Heather in Houston
- 1 year ago
- 30
- 0
Kelly welcomed me back into her life with a bit of fear on her part. I mean she was really happy to see me, there was no hiding that, nor denying it. But after all this time together, she had been distinctly uncomfortable that my instinct was to run away rather than face this together- as we should have, frankly. Kelly asked me to sit with her in the living room, and I of course did so.
“We really need to talk, Johnny,” she said. The infamous words wives say when their husbands are unlikely to enjoy the conversation proposed.
“You’re upset that I left like that,” I said, not exactly showing exceptional deductive skills.
“Obviously,” she replied, “But I can tell that you ... realized that you don’t need alone time anymore.”
“It was that,” I said, “And it was ... Realizing a few things.”
“Like what you had with Rachel will never be again?”
“That was part of it,” I admitted, “I know you feel like you live in her shadow, and in all honesty, there is truth to that. You don’t deserve it, you couldn’t be a more perfect partner, Kelly. Life with her was more thrilling, more crazy, more ... I don’t know how to put it.”
I know that with a lot of partners, pure and complete honesty is not always the best policy. In my case, though, this girl knew me. There was no hiding the truth from her, and so I gave her the whole unvarnished truth, at least as far as I could.
“Thrilling works,” she smiled knowingly at me. As I said, this woman gets me, and its scary that she loves me even though she understands me. “You went all over the country doing all kinds of crazy things. You lived as if your world could end tomorrow, and the way you did it, it is astonishing it didn’t. You spent money like you didn’t want it, you ordered your own world as you wanted it, and sometimes reoriented the outside world, too. I can’t provide that for you, I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, Kelly,” I said, “Life with you is an adventure. That’s what I realized; its just a different adventure. Raising our kids, building the farm, running the store, your career. Its an adventure of its own. Its exciting, in its own way. Young Rachel is almost an adult already. I’ve watched her falling in love with a good man; I wish it wasn’t her half brother, but they seem so happy together.”
Kelly choked suddenly as she said, “Why do you keep going out and looking for her, then? What do I fail to provide you, damnit?”
“You don’t fail to provide anything, Kelly,” I said, “I couldn’t reasonably ask more of you, from you.”
“I’m not Rachel,” she said.
“No, you aren’t,” I said, “You’re better. You’re a better mother, a better partner, a kinder human being, warmer, sweeter, and far less vicious.”
“Then why do you keep longing for her?”
“I loved her, Kelly,” I said, “I’ve never denied that to you. I long for my father, too. I mean yes, I admit its different, but ... I mean I’ve told you all the times Rachel and I had together.” I was starting to get annoyed, because I wasn’t sure how to put this.
“We have fun together,” Kelly growled, “We have had a lot of fun, we do.”
“Can I try and explain this differently?”
“Try me,” she grumbled.
“I don’t long for her,” I said, “Not to replace you. At this stage in my life, the ways I enjoyed her company better than I do yours, they don’t apply anymore. I couldn’t do the things I used to do with her. I wish she was here with us, you’d love her, Kelly. You’re confusing a stronger emotional bond with longing for the glory days.”
“Fuck you,” she said, taking me aback, “You have a stronger emotional bond with her, I know you do.”
“I had a stronger emotional bond with her initially, yes,” I said, “But its not true anymore. It was my emotional bond with you that was largely responsible for me doing a U-turn at New Orleans and coming straight home, Kelly. I ran from her when I met Josh. I’m not going to lie to you, Kelly. I promised you that a long time ago. Our emotional bond is just as strong, and that is the absolute truth.
“I am not looking for having Rachel back, so much as I am looking for having the life Rachel and I had back. I’m not going to lie to you; I enjoyed that life more. I was totally free then; I had no constraints, no responsibilities. Your mom took all the responsibilities I had for me. I could treat the world like it was my playground. I could cheat death all the time, and I did. I could act on every impulse. I could have relationships with whomever, and not bother worrying about the consequences.
“How could I not want to be back to being 34 years old, able to do whatever the hell I wanted, both in terms of consequences, and in physical ability? Now I have to live in the real world. I have to worry about my family. I have to be concerned with what you think, what the rest of my family thinks. I have to worry about bringing up my own kids, and how they turn out. I get to wake up four times a night to take a piss.
“I get to be concerned about Rachel and Josh and how the world will perceive their relationship. I get to worry about your health. My health. Their health. The whole families health. The family finances. Being prepared for a rainy day.” I was getting shrill.
“Johnny,” she said softly. I forced myself to calm down a bit.
“You know,” I said, “I had a nightmare the night before Rachel and I conceived Josh. It was a nightmare about all those responsibilities and problems of living a life in the real world. Having a life like this was my greatest fear in the whole world, Kelly. Well here I am, living in something a lot closer to the real world than I would have been able to stomach 19 years ago. So yes, Kelly, I long for moving back to a world where all I had to do was make penny-ante room-and-board wages, keep moving, and occasionally spend far too much money on ridiculous things.
“I long for a life where I measured my accomplishments in number of monsters removed from circulation. But you don’t understand at all, Kelly.”
“What don’t I understand?”
“I love you,” I said to her, “I enjoy our life together. I enjoy our family, and our kids. They are an even greater accomplishment. Having these things is worth worrying about them. I look at our kids together, we made those things. We turned them into what they are. We built the farm and the businesses. We made this house into a home. Josh and Rachel are teenagers- and they have always respected us.
“I’m a freak, Kelly, and god damnit, we are good parents. I’m a good parent. Who the hell would have ever believed I could be a good parent? I make you happy ... I hope.”
“You make me more than happy,” Kelly said, hugging me, “I get it now. I understand. Please don’t leave me alone like that again, please. I was worried sick you’d not come back.”
“I was always going to come back, Kelly,” I kissed the top of her head, “I couldn’t give up all of this.”
“What happened in New Orleans? I know there is more to this than just you having a revelation thinking on the train.”
“Did I ever tell you about Ambrosine LaRogue?” I asked her.
“You knew Ambrosine LaRogue?” Kelly asked, “The same one who owned Ambrosine’s in New Orleans?”
“She’s famous?”
“I should know better than to think you keep up with that stuff,” she rolled her eyes.
“Yes, I knew her,” I said, “Actually, I met her in 1985, just after I burned up that Cadillac. I know I told you that story.”
She shot me a look that basically said, “No shit, Sherlock.”
“I ended up on the City of New Orleans, and had breakfast with her,” I said, “We kinda hit it off pretty well, and she invited me to come and work at her restaurant. I was looking for room, board, and money, so I took it. She wanted to show me all about food, and I let her. Afterwards we ended up drunk, dancing, and then in bed together. It was nice, but it didn’t get sexual ... not then.”
“You slept with her?”
“Well, I slept with her then, but we didn’t have sex,” I said, “She kicked me out when I told her I didn’t want to go that far. But I ended up going back there shortly after meeting your mom, as one of several things I did to try and convince myself I wasn’t in love with Rachel the way I thought I was in love with Rachel. We were together for a while, couple of months I think. We had sex that time. She eventually demanded that I marry her, and I was off like a rabbit.”
“You were like that with a lot of women,” Kelly observed, “I just would have thought you would have remembered this one.”
“I know that you accept all the women that I had in my life,” I told her, “But its not easy to tell the woman you finally gave your heart to about endless affairs with people.”
“But this was Ambrosine LaRogue,” Kelly insisted.
“I didn’t know she was that well known,” I countered, “I hadn’t heard of her or seen her place in 25 years almost. She kicked me out of there in late 1995, I went to the restaurant with Rachel.”
“You went to the restaurant of a woman who loved you... with Rachel?”
“I didn’t understand how she felt,” I said, “Anyway I respected her wishes, which I guess was a mistake.”
“You didn’t know she died?”
“I just told you, I hadn’t seen or heard of her in 25- well 23- years,” I intoned, “Anyway, I went back there first thing when I got to New Orleans. Not only did I find out she was dead, I found out something that really shocked me.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, have you heard of her son?”
“Jean-Louis? He’s a very famous chef in his own right, yes.”
“His grandfather’s name is Louis,” I said, “But why do you think he is named Jean?”
“No way,” Kelly said, “You aren’t saying that he is...”
“Yes,” I said a bit upset, “He is my son.”
“So,” she said, “Does he like his father?”
“Well,” I said, “He hates his father, but he likes me. Brozee worked him up to hate his father, and then realized it was a mistake. Then she described me as somebody else and built me up.” I reached into my backpack and handed her the letter.
She read it with interest.
“He still doesn’t know you are his father?”
“I’m not going to disrespect her last wishes,” I said, “Especially after all those years of disrespecting her. But I realized, I mean, I was already thinking running away was a mistake. But I realized that all I wanted was to keep the things that mean the most to me even closer. You, the kids, the rest of the family. The things we built. All staying away was going to do is make things worse. So I came back.”
She kissed me, took me by the hand, and dragged me up the stairs and back to bed.
Afterwards, we both made our way back to work. I had a lot of work to do; it was time for another run to the farm, and we had to get stuff moving on the Thanksgiving holiday. We had been working on this for months, admittedly. After making sure that my eminently capable store workers were doing their jobs well, I set off to the farm.
This was the hardest time of the year, one of the reasons it had been so unforgivable to leave at this moment. In a few weeks we would have to delver 600 turkeys, 400 hams, thousands of pounds of potatoes, thousands of ears of sweet corn, and the list goes on and on. All over the course of just three days. We actually were planning on shutting down the store for the Saturday and Sunday before the holiday, so that we could get store workers helping on the farm.
The farm workers and some of the family would be at the store to help with the sales of all of the items of the Thanksgiving feast. The family who wasn’t working at the store would be at home, slaving over the kitchens for the biggest feast of the year. All of the farms vans and trucks would be harnessed into service delivering product to the store; the big reefer Sprinter would be operating as a shuttle, practically. I anticipated revenue this year of close to $200k for the week, just out of the store.
We had large runs on other meat, we sold tons of dairy, liquor sales would be up from the norm, too. It was Thanksgiving, the busiest season of our year. I was anticipating sales of other items; we had actually capped sales on the turkeys and hams this year; I had turned people away. Next year we planned to increase production another 50% and see what happened.
When I got to the farm, everyone was there to greet me and convince me my return was highly anticipated and greatly valued. It was weird because as far as they were concerned, I wasn’t gone an inordinate amount of time. But I guess they were all afraid I’d disappear for a while, too.
Cheryl dragged me into her study when everyone had gotten over the fact that I had appeared in the flesh back on the farm.
“Yer’ll roit promise me that yer won’t do that ter Kelly again,” Cheryl said, “Yer scared the life out o’ ‘er, yer did.”
“Oi roit promise yer, Oi do.”
“Don’t mock me, lovey,” she tried not to smile, “She were completely comin’ apart, callin’ me everyday and gahn on and on.”
“I’ll never do it again,” I said, “I swear on everything I hold dear. I don’t want to. I don’t want to be without her, it hurt.”
“We’re copping older now, Johnny,” Cheryl said, “We can’t go back ter bein’ yorng again, we can’t. I know she doesn’t quite understand all that, she’s too yorng, roit, and too ‘ealthy. I’ve seen yer give it a go and keep up wiv Lenny wen ‘e goes muckin’ about. Yer give it a go, and yer fail, and yer troi ter ‘ide ‘ow much that ‘urts, me lovey.”
“I don’t know why she wanted another kid, Cheryl,” I said, tacitly admitting it was one of the things that bugged me, “Lucy is so lovely, but all the years of hard living are just catching up with me.”
“Cor blimey, Johnny,” she said, “Wot yer need ter do is ‘ave ‘er ter spot w yer grew up, I think. Give it a go ter give ‘er a sense o’ the bloomin’ passage o’ time. Yer ‘ave ter roit ‘onest wiv ‘er, yer do. Tell ‘er yer don’t feel as well as yer used ter.”
“I got work to do, Cheryl,” I said, “I took on the responsibilities of being part of this family, and I got to fulfill my role.”
“Yer do more than any o’ us,” she sighed, “Even Jason doesn’t do as much as yer. And we are bloody lucky yer set up things the bloomin’ way yer did. If we was sellin’ us stuff ter middle men like the bloody uvvers, this China malarkey would ‘ave killed us. But yer can’t work alone, awlroit, then, lovey?”
“Josh needs to graduate college to learn how to run a business-”
“Are yer bloomin’ barmy?” she hissed at me, “Did yer bleedin’ go ter college?”
“Well, no.”
“W’don’t yer ‘ave ‘im workin’ for yer now, then, eh?”
“Good question,” I said, “I’ll talk to him tonight. But I got to get this load to the store.”
She kissed me. Passionately, deeply, like we used to, long ago.
“Behave, Cheryl,” I laughed.
“I’m tired of bleedin’ behaving,” she laughed, and I left the room chuckling.
Sometimes doing this work was hard on me. My muscles ached from all the lifting and loading. Fortunately, while I was talking to Cheryl, most of the loading had been done for me already, and I drove the van back to the store.
Cheryl was right; it was time for me to start training Josh. I knew from all my experience that life was about on the job training, and thats what I needed to do with him. He didn’t really need to know how to be a manager in a large company, or how to run a fortune 500. He needed to know how to manage our company; with all of its ins and outs. We weren’t quite using full business principles; we were using our experience. Maybe he could go to night school. But real world experience running our business was what he needed.
With that settled in my mind, and another hour to go on the drive, my mind started drifting to the circumstances surrounding Johnnyboy and Sally. Their relationship had sent the family into gyrations. It had resulted in changes to the very fibre of how we did things. It had scared some people, had created a partial rift between Mary Ann and the rest of the family for a time, although we had gotten it worked out.
Apparently they had been making out in a part of the old barn that was converted to a different use to make room for the expansion of the farm into a larger commercial enterprise. Having their meeting place removed, they had coyly and cautiously started making out in Sally’s room when there were few people around, or they were otherwise engaged. Anyway, my father barged in on them a few months after the wedding, and there they were- naked together on the bed.
The witnesses recall my dad’s response: “Oh brother.”
This was, eventually, the founding material for all manner of jokes, laughter, and shenanigans at family events. He couldn’t have come up with a more conducive-to-laughter ejaculation if he had tried. In those days, the decisions in the family mostly came up to me, Kelly, Jason, Samantha, and Cheryl. That decision making loop being changed was one of the things that came out of it.
Jason and Samantha, obviously, saw no problem with the relationship- they weren’t hypocrites. Cheryl was concerned about genetic issues, but could see the kids were clearly in love. Kelly had sort of seen their relationship develop the way it had, and insisted their bonding was too far along to separate them without causing severe trauma- and I knew she was right. I was not morally opposed to the particular match up, but I saw that the conditions that led to this problem were going to continue.
The decision to let their love for each other to continue was easy. I stand here and say that it was, indeed, correct. But we all agreed that continuing to have that sort of thing happen was not correct. It was a bad idea, and we needed to do something about it. Which we did.
But the relationship between Sally and Johnnyboy was a little strange among the family. They never moved out of the farmhouse. They are extremely close, but part of the agreement between them was to never have children; rather, Johnnyboy volunteered that. It was one of the few universally agreed upon objections, and he volunteered to have a vasectomy. That remains the biggest problem facing them.
Sally initially agreed to that; I think she was terrified of being torn apart from Johnnyboy. But for years afterward, and to this day really, there have been tears shed in the night from Sally that she can’t have children. Johnnyboy has also become more than a little depressed about the lack of children in their lives. Because of the unique situation in the house, it was agreed by everyone that adoption was not permissible.
Talk of artificial insemination, possibly by one of her brothers with no genetic relation to her, has been talked about. It remains something that comes up occasionally, is thoroughly debated, and then left to fester for a while. It was an issue in the family that nobody really wanted to bring up.
I got to the store, and we unloaded the truck of supplies. Then I called Kelly from the store phone, and told her that I wanted to take a trip with her, and asked her to ask for bereavement leave if she could.
“Johnny,” she replied, “We should have thought of that before. I’ll put in for it after class. We can leave tomorrow morning.”
“After Thanksgiving, Kelly,” I said, “I can’t take off now.”
We’d need to talk tonight. She is far too compliant.
I thought back to another trip we had together, in 2003. I was stuck in Houston at the time, with a bit of money, but it would take me at least five days to get home to Fargo because I had just missed the train...
“Shit,” I said out loud. Somehow I had just missed the west-bound Sunset Limited and it wouldn’t be by for two days. I realized I wasn’t going to be able to make my way to Fargo in time for Kelly’s spring break; I had planned to get there when school let out on Tuesday; the earliest I could get there now was Friday, possibly Saturday. I found a payphone, and dialed “0” followed by Cheryl’s number.
“Please say: Collect Call, Calling Car-” the toneless recording instructed me.
“Collect call,” I interrupted it.
“Please state your name,” the recording instructed me.
“Johnny,” I told it. Ringing occurred on the other line, and then a click.
“Roit good evenin’, gu-”
“I have a collect call from-” my voice said my name “- would you like to accept the charges?”
“Oi accept the bloody charges,” Cheryl said exasperatedly.
“I missed the train, Cheryl,” I said, “The earliest I can realistically be in Fargo is Saturday at about four in the morning.”
“‘ow did yer miss the chuffin’ bloody train?” she asked, not happy.
“It was running late,” I said, “The station attendant assured me it would get in around midnight, but it got in about 15 minutes earlier, and I was grabbing something to eat. I just missed.”
“Wot’s the chuffin’ next train, and w’does it go?”
“The next train is the eastbound train and it comes in about 12 hours if its running on time. It’ll bring me to New Orleans tomorrow night, but I’d have to overnight to catch the next train to Chicago. It also goes to Orlando, it would be there night after tomorrow.”
“Kelly’s always wanted ter go ter Disney World, yer know,” she said, “And after yer spend a few days there, yer can both ‘ave the bleedin’ train back ‘ere.”
“I can’t afford Disney World,” I said.
“Don’t be a daft silly bugger,” she said, “Ta.” Click.
I went back to the ticket desk and booked a roomette to Orlando, gave us four days in Orlando, and then tried to book bedrooms to Chicago, and coach from Chicago to Fargo. Unfortunately, with only two bedrooms per Viewliner car, the bedrooms were sold out on the Silver Star so the only bedroom I got was on the Capitol Limited which meant we would not be able to enjoy the night together, but I guess that was life.
The roomette available on the Sunset Limited was in the Transition-Sleeper car, a car used to access single-level baggage cars from bi-level Superliner trains, as well as serve as a crew dormitory car. It was essentially a Superliner sleeper but with all roomettes on the upper level. Since the crews didn’t even use half the space on most trains, they were sold to customers if the rest of the train was sold out.
It didn’t really matter to me which car my roomette was in; I knew how to set up my room for night mode, so the slightly lower level of crew service (the car was serviced by the adjacent cars attendant, who was thus less responsive) was not a big deal for me. I also could walk just fine so the extra distance to the dining and lounge cars was equally irrelevant to me. Walking on moving trains was not difficult for a man who has travelled on them continuously for 19 years now.
Since Union Pacific had purchased the Southern Pacific in 1996, their ability to handle their own freight trains had gone straight down the tubes. The merger had been a mess for everyone concerned, causing great lateness for both freight and Amtrak trains. In fact, according to the station agent, tonight’s two and a half hour delay of the Sunset Limited was the best time keeping it had achieved in months.
So while I was supposed to catch this train at 10:55 the next morning, I was expecting it to be late. Still, I intended to be station-bound until the train got there, to ensure I wasn’t late. I napped outside the station- I had written permission. I got up the next morning, and when the station opened, I grabbed a snack out of the vending machine. The Houston Amtrak station is located under the intersection of I-10 and I-45. No, I mean that literally. The interstate/s intersection is in the air over the station.
It is quite hard to get from the station to the rest of the city; there is practically no transit located near the station- the nearest bus stop is almost half a mile from the station. I had considered walking a distance to the Taqueria down the street from the station, but I didn’t know its hours. I was honestly paranoid about missing the train this time; I was afraid somebody might think that I was avoiding seeing Kelly, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
The train didn’t get in until 1:30, and I boarded it. They still took their time with servicing it and the crew change over; it left at 1:45. The culture of not bothering to be on time was well engrained into the psyche of the crew who worked this train. It was kind of pointless to try, in a lot of their minds, I’m sure. I was grateful that the dining car was still serving lunch- I was famished, and enjoyed the salad, hamburger, and chips that I had for lunch.
I was really looking forward to seeing Kelly, and I had never been to Disney World myself. I had a few conversations about it at lunch, dinner, and in the lounge car between. An older lady I talked to told me I seemed really excited, and if I loved the girl so much, I really should marry her. She was right, but I was probably too gruff about it. I was still trying to preserve the lifestyle I had; and Rachel’s death just two years ago was still raw as hell.
We ended up starting our ascent up the monumental Hugo Long Bridge into New Orleans a bit under three hours late, which was actually a good thing. We were scheduled for a two-hour layover in New Orleans, so we could probably make a good chunk of that time back with good crew operations. I was actually pleasantly surprised that the crew only took thirty minutes for the stop, and we departed almost exactly at midnight. I slept soundly and dreamlessly, and was woke up when we stopped in Pensacola, FL, at about 8:15, about an hour and three quarters late, so we only lost 15 overnight.
I enjoyed my breakfast; things were still largely cooked onboard then and I enjoyed scrambled eggs, toast, coffee, potatoes, and decent bacon. The train was largely empty at this point; I got a table to myself. I went into the lounge car, and played a game of poker with a few guys who I think were in the military. I think I won about $30.
I went in for lunch for another hamburger not too long after we pulled into Tallahassee, and had a conversation with an older couple who were doing a train-for-train-sakes crossing of the US heading back to their retirement village near Naples, where they were planning on packing up and driving to Sanford to take the Auto Train back north. They were a little on the grumpy side and told me that I was a bit on the old side for Disney. Didn’t bother telling them that Kelly was a bit ... less on the old side. I might be 36, but she was only 19. Ok, so I’m twice her age.
Just about when we pulled into Jacksonville- about 7, 2 hours and 20 minutes late, so our time keeping was great, I went in and had a decent dinner. I had a half roast chicken with mashed potatoes and string beans. Key lime pie for the desert was absolutely excellent. I was anticipating an arrival into Orlando about 10:30; I knew there was slack in the schedule.
And I was totally right. I grabbed my bag and hoofed it off the train. I had been anticipating calling Cheryl and finding out where we were staying when I got to Orlando, and catching a taxi there. However, Kelly was in the waiting room of the station and practically bowled me over. The older couple from lunch stared at us with considerable disdain. Scroom, though.
“Johnny,” she kissed me, “Its so great to see you, you are a sight for sore eyes I thought for sure you weren’t going to make it for spring break but mom told me you liked the idea of a vacation and she wanted to oblige and that way we can have lots of time by ourselves without the family interfering so it’ll be really really good and I rented a car, so we can just drive to the hotel mom got us the contemporary resort which is supposed to be really really nice-”
I put a finger to her mouth. She was going on and on and on in some incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic and I didn’t have a chance to interrupt, it was really quite hypnotic.
“Hello, Kelly,” I said, “It’s great to see you, too, and I love you, but lets get moving to the hotel.”
“Ok,” she said, looking a bit bashful, and still holding on to my arm as we walked.
Kelly had apparently rented a late-model Chevrolet Impala from a rental company. I thought that was a complete waste of money, considering the excellent public transit at Disney. But hey, I wasn’t paying. I let her drive, and I navigated with the map.
For some odd reason Disney has always considered themselves to be in Orlando; they aren’t. The drive to the resort was about 35 minutes long, in fact. The Amtrak station is right near Interstate 5, which you then take 14 miles, and switch to Epcot Center Drive, which you follow for another 5 miles, before merging onto “World Dr.”, and take that to an exit marked for the Contemporary Resort. We were both too tired to park the car we didn’t really need ourselves, so we decided to spend $25 a night on valet parking. Disney is the worlds greatest money-making machine; it makes Vegas look tame, I think.
The hotel was a distinct edifice, arranged as an a-frame with the Disney Monorail literally passing right through it. The rooms were arranged along the sides of the a-frame, and were actually modular and had been slid into place on the A-frame structure. Interesting and overcomplicated engineering that had turned out to be more trouble than it was worth. But, were it not for the immense profitability of the resort, it would have also qualified as one of the world’s great follies.
I slept fairly well. I realized that the outcome of this was not heavily weighing on my mind. Perhaps that was a sign of wellness. Whatever happened, I had Kelly and Cheryl. I had my family. I knew I could get my father to move to North Dakota. I’m sure he was very lonely in the world where he lived with my mother. Over the course of the night Jenny had crept over to my side of the bed. We were spooned together lightly with her arm around me. It felt nice that she still trusted me when it...
Ok, fact of the matter is, this hotel is a dump. But it’s a really nice dump. I know that sounds a bit contradictory, but believe me when I say it’s not contradictory at all. It actually makes perfect sense. You see, it’s a bit of a rundown building, but it is loaded with character. When I hoboed over the years I’d usually try to find a very characterful derelict to live in. Often old train stations, believe it or not. They are often outrageously grand structures. So this place appealed to...
I sat and I thought of the words I said to Jenny those many years ago. “Yesterday is another country, I can’t go back. Tomorrow is never assured and may not happen. Today is here and we should live all dreams like it is our last chance to live them.” Words to some extent I live by. Yesterday is another country- and the borders are closed. It is an arrogance of the transient. Only that which I chose to bring with me into today comes with me. I don’t need to worry about the people who are...
As I walked down the stairs to the smell of freshly sizzling bacon, the sound of a large breakfast being made for the family, I realized I was terribly bereaved. I felt a sense of emptiness inside that grated on me really hard, and I was having trouble dealing with it. I stuck it down into my subconscious and left it alone. John and Kimmy had taken the workers back home last night, I was too distraught to do that. Everyone saw that, and they organized two van loads back to Fargo without me...
I tried to sleep, and I nodded off for a few hours, but it didn’t stick. I was tossing and turning. I was hot, and my various joints and muscles were aching me more than usual, or perhaps I was just more conscious of it than I usually am. In any case, I was tossing and turning. I was conscious, too, that this might be hurting Kelly’s quality of sleep. After an hour or so, I was wide awake, nervous, in pain, and feeling like a nuisance. I got up and went back to the downstairs bar. While we...
We left the Proctor and Gamble facility in Irvine carrying a full load of home cleaning products. Given the weight of the load and its length, Jake had to concentrate maneuvering the big Kenworth through the heavy Irvine traffic and the abrupt corners of city streets. Even though he had driven 18-wheelers for many years, Jake’s demeanor indicated that he did not wish to be distracted. Driving an 18-wheeler in traffic is something of an art form. The other traffic- perhaps understandably-...
So there I was, down the road again. I sorta had a destination in mind, but not really. I was walking down dusty US-95 in Nevada. The so-called Winnemucca Road. I don’t know why I am here- never do. I have been traveling for the past 25 years. I don’t think I’ve been in one place for more than six months. I sure don’t remember it. I’m 42 years old. Oh, perhaps you want to know my name? Well, name’s Johnny. You don’t need to know my last name. That’s not important. I don’t rightly remember it...
That evening, Jake and I were sitting in a decent restaurant for once. Well, it wasn’t decent, but the grease content by weight was under 25% which was a massive improvement over the previous joints we had eaten in. It was an Applebee’s, and to be honest, Jake seemed to find the food a bit lackluster. I felt sorry for the big man- he was going to die of some kind of cholesterol problem, I swear. That has always disgusted me, actually. I like eating, I really do. I enjoy eating. I often eat...
“Hello, I’m Johnny’s dad,” my dad said extending a hand, “Mike Harris.” “Kelly Mahoney,” Kelly replied, ignoring the hand and giving him a hug, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, after all these years.” My dad looked a little decrepit but still had a full head of white hair on his wrinkled head. His stoop was noticeable, and he looked a little tired, but managed to maintain his decently intelligent disposition even in his dotage. He was wearing a mixture of a smile and a bit of surprise....
When we woke up the next morning, we ate breakfast quickly at the same truck stop. It was a choke-and-puke right outta Smokey And The Bandit, swear to god. I mean the waitress was an old slut with boobs bigger than her head, and she was constantly flirting with both of us. It was kind of cute and also kind of weird. The food was greasier than most- which is saying something. All the food in my time with Jake was greasy, except for the time with Jenny. The room was full of truckers, but if...
I don’t know how long I cried. I blacked out to it. Blacking out doesn’t necessarily mean that you are out for the count as it were. Sometimes it just means that the events that took place while you were blacked out are gone from your memory. The memory of the one time Rachel and I actually had sex was one of the hardest I have. I mentioned earlier that having sex with Rachel was the most meaningful. It was. It was also stupid. It was meaningful because the main effect of drunkenness is to...
Here we go, another turn in my life. Now, I want you to understand that I don’t see it as a change for the better or a change for the worse. To some extent my life ended in my girlfriend’s house 25 years ago. To a different extent it ended in a tree 22 years ago. But either way I considered the important part of my life over already. By quirk of fate, my thrust for survival has made me go on living. This was just a change in my life. Not for the better. Not for the worse. Just different. I...
I followed Cheryl calmly from the dining room, into the great room, up the stairs, and into her bedroom, the door of which she slammed behind her. I knocked on it gently. “Off wiv yer,” she moaned. “No,” I replied, “I’m coming in.” She was sitting on her bed, her head buried in her hands, sobbing. I sat next to her and put my arm around her. This was a new Cheryl for me. She was always the strong one, the one who comforted me, the rock on which the family relied on. She was the rock in my...
RIIINNNNGGG RIIIINNNNNGGG RIIIIINNNNNGG. I woke up and slammed the old alarm clock by my bed off. It was six AM, and I had to get up for work. Kelly lay beside me, her 35 year old body still sexy, on our four-poster bed. She was in beautiful shape, but she didn’t have to get up for a bit yet- her first class was at ten, and she didn’t need to feed Lucy for a little while longer. It was my turn to get the kids ready for school. I turned and cracked and creaked the aching joints of my aging 52...
Despite the early and cold morning, Kelly drove me to the train station to catch the Empire Builder. Loyalty and love were among her greatest qualities. Somehow they were greater- and rarer- than the things her colleagues worshiped her for- incredible intelligence and a knack for instilling knowledge into the world around her. I was running away from home for a bit, and she felt the need to be there to see me off. It made me feel guilty. My whole family loved me, but she ... loved me more....
I remembered this house so well. It was on Platt St, backing the Canacadea Creek, which emptied into the Canisteo River. It was a Victorian in white slatted wood siding, a fairly ordinary cross-layout design. It didn’t have much of a front porch, but the bay-ish front windows gave it character. It wasn’t a large plot of land, but who needs a large plot of land? When we were kids the lawn had always been properly trimmed, my mother was obsessed about her flowers and bushes. She would trim...
When I woke up, the truck was stopped and Jake was sleeping in the berth beneath me. It looked like it would be early dawn. A look out the back window showed that we had not yet picked up our load of goods from Proctor & Gamble. I must have been asleep for quite some time, but I don’t know when Jake had conked. I went outside and stretched. We appeared to be at a rest stop. The place had an establishment selling Starbucks coffee, so I left a little note scrawled with “Back in 15 minutes-...
The festival of “setting sail” in the cruise line business is always very corny. They make a big champagne toast, a party. Dinner that night is usually quite formal, and they make a big deal of it. Except the crew onboard do this sort of thing every week or so, and so they are usually not actually caught up in the sense of occasion. It is obviously a sense of occasion for the passengers who are onboard. They do this quite rarely. The MS Rotterdam is the proud flagship of the Holland America...
That morning, I woke up in Jenny’s arms, and it felt, for one blissful moment, like everything was right in the world. Here I was, wrapped in the arms of a beautiful woman I loved. She loved me, too. She loved me so much that for the past 21 years she has raised my children and sat around loyally waiting for the rare occasions when I returned to see her. Sometimes when it comes to Jenny I question her sanity. I am nobodies prize. I don’t offer much in the way of anything. $600,000 is pretty...
As one would imagine, talk and discussion and planning took over the entire household. We decided I would re-assume the identification of Johnathan Harris, because my father had access to the records needed to confirm my identity for marriage purposes. After broad discussion, we decided to invite Suzie and her husband, at her discretion, as well as Jenny and her kids if they wanted to come. We decided to hold the marriage on Christmas Eve, in honor of my and the Maloney’s first Christmas...
I went to sleep on a chair on the promenade deck. I left the room, and that’s where I ended up. I wasn’t upset. She had taken it surprisingly well; I was expecting her to freak out. I don’t think she was going to write me out of my kids’ life. I felt relieved, really. I finally got that off my chest. She knew who I was now. I knew with some certainty that she didn’t want to marry me. I realized that I had one last load to get off my chest. Well, three, really. The first was that I needed to...
“How many girls have you hurt, Johnny?” Jake asked. “More than I want to think about,” I told him gruffly. In many ways I sincerely regretted telling him the stories of Billie Jean and Daphne and Sadie. But they were stories that meant a lot to me. They were defining characteristics of my life. I did not place enjoyment on hurting innocent people. Daphne hadn’t done anything but show her Grandmother she was on the wrong path in life- like so many other teens. But more than that, there was...
I rode the train to Buffalo, and from there caught Amtrak’s Lake Shore Limited. I ticketed myself through to Fargo- I guess I wanted to see Kelly. She was really smart, logical, and lucid. She could help me here. Cheryl, too. I had paid for coach. I didn’t have the money to pay for sleeper on me- perhaps I would upgrade to sleeper for the leg to Fargo. Maybe. I didn’t feel like luxury right now. It didn’t matter where I was. I just wanted to be left alone to think. To fucking think. I...
As you may recall from Chapter One, upon returning from a week long business trip, my husband, Aaron, introduced me to a porn site he claimed that he had stumbled across. Initially, I was reluctant to watch these very graphic videos, however, Aaron persuaded me to give one video a try.He selected a fourteen-minute clip from the genre of amateur wife sharing. I sat on the couch next to my husband riveted as we watched a video of a very attractive blonde wife being soundly fucked by a powerfully...
Wife LoversThere is a lot I could say about the Panama Canal. I could mention how it was the largest railroad project ever undertaken. I could mention it was the largest civil engineering project ever contemplated. I could mention the billions of tons of dirt removed to make way for it, or remark on the intricate functions of its numerous locks. But really, while all of this is true, the most amazing part about it is this: It finished ahead of schedule and under budget. We entered this impressive...
Kelly was concentrating on the road, presumably while thinking over what I had just said. I sat in the comfortable MB-Tex covered seat in her Mercedes. She had bought it new, not long after getting her associate Professorship at North Dakota State. Now she was a full professor and assistant Dean of the mathematics department- at 25! She was truly incredible. I don’t know how much money she made working there, but I believe it was substantial. She had already bought a house in Fargo to use...
Or that’s what I had been planning to do. It had struck me again, as it has a million times before. I bolted for the door. I was terrified. How would it turn out? Would they fight? Would they hate me? What if I settled down? What if I had to be a parent to my children? What if I became ... trapped? It was craziness. I was already to a distinct extent a parent to most of my children. I visited Kelly and Cheryl frequently. I spent most holidays there. I probably spent an average of a month and...
I would have trouble putting into words how scared I was. I wanted to turn and run; sometimes you don’t want to know the answer to the mysteries of the sands of time. Being with Jenny made me sit and wonder- far more than I was comfortable with- what would have happened if I had just stopped. Married her, and never moved on to the life that followed it. It wasn’t an automatic binary choice. It wasn’t a choice to hurt Jenny or not hurt Jenny. I had a choice between hurting Jenny or walking...
Seven bodies now occupied the ravine on the back side of my ranch. It was filling up faster than I would have thought possible just a short time ago. But I was determined to add to my body count when I caught Steinman and made him tell the truth. The price he would pay for his treachery would be his life. I had to be sure that Tera and Lori were safe before all else. I called Jack and asked for his help. He sent an escort to bring the girls to his ranch and David and Jim to go with us to...
Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed my 3 part series on incest sex with my cousins. Here is another of my sex experiences and this event took place in Houston. It was a hot summery day in Houston, the sun’s heat was scorching and it was shining directly over our heads. It had been around 6 months since I came to Houston to continue my studies for a degree in Anthropology. Since I did not have a car, I used to take the bus which was the cheapest and most convenient means of travel, to the college every...
Indru tamil kama kathaiyil ilamaiyaana magalum pinbu vithavai ammavaiyum eppadi usar seithu matter poten endru ungaluku solugiren. Suvarasiyam athigam irukum kama kathaikul selalam vaarungal, en peyar karthik. En veethiiyil oru pen ilamaiyaaga sexiyaaga irupaal, avalai thinamum sight adithu kondu irupen. Thinamum aval kalluri sendru varum pozhuthu iru velaiyilum sight adika arambithu viduven. Aval peyar nandhini vayathu 21 irukum, avaluku veetil aan thunai kidaiyaathu. Veetil oru amma iru...
Note : This story is completely fictional!In nineteen forty six Thelma Lou Anderson was married with three kids. Linda was the oldest. She was sixteen. Guy and George was ten and Guy seven. Thelma owned a beauty shop in Kansas City. She suspected her husband Lawerance was cheating on her again. She followed him one day when he thought she was at work and saw him go into a house. A woman opened the door and he went in. That was all the proof she needed. She went home and packed her suitcase and...
IncestMother Ethel always enjoyed the short walk to the train station. It was beautiful Autumnal morning and Mother Ethel took the opportunity to walk to the train station as she knew that she had a very busy day ahead. Those that saw Mother Ethel along the way bowed reverently,they knew that Mother Ethel was a Nun of the Monastery of Repentance and when a Nun or a Monk walked past it was polite to bow, for many knew what the Nun's and Monk's of the Monastery were capable of. As Mother Ethel strolled...
Dot, Dorothea, and Dick Chapter One Dear sister: I found this letter among some others, scrolled up and tied with purple ribbon, in a chest belonging to our great grandfather. The name Charles has belonged to several in our family line, but I believe I know the one who received and saved this letter, and kept it preserved for so many years. I believe the letter speaks for itself, so I will now offer it up to you. Dearest Charles: I hope this missive finds you in such good...
Tiberius licked his lips as he watched his newly bought slaves walk off stage. They would be a nice addition to his household. As he was being carried to the palace in his litter, he thought of his niece Mara and what she would be like. Just recently her mother had asked him to admit her into his clan, no doubt to gain political power over him, but Tiberius didn’t care. I will take her to Capri he thought to himself after I break my new slaves in, and he smiled wickedly at the thought....
FetishOur Last Day of School. I can’t believe it. This is my last day of school, I thought, not sure how I felt now that the long awaited day was here. Stepping out into the beautiful sunny afternoon, heading toward the group of waiting yellow school buses I breathed a sigh of relief. I was glad school was finished. Throughout High School like a ship at sea, I had plotted my course, studying hard. However, the Scholarship that many felt I had rightfully won had somehow ended up going to one of...
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?”Anthea looked up at her mum as she sat down at the dining table. “Nothing is wrong,” Anthea responded watching as her mum hurriedly dried her hands with a tea towel.“Is the baby okay? Are you okay? Is Jack okay?” she asked as her husband came into the room and pulled up a seat at the table.“We’re all fine Mum,” she responded exasperated with her mum’s anxiety. “I have something to tell you.”“Sit down Helen,” her dad snapped. “Give the lass a chance to speak.”Anthea...
My Golden Summer with Blythe – Part 2 Josh’s childhood dream girl visits him in San Francisco. The Return of Blythe Coming from a small farming community, San Francisco proved to be everything Josh had ever imagined – and then some. He loved the freewheeling atmosphere – the friendliness – in short, he fell in love with the city by the Bay. Because of early retirements, and dedication to his work, he had advanced much quicker than he had ever expected. Arriving at his chic little Apartment...
Uther By Ellie Dauber (c) 2006 Introduction According to the legends of King Arthur, Merlin changed Uther Pendragon into a double for Duke Gorlois, so he could spend the night with Ygraine, the Duke's wife. Ygraine and Gorlois had three daughters: Elaine, Morgause, and Morgan le Faye. During their time together, Ygraine became pregnant with the child who was to become King Arthur. Uther's men killed Gorlois that same night. This is my TG (of course) version of what...
Chapter 11: Althea, the School Girl The infernal screeching of the alarm clock awoke Cal from his reverie. He had been up for about a half-hour, but he had only been lying in bed next to the love of his life. Althea's arms were still clutched about him as he stealthily clicked the snooze button, assuming that it was six o' five in the morning, his usual waking time during the school week. He had been thinking long and hard about the previous two nights. Evan... what have you become? He...
edited by Master Ken Wednesday, September 4th, 2013 "Hi, I am Miss Blythe," I said to my class, writing my name on the whiteboard with a red dry-erase marker. "I will be your World History teacher." It was the first day of the new school year and, as I launched into the course syllabus, my thoughts kept drifting to that day in June at the end of the last term, when my Living God, the Holy Mark Glassner, walked into this very classroom and changed my very outlook on life. I didn't know...
The the wind howled around the quayside as I stepped onto terra firma for the first time in weeks, the wind threw sharp shards of ice to sting our faces as we looked up at the sails as they were finally furled and stowed as our captain grinned at our discomfiture, "Au revoir!" he joked as if he knew we should soon be recalled. Those such as were left, and we were few enough, I shuddered. My best uniform packed securely in my Valise, awaited me, and just a few more duties before I...
As he approached one of the hall's long mirrors he stopped to inspect himself. It was a familiar sight, the flowing, billowy French maid outfit surrounding his body. His arms and legs were outlined in silky, white stockings and arm-gloves. He wore pearl earrings and the lacy white collar around his neck was adorned with a beautiful pendant. It was a gift from mother that he wore every day, without fail. Jon's painted red lips and neatly applied eyeliner and blush were evidence that he was...
PREFACE:There are no sex acts in the story but the patient does have an orgasm as a result of the Ther****t’s physical examination. Part 1 is the Sex Therapy appointment from the patient’s point of view and part 2 is the same examination seen through the eyes of the Ther****t. I don’t think it matters which one you read first.I hope you enjoy it and will let me know what you think in any...
Katherine stepped into her elegant living room and took a book from the shelf. She sat in a plush lounge chair, specifically selecting a chair in the back corner of the room next to an old dumbwaiter that was once used to ferry delicious meals from the downstairs kitchen to the dining room table. She planned to read the book for a short while, but she already knew her attention would soon be diverted. Tonight the dumbwaiter would once again be placed into service, except this time it would be...
Do you know of the porn site Motherless.com? You should. I’ve reviewed it a few times on my site, The Porn Dude, although it was for different genres every time. This time around, I’m going back to this place and looking at a specific and niche little category many of you are just begging me to cover. We’re looking at vintage porn today. While it doesn’t have the same resolution and quality as the porn you can find today, it’s definitely a genre of porn that has a lot of personality to it and...
Vintage Porn SitesI should have known better. I should have remembered that old saying, "If it looks too good to be true, it is." I was in love. She was damned near all I thought about with the exception of my studies and it didn't make sense to me. I prided myself on my intellect and my ability to think logically, but there wasn't anything logical about the way I felt about Althea. She was beautiful, smart and very popular and I was not. I wasn't a bed looking guy, but I was nothing exceptional. I was...
Motherless. A one-word website title that says everything it needs to say. This is a site where the rules are, more or less, completely thrown out the window, morality means absolutely nothing, and there is nobody to save you from it. Hedonism is God here.The site likely is also called this due to the fact that the girls who end up on motherless.com likely have no positive female influence in their lives to keep them from it. Motherless is the place parents spend their whole lives fearing that...
Porn Pictures SitesI always considered Motherless the “4chan” of porn. Not only because Motherless was somewhat popularized there, but because Motherless also encourages users to share their own content in a very open way. This means minimal bullshit like moderation and censorship, and a strong “anything goes” attitude that leads to free and extreme content. It encourages people to create and upload their own homegrown content, like videos of their girlfriend pissing or spycam videos of their cousin....
Amateur Porn SitesWhat is it about Motherless that makes me fucking cum every time? Maybe it is how raw and amateur the porn on the site comes across as, or the content is just that fucking hot. Perhaps it is the fact that there is an astronomical amount of pornography just waiting for a dumb fuck like you to beat off to! I really don’t know, and frankly, I’m not going to pretend that I do.But what I do know is that if you love BBWs, the Motherless.com homepage will not be of much use! Preferably, head on over...
BBW Porn SitesHave you ever heard about a website called Motherless? Home to all kinds of kinky porn niches, with a side of the mainstream crap? If you are into some questionable fap content, you might want to check this website out. Plus, Motherless is a free porn website, so you can browse as much as you fucking want. Now, I am not really here to talk about the website in general… I am here to tell you about their amazing category, called voyeur porn.The world of voyeur fucking is a rather interesting one....
Voyeur Porn SitesClothesline[This story is part of the Leather in Lawnville series.] Clothesline By DuskPetersonYou can tell a lot about a guy from where he shops. Take my friends, who have specialized tastes. Some of them spend their time at the hardware store, while others take an interest in our town's fabric shop, which has needles and pins that make them drool. Still others hang out at the department store, eyeing the cutlery collection. Somehow all of us end up rubbing shoulders at the town's jacket...
Clayton Smithers was really glad he had listened to his mother when she told him he should become a doctor. Mom had always told him it would be a lot of work but worth it in money and prestige. She had been only part right. Hardly any work had been required, just learning the jargon and technical terms by studying books and papers written by psychiatrists who had taken the hard route to obtaining their degrees. Clayton Smithers had taken the easy route, buying his degree from the best diploma...
The Five Kingdoms of Arstoria had been embroiled in the Great Ancient War for centuries. The war came to an end when Kalace, the Wizard King conquered the five lands and brought them under his rule. Kalace, the Wizard King of Arstoria, conquered all of his opponents who were unable to deal with his overpowering magic. When Kalace had united the five kingdoms, he brought peace to the warring kingdoms and was revered and celebrated by his later generation. Kalace, however, had a dark weakness in...
FantasyWoah, did Motherless.com get a facelift? I know I suggested it in my review, so I guess they listened to me! Well, I’m not going to brag too much about it, and instead, I’m going to focus on what I’ve set out to bring you today. We’re looking at an amateur website, and I just know that many of you are begging for amateur creampie content, so that’s what we’re looking at. I know how much you think Motherless can look sickening and pretty gruesome at times, but the creampie content can be quite...
Creampie Porn SitesNo matter what type of porn you may be in the market for, Motherless has an ample supply of it, and cucking is no different. Actually, this might help to explain how you ended up being such a pussy little cuck.The journey that brought you to my website reading cuck porn reviews started in your childhood. A fair portion of my readership is actually motherless. Why, you ask? Your guys' moms chose a life of cucking and riding cock instead of raising you fucks properly.Don't worry, gents. I'm in...
Cuckold Porn SitesI browsed the horror stash at Motherless all morning, and now I don’t know if I should jack off or go hide in the closet until the danger has passed. Then again, hiding out might give me the perfect opportunity to rub one out in the peace and safety of the dark. Who knows who—or what—might be peeping in the windows with nefarious intent if I sit at my desk and shake my dick at the screen. Just like when I masturbate at the local Starbucks, I’ve got to be sure to balance the potential pleasure...
Extreme Porn WebsitesIncest porn has been a staple of pornography since the very first incel caveman realized that he couldn’t find fresh pussy out and about. He resorted to sniffing a whiff of his mother’s loincloth when she wasn’t looking, and beating his old cave meat into a leather sock.Now personally I’m not into the whole mommy-son dynamic – I’m a classy guy. But it’s no secret people like to get freaky when the lights go out, and if you’ve got a stiffy in your hand and you’re on Motherless, you gotta go...
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