeing them gently. "You wanted to be a woman, Juliet. So be one." With that, Molly thrust forward, and dildo penetrated Julie deeper. Two inches, maybe three. Juliet cried out in pain. "Stop it. It's too damn big." "No, baby. Just push back against it." And then Molly's hips were moving in rhythm, and Juliet felt a warmth growing within her. Damn, this was good. "Fuck me," she whispered. "Please don't stop." Molly didn't. She ran her hands over the small of Juliet's back.She ground hard into her ass, and she felt the energy that topping one's partner brings. Julie was panting, and moaning, completely into the pegging. If this was what being a woman was all about, well, it wasn't going to be too bad, Juliet thought. "Now, bitch," Molly growled. With a shudder, Juliet came as she never had before. She shot off into the sheet and collapsed. "That was sweet, baby," Molly said. "It was so good, Molly," Juliet admitte. Molly smiled. She reached down to the sheet and scooped up a dollop of sperm. She spread it over her dildo liberally. "Now you need to suck me, baby." "No, please." "That's part of it, Juliet. Suck my cock and tell it how much you love it. Taste your sperm and smack your lips. Do it." Defeated, Juliet lowered her head. She felt Molly's hands in her hair, gripping each side of her skull. She kissed it tentatively, getting used to the rubber in her mouth. The taste was salty and thick with a foreign tang to it. And then she was bobbing up and down, feeling the cock push at the back of her throat. She pulled it out. "You're a nice dick," she said. "I like you, dick." Molly laughed. "Don't you wish it was a real one?" she said. "No. Of course not. I mean...maybe. Oh my God. Maybe." -- 12 -- No matter how long a woman practices, no matter how nice she presents, the official coming out is always difficult. Juliet stood on the outside of her office, taking a deep breath, trying to gather her courage. He had known Jayne for years, since college. He and Hank watched baseball together. He and Ted played golf. Miriam was there when he married Molly. Johnny was a drinking buddy. And now, they would see him in a new light. She walked into the big office and began to walked toward the cubicles, trying to escape whatever notice she could. A million trans women had made this journey. It didn't help that, for Juliet, it was all fabricated. To the observers, it was real. So she swallowed hard, and she moved, her blue heels rapping at the tile floor. She was aware of the hem of her dress, of her bra, of her hair flopping against her cheek. She was wearing a navy blue dress and Molly's diamond earrings. His tattooed makeup could not be hidden. Juliet wondered how many people would look and see only James in a dress. And then it began. Slow, steady applause. It grew in volume, and as Juliet looked around, she saw her co-workers standing and clapping. It may have been the most welcoming feeling imaginable. She smiled, and she did a silly little wave. Her fingernails were red in the office lights. She moved to her cubicle, where she saw her belongings in a box. "You're down the hall now, girlfriend," a voice said. "You've got an office." She looked up. It was Janey. "Welcome to our side, sweetie," Jayne said. "You could have told me. I would have understood." Juliet nodded. "We can't help who we are," Jayne said. "I'm proud of you for coming out. It's a very brave thing." "Janey, I'm sorry." "It's okay, baby. How is Molly taking this?" "Molly is great," Juliet said. "She's actually having a lot of fun with this." "Great dress, by the way." "Thank you, Janey." Janey shrugged. "I'm still your friend." "So everyone knows?" "Yeah, Wash told us last week. He warned that if anyone harassed you, he'd fire their asses." "But did anyone have a problem?" Janey shrugged. Herb Miller said he thought you were faking it, but Hank told him that a man wouldn't fake this. He wouldn't give up his masculinity for a job promotion. It would be like castrating yourself. If you can help from doing it, you don't do it." Juliet blushed. Was Hank right? Was he less of a man because he dressed like a woman? "Teddy wanted to see pictures of you," Janey said, grinning. "I think you may have an admirer." "Hey, I'm married." "Maybe. Or maybe it was James who was married. Juliet may be open for business." "Juliet and James are the same person," Juliet said. "Hell, it's your sex life," Janey said, laughing. "But if you drop your keys, don't pick them up. Ted may rear-end you. He's a persistent little bugger." "Stop it, Janey." They were in Juliet's office now, a much smaller one than Amanda had across the hall, but still tastefully done. Janey leaned on the desk. "So can I ask you someone personal?" she said. "What's more personal that me wearing a dress?" Juliet said. "So is Molly, like, your mistress. Does she spank you and make you do chores." "No, Janey. Nothing kinky like that. I'm just her wife." "You call yourself a wife?" "Yeah. It kind of goes with the heels." Janey laughed again. "I leave you to it, girlfriend. If you need anything -- I mean, anything -- you let me know. Being a woman is a lot harder than being a man." Juliet smiled. She was happy to have Janey as a friend. The rest of the office wasn't as welcoming. Outwardly, they were nice enough so they wouldn't get fired. But Juliet heard the comments and the insults. The guy in packaging called her a faggot. The woman receptionist said she was going to hell. The Fed-Ex guy suggested she should star in the play "Homeo and Juliet." She sighed. She sat and began to unload her stuff from the boxes. Then there was a knock at the door. It was Hank. "I had to see for myself," Hank said. "I always thought there was something girly about you." "You think there is something girly about the Cleveland Browns." "Well, have you seen Mayfield in the pocket. He's a princess." "Don't make fun of princesses," Juliet said. "Geez, you're a whole bowl of Fruit Loops, aren't you?" "Be nice" Juliet said. "Look, I don't want to date you or anything. But I'm your friend. If anyone fucks with you -- I mean, unless you want them to -- then I have your back." "Thanks, Hank. That means a lot." A few minutes later, when Juliet was at the copy machine, Ted walked up to her. "Is this my fault?" he said. "How could it be your fault?" Juliet said "Well, we were talking about Amanda, and I was goofing around and said I?d like to sleep with her. Did that turn you on enough to push you over the edge?" "What? No, Ted. You didn?t push me anywhere." "I mean, if you want, we could go out for a drink. See what happens, you know. I was serious about trans women being sexy.? "Ted, I?m married." "Shit, that won?t last. A real woman doesn?t want someone like you. But a real man could make you yodel. I?d be gentle, Juliet." "Ted, this is all too new for me. I?m not ready for a relationship except with Molly." Ted nodded. "So does she fuck you?" "What?" "I mean, I?ve read that some mistresses do. They bend their trannies over and hump their ass. Does Molly do that for you? Is she the man in your marriage?" "Ted, that?s out of line. My sex life is none of your business." "So she does, huh?" "Ted, please leave." "Do you like it? Do you squeal like a pig?" "Ted, I mean it." He threw his hands into the air. "No harm, no foul," he said. "But when you want the real thing, you call me, okay? I?m not one of these guys who sneaks around to flirt with trans women. I?m up front about it. That?s why they like me. I bet you?d like me, too." "I have work to do, Ted." Goodness, Juliet thought. Is this what being female is all about? ?13 ? It was close to noon before the private line in Amanda Carlisle?s office rang. Not many people had that number, so she was a bit off- balance as she answered. "Abercrombie. This is Amanda. May I help you?" "Amanda? It?s Molly." "Oh, hi, Molly. How the gorgeous one doing?" Molly laughed. "Don?t let Juliet hear you say that. She thinks she?s the gorgeous one." "And she is. Don?t ask me to choose." "How is she doing? I worry about her on her first day back." "We?ve both been working. I haven?t had a chance to talk to her yet, but I?ve looked out of the office at her a few times. She seems to be doing well. All of her old friends are stopping by." "No tar, no feathers?" "No fuss, my muss." "I?m glad to hear it. The world can be a rotten place." "Tell me about it,?" Amanda said. "I?ve been hung in effigy in six states." "Oh, you liar. Everyone loves you." "Wish it were so, Molly. That?s the problem with being bisexual. You double your chances of rejection." "Bullshit. You?re gorgeous." "Ah, flattery from a woman who?s taken." "There are plenty of single women who would die to date you. Plenty of single men, too." "Keep it up. These calls are good for my ego." "So what?s on the agenda today." "We have a meeting with John Rollins today. He?s the head of Rainbow Travel. That would be a big account for us." "Does he put out?" Amanda laughed. "He?s gay, I?m afraid. But he has a nice young assistant named Bradley Williams. I like junior achievement." "You?re bad." "I?m great." "Hey, I want to go to the museum tonight. They have a exhibit on the FBI. You wanna come?" "Do they have Hoover?s wedding dress?" "Yeah. And Eliot Ness?s bra." "Then count me in. Is Juliet coming? If so, I?ll wear a sexy dress." "I?ll ask, but she?s not much for museums. " "In that case, I?ll wear a sexier dress." "You?re funny." "That?s just the way I walk." "Stop it. Six? We can get pizza afterward." "That?s all my ass needs." "Your ass is fine. Everyone says so." Amanda laughed. She felt good for half-an-hour after the call. ? 14 ? John Rollins was tall, lean. He was in his mid-50s. He was accompanied by Bradley Williams, a young man who was in his early 20s. "My God, look at the manhood in this room," Amanda gushed as she entered the room. She exchanged a kiss on the check to John, then shook hands with Bradley. "This vision of lovely is my assistant, Juliet. Be careful, boys. She?s just out." "Well, welcome out," John said. "That?s a damn big closet, isn?t it?" "This is Bradley. Poor thing is straight. Don?t hate him." Bradley grinned. "How can someone not be straight with such pretty women around?" he said. "Okay, we probably need to stop the love-fest. Tell me what you?re thinking, John. TV spots or radio?" "A little of both. Not so much on print." "That?s the same all over. No one reads the newspaper anymore. You might think about internet ads, though. Those are effective." "That?s true," John said. "And there are a lot of gay sites." "Yes," Amanda said. "I?ve bookmarked most of them." "You?re shameless," John laughed. "We could use a new model for our trans cruises," Bradley said. "Are you busy, Juliet?" "What? No, I?m not a model." "So what is a model? Some one who can walk down a runway? Someone who can hold up toothpaste like it?s the secret of the Middle East? You?d do just fine. All you have to do is wear a bikini and sip and pina colada." "I think other people would be more qualified, Bradley." "A shame. I was looking forward to seeing you in a bikini." "Well, that?s what she wears to the office on casual Friday. Stop by." "Really?" "No, not really. Just a joke. But you can still stop by." "I have a better idea. Why don?t the four of us go get a drink. We can talk there. And I can officially make a run at Juliet here." Amanda grinned. "I don?t know if you?re man enough for Juliet, Bradley. She?s been known to send men to intensive care." "Can we go out just long enough for me to need a walk-in clinic?" "I?ll have nurses standing by with the heart paddles." Juliet sat there, listening to the banter, absorbing Amanda?s flirtations about sex between her and Bradley. Yes, it was bonding with clients, but somehow, it seemed lurid. She looked at Bradley. He was cute for a puppy. Floppy hair, good teeth. Stop that, Juliet told herself. My god, she had just been checking out a guy. She was ashamed of herself. Well, a little. ? 15 ? Three weeks passed quickly. Molly and Amanda had become best friends. Juliet had grown more comfortable with her role. The comments at the office had died down. "She?s changed,? Molly said to Amanda. "Well, people evolve. They grow into their own skin. Juliet is a woman now. Things are different." "Yeah. You know, when you guys started work, Juliet would come home, and she?d take off her heels, and she?d put on sweat pants and a t- shirt. These days, she doesn?t do that. She?s always in a dress." "You?ve got to understand, Molly. Her makeup is permanent now. Her ears are pierced. She wears a wig, but it won?t be long until her hair is long enough to style. It?s not nearly as easy to go back and forth between guy mode and girl mode." "I guess not. But she?s so damn girly now. She hardly ever .. makes love ... like a guy." "Molly, she?s not a guy." "Part of her is." "A shrinking part, maybe." "Amanda, we?re friends. Can I tell you something?" "Of course you can." "Juliet isn?t really a transvestite. I mean, not at heart. She did all this to try to get a promotion and to write a book." Amanda smiled. "Do you really believe that?" "Amanda, I was there." "There are two kinds of lies, Molly. Deception and self-deception. I think Juliet is a victim of self-deception." "Go on." "When this started, I think Juliet ? James ? really believed he was fooling the world. He was fooling himself. His sub-conscious was leading him to a way where he could be female." "I don?t buy it," Molly said. "Not Jamie. I mean, not Juliet." "Think about it, Molly. Would a red-blooded, meat-eating man wear a dress 24/7 to get a promotion tat he would eventually get anyway? And if he did, wouldn?t he come up with some failed book project to cover it up? Molly, Juliet really is trans. She has been for a very long time, maybe since she was a teen-ager. She just took a different route to get here." "Do you think so." "You said yourself she was getting more comfortable in her role." "My God," Molly said. "So she?s never going back?" "Probably not. I don?t think she wants to go back." "That could explain a lot," Molly said. "She?s very feminine in bed. There are times I wonder if she wishes I was a man. There are times I wish it, too." Amanda smiled. "Men seem to like her." "What are you saying, Amanda? Is she seeing someone else?" "Didn?t you say it would be all right with you if she did?" "I guess it depends on why. Does she want to experiment, or does she prefer sex with guys?" "You?d have to ask her." Molly nodded. "Do you think she?s seeing someone?" "I don?t know. Maybe. Ted keeps hanging around her desk. Bradley is a love-sick puppy around her. We have a delivery guy named Max who flirts with her." "Crap. That doesn?t even count Leon, who lives down the hall. I wish I knew which one." "Does it matter? Either she?s seeing someone or she isn?t." "Still, no one likes to be lied to." "Hey, I?m still here. I?m still your friend." "Yeah, don?t you go away. No one should be cheated on twice." "Molly, it?s growth. If her female soul needs this, well, you have to understand. Just as Juliet would have to understand if you were dating someone else. I remember when I came out. I met a guy named Saul who fell in love with me, but I slept with someone else. It took me a long time to forgive myself" "But I?m not interested in anyone else." "Still, it might come to that. You wouldn?t be the first couple who couldn?t survive transition. It?s not easy. It?s just worth it." ? 16 ? The bar was dark. The conversations were muted. There were peanut shells on the floor, cigarette smoke to the ceiling. Inside of Lucky?s, no one there wanted to know anything about anyone else?s business. Juliet sat at the bar, sipping a margarita. And then he came. "Hello, Bradley," she whispered. "Hey gorgeous," Bradley said. "I...I don?t know why I?m here." "Yes you do," he said, loosening his tie. "You?re here because you think I?m a Happy Meal." "Full of yourself, aren?t you?" "Most men worth having are." "Bradley, you have to stop calling me at work." "Do you really want me to stop?" he asked. "I don?t know. It?s wrong. I mean, I?m married." "A silly young man took those vows. You?re not a man anymore." She sighed. "You?re not a man yet. What are you? Sixteen?" "I?m 24, and you know it," Bradley said. "I?ve got a dick," she whispered fiercely. "I like that about you," Bradley shrugged. "Some guys like trans women. That shouldn?t shock you." "It shocks me that I like them back." "Didn?t you tell me Molly had given you permission?" "I don?t know if I?ve given me permission," Juliet said. "And yet, here you are. And I love where your hand is." "My hands are on the table," Juliet said. "Oh. That must be my hand," Bradley laughed. "Old joke." "Made you laugh." Bradley took Juliet?s hand in both of his. "Yeah. Life makes me laugh." "Juliet...I dream about you. I think about you at work. When I?m at the gym. Everywhere. You?re driving me crazy." "I think you were there already." "Oh, shut up, woman," he said. He leaned in and kissed her on the lips, hard. His tongue danced across her lower lip. She leaned into him, hungrily returning the kiss. She rubbed his arm. God, men kissed great. Harder. Firmer. She loved it. "I?m a horrible person," she said. "You?re wonderful," he said. "Now let?s get out of here. The Marriott is just down the block." "A good person wouldn?t sleep with you." "A great person would do it twice." He stood up. He took her hand. A few eyes looked toward them, then away. The room was a standard issue with a king bed. Juliet could?t look at it. But when he kissed her shoulder, she didn?t stop him. His hands were on her tiny breasts now. His teeth were nipping at her throat. He took her hand and put it on his penis. "It?s time, Juliet." She kicked off her heels. She unzipped her dress and let it fall. He pulled her to the bed. She kissed his neck, then his chest, them his stomach. He adjusted in the bed as she reached his cock. There was no hesitation. In her mind, she thought there would be as she became a cocksucker. Instead, she took as much of his dick as she could. She rocked back, then tried again. This time. She went deeper. "Slow down," he whispered. She took a breath. She licked, especially at the base of it. She shook her hair across his pelvis. "God, that?s good," he said. "Can we finish it later? I?d like very much for you to fuck me." He smiled and nodded. She rose to all fours, and he moved behind her.It pinched a bit upon entry, but she had been broken in by Molly?s dildo. For all the guilt, for all the second-chances, it was quite the sweet experience. He climaxed in her, spilling out over the back of her thighs. She sucked him, then again. Yeah, Juliet thought. She was a woman now. There was no denying it, not to word and not to anyone else. How long had she wanted men? Forever, she guessed. She thought about the guys she hung out with in college, about the men she played golf with. She thought of Dave, her best friend in scouts. Manny, who she played soccer with. Richard, her first college roommate. Did she desire all of them? She had blocked off so much of herself. "We need to get to our homes?" Bradley whispered. "Yeah. One more time first, okay?" ? 17 ? Molly sat across the table from Amanda. She had her wedding ring in her fingers, twirling it in the light of the bar. She tossed it onto the table. ?Life sucks," she said. "Especially when your husband does." "Are you sure, Molly?" Amanda said. "Yeah. I confronted her. She admitted it." "Christ." "I told her I had heard rumors about her and Ted, and her and Max, and her and Bradley, about her and Leon. I asked which one she was screwing. You know what she said. ?All of them.?" "All of them?" "There are a couple of more, too, I think," Molly said. "My wife is a whore. She said that men made her feel more like a woman than anything. Hell, how about your wife handing her her first dress?" Amanda shook her head. She put her hand over Molly?s. "I know," Molly said. "It?s my fault. I gave her permission." "It was up to her to read the room," Amanda said. "No matter what you said, you were still married. You deserved some acknowledgement. This wasn?t a one-time deal. This was a change in personalities." Molly looked up. "You?re too good to me." "It?s nothing, Molly. I?m here." Molly looked across the table and realized just how important in her life Amanda had become. She was kind, and she was smart, and she was caring. She loved her voice, her smile, her eyes. Everything. Molly looked into her eyes, and a realization clicked. "My God. I?m in love with a trans woman," Molly said quietly. "I know. Juliet is easy to love." "I?m not talking about her, ninny." Molly looked across the table. She squeezed Amanda?s hand. "Are...are you saying.." "I?m saying I?m in love with you, Amanda. All of you. All of me. Body and soul. I have been for awhile. My view was blocked by another transvestite." Amanda chuckled. She kissed Molly?s hand. "You?re just saying that because you?re mad at Juliet." "I?m not, sweetheart," Molly said. "Juliet taught me something. She taught me how much I love trans women. The early days with her were the happiest of my life. I can?t blame her for the way she evolved." "That doesn?t mean you love me," Amanda said. "Damn it, Amanda. I think about you all day. I see a dress on a rack and I don?t wonder how it would look on me; I wonder how it would look on you. You laugh at the right times. You cry at the right times. You can reject me if you want, but I love you. That?s all." "Molly...I love you, too. I have forever. I just didn?t want to come between you and Juliet." "Then it?s out there. We?re a thing. That?s cool, isn?t it? "Do you think it would work? Do you think we would work?" Amanda said. "I don?t know. You?re a bisexual transvestite. I?m a little aggressive in bed." "You don?t scare me." "Maybe I should." ?18 ? By the time Amanda entered Molly?s apartment, Molly was kissing her and pulling at her clothes. It was hungry sex, without abandon. Later, neither of them could remember moving to the bedroom. Nut neither was in a hurry to leave. Their lovemaking was sweep, raw, honest. For Molly, that meant a lot. Juliet had lived in denial. Not Amanda. She knew who she was, and she knew what she wanted. There was no deceit to her, no shame. Everywhere she kissed Molly was like a branding iron. Everywhere she touched was like a tattoo needle. She had been married to man. She had had sex with a woman. This was better than both of them. Amanda was pretty enough, and yes, her penis still worked just fine. She rolled Amanda over, laying on top of her. She tongued Amanda?s breasts. She stroked her erection. Slowly, Molly scrunched up Amanda?s body. She was over her face now, lowering herself. She could feel Amanda?s lips against her vagina. She pushed down harder, maybe too hard. God, she loved this woman. "I love you, Amanda." "I know," Amanda smiled. "I love you, too." Molly leaned across the bed. She reached into a drawer and pulled out Hercules, her dildo. Amanda?s eyes widened in anticipation. "I want to..." she said. Amanda nodded. "I want you to." In pubic, Molly was a sweet girl, friendly and passive. But in the bedroom, she took control. She was a mountain lion, scratching, biting. She made love with such passion, such abandon. And Amanda soaked it all up. She could be the alpha, Amanda thought. She could be in charge. They?d make it work. "Rub your breasts against mine," Amanda said. "Put it in me, baby. Please." "Where?" "Everywhere." They were all things to each other, male and female, trans and lesbian, top and bottom. There had always been a hesitancy to Juliet. But everything was a wonder to Amanda. She was experienced, but their was an innocence there, too. "I?m coming," Molly said. "I?m staying, " Amanda said. ? Epilogue ? Molly loved cliches. She loved the church and the music and the flowers. She loved being one of the women in white who was going to stand up at the head of the church. Most of all, she loved Amanda, her bride to be. She stood in the back of the church and looked at the faces in the crowd, all of them happy, all of them accepting. Was this a lesbian wedding? In a way. Was it a union between a man and a woman? Sort of. Mostly, it was the joining of two souls, and Molly was happy about that. Her divorce from Juliet ? from James ? was quick and as painless as possible. Juliet, too, realized the two of them were no longer a match. It was no one?s fault that they had grown apart. It happens to vanilla couples all the time. She and Amanda? It was a human fairytale, a love story that you see in those movies where no one is ever in a bad mood. Which brings them here, where they would take turns marching up the aisle, where they would recite vows, where they would kiss and be proclaimed as wife and wife. She smiled. She studied the faces, trying to commit them to memory. And then she noticed the woman in the last pew on the left side of the church. She looked the same. Despite the sunglasses, Molly saw her makeup was flawless. She was wearing a long flowers dress and a white hat. Smiling as she talked to the man next to her, Molly walked over to her. "Hello, Juliet," she said. "Oh. I didn?t want anyone to recognize me," Juliet said. "Why? Because you?re so famous?" "No," Juliet said. "Because I wasn?t invited." "You?re always welcome in my house. Or God?s house, in this case." Juliet smiled. "Don?t you have things to do? I wouldn?t know. I?ve never been a bride." "There?s still time," Molly said, looking at the man next to her. His hand was touching Juliet?s shoulder. "Oh, Molly. This is Mike Phillips. He?s my book editor." "Hi Mike. Are sales going okay?" "They?re through the roof." "I?m sorry. I haven?t read it. Too many memories." "I don?t blame you. But we?re on our fourth printing now. They?re talking about a movie." "Well, congratulations. You?re going to make a lot of money. They still miss you at Abercrombie. "I miss them. They were so nice when I came out." "Juliet, I thought Mike hated your rough draft?" "Oh, he did," Juliet swatted his arm."I had to wake up and realize what my story really was. It?s the tale of a trans woman in denial, one that learns to accept herself while she?s trying to con the world. Imagine her surprise to find out that she should have been in dresses the whole time." "Things happen for a reason, Juliet." "They do," Juliet said, smiling at Mike. She put her hand on his right thigh. Molly smiled. "Yes. I?m glad you and Amanda found each other, Molly." "Me, too," Molly said. "I?m the luckiest woman on earth. You are going to stay for the reception, aren?t you? Amanda would love to see you." "I?d like to see her, too. I?d love to hear how she?s doing in charge of Abercrombie. She?s the right person for the job." "Yes. She is." "Then go marry her. Make her happy." Molly nodded. A tear fell out of the left corner of her right eye over lost love. She turned. The music started. And she was walking toward the altar, toward a new future, toward a better life. Toward Amanda. Copyright, Cassandra Morgan