Tales From a Far CountryChapter 17 An American Cousin
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"We love you."
To say we were stunned would have been an understatement.
I don't know that Ange and Shelley would have said that to us yet but we could see they agreed, cautiously or reluctantly -- I wasn't quite sure.
"While not addressing that here -- I think that has to be on a personal level both as fathers and as, well, boyfriends -- we do need to deal with both the current legal issue and your sleepwalking."
Howard and Richie let me continue with just nods of agreement.
"The legal issue is straight forward. Despite any feelings you may have for us or that we may have for you, there can be no suggestion of sexual contact between us while you are under eighteen. That doesn't mean it is going to happen on your 18th birthdays though. In the meantime we have to look at what constitutes sexual contact since this is a small town and people see fire whenever there is even a hint of smoke.
"I would suggest there can be no inappropriate touching. If you wouldn't touch your father that way or if you expect him not to touch you that way then it shouldn't happen. Secondly, I would suggest there should be no inappropriate exposure of body parts. If you can't walk down Main Street when the shops are open like you are then you shouldn't be exposed like that in front of us.
"Thirdly, I would suggest we refrain from saying anything that would allow others to construe that either of the first issues have or are occurring. Can we perhaps first discuss these points and come to some agreement? Are there any other constraints I might have missed?"
No-one raised any additional points.
"Does anyone have any objections or amendments or even just questions?"
Shelley raised her hand.
"You can just speak up. Yes?"
"Well, kissing. You said sexual contact and kissing isn't really. I know I kiss you a whole lot different to how I'd kiss Dad."
I'm sure I was red. I felt my face was hot. It was easier when Prue and Ange both agreed vigorously -- I wasn't the odd man out then.
"Okay. When you're out on Main Street would you be kissing me there?"
"I wouldn't mind."
"Like you kiss your father or like you want to kiss me though?"
"Well I wouldn't care much if it was like kissing Dad. I guess if it was like I want to then people might stare a bit. It wouldn't matter if we were alone and inside though -- then no-one would know to care."
"Unless you didn't know you weren't alone."
"It would still be only a kiss. We did that at the Prom."
"In the dark and it might have been a bad idea and could still come back to bite us. What about you girls? What do you think?"
"I need more practise and I wouldn't mind Howard teaching me."
Okay, I guess I now felt what Richie must have felt while his daughter had talked about me. I'm sure Howard was feeling as awkward as I had been about being in the spotlight -- or was that the deer in the headlights?
"I don't see why kissing is so bad. You don't have to be eighteen for that."
"A peck on the cheek is one thing. Burying your tongue down Richie's throat is only going to make people think he is doing much more."
I was glad Howard answered Ange's question.
"But if I was at Richie's place..."
"Like last night?" Howard interrupted.
"Well, yes."
"Where no-one could see you?"
"Yes."
"Except Cass?"
"You're only saying her because she wants to go out with you."
"It is true that I'm taking her out but what if it was, oh, Richie's sister that was staying there?"
"He could send her home," Ange grinned cheekily, "or perhaps she could teach me how to kiss if I can't kiss him."
"Angela!"
"Oh Dad! Don't pretend you think that sort of thing doesn't happen around here. You were at the Prom weren't you?"
"Yes, it happens, but that doesn't mean you can talk disrespectfully about Richie's family."
"Er, guys. I don't actually have a sister -- just two brothers."
"And you don't really want to kiss Uncle Lee, Ange. Uncle Paul though ... Nah! Not like that."
"Girls, can I remind you that while there may be humour in the topic the consequences are quite serious."
"I don't see why our sisters would make a fuss over a kiss. They would see us as competition and be interested in their own challenger but if I was to kiss Howard when only Fiona was there why would she care? She'd be more likely to support me so I didn't bad mouth her to Dad."
"So you would favour her over me?" Shelley asked Prue.
"No. That would be why she wouldn't complain. Think about it though. If I bad mouth her to Dad, she bad mouths me to Howard. The same can apply to You and Nick or Ange and Cass. It is in all our interests to remain neutral and to compete fairly. That is why they wouldn't complain about us kissing."
I have to say I was impressed with Prue's reasoning. She could be wrong but her argument was persuasive.
Shelley looked at her father, then Howard and finally me.
"So, if we are in one of our homes where no-one outside our three families is present and no-one can see from outside then proper kissing is allowed, but in all other circumstances only hugs or kisses to the cheek are allowed while we are still seventeen. Is that acceptable to you?"
We men exchanged glances; minute head movements provided a direction. I added a rider though.
"Yes -- provided you don't try to extend that to the issues of other touching or showing. Just because it's done in private doesn't make it any less illegal."
"The only problem I still have isn't to do with the roles that apply to us but rather how we talked of competing fairly with our sisters. If we aren't allowed to have sex of any sort with you before we are 18 then they shouldn't be allowed to either. Before we are 18 I mean."
"Perhaps until we are all 18 so one person can't start before the others."
"That isn't because your birthday comes last is it Prue?"
"What's two weeks extra? I'm thinking of Cass. She's likely to be upset if Shelley is having fun before she can try her best against me."
"Hang on," I objected. "No-one has agreed to have sex with any of you nor with your sisters. All that has happened is that we took you to the Prom and things might have gone a little far even with just a kiss and now we have dates for the weekend. It is a bit of a stretch to assume that automatically leads to sex and then to assume that even if it did it would happen in the next six weeks."
"How long has it been Dad?" Prue asked gently.
"We know none of you have dated for years," added Ange.
"And our sisters aren't much better off. We hear them -- I'm surprised you three haven't."
"So," Prue finished, "they are likely to hit on you, and soon, even if you don't start anything. If they do, do you really think you would say no? We just want our chance to convince you that you should say yes to us rather than to them."
"What are you three proposing then?"
"Well we are unlikely to get you to cancel your dates or even make them a one-time thing. We could go along?"
"I don't think so. We're supposed to be considering punishments as well and that sounds like a reward -- or a punishment for your sisters."
"Then how about you make it clear that there is to be no sex before the Friday night after my birthday at the earliest and you each take the two of us interested in you out together that night so there is no advantage. In the meantime we get equal time with you -- or a reasonable approximation."
"And may the best girl win?" asked Howard.
"Thank you," said Prue with a pleasant smile. "I intend to."
A look shared between we men found no uncertainty or objection. We were human enough to enjoy the idea of being fought over and realistic enough to know we had no real control over who our daughters got "involved" with, or when it would happen.
"We will have a word to that effect to your sisters then. Now you three have already had our company at the Prom, which corresponds to the weekend coming up, and last night which will correspond to another date. I don't think I'm ready to invite Fiona to spend the night naked next to me even if nothing happens. Actually ensuring nothing happened would be a challenge."
Even Howard grinned at the idea of me having to resist such a temptation since he could visualise Cass in his bed instead.
The girls accepted the retroactive application of the new rules especially if it was the only thing that kept their sisters out of our beds.
"Now what do you girls think is an appropriate punishment?"
Ange answered on their behalf. "We thought you might ask and put our heads together. Since you've agreed we should have an equal opportunity to see you then perhaps we should miss out on being taken somewhere special for our dates until we are 18. Then people wouldn't see us together either."
"I brought you home around 6:30. We met here at 8:30. How on Earth have you managed to agree to anything, much less a punishment dependent on the conditions we just agreed to!?"
The three girls just looked stunned and pulled out their mobile phones.
"I think we've been out-played gentlemen. I'm sure it's not quite the punishment they want us to think it is but I vote we agree with the added punishment that they have to sit with their own fathers on Saturday dinners for the same period regardless of where their sisters choose to sit."
The looks of dismay that spread over each girl's face convinced me and the others that this was perceived as a punishment. Each would have to look across the table at their rival getting cosy with their shared objective.
"Agreed."
"Unanimous."
"Don't we get a say?"
"You made your recommendation. We adapted it then adopted it. Further business? Meeting adjourned."
Now we only had to discuss matters with the three older women.
"They did what!? Prue, you didn't!? God, what were you thinking?"
"You're just jealous that you three didn't think of it first!"
"Prue!"
"Sorry, Dad."
"I'm sure."
Nick had a smirk on her face. "Of course, now you've suggested the idea..."
I punctured Nick's bubble with the results of our meeting in the park.
"That's not fair! They misbehave and we have to suffer. We are adults; we should be able to make up our own minds as to whether or not we have sex and with whom."
"I agree Nick, and we three men have decided to remain celibate for a little longer. There is no constraint in the agreement on you girls -- any of the six of you -- finding an appropriate (I looked at Prue) lover other than we three men. As your father though I'd be inclined to put my own restrictions on you Prue until you are 18."
Prue and Nick glared at each other. I started organising Sunday lunch in lieu of our cancelled Golf game.
The two sets of suitors met several times over that week while maintaining a frosty approach to their individual sisters and own fathers. Prue's argument that their counter-suitor would remain civil proved correct but their direct competitors brought the cold shoulder to a new level of artistry.
There must have been plans and counter-plans from both groups. We men met at work rather than school or diners during our lunch breaks.
The outcome was that we each still thought we were too old for either girl or woman interested in us but accepted that they both had a right to try to convince us otherwise and that none of us saw anything wrong in either daughter pairing up with one of our friends. If that led to sex, marriage or just friendship we were all agreeable. The only thing was to try and avoid a hurtful break up if it happened.
I closed my office door earlier than normal on Friday and hurried to my car before anyone could call out, "Can I have just a minute before you go?"
I showered and dressed quickly -- neat casual rather than dressy -- and wandered over to Fiona's house. Nick wasn't home yet but Prue watched me cross the road, every step closer to Howard's house an opportunity for her to have the evening free to woo him.
She'd given me a kiss goodbye with the warning, "Have fun -- but not too much!" and gave us five minutes to remember something left behind before locking the door and "visiting Ange."
Step one in Prue's seduction of Howard was through his stomach. She knew some of his likes and dislikes from our regular dinners and Ange provided more information and made sure the pantry was stocked with the necessities.
"Dessert's all ready," she told Ange when she looked at the baking dish in Prue's arms as they met at the door. "It was one of my Mom's recipes and will just need warming up. How was Fiona?"
"Excited -- and smug. I really hope Shelley convinces your dad to pick her."
"We're going to have to fight hard to stop them getting an advantage."
"You're going to have to give Cass equal time for this meal you know."
"Yeah, but if she's always playing catch up it won't matter as much, especially if I get three or four evenings ahead of her. Your dad isn't going to be taking her out often enough to square things up and if she has to get all domestic to win, maybe she'll concede defeat."
Ange helped Prue find what she needed and she started things cooking in a sequence that would culminate in some hectic preparation just after Howard was due home. Prue didn't want to make it seem too easy, nor to have the food spoil if he was delayed.
With everything needed at hand and having helped set the table for two, Ange gave Prue a kiss on the cheek and went to cadge dinner off of Shelley.
Fiona didn't crowd into the middle seat as Shelley had done and I was a little disappointed. I might be a dirty old man but I knew what I liked.
She explained what she'd been doing during the week in answer to my query. There were a few stories they couldn't print for one reason or another that made good gossip. Half the town probably already knew and the other half would never find out since privacy often overrode the Public's "Need To Know" when the reporting staff at the newspaper had to live next door to those being reported on.
The paper also got the national feeds which included those stories provided by the international press. Occasionally one of those was used as a feel good filler; either a story that dwelt on someone else's good fortune since those gave the readers hope they could similarly experience such luck, or one that made the reader feel they had the good fortune to avoid some personal or public disaster.
Politicians getting their comeuppance were always popular.
I could in turn relate some instances from the plant but most were "you had to be there" funny or else of a technical nature with little humour involved. Fiona probably heard about anything of real interest from Howard anyway.
We arrived at the restaurant with the sun still well clear of the horizon though only because the ranges to the west were fairly distant and less impressive than the ones to the east.
Our table was located by the expanse of windows. We could have sat outside but I found my meal cooled too quickly and one was at the mercy of insects or cold winds and showers depending on the season.
We decided on a bottle of wine and Fiona showed an extensive knowledge of those produced in the not-too-distant wine region.
"Don't you remember we had a large advertising section about two years ago? I had to go up to every winery that wanted advertising space and check through their copy while Tony sat down and got pissed so he could provide an editorial review of their products. A couple were pissed at him when they found his reviews were truthful when they would have preferred enthusiastic. I drank enough to be able to help him appraise them -- though I could still find my way back to the hotel."
"He wasn't trying to get you drunk so he could have his wicked way with you?"
"Why? Is that your plan? No. I don't doubt he might have tried once but he would have been unable to do anything without help of a supernatural variety. Tony was a nice guy but no-one wants a drunkard. Walter was quite upset when he had to let him go. I don't think he would have let Tony do the wine article but Tony was too good at hiding his weakness before the trip and didn't seem to care afterwards."
"You haven't let that put you off drinking though."
"Moderation. In all things, moderation. Well actually, if you hadn't agreed to the girls requests we women might have had you begging for a little moderation. Now..." she sniffed, "It might be too late."
"What? You mean you won't take any notice if we beg for a rest?"
Fiona returned my grin.
"You'd like that Jerry, wouldn't you?"
"Actually I think I would. I don't know how long I could last though. That's one of the things I struggle with. You -- and Michelle for that matter -- are young and vibrant. I appreciate your argument that you can't see anyone better around at the moment. What happens when you realise I am an old fart? That might be five, ten, fifteen years down the track -- or next week. I'm not saying that one date means Happy Ever After. Life isn't a fairy tale.
"If you intend us to just socialise that's fine. If you think we can tend each other's need, I think I can live with that. If you want something serious but expect someday to find your ideal Mr Right I could probably even go along with that though I might feel differently when the time came. If you want the whole hog, till death us do part, then I think we both need to work up to that point so there is no doubt in either of us that that is what we want. Maybe you don't know yet but would like to explore possible relationships along the way.
"The thing I want you to be conscious of for your own sake is that you are 26 and I am 44. I don't feel old which is why, despite my protestations about being ancient, I enjoy your company. When you get to my current age I'll be, hang on, 62 and probably having trouble keeping up with your needs. You'll be 52 when I'm 70 and probably past it. You'll want loving and I'll want afternoon naps.
"It can work now, if you want us to follow that path, but as I get older I may prove a disappointment. We need to just learn more about each other so any decision is clearly thought through."
Howard arrived home about the time we were pulling into the restaurant car park. He smelled the meal cooking and at first thought Fiona was in the kitchen. He then remembered her date and was surprised that Ange could stir his appetite so successfully. Finding Prue in the kitchen was more than just surprising.
"Hi Howard. If you'd like to freshen up dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes."
She went back to the dinner, apparently expecting him to follow her suggestion.
"You don't intend to try what you did the other night?"
"I understand the consequences. I don't want anything -- nasty -- to happen to you Howard. I'm just making dinner for us."
"Where is Angela?"
"She is consoling Shelley."
"Well your cooking smells okay at least. Thank you."
"Wait until you've checked how it tastes. You might change your mind."
"I'll let you know." He disappeared and Prue carried on.
"Fiona is (air quotes) out, and Ange's father is busy tonight so I asked her to join us for dinner. That's okay isn't it?"
"I would appreciate more warning but, yes, it is quite okay."
Prue had bitten the bullet and decided to out-manoeuvre Cass -- who had been thinking of calling on Howard later herself until she heard he was busy. Ange herself was hoping time spent with Shelley in Richie's presence wouldn't count though she wasn't sure who was adjudicating. Then there was Shelley, who had to consider how to outdo Fiona after tonight's date.
I'm not sure which of us had the nicest meal. I understood Prue did an excellent job and the restaurant was enjoyable if nothing spectacular and Richie had learned a thing or two over the years so his daughters usually only had to add a few vegetables to whatever was defrosted from his weekly cooking session. Nick was probably the unlucky one, scraping together whatever she felt like as she dined in the otherwise empty house.
The sunset and lights gave Fiona and I something to cover the gaps that occur in any conversation. She'd taken the time to consider all I had said earlier and made her response as we waited between courses.
"Jerry, we three, or okay six, girls have grown up close to you three men. We've seen you with your wives and without them and know what you are like. I've no doubt that you're the one I'd like to be with for the rest of my life -- I guess I was comfortable living across the road where Saturday nights were like a regular date, but without the sex.
"When you took Shelly to the Prom I realised I was a little jealous. No, envious I think is more correct. I didn't object to her being with you -- at the time -- but when I really thought about it I wished it was me. I started thinking of being in your arms and realised how horny I was and how satisfied you would make me feel.
"I enjoyed the erotic dreams whenever I went to sleep and hinted for a date -- through channels. Of course, the rules you men agreed to make it hard for me to seduce you tonight, or at least to get any benefit.
Mckenna
- 27.08.2021
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